Henry riding the bench at Waldameer Park.

I know this is like WAY OUT OF CHARACTER for me, but I wanted to take a moment to give good ol’ (like, really ol’) Henry/Papa H/Poor Henry/Henry Warbucks/TGFHenry and if you’re a real old school reader – Hoover, a shout out today on his birthday. I know I drag his name through the dirt on the daily but in reality…well, I’m actually worse, but I do genuinely appreciate the big lug so here are some pictures from the last year that we can use to like, tribute him, or whatever. They all ended up being pictures of him from places that I made him take us, so this makes it extra special haha.

Henry the Meat-Eater Not Eating Meat at a Vegan Restaurant Outside of Toronto

It’s pretty amazing how adaptable Henry is. On the outside, he may look like a lumberjack who keeps a family-pack of Slim Jims in his back pocket, but on the inside, he is considerate of Chooch’s and my plant-based needs and is usually the one who finds vegetarian joints for us to eat at when traveling. He’s not above eating seitan wings in a place that brews their own kombucha, but he’ll probably almost definitely shit-talk the rest of the patrons in the place.

Taking Selfies in One of the Places He Hates More than the DMV – Cafes

Henry, who hates coffee (let it be known), never begrudges me when I start to lose my mind because it’s time for my 4th coffee feeding of the day and I need a hot one in my hand STAT. He hates coffee snobs almost as much as vegans, but it won’t stop him from marching into a pretentious cafe and ordering me something frou-frou with lavender and cardamom.

He buys me tampons with just as much confidence.

That’s a real man.

Henry Taking a Selfie in the Bathroom of a Vegan Dimsum Joint in NYC

Instagram popped off when I posted this Henry mirror-selfie last fall. I should have bought him a new hat for his birthday. Also, I like it when he wears his hat backward but he won’t it like that in public ugh.

He takes us to so many amusement parks and would be perfectly content sitting on a bench eating a soft pretzel while holding our bags, but he always indulges my constant whines for him to ride things. It always makes him sick, but he still does it anyway….

…even when he has to ride alone or with a stranger!

And he stands in lines so we don’t have to!

Also, he makes sure we have necessities, like for instance – toilet paper. One time, before I met Henry, I had this big party and some girl that I wasn’t even friends with but was friends with some girl that I WAS friends and used to fucking invite herself everywhere came out of my bathroom screaming about how I didn’t have any toilet paper so I had to leave my own party and drunkenly stumble down the street to the gas station and buy generic toilet.

Now, I have Henry to do that!

Making Friends in Korea

Henry is the only guy I’ve ever been with who lets me be myself, even if that means suddenly imprinting on the entire country of South Korea and begging him to take me there. He never once scoffs at my interests, no matter how off-the-wall, crazy, or…pricey they may be. He’s not a rich guy but he does what he can to make sure Chooch and I are both happy…

…which is almost ALWAYS at his expense!

Henry with a Manly Map in Busan

Chooch and I would literally be lost without Henry. Anytime I have to drive anywhere on my own, I quickly realize how good I have it with Henry as my chauffeur!

Sad That His Bias Isn’t In this Picture

Henry can name more kpop idols than your dad, probably. I really want him to be the Official Kpop Dad. He knows so much and is always sending me kpop news updates.

I hope that someday, Chooch looks back on his childhood and realizes how lucky he is to have such a good dad who not only takes us on adventures but also makes sure we’re safe and,  you know, fed.

My go-to insult whenever I’m fighting with Henry is, “My Pappap would have hated you!” but in reality, and I think we all know this, my Pappap would have loved him and was probably like, “THANK GOD, NOW I DON’T HAVE TO HAUNT HER” once Henry came into my life.

Anyway, I didn’t get him a cake or even a pepperoni roll, but I have lots of quiet affections in my big dumb heart so I thought maybe this would be a nice little gift for him, admitting that I COUGH COUGHCOUGHlovehimCOUGHCOUGH ugh ow. 

But more importantly, I made my own dinner and I’m letting him take a nap. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BIG GUY!

Yo, it’s been a minute since I spotlighted some strong women artists so here are several new MVs from Kpop soloists that have been looping through my head.

Support these girls!

First up is Lee Hi, who has finally been released from the YG dungeon and all I can say is, that was worth the wait.

This next one I’m a bit conflicted about because I am such a fan girl for her but recently, she was accused of being a bully when she was in middle school; however it came out that her accuser was also a bully?! I don’t know. But there’s my disclaimer.

Up next is Boa who has been in the industry for nearly 20 years now. I love everything she does but the sad reality of music, no matter what country a singer is from, is that the older a female artist gets, the less people care about her. I feel like her last several comebacks should have gotten so much more attention, so please go and give this video a view!

Oh my god something about this next song makes me feel so nostalgic for the summer before 12th grade, like this is something I’d have heard on WAMO’s Quiet Storm. I hope we hear more from Katie real soon! This is such a summer night mood.

Speaking of summer nights, can’t leave out this light-hearted jam from one of the members of the iconic Girl’s Generation, Yoona. This song is so sweet and has inspired me to up my bobby pin game.

Ok, that’s all for tonight! If you watch any of these and like one or whatever, please let me know!

I have been dreading June. There’s no way to sugarcoat this, but the last two Junes for some reason were really awful, mentally, for me. Like full-blown suicide thoughts, self-destruction, running away from home awful. So, all of that’s been on my mind, to the point where I just recently asked Henry to make sure I don’t try to, you know, defenestrate myself this month.

For us non-meds, we have to use the power of positive thinking to get through the rough patches, so I have been giving myself pep talks and secret pinches when I feel my mental state slipping. I don’t want to feel miserable and out of control, TRUST.

Maybe it’s because I was being mindful of it, but damn, this past weekend was just really freaking good. I mean, we didn’t have any amazing plans or go on any crazy adventures, Henry didn’t propose, and Chooch didn’t win big on a scratch-off, but it was just all-around pleasant, calm, and when I think back on it (you know, that whole whopping two days ago), I just think about all the laughing we did and how I got a subpar smoothie at the new smoothie joint in Dormont called Blended AND IT DIDN’T RUIN MY DAY when perhaps an Erin From a Different Day would have fucking hurled that smoothie at the wall and then chased Henry around the house with a knife.

Hypothetically…

And I think about taking walks with Henry and Chooch and watching k-dramas and saying hi to my Mexican taco cart boyfriend and buying a cute yellow blouse on sale – just real simple things.

We went to Pitaland and Party Cake for Saturday morning treats and then later that afternoon I met 지용 at Zeke’s for our second language date and a rosemary cardamom latte.

지용 has really inspired me to dust off my Talk To Me In Korean workbooks and I really do feel a renewed interest and determination. I’ve never stopped using Duolingo over the last year and a half, but honestly I think that app is kind of a bust because it doesn’t really teach. I told her that my goal for the week was to at least the days of the week and the Sino Korean numbers (they are two sets of numbers you guys, ughhhh). Anyway, I learned both by Sunday so I’m really feeling ready to storm into South Korea and…order a coffee and some kimbap.

Sigh.

Two Junes ago, I was really gung-ho with my studies and even made flashcards and everything but…remember what I said up there about JUNE? Yeah, my mental health derailed my efforts big time.

Anyway, 지용 suggested that we meet every Saturday and I’m all about this plan.

Later that evening, we walked to Scoops because Chooch wanted to use his gift certificate but Henry was like I AM THE DAD HERE, I WILL PAY like wow ok Henry Warbucks.

There is something so exciting about walking around Brookline in summer. There’s always something going on! And by something, I mean trashy domestic arguments and resident Brookline freak sightings.

I made Henry get pistachio ice cream so I could have a bite eat half, while Chooch acted like he was a toddler piloting a waffle cone plane toward his mouth for the first time ever. Thirteen and still leaves scoop shop evidence all over his cheeks.

Then I made Instagram Dad take a picture of us because I was wearing my beloved G-Dragon shirt and Chooch was wearing one of his 87 DGD shirts which he apparently got a handful of compliments on earlier that day when he rode his bike to the mall with his friend Haojie who was like I GUESS MY SHIRT SUCKS.

