When Pittsburgh Public Schools originally announced that kids who were not put in any of the mandatory ‘back-to-school’ groups (i.e. kids with special needs, kids with poor virtual attendance, I actually don’t know because Henry is the one who read those emails not me hahaha), the rest of the kids had the option to return to school in May for a hybrid thingie (two days in school, three days virtual). Chooch was like NAH I’M COOL THANKS. So we opted out. But then I started to panic. Did we make the wrong choice? Would it be better for him to return, even if it is super late into the year, just so he can get the feel for a school that he has only been inside of once (for orientation that happened literally two weeks before everything shut the fuck down in March 2020)? So Henry contacted the person in charge to tell them that we changed our mind and that Chooch would be returning to in-person.

Today was the first day for that to happen, so Henry took today and tomorrow off work to ensure that we get him to school smoothly because I cannot be trusted with such a daunting task and we have no idea what bus he’s supposed to take because the STUPID PORT AUTHORITY WEBSITE WAS DOWN. Yes, he has to take regular public transportation to this school which is so fucking stupid but that’s what happens when there is a shortage of school bus drivers because people apparently don’t want to work I guess???

I decided I would go along for the ride because I’m late shift today and wouldn’t it be SO NICE if Henry and I had A BREAKFAST DATE AFTERWARD?

But first, we had to get Mr. Miz(rable) to school. I thought it would be fun for Henry and I to both walk him to the front door of the school, Chooch ensconced in a parental posse, but he wasn’t too KEEN on that suggestion. Instead, we had to park halfway down the block and release him into the wild.

Chooch’s school is pretty much on the University of Pittsburgh campus, so it was actually very reminiscent of the times Henry would drive me to class when I was at Pitt and I would basically roll out of the car and hide behind a bush until it was safe to come out. God forbid anyone think my DADDY was dropping me off at school!

After we dropped him off, we went to Polish Hill and walked around for about 30 minutes, waiting for Kaibur Cafe to open at 8:00am. It was pretty cold this morning and Bitch Baby Henry was only wearing a t-shirt (and pants, don’t worry) so he was like OMG I AM SO COLD and I was like “Bitch, maybe check the weather once in a while, that’s why I’m wearing a sweater.”

See also: in our weekly team meeting at work, the common topic is ALWAYS WEATHER so that is usually how I know what to expect, like the time I said a few weeks ago that it was going to snow and Henry was like BULLSHIT and I was like OK WAIT AND SEE and then it snowed and I was like THANK YOU, WEEKLY TEAM MEETING.

Henry was such a little cunt about sitting on this horsie. “UGH IT’S COLD AND WET OMG I’M SUCH A PUSSY BITCH NOW EVERYONE WILL KNOW THAT I CRIED FOR MY MOMMY EVERY DAY WHEN I WAS IN THE SERVICE.”

Here in my hand please find a copy of “The Dead Hour” by Denise Mina which I plucked from a Little Free Library moments before this photo was taken. IT BETTER BE GOOD because I had to carry it around with me for the rest of the walk.

I’m sure Chooch is fine but I kept saying “DO YOU THINK CHOOCH IS OK” every three minutes. I mean, he’s a pretty social kid and pretty much immediately made a group of friends last fall and I think at least one of them is also starting back IRL today so I was like, “DID YOU TEXT DANIIL AND TELL HIM YOU’LL MEET HIM AT LUNCH OR WHATEVER” and Chooch just glared at me so I’m not sure what that means, but we at least took him to get his hair cut last night (super last minute, true to form) so he won’t be walking down the halls looking like the Partridge Family today.

He refused to take his Frozen hand sanitizer though so Henry to give him a normal one.

Wow, so artful. But also, I can see my work building and I’m kind of sad. But also kind of still not ready to go back? LOL, I’m such a hypocrite, forcing my kid to go back to real school (“It’ll be good for you to slowly immerse yourself back into a routine!”) while I’m over here panicking about when we’ll get the official OK to return to the office.

I would like to make a cute mosaic on our front porch I WONDER IF THE SQUIRRELS WOULD LIKE THAT.

Then we ordered our food at 8 and had to sit in the car while waiting for it because it was chilly outside and some dumb guy walked by pushing a stroller, dog on leash, toddler trailing behind. Henry said, “What do you think that kid’s name is?” and with no hesitation at all, I blurted out, “Zephyr.” So then Henry kept laughing which was off-putting because he never laughs at anything I say because only MANS IS FUNNEE, and he kept hoping the guy would call his kid so we could find out but he never did but also he looked the kind of dad that would say, “SONNY BOY” instead of the kid’s name.

Then we brought our breakfast home and I’ll tell you, my vegan tofu scramble sammy was good but not $13’s worth of good.

And now I will walk to the post office and then eventually log onto work while doling out duties for Henry because STAY AT HOME is my FAVORITE HENRY. And hopefully Chooch checks in with us at some point?!!? I forgot to yell “DON’T GET BULLIED!! MOMMY LOVES YOU!!” out the window when he got out of the car UGHHHH.

Pictures of my cats, paired up with some sentences. So blessed.

Trying to figure out why the squirrels like the windowsill.

• My brother and I signed up for the Genesis tour presale which happens tomorrow and hopefully we get tickets! I absolutely hate big arena/stadium concerts because the process of buying tickets is so stressful and icky. I can only hope it’s better than trying to get kpop tickets! I’ve seen Phil Collins once when I was in high school, and I saw Mike + the Mechanics several years ago, BUT NEVER HAVE I EVER SEEN GENESIS.

• I started watching Shadow & Bone on Netflix, with major skepticism. I couldn’t finish the book series because, contrary to popular opinion, I really don’t like Leigh Bardugo’s writing. Everyone’s all OMG HER WORLD BUILDING but I couldn’t picture anything (and HONEY my imagination is GOODLY) and I felt all the characters were flat AF. I think I gave the first book a 3.5 because Booktube gaslit me but that second book was a SNOOZEFEST. I just can’t be bothered to pick up another Bardugo book. But the series so far is pretty decent! First of all, holy shit, they made Mal seem like an actual person but with more than one dimension! And they’re weaving the Six of Crows storyline into it which I didn’t read that duology but those characters are THE SHIT so should I attempt to read it??!!

