When we were cleaning out the attic last weekend, I found an old Minolta camera, most likely it was my grandparents house. I brought it downstairs to put with my other vintage cameras (almost all of them were my grandparents’!) and I realized, well shit, I have a lot of old cameras just sitting around.

So I thought, “HEY ERIN, wouldn’t it be refreshing to start using real-ass film cameras again?” I mean, not for everyday use, but I thought it would be particularly fun to take a film camera with me when we go on our road trips. I actually had wanted to dust off my Holga and take that with us on our rollercoaster road trip last summer, but Henry the Lazy Oaf never got around to buying film (I don’t fuck with the boring aspects of photography) and also it is so frustrating to get Holga film developed.

But I brought it up again, this time using the Minolta we just unearthed. And Henry was like, “OK it is easy to get film for this.” And then, “OK I ordered film for this.” And then when the film was delivered, “OK I put the film in this.” So I guess I will take the Minolta with us in April when we go on our spring break road trip but then I probably won’t be able to afford to get the film developed afterward because GAS PRICES will probably milk our accounts.

Anyway, here are some pictures of my camera collection! Some might still be usable but there are some that probably definitely aren’t.

We can get film for this little dude and it’s such a petite size that it will fit in my FANNY PACK so I might try and take this babe to an amusement park at some point??

That Keystone camera is like one of those accordion kinds and I think it might be impossible to use but we’ll see!

Isn’t this amazing!? It doesn’t even look like a camera when it’s closed up.

Not pictured because I can’t find them (but certainly they’re somewhere, I mean, we live in a duplex. There’s not many places for them to go):

• A Pentax from the 1980s – I think this is from HENRY’S YOUNG DAYS??
• A Diana
• My old Nikon from the 1990s
• One of those super vintage TLR cameras that you look down into – I bought this on eBay years ago

I just need a hobby you guys. I know I’ve dabbled in photography from time to time in the past but I think it would be fun to just NOT BE SERIOUS about it, first of all, and second of all, to hopefully let this help me be OK with imperfection because you know how unpredictable film can be. I also think it would be a nice family thingie to make real-life photo albums of our vacations.

I will probably lose interest after the first roll of film is a fail, but I’ll keep you posted I guess, lol ugh.

On Sunday, I went into the office with my Mover Guy Henry in order to *sniff sniff* clean out my desk. I still work there! But because so many of us are either working entirely from home, or adopting a hybrid schedule, we are eventually going to lose space on our floor and move to a shared-space situation. Not thrilled about that, but I also will only be working from the office one day a week starting in April, so I don’t really have much room to complain.

This is the third or fourth time I’ve been in the office, but I realized that I hadn’t been in the bathroom there since March 2020 and I wanted to get a selfie for old time’s sake. Weird fact  but when I first started working there, I was obsessed with the bathroom because it was so pretty. You can’t tell from this picture, but it has really nice fuchsia wall paper when you walk in, and back when I started the Firm had JUST moved into this building, literally like several weeks prior to my start date, so the bathrooms were SPARKLING. I remember thinking the sink was so cool, but then after awhile, it just got really gross because it’s a trough sink and all kinds of shit would congregate in the corner.

*barf*

This is also the bathroom where the infamous WATER BREAKING happened in 2011!

I pitched a lot of things that came out of my desk because it was like Mary Poppins’ satchel for real and I’m really not trying to be a hoarder, but I did keep some stuff that makes me smile – I keep mementos in cute photo boxes in my closet so I don’t feel too awful about it. I guess. Anyway, let’s look at some of the random things I saved:

Both of these emails make me laugh and remind me of better, warmer times in the office! I miss Brad a lot – we were fake enemies and liked to harass each other for fun. I actually tried to hide from him in my office (LOL remember when I had an office, those were….the days) on his last day because I didn’t want to say goodbye. He found me trying to squeeze into my closet and forced me to hug him goodbye. It was sad. I did see him a few times even after he left – he came to some of my pie parties and also Chooch and I ran into him and his fiancee (are they married now I wonder?? I’m not on Facebook so basically am a social pariah) at the Hollywood Theater several years ago when they were showing the OG “Halloween.”

Lou is also my work frenemy! We #UghLou and #UghErin each other all the time. I think the nicest thing I ever said to him was “Have an OK weekend.” He is still currently employed at The Law Firm so we at least still chat here and there. But yeah, these emails are keepers as far as I’m concerned.

All of my magnets live on the fridge at home now :( I mean, it’s OK! I’m just glad I can look at them all of the time again.

Being surrounded by so many metal cabinets at the office made it a no-brainer to start a magnet collection. I think it kind of drives Henry crazy because whenever we’re on a road trip or whatever, I’m always like WAIT I NEED A MAGNET at the last minute. And I get really up in arms when we go to an amusement park and THEY DON’T HAVE MAGNETS?? (See: that Seabreeze post card up there – it was the best I could do souvenir-wise.)

One of my worst magnet memories is when I bought one during the DMZ tour in South Korea and FUCKING LEFT IT ON THE TOUR BUS.

OMG I wish I hadn’t remembered that just now because I am so sad all over again.

I dunno, I think collecting magnets is fun. It’s better than the souvenir spoons I used to collect when I was a kid and I’m pretty sure my mom threw them all away, along with my massive brochure collection.

Here is my citation from when I was forced to JAYWALK with Mean Amber and then she ran back to the office and told everyone about how she made me jaywalk and I was screaming and running like Phoebe from Friends, and then I came back to this CITATION on my desk from NATE.

I can’t remember the significance behind “Just” Erin Kelly.

Conversely! Here is my Gold Star for Excellence in the Field of Excellence from Nate and Sandy! I can’t remember if this was the same time they had an impromptu parade for me and I literally wanted to melt into my seat and be recycled into a shoe.

Behind that is BARB whom I miss so much it physically hurts me! I have had no contact with her in a very long time and I am so sad about it. I wish she never quit The Law Firm, I miss our shenanigans, I miss getting called into Sue’s office for talking too much or doing shady things with Barb (like when we passive aggressively bullied this guy BOB who was such a jerk and Office NARC). I just miss her being my Office Mom and cracking up together so hard that I would often have to run and I mean run to the bathroom so I wouldn’t pee my pants.

There was one time when I had to go TO JURY DUTY and Barb was so concerned for me because back then (in 2011) I didn’t know where anything was downtown and was somehow even more helpless than I am currently if you can believe that.

Anyway, I shared that picture with Wendy, Jeannie and Aaron today; Aaron said that he thinks it was Tyler who took this picture and that sounds about right!

Oh man, I am honestly sitting here in tears as I write this because of how much things have changed. I know I should be grateful that I get to work from home now but if I could choose to have things go back to how they were then, I think I would choose that.

I just…feel very lonely now. But I am grateful for the handful of Jabber pals I have that keep me company during the long days!

A bunch of wheelchair pictures that I was collecting! I should probably get some kind of frame for them.

I literally have no idea who/what/where/when/why/how. But you bet your sweaty ass that this bitch came home with me and went right into the memento box!

Well, that’s all for now. Times change, life goes on, etc etc.

But I still have FEELINGS about it, OK??

I’ve been A WOMAN ON EDGE these last few days/weeks for no real reason other than the world is a rotating pit of fiery despair and I feel so helpless. Voila, rage manifestation.

There are so many gigantic issues to be furious about but here are some extremely petty pouts I’ve had recently because I have no energy to write about positive shit right now. Susie Fucking Sunshine has no fucks left to give right now. They’re regenerating under Wonho’s grow light.

First of all, a big FUCK YOU to Fitzhenry’s Something Something Man Work company, whose work truck was not only blocking the sidewalk on my morning walk  today, but the passenger side door was left wide open (while the passenger was sitting inside!), further blocking the sidewalk! My options were to walk around the open door and into the mud pit / front yard of the Drug House up the street from me, or walk around the truck into oncoming traffic.

I chose to walk into the street because I was feeling SUPER DRAMATIC and as I passed the driver’s side of the truck, I noted that the window was down and the driver was inside. Now, I’m close enough to the truck that my shoulder is nearly brushing against it, so in a fit of AUDACIOUS RAGE, I turned toward the open window, looked point blank at the driver in his hideous fluorescent worker man costume and I said…

…wait for it…

“RUDE.”

Look, it was off the cuff OK? It was the best I could muster on such short notice pre-8:00AM on a Wednesday morning. Cut me some slack. GEEZ.