Henry said, “Too bad you didn’t have your mom’s eyeball purse with you too” because if you are a TRUE READER of this blog you will know that I have a holographic eyeball purse which garners compliments from strangers every time I hit the streets and Chooch hates the attention it gets because any attention on me is less attention on him.

Anyway, it’s us. Here we are. Erin and Chooch.

Sunday was filled with more walks, Asian market shopping, and general giddiness. I wish I could figure out the magic recipe for that weekend so I can whip up a recreation next time I start feeling the gloom seep in. Why are brains such motherfuckers?

It’s so frustrating when you just want to have fun but you feel like there’s a sack of bad feelings and self-pity keeping you in bed. WELL NOT THIS TIME, BRAIN.

Remember how Chooch was student of the month for April at the Teen Center? Well, Senator Wayne Fontana was there last week to present Chooch with a letter of recognition and a gift certificate to Scoops (two gift certificates, one of which Chooch has already misplaced *eye roll emoji goes here*).

Chooch was so nonchalant about this whole thing too, because nothing fazes him.

He was just all “Yeah I gave to meet the senator or whatever” like it was another Thursday, no big deal, if Obama calls, take a message. I’d have been a nervous wreck if I were in his shoes!

I know that things can change in a heartbeat (hell, I was a high honor student and threw it all away for no good reason other than, oh wait, severe depression and untreated bipolar disorder lol) but I really feel like Chooch’s future is just going to keep getting brighter if he stays on this path and I’m grateful that our community has an awesome organization that helps with that. I honestly thought this place was just like a glorified lounge where kids played video games after school but it’s so much more than that!

Who knows, maybe Chooch will be Senator someday! (I’d have to scrub this blog lol.)

I didn’t know this was happening that day so I’m just happy he was wearing clean clothes.

The weather on Sunday was unseasonably chilly and I wasn’t mad about it – sweltering heat and amusement parks do not make a great duo, if you ask me. However, it did start raining pretty steadily for a good two hours while we were at Waldameer which isn’t awesome but we’re pretty used to feeling rain drops slice our skin like wet blades while we’re being flung about on amusement park rides, so it didn’t really much of a damper on our day.

DAMPer.

GET IT?

If you guys only knew how long it took Henry to take this picture. It was actually embarrassing.

Waldameer is pretty tiny and definitely not a full-day park (unless you split it between the water park I guess, but we’re not water park people). Henry loves this park because non-riders get in for free, with the option of paying-per-ride. In order to do this, though, one must obtain a Wally Card, which you can fill with money using various fare-like machines around the park. So instead of paying like $30 to sit on benches and ride the Ravine Flyer once, Henry just had to pay $4 for unlimited bench-sitting and one ride on the Ravine Flyer.

Imagine how amazing this would be if, say, you were passing by Cedar Point and you didn’t have time to spend the whole day there but you REALLY NEEDED THAT STEEL VENGEANCE credit, and you were able to slip right on in for nothing, throw down a five, and get your fucking credit.

That, my friends, is the dream.

Anyway, the above photo is Henry not riding the Whacky Shack.

Hey yo, speaking of Whacky Shack, this is my favorite non-coaster ride at the park and is actually the sole reason why we started going to Waldameer in the first place (my love for dark rides will always trump my coaster obsession, I think).

During one of the many times we were in line, I was acutely aware of the fact that the next car in line hadn’t yet entered the Shack, and then suddenly, another car came bursting through the exit. That’s when I noticed that a young guy was pushing the car, and the girls sitting in it turned to scream at the ride attendant, “OUR CAR GOT STUCK IN THERE!!!!”

So then a ride manager lady came power-walking over to the ride, her strides oozing authority and darkride expertise, and started fiddling with knobs and levers before moving past the ride attendant to the actual control panel.

“There’s a little girl in there by herself,” an old lady in front of me said, and I pretended to care.

Just then, said little girl came hurdling out of the exit, on foot, and screamed to the manager lady, “MY CAR STOPPED MOVING!!!” before bursting into tears. It was popcorn-worthy entertainment.

Anyway, they fixed it within minutes but then forgot to turn the lights back off, so the girls who had been waiting patiently this whole time to go next got to have a true dark ride enthusiast experience.

“THE LIGHTS ARE STILL ON!” the girls cried to the ride operator, and Chooch murmured, “Lucky!”

Steel Dragon Selca!

One of the highlights, if you ask Chooch, was when we were in the Pirate’s Cove, which is a dark walkthru. I mean, it’s pretty fucking dark and disorienting in there to begin with, but then there is one room that is tilted, with railings that make you weave your way through the room. I was being an asshole and pretending like I was a gymnast, using the railings as parallel bars and swinging my legs. However, the one time I did this was in the part of the room where I was on an incline, and I overshot my legs and came thisclose to flipping the whole way over and landing on my back. Chooch just missed capturing this golden moment on video and he was so bummed about it. He wanted me to do it again but there was no way I was recreating that dumbass maneuver without ending up in a neckbrace.

When I think of our day at Waldameer, I think of us being perpetually peeved at Henry who failed to get good, quality pictures of us.

For instance, before he took this shitty picture of us in like for the Comet, he captured a HILARIOUS Boomerang which perfectly depicted our demeanor (Chooch was rolling his eyes and I was mouthing off) but he did it through Instagram and DIDN’T SAVE IT so after he sent it to us, it fucking disappeared like it was some majorly top secret war document.

OMG, Chooch and I were so angry about this for pretty much the entire day and every time I (accidentally) looked at Henry, my face immediately fell into a scowl.

Us on the Comet before we found out about Henry’s Boomerang blunder.

Guys. The crane machine plushies at the arcade here were total kawaii quality. I couldn’t believe it. One had plush cartoon toilet paper rolls! Anyway, Chooch failed to score a Corgi and his mood was soured for a bit after that because these trivial things really affect him and I wouldn’t know anything about that because anytime I get upset about something, it’s totally legit and reasonable.

Too foggy to see Lake Erie, but we did spot Henry down below on terra firma, eating something.

Whacky Shack photo bomb.

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Pirate’s Cove is a mash-up between a funhouse and a dark ride and there are always hooligans running amok in there, and I’m not even talking about just me. There’s always at least one kid asking an ass-kicking by pushing me or line-jumping. Ugh, I hate it.

Henry on his favorite ride – the stationary bench.

Chooch’s new Lake Erie look.

You guys, something incredible happened while we were on the carousel…

Henry won a stupid corgi for Chooch!

Waldameer’s pizza is a-ight as far as amusement park food goes. But what made it even better was that there were three kids at the next table wearing BLACKPICK hoodies and one of them was also wearing a Monsta X shirt underneath! It’s always exciting to spot kpop fans out in the wild of the United States, especially when they’re reppin’ something other than the ubiquitous BTS.

Henry didn’t WANT PIZZA so he GOT A BURGER.

Oh shit, we rode some hot air balloon ride in kiddyland and Chooch spun it so hard that I almost barfed. Henry didn’t know where we went and we got to watch him looking for us.

Then when he spotted us on the baby ride, he just rolled his eyes and went back to benchin’ it.

Well, of all rides, the Scrambler is what did me in. I had to hang it up after this one, you guys. It was awful.

Chooch had to ride the new for 2019 ride without me. I was fine with that. I sat on a bench, a la Henry, and took pictures of my nail polish matching the ride.

Henry, after a day of getting berated.

All in all, it was a very decent day at Waldameer. This is definitely not a park I need to go to every year, but every three or four really does the trick. I’d like to see them get one really great thrill ride, possibly another coaster, because that would really make the price of a ride-all-day wristband way more worthwhile.

I’ll end with this iMovie that Chooch was obsessed with making, and poor Henry (lol) somehow became responsible for collecting a lot of the video footage of us, but of course, in true Henry fashion, he kept shitting the bed so Chooch and I would have to get back in line and re-ride the thing in order for Henry to try, try again.

