Oh Honestly, Erin

Earth-shattering updates throughout the day, brought to you by Tart-Tits. Please try to continue breathing while taking it all in.

• 15:35 It’s not often I slide a piece of pie across the table for someone else to eat, after one bite. Fuck you, Ree’s Family Restaurant. #
• 16:56 Sometimes? HENRY HOLDS MY HAND. brizzly.com/pic/20Z4 #
• 17:27 Hay! If you’re having a super great day & want to make it terrible, just take it to Henry. He’ll shit all over it for you. No more smiles! #
• 18:42 Chooch: What’s a mullet? [Listens to my explanation] I want it. %^^%@&$@!!??&@ #
• 19:13 Hopefully Sidney Crosby gets a hat trick tonight, else the Jehovahs Witnes I slaughtered for the spell was all in vain. #pens #
• 20:10 I love you, Matt Cooke!! #NHL #pens #
• 20:24 Godard/Boulton fight was fucking stellar, I cheered so loud. I LOVE HOCKEY. #NHL #pens. #
• 21:36 Are we honestly going to get shut out by the fucking Thr ashers? #
• 22:15 Wrote this on the wall at Henry’s job. Can’t stop laughing. Nightcap of easy amusement? Don’t mind if I do. brizzly.com/pic/212D #
• 22:20 I tell Chooch to run; Henry tells him to walk. We are parentally in sync, obviously. #
• ***
• 10:48 I’ve been trying to get Henry to like Circa Survive for 4 years now. I’m starting to think he’s purposely being contrary. Bastard. #
• 11:45 I don’t know why exactly I’m so upset that Dixie Carter bit it. #
• 12:39 The sad thing is, I might actually like some of Justin Bieber’s songs if they were sung by someone legit. Like Tiny Tim. #
• 12:48 Just caught Chooch lip-synching to Adam Lambert. Upon realizing he was caught, Chooch spat, “He’s a bitch.” Way to play it off, son. #
• 14:37 Am deeply saddened that I don’t have any Bone Thugs n Harmony in the car to listen to while Henry is grocery shopping. Mo’ murda f’realz. #
• 15:06 Evans City Cemetery & a Joke of a Pie bit.ly/dBFAAE #
• 16:51 Springtime means scrolling past a plethora of ubiquitous floral shots on flickr. If I’ve seen one flower, I’ve seen ’em all. #
• 17:19 Hi! I can’t wait for Henry to get his own hockey team so he can stop coaching the Penguins from the couch. #NHL #
• 17:25 Godard of all players scores! Everyone’s gonna score tonight but Crosby, watch. COME ON, SID!! #pens #NHL #
• 17:43 SIDNEY CROSBY GETS 50TH GOAL FOR REALZ THIS TIME!!!! I’M PROUD LIKE HIS MOMMY! #NHL #pens #
• 18:59 Today rules! Sidney Crosby bests Ovechkin in goals scored and my boyfriend Phil Mickelson wins the Masters! #NHL #golfthings #
• 19:55 That was one of the most exciting hockey games I’ve seen all season. #pens #isles #
• 20:09 I hope Ovechkin is SICK right now. #
• 22:04 I don’t hate nature, Henry. Just the Amazon. Alaska. Oceans. Ocean floors. Glaciers. Rivers. Ice on rivers. Mud. #
• 22:06 I also really REALLY hate outer space. Like, so much it makes my stomach hurt and I feel dizzy. Stop telling me shit about it, NASA! #
• ***
• 09:13 When the Senators lose to the #Pens in the 1st round of the playoffs, will Carrie Underwood write some shitty country song about it? #NHL #
• 09:42 Damn you, now I’m crying too! RT @skyspun: This commercial made me cry. It’s just really moving to me… bit.ly/dx1zXr #
• 11:19 I’m so glad Brothers & Sisters was 2 hours long last night because I really needed to cry twice as much. #
• 15:31 Do not even get me started on Ben Roethlisberger. But if you wanna bring his jock over here, I have many pairs of sharp-heeled shoes. #
• 20:05 Would suck a dick, maybe even yours, for a date milkshake right now. #
• ***
• 14:34 Not with it today. #
• 14:49 I have heart palpitations all day long, courtesy of my child. The 5 hours I spend each nite at work is my only stress-free time. FUNNY. #
• 15:55 Oh good, because I haven’t had a cop story to tell in awhile. #
• 18:10 Welp. My finger’s still broken. Not to be confused with my donger, which is what i typed 3x previously. #
• 18:39 Put Chooch in the corner where he belongs. brizzly.com/pic/2267 #
• 21:26 Henry’s making me a date shake, about fucking time. I’ve only wanted one since YESTERDAY, goddamn him. #
• 21:39 Hello Henry!! I can’t hear my shows over the blender!! Jesus, learn some courtesy. #
• ***
• 10:23 Today’s Obvious Statement: Cops Are Dicks // www.ohhonestlyerin.com/archives/4645 #
• 10:40 I had a dream that Henry & I were at some store that was going out of business & he bought me some hockey DVDs; I was so happy I cried. #
• 10:47 Chooch is one more asshole-move away from not having a birthday party. We need Janna, the Chooch Whisperer. #
• 12:02 To say I’m excited for the start of the #StanleyCup playoffs tonight is like saying whores enjoy fucking. #
• 12:58 Henry and I are fighting because I said I’d rather eat a human than an animal. Clearly he’ll have to be my first. #
• 13:20 Our waitress at IHOP is super hardcore knowledable about the pancakes here. I bet she has IHOP Lyfer tattooed on her breast. #
• 13:21 Ive never been more afraid of ordering incorrectly. Or forgetting that her name is Nicole, which she’s reminded us 12x already. #
• 13:45 Chooch wants the waitress’s brains. brizzly.com/pic/22IB #
• 14:04 Chooch just asked if he could take the IHOP knife home. #
• 15:20 Another Reason Henry & I Differ // bit.ly/9FuAiK #
• 18:29 Ruffles make me feel regal. brizzly.com/pic/22M3 #
• 19:20 MALKINNNNN!!!! #letsgopens #stanleycup #
• 19:52 Fuck that period. #pens #StanleyCup #
• 22:25 My first collaboration with Chooch! // Zombie note card set by noncomposcards on Etsy bit.ly/dlQgIj #
• 23:46 So far, on Fresh Meat II, I have my hate gun pointed at Laurel. Not only is she an Amazon cunt, but I bet she’s a Red Wings fan too. #
• ***
• 10:02 There’s an unseen bird of some sort living on the neighbor’s roof. I think it’s an owl; Henry says dove. Now he wants to call Bindi Irwin. #
• 12:41 Jesus Christ will always look like him, RIP Peter Steele. :( bit.ly/9UXmRq #
• 13:24 Dropped off a bunch of art at Wildcard today; wish I could have dropped off Chooch, too. Fuck motherhood. #
• 13:52 Is Blake Lively as dead-behind-the-eyes in her other roles as she is as Serena on Gossip Girl? When she says “I love you,” I don’t buy it! #
• 18:11 One of the analysts noticed my pics of Chooch & stopped to have a lengthy photography chat. Made my day. #
• 18:16 I like it when people recognize that I don’t always suck. Except when I’m sucking. Don’t stand too close, else you catch my profoundness. #
• 18:20 Would be fantastic if the #Habs took out the #Caps in the 1st round…that’s replacing my usual fantasy of eating grilled cheeses w/ Alf. #
• 18:42 Poop & Worms, & How They Apply To Henry // www.ohhonestlyerin.com/archives/4653 #
• 21:18 #Habs just had an impressive penalty kill, made me proud. Probably raised Boudreau’s blood pressure a lil’. #StanleyCup #
• 21:59 Hey quick! Someone divorce me and win custody of my kid. #
• 22:11 #HABS WIN IN OT! Ooooh, you just know Ovie’s caveman blood is boiling right now. #
• ***
• 00:25 While I appreciate Versus airing the Stanley Cup playoffs, I always have a hard time hearing the announcers on this channel. Cry for me. #
• 10:52 The new Circa Survive is…goosebumps galore.They always knows how to get under my skin in all the best possible ways. I can’t even… #
• 12:24 Chooch is #
• 12:25 ….posting my tweets before Im done typing them, apparently. #
• 12:29 Chooch just noticed the UPS truck outside & screame d “Maybe Andrea (@mrsevils) got me more toys!” She’s created a monster! #
• 12:57 Awesome! 1950’s Housewife is outside gardening in her peddle-pushers and reminding me that I’m not worthy of my vagina. Fucking bitch. #
• 18:08 If Henry was any kind of man, there’d be sushi waiting for me after work tonight. #
• 19:13 Maybe I shouldn’t listen to this game. #letsgopens? #
• 21:13 That’s the second time tonight I’ve thanked your god for Sidney Crosby. #Pens # StanleyCup #
• 21:25 Fuck all the Sidney Crosby haters. The dirty work he did for Letang to get that goal made my head spin. #LETSGOPENS!!!!! #
• 21:32 And that was NOT the last game played in the Igloo!!!! #pens #Stan leyCup #
• 23:22 Watching Cory Clouston admit that Crosby was the best player on the ice tonight was just the cherry on top of a sweet win. #StanleyCup #
• 23:44 I just scooped caviar with a Pringle out of the gutted cavity of a dead monk. No I didn’t. It was Melba toast. Sorry for fibbing. #
• ***
• 08:58 I don’t think I could have a baby with someone who wears Avenged Sevenfold shirts. #
• 13:05 Housecleaning is for pussies bit.ly/bpQt2M #
• 13:25 My god, housecleaning turns Henry into a bleeding vag. Meanwhile, I cleaned for 5 min. Taki ng my 60 min break now. #
• 13:28 Henry has some nerve, vacuuming while I’m trying to watch TV. He just moved the couch with me sitting on it. I guess we’re in the way. #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter. Now you can rest easy, knowing my (sometimes incriminating) inner-most thoughts, actions and tampon-change. Please do not call the FBI.