• There was this vegan joint we wanted to eat at when we were in Columbus last week but then I realized that morning that they’re closed on Sundays so I was super sad, and THEN USA Today featured them in a list of the Top 10 vegan BBQ places in the US so now I’m super mad.

• You guys! It’s Asian Read-a-thon month! I read a ton of Asian authors to begin with but I try to read ALL Asian for the month of May and I’m so excited about my TBR! If you are reading this and would like some good Asian recs PLEASE ASK ME because I love to recommend books!

• Henry just sat down and literally started reading off a recycling chart to me as if I’m not writing in my blog. He gets ruder and ruder as he ages, ISTG.

• Henry cleaned and fluffed my old chaise lounge that I’ve had since I first moved into this bitch ass house in 1999. We moved it onto the back porch last December after we scored the church pew, and I had dreams of transforming the porch into my cozy reading nook for spring time and that was all good and grand until I realized that HENRY’S GRANDKIDS’ PLAY ROOM IS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WALL so unless they’re not home, I guess I won’t be relaxxin’ and maxxin’ on the porch with a book. Ugh kids seriously. Between the ones next door, and what sounds like an entire nursery school in the house behind us, I am already craving those closed window winters again. *CRIES IN ANTI-KID*

• I told Chooch that all I want for Mother’s Day is the ability to use my mom’s old Jackie Sorenson aerobics video that I’ve been obsessed with since I was in middle school and took with me when I moved out of the house at 18 but now I don’t have a VCR anymore and I want to somehow transfer the tape onto something else that will enable me work out to the fucking fantastic soundtrack of FOREIGNER, ENGLAND DAN & JOHN FORD COLEY, AND BARBARA STREISAND. I know he will fail because I asked him the other day to remind me what I wanted for Mother’s Day and he was like, “………………………”

• Friendly reminder that Seungri still hasn’t been charged with anything and BIGBANG is the greatest Kpop group of all time.

• You guys! We made reservations for our first amusement park since December 2019! We’re going to Hershey in two weeks and I AM SO FUCKING READY TO RIDE ROLLER COASTERS AND TELL HENRY THAT HE’S BREATHING HEAVY WHILE WE’RE STANDING IN LINE! I know Chooch is ready to dust off his coaster credit Excel spreadsheet, lol.

• Here is an excerpt from my first vacation journal (which is still sitting out on the coffee table so I skim through it every now and then for, what do they call ’em, SHITS & GIGGLES: Orlando July 8, 1989 TODAY WE ARE GOING TO LEAVE. I’M GOING TO MISS IT. I WANT TO FEED THE DUCKS BEFORE WE GO. SO FAR I DIDN’T SEE THEM YET. WELL, THE DUCKS CAME. WE FED THEM A BUN. THEN WE WENT TO PERKINS FOR BREAKFAST. WE BROUGHT THE DUCKS PANCAKES AND FRENCH TOAST. WHEN WE CAME BACK THE DUCKS ATE EVERYTHING! THEN I WROTE A NOTE TO THE NEXT PEOPLE WHO WILL LIVE THERE TO FEED THE DUCKS.

Wow, on that scintillating literary note, I am signing off. BYE BOY.

Good morning, it’s the first Sunday in May (also Henry’s mom’s bday, shout out to Judy!) and I have some thoughts and photos to share.

I got my second Pfizer shot on Thursday! In less then two weeks now, both Henry and I will be fully good to go! Anyway, as I previously mentioned, we went to different vaccination sites and even though I got my first shot nearly a week before his, he got his second shot two days before me because the place I went to was scheduling the second dose for 4 weeks out instead of 3 ughhh. Anyway, this time henry got a FUCKING PIN to boast his newly vaccinated self, a tote bag, AND AN AQUA MAN BANDAID.

I didn’t get anything other than that weird UFO bandage again but this time went so much more smoothly and I almost was able to walk right in without waiting at all, AND the volunteer who checked me out after I received the jab was my old Girl Scout troop leader, Donna!! So that was really nice to see a familiar face!

I requested Thursday and Friday off from work just in case I had a bad case of “second dose” like a lot of people had but aside from soreness from the actual jab and slight chills and fatigue that night and a bit the next day, it wasn’t really anything to complain about and honestly the fear of getting COVID and infecting others GREATLY OUTWEIGHED the fear of having a fever or whatever for 24 hours. Please please please don’t skip the second shot!

Meanwhile, Henry has been on a zoo deep dive ever since we went to the Columbus Zoo last weekend. “Apparently the largest zoo in the world is the London Zoo,” he reported after one of his research sessions.

Coincidentally, a few days earlier I had skimmed my baby’s first vacation journal for shits and giggles, even holding Henry hostage on the couch as I read aloud countless passages penned by a 10-year-old me. But by doing so, I discovered that I have actually been to the London Zoo and have no recollection and the following entry KIND OF jostled free some dormant memories and I immediately felt like shit:

Please allow me to tell you what I was able to READ BETWEEN THE LINES: not so much my mom, but my Grandma was EXTREMELY controlling of my appearance. Look, when I was 10, I had braces, two chins, an unruly rat’s nest of hair.

I was F-to-the-RUMPY, you guys. And my mom used to insist that I pull the sides of my hair away from face with the aid of these shitty barretts (sic) that HURT MY FUCKING HEAD. Apparently, she told my grandma to make sure that I wore them on vacation and my grandma could be so fucking mean, so while it looks like Sharon is being the asshole in this situation, I can 100% promise you that she was trying to protect me from my grandma’s emotionally abusive wrath and as I read this last week, as a 41-year-old grown-ass woman, I felt so fucking small all over again.

I know that I am very privileged in that I got to travel to all these great places as a kid, but the psychological price that I paid has left me with an everlasting emotional debt. No fucking wonder I don’t remember going to this goddamn zoo because I can guarantee you that what I left off the page is all the puke-inducing sobbing I probably did while left alone in the hotel room that morning.

OMG I know that Henry and I bicker here and there when we travel but I fucking PRAY that we have left Chooch with more good memories than not so that when he’s an adult thinking back on these trips, he will just smile instead of feeling like a worthless piece of shit.