It was exhausting, Get it together, Henry. You oaf.

Alternately titled: When you love wooden coasters so much, you plan your holidays around them.

I wanted to do something fun during Memorial Day Weekend that wouldn’t require us to hemorrhage money or drive long distances, and I realized that it had been a hot minute since we last ventured out to Erie. There is a small, family amusement park there called Waldameer which isn’t THRILLING but it does have a couple dark rides and one wooden coaster in particular that I remembered to be relatively breathtaking.

Look, I have a sickness, OK? I just love have my body battered on wooden coasters and counting the bruises the next day.

The first thing we did after getting our ride-all-day wristbands was ditch Henry and run toward the Ravine Flyer except that we went the wrong way and wound up in Kiddie Land and then had to pretend like we meant to do that when Henry caught up with us and asked, “Where are you going?” when he knew damn well that we went the wrong way but had to be a fucking Poindexter about it.

Ugh! It doesn’t even matter if he’s behind the wheel of a stupid Faygo truck or on foot at an amusement park – he’s a fucking direction snob!

The park was nearly empty so I wasn’t too shocked to see that the Ravine Flyer was running ONE TRAIN OPS* and this wouldn’t have been too terrible considering we were practically walking right onto the platform, however, the dispatch was nearly as slow as Trump trying to sound out a four-syllable word.

*(There’s this one coaster channel on YouTube that I love and one of the guys, Logan, is always screaming ONE TRAIN OPS and that’s his Instagram name too so people are always tagging him when they’re at a park and experiencing one train ops, but my favorite was the time someone tagged him in a picture of a hotel breakfast buffet that had two waffle irons but one was broken and their hashtag obviously was #onewaffleops and why did this make me LITERALLY GUFFAW and elbow Henry?!)

At least they have great classic rock playing in the Ravine Flyer station….

…courtesy of these assholes, I guess. For a long time, Chooch thought the Ravine Flyer was actually called The Bob & Tom Show..??? So now I have to take his picture next to the sign every time we go to Waldameer.

So, my first ride on this thing after four years was definitely something to savor – I forget how exhilarating the first drop was and how much fun it is flying over the road.  It was worth the visit, but I have to be honest — we have ridden quite a few EXCELSIOR WOODIES since our last visit with the Ravine Flyer, and because of this, it was a little bit less write-home-worthy.

The first half is definitely the best, but the trim brakes definitely bring it down a few notches and there was some weird pacing in the secon half. Still, this coaster is pretty fucking fun!

What I love is that as you’re ascending that first hill, you get a stunning view of Lake Erie. It was very foggy and overcast on this day so we couldn’t see it the first several times we rode it, but by evening, there it was – a huge expanse of water making me dry heave. 

Henry is our Instagram Husband when we go to amusement parks and he is getting really good at standing in the perfect spot and patiently waiting for that one sweet shot. And if we’re unhappy with his attempt, we just get back on the ride and he has to keep trying until he gets it right (see: Whacky Shack).

I only had one bad experience at Waldameer on this day and it was when Chooch and I were about to get into line for another go when some young kid, like elementary-aged, leaned over a railing and spit onto the ground, missing me by a fraction of a centimeter. I’m not kidding, I was so close to getting marked by some Erie yokel and I was PISSED. I stopped dead in my tracks and screamed for Henry to come over, I don’t know why, not like he would ever in a million years even dream of defending my honor, and I hysterically explained to him what had happened. I was still waiting for the kid to exit the ride (you have to walk down a wooden walkway that turns a few times, and he was at a higher level when The Spitting occurred) so I could point him out to Henry and honestly I was considering confronting his dad, when some guy meandered over to us and said, “Are you talking about how that kid almost spit on you?” and then to Henry, he turned and said, “I saw it—it JUST MISSED hitting her” and I was like THANK YOU, DO YOU WANT TO BE MY NEW BABY DADDY because at least this stranger who had been casually sitting on a bench gave a shit about keeping my flesh free from boy-spit!

“IT’S NOT THAT I DON’T CARE, I DIDN’T SEE IT HAPPEN!” Henry cried in defense, but it was too late Damage was already done. Henry cared less about me getting spit on than a stranger did.

(That guy wasn’t too bad looking either, although he kind of gave off hunter vibes and ew no.)

“Is it that kid in the orange shorts?” Henry asked, suddenly trying to be super involved in my trials and tribs. I nodded and he said, “Yeah, I don’t think his dad is going to care” but I didn’t get a chance to see the dad.

The first time Henry took this picture, he only got half the sign in it and I started yelling, “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?! WHY WOULD YOU NOT THINK I WANTED THE WHOLE SIGN IN THE PICTURE WHEN I SAID TAKE OUR PICTURE STANDING BY THE SIGN????” and some guy was totally spectating Henry being emasculated, so that was cool.

My favorite seat on this was definitely the back, and my favorite ride on it was when IN THE AIR TONIGHT BY PHIL COLLINS started playing right as we were loading into the back seat. That song paired with the anticipation of getting on a roller coaster? Perfection.

We rode it over and over that day, even in the rain, to the point where it was actually giving me a headache. I lowkey panicked internally, wondering if my rollercoaster days are numbered, but then Chooch groaned, “Ugh, I’m starting to get a headache.”

WHEW!

Although, he may be 13, but he sure does have a plethora of elder maladies.

We managed to get Henry to ride it one whole time because he didn’t get the ride-all-day wristband so he had to pay FOUR DOLLARS to ride it ONCE. Cheap ass bitch. I started bitching again about that kid who nearly spit on me and wished out loud that I could have said ratted on him to his dad, and just as our train was leaving the station, Henry pointed and said, “Lol, there he is right there!” and pointed at some burly doof waiting in line next to Public Spitter and he for sure looked like a man who was still hanging onto his high school football glory days and all the concussions that came with it.

Yeah, for once I’d have to agree with Henry — I don’t think confronting him would have gotten me anything other than a second chance of being hit with spit.

Anyway, riding the Ravine Flyer with Henry was fun because I got to scream in his ear the whole time, and actually, I screamed so much that my scream was actually taken away halfway through the ride—maybe by God? I’m not sure, but it was almost like someone ripped my voice right out of my mouth and I couldn’t muster a single screech after that.

I outdid my own goddamn self, I guess.

Be back soon with more Waldameer bullshit!

(Otherwise known as #MDW, which I kept seeing all over twitter and had no idea what it meant until Sunday night when I really decided to use my full brain to figure it out.)

FRIDAY

Memorial Day Weekend was off & running here on Pioneer Ave. early on Friday evening. Our drunk neighbor Larry who has to blow into a breathalyzer to get his car (a repurposed Yellow Cab van that retained its primary yellow hue) to start was totally blitzed. Henry came running downstairs to gleefully report that Larry was drunk and yelling at traffic again. Yes, this is a thing that Larry does.

Chooch went outside to spectate, just as another man began to walk his bicycle past our house. Chooch popped his head inside the house to tell me that this was the man who promised Chooch a football several years ago THEN NEVER BROUGHT HIM ONE. Anyway, as Chooch was telling me this, there was a sudden commotion outside.

Larry started screaming at Bicycle Man not to ever stop by his house again, motherfucker, and Bicycle Man was like, “YOU DON’T WANNA FUCK WITH ME, MOTHERFUCKER” which seemed out of character for this man with the docile, avuncular face and demeanor. But, I guess Larry can bring out the beast in even the most domesticated man on a bicycle.

Larry just kept running his drunk mouth about this man coming to his house and then Chooch and I remembered that a while back, that man did in fact stop at Larry’s house because Larry had a broke go-cart in his yard that he was going to throw out, I guess. Bicycle Man inquired about this and Larry told him he could have it.

WELL NOW IT SEEMS THAT LARRY WAS RENEGING, LIKE, A YEAR LATER!

Did Larry not remember that he GAVE IT AWAY?! I guess Larry was probably drunk then too, just like the time he probably accidentally set his Pokemon cards on fire then accused Chooch of stealing them (this is how they came to be nemeses).