I don’t even know if they responded because I had  my headphones on and was audiobooking it up, full Karen mode.

But I wasn’t done there.

I called Henry and took it out on him.

“I AM SO SICK OF YOU AND ALL YOUR BLUE COLLARED WORKER MEN ACTING LIKE YOU OWN THE FUCKING WORLD, PARKING YOUR SHIT WHEREEVER YOU WANT, MAKING LIFE HARDER FOR PEOPLE LIKE ME!!!!”

Henry, definitely not expecting me to be calling to sweetly professing my love, but also not exactly prepared for this vitriolic torrent 갑자기, said, “Whoa! Whoa whoa whoa! Don’t throw me in with those guys!”

I MEAN THEY’RE BASICALLY HIS KIN!

All he cared about is what “type of truck” and “what kind of company” it was, because #ManThings.

Another BIG FUCK YOU to the fucking HAWK who I caught red-handed (clawed?) (taloned?) about to kill a small bird on my walk the other day. Monday I believe it was! I was just walking down the street, minding my own business, when I heard a godawful screeching. I looked over and saw the hawk-perp in someone’s driveway, pinning a small bird to  the ground. I fucking HOLLARED, “Get the fuck away, hawk!” and ran at it. The hawk was like, “What the shit is this!?!?” dropped the bird, and flew off while I was round-housing the air. The little bird flew into a bush and that motherfucking HAWK had the audacity to come back for it! So I charged toward it again, flailing my legs in its general direction, flaunting my grassroots kickboxing skills.

This time, the hawk flew away in a huff.

As I was walking back to the road from the SCENE OF THE CRIME, I noticed that a guy and his dog had been walking behind me the whole time and witnessed my heroics. We made eye contact and the guy looked away real quick probably because he was like “WOW THIS BITCH AIN’T TO BE FUCKED WITH, FIDO.”

I told Henry about this when he came home that day and he frowned because he is forever white-knighting hawks.

“They have to eat too!” he said, on the verge of crooning THE CIRCLE OF LIFE.

“Well, he can go eat a seed or something,” I spat.

More FUCK YOUs thrown in the air like confetti at all of the BTS fans because I just really can’t stomach that obnoxious lot anymore. Have fun with your Westernized, watered-down band of Ed Sheerans.

The BIGGEST FUCK YOU award goes to MY STUPID-ASS MURDEROUS STREET AND THE MOTHERFUCKERS WHO DROVE ON IT. I lost (1) Mr. Gray Guy and (1) Buddy on Friday morning, mere yards away from each other on my block. I was fucking crushed. Like, I’m not even being the slightest bit hyperbolic when I tell you that I have been dragging my heart* on the ground since Friday, just absolutely gutted over here because I am so attached to these little woodland creatures that it honestly feels like I lost two pets at once. I was basically a zombie on Friday, just going through the motions, and all weekend I kept seeing them on the road every time I closed my eyes. Sometimes I wish I didn’t care so fucking much or felt things so deeply but here I am, a fucking stupid sappy bleeding heart tree-hugger.

*(Well, OK, maybe a little hyperbolic. My heart wasn’t quite touching the floor, just kind of slapping off my shins.)

FUCK.

But a big NON-fuck you to the kind soul who came around soon after and removed both bodies from the street so I didn’t have to be terrorized by the sight every time I looked out my window. I don’t know if it was a city thingie that came around to do it or a good Samaritan on my street. I’m leaning toward the latter because there are really great people who work at the half-way house thing on my block and I saw a shovel leaning against their porch when I walked by later that day! I’d like to think it was someone who knows how obsessed I am with them (so literally pick a person on my street) and did it to spare me from having to suffer anymore than I already was. If Henry had been home, he’d have buried them both for me. I mean, Buddy was gone within two hours of me first noticing him.

I actually had other things to mention but the rage has drained me and now I just want to go and read my book, exercise, and watch NCT stuff on YouTube. It’s my life. I’ll live it however I want!!

Sorry, it’s been hard. Everything sucks in the world and it’s amplifying the suck factor of everything else.

These are the books I read in February. Wow, Lucy. Hold on tight-ish.

1. My Lady Jane – Cynthia Hand, Brodi Ashton, Jodi Meadows

Historical retelling but make some of the characters able to change into animals. What a quirky little delight. Four stars, thoroughly entertained, laughed out loud numerous times.

2. The Girl In 6E – A. R. Torre

Pretty interesting thriller mostly from the POV of a young shut-in / cam girl who purposely keeps herself locked away in her apartment to avoid any inevitable fall-out from her homicidal tendencies. While camming, she thinks she may have made contact with a pedophile about to take his fetish to the next level. The narration had a bit of a Veronica Mars-esque feel to it, and it really drew me in. Although, there was kind of  a lot going on / a bunch of jumping around with timelines and plotlines so it kind of a little confusing at times. But overall, I really enjoyed it and am actually surprised that I haven’t heard more about this, especially considering it’s apparently a series. I told Henry he should read it for the “explicit sex stuff” and he was like, “The what now? You have my attention.”

3. Migrations – Charlotte McConaghy 

There’s a part about a girl getting attached to a murder of crows that was so relatable and now I’m pissed that my squirrels don’t bring me gifts.

But OK seriously, I almost didn’t pick this one up because it didn’t seem like the type of book I’d be into, but I am so glad I did. Yes, there were parts that supremely depressed the environment/animal lover in me, but the writing was so undeniably beautiful and the characters were well-crafted, that it was more rewarding than deflating in the end. It also had an underlying mystery running through it regarding the events that happened that lead to the main character to be tracking the migration of arctic terns in the first place.

Yeah, this book kind of gutted me but I’m glad I read it. (I literally just said “oof” out loud just now to my monitor as I looked at the picture of the book cover. Sigh.)

4. Five Tuesdays in Winter – Lily King 

I didn’t know this was a short story collection when I picked it up, but I really love Lily King so I gave it a chance. I think I’d rate this 3.5 stars overall – some of the stories didn’t hold my interest at all – but there were two 5 stars for me: “Timeline” which was reminiscent of King’s Writers & Lovers, and “When In the Dordogne,” which I didn’t want to end – if this were expanded to a full-length novel, I’d be all in! “Hotel Seattle” was also so good.

But now I just want to read Writers & Lovers again.

5. The First Bad Man – Miranda July 

OK OK OK OK OK OK OK OMG. The library recommended this book to me and I don’t know why I didn’t make the connection at first, but almost from the very first chapter, I was hooked through the lip for the irreverent, insanely inappropriate subject matter of The First Bad Man. Like, I was barking out HA!s by the boatload and then I said to Henry, “You know what this reminds me?! If someone took my old fake “pelv_exam” livejournal and made it into a full-length novel with better writing!” Henry’s response was a throaty, gagging back bile, “Oh….boy.”

And then it hit me! This was written by Miranda July! THE Miranda July who wrote a movie I was OBSESSED WITH  in the early ’00s – You and Me and Everyone We Know.  I excitedly told Henry and he was like, “I do not know wha—” so I cut him off and squealed, “WE CAN POOP BACK AND FORTH FOREVER!”

He just stared at me for a second, taking in my super attractive red and tear-streaked face, choking on a torrent of giggles at the memory of the best line from  that movie, and then he muttered, “Oh. Oh my god” BECAUSE HE REMEMBERED.

It was even my LiveJournal tagline!!!!!!!!

Oh holy shit. Miranda July. Could we be related, maybe? This book was so fantastic yet I don’t think I could recommend it to anyone I know.

Also, she narrates the audiobook and her narration just really adds that special nuance that no would else could master. I will be tucking parts of this book away in the most special folds of my mind.

6. Waiting for Wednesday – Nicci French

I had really been loving the Frieda Klein mystery/thriller series but #3 left me a bit bored and lost.  That’s all. That’s the review.

7. True Crime Story – Joseph Knox

Hey  this book was pretty interesting! I was invested until the very end. Cool cast of characters, set in a British college. Also felt a chill from time to time!! Just a real fun true crime mystery that had a great podcast-like audio book so definitely for fans of Sadie. 

8. Love & Other Carnivorous Plants – Florence Gonsalves

The library recommended this to me and I have no idea why, to be honest. This book was low-key was pretty terrible. Also the main character had an eating disorder so trigger warning for that. An inexplicable death happens that honestly just felt hollow and did very little to drive the plot. Just a mess of a book, honestly.

