This was one of the nicest Mother’s Days I’ve had in some time (minus the SHAVED ICE incident) and I’m so glad that Chooch and Henry were both on board with my idiotic wish if driving 3 hours for vegan junk food.

I really really really enjoyed our post-lunch digestive walk about the nearby rose garden. We were laughing (OK I was laughing) at one point when I realized that all the other mothers there that afternoon were dressed in spring dresses or some type of feminine equivalent and here I come in my pink vans and NCT127 shirt, bitches.

You know, becoming a mom is one of the best decisions I ever made in my whole entire life, but going hand-in-hand with that was my decision to not lose myself when becoming a mom. Sometimes I wonder if Chooch would have preferred a real MOM-mom in lieu of the landychild mom he was born to. Hold on, I’m going to ask him. I’ll report back.

WELP, HIS ANSWER WAS AN EXTREMELY PUT-OFF “I DON’T KNOW.”

Cool. Cool cool cool.

Also, check out that mini-bitch ruining our photo!!

I was going to try and remove those people from my picture but then I felt too tired/couldn’t care anymore.

Two crazy parts about yesterday:

1. we didn’t fight at all (EXCEPT FOR WHEN THE SHAVED ICE THING HAPPENED)
2. we didn’t encounter any annoying people anywhere we went

Let’s be real though for a second – I have to plan my own Fun Times or else we’ll just stay home and I’ll sit here all day waiting for something that’s never going to happen. I think that’s why I actually like stupid Miley Cyrus’s “Flowers” – because that’s basically me even though I’m not single (or am I??).

Sometimes you just gotta make your own happiness, you guys!

Here we will look at pictures of the going away party I threw for one of my longest and favorite work pals. I was shocked to hear that Lauren was leaving the firm, but!! I know that she is on to bigger and better things. As I’m sitting here thinking of all the memories I made with Lauren over the years, I realize that I was remiss in not including a pot of mulch as a centerpiece. :/

Earlier that day, Drew started to become V.AWARE that people were going to come over. Here, you can see her eye-balling the banner I had strung up. Anytime I string shit up from the ceiling – she KNOWS.

Taemin was ready!

Speaking of Kpop idols, Lauren was one of the only people in the department who supported my k-lifestyle from its inception. She never made fun of me; she always welcomed the gossip; and she not only watched the music videos I would send the group, but she always had comments afterward. That is a true friend!

Marlene had said she was coming that night so I pulled out her FAVORITE artifact from my collection, the Fiji mermaid. SHE LOVES HER SO MUCH. (She really doesn’t.)

(Also, LOL ever heard of WINDEX, Erin? For God’s sake, clean that damn fishbowl.)

Fruit spread!

When I first became social media friends with Megan after she joined our department, one of the first things I learned about her was that, wow, homie loves to make themed cheese balls. And now this is the second Megan-created cheese ball that I got to serve at my house! I told her this that night and she was like, “Aw” but also I think she was waiting for me to tack on some awkward statement to kill the heartwarming friendship moment.

Anyway, isn’t this cute?!!? (The M&Ms were just for decoration but now I kind of wish I had tried a bite of both…)

You guys, I can’t believe I got Marlene to come to my house, it was amazing!

Lauren, Nate, Marlene!

YOU GUYS I CAN’T BELIEVE I GOT GLENN TO COME TO MY HOUSE. Let me back up here: I had originally sent an email to my old group/Lauren’s current group at the time of her departure, and invited them over. Only two people couldn’t come, but Glenn had not answered. I messaged him in CAPSLOCK on Jabber and he said “shouldn’t be a problem, let me check with the boss.” Well, that was basically where the conversation rolled over and died. Luckily, I am also friends with Glenn’s wife (a nightmare situation for him, truly) so I texted her and said, “Did Glenn tell you about the going away party I invited you guys to?” and her answer, as expected, was, “LOL no!”

So then I had to give her the deets, go on Jabber and yell at Glenn in CAPSLOCK again, at which point he forwarded my party email to her.

Ugh, men!!

Sandy!!! You guys, our department still is smartin’ (I have literally never used that word before and the other day, I called someone a chump because I couldn’t think of anything else to say and Henry was like, ‘DID YOU GO BACK TO THE 50??” OMG what if?!) from her departure nearly a year ago now. Sandy, Nate and I were all hired in 2010, along with another guy, Mitch. Now, Nate and I are the only people left from the ’10 line. :(

(In Kpop, idols are sometimes referred to by the year they were born, so you could say like, “Oh, Haechan, Jeno, Jaemin and Renjun are ’00 liners.)

Anyway, look how precious Lauren looks in that picture!!

The PARTNERS. These guys stuck together a lot because they didn’t want to hear our boring work stories.

At one point, someone asked, “Don’t you have cats?” which made me laugh because even though I thought I picked up all the cat toys, you can see a bunch under the wheelchair that I forgot, plus some cat houses are just always out in the open. But no one ever gets to see my cats because they are soooooo anti-people. Drew fled before anyone even arrived, and it turned out that Penelope was actually in one of her  cat beds under the church pew almost the entire night, and slowly crept out around 11, stretched, looked around, and then went back under the church pew.

NON-FIRM guys sticking together, now in a different room. I’m glad Henry found chat-mates in Tony and Eric, I was worried he was going to feel like the hired help all night, lol.

Amber said the greatest thing about my house that night, that even though there is so much going on and so much to see, there is a flow to it, it makes sense, and it’s curated. THANK YOU! I know this joint isn’t for everyone, but I feel so comfortable here ever since we finally started redecorating everything all those years ago. She had never actually been here before, but had seen it in pictures and in video meetings. She said that it wasn’t the same as actually being in here though and I appreciated that!

Behind Marlene, you can see the clown doll that she immediately turned around so it wouldn’t be looking at her, lol. Amanda was also not thrilled being the clown house but they both persevered!

Marlene’s drinking the MEXICAN SANGRIA I made, which I actually had to refill TWICE. Yo, usually when I make punch for my parties, there is much left over and it’s such a waste. But these fiesta folk came to DRINK. I can’t believe I didn’t take a picture of the beverage buffet!

There’s a study* that says that pinatas are the best ways to dull the pain of saying goodbye to one of the best people you’ve ever worked with!

*(That study may have been conducted by me for the OHE University that night.)

Did I already mention that Lauren taught me so much at work? Because she really did. I’ll always be grateful for the years we were on the same team, and will NEVER FORGET when Amber was on maternity leave and Lauren and I had to train the girl who was hired at that same time and it was so fucking stressful and burdensome and for the first time in my life, I had to ask to leave work because I had period cramps so hard that I couldn’t sit up and Lauren was like, “IT’S BECAUSE OF THE STRESS” and she was 100% right. Anyway, we really leaned on each other a lot during that time and I have felt bonded to her ever since.

Paparazzi.

A bunch of group photos were inevitable.

You guys, I was pretty drunk. Ever since I had THREE GOOD BEERS at Shorty’s, I have been on this kick where I think that I am suddenly a beer drinker. Henry kept trying to buy cider and shandy for the festivities, but I kept shouting, “NO, BEER.” So he got some cider and a variety pack of some kind of beer, but then he and Megan kept trying to get me to drink cider all night and I was getting so indignant. Megan put her hands up at one point and said, “Oh sorry, I forgot – you’re only drinking BEER.”

There was this one kind that everyone kept saying I wouldn’t like so I was like “I’LL SHOW THEM.” I nursed it for a good long while but I did finish it!

“Did you like it?” Megan asked.

“No,” I said, free of hesitation.

<3

SERIOUS.

Amanda and Glenn! Did you guys know that Glenn SORT OF helped to facilitate my Trudy acquisition?

I can’t believe this was Nate’s first time meeting Trudy! Sandy was like, “Pfft, we’ve met before.”

I love that people can just hang out in the kitchen like way back when I first moved in and it served as a natural spill-over for party people. I never want to go back to the years of being ashamed of my home, you guys. Never.

NATE CLEANING UP THE CAKE HE DROPPED. By the way, Henry served literal ice cube-sized pieces of cake to everyone and I kept saying, “Why are you cutting it like this, you fucking cake miser?!” It was the only lowpoint of the night for me, Henry embarrassing me with his stingy cake-serving.

“EVERYONE GOT A PIECE, DIDN’T THEY? AND MOST PEOPLE EVEN TOOK SOME HOME, DIDN’T THEY? IT’S FINE!” Henry shouted on our walk home from Pita Land today, when I brough up Cake Gate once again.

I GOT TO HAVE A BE REAL DO OVER and Amber was like, “Oh…that’s all this is?” lol.

Yeah, you can tell I’m trashed.

Eric, Megan, Lauren, Tony, and Nate ended up staying until pretty late – I feel like it was after midnight which is actually way later than I anticipated this lasted but trust me – I was happy about that. I AM PEOPLE-STARVED. I was getting pretty obnoxious and giddy by then so it was probably a good thing that it ended before I suggested ding-dong-ditching HNC or something.

To summarize: I hate that Lauren left, but Nate and I really wanted to do some type of gesture to show her that she matters, we care, and she will be fucking missed forever.

I have been putting this off all week because the sadness of Lauren’s law firm departure has really hit me, but we had a really nice, heartwarming, hilarious, bittersweet, super fun send-off for her at my house on Saturday. I know I am going to start ugly crying if I look at the pictures of all of us KLG idiots so I think instead I’ll do a GLENN prelude.

You fucking know I can’t pass up any opportunity to drag Glenn’s face through the mud, or in this case, the icing.  Let’s back up – the original intent of my house party was to celebrate Lauren’s time at the law firm with some delicioso Bethel Bakery cake. (The post-Cinco de Mayo fiesta aspect was quickly appended by Nate.)

