There’s this trendy waffle joint that opened in Oakland somewhat recently, like within the last year. I drive past it whenever I take Chooch to school and I always whine about wanting to go but then we never do because Henry and Chooch don’t get stoked about things like this the way that I do.

I got over it after a while but apparently Corey mentioned to Chooch at some point recently that he wanted to go so then suddenly it became appealing to Surly Teen.

Chooch and I were both on Monday in honor of MLK Jr Day, so it seemed like a good opportunity to try some Smashed Waffles with Corey.

First of all, I was sulking because when I looked at their menu online the other day, there was a waffle under the SWEET SECTION called the John Lemon, which was, you know, lemony. I had my heart set on that one and the Cereal Killer because you know me and Fruity Pebbles as a topping.

But then we got there and IT WASN’T ON THE MENU. Chooch pressured me into choosing the SEASONAL WAFFLE so I did and immediately after paying for our order, I looked up on the digital screen just in time to see a picture of the HOT CHOCOLATE WAFFLE so I cried out, “Is that the seasonal waffle?!” and Chooch was all, “Yeah, that’s what I was trying to tell you.”

BITCH, WHEN?

I 100% would NOT have ordered the seasonal one had I known it was HOT CHOCOLATE, which was essentially just a waffle with chocolate syrup and marshmallows?!

I was BIG PISSED about this, and then I was even more annoyed because the seating options were not ideal and Chooch and I tried in vain to get Corey to grab a recently vacated table next to the window but some dumb trio of girls practically knocked him over and managed to claim it even though COREY WAS STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO IT.

They just wanted it more, I guess.

So we stuck with our sad wobbly table by the restrooms. Don’t worry – I complained about that AND my ordering regrets the whole time, in perfect Erin fashion.

The waffle itself was actually pretty good but the hot chocolate one just really set me off. I wish I had done with Corey and Chooch did – they both got a breakfast sandwich AND a sweet waffle. My two sweet waffles were very unsatisfying. This was 100% more of a “fun snack” during an outing than a lunch. It just didn’t cut it for me and I had to make toast when I got home later!

I did get a pretty delicious latte though but now I forget which one it was – I think it ad honey and cinnamon in it!? It was pretty wonderful, to be honest.

Every time a young person walked past the window, Corey would blurt out, “do you know them?” to Chooch since we were on his school turf. I love how when I do that, Chooch gets so bitchy, but it was SO COOL AND FUNNY WHEN COREY WAS DOING IT. Ugh, Chooch.

After that, we walked around for a bit even though Corey was lowkey worried about his car getting towed, lol. Once Chooch and I realized that Corey had never been to the top-ish of the Cathedral of Learning, we were like, “Oh no, you gotta do it, let’s go” and it made me laugh a little that Chooch is so well-versed in the inner workings of the Cathedral when I’m the one who actually went to Pitt and had classes there! The Secret Life of Chooch. I know he also hangs out around the CMU campus too…? It moderately concerns me that I have no idea what he’s doing after school, because it’s definitely not “immediately coming home.”

“What if we could see your car getting towed right now?” Chooch said to Corey, which made him belt out one of his signature SUPER BOISTEROUS BELLY LAUGHS in the VERY SMALL observation area of the Cathedral.

Damn, this view never gets old. I love the Cathedral of Learning so so so so much. It was the best part of Pitt.

This rando’ storage nook was open!? Corey tried to get me to take some marketing award that was stashed in there.

I felt like I had chocolate on my face from the HOT CHOCOLATE waffle, but I guess I didn’t after all.

CATHEDRAL SELFIE! Not pictured: MY DOUG PIN.

Sadly, none of the nationality rooms were open that day so we couldn’t show Corey all that funnery that takes place on the lower levels of the Cathedral. I love taking people there when they come to Pittsburgh to visit. The Cathedral is just, ugh, so good. But then when we left, I stepped off the sidewalk slightly and it caught me off guard to where I thought I was going to fall so I overcorrected myself too zealously and tweaked my back and now my already-effed back hurts even worse than usual. Yay, 40s.

That was a really fun afternoon! But then a few hours after we came home, THE HAWK CAME BACK and was perched on the telephone pole in front of my house so I was freaking the fuck out, telling it to go fuck itself, clapping real loud, stamping my feet – you know, the usual things that you do when you’re trying to get a fucking hawk to fuck right off because you’re protecting your squirrel family. Henry came home from work while I was out there staring the fucker down (this had been going on for 20 minutes by then) so Henry joined me but his role in all of this is more of a WILDLIFE OBSERVER, like he will stand there calmly with his hands clasped behind his back, smiling dreamily, lost in the awe-inspiring moment. The opposite of me, obviously.

Then Henry did something really stupid and said, “Usually when there is one hawk, there is another nearby—oh look, there it is!” and then pointed across the street at the church where another MUCH LARGER HAWK was perched ON THE FUCKING CROSS and as if on cue, turned and flew toward us, landing on a tree right across the street. SO NOW I HAD TO FUCK WITH TWO HAWKS.

While this was happening, Chooch left the house to go to the mall. When he walked down the sidewalk under the telephone pole where Hawk #1 was sitting, the hawk looked down at Chooch and did this antagonizing bob and weave like he was going to dive on him!? I HATE THESE FUCKERS SO MUCH!!!!

“Can’t I call the mayor?!” I cried to Henry, after he said that the game preserve, etc. wouldn’t do anything if I called because, once again, these assholes are FEDERALLY PROTECTED.

“No, you can’t call the mayor!” Henry yelled.

So then I had a great idea. I suggested that we get Blake to pretend like the hawk tried to take his toddler Milo.

“And then I can call the mayor and tell him that he needs to get someone to Brookline to remove the hawks and release them in some mountain in West Virginia, probably,” I explained, the plan coming together to quickly in my head.

“But the mayor will want to see Milo and then he’ll wonder why he doesn’t have any wounds?” Henry questioned, always trying to find PLOT HOLES in my stories.

“Well, of course Milo won’t have any wounds, because I stopped the hawk from reaching him!” I yelled, like try to keep up, idiot. This story is brilliant actually because I get to be a hero AND have the hawks evicted.

I’m going to talk to Blake about this, get him up to speed so that he can corroborate my story once the mayor and the news crews get here. Probably Biden too.

Here are some things that have happened lately.

• Um, you guys? I found out the other night that Henry had not only never played, but never HEARD OF the classic Nintendo game Dr. Mario?? That was literally one of my favorite Nintendo games ever, even more than Tetris. I used to lay in bed at night and see the pills dropping down in the blank space in front of my eyes, like counting sheep except that it filled me anxiety and kept me awake. Then I was inspired to play the Dr.Mario theme on YouTube and didn’t realize that was Henry was silently observing me as I zoned out and punched the air to the beat with my head and fist. I texted my brother Ryan to see if Henry not knowing of this game was a deal-breaker, but Ryan couldn’t get past the part where I was listening to the theme on a loop.

