This was supposed to be a Friday Five but my blog broke and wouldn’t allow me to upload the pictures I wanted to add so I had to wait for my IT Team (see also: Henry) to investigate and troubleshoot only to concede and call WordPress or whoever, I dunno who he called, but when they called him back, he was UNAVAILABLE so things are still not resolved as of Saturday morning. I figured I could at least get the word portion of this shit post down while waiting for Henry to do NOTHING (he’s currently in the kitchen making his gourmet breakfast – literally has been caressing some scrambled concoction on the stove for a solid 15 minutes, going back and forth from the fridge with more impromptu ingredients).

I guess this will just be a post without pictures, I dunno.

1. The Family Who Drinks Water Together…

I saw a tweet the other day where someone was asking, “Has anyone over the age of 40 actually seen their parents drink water” and it made me pause, because NO. NO I HAVEN’T. This sent me on a spiral, squeezing my brain for every instance of a family meal I could conjure, and NO WE NEVER DRANK WATER, and in addition to that, WE NEVER DRANK THE COMPLIMENTARY WATER provided to us at restaurants. Holy shit, this is real. We drank MILK (prob Vitamin D) out of FROSTED MUGS with dinner. My dad had like 4 legit vintage pop machines in the garage, we always had 2 liters of Fresca and some Ruby Red shit that my mom liked, and tons of sugary juice to wash down our bowls of sugary cereals in the AM – it is no wonder I have spent most of my life struggling with my weight!!! I was doomed from the start!

I never acknowledged “water as bev” even into my TWENTIES. I relied on Mountain Dew and, I dunno, wine coolers exclusively for hydration until one of my friends was like, “Do you not drink water? YOUR TEETH ARE GOING TO ROT!” And then I started panicking because ew. So eventually I got on the H2O wagon but I had to use flavored water as training wheels for a bit.

Now as an adult with my own family, we never have pop in our house. The liquid portion of my diet consists solely of water, coffee, and kombucha. Thank you.

2. Chooch’s HARD TRUTHS learned at McDonald’s

Apparently, Chooch’s friend (who works less than him) got a raise. Chooch was furious about this. “Why did he get a raise?” I asked. “I dunno, because he asked for one,” Chooch scoffed.

“So…ask for one!” I cried, because le duh right?

Chooch started sputtering off about how he doesn’t know how to do that and this blows my mind because Chooch is a fucking go-getter and I literally cannot imagine him at any sort of crossroads over this. So I started giving him suggestions of ways to ask for a raise which is actually so rich considering I HAVE NEVER ASKED FOR A RAISE MYSELF.

“I’m just so mad that I work harder than everyone else, but get paid less,” Chooch huffed. OH SONNY BOY, that ain’t just a McD’s thang. That is what we call THE FUCKING REAL WORLD.

3. Spring Break Stress

You might recall several posts ago I alluded to our spring break trip and said something about how I didn’t want to give any details because we had already changed the itinerary/destination 4 or 5 times since November and I didn’t want to jinx anything. Well, just the mere mention was enough because LITERALLY THE NEXT NIGHT we were in the process of securing hotels, etc. and something made me look up the operating times for one of the parks we had on the list, and um…they changed their dates…

….to weekends only.

So out of curiosity, I looked up the other two parks we were going to hit in the same state, AND UM, SAME THING. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. The whole entire reason we even planned this road trip was because that state had theme parks that were open EVERY DAY in April.

This sounds so whiny and First World Probs-ish, and I get that. But I’m mostly just kind of in a state of shocked hilarity because we have really weird luck with spring breaks. We have a new destination that is going to sadly cost us a ton more but I guess that is price we have to pay in order make FAMILY MEMORIES???

Henry was like, “We can still go to the other place another time,” and I literally stamped my feet and cried, “BUT I WANTED TO GO THIS TIME!!” LOL – the Veruca Salt side of my personality was 100% primped and primed by one John Stonick aka Oh Honestly, Pappap. Henry used to try to rehabilitate my spoiledness, but um….you see how well that’s worked.

So anyway, we have a NEW itinerary in place now and I just want to say that I am well aware of the fact that I am in a position to even go away AT ALL with my family, especially considering it wasn’t that long ago when we struggled to even afford a weekend vacation. Remembering that brought me back down to earth RULL QUICK.

On the bright side, it’s given me brand new vegan places to investigate because I like to be prepared when we go to other cities so that Chooch and I are properly and efficiently fed with little room for the HANGER PAINS to manifest.

Me, to Henry: “Do you hate going to vegan places when we travel?”

Me, answering for him in my Henry Voice: “No I don’t really care I just like to eat food.”

Me, back as Erin again: *Cracks self up*

Henry: *tunes out entire scene*

4. BLOG UPDATE: 

HENRY IS ON THE PHONE WITH THE BLOG PEOPLE RIGHT NOW AND HAD TO GIVE THEM MY BLOG NAME AND ADDRESS – HELLO BLOG FIXER, IF YOU ARE SEEING THIS!

5. SHEEPISH STENCH

Oh diary, dear diary, you might recall that I had the day off on Monday. I didn’t really do much other than go to the dentist (ugh), read more of two books that I was trudging through (they ended up being BACK TO BACK 1 STAR READS), and go on two long walks – once around my ‘hood and then after lunch I went to Jefferson Memorial.

I know most cem-enthusiasts would choose a place like Allegheny Cemetery or Homewood Cemetery as their fave graveyards for the gothic, historic aesthetic. But my favorite is Jefferson Memorial in Pleasant Hills. It has more of a park-feel, and no above ground headstones or crypts. BUT, it is where my birth dad, grandparents, and Aunt Sharon live. It is also where I learned how to drive with my pally Lisa (my parents absolutely refused to teach my ass and I subsequently didn’t get my license until I was nearly NINETEEN because my mom “didn’t trust me.”).

Actually, here is a clip of that amateur drivers ed class because I just found a VHS of high school footage in the attic, which is evidently just a gigantic treasure chest for mementoes and memories.

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I tried to “relax” after I was done walking (apparently had five miles under my belt at that point which someone on Instagram commented that I must not be human, walking that much in Vans and I honestly didn’t even notice that I was wearing Vans as opposed to whatever types of tennis shoes are made for walking). Relaxing is extremely hard for me. I sat here for MAYBE five minutes. MAYBE. This is my favorite area of all of the cemetery though.

I thought this was in focus when I took it but now I can see that it clearly was not. Good thing I finally made myself an eye appointment for this Saturday. WOW WHO AM I?? A dentist, eye, and hair appointment all in the span of one week-ish?? Am I an adult now? Me thinks so.

OK, I have to be stupid/sappy/cringey here for a second. While I was clomping around the cem in my Vans, I suddenly felt VERY SAD and lonely. Kind of wistful I guess?? I dunno that I have ever really thought about that sort of feeling but I think I was having it that afternoon: WISTFULNESS. Wow, now I’m imagining myself standing on a windy cliff in Scotland on an overcast day, with a veil blowing in the frigid breeze, staring into the sea.

WISTFULNESS.

Let’s not get carried away, Erin.

I realized that the cause of my weird empty-pit feeling was that I wished dumb Henry was there.

In this exact spot in 2001, I was having a Really Bad Day / Borderline Breakdown (it’s near my birth dad’s grave & I was having an identity crisis). For some reason, I called Not-My-Boyfriend-Yet Henry on my NOKIA cell phone, & he came to the cemetery to calm me down. He brought me a bottle of water, which I promptly choked/drowned on. Something about that moment must have made him think, “this girl is a MESS. I’ll stick around, see how this plays out.” Lol. Anyway, we were at the same spot together a few weekends ago so I RECREATED that moment.