I take my cake ordering VERY SRSLY. I KNEW it had to have a Glenn on it. I fucking knew it did. So when I started to design a picture of him crying with also a sobbing Law Firm looming over his shoulder, I started to wonder how to fill up the empty space on the other side of him. And it came to me: A JABBER GROUP CHAT! I started to sketch out a crude rendition in Photoshop but then thought – wait, what if I got the group chat to coordinate a string of GOODBYES/WELL WISHES/ETC for Lauren, and I could screenshot it for the cake?

Yeah, what if?!?! I’ll never know because these instructions were apparently Calc-level confusing. One of the people immediately needed to be contrary and difficult by saying, “we could do an e-card? so everyone can sign?”

WHAT DO YOU THINK I WAS AIMING FOR HERE?? LITERALLY THE WHOLE POINT WAS THAT THIS WAS BASICALLY LIKE SIGNING A CARD BUT BETTER. :(

It got worse from there and some of my friends were privately messaging me, telling me to breathe and that I was doing a good job. It just really bummed me out that something that made so much sense in my dumb rock-filled head wasn’t coming to fruition. In the end, I started to single certain people out and having them just Jabber their Lauren-ment directly in our own private chat windows, at which point, I snagged each individual message and layered it around the Glenn image.

I can’t make people want to be a part of things. I have to realize this. But every time, it’s like being in high school and yelling at people who were assigned to work with me on group projects because WHY CAN’T YOU SEE MY VISIONNNNNN?!?!?

Breathe. You’re doing a good job, Erin.

(Honestly, Nate and Wendi were my heroes that day.)

Honestly? It actually fucking worked out! You can’t tell from this picture (and I’m not going to post the actual jpg because it literally has everyone’s first and last names on it and I’m really sure that they would love the chance to be doxxed courtesy of Oh Honestly, Erin) but all the messages were legible, thank god. When I went to pick the cake up before the party, the high school boy who retrieved it from me came back and said, “This is a REALLY cool cake. What did you use to make this?” and then I explained the background, about how we’re all a bunch of a-holes basically and the cake was one big, sweet, inside joke.

I WAS SO EXCITED THAT I IMPRESSED A HIGH SCHOOL KID! And that they lettered the message exactly how I typed it out. I was worried they would want to fix the case, etc. and that would have ROONED it.

But wait! There’s more!

Before Nate and I even asked* Lauren if she was cool with the party idea, I had glommed on to the idea of having a pinata. Actually, now that I think about it, this must have been where the fiesta theme came from?? Why am I so slow? The party was almost a full week ago and I am just now realizing this.

*(I originally wanted to surprise her but we couldn’t figure out the logistics of that aside from pretending like Henry was suddenly the same database as us at his job and wanted to ask her questions about it, and then Nate called it the FaygoBase and it was a whole dumn thing that I tried to tell Henry about when he came home and all he said, “You guys are dumb” and “How do you get any work done?” (You would be surprised at how much shit I get done in spite of my shenanigans.)

And obviously, the first thing I knew would be stuffed inside the pinata? GLENNS. (And also a bunch of Mexican candies, including the roasted chicken–just in shape, not flavor–suckers that Lauren and Nate were obsessed with when I filled the International Candy Pumpkin with a bag of ’em back in the In Office Days.)

Debby’s Space Heater Fire Glenn. (I thought I had posted about this but I guess not. It happened on a day when I was off, and literally three people texted me immediately to goad me about THIS AMAZING THING that I missed. Turns out, Debby’s space heater HAD CAUGHT FIRE and Aaron jumped into volunteer 10th Floor Firefighter mode, heroically DUMPED THE CANDY OUT OF MY PUMPKIN, filled it with water from the nearby water fountain that no one liked to drink from because sometimes the water came out yellow, and doused the flames.)

International Candy Pumpkin Glenn. [You might recall that back when we worked in the office, I had a plastic trick-or-treating pumpkin pail behind Lauren’s desk that I kept perpetually filled with delights (and sometimes disgusting things that ended up being spat right into the nearest trash can).]

DOUG GLENN, which apparently had Nate stumped?!!? He had FORGOTTEN ABOUT DOUG?? Lauren set him straight, though.

OK, maybe by the weekend I will be ready to post party pics and share some of my best Lauren mems. Sigh.

You guys, I’m reposting this because it’s still so precious (precious??) to me. Wacky Worm 4 Lyfe! Should I take my homemade I’d Rather Be Riding the Wacky Worm t-shirt on our Coaster Crew vacation this summer?!? Speaking of, 12 years later and I am cracking up so bad at the thought of CHOOCH originally being “too scared” to ride the Wacky Worm! He’s come a long way, lololol.
***

I have an obsessive personality, so it really shouldn’t surprise anyone that after riding the Wacky Worm (or, for those in the know, The Caterpillar) for the first time at last year’s Big Butler Fair, the hope that it would return in 2011 was one of the few things that kept me from hanging myself with a hobo’s necktie over the winter.

Who the fuck is this kid in the red shirt and why isn’t he cheering? You’re on the Wacky Worm; get stoked, motherfucker!

As soon as Janna, Chooch and I had our ride-all-day wristbands slapped on (so proud of Janna for sucking it up and going all-out! Henry, however, remains a pussy) I suggested we take a preemptive stroll around the fairgrounds. I was trying to stay cool about it, but the truth was that my pulse was quickening due to the fact that the Caterpillar was not in the same spot it was in last year and I couldn’t even begin to imagine a day at the fair without it. Especially since I spent an hour the night before coaxing and bribing Chooch to want to ride it. (He punked out last year and in that moment, I was no longer looking at my son, but at a 40″ failure. And you better believe I let him know it! And you better believe Henry lectured me for letting him know it.) So while I pretended to be interested in the money-guzzling midway games boasting oversized Rastafarian bananas as prizes and the joyful beam on my kid’s sweaty face as he rode on some kiddie truck ride (which was actually pretty awesome and I should have went on it too, why didn’t I go on it too?), I was actually craning my neck to see overtop tents and pendulating cages of death, in search of just one glimpse of my beloved Caterpillar.

THANK GOD IT WAS ON THE OTHER SIDE, YOU GUYS.

“Why do you keep laughing like Pee Wee Herman?” Janna asked me, herself laughing quite nervously as we embarked on the first of many frivolous journeys.

“I don’t know, I’m just having so much fun!” I answered a little defensively, like I now needed to prove I wasn’t going to whip out my penis and coat the Caterpillar with my gooey joy.

Corey met us there an hour later and immediately joined the fan club. I think we rode it like, 18 times, with no promise of ever slowing down. I’d still be riding it right now, if I could. I think The Law Firm should have one in the building. As a stress reliever. You know. Fuck yoga.

Unfortunately for Corey, who is six-foot-alot, he was unable to join us in raising the roof each time the Caterpillar cruised down the hill.

“I’ll for sure break my wrists,” he announced when he realized how low the track was above us.

I let him believe that that’s what would happen, when I really know that his arms would most likely get gruesomely divorced from the rest of his torso. And it would still remain the best ride ever.

At one point, I noticed that older kids started lining up for it.

“That’s because they hear you screaming and now they think this ride is fun,” Henry mumbled.

“Um, it is fun,” I corrected him.

“No, you’re just an idiot,” he sighed. How would he know when he wouldn’t even ride it? What the fuck, Henry. It’s because he was too scared. TOO SCARED OF EXPERIENCING 60 SECONDS OF SHEER DELIGHT.

It might actually force him to crack a smile, possibly even tack on a few more minutes to his miserable life, god forbid.

So instead of joining us, he stood off to the side like some purse-toting pedophile, while all the other moms stood nearby and encouraged their respective children to cheer each time the caterpillar carried us past. Of course, this made me carry on even louder, like I was single-handedly trying to bring back the Arsenio;  sometimes I would even shout Henry’s name and then point at him so everyone would know we belonged together.

He was really enthused about that.

This guy and another younger Mexican were the official Wacky Worm operators of the day, and let me tell you—they tired of me real fast. I mean, REAL FAST. I was about as amusing to them as border-crossing and I’m certain they mistook me as mentally challenged. Or on drugs. Why? Because no one has that much fun on the Wacky Worm? Damn right no one has that much fun on the Wacky Worm!  I am the champion of the Wacky Worm!

Anyway, I’m glad he decided to fuck with the ride’s foundation while Corey and Chooch were on it, and not me.

Furthermore, why wasn’t I on it that time?! I have no idea. I’m sure I must have had some sort of reason to willingly pass up a joyride on the back of my beloved Caterpillar, but the only thing I can think of is that’s when I was giving a blow job to the Dunk-a-Clown under the bleachers during the tractor pull.

Let me try to walk you through the glory that is the Caterpillar (or Wacky Worm, whatever you feel most comfortable, as an adult, calling it). It’s like riding in Jesus’s lap (that can go either way you want, holla to the religious porn addicts) as a caterpillar ascends you up to the Heavens, far away from all the grouchy grown-ups, while tiny angel-dusted kitten paws knead biscuits of lost childhood memories on your belly, and all of a sudden you remember what it felt like to score that coveted Scratch n Sniff sticker you needed to fill the page and to not have bills to pay and a house to make sure isn’t exploded by your kid and a boyfriend who might have even been the same age as you, and it feels great. Great like freedom. You absolutely want to ride it 87 more times. Caterpillar, take me away.

I got to do something that I missed out on last summer: riding the Caterpillar at sunset. Nothing is better in life than riding the Caterpillar at sunset.