• A bunch of us met up after work on Friday at Buca di Beppo and it was so great seeing some people who I haven’t seen since the idiot pandemic (like New Dad Lloyd, who asked me of all people for parenting advice!) and also meeting for the first time in person one of the people hired during the pandemic. It’s nuts how much I took that place and those people for granted. I have such a greater appreciation for my work friends now, for sure. And I was cracking up because at one point Jill asked, “Whose children’s toy is this?” thinking that my phone case was an actual toy lol. And then I had left my purse at another table so people were confused because it looked like “totally an Erin Kelly purse” but they thought it must have been someone else’s since I wasn’t sitting near it. Then Sue was petting my blue faux fur coat which I also had abandoned elsewhere and I yelled out, “That’s mine too!” and she just shook her head. LOL. Anyway, we had a really decent turn out but I didn’t take any pictures because I was too busy getting lost in my white sangrias and bullshitting, but there is a group photo of everyone floating around somewhere which I am desperate to get my hands on because I’m obsessed with group pictures (literally when Aaron announced that we were taking one, I almost pushed Regina out of the booth so I could get a good spot, lol).
• As I mentioned in my last post, I started watching The Walking Dead again. My friend Carrie can attest to the number of times I have fallen off the TWD Wagon only to pick it back up again. I mostly have no clue what is going on anymore and Aaron, who I used to really like, is really getting on my nerves in these last several episodes, but I will always be there for the core characters: Carol, Daryl, Maggie, and yes of course Negan because has there EVER been another character that was SO HATEABLE yet went through the most humanizing growth?! I mean, obviously we will never get over what he did to GLENN (ugh if I ever need to cry on cue, this is in my repertoire), but holy fuck the charisma. Even Henry, who has never watched an entire season, is drawn to the screen when it’s a Negan scene. As hot and cold as I’ve been with this series over the years, I’m going to be gutted when I get to the final episode because it holds such sentimental value for me. It was one of the first shows that Chooch and I watched together – it was our Sunday night tradition! Lights out, blanket on, TWD time. We would actually get so upset if we weren’t going to be home for a new episode and I would have to stay off Twitter and Facebook until we were able to watch it because that was like THE SHOW that everyone LOVED to spoil back when it was in its prime.
• Chooch came flying downstairs the other night and said in his standard HUFFYSULKYBITCHBOY tone that he was looking for a place to ride bikes in the woods with like, ramps or whatever and couldn’t find anything so he asked if he could make one somewhere.

“No, because we don’t own land,” Henry answered matter-of-factly.

“Ok, well can we own land?” Chooch asked, like wow what an easy solution. He is so annoying.

• Stripes going in up in the attic! Henry, “Not a Professional Painter,” had to jerry-rig this plank-like thing to stand on and it was making me extremely nervous.

Pretty much the entire weekend was spent painting that damn room. Chooch and I even sort of helped for a minute!

• We took a boba break on Sunday though. This was our first time trying Love Tea and I think it’s my current favorite because they have a cheese cap option and that is my motherfucking jam.

• THAT FUCKING HAWK WAS BACK YESTERDAY!!!!!! I hate him so much! He was in one of the trees in the backyard so I was out there trying to make sure all my squirrels stayed still – one of the Buddys was so close to the branch that motherfucker was perched on and my heart was racing. I came back in the house and screamed for Henry to help – I remembered that a hawk deterrent is a mirrored surfaces, so I grabbed a mirror off the wall and gave it to Henry much in the same vein as someone would toss Daryl his crossbow, and Henry proceeded to shine it at the stupid ass hawk from the back porch. WE HAVE TO GO OUTSIDE AND DO IT I cried, so Henry sighed and put on his shoes, then went in the backyard and within 3 minutes of ricocheting the sunlight into the hawk’s face, we got the asshole to fly away! BUT THEN HOURS LATER, I opened the front door and he was PERCHED ON A TELEPHONE WIRE IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE STRAIGHT LEERING DOWN AT ME. We had a major stare-off while I made sure none of the squirrels picked that moment to venture up to the front yard, and then I finally wore him down so he flew away. Blake apparently was watching from his window and texted Henry “wow that thing was HUGE.” DID YOU TELL HIM I’M PREPARED TO FIGHT IT??? I asked Henry. I just hate how my life is like “going ok,” “going ok,” “going ok,” and then – HAWK. He is literally destroying my sanity and making me so stressed out. My body was racked with anxious tremors all day on Sunday. “Do you hate him too?” I asked Henry. “No,” he said simply. “I WANT YOU TO HATE HIM TOO!” I cried, tantrum on the horizon. “Ok, I hate him too,” Henry sighed.

I don’t think I have anything else to say right now. I’m hawk-stressed.

Interrupting my Walking Dead bingefest* to bring you the long-awaited, much-anticipated comeback by THE Youngbae, our beloved shining TAEYANG from BIGBANG.

You have no idea how loud I shrieked when his comeback was confirmed. His last solo album was in 2017!! I saw him perform that year in Chicago and it was absolutely iconic, incredible. A true fucking honor to hear his golden vocals belting out in the same room I was standing in.

Anyway, please enjoy and support our Youngbae. Such a fucking legend!!

*(I have dumped and taken back The Walking Dead numerous times over the years. I apparently just can’t quit it all the way though because now that season 11 is on Netflix, I decided to pick up where I left off — which was about halfway through this season. Now I’m completely invested again which sucks for me since this is the final season I think???)

I’m stupidly excited because there is a little work gathering after work tonight since we didn’t do an office holiday party and about 3/4 of the Doug Fan Club will be in attendance, so I made commemorative Doug / Goodfellas pins for the occasion.

But first, I wanted to share some snips from last Friday’s group chat when Doug came up again, apropos of NOTHING. My former boss (but still current friend) Amber had missed the original Doug chat and, as such, had no idea what was happening.

So, I tried to surmise the Doug sitch for her as best as possible, and her response was just, “LOL.

”

I guess she had to be there.

Even though none of the other chat friends were….

It started with an innocent question about Trudy:

At this point, I need to cut in* because I was trying desperately to think of the word “vivisect.” My mind was el blanko so I turned to trusty Google and before I knew it, I was searching “cutting a body in half” at work and of course the most terrible shit popped up on my screen. I was like, “Oh, haha, j/k. Research for a conflict check. Totally work-related.” *clears history*

Anyway!!!! The book I was reading a few days later had the word VIVISECTION in it so now it’s seared into my brain and I will hopefully never forget it again.

This has been FUN ASIDES with Erin.

*heh heh CUT IN.

Earlier that day, we were discussing the POPE ROOM at Buca di Beppo, so…full circle, as group chats oft’ are.

OK, that’s all.

And now here are the pins!

I can’t wait to pass these out!

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When I first moved into this shitty place in 1999 (ughhhh), I was obsessed with the third floor attic space. There is a stairwell that’s accessed from Chooch’s closet, so it’s like a legit third floor and not some creepy crawl space with exposed Pink Panther insulation, no requirement of climbing up on a shaky pull-down ceiling ladder.

I had big plans for this space!!

A music room. A general hang-out space. For a hot minute, it was going to be the bedroom of an ex-friend who I now hate with the fiery passion of every star in the universe and am so glad that plan ended up fizzling out before any actual “moving-in” activities had commenced.

Then Henry moved in and with him came a bunch of shit that wound up finding a “temporary” home in the attic. Then it basically just became a catch-all for “things we don’t have room for but might want to keep.”

For 20 years.

I don’t know how much longer we will be living here but I wanted Chooch to have a nice little space of his own to entertain friends / have game nights / etc. while he’s still in high school. We attempted this twice over the last two years, and actually started to make a small dent in the STUFF last January and then hit a wall, got side-tracked, lost interest, who knows. But I have been CHOP CHOPing Henry over the last several weeks. Two weekends ago, we made several trips to Goodwill to drop stuff off, and we threw out A TON of shit. There is still some stuff (not much) that we have pushed into a pile in the middle of the room while we figure out what to do with it, but enough has been cleared out for painting to officially commence!

First, Henry to patch a bunch of areas of the walls though because evidently, there had been a leak at some point?! There is a small section of a narrow wall that had a pretty good chunk of plaster fall off and while I was watching Henry patching it, I slowly said, “OK I have an idea—NO, HEAR ME OUT…” because he gets so clenched every time I hit him with talk of an idea.

“What if we just cover that wall with…..FAUX FUR?!”

I waited for him to reject this idea.

But then I could tell he was considering it.

“OK fine,” he said.

YESSSS.

It is just a very small portion of the room, like a sliver of a wall. I have seen people do entire rooms in faux fur and that is too much even for me, if you can believe that I have limits. But I’m sorry, I’m not vacuuming the walls of an entire room. Who has time for that!?!?