But in funnier vacation journal entries, here’s one from the same trip where I recount all of my self-diagnosed maladies:

We had a “match the baby picture with the co-worker” contest at work (apparently this was something I suggested several years ago and the Event Committee used it!?) and I came in second place which is annoying because NATE came in first place AND I GAVE HIM SOME ANSWERS!! Oh well, I was still happy with my Amazon gift card, which I used to buy these cute solar-powered ball thingies for the porch and a 10 pound bag of “backyard critter” feed, lol.

Well that’s all for me right now. I’m having a great weekend watching Henry get stuff done but now it’s time for my second walk of the day. I gotta go go go!

You guys know I spend most of my life walking around the ‘hood because I’m an obsessive step counter. Well, sometimes I take pictures too and I have no idea why because I never do anything with them BUT I VOWED THAT I WOULD SHARE THEM ON HERE THIS WEEK. I’ll never get married so this might be the only vow I make.

Anyway. Enjoy.

K BYE!!!

We painted the wall behind the couch in preparation for the day when the subway sign is finally ready to be hung (Henry changed course AGAIN and is now “looking into” a “new way” to mount the damn thing) and while we were at it, I decided to finally do something with this narrow strip of a wall that used to just have random art on it.

My actual thought process was “Maybe if I hang these carouselfies on the wall, I’ll feel less depressed” – Erin’s Guide to Decorating (pg. 187). I honestly just don’t even care anymore how ridiculous it looks over here. I am fucking bored out of my mind and I have no other creative outlet anymore (see also: IN A RUT, STUCK).

Obviously not being able to go to amusement parks in 2020 was super depressing, but I have so many fun pictures from years and years of past theme park’ing, and looking back on those old memories actually made me feel better instead of more depressed.

Somehow.

(Or, somewhoe, as I originally typed.)

Henry and cat litter cameos!

The flowers are from some weird cardstock wreath project I bought from Oriental Trading specifically because I wanted to stick the flowers on the wall. I was originally going to paint flowers on the wall, but I opted for this route because it allows me to easily change it up in the future. WOW I AM REALLY USING THAT PETRIFIED BRAIN IN MY DUMB HEAD.

It took me at least an hour to put all the flowers together while watching roller coaster videos on YouTube. Chooch walked past me a dozen times as I sat here, being engulfed by a piled of cardboard craft pieces, and he never even said anything. Like, I don’t know, “what are you doing?”

As shitty as the pandemic has been, the one silver lining for us (ugh that feels weird to say, like how could there be ANYTHING positive about this?!) is that it kind of forced us to fix the way we were living. I know this is going to sound weird because clearly I am NOT a minimalist when it comes to decor and people would probably consider our house super cluttered* as far as the walls go, but we actually DEcluttered over this past year, if you can believe it. We got rid of so much unneeded shit and now everything else has its own place and if someone would come here right now and knock on the door, I wouldn’t freak out. (OK I still would scream and hide on the steps and make someone else answer the door because SOCIAL ANXIETY but I wouldn’t embarrassed that anyone was seeing the inside of the house. (Unless they went into the basement or Chooch’s room, lol.)

It was also fantastic when we came home Sunday night to a clean house after being gone since early morning. When people say that your mental state is directly affected by the condition of your house, it is so fucking true.

*(I was on a video call at work a few weeks ago and one of my co-workers called my house “organized chaos” and another agreed that “it feels like it should be too much, but it just works” – I was HUMBLED. Also, did you know that I used to want to be an interior designer? IT’S TRUE! This was back when I was 19 or 20. I dunno that I would have gotten much business outside of Pee Wee’s Playhouse, though.)

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Chooch is fifteen today!! It’s still difficult to really do anything big and fun for him during this but we looked into some safe options and decided to combine two things he loves: zoos and road trips. The Columbus Zoo has a good Covid policy so we reserved a time and are currently en route to Ohio which I never thought I’d be excited about but apparently spending a year at home lowers the bar, bigly.

So now it’s 7:19am and I guess I will be trying to LiveBlog. We just rolled up to Dunkin Donuts and I am psychically pantomiming the action of sipping my coffee please get it in my hand ASAP omg.

7:31am: Henry and I just had an argument over car inspections because he is sooooo lazy and weird about it – like, he will let it lapse until it spirals to a point where it’s beyond acceptable and then just throws the towel in and refuses to deal with it. So I said he must not have been born with the gene that all the other men have where they pump their arms and march out to the car grunting about GOING TO GET THE CAR INSPECTED, GET TO BE A MAN TODAY, LOOK AT ME FLEXXIN’ MY MANHOOD and Henry said no man is like this, no man gets excited to take their car to a place for another man to tell them how much $$$ it will cost and I said “yes they do because then they get to say LISTEN HERE and argue about the cost and then end up trying to fix it themselves.”

Duh.

Speaking of cars I forgot our new car has seat warmers! Just turned my own since working from home with a sore back has made me reliant on the feel of a heating pad under me.

8:22am: “I miss road trips!”

8:32am: a truck just let us pass and I was going to wave but I LOST MY NERVE because it’s been so long that I’ve waved to truckers that I have to rebuild my trucker confidence.

8:59am: Stopped at SHEETZ in Zanesville Ohio where apparently no one got the mask memo. Literally got LOOKS from everyone inside that wasn’t an employee. But, here’s my first SHEETZ road trip selfie in forever!

9:56am: I just looked over and caught Henry dancing to Chungha’s bicycle and excuse me while I die from secondhand embarrassment.

10:46 guys something happened. We are near the zoo but had an hour to kill before our appointment so we stopped at a nearby Target because I had to pee and crybaby Chooch wanted a blankie for the car wah wah wah. Anyway, there was a sign outside the bathroom door that demonstrated using your elbow to open the door so I did that except that I didn’t follow directions correctly and shoved my whole arm in the handle not knowing that there was a little pole jutting down that was what I was actually supposed to hook my arm around but now it was too late, my arm was shoved in the door handle and I was in the process of opening it but I had to follow it back with my body because it was bending my arm and I ended up pinned against the wall trying to extract my arm and then I CUT MY HAND in the process.

