I swore I wouldn’t be dramatic about this. But the day has come. MY BABY’S LAST DAY OF HIGH SCHOOL. I was telling some friends today at work that it’s such a bizarre emotion – crippling depression, a sudden awareness of TIME, mortality panic, and also giddy excitement to live vicariously through this next chapter of his life. He seems excited and has been getting shit done and planned, and that’s helping me, you know?

I haven’t mentioned this publicly (lol like I’m a FIGURE or something) but he, out of left field, has chosen Drexel after all. We REALLY thought it was going to be Pitt, but he liked what he saw and heard at Drexel, leaving Pgh is appealing to him, and honestly I think he is just ready for the next challenge.

He has been the easiest kid to parent (OK, there were moments, come on now, come on) but overall – we got lucky. He is self-motivated, scarily clever (that and “funniest kid in the school” was the theme of his yearbook messages), effortlessly smart, independent, has a huge hunger for travel and exploration – he is the greatest and best thing, person, accomplishment – everything!! – in my life. I wouldn’t change a thing. (Eh…maybe found a better place to live while he was growing up but what can you do.)

I love this kid, man! I’m so proud of him. And I love how much my friends love him too. It speaks volumes about his character. He has always been such a little adult!

OK, ugh. Enough. I’m sure tomorrow’s post (COMMENCEMENTS) will be even more sappy so I’m just going to end this with pictures from his first day of preschool, which apparently I should have posted on Instagram with the ones from today, according to my social media manager Henry (seriously, since when does he care?!) so I’ll just post them here in hopes of gaining back some maternal points.

OK ONE MORE THING I MISS THE DAYS OF WALKING HIM TO SCHOOL WHEN HE WAS A LITTLE BOY, THERE I’M DONE NOW. OFFICIALLY CRYING, HAPPY???

Petition to make “smorg” the new cool slang to mean BUFFET OF ANY GENERALIZED THING.

Anyway, here are some bulleted things that have been happening or whatever.

• I had a memory last week of this kid that I met in a Sunoco parking lot back in….1999 probably. It must have been shortly after I moved into my place here in Brookline, I’m guessing. I think that also, and this is bad, he was still in high school and I was 20?! NOTHING HAPPENED, IT WAS NOT THAT KIND OF “MEETING” but still, even if he was 17 or 18, I should not have befriended him. But that’s neither here nor there because as you can probably guess, we became friends after this chance meeting in a gas station parking lot, especially after realizing that we both lived in Brookline. We exchanged numbers and he came over several times to hang out – JUST TO HANG OUT AND ALWAYS WITH OTHER PEOPLE HERE, OMG. I already regret starting this story but now I have typed all of these words and don’t want them to go to waste and also perhaps Janna will read this and it will bring back loving memories for her. OK OK OK, back to my story. So this kid’s name was Carl and he was Goth, so of course I called him Gothic Carl. Most notably, he came over one time with his cousin who was a big derelict and of course immediately got a crush on Janna (JANNA: 1. Do you remember his name and was it JUSTIN; 2. didn’t he invite you to the movies??). While here, Gothic Carl SENSED an ominous, paranormal presence in my basement and gave me a ROCK OF PROTECTION which actually sat on my fireplace mantel for quite a few years.
  • One of Gothic Carl’s hobbies was slowly ambling about Brookline. He’d sometimes stop at my house so often that I would have to hide and my neighbors at the time would be like SHE DIED just to get him to stop coming over because it was getting W E I R D if you know what I mean. Several years later, when I became friends with Christina and she came to visit me from Cincinatti for a long weekend but I wasn’t able to take any time off work so she had to stay at my house and entertain herself. I had just recently told her the tale of Gothic Carl and how he would sloth around the neighborhood, so that day she went for a walk to kill time and then wrote in her LiveJournal that she had walked around “a la Gothic Carl.” Meanwhile, she was dating this broad who was O B S E S S E D with her and also laughably jealous, so she reads this and freaks out thinking that Christina was loafing around town with some goth man. Because she thought “a la” meant “with” like “apple pie a la mode” means YOU’RE GETTIN’ YOUR PIE WITH ICE CREAM, FRENCHIE. OK this seemed funnier at the time, and also when I texted Christina, she said “Gothic Carl” sounded familiar but turns out she didn’t remember this at all and I had to put every single puzzle piece into her fucking swiss-cheesed brain.

I got this from the Post Gazette website, DO NOT SUE ME. 

• The owner of Pitaland recently died and I just found this out the other day. I wasn’t bros with him or anything but during my early morning walks, he was often sitting at a table outside of the store, smoking his hookah, and we would always exchange pleasantries. Plus, Pitaland is just a really great local Brookline store that we frequently buy from and it’s sad. WE ARE ALL GETTING OLD. I FUCKING HATE IT.

• Remember when I told you, Internet Secret Chest, that my Coaster Crew friend Pam has bought a house in Brookline, courtesy of realtor extraordinaire My Brother Corey? Well, it’s true. That happened. She asked me, Henry, and Chooch to swing by on Sunday to check out her new digs so that was exciting in and of itself, BUT! While we were there, Henry goes, “Pam, there is some lady standing at your front door.” And it was true – some older broad was straight peering in, not even making any moves to knock or ring the doorbell. Pam goes to answer the door while the rest of stay in another room. Last time I checked, it only takes one person to answer the door, right? The lady doesn’t even say hello, she just goes, “I live across the street and saw that you were painting your door red and came over to stop you.” 

Like, her tone was immediately harsh and combative.

Is it a crime to paint your door red?!

Pam is like, “Well, I did go back and forth on colors, but I really do love this red” and this byotch continued to be such an asshole about it that I couldn’t stand behind a wall anymore and had to go over to        mediate. (When I told group chat this story, Glenn was like “Erin standing by with a can of gasoline” lololol.) Broad was like, “WELL, I THINK YOU’RE GOING TO REGRET IT. IT DOESN’T EVEN MATCH YOUR HOUSE NUMBERS.” (Pam made a little mosaic sign with her house numbers on it) So Pam is like, “…………..” 

And the broad is like “…………..”

          And I’m like “…………..”

The broad, btw, is CHRISTINE FROM ACROSS THE STREET, in case you care. Christine says, “I’m actually about to repaint my whole house so PLEASE before you start painting anything else, come talk to me and my mom. My mom is AN EXPERT WITH COLORS. PAINT HAS TO FLOW. IT. HAS. TO. FLOW.” And I’m just over there like, “Jesus, this broad would literally die just from my living room alone….”

So then Pam goes, “Well, as you can see, I have some paint swatches taped to the wall over there, because I’m trying to plan it out…” and the lady was like “MMMMMMMMMMM” and started criticizing the door again!! Pam told her the name of the paint color (I forget what it was now) and then said, “That’s French” and the lady snaps, “YEAH I KNOW I SPEAK FRENCH!!!!” so Pam, who is still staying super friendly and calm thru this while I’m wanting to fling myself out a window, goes, “Oh really me too! *says something in French*” and now the neighbor has steam coming out of her nostrils, she’s so pissed, like she’s about to HOLD MY BEER every Viral Video Karen of the last 5 years, because I DON’T THINK SHE COULD ACTUALLY SPEAK FRENCH. 

Anyway, this weird paint push-and-pull went on for a solid 10 minutes, culminating with Pam’s stroll down interior design memory lane as she recalled the yellow and green walls of one of her old houses  – you could see Christine gnawing away at the inside of her cheeks and hiccuping with tangible distaste – and sort of ended OK I guess because Christine HUGGED HER AWKWARDLY, said she was GLAD to have her as a neighbor (suddenly? on what grounds??) and then said to me, “And Erin, you rock.” Me, who had said nothing up to this point, but the mention of my name inspired Pam to tell Christine that I also live in Brookline, so now we can add “I live on the other end of Pioneer Ave” to the only words I said to Christine. It was so bizarre. I hope Pam keeps the door red. I hope she also lines it with red neon. That’s what I would do, to the surprise of no one.

The weirdest part to me,  though, was how Pam seemed completely unbothered by this. Christine left and Pam goes, “OK where did we leave off? Oh, yeah! The upstairs!” as if she hadn’t just had her design choices dragged to Heinz Field (or whatever it’s called) and back. So, we go upstairs and find Henry and Chooch up there hiding like little bitch boys. Chooch was like, “Yeah, I didn’t want any part of that.”

• We went for a walk in the cemetery over the weekend and Henry was dressed like a middle schooler and then I had another body dysmorphia meltdown so we left and I came home to cry about. What is my fucking problem!? I am so blah lately. Nothing amuses me. Nothing excites me. Books are boring me. Boo hoo.

The end.

Some things that have made me happy currently.

This might end up being my summer jam 2024. It gives me STRONG mid-90s summer vibes, laying out at my Pappap’s pool with WAMO blasting on a yellow AIWA boombox, getting ready to go to Evan’s art show later that night at CMU in a minivan full of my favorite people nostalgic feels. JEESUS. U WOULDNT UNDERSTAND. U HAD TO BE THERE. I’m happy but also almost in tears as I float back into time on the waves of this beautiful summer jam.

Oh yeah-yeah-yeah.