We never got to ride in the front seat, though we came close on our second-to-last go-around but the dumb bitch in front of us in line caught wind of our plans and pushed her way to the coveted front spot. Or it could have been that her beer-bellied dad was hollering, “GET THE FRONT, GIRL. GET IT!” when the carny opened the gate.

I tried to get Henry to act as a placeholder while we were on the ride. You know, have him stand alone in line, saving us a spot in the front; but he refused, mumbled something about not wanting to be the only adult male in line for a kiddie ride, at which point I had to argue that Powers Great American Midways mistakenly lists the Wacky Worm under the “kiddie ride” section of their website when they obviously meant for it to be under “spectacular rides.”

The next morning, Chooch came over to me and said, “Thank you, Mommy.” The fact that he said this earnestly and with no hint of sarcasm gave me pause.

“For what?” I asked hesitantly.

“For making me ride the Caterpillar yesterday. It was so awesome.”

That was my proudest moment as a parent.

***

Since I’m friends with Powers Great American Midways on Facebook (laugh all you want, it’s informative!), I know that they’re affiliated with the upcoming Fayette County Fair which is happening on my birthday. You better believe I’m going! I went to the PGAM website and filled out the contact form with a very pressing question:

This inspired Henry to sigh heavily and say various interpretations of disapproval, such as: Don’t send that; Get a life; You need help; Get the fuck over it.

They haven’t responded to my pressing inquiry yet. Until then, I will just watch my video continuously until Henry takes the Internet away from me.

(Henry thought I pushed that girl out of my way at the end. I promise you I employed great restraint not to. Also, I apparently wasn’t holding Janna’s phone properly BUT WHO CARES IT’S THE FUCKING CATERPILLAR YA’LL. Henry really wants me to stop calling it that. It’s apparently a completely different ride.)

Me, telling Henry & Chooch what I want to do on Mother’s Day: “I want to go to Columbus, as we discussed. And then on Mother’s Day Eve—“

Chooch, while Henry mumbled similar sentiments: “NO. That is NOT a thing!”

It is when you’re living under *my* roof, bitches.

****

• In other news, my blog was hacked again or something, I don’t know. It was down almost all day until Henry came home from work and dealt with it because I cared but also didn’t care?

• I’m still recovering from the weekend which is incredibly sad. I just really cannot handle alcohol in this moderately old bitch season of my life. I think I’m more socially hung over than anything else though (in a good way!).
• I asked Henry to put a temporary moratorium on the DAILY coffee runs to Dunkin Donuts (did I already mention this or was it in a dream) because each trip is nearly $20 and since we flunked out of HOW TO SAVE MONEY school, I thought that this would be a small, bare minimum corner we can cut in order to collect some extra monies for our summer trip which I will be borrowing against my 401K to pay for because again, what is saving money. Anyway, this is all to say that Henry had the audacity to suggest that we also STOP FEEDING THE SQUIRRELS. LOL he can fuck himself right over a cliff, byeee.

• We bought FROOTS at Las Palmas for the fiesta on Saturday. We actually only went there to get Mexican candy for the piñata but then I was like “and this” “and that” and as we walked out with our Mexican merch, Henry sighed, “When you plan things, you do it big,” and i was like “what are you talking about, this is just a super caj farewell thing that only requires exotic fruit, homemade Mexican sangria, beer, cider, a piñata, tons of candy, fiesta decor, and a cake from Bethel Bakery that features a picture that nearly caused me to flip my desk when trying to get coworkers to contribute to it?”

• I assigned Jaemin as Janna’s NCT Dream bias. I sent her several comp videos of him being a chaotic weirdo and she has accepted him with open arms.

https://youtu.be/1MyaBJhskMM

• I was so tired of Taylor Swift concert footage coming up in my reels on Instagram so I started blocking Swiftie fam accounts but then realized I could mark the videos as I AM NOT INTERESTED IN THIS and the reason I selected was “it makes me uncomfortable” because it does!! I don’t know what it is about her but I have never been able to stand her. Her music is fine – it’s so bland and vanilla that I can easily block it out but there is something about her stage presence (or IMO lack there of) that just makes me feel nauseated. Then I added all iterations of “Taylor Swift” etc to my blocked content keywords list on IG and I gotta tell you, it’s been fantastic.

WITH THAT, I am going to bed, man. Check back again for more unpopular opinions because my brain is a tree that grows ’em for free.

(DID I MAKE THAT OR HAS IT BEEN SAID BEFORE?? Wow I really need sleep.)

Books. Let’s get it:

1. What Have We Done – Alex Finlay

Honestly? I didn’t like the other Alex Finlay book I read and this one was pretty much on the same level. In fact, I can’t even remember reading this now.

Oh wait, I do remember. There were some sincerely annoying characters in this bitch.

2. Funny You Should Ask – Elissa Sussman

Duuuuude. I had taken this out of the library several months ago, DNF’d it without even starting it, but then trying it out later when I saw the audiobook chillin’ on Libby. (Scribd, maybe? Can’t remember.) The premise is that a young writer interviews a famous young actor in a way that leaves the reader wondering DID THEY OR DIDN’T THEY DO IT.

Fast forward a decade or so and she’s asked to write a follow-up. I won’t get into too much but holy shit, I loved this book. It was funny, bittersweet, refreshing, and hopeful. Um, why are my eyes wet right now?!

(Also, can we talk about this cover? I am so hot for the red/pink color palette. If we ever buy a house, I 100% want a Valentine-themed room.)

3. Fantasticland – Mike Bockoven

OK. I liked this premise and REALLY liked how it was told via interviews for a documentary. I listened to this on audio and that made it even better. Basically, there is a huge ass hurricane that hits Florida and a bunch of employees at a popular theme park agree to stay behind for extra pay because the park was built to withstand catastrophes of a certain degree and because of that, rescue teams / the government make this is a low priority area to service. Shit goes awry and since the majority of the people stuck here are teenagers/young adults, it gets very extreme and violent super quick.

There were definitely a lot of body horror parts that made me blanche a bit, but I thought that the story itself was pretty decent. It did get pretty redundant at times though because various people were essentially telling the same story from different angles/perspectives.

I actually finished it in the car on the first leg of our drive to Chicago for NCT Dream so I will probably always remember it for that.

4. The Paris Apartment – Lucy Foley 

I think this is the third Lucy Foley book I’ve read and each one has been mid. What am I missing here? Lucy Foley is so popular on Bookstagram but I just haven’t been that impressed yet.

This was your typical “everyone in the apartment building is connected/fishy/sinister” whodunnit. Not the worst I’ve ever read but I also sincerely did not really care about anyone in this book or what the big reveal was going to be. The cover is nice though.

5. What Lies in the Woods – Kate Alice Marshall

I knew this author’s name sounded familiar and it’s because I read a YA novel of hers several years ago, which I thought was just OK. This adult thriller/mystery was much better. I cared about the main character and honestly, the plot can fall apart in a book but if I love the characters, I will still probably end up loving the book. That being said, this was KIND OF far-fetched but the writing was strong and the people felt real to me. Sometimes that’s enough.

6. Everyone in My Family Has Killed Someone – Benjamin Stevenson 

OK, this was pretty effing great. Sometimes I need a light-hearted, slap-sticky take on a mystery novel and this one did it for me. Charming cast of characters, loved the writing style, quirky and smart. Apparently, this is the start of a series and I think I will have to see it through!

7. Wrong Place, Wrong Time – Gillian McAlister

Typically, I don’t fuck with sci-fi / time travel type shit but this one was pretty compelling to me! The book starts in present day and goes back in time from there, with a WHY that needs to be answered. I was invested, buckled in for the ride. Did I understand all of the time shit? FUCK NO. But it didn’t frustrate me, because the characters and story itself were strong enough to carry me through. There was a solid A-HA moment for me too, which was satisfying.

I think one of the reasons I was felt connected to the main character was because her son reminded me of Chooch a little bit and I was desperate for his actions to make sense.

8. The Lost Night – Andrea Bartz

INTO IT. I really really really liked the flashbacks into the lives of a hipster friend group living in NYC in the early 2000s. The core member of the group kills herself and the rest of the book is about how, years later and after they all had drifted apart, the protagonist of the book starts to realized that she can’t actually remember key elements of the night their friend killed herself.

I loved the music references – it made me so nostalgic – but also this was just so wonderfully written, the story was compelling, there was some humor sprinkled in too so you didn’t get weighed down by the heaviness of the themes. I flew through it and then immediately recommended it to Henry who listened to the audio book in like, one day. He loved it too.

Highly recommend but if you hate it DON’T @ ME.

9. Remarkably Bright Creatures – Shelly Van Pelt

I read one chapter and the voice in my head screamed, “DNF THIS BITCH. THIS IS NOT GOING TO END WELL.” Because one of the characters is an octopus in an aquarium and the first chapter is him telling the readers what the lifespan of his type of octopus is, and how many days he’s been captive in the aquarium. So, you know where this storyline is headed.

But I forged on and I’m…..glad that I did because this was a very sweet story of found family but hoo boy, I finished it right before I logged on to work one day and couldn’t stop doing the “I HAVE BEEN CRYING” full-body shudder / breath hitching.

This was a nominee for the 2022 Goodreads Best Literary Fiction category and I get why.

Ow, my heart hurts just looking at the cover. Fuck.

10. All These Bodies – Kendare Blake 

Highschool boy in the 1950s tries to solve the mystery of a midwest murder spree. It was ok. I didn’t realize it was YA when I picked it up and it definitely read as such.

11. People Like Her – Ellery Lloyd

A thriller, at times tongue-in-cheek, about a UK Instagram influencer mom who finds herself on someone’s shit list, BIGLY. It was a fast read and I thought it was pretty OK and entertaining!

