Don’t we always celebrate that jerk tho.

Anyway, Chooch maintained his 4.0 on his most recent report card and we were like, “cool I guess we will feed you at some point” and literally like a full month later, we finally made plans to take him to dinner to “celebrate.”

We had Houlihan’s stuck in our heads because he mentioned it once in passing that he wanted to go there because he had never been, and I got super nostalgic because that was my PLACE when I was in my late teens. I guess because it was like the next step up from Denny’s and my friends and I thought we were SO SOPHIS eating there and honestly we probably mostly only went for dessert. I sincerely can’t remember any actual food I would have eaten there aside from whatever their fried mozzarella app was – maybe the triangles?

Or was Dingbats the ones with the triangles?!

The Houlihan’s I used to go was replaced by a WALGREENS ugh many years ago and at some point moved down the street to the Galleria, but I hadn’t been to the new location. Now that I think about it, the last time I was at Houlihan’s may have been in 2001/2002 when I was going through a heavy “meeting people on the Internet” phase by placing personal ads FOR FRIENDS (lololol) and had a FRIEND INTERVIEW with some dude there right around the time Henry and I started dating and you can imagine how well that went over. Don’t worry, I talked about my cats the whole time and never heard whatever that dude’s name was ever again.

We also invited Janna!

Sunday afternoon, while Chooch was still at work, Henry made CHOOCH PINS for us to wear that night.

This is the one Janna wore! I don’t have a picture of Henry’s and he almost blew the whole charade anyway by not having it on at first and then Chooch caught me mouthing “WHERE IS YOUR PIN” across the table; Chooch caught me and immediately asked, “WHAT” in a panicked tone but I said NOTHING and he moved on quickly because he only has so much interest in adults.

So then Henry to excuse himself to go to the bathroom and put the damn thing on; meanwhile, Chooch came down from Teenage La La Land long enough to actually SEE Janna at the table with us. He did a slow doubletake and asked, “Why are you wearing a pin of my face?” which was rather hurtful because I had mine on the whole entire time we were walking around the Galleria before Janna got there and he never noticed because I AM INVISIBLE TO HIM.

I pointed at my denim vest and yelled, “I HAVE ONE ON TOO” right when Henry came back and now Chooch was legit surrounded by people wearing pins of his face. It was like a TEAM CHOOCH huddle.

Chooch, after he realized what was happening.

We had a really stiff middle-aged (ugh probably like my age) waiter who looked like he was late for a Drive-By Truckers show at a craft whiskey festival in Williamsburg, NYC. He made me SO FUCKING UNCOMFY. He was for sure sneering at us and was also visibly anxious and annoyed when Chooch didn’t know what he wanted to drink right away. My favorite was when he asked Henry a question and then walked away before Henry had a chance to answer and Henry said something like, “How am I supposed to answer when he’s already halfway down the road?” and the fact that he said “road ” had me and Chooch dying.

Also, he was wearing a VERY FITTED short-sleeved flannel to show off his SUPER COOL tattoos.

Also, I chose Janna’s meal for her. Fish tacos. You’re welcome, Janna.

Chooch and I both got a veggie burger and it was fine, but also kind of unsatisfying. And they served it to us on these gigantic, oblong plates just to really illustrate how little food we were given. I made some comment about how we should have went somewhere better and Chooch said, “Yeah why did we come here, anyway?”

“Because you wanted to come here!” I snapped.

“Yeah, with my friends,” he snapped back.

OH DANG SON. Wow, just wow!

We didn’t get dessert (ironically, considering that was why I used to go there back in the day!) because the Galleria has a CUPCAKE vending  machine! I already knew what I wanted, and then I told Henry which one to get, and Chooch picked his pretty quickly too, but then JANNA hemmed and hawed like it was A Big Life Purchase, and she kept trying to choose ones that weren’t available!

Meanwhile, there was a young couple waiting behind us and I felt so bad because we were taking so long (well, I wasn’t, I made my selection right away because I’m a pre-planner and thought about which one I was choosing all during dinner to the point where I was nervous none of them would be available). Janna finally chose a vanilla blueberry one or something – it was the very last one and she chose it after the girl behind us told her boyfriend that’s the one she wanted! Chooch and I were trying not to crack up.

Then the vending machine deployed its slowest snail to gather up our selected ‘cakes and I honestly had to walk away after mine was deposited because it was so awkward standing there with those people behind us.