This corner of my kitchen is still 4+4. This morning, I stood there while waiting for my coffee to be done, watching a Tears for Fears video and willing myself to get calm before logging on to another week of work. I really shouldn’t complain about my job but I have had a short fuse lately. I have been giving myself a lot of pep talks lately too which sounds REALLY LAME but it’s kind of helping. It’s keeping my heart rate down, in any case.

This is such a bad picture (??? what was I doing ???) but I’m happy that our yard is kind of OK-looking again. We (LOL “we”) replaced the little wooded fencing we had with this new one that Henry painted. I mean, the old one was really fun but the reality is that we made it out of pieces of an old pallet so it started to rot and fall apart. I hate living here so much but at least it looks moderately presentable if anyone randomly comes up to the porch for hopefully a non-nefarious reason.

Another really bad picture BUT I had been so excited for Sunday because it meant my 14-day metabolism reset was officially over (I lost 6 pounds and between .05 – 2 inches around various body parts lol) and all I could think about was the ice cream sundae from Meccha Matcha that I was going to treat myself with. You guys? WORTH IT. Good lord, this was so satisfying and I want to be eating it again right at this very moment.

Hi, this song is also constantly in my head lately, making me happy.

OK this one too! I love this WayV comeback soooo much.

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Well, that’s all the fucking happiness I can muster right now. Haha. :/

I’ve been putting off recapping this part of the last day in Korea because I was such a CRA-BAPPLE and literally nothing made me happy (except for maybe that time when Henry tripped HARD on a sidewalk down there).

The plan was to go to Gentle Monster, Tamburins (Gentle Monster’s perfume brand) and Nudake (Gentle Monster’s bakery – lol, I’m a GM fangirl, OK? Leave me alone). So, off to Garosu-gil we went. This is probably Henry’s LEAST FAVORITE part of Seoul, just a super ritzy, uppity street lined with boutiques and haute couture and luxury brands, like walking down a lane of unattainable things.

It’s definitely not the same since the previous times we were there. Apparently, a lot of brands moved into the nearby Hyundai Mall, including Dr. Jart! This made me so sad because I LOVED THE DR JART FLAGSHIP STORE SO MUCH. It was like walking through a Mattress Factory exhibit but with samples of things to smear on your face. The one time we went and the top floor had turned into some crazy rest/lounge area with free samples of a vitamin drink.

Dr Jart has great products but I loved going there more for the experience.

And now there is only one Gentle Monster in this section of town, too! And it wasn’t even that fun or immersive, to be honest.

Tamburins was cool, though! Jennie from Blackpink is a brand ambassador so people were actually lining up to take pictures of this wall.

I…did not wait in that line, I just continued walking past and snapped this lol. Henry said that when I was in Tamburins, he walked outside and there was another large Jennie on another wall out there and he was given the collective death glare by a crowd of people when he dared to walk in front of it, lol.

Anyway, Tamburins was a great experience! I got really cool perfumed hand lotion for me and Wendy, who ended up REALLY liking it to the point where she was texting her perfume-aficionado friend about it. I have to say that the salespeople working there were very helpful, laid back, and pleasant. I was so clueless how to even work the applicator of the hand lotion and one of them very kindly took it from me and demonstrated in a way that somehow, against all odds, did not make me feel like a fat, stupid, ugly American. Glory be!

This is the one I got myself, BTW:

I wanted to go to the Haus Dosan Gentle Monster location after this to see if the aesthetics were better, but first, we went across the street to get some late lunch at Pizza Express:

Unlike the girls at Tamburins, the guy at Pizza Express was not as happy to fulfill his customer service role for us, lol. Maybe he was just disgruntled in general but he had a very “Please make this as quick and painless as possible” demeanor, haha.

This was my kind of pizza place, that’s for sure.

And the pizza was my style too! Thin and greasy! Sorry for the grotesque photo. I was hungry and snapping a visual memento came secondary here, fo’sho.

I love this place. I want chairs like this for my house!!

I love that Yoo Jae-Suk (the Nation’s MC) and the hilarious and talented rapper Jessi ate here!

On our walk to the Apgujeong area, we passed this big car wash so I had to talk a picture for Corey because there’s some weird cultural phenomenon in the local Facebook community for our hometown where anytime someone asks what’s being built in the area, a group of hecklers/trolls say “car wash” because the joke is that there are so many goddamn car washes in the area. But then it started to cause contention and the community SPLIT: there were the trolls and then there were the people who just wanted to have real talk without underlying carwash drama in the comments. Shit got real good when Corey discovered that OUR MOM was one of the car wash trolls!

Wow, that’s way less funny when I see it all typed out.

Anyway, it took us fucking forever to walk to this other multi-level Gentle Monster enterprise and we were all pretty les miz by then.

I found the sunglasses that I wanted and even had a salesperson write it up for me, but when I took it down to the other floor where you get them fitted and pay for them, I got REALLY FUCKING BIPOLAR. Like, out of the blue, just sat down on a couch and started pouting and then had a mild and quiet flip out where I said, “never mind, I don’t want these” because I was stressed out about leaving, bottom line. I wish I could be a normal person, haha. But instead, I let my impending sadness dictate how I was going to spend my last full day in my favorite fucking place in the whole entire world because I have the emotional age of a 13-year-old. MAYBE EVEN A 10-YEAR-OLD.

It ain’t cute, EK.

But I mean, I can sit here and pretend like everything was so magical and perfect and then you could be like, “MMM SURE IT WAS HUNTY.”

Of course, Chooch was mumbling, “oh my god here we go” while Henry was poking the bear by saying things like, “JUST CALM DOWN AND BUY THE GLASSES” because history sure has shown how much women love being told to calm down.

We did go all the way to the bottom floor to see Nudake Cafe which wasn’t even crowded but even that wasn’t enough to cheer me up and, feeling the need to punish myself even more, I said, “Forget it, let’s just go.”

Honestly, Henry was probably kissing his fingertips and offering it up to God because we left the entire Gentle Monster compound without spending a dime. (Don’t worry – I ended up getting the sunglasses I wanted at the Incheon airport the next morning LOLOL,)

We left and sat down on a bench at Dosan Park and watched several adorable dog interactions (I watched with a scowl still pasted on my face but my internal sane self was saying AWWWWWWWW) and then eventually made our way to Myeongdong for last minute shopping and streetfood, and can I just say that I used the public bathroom at the subway station in Gangnam and it was cleaner than some of the bathrooms in hotels I’ve stayed at? I know, I know, that might not be saying much considering some of the dumps Henry has had us stay in.

Happy birthday to Henry (59 ughhhhh) and Haechan (24 awwww)!

Henry is so pissed because he had to wait in line at Burger Kjng for TWENTY MINUTES ON HIS BDAY just for this crown. Worth it. (For me, I mean.)

Anyway, just my annual reminder that while I abuse and torture Henry psychologically and emotionally, he is still my top guy (can I say he is at least tied with some other guys for top spot? OK FINE ITS HIM, #1 OPPA, BAE, WHATEVER).

Here are some things that happened around and about the last week. So exciting.

On Friday, something went down at that behavioral health house thingie a few houses up from me. One of the newer residents was being interrogated across the street by the popo. First just one, then two, then three, THEN A FOURTH. I couldn’t tell what was going on but I did hear him say at one point, “I was in Western Psych” and “So wha’ happened was…” and something about him being in the living room and someone got punched and then a girl walked in, I don’t know. They did end up cuffing him and taking him away though. Don’t worry, I was watching the whole thing from my window, doing my civic duty to make sure no BRUTALITY went down. I am so triggered by cops. Especially the while male ones! They all look the same to me, like someone said “paper dolls, but make the cops” with a finger snap.

Anyway, while this was going on, HNC’s wife came home and went COMICALLY out of her way to maneuver around that one cop car so that she could still park in “her spot.” I was like ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. Park somewhere else! They are conducting an investigation!

Wait, that makes it sound like I’m siding with the cops. AND I AM NOT. But I was just a full-fledged embodiment of an eyeroll at that point.

Um…Chooch is back to learning how to drive. He had a big set-back last year when he injured his knee, then he lost interest and his permit expired. Then he regained interest and got his permit renewed and has been driving with Henry every day. Here, you will find Henry instructing him on how to parallel park, which I imagine has got to be a lot easier than it was for us, back in the days of NO CAMERAS. Interestingly, and whether or not you want to believe this is entirely up to you, but I was actually REALLY excellent at parallel parking. I haven’t had to do it in years at this point so I’m probably not great at it now. But still! It was the one good takeaway from my dating Psycho Mike. He was a good parallel parking teacher.

During one of Chooch’s STUDENT DRIVER cruises, he and Henry went to Giant Eagle (GROCERY STORE if anyone not in Pittsburgh reads this some day after I commit a crime / expire in a spectacular way and the Internet suddenly becomes interested in WHO WAS ERIN KELLY), where Chooch texted me a picture of a COOKIE CRISP box that features YEONJUN from TXT. I was like OMG even  though I don’t hard stan TXT, I like their music and thought this was a really cute collab! Anyway, they came home, and I said, “Where is my cereal??”

Chooch scoffed, “Oh, you WANTED that? I was NOT buying it” and Henry, perpetually in the dark, goes, “What cereal? Who?” Chooch didn’t even show him!!

Anyway, Henry found this one with HueningKai and bought it for me so I’m back to being happy again (temporarily).