You know what, the more I thin about this, the more I really hate it.

9. The Collective – Alison Gaylin

Eh. Three stars. Started out OK and then I just got bored.

10. Winter in Sokcho – Elisa Shua Dusapin

This book cover is everything to me. I love reading books that are set in South Korea because, as the tagline of this website states, my heart is in Hanguk. I could visualize everything in this book so vividly and it made my heart ache.

11. You Have a Match  – Emma Lord

The “match” in the title is actually referring to a DNA testing site where you get put in the database and can be notified when you match with a relative. It was a pretty nice concept, two sisters are reunited and even though they don’t necessarily like each other, they join forces to find out why their parents kept them a secret from each other for the past 18 years or whatever. Even had a camp setting which was fun, but of course there’s loveline which I just didn’t really buy. I was actually more interested in the two sets of parents’ stories, and what happened to make them have a falling out. Which I guess is what happens when you’re an adult reading a young adult book. JOKE’S ON ME.

***

And that concludes my February book wrap-up! Not the best, not the worst. But HELLLLLOOOO MIRANDA JULY!

We admittedly really fell off the attic destashing wagon after the first weekend we started lol; we really have no ambition. To be fair, most of January and part of February was spent getting slammed with Valentine card orders – not complaining!!

Anyway, it snowed a lot over night and was generally miserable out, so the weather combined with equally-as-miserable gas prices kept us inside today. So, what better time to reconvene in the attic armed with industrial garbage bags?!

Granted, I only semi-helped, and excused myself at one point to go and do a walking workout, but in the time I did spend in the attic today, I found some fun things!

I was straight up obsessed with While You Were Out and obviously Teresa Strasser was my favorite. I actually learned the term “gilding the lily” from her (which Chooch claims I say “like, all of the time” apparently). I have a very fond memory of recovering from a kidney infection so bad it landed me in the ER, while laying on the couch and watching WYWO on TLC. Back when TLC had good reality shows. This literally was my comfort show. And I associate it with brownies from the Giant Eagle bakery because it was all I wanted to eat and Henry was like “aye aye captain” and fetched them for me, and then when I gained weight, I blamed it on him but this was very early into our relationship and he probably wasn’t used to that yet and obviously cried alone in the dark.

I emailed Teresa one day to gush about how great she is and when I told her I was from Pittsburgh, she said she went to CMU! And then asked if I wanted a signed picture. Um, heck yeah, lady. I’ll add it to my collection of Melissa Brenna / Jen Horton from Days of Our Lives, David Copperfield, Elvira, and some host of a radio show in England whose name I can’t remember at the mo’ but I’m certain I recently posted about this.

Only bad thing about Teresa is that I listed her as an interest on LiveJournal and that is the fateful circumstance that led my ex-bff Christina to me. Nearly 20 years of tumult later, we talk sporadically but I mostly still hate her for being a fucking lying fake bitch.

Thanks, Teresa.

DUDE NEED I SAY MORE.

Henry casually said, “here’s my restricted area badge” and I nearly dove across 8 boxes of memories to snatch it from him.

“We’ll be keeping this,” I said as I snapped a picture to immediately post on IG.

“Do you know a XXXX XXXXXX?” Henry asked. The name immediately rang a bell, and I remembered that my brother Ryan was childhood friends with a kid that had the same name.

“Well, his dad crashed his car into my house when I lived in Pleasant Hills,” Henry said, handing me the accident report that he has evidently not been able to part with since THE YEAR OF THE INCIDENT: 1999.

I texted Ryan STAT to tell him of this development. It was funnier at first when I misheard Henry and thought he said it was actually Ryan’s friend who did the crashing, because he would have been A BIT young to be driving in 1999. But no, it was the dad and the STORY he gave the cops was that he was eating an ice cream cone while driving and CHOKED ON A PEANUT, causing him to lose control and veer off the road straight into Henry’s dining room. It’s only able to be a funny story now because no one was injured, and insurance paid for Henry’s house repairs so we can all sit back and laugh about it now because really, your man was choking on a peanut? A LIKELY STORY.

Remember when I was mentioned in one of posts about THE CURE corner that I don’t have the tickets from when I saw The Cure in Canberra, Australia because I tried to laminate them when I came home and it ended up burning them and they became unsalvageable.
Well, I forgot that Robert Smith’s autograph (and Roger and Jason’s!) was still legible even though the rest of the info on the ticket was trashed, so I kept it. Totally forgot about this until today when Henry unearthed it from a crate of “miscellaneous stuff.” I was happy but also felt that same stomach sinking sensation at the memory of this tragedy which occurred in my office at Weiss Meats. Ugh. But! Now I have it displayed with the rest of my Cure concert tickets in my Cure Corner, so I feel a sense of completeness. Thanks, Henry, for finding this and not immediately think it was trash, lol.

I also found a VHS tape of footage from my 1995 Europe trip, recorded by one of the people in the tour group with us! She had mailed me a copy of it at some point after we all returned home and this is a big deal because this was the same trip that STEVE MY CRUSH was on! We still have a VCR hooked up from last year when I found my mom’s old Jackie Sorenson aerobics tape and couldn’t think of anything else that I wanted to do but the PONY-MONKEY on Jackie’s command.

So I made Henry watch this RIVETING home movie recorded by a 15-year-old girl from Minnesota just so I could play Steve-spotting. There is very little footage of me on this tape because when I had recently gotten my hair SHORN against my will (my mom told the stylist to “keep cutting” even though I was prepared with a picture of CARRIE BRADY from Days of Our Lives, wow, two DAYS references in one blog post, THERE’S THE ERIN WE KNOW) and was feeling very self-conscious about it. Amanda did a very good respecting my wishes but I did make it in a few times, like in this clip from Greece where I am looking v. 1995. But it was nice to see footage of my aunt Sharon though even though we fought the whole time lol.

I honestly do not remember THIS DENIM ENSEMBLE at all, but I also recently found a picture of me from the same day of that trip so I think it’s a sign that I should recreate this look for our spring break vaca that may or may not be happening (see aforementioned complaint about GAS PRICES).

Ugh same dumb Leno-smile, even back in 1995!

Of course I got so caught up in nostalgia that I went on an Internet deep dive for Amanda. I actually found her mom on Facebook and from there found her younger sister Natalie. There were a few pictures of Amanda on Natalie’s page, but she wasn’t tagged so perhaps she is a cool person like me, who is Facebookless.

Wait, do you guys still call it Facebook, or the new name whatever it is?

Amanda and Natalie still look like themselves! They have aged super well. Amanda would be a year younger them me, I believe, and her sister is three years younger than me. They were both instantly recognizable to me! I wish I could have found an email address for Amanda but who could say that she would even remember me? I think about that all the time, because I remember so many people with whom I have had only brief encounters, but how many of them ever get a memory-flash of me?! There goes my inferiority complex again.

Anyway, that’s all I got for now. Cleaning out the attic has been so tedious. I hate cleaning a lot. But I also want to have an extra room! Ah what to do.

Don’t we always celebrate that jerk tho.

Anyway, Chooch maintained his 4.0 on his most recent report card and we were like, “cool I guess we will feed you at some point” and literally like a full month later, we finally made plans to take him to dinner to “celebrate.”

We had Houlihan’s stuck in our heads because he mentioned it once in passing that he wanted to go there because he had never been, and I got super nostalgic because that was my PLACE when I was in my late teens. I guess because it was like the next step up from Denny’s and my friends and I thought we were SO SOPHIS eating there and honestly we probably mostly only went for dessert. I sincerely can’t remember any actual food I would have eaten there aside from whatever their fried mozzarella app was – maybe the triangles?

Or was Dingbats the ones with the triangles?!

The Houlihan’s I used to go was replaced by a WALGREENS ugh many years ago and at some point moved down the street to the Galleria, but I hadn’t been to the new location. Now that I think about it, the last time I was at Houlihan’s may have been in 2001/2002 when I was going through a heavy “meeting people on the Internet” phase by placing personal ads FOR FRIENDS (lololol) and had a FRIEND INTERVIEW with some dude there right around the time Henry and I started dating and you can imagine how well that went over. Don’t worry, I talked about my cats the whole time and never heard whatever that dude’s name was ever again.

We also invited Janna!

Sunday afternoon, while Chooch was still at work, Henry made CHOOCH PINS for us to wear that night.