But holy shit, these bitches were worth the hassle and the wait! Mine was matcha and strawberry, and Henry’s was white chocolate pistachio. Chooch’s – not pictured because he absconded to his bedroom with it as soon as we got home – was lemon.

The Galleria is only like 15 minutes from my house and I’m seriously considering going back there as soon as I post this for ROUND TWO.

The end Congrats Chooch, on your big brain. Next time we’ll go somewhere you don’t want to go with your friends, I guess.

When it’s 1997 and you’re at the mall trying to use up that last picture on the roll so you can drop your film off at Ritz.

Double prints.

One hour processing.

And your sidekick Brian is like “You are embarrassing.”

(This was totally at Kaufmann’s in Century III Mall, btw. RIP Kaufmann’s. RIP Century III Mall.)

Blurry picture of Heather, me, and Justin during the summer of 1998, when we went to the Pittsburgh airport in the middle of the night for no reason other than we had nothing else to do and wanted to get ice cream cones at the McDonald’s there. I remember setting up my camera to take this picture while we were hanging out at one of the gates, waiting for planes, and spying on an airport employee who was sprawled out along some chairs, fast asleep.

It’s crazy to think that back then, you could do that. Just…chill at an airport for no reason, and no one questioned you. Just three dumb teenagers clomping from gate to gate like we had every right to be there.

Then on the way home driving down 279 in the dark, I inexplicably drove my car into one of the out of control truck ramps to nowhere, and amazingly didn’t get my car stuck but definitely succeeded in freaking everyone out, but that was kind of my specialty back then.

The late 90s were lit.

When I saw an NCT U “7th Sense” shirt on Etsy several weeks ago, I bought it with no hesitation – buyer’s remorse weighs heavily on me so I usually end up abandoning my shopping cart more often than going through with the transaction – manic shopping is actually one of the few characteristics of bi-polar disorder that doesn’t apply to me. As soon as it arrived, I tried it on and was all Heart Eyed Noona over here. I couldn’t wait until the weekend to wear it out! Because my life is so boring that I literally do not leave the house until Saturday AND MAYBE NOT EVEN THEN.

I wanted Henry to help me get a good picture of it so that I can get a discount from the Etsy seller (he promised!) because he other amazing Kpop designs that I need.  But then Henry was quick to remind me with no words needed that he sucks at taking pictures but excels at capturing my worst sides/angles/scowls/jowls.

We went to the Round Hill Cemetery on our way home from our dumb SaturDate and luckily there were witnesses there so we both stopped JUST SHORT of actual murder when bitching at each other over these dumb pictures.

We could have stopped with this one, only a few minutes into the “shoot,” if Henry had done a better job making sure my jacket wasn’t covering part of the shirt, Ihatehimsomuch.

Getting angry.

1. I like this Hipstamatic filter and rarely get to use it but apparently it comes in handy when you need to block out your miserable mug.
2. My purse is actually an NCT Cherry Bomb purse! The other side has a clear vinyl window so you can display your NCT enamel pin collection. I love that I’m like, “I RARELY BUY THINGS” but then I’m also like, “WILL PAY A LOT TO PREORDER A PURSE DESIGNED BY A PIN MAKER IN SINGAPORE THAT I MAY OR NOT EVER RECEIVE.” Spoiler alert: I obviously did receive it but it took like half a year. I paid for it in the fall of 2019 and then covid happened which delayed an already drawn out process.  #WorthIt

I was so over it.

All of this was going on while Henry’s phone was in the car so when we finally went to leave after nearly killing each other, Henry had like 87 missed calls from Chooch who “assumed” that we were picking him up from work and you know what they say about people who ASSUME.

(LOL, when I was a kid and heard that saying for the first time, I thought it was the greatest thing ever and was so excited to use it all the time, not knowing that the person I heard it from – probably a teacher – didn’t invent it.)

Oh well, that’s all for now. It’s only Tuesday and my brain is the perfect consistency for oyster crackers. I don’t know why I said that. What does that mean? My brain is chowder? OMG THAT MADE SENSE AFTER ALL.

OK. Bye. Stan NCT.

P.S.!! I forgot that Chooch and I saw this when we were at SM Town in Seoul!!