Earth-shattering updates throughout the day, brought to you by Tart-Tits. Please try to continue breathing while taking it all in.

• 15:26 Thanks, Fartsmell!! #Pens up 4-1! #
• 16:19 OMG I HATE LOWE’S. #
• 16:31 Alisha had keys made for me. We are SO OFFICIAL now! brizzly.com/pic/1V3U #
• 16:46 Grocery shopping is weird. I don’t know how you people do it. #
• 16:49 Although, there is some jazzy flute-centric song on the soundsystem now that I can REALLY get behind. Alisha ha-ha-hates it. #
• 17:03 Britney Spear has peed barefoot in bathrooms cleaner than the one I just used in Long John Silvers. I’m sure of it. #
• 17:38 If I wasn’t always being RUSHED by Alisha, my last tweet would not have singularized Britney’s last name. Sorry Britbrit. #
• ***
• 00:28 I’ll write a book about my tour of public restrooms, and you’ll buy it. Great, thanks! #
• 01:33 I wonder if I ever killed someone. My cat is soft. #
• 12:00 This is what Hell looks like for Marcy. brizzly.com/pic/1VET #
• 13:20 My mom bought Henry a Bullet Express. He’s ripping the plastic bags off all the pieces like it’s Xmas morn. Oh, Henry. Our lil’ cooker. #
• 17:40 I have a great idea! Let’s not lose to the #Leafs. Again. #letsgopens #
• 17:44 Henry saw a man get tackled at the grocery store for stealing meat. I want him to guest blog about it and he won’ttttttt. #
• 17:57 I didn’t just tweet this. I’m not exactly sure what you’re talking about. brizzly.com/pic/1VJ2 #
• 18:43 If Henry having a food processor means I get to have stu ffed mushrooms for dinner, I’ll stop making fun of him. #
• 19:26 LET’S GO PENS! #
• 20:44 Feels weird cheering for the #Flyers. Probably peeing on a ginger baby will make me right with the world again. #
• 20:49 Chooch: “Daddy, tell us a story about when u were a little bitch.” Yes Henry, tell us. Shouldn’t be hard to remember, was just 5 min ago. #
• ***
• 13:03 Stanley Cup commercials on #NHL Network are making me cry. “What if Mario wasn’t so super?” LOSING IT. #
• 13:33 I think there’s something wrong with my cat Don and to say I’m freaking out might be an understatement. #
• 15:02 Chooch drew a picture of a baby. It was dead on the road. Good job…? #
• 15:51 Henry loves it when we’re in the car and I replay the same song over & over. I’m not annoying. It’s all charm. #
• 16:04 In the mall parking lot, Henry drove the wrong direction. Mall security came flying out of nowhere. Henry got away with it this time. #
• 16:17 Guess who’s not paying $25 for some incompetent 16yo to take a shitty pic of her son in the lap of an Easter furry? #
• 16:52 I’ve just been Vikingnized at McDonalds by some little girl. I think she just adopted me. #
• 17:07 Hay Chooch: hand sanitizer’s effect is negated when hands are immediately wiped under a Mcdonald’s table. #
• 17:37 Blatantly acquired a new boyfriend right in front of Henrys moustache. #
• 19:22 Spent an entire 20 minutes looking for a new place to live and am already discouraged. So very discouraged. #
• ***
• 00:37 Henry’s never punched a mirror. What the fuck kind of pussy have I been dating for the past 9 yrs? Good that I’m finding this out now. #
• 10:25 My favorite part of the day is when Chooch & I sit quietly drawing zombies. The other 16 hrs of the day are too noisy, hurts my patience. #
• 14:36 In my head I pretend Henry & I are Pittsburgh’s Kirstin & Sandy Cohen. Henry’s got the brows, I got the perpetual wine glass in hand. #
• 14:58 I asked Chooch what he wanted to listen to & he said Piece of Veal. I went ahead and assumed he meant Pierce the Veil. #
• 16:09 Chooch told me to get a life. NEWSFLASH, SON: You’re the reason I don’t have one!!! #
• 17:17 Dear @saucalisha, thank you for keeping Bonzi’s harness on for me. You are so thoughtful! Accidentally had a baby in yr tub, though. Sorry! #
• 17:30 There’s some decent looking dads here at the playground. I’m looking to upgrade. Ignor e the big doof in the Faygo shirt next to me, guys. #
• 23:11 When does this Progressive spokesbitch’s contract expire? Tired of her red-lipped feigned quirkiness. About to expire her myself. #
• ***
• 00:33 What kind of father won’t tell my Zombie Farm zombies that he loves them? The Henry kind. #
• 09:46 Imagined being on The Real World & Henry coming to visit, baking cupcakes for all the roommates & frowning at childish antics. #
• 10:26 Sorry Ohio. I don’t answer calls from your state. #
• 14:23 CALL IT LUST AND LET ME GO; AND I HATE YOUR BREATHING. #
• 14:46 “Chooch, where did you learn your numbers and letters?” “Why teacher, in the cemetery, of course!” #
• 15:00 Playing zombies. brizzly.com/pic/1WSR #
• 15:34 Chooch mistook his leg for a tree, pissed all over it. Newsflash: dead leaves don’t work well for urine absorption. Let’s go camping! #
• 15:59 Henry is now trying to teach me the ins and outs of peeing outside with a penis. #
• 19:28 I’ve had an 8-year craving for chocolate chip pancakes. Tonite, Henry makes them. Sadly, one of Sally Struthers’ “kids” has to die now. #
• 20:06 Anyone but Stamkos. Motherfuck, #Pens! #
• 20:45 “‘Something awesome’ happened to me?” Henry repeated. “You act like I won the lottery; I saw a fat guy get tackled.” #
• 21:40 Newsflash Henry: real #Pens fans don’t fall asleep during games, not even when we’re on the verge of being shut out. POSER. #
• 22:43 I might have legit nightmares of that hockey game. Oh, #Pens. #
• ***
• 00:17 Fucking Real World finale chokes me every time. Still an avid Ashley hater tho. I hope she does the Challenges & gets puked on by Tonya. #
• 01:30 Zombies sleep sitting up, ankles crossed. Everyone knows that. brizzly.com/pic/1WZC #
• 10 :43 Henry told me he loves me. Then I looked at the date #
• 11:54 Chooch, glancing at the TV: “Oh, ‘Sixteen and Pregnant’. Awesome.” #
• 13:03 I GOT THE JOB EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO OUTSIDE AND SCREAM. #
• 13:03 Now I just need to find a place to live. #
• 17:18 One puddle in the whole park & Chooch fell in it. Only boy in the world who hates being muddy. #
• 18:07 I’m sorry Henry, but the correct response to me saying “I wish I was on a sports team of some sort” is not a hearty snort. #
• 18:40 Me: We haven’t watched any good mumblecore lately. Henry: Thats because there isn’t any. :( #
• ***
• 01:19 Luongo needs a hug. #NHL #
• 11:33 Chooch built a helicopter. He follows directions way better than I ever did (do). brizzly.com/pic/1XIZ #
• 11:41 Watching Lost Boys, per Chooch’s request. Doesn’t fe el the same now. :( #
• 12:28 Got a box of sweet-smelling body stuff today from @hausofgloi! & by body stuff, I mean lotions etc, not candy-coated kidneys. (This time.) #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter. Now you can rest easy, knowing my (sometimes incriminating) inner-most thoughts, actions and tampon-change. Please do not call the FBI.

Earth-shattering updates throughout the day, brought to you by Tart-Tits. Please try to continue breathing while taking it all in.