The worst part was that this took place ENTERING the bathroom so I was still in plain view of everyone in that part of the store.

Anyway now I have a “bravery badge” and Henry is so annoyed bc we have a first aid kit in the car but I wanted to choose my own bandaids.

11:48 oh shit we’re at the zoo and I forgot to tell you lol.

Henry: I’ve never seen a koala in real life before

Me: I HAVE. IN AUSTRALIA.

Henry&Chooch: 🙄🙄🙄🙄

3:25. Still in this hellscape.

Chooch: I’ve ridden a camel before havent I?

Me: I dunno but I have. In Morocco.

😆

3:52: henry just asked with trepidation why we were laughing.

Chooch: because that girl was crying because she was too tall for the playground.

Henry: OH! LISTEN TO YOU TWO! YOU’D BE THE FIRST TO CRY IF THAT HAPPENED TO U! AND U PROBABLY HAVE!

4:07: omg finally just got to the car and are about to leave finally wow what a fucking day. If I had to describe the majority of the people we saw I’d have to say that a lot of the moms looked like they recently got released from prison.

4:19: “I hope when I’m older, I have one of those daily boxes that say like M, T, W—”

“A pill box?” I interjected.

“Yeah, that!” Chooch said gleefully.

5:31pm: Eating our Eden Burger vegan dinner takeout at some place called GOODALE PARK and it is soooo satisfying. My vegan fish sandwich tastes so much like a McFilet but BETTER and that is the ONLY thing I miss from McDonald’s!

5:38: Henry just mused out loud, “what are those things hanging…” and chooch and I were like “why things” but he didn’t answer us so I said to Chooch “maybe he just discovered his balls” and then we both started laughing and Henry glared so I started laughing harder and Chooch switched sides and said, “stop it’s not that funny” and then I laughed even harder and almost peed my pants right as some guy asked us about how to pay to park and henry was like “[parking info]” which made me say, “thank god he asked a question and not like how do you get somewhere” and CHooch was like “yeah thank god he asked a question and not a question” but I meant to say “a question WE COULD ANSWER” but I only said it in my head and skipped over it when I was saying the whole thing out loud so then I started laughing again and I am still doing a throaty giggle much to Henry and Chooch’s chagrin and now you’re all caught up.

6:46pm: a Love’s appreciation segment.

• The perfectly retro vibes of their branding. Never change that.
• The fact that a robust farmer in overalls came out of the store WEARING A MASK – big ups to the Love’s clientele.
• It has a “dog yard” where some man was playing guitar and singing to his dog and thank god Henry pointed this out THREE TIMES or we might have missed it.
• Clean bathrooms!!

I want to subtract some points for the overly MURICA design of their merch (American flag straw cowboy hats anyone?) but the fact that I was able to pee without risking a STAPH INFECTION in my Target bathroom door wound makes me feel like being generous today.

7:38pm: A Conversation about pills:

Henry: where’s the ibuprofen

Me: I swear you guys just love saying that on purpose in front of me.

Henry: Well I don’t understand why you can’t just say it. Ibuprofen. It’s not hard.

Me: It is though! It’s so awkward to say! Why would they even name it that and not just like, Pain Pill?

8:31pm: hello. We are going to be home in about 25 minutes so I am going to sign off here. It’s been a long time since I live blogged. Was it ok? Don’t answer that!!!

It’s hard to feel happy about today when a life was sacrificed to get us here. Let’s never forget George Floyd’s name & this moment.

Hopefully George’s family and loved ones and everyone affected and touched by his MURDER can rest a bit easier today, and that progress doesn’t stall out here.

And as always, FUCK WHITE SUPREMACY.

Hello to everyone on this fine Good Friday! Easter is my second favorite holiday after Halloween, not for Jesus-rising reasons, but I think mostly because Easter = spring even though it was 30 degrees here in Pittsburgh yesterday AND SNOWING, OK April. So even though I’m working dreaded Late Shift today, I’m still in pretty good spirits knowing that we have a pre-Easter Trinidadian vegan meal to pick up tomorrow, and we’ll hopefully be noshing on our now-traditional Eastergayo sandwiches on Sunday, hopefully in some lovely forest-type of setting?? HOPEFULLY? HOPEFULLY I CAN SAY HOPEFULLY MORE TIMES IN THIS POST??

(HELLO, THIS IS ERIN FROM THE NEXT DAY, STOPPING BY TO SAY THAT I DID NOT GET VERY FAR WITH THIS POST YESTERDAY SO NOW IT’S SATURDAY AND LET’S SEE WHAT WE CAN ACCOMPLISH.)

• Last Saturday morning was super nice and sunny so Henry and Blake went outside to do yardwork. At first I was like NO THANKS because I wasn’t feeling social, but then I heard Blake and Henry start to gossip so I was like DID SOMEONE SAY LASCIVIOUS THINGS WITHOUT ME? So I went outside to eavesdrop. UNFORCH, Blake’s kids were out there and immediately latched on to me because, come on, I’m the super mysterious cool girl next door. I’m pretty sure they literally have no idea who I am in relation to them, but that’s OK because I’m too young to be a grandma anyway. I mean, we were playing some fun make-believe zoo game and that was cool but I was desperate to get in on the adult convo. I may have had my own thoughts to share, depending on the subject! I AM A GROWN-UP TOO! Except that you would never know it because I am literally forever at the kids table. Then Buddy made an appearance and I was like “oooh it’s Buddy!” and got up to go play with him but Calvin was like, “No come back and play with me!” and I was like “BUT SQUIRRELS!” and yeah.
• Speaking of Blake, he and his wife Haley had a new baby on Monday! His name is Milo. Haley’s mom was staying at their house watching Calvin and Lily, so we were all outside playing on Tuesday, waiting for them to come home (baby turnaround time is a lot quicker these days, it seems?!). I found a bunch of Chooch’s old action figures and took them outside for Calvin and Lily. One of them was a muscular man with a big shark head. Calvin kept asking me who it was and I was like “the fuck if I know” but in a more kid-friendly fashion, and then Chooch was like “I DON’T KNOW, STOP TALKING TO ME” and Haley’s mom was like, “Surely you must know, it was something you played with at some point!” but he insisted he had no idea and honestly, it might as well have been the first time seeing this damn thing for me. Then Blake and Haley came home with the baby and as Blake walked past our porch, he shouted apropos of nothing, “Ooh, Street Shark!” Of-fucking-course Blake would know.