This is the one Janna wore! I don’t have a picture of Henry’s and he almost blew the whole charade anyway by not having it on at first and then Chooch caught me mouthing “WHERE IS YOUR PIN” across the table; Chooch caught me and immediately asked, “WHAT” in a panicked tone but I said NOTHING and he moved on quickly because he only has so much interest in adults.

So then Henry to excuse himself to go to the bathroom and put the damn thing on; meanwhile, Chooch came down from Teenage La La Land long enough to actually SEE Janna at the table with us. He did a slow doubletake and asked, “Why are you wearing a pin of my face?” which was rather hurtful because I had mine on the whole entire time we were walking around the Galleria before Janna got there and he never noticed because I AM INVISIBLE TO HIM.

I pointed at my denim vest and yelled, “I HAVE ONE ON TOO” right when Henry came back and now Chooch was legit surrounded by people wearing pins of his face. It was like a TEAM CHOOCH huddle.

Chooch, after he realized what was happening.

We had a really stiff middle-aged (ugh probably like my age) waiter who looked like he was late for a Drive-By Truckers show at a craft whiskey festival in Williamsburg, NYC. He made me SO FUCKING UNCOMFY. He was for sure sneering at us and was also visibly anxious and annoyed when Chooch didn’t know what he wanted to drink right away. My favorite was when he asked Henry a question and then walked away before Henry had a chance to answer and Henry said something like, “How am I supposed to answer when he’s already halfway down the road?” and the fact that he said “road ” had me and Chooch dying.

Also, he was wearing a VERY FITTED short-sleeved flannel to show off his SUPER COOL tattoos.

Also, I chose Janna’s meal for her. Fish tacos. You’re welcome, Janna.

Chooch and I both got a veggie burger and it was fine, but also kind of unsatisfying. And they served it to us on these gigantic, oblong plates just to really illustrate how little food we were given. I made some comment about how we should have went somewhere better and Chooch said, “Yeah why did we come here, anyway?”

“Because you wanted to come here!” I snapped.

“Yeah, with my friends,” he snapped back.

OH DANG SON. Wow, just wow!

We didn’t get dessert (ironically, considering that was why I used to go there back in the day!) because the Galleria has a CUPCAKE vending  machine! I already knew what I wanted, and then I told Henry which one to get, and Chooch picked his pretty quickly too, but then JANNA hemmed and hawed like it was A Big Life Purchase, and she kept trying to choose ones that weren’t available!

Meanwhile, there was a young couple waiting behind us and I felt so bad because we were taking so long (well, I wasn’t, I made my selection right away because I’m a pre-planner and thought about which one I was choosing all during dinner to the point where I was nervous none of them would be available). Janna finally chose a vanilla blueberry one or something – it was the very last one and she chose it after the girl behind us told her boyfriend that’s the one she wanted! Chooch and I were trying not to crack up.

Then the vending machine deployed its slowest snail to gather up our selected ‘cakes and I honestly had to walk away after mine was deposited because it was so awkward standing there with those people behind us.

But holy shit, these bitches were worth the hassle and the wait! Mine was matcha and strawberry, and Henry’s was white chocolate pistachio. Chooch’s – not pictured because he absconded to his bedroom with it as soon as we got home – was lemon.

The Galleria is only like 15 minutes from my house and I’m seriously considering going back there as soon as I post this for ROUND TWO.

The end Congrats Chooch, on your big brain. Next time we’ll go somewhere you don’t want to go with your friends, I guess.

When it’s 1997 and you’re at the mall trying to use up that last picture on the roll so you can drop your film off at Ritz.

Double prints.

One hour processing.

And your sidekick Brian is like “You are embarrassing.”

(This was totally at Kaufmann’s in Century III Mall, btw. RIP Kaufmann’s. RIP Century III Mall.)

Blurry picture of Heather, me, and Justin during the summer of 1998, when we went to the Pittsburgh airport in the middle of the night for no reason other than we had nothing else to do and wanted to get ice cream cones at the McDonald’s there. I remember setting up my camera to take this picture while we were hanging out at one of the gates, waiting for planes, and spying on an airport employee who was sprawled out along some chairs, fast asleep.

It’s crazy to think that back then, you could do that. Just…chill at an airport for no reason, and no one questioned you. Just three dumb teenagers clomping from gate to gate like we had every right to be there.

Then on the way home driving down 279 in the dark, I inexplicably drove my car into one of the out of control truck ramps to nowhere, and amazingly didn’t get my car stuck but definitely succeeded in freaking everyone out, but that was kind of my specialty back then.

The late 90s were lit.

When I saw an NCT U “7th Sense” shirt on Etsy several weeks ago, I bought it with no hesitation – buyer’s remorse weighs heavily on me so I usually end up abandoning my shopping cart more often than going through with the transaction – manic shopping is actually one of the few characteristics of bi-polar disorder that doesn’t apply to me. As soon as it arrived, I tried it on and was all Heart Eyed Noona over here. I couldn’t wait until the weekend to wear it out! Because my life is so boring that I literally do not leave the house until Saturday AND MAYBE NOT EVEN THEN.

I wanted Henry to help me get a good picture of it so that I can get a discount from the Etsy seller (he promised!) because he other amazing Kpop designs that I need.  But then Henry was quick to remind me with no words needed that he sucks at taking pictures but excels at capturing my worst sides/angles/scowls/jowls.

We went to the Round Hill Cemetery on our way home from our dumb SaturDate and luckily there were witnesses there so we both stopped JUST SHORT of actual murder when bitching at each other over these dumb pictures.

We could have stopped with this one, only a few minutes into the “shoot,” if Henry had done a better job making sure my jacket wasn’t covering part of the shirt, Ihatehimsomuch.

Getting angry.

1. I like this Hipstamatic filter and rarely get to use it but apparently it comes in handy when you need to block out your miserable mug.
2. My purse is actually an NCT Cherry Bomb purse! The other side has a clear vinyl window so you can display your NCT enamel pin collection. I love that I’m like, “I RARELY BUY THINGS” but then I’m also like, “WILL PAY A LOT TO PREORDER A PURSE DESIGNED BY A PIN MAKER IN SINGAPORE THAT I MAY OR NOT EVER RECEIVE.” Spoiler alert: I obviously did receive it but it took like half a year. I paid for it in the fall of 2019 and then covid happened which delayed an already drawn out process.  #WorthIt

I was so over it.

All of this was going on while Henry’s phone was in the car so when we finally went to leave after nearly killing each other, Henry had like 87 missed calls from Chooch who “assumed” that we were picking him up from work and you know what they say about people who ASSUME.

(LOL, when I was a kid and heard that saying for the first time, I thought it was the greatest thing ever and was so excited to use it all the time, not knowing that the person I heard it from – probably a teacher – didn’t invent it.)

Oh well, that’s all for now. It’s only Tuesday and my brain is the perfect consistency for oyster crackers. I don’t know why I said that. What does that mean? My brain is chowder? OMG THAT MADE SENSE AFTER ALL.

OK. Bye. Stan NCT.

P.S.!! I forgot that Chooch and I saw this when we were at SM Town in Seoul!!

After we ate lunch (that bouncy grilled cheese, yo!) on Saturday, I wanted to go out and be one with nature because it was practically 70 degrees out! March is truly so underrated. It is like, the month of hope and thawing hearts. Like, winter is finally in the rear view mirror and we’re pedaling up toward the tulips.

Since we were in the area, I suggested that we just go to Ohio Pyle with all the other nature riffraff. I knew it would be crowded (for nature) because it was such a beautiful day, but it wasn’t overwhelmingly bad.

Henry was annoyed because I’m never dressed appropriately for “nature walks” but more like “teenager going to the mall.” Whatevelyn.

DANGER DANGER.

Apparently, you can go WHITE WATER RAFTING on this river-thing. It made me have a flashback to the time we went to Tennessee a long time ago and all of the girls in our group pre-planned a white water rafting trip but didn’t include me and I was sad at the time.

“Now that I think about it,” I mused to Henry while staring out into the raging rapids, “that was probably for the best.”

Henry laughed, but it was the kind of laughter that is more like a hard, staccato cough meant to signify the words “YOU AIN’T KIDDING.”

Speaking of raging rapids, I would not be sad if Kennywood got rid of their Raging Rapids and put in an RMC single-rail or something equally as good and non-water-ridey.