It’s just wild how things have changed even from when I started listening to Kpop, which doesn’t seem like it was that long ago but … 2015 man. I remember scouring the local Asian markets, desperate to find these Chinese iced tea bottles that BIGBANG was supposed to be featured on as brand ambassadors. We eventually found them in Cleveland and then finally one of our bigger Asian markets started carrying them, but it was such a big deal that I have the empty bottles lined up on my fireplace mantel like motherfucking family heirlooms.

Henry and I had breakfast with Pam and Greg on Sunday! Pam’s been in town because her house closing was on Monday (!!!) so I was happy for a reason to meet up! I randomly chose this place called Dari-Villa in Bellevue because it was equidistance from us and Greg, where she’s been staying. Never been here before, and either had Greg, but it seemed great … at first. The vibe was right: a cozy little local diner-type of place specializing in breakfast and lunch, amusement park memorabilia on display, REALLY GOOD 80s MUSIC PUMPING OUT THE SPEAKERS THE ENTIRE TIME. (Pet Shop Boys!)

Our server was nice. I can’t really comment on the food because my 14 day metabolism reset had me eating plain oatmeal (lol I’m committed) but Henry said his omelet was just OK.

When the server brought our check over, Greg goes, “Oh I’m sorry, we forgot to ask you but can we get this separated three ways?” and she seemed fine with it, but I know this can be A CONTENTIOUS THING at smaller spots. “Sure thing,” she said, and, “I’ll be back over with more coffee for you guys, too.”

I was like thank god because I HAD ONLY HAD ONE REFILL and addicts gonna addict, you know?

Anyway, she came back over with three checks and Henry and Greg quickly realized that their breakfasts were mixed up (Greg got Henry’s and Greg’s was on ours) and it probably wouldn’t have mattered because they were about the same, but the server goes, “SHIT!!!” and SNATCHED UP THE CHECKS and stormed off. It was so intense. I felt like curling up inside myself.

She finally came back and I promise you these were still wrong because there is no way Henry’s and my breakfasts cost nearly $30 when all I had was coffee and a $2.95 bowl of oatmeal but ain’t no one trying to correct this bitch for a second time. We apologized PROFUSELY and she said in this low-pitched, clipped tone, “This is why we need to know in the beginning.”

WELP, NO COFFEE REFILLS FOR US, AS YOU CAN IMAGINE.

I dunno, I have big respect for people in the service industry and am a notorious overtipper, but the way she snapped out on us like that, after what I felt like a morning of pleasant interactions, it was a real turn off. I actually low-key wanted Henry to not tip her but then I would have just felt guilty. Maybe she got bad news between the time she served us our food and brought our checks, I don’t know, but I will say her tune changed bigly when she came back to collect our payment like none of that happened?? Greg apologized again and she casually waved him off and said, “Oh you’re fine!” and said the same thing to Henry the Doof who hadn’t even gotten out his credit card yet and made her stand there waiting WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT I DIDN’T WANT, I WANTED HER TO NEVER HAVE TO LOOK AT US AGAIN.

Here’s another vintage Chooch photoshoot throwback because it’s Monday and this is all I’m capable of doing. I want to watch some Stray Kids content (Han focus, thank you) and read a little and then maybe go for another walk, OK? God, you always want to know everything.

Anyway, this was originally from March 2018 before our first Korea trip and I know this for sure without even going back and looking because I thought Chooch looked so cute here and then right before we left, Henry took him to get his hair cut and he ended up looking like he was cosplaying Julius Caesar in Korea. Literally had short, straight-across bangs. #BlameHenry

[Anyway x2 WRONG, ERIN: This was from OCTOBER 2018, thanks Janna for mentioning the reference to Fright Farm in your comment, lol. I was so sure of myself but I was clearly confusing this with another photoshoot from that same year that I conned Chooch into doing.]

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Being off work this week, I didn’t expect to see Chooch much at all because he always has places he “needs” to be after school. However, I was graced with his presence both Monday and Tuesday, but it turns out that’s just because the stupid Teen Center where he loafs (lol, such a dad word) is closed on Mondays and Tuesdays, and he’s on the library blacklist until Saturday.

(“All the librarians hate me! I don’t even do anything there!” he cried incredulously when explaining to me his latest banning. This time, his sentence is for two weeks and “Denice” hates him so much that she even intercepted him when he popped into the library last week to use the water fountain. “I was CHOKING, my throat was SO DRY! They wouldn’t even LET ME HAVE A DRINK!” he wailed. I don’t even want to know what goes in that library, but his latest offense couldn’t have been THAT bad because that damn library has our phone number and no one called.

And by “our” number I mean Henry’s number, lol.)

After he finished his homework on Monday, we decided to watch a horror movie. We settled on “Open House,” which is part of Netflix’s cache of shitty horror. It wasn’t the greatest, but it was home invasion and that always gets me good. Chooch and I bonded over it because it’s centered around a mom and son; the dad recently died when he went to the store to get eggs (AND HE FORGOT THE MILK THAT HIS WIFE ASKED HIM TO GET) so when Henry said he was going to the store later that night, we were like, “WE WILL GO WITH YOU. WE DON’T WANT YOU TO DIEEEEEEE.”

Of course Henry was clueless because he’s never part of our things.

So we went to Giant Eagle with Henry, which he loves because it guarantees he’ll spend 5x more money and get treated to a grand finale of Chooch dramatically reading tabloid headlines in the checkout line.

We made Henry buy some ugly squash hybrid because it looked like a corpse and he was not thrilled about it and I just looked in the kitchen and noticed that it’s gone so apparently he cooked it already and I ate it without even knowing?!!?!?!??!!?!?!?!?

Chooch came home after school on Tuesday too and after he did his homework, we were bored because Henry still wasn’t home from work so I was like, “Let’s go for a walk” and Chooch was like, “OK” and then I also grabbed the camera on the way out the door and Chooch was like, “Wait—I didn’t agree to this” but then he was posing with nary a cue from me because this is his second nature, guys.

He’s a poser.

Henry drove past us on his way home from work and covered the side of his face, pretending like he doesn’t know us. OK HENRY, YOU’RE SO COOL.

We walked down Brookline Boulevard and I wonder if people in Brookline are like HERE COME THOSE WEIRDOS AGAIN like we do about people in Brookline. I mean, it’s almost always the same people carousing the boulevard and we’re part of that, when you think about it.

OMG WE’RE LOCALS.

Henry saw this picture asked, “WHERE IS THAT” like he was all paranoid that we’re hanging out at some drug shack or something.

On the way back home, we saw two of his jerky little ex-friends who we hate because they think it’s cool to use various “gay” slang in a derogatory manner, and they harassed one of Chooch’s friends and called him fat, then got all aghast and offended when Chooch stood up for the friend. I already hated the one kid and he knows it, so both of these little brats got all nervous when they saw me walking with Chooch, and Chooch and I started giggling.

Oh, the best part is that they’re only in 4th grade, hahaha. I stared them down once from the front door and Henry was like, “Wow, you’re bullying fourth graders. I’m so proud of you.” Whatever, Blake hates them too!

The best part is that they try to prank call Chooch but they call Henry’s phone, thinking it’s Chooch’s, and leave the dumbest messages like, “Hi this is the drug store. Come to the Teen Center if you want to buy weed.” Like, OK dumbass 4th graders, good job.

The Teen Center is open today so I probably won’t see Chooch right after school but he better not be TOO LATE because we’re going to Rich’s Fright Farm tonight with Jannnnnnnnnnnnnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

(I have a lot of pent-up energy. I love being off work but good god damn, I am not great at being alone!!!)

This portion of the last day was really nice, actually. After our Cari Cakes run-in, we continued walking to Bukchon Hanok Village. This time, we arrived there a different way, I feel like, because there were several moments when I felt super disoriented and nothing looked familiar?? It was a lot of walking uphill, I’ll tell you that much, with a quick stop inside a little shop to buy a hand-embroidered scarf off the cutest halmeoni.

Of course now I wish I had bought more.

After what felt like days, and lots of “SHUT UP YOU’RE SO ANNOYING”s being slung around liberally between our trio, we finally made it to the top of the hill/mountain and then LO! we started to recognize the area and eventually walked right into the hankok village. When Henry and I were there a few days prior, we didn’t venture into the heart of the hanok village but were just there for cafe-purposes. You understand.

Even though this area is EXTREMELY touristy, we have still included this on every one of our trips to Seoul. If you’re not going into it expecting a perfect Instagram picture with no one in the background, you’ll be just fine. And as luck would have it, when were there in 2019, it wasn’t crowded at all so we were able to get the “money shots” then. This time, I just wanted to walk through for old time’s sake.

This is the iconic street that everyone wants to get their picture taken on, usually dressed in hanbok.  As you can, ain’t happening on this day! Still, people were trying. Also, people live in these houses so there are signs posted everyone (like the one on the brick wall up there) reminding people to speak in a whisper, but you know that wasn’t being obeyed, sadly. Some tourists are monsters and give the rest of us a bad name.

There are also people patrolling the area in an effort to keep crowds quiet, kind of like docents. Would not want that job.

My favorite part of Bukchon is all the alleys! They are photo zones in and of themselves! I made Chooch stand here so I could show you an example. You’re welcome.

What you can’t see is the hordes of people on either side of us while I quickly snapped this.