As of now, we have some of the blue walls done. Purple is going on the others. We might have checkerboard action on a wall.

I don’t know. But I do know that we have a disco ball.

I didn’t know this old ass chair of mine still existed!! It’s one of the things that came with me on all of my moves since leaving my parents’ house. I fucking love this chair, even though it’s bent and probably shouldn’t be sat upon and also rusted in one spot. I told Chooch it can stay in the forthcoming game room as part of the aesthetic and he was like, “MMmm, cool” because he hates any reminder of the fact that I have been places he has not, lolololololololol.

Forever in competition with my own kid.

I’m sad that I forgot about this chair and didn’t buy stickers in Korea and Japan. Is it cheating if I buy some online right now?

OMG I didn’t know this still existed either – my “House Rules” sign from my very first and most beloved apartment at Payne Hill. Yes, it was necessary to make “no jumping off balcony” a rule. That apartment, man. The parties. Jesus.

I’m excited about this – this is the staircase going….straight into Chooch’s closet (which is annoying because he needs that space to remain a closet so just ignore the clothes) but the part of the wall/ceiling straight ahead is going to be striped with the three colors of the room (teal, purple, yellow) and then a neon sign which I just bought from Yellowpop will hang there.

I also got this little, cheap neon from Amazon because it’s cute and no other reason is ever needed.

Ahh, as I’m writing this, the Yellowpop neon sign was just delivered!

I will follow-up with pictures of that once that part of the room is fluffed and ready.

It’s nice to have something to design again! I love it – it keeps my mind busy and happy.

When I was digging through photo boxes in search of good shots of my Pappap’s house to use for my Christmas present project, I found these that I must have taken in the 90s on one of my last trips to Europe with Sharon.

I’m mildly amazed at the amateur photojournalistic quality of them (minus that broad’s hand cameo in the left-hand corner, lol). Most of my old vacation pictures are such trash, especially the earlier trips when I was 9-11 and taking pictures of castles from a bus window. I can’t believe my grandparents actually paid to get that shit developed (and got doubles?). These must be from Italy, but I can’t remember from where or when.

LOOK AT THAT BROAD!!! I need to frame this. It’s too good to not be in a frame. That lady must have been such an icon.

There was this one night in particular where I can remember having a huge fight with Sharon and screaming, “I’M GOING OUT WITH SOME OF THE PEOPLE FROM THE GROUP AND YOU CAN JUST STAY HERE IN THE ROOM AND ROT!” because she was such a stick in the mud when it came to socializing with other people on the tour with us, but I think that was a night from the last trip she and I took together (the ONE WITH STEFAN LOL) and I’m also pretty sure we were in Lucerne when I went off with some of the other people and I felt like an actual grown-up. (I think I was probably 17.)

Sometimes it’s surreal to me when I come across these old pictures or have a quick flashback of some vignette from a foreign city. It was so long ago but also feels like no time has passed.

I’m eternally grateful that I was given these opportunities to explore such beautiful, historical places as a kid, but I would definitely prefer to experience it again now as an adult, with Henry and Chooch. Sharon was…oof.

(Oh, I’m sure there will still be fighting, though lol.<
)

In no particular order, these are the BEST BOOKS I read last year. All were 4.5 – 5 star reads for me. Looking over this list, the ones that I would place in my ultimate top tier, would be:

1. Just Last Night (the character study in this was perfection; I felt like I knew these people)
2. The Winners (obviously – PLEASE READ THE BEARTOWN TRILOGY, THANKS)
3. The Summer That Melted Everything (I would pay to be able to read this for the first time again, it’s extraordinary)

I’m trying to do the “12 Books From 12 Friends” challenge this year, where you read one book recommended by a friend for each month of the year. I got some good recs on Instagram but still need 7 more.

The ones on my list so far:

1. Invisible Life of Addie Larue: recommended by my friend Kelly. I attempted to read this the year it came out but DNFd it very early on. I’m willing to give it a second chance  though because I have a lot of friends who loved it. Maybe I’ll try it on audio this time??
2. Bel Canto: recommended by Katrina and I am STOKED because it’s by Ann Patchett and I have wanted to read more by her ever since I read The Dutch House, because that was a solid 5 stars for me.
3. Twenty Years Later: my friend Eve recommended me a bunch of books a few weeks ago, and I currently have THREE of them in my possession courtesy of the great Carnegie Library, but this book by Charlie Donlea is the one I am specifically adding to the challenge calendar.
4. Devil House: I feel like I might regret this because it was a hard DNF for me when it came out but like Addie Larue, I will give it another go with the audiobook this time. It’s a book that I really want to love but it started off so.
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   effing.dry.

5. Michelle Obama’s Becoming: my friend Heather suggested quite a few that I have not read, but since I have had this one on my TBR for quite some time, I will take this as a sign to crack it open finally!

OK so if you’re reading this and feel like controlling my TBR – tell me some of your favorite books!

They don’t have to be new! The only types of book I don’t like are sci-fi and self-help. I will try out anything else! Please and thank you!!

I read at least 10 books a month all year until we arrived at December. Then my motivation petered out bigly. I had a lot of stress that month too so I’m sure that played a big role.

Anyway, let’s get this over with.

1. Paper Girls: The Complete Story

The only good thing about it was that there was a Monster Squad poster in one of the characters’ bedrooms. Otherwise, this was a complete waste of my time. Not one memorable character. Extremely confusing plot. One star only because Goodreads doesn’t let you go lower than that, lol.

2. The Winners – Fredrik Backman

One of the best books I read all year, no contest. Backman did not disappoint with this third and final installment of the Beartown series. I was already quietly weeping before anything either happened and if you read book one, you know who is going to die in this book and even that didn’t prepare me for the absolute GUTTING that occurred when that time came. The way I ugly cried. The way I am tearing up again, over a month later, just by writing this.

This is such a dork alert, but one of the things I’m so excited about for our trip next summer is buying a copy of Beartown in Sweden, Backman’s home country. I just feel like that would be so special!

If there is only one thing you ever listen to me about, let it be Beartown. I will be singing the praises of this series for the rest of my damn life.

GO READ IT!! Bobo and Benji will be in your heart forever. Trust.

3. Fleishman Is In Trouble – Taffy Brodesser-Akner

What a shit book. I didn’t care about anyone in this. Narrated by Fleishman’s friend for some reason. Boring. How was this turned into a TV series? SAME WITH PAPER GIRLS?!

One star. Do not recommend. I hate-read every page and then hated myself for doing so. This was very deserving of a big fat DNF but nope, dumbo Erin had to go and waste her time reading until the end.

4. You’re Invited – Amanda Jayatissa

I was excited because this was set in Sri Lanka and I thought it would pander to my wanderlust but it was so fucking dumb. Not thrilling. Unlikeable characters. Stupid plot.

5. On a Quiet Street – Seraphina Nova Glass

Megan saved December by lending me this domestic thriller reminiscent of Desperate Housewives and I was into it! It was really just what I needed: entertaining, twisty, tense, exciting. A pretty solid ride. Would recommend!

6. An Anonymous Girl – Greer Hendriks & Sarah Pekkanen

I still don’t know how I feel about this one. It was a quick read, it kept my attention, but…there were things that didn’t add for me in the end and I was sort of walked away from this book confused and moderately unsatisfied. OK, I definitely didn’t love the ending. But the plot itself was interesting and suspenseful, and there were times when I actually felt a little scared and stressed out.

Some of the chapters are from the POV of a therapist and I really appreciated the way those chapters were written. This was my second book by this writing duo and I do enjoy them. But this one possibly had a bit too much going on and was also extremely far-fetched which, you know, I don’t mind that very much – don’t most of us read books to escape reality anyway?