• Recently, one of the bigger names in the kpop pin community passed away. She was an American expat in South Korea and made some really stunning pins, and while I never had an online relationship with her, I still knew her name and was actually shocked to find out that she had died. Someone started a hashtag for her and asked everyone to post a picture of their kpop fan lightsticks last week, using the hashtag. I was honored to have a chance to contribute to this online outpouring of love and I only hope that her family and close friends were privy to this so they could see how much of an impact she had on the kpop community.
• I’m glad that April Fool’s Day doesn’t seem to be a thing anymore.

• Drew’s face was me after doing two noon-8:30 late shifts in a row. I don’t know why, but these late shifts really do a number on my sanity. I was blessed with two relatively quiet nights but last night, one of my co-workers asked me to help him with something at 8:27 and I was like YOU ARE SO LUCKY YOU HAVE BEEN NICE TO ME FOR THE LAST 11 YEARS.
• This morning, Henry and I went to a new Russian/European market for some last-minute Easter basket stuff. We got Turkish cotton candy and now I am disgusted at the SHIT that we have been fed at American carnivals and circuses all this time! Um, I guess I will talk about that in a future weekend recap though.

BRB WALKING TO THE LIBRARY TO PICK UP SOME BOOOOOOOOOOOKS!!!

• We babysat for a bit Thursday evening (it was supposed to be Henry and Chooch doing the entertaining since I was working late shift but guess who’s more fun and Calvin knows it?). Here’s a picture of Uncle Chooch being completely put-out and knowing exactly how it felt for me and Henry every time Young Chooch wanted to “play” Mouse Trap, lol, fuck that game.
• Matt Gaetz did it.
• I didn’t have too many side effects after my first Pfizer shot – just a mild headache and an ache at the injection site that actually got PRETTY uncomfortable later that night and hurt when I lifted my arm for most of the next day. But I am preparing for the worst after I get my second dose. I requested off work for the day of and after already so hopefully it’s approved and I can be miserable on the couch with the cats all day. I’m low-key a little scared! But thinking of having somewhat of a “normal” summer & not potentially dying from Covid is all I care about right now. I was Kakao’ing with my friend Kyoung who lives in Korea and he was asking me about how the situation is here currently and I was like, “Well, there are still a lot of people who won’t wear masks and are therefore making it worse for the rest of us normal, sensible people” and he is like, FLABBERGASTED that there are Americans who are still anti-mask and his response to that was “They can have their freedoms after corona!” EXACTLY. WHEN WILL AMERICA WAKE THE FUCK UP.
• Henry found this timelapse he took the first time we were in Korea and only thought to send it to me last week, wow, thanks.

• In case you guys were wondering about what I dream about now, it’s feeding squirrels and animals that either shouldn’t be in my backyard (sea otters) or don’t exist IRL (miniature gray-boxy-furry alligator things on leashes), also men dressed in unicorn onesies. (Yes, I was feeding the unicorn man, too. Carrots, if you were curious.)
• In case you were also wondering about my current culinary quests, I recently decided that I was grown-up enough to tackle the creation of smoothie bowls on my own, unsupervised. Henry went out and bought me a ton of healthy, vegan ingredients, powders, mix-ins, etc and even bought a better blender-thingie for me to use and can you guess how many times I’ve used it since this all started two weeks ago? If you guessed any number other than zero, then 딩 동 댕! Sorry Henry, but I am just too chicken to use this damn thing! So instead, I just wait for him to come home from work and he makes me smoothie bowls for dinner. His presentation is lacking though. And the one he made me last night was brown so I thought he went the chocolate PB route but no, it was acai and pineapple?! It was so hard for me to get past the color, knowing it wasn’t chocolate! It never tasted like anything other than “brown” after that.

Well, it’s almost time for me to eat some pre-Easter Trinidadian vegan foods so I will wish you all a wonderful Easter and leave you with a picture of Penelope and Jackson Wang’s newest MV!

THE 80S VIBES WITH THIS ONE!!

Please take 20 minutes today to listen to these Korean Americans – now living in South Korea – talk about their feelings about the rise of Anti-Asian hate crimes & the experiences they’ve had with racism and discrimination in the US.

“You can’t hug someone trying to punch you.”

I wish I had a bigger platform so I could make more of a difference. Very very very frustrated, especially at the lack of support and response from fellow Americans who need to reflect upon what it truly means to be American now more than ever. We need to add our voices to their voices to make the message impossible not to hear.

And as always: Talk to your kids!! Don’t let hate (and Trump!!!) win!!

Hello from my couch in Brookline. Today was v. nice, much sun, etc. so I made Henry go on a cemetery walk with me. It had been a while since we pounded pavement in that beautiful Calvary Cem, so that is where I chose to go. We stopped at Bae Bae’s first for some cold bev and LITERALLY THE BEST SNICKERDOODLE AND DOUBLE CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES I HAVE EVER STUFFED INTO MY BIG FAT MOUTH. Henry is like part of some sacred snickerdoodle blood line and even he said PROBABLY when I asked him if it was the best he’s ever had.

Henry never gets very superlative up in this piece so that’s gotta be like the best review Bae Bae’s will ever get, sincerely.

Anyway, I had literally been crying about ten minutes prior to being like TAKE A PICTURE OF ME IN THIS HOODIE because look, I had found this hoodie way in the back recesses of my closet the other day and it just so happens that I bought it in 2007 when I was looking for the perfect top to wear with the pink tutu I had made specifically to flounce around in at Chooch’s 1st birthday party and I was like AT LEAST 70 pounds heavier then and this hoodie barely fit.

I mean, it actually didn’t really fit well at all – I could barely lift my arms because it was so snug.

But now it is all loose and even a little too big but super cozy and it brings back the best memories of when I was trying so hard to be a scene kid even though I WAS A NEW MOM not willing to admit that that ship had gon’ and straight SAILED.