After we ate lunch (that bouncy grilled cheese, yo!) on Saturday, I wanted to go out and be one with nature because it was practically 70 degrees out! March is truly so underrated. It is like, the month of hope and thawing hearts. Like, winter is finally in the rear view mirror and we’re pedaling up toward the tulips.

Since we were in the area, I suggested that we just go to Ohio Pyle with all the other nature riffraff. I knew it would be crowded (for nature) because it was such a beautiful day, but it wasn’t overwhelmingly bad.

Henry was annoyed because I’m never dressed appropriately for “nature walks” but more like “teenager going to the mall.” Whatevelyn.

DANGER DANGER.

Apparently, you can go WHITE WATER RAFTING on this river-thing. It made me have a flashback to the time we went to Tennessee a long time ago and all of the girls in our group pre-planned a white water rafting trip but didn’t include me and I was sad at the time.

“Now that I think about it,” I mused to Henry while staring out into the raging rapids, “that was probably for the best.”

Henry laughed, but it was the kind of laughter that is more like a hard, staccato cough meant to signify the words “YOU AIN’T KIDDING.”

Speaking of raging rapids, I would not be sad if Kennywood got rid of their Raging Rapids and put in an RMC single-rail or something equally as good and non-water-ridey.

Henry was annoyed because I matched so match. (Erin from 2024 here to correct that last “match”to “well.” Ugh.)  I was like a walking cringefest and he was so happy to be seen with me. Actually, though, I put this outfit together because I had recently bought that shirt and the owner of the Etsy shop was like I WILL GIVE YOU A DISCOUNT IF YOU TAKE PICS IN THE SHIRT so later on, I made Henry TAKE PICTURES OF ME IN THE SHIRT and as usual it caused a huge blowout because his specialty is shooting me from all my bad sides/angles (to be fair, there are many so his odds are good). More on that in a separate post because I gotta stretch out that content, dear reader(s).

o.O

We had about 87 fights in this area which was kind of stupid considering how many openings he had to OOPS push me in. He was mad because he was desperate to go inside the visitor’s center for some reason and I was like, “Why, it’s just gonna be a bunch of maps and rock formation dioramas.”

Meanwhile on the other side of the road, there are all kinds of places to get your RIVER PERSON GEAR and whatnot. Also, souvenirs, but like what kind of souvenirs are they shilling out at Ohio Pyle?? I bet it’s just, like, fancy rocks and pennants.

While we were walking past all this shit, I wondered about what would have happened if I had ended up with a guy was into that shit. Like, camping and wearing life vests, etc.

“Well, you wouldn’t have lasted long, obviously,” Henry scoffed and I disagree with this because my pre-Henry dating experience showed me that guys tended to CLING so who knows how that could have panned out. Maybe I’d have kept a non-nature boy on the side to chill with whenever Russ went to go stick a flag on the top of a mountain. (I just imagine that someone like that would be named Russ and now I’m laughing because I ACTUALLY DID DATE A GUY NAMED RUSS but forgot until just now; however, I don’t think he was into wilderness things and also I think we only dated for like a month in 11th grade, it was not that big of a deal.)

A Church.

Me in front of A Church.

We walked along another trail for a bit, just in time to see some young child nearly ride their bike, training wheels and all, over a small gorge. The dad ran after it (I didn’t look to see if it was a boy or a girl because it didn’t matter) and as he grabbed the back of its bike, he looked at us and we all laughed nervously, pretending that his kid didn’t just perish over a cliff in Ohio Pyle.

At Ohio Pyle?

On Ohio Pyle?

What the fuck even is an PYLE??

I hissed out of the side of my mouth to Henry, “Let’s get away from these people before we end up as eye witnesses” so we went down to the WATER which was nice and calm since it was a bit away from that water fall / rapid area thing where we started.

I wanted to start a series of TREE POSIN’ WITH ERIN AND HENRY but I’m not certain how often I will be able to get Henry to participate and also, for example, all he was doing here was mimicking my awkward poses so I’m not even sure I want to give him the clearance to do that again, if we’re being honest with each other here and obviously we are because “honesty” is like my brand. Well, there are probably worse things that are my brand first. But “honesty” is there somewhere.

Henry was very smug about this shot of me mid-ass brush.

I had enough of OHIO PYLE by then, so we left. Not before I blasted NCT127 “Earthquake” as we drove past a gaggle of hillbilly hunter guys congregating around the pick-up truck in the parking lot.

