We were supposed to have belated cake for Chooch tonight but the cake person was a no-show today so Baskin Robbins called and tried to get me to take a basic ice cream cake that they already had on hand but I got super upset about this and screamed about it (not to the BR person – they left me a voicemail so my Karen Sesh was directed at Henry) for a good SEVEN MINUTES and Henry was like, “Erin. He’s 17. He doesn’t even care about this cake” BUT I CARE ABOUT IT OK.

In the end, we decided to just do cake celebrating tomorrow night so Henry called BR back and they said sure, ASSUMING THEIR CAKE BITCH ISNT A NO SHOW AGAIN.

This was another really boring weekend. The weather was not great Bob so I couldn’t even enjoy nature-things. I just stayed home all weekend except for earlier today when we went to Las Palmas to look at piñatas for the fiesta I’m hosting next Saturday but I got mad at Henry for ignoring me / not listening to me / being distracted so I stormed out.

Can you sense that there was a theme for today? My explosive anger was on a short fuse today. Im ok now. I went on a long drive earlier and listened to an audio book and then came home and knocked freshly-folded laundry out of Henry’s arms so that felt good.

I know that just because Henry is chained up in the basement while working on the subway sign, that doesn’t mean that I have to stay home too but the thought of making plans is so exhausting/overwhelming to me right now, especially when its impromptu. I don’t know that I have that amount of emotional stamina or stability right now.

Progress shot:

It has its own laptop and wifi!

I just feel like I’m going stir crazy. Normal people I think would make the best of a rainy, quiet weekend by bingeing TV shows, napping, watching a movie, etc but I cannot focus on S H I T. Nothing holds my interest! I’ve abandoned the last several TV series I started (Daisy Jones – I read the book and feel like the show was starting to waste my time, and the latest season of You is just sooooo bad in my opinion). Then I think “ok I’ll watch a movie” but then I spend an hour looking for a movie, starting a movie, stopping a movie.

In other news, Rob who lives on the other side of HNC may or may not be moving out? HNC said he was and it does appear like there has been some moving-out activity taking place but then I noticed today that he replaced the beer sign in his front window with another beer sign. So, who knows. But he was outside doing something last night while BLASTING classic rock.

Today was so boring that at one point, Henry and I – the last remaining people in the country who have yet to watch a single second of anything Kardashian-related – had a disagreement over which Kardashian sister was the oldest. (I have never been more sad to be correct about something.)

I just want to go to an amusement park. Then I’ll be ok.

Apparently it’s National Pretzel Day which means absolutely nothing honestly – I’ll care about a National Whatever Day that gets me a day off work. Until then, it’s all nonsense.

I do love pretzels though. But not as much as HENRY, who eats pretzels as a form of therapy I swear to god.

So I went through my blog and collected some photos of him enjoying a pretzel. I was actually surprised that I couldn’t find more than this, though there were a lot of references of him eating pretzels, just without photographical evidence. I guess I need to do better.

Here he is at Busch Gardens Williamsburg, paranoid that someone’s going to pickpocket his pretzel.

Sometimes he treats himself to an entire bag of soft pretzels. I feel like this might have been his birthday gift to himself one year but then Chooch and I shoved our grubby mitts into the bag when he left it briefly unattended.

Roller rink snack bar softie. Even in motion, looks like he’s dunked that sucker into some cheese plz.

That time he took a detour in Amish country, following signs to the elusive SMITTIE’S SOFT PRETZEL truck that ended up disappointing him, boo hoo.

Sometimes he is too tired after making separate dinners for me and Chooch, so he ends up eating toast and pretzels.

This was on the way to see Chiodos in Columbus many moons ago and I know he was angrily grinding away on some salted twists because the accompanying blog post said so.

Well, that’s all for today because I am exceptionally tired. I have that “I’ve been crying all day” full body exhaustion going on except that I wasn’t crying all day? Just once when I was watching some broad’s recap of the Chicago NCT Dream concert LOL ugh grow up, dumb ass.

Do you ever have those moments where you float above yourself and witness just how fucking annoying and obnoxious, maybe even a little (a lot) pathetic you’re being?

That’s me nearly every day but it has been at an all-time emergency SOS level since I saw NCT Dream. Am I being neo-Beatlesmania over this? Yeah, I am. I acknowledge this. I have self-awareness, I promise, but sometimes my mania is so uncontainable that I have to just let go and observe from above as I completely lose my mind, scream, start sobbing at the job of a pin.

How does this happen? It’s borderline cult-like. Since the concert (and ok even weeks before with their Asia and Europe shows) I have been watching vlogs on YouTube of various and Henry just gives me the “dad look / sigh” but then he always ends up watching it too, lol. Before I went to get my hair done Saturday morning, I was watching concert footage of one of my favorite songs and I yelled, “HENRY ARE U WATCHING” and he said, “I have seen this so many times! Look, now they’re going to get into a circle and face Chenle,” Henry predicted, just as they…got in a circle and faced Chenle.

And then he did a double take and sighed, “Are you crying again?!”

Hint: my eyes definitely weren’t sweating.

“I just can’t believe I saw them, Henry! 7DREAM! I miss them so much!” I cried even harder then, while also breaking out into a crazed bray. I am so lost.

I have for sure written about this before, but let me breeze through a quick NCT Dream Cliffsnotes for you. They debuted as a 7-member sub-unit of NCT in 2016 and were known kind of like the “baby brothers” of NCT127 because they were made up of the youngest members of NCT. The concept was that it would be a fluid unit rather than fixed, so anytime a member reached the age 20 (19 in western years), they would “graduate” and then be replaced by a rookie.

The OG members were: Mark (oldest), Haechan, Jeno, Jaemin, Renjun, Chenle, and Jisung. Mark and Haechan are also in NCT127, which is a fixed unit. So perhaps some eagle-eyed readers of this dollar store Kpop site might recognize them from some of the NCT127 videos I have posted!

In 2018, Mark “graduated.”

To be honest, I was mostly paying attention to NCT127 at this time and kind of knew about the graduation thing but was also like, “Wait…what now?” I just know that the fans were traumatized by it, petitioning for SM to stop the insanity and make NCT Dream a fixed unit, etc. I think that they had never had a chance to have a real tour as a 7 member unit.

Then, I believe it was in 2019, there is infamous footage online of the remaining 6 members on stage at a concert, realizing that it was the last time that they would be performing together because the 2000 line (Haechan, Jeno, Jaemin, and Renjun) were all set to “graduate” after that. It was one of the saddest things I have ever seen that didn’t involve someone or some animal dying. I’m not lying. To watch Jisung, the youngest, fall to his knees, sobbing uncontrollably while the other members are also crying—it was a lot even for me and I still wasn’t a full stan yet.

Fast forward to 2020, SM dropped the graduation gimmick, brought Mark back and 7Dream was BACK TOGETHER. Their whole story is so precious, and the brotherhood they have created is inspiring. I literally cannot talk about this out loud without getting choked up and/or legit sobbing. Somewhere along the way, I started to realize that NCT Dream had become my favorite NCT unit.

Haechan recently said that to him, their true beginning was when Mark came back and they released “Deja Vu.” I love that.

Anyway, their The Dream Show 2: In a Dream tour is the first time that they had the opportunity to perform in the US as 7Dream and it was SO SPECIAL.