Henry was annoyed because I matched so match. (Erin from 2024 here to correct that last “match”to “well.” Ugh.)  I was like a walking cringefest and he was so happy to be seen with me. Actually, though, I put this outfit together because I had recently bought that shirt and the owner of the Etsy shop was like I WILL GIVE YOU A DISCOUNT IF YOU TAKE PICS IN THE SHIRT so later on, I made Henry TAKE PICTURES OF ME IN THE SHIRT and as usual it caused a huge blowout because his specialty is shooting me from all my bad sides/angles (to be fair, there are many so his odds are good). More on that in a separate post because I gotta stretch out that content, dear reader(s).

o.O

We had about 87 fights in this area which was kind of stupid considering how many openings he had to OOPS push me in. He was mad because he was desperate to go inside the visitor’s center for some reason and I was like, “Why, it’s just gonna be a bunch of maps and rock formation dioramas.”

Meanwhile on the other side of the road, there are all kinds of places to get your RIVER PERSON GEAR and whatnot. Also, souvenirs, but like what kind of souvenirs are they shilling out at Ohio Pyle?? I bet it’s just, like, fancy rocks and pennants.

While we were walking past all this shit, I wondered about what would have happened if I had ended up with a guy was into that shit. Like, camping and wearing life vests, etc.

“Well, you wouldn’t have lasted long, obviously,” Henry scoffed and I disagree with this because my pre-Henry dating experience showed me that guys tended to CLING so who knows how that could have panned out. Maybe I’d have kept a non-nature boy on the side to chill with whenever Russ went to go stick a flag on the top of a mountain. (I just imagine that someone like that would be named Russ and now I’m laughing because I ACTUALLY DID DATE A GUY NAMED RUSS but forgot until just now; however, I don’t think he was into wilderness things and also I think we only dated for like a month in 11th grade, it was not that big of a deal.)

A Church.

Me in front of A Church.

We walked along another trail for a bit, just in time to see some young child nearly ride their bike, training wheels and all, over a small gorge. The dad ran after it (I didn’t look to see if it was a boy or a girl because it didn’t matter) and as he grabbed the back of its bike, he looked at us and we all laughed nervously, pretending that his kid didn’t just perish over a cliff in Ohio Pyle.

At Ohio Pyle?

On Ohio Pyle?

What the fuck even is an PYLE??

I hissed out of the side of my mouth to Henry, “Let’s get away from these people before we end up as eye witnesses” so we went down to the WATER which was nice and calm since it was a bit away from that water fall / rapid area thing where we started.

I wanted to start a series of TREE POSIN’ WITH ERIN AND HENRY but I’m not certain how often I will be able to get Henry to participate and also, for example, all he was doing here was mimicking my awkward poses so I’m not even sure I want to give him the clearance to do that again, if we’re being honest with each other here and obviously we are because “honesty” is like my brand. Well, there are probably worse things that are my brand first. But “honesty” is there somewhere.

Henry was very smug about this shot of me mid-ass brush.

I had enough of OHIO PYLE by then, so we left. Not before I blasted NCT127 “Earthquake” as we drove past a gaggle of hillbilly hunter guys congregating around the pick-up truck in the parking lot.

Henry was like, “Wow, great, thanks.” He loves when I draw attention to us.

On the way back home, I had a vague memory of being with my mom one time in middle school or high school, while she was spying on someone (probably—that was like her big past time back then).

All I could remember was that she had taken me somewhere “to the right, off one of these roads up here” near Perryopolis, to a place called Linden something. Henry was like, “Reminder that it’s 2022 and you can find anything on that iPhone in your hand” so I googled it and yelled LINDEN HALL just as we saw a sign on the side of the road that said LINDEN HALL. So Henry was like, “OK gas is 900 dollars but sure let’s take a detour into the unknown” so that is how we ended up driving and driving and driving past all kinds of actual VILLAGES and even the SILENCE OF THE LAMBS house which I completely forgot was out that way:

Until we finally made it to Linden Hall, which is just a golf course / mansion / wedding venue apparently. The mansion was really petty and I wanted to go in but Henry said IT IS CLOSED even though all the lights were on, but OK, sir. He was just pissed because as we drove past the golf course on the way in, I leaned across and screamed, “MISS IT!!!!” out the window at all the golfers with saggy butts.

“Why do you have to be so childish,” he sighed, wanting to die.

Then on the way back out to the main road, I asked him to slow down so I could take a picture of the house with all the obnoxious Trump signs but it was only because I wanted the opportunity to screech TRUMP SUCKS at the house, to which Henry responded by stepping on the gas, frantically trying to roll up my window, while muttering, “God damn you.” Wow, Henry’s hidden Trump love is showing.

Then we back-tracked and went to Gene and Boots because crybaby Henry wanted to get ice cream since he didn’t get dessert to go at Brenda’s Family Restaurant like he claimed he was going to. Seriously, he can be such a bitch sometimes.

Yeah wow. These are things that happened on Saturday after lunch. Come back when I post the second half, which is tentatively titled “BREAKING UP AT THE CEMETERY BECAUSE OF MY PERPETUAL RESTING BITCH FACE AND HENRY’S INABILITY TO DIRECT ME INTO POSING FOR PICTURES WHERE I DON’T LOOK LIKE SLOTH FROM THE GOONIES.”

For this weekend’s Greasy Spoon Lunch Date, I picked a place called BRENDA’S FAMILY RESTAURANT in Mills Run, whatever the fuck that means. (If Henry were the author of this Internet Diary, he would tell you exactly what that meant, with coordinates and a hand-drawn map.)

Brenda’s was a cool hour and 12 minutes away but I always enjoy going whatever direction out of the city that is — south? I can’t remember. It’s by Uniontown and I always have a tough time finding that place on a map. We listened to Kpop (mostly NCT, natch) and ranted about Russia and dumb white trash Repubs in Congress like WHOREN HOEBART and M.T. GANGRENE.

I am a good feminist.

I was getting really upset though to the point where I was ready to be trained to blow darts into Bad Russian necks.

“Can’t someone just like, poison Putin’s borscht??” I cried and Henry was like I AM PRETTY SURE HE HAS PEOPLE TASTING HIS FOOD FOR HIM.

So…back to the blow dart mission. OK.

Anyway. Sigh.

We made it to Brenda’s right when I was really starting to lean into my hunger. I made Henry go inside first because I was scared. I wasn’t really “scared” like I thought Leatherface was waiting on the other side but you know how sometimes you walk into a small town restaurant and everyone turns and looks? When I walk in first that always happens, usually because I’m dressed in something that’s not a sports sweatshirt, Looney Tunes hoodie, or flannel. On this particular occasion I was wearing a cropped gold lamé-ish young girl’s dance costume jacket over my NCT 7th Sense shirt and Cherry Bomb purse. So basically like a 14-year-old going to a Kpop concert.  I didn’t think I looked all that flashy but Henry just frowned and went inside first, using his boring blue-greenish Henley as a shield.

Hey! See those stools in the background? That is the reason I chose this place! There was a picture on Yelp that showed those stools and I was like, “OK Brenda, I’m listening.” Then I scrolled to the next picture and saw the booths with their strange 1970s watery-shit color and I was like, “Henry. I found it. This is the one.”

Seasoned with Old Bay!!

I asked Henry if this was like a big deal or something and he started to explain to me what Old Bay seasoning is like I’m a Dumbo and I snippily cut him off and said, “OK because they used two exclamation marks so I was just wondering if it warranted the extra mark but OK cool story.”

Also, the shrimp is either so big that it’s whatever comes after JUMBO in the size adjective spectrum, or they’re VEGAN? Probably definitely most certainly the former, lol.

OK OK OK I choose these places for the childhood comfort levels, not because I’m expecting some Michelin caliber plates, you know? It’s just fun to get out of the house and eat something non-fussy and casual, and everyone knows that grilled cheeses are my ult bias in the lunch genre. I have always been and will always be a grilled cheese head. And when we go to these little places, I’m not expecting some cheesy Big Boi like you’d get at Melt or some other trendy sandwich joint. But I also don’t want a soggy balled up thing that’s missing cheese on one half (sorry, I still am not over that plate of scraps I was served last summer at Hyde’s in Cinci).

You shouldn’t be “surprised” or “shocked” when you get a decent lunch at a small town restaurant, but in my experience, those of us who order grilled cheese are usually disappointed because this is traditionally the “kids choice” on a menu so it’s like the cook doesn’t even try.