Pretty sure I have referenced this moment in here before, but a quick run-down of the full story is that I was still dating my then-boyfriend Jeff. Just that day, I had been reunited with my birth dad’s mom and aunt, having no contact with them at all after my dad died in 1982. I had absolutely no memory of these people, and it was really jarring to sit there and hear good stories about my birth dad when I had spent my whole life up until then either being told about all the horrible things he had done or just flat out or just having everyone act like he never existed, like I didn’t grow up not knowing who my dad was.

So, it was VERY emotional for me that day. I was supposed to have plans that night with Jeff, so I called him from my car on the way back home from this bizarre reunion. I was pretty rattled and cried a little bit while recapping the afternoon for him. His response was something along the lines of, “Well, if you’re going to be all upset and crying, let’s just hang out another time.”

What a sweetheart!

Instead of going home, I stopped at the cemetery. I found my dad’s grave (my mom had showed it to me once when I was a kid and I remembered the general area, but I spent a good while shambling around like a zombie until I finally spotted it) and sat there, just absolutely losing my mind and mourning the loss of a dad I barely knew, for the first time in 20 years.

I had a boyfriend who wanted no parts in supporting me while I tried to process this new family and information, and a co-worker/something more who dropped everything when I called him, told me not to go anywhere, and met me at the cemetery with a bottle of water. Dude, choose the person who cares about your hydration. Choose them every time! Obviously I dumped Jeff very soon after this and then, well, THE REST OF HISTORY *vomit puke barf*

****

Back to 2022. So I was feeling all “wah wah” without Henry and thought, “Hey. I will call him. That is what cell phones are for.” So I did and he was really short with me and being annoying because he was “WORKING” so then I quickly fell back down to earth and just like that, WISTFULNESS CURED, MOTHERFUCKER.

Today is the birthday of my NCT Dream bias, Huang Renjun! I am going to celebrate by watching YouTube compilations of him being adorable/spicy/savage.

Here is a video of him cooking dumplings, in case you want that Food Network vibe:

And because I love options, here is one in case you (or you, or you guys back there, or Sally over yonder) feel like participating! I think he may be my favorite vocalist across the whole NCT spectrum too btw.

In case you’re writing a book about me and need additional facts for the “42 or 13?

” chapter.

(JANNA IF YOU ARE READING THIS YOU BETTER WATCH BOTH VIDEOS)

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The other day, I received the sweetest gift in the mail from my friends Nix and Dustin! It came at such a good time too because I was having a shit week, feeling like no one liked me, you know, real insecure bullshit that happens from time to time. But then I opened this package and it felt really nice to know that people who only know me from Instagram thought of me! (I did meet Dustin once though! He came to my last Pie Party in 2017!)

First of all, the way the package was addressed filled me with joy right off the bat:

Did I ever tell you, Dear Blog, that I am called “Kelly” practically on a daily basis from people outside of my work department (and sometimes from people IN THE SAME DEPARTMENT, which is pretty soul-crushing). I swear to fucking god I have such a complex over this. I know it’s an “honest” mistake or whatnot but how hard is it to actually look at the full name of the person emailing you?? Aigoo, the perils of having two first names.

Anyway, you might remember that I started going by Erin Appledale sometime in 2007 or 2008 when we drove past an “Appledale Farm” on the way to Lakemont Park or something, and I was like “THAT’S IT. THAT IS MY NEW SURNAME SINCE IT WILL NEVER BE ROBBINS BECAUSE HENRY WILL NOT MARRY ME.” This was back when I was really into lomography and started an Etsy shop just for my prints called Appledale Snaps.

All of this is to say that I am back to seriously considering getting my name legally changed to Erin Appledale because just let me live in peace.

Inside the package, shit got even better!

Yo. A Cedar Point scarf, complete with a WICKED TWISTER PIN?? And a vintage book called White Knuckle Thrills, loaded with old pictures of coasters and other amusement park sundry? YES, PLZ, this is so apropos for Erin Appledale! And the best part was that I opened to right to the page about Comet at Six Flags Great Escape, which obviously recalled fond memories of our trip there during Labor Day weekend when we saw Henry’s doppelganger!!

Oh man, it never gets old!!!

And let’s back up a bit and talk about that WICKED TWISTER pin! Cedar Point actually just removed it last fall, and when they announced that the last day of operation would be Labor Day, we made a spontaneous trip out there in late August to get one last ride. It was bittersweet! Chooch and I loved that coaster so much. He lovingly dubbed it Spaghetti Noodle. It was terrifying and thrilling. I actually liked it so much more that Top Thrill Dragster.

I always am kind of flabbergasted when people see something and think of me. I guess it’s my inferiority complex shining through (weird for a Leo). But this surprise package really made me feel special and I appreciate it so much! I am going to wear that scarf so much next winter.

This also really got me excited to ride coasters again – hopefully our season will start back up in April. We do have a road trip planned for spring break but we have such bad luck with spring break trips these last several years that I am hesitant to even say anything more because if there is one thing we learned from 2020: no plans are set in stone.

I took the day off today. I have a dentist appointment late this afternoon and was originally just going to ask to leave early for it, but then my internal Mental Health spokesperson was like, “Yo, you need a day off. Take the whole day.” So I did. Before I fucking blow a gasket. I also have a day off next week too but that’s because I have a hair appointment for the first time in forever since I have to actually go into the office occasionally starting in April. This mountain lady mop on my head needs help, Cindy.

• Speaking of Cindy, when I was a senior in high school I used to go to this place called Cindy’s Curl Up and Dye which I thought was the best name ever and I loved my stylist but I have no idea what ever happened to her or what her name even was, but I can picture her vividly and I used to tell her about how shitty Psycho Mike was to me and she never judged me which I appreciated even though sometimes we really need someone to just fucking say it to our faces, you know? Mike used to get so angry when I had a hair appointment because it took so long and he would get so fucking weird about it.
• Speaking of Mike, when Henry and I were in the attic last weekend, I found another crate of old journals (I have SO MANY JOURNALS, Alan). I grabbed one of the old Composition book ones and the first page I flipped to was from Thanksgiving Eve of 1997 when Janna and I were home alone with my brother Corey and Mike came over because he was pissed that I couldn’t go out and we had a huge fight because as usual he was accusing me of cheating on him and this was the infamous night when we were in the middle of my street fighting (well, he was fighting and I was crying and begging him to calm down because I was a completely different person around him and not the strong-willed bitch that I’ve been with every other guy I’ve dated, but we all have our weaknesses, and clearly he was mine and I still have a pocketful of disgust for myself over this). I will never forget this moment, when he was choking me in the middle of my street, as he was wont to do (the choking part, the location varied), and he screamed that he was going to gouge out my eyes and shove them up my vagina, so that was really cool and then we brought the fight back to my house. I threw a rock at his car and then he chased me in the house and I screamed “RUN” to Janna and Corey, who followed me upstairs to my bedroom and I locked the door, and then Mike went back downstairs and grabbed my cherished VHS tape of “Twice Upon a Time” and ran it over in my driveway.
  • Literally the same day after re-living that moment through my journal, my mom texted me and asked, “What was the name of that cartoon movie you were obsessed with about the dreams? Twice Upon a Time or something?” WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.
  • I actually re-bought that movie on VHS soon after and it is actually in my kitchen as part of the decor. Talk about a movie that packs a lot of history.