Everything about this show was special! I loved my seat! I loved the girl to my right, who brought a Mark Golden Hour sign in honor of him releasing a solo song that day. She was from Seatle and had flown to Newark to see their first US show, then flown to Chicago. I asked if she would be going to any others, and she said, “Oh yeah!” She was so chill, and then the concert started and she was screaming her face off and doing the fan chats and it was fine because I too was screaming my face off. I actually found her on YouTube and you can 100% hear my big fat mouth in all of her videos. As soon as I put one on, Henry said, ‘Yep, that’s you.”

And then the girl to my right! Pamela! She was sooooo sweet and considerate, asked me if I was having fun, asked me if she was blocking my view. We chatted a bit during some of the VCR moments (when videos would play while NCT Dream was backstage changing) and it is just so nice to have the chance to fangirl with someone. She likes Taemin too!

For 2 and a half hours, my face was stretched out into the biggest smile, I laughed, I screamed, I cried, I shook.

Sorry, but I’m just going to dump a bunch of pictures here now.

When I say that this was in the Top 5 all-time best concerts of my life, I am not being hyperbolic. It was the second-best Kpop concert in general  that I’ve seen (G-Dragon is 1st place, also one of the Top 5 all-time best concerts of my life!). It just hit different. The emotional connection is so strong with this one. I know it’s annoying when people film entire concerts but here I am, eternally grateful of all the different angles I’ve found on YouTube, lol.

OMFG. I have seen Haechan three times with NCT127 but this was the closest I have ever been to him and I nearly couldn’t breathe, LOL. And my Dreamie bias Renjun looking like an absolute ANGELBABY in the center. His vocals were ON POINT.

This was during Henry’s favorite song, “Saturday Drip.”

TRIGGER THE FEVER!

I can’t do a song-by-song recap. I mean, I never do that anyway, but I really feel so broken, lol. I felt so whole during the show and now there is a huge chunk of my heart missing. THEY DID THAT TO ME

OH and I finally got a Be Real notification while I was actually out doing something rather than just sitting in my house! Usually, I can spend the whole entire day out and about and it won’t be until the MOMENT I get home when Be Real is like, “OK, it’s time!”

And here I am on the video screen!

After the show, I reunited with Henry in the hall outside of my section and he surprised me with the other t-shirt I liked! I got another photo card with it – JAEMIN! Henry said he talked to the merch lady about the photo cards and she was saying it was her first time experiencing this phenomenon and people kept trying to get them from her, lol. NOT SURPRISED.

Outside the venue, we were standing around trying to figure out where all the vans were because I wanted to stand around like we did for NCT127 in Newark, and I saw my seatmate Pamela! She actually ran over and hugged me, and introduced herself to Henry, saying, “I love a supportive husband!” EVEN THO HE IS JUST MY BOYFRIEND but that’s OK.

Anyway, we stayed in the parking lot for what felt like at least an hour and it was FUCKING COLD. I think it was like 30 degrees that night and I only had on that thin denim jacket for warmth, and NO SOCKS. But even though one of the security guards gave us the run-around and said we were in the wrong spot (we weren’t!!), it was worth it just to see the silhouettes of their waving hands and to know that they saw us standing there in the cold to send them off. (We stood in the rain for NCT127!) So fucking worth it.

View this post on Instagram

I know this probably feels disjointed and janky and that would be because I have been dragging this out for 2 weeks, adding a little here and there, because I cannot get myself to calm down long enough to do a coherent recap.

All I know is that I can’t remember the last time I felt more myself, so comfortable in my own skin, as I did for those 2.5 hours. It makes it even better that Henry likes them too, knowns their names, knows their songs. What a perfect fucking night. Take me back. I want to be where NCT Dream is.

SET LIST FOR MY OWN BENEFIT

1. GLITCH MODE
2. COUNTDOWN (3,2,1)
3. STRONGER
4. DREAMING
~VCR~
5. DEJA VU
6. MY FIRST & LAST
7. BYE MY FIRST
8. LOVE AGAIN
9. TO MY FIRST
10. SORRY, HEART
~VCR~
11. PUZZLE PIECE
12. CHEWING GUM
13. ANL
14. DIVE INTO YOU
15. IRREPLACEABLE
~DRIVE~
16. SATURDAY DRIP
17. QUIET DOWN
18. BETTER THAN GOLD
19. DIGGITY
20. RIDIN’
21. BOOM
22. HELLO FUTURE
23. WE GO UP
24. TRIGGER THE FEVER
25. HOT SAUCE
ENCORE:
~RAINBOW~
26. BEATBOX
27. MY YOUTH
28. WALK YOU HOME

I’m crushed that “Life Is Still Going On” wasn’t performed but shit you guys, this setlist was stacked. NCT Dream just doesn’t have a single bad song.

I feel so sad for Moonbin, his family, his members, and all the AROHA out there. Shocking and so depressing. :(

I’m so fucking annoying, right? Here’s another separate blog post about the NCT Dream concert while I continue to get ahold of myself long enough to put into words my feelingzzzz. This will be my feelingzzzz but in video format, I guess.

It’s so hard for me to choose a favorite NCT Dream song, and they did perform most of my *unordered* faves. I do try to abstain from recording at concerts because it’s like they say, no one wants to see your shit-quality zoomed in concert footage (except for me if you went to see NCT Dream, I love watching everyone’s vlogs!!). But there were several songs that I was like, “FUCK IT, I AM FINALLY SEEING THEM BELT THESE NOTES INTO THE SAME FUCKING AIR THAT I AM CURRENTLY BREATHING AND I WANT TO HAVE THESE ON MY PHONE FOREVERMORE.” I put three of them on YouTube*.

*(Unsearchable because I do not like any attention on YouTube, dating back to a billion years when I uploaded an old video of Henry taking me to E.99 and St. Clair Ave in Cleveland so that I could pay homage to Bone Thugs -n- Harmony and I got BLASTED for being annoying/hideous/etc etc. I mean, those statements aren’t wrong! But still, I was like ‘OK crossing off YOUTUBE STAR from my list of dreams – this was before everyone and their grandma was posting vlogs btw, but somehow my manic braying still caught traction.)

1. Dive Into You (this a Haechan focus, but it’s the best quality version I could find and this song can melt my heart on even the iciest work day).

They genuinely love each other and it shows in every performance. <3

2. TRIGGER THE FEVER! (my version lol)

I wasn’t really looking at my phone a lot of the time because I frantically swinging my lightstick and uh, it shows lol. But this song is so fucking uplifting! Mark has co-writing credit on this song, which was the Official Song of a FIFA tournament in Seoul in 2017. He helped write this one year after he debuted!

3. Countdown (3,2,1)

A FAVE. Haechan at 00:35 sends me, and then when Renjun comes in at 2:25 and does the snaps…..leave me alone, please.

4. CANDY (chaotic last song of the night version)

Jaemin holding onto his plush carrot the whole time, Haechan being his absolutely unhinged self – I want this video to live inside my heart until the day I die, and then haunt Chooch after that for the rest of his life. The way these 7 dreamies bring me so much happiness!

5. Dreaming

Look, this is an absolute jam and I listened to it 89123740740974b times when the NCT2020 album came out, but I am JUST AS MUCH posting this for Jeno in that cut-out shirt, OK. We tell truths here.

