Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 14:56 Henry made me laff twice in a row. The world must be ending. #
• 17:17 The womens room at my job smells like a freshly baked strawberry pie in the middle of Kensington Gardens. #
• 17:32 Some driver just said, “what r u, about 20?”. PLUS NINE. I love that guy now. #
• 21:07 Tonight I worked with two women who exchanged chicken piccata recipes over top of me and I hoped they wouldn’t ask me for mine. #
• 21:48 CHOOCH POOPED ON THE POTTY. I cheered so loud, he thought he was in trouble.
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  #

• 13:17 The spelling errors I’ve been making lately have been so embarrassing; I must have suffered head trauma without knowing it. #
• 10:25 My son just called me a pain in the ass. Henry is glowing. #
• 11:54 I haven’t been this emotional since I was 15. #
• 12:02 Going to visit my old place of employment. Its been over 4 years; I guess I’m ready. #
• 12:21 Low grade panic attack. #

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• 13:35 I can drink the oolong all day longoo. #
• 14:20 Henry just said I’m not allowed to cook anymore. :( #
• 15:39 @spacecoaster I wish you could be a professional political Tweeter. #
• 18:15 I wish I didn’t have grownup responsibilities to handle before leaving for shows. Fucking stresses me out when all I want to do is ROCK. #
• 18:27 Nothing beats an impromptu political debate as I’m trying to walk out the door. #
• 18:34 HAHAHA and now we’re driving in silence. You know, this is how the mehoover journal was conceived four years ago. #
• 19:08 Henry and I are in the drunk tank with the other 6 21&overs. #
• 19:12 Oh don’t mind me, scene kids. I’ll just be blogging about you and your asymmetrical hair tomorrow. #
• 19:33 twitpic.com/d0r4 – Faux scene kids #
• 19:42 Henry keeps trying to converse with me but I can’t hear past his beer breath. #
• 19:50 Styx came on the speakers between bands and Henry is like “oh good, my kind of music. Pass the Old Milwaukee ” #
• 19:54 I tweet because henry doesn’t listen to me. #
• 20:01 twitpic.com/d0wh – “I used to drink Pabst when I was 17. Durrr. Wanna dry hump?” #
• 20:04 Shows should have height restrictions. No one taller than Erin Appledale* admitted. (*new name, remember??) #
• 20:15 Just saw a boy that looked like if Prince was a scene kid but failed miserably at capturing evidence. #
• 20:58 Everyone started screaming bc the lights changed colors. Henry was annoyed by this. #
• 21:17 /:6/55;;;j(6:63: OMFG DYING OUCH #
• 22:17 I like watching all the boys searching 4 shoes after the show. #
• 00:33 After a discussion w/ Christina on beastiality, we realized we actually do have morals and limits. I feel refreshed. #
• 11:52 Me: “Chooch, who’s your mommy?” Chooch: “Asshole.” Close enough, I guess. #
• 11:53 I woke up under a cloud of post-show depression. Henry apparentally woke up to a three-beer hangover. What a lamer. #

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Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 15:14 it would be awesome if i came home from work tonight and the DISHES WERE WASHED. #
• 15:18 When I learned what “sack” meant, I cheered real loud. #
• 21:06 I took online tests and chopped invoices all night. And got paid a lot to do that. #
• 21:12 I love delivery drivers. #
• 21:46 Welcomed home from first nite of work by my bitchy boyfriend. Time to wipe the blood from your vagina, henry. #
• 21:47 Popcorn and chocolate milk for dinner, I guess. #

• 09:58 Today is a day for some E.99 Eternal and ass-capping. Whutwhut. But first I’ll make coffee. #
• 11:50 I wonder how long it will take Chooch to draw a comparison between raisins and boogers. #
• 12:45 When chooch hurts himself on something, he calls the offending object a bastard and pretends to shoot it. #
• 14:34 Every time I look at Madchen Amick, I see a former man. #
• 21:40 A vigorous handshake from a driver caused me to slosh burning hot coffee all over my left hand. I’ve been christened. #
• 21:56 I swear I barely watched TV until the WB and now the CW began pandering to my eternal teenager. #
• 22:38 Am so tired but can’t sleep knowing that in 24 hours, I’ll be freaking out at the Chiodos show. Its like xmas eve!! Without the egg nog. #
• 23:48 So far, there are no femulletted employees at my new job to replace the gaping vacancy in my heart left by Tina. #