12. My Darkest Prayer – S.A. Cosby

Wow, what a disappointment, considering that Razorblade Tears was one of the best books I read a few years ago, a big 5 stars. This was like someone else had written it – or is this the same way Razorblade Tears was written!? I truly can’t remember but hoo boy, this was overloaded with extremely trite and eye-rolly similes. SO MANY WORDS for no reason. Cringey dialogue. Vulgar. Crude. Made me feel like I was reading a book for bros without permission.

The worst part though is that the plot wasn’t solid enough to make up for any of that shit. I TRUTHFULLY DID NOT CARE. There were chunks and chunks of chapters that I totally skipped over – not even skimmed, SKIPPED – because it was like, ‘Oh, OK. Another annoyingly descriptive fight scene.”

I think, no – I know, that I was just definitely not the target audience for this book. Your dad would probably like it. Me? DIDN’T IMPRESS ME MUCH.

Oh and also, it kind of felt like this was a second book in a series. There was one incident that was referenced numerous times throughout the entire book and it made me feel like there was another book out there that I should have read first, I don’t know. But yeah, just really not my cup of tea and also, AND THIS IS PROBABLY AWFUL TO SAY, I didn’t think that the “shocking discovery” was all that shocking? Am I just a terrible person? Maybe.

I was expecting to really like this because there was a funerary / church angle to it, but nope. Big fat nope. Did not enjoy this.

Sometime back in March, Margie sent out an email about an upcoming social event in May at a RETRO ENTERTAINMENT ESTABLISHMENT called Shorty’s and I was like, “Yes, this is something I will attend.” So right away, I RSVP’d because everything about me is knee jerk. I then set about to strong-arm several of my work-bros to also RSVP. Some were hesitant but I said, “NO, JUST DO IT. IT WILL BE FUN. I WILL BE THERE.”

And then the day came (Tuesday) and it was cold and rainy and I had a headache and I RULLY wanted to bail. I truly did. Erin of Yesteryear most definitely would have. MOSDEF. But I had talked other people into going and what a bitch move that would be, not to mention I know that final headcounts matter when it comes to planning these things and I couldn’t do that to Sue and Margie. It would be different if I had a legit reason, but considering my alternative would be, you know, loafing at home…Look, I’m really trying to retrain myself into being the social butterfly I was in the….early ’00s.

Sigh.

I can’t even blame covid for my awkwardness!

Henry drove me so I could drink irresponsibly. I walked in like a scared baby deer, knock-kneed and hiding behind a curtain of hair. There were other people there and my eyes are bad, so I was heavy-squinting, trying to see if I could recognize anyone considering I never see work people IRL anymore and we have new people hired during and post-covid that I haven’t seen before!  There could have been a whole table of our department already there and I wouldn’t haven’t know. Then a hostess smelled my social anxierty and asked, “Are you here for the party?”

I said yes, and OF FUCKING COURSE I was the first one to arrive. She took me back to the totally empty area reserved for us and on the way, said, “I love your sweater!” As I was saying thanks, she cut me off to add, “AND YOUR PURSE OMG!” It was my “make your own luck” duster from La La and my hamburger purse that I bought at some yoga studio in….Scranton, PA last year.

“I’m secretly still 16,” I stage-whispered because sometimes I’m me again, and she laughed and said she loved it and OH how I wish Chooch had been there to witness it. He hates when I get to flaunt my INDIVIDUALITY.

Then a waitress and some guy came flocking over to me. ‘ARE YOU MARGIE OR SUE?” the waitress asked and when I said no, her faced fell and she said, “Oh.”

WOW. SORRY FOR BEING HONEST.

J/K she was fantastic actually although I think I was starting to get on her nerves as the night progressed because I am a stupid drinker. I forget what her name was now but when she told me, I cheerfully said, “Oh OK, I’m Erin!” and she looked at me like, “Bitch we ain’t friends now.”

:)

Then Margie finally arrived after I festered on a stool by myself for a solid 3 minutes.

Margie gave me my TWO drink tickets and then asked me to hold the stack and I felt equal parts important and anxious. It felt like too much to be accountable for, especially once people started arriving and I had to dole out the rations.

My table originally consisted of Wendi [I need to say that I am so depressed that she started at the firm AFTER we all moved to fulltime WFH because we have so much in common, especially musically (um, she has seen Dance Gavin Dance and knows Emarosa, etc etc)], Megan, Joy, Amber and Lucas – a solid line-up. But as the progressed, people started mingling more but Megan, Wendi and I were like, “No, people can come to us.” AND THEY DID. So, we ended up with Nate, Margie, Jill, Sharon, Regina, Rachel and Aaron at various points and you know what? I am so glad I didn’t punk out. I really miss seeing these guys every day.

Even #UghLou.

I was so excited to play shuffleboard, which I haven’t done since I was underage and sneaking in (LOL there wasn’t much sneaking involved, actually) to Tim’s Corner Bar in West Elizabeth where I quickly became a shuffleboard shark. And there was supposed to be an interactive photo booth, whatever that means, which Nate and I were fixated on when Margie sent out the email a while back.

BUT DID I PLAY SHUFFLEBOARD? NO!

DID WE PLAY IN THE INTERACTIVE PHOTO BOOTH? NO!

In fact, I forgot all about it until the next day, and Margie admitted that she did think of it when we were there but she couldn’t find it! IF I HAD THOUGHT OF IT, I WOULD HAVE ASKED MY WAITRESS FRIEND. She LOVED it when I would beckon her to me, only to say, “Wait….what did I want?” to Wendi, who was basically ordering all of my beers for me.

<3 these guys!

One of my favorite parts was when I was one beer in (and already slurring) and screamed, “OMG I HAVE TO DO MY BE REAL. YOU GUYS CAN BE IN MY BE REAL!” and Amber and Wendi were like “the fuck is be real” and I had to explain it that it’s basically an app FOR THE KIDS but I started using it (much to Chooch’s chagrin) because one of my favorite YouTubers uses it and to be honest, it’s so dumb for someone like me to have because I’m home 90% of the time when I get the notification that it’s Be Real time.

I explained to them that while I take a selfie, it will also take an outward facing picture so  that they can be in too and I made a big production of getting them to pose…

…but my drunk ass wasn’t paying attention to what I was doing and this is how it came out lol. They were like, “Wow. Cool. Thanks for letting us….be in your Be Real. I guess.”

My other favorite part was when Sue was looking at my photo card holder attached to my purse and softly exclaimed, “Oh Erin, when did this happen??” and I was very confused, like was she asking me when did my NCT bias change to Renjun? “He’s gotten so old!” she said, so then I was like, “Oh wow, does Sue follow NCT Dream and she’s now realizing that they’re not the same little kids from the Chewing Gum era anymore?

NO. SHE THOUGHT IT WAS A PICTURE OF CHOOCH! Oh my god, it was so funny! Granted, it *was* pretty dark in there and most people would assume that if most grown ass ladies had a photo hanging off her purse, it must be her child.

BUT I’M NOT LIKE OTHER GROWN ASS LADIES.

:)

My other other other favorite part was when I was psyching myself up to leave the house and I said, “I will stay for 30 minutes, maybe an hour. Make an appearance. Be mysterious, say something awkward, then leave.” The “event area” was only booked from 6-8 so it wasn’t like people would be staying that long anyway.

But then it was 7 and I was like, “Well, I might as well at least stay and finish this second beer that Wendi chose for me,” and then it was 7:30 and Sue was leaving and gave some of us a third drink ticket, which I greedily accepted.

And then it was 8:30 and the waitress was giving us strong side eye.

And then it was nearly 10 and I was leaving with the last of us still standing after all the food was taken away and there were no more free drinks. I think it was me, Nate, Amber, Sharon, and Rachel at that point. Megan had left RIGHT before us because she was being stubborn and called an Uber instead of letting Henri the Chauffeur take her home.

I’m really glad that I went, I’m super appreciative of Margie and Sue for planning this to help boost morale and give us all a reason to crawl out of our holes and interact outside of Jabber. Also, this was the first time I have Joy IRL and not via WebEx video since before the pandemic!

I will admit that we had a events committee who tried very hard to get people to engage socially during the pandemic, but it was all virtual, obviously, and let’s be real: I’m not trying to log back on after work hours to play trivia on WebEx. I don’t care if there are prizes. Once I log off, I’m done until morning! No offense to the people who were on that team, I give them a lot of credit for trying to come up with new and creative ways to get people to talk to each other. But even though it might sometimes be a drag for me to leave the house initially, I definitely prefer IN REAL LIFE social engagements like this one!

Piggy-backing off my last post, here is the goddamn ice cream cake that ruined my Sunday when JOHN from Baskin Robbins left his half-hearted voice mail telling me that there would NO CLOWN CAKE FOR ME THAT DAY. I’m glad we went with it and just waited the extra day though because it really was so fucking cute and also hilarious to watch Chooch roll his eyes when he saw it.

“So, really this was all about you. If you would have just got the cake from Dairy Queen like I asked—” Chooch started, but I cut him off to tell him that sure DQ is great but they don’t have a fucking adorable CLOWN CAKE.

“Yeah, again, this was all about YOU and what YOU wanted,” he said.

“You mean, what I wanted FOR YOU,” I corrected.

“Mm,” he grunted, but c’mon, he loved it. WHO WOULDN’T LOVE A CLOWN CAKE (other than the billions of people who hate clowns)?!

Henry’s clumsy meat-fists smudged the “Riley!” on the first chocolate message board. Good job, asshole! The second one says “Cool. Mm.” as an homage to his irritating signature text response to basically everything I send him and the worst part – THE WORST PART – is that he learned this from me. Sit down, Taylor – I’m the problem.