6. ME ON THE SCREEN

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I love this because for a brief moment in time, my face was captured at its absolute peak happiness. Thank you to the person who basically uploaded the entire concert on YouTube so that I was able to go back and find this after noticing it that night. And the way my friends pointed out how happy I looked when I sent it to some of them made it even more special!

7. Renjun’s outfit in this portion of the concert

UGH I loved my seat but I would have also loved to have been that close. DROOL EMOJI

****

Ok! Now that I got all that out of my system…oh also! When I was creeping on YouTube, I found videos from the girl who was sitting next to me – she’s from Seattle and flew to Newark and then to Chicago to see them. She was super chill and then once the concert started, I was like, “oh ok I did not expect that level of frenzy to come forth.” Anyway, Henry was laughing because in all of her videos, you can hear my loud ass shrieking lol.

Ok 잘 자.

Ay-yo, today I got my hair cut at Bad Apple which is evidently my salon now, I’m keeping it, having been going there since last July and really building a nice rapport with my stylist, Carly.

Anyway, I was originally just going to get my highlights partially touched up and a trim, but the last few weeks I’ve been really considering A CUT. Like, nothing drastic but my hair has been long and just, the same, for too long now.

I started googling pictures of lobs and quickly decided that this was the look I wanted. Actually, now that I think about it, remember a few posts ago when I said that Henry didn’t fight once during our Chicago journey? DAENG DAENG DAENG. We did! And it was when I showed him one of the hairspo pictures and he LAUGHED?! I was like, “REALLY U THINK THIS IS A JOKE, U BITCH?” and then I sulked in the car for a few minutes while he tried to back pedal.

But you know what? I don’t let a MAN shame me out of a hairstyle, so I showed Carly the exact picture this morning and she was like “yes. Let’s do it!!”

Anyway! I really like it. I told her that I also wanted curtain bangs and I’m not going to like – I had regertz at first. But I think I just didn’t like them because she styled my hair straight with just the ends kind of flipped up and in my head, I knew I wanted it to more wavy/tousled. But I also didn’t want to be there any longer! So when I got home, I threw in some quick waves with my flat iron and then the bangs fell into place with a choir of angels singing from the ceiling.

Ok, here are some pictures. They’re not the greatest (because my face is in them LOLOLOLughhh it’s a low self esteem day, my guy) but you will maybe get the idea!

Forever cutting off the top of my head. If I could trust Henry to take decent pictures of me, perhaps we’d have better visuals here.

In other news, my blog was hacked today I guess and then Henry fixed it but another issue arose and then he just spent the last 90 minutes on the phone with some IT guy who has to be his best bud by now (Henry, on hold, was like, “he’s probably in your blog looking at all your pictures,” and I screamed, “maybe he’s looking at my NCT Dream content! Ask him if he’s Czennie!!!!” but he said, “No I will not.”)

So that was Saturday. Super low key. Also went to the library, watched a ton of 7DREAM concert footage on YouTube, went to the cem. Perfect weather. Good hair. Be back tomorrow if my blog still exists!

P.S. I just said to Henry, “I feel like I’ve been crying all day. Oh wait–I was just crying a few minutes ago when I was watching a vlog of someone watching the NCT Dream movie in the theater.”

Henry got the “Omg” glaze over his eyes.

Good evening, here I am once again, being super fucking annoying and immature! This post is all about what I wore to the NCT Dream for all of my imaginary friends who care! Imagine how excited Henry was when I forced him to take these pictures!

Anyway. Even more so than when I went to see NCT127 last fall, I wanted to adorn my idiot self with NCT flair. This is lowkey nuts for me because I am from the school of “don’t wear the band’s t-shirt to their concert” rule of thumb (LOL, who even cares?!) but here I am needing to enrobe myself in enough merch and accessories for even the most casual Kpop fan to realize, oh, NCTzen coming through.

For instance, I bought these slip-on Vans specifically to use as NCT patch displays.

Obviously,  I had my neobong (lightstick). I can’t believe I was fortunate enough to have TWO OPPORTUNITES to use it in public in the last SIX MTHS!

I painted my nails NCT-lime.

Me looking like a stoop again.

I bought a Renjun shirt specifically to wear that night because he is my NCT Dream bias, and I wore my Haechan pendant that I FORGOT TO BRING WITH ME TO THE NCT127 SHOW LAST OCTOBER, UGH. Haechan is my favorite across all NCT units in general. I also wore my neobong necklace from The Idol Collective <3

This purse is actually NCT127-specific (Cherry Bomb) but these two pins are Renjun and Jaemin from NCT Dream. This was mostly just a prop for these pictures because I actually don’t usually take a purse to concerts because I am just trying to get through security as fast as possible. I bring my phone and wallet. The end.

Definitely wore this clipped to my beltloop all night! It was good for storing the new photocards I collected at the venue, too.

And then here are my NCT Dream scout patches that Henry ruined because he attempted to glue them on instead of ironing at first, and the glue bled through in some spots so now I have to get new ones, thanks Henry.

I wanted to get a headband but the one I really wanted was shipping from like, Indonesia I think, and wouldn’t have arrived in time. I do have a bunch more patches and pins coming this week to add to this jean jacket and then I am going to wear it every time I’m out in public with Chooch because he fucking loves having a mom with Peter Pan syndrome.

It’s funny to me because I might be into a totally different music scene now, but I AM STILL THE SAME PERSON. Remember when I was so obsessed with Jonny Craig, that I had a fucking DOLL MADE IN HIS LIKENESS? Yeah, same person, just into different music since then, lol. Remember when I went to Australia to see The Cure? And then Kpop lured me to Korea? Same fucking obsessive personality, same inner child refusing to adapt to adulthood. I think the only thing that’s changed is that I’m happier, and I think Henry is too.

Didn’t mean to get so introspective in a post about my NCT Dream concert flair (lol) but I have really been thinking about this a lot lately. Music in general has saved me from myself a lot in the past, but this just hits different. And seeing NCT Dream…wow. So cathartic. I keep stalling from actually writing about that night because it’s going to make me cry. That night was completely perfect. BIG FAT SIGH.

Let’s end with an NCT Dream dance practice video, one of my faves! (Speaking of Peter Pan syndrome, my bias Renjun is dressed as Peter Pan lol.)

I’m bursting with things I want to discuss Re: NCT DREAM IN CHICAGO but I’m in the car on the way home and cannot do so at this time.

So instead I will share Mark’s new solo song, Golden Hour, which came out yesterday and the rest of the Dreamies were cutely helping him promote it on stage.

FUN BACKGROUND INFO about this song first! A few years ago, Mark posted a picture of his failed attempt to make eggs, and an NCT posted this on Twitter:

It’s turned into this big NCT inside joke, and people will hold up signs at NCT concerts that reference it, like, “Mark, I’ll cook eggs for you” etc. (Um can you imagine if Mark and I were roommates?? I started a fire two weeks ago cooking scrambled eggs, and I burnt my oatmeal last week.)

Anyway, all these years later, and Mark basically wrote a song about it and it is MY NEW FAVORITE SONG.

Honestly, Mark Lee should be a worldwide household name at this point. Per Henry, “he definitely has a presence.

