I know that Chooch doesn’t have much time left at home before he’s off to college (well, unless he stays local which remains to be seen I guess) but I REALLY wanted to get him his own hang out space to enjoy for the rest of his high school days. We’ve really made a lot of progress since the weekend and I’m getting so stoked for him to be able to finally use it! (Probably definitely for sure more stoked than he is, lol ugh boys.)

We (“we” – oh how the sides hurt from the lols) tackled the faux fur wall over the weekend and I’m really pleased with how it turned out! Praise be to Father Henry for being such a trooper and hanging this shit while having sneezing fits as the wall literally shed into his face.

He burned himself on the glue gun and stabbed himself with a razor in the process but man, the end result was worth it, I think!

Some people, maybe: “Henry how’d you get those burns and cuts? You musta been building something BIG MANLY over the weekend like a LOG CABIN.

”

Henry: *disappears into a bush of frowns*

There is a chimney/bricks on the other side of this corner and apparently it had been leaking at some point, which we didn’t know because we never go in the attic really before now. The plaster was crumbling around the ceiling, so Henry had to knock even more of it down to fix it, but again – we don’t own the house and it just wasn’t worth all the effort he was putting into it. So, once he determined that there was no longer a leak (I mean, I guess lol), I suggested that we just cover that part of the wall with faux fur.

Then I came out of fake art hibernation and painted this pizza to hang there because I knew that the wall needed ONE FUN PIECE OF OUTSIDER ART but I didn’t feel like looking for something to buy online and I needed it NOW NOW NOW anyway, so I painted this pizza myself.

It’s actually quite large!

Durrr, Erin’s Dumb Art is back.

I put minimal effort into this, literally painted it on my lap while rewatching The Hills, season 1 last night.

This corner isn’t finished! We are in the process of getting an old box TV prepped to be the SNACK VESSEL for the room, and it will live in this corner too. I also need to get a fun novelty rug for that area and then it will be photo zone-ready. My brother already asked to have his updated realtor headshots taken there haha.

Anyway, the only big thing left is the table, which Henry is picking up tomorrow and then we just have to paint it. Other than that, I have to paint the closet door and then start hanging stuff on that yellow wall up there., probably get some plants…and then it will be pretty close to completion!

Who wants to come over for a pizza party!?

The only peoples in this house who don’t piss me off everyday!

I am happy to report that about 90% of the shit stowed away in the attic has been sorted / pitched / donated / neatly stored. It feels SO GOOD, like the biggest weight lifted off my shoulders. I finally, after 35 years, felt it was the right time to throw out the boxes of penpal letters I’ve been, let’s face it, HOARDING. I did keep some from various prisoners, strictly for the LOLs, and I considered keeping the ones from ALISHA OLMSTEAD but after she SNUBBED me on Facebook several years when I sent her a message like HI WE WERE PENPALS ALL THROUGH MIDDLE SCHOOL AND HIGH SCHOOL AND HAD A WRITING CLUB TOGETHER AND MADE SLAM BOOKS FOR EACH OTHER HOW COULD YOU FORGET ME I felt there was no reason to hang on to those, since most of them were probably just her gushing over JONATHAN BRANDIS AND CHRISTIAN BALE anyway. (Newsies and Ladybugs were here favorite movies, lol ok.)

I even threw out photos of bad times, bad people. Typically, I would keep everything like this because I am a memory pack rat, but pictures of Psycho Mike got ripped up, a picture of me at McCoys sandwiched by two QUEEN CUNTS who I wouldn’t care at all if I found out they were dead sorry but that’s real talk also got thrown out but now I wished I had ceremonially set it aflame first. Oh well.

A card from Christina – bye bye.

A weird ass letter written to a still in utero Chooch from a crazy lady from Philly who I knew from LJ – balled up and slam-dunked into the garbage bag.

It was cathartic. Like being reborn. I am ready for this new era.

Anyway, there were tons of things from my past that were unearthed and definitely are staying, some of these things I’m even going to keep out instead of hiding away in a box.
I found this peeled apart Polaroid of my best doggo Dazee and me from what appears to be 1995. First of all, LOVE THAT LOOK ON ME LOL. I’m pretty sure I also lined my lips like a fool back then too. Also, I went through a weird red hair phase – not ginger but like maroon somehow??

I just know that my mom HATED it haha.

Ugh but man, my old bedroom, how I miss thee. Also, you can blame my mom for my persistent itch to spray-paint every piece of furniture that crosses my threshold. She started it by spray-painting my bedroom set purple and yello!

I’m not kidding when I say that in one fell swoop, I pulled four of the most life-changing books out of a box. These four books are forever favorites, I can look at each of them and be transported to very specific eras of my most formative years, right down to where I was when I was reading some of them.