And then we went to Granhand! I’m so glad that this is still there, nestled in one of the aforementioned alleys. Honestly, blink and you’ll miss it and you don’t want to miss it, especially if you’re looking for a nice gift to bring home for someone. And it turned out, I was looking for exactly that!

We came here in 2018, thanks to a glowing recommendation on Joan Kim’s daily vlogs that she was doing that year on her Joan Day YouTube channel. Granhand is a small local perfume shop and the really nice thing about them is that you can get the bottles personalized with the name of the recipient’s name. In my case, it was Sue! I just really appreciated that she reached out to the director of admin of our Seoul office to help me have a safety net in case things with the marriage details went awry. She didn’t have to do that! But she did because she is an amazing person and director who actually genuinely cares about the people in her department.

There was a really sweet salesgirl working who was helping me decide on a scent. She asked if we were there on vacation and I said that it was our third time there and that we came back to get married.

She was really taken aback, moreso than I expected.

“Here?!” she asked, and I explained that we just truly love Korea so much, it’s our favorite place and so special to us, and she said, “Oh my god, I don’t even know what to say! Thank you! Thank you for coming here!” and then she started to tear up so then I started to tear up, and Henry was just Henrying as usual.

This was one of the best moments of our whole trip. It felt so special, and I loved having someone there to share our story with! She was also surprised that this was not our first time shopping at Granhand and thanked us for coming back to there again, too.

I highly recommend this Korean scent line and am kicking myself for, once again, not buying something for myself here! The last time, I got something for my mom and regretted not treating myself then too. Ugh.

Anyway, I got Sue the CocoCay scent which was a limited edition seasonal offering, I believe.

(Sue loved it!)

Yo, then we came to Ossuloc for some tea! Previously, we had only been to the one in Insadong, but this one had a fabulous rooftop view.

Chooch grimacing at the view.

As opposed to my dreamily ogling the view.

I had to go for the matcha. I love matcha so much. I can’t remember what this other drink was and who ordered it. Milk tea latte of some sort?

The bathroom was impeccable.

View from the bathroom….porthole.

Then we went to Randy’s Donuts! Yes, apparently there is a Seoul location. This was also the first time during the whole trip that we ran into Korea’s strict “ONE DRINK PER SEAT” rule if you want to eat inside rather than take away. Originally, we were just going to get 2 donuts but the lady was like, “Oh no, you can’t eat here unless you get a drink” so Henry was like, “Oh maybe it’s because there are three of us and we’re only getting 2 donuts” so he tried to order a third donut and she pointed to the sign again, so we all ended up having to get a drink even though we just came from Ossuloc but if there is another thing that Korea does majestically, it’s their drinks. So it wasn’t that much of a punishment!

I shared this cronut with Henry and had regertz – it was delicious and I didn’t want to share.

If I remember correctly, Henry bought a bottle of water which appeased the Randy’s lady.

And then we set off for Gangnam because I was determined to buy a new pair of Gentle Monsters, so look forward to the next post where PSYCHO BRAT ERIN makes a reappearance. :/

Literally. So. Boring.

But, this was by my own design, I guess. I sacrificed going away and doing something fun for the long weekend in favor of choosing the previous weekend for Cedar Point. Not that that weekend ended up being any less crowded, I’m sure! Then, Chooch waited until 6PM on Friday to decide for sure that he was going to visit Julian (his roommate in Mexico!) in DC for the weekend. Julian was in town visiting his dad and asked Chooch WEEKS in advance if he wanted to come down but Chooch being Chooch kept hemming and hawing, I dunno what he was waiting for, so then we ended up having to pay over $200 at the last minute to get him a roundtrip Greyhound (which was delayed bigly there and back) and that pretty decided for us that we do nothing all weekend.

And you know how well I do with doing nothing.

NOT WELL.

Saturday afternoon, we drove out past Elizabeth, PA with the intent of buying flowers at some nursery that we like on 51, but first we went to a cemetery for a walk and I hated the cemetery – it was our first time there, it was small, and packed with Memorial Day revelers. I always forgot that it’s a big grave-visiting weekend.

I threw a body-image-related fit, cried about hating myself, took a picture of the river and some lame town over the edge of the cemetery, and then we left. Henry went the wrong way on 51 so I screamed I GUESS WE’RE NOT GETTING FLOWERS NOW and he was like YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO GO HOME BUT I WILL TURN AROUND and I was like HOW ABOUT I SHOVE A STICK IN YOUR ASS AND THEN YOU CAN TURN AROUND – I was just in A MOOD all fucking day.

Then I declared that I needed lunch and I couldn’t wait until we got home so I made Henry go to Sheetz to get me a veggie wrap and I stayed in the car because NO ONE WAS ALLOWED TO LOOK AT ME. There were three old men chilling at an outside table drinking beer and talking about sledgehammers which was considerably more interesting than my dumb Saturday.

I took this later that night to send to Chooch while he was out doing fun DC things. Not me writhing around, moaning in the key of boredom, with Tokyo Disney food review videos on in the background.

Sunday was a little better – well, to start. I decided to do a 14-day metabolism reset so Henry was like F M L because this means he has to help me since I don’t like cooking. He has been trying to prepare my lunches the night before (breakfasts aren’t too hard for me, if you can believe it) and he has been so stressed about it. Like bro, this is 14 days out of your life and you can still eat your Reeses and soft pretzels in the car like usual.

Side bar to say that it’s been a week and I have lost 4 pounds BUT what I care about the most is that I’m starting to look like my old self again, less bloated, and Henry said I look healthier in general. The stress of 2024 so far has definitely made its mark on me, lol.

Anyway, commercial break over.

I had a much more positive outlook on Sunday. We went to some trail that goes along the river between Butler and Freeport or something, I actually have no clue where we were, and it was a really nice walk. The weather was so good. The bikers were obnoxious as  usual. (I HATE WHEN BIKE AND WALKING TRAILS ARE SHARED.) I called Henry a cunt at least 87 times with so much love, and we had some good talks about Korea, Chooch going to college, Seventeen and Stray Kids alleged upcoming tours. Big talks, you guys. Big talks.

At the beginning of the trail, there was a bulletin board with an ad for a local coffee shop in Freeport and I was like PLEASE CAN WE GO I NEED COFFEE OR I’LL DIE and Henry was like oh no anything to keep you alive, sweetheart bubblebee angel snugs.

Originally, I was going to just wait in the car but then I thought, “Eh, let’s see what vibe this FREEPORT CAFE has.”

Boy-o, let me just say – glad I went in! First of all, I want to say that the baristas were very nice. I’m supposed to be cutting out sugar to the best of my ability (I HAD THREE BUTTERSCOTCH HARD CANDIES THIS WEEK OK? CALL THE FUCKING SUGAR POPO ON ME. CHRIST) so I just got an iced latte with almond milk and no syrups. It was delectable. If you can’t drink a cafe’s coffee/espresso without sugar, then that cafe sucks.

While Henry was waiting for his drink, he went to the bathroom which gave me some time to really absorb the quiet, country atmosphere of this space. And the blue walls! So when Henry came back the bathroom, I was already seated a table. “We’re staying,” I said, and he was like, “Thank god” because all he had on the horizon was yard work and cooking more meals for me. He was quite happy to postpone those festivities.

Ugh.

I’m glad I went in though because if I had asked Henry what it was like inside when he came back to the car, he’d have said something like, “I don’t know, it was like a cafe. It had some tables.”

Also though, they have really great seasonal drinks on rotating so I’m excited to go back next Sunday when my 14 days are up!

Then, later that night, perhaps around 8:30, THE ELECTRICITY WENT OUT. There was a thunderstorm and one of those things exploded or whatever. Henry saw it and hurried up and called his mom and then wrote it in his THINGS I HAVE SEEN log on a page opposite of the list of military planes he has identified in the air.

Anyway, you guys, I was DYING. Literally so BORED. Floundered on the couch like a fish being cooked in sizzling ennui. Inconsolable. Henry was like CALM DOWN and that was just  making it worse. Chooch was sending me updates from DC, eating dinner at Murphy’s Pub, surrounded by the illumination of electricity, watching a band play instruments powered by electricity, etc etc and so on and so forth while I was trying to make objects move with my mind I WAS THAT BORED.

Around 10:00, the electric company truck rolled slowly past our house and I SCREAMED IN JOY, and then my joy swiftly morphed into panic and desperation as I cried HELP US! out the window, causing Henry to beg me to stop/sit down/shut up/other commands commonly utilized by cis white males.

When the electricity didn’t IMMEDIATELY come back on, I started panicking again.

“They have to send the trucks out to find the problems first! Then they will report it and fix it! Calm down!” Henry said, because when you’re born a cis white male, you’re pre-installed with various utility knowledge too without ever having to work for any of those companies.

Finally, around 11:15, after Henry refused to walk down the street where the supposed INCIDENT occurred to see what was going, and after HOURS of obsessively checking the REPORT AN OUTAGE page for updates, I said that I was going to report it again (Henry: “Well, they already know…”) so that I could ADD A DESCRIPTION:

I smugly thrust my phone out to Henry who had been warning me to please not make threats or swear because this was connected to our account and WAS JUST ABOUT TO HIT NEXT when the lights sputtered on. And you’ve seen my house, so going from pitch black to NEON CENTRAL in 0 seconds flat is quite a spectacle. It was like the Las Vegas Strip rebooting.