• In lighter news, I was getting into bed the other night and noticed this strange rabbit head craft thingie laying there. Henry mumbled, “Chooch bought it from some old man, I dunno…” I got the full story the next day: Chooch was waiting for the bus at South Hills Junction and some old man was walking around with his bag of craft supplies because he just had his craft group session at Joann’s or something, and was trying to sell two of these rabbits so Chooch bought one for 50 cents and you have to know that I am obsessed with it and have named it a new family heirloom. It’s actually sitting next to me on my computer desk because I’m still trying to decide where I want to hang it….

• I am a week away from completing Jillian Michael’s Body Revolution workout program for the….5th time? I dunno, but I do this program about twice a year (it’s a 90 day program) because it is the only thing that I have found that actually works for me as far as toning and strength-building goes. Like, it gives me legit definition in my arms and legs and even though I have always been fairly muscular, you could never tell because of all the fat surrounding it lol. Anyway, I have felt very good during this go-around which makes me happy because I can for sure tell you that I am more fit and capable at 42 than I was at 22 or 32, but I am definitely getting a little worried about how much time I left to exercise this hard, you know? My back hurts every day and my knees have been sporadically doing weird shiver-things so that’s something to think about. You know I love my walking workouts but I have always done more maniac-level cardio/HIIT workouts alongside those step-counting sessions, so I’m hoping my endurance doesn’t start to wane anytime soon!
  • Me, yesterday: *gloating because I can do backbend push-ups at age 42* See also me this morning: *barely able to get out of bed because I was doing backbend push-ups yesterday at age 42*
• Did I tell you that Chooch and Henry bought a 3D printer together? Chooch has been doing this mentorship at the Carnegie Science Center’s Fab Lab since October, and one of the things they use is a 3D printer. He was given a laptop loaded with all the programs they use to design shit, so he decided he wanted his own printer. At first, I wanted no parts of this because it seemed dumb, until I started to think about my Etsy shops and began asking questions like, “Could you make kpop things? Like, keychains?” So now I’m OK with this new addition to the house, especially since it lives in Chooch’s room so it’s not in my way. However, I always know when he’s using it because it makes the dining room lights flicker?? It’s also kind of annoying because he and Henry do not work well together at all so there’s been a lot of bickering and Henry keeps yelling shit like, “YOU ARE JUST LIKE YOUR MOTHER” which is like the highest compliment you could give Chooch, really. Anyway, he’s already printed me a cute squirrel puzzle and is currently working on a topographical model of South Korea for me.
• I meant to write about this when it first came up several months ago but I was so mad about it that I didn’t have the energy, but the new priest at the church across the street put up a sign prohibiting people from parking in the lot overnight, else they be towed. Half of the people on my block have always parked over there because the old priest didn’t give a shit and our street is dangerous to park on. We do have a shared driveway but Hot Naybor Chris totally monopolizes it with his fleet of broken vans, etc. Literally, he was three vehicles back there that he doesn’t drive.  So it of course turned into this whole fucking THING where we have to strategically park our cars in the driveway and it’s just worth going into any more detail here, so I will leave it at that. But the whole reason I brought it up is because now if anyone parks at the top of the driveway (*cough*Haley*cough*) they block in us and Chris’s wife. That being said, HNC texted Henry the other night was a “call me if you can” which Henry just loves, as you can imagine. So Henry is like, “Oh god, what now Chris” and calls him. Apparently, HNC’s friend, who is a fisherman and masseuse, was on his way over and would it be OK if he parked in the driveway? I mean, at least he had the courtesy of asking, considering his autobody graveyard is the reason we have to play the Parking Lot game in the first place. Henry was like, “Sure, I don’t care…” and hadn’t even hung up yet and the FISHERMAN MASSEUSE was already pulling into the driveway like was just laying in wait for Chris to give him the thumbs up. “Chris really wanted me to know that his friend is a fisherman and also a masseuse,” Henry said after the call ended. I ran over to see what the guy looks like just in time to see him getting his MASSAGE TABLE out of the car!!! Now I was really cracking up because HNC’s wife had just left, so this massage was all for HNC! It was big enough news that I had to text Alyson, an avid HNC enthusiast, and also Corey, who is equally invested in the happenings on Pioneer Ave.
• I keep telling Henry that we need to get our death arrangments ironed out (i.e. burial plots, etc). We spend a lot of time walking in cemeteries so it’s always on the forefront of my mind because I don’t want our deaths to be burdensome on Chooch someday. “If it was left up to him, he’d just chop us up and dump us in a casket that he 3D-printed,” Henry muttered and this is actually very accurate.
• Chooch, who is never happy with anything provided to him, was bitching about how he doesn’t have enough room in his dresser. Henry calmly stated: That’s because you went to Erin’s School of Clothes Folding. Touché, motherfucker.
• In more HNC news, this text exchange happened the other night:

1. It really sounded like the knock on the door happened on Blake and Haley’s door, not HNC’s, but OK.
2. Henry came off as pretty rude to me!? He was like, “Well, I don’t know what else he wanted me to say, so…”
3. I love their weird neighbor-friendship.

Well, I want to go and try to enjoy my day off (you know how hard that is for me to do!) so I guess I will end this here. Pray that my dentist appointment goes well *cries*.

I was never super big into collecting enamel pins until I got into kpop and then suddenly had to buy pins commemorating even the most obscure “inside jokes” from my faves, like Johnny from NCT talking about how his dad invented coffee. A CLASSIC

Most of my pins are SHINee or BIGBANG biased, but I realized recently that I my collection is horrifically remiss of NCT pins so I treated myself a few weeks when one of the pinmakers I follow had a huge shop update. She’s in the UK so it took a bit to get in the mail but they finally arrived today and I was SWOONIN’!! Let’s look at them, shall we??

Haechan is one of two ult NCT Universe biases and Boom is one of my fave NCT Dream songs, so I had to get this one.

I’ve posted about my obsession with NCT127’s October comeback single “Favorite” tons of times on here since then so it’s not a shock that I desperately a pin to further express my love of this sweet ass jimmy-jam. Oh, you don’t remember? WELL HERE IS A LIVER PERFORMANCE FROM INKIGAYO:

JAEMIN IS SUCH A BIAS WRECKER FOR ME. I watch so many compilation videos of him being an absolute lunatic and I am just obsessed with his strange mind. Had to scoop up this We Go Up pin of him.

SURPRISE IT’S TAEMIN!

90’s Love is easily one of my favorite NCT U songs so I had to have this one too! I love love love these heart-shaped designs so much!! Also, I really need more NCT U songs that include both Ten and Haechan (my co-ult NCT biases!). <3

Um, if you live in My House / Pioneer Ave you will know that I have been stanning Renjun HARD of late so this pin is killing me! I really think that Renjun has the best voice out of everyone in the entire NCT universe and it has brought me to actual tears at times.

Now I have pins to display in my NCT127 Cherry Bomb purse!!! #ForeverYoung

OK so this was totally just an excuse to ambush you with NCT videos. Maybe there will be a quiz someday. You never know.

When we were cleaning out the attic last weekend, I found an old Minolta camera, most likely it was my grandparents house. I brought it downstairs to put with my other vintage cameras (almost all of them were my grandparents’!) and I realized, well shit, I have a lot of old cameras just sitting around.

So I thought, “HEY ERIN, wouldn’t it be refreshing to start using real-ass film cameras again?” I mean, not for everyday use, but I thought it would be particularly fun to take a film camera with me when we go on our road trips. I actually had wanted to dust off my Holga and take that with us on our rollercoaster road trip last summer, but Henry the Lazy Oaf never got around to buying film (I don’t fuck with the boring aspects of photography) and also it is so frustrating to get Holga film developed.