• 09:28 @fondabruises thank you! I woke up and squealed! #
• 09:40 On today’s agenda: 1. Deflect toys chucked by son. 2. Jumprope. 3. Hassle Henry. 4. Dig holes 4 bodies. 5. CHIODOS. 6. ORGASM. 7. DIE. #
• 11:30 I will be so sad if the day ever comes where I don’t get butterflies before a show. Please don’t ever fly away, butterflies. #
• 11:48 Attempted to make scrambled eggs w/ cheese. The cheese ended up avalanching the eggs. How very Wisconsin. (Read: binding) #

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• 13:24 Remembered I’m seeing Chiodos on Wednesday and almost started to cry. My emotions, they are checked. #
• 15:24 Henry just trusted me to steady the stool he was using to put in a red lightbulb and then I walked away. #
• 15:29 twitpic.com/cfqo – Henry does all the decorating. No one is shocked. #
• 16:40 I do not like being dicked around. This is why I allow very few people in. #

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• 11:15 The Incredibly Shrinking Woman was the scariest movie to me when I was little. Traumatically so. It’s on right now and I shuddered. #
• 14:08 Whiniest kid ever, you’re in my backseat. Hello. STFU. #
• 19:21 Football srsly makes me murderous. #
• 10:17 Today I start my job but I’m more nervous about getting my picture taken for my security tag. #

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Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 16:15 Henry seems threatened that I’ll be working with drivers again. #
• 16:34 AND the bathroom at my new job is in the BASEMENT, where it is ominous and colored with a 1950s shade of green. SO EXCITED TO USE! #
• 16:37 To celebrate, I’m feasting on Orange Tofu tonight at Zenith. And tea too. If my mind can process the massive tea menu without imploding.
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  #

• 17:48 Some guy is sitting next to 2 boxes of stuff on the sidewalk across from my house, crying. Henry won’t let me invite him in. #
• 17:53 To see what would happen, I screamed REALLY LOUD and now the man is retreating with his two boxes. What a sissy lala. #
• 17:54 twitpic.com/c4ig – :( wah. #
• 18:51 I have an unfounded paranoia of being stood up. #
• 19:06 I always choose to meet friends at places with challenging parking. Its kind of my thing. #
• 21:04 Shared a pot of tea that had sarsaparilla in it with my friend Lindsay and I think a new addiction is blossoming. #

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• 12:44 I’ve been sittong here with a truck on my head for twenty minutes. #
• 12:45 Also, sitting. #
• 13:38 HELLO EMPLOYMENT. #  **
• 19:29 Thinking about papering my walls with purple velvet. #
• 19:38 Crazy Mocha does the whole “hair-in-beverage” gimmick one better by making it an entire clump. Delicious. #
• 19:53 Got replacement coffee but cringe every time I sip, in fear of slurping up more mange. #
• 20:58 Chooch is tantruming because we left the “ween store”. Unforch, that’s Chooch-speak for Halloween, not weener. #
• 21:54 Chooch is burning up the remainder of his energy by dancing seizurely to Weird Paul. I approve. #

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**Yeah, so I guess no traces of narcotics were detected in my urine sample, and I got the job!

I’m going in today to fill out some paperwork and talk about training.

I’m pretty amped. I’ve had good feelings about this place from the start. Now I can continue to buy myself the weekly presents I’ve grown accustomed to.

Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 16:15 It seems the idea of me ever getting married is hilarious. #
• 18:25 Henrys trying to teach Chooch about patience. I can’t stop laughing. #
• 19:59 Jonny Craig Jonny Craig Jonny Craig Jonny Craig. Craig, Jonny. #

• 12:43 The CW keeps me a perpetual teen. #
• 20:28 Trying to talk henry into having a pie party but he decided we should just find someone else’s to crash. #
• 22:57 anticipated a hunk of carrot cake, but ordered blueberry pie. my mind and mouth do not work well together in message delivery. #
• 09:59 Nothing says good morning like a fat, bloody lip. #

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Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 14:49 I hate that the combined forces of humidity and rain make my house sweat. #
• 15:21 Thanks to surprise issues of Good Housekeeping being mailed to me, I’ve been finding lots of new tasks for Henry. #
• 17:16 Trying to get Chooch to replace “asshole parade” with “rainbow muffin”. #
• 19:38 Fucking humidity enlarges my pores like a penis in a virgin anus. HATE. #
• 20:28 @satanmetalady :( I was thinking the same thing earlier, only “if I lived by myself” lol. #
• 22:05 Blake met a girl at the mall and named her Cortez because she looked Mexican, and she still gave him her number. #
• 22:37 I didn’t sign on for a second degree assault party. #
• 22:47 Janna thinks my photos are excelsior #
• 23:50 Fuck it, pizza. #
• 00:18 I don’t make enough outfits with twine and cardboard. #

• 11:25 We like to make fun of that which we don’t understand. #
• 11:33 We’s goin’ to a real life art myooseeim ta’day. Gettin all cultyooral n shit. #
• 13:20 Chooch and his damn legs. #
• 14:00 twitpic.com/bko8 – Conveniently placed Moo card #
• 14:00 twitpic.com/bkof – I am here. #
• 14:27 Note: never take Henry to art museum again. #
• 14:36 twitpic.com/bkvh – Art. Observe. #
• 15:00 twitpic.com/bl07 – Chooch was non-assholey at the gallery so he got presents. Wish I could say same for Henry. #
• 15:51 Chooch gave himself an intensive Vaseline treatment. #
• 19:05 Can’t wait until the day we can go to a restaurant without clenching in fear of a tantrum. #
• 10:35 Asked my mom to help me decorate for halloween. And by “help” I mean “do it all for me” #

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Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 13:01 Unmotivated x 89. #
• 14:28 Chooch found Marcy’s old purple velvet rhinestone “choker” (not collar!) and is insistent on putting it on her.
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  This should be good. #

• 15:18 Chiodos in two weeks. Tunnel vision employed. #
• 18:15 I’m sick for the thirty-fifth time this year. #
• 18:38 Letting the Supernatural DVD babysit my kid. #
• 21:19 twitpic.com/b5s0 – Unwinding with eyeball play. #
• 09:23 my blog doesn’t translate very well in LiveJournal’s syndicated feed. #
• 17:11 I need to take a class on how to manage sickness with grace, and realizing that a cold doesn’t have to be debilitating. Fuck. #
• 22:14 Even when I’m sick, Henrys hands won’t wash a single dish. Dickstick. #
• 09:47 Blake and I want Dunkin Donuts but I’m sure Henry will find a way to kibosh it. #
• 12:17 In one single morning, I succeeded in burning not one but two pots into complete ruin. I am a kitchen master. #

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Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 14:37 was called in to meet the manager. PLZ LET THIS MEAN I WILL HAVE A JOB. #
• 14:53 Chooch just made a puppet squeeze my boob. #
• 17:31 twitpic.com/aw9g – Trying on jackets. #
• 18:24 Chooch stunk up all of Famous Footwear with his rancid feet. Its a stench that no one could grow used to. #
• 22:29 I light candles and Henry follows behind me, moving away flammable objects. #
• 11:12 It used to be that the only thing on my agenda was spending my moms money, liberally. I miss those days. #
• 15:59 Sitting in a room with a bunch of unsavories, waiting for drug test #
• 16:10 Turns out I’ve been lounging atop some kind of melted yellow confection #
• 16:20 Ill be able to just wring my underwear out into their hands, if they’d like to make me wait any longer for my scheduled cup pissing. #
• 16:31 Some man just fisted at least 10 jolly rangers from the jar at the counter. Greedy prick wants to use the phone now too. #
• 16:33 Its a good I don’t do drugs, only sell drugs. #
• 16:35 A good THING, that is. Too many kilos on my mind, I guess. #
• 18:23 I’m hoping someday I get to check YES for “have u ever been convicted of any crimes?” question on applications. #
• 18:25 Driving to dinner. Me, upon seeing a man walking down the street: “that guy was AWESOME. What was he?” Henry: “Homeless.” #
• 18:53 Cannot blog when Henry and Chooch are around or I start making up words. Then I look like more of an idiot than usual. #
• 20:36 Just had a surprise visit from blake and robbie and their posse. Now I have unrealistic crush on some scene boy in said posse. . #
• 05:53 I’m looking forward to a new season of the Colie Bun. Long live MTV’s Challenges. #