So these two were really going at it, verbally, but then Larry went in his house AND CAME OUT WITH A BASEBALL BAT! Thankfully, the Old Italian Brothers who live on the other side of Larry’s duplex had just come home from doing Italian things and they were like, “WHOA WHOA WHOA!” and one of them assumed the position of Larry-Blocker while the other one shooed the Bicycle Man up the street.

Meanwhile, Haley had come outside to see what the hell was going on.

“I just put my kids to bed and if they wake up, I’m going to be PISSED,” she said, ready to call the police.

Thank god the Italian Guys came home because I don’t think Henry would have been much help.

SATURDAY

Larry slung a giant flag out of his window, signaling to all of Brookline that he was ready to get this MDW started for realskies.

Henry and I went for a walk later that day and saw him stopping in a nearby bar for a six pack, but Saturday night was surprisingly quiet. His wife must have been home, I guess.

I spent most of my Saturday exercising and watching Korean dramas. I started “My First First Love” on Netflix even though I hate the way Netflix subtitles things because they use white font with nothing behind it so it’s hard to read! I also started watching “Angel’s Last Mission: Love” which has the girl I love from “Thirty But Seventeen” and also L from the Kpop group Infinite.

You know, in case you cared.

(You don’t. It’s OK. I talk about K-dramas with my Korean imaginary friend. Her name is Minji and she corrects me when I screw up my Korean words.)

SUNDAY

Chooch had piano lessons in the morning, and Henry and I went for a walk around Garfield to kill time — we would normally go to the Asian markets but since we were leaving straight from there to go to Erie for the day, we didn’t want to buy groceries. So we went for a walk in order for me to hunt for Help Wanted signs for my Job Spotter app (it’s been a year and I’m still using it!) and then we stopped at Artisan for coffee. It was the first time I’ve been there since I got my Bad Apple tattoo in…2014? Has it been that long? Maybe even 2013!?

I’ve never actually been to the cafe portion of Artisan before though and I was pleasantly surprised. I don’t know, I guess I thought it was going to be one of those TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL types since it’s affiliated with a tattoo shop but the crowd was super mixed and the barista was the sweetest little thing! She kept smiling at us like we were celebrities and she was nervous around us or something, maybe Henry’s face-bush made her uncomfortable and smiling is her coping mechanism, I don’t know. But I do know that my soy latte tasted like it was hand-crafted with care and precision.

And that’s all that matters.

Then it started raining really hard and I was like, “I AM NOT WALKING BACK TO THE CAR IN THE RAIN, YOU CAN BRING THE CAR TO ME” and Henry was like, “Yes ma’am” while I stood in the stoop of a closed yoga studio, sipping my hot latte and then all of a sudden, this is really weird, I started to think about how much I appreciate that Henry is the type of person who will literally weather storms so that I don’t have to, and then I started to crack up because I was scaring myself for thinking such nice thoughts.

THEN WE WENT TO WALDAMEER. That will get its own post though. I have too many pictures.

MONDAY

That fucking parade. I can’t believe it still lures us out of the house every year. IT’S SO LAME!

The only good part is seeing all of the people in the parade who know Chooch and call him out, lol.

Dum-Dums must have been on sale at the local CVS because that’s pretty much what all the parade people were tossing at the kids.

After the parade, I couldn’t put my finger on what it was that seemed to have been missing from the parade, but then it clicked – the local dance studio wasn’t in the parade this year! There were no clumsy girls in leotards to laugh at! UGH.

The Teen Center was in the parade and we were like WHY NOT YOU to Chooch but he just shrugged and said, “If I’m in the parade, I can’t get candy.”

Wow.

Later that afternoon, we went to Millie’s new soft serve joint in Bakery Square, called Summer of Softserve. Henry muttered the whole way there about how it was going to suck because unlike me, the girl who gives a million chances, Henry has been donezo with Millie’s after the first subpar scoop he was served.

Janna met us there and I felt kind of bad for making her go all that way for what was just basic softserve at best. Um, the ambiance was fun though and the girl at the register liked my (aforementioned) apple tattoo and was highly complimentary of Chooch’s wardrobe choice, so I gotta give them points for that.

The only “fun” choice outside of the basic vanilla and chocolate was the dairy-free blueberry. Everything in my gut was telling me to go for the classic twist, but my tongue was being ridden by the devil and out came, “I’ll have the dairy-free blueberry please.” It was a-ight, and actually it kind of grew on me pretty quickly (the texture was off-putting at first) but the real MVP was the sunflower seed streusel I chose as the topping.

That shit was the BOMB – even though most of it ended up on the ground.

I’ll probably go back at some point this summer, maybe just for a cup of that streusel, and probably definitely without Henry who spent literally the rest of the day complaining about how Millie’s basically killed his first born. I suggested that he just open his own softserve place and I think he’s seriously contemplating this.

“You need a gimmick though, something that will keep people coming in the winter,” I said, before shouting, “OOH, TTEOKBOKKI!” I mean, softserve and Korean street food – no hipster d-bag in Pittsburgh has done THAT yet.

And that concludes my MDW recap.

A few months ago, there was a bit of a reorg at work and the group I’m a part of expanded. This was great news for us because ever since we lost Gayle and Amber1, it just never felt right. So now we have Nate and Cheryl, and two women who work out of our Chicago office – Vicki and Joyce. So, they have been with the Firm for years and years, but to most of us, they were just names in an email, you know? I never really had any interaction with Joyce, but Vicki was my predecessor when I moved over to the position I’ve been in for the last 5 years, so she used to email me a lot back then with questions.

But now that they’re officially a part of Amber’s group, we’ve been looping them into our daily emails and it’s been fun sharing things like pictures of pets and Game of Thrones memes. So when Amber told us that Vicki and Joyce were going to be in our Pittsburgh office last week, I was SUPER STOKED. Like, stupidly so. I was eager for some new faces and the chance to be social. It is SO QUIET AND BORING in the office most days! Like, no one talks. Most people have their earbuds in all day and if I do dare to speak out loud, no one ever hears. I’m like a fucking tree falling in a forest, you guys.

Anyway, I woke up bright and early Monday morning, bad moods be damned. I got ready, ate my breakfast, considered leaving a few minutes early to grab the earlier trolley just so I would have more time to piss around during the meet n greet Amber set up in our conference room, but instead I left at my regular time. The fare machine was down so my fare attendant boyfriend told me to just go on and not worry about and then he winked which would maybe be creepy if he didn’t have Jamie Lannister eyes.

What a great start to the week, I thought! Free fare, fresh blood and bagels at work…I was actually smiling in public!

But then after I got on the trolley, it only made it three minutes down the track before stopping.

And straight stayed stopped for FORTY-FIVE MOTHERFUCKING MINUTES, ya’ll. I’ll get to that in another post because I have a bunch of trolley tales to regale no one with.

So, yeah. I was like 30 minutes late to work and totally missed the meet n greet because the conference room was already too crowded by the time I got there and my social anxiety was in full effect.

Later that morning Amber brought Vicki over to sit with me and when I went to shake her hand after Amber introduced us, Vicki asked, “Is it ok if I hug you?” and went on to say that I’ve helped her out so much over the years and look I’m not a huggy person but I made an exception because that was so sweet! So then she sat with me for an hour so I could show her some things I do on the daily but mostly we just chatted, don’t tell Amber lolol.

I was worried though because they put Vicki in my old desk right in front of Glenn so I had to go over there and make sure he wasn’t being a jerk to her at which point he was sure to tell Vicki that I’m considered the office bully but I folded my hands under my chin and made angelic expressions so Vicki said she refused to believe I was a bully.

Then I showed her and Joyce my collection of RIP Glenns and they were like OH ERIN HAHAHA and it was then that I knew I had them brainwashed by my charm.

Charmwashed, perhaps?