” Henry also confirmed that Mark his 7DREAM bias! (He also likes Jisung, that’s his OG bias.)

Hello it’s 8:12am and we’re leaving our dumb hotel in Toledo-ish to start the second leg of our Chicago journey. I’m glad I didn’t live blog last night because it was extremely uneventful unless you consider me having my dinner hopes and dreams dashed twice in a row before finally settling on Sheetz which is what I should have just done when we were still near home but I said NO, MAYBE WE CAN STOP SOMEWHERE BETTER ON THE WAY but then Oath pizza had a confusing menu and a worker who was too busy fucking around with ingredients to pay attention to us and then another rest stop has a Freshens which excited me because I wanted something healthy and was eyeing up the rice bowls but, as if reading my mind, a surly worker emerged from the back and mumbled, “Just so you know, we’re out of rice bowls” extremely eventful.

FUCK YOU.

(Not you!! The food places.)

We’re at Flying Joe. I got a BLUE BIRD latte (white choc/lav) even though I came in here just wanting a regular coffee. Sigh. Henry got a lemoncello cold brew which sounds disgusting.

We’ll see. I liked the woman who waited on us.

I also got a kombucha because my stomach is begging for it.

ok Henry’s has a lemon cold foam on it which is delicious. I didn’t taste it with the coffee itself though. I dunno, it was a fine experience except that one of my fave NCT Dream songs came on RIGHT when we got there and I was sad to get out of the car.

9:56am: just stopped at PETRO in Somewhere, Indiana because I had to pee so bad but first I had to walk past a rack of NOT GUILTY Trump shirts (mmm) and a hunting knife kiosk. Ugh. I hated it there except that Demi Lovato’s “Heart Attack” was playing (love that song) and the bathroom soap smelled nice.

Hi.

Then Henry drove right down the road to Pilot to get gas and I screamed WHY DIDNT WE JUST COME HERE TO BEGIN WITH and he said “I dunno” with a mouthful of pretzels. Ugh.

Lolololol.

12:59am: Dude.

12:34: oh fuck I am fully stuffed you guys. What a great experience!!

Fish sandwich!! I have been craving a good vegan fish sandwich ever since the not-great one we recently got in Pgh. I really do not understand the Pgh vegan scene at all. Every other city we go to has it locked down, but Pghs over there having vegan restaurants that only open when they want and, as Henry pointed out, caters to only one demographic: white hipster assholes. With the exception of Sugar Spell (and Zenith, which is not fully vegan) I have always felt like an interloper at these establishments.

Henry got a po boy but my photo sucks:

Also, their chocolate chip cookies were bus.

12:38pm: Henry just performed a series of weird nose noises and I asked him to please calm down. “CALM DOWN WHAT??? WHAT AM I DOING??” Clueless.

1:24pm: we’re back in the car after doing a WALK ABOUT at some small park near where we ate lunch. I can’t eat and then sit in the car – I need to digest, Fran.

Henry loves when he’s about to take my picture and I say “wait! Should I pose?” and then activate my signature floppy limb stance. (Also, 6.5 hours until NCT Dream!)

There were a lot of different birds at this park because it was surrounding a lake, and it made me miss Chooch because he loves ducks, geese, and seagulls, and this spot had them in abundance.

Chooch, in case you’re wondering, is home with the cats, not even remotely caring that we’re gone.

3:56pm: in case you’re wondering, we checked into our room at the Wyndham for about 90 minutes now. We drove past the Allstate Arena on the way here and NCT Dream was already there and I was SWEATING.

Our hotel is decent. Henry napped off and on the whole time and I did a Grow With Jo workout and watched Friends. Then I got dressed for tonight (a preliminary run) and made Henry take pictures of me which is his favorite thing to do. But now we’re on our way to this vegan Korean restaurant for a light dinner before the show!!

5:01pm: We swung by Amitabul for some vegan Korean fare and lemme tell you something: if I lived in this area, I would be a regular. So peaceful and the food felt fully nourishing!

Spicy kimchi maki roll!

(Wait hold on we’re in the car going back to the hotel now and Henry said I BET THESE TINY HOUSES COST $300,000 AND THEY DONT EVEN HAVE DRIVEWAYS and I said “they’re cute but this area seems congested” and then immediately second-guessed myself because sometimes when I try to say adult things, I’m exposed, but Henry said “that it does” – I constructed an adult statement and it was correct, you guys!)

Back to dinner:

I got the Buddha Bop and it was delectable. I ordered the spiciest version and it was a gochujang explosion of ecstasy in my mouth-space. Ugh I love the taste of gochujang and sesame oil.

Meanwhile:

Chooch would have been THRU THE ROOF if he was here to hear Henry’s wet mastication of his meal with the soundtrack of a monk chanting “Om” on repeat playing from a speaker. It was actually making me twitch a bit.

We both only ate half because we were still full from lunch but now we’ll have food for after the concert at least!

6:01pm: we just came back to the hotel after getting some of the best lattes I’ve had at:

It’s inside a train station. I got an ube latte (hot) and Henry got an iced pistachio donut latte. We are both in agreement (I tried so hard to make agreeance a word) that they are quality.

“It’s because they’re handcuffed,” I said, AN INSIDE JOKE because I saw a sign that said their coffee drinks are hand-crafted and my shit eyes read it as “handcuffed.” Because that makes sense.

Some girl was in the station with her NCT lightstick!!!!

ITS ALMOST TIME so I have to change back into my concert clothes and say BYE.

(Bye!)

Taemin is officially out of the military and I am still processing my emotions lol what is my problem. He did an Instagram live the other day and it was so soothing, like being reunited with a security blanket.

I can’t wait for him to have an official comeback! Did you know that he was named the best dancer in Korea? It’s true. And Ten was #2! I would honestly expand this to the best in the world and this is not even because he’s my ult bias (title shared with G-Dragon, yes it’s officially a tie now) but objectively speaking.

******

I spent all evening watching NCT content on YouTube – NCT127’s drinking vlogs from Columbia (lol) and fan vlogs from NCT Dream’s recent concert in London. I’m not ready for this concert on Friday. I am going to be a big mess! Henry still doesn’t know if he will be buying a ticket for a cheap seat but I really hope that he does so that we can discuss in excruciating depth everything that happens that night!! I was crying on the couch watching some girl’s fan cam so pray for me because I don’t know if I’m strong enough. NCT Dream is my favorite of all the NCT units and I can’t believe they are in America right now as I type this!! Their concert on Newark is probably just wrapping up!

******

On Saturday, Henry asked DID U SEE THIS and practically smashed his phone in my face to show me that the main guy from the coaster group we’re members of posted that they have decided the 2023 season will be the end, etc etc and my stomach sank because HOW WILL THIS AFFECT US, WE HAVE MADE PAYMENTS ON THIS FUCKING SCANDINAVIAN TRIP THAT THEY ARE HOSTING, IS THAT STILL HAPPENING?? We have been (im)patiently waiting for the grand total and finalized itinerary and then this?!

Then it hit me and I roared, “FUCKING APRIL FOOLS.” I hate April 1st so much!! Nothing is funny!

That seriously nearly ruined my whole weekend / life.

#dramzzzz

******

Last night, Henry came home from one of the dumb tool stores and he was QUITE arrogantly holding a bottle of cream soda in his hand. Sensing my judgment, he cockily said, “I was in the mood for a cream soda, so I bought a cream soda.”