For instance, I still lived in South Park when I read Wait Until Helen Comes and it terrified me. Both Ghost Story and the Sins of Rachel Ellis were books I found in my Pappap’s house, presumably either my mom’s or aunt’s when they were young: Rachel Ellis is probably why I ended up with an old guy, and I have a VERY SPECIFIC MEMORY of reading part of Ghost Story when I was in high school, sitting in the living room which we rarely used, home alone on a bright, sunny summer day, and getting full-body chills because this book scared me so much. Peter Straub quickly became one of my faves after that and I have always wanted to re-read this one but am so worried that I won’t like it as much now that I’m older and rarely affected by a horror novel.

And The Westing Game taught me to put bourbon on a toothache. Literally one of the greatest books of all time. I suggested that Chooch read it for a book report in grade school and as much as he wanted to NAYSAY, he admitted that it was fucking fantastic. Just one of the best books ever and all kids should experience it.

Then Henry found a leftover invitation from Chooch’s 1st birthday!! 

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Henry and I worked so hard on those and I don’t regret it at all. Best Son only turned one once, after all!

We are so close to being done with the attic space.

I will share more photos of the progress later this week but for now, here’s Drew timidly venturing up there for the first time since this overhaul began and seeing THE DEADLY DISCO BALL OMG.

On that note, I have to go. I finished my rewatch of Laguna Beach (I can honestly say that I appreciate Kristin so much more now that I’m an adult LOL as if I wasn’t already a grown up whenever this show originally aired too but YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN) and am now onto my first ever rewatch of the Hills, as well as the Whitey Port reaction videos (hat tip to Megan for suggesting those!).

Man, I miss this era of TV a lot a lot a lot.

Saturday night. Sitting on a heating pad because I hurt my back exercising. Made some progress in the attic before that. Will it ever get done? Who can be sure.

Today was actually pretty annoying. I’m pms’ing a little and have less patience than usual.

Billy, we got some straight up JAMS to listen to together today. During my work day, I tend to put on “retro synth” playlists on YouTube. Most of it is instrumental which is good for me because I need to con-cen-trate on what I’m doing or I will get yelled at.

Probably not, but maybe. You never know. A passive aggressive call-out, at the very least.

Anyway, I need to have background music on to block out the perpetually shrieking children next door, but if I play kpop, then I get way too into plus my ears will start subconsciously perking up every time I hear a word that I recognize and then I feel compelled to look up the lyrics to see if I was correct, and it’s just a whole thing that will deter me from the work at hand for a solid 10 or 20 or sometimes longer if I’m at that point inspired to get up and see if Give Me Five Thailand also has a cardio workout to the subject song.

See what I mean? I can’t Kpop and review engagement letters at the same time.

But synth is wonderful because it puts me in a very relaxed, comfortable zone. HOWEVER, every so often, a song with vocals will pop on that stops me dead. Here are some of the recent ones that I have been fully fucking with.

And this last one especially made me call out HENRY BRING ME MY ROLLER SKATES. It has become a sensation at work, too! Even GLENN liked it!

This is bigly inspiring me to want to have a party.

OK, it’s Friday night. An exceptionally annoying work week is officially behind me. Your girl is about to drink some wine and make a playlist for a party I will probably never actually move forward with because I am lazy and constantly distracted but at least I’ll have a sick playlist.

January was such a fantastic reading month for me. I can’t even get over it. It reinstated my bibliophile status, I think. Revived my love for BOOKSBOOKSBOOKS. Basically, I quit listening to Booktube. I pulled from various Best of 2022 lists from reliable sources like Time, etc. I think where I was being led astray with Booktube is that I was watching these channels because I liked the personalities, but then I started to realize eventually that my tastes just didn’t align with most of them. Like, I love Kayla from Booksandlala but what she considers horror and I what I consider horror are very different.  I have also found that I gravitate more towards literary fiction and less towards the magical realism shit that she is obsessed with.

Anyway, who cares. Here are the books I read in January, all 14 of them! They were mostly all 4 and 5 stars, maybe one or two 3-3.5 in there.

1. Iona Iverson’s Rules for Commuting – Clare Pooley

Right off the bat – five star read. This book has humor, humanity, and the found family trope that I love so hard. Most of it takes place on a train / subway where a group of passengers become forced to interact with each other after one of them nearly chokes to death.  It mostly centers around Iona, a sort of “washed-up” socialite whose current employer at a magazine is beginning to find her to be irrelevant. Iona has a very strong, abrasive personality that makes the other passengers either despise her or admire her. I adored her. I adored all of them. I am crying right now as I remember how fucking precious this book is and how much it almost made me miss taking the T to work because now I want to actually strike up conversations with the regulars who I used to see every day and assign monikers to based on their fashion choices or whatever.

Well, anyway, this book made my heart grow a size or four. Then I’m sure I had the sound of a child screaming and it immediately shrunk again.

2. Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow – Gabrielle Zevin

Baby, believe the hype. Solid five stars and I am still thinking about it and getting choked up. I have read from  this author once before and genuinely liked it so I was excited to get into this one. However, and I don’t think this is just me because I read other raving reviews that agree, this book starts out slow. Like, not BAD, but knowing that this was on so many Best of 2022 lists, I was confused and really wondering if I was missing something. But then before I had a chance to DNF out of spite (I WON’T LIKE YOUR FAVORITE BOOK, AND YOU CAN’T MAKE ME), it hooked me. I can’t explain it, because this book is basically about two childhood friends who meet again when they’re in college (different colleges, same city) and decide to make a video game together.

The characters, their relationships, the blurred lines, their history…it was all so perfectly executed. There is a HUGE TRIGGER WARNING – I don’t want to spoil this book for anyone so you might want to look it up but there is a big traumatic thing that happens, and it wrecked me. I mean, I felt like I was being scooped raw by a melon baller, the pain was real. This will definitely end up being one of the best books I read this year, no cap or whatever Those Kids say.

P.S. Henry also read it and loved it, but he claims he didn’t cry. I mean, I SOBBED.

3. The Hero of This Book – Elizabeth McCracken

Sweet and oftentimes LOL funny, is this a memoir or fiction? Either way – it was a lovely read. 4 stars.

4. Vladimir – Julia May Jonas

This was a TRIP. The writing was so fresh, the characters beautifully-flawed. I laughed out loud numerous and could clearly hear the protagonist in my head, but my favorite part was the fact that Chooch had to pick this up from the library for me haha.

Anyway, 4.5 stars. Loved it and if this was Jonas’s debut novel, then I cannot fucking wait to read the next one.

5. Twenty Years Later – Charlie Donlea

This was recommended to me by my friend Eve – THANK YOU! What a unique thriller! Part of the plot revolves around an unsolved murder, the suspect of which is presumed dead after being in the WTC on the morning of 9/11. The other part follows a TV personality in present day, who resurrects this cold case while also trying to hide from her own unsavory past. I needed a good thriller, and this was it. 4 stars! Didn’t see the twist coming. (Either one!)

6. The Book of Goose – Yiyun Li

What an elegantly written, intriguing story of a childhood friendship between two girls living in rural postwar France. Honestly, Fabienne was a bit of a cunt and I wanted Agnes to haul back and clock her. But yeah, if you’re in the mood for something beautiful and literary, try this one – it’s another 4 star for me, fam.

7. Bad Dolls – Rachel Harrison

You know I tend to SORRY NEXT when it comes to short story collections, but I had to exception for Rachel Harrison, I just love her so. There were 4 stories in, one was a 3-star, 2 were 4-stars, and one 5-star about a bachelorette weekend. One of the 4-star stories was a SUPER RELATABLE tale about a savage diet app that actually had me wishing it was real because sometimes a bitch be desperate.

This was a fantastic, quick read and just what I needed  – something fun that I could listen to while taking my frigid winter morning walks. 4.5 stars overall (is that how averages work!?!?).

8. Perfect – L.A. Kessler

This one was also an audiobook, and I chose it in a whim through Scribd. I just needed something to listen to for when I walk and nothing was really looking too compelling to me. I haven’t heard of this author or this book before. It was fine! It was entertaining for sure but, and maybe this was because of the narrator, it kind of had a Christopher Pike feel to it, especially the scenes were people are killed. It’s like, “Oh OK, this person is dead now, moving right along.” Like I would have read this SO HARD in 9th grade and thought it was the coolest book ever.

It was actually pretty creepy, I’ll give it that much. Will I read the rest of the trilogy, probably not, doc.

9. Sophie Go’s Lonely Hearts Club – Roselle Lim

I was so close to DNF’ing this. I just could not connect with it and picking it up had become a real drag. But, just when I was telling myself, “Finish this chapter and then call it,” something changed. I can’t pinpoint it, it probably was a me-problem, something with my attitude, but I was suddenly ON BOARD and then the rest of the book was just a sheer delight (ok that’s not true, it had some sincere sad moments and the main character’s strained relationship with her mom stressed me out bigly). I also loved the tiny sprinkling of magical realism that was involved in that Sophie, a professional matchmaker, could see ribbons attached to peoples’ hearts and knew when there was a love connection by the way ribbons would react when two people were near each other.

Sophie moves into a new apartment building and immediately targets a group of elderly men, called the Old Ducks, as potential clients. Each Old Duck is adorable, even the one who is super grouchy. ESPECIALLY the one who is super grouchy – I actually pictured him as Glenn throughout the entire book. The Old Ducks and the FOOD were the real stars of this book.

4 stars, glad I gave it a chance! (I think this is another one that Eve suggested, so thank you, friend!)