But I brought it up again, this time using the Minolta we just unearthed. And Henry was like, “OK it is easy to get film for this.” And then, “OK I ordered film for this.” And then when the film was delivered, “OK I put the film in this.” So I guess I will take the Minolta with us in April when we go on our spring break road trip but then I probably won’t be able to afford to get the film developed afterward because GAS PRICES will probably milk our accounts.

Anyway, here are some pictures of my camera collection! Some might still be usable but there are some that probably definitely aren’t.

We can get film for this little dude and it’s such a petite size that it will fit in my FANNY PACK so I might try and take this babe to an amusement park at some point??

That Keystone camera is like one of those accordion kinds and I think it might be impossible to use but we’ll see!

Isn’t this amazing!? It doesn’t even look like a camera when it’s closed up.

Not pictured because I can’t find them (but certainly they’re somewhere, I mean, we live in a duplex. There’s not many places for them to go):

• A Pentax from the 1980s – I think this is from HENRY’S YOUNG DAYS??
• A Diana
• My old Nikon from the 1990s
• One of those super vintage TLR cameras that you look down into – I bought this on eBay years ago

I just need a hobby you guys. I know I’ve dabbled in photography from time to time in the past but I think it would be fun to just NOT BE SERIOUS about it, first of all, and second of all, to hopefully let this help me be OK with imperfection because you know how unpredictable film can be. I also think it would be a nice family thingie to make real-life photo albums of our vacations.

I will probably lose interest after the first roll of film is a fail, but I’ll keep you posted I guess, lol ugh.

On Sunday, I went into the office with my Mover Guy Henry in order to *sniff sniff* clean out my desk. I still work there! But because so many of us are either working entirely from home, or adopting a hybrid schedule, we are eventually going to lose space on our floor and move to a shared-space situation. Not thrilled about that, but I also will only be working from the office one day a week starting in April, so I don’t really have much room to complain.

This is the third or fourth time I’ve been in the office, but I realized that I hadn’t been in the bathroom there since March 2020 and I wanted to get a selfie for old time’s sake. Weird fact  but when I first started working there, I was obsessed with the bathroom because it was so pretty. You can’t tell from this picture, but it has really nice fuchsia wall paper when you walk in, and back when I started the Firm had JUST moved into this building, literally like several weeks prior to my start date, so the bathrooms were SPARKLING. I remember thinking the sink was so cool, but then after awhile, it just got really gross because it’s a trough sink and all kinds of shit would congregate in the corner.

*barf*

This is also the bathroom where the infamous WATER BREAKING happened in 2011!

I pitched a lot of things that came out of my desk because it was like Mary Poppins’ satchel for real and I’m really not trying to be a hoarder, but I did keep some stuff that makes me smile – I keep mementos in cute photo boxes in my closet so I don’t feel too awful about it. I guess. Anyway, let’s look at some of the random things I saved:

Both of these emails make me laugh and remind me of better, warmer times in the office! I miss Brad a lot – we were fake enemies and liked to harass each other for fun. I actually tried to hide from him in my office (LOL remember when I had an office, those were….the days) on his last day because I didn’t want to say goodbye. He found me trying to squeeze into my closet and forced me to hug him goodbye. It was sad. I did see him a few times even after he left – he came to some of my pie parties and also Chooch and I ran into him and his fiancee (are they married now I wonder?? I’m not on Facebook so basically am a social pariah) at the Hollywood Theater several years ago when they were showing the OG “Halloween.”

Lou is also my work frenemy! We #UghLou and #UghErin each other all the time. I think the nicest thing I ever said to him was “Have an OK weekend.” He is still currently employed at The Law Firm so we at least still chat here and there. But yeah, these emails are keepers as far as I’m concerned.

All of my magnets live on the fridge at home now :( I mean, it’s OK! I’m just glad I can look at them all of the time again.

Being surrounded by so many metal cabinets at the office made it a no-brainer to start a magnet collection. I think it kind of drives Henry crazy because whenever we’re on a road trip or whatever, I’m always like WAIT I NEED A MAGNET at the last minute. And I get really up in arms when we go to an amusement park and THEY DON’T HAVE MAGNETS?? (See: that Seabreeze post card up there – it was the best I could do souvenir-wise.)

One of my worst magnet memories is when I bought one during the DMZ tour in South Korea and FUCKING LEFT IT ON THE TOUR BUS.

OMG I wish I hadn’t remembered that just now because I am so sad all over again.

I dunno, I think collecting magnets is fun. It’s better than the souvenir spoons I used to collect when I was a kid and I’m pretty sure my mom threw them all away, along with my massive brochure collection.

Here is my citation from when I was forced to JAYWALK with Mean Amber and then she ran back to the office and told everyone about how she made me jaywalk and I was screaming and running like Phoebe from Friends, and then I came back to this CITATION on my desk from NATE.

I can’t remember the significance behind “Just” Erin Kelly.

Conversely! Here is my Gold Star for Excellence in the Field of Excellence from Nate and Sandy! I can’t remember if this was the same time they had an impromptu parade for me and I literally wanted to melt into my seat and be recycled into a shoe.

Behind that is BARB whom I miss so much it physically hurts me! I have had no contact with her in a very long time and I am so sad about it. I wish she never quit The Law Firm, I miss our shenanigans, I miss getting called into Sue’s office for talking too much or doing shady things with Barb (like when we passive aggressively bullied this guy BOB who was such a jerk and Office NARC). I just miss her being my Office Mom and cracking up together so hard that I would often have to run and I mean run to the bathroom so I wouldn’t pee my pants.

There was one time when I had to go TO JURY DUTY and Barb was so concerned for me because back then (in 2011) I didn’t know where anything was downtown and was somehow even more helpless than I am currently if you can believe that.

Anyway, I shared that picture with Wendy, Jeannie and Aaron today; Aaron said that he thinks it was Tyler who took this picture and that sounds about right!

Oh man, I am honestly sitting here in tears as I write this because of how much things have changed. I know I should be grateful that I get to work from home now but if I could choose to have things go back to how they were then, I think I would choose that.

I just…feel very lonely now. But I am grateful for the handful of Jabber pals I have that keep me company during the long days!

A bunch of wheelchair pictures that I was collecting! I should probably get some kind of frame for them.

I literally have no idea who/what/where/when/why/how. But you bet your sweaty ass that this bitch came home with me and went right into the memento box!

Well, that’s all for now. Times change, life goes on, etc etc.

But I still have FEELINGS about it, OK??

I’ve been A WOMAN ON EDGE these last few days/weeks for no real reason other than the world is a rotating pit of fiery despair and I feel so helpless. Voila, rage manifestation.

There are so many gigantic issues to be furious about but here are some extremely petty pouts I’ve had recently because I have no energy to write about positive shit right now. Susie Fucking Sunshine has no fucks left to give right now. They’re regenerating under Wonho’s grow light.

First of all, a big FUCK YOU to Fitzhenry’s Something Something Man Work company, whose work truck was not only blocking the sidewalk on my morning walk  today, but the passenger side door was left wide open (while the passenger was sitting inside!), further blocking the sidewalk! My options were to walk around the open door and into the mud pit / front yard of the Drug House up the street from me, or walk around the truck into oncoming traffic.

I chose to walk into the street because I was feeling SUPER DRAMATIC and as I passed the driver’s side of the truck, I noted that the window was down and the driver was inside. Now, I’m close enough to the truck that my shoulder is nearly brushing against it, so in a fit of AUDACIOUS RAGE, I turned toward the open window, looked point blank at the driver in his hideous fluorescent worker man costume and I said…

…wait for it…

“RUDE.”

Look, it was off the cuff OK? It was the best I could muster on such short notice pre-8:00AM on a Wednesday morning. Cut me some slack. GEEZ.