And then, “I do what I want,” as he strode past me to continue doing his chores, cream soda in his paw.

Wow. What a cool guy.

******

Chooch started physical therapy today! I have no idea how it went because he doesn’t tell me anything.

******

Ok I’m going to bed now. One more work day to get through, then we’re leaving for Chicago as soon as I log off! TO LIVE BLOG OR NOT TO LIVE BLOG?! Probably “to not” because we’re only driving as far as Toledo tomorrow and my live blogs have been so mid lately. We’ll see what kind of mood HENRY is in I guess.

And I’ll leave you with another magnificent Taemin performance. How is he so perfect??!!

A bunch of theme parks had their opening day this weekend, not to mention the unveiling of the new RMC, ArieForce One, at Fun Spot Atlanta, PLUS Chooch’s bum knee keeping us from planning any coaster road trips in the near future – all of which has me floundering in FOMO.

I should stop watching the enthusiasts’ YouTube videos, truly, but I’m a glutton for punishment. So, I spent most of the weekend watching on-ride POVs of ArieForce One, walk-thrus of Hershey Park and Six Flags Great Adventure, and a tour of Australian theme parks on the coaster channel* I hate watch

*(Coaster Studios – I used to really enjoy this channel but then the guy started dating some broad and now she’s riding his coattails over all over the world, and I know that I should celebrate this because the coaster community is such a nerdy sausage party, but she is so fucking annoying / obnoxious / thinks she’s funny but she’s not. So, basically if I started dating one of the most popular coaster snobs on YouTube.)

ANYWAY. I felt inspired to wear one of my coaster shirts on Saturday because this is the closest I’m gonna get to a coaster for the foreseeable future.

Also, I had to laugh because Henry knew that the sweater I was wearing on top is called a shrug – that seems like a piece of info that should have cruised in one ear and out the other, as they say, but I guess some level of his conscious dog-eared this as valuable.

I like this look though because roller coaster t-shirts are generally SO MASCULINE because you know, girls aren’t meant to enjoy air time, etc. I love Lightning Rod SO MUCH (baby’s first RMC) but every shirt I have ever seen for it is so ugly. This was the least testosterone-themed one I could find at Dollywood, but I still don’t like it very much. So at least my afghan-inspired shrug adds some cuteness to it!?

In other weekend news,  it was a good one! Too short, as usual, but I got to hang out with Kara (more on that separately!), start some decent (so far) books, drive Henry and Chooch nuts while feeding the squirrels actual nuts, and we shopped for what is probably the penultimate Easter basket for Chooch. :(

Aw, who am I kidding?! I’ll be That Mom who continues to prepare an Easter basket for my kid when he has his own kids!

Tomorrow starts spring break so of course I’m pouting because last year’s spring break was the most fun, but even if Chooch hadn’t busted his knee, we still weren’t going to be doing anything major this week so I can’t be too whiny. Besides, FRIDAY IS NCT DREAM IN CHICAGO ANYWAY!!! I have spontaneously eye-squirted over this numerous times over the weekend, I’m just so excited!!

ALSO – TAEMIN IS BACK TOMORROW!!!!!!!

I hope anyone reading this had a really great weekend, or at least a neutral one, because sometimes neutral is all we can really ask for.

I feel like there is no chance that Kennywood will ever get an I-box RMC, but….maybe Waldameer?! DEL GROSSO’S?? Lol.

Every once in a while, I like to step into the skin of someone who enjoys doing good things and sign up for volunteer work using their nicotine-stained fingers. Especially if the work is easy and doesn’t require me to lift giant bags of mulch or stand near a log-splitter while donning zero safety gear.  So last fall when an email was sent out to our office asking for volunteers to help out with a pro bono will drafting event, I was like, “hmm, tell me more.” They needed people to fill three separate roles, one of which only required the volunteer to be able to sign their own name over and over again.

Hello, I LOVE signing my name! If you take me to a restaurant with a paper placemat and crayons, I will write the SHIT out of my name on that thing. If you call me on the phone, you can BE 100% FOR CERTAIN that I am on the other end of the line, scribbling my name over and over again on a scratch pad, receipt, or important Henry documents.

Sadly, it was then rescheduled for a day that I couldn’t do it! (The day after MY CHAINSAW INCIDENT, to be exact. Wow, a blog post that references log splitters and chainsaws, it’s like I’m a wilderness blogger now.) My friends Lauren and Nate had signed up with me but they were still available for the rescheduled date so not only was I working through some chainsaw-induced PTSD at my hair appointment, I was having major signature-scrawling FOMO and was dying to know how it was going for them. But then I found out the following Monday that the rescheduled date was also canceled so I ended up not missing anything after all!

None of that is even important. Sometimes I just get lost in my head and can’t stop typing unnecessary things. This always happened in school too, when I would turn in papers. They’d come back with entire paragraphs marked up in red, like IS THIS REALLY RELEVANT? And you know what TEACHER PERSON, maybe to me it is!!

Words words words words.

Finally, the event was rescheduled again and this time it stuck. One of the people from my firm who helped organize it was even on the news to spread awareness so that made me not only super proud and more stoked to be participating, but it also made me fully understand the event more because we all know that I’m a classic case of email-skimmer.

This organization was started by an attorney post-911 who wanted to be able to help out his local fire department, and it was determined that there was an overwhelming need for estate planning services. So, Wills for Heroes was born and honestly, I’m getting a little emotional just thinking about what a good cause this is, and how much of a burden it must lift for first responders and their families.

I mean, would I have been even happier if this was, I dunno, a Wills for Pets event? Well, sure. Pets over People all day long.

I didn’t consider the fact, when signing up, that an 8am start time meant that I would have to get up at least at 6:30 on a stupid weekend morning, which is, let me reiterate, stupid. Then I was miserable because of that and I got snippy with Henry and peeled out of the driveway at 7:25am like a big bitch baby, and then had to drive IN THE RAIN ON THAT ONE BIG ROAD THROUGH THE DUMB SQUIRREL HILL TUNNELS to the scene of the signings (some fire hall in Penn Hills).

My favorite part was when no one wanted to be the first to get out of their cars, but then Lauren arrived and walked over to my car, so I got out and then one by one, other people followed us to the front door – LOCKED. So, then we all walked in a line to a side door and for some reason, no one tried to open it? We all just stood there assuming it was locked? So then when some guy ON THE INSIDE saw us and opened the door, he asked, “Oh, was it locked?” and everyone said yes but me because DID WE KNOW FOR SURE THAT IT WAS LOCKED? So then it turned into a Thing where we all went up to the banquet room and the organizers were like, “Was the door locked?” and everyone said YES (??) so then it became an issue, and they sent someone down to stand there I guess because it became a concern that the door was locking automatically and again DID ANYONE EVEN CHECK TO SEE IF IT WAS ACTUALLY LOCKED? I think the best thing they could have done was taped a sign on both doors (front and side) with instructions on where to go.

But that’s just me thinking logistically.