Henry was like, “Wow, great, thanks.” He loves when I draw attention to us.

On the way back home, I had a vague memory of being with my mom one time in middle school or high school, while she was spying on someone (probably—that was like her big past time back then).

All I could remember was that she had taken me somewhere “to the right, off one of these roads up here” near Perryopolis, to a place called Linden something. Henry was like, “Reminder that it’s 2022 and you can find anything on that iPhone in your hand” so I googled it and yelled LINDEN HALL just as we saw a sign on the side of the road that said LINDEN HALL. So Henry was like, “OK gas is 900 dollars but sure let’s take a detour into the unknown” so that is how we ended up driving and driving and driving past all kinds of actual VILLAGES and even the SILENCE OF THE LAMBS house which I completely forgot was out that way:

Until we finally made it to Linden Hall, which is just a golf course / mansion / wedding venue apparently. The mansion was really petty and I wanted to go in but Henry said IT IS CLOSED even though all the lights were on, but OK, sir. He was just pissed because as we drove past the golf course on the way in, I leaned across and screamed, “MISS IT!!!!” out the window at all the golfers with saggy butts.

“Why do you have to be so childish,” he sighed, wanting to die.

Then on the way back out to the main road, I asked him to slow down so I could take a picture of the house with all the obnoxious Trump signs but it was only because I wanted the opportunity to screech TRUMP SUCKS at the house, to which Henry responded by stepping on the gas, frantically trying to roll up my window, while muttering, “God damn you.” Wow, Henry’s hidden Trump love is showing.

Then we back-tracked and went to Gene and Boots because crybaby Henry wanted to get ice cream since he didn’t get dessert to go at Brenda’s Family Restaurant like he claimed he was going to. Seriously, he can be such a bitch sometimes.

Yeah wow. These are things that happened on Saturday after lunch. Come back when I post the second half, which is tentatively titled “BREAKING UP AT THE CEMETERY BECAUSE OF MY PERPETUAL RESTING BITCH FACE AND HENRY’S INABILITY TO DIRECT ME INTO POSING FOR PICTURES WHERE I DON’T LOOK LIKE SLOTH FROM THE GOONIES.”

For this weekend’s Greasy Spoon Lunch Date, I picked a place called BRENDA’S FAMILY RESTAURANT in Mills Run, whatever the fuck that means. (If Henry were the author of this Internet Diary, he would tell you exactly what that meant, with coordinates and a hand-drawn map.)

Brenda’s was a cool hour and 12 minutes away but I always enjoy going whatever direction out of the city that is — south? I can’t remember. It’s by Uniontown and I always have a tough time finding that place on a map. We listened to Kpop (mostly NCT, natch) and ranted about Russia and dumb white trash Repubs in Congress like WHOREN HOEBART and M.T. GANGRENE.

I am a good feminist.

I was getting really upset though to the point where I was ready to be trained to blow darts into Bad Russian necks.

“Can’t someone just like, poison Putin’s borscht??” I cried and Henry was like I AM PRETTY SURE HE HAS PEOPLE TASTING HIS FOOD FOR HIM.

So…back to the blow dart mission. OK.

Anyway. Sigh.

We made it to Brenda’s right when I was really starting to lean into my hunger. I made Henry go inside first because I was scared. I wasn’t really “scared” like I thought Leatherface was waiting on the other side but you know how sometimes you walk into a small town restaurant and everyone turns and looks? When I walk in first that always happens, usually because I’m dressed in something that’s not a sports sweatshirt, Looney Tunes hoodie, or flannel. On this particular occasion I was wearing a cropped gold lamé-ish young girl’s dance costume jacket over my NCT 7th Sense shirt and Cherry Bomb purse. So basically like a 14-year-old going to a Kpop concert.  I didn’t think I looked all that flashy but Henry just frowned and went inside first, using his boring blue-greenish Henley as a shield.

Hey! See those stools in the background? That is the reason I chose this place! There was a picture on Yelp that showed those stools and I was like, “OK Brenda, I’m listening.” Then I scrolled to the next picture and saw the booths with their strange 1970s watery-shit color and I was like, “Henry. I found it. This is the one.”

Seasoned with Old Bay!!

I asked Henry if this was like a big deal or something and he started to explain to me what Old Bay seasoning is like I’m a Dumbo and I snippily cut him off and said, “OK because they used two exclamation marks so I was just wondering if it warranted the extra mark but OK cool story.”