I don’t even know if they responded because I had  my headphones on and was audiobooking it up, full Karen mode.

But I wasn’t done there.

I called Henry and took it out on him.

“I AM SO SICK OF YOU AND ALL YOUR BLUE COLLARED WORKER MEN ACTING LIKE YOU OWN THE FUCKING WORLD, PARKING YOUR SHIT WHEREEVER YOU WANT, MAKING LIFE HARDER FOR PEOPLE LIKE ME!!!!”

Henry, definitely not expecting me to be calling to sweetly professing my love, but also not exactly prepared for this vitriolic torrent 갑자기, said, “Whoa! Whoa whoa whoa! Don’t throw me in with those guys!”

I MEAN THEY’RE BASICALLY HIS KIN!

All he cared about is what “type of truck” and “what kind of company” it was, because #ManThings.

Another BIG FUCK YOU to the fucking HAWK who I caught red-handed (clawed?) (taloned?) about to kill a small bird on my walk the other day. Monday I believe it was! I was just walking down the street, minding my own business, when I heard a godawful screeching. I looked over and saw the hawk-perp in someone’s driveway, pinning a small bird to  the ground. I fucking HOLLARED, “Get the fuck away, hawk!” and ran at it. The hawk was like, “What the shit is this!?!?” dropped the bird, and flew off while I was round-housing the air. The little bird flew into a bush and that motherfucking HAWK had the audacity to come back for it! So I charged toward it again, flailing my legs in its general direction, flaunting my grassroots kickboxing skills.

This time, the hawk flew away in a huff.

As I was walking back to the road from the SCENE OF THE CRIME, I noticed that a guy and his dog had been walking behind me the whole time and witnessed my heroics. We made eye contact and the guy looked away real quick probably because he was like “WOW THIS BITCH AIN’T TO BE FUCKED WITH, FIDO.”

I told Henry about this when he came home that day and he frowned because he is forever white-knighting hawks.

“They have to eat too!” he said, on the verge of crooning THE CIRCLE OF LIFE.

“Well, he can go eat a seed or something,” I spat.

More FUCK YOUs thrown in the air like confetti at all of the BTS fans because I just really can’t stomach that obnoxious lot anymore. Have fun with your Westernized, watered-down band of Ed Sheerans.

The BIGGEST FUCK YOU award goes to MY STUPID-ASS MURDEROUS STREET AND THE MOTHERFUCKERS WHO DROVE ON IT. I lost (1) Mr. Gray Guy and (1) Buddy on Friday morning, mere yards away from each other on my block. I was fucking crushed. Like, I’m not even being the slightest bit hyperbolic when I tell you that I have been dragging my heart* on the ground since Friday, just absolutely gutted over here because I am so attached to these little woodland creatures that it honestly feels like I lost two pets at once. I was basically a zombie on Friday, just going through the motions, and all weekend I kept seeing them on the road every time I closed my eyes. Sometimes I wish I didn’t care so fucking much or felt things so deeply but here I am, a fucking stupid sappy bleeding heart tree-hugger.

*(Well, OK, maybe a little hyperbolic. My heart wasn’t quite touching the floor, just kind of slapping off my shins.)

FUCK.

But a big NON-fuck you to the kind soul who came around soon after and removed both bodies from the street so I didn’t have to be terrorized by the sight every time I looked out my window. I don’t know if it was a city thingie that came around to do it or a good Samaritan on my street. I’m leaning toward the latter because there are really great people who work at the half-way house thing on my block and I saw a shovel leaning against their porch when I walked by later that day! I’d like to think it was someone who knows how obsessed I am with them (so literally pick a person on my street) and did it to spare me from having to suffer anymore than I already was. If Henry had been home, he’d have buried them both for me. I mean, Buddy was gone within two hours of me first noticing him.

I actually had other things to mention but the rage has drained me and now I just want to go and read my book, exercise, and watch NCT stuff on YouTube. It’s my life. I’ll live it however I want!!

Sorry, it’s been hard. Everything sucks in the world and it’s amplifying the suck factor of everything else.

These are the books I read in February. Wow, Lucy. Hold on tight-ish.

1. My Lady Jane – Cynthia Hand, Brodi Ashton, Jodi Meadows

Historical retelling but make some of the characters able to change into animals. What a quirky little delight. Four stars, thoroughly entertained, laughed out loud numerous times.

2. The Girl In 6E – A. R. Torre

Pretty interesting thriller mostly from the POV of a young shut-in / cam girl who purposely keeps herself locked away in her apartment to avoid any inevitable fall-out from her homicidal tendencies. While camming, she thinks she may have made contact with a pedophile about to take his fetish to the next level. The narration had a bit of a Veronica Mars-esque feel to it, and it really drew me in. Although, there was kind of  a lot going on / a bunch of jumping around with timelines and plotlines so it kind of a little confusing at times. But overall, I really enjoyed it and am actually surprised that I haven’t heard more about this, especially considering it’s apparently a series. I told Henry he should read it for the “explicit sex stuff” and he was like, “The what now? You have my attention.”

3. Migrations – Charlotte McConaghy 

There’s a part about a girl getting attached to a murder of crows that was so relatable and now I’m pissed that my squirrels don’t bring me gifts.

But OK seriously, I almost didn’t pick this one up because it didn’t seem like the type of book I’d be into, but I am so glad I did. Yes, there were parts that supremely depressed the environment/animal lover in me, but the writing was so undeniably beautiful and the characters were well-crafted, that it was more rewarding than deflating in the end. It also had an underlying mystery running through it regarding the events that happened that lead to the main character to be tracking the migration of arctic terns in the first place.

Yeah, this book kind of gutted me but I’m glad I read it. (I literally just said “oof” out loud just now to my monitor as I looked at the picture of the book cover. Sigh.)

4. Five Tuesdays in Winter – Lily King 

I didn’t know this was a short story collection when I picked it up, but I really love Lily King so I gave it a chance. I think I’d rate this 3.5 stars overall – some of the stories didn’t hold my interest at all – but there were two 5 stars for me: “Timeline” which was reminiscent of King’s Writers & Lovers, and “When In the Dordogne,” which I didn’t want to end – if this were expanded to a full-length novel, I’d be all in! “Hotel Seattle” was also so good.

But now I just want to read Writers & Lovers again.

5. The First Bad Man – Miranda July 

OK OK OK OK OK OK OK OMG. The library recommended this book to me and I don’t know why I didn’t make the connection at first, but almost from the very first chapter, I was hooked through the lip for the irreverent, insanely inappropriate subject matter of The First Bad Man. Like, I was barking out HA!s by the boatload and then I said to Henry, “You know what this reminds me?! If someone took my old fake “pelv_exam” livejournal and made it into a full-length novel with better writing!” Henry’s response was a throaty, gagging back bile, “Oh….boy.”

And then it hit me! This was written by Miranda July! THE Miranda July who wrote a movie I was OBSESSED WITH  in the early ’00s – You and Me and Everyone We Know.  I excitedly told Henry and he was like, “I do not know wha—” so I cut him off and squealed, “WE CAN POOP BACK AND FORTH FOREVER!”

He just stared at me for a second, taking in my super attractive red and tear-streaked face, choking on a torrent of giggles at the memory of the best line from  that movie, and then he muttered, “Oh. Oh my god” BECAUSE HE REMEMBERED.

It was even my LiveJournal tagline!!!!!!!!

Oh holy shit. Miranda July. Could we be related, maybe? This book was so fantastic yet I don’t think I could recommend it to anyone I know.