On Wednesday, we had a meeting with our full group present (actually, this is WRONG because CATHY took the day off!), and usually I’m like, “Ugh, meetings” but this one was exciting because we were all together in one room! Before the meeting started, Joyce and Vicki were asking us if it’s always so quiet on our floor and we were like, “Oh yes” and they were saying how bizarre it is for them because the Chicago office is lively and everyone keeps their office doors open.

Not here!

I don’t know how that happened. But yeah, it’s why I won’t eat anything crunchy at my desk because literally the sound you’d hear in that tomb would be my mastication.

So, in true “stalling-the-meeting” fashion, I started to tell everyone a story about how when I was 19, I quit this one office job that I had because, you know, I was 19 and didn’t want to work, but my mom was paying my rent so I didn’t want her to know that I quit my job because then she’d be like “OH HELL NO, FREELOADER” actually she would have never said that because I also had her charmwashed. Anyway, I used to collect CDs of sound effects and TV show theme songs because I was REALLY INTO having creative answering machine messages. One of the CDs had office sounds on it, like phones ringing and hard typing, so anytime I needed to call my mom during the day, I would play that in the background so it sounded like I was at work.

“OMG ERIN!” Amber and Vicki cried in unison.

“How this story never come up before?” Todd asked, while Glenn just rolled his eyes.

I guess I didn’t realize how idiotic this story was but it was really just an effort to preface my suggestion of playing that CD in the office so it would sound like, you know, an office.

From the 90s.

My other suggestion would be to play soft rock throughout the department. Something nice and soothing that probably no one would object to, like Phil Collins or Richard Marx.

After the meeting, it was time for Nate, Todd and me to take Joyce and Vicki to lunch! Amber was supposed to also go but she had already gone out to lunch with them on Monday and Tuesday and said she was all lunched out, so she gave Nate the company card and put him in charge! WE WERE GOING TO LUNCH UNSUPERVISED. It felt exciting yet scary all at once.

Nate put me in charge of WALKING US TO THE RESTAURANT. When I got to the part where we needed to jaywalk (my co-workers have taught me so many bad habits), I started to freak out because jaywalking is scary, so Joyce was like, “Well….why don’t we just walk to the corner then? I don’t understand…” Yeah, because people in Chicago are normal!

I remember Barb told me this story once about a time she was in Columbus for a hockey game and when she just ever-so-casually and naturally jaywalked, someone said to her, “You must be from Pittsburgh.”

It’s awful, you guys. We are truly terrible people.

Anyway, we went to the Yard and I was stoked because they have Impossible Burgers there! Also, I made Vicki ask the host if we could sit in a corner table and I scrambled past everyone to claim the best seat at the head of the table.

“Ugh, I feel like I was MEANT to sit here,” I sighed and Todd was like “no.”

Meanwhile, Joyce was like, “Who is that one kpop band…BLT or something?” LOL, no, but go on! Anyway, she said that while BTS was in Chicago for their concert, a BTS pop-up shop went up near the Chicago office so Joyce was going to stop in and get me something before they left for Pittsburgh.

“But the line was three blocks long!” she cried. Actually, that seems short for anything BTS-related! I really appreciated the thought though. These ladies are so cool and I can’t believe that in the 9 years I’ve been working here, I haven’t made an effort to get to know them.

This was one of the best work lunches I have ever had! Man, I felt myself growing very attached to Joyce and Vicki. Even Todd, who  never knows who anyone is, knew who we were having lunch with and agreed that it was a good time!

I made Vicki and Joyce admit that of the three lunches they had with coworkers that week, ours was the best and they said yes without hesitating but I did notice that Joyce that looked at a passing waitress with hostage eyes. She learned it by watching Todd.

Thursday was J&V’s last day in our office so our whole entire group, finally together at last, went on a field trip to Millie’s (still mad at them) for ice cream! Todd was like, “Please no more pictures” right as I hollered, “WE NEED SOMEONE TO TAKE OUR PICTURE!” I passed up two normal looking people in line and went straight for the way-too-tanned Miley Cyrus-looking girl who just walked in with her boyfriend and right around the same time I was beginning to get a contact high from their weed perfume, I asked, “Can you please take our picture” but she continued to look straight ahead but I learned to NEVERTHELESS, (she) PERSIST(ed) so I asked again and she snapped her head to look at me in such a way that I thought she was going to go all CASH ME OUTSIDE on me but instead she said, “I WAS JUST GOING TO ASK YOU TO TAKE OUR PICTURE TOO. WE’RE ON VACATION.”

It was really strange because she hadn’t even looked at me up until then, but ok.

I asked her where they were from and she said, “Wheeling WV!”

OK, that’s like an hour away, but whatever. Live it up in the “big city” while you can, I guess.

So that’s how we got this fantastic group picture!

When there was a small moment of silence while we mindlessly gorged on our ice cream, I shot my hand up in the air and said, “I have a great suggestion. What if we keep Joyce and Vicki and send Glenn back in their place.”

Silence….then stifled giggling…then Todd and Cheryl just flat out cracked up, giving the OK for everyone else to laugh too.

“That’s….Erin,” Amber said to Vicki and Joyce in a tone that I couldn’t tell was more proud or disappointed, perfectly summing up my office identity.

Meanwhile, Glenn was too in his ice cream zone to even notice I had spoken, so Amber had to tell him and he for once had NO RETORT.

I miss them already. It was cool to have a bit of a shake up around the office for a few days!

When I first started listening to Kpop casually, I never expected to get so deep in my feelings but two groups really took me there and they are BIGBANG and SHINee.

With SHINee especially though, I get ultra emotional—I’ve connected with their music in a way that I thought I only could with the sad boy emo bands I used to listen to prior to doing a musical 180.

And when Jonghyun passed away, it added a rawness even to the fun, upbeat songs.

It’s SHINee’s 11th Anniversary today and one thing to note about kpop is that fans will celebrate everything. But the fact that SHINee has gone through so much these last few years makes today feel like something that needs to be celebrated.

Goddammit I thought I could make it through one day without crying (everything makes my eyes turn into erupting tear-volcanoes even if I’m having a great day!) but these tributes to SHINee for their anniversary has my eye sweat on free-fall mode.

[Fun fact: the Korean word for “tear” is “noon mul” (눈물) which literally translates to eye water.]

11 years later, Jonghyun has left us; Minho, Key, and Onew have enlisted in the military; and baby Taemin is holding it down solo. But they will be 5hinee Forever.

I wish Jonghyun was still alive.

I recently bought this pin because I’m obsessed with having a pin-shrine for Jonghyun. I’d have worn it today if it wasn’t so heavy–it literally pulls down one side of my shirt!

Anyway, sending love to all my fellow Shawols in the world. It makes me feel less lonely knowing they’re out there!

Hi guys have I ever told you about how I consistently get emails intended for other Erin R Kellys with similar email addresses as mine? No? WELL BUCKLE UP, BABY. Because you’re in for a ride that’s not exactly wild, but wearing seat belts is the law, so.

The first time this happened, that I can remember was way back in 2013 when I happened to glance at my phone while at work and the first thing my eyes rested upon was the threat of getting fucked in the asshole by a gerbil.

I was scared, yo! Like, shit, what fucking Catholic school mom did I piss off this time, you know? But then I read the email more carefully and realized that it was sent to the wrong Erin R Kelly gmail address – mine is erinr(dot)kelly and this one had the (dot) someplace else, or not at all, I can’t remember. But I do remember being confused, because when I signed up with Gmail all those decades ago, I was under the impression that those (dots), you know, mattered maybe.

Anyway, this first email mix-up turned into a popcorn-eating excuse for me and some of my coworkers. You can read about it here. I wonder how maybe jobs Marcus has been fired from since then.

The Erin Kelly that received Marcus’s emails is, I believe, from Las Vegas. I has also gotten reports from a Robotics teacher that her son is a real motherfucker in class, which is surprising considering that Erin Kelly is also a member of some parent organization so she’s at least somewhat involved in her kid’s life, I guess.

Another Erin Kelly lives somewhere around Boston and while I haven’t received anything for her in some time (because she got married and maybe changed her email address? I found her on Facebook, OK? I get bored sometimes), I used to get things like hotel receipts, rental car confirmations, and shipping notifications when she returned an item to Rent the Runway.