So that was a fun night!

Memorial Day itself was lame. This was the first time in quite a few years that we stayed home, which meant we got to see that dumb parade. It was also Tamanna’s first time watching it and she was recording it in the beginning and then lost interest and went back inside lol.

The fact that there are two Finleys scares me.

I fucking hate it so much when these assholes fire their idiot manly man-man rifles. It should be banned! This is triggering to many people and also rude and insensitive to the area animals!!

“Complain about it,” Henry mumbled.

“You know what maybe I will!” I cried. “Now that I know Dormont has a mayor!”

Henry frowned. “You…didn’t know that?”

“No, not until that time he liked my tweet,” I said.

Henry, now looking worried, tentatively asked, “What…was the tweet?”

“‘wow apparently Dormont has a mayor’.”

Henry: “…..”

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Dude this religious prayer cohort is new-to-me. Totally unexpected! My work friend Maggie lives in a neighboring town that also gets visited by this dumb parade and she said one of those guys splashed her with holy water! “That’s assault, brother,” she said in her comment on my reel. Agreed! Some of us like having evil residing within our skinsacks.

Meanwhile, Chooch’s bus home was delayed by nearly three hours so he got to live his best life by renting a city bike and tooling around the empty city at 7am, sending me pictures of the Mr. Gray Guys (squirrels) that were frolicking around.

Yeah, I really don’t think I have anything else to add. It was….a weekend.

I have been sitting here attempting to start this post for quite some time today but I keep getting lost in the photos. I really miss it. Even this particular day which was rife with “Last Day” sadness and panic. I was just telling Megan the other day that I am bored every day, nothing makes me happy lately and she goes, “Until you go back to Korea!” and that is so sad but also mostly true! I mean, obviously things here make me happy, don’t let me be completely melodramatic. But, it feels kind of like being in a long-distance relationship!? Which, that reminds me, the other day I heard “Slide” by the Goo Goo Dolls and even though I have heard that song a million times over the years, it was this exact time that gave me flashbacks to my FIRST LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP in 1998 with, and this is so stupid-dumb, a guy that I met the very first time I ever entered the goth chatroom called darkchat, lol. His name was “Misfit” (OMG I can’t even remember his real life name now) and he lived in San Diego I think. Somewhere in SoCal. Anyway, this song was new around that time and he was like, “THIS SONG MAKES ME THINK OF US” and me being the type of person whose whole damn life revolved around music, totally fell apart and was willing to give this guy ALL OF MY ATTENTION.

Anyway, then I called him one night and heard giggling in the background and I whispered, “Is that a girl??” and he was all, “HAHA no I’m, um, at a party” and then that was basically the beginning of the end of our 14-day long distance relationship.

Oh, don’t you worry, there’d be plenty more boys to be had in Darkchat over the next two years!

(No one asked, but I was curious who the man in the billboard is because Korea was in the middle of an election when we were there. Turns out it’s this guy, and he won! Something!)

After the disastrous early morning meltdown at Deoksugung Palace, things calmed down once I had coffee and breads. The plan for the first part of the day was to take Chooch to Tongin Market. I had asked him in advance to give me itinerary suggestions for this trip and that was one of the only things he explicitly said he wanted to because he had so much fun there on our last trip. So, Tongin Market is fun because you can either just buy stuff like you normally would OR you can go to the dosirak (lunchbox) cafe and buy yeopjeon and a school cafeteria tray w- the yeopjeon can be exchanged for portions of food at participating food stalls in the market so it’s a really great way to sample various types of Korean street/market food while also having a fun experience of paying with these old cash coins like you’re back in the Joseon Dynasty.

We passed this bar on the way so I had to take a picture for Megan, the biggest Beatles fan that I know! It was around 10:30am so we did not go in.

I was just desperately taking pictures of everything in the Tongin neighborhood while Henry was desperately looking for an ATM since we needed cash for the market.

I mean…Seoul is so special.

A secret selfie while waiting for Henry who was making a successful withdrawal inside a bank.

I just don’t want to ever forget it….

So then – LOL ugh – we made it to Tongin Market and um, the dosirak cafe is closed on Mondays.

You would have thought I did this on purpose, totally planned this out in order to sabotage Chooch’s last day in Korea. He was pissed. I mean, I was too, honestly, but we were trying to avoid going there on a weekend when it would be packed and with everything else we were doing, it just kept getting pushed and pushed until finally it was the last night AND SORRY FOR SCREWING UP!

Since we were there though, Chooch got some tteokbokki and then we had to find a secluded place to stand so that he could eat it. We were standing in sort of an alley off of a small back road when I saw in my periphery a girl with long red hair stride past, holding a camera. Now, anywhere else, whatever, but this is Korea and you don’t see many white women with red hair in Korea, lol. I did a massive doubletake because there is an American ex-pat YouTuber I watch occasionally and Chooch had been chiding me off and on during this trip, trying to make me look by blurting out “Look it’s Cari Cakes!” at random intervals, and then he even said he saw her the day he went off on his own in Gangnam. I don’t know why he was being so outrageous about this because yes, I watch her vlogs, but he was making me out to be a sasaeng or something, like I throw aside my entire life like a wet blanket every time I get a notification of a new Cari Cakes video.

I turned back around and looked at Chooch and Henry who both said, in tandem, “Was that—-”

Well, thanks Chooch, you appeared to have fucking manifested her!?

“You should go say hi!” Henry urged. I kept saying, “No, no, no” but eventually I was like, “OMG OK fine.” But by that point, she had gotten pretty far ahead of us and was now walking along a busier road so now, in true sasaeng fashion (thanks, Chooch) we had to essentially FOLLOW HER which was so awkward because I didn’t want to run up to her and be like, “OMG hi subscriber here” through pants and wheezes. I wanted it to be organic – or at least, organic SEEMING.

Basically, we crossed the street so that we could get ahead of her and then cross back over and, I dunno what my plan was – stop and tie my SLIP-ON VANS so that she could pass by and I could act surprised?! In the end, Henry had stayed on the same side of the street as her so that when Chooch and I crossed back over, we stopped and turned around like we were waiting for him, so then it was my excuse to “see her” and say, “OMG Cari?”

I FEEL SO CREEPY NOW THAT I AM RECOUNTING THIS which is rich coming from someone who has legit stalked people (pizza guys, middle school crushes – WHILE I WAS ALSO IN MIDDLE SCHOOL JUST TO CLARIFY – etc) and then intentionally documented it. Sometimes on film!! But look, that’s in my past.

Well, anyway, I did it. I said, “OMG, Cari?” and she was like, “…yes?” as if viewers don’t stop her all of the time. Henry was like, “I got you here but I ain’t sticking around” and shuffled over to some stoop where he creepily slurped down the rest of Chooch’s tteokbokki. So then it was just me and Chooch and I was like, “Hi, we’re subscribers!” and I wanted to tell her that this was my third time there and that we had actually come there to get married but I didn’t want her to think I married Chooch and I also didn’t want to point to Henry, hunkered down with his beard dripping in gochujang, so it was a pretty unremarkable chat from my end at least. Plus, the whole process of even getting to that point was so stressful and I felt like I was acting like a woman with a gun pressed against her back, just all wide-eyed and fake.

Whatever. Cari was very nice, though. “Are you guys also walking around in search of cherry blossoms?” she gushed and um, yep. That’s exactly it! So then she gave us some good cherry blossom spotting tips and I told her we’re from Pgh and she was like, “Oh my family is from the east coast! I’m actually going back for a visit in 4 days!” and I almost said, “I know!” because she had mentioned it in a recent video but I caught myself and just said, “Oh cool!”

Ugh, I hate how high-pitched and fake-sounding I can be.

So then when we parted ways, I had to immediately take pictures of the trees, lol.

But I mean come on. This tree is just ASKING FOR IT.

Meanwhile, as soon as Cari walked away, the first thing Chooch said shockingly was not “You’re so embarrassing” but “Why did you tell her we’re BOTH subscribers?? I’m not a subscriber!” Wow, like she fucking cares!! And then, “You’re so embarrassing.”

There it is.

This cutie!

Chooch after I told him to put his phone down so I could take a picture.

One of the side entrances to Gyeongbokgung Palace – this is *the* palace of Seoul. We didn’t go in this time, but we did walk around the walls on our way to Bukchon Hanok Village. It was such a perfect day for a walk, you guys. Absolutely bangin’ spring weather.

More palace wall.

Ugh, the beauty. This street leads up to the Blue House, which is where the President usually resides but this current one has opted to live off the grounds and now the Blue House is open to the public for tours.

Wow, thanks for smiling Henry.

OK the next post will be Bukchon Thangs. Stay tuned or tune out. IT’S A FREE COUNTRY.

P.S. here is Cari’s YouTube channel if anyone is interested (more like if anyone has read this far) in watching a lot of cafe hopping and book talking with mellow vibes. Sometimes we get cameos of her husband Kurt. Fun Fact: she has lived in Seoul for over 10 years I believe and used to be an intern at YG Entertainment (WHERE BIGBANG WAS SIGNED AT THE TIME). I actually found her channel back in 2017 when I was like, “Hmm, how hard is it for foreigners to move to Korea…” and then her “apartment tour” video from like 2016 or something came up, lol.