Anyway, we were quickly filled in on what to do and then we got to grab treats from the spread of breakfast foods. I chose a blueberry muffin but it for sure had something else in it, pineapples?!, I can’t be sure what it was but it was a really fucking delicious muffin which made it even worse when I later found out that the treats were from Oakmont Bakery, which I BOYCOTT because they are a bunch of gross Trump supporters. I hate when I’m not true to my morals.

Nate and I lost Lauren to another table because each station only needed one notary and two witnesses. Lauren was like, “I do not need ether one of you as a crutch, bye” and this is so true because Lauren can literally talk to anyone in any situation. Meanwhile, Nate and I got a notary from the smaller firm that was co-hosting this event, and while she was very nice, it was also pretty clear that she was not interested in chatting with us all day, but that didn’t stop us from trying! Let’s just say she knows all about my Seoul subway sign that Henry is redoing and then when Nate baited me into telling her about how my house is….different, she laughed and said, “No wonder you have weirdos attracted to your house!” because I had also told her previously that I think my block is built atop of a Native American burial ground since so many fucked up, crazy things happen here, lol.

Wow, I am really telling this story out of order.

Let me back up and tell you that our notary, Sheri, asked very early on if we had a notary at our table and we said no. “You do now!” she said, setting her stuff down and then leaving to mingle with people she knew. While Nate and I were getting a coffee refill, some other lady came and sat down on the other side of the table! The table that was meant for the clients to sit!

“Who is this interloper??” I hissed to Nate, and he was like, “Station 4 IS FULL, GO AWAY.” I mean, he said that to me under his breath, not to her face. So, we went back to our table and she just like, sat there forever and I was starting to panic because we didn’t need her. She even asked if we were both notaries and I said, “No we’re witnesses. This table’s notary is over there,” and pointed over my shoulder but then she kept sitting there.

“I wonder what will happen when a married couple comes over,” the lady said, because there were only 2 chairs on her side of the table AND SHE WAS SITTING IN ONE.

“Yeah, I think the notary is supposed to sit on our side of the table,” I said, and she completely ignored me and said, “I guess I can find an extra chair to drag over.”

Nate and I were side-eyeing each other so hard, like, “How is this going to play out??” I mean, honestly, of course the balance of OUR table would get thrown off. I can never go anywhere and just have things work the way they are supposed to. If I’m involved, it’s like the Universe says, “OK, I see your Awkwardness, and I’ll raise you another Awkwardness plus 2 Self Unawarenesses.”

Is that right? I don’t play Poker.

Long story short, she ended up not taking the hint and stayed there even after our actual notary came back and sat down, but it ended up being amazing because we somehow got on the subject of California – Nate was talking about how he grew up in the city where Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure was based (he couldn’t remember Alex Winter’s name and said, “Help me out here, Erin” so I did) and then our auxiliary notary said she lived in Hollywood for some time in the 80s and 90s and then regaled us with really interesting stories about celebrity run-ins (“And then that one guy from SNL, ugh what is his name, he played that flamboyant character” and no one could  think of it but then five minutes later I blurted out CHRIS KATTAN and the relief I felt was indescribable. “Wow, you must be really good at trivia,” Hollywood said and I twirled my hair, shrugged, and said, “I mean…”) and then after an hour, she said, “You know, I’m going to ask if I can just leave since there’s already enough notaries.”

We did not want her to leave. We needed her. But she left us. And then there were long and great lulls in the conversation from that point on.

We weren’t constantly with clients – there were maybe 3 or 4 appointments happening at once over at the attorney tables, and they took at least 45 minutes, so there was a lot of just sitting around and waiting for the next opportunity to sign our names over and over. (I was so fucking good at it, too. Wait, let me think back — yeah, I was so fucking good.)

Lauren’s table sounded like they were having lively conversations all day long. Sigh.

When I was about to take this picture of Nate, Lauren ran over to get into it too and I yelled (literally, I yelled this and our notary was like, “oh” and nervously laughed), “You’re not Station 4, Lauren!” so Lauren ran back and snatched her table’s sign and I was like, “OK FINE YOU WIN.”

I was lowkey panicked the entire day though because I don’t have a Will. But I’m also not a hero (I know what you’re thinking: But Erin, you escorted that drunk lady to her friends house and you saved that moth on Brookline Blvd that one time!) so I did not qualify for a FREE WILL.

STATION 4!

“And then she said…” OH HO HO HO HO HO.

I blocked out the faces of the clients here because I’m a mature & decent blogger (I know, wtf right??). The rest of us all signed media release forms and technically I could be considered media (in some circles maybe?!) so…

But I really wanted to share this one because it was taken while my table, good ol’ Station 4, was limping through the process for the first time that day. It was…a rough start but WOULD YOU LOOK AT HOW PROFESH I LOOK SHUFFLING THAT PAPER STACK? My second job, after the most important job of autographing/witnessing was stapling all of the important documents and stuffing them into a very SMART blue folder for the clients.

The lawyer who was supervising the process (Molly–I loved her!) said, “you’re doing a great job, my dear” to me MULTIPLE TIMES. I didn’t hear her saying that to Nate, not that this is a competition or anything.

(It is though.)

When our first client sat down at our table, Nate and I exclaimed that he was our first one and he was like “Oh boy” and chuckled, but then a MISTAKE WAS MADE (not our fault) and one of the papers needed to be reprinted so he was like, “Boy. When yinz said this was your first time, I thought you were being sarcastic!” NOPE.

Don’t worry – it all went uphill from there!

Except when the lunch was served, and I realized that there were 4 different varieties of sandwiches, but THEY WERE ALL MEAT. I was pretty sad about this because my 6:30am wake-up call + too much coffee + nerves from talking to people + only having a muffin as prior sustenance was really making me feel jittery and I definitely needed food. I ended up snagging a banana from the table (and honestly, it was one of the most perfect bananas I’ve ever eaten non-sexually) but Nate kept trying to get me to let him eat the meat off a sandwich so I could have the bread but I did not want to CAUSE A SCENE. Sheri said that someone else there was also a vegetarian so that seems like enough people to start a pity party.

Then we spent some downtime trying to help Sheri pick a restaurant for her birthday dinner that night. I wonder where she ended up going….

Finally, around 1:00pm, Molly brought over the last client and both my station and Lauren’s station was open so Molly said, “OK who wants her?” Lauren’s table was like “Us!” but I was like, “No way I can single-handedly do so much better than that” so I waved around like an inflatable tube man in front of a mattress store and fucking HOLLERED, “Ooooh! Us! Pick us! Station 4!!!” and the client (this super cute older woman in a deep purple velour leisure suit) pointed at me and calmly said, “I’ll go there.”

WOOOOO!

Every.

Thing.

Is.

A.

Compe.

Tition.

Well, it turned out there was actually one more client and they ended up going to Lauren’s table because our velour’d cutie was still with us. After our client was all squared away, Molly said we were free to leave, except that we wanted to wait for Lauren so we could all walk together like the clique that we are.

But even after their client was done and gone, Lauren had to go around and say goodbye to the people she knew there from our firm (fun fact: our department is like the black sheep of the firm and even when we were fully in office, we never really had a need to venture off of our floor so face-to-face interactions with other people never occurred often, but Lauren started out in a different department before moving to ours, so she actually had to move around between floors and talk to people Therefore, she knows way more people than Nate and me.

So, Nate and I just stood in the background with our arms crossed, sighing heavily, waiting for Lauren to stop chatting so we could leave.