So yes, please enjoy some pictures of me trying desperately to “pose” when my natural instinct is to put my arms up and do a weird tilt. The amount of times “why can’t you be normal” runs through my inner monologue on a daily basis is actually really sad – JUST LET ME BE ME, SELF! Ugh. I have so many personalities constantly arguing with each other on the inside should I be alarmed or nah.

Or jump. I’m also a big advocate for jumping poses. But that’s probably because Jillian Michaels has me trained to jump on cue.

I hate my mouth so I wanted to cover my mouth in all of the pictures but Henry was like STOP BEING WEIRD and it made me wish Chooch had been there (he had to say home and work on a powerpoint about STDs lololol and I suggested that he use pictures of the STD cookies that me, Blake and Janna made several years ago and he was like DAD SAID THE SAME THING. ALSO, NO.) because Chooch takes really good pictures of me (I mean, as good as you can get when you’re working with someone who has a Leno chin and resting&active ugly face.

Henry took this action shot of me pulling pine needles out of my hand. That was fun.

I’m also a fan of “RUNNING TOWARD THE CAMERA” shots.

HERE I COME.

Henry was like WOW YOU ARE SUCH A GOOD RUNNER I BET YOU WOULD LOOK GOOD RUNNING IN A WEDDING DRESS—

lololol jk he def did not say that.

Although now I’m laughing because my ex-friend Keri always said she imagined me being a runaway bride but instead I just get to be a never-bride hahahahah I’m not crying I’m laughing.

Me and my man JC. His hand was actually broken so it was very awkward to hold.

Here I am covering my mouth again and Henry was not a fan of the pose. Also, I was sitting on a tree butt.

Anyway, here’s a trip back to 2007 when I first wore the hoodie and it barely fit and I hadn’t lost a single pound of baby weight yet and my legs were THICCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC.

I don’t miss 2007 at all but I do really miss those Draven shoes, like a lot a lot a lot..

OK thanks for joining me on this photo-journey. I hope you had as much of an OK time as I did.

OH one more thing!!!! I fixed an Easter decoration that had fallen down in front of a grave so pass that shit on to God or whoever.

P.S. Bonus picture of Dumb Henry a/k/a Him Man.

I’m tired and sad and have no intro other than: here are some words and pictures.

• One day last week, I was at my usual spot at the front window, talking to the squirrels because that’s my life now. I’m like Gorillas in the Mist except more toward Squirrels on the Porch. ANYWAY!! You know that I call all t he brown ones “Buddy” and all the gray ones are “Mr. Gray Guy” because I am so fucking original, can you stand it. So this one particular instance, one of the Buddys was here and I was half-hanging out the window talking to him. Right as I was saying BUDDY, YOU’RE SO CUTE in my (according to my housemates) creepy squirrel tone, I looked up and made direct eye contact with some man who was walking by and had no idea that there was a squirrel on the other side of the porch pillar so it looked like 100% I was cat-calling this dumb man. That was fun.
• Henry and I went to some fleatique place last Saturday and I wanted this painting SO BAD but it was like 10 feet tall and $2000. Then I got my stimulus and Henry joked that I could go back and get it but then quickly yelled JUST KIDDING IT WON’T FIT IN THE HOUSE. I mean, we could hang it horizontally but OK.

• But then we went to Global Market in Squirrel Hill and I got this glorious elephant mobile from India which really adds a “pop” of color lol.

• Henry, looking at the “13 years ago today” pictures on Google drive on his phone, asked me, “Wtf are these??” I glanced and said, “Oh, that’s the homeless guy I picked up at a gas station & drove to a diner at midnight, and the others are pictures of the cleaning guy I was obsessed with at my old job.” Henry was like, “They look like they were taken at a mental institution.” I mean, that old job really was in a super dismal building, and in the basement of it no less. I really hated working there.
• And here is a conversation that Chooch and I had the other day:

Me: I can’t remember what I used to feed you for breakfast & lunch when you were little. Do you remember?

Chooch: No.

~a pause~

Me: …I might not have fed you.

Then we both cracked up at the same time. At least we can laugh about these things?!

• Oh shit, St. Patrick’s Day Sugarspell Pint Pre-Order! I don’t like 3/17 but I love the shamrock-y flavs. Pot o’ Golden Milk is my fave because it’s A GOLDEN LATTE. I really love turmeric even though it’s a really dumb word to say.

• This cute picture of Chooch matching the wall and Drew matching Chooch:

• Oh! I can’t believe I forgot to mention that 2 weekends ago we got takeout from a brand new African cuisine place that MAKES FUFU!! They also had puff puff but the ones we got were over cooked so bad that we couldn’t even eat them so overall the experience was just so-so. Also I prefer the version of fufu that Henry makes because the recipe he got for it uses plantain and cassava and this place only uses cassava. It was still good! But I like the texture of the plantain one. I guess there are all different kinds of ways to make fufu & it varies by region. I dunno, I’m still learning!

• Penelope always looks either angry or morose.
• You guys it’s 6pm on Saturday and I have a legit headache from the hours I spent stalking squirrels today. Henry told me I’m “so weird” but you have no idea how close I am to TAMING ONE OF THESE BUDDYS AND HAVING HIM CUDDLE WITH ME WHILE WEARING A CUTE LITTLE SWEATER AND BERET. At one point, I was in the backyard while five of them were frolicking in the tree branches watching me like I was crazy. One literally sprawled out on his stomach on a branch like “lessee how dis is gon’ play out.”

I don’t want to type anymore. Goodbye, my guy(s).

I know that donating to charities or fundraisers, or patronizing Asian-owned restaurants and shops isn’t something that’s feasible for everyone, especially while we’re in a pandemic, so I’ve really been over here trying to think of ways to help support the Asian community (this of course is in addition to BEING ALLIES, educating ourselves/friends/children/families, and curb-stomping hate speech and hate crimes when we see it!!). And I realized, duh, 75% of the content I watch on YouTube is made by Asian creators so today I am going to be sharing five of my favorites because watching their videos not only supports them financially, but you might actually learn some things about their culture as well.