He claims he wasn’t “admiring” it, but rather inspecting the various scoops which the BR website bills as “the store’s most popular flavors.” I guess that’s how they get away with not leaving it up to the whim of the customer. “No, we can’t use your scoop preference because it goes against what the store has deemed its most popular and why would you want anything less than the MOST popular?”

And here he is disputing the alleged “most popular” flavors because he worked at a Dunkin/BR for THREE MTHS you guys, long enough to run the data. I will say that the first cone I grabbed had some REALLY SWEET raspberry type of flavor that was not great so maybe Chooch is on to something. What if half is the most popular and the other half is comprised of the underdog flavs that they need to get rid of.

THE NOSES WERE FROZEN MARASCINO CHERRIES. Also, this flavor was butter pecan and I have to believe that this is a top flavor. I looooove butter pecan (and pralines and cream!).

Chooch refused to pose for a good picture so this is what he gets. Also, Henry’s fashion is…something else.

This is also how he looks at me every morning when I try to start riveting conversations with him and his pal Zakk on the drive to school.

Janna came over to celebrate the jerk! What she didn’t know was that he had big plans for us to play Trivial Pursuit. Henry was like, “THANKS, I’M GOOD” and retreated to the basement, but Janna was trapped. Chooch and I immediately ganged up on her and board game-bullied her mercilessly until the very end when we turned on each other. First of all, I was cheating bigly every time it was my turn to roll and I kept saying, “Well, you read the rules, Janna, and I’m pretty sure this is correct” but then when she tried doing it, Chooch and I were unanimous in that, “No, we’re not doing that anymore, Janna. You have to go back.”

My favorite moment (OK second favorite) was when I read this question to Janna, something about how do you measure an earthquake, and she kept saying, “Oh man, it’s on the tip of my tongue. I can’t think! It’s….you know, the ‘something’ on a richter scale, ugh what is it??” and she just kept saying this over and over in different variations, looking for something that had to do with the richter scale. “The….hertz? Ugh, I don’t know!”

“It was Richter Scale,” I said, putting the card in the discard pile.

“I said that!” she yelled.

“Mmm, not in the right context, though,” I shrugged. And Chooch agreed.

Have you ever played games with me? Now imagine playing with me AND Chooch. It’s basically like if the Mad Hatter and March Hare had a game night instead of a tea party.

So, what I’m saying is…

POOR

JANNA

Anyway!! Once it became clear that I had a good chance of winning, Chooch suddenly switched allegiances and conferred with Janna to win-block me.

“Ooh, this one! This one!” Chooch hissed, and Janna laughed conspiratorially. They were SO SURE they got me, guys.

The question was, ‘What’s the good kind of cholesterol?”

Oh, did I sock the smugness off their faces the moment I screamed, with NO HESITATION, “HDL!!!!!”

“Goddammit,” Janna sighed, and Chooch cried, “SERIOUSLY??”

Yo. I take the Wellness exam every year at work, since 2012? 2013? I am OBSESSED with my numbers, and I legit have been known to brag about my HDL.

I ran down into the basement to excitedly huff, “Henry guess what I won!” and he muttered, “Yeah, I know. I heard.”

LOL.

Anyway, that’s how Chooch spent his belated birthday celebration that he didn’t want to have but then agreed that we could have cake with Janna and that was it. No hoopla. No ‘happy bday’ singing. NO FUN FOR MOMMY.

Then I spent literally the next two hours making Janna watch NCT stuff. What a great birthday party for me! Janna was able to name two NCT members – Mark and Johnny – and was really proud of herself but she couldn’t even remember the name of the bias she picked last year!!

(IT’S TAEIL BTW.)

I don’t have an intro. Let’s do it.

1. Restaurant Crushes

When I was younger, I was always having crushes on bus boys and waiters and various restaurants and when my Pappap would ask me where I wanted to eat after Saturday evening church, my current crush usually determined my answer. I remember PARTICULARLY being super hormone-y over a bus boy at this Italian restaurant that was actually called Napoli but we just called it Naples. I was so convinced that he liked me too but in hindsight, I highly doubt this was the case. That boy was so hot and I was so….not, lol.

I’m telling you this because Wednesday night, Henry and I had a double date with Megan and Eric at Tillie’s. Obviously, my restaurant crush was not Henry, but our young and sassy waiter whose name I’m not sure I ever knew. I was too busy crushing on him to notice that he was, according to my dinner companions, fucking with me every time I spoke. To be fair, I couldn’t hear most of what he was saying to me over my heartbeat 두근두근ing  in my ears and my babyish giggling.

I was concerned for the entire dinner that he was perhaps TOO YOUNG for me but Henry passed the bar on his way back from the restroom and overheard the waiter telling the bartender that he was going to have one drink before going home and I HOPE HE DIDN’T MEAN A ROY ROGER.

The actual dinner and company portion of the night was perfect too!

2. Kpop Dad’s New Faves

Henry has been wildly into the newest NCT unit, NCT DoJaeJung. I think that we might have to fight because I’ve seen the way he’s been smiling at Jaehyun and he is *my* NCT127 bias!!

Anyway, he was sitting on the back porch the other day, scrolling through Insta Reel after Insta Reel of them dancing to their single Perfume.

Then Wednesday night, he said he was going to bed and of course I just waved him off, like “cool bye” and then I put on new NCT DJJ content, which made Henry stop in his tracks and watch it while standing up with his hands clasped behind his back like some kind of Kpop Mafia Dad.

Um, I think we are both going to be very sad when this promotion cycle ends. Sigh.

3. INCOMING: Some pictures of Drew and Penelope in the attic

The company I bought this neon from sent me a DM on Instagram and asked if they could use my pictures on their social media and I said sure but literally no company ever uses my shit after asking me (this is the third or fourth time) so whatever, why even bother asking!?

4. Work Comings-and-Goings

In super sad news, yesterday was Lauren’s last day at the Law Firm. I know we still talk and hang out here and there and it’s not like we were seeing each other every day anyway in these WFH years, but it’s still sad, especially seeing her name deactivated from our Jabber at work. She was one of the only people who was genuinely interested in hearing my Kpop/Kdrama/Korea in general news when we were in the office, and she developed a pure interest in Our King and Savior, G-Dragon (particularly for his avant garde style). I asked her if I can still text her G-Dragon updates as they arise, and she said yes please. :(

In happy news though, someone is coming BACK to the law firm! I had enticed them several mths ago to apply for a new opening and while the process was very long and dragged-out, they texted me today and said that they accepted an offer! Not that anyone really ever reads this garbage dump of text, but I won’t say their name just yet because it hasn’t been officially announced in the department and I don’t want to jinx anything!

5. A New Chooch Injury

Chooch’s physical therapy sessions are still on-going, but that hasn’t prevented him from PLAYING FOOTBALL AFTER SCHOOL which I did not know was happening until yesterday when he texted Henry and said that he hurt his finger?! It’s all swollen and purple and he’s been icing it – it probably is just stoved or whatever that word is for “busted but not broken” so I guess he will be OK but he makes me so nervous!

“This is my year of injuries,” he said proudly yesterday. Yes, pick the year that we actually planned a big trip to rack up the medical bills, dumbo!

Anyway, the real reason why I’m annoyed about this is because I bought Thingie Ball v.3 in the $3 section of Target and I need him to heal so we can play it.

If you think I bought this because one of my favorite NCT Dream songs is called “Boom,” well….I’ll neither confirm nor deny.

OK, this is going nowhere and I am tired of sitting so, see you, chingu.

Apologies for this hasty, moments-before-leaving-for-school poor quality photo of my SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD. I’m lucky he allowed this to happen at all – we were soooo close to fighting about it and I was just about to pull the I DON’T ASK MUCH OF YOU Card when he was like, “OMG TAKE THE PICTURE.”

Just another BITCHY MORNING. Speaking of, this one day last week, we started fighting in the house (by fighting, I do mean bickering) which carried over onto the porch as we walked out the door. But HNC and his wife were also leaving their house at the same time, so the four of us stopped and looked at each other and then HNC said, ‘That kind of morning, huh?” which prompted Chooch and me to start poppin’ off over top of one another, like:

“HE STARTED IT”

“NO SHE DID”

“HE’S ALWAYS SO MOUTHY IN THE MORNING!”

“SHE GASLIGHTS ME!”

“HE KNOWS EVERYTHING!”

And HNC and his wife were just like, “OK cool have a nice day, you two.”

***

Isn’t funny how moms act like so shocked every year when their kids have a birthday, like, “How are they X-years old now?!!?”

Guilty.

Every single year. It me.

I don’t remember much about my pregnancy other than being absolutely miserable and terrified, feeling absolutely possessed by the devil, do I have enough minutes on my pink Razr to call the Vatican, but one thing that has remained firmly lodged in my mind is someone – can’t remember who, though, maybe the Vatican exorcist – said to me, “Once you have kids, time moves so much faster.”

Probably I was like, “LOL OK lame ass,” after that person walked away, but HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS, truer words. These last 17 years have slipped straight through my fingers LIKE SANDS IN AN HOUR GLASS SO ARE THE DAYS OF OUR LIVES AFTER HAVING CHOOCH.

I’m usually pretty self-deprecative up in these parts but I am just going to go on the record here and say that I think Henry and I did a pretty smokin’ job raising Chooch, even though we saddled him with a nickname that he has grown to hate and can’t shake, sorry RILEY. But to be honest, he made it so easy. He is so smart and independent all on his own – we have never had to intervene with school stuff or nag him to get his work done. For example, over the weekend, I walked past his room and he was “studying math” at his desk for an upcoming AP test, without anyone telling him to. I mean, I didn’t even know this test was happening until I had to pay $100+ for it. Then I FULLY knew.