“I feel like I’m at the store with my mom, and every time I think we’re finally going to leave, she runs into someone else she knows, you know?” Nate said to me, and I agreed but in reality, my mom would be quickly leaving the aisle, covering her face with a copy of the Enquirer, sticking her head in the TV dinner freezer, or ducking behind a bushel of apples anytime she saw someone she knew, so….no, Nate, no I don’t know.

Anyway, I have now been writing this for 4 days, in fits and starts, no proofreading, so I can only imagine how chaotic and janky this reads. But the main takeaway is that I did something good. What a fucking sweetheart.

Just a quick update to say that Chooch had a follow-up appointment this morning with the orthopedic surgeon to go over the results of the MRI in person and also to have his knee forced into a bend which caused his face to turn red and tears spring to his eyes and I am truly sorry that I wasn’t there for this because I would shouted “DONT HURT MY BABY! Let me do it” lol. Just kidding. I would never.

Anyway, the verdict is basically what we already knew–MRI showed a very slight fracture and I guess it was the PCL not the ACL which means nothing to me, and of course the bone bruise that the doctor already told us after the MRI results were sent to him.

Chooch now gets to walk with his brace unlocked, no crutches, and will need to start physical therapy. Overall, the doctor was happy with how the knee has been healing on its own.

When they came back home afterward, the first thing I did was scream SO DO YOU THINK YOU WILL BE OK TO GO TO AMUSEMENT PARKS BY MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND and he was like OMG leave me alone.

We let him stay home from school after that because Wednesday are early dismissal days and Henry was like “I do not want to turn around and have to pick you up again” because you know how Henry makes it all about himself. So typical. Trust me, Chooch is fucking weird and NEVER wants to stay home from school. He is like, obsessed with school. Gross.

But meanwhile, my friend Kara, whose son also goes to the same school, texted me and said the news was reporting a large police presence at a nearby catholic school – like REALLY nearby – and then Chooch’s school went on lockdown.

Turns out some piece of shit asshole was making robocalls to schools across the state reporting an active shooter and…why?! Just why. Fuck that asshole.

I’m so glad that it was a hoax but so pissed that our country is this fucked up, like a gigantic video game under a dome. How do you fix something so broken? I’m glad that Chooch was home today but feel so many emotions for all the kids, teachers, and parents who had to suffer for even a SECOND of wondering if they were going to die.

I don’t want to end this on a negative note. Um…everything this week has been either neutral or negative, so here’s Drew! Because pets are always positive.

No wait- pawsitive. I hate myself.

I will be back tomorrow with some weekend recaps though because my weekend was actually really good!

Just a friendly reminder that my prince gets discharged from the military in one week.

God help those around me, for I will be shrieking and sobbing my dumb face off.

I have tried to avoid any Taemin content while he’s been away but I did a mini-binge this morning and I’m finally starting to let myself get stoked! Even Henry will usually put his phone down and watch if Taemin is on TV.

My stupid phone memories started alerting me yesterday to the fact that it has been 5 years since we went to South Korea and look, I am hyper-aware of the fact that I talk about this like I am the only human being to ever travel to Korea. I get it. It’s annoying. I’m annoying. But I sincerely cannot help it because it was the greatest time of my life!

However, instead of just reposting something like I’m always so eager to do, I thought it would be fun to transcribe my vacation journal from our travel day: destination Seoul. I was re-reading it for the first time earlier today and simultaneously cracking up and seething with anger and secondhand embarrassment over Henry’s constant fuck-ups, lol. I mean, it’s funny now but I was seriously wanting to lock myself in a janitor’s closet and cry my face off that day, he was SO ANNOYING.

OK here we go:

***

3/22/18

SOUTH KOREA

It’s currently 6:04am and we’re sitting at our American Air gate in the pgh airport after Henry committed many blunders, starting with RIGHT AWAY going to a long-term parking lot that he claimed would be “fine” without a reservation but it was FULL. So, no Charlie Brown lot for us which is ironic because it sure felt like a Charlie Brown moment.

We ended up right down the street at the Parking Spot, where Henry failed to take a ticket despite the old man attendant’s many demands of “Please sir, if you’re parking here, you need to take a ticket and the gate will go up,” like Henry is an alien on Earth for the first time. It was so embarrassing! Henry just kept talking to him and asking him dumb questions like it was tea and crumpet time.

Finally, after deeming he now had enough knowledge of the parking lot, he had to GET OUT OF THE CAR to get a ticket since he had driven past it. Such a fucking Griswald.

Then the guy told us to park in aisle “H, as in Henry” and I was like, “That’s his name!” in my head because I knew no one would care.

You would think these instructions would be clear enough but Henry managed to overthink it. “Should I pull in BEFORE the H, or AFTER?”

OMFG.

“Before” – clearly.

Almost immediately, “Paul” came by with the Spotted Shuttle, and our ride in to the airport was short and uneventful.

But then it was check-in time and Henry insisted on doing self-check-in which required the assistance of an airport person TWICE. It was so cringey. And then he couldn’t even put the tag on his luggage! CHOOCH even accomplished this “difficult” task without help!

Oh, I wanted to die.

We only had to wait in security for about 30 minutes and I was like, “I need my boarding pass,” but Henry knows everything and said I didn’t so of course the TSA guy was like &^%$$. It was so stressful. This is why I hate flying.

So we had our 6th fight of the morning but I have coffee now and we ate at Brueggers so that should keep us happy for a second.

I miss Bambi so much ): —-Chooch

Henry is sitting several seats away from us, staring off into the ether. Also, I realized in Brueggers why I hate him today – HE’S NOT WEARING A HAT.

7:05am: Chooch and I just came back from a spirited walk. We pissed around in the kids zone like the children we are.

We came back and Henry was like, “Thank god” but not because he missed us; it was because he had to pee probably because he immediately got up and left. We didn’t watch his seat for him though and some broad immediately took it haha.

Now two old ladies are behind us sharing recipes loudly. “And I put in some mushroom soup and peas…” Henry’s ears are perking up. He can’t us when we’re RIGHT next to him, but he can fucking hear some old bitches one row over yapping about Good Housekeeping recipe hacks.

7:36am: We just boarded and Chooch is acting like he was raised in a mountain somewhere and this is first glimpse of civilization.

There’s an older couple in the seats behind us and the man reminds me of if Jeffrey Tamblin just came out of the woods and he is so mad because the flight attendant told him that his carryon wasn’t going to fit in the overhead compartment the way he had it positioned and his wife is all, “Dear, just put it under the seat like the nice lady said,” and five minutes later he was still bitching about how “it’s just the stupidest thing!” and his wife is all, “What’s so stupid about it? It wouldn’t fit!”

7:55am: About to take off. Couple behind us still talking about The Bag.

8:13am: We just took off and luckily I have the couple behind us distracting me. “Jeffrey” spotted their car in the extended parking lot and now his wife is loudly broadcasting the speed of the plane and the altitude, which is in meters.

“I hate meters,” Jeffrey said with contempt.

8:50am: Henry thinks he’s so cool because he’s watching some dumb Marvel movie. OK Hank.

I just asked Chooch if he wants to read this and he said no. NO?? When I was his age and journaling on vacation, my family begged to read it! BEGGED!