Again, some variation of my email address with different (dot) placement.

And then there is my LEAST FAVORITE Erin R Kelly. This one lives in Florida and I think she might be a house flipper because I get so many Home Depot receipts emailed to me. I have tried to contact Home Depot about this because this bitch needs the receipts for taxes, I don’t know? But Home Depot gives no fucks so why should I? I also know that she drives a Toyota Tundra and recently had it serviced at Toyota of Melbourne.

Usually, I just delete this shit because whatever, but a few months ago, I started to repeatedly get notifications that my Rapid Cash loan payment was almost due, due, past due…First I started to panic and thought someone took a loan out in my name but then I noticed that the email address was the Erinrkelly sans (dots). You guys, I actually called this place and explained the whole situation to some account manager because look, what if Other Erin R Kelly didn’t know her loan payment was due?! Anyway, it took a good while to get this broad to pick up what I was putting down and then she was like, “Oh my god, that is so awesome of you to call us about this!” I MEAN, I MAY BE A HORRIBLE PERSON AT TIMES BUT I DO HAVE CATHOLIC GUILT OK.

Anyway, she said they would call the actual Customer Erin Kelly and have her change her email address. Like wtf people, watch what you’re typing!

Then, on Tuesday, I happened to glance at my phone at work and saw something about a consent form and I was like, “What the hell is this now…” and here, some mom was sending a consent form to the dumb Florida Erin Kelly so that he daughter can stay in dumb Florida Erin Kelly’s room on some cruise.

WOW OK CHAPERONE ERIN KELLY.

Pfft, we are so fucking different.

So I email this bitch and tell her that I am not the correct Erin Kelly, the email address is wrong. SO SHE SENDS IT TO ME AGAIN. The fuck. Why do I have to do everyone’s leg work?! I scrolled the end of the email and saw that the email address was provided to this mom by some travel agent named Jeni.

So I email Jeni and I’m all, “Hi Jeni, your ice creams are so splendid, oh and also you gave some mom the wrong email address for Erin Kelly. Please fix.”

She emailed me the next day and was SO APOLOGETIC and said she would take care of it and make the consent forms made it to the proper Erin Kelly and so I filed that away in my ERIN R KELLY – RESOLVED drawer.

“That was really nice of you to take the time to send that email, though!” our Chicago visitor Vicki said when I was complaining about this to her and Glenn at work. I mean, obviously I’m a fucking sweetheart but at the time it allows me a chance to get huffy via email. I love getting huffy.

THE SAME DAY, I got another email, this one I think may be intended for I Took Out a Loan Erin R Kelly, because it’s the email with NO DOTS just like the Rapid Cash one. Anyway, the email had a link to a MUSIC VIDEO:

I mean. I won’t post the video here because that’s someone’s intellectual property and who even knows, right? But I will say it’s a REAL DOOZY of a rap song. And the “humming in the hooks” actually could have been provided by this here Erin R Kelly because it was pretty not great. Here are some stills from the video, which starts out semi-Biblical, takes a turn by flaunting guns, and then has a weird sideways clips of two girls….grinding upright on a bed and please Lord let one of them be Erin R Kelly, lol.

I played it in the car when Henry drove me home from work that day, like, played it LOUD, and Henry was like, “Um…do we have to listen to the whole thing?”

I let Nate and Todd watch it. Todd immediately was like, “Dude…I don’t even know what to say. That guy needs to hang it up.” And Nate had to take a break halfway through and come to my desk to talk to me about what he had just witnessed.

Then I sent it to Janna whose main takeaway was, “One of those guys has ‘RIP’ under his name!!!!” Lol.

I mean, this video really runs the gamut from “Man cheerfully getting Baptized” to “Fuck the Police” (agreed) to “Vampire Facial Time.” My favorite part was the ultra poetic “snitches get stitches.” I’m so proud to have my name affiliated with this.

After telling Nate about all of the other instances of WRONG ERIN R KELLY, he came up with the smartest solution: I just need to change my name. That would solve my problem of being called “Kelly” in work emails a minimum of twice of day. He’s going to start a Go Fund Me.

Guys, knock on wood, I’ve been having a really great week at work! We have some colleagues visiting from Chicago and I have accidentally grown attached to them and already don’t want them to leave – I’m going to suggest that we keep them and send Glenn back in their place.

So I have some fun work social thingies to slap down on this site for posterity, some trolley tales, a super interesting story about getting other people’s emails…just a whole satchel of potpourri to spill out without all the nice smells.

However, tonight all I have the energy to do is watch Winner videos on YouTube, like this one, which is my favorite from their new album!!

Mola means “I don’t know” in Korean which ironically is one of the few words I know lol.

Aside from G-Dragon’s solo concert, Winner has been my favorite Kpop concert so far. I just like how effortlessly fun and casual they are, it’s not all smoke & mirrors, they don’t need to hide behind elaborate choreography (don’t get me wrong, I love me a good dance move), and Mino has that insane Johnny Depp-in-a-Tim-Burton aesthetic and that alone makes me wonder why you guys aren’t stanning yet?! 나는 몰라요!

Get on that Winner-wagon my blog-reading people. For me, your favorite Erin who is honest!

(Bonus video! THEY ARE SO MUCH FUN! MINO IS SUCH A WEIRDO!)

The cats (Drew & Penelope, or Bambi & Peenlop, or Drewburu & Splenis, or Jinjoo & Bora – whatever you want to call them!) love when the weather warms up because it means we start leaving the door to the backporch open and it’s like, the kitty cat lanei, but with less palm leaves, more Devil rugs.

Such exhaustion. Also, don’t mind the messy rug. Their scratch pad is next to it so scratch pad crumbs get everywhere.

They’re living their best back porch life, you guys. Get on their level.

They’ll be hissing at each other in 3…2…1.

In other cat news, I had the saddest dream about my best cat Marcy (R.I.P. Pretty Rainbow Sparkles). She had run away to this housing development very close to where I grew up, called Deer Park. For whatever reason, I walked the whole way there instead of driving and when I left my home in Brookline, it was spring, but by the time I made it to Deer Park, there was a considerable amount of snow on the ground. So really, in Pittsburgh, this definitely could have been plausible, lol.

Anyway, I was crawling around next to someone’s house, super early in the morning, like 4am or something ungodly, trying to get Marcy from under a bush or something, when the homeowner came out and I was like oh shit I swear I’m not a burglar please don’t call the police or exercise your right to shoot ’em up on your property.

But the broad was like “ok peace” and got in her car like it was no big deal to find someone laying on their stomach under a bush in her yard.

Meanwhile, Marcy had scampered away and she ended up in someone’s house and then I was there too without ever having knocked on the door or anything because MY DREAM MY RULES and the lady in the house was holding Marcy. I could tell she was really starting to get attached and panicked that she would want to keep her. I was scrambling to rip Marcy from this dumb bitch’s arms and I was begging her to be gentle because of Marcy’s tumor (which she had in real life).

Then, and this is the worst part, I said to the lady, “She actually died a few years ago; this is just a dream.”

FUCK. OUCH. NEEDLES IN THE HEART.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her and miss her and convince myself that I can still feel her fur in between my fingers and hear that guttural growl she would slowly emit when she had had enough of my incessant cooing and groping.

I miss her :(

I came home on Friday after a relatively quiet, boring day, to find a package on the front porch. I thought it was probably another box of boringness for Amazon-addict Henry (j/k – everything he orders from Amazon is actually supplies we need for our greeting card business but it’s still boring shit). When I got closer to the porch though, I SAW THAT THE BOX HAD A PICTURE OF WINNER ON IT!

It was from my Kpop-bestie Veronica! What a wonderfully unexpected surprise!

Veronica recently attended the Korea Times Music Festival in LA and got to swoon over Taemin for the both of us, and she picked up a t-shirt for me too! As of that wasn’t glorious enough, she even topped it off with an assortment of Kpop swag such as photocards, stand-up cut-outs, and postcards of some of my biases!