Anyway, the kid is a solid 4.0 student, is hilarious, sarcastic, and basically just my favorite person in the whole entire world OK? Don’t tell G-Dragon and Taemin.

AS SUCH, I really wanted to do something for his birthday, or at least give him money to go out with his friends, but he has been so adamant about not wanting to do anything, so then I was like FINE I WON’T EVEN HONK THE HORN AND SCREAM HAPPY BIRTHDAY WHEN YOU GET OUT OF THE CAR AT SCHOOL.

And then, of fucking course, at 4:30 today he texted me and asked, “Are we doing anything tonight?” UM NO. NO WE ARE NOT AND HERE IS WHY. BECAUSE YOU SAID YOU DIDN’T WANT TO DO ANYTHING AND GOD FORBID I SHOULD PRESS THE ISSUE.

So of course, now I just feel like shit for not planning something anyway, but you just never know which way the wind is going to swing his mood. Maybe he will be amenable to a dinner out this weekend, who knows?! He at least hung out with one of his friends after school for a few hours, and then Henry got him a piece of pie from Eat n Park. Woo hoo, happy birthday!

(OK yeah we’re at least getting him a proper cake of some sort this weekend, whether he likes it or not.)

(YOU GUYS HE’LL BE ABLE TO REGISTER TO VOTE NEXT YEAR WTF.)

Hey just when you guys were like “I literally do not care about this NCT bullshit and will never care to learn about the sub-units or whatever this bitch keeps calling them,” a brand new sub-unit was formed! This one is called NCT DoJaeJung (for Doyoung, Jaehyun, and Jungwoo from NCT127).

They recently debuted with the song Perfume which I have been obsessing over and it also made me think about how during the whole life thus far, I have had three very distinct signature scents. I mean, after I graduated from the Avon roller scents in middle school thanks to my friend Cara who used to bring in her mom’s Avon books all the time – my favorite scene is on the tip of my tongue but I can’t think of it!! I just tried to Google and none of those roller ones are even coming up – did I dream it? That’s what my mom would say. Anyway, it was something beachy/tropical and it was the only one I ever ordered.

In high school, I was BIG INTO Versace, so his Red Jeans scent was definitely my jam. I think I mentioned this recently, but Henry found a bottle of it for me, and I have been happily spritzing myself with nostalgia ever since.

I also was very attached to YSL’s Champagne (I think it’s called Yvesse now) also in high school. I haven’t smelled that in decades, but I just closed my eyes after looking at the bottle online on my nose remembered.

But the one that most recently was my signature, and I really should get some more of it, was Dior’s Hypnotic Poison. I used to wear it religiously in my early years at The Law Firm and people would always recognize my presence because of it – it is very unmistakable and unique.

Cool, now put on some red jeans, drink some champers, and watch this hypnotic poison of a video and then tell me what your signature scent is while I do a deep-dive into the Avon archives looking for that stupid cheap-ass perfume that now I suddenly need to sniff again.

Hello! I don’t really have anything exciting going on (“When do you?” asks everyone in the balcony in the back of my mind) but I have some downtime in between my v. busy morning of writing correspondence, exercising, making a breakfast smoothie (I can use a blender-thing now!) and watching NCT Dream fan cams from the Seattle show.

I have been trying to be responsible by staying home lately on weekends so that Henry can get this fucking subway sign done. I know, I can go out without him but that would require me to either go out alone or make plans with other people but every time I pick up my phone to text someone like, “Wanna hang out” I feel sooooo tired. So, then I don’t. I have some social-y things coming up this week and into May, so I’m good, lol.

Anyway, he’s made great progress on the new sign but this is at the expense of my livelihood so…

Here are some things:

• Speaking of subways! I found *more* old photos the other day, just when I think I have finally lassoed them all up into photo boxes. I swear my house is like Mary Poppins’ tapestry bag. Anyway, I found a set of photos from my second trip with my grandparents and Sharon. This was my second time in London, but I think it was probably the first time I ever took a subway in any city, ever. I remember that we hung back from the tour group and did our own thing while we were in London, so that must have been why we were using the tube.

Of course Sharon has a Harrods bag. And that’s my Pappap and me in the background!

• In other back-in-the-day vacation news, remember back in February when I found a Christmas card from one of the families we had met on my first trip with my grandparents and Sharon, and I felt inspired to look up the daughter who was around my age? Well, I found what I had hoped was her address, sent her a card with my email address and IG handle, and then nothing happened for nearly 2 mths. I figured either:
  • • I had it completely wrong;
    • she emailed me back but it was directed to one of the OTHER Erin Kellys;
    • or she just totally didn’t remember me.
  • But then last weekend, I got an IG notification that someone named Olivia had started following me, and it was her!! I also got a card in the mail from her several days after that and it is wild to reconnect with someone after 30+ years. I’m excited to catch up and for us to start a new phase of our old friendship!
• All of this vintage vacation stuff has me so anxious to travel again. I know we booked our flights for our August trip but this fucking coaster club is being sooooo slow with getting the final payment info together. We’ve already paid into it a bit and this isn’t a new group or anything so if they end up saying that the trip is not happening, I am going to expect a fucking refund and then scramble to try and plan our own itinerary using the same flights because I am 100% married to this region we’re supposed to be traveling to. This isn’t their first big international trip either so I’m hoping that they’re just waiting for all of the parks to finalize things with them. They have confirmed some of the hotels (the one in Gothenburg is brand new – I was watching a YouTube video of its sneak peek soft opening and it looks so fucking beautiful) and several of the rides we can expect ERTs for, so there’s that at least.
  • The really annoying thing about this is that most of the information is being provided in the Facebook event they created for it so I have to use my dummy account that was created in order for me to be able to create Instragram ads for my stupid card shops. It’s just so infuriating when shit is done via Facebook. And there are already people who are annoying me bigly with their comments so that’s great. I hope there are some chill people that will be a part of this group! I think there are around 60 people who registered?
    • I started looking for a small bag to buy that’s bigger than a fannypack but not a full-sized crossbody, because I want to be able to tuck my vacation journal into it so that I can jot things down while in the parks rather than wait and try to frantically scribble everything down afterward in the hotel. “Just use Notes on your phone, Erin!” some might say, but I am very analog when it comes to “jotting things down,” lol. Also, I will want to be saving my phone battery for pictures/videos. Anyway, I think I am going with a bag I found from Baboon to the Moon because I like that brand. I WILL KEEP YOU POSTED, in case you are heavily invested in bags.
• Chooch turns 17 on Tuesday! I’m sad that he hasn’t been cleared yet by his doctor to be more active because I would have planned a weekend amusement park trip, subway sign be damned. I asked him if there was anything at all that he would like to do and he said no so we just bought him a new/bigger TV and he’s happy. I guess now that I think about it, when I was his age I also didn’t really care about doing anything for my birthday but I was also depressed because of my Pappap dying and the most I would agree to was having my BFFs Lisa and Christy come over and we ate cake with my mom and brothers in the kitchen. It was all I needed, really! But as a mom, I of course always want to something big for Chooch’s birthday so I will just need to shut my mouth and accept the fact that he’s just not into birthdays like I am.. :(
• My record player broke a few years ago and I never replaced it, mostly because it was around the time that I got into Kpop and so my interests shifted. But lately, more and more Kpop groups are releasing vinyl and I feel like the attic would be a great spot for a record nook so now I’m going to start to prioritize that, I guess. I can’t even remember what my old one was other than it was actually old, like a real turntable from back in the day and not one of these newfangled ones that people are buying at UO because they look cool but then chew up the vinyl. So, you know, no Crosleys for me, thanks. But I’m also not in the market for something super audiophile-centric and $$$$ either. I just want something reliable without sacrificing quality. I don’t know why I just plopped down so many words about this, how boring.
• Onion “we are closing, this is our last day” Maiden magically “reopened” 2 weeks later for a 420 pop-up event. I’m just so tired of restaurants acting like they’re motherfucking bands, getting everyone all worked up because they’re “disbanding” only to come back with reunion shows. I don’t know, maybe I’m just a disgruntled old people but the veg/vegan scene is so fucking obnoxious. It makes me not even want to be supportive of it, just stock my freezer with mass-produced veggie patties and call it a day. I don’t know, I got a seitan sandwich from the pop-up and it was just OK so I’m officially not broken up over this. I will just continue to patronize vegan establishments in other cities when we travel because I’m over this idiocy here. Also, the ordering process for the pop-up was just as jacked up as we expected. It’s vegan food, not a Taylor Swift ticket purchasing event. Either make a decent quantity of your food or don’t do it at all, get over yourself. Every goddamn city we have traveled to has had vegan restaurants that don’t close their doors after two hours because they “sold out.” Just normal-ass restaurants that you walk into, sit down, order, eat. Boom. Here in Pgh, you’re better off going to a regular restaurant that has “vegan/vegetarian” options on the menu, I swear to god. As someone who has not eaten meat since 1996, I find this whole “scene” completely appalling and pretentious.

On that note, I need a snack. Goodbye.

My friend Veronica pointed out the night before the NCT Dream concert in Chicago that there was a full moon, that maybe the effects would extend to Friday and bring me good vibes at the concert. Well, I think she was on to something because it was sincerely, without coming off as being hyperbolic or corny, one of THE best concert experiences of my life. And I have been to a lot of concerts of all types and sizes!

In this post, let’s talk about the pre-show haps. You already know what my ‘fit looked like UNLESS YOU DON’T READ THIS DUMP REGULARLY.