Not even going to pretend that I have much to say about Day 2 at Cedar Point. While it wasn’t as crowded as Saturday, it made up for that in degrees because it was hot AF. I actually got a mild sunburn.

Chooch and his CP Crew – we saw them randomly throughout the day and he actually acknowledged us so that was nice of him. I will say that all of his friends are very polite and will actually converse with us even though we are old and lame.

Some things I want to remember, in bullets:

• The delectable cookies we had both days from whatever the bakery is called – you’d think I’d know since we hit them up for cookies on every trip. Their snickerdoodles are exceptional but holy hot damn sizzling in a skillet, the lemon crinkle cookie was so goddamn good that to this day (a whole week and a half later lol), I am pissed that we only bought one and shared it. But these cookies were our saviors on Saturday when all the food lines were outrageously long and I was about to launch into a hunger fit.
• I forgot to mention but speaking of Saturday, I got pizza from Hugh’s once the line was no longer OUT THE DOOR AND DOWN MAIN STREET. And I will say, it was a pretty good slab of cheese pizza – Detroit-style I guess? Is that when it’s thick and square? It was good. Was it $16.99 for a slice and 2 breadsticks good? Um, no. That pizza better come with a photocard and poster, at that price. Or at least a toupee of black olives.

• We rode SteVe first thing on Sunday when the line was only about 30 minutes and then I proceeded to see people from that line all day long. Anyway, backseat as usual (I always request it with prayer hands and the station attendant will usually ALWAYS cave) and it was such a refreshing way to fully wake up. SteVe still reigns supreme in my book.
• Maverick was broken down every time we walked by so our streak of “leaving CP with 0 Maverick rides” continues. So mothercheffing frustrating. CP in general is but you gotta enter with low expectations so that you’re only BASIC LEVELS OF PISSED OFF by the time you leave, and not POSTAL-LEVELS OF PISSED OFF.
• Got a good backrow ride on Millie.

• I was a sweaty mess all day but I wore my STRAY KIDS concert shirt so that was nice of me.

• A big lowlight was, at 3:30, when Henry decided he wanted to walk to the car to put on sun screen and then realized he forgot to check where we parked and we roamed around the parking lot FOR THIRTY FUCKING MINUTES. Of course this happened right when our – whatever package thingie that came with the car – lapsed and Henry hasn’t renewed the annual membership so we can’t do things like remote start from the app, and I dunno, USE THE FIND MY CAR FEATURE. Impeccable timing! Then, I found the car because unlike Henry who kept walking in the same square of the lot over and over like a Roomba unable to break free of its programmed constraints, I ventured to another section. However, Hank the Yokel REFUSED to answer his phone which sent me into a fit of rage and I wanted to break shit so badly. Henry claims that this situation didn’t warrant the level of hostility in my texts to him, but DON’T TELL ME HOW TO REACT, CIS WHITE MAN.

^^^ Sorry if you thought I was an angel but this is The Real Erin. ;D

• We waited for Raptor in a 45-minute line behind three super boisterous young women, one of whom spoke openly about WHEN SHE WAS IN PRISON and then got in her black friend’s face at one point and repeatedly screamed IS IT BECAUSE I’M WHITE?? Then she wanted a hair tie to toss onto the roof of the Raptor building so her friend turned around and asked me if I had one and I DID – it was on my wrist – but I said, “Yes, but I need it” so then she asked the girl behind me or actually took hers out of her hair and handed it over?! I’m sorry, but I’m not giving some broad my hair thing just so she can shoot it onto a roof?! Also, two people cut in front of them when they weren’t paying attention and I’m really sad about that because I am positive there would have been a confrontation and I’d have LOVED to see it. Anyway, Raptor is great and I scream-laughed the whole way through it.
• But the ride that made me laugh the hardest that day was MAGNUM. Henry hates this coaster so much and kept trying to get out of riding it. In fact, he was so happy to see that it was down when we went to that area for soft pretzels, but then! The line opened right after we finished our pretzels and he was like, “GODDAMMIT. FINE.” We made it all the way to the station and got in line for the first row of the last car. He was not pleased at how fast this was progressing. One of my favorite parts of the Magnum experience is how the ride ops know that this is such a contentious coaster – it is super hated while also having a universal, rabid fan base – so their send-offs are usually monotone and sarcastic (I  think this time they mumbled something about enjoying the airtime over the triangle hills). I dunno, maybe it’s just me and my constant desire to belong to something but it makes me feel like I’m part of an inside joke?! Anyway, this was a major highlight of the weekend because I had such an insane giggle fit on this while Henry kept chanting, “SQUARE WHEELS. SQUARE WHEELS.” He hates this coaster so much and honestly that probably just makes me like it more. Back on the brake run, the guy behind me gushed, “That actually was the smoothest ride I’ve had on this – that wasn’t bad AT ALL” and I whipped around in my seat to pant, “I WAS JUST SAYING THE SAME THING BUT HE *thumbs Henry* DISAGREED.” It was a beautiful moment. Amusement parks bring out the extroverted side of me that has been bashed repeatedly over the head with a frying pan and put in the corner.

Well, I think that’s all. If I think of anything else (like the smoothie bowl I had for breakfast from some local juice place that was absolutely delicious), I will come back and update this for the future no-eyeballs to gaze upon.

Remember when I got married in Korea?

Sorry, it’s just that I realized I didn’t mention Korea at all in this whole post, god forbid.

April was a blur and I barely remember reading any of these, but here are some books:

1. Wild Things by Laura Kay

Aw, I read this while in Korea. :( In hotel rooms, on trains, and on the plane – this was a pretty solid book to read while traveling. Not too terribly heavy, some good laughs, and a lot of collective “aw”s from the studio audience. A friend group move out to the country, buy a house together, raise chickens, and just kind of reset their lives. It made me want to flip my life on its head in a way, as well! Just…do something different. However! I wasn’t much of a fan of the protagonist. The other characters in the friend group were great but this broad was frustrating at times and didn’t have much of a personality.

Overall though, it was fun.

2. The Pachinko Parlour by Elisa Shua Dusapin

Apparently, I liked this because I gave it 4 stars but I don’t remember any of it, just that it was a very quick read.

3. The Hating Game by Sally Thorne

Dude, everybody in Book Land has read this book, it feels like. I have been hearing about it for years. I’m not a huge romance reader, but out of curiosity – and because the audiobook was available – I gave it a whirl. And OK, OK, I get it. The writing was pretty damn good, the characters were well fleshed out. It was like reading an edgy cable sitcom. I really enjoyed the banter between the two work nemeses for sure but also – that this kind of behavior was going on in an office was pretty unbelievable.

4. Normal People by Sally Rooney

Another famous book on booktube. I. Fucking. Hated. This. I hated both main characters. I hated the writing. I hated it all. It was boring, insipid, and I did not give a shit AT ALL about these two idiots – Marianne especially. I kept hoping she was going to die.

5. Spoiled Brats: Stories by Simon Rich

OK, I’m not generally into short story collections but this one was funny. The only story I didn’t like was the very first one because *animal stuff* but the rest were right up my alley (that is to say: idiotic). My favorite was “Sell Out” – I wanted more! Then I found out it had been made into a movie (An American Pickle) starring Seth Rogen and now I need to watch it.

6. I Who Have Never Known Men by Jacqueline Harpman

Three stars because the writing was fine but for me in particular, this story was not something I enjoyed. I mean, it’s about a bunch of women locked in a bunker who one day escape only to find that there is nothing left of the world. Is this really something meant to be enjoyed? I felt awful and uncomfortable – and hopeless – through the whole thing, and I guess that’s the point. My Goodreads review was a simple and succinct: “Bleak.”

7. The Day Tripper by James Goodhand

Ugh I forgot about this one. When will I get it through my thick head I just don’t like time travel. And I just didn’t like this book.

8. Weyward by Emilia Hart

First of all, can we take a moment to admire this exquisite book cover?

It’s the best part of the book.

I mean, the story itself was fine, but s l o w. There are three timelines and we’re following a different-but-related woman in each. I didn’t really prefer one over the other – each storyline had its merits and sluggy-sections. But I will say, the end was satisfying.

9. End of Story by A.J. Finn

Ugh. Not worth writing about. So hokey. 2 stars. Five stars for the author photo though, cute dog!

P.S. The audiobook was so fucking obnoxious.

10. Hello Beautiful by Ann Napolitano

4 stars. Sad, funny, cozy. Made me wish I grew up with a gaggle of sisters close to my age.

11. The Other Mothers by Katherine Faulkner

Three stars. Just a mid domestic thriller.

12. The Vacationers by Emma Straub

Not ground-breaking or even that memorable, but it was fun, chaotic, dysfunctional. Great characters. I want to go to Mallorca now. I will read more from Emma Straub. (Her dad – RIP – is my favorite horror writer!)

13. First Lie Wins by Ashley Elston

OK so a lot of this played out like some lame thriller TV show that Henry would be into but the end was SO GOOD. The last line especially. Love a good last line.

***

That’s all the page-flippin’ I did in April.

In the months leading up to our Korea trip, I had been stressing myself out over putting together a wedding-but-not outfit to wear for pictures. I didn’t want anything that resembled a wedding dress and I also didn’t want to do the whole hanbok get-up because I’m not Korean nor am I marrying a Korean so that feels a bit too much like cultural appropriation, you know? Some of my friends were asking me if I was going to do that and I was like “do you even know me though.”