• 14:55 Spent a lovely rainy day with mah ninja @saucalisha & am now meeting my new sister for dinner. Henry will miss me for sure. #
• 17:34 I love my sister. That is all. #
• 19:04 Chooch has a nasty slice on his foot and I almost puked while Henry bandaged it. I think I need to sit in a dark room now. #
• 19:11 OMG I THINK CHOOCH NEEDS STITCHES HENRY SAYS NO IM GOING TO DIE. #
• 19:31 Trying to convince Chooch that a vampire’s at our house, sucking on the bloody paper towel left behind from his cut. #
• 20:29 Chooch is offended at Burger King. “Is that all that guy’s gonna do? Pee and not get food??” The nerve of some ppl, son. #
• 22:25 Today was good, with the exception of Chooch cutting off his foot, and that Republican taking a shit in my front yard. #
• 22:32 Alisha: I’m surprised none of yr blinddates ended up being handicapped. Me: Yeah, one was. Wheelchair Steve. Alisha: Oh yeah. Of course. #
• 23:13 I really hate the term “puck bunny.” I prefer “hockey cunt.” I am going to get that engraved on my face. Or at least shaved into an eyebrow. #
• ***
• 00:05 I wish my favorite poet still posted poems. #
• 13:32 Chooch can’t walk thanks to the fact his foot is practically split open. I hope he doesn’t get too used to me carrying him. #
• 13:34 A nd I keep whacking Chooch’s foot off objects while I try to blindly navigate thru the house w/ him clinging to me. Blind leading blind. #
• 13:42 Getting his foot dressing changed by the callous hands of Henry. yfrog.com/4pos6j #
• 13:44 Good job, Jose Three-or-more! #NHL #crapitals #
• 14:05 Pulled out an old journal & an autographed photo of Teresa Strasser fell out. I asked for a sign & the universe began shitting them. #
• 14:19 I’ve been using Twitter for three years now. That’s longer than I kept my first child! Seems excessive. #
• 14:21 Henry: You have such a grim outlook on life. Me: Wouldnt you, if your supposed bff fucked u over? Henry: You have. Touché. #
• 16:01 If there’s a frame on my mom’s wall, you can bet there’s some depiction of Noah and his ark in it. #
• 17:10 Henry’s talking about some day a few years ago that was almost the end of our relationship & I don’t even remember it; am laughing. #
• 17:24 Henry wants me to get “HANK” tattooed on my knuckles & I’m like, Why? So you see yr name everytime I punch you? #
• 17:58 Being Henry: mehoover.livejournal.com/43605.html?format=light #
• 19:25 Does Tampa have any fans at this hockey game? #letsgopens! #
• 21:45 RT @TheConfluence: #NHL Hockey: Call Cooke dirty if you must, but then include OV in the same breath bit.ly/cTGq6o #pens #
• 22:23 Oh my god, Chooch is milking this foot injury. Pretty sure it rivals the time I broke my toe. I mean, wait – my broken toe was more serious. #
• ***
• 01:14 Too bad soul searching didn’t feel more like an orgy on a cotton candy bed & less like being fucked anally by Miley Cyrus’s discography. #
• 12:58 Glanced at my last blog post. I’m writing like English is my second language again, yay! I must have a broken lobe. #
• 14:21 The burning desire to reach cookies made Chooch find a way around his immobility. He’s now sitting on his blanket & scooting. #
• 16:53 Guys on NHL Power Play are defending Ovie, saying he just plays a fast and hard game; but they can’t say the same for Matt Cooke? #
• 16:54 God, I wish Cooke was suspended just so everyone would STFU about it. #
• 17:21 On my way to work, I thought about how Henry & I still hold hands when we’re in the car. Guess we don’t hate each other too much after all. #
• 20:13 I’ve found myself engaged in a silent imbroglio with the security guard at my job. I’m childish so I like it. #
• 21:04 In the cafeteria on my break, thankful for the soft rock playing & my on-going lack of appetite as I sit across from 5 vending machines. #
• ***
• 12:35 I have some intense abandonment issues. I can pinpoint it to the exact moment when I was left in a treehouse when I was 4. Fucking twats. #
• 13:46 Henry’s making Creamy Fresh Coconut Cake! for Easter. I haven’t told him yet, but how can he say no when BH&G touts it as A Spring Classic. #
• 16:16 Thank god for Henry changing Chooch’s bandage. Nowhere in my future lies even a joke I’d be a nurse. #
• 16:20 Chooch just wailed “I hate you” to Henry for rubbing the burn-y red stuff on his cut & it sounded oddly familiar.… #
• 18:55 I think it’s time for me to finally write the whole story, from the beginning when that fateful comment was left on my livejournal in 2003 #
• ***
• 11:24 I’m so happy to have the windows open again! I missed the sound of clanging car haulers & meth addicts shouting on my sidewalk! Oh spring! #
• 11:28 I’m pretty sure I don’t actually have any Irish in me & when I did, I couldn’t wait to get it out of me. #
• 11:31 I think I’m going t o celebrate St Patricks Day by punching a ginger. #
• 13:05 For those who think I don’t exist because I never tweet self-pics: yfrog.com/6u24pdj #
• 13:07 Addendum to last tweet: Notice The distinct lack of green attire. Ooh, I really know how to stick it to those Irish! #
• 14:05 There might be a problem if the ladies at work are asking if I’ve lost weight, & I’ve only been there for 2 weeks. Tapeworm, what now? #
• 14:29 I’m so glad that “erectile dysfunction” dropped by my blog to tell me that he read a few topics, respects my work & added blog to favorites. #
• 14:30 If “erectile dysfunction” respects my work, the sky’s the limit! Maybe “vaginal secretions” will offer me a book deal. #
• 14:46 Hay look @ the dumb! St. Forktrick’s Day: “You’re not wearing any green,” Henry said, semi-accusatory after he saw… bit.ly/a4NvGK #
• 16:59 Forgot how much I used to love Now It’s Overhead. #
• 19:16 No shutout for YOU, Mr. Brodeur. #NHL #pens #
• 19:29 Something you don’t hear very often: “Letang missed the net.” Oh. Wait. #pens #
• 21:34 Just LISTENING to the #pens game was depressing. It’s like they all have crushes on the Devils & go into blushing klutz-mode. #NHL #
• 21:36 “Dammit, Elias took the puck while I was ogling Parise’s stick…hockey stick…” #
• ***
• 09:56 Last nite someone left 2 new stuffed animals on the porch. Guess I shoulda checked them for drugs before letting Chooch sleep w/ them. #
• 10:21 I can’t wait for True Life: I Have Digital Drama. It has the promise of being more riveting than I Need a Transplant. #
• 11:50 There’s a halfway house on my block; 1 of the residents is outside “exercising” by walking back&forth in front of the 2 houses next to mine #
• 12:05 He gets to my driveway & turns around, starts over. Chooch just asked if he’s playing a game. yfrog.com/2sqr4j #
• 12:19 Hay look @ the dumb! The Christina Chronicles: Prologue: I did a bad thing. When my so-called friend Christina fuc… bit.ly/bSLcGY #
• 16:10 I wish I could show Twitter how frustrated Henry gets when he learns I pitched the circulars. He’s ranting. This is how I get my jollies! #
• 16:30 Wouldnt have a prob paying $100 for a grilled cheese if it was served by a singing Cyndi Lauper. It better have exotic cheese, tho. #
• 17:05 Heard on radio: “Remember the last #Pens #Bruins game when Cooke took out Savard…” Wow really? When was that…? #
• 17:27 Would not want to be a #pens fan in Boston tonight. #NHL #
• 18:40 I actually have chills anticipating this #pens #bruins game. Talk about hockey hype night. #NHL #
• 18:43 Consistency what now? RT @NHL NHL.com: #Ducks Wisniewski gets 8 game suspension for hit on #Blackhawks Seabrook bit.ly/adsT4T #
• 19:43 Are there any Bruins fans at this game? The Matt Cooke-inspired boos don’t seem very collective #
• 21:34 BIG WIN, #PENS! Fleury finally gets his shut out. Glad there was no stupid goonism on the ice. #
• 22:50 Coworker to me: “Youre prob too young to remember Walkmans.” HOW YOUNG DO T HEY THINK I AM? I have gray hairs, check it. #
• 22:51 Then before I left, my supervisor said, “Youre just the cutest little girl.” Concern, I have it. #
• 23:53 Puppies and babies might warm your cockles, but for me it’s hockey players nuzzling their goalie after a win. #NHL #
• ***
• 01:19 I’ve seen the Wisniewski hit on Seabrook abt 48x & still find myself sharply intaking my breath. How was he able to STAND after that? #NHL #
• 10:44 How To Ruin a Painting: swear to me that the background color doesn’t matter; then when it’s done, ask that I change the background color. #
• 12:03 Never thought I’d say this but I’m really starting to love my abs. Fitting into pre-preg jeans might also be adding to the ab-lust. #
• 14:14 Chooch just said he has lots of “ambitchin’.” Pass some of that to me, son. #
• 15:14 Bought myself stuff today. Either the earth is off its axis or someone on #SNL did something funny, b/c that almost never happens. #
• 16:09 It’s funny to me now! This is a good sign. #
• 16:14 A billion songs on my Zen and all I listen to is sports radio. When did I become a middle aged man. I haven’t started calling in. YET. #
• 17:22 IT IS SO BEAUTIFUL OUT I WANT TO MAKE OUT WITH YOU & HER & HIM & EVERYONE. #
• 20:09 My boss eats pizza like she’s giving oral sex. Might not need to watch porn tonight. #
• ***
• 00:59 I might start tweeting lines from my old diaries, add a shot of melodrama up in here-ahhhh. #
• 09:13 My cat Marcy always knows when it’s grooming day. The next time i see her she’ll smell like roses, be even surlier, &have a bow on her head #
• 10:22 Do u ever look over & see a carful of lepers, a kettle of HIV+ blood, & Sarah Palin & think “I’d STILL rather be in that car than mine”? #
• 10:30 OCD halfway house guy is back in action! brizzly.com/pic/1S95 #
• 14:18 Rough day at the salon. brizzly.com/pic/1SCP #
• 15:12 It took me a good 10 minutes to explain to Alisha why we cheer when the #pens kill a penalty. Oh, Alisha. To be young & naive. #
• 16:50 Alisha’s acting like we just met or she just noticed how pretty I am. On our way to the roller derby bout! #
• 19:44 Just so you know, that asshole from Kindergarten Cop is at the roller derby. brizzly.com/pic/1SGI #
• 19:47 I’ll try to get a picture of him. Hopefully I don’t disrupt any devious kidnapping plots, inspiring his mom to shoot me. #
• 20:17 OMG I JUST MET @BONECRUSHER!! She didn’t crush my bones but she STUNNED ME WITH AWESOMETUDE. #
• 20:25 Last tweet should say @bonecrusher82! I’M TOO EXCITED TO TWEET PROPERLY!! #
• 20:36 I can’t wait for Semi Precious 10kt to go back to Canada. The cunt. #
• 21:23 Alisha’s favorite thing to do is sit under the stars with her cherry cake. (THAT IS ME IN CASE YOU DIDNT KNOW) #
• 21:24 Alisha just pointed out that cherries and cake are 2 things she’s not very fond of. #
• 22:03 A minute left and the score is 178-49. I think Steel Hurtin’ might win? Dunno. #
• 22:14 I’m cushioning my lumbar on the current. Jot that in your log. #
• 22:58 Getting my gay on at 5801 #
• 23:18 There is so much leather and HOTDANCEBEATS here. AYOOOO. #
• 23:59 I WANT TO HUG THIS BAR NO BIGGIE. #
• ***
• 00:08 You know what’s gonna be super funnnnnnnnnnnn? When i try to Stand uppppppp! #
• 00:29 I just very nearly took out innocent bystanders doing jumping j acks in a barrrrrrrr. #
• 10:55 Woke up today to find that I was replying to myself while drunk. Those are now KINDLY DELETED. #
• 12:25 Henry turned on Retro just as the original Night of the Living Dead started. Chooch is anxiously awaiting “Theyre coming to get u, Barbara” #
• 12:32 For a man who’s not metrosexual, it sure takes Henry a long time to get ready. Maybe he’s attaching prosthetics I don’t know about. #
• 14:14 I hope Henry knocks over a row of Hell’s Angels’ motorcycles toda y. #
• 14:23 Henry dressed Chooch in too-small jeans and a black skin tight skull t-shirt. He looks like an accidental scene kid on the playground. #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter. Now you can rest easy, knowing my (sometimes incriminating) inner-most thoughts, actions and tampon-change. Please do not call the FBI.