Our hotel was right across the street from the Allstate Arena so that was extremely convenient. When we first drove past the arena earlier that day to get to the hotel, there was a HUGE line already formed. That’s the one main reason I opted out of getting a GA floor ticket – it actually cost about the same as the seat I ended up scoring, but it was standing room only (some Kpop concerts have seats on the floor). I’m of the age where my time is valuable and my endurance for ‘camping’ outside of an arena is at an all-time low. To be quite frank, I would not even do this for The Cure. I just want to be able to see the stage comfortably and while the prospect of being barricade is tempting because YES, I WANT EYE CONTACT WITH IDOLS, I can admit that this season of my life has passed. But I will still scream and cry and freak out over whose poca (photo card) I pull from albums! DONT GET ME WRONG.

That being said, we didn’t leave the hotel until around 6:30, I would say, almost died jaywalking (there was no crosswalks at the intersections!?) and reached a side of the arena that had two entrances. I was really confused because as we were approaching the arena straight on, I could see a huge-ass line of NCTzens snaking all the way from the second entrance, down the length of the arena, into the parking lot. Yet, there were some stragglers approaching from the left and going right through the first door.

“Is that like, a VIP entrance?” I asked mostly just to myself because tf does Henry know, right? There were two girls who had been walking in front of us and I could tell that they were also debating what to do – cross the street and attempt to go straight into the first door, or walk all the way to end of the line waiting to enter the second door.

LOOK, I AM TRYING TO GET THIS POST WRITTEN AND DID NOT WANT TO WASTE COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF TIME MAKING A NICE DRAWING SO PLEASE ACCEPT THIS SCRIBBLED DIAGRAM.

Just then, a security member came out of the first door and shouted, “FOLKS, THIS DOOR IS OPEN, THERE IS NO LINE. THIS DOOR IS OPEN.” So I was like, “Shit, run!” and we (well, I) ran across the road and pretty much STRAIGHT through the door since neither of us had bags that needed to be searched.

Was it a dick move considering many of those people had been camping all day? I mean, maybe, but we weren’t GA/floor so it’s not like we were taking someone’s spot, and there were people coming in from the parking lot on the left who were strolling right on in too. It’s not our fault that the arena didn’t do a better job directing people!

So we got lucky and this ended up being one of the seamless concert entrances we’ve experienced.

The best part was that the first merch table we approached only had about 20 people in line, so we slid right up on that.

The line was made up of a few roped-off switchbacks, and there was a girl two rows ahead of me who opened her tote bag and called out, “Anyone want any freebies?” Of course everyone near her happily reached into the bag but I was a bit too far away, so I had to yell, and I DO MEAN HOLLER, “Ooh, can I have one?!”

“Oh my god,” Henry murmured in the key of Bob’s Burger.

I had to reach over two lines to grab one of the tiny envelopes in her bag, literally making the line in between us come to a halt lest they get clotheslined on my arm.

But I got a Haechan poca out of it!

“You’re so embarrassing,” Henry sighed.

Yo, I can’t help it – as soon as I’m at a kpop concert, my inner Erin comes out, like I AM FREE TO BE ME. I am super talkative, sociable, and a complete extrovert like I used to be so long ago before the real world crushed my soul into a pulp of jaded anxiety.

The merch line went extremely fast. I knew immediately which shirt I wanted, and when the (mildly-flustered) merch lady went to ring it up, she paused and said, “Oh wait—” and reached under the counter. She then placed a small black envelope on top of the shirt. Apparently, merch purchases came with a poca! (I found out later that it was specifically the t-shirts.) This was a pleasant surprise! Of course, I found out later that it created a huge debacle because fans began to expect a poca with every item purchased, and then some of the merch tables ran out of pocas before the end of the night.

You don’t understand – collecting poca is a huge part of the Kpop scene. It’s not that important for me, which is literally the ONLY indication that I am an Elder in this scene. But I can promise you, if I was younger, I would probably be charging hundres of dollars worth of kpop albums to my mom’s AmEx, trying to collect every single poca.

To make it very simple, each kpop album comes with a random poca (photo card) of one of the members. It’s usually a selfie that they took, and then the backs have a handwritten message on them. They’re about credit card-sized, and you can even but little albums to store them in, or photo card holders to hook onto your backpack, keychain, belt loop, etc. (Yes, I have one lol. I was also using it for my work ID too, so it always looked like I was buzzing myself in with a picture of Renjun, lol.) Anyway!! Super fans will buy multiple copies of the same album trying to get the poca of their bias, or to just collect one of each member, and there are trading communities out there too. It’s a whole thing, you guys. When I say you don’t just get into Kpop on a casual basis….

Phew.

By the time we got out of the merch line and started exploring the rest of the arena, the lines for every single merch table had grown so long that it had become difficult to walk. The lines spilled out into the main hallways and it was so chaotic.

I wanted to find my seat, just to get a lay of the land before the show started. I found my section, but Henry wasn’t able to actually go any further than the curtain, as it was being guarded by a STRICT older woman usher. She was not letting a single soul slip past on her watch. I showed her my ticket and she told me to go all the way down to the bottom-most row and turn left. I knew that AA was the first row so I admittedly didn’t listen very hard to the rest of her instructions. I went down to the first row and was immediately rattled because the last seat in that row was 11, and I was 12?? How could that be? Directly above seat 11 was a seat 12, but that was row BB so I was super confused and now my heart rate was up a bit. I really do not trust TicketMaster or the venues anymore so I really was thinking that I somehow had purchased, for $500+, a seat that didn’t exist

So, I went back to the usher lady and said I couldn’t find a seat 12 in the first row, and she once again reiterated her directions and I, once again, went down to row AA and couldn’t make this invisible seat 12 magically appear. Now I was just in the way of people trying to have their pictures taken with the stage behind them, so I sulked back up the steps, like, “OK great there is no seat there for me so I guess I will just spend the show crying in a garbage can instead.”

At this point, Henry (who kept telling me to CALM DOWN, and NOT TO WORRY ABOUT IT) wanted to use the bathroom before we went to find our respective seats. We just kept walking and walking, passing one women’s room after the next. Finally, Henry stopped to ask a male employee where the closest men’s room was.

“Alllllll the way down that way,” the guy said, motioning with his arm. “There are only two men’s rooms for tonight,” he laughed and we thought he was joking but it was true! Knowing that the majority of the night’s attendees would be women, the arena had turned most of the men’s rooms into women’s room, lol. We had to fight our way downstream, cutting through the unruly merch lines, for idiot Henry to find a damn bathroom.

After peeing in one of the two designated men’s rooms, maybe even christening it, Henry offered to find my seat because I am a lost sheep that needs to be herded. I gave him my phone so he could pretend that it was actually his seat and as the same usher gave him the same directions she gave me, I realized my fatal error: she had said “to the left,” and I, both times, WENT TO THE RIGHT. Literally, I was trying to give myself a worse seat than the one I actually had, by trying to will a seat to appear for me in a section farther from the stage.

What is my problem!? We will talk about my seat in a little bit because when Henry returned with an irritated smirk on his face (“Thanks, I had to make a bunch of people move because your seat is all the on the other side of that row”), I decided that I would just go to my seat closer to the start time of the concert, now that this usher was probably like, “are these two old heads trying to pull one over on me, or?”

Because these fucking concerts are so stupidly expensive, Henry and I can’t afford to sit next to each other because puchasing two seats at once would bankrupt us. OK, that’s being dramatic, but the fact is that while I can justify the cost of a ticket for myself because I am a Never-aging Fan Girl, Henry is content being there, but you know, with the cheapest ticket available. The day of the show, he bought a $60 seat in the upper level (and then proceeded to complain later when people in front of him stood, which prompted the same argument of “THAT IS WHAT YOU DO AT A CONCERT.” When I tell you that I wanted SO BADLY to stand during Genesis, but everyone else in our row was seated and there was a wall of elderly people behind us so I stayed in my seat….Ugh. I hate thinking about it. I was really glad to have had the opportunity to see Genesis, but it was a bit too calm for me.

Anyway, here are some pictures of Henry finding his seat. He had the WRONG SEAT at first, but go on Henry, make fun of me for my inability to follow directions and mentally map out the route to my own seat.

Henry in the Correct Section.

And lookie, there appear to be two dads down there! Henry was very happy to have scored himself an aisle seat. It’s really all he wants when it comes to concerts. Anyway, wow, now that I’m looking at this, upper level at this arena was not so bad!

Next, Henry wanted to buy a BEER. I didn’t think to ask him at that time, but this morning, my friend Alyson asked what kind of beer Henry got. Alyson always asks the important questions! I had to go into the basement to ask him (no, I don’t keep him in a cell down there, he was actually doing work on the Seoul Subway Sign v.2, so yeah, I guess he’s basically imprisoned). He said he got a COORS LIGHT because it was the only beer option. I do know that they were also selling Vizzy (I mean, duh, you can see that in the picture) and that one can cost $22!!! Maybe even $25?? I can’t remember now, but the girl who was sitting to my left had one and she told me how much it cost and I actually felt sick. Then she motioned that she was going to set down in front of her (we had a little wall in front of us so it wasn’t going to topple off of our row and onto the floor or anything, but I was still very protective of and it watched it like a hawk anytime we had to move to let people in or out of our row. I was like Vizzy security.

I was standing behind Henry when he was purchasing his beer (which came in commemorative Allstate Arena cup, wow) and heard the beer-pourer ask, “You here for your daughter?” and Henry said, “No, my wife” which is always so annoying because SWEETHEART you have not earned the privilege to call me your wife?? I leaned forward and yelled, “DON’T LIE!” and the beer-man laughed and then asked him, “Do you listen to this music?” and Henry said YES.