Also, she narrates the audiobook and her narration just really adds that special nuance that no would else could master. I will be tucking parts of this book away in the most special folds of my mind.

6. Waiting for Wednesday – Nicci French

I had really been loving the Frieda Klein mystery/thriller series but #3 left me a bit bored and lost.  That’s all. That’s the review.

7. True Crime Story – Joseph Knox

Hey  this book was pretty interesting! I was invested until the very end. Cool cast of characters, set in a British college. Also felt a chill from time to time!! Just a real fun true crime mystery that had a great podcast-like audio book so definitely for fans of Sadie. 

8. Love & Other Carnivorous Plants – Florence Gonsalves

The library recommended this to me and I have no idea why, to be honest. This book was low-key was pretty terrible. Also the main character had an eating disorder so trigger warning for that. An inexplicable death happens that honestly just felt hollow and did very little to drive the plot. Just a mess of a book, honestly.

You know what, the more I thin about this, the more I really hate it.

9. The Collective – Alison Gaylin

Eh. Three stars. Started out OK and then I just got bored.

10. Winter in Sokcho – Elisa Shua Dusapin

This book cover is everything to me. I love reading books that are set in South Korea because, as the tagline of this website states, my heart is in Hanguk. I could visualize everything in this book so vividly and it made my heart ache.

11. You Have a Match  – Emma Lord

The “match” in the title is actually referring to a DNA testing site where you get put in the database and can be notified when you match with a relative. It was a pretty nice concept, two sisters are reunited and even though they don’t necessarily like each other, they join forces to find out why their parents kept them a secret from each other for the past 18 years or whatever. Even had a camp setting which was fun, but of course there’s loveline which I just didn’t really buy. I was actually more interested in the two sets of parents’ stories, and what happened to make them have a falling out. Which I guess is what happens when you’re an adult reading a young adult book. JOKE’S ON ME.

***

And that concludes my February book wrap-up! Not the best, not the worst. But HELLLLLOOOO MIRANDA JULY!

We admittedly really fell off the attic destashing wagon after the first weekend we started lol; we really have no ambition. To be fair, most of January and part of February was spent getting slammed with Valentine card orders – not complaining!!

Anyway, it snowed a lot over night and was generally miserable out, so the weather combined with equally-as-miserable gas prices kept us inside today. So, what better time to reconvene in the attic armed with industrial garbage bags?!

Granted, I only semi-helped, and excused myself at one point to go and do a walking workout, but in the time I did spend in the attic today, I found some fun things!

I was straight up obsessed with While You Were Out and obviously Teresa Strasser was my favorite. I actually learned the term “gilding the lily” from her (which Chooch claims I say “like, all of the time” apparently). I have a very fond memory of recovering from a kidney infection so bad it landed me in the ER, while laying on the couch and watching WYWO on TLC. Back when TLC had good reality shows. This literally was my comfort show. And I associate it with brownies from the Giant Eagle bakery because it was all I wanted to eat and Henry was like “aye aye captain” and fetched them for me, and then when I gained weight, I blamed it on him but this was very early into our relationship and he probably wasn’t used to that yet and obviously cried alone in the dark.

I emailed Teresa one day to gush about how great she is and when I told her I was from Pittsburgh, she said she went to CMU! And then asked if I wanted a signed picture. Um, heck yeah, lady. I’ll add it to my collection of Melissa Brenna / Jen Horton from Days of Our Lives, David Copperfield, Elvira, and some host of a radio show in England whose name I can’t remember at the mo’ but I’m certain I recently posted about this.

Only bad thing about Teresa is that I listed her as an interest on LiveJournal and that is the fateful circumstance that led my ex-bff Christina to me. Nearly 20 years of tumult later, we talk sporadically but I mostly still hate her for being a fucking lying fake bitch.

Thanks, Teresa.

DUDE NEED I SAY MORE.

Henry casually said, “here’s my restricted area badge” and I nearly dove across 8 boxes of memories to snatch it from him.

“We’ll be keeping this,” I said as I snapped a picture to immediately post on IG.

“Do you know a XXXX XXXXXX?” Henry asked. The name immediately rang a bell, and I remembered that my brother Ryan was childhood friends with a kid that had the same name.

“Well, his dad crashed his car into my house when I lived in Pleasant Hills,” Henry said, handing me the accident report that he has evidently not been able to part with since THE YEAR OF THE INCIDENT: 1999.

I texted Ryan STAT to tell him of this development. It was funnier at first when I misheard Henry and thought he said it was actually Ryan’s friend who did the crashing, because he would have been A BIT young to be driving in 1999. But no, it was the dad and the STORY he gave the cops was that he was eating an ice cream cone while driving and CHOKED ON A PEANUT, causing him to lose control and veer off the road straight into Henry’s dining room. It’s only able to be a funny story now because no one was injured, and insurance paid for Henry’s house repairs so we can all sit back and laugh about it now because really, your man was choking on a peanut? A LIKELY STORY.

Remember when I was mentioned in one of posts about THE CURE corner that I don’t have the tickets from when I saw The Cure in Canberra, Australia because I tried to laminate them when I came home and it ended up burning them and they became unsalvageable.
Well, I forgot that Robert Smith’s autograph (and Roger and Jason’s!) was still legible even though the rest of the info on the ticket was trashed, so I kept it. Totally forgot about this until today when Henry unearthed it from a crate of “miscellaneous stuff.” I was happy but also felt that same stomach sinking sensation at the memory of this tragedy which occurred in my office at Weiss Meats. Ugh. But! Now I have it displayed with the rest of my Cure concert tickets in my Cure Corner, so I feel a sense of completeness. Thanks, Henry, for finding this and not immediately think it was trash, lol.

I also found a VHS tape of footage from my 1995 Europe trip, recorded by one of the people in the tour group with us! She had mailed me a copy of it at some point after we all returned home and this is a big deal because this was the same trip that STEVE MY CRUSH was on! We still have a VCR hooked up from last year when I found my mom’s old Jackie Sorenson aerobics tape and couldn’t think of anything else that I wanted to do but the PONY-MONKEY on Jackie’s command.

So I made Henry watch this RIVETING home movie recorded by a 15-year-old girl from Minnesota just so I could play Steve-spotting. There is very little footage of me on this tape because when I had recently gotten my hair SHORN against my will (my mom told the stylist to “keep cutting” even though I was prepared with a picture of CARRIE BRADY from Days of Our Lives, wow, two DAYS references in one blog post, THERE’S THE ERIN WE KNOW) and was feeling very self-conscious about it. Amanda did a very good respecting my wishes but I did make it in a few times, like in this clip from Greece where I am looking v. 1995. But it was nice to see footage of my aunt Sharon though even though we fought the whole time lol.

I honestly do not remember THIS DENIM ENSEMBLE at all, but I also recently found a picture of me from the same day of that trip so I think it’s a sign that I should recreate this look for our spring break vaca that may or may not be happening (see aforementioned complaint about GAS PRICES).

Ugh same dumb Leno-smile, even back in 1995!

Of course I got so caught up in nostalgia that I went on an Internet deep dive for Amanda. I actually found her mom on Facebook and from there found her younger sister Natalie. There were a few pictures of Amanda on Natalie’s page, but she wasn’t tagged so perhaps she is a cool person like me, who is Facebookless.

Wait, do you guys still call it Facebook, or the new name whatever it is?

Amanda and Natalie still look like themselves! They have aged super well. Amanda would be a year younger them me, I believe, and her sister is three years younger than me. They were both instantly recognizable to me! I wish I could have found an email address for Amanda but who could say that she would even remember me? I think about that all the time, because I remember so many people with whom I have had only brief encounters, but how many of them ever get a memory-flash of me?! There goes my inferiority complex again.