1. Ashley Choi

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8-k8-FlJGY

Ashley is a (sometimes) Kpop idol living in Seoul and her vlogs are so adorable. They’re called the Adulting Series and they make Henry laugh because she has the same amount of adulting skills as me. She’s good friends with another Korean vlogger I love – Joan Kim – and I honestly have added so much to our past Seoul itineraries based on the cafes and boutiques they frequent in their vlogs.

Ashley was in a group called Ladies Code and now she does radio work, but a few years ago she had a solo comeback and this song still makes me smile so much!

2. Ur Mom Ashley

OK PLEASE JUST LISTEN TO ME. I am lowkey obsessed with Ashley and her siblings Amber and Andrew because they remind me of me and my brothers when we all still lived at home. It was CHAOS in the best way and watching these videos has been bringing so much joy and comfort to my life these days.  I literally laugh out loud so hard and then the cats get secondhand embarrassment. Sorry, cats, but ya’ll need to lighten up!

3. Strictly Dumpling

Do not watch Mikey’s videos on an empty stomach OMFG. This guy eats the best food and he can fucking CHOW DOWN, it’s actually remarkable to watch. Plus, he travels all over the world to eat said food, yeah boy.

4. CupofTJ

In case you couldn’t tell, my YouTube niche is food and travel lol. TJ is one of the cutest and most personable food &t travel vloggers out there, I promise you! And in the video I’m sharing, she meets up with MY FAVORITE SEOUL YOUTUBERS, Sarah & Kyuho, so consider this a 2-for-1 deal, OK?!

5. Fancy Nancy

I found Fancy Nancy on YouTube several years ago when she was living in Korea (she was teaching there) but now she’s back in the States and still amazing so you should go and watch her! She has a lot of daily vlogs but also a good bit of (pre-COVID) travel vlogs too. I’m obsessed with travel vlogs but there are A LOT OF REALLY ANNOYING TRAVEL YOUTUBERS out there. Fancy Nancy is not one of them!

I could do a post on some of my favorite Asian books too if anyone would be interested in that. Reading IS SUCH A GOOD WAY TO LEARN more about other cultures and people’s experiences!

Please please please remember that we cannot sit here drinking our matcha lattes, using our Hello Kitty waffle maker, reading manga while unwinding with a BTS MediHeal face mask AND IGNORE THE FACT THAT ASIANS ARE BEING MURDERED, THREATENED & BULLIED IN AMERICA. We cannot consume their media and eat their food and then not say shit. NOT ON MY WATCH.

Hello guys. I think we’re all on the same page here because I can’t imagine any racists being able to stomach the writings of this fragile, liberal snowflake so unless you’re here to hate-read I think we’re pretty much aligned in our social stances, but I’d still be remiss to not firmly state that I stand with the Asian community and if I EVER hear anyone slinging slurs, calling it “the China virus,” or flashing even the slightest side-eye at an Asian person, I will fucking throw down.

Here at Oh Honestly Central, we’re regular supporters of Asian-owned businesses but we definitely have been more mindful of ramping up our efforts since the pandemic hit. We (but REALLY Henry) love getting produce at Asian markets. Even just on that sweet potato tip, you guys, you literally cannot find a tastier one anywhere else, and don’t even say Whole Foods. I’m always shocked when I tell people that we shop at Asian markets and then THEY’RE shocked to find out that Pittsburgh has one – but there are actually quite a few here! So if you’re looking to support your Asian community on that ramen and novelty candy front, definitely check to see if your town has an Asian market.

Our personal favorites are WFH Oriental and Many More Asian Market, both located in the Strip District.

What really gets me is when white people make racist jokes against Asians, but then they LOVE THEM SOME SUSHI. White people do this shit to Black people too.

You know the types: the broad who slides into her lululemon for her Cardi B-soundtracked spin class but then won’t sit next to the Black man on the bus. The redneck who posts Asian stereotype memes and then chases it down with a double order of General Tso’s. Don’t be that person! But DO BE the person who appreciates and respects Asian cuisine. Restaurants in general are really hurting right now, and Asian restaurants are DEFINITELY suffering. Consider getting some take out this week!

Here in Pgh, we really like Nak Won Garden for Korean food, Tong Garden for Chinese (FUN FACT: Chooch is friends with the son of the owners!

), Thai Spoon has my favorite winter curry,  Bae Bae’s Cafe is awesome if you want delicious chocolate chip cookies (possibly the best in the ‘Burgh??) and bingsu, and Ineffable Ca Phe has the best banh mi (a tofu option, even!) and Vietnamese coffee around!

AND HAVE YOU EVER HAD ASIAN BREAD?? Good lord people – check your city for Asian bakeries. We’re addicted to Pink Box and Sumi’s Cakery. My favorite is milk bread, oh fuck yeah.

And don’t stop there! While you’re eating your bibimbap or pho at home, watch some Asian TV! Netflix has SO MUCH to choose from there days! I’m currently watching the second season of Love Alarm and plan on starting Sisyphus this weekend! YouTube is also awesome if you want to learn more about various cultures or engage in some virtual travel. We’ve been watching a lot of Drew Binsky’s vlogs lately and have learned SO MUCH about different countries.

Oh! Read books by Asian authors! ESPECIALLY own voices/memoirs. One that I read recently was Sigh, Gone by Phuc Tran. It was equal parts hilarious, superbly written, educational, and also infuriating.

If you’re looking to put your money where your mouth is, NY Mag has a great list here.

When I was a kid and learned the term “melting pot,” I thought that was so cool, that AMERICA was so cool. Because we are a country full of so many different cultures! It’s a beautiful thing and it blows my mind that not everyone sees it that way. Imagine how boring and plain this country would be if we didn’t have so many different people sharing their cultures.

And lastly, IF YOU SEE SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING, BUT ALSO REPORT THE THING!!!!

My eyes and brain are no longer teammates: I read that highlighted part up there as “a young girl eats potpourri out of her dead best friend.” This is where I am in life right now. Almost inspires me to start writing flash fiction again?

Have a happy weekend, everybody.

Not a whole lot happened, but some things did happen, and here are those things.