In the end, I ended up buying a lavender tulle skirt with tiered-ruffles and Henry helped me make gold glitter stars to pin to them. I had an off-white fitted crochet sweater to wear on top and purple holographic CAT AND JACK boots from Target lol – yes, literal kids shoes but they were perfect.

Henry brought a button-down shirt that sort of matched my skirt.

I kept putting off this photoshoot while we were there until finally it was the last day. Henry and I woke up early that Monday and while I was getting dressed, I just knew it was a bad move, you guys. I could feel it in my bones – we were going to get dressed, leave the hotel room, go to wherever (I think I had wanted to go Bukchon Hanok Village) and then fight. I hate hate hate having my photo taken and even though I loved my outfit – it was cute and comfortable and completely my style – I just didn’t want to deal with photos

“Look,” I said to Henry, who had just put on the “regular-people jeans” I made him buy for this (his usual jeans are SO BAGGY). “If we do this, we’re going to fight and it’s going to ruin the day. I don’t care about the pictures. I don’t care what anyone else thinks either, I don’t want to do this.”

“THANK GOD,” Henry said, swapping out the jeans for his regular hobo pants.

I am pleased to say that it’s been two months now and I still have no regertz about that decision. We have the photos with our marriage license outside of the Jongno district office and that’s all I needed.

Speaking of, Henry had to go and pick the license up from wherever he left it for the APOSTILLE process. (I already forgot about this part since I wasn’t there for it but if you feel like it, you can read the whole Korean marriage odyssey here.) We decided to let Chooch sleep in and set off to walk to Gwanghwamun Square so Henry could get the license and he suggested stopping by Deoksugung Palace, which is one of the ones we have never visited before.  It’s the smallest of all the palaces but still something I had always wanted to see.

We knew it wouldn’t be open that early but that we could still walk around it so it was a nice detour on the way to get the marriage license.

Well, except that I was IN A MOOD. Gonna be real here, I was being stubborn, contrary, argumentative – all of the things. Just one big ass walking SCOWL. Because I am still a child in that I don’t know how to process my emotions. So, while I was acting like a big fucking brat-bitch, totally spoiled and never satisfied, my core emotion was sadness. I did NOT want it to be our last day, but instead of making the most of it, I was a complete asshole and the only reason Henry or Chooch didn’t push me into the Han was probably only because we were never anywhere near it that day.

I don’t know what kind of magic chokehold Korea has me in but I was an absolute monster on this day. (I mean, I had my moments because not even I have enough energy to keep up that kind of shitty attitude all day, but um, yeah my behavior was embarrassing a lot of times during this day.)

I’m pretty sure it was after this picture was taken where my mood totally turned on its head because HENRY JUST COULDN’T DO ANYTHING RIGHT AND I HATED HIM EW WHY DID I MARRY HIM, etc etc. Luckily, it was still early enough in the morning that we didn’t have an audience and to Henry’s credit, he knew what the real issue was and was being very careful with his words, handling me with kid gloves, trying to make suggestions just for me to find ways to twist his words (“OH, SO YOU’RE SAYING I’M FAT” when he said, “Let’s keep walking this way” after I pointed to a cafe across the street that I wanted to go to because I was hungry and needed coffee and really he just didn’t want to cross the street (it was a busy multi-lane road) and knew there would be 87 more cafes coming up).

Basically, I was just being super cuddly and adorbs that morning.

Literally I’m probably mumbling death threats to him here.

I know for sure I was hissing, “JUST TAKE THE PICTURE, DID YOU FUCKING TAKE IT” and then openly raging because he didn’t get what I wanted in the background. When he offered to do it again, I told him to fuck off, demanded the room key, and walked back to the hotel alone while he went to collect the marriage license that he probably didn’t even want any more at that point, haha ughhhh.

As I walked away, I threw a covert glance over my shoulder to see if he was following me because he was supposed to, that’s secretly what I wanted, but then at the same time I would have thrown a fit if he HAD followed me and accused him of thinking I couldn’t find my way back on my own and I’m sure he was more afraid of the consequences of following me than NOT following me so in the end, he went to whatever building in Gwanghawmun Square to get the marriage license on his own and I walked back to the hotel and made Chooch – who was now awake and dressed – go out to get coffee with me.

Originally, we were going to go to a nearby A Twosome Place because it’s been a joke since the first time we were there in 2018 that we couldn’t go to A Twosome Place since there are three of us. “Now’s our chance,” I said to Chooch who probably said, “Wow you’re so cool” in response because when Henry isn’t around, all of Chooch’s surliness is directed toward me. It’s fine.

But then that particular location ended up being in the lobby of an office building adjacent to our hotel so they didn’t have the full menu which allegedly included meat-free breakfast sandwich options. Chooch didn’t really care and said he was fine just going to a GS25 or whatever, so we went to one rigt around the corner and got some small packaged things for breakfast.

I still wanted coffee though so we kept walking and found this really tiny cafe called Aze Coffee. Literally only had two tables but it was fine!

Chooch got a dalgona latte and it was topped with pieces of it so he let me have one without much arguing, probably because, as my loyal and caring son, he could intuit that I was having a bad day and not at all because I had whined repeatedly that I was HAVING A BAD DAY.

Ugh.

Anyway, that was a really nice experience though, getting coffee on our own without Henry who thinks we can’t survive without him.

When he eventually came back to the hotel though, he had a bag of salt bread from a bakery that he passed on the way back and I guess that was an OK peace offering even though it wasn’t as good as my precious salt bread from Ikseondong.

Stay tuned for more Last Day Mood Swings.

As previously referenced, we spent last weekend at Cedar Point with Chooch and two of his friends – Zakk and Ben. It was Ben’s first time at CP and I’m sad to say it wasn’t the greatest inaugural experience because it was just a bad weekend to go, not that any weekend is great at Cedar Point, but this was one of the worst we’ve ever experienced. Sunday wasn’t TOO bad but Saturday was extremely crowded, like 2+ hour wait times for most of the coasters, and food lines not much better.

The vegan place is gone (I think it was actually taken out last year TBH), Melt is gone, the area that usually has a fleet of food trucks was barren. And one of the food trucks was my go-to because they had the BEST veggie burger, like it was actually homemade and full of nutritional goodness and not just a Beyond Burger out of the package. And on top of that, not all of the food places were open, making the lines extra line for the places that were open.

The one good thing about Saturday was that the weather was really mild and cool, actually kind of chilly at times. I never took my little jacket thing off all day.

Top Thrill 2 was closed indefinitely for maintenance after only a week of being open and I truly was not sad about that. I hate-hate-hated the OG and while I will give its reincarnation at least one try, I am not expecting to love it. I am a wuss with stratacoasters :( However!! The TT2 commemorative beer (I think on IG I called it TT2’s namesake beer which is like, reversed, but I didn’t care enough to go back and change it because who even cares about social media anymore – millions of content creators, I guess, LOL) and it was actually very good. I mean, it was a lemon shandy, so I’m sure my review would be a lot different if it was an IPA or whatever. But it was nice to relax on a bench across from the Ferris wheel and sip on this big boy instead of standing in a 2 hour long line for something – EVEN THE CAROUSEL HAD A HUGE-ASS LINE.

Cedar Lane Downs was a short wait. With the crowds being so bad (there were a TON of school bands there), we rode mostly flat rides all day (when we were riding anything at all, we mostly just walked around aimlessly and I kept saying I’M BORED THIS IS BORING like the brat that I am). I dunno what Chooch and his friends were doing. Waiting 2 hours to ride Maverick, I guess.

I *think* the only coaster we rode on Day 1 were Corkscrew (when we first arrived, the wait was 30 minutes which is about 29 minutes too much to wait for Corkscrew but it would end up being the shortest wait for a coaster all day and it was also somehow Henry’s first time riding it – we sat in the front and I kept saying, “This is less awful than I remembered it to be!” while Henry was screaming, “THIS SUCKS! OW MY BACK!” Lol.), Gatekeeper, and Wild Mouse.

It was just such a bad scene.

Ugh.

I LOVE CALYPSO so much so here are some photos of that – also the ride attendant’s shoe was untied and it was bothering me.

Yay. Calypso.

I wish Kennywood still had this ride! No one believes me when I saw that we used to have one there! BUT WE DID. In the 80s!

Honestly, the new-for-2023 Boardwalk area is the BEST part of Cedar Point IMO. I could spend all day here – and we almost did.

I love that they play lots of beach-y music in this section too! Like a lot of good 80s jams and some surf rock too. It’s a real magical spot and made me less hateful every time we were in the area.

Then we left the park for a bit and walked along the beach trail which is something I always wanted to do!!

Blankets of fog rolled in pretty consistently all day and obscured the tops of lots of rides, like Windseeker here (you will never catch me on these types of swings btw. NO THANK YOU.)

More beer! I couldn’t finish even half of this. It was just a Summer Shandy which I can handle (it was the first ‘beer’ I was able to fully drink thanks to the recommendation from one of my ex-bosses so I always think of her when I drink these which isn’t often) but I already had half of that other beer earlier and I just CANNOT drink that much. Still, it was fun sitting in this little cabana thing and watching all the crazy-asses playing on the beach when it was only about 60 degrees out.