7. Home Sweet Christmas – Susan Mallery

I didn’t realize this was #2 in a series until I had already started reading it but apparently, each book also works as a standalone. This was fine. VERY light, low drama. It follows four residents of a small town called Wishing Tree – two women, two men – who eventually pair up and begin relationships after resisting for most of the book. Of course, conflict / misunderstandings arise for both couples, but SPOILER both duos prevail in the end.

Super saccharine. A very light and easy read, even easier to forget afterward. I already forget everyone’s names haha.

****

Happily, I already started 2023 off with a five star book, so fuck off, December.

I left my brain somewhere between 2022 and 2023, I think. Literally feels empty up in there.

On that note, here is a dump of photos from my phone, thoughts salvaged from my hollow head, and some things I’ve been enjoying as of late like this Kdrama, The Glory:

Yooooo. This made me a legit Song Hye Kyo fan, honestly. She is incredible in this. It’s about a woman who was VICIOUSLY bullied by a group of classmates in night school. They show it in flashbacks and it is graphic and extremely disturbing so major trigger warning there.

Anyway, she drops out of school and buses her time FOR YEARS, plotting her revenge.

As an adult, she is very cold and guarded, but she crosses paths with a young doctor and a middle aged housekeeper, and the relationships she develops with them are so fun to watch and provide a tiny bit of levity but this show is a HEAVY DRAMA/PSYCHOLOGICAL THRILLER.

I especially loved it because unlike most Kdramas, this was only 8 episodes long and each episode was between 45-55 minutes which is perfect.

I watched the last one today and was screaming at the end but thankfully, there is a Part 2 coming in March!

Chooch took this picture of Girl Buddy lounging in a pine tree at the corner of our block. I love her so much. We had a nice talk on Monday when she came to the porch for walnoot time.

Color palette for the attic game room – yes, we finally got to the point where paint samples could be purchased! 90% or the stuff is out of the attic now, either tossed, donated, or stored away elsewhere for now. It was mostly books, CDs, old computer shit, and tons of Chooch’s baby stuff.

Oh and basically my entire middle school and high school career in the form of notes.

I’m really excited to get started on this for real! I need a project / something to “design.”

I took down all the Christmas decorations on Sunday (well, the temporary ones, anyway lol) and then bought this cutie sweetie Valentine heart garland thingie at Target. I love Valentine’s Day decorations sooo much. (Hate the actual day though because, you know, Henry is so unromantic. We had JUST come home from Target and I was already balancing precariously on a chair, trying to hang this in the Cure corner. I’m pretty sure I still had my jacket on, even.

I love it!

Chooch and Henry were like, “Mmm, great – more decor for us to get tangled in.”

I just barely snagged this photo of the sisters sort of sitting together. I think they’re still pouting because I moved most of their cat houses around the house in preparation for the Christmas party and never moved them back, but they seem to really love sitting inside this new table, so I guess it’s a reasonable trade-off for them.

On Sunday, I reached for the stars and added purple rice to my purple potato boba and at first sip, I sputtered, “OK THAT WAS A CHOICE” but then I felt compelled to go in for another sip. And then another, and then another. Yeah, turns out I was into it and will 100% choose this as an add-in again.

Is NewJeans my new favorite girl group?? OMG I THINK MAYBE? It’s a very close tie with Aespa and STAYC though, but every single New Jeans release has been an undeniable bop. This is their latest and it is in my head constantly. Also, I love how all of these newer girl groups have super distinct dance styles, and that NewJeans is so slinky and 90s-vibin’.

Another fave is Stray Kids’ Case 143 which I didn’t immediately love, but it’s been a slow-burn on my brain (is that where my brain went!?!?) and is in my head quite often. I shared it with Nate and Lauren today, and they both loved it also, but then hours later, Nate told me he couldn’t get it out of his head (much like when I sent him the Ame Bibabi classic, Chin Up High, which became an accidental department obsession that we randomly quote to each other out of context) and Lauren of course loved the visuals and the fact that she now knows what “no cap” means ever since we had a whole-ass GenZ slang conversation in group chat several weeks ago, which is still alarming to me when I think about it, knowing that we let Glenn loose on the streets with words like “bussin'” in his arsenal).

Anyway, Henry loves this song and will randomly sing the 143 part to the cats. Also, I had no idea that 143 meant I love you in olden lighthouse days and that Mister Rogers even did an entire episode about it!?

I’m so glad we went to see Stray Kids last year!!! While we’re talking about them, Chooch was so pissed several weeks ago when I was watching one of the Korean music award shows and he didn’t know who they were! He was guessing every boy group he could think of and I was like, “DANG, DANG, DANG.” Then I said, “Watch this” as I muted it and called Henry into the room.

“Henry, can you tell who this without hearing the song?” I asked, shooting Chooch a smug look while he folded his arms across his chest and responded with a “There’s no way” facial expression.

Henry looked at the TV for about 1.

5 seconds before saying, “Stray Kids,” popping a prune in his mouth, and cockily strolling out of the room.

KPOP DAD, people. KPOP DAD.

Over the weekend, we were in the car and Henry casually whispered, “Fuck em all, fuck em by” apropos of nothing.

NO ONE ASKED, but I’m doing it anyway because my life is dreary and rollercoasterless right now.

You guys, riding roller coasters has been like, therapy-adjacent for me over the last several years.  It is maybe the most dorkiest thing I have going on and I truthfully do not give a single shit because falling down the rabbit hole of coaster manufacturers and CoasterTube has been SO MUCH FUN and truly elevated the experience of riding roller coasters in general. Like, before my first ride on T-Express at Everland in 2018, I was a casual coaster rider at best. I was definitely more into dark and flat rides.

I can’t believe that prior to 2018, I had no idea what Rocky Mountain Construction was. OR EVEN B&M. I don’t even think I knew who manufactured Steel Phantom/Phantom’s Revenge, let alone knowing that there were TWO manufacturers!

And just like Kpop, this is something that we all enjoy as a family (well….Chooch is not so into Kpop anymore but still likes Korea in general).

2022 was full of so many coasters, and new-to-us parks, too! Henry and I even went to parks just the two of us numerous times too, like on a date kind of! (Kennywood 3x, Cedar Point, Waldameer.)

Before I get into the coasters, here’s a list of all the parks we went to in 2022:

• Busch Gardens Williamsburg
• Seaworld Orlando
• Universal Studios Islands of Adventure
• Busch Gardens Tampa
• Fun Spot Orlando
• Fun Spot Kissimmee
• Carowinds
• Kennywood (at least 7x I feel like?)
• Cedar Point (3x)
• Six Flags New England
• Waldameer
• Michigan’s Adventure
• Sylvan Beach
• Morey’s Piers
• Six Flags Great Adventure
• Hershey
• Mt. Olympus
• Six Flags Great America
• Dollywood

I *think* that’s all of them!

And now for my Top Coaster Experiences of the year! I’m considering the whole entire experience, not just “wow this is the greatest coaster ever” because if we’re being honest, Steel Vengeance is probably still my #1 coaster but EVERY EXPERIENCE TRYING TO RIDE THE FUCKER HAS BEEN MISERABLE. First of all, it’s located in one of the busiest parks in the country so the wait time is always absurd. Second, it’s a maintenance nightmare. Almost EVERY SINGLE TIME WE HAVE BEEN IN LINE FOR THIS, IT HAS BROKEN DOWN.

So no, Steel Vengeance will not be on this list. And it really breaks my heart!!

In no particular order, other than maybe the order in which they were ridden, here is my list with POVs!!