I started watching Ginny & Georgia on Netflix. I never heard of it until I saw it featured on Friday and I thought to myself, “OK I could go for some light family sitcom bullshit right about now” but wow that show had some dark moments! Anyway, I did that thing that I always do when I’m watching TV which is spend an absurd amount of time on IMDB and HOLY SHIT that show has a ton of Degrassi grads on it! So many that there is actually a BuzzFeed article about it?!

Then there is this one girl who was in one episode and at a glance she reminded me of someone, and then I finally realized it was the “girl from that Superman show. The new-ish one. The one that was on the WB or whatever…you know…..SMALLVILLE!” I screamed at Henry. Wow, that one almost gave me a stroke from all the mind-strain. So then of course I had to look up Smallville to find the name of the girl (Kristen Kreuk) because I wanted to see if they were related (they are not). THEN a few minutes later I was looking up another person from Ginny & Georgia and he was in a movie or show with….KRISTEN KREUK. Literally, this is a person who I haven’t thought of since I used to wear whatever those fake UGGs were called in the early 2000s and now she was coming up twice in 10 minutes, I was screaming.

Man, what were those fake UGGs called? I remember my friend Stacey made fun of me for wearing them because she said I didn’t seem like the type, but they were so comfortable to wear to haunted houses!!!

EMUs!! They were called EMUs, lololol.

AnyHOO, I binged that whole mothercheffin’ show over the weekend and have none regertz. NONE REGERTZ.

On one of Henry’s many trips to The Store, he came back with “toys” for Chooch and nothing for Drew and me. That wasn’t really a memorable moment but I liked this picture and wanted to INCLUDE IT IN THIS BLOG POST OK?

(In case you ever wondered, yes, I type EXTRA HARD AND ANGRY when I’m CAPSCREAMING.)

I don’t remember how it happened, but Henry and I ended up watching a “Top 100 Kpop Videos as of March 2021” video countdown on YouTube. We’ve watched these in the past – it just shows you a couple seconds of each video with stats at the bottom, like what number the video peaked at, what position it was in last month, etc. It’s really annoying now though because the more popular BTS gets, the more their psycho fans go back and stream every single video so they are ALL OVER these countdowns. (And Twice. And Blackpink.) Henry and I were getting so angry about it (especially considering these isn’t a single SHINee video on it anymore – don’t worry though, BIGBANG is still representing!) that you would have thought we were watching a sports thing if you had walked by because we were both standing up in front of the TV (wait, I think only Henry was, but I was lurched forward on the couch, high anxiety), SHOUTING OUR GUESSES and acting like true ridiculous dumbasses. When it got to the Top 10, I was screaming shit like, “IT BETTER NOT BE ALL BTS!” and Henry was like, “THERE WILL PROBABLY BE AT LEAST ONE MORE BLACKPINK!” and I started screaming all the BTS songs that hadn’t appeared yet and every single one of my guesses was in the Top 10 (BTS-wise) and that brought us to the #1 spot. I remembered that only the Hyuna version of Gangnam Style had appeared on the list thus far, so I yelled, “WAIT! IT COULD STILL BE PSY!”

AND THEN IT WAS!!! IT WAS PSY’S GANGNAM STYLE!!! Henry and I were screaming like the Pens just won the Stanley Cup, we were THAT happy it wasn’t BTS, lol.

However, seeing some of those older BTS videos made me yearn for their pre-Americanized era. I used to really like them so much! And I still have nothing against them, just their toxic fans.

Then Henry and I went to Target and talked about our old Riot Fest memories for some reason and then I couldn’t remember the name of the band La Dispute and spent the whole ride to Target and the entire time walking around Target trying to remember but all I could think of was the one song where he screams CAN I STILL GET INTO HEAVEN IF I KILL MYSELF and anyway, I clearly remembered at some point that it was La Dispute since I already said it. Try to keep up.

But man, we had some really good times at Riot Fest! Too bad it got shitty.

The next day, Henry was “at The Store” again and someone knocked on the door! I was scared!! But I thought maybe it was just HNC so I opened it cautiously. It was not HNC but some older Yinzer lady holding a CLIPBOARD. Oh boy. My favorite.  She was collecting signatures so her boss could be a judge or something, I don’t know, I’m a really bad listener. Her approach was very LOOK I DON’T WANT TO BE DOING THIS which is honestly something I could appreciate because I feel like that would be my lead-in too. I mean, she wasn’t asking for money or for me  to sign up for some fly-by-night utility company that would up forwarding my calls to a local tattoo parlor (this is a true story and the guy who owned that place was NOT HAPPY because this was back when I didn’t have a cell phone and people used to actually call my house a lot, see also: pre-Henry, when I had a life). While I was signing her dumb petition, she peered around me and in her thick smoker’s voice, she croaked, “WHOA YOU HAVE A REALLY COOL HOUSE. YOU REALLY DO!” and I was like “Wow thanks I’m so glad that the first person to see my DIY updates is some rando collecting signatures for her boss with a matchbook law degree. But still, I was happy that someone saw  it and liked it! However, she went next door after that,  to Blake’s, and I heard her says, “OH, AREN’T YOU A DOLL!” to one of Henry’s grandkids so now I’m not sure I can trust this lady’s opinion.

(J/k but they do sound like lil monstas on the other side of our wall lol.)

Henry was cleaning the bedroom and I was like LET ME SEE IF THERE ARE ANY CLOTHES THAT I CAN GET RID AWAY. Negative. I’m a clotheshorse. I love all of my clothes and will not part with them. However, I thought that maybe I could reorganize my dresser drawers since my method of putting away clothes is balling them up and punching them into an already-overstuffed drawer and then using the HIP-BUMP method to close it. So I dumped the first drawer out on the bed and Henry was like “here do it like this” and I thought that he would just DO IT FOR ME but sadly this story DOES NOT HAVE A FAIRY TALE ENDING because he only demonstrated on two shirts and then went back to his own stuff?!!?!? SO I HAD TO FOLD EVERYTHING MYSELF?? IT TOOK ALL DAY! (He said it was only an hour but this is *my* sob story not his, so.)

Then I wanted cauliflower pizza for dinner so that is what Henry made me:

And that was my weekend. It was OK! The weather was fairly decent I think but I can’t remember because it’s Thursday now and who cares.