I took this picture after I got to my seat. The concert hadn’t started yet, but they always play MVs beforehand and then everyone screams like the members are actually on the stage, lol. I was so happy with this seat! The lady in red was the staff member guarding the entrance to the floor area which was directly on the other side of my seat. I was so close to the floor that my row (AA) had folding seats as opposed to the regular floor-mounted seats that the other sections had. I had a perfect view of the main stage, but the reason why I chose a section farther away from the main stage was because I knew there would be an extended stage, and that is what I wanted to be closer to. The end of that portion of the stage is right next to the head of that super tall blond girl in the sheer white shirt. It was almost as good as being on the floor as far as proximity to NCT Dream went, but way more comfortable because I was in a row with seats and while of course none of us sat through the concert, we didn’t have to worry about being crushed or having to strain to see past the people in front of us. And the crowd on the floor pretty stayed where they were too, it never expanded to where there people right in front of us, leaning against the sideboard like that striped-shirt person is doing up there. I was nervous about that, but wow, what excellent fortune I had with this seat! I was so worried that I chose poorly!

OK, I think this is all that I wanted to memorialize. In my next post, we will discuss THE CONCERT. Assuming I have returned to earth by then.

Some things I want to be rememberin’ JUST IN CASE:

1. Easter 2023

This was the first year in quite some time where we didn’t really do anything for Easter. :( Henry and I got home from Chicago the night before, so we technically could have had a picnic or something, but who wants to be preparing a picnic the day after a road trip? Probably not Henry. We still put together a basket for Chooch which he half-cared about, and then later we went for a cemetery stroll but Chooch didn’t want to go because of his “knee” but he’s been back in action with his after school carousin’ so how much longer are we gonna be playing the OW MY KNEE card, hmmm? We also went to Kung Fu for boba and brought the crybaby one home too. So annoying.

Then I literally spent the rest of Easter watching YouTube content of the Chicago 7Dream concert and crying, like legit leaking big fat wet tears down my fat cheeks because I have the post-show sads in a bad way, which is also why I still haven’t blogged about the experience. Even right now, my behind-eyes are burning.

2. Don’t Hire Chooch to Squirrel Sit

Before we left Thursday, I kept giving Chooch instructions on how to feed the squirrels. “And don’t put the peanuts out front, because they’ll be tempted to cross the street with them, you have to put them—”

“—in the backyard on that fence, yeah I know, and I am NOT leaving the house to feed them,” Chooch said in disgust, never once looking away from MINECRAFT – why is he playing this again?? He has been playing this game since he was like 5, I swear to god.

Friday seemed OK. He sent me pictures of the cats “not missing” me, evidently (yeah right, we are fucking besties) and then sent two pictures of the squirrels sitting in the backyard like gangsters, gnawing on their peanut shells.

But then on our way home Saturday, THIS EXCHANGE HAPPENED:

UM NO, THEY NEED TO BE FED MULTIPLE TIMES THROUGHOUT THE DAY! When I skip down the driveway with my pumpkin pail of peanuts, they start scurrying down from the trees in anticipation of 4th, 5th, maybe even 9th meal.

When they saw me on Sunday, they seemed PISSED Especially Girl Buddy, who is used to special treatment. :(

3. Bitch, You’re DNF’d

You guys, this was the very beginning of a mystery I picked up from the library, and I was so put off by the writing.

I even dramatically read it out loud to Henry in the car on the way home from Chicago and he was like, “I don’t understand those words.” If I’m reading literary fiction or a contemporary novel, fine. There is a time and a place. But this is not what I from a mystery so I DNF’d after a few chapters. Also, there was so indication that this was book #3 in a series but then I saw it listed as such on Goodreads, and I am definitely not trying to read a whole series written this way.

4. NCTFlair

I bought more pins for my NCT jacket! This is specifically NCT Dream, I guess. I’m so giddy about it because Chooch had already hated it when there were only two patches on it so now I’m going to wear it every time we leave the house together.

Renjun & Haechan <3

I mean, Drew is a fan.

5. Obigatory NCT Video

I may not be ready to recap my experience just yet, but I am always ready to share videos of NCT Dream, lol. Anyway, I still can’t believe I got to see a version of this in Chicago. I think I might have PTSD though. Please do yourself a favor and click through to YouTube to watch this. (Fun fact: it’s Henry’s favorite NCT performance – srsly, ask him!)

OK, sorry, this whole post was a cop-out but I am sad/depressed/stressed – this was another rough work week and I am just generally annoyed by everything and have a very short fuse, so honestly if I’m not over here navel-gazin’ about NCT, I’m just going to be typing out vitriolic hate posts that won’t do anyone any good.

Maybe I need to plan another party or something.

Anyway, have a great weekend. Eat a taco or something. Isn’t that a feel-good activity for normal Americans?

And these were the books:

1. All Hallows – Christopher Golden

UGH this was supposed to be “if you like Stranger Things” and like, the 1980s – I dunno. But I did not feel a single 80s vibe from this book, the characters were cardboard, and the writing was cheesy AF. Not scary.

2. The Villa – Rachel Hawkins

I didn’t realize immediately that I disliked another book I read last year by this same author, so I was nervous. However, this one was 4-stars for me. Two BFFs (the friendship is lowkey strained though) go to Italy for the summer to write their respective books and the villa they rent is the location of a very high-profile murder that took place in the 70s. I loved the 70s-throwback chapters so much, and I thought the characters in this one were better written than Reckless Girls (I think that’s what her other book is called – I don’t feel like looking even though in the amount of time it took me to type this, I could have checked lol ugh who cares). This is one of those times, though, where I wonder if I liked it because the audiobook was so well done, or if the book itself was just that solid? I dunno, it was different and I liked the main character. The ending was….I mean, it’s a bit outrageous but isn’t that why we read thrillers?

3. All Good People Here – Ashley Flowers

OK, does this borrow loosely (heavily) from the Jon Benet Ramsey case? Sure. But is it a motherfucking page-turner? EFF YEAH. I always bring a book with me when we road trip even though I barely end up reading in the car because I’m liveblogging or blabbing away into Henry’s shut-off ears, but this one had me so enrapt that I couldn’t put it down on the way to and from Toronto in March and then I stayed up late when we got home because I had to finish it before going to bed. This entertained me bigly.

4. You Must Remember This –  Kat Rosenfeld 

OK, I was super into this mystery / thriller. Loved the old family estate setting, the flashbacks to the grandma’s youth, the sardonic banter from the surly uncle. I was fully on board with this book, getting successfully creeped out here and there, until it all kind of unraveled for me at the end. I think I even said, “Really?” out loud. I still gave it a 4 because I really did enjoy my time reading it but the ending was hard for me to swallow.

5. Gothic – Philip Fracassi 

OK MUCH better than his other book I read, A Child Alone With Strangers. As I read this, it so vividly played out in my mind like a really classy horror movie from the 70s, something akin to The Omen. Basically, this struggling author is gifted an antique desk by his rich wife/gf but UNFORCH, the desk is fucking CURSED big time and all kinds of very violent chaos ensues, and believe me when I tell you that it was written with such intricate detail, that I could feel the pain in my bones. I listened to this on audio during my neighborhood walks and I was involuntarily flinching in public and sucking the breath between my teeth during some of these scenes.

But yeah, total 1970s classy horror movie aesthetic here.

6. A Flicker in the Dark – Stacy Willingham 

Megan lent this one to me and our tastes in thrillers are extremely aligned so I knew it was going to be good. She never lends me a dud!

This one was a page-turner and even though I sort of guessed the twist, there was enough other shit / red herrings going on that kept it fresh.

7. A Quiet Life – Ethan Joella

This was a very sweet character study of three extremely different strangers who each recently lost a loved one,  and how their lives end up intersecting. It was pretty maudlin, I’m not going to lie, there was no quirkiness, no comic relief really. But it was written beautifully and I cried.

8. I Have Some Questions For You – Rebecca Makkai 

FUCK YES. FIVE STARS. MY SECOND MAKKAI, AND BOTH WERE 5 STARS. This was excellent. Dark academia that I can get behind. If you’re an audiobook fan, I would definitely recommend going that route with this one.

One weird thing to note is that I read this right after a Flicker in the Dark, and both books had references to kids crushing fireflies.*

Anyway, don’t waste any more time reading this blog – just go and grab this book as fast as you can.

9. The Golden Spoon – Jessa Maxwell 

Eh. Very overhyped if you ask me. A light mystery. Didn’t really care one way or the other.

10. Shoko’s Smile – Choi Eun Young

Hello, this was fine but every time I pick up a book of short stories, I’m like, “Wait, I don’t like short stories.” Somehow I didn’t realize that’s what this was even though it literally says it in the title. Cook on, Erin.

11. Sign Here- Claudia Lux

Eh. I kept losing interest and couldn’t keep up. This had the potential of being so great and right up my wino-laden alley, but the delivery was kind of a mess and I cared about no one or nothing.

12. Episode Thirteen – Craig DiLouie

Another one that is best read via audiobook because it’s about a ghost hunting TV show, each character has their own chapters, and the background noise gave me goosebumps even when walking around the ‘hood in broad daylight. Also, there is a song that’s played several times that is FUCKING HAUNTING. It did kind of lose me toward the end because it became very sci-fi-y but I was overall thoroughly entertained and creeped out. No fucking way I could have listened to this alone at night.

13. London Seance Society – Sarah Penner

More like the London Snoozer Society.

***

OK, that’s all. Just wanted to give you a little break from the NCT Dream content (oh shit, there I go, mentioning NCT Dream again lol).

*(There were also two books that I was reading in tandem last month – one had a DAYS reference, and then as soon as I picked up the second book, THAT ONE ALSO HAD A DAYS REFERENCE IMMEDIATELY IN THAT CHAPTER. Also, two back to back books had a girl character named Riley. That’s all.)