Also, the shrimp is either so big that it’s whatever comes after JUMBO in the size adjective spectrum, or they’re VEGAN? Probably definitely most certainly the former, lol.

OK OK OK I choose these places for the childhood comfort levels, not because I’m expecting some Michelin caliber plates, you know? It’s just fun to get out of the house and eat something non-fussy and casual, and everyone knows that grilled cheeses are my ult bias in the lunch genre. I have always been and will always be a grilled cheese head. And when we go to these little places, I’m not expecting some cheesy Big Boi like you’d get at Melt or some other trendy sandwich joint. But I also don’t want a soggy balled up thing that’s missing cheese on one half (sorry, I still am not over that plate of scraps I was served last summer at Hyde’s in Cinci).

You shouldn’t be “surprised” or “shocked” when you get a decent lunch at a small town restaurant, but in my experience, those of us who order grilled cheese are usually disappointed because this is traditionally the “kids choice” on a menu so it’s like the cook doesn’t even try.

But this one?! IT WAS SO GOOD. I opted for rye bread because I always forget about how much I love rye bread until I see it as an option on a menu and then shout, “I AM GOING TO CHOOSE RYE” and everyone at my table is like “ok” without looking up from the menu except with the one time I was at Pamela’s for breakfast with Wendy and Jeannie and Jeannie totally took my bread bait by agreeing that rye is underrated and then we had like a 20 second conversation about rye and I don’t even think Wendy noticed, probably.

“This bread is SO BOUNCY!” I gushed to Henry, who squinted and repeated, “Bouncy?” because he can never find good  terms to describe his food so he always likes to try and diminish the quality of my superlative descriptors. It was so good that I didn’t even bother to take a picture of Henry eating his coleslaw.

Of course I saved room for dessert! This is why I skip the fries and just pluck some off Henry’s plate. I knew from their website that their desserts are HOMEMADE so I made sure to save room to satiate my coconut cream curiosity. I knew as soon as the waitress pulled it from the cooler that it was going to be of MERINGUE variety which we all know is not my fave, but I was determined to keep an open mind.

And you know what? That meringue was actually delicious. I am super picky with that strange cloud-like pie helmet, but I do find it satisfying when done a certain way.

(I was going to say “done right” but I truthfully don’t know what “done right” is in this sense. Please tell me if you know).

This one was very, very light. Like it basically dissolved as soon as it touched my tongue, which I appreciated. I hate when you have to chew the meringue. I don’t want to chew it because I don’t really understand what meringue even is.

And the coconut cream part was satiny and delectable! The crust was nice too (I spelled it “noice” as a typo and considered keeping it and then immediately felt like an asshole, and not a cool kind of asshole but like a sleazy douchebag asshole and I squirmed a little bit)

Of course I had to check out the bathroom we left. Lots of inspirational Hobby Lobby art, as expected.

#FAITHFAMILYFRIENDS

Appreciated the wild basil and lime soap though! Good flavor choice!

There was a guest book so I signed it on the way out! “Really, you had to put down our full address?” Henry groaned. My comment was AWESOME GRILLED CHEESE!!! <3

[I know we have to continue living our lives but it is not lost on me  that we had the freedom to drive an hour to eat lunch while millions of people have been forced to leave their home country behind. This fucking sucks.]

I dunno why, but I hate the word “female,” yet here we are, being hypocritical for the sake of alliteration. What is my life.

In today’s dumb Friday Five edition, I want to share some of my current fave Kpop girl groups that have been helping me reach my morning goal of 6,000 steps before logging on to work. Usually I will jog in place while watching a Kdrama or I’ll do Kpop cardio, but sometimes I like to just put on Kpop videos and freestyle (sadly for me this is all Running Man and an occasional chest bump, with lots of JUMPING filler – that’s it,  that’s my dance move repertoire).

Also, I know you’re shocked that I actually pay attention to other groups than NCT! Especially with spring approaching, I’m more inspired to listen to the spunky girl side of Kpop. It makes me want to run in a bright green field,  while unfortunately probably sneezing because….spring. For instance, I’m blasting a 2022 Kpop playlist right now in order to block out the shrieks emanating through my wall from the fucking daycare facility next door.

OK, let’s kill this Friday Five. This bitch’s got other shit to do today!