But this one?! IT WAS SO GOOD. I opted for rye bread because I always forget about how much I love rye bread until I see it as an option on a menu and then shout, “I AM GOING TO CHOOSE RYE” and everyone at my table is like “ok” without looking up from the menu except with the one time I was at Pamela’s for breakfast with Wendy and Jeannie and Jeannie totally took my bread bait by agreeing that rye is underrated and then we had like a 20 second conversation about rye and I don’t even think Wendy noticed, probably.

“This bread is SO BOUNCY!” I gushed to Henry, who squinted and repeated, “Bouncy?” because he can never find good  terms to describe his food so he always likes to try and diminish the quality of my superlative descriptors. It was so good that I didn’t even bother to take a picture of Henry eating his coleslaw.

Of course I saved room for dessert! This is why I skip the fries and just pluck some off Henry’s plate. I knew from their website that their desserts are HOMEMADE so I made sure to save room to satiate my coconut cream curiosity. I knew as soon as the waitress pulled it from the cooler that it was going to be of MERINGUE variety which we all know is not my fave, but I was determined to keep an open mind.

And you know what? That meringue was actually delicious. I am super picky with that strange cloud-like pie helmet, but I do find it satisfying when done a certain way.

(I was going to say “done right” but I truthfully don’t know what “done right” is in this sense. Please tell me if you know).

This one was very, very light. Like it basically dissolved as soon as it touched my tongue, which I appreciated. I hate when you have to chew the meringue. I don’t want to chew it because I don’t really understand what meringue even is.

And the coconut cream part was satiny and delectable! The crust was nice too (I spelled it “noice” as a typo and considered keeping it and then immediately felt like an asshole, and not a cool kind of asshole but like a sleazy douchebag asshole and I squirmed a little bit)

Of course I had to check out the bathroom we left. Lots of inspirational Hobby Lobby art, as expected.

#FAITHFAMILYFRIENDS

Appreciated the wild basil and lime soap though! Good flavor choice!

There was a guest book so I signed it on the way out! “Really, you had to put down our full address?” Henry groaned. My comment was AWESOME GRILLED CHEESE!!! <3

[I know we have to continue living our lives but it is not lost on me  that we had the freedom to drive an hour to eat lunch while millions of people have been forced to leave their home country behind. This fucking sucks.]

I dunno why, but I hate the word “female,” yet here we are, being hypocritical for the sake of alliteration. What is my life.

In today’s dumb Friday Five edition, I want to share some of my current fave Kpop girl groups that have been helping me reach my morning goal of 6,000 steps before logging on to work. Usually I will jog in place while watching a Kdrama or I’ll do Kpop cardio, but sometimes I like to just put on Kpop videos and freestyle (sadly for me this is all Running Man and an occasional chest bump, with lots of JUMPING filler – that’s it,  that’s my dance move repertoire).

Also, I know you’re shocked that I actually pay attention to other groups than NCT! Especially with spring approaching, I’m more inspired to listen to the spunky girl side of Kpop. It makes me want to run in a bright green field,  while unfortunately probably sneezing because….spring. For instance, I’m blasting a 2022 Kpop playlist right now in order to block out the shrieks emanating through my wall from the fucking daycare facility next door.

OK, let’s kill this Friday Five. This bitch’s got other shit to do today!

1. VIVIZ – BOP BOP!

Once I realize this was some of the girls from the recently disbanded GFriend, it made sense why it’s such an instant BOP BOP.

2. IVE – ELEVEN

I did a cardio dance workout to this song without ever hearing it before and immediately went to watch the music video afterward. This song is randomly in my head at given moment of the day. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE ELEVEN. It’s such an interesting song structure too, how the tempo abruptly slows down before the chorus. Love it!  I hope these FEMALES stick around because this is some potential here. [In my head,] I’m in the industry, so I can say things like that.

3. STAYC – RUN2U

I was enamored with STAYC last year when they released “ASAP,” and I think I can now safely say that STAYC is a group whose comebacks I will continue to anticipate. Can I get a shout out for that truly awkward sentence?

4. KEP1ER – WA DA DA

When my brother Corey was little, he used to make this sign with his hands and growl, “DREADED TRIANGLE.” It was actually pretty nefarious. He was a scary little boy. Anyway, Kep1ar do a similar hand motion in their choreography and it reminds me of that. Chills. (He also used to call me B.I.O. and it was this big mystery until he finally revealed that it meant Bitch In Overalls. I mean, I did wear overalls a lot in high school. And I was a bitch, lol.

5. APINK: DILEMMA

Last but not least, one of my OG favorite girl groups since I got into Kpop just recently had a comeback and I have been so nostalgically awash in their nostalgic sound. I know that it’s cool to be all WE DON’T NO NEED MAN/WOMAN/OTHER but sometimes we really are pining and just NOT OVER IT too, you know? That’s where Apink excels.

On that note, I bid everyone a fair Friday. Take some time to stab a pillow with a sharp knife in your backyard this weekend.

Today’s post is going to be mostly a photo dump, but I need to preface it with a disclaimer.

DISCLAIMER: If you are ever planning on going to Otherworld in Columbus, Ohio and want to experience it with your own eyes, click away now lest ye be spoiled. 

Otherworld is an immersive art installation in a decrepit, run-down shopping center on the outskirts of Columbus, Ohio. It opened to the public in 2019 and I was supposed to meet my friend Michelle there that summer. But then plans fell through (I’m pretty sure it was my fault – I think Cedar Point happened instead!) and then COVID happened and even though they eventually did reopen during the height of the pandemic, I wasn’t in a rush to be indoors with a bunch of people immersing themselves in touchable art installations, you know what I’m saying, chingu?

I was really nervous though because this place was originally billed as TEMPORARY so I thought for sure I’d miss the chance. But when Henry and I had decided to do a Columbus daytrip for  a vegan luncheon, I looked it up and saw that it was still open!! Henry mumbled, “Whatever you want to do,” and I made reservations for 11AM that Saturday. Woo!

(I still feel bad that I didn’t get to go with Michelle, but she did eventually go so I’m glad about that!)

Henry hates art, culture, fun, aestheticism, so he was REALLY looking forward to this!

We got there about 20 minutes before our time slot (actually even earlier than that but we sat in the car for a bit). Luckily, the front desk dude was like THAT IS OK and didn’t put us in a TOO EARLY triage cage or anything. He was like “ENJOY!” and let us loose. I am really glad we didn’t wait until exactly 11 because the crowd levels were perfect at this time, and after about an hour it really started to get congested. If it had been like the whole time, we would not have been able to enjoy ourselves at all because this place really is a STOP AND DO SHIT kind of joint.

First of all, regardless of the blacklights making it difficult, there were so many excellent photo ops! And things to sit on, crawl through, step on, etc.! Once Henry realized that this place was more of a sensory playground then a stuffy art shack, he relaxed and started pushing buttons.

“IF YOU PRESS THIS, IT SHOOTS AIR DOWN AT THE PEOPLE IN THAT OTHER ROOM” he explained as he pushed a button and pointed to a surveillance screen.

Henry likes having opportunities to fuck with people so he now he didn’t mind being in an art place.

I loved this hallway!!

This was on the ceiling of one of the rooms and there were plastic arcade guns  that you could use to shoot at them. Henry liked this room I think – OMG I wonder if he was picturing  my faces on the ceiling?!?!

DUDE THE LIGHTING IN THIS ROOM MADE EVERYTHING LOOK SEPIA AND I WAS OBSESSED.

We found out later on when we were revisiting this room that if you opened the coffin behind me, it would slowly turn the room back into color and there were inflatable flowers along the windows of the room  that would re-inflate – it was so cool. Hat tip to that lady who was  totally telling her family the secret and not us. Glad we were there for it!

“Henry! We shoul—–”

“NO,” he cut me off before I could say that we should have this neon shit hanging from the attic ceiling. I think he was mildly panicked the whole time we were there because he could see the wheels turning in my dumb design head.

P.S. I appreciated that masks were still mandatory and that everyone was obeying the policy. I also appreciated the copious amounts of hand sanitizer stations considering how much forbidden touching was going on.

Wow. Now it just sounds like we were at a 1970s key party.

I just realized that there was no one there that I hated. Probably because we got there early enough. The assholes probably come later.

Literally the bedroom of my dreams.