10. All This Could Be Different – Sarah Thankam Mathews

Solid four stars, but dayum did it give me anxiety. There is A LOT going on here but in general, books about young adults out in the real world, trying to stay afloat and not perish financially, emotionally, and mortally, really makes me sweat. Our main character S is actually not very likeable but hoo boy did I feel for her. Her parents are back in India after her father takes the fall for a crime, leaving S behind in America as a teenager. Now she is out of college, being strung along by a boss who promises to sponsor her for citizenship, living rent-free in an apartment above the racist property manager who makes her life hell (this is where I was REALLY secondhand misery), becomes obsessed with and eventually starts a relationship with a girl she sees in a hardware store, but in the midst of all of this she is also developing beautiful precious friendships with some people who become her family. Love me a found family saga!!!

I can’t explain this book as well as it deserves, but I really fucking loved it and couldn’t wait to pick it back up every time I put it down.

11. Britt-Marie Was Here – Fredrik Backman 

My least favorite Backman book, but still better than most books I’ve read – that should tell you something. He has definitely become one of my favorite authors at this point. The way he crafts his characters! The dialogue! The SUPER DIFFICULT BUT LOVEABLE protagonists. The way he makes you want to live in a small town! From the telephone check-ins Britt-Marie forces upon a girl at the unemployment office to the begrudging companionship to finds in a rat, to the character in  wheelchair known solely as “Somebody,” to SAMI <3. This book gave me so much to think about, so much to love. 4.5 stars.

12. Signal Fires – Dani Shapiro 

Five stars, and I’m not ready to talk about this, I’m sorry. It got me good. Tears, lots. I love you, Ben Wilf.

;(

13. The Me You Love in the Dark – Skottie Young / Jorge Corona (art)

Finally, a graphic novel/comic that I actually liked! The story was decent but the art was excellent. Artist moves into a haunted house, becomes close to the ghost that haunts it. 3.75 stars.

14. Kindred – Octavia Butler

I want to read more classics this year and this was an excellent start. I don’t really think it needs much introduction, and I’m just sorry it took me so long to read it because it was brilliant. This book is obviously a classic for a reason, extremely intense, emotional and throught-provoking. I wish I had been required to read it in high school, to be honest. Solid 5 stars, everyone should read this once in their lifetime.

***

k, bye!

You know how when you reach the levels of STRESSED THE FUCK OUT that you can hear your blood bubbling? That’s where I am this week. To calm down, I opened up my blog archives and allowed myself to get deep down into my Korea-feels. I love the photos in this post so much and wanted to post it again, also because I am too stressed and irritated to construct new content, even the shitty, bare-minimum kind that you’ve come to expect here. I think this is now the THIRD time I have reposted this since 2018 but I D G A F. MY BLOG MY RULES. WAH.

We woke up early on a Saturday morning and set off for some palace-touring. As I mentioned previously, our hotel was in a great location, and we were able to walk to several of the Five Grand Palaces of Seoul! Probably would have been a faster/easier walk if we weren’t following Henry’s lead, but….as Henry said, “WE GOT THERE, DIDN’T WE?!”

Wow, tough guy.

I wanted to start with Gyeongbokgung Palace first, but Henry was all, “my way or the highway” or some other Dad-ism, so we went to Changdeokgung Palace first.

I know, it’s hard to keep the names straight! But the one that starts with a G is like, the most popular one, I guess.

In hindsight though, our crazy walks are something I look back on now and laugh about. I miss it! We saw a lot of crazy shit this way and it reaffirmed that we definitely were better suited sans itinerary. As much as I loved the European adventures I went on as a kid with my family, it was so much better not to be tied down to a group agenda and panicking every day because you’re close to missing bus call.

For this trip, we had a list of things we wanted to do, and we played it by ear. Sometimes we didn’t know what we were doing until after we woke up that morning! It was slightly stressful for me at times because I’m an undercover control freak, but I quickly learned to just go with it and maybe that’s why we managed to make it through our Korea pilgrimage with minimal fighting.

Donhwamun Gate, the largest of all palace gates. Get on Donhwamun’s level, other gates. 

According to Wiki, this Palace literally translates to “Prospering Virtue Palace.” It was the second palace to be established after Gyeongbokgung, which is the one I wanted to see first but that’s OK Henry, fuck up the chronological order!

The original palace was built between 1405-1412 but burnt down during the Japanese invasion in 1592 and again in 1623 but each time it was rebuilt, and the reconstruction remained true to its original form. It’s incredibly humbling and sobering to be walking around grounds filled with so much history and tragedy.

Chooch might have a future as a Walmart greeter, you guys.

We got there early enough that it wasn’t flooded with tourists yet. Look at the mountain peeking out back there! I believe that’s part of Mt. Bugaksan. One of the things I didn’t know about Korea until I started marinating in a KOREA 101 bath is that Korea is like, 70% mountains! And almost everywhere you go in Seoul, you can see them. It’s one of the things I loved so much about this city, that no matter how urban and cosmopolitan it feels in one direction, if you pivot another way, you’ve got a mountain looming over you, or a Palace’s ancient presence behind you. Seoul has everything. Seoul IS everything.