1. Pantheon – Busch Gardens Williamsburg: I literally tried to tell this story to anyone who would listen when we came back from the trip. My mom totally cut me off when I tried talking about it the night we had cake for Chooch’s birthday because I guess she thinks this shit is so boring, lol. BUT NOT YOU, BLOG. Anyway, Pantheon had only been open for about a month when we rode it and you might think, “You ran all the way to this ride, almost passed out, only to be told it was down for testing and then proceeded to wait for 2 hours in line waiting for it to open, how was this a good experience?” IT.JUST.WAS. It made that first ride (first train of the day, front row!) so much more meaningful and memorable. We became pals with the ride ops, shared knowing laughs with the other people in line with us, collected inside jokes like Pokemon. It was such a highlight of our spring break trip and the coaster itself is PHENOMENAL. There is nothing else like it.

2. MAKO – Sea World Orlando: You guys is this my favorite hyper? I DON’T KNOW, MAYBE?!!? Hilariously, we thought this was Chooch’s 150th or 200th (I forget) coaster but of course his spreadsheet was wrong and it ended up being some kid coaster, lol. Anyway, this is making the list because toward the end of the night, the ride attendants let us stay on for like 3x in a row (and we probably could have cycled this even longer but dumb Henry was waiting for us off-ride because it was time to leave ugh).

3. VELOCICOASTER – UNIVERSAL: Yeah, this is a top 5 / top 3 coaster for me, fam. It is pretty much flawless. The queue was LIKE A WELL-OILED MACHINE, it kept people moving through so smoothly. The locker system? Mwah. The theming? Perfection. THE RIDE ITSELF? MIND-BLOWING. This was one of the coasters I was legit worried about when planning this trip because I thought for sure the lines would be out of control, but the longest we waited for this was probably 45 minutes. We rode it MULTIPLE times, front row, back row, in the morning, afternoon, night. Every single ride was ridiculous. Speechless. Believe the hype.

4. Iron Gwazi – Busch Gardens Tampa: Our spring break trip was really so fucking hype, I still think about it all of the time, especially this RMC MASTERPIECE. Ask me on a certain day and I might just say that this is my favorite coaster, not Steel Vengeance. (Actually, it’s neither of them because something changed for me this year and we will get to that shortly!) This coaster blew my mind. I can’t even explain it but I want to make a pilgrimage to Idaho and kneel at the feet of everyone inside the RMC headquarters. Honestly. It’s crazy because this POV looks like it runs so slow but in actuality it feels like this thing is trying to fucking kill you. Like, it has no right to do the shit it does.

5. Great White – Morey’s Piers: You guys. Riding an iconic wooden coaster that literally goes out over the beach in Wildwood, while Morey’s Piers is closed to the general public, and the only light is courtesy of the fucking moon? Uh, yes this is going to make it in my Top Whatever List of 2022. SUCH A VIBE.

6. El Toro – Six Flags Great Adventure:  Our luck with El Toro has been awful but three times was definitely the charm last August when we went to Great Adventure and FINALLY got to ride this. NUMEROUS TIMES. Honestly? This coaster was not even running to its potential* but it was STILL a crazy-good experience. Painful? OH FUCK YEAH. I had a wicked bruise on my elbow for days after. But true coaster psychopaths ride this bitch. The ride ops are fucking nuts. The station is CHAOS. Every fucking moment I spent on this thing was an experience. I will never ever ever forget the madness of musical seats, fighting to get a spot on the last train of the night. It was us and our people. Every single motherfucker in that station that night was CRAZY. I felt crazy, too! I had so much adrenaline from these cycling night rides that it was hard for me to even go to sleep that night. What an experience.

*(it actually got shut down ONE WEEK LATER after a bunch of riders got injured when it hit a POTHOLE in the track, way to care for your rides and patrons, Six Flags. I hope that Six Flags does the right thing and fixes this baby so that it can reopen and provide SAFE RIDES like Intamin intended. Also, I should note that this is basically the sister coaster to T-Express in Korea, the coaster that turned me into an enthusiast!!)

OK and now for my KING, my BAE, my OPPA. I truly believe this is my forever #1, especially after this season.

PHANTOM’S REVENGE. HOMEPARK PRIDE. I have raved about this steel god enough times on here that you have to know by now. I want out of town friends to visit me so that I can take them here and make them ride this because it is SHEER JOY and there is no other coaster like this in the world. It makes nearly every enthusiast’s Top 20/Top 50 list and it makes me so proud.

It just never gets old. The track is now purple, but here is an older POV. It doesn’t do this thing an ounce of justice.

Well, that’s all for today! Please, if you feel like it, tell me what your favorite coasters are! What’s your home park? Favorite park? Best coaster memory? I love reading these things!

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The Blogging Manual tells me that this is the time to reflect on the past year and do recaps out of pure narcissistic indulgence. I’m off work today and it’s dreary outside, so why not?! We’ll talk about my favorite road trips in this one, and perhaps later I’ll come back and tell you about my favorite coaster experiences?!

2022 was pretty decent. Covid has definitely made me appreciate every little thing, and that mentality really boosted my feelings toward the trips we took last year, even the ones that maybe someone would look at and deem as “so mid” because it wasn’t a tropical locale or Europe, but an amusement park in the upper mitt of Michigan or some strange small town in Indiana.

Anyway, here are some of my favorite trips from 2022, in no particular order except that the Spring Break Trip is totally uncontested as #1:

• The Spring Break Roller Coaster Trip: For a trip that ended up being a last minute Plan B to the Plan A itinerary that would have had us going through Texas and Missouri, this ended up being the week that I relied on in my memories to get me through shitty days. It was jam-packed with some of the most fun days I have ever had as an adult, and we even mostly got along famously as a family, which is unheard of when you put the three Oh Honestlys in a car together for any length of time. This had us going through Virginia, where we spent a day at Busch Gardens Williamsburg, and then the bulk of the trip had us in Florida for Universal Studios Islands of Adventure, Sea World Orlando, Fun Spot Orlando, Busch Gardens Tampa, and Fun Spot Kissimmee. We spent a day in St. Augustine before continuing on home, making a pit stop at Carowinds in North Carolina, and then Kennywood for opening weekend the day we got home. It was action-packed, exhilarating, and supremely fun. I loved that trip so much!!!

• Michigan for Bill & Jessi Time!: With vaccinations and boosters making things sort of more safe (???), I was desperate to see some of my friends, especially the ones who live outside of Pittsburgh. Bill and Jessi are those friends who you can pick right back up with after years of not seeing them and it’s like no time has passed at all. It was SO GOOD to see them after all these years (I think 2018 was the last time??) and were so appreciative that they made time for us. I especially loved exploring Ypsilanti with them! I’m hoping that we can host them again here in Pittsburgh soon. I have wanted to take them to the Bayernhof for years now because I think they would appreciate the kitschy vibes and feel like we would have a hilarious time there! Or the Mattress Factory?!?! They have been here to visit us so many times but it’s usually for Chooch’s birthday parties so we never really get to show them around that much.

• New Hampshire for Alyson & Ryan Shenanigans!: I hadn’t seen Alyson IRL since 2014 and after years of writing “Hopefully next year we’ll get to hang out again!” in all of my Xmas cards, I knew it was time to finally get serious about it. Perspective is wild, man. I don’t want to waste any more time not seeing my friends!! I was so glad that Alyson and her husband Ryan were game for a hangout. One of the weekends that were free for them happened to be my birthday weekend! Chooch was in Mexico at the time and I knew that staying here for my birthday would be utterly depressing. Dude, not only was it amazing to see Alyson again  (I freaking cried!), but meeting Ryan was wonderful! What a chill, kind man! We had the best conversations, delicious food (they made me soondubu jjigae for my birthday dinner!!!), leisurely nature walks, hilarious diner hangouts…it was amazing. I think this feeling was what that dumb Chicken Noodle Soup for the Soul book means?!