1. VIVIZ – BOP BOP!

Once I realize this was some of the girls from the recently disbanded GFriend, it made sense why it’s such an instant BOP BOP.

2. IVE – ELEVEN

I did a cardio dance workout to this song without ever hearing it before and immediately went to watch the music video afterward. This song is randomly in my head at given moment of the day. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE ELEVEN. It’s such an interesting song structure too, how the tempo abruptly slows down before the chorus. Love it!  I hope these FEMALES stick around because this is some potential here. [In my head,] I’m in the industry, so I can say things like that.

3. STAYC – RUN2U

I was enamored with STAYC last year when they released “ASAP,” and I think I can now safely say that STAYC is a group whose comebacks I will continue to anticipate. Can I get a shout out for that truly awkward sentence?

4. KEP1ER – WA DA DA

When my brother Corey was little, he used to make this sign with his hands and growl, “DREADED TRIANGLE.” It was actually pretty nefarious. He was a scary little boy. Anyway, Kep1ar do a similar hand motion in their choreography and it reminds me of that. Chills. (He also used to call me B.I.O. and it was this big mystery until he finally revealed that it meant Bitch In Overalls. I mean, I did wear overalls a lot in high school. And I was a bitch, lol.

5. APINK: DILEMMA

Last but not least, one of my OG favorite girl groups since I got into Kpop just recently had a comeback and I have been so nostalgically awash in their nostalgic sound. I know that it’s cool to be all WE DON’T NO NEED MAN/WOMAN/OTHER but sometimes we really are pining and just NOT OVER IT too, you know? That’s where Apink excels.

On that note, I bid everyone a fair Friday. Take some time to stab a pillow with a sharp knife in your backyard this weekend.

Today’s post is going to be mostly a photo dump, but I need to preface it with a disclaimer.

DISCLAIMER: If you are ever planning on going to Otherworld in Columbus, Ohio and want to experience it with your own eyes, click away now lest ye be spoiled. 

Otherworld is an immersive art installation in a decrepit, run-down shopping center on the outskirts of Columbus, Ohio. It opened to the public in 2019 and I was supposed to meet my friend Michelle there that summer. But then plans fell through (I’m pretty sure it was my fault – I think Cedar Point happened instead!) and then COVID happened and even though they eventually did reopen during the height of the pandemic, I wasn’t in a rush to be indoors with a bunch of people immersing themselves in touchable art installations, you know what I’m saying, chingu?

I was really nervous though because this place was originally billed as TEMPORARY so I thought for sure I’d miss the chance. But when Henry and I had decided to do a Columbus daytrip for  a vegan luncheon, I looked it up and saw that it was still open!! Henry mumbled, “Whatever you want to do,” and I made reservations for 11AM that Saturday. Woo!

(I still feel bad that I didn’t get to go with Michelle, but she did eventually go so I’m glad about that!)

Henry hates art, culture, fun, aestheticism, so he was REALLY looking forward to this!

We got there about 20 minutes before our time slot (actually even earlier than that but we sat in the car for a bit). Luckily, the front desk dude was like THAT IS OK and didn’t put us in a TOO EARLY triage cage or anything. He was like “ENJOY!” and let us loose. I am really glad we didn’t wait until exactly 11 because the crowd levels were perfect at this time, and after about an hour it really started to get congested. If it had been like the whole time, we would not have been able to enjoy ourselves at all because this place really is a STOP AND DO SHIT kind of joint.

First of all, regardless of the blacklights making it difficult, there were so many excellent photo ops! And things to sit on, crawl through, step on, etc.! Once Henry realized that this place was more of a sensory playground then a stuffy art shack, he relaxed and started pushing buttons.

“IF YOU PRESS THIS, IT SHOOTS AIR DOWN AT THE PEOPLE IN THAT OTHER ROOM” he explained as he pushed a button and pointed to a surveillance screen.

Henry likes having opportunities to fuck with people so he now he didn’t mind being in an art place.

I loved this hallway!!

This was on the ceiling of one of the rooms and there were plastic arcade guns  that you could use to shoot at them. Henry liked this room I think – OMG I wonder if he was picturing  my faces on the ceiling?!?!

DUDE THE LIGHTING IN THIS ROOM MADE EVERYTHING LOOK SEPIA AND I WAS OBSESSED.