Injeongjeon Hall

This is the throne hall, where all The Big Events took place back in the day, like coronations and poisonings probably.

This is the inside of Injeongjeon Hall.

I bet lots of scary people have mingled under those chandeliers.

And now please enjoy some gratuitous spring flower shots:

The spring buds were like celebs, man. There were some cherry blossoms that you couldn’t get anywhere near because of the throng of older people with their tripods and huge lenses.

It was so deserted in this area that I was afraid we weren’t supposed to be there. Those trees though.

I was so glad that Chooch got to experience all this history! He was really into it.

This was before ancient Korean spirits possessed Chooch and me and gave us the ability to lacerate Henry’s feelings with our hunger-driven words.

Because we would never normally be mean to Henry.

Lol.

I had to go for my annual wellness test this morning at work, and when the lab tech was getting ready to take my blood pressure, he said, “Just think about things that make you happy.” And immediately, in my mind, I was walking the peaceful grounds of Changdeokgung again.

Another miz Monday in the books but the bright spot of today was NCT127’s comeback with Ay-Yo!!

Nothing much else to report for today. Our water heater broke over the weekend so the landlord sent the plumber today but instead of bringing a new water heater, he brought a valve which did nothing to fix the problem so now he has to come back tomorrow with a new water heater and we still have no hot water.

It has been the folliest of follies around here since the bathroom plumbing broke and put a hole in our ceiling before Thanksgiving.

Our kitchen pipes were then frozen for about 4 days around Christmas, and then a few weeks after that, our kitchen sink stoped draining so we had to wash dishes in the bathtub until we got that fixed. Now we’ve had no hot water since Saturday. Living that Pioneer life on Pioneer Ave, for real.

Argued with Henry while helping him package a pile of Valentine orders. Apparently I am an hindrance.

Finished a really great book (this has been a great reading month for me, the least January could do).

Then Chooch and I had a huge struggle trying to drag a heavy garbage can up the driveway in the snow while sliding into each other and loudly bickering at 10:30 at night – you’re welcome, neighbors.

At one point, Chooch growled, “JUST GO BACK IN THE HOUSE AND FINISH YOUR LUNAR NEW YEAR DANCE WORKOUT!!”

He was off school today and also tomorrow so that’s great – predications for how many times we will argue tomorrow?

I made Chooch go pick up my library books today but he would only do it if I gave him my credit card for CVS, where 1212 told him she hadn’t seen him in so long and that he got really tall and he was like “ok I’m in here like every week though.”

Wait did I ever tell you why we call her 1212?? Oh yes, yes I did.

Truly, I think the dumbest shit is so funny.

In group chat recently, Lauren said something about 12/12 and it triggered me so bad so I started manically typing about what 1212 means to me, in my sad bubble life, and literally NO ONE responded except for Nate because he is a real one so then I felt compelled to send him the video from 2019 that inspired the 1212 phenomenon in my house and he said “you’re right, it is very dumb. But funny!”

Yay thanks!

Well, that’s all for today. It’s almost my BEDTIME.

ETA: I just got into bed, glanced at my phone, and saw what time it was!!!

Here I am, being SUCH a girlboss, waiting until January is nearly over to remind anyone still left wandering amidst the barren, tumbleweed-studded wasteland that is the Wild Wild Oh Honestly West, that serial killer-themed Valentines are still relevant (they are though, right?). Yes, Henry and I still make these cards. Yes, you can still purchase them on Etsy!

***

I’m so much happier with the new backs!

I love these cards so much because they bring back fond memories of Valentine parties in elementary school, when we all got to fuck a shoebox with a glue stick and crepe paper and then run around stuffing Scooby Doo sentiments into everyone’s “mailbox” even if we didn’t like the person because THE TEACHER SAID. My favorite part was the candy and cupcakes though. I was a fat kid.

And then in fifth grade, I was the fat kid with a perm.

AND BRACES.

FML.

But I somehow still got Valentines so I didn’t hate the damn day.

Even now, as a grown as adult, I like passing out Valentines at work. I passed the serial killer ones out one year to mixed reviews. My one co-worker received an Albert Fish one and sent me an email that said, “OMG I just Wiki’d that guy. He was so terrible! Why would you give me that card?!”

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Surprisingly, no one reported me to HR.

Life is all about taking risks, you know?

This set includes 16 different designs! Can you even imagine? They do not come with envelopes though because they’re mini-cards. There are so many uses for them! One of my customers told me that she hid all of them around the house for her husband to randomly discover as he went about life. I thought that was so cute!