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Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 09:56 Today I woke up to Chooch frantically calling me from his crib because the Cure was on the radio. Not a bad start to Shitty Sunday. #
• 17:43 I wish every day was an amusement park day. #
• 21:20 Britney Spears, fucking finally. Suck a vag, Katy Perry. #
• 09:38 I somehow got my son to be scared of Jesus. I would make a great sunday school teacher.
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• 10:51 Could watch Lil Wayne perform all the livelong day. #
• 16:58 Just got awesome news from my oldest friend!!! Old as in, “we’ve known each other since we were 4”, not as in “she’s in a nursing home.
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  ” #

• 19:11 At grocery store. Every time henry says no to chooch, I turn around and toss what he desires into cart. #
• 21:52 Can’t a bitch watch Gossip Girl without constant interruptions? #
• 23:17 I don’t put stock in horoscopes but the one I just read for myself sounds pretty devastating. Like I should be buying a cemetery plot.
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• 23:23 The 2005 Gay TV Challenge is on public access and it is THE LIMIT. “She’s like the wind” is being sung in front of a rainbow RIGHT NOW. #
• 23:34 Thank God they got rid of night shift, or I’d have missed this piece of quality local programming. #

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• 19:28 Teaching Chooch about hearses. A relaxing Friday night. #
• 20:47 Whoever does my eulogy, I hope they include the fun fact that I preferred to mix my own chocolate milk. Syrup, never powder. #

• 09:45 I think I might be slightly OCD. Every time the pillows and throw get messed up on my couch, I feel nauseated. #
• 09:51 Talked to @satanmetalady on the phone for the first time last nite and it didn’t induce anxiety. It was good. #
• 10:09 Henry is such a slob that its breaking down my psyche, one razor slash at a time. Srsly, PICK UR SHIT UP. #
• 10:47 On our way to Lakemont Park and already fought 63 times before getting in car. #
• 11:06 Told Henry that I went to Consideration School and he said I must not have made it thru the first week. Whatev. #
• 11:26 Just made eye contact with a hunter. Need sanitized. #
• 11:29 Henry knows so much about the jitney industry! I feel like if the History Channel did a special, Henry could give expert commentary. #
• 13:07 I just changed my name to Erin Appledale. Please make necessary adjustments to your records. #
• 15:20 The Skydiver at Lakemont Park could be the funnest ride ever. If there wasn’t so much pain involved. #
• 15:34 Just learned my son does not like sand. #
• 16:48 Me: “I wish this ride spun more” right before I found it necessary to choke back vomit. #
• 17:03 They have Christian bean bag toss here. #
• 19:10 We’re in Bedford at some food joint. Chooch is being an asshole and I want apple dumplings. #
• 19:23 The guy at the table next to us just announced that he has some serious phlegm. #
• 19:23 Should teach him about Twitter. Imagine the scintillating tweets. #
• 19:25 The waitress just apologized for the wait. “He’s not used to cooking,” she said. I feel scared. #
• 19:47 twitpic.com/aj93 – Some slow ass eaters. Might have to serve their dessert in the funeral home. #
• 20:26 Blake knows how I take my coffee and Henry, his own father, doesn’t! I don’t know how our relationship has survived the past seven years. #
• 20:57 Playing 20 questions in car. Henry gets mad that mine are too obscure. “That one guy we saw selling flowers 6 yrs ago! Duh.” #
• 21:43 Remember when the wedding was down the street from where my dad died? LOLsupreme. #