My fireplace mantel has so much beauty on it, I can’t even.

Henry tried to steal some of them for his desk at work, and Chooch tried to walk off with the TOP photocard. It’s hard being a Kpop family who hates sharing.

I love everything so much! I don’t have any other friends who are into Kpop so people are always sending me news articles and stuff on BTS because that’s all they know which is nice and I appreciate it, but to have a friend who actually knows which groups I’m bananas for feels like such a luxury!

Ugh, forever my ultimate. <3

Oh man, I am so grateful! Thank you so much, Veronica, if you are reading this! I have been re-looking at everything all weekend and giggling like a weirdo.

(As I’m typing this, Henry is watching Instagram videos of Taemin performing at the Dream Concert that happened this weekend in Seoul. Oh Henry.)

Then later that night, I splurged and bought Chooch and myself tickets to see GOT7 and Henry is too exhausted these days to even do the whole “shaking fist in the air” rigmarole that he used to when I had a impulsive ticket-buying spree. But I justified it by reminding him that this cost like, a quarter of what KCON tickets would have been had they actually released a lineup worthy of our money and travel this year but no, they didn’t. So now we will go see GOT7 in Toronto instead and Chooch is excited because this is his bias group and we missed them the last two times they were in the US because Kpop tickets are $$$$. Ugh.

The next day, I had a coffee date with a new friend I made on HelloTalk. If you’re not familiar, HelloTalk is a language-exchange app, where you befriend native speakers of the language you are trying to learn, and you help each other. It’s kind of frustrating though because even though there is a strict NOT A DATING APP policy, people are still trying to weasel their way in. This is actually how I made my first and only native Korea friend, Kyoung! We don’t use HelloTalk to chat anymore, just KakaoTalk, and he is very respectable and treats me as his noona (older sister).

However, just a week ago, some Korean man from Vancouver started sending me messages and I thought it was going OK but then he was like ADD ME ON KAKAO. I WANT TO CALL YOU. And that freaked me out.

Around the same time, I got a notification that someone named Jiyong added me on there. And then I saw that they live here in Pittsburgh! Finally, I thought, maybe I can make a Korean friend here who can help me learn Korean. Plus, Jiyong is also G-Dragon’s name so I felt like this was meant to be! The next day, we started to exchange messages and they asked, “So, you like Bigbang?” because I have that in my profile, lol #koreaboo.

Henry was like, “Please don’t embarrass yourself…”

(I was able to read this, because it’s Korean that’s relevant to my interests so I could figure it out, lol.)

But they seemed OK with chatting about kpop and they also weren’t asking me things like ARE YOU MARRIED ARE YOU SINGLE CAN I CALL YOU IMMEDIATELY SEND ME SELCAS so I felt good about this. I suggested that we meet up for coffee, because they were also looking for help with their English. Jiyong is from Jeonju, South Korea and moved to the US about 3 and a half years ago for work. Jiyong also lived in Hongdae, which is my favorite neighborhood in Seoul!

Henry kept joking that I was going to leave him, and I was like, “Hahaha, yeah but seriously will you drive me to the cafe and stay in the area in case things go awry?” And on the way there, I was starting to feel a bit of nerves and said, “I wish that it was a girl I was meeting. I would feel more comfortable if it was a girl, and this would feel less like a blind date.”

“You’re so awkward around girls, though,” Henry pointed out, BUT STILL, HENRY.

We had set 2:00pm as the meet-up time, and the cafe was only open until 5. I told Henry that I highly doubted we’d be there the whole time, probably just an hour, so he said he wouldn’t go far.

Anyway, he dropped me off and when I walked into the cafe, the first thing I noted was that there was a Korean woman sitting alone at a table. We made eye contact, but I started looking around for a Korean man when I realized that she was starting to stand up.

“Erin?” she asked, and that is how I found out that—PLOT TWIST—Jiyong is a girl!

YOU GUYS, I FELT SUCH RELIEF.

Anyway, I won’t bore you with the details of me interrogating her about the ins and outs of her native language (thank god she came prepared with a notebook because we used the hell out of it), but it was a really great time and I felt like it was hopefully the start of a new friendship! She was really surprised at how much I knew about the culture, like certain TV shows, food, locations of Seoul, and I tried to shrug it off like it was just a casual thing and not because I’m a fucking crazy lady who gets Korean news alerts on her work computer and watches about 90% full-Korean television programming.

She did mention at one point that her name is commonly only used for boys (NO KIDDING!) but that her grandma really wanted a grandson and already had the name picked out! It’s a good, strong name, though, and I think it’s beautiful either way.

The cafe we chose for our meeting was Arriviste and I had the most spectacular honey latte which honestly was just the cherry on top at this point.

The next thing I knew, it was nearly 5 and I had missed a text from Henry that said, “I guess it’s going well…?” Apparently, he was sitting in the parked car, watching The S.H.I.E.L.D. for three hours, LOL.

Jiyong took this picture of us, with evidence in the background that we were actually doing language things, lol. Also, #MyFakeSmile

We already have plans to hang out again in two Saturdays! I may be a lost cause when it comes to speaking Korean at this point in my life, but I’m hoping that I can get to the point where she can talk to me in Korean and I can at least understand her enough to answer her in English. I’m like, learning disabled in my old age.

What a great weekend so far! Hope Game of Thrones doesn’t completely ruin it tonight, haha.

It’s Friday, you guys, which means I’m that closer to the next amusement park trip! However you have to get through the work week, amirite?

Anyway, here’s some stuff – well, five to be exact since it’s FRIDAY – that went down this week. Can’t promise it’s going to be exciting or informative, but I’ll throw in some photos that may or may not enhance the narrative.

1. RING THE BELL

Not a shocking secret about me but I live across the street from a church and I don’t ever remember the church bells ever ringing but suddenly, for the last several weeks, the church bells have awoken and are here to fucking announce every goddamn hour of the day from 8am to 9pm and it is fucking obnoxious, this relentless throbbing-tinny hourly countdown. I don’t know if they got a new priest over there who was like “Well shoot y’all this church has got BELLS? Let’s dust those Heaven-horns off!” I’d like for him to dust the NOVELTY off because this shit is wack and after last Sunday, I can’t hear them ding-donging without bracing for a dragon to come forth and torch my town.

I’m going to report this for a noise violation or whatever you call it.

Random picture that Henry found on his phone from the trick eye museum in Korea. 

2. Happy Broken Family

You guys know how Henry’s son Blake and his fam live right next door to us? Well, you can imagine how often Chooch is flitting back and forth between the two houses—he is obsessed with his big brother Blake. Well, yesterday he came back in the house and said, “Something weird happened. The shirtless Italian guy with the dog who lives next to Blake saw me coming out of Blake’s house and said, ‘So is that uh…..um….your….uncle?’ and I said, ‘No, it’s my brother’s house’ and he said, ‘Oh, and your other dad lives next door?’ I said yes, but thought it was weird that he called you my ‘other dad,'” Chooch said to Henry with a shrug.

I thought this was unusual as well, but then Henry said, “He probably thought you were talking about Calvin when you said it was your brother’s house.” Calvin is Blake’s son, Chooch’s nephew. So he thinks Blake is Chooch’s dad! I AM FUCKING DYING AT THE THOUGHT OF THIS, Chooch having “both dads” living right next door to each other!

This morning when I left for work, Calvin was at the window playing with his cars so I was waving to him when I noticed that Italian Guy’s Shirted Brother was outside with the dog, watching me. We waved and said good morning to each other and as soon as I was far enough down the sidewalk, I started laughing all over again because those guys must think , “Wow, those people really get along great for a broken family!”

3. LA ANNUAL STICKING OF LA FINGER

Ugh, why do I put myself through this every year? Oh yeah, for better insurance rates or something, I think? Anyway, my appointment for the wellness screening was at 10:06am on Tuesday, and I had chosen to fast. I was running around the department like a crazy person that morning, crying to everyone who would listen and repeating, “ohmygodohmygodohmygod” over and over. “It’s like Jeffrey Dahmer is running the place,” Glenn said, having already gone up for this screening. “Blood everywhere!” I screamed at him to shut up and I know it was a joke but now I was picturing blood dripping down the windows of the 28th floor and was starting to get that ol’ familiar nervous knee-knocking.