The backs include the names of each hellion in case your recipient isn’t as up to speed on their murder shows as you and me. So I guess you could even say that these are EDUCATIONAL TOO!

They could even be used as gift tags! Party favors! (REMEMBER PRE-PANDEMIC PARTIES??)

What are you waiting for?? Go grab a set!

I also have sets for vintage porn stars, cult leaders, Golden Girls, The Cure, and you can find several kpop sets in my KPOP SHOP as well!

No more moping. Here are five things that are bringing me the happies this week:

• Rewatching Laguna Beach and watching the Back to the Beach podcast videos with Kristin and Stephen on YouTube. I was so into this shit when it first aired on MTV. I mean, I had already graduated out of the show’s key demographic years prior, but did I care? Do I care? Pfft. Anyway, I hated Kristin so much back then, but I have grown to genuinely appreciate her over the years and the Back to the Beach episode that Lauren Conrad guested on was more than I ever could have hoped for. To hear them both apologize for the way they slut-shamed each back then? ICONIC. WE LOVE TO SEE IT. But yeah, that really hit, and it truly felt so sincere. Also, in one of episodes, Trey was using some small handheld thing and I had to call Henry into the room and cry, “WHY CANT I REMEMBER WHAT THATS CALLED” and he calmly said, “Palm Pilot.” Holy shit it’s so weird to think that Palm Pilots are obsolete now. Also, I do not miss low-rise jeans. Nope. Also interesting to note is that when Chooch asked me what I was watching, he was absolutely clueless. “The fuck is a Laguna Beach?” I was like YOU KNOW – LC? LAUREN CONRAD?? I wear her clothes from Kohls??? Nope, not a single iota of recognition flickered behind boy-child Gen Zer’s eyes.
• LOO PLANTS! Why did it take me so long to put plants in the bathroom? I have no idea. I had this hanging planter with nothing in it that was sitting all empty and dejected on the backporch so I put a pothos cutting in it (LOL OK OK OK calm down, Henry did it) and then ordered this gorgeous sacred heart rhinestone patch to glue on it, you know, to help it feel more at home in the holy shitter.

Isn’t it adorable???

• I did one of the best Paul Eugene workouts last night you guys and I want you to do it too!! I love Paul Eugene so much; I smile through all of his workouts!

• Butterscotch candies, just like grandma eats. I have stress-sucking on them all week long, and it brings little gleeks of joy into my mouth.
• NCT127’s new music video which was released today, on 127 day! (GET IT, BECAUSE IT’S JANUARY 27TH?!!? This was one of my favorite songs on their last album, and I love that they made this video themselves! The only downside is that Haechan isn’t in it because this was filmed during the second leg of their recent US tour (I think this was actually filmed in Atlanta, at least parts of it). Haechan stayed in Korea because he was having heart palpitations and had to go to the hospital! I am so glad that SM allowed him to hang back and get the rest he deserves. These idols are so overworked, it’s scary.

Dear Pammy, here we are on the last Wednesday of the saddest month. Once we tear off the January page from the calendar and burn it (and maybe a righteous bigot just for funsies) in a back alley bonfire, I start to feel a little better. One day at a time. But you know, before that happens, I have to do what all sane people do and purposely compound my crippling sads by watching the finale of a series that has been a part of my life for like 12 years.* Yeah, I finally bit the bullet and powered through the remaining episodes of the last season of The Walking Dead and holy shit, ouchie, wah. That was a rough ride. My throat actually hurts a little bit today and I’m certain it’s from the painful crying I did last night during the last two episodes.

*(Wait, is this for real? Chooch was literally 4 years old when that show debuted and we watched it together every Sunday night?! I mean, he was already obsessed with Night of the Living Dead way before that – “waaay before that” at the old-ass age of 2, lol – so I guess this felt normal at the time but I’m having a weird moment in present day, looking back on this. I wonder if he ever had nightmares?! But now I’m really spiraling out because I literally can’t remember a single time Chooch ever woke crying and saying he had a nightmare?! I just asked Henry if he can think of a time and he said no without even thinking because he is such a great contributor to conversations.)

You know, I dumped this show off and on over the years and kept finding myself lost or bored because I had the attention span of a, a, well, a walker probably. Or the average American. And I know it’s like SO COO COO COO to hate on The Walking Dead and the people who watch it because no one wants to just let anyone live their damn lives these days, but I don’t really care. I will wear a DARYL DIXON shirt straight out of my house tomorrow, watch me.

(Maybe not tomorrow because I have to get one first.)

Also adding to my stress is Valentine season. I think that I’m not cut out to be an Etsy seller, lol. My heart has not been in it at all this season. I was asked to make a couple of custom cards and I was actually like, “UGH, FINE” about it, which is so dumb because once I sat down and opened Photoshop, I was into it. But my creativity is tapped out these days/months/years.