Earth-shattering updates throughout the day, brought to you by Tart-Tits. Please try to continue breathing while taking it all in.

• 19:17 An infomercial for Time Life Pop Memories of the 1960s is on & suddenly I’m sitting on a stool in my grandparents’ kitchen. HEARTACHE. #
• 19:20 This whole week has been a melon baller to the heart. #
• 21:46 I DVRd the Time Life pop memories infomercial so that I could re-enjoy it later with Henry, which is what is happening right now. #
• 21:51 Henry loves when I drink wine and tell him stories about my childhood while laughing and spitting all over him. I wish he was Henry Mancini. #
• 21:56 Henry’s working on making me a swing made of flowers to sit on in the house, he just doesn’t know it yet. OH I YEAR N FOR THE 60s. #
• 22:22 My cat Don just told me, “Grandma, sometimes I feel so bad for you, I sit here while you’re sleeping & cry” & I said, “Aw thanks, kid.” #
• 00:23 Congrats to Finland’s hockey team, grabbing Olympic bronze. I like saying Teemu’s Selanne’s name as if I’m wearing a headgear, spit flying. #
• 02:32 If I ever feel fooled into wanting another child, I hope I come back and read this tweet. #
• 09:53 I don’t like many female singers, but Adele makes me cry. #
• 14:08 I am a goddamn mess. I actually just laughed at myself, which I suppose is better than slitting my throat with a frying pan. #
• 14:34 I’m really sick of seeing skis. Men’s hockey gold medal game, any day now. #Olympics #
• 14:48 I asked Chooch if he wants to have an Easter egg hunt. His response was, “Easter hates you.” He’s so mean, where does he get it??! #
• 15:21 WHAT’S UP GOLD MEDAL HOCKEY???? #olympics #
• 16:30 I think I dislocated my elbow. Just another hockey-viewing injury. #teamusa finally on the board! My loyalties are so confused right now! #
• 16:48 I hope this #Olympic gold medal game helps turn my football-fed country on to hockey. #
• 17:35 THIS is how a gold medal game should be. Parise’s goal with 24 seconds left actually brought tears to my eyes. So exciting! I love hockey. #
• 17:55 That’s the only way Canada should have won – Crosby scoring the gold medal winning goal! #teamcanada #
• 17:57 I feel so conflicted!! I’m so happy for Crosby, but fucking USA had all the heart. #
• 18:10 #teamusa is making me cry. I want to give them all a hug and remind them how fantastic they are. I’m looking at you, too, Ryan Miller. #
• 18:13 All the Sidney Crosby haters are puking now, probably not as much as Alex Ovechkin though. #
• 18:16 Sidney Crosby got a Stanley Cup and an Olympic gold medal in the span of a year. What did Ovechkin get? Uglier. #
• 18:19 A sentiment worth echoing // RT @penschat Don’t care how this game ended, Ryan Miller is a national hero. #TeamUSA #
• 21:12 “Lets Have a Party”? Srsly, Olympic closing ceremonies? Sounds like it belongs on one of those Olson twins straight-to-VHS movies of the 90s #
• 21:13 Though I suppose it was mildly more palatable than hearing “whoa-oa Vancouver” chanted semi-monotonously for 15 minutes. #Olympics #
• 22:21 If the cast of Degrassi doesn’t make an appearance in these closing ceremonies, I’m gon’ be pissed. #
• 22:26 The always enjoyable giant inflatable beaver. #
• 22:42 Remember those #Olympics? I miss them. Even curling. (Maybe.) #
• 23:15 Get on that, Hank!RT @lifeinflux I want you & Henry to get married so you can be on The Marriage Ref! You’d set national tv ratings on fire! #
• 10:47 I get to try this employment thing again tomorrow apparently. #
• 14:36 March! It’s you, you’re here! Let’s resume our annual love affair. #
• 14:42 Wearing my Sidney Crosby Defender cape today. It’s purple and fringed with stripper tassels. Don’t cross us. #pens #teamcanada #teamusa #
• 18:16 There’s nothing quite like eating a vegetarian sloppy joe with paint all over my hands. #
• 19:02 RT @TSNBobMcKenzie Two thirds of all Canadians, around 22 million, were watching on TV when Sidney Crosby scored GWG in OT. Two thirds!! #
• 21:27 Chooch was good at Target so his reward is Zombieland. Naturally. #
• 23:35 Trying to condense a 6 year history between 2 girls into 1 email is easier than you’d think! I’m lying! WHAT’S UP PITTSBURGH?! #
• 00:29 If someone looked in my window & saw me crying, they’d think I was watching Steel Magnolias, not some Team USA spot on the NHL Network. #
• 11:16 If ever I’m looking for a 100% guarantee of frustration, I only need to ask Henry for directions. #
• 11:17 No one can make scenes of the Apocalypse manifest before my eyes better than Henry. A 60-sec phone call & I’m looking for things to break. #
• 11:39 I doubt the plumbing in my house is strong enough for all the psychic sewage I need to dump. I know: I’ll just take it to @saucalisha’s. #
• 12:06 I think if I were ever to have my stress taken away, I’d go into apoplectic shock. #
• 13:31 I hated the early, Anna-centric episodes of The OC. Someone put that in my obit. #
• 15:04 If I could cut myself in half to please everyone, well….I still wouldn’t. #
• 15:07 THATS IT! I eat too much paint. RT @vagynafondue There’s nothing quite like eating a vegetarian sloppy joe with paint all over my hands. #
• 16:01 The first episode that I ever saw of Silent Library is on right now, bringing with it instant happiness. #
• 16:04 I mean come on, who wouldn’t eat a sweaty man’s spaghetti shoelaces for $300? Other than rich ppl and anti-glutenites? #
• 16:08 Lady Gaga must feel proud that she has enough hits to warrant an entire episode of ABDC in her honor. She can probs retire now. #
• 16:56 I think Henry just helped one of my ex boyfriends pull out into traffic. #
• 21:13 I am not supposed to be texting from my new job but I wanted desperately to break that law. Down with the Man. #
• 08:46 Trying to finalize the plan to leave Henry for Trey Songz. #
• 10:09 CHOOCH JUST SAID “I WANT DADDY TO MARRY YOU” & I AM DYING. HAHAH. #
• 10:32 You want pancakes for breakfast, you say? Ramen noodles it is! #
• 10:58 Fuck LiveJournal. Yes, that’s right, I left the Internet version of a Mormon compound & lived to talk about it. #
• 12:57 My phone is never as active as it is right before the #NHL trade deadline. Wow, is my life rich or what. #
• 12:59 I think I’ll post nothing but tweets and my shitty fiction in my blog for an entire month!! The Fresh Beat Band says “Yeah yeah yeah.” #
• 15:05 Imprinting is real. #
• 15:47 Finding a good secretary is HARD. Henry’s not doing a good job. Apparently he has another “job,” whatever THATS all about. #
• 19:45 Um. I kind of love this new job. #
• 20:39 My boss enjoys her peanut butter toast with sunflower seeds on top. OMG ME TOO. #
• 08:51 Why can’t Justin Bieber just play t-ball like normal kids his age. #
• 12:28 I bow down before Chooch’s computer proficiency. I’m pretty sure when I was 3, I was eating paste and smearing poop on walls. #
• 13:06 My kid is always pushing me out of my comfort zone. Like when he makes me use the oven to cook frozen fries. I’m so harried right now. #
• 13:18 How do you like your grilled cheese? #
• 13:31 Chooch and I are convinced that @mrsevils is Santa Claus. Another box of murder arrived on our front porch! #
• 13:34 Another fantastic ornament for my dome, made by @mrsevils (mrsevils.etsy.com)! yfrog.com/b5ke0wj #
• 00:56 At the end of the day, my only role in life is that of cat mattress. I’m cool with that. #
• 07:41 I can’t concentrate with all these nuts in my face. #
• 10:32 Christ, if this is how I feel NOW, what would I do if HENRY ever left me? The Internet might break. #
• 10:33 Even Mopey Time has commercials: holy shit, Cupcake Pebbles???? #
• 11:29 RT @NHL Burke: “I think people who watched the Olympics would be hard-pressed not to fall in love with our game.” bit.ly/awEBLp #
• 15:08 Cupcake Couples CUSTOM LISTING by somnambulant on Etsy bit.ly/bygw93 #
• 16:44 Like I needed more evidence that Ben Fuckerberger is a raping asshole. God, I hate that piece of shit. #
• 21:07 I hope Henry has the wahambulance waiting for me when I get home. Oh hahaha. #
• 23:29 God bless flax seed, am I right. #
• 23:44 As if it wasn’t bad enuf Ty from Real World DC pushed Andrew off a ledg e, he got himself an internship w/ the Capitals. That motherfucker. #
• 12:16 I wish the Dannon Danimals slogan was “Get your breast out.” #
• 13:17 Hockey to Chooch is like an unwanted sibling and he acts like a spoiled brat everytime it’s on. #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter. Now you can rest easy, knowing my (sometimes incriminating) inner-most thoughts, actions and tampon-change. Please do not call the FBI.