Finally, Amber saw me cowering at my desk when she was en route to her appointment, which was about 40 minutes earlier than mine, and said, “Oh for god’s sake, just go up with me now” YES, LET’S GET THIS OVER WITH.

I was so spastic that I was actually trying to pull the pen out of the lady’s hand while she was using it to point out the spots I needed to fill in on the consent form. Like, I was aware that I was doing it and it was coming across as super rude, but I literally could not let go of the pen. It was so embarrassing. What is wrong with me.

DON’T ANSWER THAT.

First, some broad called me over to weigh me and measure my waist, etc. I was like, “IS THAT AN OK NUMBER??” about my waist size and she said, “Yes, all your numbers are good!” So that made me feel better. Then she was having a coughing fit and trying to talk to me about it but I was like, “Look, this is about me and my numbers,  not your damn windpipe, alright.”

She sent me back to the fake triage area and I was supposed to be the next person to get called back for the actual fingerstick portion of the traveling blood bath, but the next available screener was adamant about taking Amber first even  though Amber tried to defer her spot to me. Turns out,  this was a blessing because the screener I got was A-MAZ-ING. She had two thick bleached strands of hair framing her face, and I could picture her being a total badass in the 70s. She looked at my form and said, “Oh, my birthday is the day after yours! Well, with about a 20 year difference,” she laughed.

“Yeah! Leos are the best!” I exclaimed and we spent nearly the whole time talking about how amazing our zodiac is and I was really on the verge of asking her if she wanted to hang out sometime but thought maybe that would be inappropriate since she was in the process of stroking blood out of the pad of my middle finger.

Guess what you guys?! This was the best screening I’ve had to date.

“All of my numbers are in the ‘desirable’ range!” I bragged to Henry via Kakao.

“That’s good,” he replied and I was annoyed that he didn’t seem more stoked about this. He didn’t even use any emojis!!!

That’s fine, I guess I’ll just take my hotly desired blood elsewhere.

4. CHOOCH THE RUTHLESS

Call me old fashioned, but I’m a firm believer in the dying art of sending thank you cards. YES, SOMETIMES I FORGET TO DO THIS MYSELF, because life is a trainwreck sometimes, but I thought it would be nice for Chooch to send Thank Yous to the people who came to his recent birthday dinner in order to teach him some etiquette (meanwhile Henry’s over there desperately trying to teach him to use double negatives).

The thing with Chooch is that he may be naturally brilliant in so many things, but when it comes to shit like correspondence, he has no clue. He will put his own name on the envelopes of cards being given to other people! HE DID THAT TO MY MOTHER’S DAY CARD….

LAST YEAR!

Anyway, I noticed that he was writing all of his messages on the left side of the card, leaving the main side all blank and weird-looking. So I suggested, in a nice, non-pageant-mom-y way, that perhaps he could draw a picture on the sides that he left blank, so they would look less weird. So of course he drew a clown on Haley’s and Wendy’s because they hate clowns (Wendy’s also featured Meghan Trainor) and then for Janna’s, after insulting her on one side, he drew a picture of her mom beating her and this is funny because we have this joke all the back from 2014 where Janna’s mom beat her for using her car when she went to Nemacolin Castle with Corey and me. Her mom originally said she could use the car, but then forgot about it I guess because once we arrived at the castle for the tour, her mom called and was like WHERE IS MY CAR and Janna was like MOM, YOU SAID and Corey and I were AW SHIT, JANNA’S GON’ GET IT! But Janna insisted that everything was fine once she hung up with her mom.

Later that night when we went back to Janna’s to get our cars, Corey joked that if we waited long enough, maybe we would see the silhouette of Janna getting whipped by her mom and Henry to this day still doesn’t think this is a funny story but Corey and I would cry-laugh every time it came up.

Uh, anyway, this card was a nice homage to old times.

5. JANNA’S BIG DEAL BIRTHDAY

I took Janna out to dinner for her birthday on Wednesday. She originally said she wanted to go somewhere with good desserts so I was like, “Maybe something Italian then?” and she was like “I COULD DO ITALIAN” so then I spent ALL THIS TIME on that app that I loathe (#UghYelp) only for her to suggest The Abbey hours later. THE ABBEY IS NOT ITALIAN. But I wasn’t mad though because that let me off the hook of searching for the perfect birthday dinner venue which I am not great at because we all know I’m such a megalomaniac (see above re: LEOS RULE).

Then Janna wanted to sit outside and I was like “Ugh fine it’s your birthday” but I am not a fresco diner! I prefer sitting inside almost always, especially at The Abbey because it’s an old funeral home! Instead, I did what any mature girl would do and pouted and whined about being cold and then said NO FORGET IT every time Janna offered to lend me her sweater. I am a great dinner companion.

I got the vegan mushroom and spinach ravioli and seitan meatballs and I have to say, the ravioli were FANTASTICO but I have had better-prepared seitan in my travels. It was OK – I liked that it was almond-encrusted but it was very tough and even though the almonds tasted good, it made the whole thing extremely dry. Another annoyance was that my salted lemon tart was so fucking small that I actually thought it was a mistake. It was $6!! And the size of a shot glass! I AM A CHEAP PERSON AND ALSO A FOREVER FAT WHO WANTS BIG DESSERTS.

I mean, it tasted wonderful but I WANTED MORE.

Also, it was really hard to cut through the pastry because it was SO SMALL AND DENSE. I was afraid I was going to send it sailing across the patio with one wrong move of the knife.

Janna got food too.

Afterward, she hung out at my hell house for a few hours and Chooch was in rare form, looking for his wallet while in “meth addict” character and I had ONE BEER at dinner so I was like scream-laughing over this, and kpop videos were blasting on the TV, and Janna was yelling, “Come on, Chooch, stop it!” while Henry quietly sat at the computer and it was a total throwback to high school when I used to have friends over and my brothers would be going batshit with butcher knives and the dogs would be barking and my mom would be quietly laying on the couch watching figure skating, blocking us all out, and it was just a flurry of pandemonium, or as we Kellys called it: “a normal night.”

I had one beer at dinner was so CRUNK (yeah I said it) even by the time we got back to my house that my every movement was exaggerated and amplified, and Henry immediately was like, “Wow you had a beer, I can tell. You always get an attitude when you drink a beer.”

A beer.

That’s me!

Anyway, we made Janna sit through a bunch of Kpop stuff and when the NCT127 appearance on James Corden came on, she asked, “Which one is my bias?” and I said, “Well jeez Janna, NONE OF THEM BECAUSE THIS ISN’T BTS!” (I made her choose a BTS bias a few years ago and she chose Taehyung.)

Yep, just a normal night.

I am obsessed with the new Winner single, you guys.

Straight obsessed. I love how they maintain that upbeat summer vibe without coming off as pigeon-holed or trite. Their songs are just pure happiness and make me want to drag a lawnchair* out onto my tiny patch of front yard and smile and wave to everyone who walks by.

I like to share things like this here because maybe someone is having a bad day and stumbles upon this, clicks on a whim, and experiences a bit of 심쿵 (“shim-koong” – happy feeling in the heart, y’all).

This is why I love Kpop so much.

It motivates me to smile and spread the happiness! And when you get one downer of a news alert after another all day long, don’t you deserve to hit pause on real life and give yourself a couple minutes of pleasing colors and upbeat sounds? I think so. Give Kpop a try. Forget about not understanding what they’re saying. Just enjoy how it looks and sounds!

*(Henry, go buy me a lawnchair.)

P.S. Janna was here last night and the new WayV video came on and she said “oh is this one that you put on your blog last week?” except she called it my “journal” like it’s 2005 but never mind that, the point is that JANNA READS MY BLOG! So if JANNA can click on a video, you can too!