I think I need more socialization. I allegedly have plans on Saturday with a new friend which is always scary and exciting and I really hope it pans out, plus I have at least two dinner dates in February. But you know, that’s big Erin energy, being all BOO HOO I’M SO LONELY and then doing the bare minimum to cultivate friendships.

The only thing giving me joy lately, aside from cats and squirrels, is working on the attic refresh! It’s really coming along so slowly since Henry only has time/energy to put into it on weekends and god forbid I should, what, paint by myself!? Ha. Can you imagine. Ha.

(Henry would never let this happen anyway.)

I should have waited to do an attic update on Sunday because we ended up getting some more stuff done!

LIKE THIS! I DID IT ALL BY MYSELF!! We had to go to the dreaded HOBBY LOBBY to get the fun fur Saturday night and as we were walking toward the check-out, some guy in the back of the store yelled very loudly and deeply, just one loud-ass staccato scream punching through the Jesus-y atmosphere. Everyone near us abruptly stopped and quieted down for approx. 2 seconds.

“Let’s go This is why I avoid shopping at Century III!” one suburban Yinzer mom said to her shopping mates, prompting me to follow suit.

“You can go out to the car, I’ll stay and buy this,” Henry said, handing me the car key.

“NO, JUST FORGET IT,  LET’S LEAVE,” I hissed, my entire body feeling like fucking ice was coursing through my veins and I waited to start hearing gunfire. Seriously. FUCK YOU, AMERICA. FUCK YOU, GUNS. Every time we walk out of the house: will we get shot today?

So what did I do? Big courageous baby Erin took the keys and ran, leaving Henry inside.

Turned out to be a bunch of kids fucking around and Henry paid for the fun fur and joined me in the parking lot without incident. But still, I couldn’t get my heart rate down for a while after that. I hate this.

Henry spent most of Saturday and Sunday working on the checkerboard wall and cussing me out in very inventive ways. I think he and Chooch thought it was going to look like shit but I had a very clear vision in my head…

When will they learn to trust me!? I think it turned out amazingly! It’s a fucking mood and I canNOT wait to finish this little nook! I decided to only do the checks on the right side. The left side is going to stay solid yellow, filled with art. The checkerboard is going to stay is – why gild the lily, as Teresa Strasser said once on an episode of While You Were Out and it has remained lodged in my head ever since. It was the first time I had ever heard that saying and according to Chooch, I say it “all the time” which I think is a tad hyperbolic but whatev. Hopefully it comes up the next time I’m playing trivia on the radio.

Oh in addition to my little monster wall, which was an OFF THE CUFF design idea, I coated the top of this short wall with iridescent glitter shards that I spotted on a rack behind an old ass Michaels employee when Henry was interrogated him on the fun fur options last Saturday. I had no idea at the time what I was going to do with it but I snatched up a small pack of it and formulated a game plan on the way home.

I can only imagine the twitches that my interior design choices give some poeple when they look at this but listen, Linda: I rent this piece of shit house and if I’m going to be slowly dying here, I’d prefer it to not be surrounded by white walls.

(OMG please do not let this be the place where I die LOL ugh.)

I want to put some small/fun cuckoo clocks on this little wall.

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This is all I have going for me right now,  and I’m having fun with so leave me alone.

Just kidding, don’t leave me alone I’m so bored and lonely lol omg.

Over the weekend, YouTube took it upon itself to peg me as that bitch who’d be down to watch other people’s high school home videos from the 90s.

I mean, you’re not wrong, YouTube. Here for that nostalshit.

I don’t know what I was trying to do there. I can’t make up KEWL words anymore. I’m too old.

Anyway, as I was watching these, I realized some things: I think I’m faceblind when it comes to white males. At least white male teens, I guess. Most of the boys in these videos looked identical to me! And the boundaries! There were none! Teachers touching students! Boys groping girls! Kids these days COULD NEVER.

But the thing that really blew my mind was how much older teenagers looked back then?? That guy in the picture up there was 17 or 18???

No. I won’t believe it. My eyes hath deceived me once again.

The other main thing I noticed was OBVIOUSLY a lack of cellphones and laptops so kids were actually conversing with their classmates and everyone seemed so laid back.

Bitch where’s the anxiety? What fidget spinner?

Were the 90s truly the last (moderately) wholesome decade/generation?! I really think so and I am sure this is some scientific study that had been published about this already, but yeah, cook on, Erin.

You said it first.

Ok I have to go. Henry just sneezed, unannounced, and completely ruined my night.

While catching up with an old friend Thursday night, he told me that his mom died last August. It was like everything ground to a halt for a second. His mother – Carol – was my OG Work Mom. She was there for me when I had an abortion. She was one of the early supporters of my SCANDALOUS relationship with Henry. She has a baby shower for me when my mom and I weren’t on speaking terms.