Earth-shattering updates throughout the day, brought to you by Tart-Tits. Please try to continue breathing while taking it all in.

• 15:43 The noises in my house right now make me wish I own a shotgun. #
• 15:45 Chooch just told Henry that I hit him, he fell down, & then I hit him again?!?! But he left out the part where I burnt him with a lighter! #
• 19:33 MAMA’S TRYING TO WATCH THIS HOCKEY GAME STFU. #pens #
• 21:32 Jesus Christ, I love Sidney Crosby!i can’t wait to watch him in the Olympics! #letsgopens #
• 22:34 I need a shot of te stosterone. Or heroine. #
• 23:07 It seriously starts out with Justin Bieber? Fuck this “We Are the World.” And Miley Cyrus probably doesn’t even know where Haiti is. #
• 00:21 I feel guilty but I want the men’s Canadian hockey team to win gold. #
• 08:18 Henry is right where he belongs: in the kitchen. #
• 14:36 Alisha spent 15 minutes talking about the “breakdown” in the 90s hit “All For One” by Sting, Bryan Adams and Rod Stewart. #
• 16:16 Pretty sure I’m going to wear a clown wig from now on. #
• 21:42 Me: it’s not easy being me. Henry: it’s not easy being WITH you, either. #
• 21:43 While watching the #Olympics, I enjoy accusing athletes of cheating & then sitting back while Henry defends them passionately. #
• 22:48 I love/hate getting sucked up in the Olympics. I especially like making faux-hateful comments that raise Henry’s bushy brows. #
• 22:52 The way the guy says “I’m right here, & I always will be” in that Kay’s spot makes me feel like he should be pressing a gun into her side. #
• 23:36 Just made Chooch’s Valentine, elementary school-style. Red construction paper heart, lots of red glitter. No patience for macaroni though. #
• 08:58 I wish Jillian Michaels was my Valentine. #
• 09:07 Henry just winked at me. What year did I wake up in. #
• 09:16 I fucked up by going traditional with Chooch’s valentine. The first thing he said was, “Um, why aren’t there any zombies on it?” #
• 09:38 Old school Vday picture of Chooch: www.ohhonestlyerin.com/archives/366 #
• 11:06 Henry suggested I make greeting cards that don’t offend so many groups of people. I’m pretty sure my head transformed into a question mark. #
• 11:14 I really feel like the Kay’s commercials subliminally promote murder. I’m writing them a letter. #
• 13:12 Nashville Predators is the only team I don’t know jack about. #letsgopens! Give mama a VDay win! #
• 13:31 Chuckle City as usual with these FSN announcers. Oh Bob & Steigy. #bringbackmikelange #
• 13:34 I can’t WAIT to watch Crosby play in the #Olympics. #
• 13:43 Ate a fist-sized Reeses heart; pretty sure I’ll be puking @ some point 2day. But really isn’t that what VDay is for? Nausea? Puking? Murder? #
• 14:58 FREE CANDY! #letsgopens #
• 19:35 Figure skating is my least favorite but at least I can have fun heckling. #douchinguptheolympics #
• 20:25 It’s a good thing I don’t have a screen printer. #
• 09:00 I think I already hate someone here. #
• 14:14 Don’t care what the critics say: “3 Cheers For Sweet Revenge” will always be My Chemical Romance’s opus in my eyes. #
• 16:11 If you ever want to see my son get all up in arms, take a bite out of string cheese. “Youre not doing it right!!!” is what he’ll scream. #
• 17:09 The way Henry said “You’re annoying” to me, it was almost as if it just now occurred to him after 9 years. #
• 22:53 It seems like every time I look up, someone on my TV is falling. Bad Olympians. #
• 23:01 Don’t you ever try to hack off my leg again. I need it for the ant parade. #
• 23:04 I kept my mouth shut about Undercover Boss. But now Minute To Win It & The Marriage Ref? TV needs to get a fucking life. #
• 06:49 Henry just said “It’s not like we’re living high on the hog” & I might puke from laughing. #
• 07:52 Perhaps old school Dance Gavin Dance wasn’t the best choice of music for my morning commute. #
• 08:18 I think i just found an Elenore replacement. Suddenly I can’t remember how to spell Elenore’s name. #
• 09:17 Remind me again how I wound up with two jobs. #
• 10:23 Thinking about the men’s Olympic hockey starting today made me cry WTF. #
• 10:52 I really have no right to feel so sad today. Maybe I should find a clown to fuck. That usually helps. #
• 12:15 Shelly Lee, Rep #58? You’re a cunt. #
• 14:43 My new goal is to meet a real life curler. #
• 14:43 That replaces my old goal of interviewing a bait shop owner. #
• 14:50 Great, but what about my grenades: In Virginia, you can now carry a loaded gun into a bar as long as you don’t drink bit.ly/ddbhVI #
• 14:58 MEN’S HOCKEY FINALLY OMG. #
• 15:34 Bobby Ryan scores on his NHL teammate. Awkward! #olympics #
• 15:42 All pendants are $10! Just enter the word MOIST in the message to seller upon check out & I’ll issue $2 refund. tinyurl.com/yeaq7rg #
• 16:03 Ryan Malone scores! He’ll always be a Penguin in my heart. #Olympics #
• 19:17 The new @circasurvive track is sick, not that I expected any less from one of my all time favorite bands. I can’t wait to see them again! #
• 20:02 How did country music become synonymous with the #olympics? And can curling please go away now? My TV wants real athletes. #
• 20:04 So CNBC finally stops jacking off over curling and the #teamcanada hockey game has been playing for nearly an entire period. Awesome. #
• 20:28 Lol RT @penschat Breaking news: @NBCOlympics to preempt the 3rd pd of tonite’s Canada-Norway game in favor of Olympic Hot Dog Eating contest #
• 20:45 I feel cheap, cheering after a Mike Richards goal. #teamcanada #flyersstillsuck #
• 21:49 My prom date Jarome Iginla just got a hat trick for #teamcanada! Olympic hockey is sexy. #
• 22:32 Apparently Iginla’s last goal went to Nash instead, but Crosby still had 3 assists & Iginla called him best player in the world, TRUTH. #
• 08:46 Hope this is the final answer // RT @NBCOHockey Scoring changed on Canada’s 8th goal, credit goes to Iginla, and he gets the hat trick. #
• 11:13 Here’s Henry: “Get a job NOW!” & when I get a job? “When are you coming home are you done yet did you leave yet???” FUCK. #
• 13:15 Home from my dumb job; have to take some test for a Census job later. I miss being a lady of leisure. #
• 13:16 At least I have a recording of Team Russia’s hockey game from last night. And a pocketful of crack. (Kidding. God.) #
• 13:48 I think today I’ll hate the Swiss. #Olympics #
• 13:54 Apple juice face. yfrog.com/3nbbakj #
• 15:34 Henry, you motherfucker. #
• 15:40 It took Henry this long to realize he fights with me like I’m his teenage daughter. #
• 16:01 About to take some lame Census test, sitting in a stifling library with a bunch of gaybos. HOPE I PASS LOLZ. #
• 16:09 Some people need their hands held through the application process. I might be here awhile. #
• 17:03 I just had a flashback to taking GED test. I now require a bucket of cold water and a sharp slap to the face. #
• 17:12 I spent most of the test duration trying to remember what 9×7 is bec ause I’m super smarteeeeeez. #
• 17:15 Apparently I’m slaloming home. yfrog.com/37yweij #
• 19:25 What? No. I wasn’t at mass. I was giving head in a fireplace. #
• 20:10 As usual, Chooch drew attention in Target with his loud commentary. #
• 23:18 @NBCOlympics I couldn’t wait for Olympic hockey to start, & for what? To miss nearly a full period of Team Canada due to CURLING? #
• 23:20 @NBCOlympics No figure skating on tonight, yet hockey is still banished to NBC’s bastard channels. Makes sense! #
• 23:22 RT @walsha Crash their Twitter accounts, blast them! Every fan enraged with NBC’s treatment of hockey,let them hear from you @NBCOlympics #
• 07:17 If a song has “funeral” in the title, odds are I’ll like it. Unless it’s backed with the grating “vocal stylings” of one Miley Cyrus. #
• 07:57 There are 4 antique shops & a dollhouse mini store in the town I work in case yr looking for a 1800s shoehorn or a bidet for yr dollhouse #
• 10:18 There are scissors within my reach and I’m tempted to give them a free ticket to the Hair Cuttiing Carnival on my head. #
• 10:39 Just sent Henry a sad pic of myself looking super sadly sad. Maybe he’ll buy me a present. Or let me quit my job & go back to being awesome #
• 15:09 One thing I’ve learned while waiting impatiently for #olympic hockey games to get TV-time: America has a shitty curling team. #
• 15:50 I was going to say that I’m starting to resent Henry but I guess since that started back in 2002, it’s a pretty fortified resentment by now. #
• 15:58 This resentment has the stench of aged fromage. #
• 20:00 That’s ok @NBCOlympics. I didn’t need to see that Heatley goal for #teamcanada. I had BONUS COVERAGE of CURLING to “entertain” me. #
• 20:12 Google this “erin is so stupid cuz she wont make dinner only pizza and that is so dumb” and my blog is the first result. Awesome I think. #
• 20:17 Henry: “Just be thankful they’re showing hockey AT ALL. Remember when the Olympics used to only be on one channel?” God, he’s so old. #
• 20:43 Well, I guess showing one out of three goals during this Canada/Swiss hockey game isn’t too bad, huh @NBCOlympics? Fuckers. #
• 21:11 The only way @NBCOlympics could fuck up th eir hockey coverage any further would be if they had Jay Leno announcing. #Olympics #
• 22:01 Sidney Crosby scores in an #Olympic shootout, wins the game & Canada drowns in their celebratory ejaculations. Go #teamcanada! #
• 22:45 I ate a lot of carrots tonight. I said ATE. Not fucked. God. That was last Tuesday. #
• 08:43 Oh my god. I should never leave the house that early on the heels of one of my ridiculous rants. I think I’m in early stages of a coronary. #
• 12:09 They shoulda let ME write this: bit.ly/cIQ016 NBC still refusing to answer questions on why it’s ruining the Olympics. #
• 12:54 I’m so glad I got a job so Henry can stay home playing online poker. #
• 20:05 I guess bitching when you don’t win gold is the new #Olympic sport? Figure skaters make me angry. #
• 20:13 Going to start going to town hall meetings; I have a lot to say/yell. Maybe public access is the way to go; my rants are broad in design. #
• 20:23 Am I the only one not offended by Tiger Woods’ sexcapades? Maybe it’s my dried up well of morals, but fuck who you want, dude. #
• 21:58 Goddammit I need a Valium or some shit. #
• 22:04 At least I’m going to Cleveland tomorrow to see The Used, rather than sulk around being morose like every other Feb 20th. Progress. #
• 22:47 Henry is upstairs. I just called him so he could hear our cat Don talk. I don’t think his heart swelled. #
• 10:01 The upside to not selling my pendants is that I have something for every outfit. Birds you say, pink s weater? Then birds it is! #
• 14:44 I just like giving truckers something to smile about, OK? #
• 16:02 Being lost is awesome. How else would I have a reason to go to Caribou Coffee and immediately find 2 broads to hate. #
• 16:55 Chocolate Bar before The Used, no biggie. yfrog.com/371ugbtj #
• 17:03 @saucalisha Right? Sometimes it’s amazing how awesome my life is. Covet away!! #
• 17:20 I’m choco-sick now. #
• 19:18 MY HANDS ARE NOT SWEATY. Alisha always has to criticize me because she’s JELIS. #
• 19:35 Oh, the people in front of me. I can’t even. #
• 19:45 And I KNOW this other slut is wearing a Bumpit. I’m sure of it. Thought I’d be jealous but no, not so much. #
• 23:35 Great show until the end when I got in verbal confrontation with some dude. Now at IHOP feeding my aggression. #
• 23:57 Alisha likes her meat sweet. #
• 03:13 Words cannot describe how good it feels to be home. All I can say before passing out is FUCK OHIO. #
• 11:26 Have I learned nothing from The Jersey Shore? #
• 12:00 Did not wake up feeling very cool, like I reverted back to one of my past, less stable versions. Not compatible with 2010. #
• 13:51 Maybe if he were a bit more aware, he would know what’s wrong with me. #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter. Now you can rest easy, knowing my (sometimes incriminating) inner-most thoughts, actions and tampon-change. Please do not call the FBI.