We found out later on when we were revisiting this room that if you opened the coffin behind me, it would slowly turn the room back into color and there were inflatable flowers along the windows of the room  that would re-inflate – it was so cool. Hat tip to that lady who was  totally telling her family the secret and not us. Glad we were there for it!

“Henry! We shoul—–”

“NO,” he cut me off before I could say that we should have this neon shit hanging from the attic ceiling. I think he was mildly panicked the whole time we were there because he could see the wheels turning in my dumb design head.

P.S. I appreciated that masks were still mandatory and that everyone was obeying the policy. I also appreciated the copious amounts of hand sanitizer stations considering how much forbidden touching was going on.

Wow. Now it just sounds like we were at a 1970s key party.

I just realized that there was no one there that I hated. Probably because we got there early enough. The assholes probably come later.

Literally the bedroom of my dreams.

There were little children watching Henry take this picture like “mom why is that child so big, I don’t understand.” I found out by accident that there was a secret passage under the bed! I found out by crawling through an opening in another room only to be spilled out into a mass of stuffed animals. Henry, who had actually followed me, said, “We’re under the bed,” and I was like “OH SHIT YOU’RE RIGHT. TAKE A PICTURE OF ME.”

I was really just living my best life here, you guys. It felt so good to just run from room to room and the best part is that there was no hard and fast rule with which to explore so you could loop around as much as you wanted, cut through different ways, etc. We kept returning to our favorite spots and I really feel that we got our money’s worth even though we only stayed for a little over an hour because the crowds started to pick up exponentially and it suddenly felt very stifling.

I feel like I really chose the correct mask to bring with me.

We actually got along pretty well the whole time! Except for when I was trying to take this picture and he got moving out of frame because he’s a Big Dumb.

When we first got there and entered the first hallway, I jokingly said, “Let’s start here” and pretended to walk into an open storage closet that was clearly not part of things. But then an hour later, we pushed our way through those magazine clippings up there and walked out of a locker right INTO THE STORAGE ROOM!!! Mind blown. Otherworld, you cray.

I look sad in all of my pictures because smiling feels weird under a mask. I never did get used to that part of it over these last two years.

This was another secret room!! I was kneeling in it because it was basically just a little crawl space.

Well, you can believe that after gallivanting around this outer space mind fuck, we were definitely ready to pig-out at Seitan’s Realm. We both hit the restrooms before leaving and on my way out, I passed a girl who gushed, “Cute purse!” and I was like “THANK YOU” and was going to ask her if she likes NCT127 because it’s a CHERRY BOMB purse specifically made to display NCT enamel pins, but I had no energy and probably she didn’t. It just really is a cute-looking purse regardless of Kpop stanning.

So, that’s Otherworld in a little over 1,000 words and way too many pictures  (this wasn’t even all of them! I went easy on you guys). I do really want to go back again sometime while it still exists, maybe wrangle Corey and Janna to go with me?! AND THEN WE CAN EAT AT SEITAN’S REALM??

*is planning*

I used to talk on the phone with friends all the time and now no one calls each other and if they do, we’re put in panic mode because a PHONE CALL is never good. I hate that. And like right now I have all of this nervous WWIII????? energy and back in the day, I’d remedy that by chatting on the phone and smoking 1/2 a pack of Camel Wides, like you do. But instead I will turn up the Kpop really loud to block out Those Fucking Child Monsters next door (SCREAM SCREAM YELL CRY SCREAM ALL THE LIVELONG DAY) and pretend that instead of typing on a shitty blog like a loner, I’m talking to YOU directly. That will be especially awkward if YOU are a sworn enemy who is hate-reading this lllololollllllololool ugh.

• After we got home from Columbus Saturday night, Precious Son actually CHOSE TO HANG OUT WITH US. I mean, not for more than hour but that’s still a good chunk of a teenager’s time, you know. He was teaching Henry how to play some card game while I refused to participate and opted instead to scream stuff about kpop. It was really nice having Family Time until Chooch started being mean, like when I showed him the picture of Robert Smith & Mary that was hanging above our booth at Seitan’s Realm and he deadpanned, “Who’s that, Pee Wee Herman?”
• Later, when Chooch was being interviewed for the fake documentary about our lives, he bitched about how he wanted to take advantage of us being gone all day by actually using the TV in the living room to watch YouTube except that the whole thing was “clogged” with NCT videos (“Haechan being whipped for Renjun for 9 minutes,” for example). “I tried to watch YouTube on the TV and it was literally all NCT stuff. I had to switch to my account to be able to do ANYTHING.” LOL OK Chooch, cry about it. Then he admitted that he actually does think the whole NCT universe is good but not good enough for him to share with his friends, ugh. OR ARE THEY TOO GOOD FOR HIM TO SHARE WITH HIS FRIENDS.
• I got to see some work friends on Sunday for the first time in 2 years and the emotions were off the charts. First of all, it was under sad circumstances so there was that. Then it was disorienting but all at once comfortable too and I was completely overwhelmed.  I am definitely ready for the official “return to office” in April even if it’s just a handful of days a month.