• The Slickly-Planned Excuse to Meet Two Members of Chooch’s Mexico Squad: I originally had several other ideas for Labor Day Weekend, but then while Chooch was in Mexico, he became part of a “squad,” and some of those kids live near Chicago. Also near Chicago is a Six Flags that we had never been to, and also kind of near there is Wisconsin Dells, the place I have wanted to go to ever since Henry and I drove through it on our way home from a music festival in 2004ish and had a huge-ass fight because we were broke AF back then and he said “NO WE CANNOT STOP HERE, WE ARE DRIVING STRAIGHT HOME!” and then I made him pull over so I could sit in the back because I didn’t want to be near him anymore. Sounds so unlike me, I know. I was v. immature back then.

• Six Flags New England for Memorial Day!: Another new-to-us park! We hadn’t been to Massachusetts since….2013? I  think? Granted, we didn’t do much of anything there aside from the park, but we did some time in parts of Connecticut, and I got to hand-free a chipmunk in the Black Squirrel Park!! We had a lot of fun at Six Flags though and it was just nice being in a different area for once.

• WILDWOOD!!!!: This weekend was pretty insane. We went specifically for the Morey’s Piers Coastin’ By the Ocean coaster enthusiast event and it was SO MUCH FUN. But we also hit up Six Flags Great Adventure and Hershey Park on the way home. I won’t say it was the perfect weekend because I felt 100% sleep-deprived and had a ton of moody moments at Morey’s, and Hershey was soooo mid as usual, but there were still more bright spots at Wildwood to counteract the mood swings, and Great Adventure ended up being FUCKING AMAZING after we had two so-so visits in the past.

There were so many other little weekend trips that happened and they were all wonderful! We went to Cedar Point twice, the aforementioned Indiana Beach, Newark twice which is not that great BUT we went for Stray Kids and NCT127 concerts so that made it 100% worthwhile, and Dollywood! I have to give Henry credit (grudgingly, of course) because these trips are not the least bit leisurely. There is so much driving involved and to be honest, I do not help with that very much lol. And then once we get to the destination, it’s non-stop running around theme parks, making strategic plans to beat crowds, getting totally busted on wooded coasters. It is A LOT and I am truly so lucky that Henry is ok with this kind of chaotic lifestyle. I mean, I don’t want to BRAG, but I think I kind of have a fun family. :)

I also want to include the aforementioned “Chooch’s Mexico Trip” here even though I wasn’t there because it was so cool living vicariously through him, waiting for CIEE Instagram and email updates, trying to piece things together by visiting (NOT STALKING LOL) the friends he made on Instagram. I’m just sincerely relieved and grateful that Henry and I were able to make this happen for him, although Chooch did most of it on his own by getting an academic scholarship. Plus, he got a transferrable college credit out of it, and an A in the Spanish course he was taking while there, so I whole-heartedly feel that it was worth it even though I was scared to death of sending him to another country alone, as a 16-year-old, during a pandemic. I think this is something that he will keep close to his heart for the rest of his life, even though if I say this to him right now, he’ll probably vomit and ask me why I’m suddenly saying “sincere mom things.”

I don’t think I ever recapped his last week there because by the  time CIEE sent the email update with pictures, he was already home and showing me the “real” pictures and regaling us with stories about the Girls Gone Wild-type shit that was going down behind the scenes. One of the girls got kicked out and lost her college credit because she was sneaking out to go to clubs and then skipping class, lol.

Chooch already had a hearty lust for travel but this definitely solidified that in him. He is obsessed with geography, and has memorized every country on the map along with their flags, just for funsies. I hope he studies abroad in college, too!

****

Hopefully, 2023 will be full of more trips, big and small! I always hesitate to put things out there because of my ever-present fear of JINXING myself (looking at you, Euro Coaster Trip 2020 that was corona-canceled, lol), but we do have a big trip planned for next August with Coaster Crew. They’re doing a 9-day Nordic trip full of amusement parks in Denmark, Norway, and Sweden. We have already been paying into that so hopefully it happens!  I take nothing for granted anymore, though.

If you read this whole dumb thing, thank you for being a real one and I hope your 2023 is full of all the best things! If anything, this post got me to crack down on my category / blog post organization so I think everything is now properly filed away for easier access?! Blogging is tough.

Hello from 2023! I hope everyone reading this had a safe and fun New Year’s Eve! We’re not super big party animals and are always content with it just being the three of us. I considered inviting some people over, but I honestly would never be able to forgive myself if something happened to any of my friends on their way home. I just don’t trust NYE drivers.

To be honest, my only plan was to just indulge Chooch by playing some of his dumb games, drinking enough wine to get a slight buzz while doing some Kpop cardio dance with Henry (it’s so hilarious watching him attempt body rolls) and then ringing in the New Year while watching the live YouTube stream of the SMTown SMCU Palace concert.

You…would have had to be there. But it was actually so much fun.

First, though, Henry and I went to Target and bought some clearance Xmas shit. I love Xmas bunting/garland SO MUCH so I got some of that for next year, and also a Valentine/hearts one which I immediately strung up in the Cure corner upstairs. This will be for permanent, year-round enjoyment, btw.

Then we picked up Chooch from his last night of work of Dunkin’. Yep, he gave his notice last week. It was just so stupid because he chose a Dunkin’ where his friend also works, so that they could work together but then the manager consistently scheduled them apart (hmmm…wonder why, lol) and also the Dunkin’ is close to his school so it was convenient for him to get to, but super inconvenient for us because one of us* would always have to pick him up so that he wouldn’t have to catch a bus downtown at night.

*(It was always Henry except for one whole whopping time when I offered to do it only because it was the night of our Christmas party and I needed Henry to stay home and finish things haha.)

Chooch is actually considering going back to the McDonald’s he worked at last year. I will be sure to keep you posted because I’m sure you can’t stand the suspense.

Anyway, back at home, we ate vegan frozen pizza and played some Happy Dinosaur game with Chooch and it was very frustrating. I won somehow and that made Chooch extremely annoyed.

Paused to do some Kpop Cardio….

Then played Don’t Be a Dik Dik.

The only family group picture of the night, look at us, to quote the venerable poet Ame Bibabi as we do all day long in group chat at work,  p-p-p-p-partying til we die, with our chins up high.

I won this stupid game too. Chooch had enough of us and went back to his room to watch instructional videos on some of the other games he got for Christmas. You guys, I’m glad Chooch is so into tabletop games suddenly, but they seem very hard, way over my head. I hope he can find a good group of people to play this shit with him because it ain’t me.

The SM thing officially started at 10 but the first hour was some reallllly boring panel on sustainability and SM’s tree-planting initiative and I’m happy for them, I am, but this should have been separate because the actual concert didn’t start until 11pm and it was STILL GOING ON AT 2am when I finally cried, “OK, I GIVE UP! I CANNOT STAY AWAKE ANY LONGER!” and we sadly went to bed, missing one more performance by both NCT127 and NCT Dream, EXO’s Love Shot (I was at least able to see a video today), two more NCT U performances and the comeback stage for Girls on Top which I was able to also watch today so that was ok.

And SM also announced a SuperM comeback for early 2023, I’m assuming they’re waiting for Taemin and Baekhyun to come back from the military and not replacing them because that would be stupid, but we’re all wondering what the fuck Lucas’s status is?!?! They put him on hiatus over a year ago for accusations of gaslighting (???) that it turned out weren’t even true and still, nothing. Like, let the man out of the penalty box already!! Netizens are speculating that he’s been replaced in SuperM with TVXQ’s Changmin and I’m not going to lie, that would be legendary but….I would rather have Lucas.

It was so awesome seeing all of the stages with EXO and SHINee members though!! I honestly thought it was a great concert.

At one point, I was having a conversation with Henry about Kpop agencies and Chooch did one of his perfectly timed snark drive-bys, in which he said, “Wow that was so deep and inspirational” and then retreated back up to his lair.

What an absolute brat.