Earth-shattering updates throughout the day, brought to you by Tart-Tits. Please try to continue breathing while taking it all in.

• 15:27 Just turned in a debit card I found on an ATM. I’ll take my karma in cash, gold or unicorns, please. #
• 16:39 Ottawa Senators need to lose today, please. Perhaps Norbert and his debit card can help make that so. #
• 17:10 I really wish I was in Canada today. #
• 18:43 WHAA? RT @BreakingNews Actor ‘Rip’ Torn, 78, is charged with breaking into a Connecticut bank and carrying a loaded gun while intoxicated #
• 20:12 I don’t think I’ve ever had proper closure to The OC being cancelled. #
• 23:26 Well. My cross-stitching foray lasted all of two minutes before I freaked out and cried. I’m a disgrace to pioneerwomen. #
• ***
• 00:59 Can’t stop thinking about Norbert and his lost debit card. Sure hope they were reunited, and that it felt so good. #
• 01:18 Barges are disgusting. Fuck all barges. Next time I see one, I’m puking at it. FUCK. I am so angry over barges right now. #
• 09:44 Chooch: Who are those girls? Me: Poison. #
• 11:05 On my way to pick up #Pens tickets, began spontaneously crying to Open:Hand. #
• 11:06 It appears @saucalisha and I have a date at Mellon Arena! yfrog.com/35fdrqj #
• 12:58 Dear @awoodhick, Chooch & I want grilled cheese. I asked you in front of your Twitter friends so if you say no you’ll look like an asshole. #
• 13:41 If I were a religious person, I’d swear my son has the devil in him. #
• 13:58 Yeah, would ya just look at how “overrated” Sidney Crosby is? #letsgopens !! #
• 14:25 Omg this game. THIS GAME!! #letsgopens #
• 14:38 Fleury just can’t get that shutout. #
• 15:08 This is a kneel-in-front-of-the-TV, screaming type of hockey game. #
• 15:11 CROSBY! MALKIN! FLEURY! #
• 17:32 I always feel guilty sort of when I get tweet-happy during hockey games, knowing 90% of Twitter is like “Get a life.” #
• 18:34 9 years later and Henry still shows not an ounce of compassion for my panic attacks/anxiety. Just walked home in 10degrees & he was whatev. #
• 23:29 Henry’s watching Paramore Unplugged while toiling over a lot of serial killer cards. Someone bought 17! #
• 23:34 <3 Frank Turner RT @fthc I am actually fucking disgusted. The definition of punk? The opposite of a Green Day musical. Total fucking shit #
• ***
• 14:46 I guess next time b4 accusing Henry of not paying the electric bill, I should check the fuse box 1st. Chooch & I lived like Amish for 1 hr. #
• 15:20 I love the shock of finding FB profiles of various hoodlums I’ve had to call the cops on during my party days & seeing they have KIDS now. #
• 15:57 Being scalped by Miley Cyrus. #worstfeelingever #
• 15:57 Scalping Miley Cyrus. #bestfeelingever #
• 17:23 Alisha just tried to get me in trouble with a Radio Shack employee and he admitted that I look guilty. Wha???? #
• 20:44 Cr osby is amazing. And no, I didn’t throw my complimentary #Pens totebag on the ice. I like it! #
• 22:01 #Pens score 47 seconds in and Alisha missed it. LOLSIES. #
• ***
• 08:34 Hockey hangover and sore throat. I predict I will be quiet today. #
• 15:38 Why do I have to be cute as a button? Why not a cupcake? Or a grenande? #
• 16:10 Grenande is how you spell grenade when you’re sick. Don’t be dumb. #
• 18:30 I need a nurse. Henry is failing. #
• 18:44 Apparently Henry has a secret collection of change in his dresser which CHOOCH knew abt but not me. SECRETS! So many secrets in this house. #
• 19:06 I’m hardpressed to find anything funnier than scene kids puking on Silent Library. Ever so thankful for a second season. #
• 20:41 2 nongermane thoughts: I should learn to stop exercising while sick; all hockey announcing should be in French. #
• 21:18 Really wish I was more excited about Lost. Maybe if there wasn’t the equivalent to what seems like 2 TV seasons between finale & premiere. #
• ***
• 11:41 I have an interview today for a job that will hopefully last longer than two weeks. #
• 12:42 Trying to teach The Attitude to say “Mother may I?” He goes, “Mother may I have cheese?” but then negates it by yelling, “Go! Do it!” #
• 14:38 I hope I remember how to speak appropriately at this interview. And that I don’t get another false postive on a drug test. #
• 16:03 Ok, so take 2 on this “employment” thingaling, starting Tuesday. Hope it lasts more than 2 weeks this time. Or maybe not? #
• 16:26 When I ask for something deliciously outrageous for dinner, I at least expect a response, @awoodhick. #
• 18:20 Suggested that Henry work 2 jobs & I’ll stay home, make stuff & look cute. He reminded me we already tried that. Oh right = The Dark Days. #
• 18:44 I really want to start wearing veils everyday for no reason other than it w ill make me look saintly & inspire paupers to kiss my hand. #
• 18:45 Then I’ll just need to move somewhere where paupers are handsome like in fairy tales & not urine-soaked bridge dwellers. #
• 19:07 Or am I thinking of paupers I’ve seen in porn…? And where are the veil shops in Pittsburgh? Near the haberdashery? Questions, plaguing. #
• 20:26 Henry’s being such a priss about his guest blogging spot & I’m like what’s the big deal? Only 5 ppl are going to read it! #
• 22:03 If I wish any harder for Ashley to leave The Real World, I might get a nose bleed. #
• 22:0 7 RT @PensDay_Chatter RT @pens_bella_17: #ScuderiforUSA #ScuderiforUSA #ScuderiforUSA #ScuderiforUSA #ScuderiforUSA #ScuderiforUSA #
• 23:15 If I were a dude, I’d have no qualms whatsoever about punching Real World Ashley in her fucking mouth. Go overreact in private, you bitch. #
• ***
• 10:00 Chooch told me to stop mocking him. I have flimsy mothering skills but A+ torturous older sibling tactics. #
• 13:24 Words With Friends will accept Chimla, yet there have been actual dictio nary words it’s rejected. I’ll never understand. #
• 13:48 Watching Lady in White with Chooch. That was one of my favorite movies as a kid but Chooch isn’t very interested. No vampires. No Jason. #
• 14:57 To Chooch, it’s the Pizza Magazine. Not the Pennysaver. Don’t ever call it the Pennysaver. #
• 15:01 If anyone tried to kill my kid, I’d have no problem watching them fall off a cliff. No matter who it was. #
• 17:21 In @mrsevils’ dream, she came to a slumber party at my house where @saucalisha kept calli ng me The General. This needs to happen. Both parts #
• 21:24 I & turning it down for something. #
• 21:27 I’m eating crudités & drinking wine while discussing the Kovalchuk trade with Henry. #themoreyouknow #
• ***
• 11:43 Two things I don’t care about: The upcoming snow storm and football. I really don’t belong in this city. #
• 11:47 2 things that validate me: steady consignment payments & repeat customers. Maybe my art doesn’t suck as much as I thought. Still poor tho. #
• 11:53 Well. At least Chooch now quickly follows his “motherfucker”s with a &quo t;sorry!” #
• 13:12 The Kovalchuk trade actually made it into my dream last night. Clearly my life needs more action. #
• 14:32 Good afternoon! I’m walking through a snowstorm to the post office. With wet hair. I’m a smarteeeeeee! #
• 14:46 Got schooled by some old man when I almost fell while attempting to walk too fast on the snowy sidewalk. #
• 15:54 The Warped Tour iPhone app is fantastic. I’m going to use the shit out of it. (OMG I can’t wait for Warped!) #
• 16:56 I wonder what it will be like when @awoodhick sleeps to death. #
• 17:03 It’s inspiring that a writer as shitty as Nicolas Sparks can get his books made into blockbuster movies. #
• 17:06 Th anks for the #ff lovin’, my #EDT pals! #
• 18:25 The Dipthongs original painting on 6×6 tile by somnambulant bit.ly/atsLDy #
• 20:24 I’ll never let Henry cut Chooch’s hair again. He’s graduated from cancer kid to a baby Rue McClanahan. #
• 22:11 Tall sit-ups are my jam. #
• 22:14 The #Capitals must have read “The Secret.” #NHL #
• 23:11 I just stepped onto my front porch without thinking, like the asshole I am, and wound up with snow halfway to my knee. #
• 23:19 And for the second time today I’m reminded, way after the fact, that I have snow boots. #
• ***
• 01:01 :( RT @nhllive Condolences to Brian Burke on the loss of his son Brendan. All our th oughts and prayers are with Brian and his family. #
• 08:44 I’m going to dive off my porch into the snow, enjoy it for 10-20 seconds, & then promptly return to hating snow’s guts. #
• 08:54 Although, with my neighborhood, there’s always that chance of diving onto a hypodermic needle. #
• 10:31 About to snow dive like it’s an Olympic sport, ya’ll. Here’s hoping I don’t impale myself on any urban weaponry. #
• 10:57 Henry is trying so hard to shovel & I keep cannonballing into the yard, sending snow flying back onto the sidewalk. He is PISSED. #
• 10:58 Fucking asshole motherfucking ass raping snow shit. yfrog.com/au32825693j #
• 10:59 Our Chooch got stranded. We let him sweat it out a little before swimming over to him. yfrog.com/3n1dygj #
• 11:11 Chooch is trying to run from a Kleenex-brandishing Henry but he’s limited considering its a real life Dig Dug out there. Now he’s trapped. #
• 12:49 I’m officially a member of the Monster Etsy Street Team, yay! monsteretsy.blogspot.com/ #
• 13:16 WTF is going on w/ #wordswithfriends. There is nothing to do today! & some retard is trying to ride a bike past my house in all this snow. #
• 13:22 Paul Coffey is still so hot. #pens #
• 14:02 Someone ne eds to make me mayor because I’ve got some fucking ideas that need implemented. #
• 14:03 Go FSN! We didn’t want to watch the #pens game today anyway. #
• 14:19 That was bullshit. Fleury was fucking bulldozed. Awesome revenge goal by Dupuis! #letsgopens #
• 14:22 18:51 and the #pens #habs game is already tied at 1. Weird start. #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter. Now you can rest easy, knowing my (sometimes incriminating) inner-most thoughts, actions and tampon-change. Please do not call the FBI.