There were little children watching Henry take this picture like “mom why is that child so big, I don’t understand.” I found out by accident that there was a secret passage under the bed! I found out by crawling through an opening in another room only to be spilled out into a mass of stuffed animals. Henry, who had actually followed me, said, “We’re under the bed,” and I was like “OH SHIT YOU’RE RIGHT. TAKE A PICTURE OF ME.”

I was really just living my best life here, you guys. It felt so good to just run from room to room and the best part is that there was no hard and fast rule with which to explore so you could loop around as much as you wanted, cut through different ways, etc. We kept returning to our favorite spots and I really feel that we got our money’s worth even though we only stayed for a little over an hour because the crowds started to pick up exponentially and it suddenly felt very stifling.

I feel like I really chose the correct mask to bring with me.

We actually got along pretty well the whole time! Except for when I was trying to take this picture and he got moving out of frame because he’s a Big Dumb.

When we first got there and entered the first hallway, I jokingly said, “Let’s start here” and pretended to walk into an open storage closet that was clearly not part of things. But then an hour later, we pushed our way through those magazine clippings up there and walked out of a locker right INTO THE STORAGE ROOM!!! Mind blown. Otherworld, you cray.

I look sad in all of my pictures because smiling feels weird under a mask. I never did get used to that part of it over these last two years.

This was another secret room!! I was kneeling in it because it was basically just a little crawl space.

Well, you can believe that after gallivanting around this outer space mind fuck, we were definitely ready to pig-out at Seitan’s Realm. We both hit the restrooms before leaving and on my way out, I passed a girl who gushed, “Cute purse!” and I was like “THANK YOU” and was going to ask her if she likes NCT127 because it’s a CHERRY BOMB purse specifically made to display NCT enamel pins, but I had no energy and probably she didn’t. It just really is a cute-looking purse regardless of Kpop stanning.

So, that’s Otherworld in a little over 1,000 words and way too many pictures  (this wasn’t even all of them! I went easy on you guys). I do really want to go back again sometime while it still exists, maybe wrangle Corey and Janna to go with me?! AND THEN WE CAN EAT AT SEITAN’S REALM??

*is planning*

I used to talk on the phone with friends all the time and now no one calls each other and if they do, we’re put in panic mode because a PHONE CALL is never good. I hate that. And like right now I have all of this nervous WWIII????? energy and back in the day, I’d remedy that by chatting on the phone and smoking 1/2 a pack of Camel Wides, like you do. But instead I will turn up the Kpop really loud to block out Those Fucking Child Monsters next door (SCREAM SCREAM YELL CRY SCREAM ALL THE LIVELONG DAY) and pretend that instead of typing on a shitty blog like a loner, I’m talking to YOU directly. That will be especially awkward if YOU are a sworn enemy who is hate-reading this lllololollllllololool ugh.

• After we got home from Columbus Saturday night, Precious Son actually CHOSE TO HANG OUT WITH US. I mean, not for more than hour but that’s still a good chunk of a teenager’s time, you know. He was teaching Henry how to play some card game while I refused to participate and opted instead to scream stuff about kpop. It was really nice having Family Time until Chooch started being mean, like when I showed him the picture of Robert Smith & Mary that was hanging above our booth at Seitan’s Realm and he deadpanned, “Who’s that, Pee Wee Herman?”
• Later, when Chooch was being interviewed for the fake documentary about our lives, he bitched about how he wanted to take advantage of us being gone all day by actually using the TV in the living room to watch YouTube except that the whole thing was “clogged” with NCT videos (“Haechan being whipped for Renjun for 9 minutes,” for example). “I tried to watch YouTube on the TV and it was literally all NCT stuff. I had to switch to my account to be able to do ANYTHING.” LOL OK Chooch, cry about it. Then he admitted that he actually does think the whole NCT universe is good but not good enough for him to share with his friends, ugh. OR ARE THEY TOO GOOD FOR HIM TO SHARE WITH HIS FRIENDS.
• I got to see some work friends on Sunday for the first time in 2 years and the emotions were off the charts. First of all, it was under sad circumstances so there was that. Then it was disorienting but all at once comfortable too and I was completely overwhelmed.  I am definitely ready for the official “return to office” in April even if it’s just a handful of days a month.

• I found this shop on Etsy that makes the most beautiful NCT-inspired shirts so I snagged this NCT Dream one. It came today and immediately made me happy and calm. I felt like I was ensconced in a warm hug when I put it on. I love that it has illustrated depictions of several of their music videos. LIKE: WE GO UP! This was their comeback that made me truly like them – prior to this, I was strictly an NCT127 stan. But Renjun’s “I need you right here” at 2:24 and Haechan’s “jeonjeonhi” right before that really gave me chills and still does! I can’t believe this came out in 2018, it’s been that long already. Time, man.

Sorry, being an old lady fangirl is all that’s helping me keep my shit together these days, OK. It’s either Kpop or defenestration.

• Henry, looking for a garbage can in a parking lot: I don’t see one, do you? Me: Yes. Henry, spinning all around: Where?? Me: UP YOUR BUTT. (He falls for this shit every time and it never gets old and neither do I!!)

Why tho???

Why tho?? Part 2

• One thing I hate about weekends is that Henry is always in the background, oafing around, peering over my shoulder while I’m TRYING to cook the only thing I can handle – scrambled egg beaters and toast – and hollering like a drunk hillbilly about HOW I AM GOING TO RUIN THE PAN. Literally, STFU Hank. And he wonders why I have absolutely zero desire to develop any semblance of a cooking skill! So we had this big quarrel (LOL I hate that word) in the kitchen about this and I was like how about I RUIN THE PAN AND YOUR ASS AT THE SAME TIME BY SHOVING ONE INTO THE OTHER. Yeah, how about that you dumb bitch. That’s what I thought. He left me alone long enough to eat 2/3 of my boring, tired breakfast in peace before stamping over in his ogre cadence to shout, “OH YOU WERE RUINING MY PAN 17 YEARS AGO TOO ACCORDING TO MY PHOTO MEMORY FROM 17 YEARS AGO” and then shoved his phone in my face to show me this picture of the “dessert” I concocted out of desperation for something sweet. It was made with sliced bananas, sugar, blackberry jam, oil, and whatever speck of ingenuity I could find within myself. Henry was like, “THIS IS NOT GOING TO TASTE GOOD” and I was like, “DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT SWEETHEART” and then he was like, “YOU ARE GOING TO BURN YOURS—” as I shoved a sizzling banana bit into my stubborn maw, burning my lips and tongue in the process. My teeth were basically shellacked with a crystalline blackberry shell for the rest of the night. I eventually got Henry to try one and he slapped himself in the face and because it hurt his teeth so badly, and said, “That was absolutely disgusting.” And if you’re like, “WOW ERIN IT IS AMAZING HOW YOU REMEMBER THINGS VERATIM” I am here to crush your assumptions by telling you that I totally looked up my old LiveJournal post about this “dish” and paraphrased for nostalgia’s sake.

• Remember when I was on a Ronnie Milsap kick last week after hearing one of his songs at THE BONFIRE RESTAURANT? Well, I somehow (lol somehow) found myself trolling comments on his YouTube videos. I was going to reply to ROBERT SMITH II’s comment and say, ‘I wish you were real and had meaning,” but then I saw Clem Fandango’s reply and literally laughed so hard that it turned into straight up wheezing and then I was crying which turned into full-blown MANIC EPISODE SOBBING. I even it to my brother who was like, “haha” but was probably really like, “OK so..?” and Henry was like, “OK, TIME TO CALM DOWN.”

BUT GET IT?? ROBERT SMITH?? THE CURE? ROBERT SMITH II??

OK it’s not that funny the second time around. I concur.

OK I got nothing else. If we’re staying true to the ON THE PHONE theme, I’ll pretend like you’re Henry and end the call the way I do with him, which is *dial tone*.

In today’s non-episode, we will be discussing our choice to drive three hours for a vegan lunch. Was it worth it? Do we regret it? Is the hype real? Will I continue to follow this establishment on Instagram? Am I considering moving to Columbus?

YES NO YES YES IF I  MOVE ANYWHERE IT WILL BE KOREA, SO.

That’s it! That’s the whole post! Questions answered!

Sikeeeee. I do have some words. First of all, the aesthetic was just my style: horror movie posters on the wall and 1980s goth lethargically wafting from the ceiling. I mean, bitch please. The only way this could have any more ERIN would have been if they had a Kpop section in the back or something with vegan Kpopcorn chicken as the premier menu item.