Anyway, I just really want to share these SMTown videos because they made me ugly cry lololol. I love it when the SM artists collab.

It’s not the same without Taemin though, that is FOR SURE.

And my favorite collaboration of the whole thing was this one with Jeno (NCT Dream), Kai (EXO), Karina (Aespa) and Seulgi (Red Velvet):

I hope my favorite Kpop cardio channel, Give Me Five Thailand, does a routine for this song!!! It makes me nostalgic for Friday nights hanging out at the South Park skating rink but 100% not skating. It just has such a chill, 90s r&b flow. I never knew I needed these four to collab on a song together until now!! Also, I love that Henry also stayed up until 2, watching this with me.

On that note, 2022 was actually pretty great, and I don’t have any resolutions for this year. I just want to get through it in one piece and hope the same for all of you too!

1. A Lesson In Physics

Henry babysits his grandkids on Wednesday evenings, so I often have to make my own dinner if I don’t feel like waiting for him to be done. I mean, he’s just right next door but I’m pretty accustomed to eating right after I log off of work. We had sweet potatoes and veggie burgers in stock, so I figured I would be a big girl and handle dinner for myself. Luckily, Chooch was at a friend’s house, so I didn’t have to also be a parent.

Since I was already using the microwave for the sweet potato, I decided to cook the veggie burger in a pan. This is something I have tackled on my own in the past, so I had confidence in myself. The only problem is that vegan cheese doesn’t melt very fast when I’m doing the pan thing, so I usually have to pop it in the microwave afterward.

But then!!! I had this really great idea that I could use a LID. I have done this before! It kind of works, sort of! Probably would work better if I had the patience to keep the lid on longer, but whatever. A girl’s gotta eat.

When I put the lid on, it immediately made this strong sucking sound and I quickly realized that it was now STUCK on the pan.  I panicked and took the pan off the stove so it could cool off and maybe let the lid pop off, but in my panic, I had slammed it down on the cutting board which is made from plastic, so now the kitchen had become ripe with the stench of MOLTEN PLASTIC AND BURNING PAN, as tendrils of the melted cutting board were dangling off the bottom of the pan like space creatures. I was SCREAMING, fighting for my life, trying to wrench the lid off with my hands wrapped in towels, but only succeeding in loosening the knob.

I really tried to resolve this on my own but after a solid minute of NO SOLUTIONS, NO HOTLINE TO CALL, I cried uncle and texted Henry.

Well, I guess you could say I cried “Henry.”

Now I had to put my shoes on while holding this piping hot pan over my head, while the cats were watching me – one was on high alert, the other was still half-asleep on the couch watching with one eye half-slitted open. I walk into Blake’s house and Calvin and Lily immediately are like FULL OF QUESTIONS.

“Why did you do that?”

“Because I can’t cook.”

“Why can’t you cook?!?!?!”

I DON’T KNOW, ASK MY MOM WHY SHE NEVER TAUGHT ME!

Meanwhile, Henry was performing pan surgery in the kitchen, trying not to swear in front of the kids, but being SO PISSED because he HATES when his kitchenware is abused. Apparently, I used “the wrong lid.” I thought it was the right one because it fit perfectly?

“YEAH THAT’S THE PROBLEM IT FIT TOO PERFECTLY,” Henry grunted, trying to wedge a knife in between the sides of the pan and the lid. And then he realized that in addition to the lid because the wrong size, allegedly, it was also the kind that had “long sides” so that’s what was making it even harder to get it off the pan. The steam/heat made the sides of the lid get sucked right on it. #physics

Literally, how will I ever live without Henry? I just do not have time for this basic adult life bullshit.

2. Doug’s Slow Descent

We had planned to go to Kennywood after work on Thursday. Like most amusement parks, they do a  holiday light thing and it’s included in our season pass, so why not? I had a feeling it was going to be p-p-p-acked, being the week after Christmas and an unusually, unseasonably balmy night of 55 degrees. I mean, we had just come out of a multi-day freezing cold snap so I figured this would bring people out in droves.

And I was correct. It was so crowded that we got stuck in stand-still traffic inside the parking lot. And Phantom doesn’t even run during the holiday season, so we started to question why we were even there. I had billed it earlier as “family fun time,” but Chooch goes, “There aren’t even any rides running?? How are we supposed to have fun together as a family then? You expected us to just walk around, looking at the lights? WOW, SO MUCH FUN.”

Mmm, sixteen-year-old backseat backtalk. Love that.

So, I called it. “Let’s just leave and go out to eat somewhere,” I sighed. It wasn’t that I was that broken up over Kennywood, because we had already been there like 6 or 7 times this season, but I was fucking hungry.

I pulled up Yelp as we left Kennywood, and then we all had a microburst of arguments over where to eat. You would think we’re new to the area the way we can never find a restaurant. Chooch and I both just wanted a veggie burger and Henry will eat anywhere, literally, would probably eat soup from a boot if he had to, so he didn’t care where we went. I just put “veggie burger” into Yelp and one of the options was some place called GOODFELLAS in Swissvale, which should have been the only red flag I needed. But I still said, “Let’s try this place called GOODFELLAS in Swissvale.”

We never go to that area of town really, but since we were still close to Kennywood when I was on Yelp, it came up in the search. I just knew it was a bar/lounge, and we’re fine with places like that. When we got there, the lot was PACKED so I thought, wow that’s a good sign. Maybe this place was good!

This is important to note for the future when you might wonder aloud, “Why is Henry not transitioning into Hero Mode?” – he had to go back to the car because as we were walking through the parking lot, I pointed out that Chooch was carrying his Dunkin’ coffee and he was just going to throw it out at the door until he realized there was no garbage can, so he made Henry take it back to the car, lol.

Chooch and I continued walking through the lot. There was an old man sitting in a chair outside of the place, and some not-as-old guy was standing next to him. The old guy got up from the chair right as Chooch and I approached. In one blurred motion, he turned to the other guy and promptly fell into him. Oh! OK. This is happening. Shit.

The other guy was too busy holding a cigarette and his beer, so he let the old man fall into him and then slide down his body ONTO THE GROUND, LANDING ON HIS FACE.  Literally, this was accompanied by a crumbling sound and a hollow thud as his body became one with the parking lot.

I screamed and the still-standing dude was just like so whatever about this, and proceeded to let the old man lay there??? In my CONCERNED CITIZEN tone, I say, “Oh my god, is he ok, do you need me to call 911?” It turns out, he was just suuuuuper drunk. Meanwhile, Henry is missing this big opportunity to be the HERO because he still hasn’t joined us?! The car was not THAT far away, so I feel like Henry purposely hung back because he didn’t want to get involved? It was so awkward because Chooch and I are so anti when it comes to people.

The standing guy is like, “No, he’s fine. COME ON DOUG, GET IT TOGETHER!” And then he like, nudges Doug with his foot.

The standing guy was really annoyed about this situation, but Doug was squirming face-down on the parking lot and I’m like, “Can I help?” because I feel like this is the thing to say at that moment, but dude is all, “No it’s fine, I got it, sorry guys,” as he’s PULLING DOUG UP WITH ONE HAND AND THEN RE-DROPPING HIM ONTO THE GROUND?? I wanted to flee so bad.

I was telling the group chat this story at work yesterday, thinking it would get maybe a “lol” and a “aw poor Doug,” BUT NO. It spiraled out into a sensation that lasted the ENTIRE WORK DAY. The Doug references never stopped flying. Nate wanted to change the chat name to “COME ON DOUG.” The Goodellas website was scoured and dissected. (They have a quinoa veggie burger!) Lauren considered switching her gym’s website to the Sinatra WordPress Theme: “Whatever gets me Doug,” she said.

“‘It’s a Swissvale thing, you just wouldn’t understand’,” Wendi quoted from the website. “Well that just says it all.”