 Earth-shattering updates throughout the day, brought to you by Tart-Tits. Please try to continue breathing while taking it all in.

• 16:39 I’m elbow-deep in a mix CD for Alisha and it feels nice and cleansing. Making mixes is one of my favorite things to do. #
• 18:48 Sitting in Taco Bell while Alisha writes a verbal thesis on drapes. #
• 19:57 I was going to say that I might be the worst wii player ever but then remembered that Alisha is playing too. #
• 21:01 Me: I hate this game because I can’t cheat. Alisha: I LOVE this game because you can’t cheat. #
• 21:40 I love Canada. #
• 23:12 Fleury!! Way to not take that shit! I love it when goalies get scrappy. #pens #
• 23:51 PENGUINS! I’m so worked up, there’s no way I’ll be able to sleep after the game ends. I love these late games. #Pens #
• ***
• 10:24 I am an entire floor and two rooms away from the radio in my bedroom, but there’s no mistaking the distinctive intro to Whitetown. Holla. #
• 11:44 Succeeded in offending someone, as usual, on Facebook. You’d think after 10+ years some ppl wouldn’t bat an eyelash at my antics anymore. #
• 12:37 I want to give Callie from The Real World a big fat hug. #
• 14:10 The only way I can please everyone is by hiding who I really am and that’s just lame. Not doing that, no apologies. Fake people are dumb. #
• 14:24 Dear Twitter god, plz pray that the job training I’m going to tomorrow isn’t too good to be true. #
• ***
• 14:21 Well. I apparentally have a job-thing. #
• 14:27 And the first thing I thought was: Now I can donate to Haiti! #
• 15:16 Someone should come take my son for a few years. Hours, I mean hours. #
• 18:25 The first thing I do in the morning is say fuck that shit. #
• 19:55 It’s stupid how much I like data entry. It must be all that missing responsibility attached to it. #
• 22:13 Would have been amazing to see a Fleury/Luongo matchup but we have faith in you, Curry! #pens #
• 23:02 If I could maybe convince Henry that all these years his citizenship has been a farce, then will he marry me? I wonder. #
• 23:13 Omg this goalie sitch would be funny if it wasn’t happening to a team I love. Bring in the 19 year old! #
• 23:26 “Boo the #Pens got a goal, now they’re only 45 goals behind us!” STFU Vancouver. & Luongo, I like u but not when ur imitating my 3yo. #NHL #
• 23:58 No one in the training session today thought to ask how much we’re getting paid. It can’t be any less than what I’m already making. #
• 23:59 Which is, you know – NOTHING. #
• ***
• 00:45 I hate it when girls are on Silent Library. There – one more thing for the book you’re not writing about Erin R. Kelly. #
• 10:47 I love how Henry forces me to get a job and then bitches when he has to do things around the house now. Asshole. #
• 10:48 To be more specific, I asked him to FEED THE CATS OMG! But he’s watching TV! Oh noes! #
• 11:03 “Love Will Tear Us Apart” will always remind me of my Canadian mistake. #
• 15:37 My blog stats have been spiking lately, which makes me believe I’m about to get in trouble for something. It’s not easy being this paranoid. #
• 16:16 At Alisha’s. Evonne brought her Psychic Circle and has invited us to join a coven. I could use some witchiness in my life. Stfu Henry. #
• 18:21 Just spent the last hour being ganged up on and given a deadline for a book outline. I’m scared! And tired. Very tired. #
• 21:42 And that’s the LAST time I offer up my phone so the cat can call her father. #
• ***
• 01:15 I’m really into stripes. But not Westerns. #
• 10:24 The plea for someone to take my kid is still on the table. There might be blood on that table now too, though. #
• 11:42 a nice girl found me interesting eno ugh to feature on a website. you should check it out! awholelotofwhatever.com/?p=688 #
• 14:50 I almost forgot what panic attacks felt like. Welcome back to my overwhelming world, old nemesis. #
• 19:13 I’m working until the new iCarly comes on, and that’s IT. #
• 19:51 I miss miscegenation. #
• 21:18 So far, I have decided that I want my book to be “large.” And I wrote my name in the notebook I’m using for the outline. Exhausting day. #
• 22:43 Good old Further Seems Forever. #
• ***
• 00:03 Dictionary.com tells me “glutes” is a word, so get choked, #wordswithfriends. #
• 09:41 Seeing Kara & her cute baby, I had a fleeting desire to have another kid. Then I took a good hard look @ Chooch & changed my mind. Quickly. #
• 11:29 Chooch wanted me to make him a grilled cheese. I whimpered through the whole process. #
• 14:56 I just found the perfect wedding invitations. So whenever you’re ready, @awoodhick. You asshole. #
• 15:27 Today, I miss Elliott Smith. #
• 20:39 Brent Johnson is the MAN. #pens #NHL #
• 20:47 How The #Pens Got Their Power Play Back. #
• 21:00 It’s hard, even for me, having conversations with someone who’s ignoring you. #
• 22:13 Hat trick for Malkin; 6 point night for Crosby. When the #Pens are on, they’re ON. #
• ***
• 11:38 Chooch is getting his first taste of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. #
• 13:45 I think I need to take a seminar in productivity. #
• 16:33 About to meet my older sister for the first time omg. #
• 20:15 Meeting my sister was surreal yet awesome. We have much in common & I’m excited to learn more. Thanks to all who wished me luck! #
• ***
• 00:32 Joss Stone is my own personal chalkboard scratcher. #
• 11:07 Just walked in on Chooch struggling to put on one of my camisoles. #
• 11:12 #pens / #caps game tonight. Feels like Christmas! I love Ovechkin, but tonight the “Obitchkin” nickname reappears. #NHL #
• 11:15 This is the stuff that should get people interested in NHL & maybe forget football for a second: www.nhl.com/ice/news.htm?id=513677 #
• 12:18 I’m trying to work while the obnoxious sounds of the Fresh Beat Band quickly kills my sanity. #
• 13:05 ALISHA JUST ADMITTED SHE MISSES ME. Hello, diary entry! #
• 17:49 I can’t eat with Alisha watching me ugh! #
• 19:49 I feel like I’m watching a playoff game. Even Alisha was like “hey I want to be like my idol Erin & watch the #pens game tonight!” #NHL #
• 20:51 Thank you, Threeormore!! #pens #caps #
• 23:54 Oh, Conan. #
• ***
• 09:45 When Chooch says, “I have something really important to tell you”, I flinch. #
• 10:19 I love that today’s Urban Dictionary word is “Leno giver”. #
• 10:31 Chooch wants you to please stop calling it Raisin Bran, for Christ’s sake. Everyone knows it’s Raisin Brains. FUCK. #
• 12:21 Anything from the freezer that requires heating in the oven will be retold later as “When I was slaving in the kitchen….” #
• 13:51 I am for real trying to do way too much with my days; you’d think my life was just given an expiration date . #
• 15:01 I find that listening to the Flashbeagle soundtrack while working really ups productivity. #
• 16:07 Henry’s ringtone is so intense, it makes me clench and expect Jean Claude Van Damme to dive thru my window, with explosions in his wake. #
• 20:36 Alisha and I are pretending to be Pitt students at the Pitt/Duquesne hockey game. #
• 20:41 Yeah go Pitt! i need to find a player to latch onto. yfrog.com/35uebdj #
• 21:12 Alisha just thought Pitt got a penalty for splashing and I’m like, “Yes exactly.” #
• 21:40 Alisha and I shared a sink in the restroom. Now we are BEST FRIENDS. #
• 22:32 Alisha just said, “it’s safe to say that I don’t have any other friends who would say the things you say.” good/bad? #
• 22:46 I hate #19 Urso for no reason other than he’s short. A short prick. Fuck off, Duquesne. #
• 23:12 Yay Pitt! Why do I care?? yfrog.com/1yzasdj #
• 02:22 Watched The Tonight Show twice and cried both times like Conan is dying or something. I hate when I project my emotions! Unbecoming. #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter. Now you can rest easy, knowing my (sometimes incriminating) inner-most thoughts, actions and tampon-change. Please do not call the FBI.