• I found this shop on Etsy that makes the most beautiful NCT-inspired shirts so I snagged this NCT Dream one. It came today and immediately made me happy and calm. I felt like I was ensconced in a warm hug when I put it on. I love that it has illustrated depictions of several of their music videos. LIKE: WE GO UP! This was their comeback that made me truly like them – prior to this, I was strictly an NCT127 stan. But Renjun’s “I need you right here” at 2:24 and Haechan’s “jeonjeonhi” right before that really gave me chills and still does! I can’t believe this came out in 2018, it’s been that long already. Time, man.

Sorry, being an old lady fangirl is all that’s helping me keep my shit together these days, OK. It’s either Kpop or defenestration.

• Henry, looking for a garbage can in a parking lot: I don’t see one, do you? Me: Yes. Henry, spinning all around: Where?? Me: UP YOUR BUTT. (He falls for this shit every time and it never gets old and neither do I!!)

Why tho???

Why tho?? Part 2

• One thing I hate about weekends is that Henry is always in the background, oafing around, peering over my shoulder while I’m TRYING to cook the only thing I can handle – scrambled egg beaters and toast – and hollering like a drunk hillbilly about HOW I AM GOING TO RUIN THE PAN. Literally, STFU Hank. And he wonders why I have absolutely zero desire to develop any semblance of a cooking skill! So we had this big quarrel (LOL I hate that word) in the kitchen about this and I was like how about I RUIN THE PAN AND YOUR ASS AT THE SAME TIME BY SHOVING ONE INTO THE OTHER. Yeah, how about that you dumb bitch. That’s what I thought. He left me alone long enough to eat 2/3 of my boring, tired breakfast in peace before stamping over in his ogre cadence to shout, “OH YOU WERE RUINING MY PAN 17 YEARS AGO TOO ACCORDING TO MY PHOTO MEMORY FROM 17 YEARS AGO” and then shoved his phone in my face to show me this picture of the “dessert” I concocted out of desperation for something sweet. It was made with sliced bananas, sugar, blackberry jam, oil, and whatever speck of ingenuity I could find within myself. Henry was like, “THIS IS NOT GOING TO TASTE GOOD” and I was like, “DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT SWEETHEART” and then he was like, “YOU ARE GOING TO BURN YOURS—” as I shoved a sizzling banana bit into my stubborn maw, burning my lips and tongue in the process. My teeth were basically shellacked with a crystalline blackberry shell for the rest of the night. I eventually got Henry to try one and he slapped himself in the face and because it hurt his teeth so badly, and said, “That was absolutely disgusting.” And if you’re like, “WOW ERIN IT IS AMAZING HOW YOU REMEMBER THINGS VERATIM” I am here to crush your assumptions by telling you that I totally looked up my old LiveJournal post about this “dish” and paraphrased for nostalgia’s sake.

• Remember when I was on a Ronnie Milsap kick last week after hearing one of his songs at THE BONFIRE RESTAURANT? Well, I somehow (lol somehow) found myself trolling comments on his YouTube videos. I was going to reply to ROBERT SMITH II’s comment and say, ‘I wish you were real and had meaning,” but then I saw Clem Fandango’s reply and literally laughed so hard that it turned into straight up wheezing and then I was crying which turned into full-blown MANIC EPISODE SOBBING. I even it to my brother who was like, “haha” but was probably really like, “OK so..?” and Henry was like, “OK, TIME TO CALM DOWN.”

BUT GET IT?? ROBERT SMITH?? THE CURE? ROBERT SMITH II??

OK it’s not that funny the second time around. I concur.

OK I got nothing else. If we’re staying true to the ON THE PHONE theme, I’ll pretend like you’re Henry and end the call the way I do with him, which is *dial tone*.