Oh! Here comes Henry, in all of his ACHING BONES glory. He just groaned because I’m writing in my blog (and also, bad joints). Apparently, I am intolerable to be around when I’m writing in my blog. I just suggested that we co-write this together since he also ate at Seitan’s Realm and surely can eke out a few coherent words?

He just said no.

The seating area of Seitan’s Realm is very small – three booths on either side of the wall, and stools at the front windows. Luckily, a booth had just opened up while we were ordering so we didn’t have to go and sit in the car and pathetically wait to be called back in like when we tried to eat at that punk ass bitch G&G’s joint last weekend.

As I was sitting down, I happened to look over to the right and screamed because THERE WAS A PICTURE OF ROBERT SMITH AND HIS WIFE MARY above our booth! It’s almost like we reserved that specific booth! Could this place BE any more Erin Rachelle Kelly-approved??

Oh wait, yes it can, and yes it was. Because THE FOOD. I know, literally the whole reason we were there. It was 100% worth the nearly 3 hour drive from Pittsburgh. I got the Dude Ranch because if there is fake chicken on a vegan menu, I’mma opt for that mothercluckin’ piece, OK. I guess first I should tell you that none of the meat alternatives in this establishment were any of the big “brands” (think Beyond, Impossible, etc). True to their name, everything was housemade with seitan. Which I still don’t quite understand, never question, but I can tell you that I really love it.

My chicken was JOOOOOOOSEY, son. And it had some bangin’ faux bacon up in it, cheeseless chedduh, and the creamiest sauce. Oh AND IT WAS ON A GOOD GODDAMN PRETZEL BUN.

This sandwich was massive and sloppy; it totally required the hep of utensils – I mean, maybe you could have handled it but I scream when I make food messes and every time I tried to lift this big boy out of the basket, I seized up with anxiety.

Henry got a Beef n’ Chedduh sandwich which was loaded with sliced “roast beef” and VELVETY fake melted cheese on an onion bun. He let me try it but I have to tell you, I was so fucking married to my DUDE RANCH that I can barely even remember what his tasted like.

We also shared a side of mac n’ cheese and bro, holy shit. You could not tell. Henry is a manly meat man and even he was like I COULD NOT EVEN TELL. He did say that he could tell his mock roast beef wasn’t real, but I mean did it taste good? Yes, he said. Yes it surely did. Yee haw.

“I liked everything I ate, so it’s a good review I guess.” – literally the best Henry could come up with, I hate him so much.

We brought a chicken sandwich with mac n’ cheese home for Chooch, Henry splurged and got himself a burger to try later, and we split a piece of German chocolate cake in the car on the way home later that afternoon. It was delicious. I wish I had another slice to eat right now. :(

Even Chooch, who does not show any excitement or even a sign of life most of the time these days, was semi-enthusiastic later that night when Henry heated up his sandwich and put it back together for him. “This was REALLY GOOD but now I wish I had gotten the spicy one. Why does this place have to be so far away?”

I KNOW, WHYYYY?? I was literally so sad while eating my lunch there because I couldn’t stop thinking about how I can’t spend the next several weeks eating my way through their menu and I can’t just zip right over there and slurp up whatever insane special they come up with.

If you’re a vegan or vegetarian, Pittsburgh isn’t the WORST place to live, but we really don’t have any of these wild fast food vegan options like other cities do and it’s sad but also maybe good because I would probably need to size up and I kind of like the size I am now, but I also REALLY LIKE THOSE JOOOOOOSEY FAUX CHICKEN SANDWICHES.

(I almost called it a sando which is what the obnoxious Oak Hill Post restaurant up the street from me calls their sandwiches and I hate it so much. Actually, I hate all of their whatever-we-call-hipsters-now vernacular so much that I actually stopped eating there lol I AM LIKE THAT.)

Oh ho ho, 좋은 아침 여러분. Henry and I are currently en route to Columbus, Ohio to have lunch at Seitan’s Realm. Here is how that happened:

Every time we pass through Columbus, we want to eat there but it always happens to be on Sunday and they are closed! Finally, I couldn’t take anymore taunting via their Instagram feed so I yelled at Chooch to request off on some upcoming Saturday so that we can feast. Then a few weeks later he was like “I’m off on the 26th” and I rejoiced! But then I found out that he called off for a Pokemon “event” so this is why it is just Henry and me in the car and Chooch is still at home sleeping :(

Anyway it’s 7:19 and we just plied ourselves with coffee, NCT Dream is blaring, and I’m already about to start complaining about contacts. Woo road trip!!

8:55am: what a boring drive, as expected. We stopped at Sheetz for breakfast as per road trip protocol. Nothing interesting happened there at all. Then I listened to a few chapters of an audiobook but it was making me fall asleep (I mean the book is good but combined with being in the car, I was so drowsy).

9:12am time for a Renjun appreciation shout out, best NCT vocalist.

10:26am: Just arrived at Otherworld but our reservation isn’t until 11 so we’re just sitting in the car, you know, same as we’ve been doing for the last three hours.

OMG Henry’s memory of the day is from 2006 when I was pregnant and we were also in Columbus that weekend! The picture is my puke on the bathroom floor of the science center. IMAX & Slurpee was not a great combo for my mucho-prego self lol.

11:28 I live here now.

11:56am: Spent an hour at Otherworld and it was really fun but toward the end, it started to get really crowded so we were glad we left as early as we did and got there before our 11am reservation because this is not the type of place you can enjoy yourself with a crowd.

Henry: Really? Renjun’s Voice?

Yeah, so??

Now we’re on our way to Seitan’s Realm, finally!

12:30pm: finally at Seitan’s Realm!!

THIS IS ABOVE OUR BOOTH!!!

1:06pm: you guys wow. We just left and I will definitely need to write a separate review post thingy but it was so satisfying and I am wrecked that we live 3 hours away.

1:33pm: stopped at Topiary Park. We weee here years ago with Christina but it was rainy that day so I wanted to come back. It was smaller than I remembered and also super cold so we left after five minutes lol.

3:07pm: just peed in the nicest park bathroom ngl.

Some place called Blacklick Park I guess. I needed to go for a walk to digest and henry took forever finding a place and we had many fights.

Artec! Nooooo!

3:26pm this just in: I knew something moss-adjacent that Henry did not: that British Soldier lichen stuff!

That is not my picture but I have vivid memories of this shit being all over the fences along the side of my childhood street – Gillcrest – and I have never seen it since then. :(

3:36: Just stopped at 5 Bean Coffee and got a maple butterscotch latte which is quite delectable but I’m having ordering regertz because they had red velvet on the special menu that I didn’t see at first so I pointed it out to henry but he blew me off and just got something basic like his personality. Ugh.

3:44: we just drove past the gas station where we had to pull over one time on the way home from who knows where when Chooch was laughing so hard he peed his pants and henry was soooooo angry lol.

Meanwhile henry just called the car in front of us a COCKBITE.

4:47: just spent a cool $100 on Kpop pins in one of the pin maker’s shop updates. I also bought a keychain meant to be used as a frame for Kpop photo cards – so if you’re new here, that means that anytime you buy a Kpop album, one of the fun parts of it is finding out whose photocard you got because it’s totally random. Some of the super manic Stans will buy dozens of the albums in an effort to collect all of the photocards. It’s nuts!

But it got me thinking about how everyone was so shocked when I got into Kpop and admittedly I was too but it actually makes so much sense because I am a very obsessive and fanatical personality type. For instance, when I was in middle school, I had it SO BAD for Pgh Penguin Paul Coffey and used to carry his hockey card around with me everywhere like it was actually him. I can remember even taking him to the movies with my friends and giving him his own seat next to mine.

“So really I haven’t outgrown that part of myself at all,” I said to Henry just now, to which he mumbled, “You haven’t outgrown much of anything.”

Wwwwwwwwwow.

5:52pm: Made the mistake of telling Henry I don’t really understand sanctions and he stepped into his MANSPLAININ’ trousers and gave me a Lesson.

Also fuck Putin. What a miserable pathetic gremlin shadow of a man. Go drown in quicksand with Trump please, while grasping onto your tiny peepees.

6:33pm: Now we’re about 15 minutes from home but Son of the Year texted me and demanded an iced coffee so now we’re at Dunkin’ in Bridgeville and I just want to go hoooooommmmmeeee.

Posting this now I guess. What a lame live blog. Ciao ciao for now now.