Ugh.

The only other notable thing that happened was in line for Gatekeeper. It was close to an hour long wait, which, whatever, but what makes these waits even worse than they already are is when you have people wantonly linejumping, no shits to give, complete lack of self-consciousness. I could never in a million years imagine myself doing this.

Anyway, three kids – maybe 15 or 16? maybe younger? – were frantically summoning their friend SAM over to them. Of course these kids were several groups ahead of us so this affected me directly when SAM finally caved to peer pressure and cut under some empty switchbacks to join them, skipping over about 30 people in the process without most of them even noticing. I glared at all 4 of them for some time and they knew I was glaring so they purposely averted their gaze until I eventually lost interested.

Then a little while later, the boy who I imagine was the RINGLEADER left the line. I thought he found another group of friends further up where the line splits into two and you have to choose which side of the station you want to be on. He legit ducked under the queue rail and walked THROUGH THE LANDSCAPING toward that part of the line and I was like “WOW HE REALLY JUST SHAVED OFF ABOUT 45 MINUTES OF HIS WAIT TIME” and I was pretty pissed at the entitlement.

Well, it turned out he had actually left the line to go to the bathroom because he eventually came back and rejoined his friends. However, some total Karen busted him and started yelling about how she was going to call security (at first I thought she said his supervisor and I was like how does she know who is supervisor is, is this kid even old enough to have a job) and that SHE IS SICK OF IT. I made eye contact with her and said, “Yeah.” Then I started laughing because she looked the part FOR SURE but also looked like if one of my old bosses was on the verge of heat stroke (the one who first told me about Leinenkugel’s’ Summer Shandy way back in 2010 actually!) and this checks out because I could totally picture her calling security while in line for a roller coaster.

So then the kids got REALLY PARANOID and were like, nervously chuckling amongst each other but you could see the fear in their eyes.

20 or so minutes later, we had finally made it to the aforementioned “split” in the line. This is also where the Fast Lane merges with the regular lane, so there is always a line attendant there. Two young men in SECURITY attire came up the Fast Lane, said some words to the line attendant, right when THE KIDS were the next in line to continue on once the Fast Lane people were let through. The way these kids looked like they were shitting themselves was hilarious! But then security walked past them and  ventured into the bowels of the line, so I didn’t think anything of it.

Approx. 2 minutes later, we were now standing on the steps that lead up the station, the group of kids still ahead of us, when the security guys came BACK and summoned them out of the line! They must have found Heat Stroke Karen and I’m SURE she had a picture of the kids to show security in complete the full NARC circle.

So, the kids got pulled out line and they were all like, “he had to go to the bathroom!” and in the end, security made the bathroom kid leave the line but let the OTHER THREE BACK IN when SAM IS THE ONE WHO ACTUALLY LINE-JUMPED?!!? I felt fully invested in this since I had been in line with these dumbasses the whole time and actually, I can’t believe I’m saying this, FELT BAD for the kid who got ratted on because yes he fucking cut but he truly WAS in line from the beginning.

And also, WOW those three are shitty friends especially SAM the TRUE line jumper.

So that was something. Six Flags Great Adventure is the only other park where I actually saw people get called out by line attendants and thrown out of line. (Green Lantern specifically – there was a guy standing in the station watching the queue below and he would call linejumpers out over the speaker. It was amazing. I would BE SO GOOD AT THAT JOB!!)

Anyway, Henry and I got in line for Maverick at 7:30, 30 minutes before the park closed. OF FUCKING COURSE it broke down while we were in line, but while we were in it, we saw security escorting out a dad and his kid and then right after that, we came around a switchback and I saw HEAT STROKE KAREN – coincidence?!?!

Also, the kids from the Gatekeeper were in this line with us and HSK, which made me feel nostalgic in some weird way?! Then a bunch of grown-ass adults cut the whole entire line in order to join the rest of their family in front of us and I was so pissed. I think it actually is worse when ADULTS do this. Kids are fucking stupid and it’s not an excuse but their brains are underdeveloped and whatever, who cares, kids suck. But when you see FUCKING ADULTS doing this, like they are so goddamned entitled, it makes me more mad. I started mouthing off about them to Henry and they knew I was talking about them so they all avoided eye contact with me but unlike HSK, I’m not about to cause a scene because I have seen enough videos of actual brawls erupting over shit like this and I’m not trying to get a tooth knocked – or worse, being an unwitting star of a viral TikTok video where I guarantee I will look like the BAD GUY / KAREN, so like 99% of line-standers, I dealt with it.

Then Chooch texted because it was after 8 and the park was technically closed so he and his friends were waiting outside of the entrance for us. Henry and I left the line WITH PLEASURE. Maverick is actually so damn frustrating. Of all the times we’ve been to Cedar Point I think I have only ridden it twice. It breaks down constantly and just perpetually has a ridiculous line.

The day was super frustrating but how mad can you be when the park has views like this??

Afterward, we checked into that same weird-ass motel thing that we stayed at two years ago and then went to Dianna’s for a late dinner and dessert! I love this fucking crazy family restaurant. Part of the neon sign outside the door was broken and zapping perilously, so that was scary.

We walked inside and Ben breathed it in and said, “This is America.”

We sat at separate tables – Chooch and his friends got the same waitress we had the last time (I would never forget her!) and Henry and I had a waitress with a face tattoo. There was an old couple sitting across from us that were talking some straight nonsense – I guess the lady part of the couple works at Cedar Point because she was wearing an employee sweatshirt. She looked like if my coaster friend Pam was about 20 years older with a gray mullet.

A very interesting end to a strange day at Cedar Point. Oh and did I mention that Sandusky was in the throes of a mayfly infestation? It was so bad that the outside patio of the Grand Pavilion cafe in the boardwalk area was closed off because the tables were COVERED in them, literally like they were wearing tarps made of mayflies. It was so gross. This was definitely one of the worst days I’ve ever had at the park.

Hi. This is the final portion of our Easter day in Korea, which had us leaving Mullae, going back to the hotel for a quick reprieve, and then venturing back out to Hongdae. The plan was to go to Thanks Nature, a cafe that we went to in 2019 that draws you in with their pet sheep and keeps you in your seat with their awesome dessert menu. We had jinjja jinjja delicious melon bingsu on our last visit and Henry was craving it.

Hongdae is such a vibe at night.

First though, we stopped by Isaac Toast to get a small and quick dinner since we had eaten so much many pastries etc. all freaking day. Henry and I shared an egg/potato toast but I instantly regretted not getting a whole one to myself once I remembered how much I love these bitchin’ sandwiches. It’s the sauce, man. Some kind of sweet mustard, I don’t even know, but it just hits the spot and you know that must be true because that is not something I would ever say typically in real life?! Same as “hankering,” as in, “I had a hankering for Isaac Toast.” I dunno why that gets under my skin like when someone says they’re “fixin'” to do something? I’m fixin’ to have a hankering for something that hits the spot.

For supper.

To really drive the nail under my skin! I hate word supper! You can say moist all day but supper is the one that launches me through the ceiling.

Probably doesn’t help that my ex-boyfriend Jeff used to say it. Ugh he was such a rural dork.

Isaac’s got him in a trance.

Ugh and then Thanks Nature was closed! It closed early that night :( So then we just walked around Hongdae while Chooch went in and out of various street clothes shops, trying things on and then not buying anything.

Gentle Monster!!! I immediately found a pair of sunglasses that I liked but hemmed and hawed and then ultimately decided I’d wait unti the next day when we went to the flagship store in Gangnam.

We ended up stopping in some small mall-esque thing on the main street of Hongdae. There was a clothing store called Wonderplace and I know for sure I was pouting at this point because I didn’t eat enough real food and was having a sugar crash and also I wanted something hot to drink, but more specifically, reality was setting in that we only had one full day left in Korea and I was low-key panicking, friends. I hate that I acted like a fucking asshole for an entire hour that evening but the emotions. I had them.

Anyway, there were all kinds of sales going on so every time Henry went up to the pay, the cashier would be like, “This is 1+1 so please find another thing from these special racks” and it was stressful – I got a sweater that I love a lot and it fits me so comfortably, and Chooch got more sweatpants I think, a t-shirt and purple Ocean Pacific shorts?! Really random.

Henry apparently made friends with the cashier since he had to go back up there 3x, and on one of his trips up there the guy asked Henry if he was there on vacation. When Henry said, “Yes, this is our third time here,” he said the kid said, “I hate Korea.” Wow, lol. I wonder if he was there studying abroad? Henry said he was Korean but his English seemed better than his Korean. I wish I had witnessed this alleged interaction.

After that, we walked through “Yongtral Park” to Holly’s Coffee. Holly’s is a Korea chain but it was open past 10PM and I needed warm liquids, you guys. It was a chilly March eve!

And this is how I ended up having my first (and so far – only) mugwort latte. Holy shit. Did this replace matcha in my heart? It may have. This had such a wonderful, earthy flavor – o b s e s s e d.

Just like I am with everything else in Korea. :/

We also got some type of banana dessert to share. Delicious. Korean cafes – chains or not – rarely disappoint.

Well, that’s a wrap for Sunday March 31st,  I guess. I can’t drag this out any longer. It’s time to start editing the pictures from our last full day. Le sigh.

Here’s a video recap of the day!