Wendi suggested that Lauren also have a classy Last Supper mural in her gym, too, but with like WWE people.

“Like Chyna,” she said. “….and Elvis.”

I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard at work. I suggested that I have Doug pins made and this was met with a resounding YES PLZ so I called Henry.

“Henry,” I panted breathlessly. Laughing takes so much out of me. “Do we still have the pin maker?”

“Yes, why…” Henry asked, his words dragged down with the weight of so much suspicion. “Are you making Doug pins?” he asked with a sigh, already knowing the answer.

The day before in group chat, we were learning GenZ slang, some of which I knew, some I wish I didn’t.

“Guys, I just asked our Resident GenZ’r – Chooch – for his Doug review and he said ‘it wasn’t that deep. It probably happens to him every day, so.'”

We decided that “That’s so Doug” should be the new “that’s so mid.”

Glenn was disappointed that I didn’t get a video.

“Henry said we could probably go back tonight, and I’d have another opportunity,” I said.

“You could probably go right now,” Nate added.

I also suggested that we throw this place in the pot as a suggestion for our department’s post-Xmas work party and everyone was enthusiastically on board with this.

“We just need to rent a PT Cruiser, tommy guns and fedoras,” Nate said.

Hours later, Lauren said, “100% where even is Swissvale lol.”

Then our west coast crew signed on:

It was, sincerely, the best way to sign off to 2022. My work friends are so chaotic, and I love them with my whole heart!

UPDATE FROM 1/1/23: Henry and I are in the attic, still trying to clean this shit out so that Chooch can have a lounge/game room. Henry found an unopened bank statement from 2005. He opened it, glanced at it, and the first thing he saw was a charge from UDIPI CAFE which is where we ate after the DESCENT OF DOUG. WHAT DOES IT MEAN.

Oh hey let’s try to put Xmas 2022 to bed before 2023 happens.

We were originally going to host this year but then Corey offered to try his hand at it for the first time ever and we HAPPILY said ok!

You should know that Corey is totally like me in the sense that he is severely lacking in a lot of basic life skills. OK, he’s probably definitely more of an adult than I am, even though he’s 10 years younger, but when it comes to KITCHEN STUFF, we are motherfucking TODDLERS. The days leading up to Xmas were very stressful for him and I could tell by the CAPSLOCK texts he was sending from Trader Joe’s that he was on the edge.

Even little decisions like “elderberry lemon or rhubarb soda? I’LL GET BOTH” had him spiraling out.

The biggest hurdle for him was conquering the SPINACH DIP recipe he found on TIKTOK. He ended up getting the wrong cheese and asked me if aged parmesan would work instead of mozzarella, as if I would know?!!?

It turned out great, whatever he did to it! And he had it arranged so nicely, I was v. proud of him! Food placement is my forte, food prep not so much, so the fact that he pulled off BOTH was very impressive to me!

Henry made the ham for the meat-o’s (le grossioso) and a vegan beef Wellington for me and Chooch, and my mom made all the delicious sides.

OK, so Henry didn’t make the version I sent him because it included a mushroom pate layer and beets, meaning that Chooch would not be partaking, but this basic ass version was still incredibly delectable. I have never had a real beef Wellington and my only frame of reference for it was Gordon Ramsey forcing the cooks on Hell’s Kitchen to make it, resulting in 99% of them getting it thrown back at them to the tune of “YOU DONKEY!”

Corey wanted to try it too, which resulted in Henry having to cut it for him….

….something he’s been doing since 2004. :)

BUT YOU GUYS YOU GUYS WAIT YOU GUYS: Henry made the earl grey pie again!!!

Apparently, he realized while making this one that he left out a step when making the one for the pie party – he forgot to mix in the whipped cream. This didn’t change the taste too much but it did make it fluffier. I liked how the OG one had more of a butterscotch pie-texture, but it was still good.

Also, he went rogue on the first pie and added orange zest and juice to the milk while it was steeping and forgot to do it this time. Also, he didn’t have pistachios so he had to borrow some of Buddy’s walnuts.

Actually, this pie was basically completely different, now that I think about it!

Still fucking delicious though.

Wow. Happiness!

I got to sit in this chair from my Pappap’s house!

Then it turned into game night. Chooch brought really complicated games with him, forgetting that the Kelly Sibs like simple stuff. Mysterium was not that.

We took a break to do the Christmas Crackers I brought over. We have never done this before and apparently didn’t do it right at all, plus we all thought that they were going to explode with confetti so it was super anti-climatic except for Henry hitting me in the head:

Ryan got Chooch Code Words for Xmas, so we played that next. Chooch was really getting pissed at Corey for deviating from the directions, which was hilarious. Chooch can be a real dick when he’s in charge.

Clandestine shot of my mom!

A nice sibling picture. I was mad at the first attempts because my enthusiasm wasn’t being matched. This was the most I could get out of them!

It was such a fun night, and the only note I can end it on is…..

WEENER HAM.

Hey-o, happy Thursday. Today I want to be sharing the homemade presents I prepared for my sibs and mom. I’m still on this kick where I want to repurpose the wallpaper that was salvaged from my Pappap’s house, and when my mom made me swear I wouldn’t spend money on Christmas gifts for her, I had an idea to use the wallpaper as the mat / background on a framed picture of the Gillcrest house.  I decided to make one for both of my brothers too since they both recently moved into their own homes and could probably use some personal effects like framed pictures.

I mean, OK, fine, I had to spend money on the frames, but they were 50% off at….Hobby Lobby, ugh. I’m such a sell-out. Much hypocrisy.

I love this shot so much because it’s how I will always remember the house. Flowering dogwood trees, sprawling lawn, blue skies. I think that I’m finally, mostly, at peace with the situation but what I wouldn’t give to go back in time and make sure the GROWN-UPS in the family did things differently in my Pappap’s absence. So much of what happened was preventable and it makes me sick that this house is now essentially gutted and in some stranger’s hands. I don’t think anyone is even living there! It’s almost like whoever bought it ran out of money partway into the renovations.

Not-so-secretly, I hope that Sharon is haunting THE FUCK out of that property.

Anyway. AHEM. Here is what the final products looked like:

I gave this one to Ryan: the wallpaper is from the living and dining rooms.

This one was for my mom: wallpaper from my grandparent’s bedroom. As she was watching Corey opening his, she rolled her eyes and said, “You and that wallpaper” and then saw that she also got a picture, so….lol.

Corey got the one using Sharon’s bedroom wallpaper because I thought it would mean the most to him, and also because he inherited some of her bedroom furniture when he bought a house!

My other gift came in the form of indulging Corey in his obsession with recreating our old sibling photos.

I suggested the following, with the idea that Henry could be Santa, but Corey said, “I am NOT sitting on Henry’s lap.” Lol!

I’m pretty sure this was taken at Meder’s, which is a greenhouse/nursery place that used to have reindeer in the back during the holidays that you could feed but then I think they got in trouble for having them or something so that’s no longer a thing, but they still have a Santa photo set-up as far as I know. Even when Chooch was a kid, I preferred coming to Meder’s for his annual Ho Ho portrait rather than the mall.

One time we brought Blake with us too when he was a teenagers and Santa told him to pull up his pants – this was when Blake was a scene kid and wore too-small skinny jeans. Blake was so pissed lol.

Anyway, we settled for this one which was mid but we chose it because Corey actually had the painting of the blue chair in his dining room.

I wasn’t too thrilled about this because I’m Ug City as usual but at least I’m super great at recreating my natural resting fug face with ease.

I think that Corey and I would have continued to ask for more retakes until we got it more accurate (my head is tilted the wrong way.!!!!) but Ryan was like LET US PLEASE PUT THIS TASK TO BED.

So, that was part of my Christmas recap. I’ll be back later to tell you about dinner & games OH BOY!