The four years I spent sharing an office with her in Weissylvania bonded me to her for life. We both endured our own set of traumas there and for me, I was so young still that it sadly defined who I was for YEARS. What am I talking about – I’m still not over that shit. It came up a few weeks ago when Henry and I were in the car and here I thought, dummy that I am, that I could speak candidly about the experience because I AM SO HEALED NOW, NEW WOMAN, but then I found myself so choked up that I physically could not continue speaking and then had a panic headache for the rest of the day.

If Carol hadn’t been there during that time, if I had been alone…I don’t want to think about how much worse it could have been. Anytime we found ourselves in a catch-up sesh, our time there was always the main topic but it was always ok to talk about it with her – Catharsis, The Way It Oughta Be.

We spoke on the phone during the height of the pandemic in 2020 and lamented that we couldn’t meet up for lunch. I talked to her on the phone again during the summer of 2021, hoping we could finally schedule that lunch now that we were both vaccinated, but she told me she wasn’t doing well, cancer.

And then there were a million times after that when I thought, “I should call Carol, I should send Carol a card, I should see if Carol is up for a house call.

”

But I never did it. And now she is gone. I for real loved her like a mom. I never got to tell her that.

I hope she knew it.

So that’s what I have chewing on the last few days. Lots of regret, panic, grief, nostalgia. What a healthy cocktail, straight to the dome.

Take care of yourself. Etc etc. :/

Hey-o. It’s safe to say that I am firmly embedded in that seasonal depression pit. It’s fine. January is a motherfucker, nothing new. Not having things done as fast as I want them to be is making this even harder. If you know me, you’re laughing probably or rolling your eyes more likely because you know that I have little patience and also you can be certain that if I had any life skills whatsoever instead of relying on Henry to take on 99% of this attic refresh himself, mayhaps it would have been done by now.

But oh, motivation, where are you? WHAT are you?

Anyway, we have made some progress on the “stairwell” area thingie. Just keep in mind that everything was white up here, and the room was filled with boxes and piles of miscellanea so I didn’t take before pictures. Also, because I forgot to take before pictures, lol.

Dude. Henry using his makeshift plank again, ugh I hate watching him standing on this! Last night, he was being cute (read: ANNOYING) by bouncing along to Mamamoo while standing on this, almost like he was TRYING to fall and break his butt bone so that he could have a doctor’s

excuse to relax. Ugh.

Meanwhile, further into the room, we have this cute window nook area which we (LOL “WE”) are checkering. I hope it looks nice once it’s done! That’s on today’s agenda.

But last night, we finally got the step area to the point where the neon sign could be hung and the joy it gave me. THE JOY IT GAVE ME. This is from a limited edition collab that Yellowpop did with the Warhol Foundation.

There were only 500 of these made and ours is #66 – Mario Lemieux’s number!

Anyway, I sent Chooch the Yellowpop website and this is the one he chose and I supported that decision. I am aware that at the end of the day, this room is actually meant to be his and I am trying SO HARD not to release some of my design control but it’s hard and honestly, no thanks.

We will do it my way.

The photos don’t do it justice but the neon is pink and yellow.

I also have a party curtain thing that I want to hang under the striped wall to block off the actual closet portion of the steps from view. And we have to try and devise a way to hang mini-disco balls from the ceiling above the steps.

Well, that’s all for me for now. Sinking back into my pit of depression now, see ya on the other side (probably tomorrow when I force myself to lethargically type out another worthless blog post). Peaccccccce.

Happy Friday. I have a lot of heaviness on my mind today so I thought instead of being a downer, I will do a Friday Five featuring songs from YouTube workout videos that….live rent-free in my head. Ugh, I can’t believe I used that. But yeah, something different! Mixin’ it up! This is also for my own selfish benefit because I am constantly having to Shazam these while working out because I can never remember!

Anyway, if you’re into FitTube then you’ll probably know some of these because all those FitTubers use the same royalty-free songs. #IYKYK

BUT SOME OF THEM ARE SO CATCHY, they should make a compilation of them called I Can’t Believe This Isn’t Top 40.

1. We Can Be Fearless – Tomas Skyldeberg

2. Not Like Them – DJ Mayson

3. No Sugar Coated Love (Feat. Jowen) [Slct Remix] – Tape Machines

4.  One That Keeps Me – Larry Paz 

Fun fact – this is apparently the husband of Jo from GrowWithJo which is where I got most of these jams from. Her channel is good for when I need a filler workout but don’t want to get too crazy with it, and she always uses great music that keeps me engaged!

5. Perfectly Opposite – Carla the Great (Deek Cloud remix)

This was the only video I could find for this one and it’s not great, but the song is so good, and I wanted desperately to include it.

There was one that I really wanted to include but I can’t find it now in order to Shazam it and I’m tired of playing workout videos in the background while I’m non-workout working so perhaps we’ll do a part 2 someday.

OK bye bye.