Earth-shattering updates throughout the day, brought to you by Tart-Tits. Please try to continue breathing while taking it all in.

• 15:00 Oh it’s not cold out! You don’t need a coat! Go out with wet hair! #
• 15:11 Omg I’m in a library. #
• 16:46 Apparently I’m a cheater for throwing down “sartorii” on Words w/ Friends b/c why should a bumpkin like me know that one. Fuck you, Henry. #
• 14:22 We are all assholes, dumbasses, and jackasses when Chooch is sick, and he hates us all. #
• 16:00 I love Sundays where things get accomplished. That doesn’t happen often which is why I have a longstanding Sunday hatred. #
• 19:49 I’m glad Chooch is done throwing up but will be even gladder when he 86s the surly “I’m sick” attitude. Ppl like that are SO ANNOYING. What? #
• 21:06 Dear Lord, (look at me, all praying & shit) Plz make Chooch better. He’s running out of things ar ound the house to hate. Amen or whatev. #
• 21:11 Before finally retiring to bed (9 is early, he must be sick), Chooch the Invalid told our cat, “I hate you, Marcy. Go cry, bitch!” #
• 21:24 I’m glad my ESPN alert just told me the Pens scored 15 seconds before it happened on my TV. I hate being surprised. #
• 21:25 I guess it would also help if I was watching this live. #
• ***
• 13:33 I’ve been on that annoying Getting Sick precipice for the last few days. I wish it’d just happen already so I can stop zombie’ing around. #
• 18:08 The fact that Henry and I are arguing over who rollerskates better leads me to believe a SKATE-OFF is in order. #
• 18:41 Hay look @ the dumb! Library: Take Two: After writing about my failed library mission the other day, I realized tha… bit.ly/8iJfST #
• 19:43 Henry grew balls suddenly; dared defy me while I was holding a hammer. He’s lucky he didn’t LOSE the new sprouts. #
• 23:54 Just spent the last 10 minutes hysterically laughing, molesting Henry’s suspicions. “You don’t laugh like that unless you did something!” #
• ***
• 09:33 I really want to start a horror movie club. No one ever wants to watch any with me. I’m crying! #
• 18:43 Hay look @ the dumb! Christmas 2009: all that stands out to me is the hair comment: Most of my twenties were spent … bit.ly/77Ps96 #
• 19:16 Seeing Pens score against Sabres would be much more satisfying if I didn’t like their Ryan Miller so much. Hazards of watching other teams. #
• 19:46 I cant wait to get my hands on the new Felix Culpa cd. Henry keeps saying something about if I “be a good girl.” He’s such a creepy uncle. #
• 20:03 If only the Pens could put that much heat on Brodeur. #NHL #
• 23:32 10 Words You Need to Stop Misspelling theoatmeal.com/comics/misspelling from @oatmeal #
• ***
• 00:04 What? Words With Friends doesn’t recognize “goatse” as an acceptable word? To whom do I address my letter! #
• 09:28 Chooch, playing with his Batcave, just asked me, “Do you like this cool setup?” right before Batman said “0wellzorz” to Joker. #
• 13:16 Henry is so livid over yet another shitty experience at Dozen Cupcakes that the spelling in his texts are even scarier than usual. #
• 14:33 I could never be happy being someone’s second best, knowing they’ll always be thinking of that other person. Makes me appreciate shit. #
• 15:42 At the cemetery for our rescheduled traditional Xmas picnic. #
• 18:44 Hay look @ the dumb! TOYS: I’m impressed. Chooch has had his jack in the box for nearly a week and is still playi… bit.ly/5p2bKe #
• 21:22 Oh wow, the Penguins finally get a power play after 58 minutes of play. How generous of the officials. #
• 22:17 Why haven’t the new Real World roommates started fighting yet? Where are the homophobes? Why don’t I have an umb rella in my house? #
• 22:25 I’m glad to see none of these people have superfluous vowels in their names. *Cough* Cancun’s Aaiiiiiyah & Emileeeeee *cough* #
• ***
• 00:59 Sour Patch Kids make wonderful post-purging palate cleansers. #
• 02:23 Oftentimes the cold tile of a bathroom floor is just as comforting as a mother’s embrace. #
• 09:22 I’m on my deathbed & my cruel, callous 3yo just said, “Oh stop crying, crybaby.” :( #
• 13:09 Alisha called to say that the Used tickets have been purchased. I’m so happy I could puke except that there’s nothing left in me. #
• 14:08 #10yearsago I was 20 & inviting people in off the street. #
• 15:27 I really just need to knock myself out. #
• 22:33 The only thing I’ve felt safe eating all day was frozen yogurt. Now I want Doritos so Henry ran to get some. Good boyfriend, that Henry. #
• 23:49 Henry and I are ringing in the new year with achey joints and the cast of The Jersey Shore. I’m not sad about that. #
• ***
• 00:02 Oh hahaha Henry is so mad that we missed the ball drop because as usual I had paused the tv at some point. Happy delayed New Year! #
• 13:02 Winter Classic! Go Bruins! #
• 13:39 I wish James Taylor always sang the National Anthem. #winterclassic #NHL #
• 16:15 Oh please Hartnell, bite a Bruin on national TV. #nhlwinterclassic #
• 16:15 BRUINS! #
• 16:20 Chooch: Ooh, those orange team are so pissed. I’m gonna play hockey & knock down the orange team cuz you hate them so much. #
• 18:08 I love watching Alisha’s face as she watches “Jersey Shore.” #
• 18:48 Hay look @ the dumb! 2KX in the Hiz!: This was me, New Years Eve 1999. I was all set to get all lampshade-wearin’… bit.ly/6Mw4H2 #
• 19:27 Even Snooki from “Jersey Shore” has a real job and I don’t. Great. At least I’ve never been punched by a dude. (“Yet” says Henry.) #
• 21:42 Alisha gifted me with the motherlode of Xmas bounty. I need to join a gym before even considering sampling. #
• 21:57 Mixtape 4×4 ceramic coaster by somnambulant on Etsy bit.ly/7Z8Bx7 #
• ***
• 13:17 To say that my stomach didn’t do flips during the preview for Degrassi’s Love Game would be an outright lie, and I am no liar. #
• 15:37 Penguins just scored their first goal in over 150 minutes of play. Thank god because I almost forgot what it felt like to cheer. #NHL #
• 15:54 Mayhaps this is something other than a stomach bug because I almost maybe passed out. #
• 17:37 Checking out www.postcrossing.com. I’m doing this and Henry can’t stop me. Hopefully I will meet my future husband through the post. #
• 20:24 I haven’t felt this bad since I was pregnant. Don’t even! Shhh! Shut your lips! #
• 21:44 Although, I HAVE been craving Doritos & Orange Julius….. #
• 22:50 It’s only been on for 2 minutes and I’m already so fucking over these Paranormal Activity idiots. #
• 13:55 I managed to eat half of a cheese sandwich and now I’m pretty sure I might throw up. Perhaps it’s doctor time. #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter. Now you can rest easy, knowing my (sometimes incriminating) inner-most thoughts, actions and tampon-change. Please do not call the FBI.