Anyway, that’s all I got for now. Cleaning out the attic has been so tedious. I hate cleaning a lot. But I also want to have an extra room! Ah what to do.

Don’t we always celebrate that jerk tho.

Anyway, Chooch maintained his 4.0 on his most recent report card and we were like, “cool I guess we will feed you at some point” and literally like a full month later, we finally made plans to take him to dinner to “celebrate.”

We had Houlihan’s stuck in our heads because he mentioned it once in passing that he wanted to go there because he had never been, and I got super nostalgic because that was my PLACE when I was in my late teens. I guess because it was like the next step up from Denny’s and my friends and I thought we were SO SOPHIS eating there and honestly we probably mostly only went for dessert. I sincerely can’t remember any actual food I would have eaten there aside from whatever their fried mozzarella app was – maybe the triangles?

Or was Dingbats the ones with the triangles?!

The Houlihan’s I used to go was replaced by a WALGREENS ugh many years ago and at some point moved down the street to the Galleria, but I hadn’t been to the new location. Now that I think about it, the last time I was at Houlihan’s may have been in 2001/2002 when I was going through a heavy “meeting people on the Internet” phase by placing personal ads FOR FRIENDS (lololol) and had a FRIEND INTERVIEW with some dude there right around the time Henry and I started dating and you can imagine how well that went over. Don’t worry, I talked about my cats the whole time and never heard whatever that dude’s name was ever again.

We also invited Janna!

Sunday afternoon, while Chooch was still at work, Henry made CHOOCH PINS for us to wear that night.

This is the one Janna wore! I don’t have a picture of Henry’s and he almost blew the whole charade anyway by not having it on at first and then Chooch caught me mouthing “WHERE IS YOUR PIN” across the table; Chooch caught me and immediately asked, “WHAT” in a panicked tone but I said NOTHING and he moved on quickly because he only has so much interest in adults.

So then Henry to excuse himself to go to the bathroom and put the damn thing on; meanwhile, Chooch came down from Teenage La La Land long enough to actually SEE Janna at the table with us. He did a slow doubletake and asked, “Why are you wearing a pin of my face?” which was rather hurtful because I had mine on the whole entire time we were walking around the Galleria before Janna got there and he never noticed because I AM INVISIBLE TO HIM.

I pointed at my denim vest and yelled, “I HAVE ONE ON TOO” right when Henry came back and now Chooch was legit surrounded by people wearing pins of his face. It was like a TEAM CHOOCH huddle.

Chooch, after he realized what was happening.

We had a really stiff middle-aged (ugh probably like my age) waiter who looked like he was late for a Drive-By Truckers show at a craft whiskey festival in Williamsburg, NYC. He made me SO FUCKING UNCOMFY. He was for sure sneering at us and was also visibly anxious and annoyed when Chooch didn’t know what he wanted to drink right away. My favorite was when he asked Henry a question and then walked away before Henry had a chance to answer and Henry said something like, “How am I supposed to answer when he’s already halfway down the road?” and the fact that he said “road ” had me and Chooch dying.

Also, he was wearing a VERY FITTED short-sleeved flannel to show off his SUPER COOL tattoos.

Also, I chose Janna’s meal for her. Fish tacos. You’re welcome, Janna.

Chooch and I both got a veggie burger and it was fine, but also kind of unsatisfying. And they served it to us on these gigantic, oblong plates just to really illustrate how little food we were given. I made some comment about how we should have went somewhere better and Chooch said, “Yeah why did we come here, anyway?”

“Because you wanted to come here!” I snapped.

“Yeah, with my friends,” he snapped back.

OH DANG SON. Wow, just wow!

We didn’t get dessert (ironically, considering that was why I used to go there back in the day!) because the Galleria has a CUPCAKE vending  machine! I already knew what I wanted, and then I told Henry which one to get, and Chooch picked his pretty quickly too, but then JANNA hemmed and hawed like it was A Big Life Purchase, and she kept trying to choose ones that weren’t available!

Meanwhile, there was a young couple waiting behind us and I felt so bad because we were taking so long (well, I wasn’t, I made my selection right away because I’m a pre-planner and thought about which one I was choosing all during dinner to the point where I was nervous none of them would be available). Janna finally chose a vanilla blueberry one or something – it was the very last one and she chose it after the girl behind us told her boyfriend that’s the one she wanted! Chooch and I were trying not to crack up.

Then the vending machine deployed its slowest snail to gather up our selected ‘cakes and I honestly had to walk away after mine was deposited because it was so awkward standing there with those people behind us.

But holy shit, these bitches were worth the hassle and the wait! Mine was matcha and strawberry, and Henry’s was white chocolate pistachio. Chooch’s – not pictured because he absconded to his bedroom with it as soon as we got home – was lemon.

The Galleria is only like 15 minutes from my house and I’m seriously considering going back there as soon as I post this for ROUND TWO.

The end Congrats Chooch, on your big brain. Next time we’ll go somewhere you don’t want to go with your friends, I guess.

When it’s 1997 and you’re at the mall trying to use up that last picture on the roll so you can drop your film off at Ritz.

Double prints.

One hour processing.

And your sidekick Brian is like “You are embarrassing.”

(This was totally at Kaufmann’s in Century III Mall, btw. RIP Kaufmann’s. RIP Century III Mall.)

Blurry picture of Heather, me, and Justin during the summer of 1998, when we went to the Pittsburgh airport in the middle of the night for no reason other than we had nothing else to do and wanted to get ice cream cones at the McDonald’s there. I remember setting up my camera to take this picture while we were hanging out at one of the gates, waiting for planes, and spying on an airport employee who was sprawled out along some chairs, fast asleep.

It’s crazy to think that back then, you could do that. Just…chill at an airport for no reason, and no one questioned you. Just three dumb teenagers clomping from gate to gate like we had every right to be there.

Then on the way home driving down 279 in the dark, I inexplicably drove my car into one of the out of control truck ramps to nowhere, and amazingly didn’t get my car stuck but definitely succeeded in freaking everyone out, but that was kind of my specialty back then.

The late 90s were lit.

When I saw an NCT U “7th Sense” shirt on Etsy several weeks ago, I bought it with no hesitation – buyer’s remorse weighs heavily on me so I usually end up abandoning my shopping cart more often than going through with the transaction – manic shopping is actually one of the few characteristics of bi-polar disorder that doesn’t apply to me. As soon as it arrived, I tried it on and was all Heart Eyed Noona over here. I couldn’t wait until the weekend to wear it out! Because my life is so boring that I literally do not leave the house until Saturday AND MAYBE NOT EVEN THEN.

I wanted Henry to help me get a good picture of it so that I can get a discount from the Etsy seller (he promised!) because he other amazing Kpop designs that I need.  But then Henry was quick to remind me with no words needed that he sucks at taking pictures but excels at capturing my worst sides/angles/scowls/jowls.

We went to the Round Hill Cemetery on our way home from our dumb SaturDate and luckily there were witnesses there so we both stopped JUST SHORT of actual murder when bitching at each other over these dumb pictures.

We could have stopped with this one, only a few minutes into the “shoot,” if Henry had done a better job making sure my jacket wasn’t covering part of the shirt, Ihatehimsomuch.

Getting angry.