Wife just announced again how fast the plane is going and the altitude.

“We’re going down,” she said casually let loudly because that’s her only volume.

“You should never say ‘we’re going down,” Jeffrey scolded equally as loudly. “It’s ‘descending.'” Yeah, Wife.

Chooch just said, “You have a bald spot,” and I panicked because why? no! But he was talking to Henry, whew.

Now the couple is singing some fucking campfire song about Indiana.

“Chicago doesn’t look that big from up here,” wife just cried.

“It’s not Chicago,” Chooch and I mouthed in tandem.

She did, however, point out that crazy temple we visited last summer so that was cool.

About to land now. 0.0

I’m so glad this couple narrated the entire flight.

One flight down! Or, survived, I should say. I just wiped my clammy palm on Henry and he yelled, “That’s disgusting!” Wow, thanks for being my pillar of strength….and dishtowel.

Chooch is furiously digging through his backpack in search of his applesauce pouches that Henry ALLEGEDLY packed but he can’t find it. I told him to chill out because it’s not that big of a deal and he said, “Applesauce is AMAZING.” Now he and Henry are sniping at each other about it over top of me. IT IS LITERALLY JUST APPLESAUCE.

“It’s not JUST applesauce. It’s CINNAMON applesauce.” – Chooch.

“Abby said the toilet is overfilling. She said that at 6:50am. She said she will Facetime if she can’t figure out the car light. I don’t know how to do that,” Wife just announced behind us.

Please let us off this plane.

(PRESENT DAY ERIN HERE: luckily I still have the pictures of THE COUPLE on my phone, so here they are.)

9:35am: So we got off the plane and everything seemed to be going smoothly which is hilarious because we’re the Kelly/Robbins family. We made it to the shuttle thing that we needed to get to the international terminal and Chooch got on it just as the doors were closing, like just ran ahead of us and leapt through the closing doors and then cruised away without us! It was the scariest thing, like in a movie, watching your child just drift away. I was basically pooping my pants but Henry was laughing?!?! “I’d be worried if we had a dumb kid, but he’s pretty smart, so.” Wow OK. Anyway, there were 2 older guys on the shuttle who held up their hands and mouthed, “Terminal 5” because that’s where they were going too or so we thought. Turns out one of the guys stayed with Chooch on the platform until we got there and then he got back on the shuttle to continue on. How nice of him to get off at Terminal 5 to wait with Chooch! I asked Chooch if they talked and he said not really, lol.

And then things got all frantic again because Henry checked in online but the lady was like THESE DON’T SCAN so we had to go to the Korean Air desk and the whole experience just made me feel like we did something wrong, like she was going to say, “I’m sorry, but we don’t have seats for you, these tickets are invalid.” But everything ended up find and then we made it thru security OK except Chooch had to dig through his bag and take out all of his applesauce. (Yes, he found it, lol.) And fruit snacks! I was like, “I’m not waiting for this, bye” because all of my shit was together!

Now we’re just sitting here charging our phones and Henry got me an iced latte so I feel kind of better but just get me to Korea, honestly.

Chooch and I just pointed out that Henry has stains on his shirt and he defiantly said he doesn’t care then stormed off, maybe to buy a new shirt or set himself on fire.

“They have, um, Flaming Hot….um……I forget now,” Henry said over a mouthful of Flaming Hot Cheetohs. He adds so much to the conversation.

10:45am: Chooch is shaming Henry for eating more than the recommended serving size of Cheetohs. Guess he just wants those dad jeans to have less sag.

Also, still over an hour before we can board. Just sitting here in this boring ass food court trying to stay awake, help.

12:30pm: Had another passport crisis compliments of Henry the Dunce. But now we’re on board and preparing for take off. Chooch got cool kids headphones and Pororo coloring book. Jealous :(

Also, Henry broke his TV remote thing immediately after we got our seats.

2:44pm: Eleven hours to go! We had lunch already. Chooch got a kids meal and I got the veg. option which was some kind of curry thing and it was fine but I wish I had gotten the regular bibimbap because I could have easily just scooped out the meat, ugh. That’s what Henry ended up getting and it smelled DIVINE. I kept fanning the fumes toward my face and he let me squeeze the gochujang on it. UGH. I’m still jealous.

The flight attendants are so pretty and there’s a small kid screaming but it’s not even bothering me because….Korea.

We just got our arrival card and custom declaration. Chooch and I filled our out but Henry waved it off and said, “I have 11 hours.” OK Hank. Let’s see you fuck this up, too!

I have this crippling bathroom phobia & I’m starting to really have to pee but I’m afraid to because what if I can’t get the door open or some other unknown is waiting for me?! I asked Henry to go scope it out but he’s being ridiculous and said there are too many people over there right now. OK tough guy.

5:25PM: guys, I did it! I went to the bathroom. Henry went first and then showed me how to open the door. Also I couldn’t find where to put my paper towel so now it’s wadded-up on my lap. Alsox2, I thought I slept for a long time but it was only an hour.

7:46pm: I started watching the K-drama “This is My Love” and it has so many people in it that I know! I hope that it’s on Drama Fever (Ed.Note: RIP DramaFever) or Netflix so that I can finish it at home. I watched the first two episodes and now I think I honestly need to sleep. 6 more hours, woo! Chooch looked at the map a few minutes ago and we wee only just over Alaska?! How is Alaska that far away?! Geography stumps me every time.

12:23am: Really it’s like 2:23pm I think but my phone hasn’t switched time zones yet. ANyway, every time I started to fall asleep, HENRY would bump me or essentially just encroach on my personal space and then there were times when his headphones were so loud that I could hear it, I just stopped him from incessantly crinkling a plastic wrapper and he snapped, “God, you’re so touchy!” Well, shit, maybe if that motherfucker had let me sleep more than 15 minutes at a time!

Also, I love Korea but Korean Air’s idea of vegetarian meals is something a nursing home would feed a dying diabetic. Henry got cake with his dinner! Vegetarians can eat cake!

We have 1:36hr left on this flight. I have to pee but there’s a line and I don’t stand in no piss line, bitches. So I’m just sitting here stubbornly and making Henry turn around to tell me a line stander update. He’s not taking his job seriously.

Meanwhile, Chooch spilled about 1/4 of a cup of water on his leg and his acting like it’s acid.

7:57pm and we’re in our upgraded Hotel Atrium room because dumbass Henry only booked a room with two twin beds and then tried to argue with the guy at the desk about it. This was after he tried to get off the airport shuttle at the wrong stop and it was nearly an international disaster – the driver was super hyper about Henry’s error and Henry didn’t have the hotel address in Hangul in spite of how many times I told him that it was 100% necessary. An older man actually said, “Aisssssh!!!” (not good when a Korean says this) and started to get up to intervene but the driver was like, “no no no” and made him sit back down.

Our stop was NOWHERE near the one Henry tried to get off at, but luckily the AISSSSSH ahjussi sat behind Henry and told him he was getting off at the same stop and could help us. This was such a blessing because we’d probably still be wandering around helplessly.

***

And now we were officially in Korea! Many more opps for Henry to eff up! Henry’s Eff Opps!

Anyway, I’m tired of transcribing, but just know that we had more hotel mishaps that night but luckily, everything went up from there. I can’t believe it’s been FIVE YEARS.