1. I like this Hipstamatic filter and rarely get to use it but apparently it comes in handy when you need to block out your miserable mug.
2. My purse is actually an NCT Cherry Bomb purse! The other side has a clear vinyl window so you can display your NCT enamel pin collection. I love that I’m like, “I RARELY BUY THINGS” but then I’m also like, “WILL PAY A LOT TO PREORDER A PURSE DESIGNED BY A PIN MAKER IN SINGAPORE THAT I MAY OR NOT EVER RECEIVE.” Spoiler alert: I obviously did receive it but it took like half a year. I paid for it in the fall of 2019 and then covid happened which delayed an already drawn out process.  #WorthIt

I was so over it.

All of this was going on while Henry’s phone was in the car so when we finally went to leave after nearly killing each other, Henry had like 87 missed calls from Chooch who “assumed” that we were picking him up from work and you know what they say about people who ASSUME.

(LOL, when I was a kid and heard that saying for the first time, I thought it was the greatest thing ever and was so excited to use it all the time, not knowing that the person I heard it from – probably a teacher – didn’t invent it.)

Oh well, that’s all for now. It’s only Tuesday and my brain is the perfect consistency for oyster crackers. I don’t know why I said that. What does that mean? My brain is chowder? OMG THAT MADE SENSE AFTER ALL.

OK. Bye. Stan NCT.

P.S.!! I forgot that Chooch and I saw this when we were at SM Town in Seoul!!

After we ate lunch (that bouncy grilled cheese, yo!) on Saturday, I wanted to go out and be one with nature because it was practically 70 degrees out! March is truly so underrated. It is like, the month of hope and thawing hearts. Like, winter is finally in the rear view mirror and we’re pedaling up toward the tulips.

Since we were in the area, I suggested that we just go to Ohio Pyle with all the other nature riffraff. I knew it would be crowded (for nature) because it was such a beautiful day, but it wasn’t overwhelmingly bad.

Henry was annoyed because I’m never dressed appropriately for “nature walks” but more like “teenager going to the mall.” Whatevelyn.

DANGER DANGER.

Apparently, you can go WHITE WATER RAFTING on this river-thing. It made me have a flashback to the time we went to Tennessee a long time ago and all of the girls in our group pre-planned a white water rafting trip but didn’t include me and I was sad at the time.

“Now that I think about it,” I mused to Henry while staring out into the raging rapids, “that was probably for the best.”

Henry laughed, but it was the kind of laughter that is more like a hard, staccato cough meant to signify the words “YOU AIN’T KIDDING.”

Speaking of raging rapids, I would not be sad if Kennywood got rid of their Raging Rapids and put in an RMC single-rail or something equally as good and non-water-ridey.

Henry was annoyed because I matched so match. (Erin from 2024 here to correct that last “match”to “well.” Ugh.)  I was like a walking cringefest and he was so happy to be seen with me. Actually, though, I put this outfit together because I had recently bought that shirt and the owner of the Etsy shop was like I WILL GIVE YOU A DISCOUNT IF YOU TAKE PICS IN THE SHIRT so later on, I made Henry TAKE PICTURES OF ME IN THE SHIRT and as usual it caused a huge blowout because his specialty is shooting me from all my bad sides/angles (to be fair, there are many so his odds are good). More on that in a separate post because I gotta stretch out that content, dear reader(s).

o.O

We had about 87 fights in this area which was kind of stupid considering how many openings he had to OOPS push me in. He was mad because he was desperate to go inside the visitor’s center for some reason and I was like, “Why, it’s just gonna be a bunch of maps and rock formation dioramas.”

Meanwhile on the other side of the road, there are all kinds of places to get your RIVER PERSON GEAR and whatnot. Also, souvenirs, but like what kind of souvenirs are they shilling out at Ohio Pyle?? I bet it’s just, like, fancy rocks and pennants.

While we were walking past all this shit, I wondered about what would have happened if I had ended up with a guy was into that shit. Like, camping and wearing life vests, etc.

“Well, you wouldn’t have lasted long, obviously,” Henry scoffed and I disagree with this because my pre-Henry dating experience showed me that guys tended to CLING so who knows how that could have panned out. Maybe I’d have kept a non-nature boy on the side to chill with whenever Russ went to go stick a flag on the top of a mountain. (I just imagine that someone like that would be named Russ and now I’m laughing because I ACTUALLY DID DATE A GUY NAMED RUSS but forgot until just now; however, I don’t think he was into wilderness things and also I think we only dated for like a month in 11th grade, it was not that big of a deal.)

A Church.

Me in front of A Church.

We walked along another trail for a bit, just in time to see some young child nearly ride their bike, training wheels and all, over a small gorge. The dad ran after it (I didn’t look to see if it was a boy or a girl because it didn’t matter) and as he grabbed the back of its bike, he looked at us and we all laughed nervously, pretending that his kid didn’t just perish over a cliff in Ohio Pyle.

At Ohio Pyle?

On Ohio Pyle?

What the fuck even is an PYLE??

I hissed out of the side of my mouth to Henry, “Let’s get away from these people before we end up as eye witnesses” so we went down to the WATER which was nice and calm since it was a bit away from that water fall / rapid area thing where we started.

I wanted to start a series of TREE POSIN’ WITH ERIN AND HENRY but I’m not certain how often I will be able to get Henry to participate and also, for example, all he was doing here was mimicking my awkward poses so I’m not even sure I want to give him the clearance to do that again, if we’re being honest with each other here and obviously we are because “honesty” is like my brand. Well, there are probably worse things that are my brand first. But “honesty” is there somewhere.

Henry was very smug about this shot of me mid-ass brush.

I had enough of OHIO PYLE by then, so we left. Not before I blasted NCT127 “Earthquake” as we drove past a gaggle of hillbilly hunter guys congregating around the pick-up truck in the parking lot.

Henry was like, “Wow, great, thanks.” He loves when I draw attention to us.

On the way back home, I had a vague memory of being with my mom one time in middle school or high school, while she was spying on someone (probably—that was like her big past time back then).

All I could remember was that she had taken me somewhere “to the right, off one of these roads up here” near Perryopolis, to a place called Linden something. Henry was like, “Reminder that it’s 2022 and you can find anything on that iPhone in your hand” so I googled it and yelled LINDEN HALL just as we saw a sign on the side of the road that said LINDEN HALL. So Henry was like, “OK gas is 900 dollars but sure let’s take a detour into the unknown” so that is how we ended up driving and driving and driving past all kinds of actual VILLAGES and even the SILENCE OF THE LAMBS house which I completely forgot was out that way:

Until we finally made it to Linden Hall, which is just a golf course / mansion / wedding venue apparently. The mansion was really petty and I wanted to go in but Henry said IT IS CLOSED even though all the lights were on, but OK, sir. He was just pissed because as we drove past the golf course on the way in, I leaned across and screamed, “MISS IT!!!!” out the window at all the golfers with saggy butts.

“Why do you have to be so childish,” he sighed, wanting to die.

Then on the way back out to the main road, I asked him to slow down so I could take a picture of the house with all the obnoxious Trump signs but it was only because I wanted the opportunity to screech TRUMP SUCKS at the house, to which Henry responded by stepping on the gas, frantically trying to roll up my window, while muttering, “God damn you.” Wow, Henry’s hidden Trump love is showing.

Then we back-tracked and went to Gene and Boots because crybaby Henry wanted to get ice cream since he didn’t get dessert to go at Brenda’s Family Restaurant like he claimed he was going to. Seriously, he can be such a bitch sometimes.

Yeah wow. These are things that happened on Saturday after lunch. Come back when I post the second half, which is tentatively titled “BREAKING UP AT THE CEMETERY BECAUSE OF MY PERPETUAL RESTING BITCH FACE AND HENRY’S INABILITY TO DIRECT ME INTO POSING FOR PICTURES WHERE I DON’T LOOK LIKE SLOTH FROM THE GOONIES.”