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Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 16:48 I feel like it might be a good sign that the supervisor ogled my tits during the interview. Girls, don’t fail me now. Mama needs paid. #
• 19:47 twitpic.com/a4x6 – Aka fifth layer of parental hell. #
• 20:20 Currently dining with a fork chucker and a professional patronizer. #
• 00:48 I’ve got, two tickets to Chiodos’ show. Pack your bags, don’t leave the blow.
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• 11:36 for my 30th bday, i’m going to have a fake wedding, graduation, prom all in 1, take care of all the things I missed out on in 1 fell swoop. #
• 13:27 Janna is drinking a milkshake and keeps saying “oh this is totally the limit” and I know she’s doing it to make me cry. #
• 13:29 My next tshirt: a large mugshot of Christina with “she’s not that great” under it. #
• 17:55 New TSOAF album makes it all seem like its going to be ok. Thank fuck for music. #
• 21:29 Chooch is sitting amidst a landfill of toys. Its what I always wanted to do except w/ CDs. Or weeners. Or jello. Wait, different fantasy. #
• 10:43 Reading out loud makes me yawn every time. I guess the world will never get to hear my eloquent speeches. #

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Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 19:31 Sometimes all I want to do is gulp wine and cry along to aural wrist-slashers. Like, for example, “careless whispers”.
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• 21:15 coin machine proprietor, i strive for your title. #
• 00:14 Finally, I understand the purpose of thimbles. #

• 09:05 I just heard the words “I will have to work on that” come out of Henry’s mouth. The shock is paralyzing. #
• 15:13 Wondering why my serious side makes ppl so uncomfortable that they blatantly ignore it. I’m not a robot – I have feelings. OMG. #
• 20:45 In math class today, Professor Henry taught me that $2.50 is fifty percent of $11. #
• 09:14 I have an interview today. The only thing getting me thru it is knowing afterward I’m picking up tickets to the Chiodos show. #
• 10:01 Christina gave Chooch a dollar on Monday and I just asked him what he’s going to buy. He said coffee. Hopefully its for me. #

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• 15:08 Blake, the responsible big brother, told Chooch that Windex tastes like rainbows. Naturally, he wants to drink it now. #
• 15:11 Maybe we can get Henry to buy into the new taste sensation. #
• 16:43 Hi I should not be this nervous for someone else’s wedding!!!! #
• 16:58 Drove past bar I used to go, suggested christina take blake & chooch there tonite. She said “maybe we’ll find someone u gave a blowjob to” #
• 20:03 My wedding goggles make Henry look handsome. #
• 20:04 I swear alyson and hector were doing a silent interpration to that Dirty Dancing song but alyson says no. #
• 20:13 I complained that Henry never kisses me in public and then when he tried I screamed NO!!! #
• 20:14 And yes I eat my cupcake with a spoon. Less calories when you pretend its a grapefruit. #
• 20:28 We got evicted from our table so ppl coulkd dance, yet no moves are being busted, and now I have elderly ass in my face. #
• 20:54 Henry knew exactly which girl I was going to crush on before I even had a chance to point her out. #
• 20:59 Henry looks sleazy taking pictures of girls when meanwhile they’re for me. #
• 21:01 Sounded to me like hector said something about looking for arabian drugs. I’m going with him. #
• 21:17 That girl’s lucky she didn’t go in the bathroom alone. #
• 21:35 Me: do u want to dance? Henry: not to the Cure. #
• 22:06 Some guy looked at me and Hector is polishing his brass knuckles. It is, in a word, awesome. #
• 23:27 Weddings render my spelling skillz powerless. POWERLEZ. #
• 00:06 twitpic.com/9pjs – Remember when henry was really hungry #

• 12:23 twitpic.com/9r80 – Lost my son to a biker gang #
• 15:10 Henry said andy roddick is a hottie. #  
• 17:50 Quite possibly worst day I’ve had in months. #
• 21:19 I am unsure if Sunday August 31 could be any more psychotic. #
• 09:50 Had a flashback to the gross oatmeal I had at Eat n Park yesterday. #

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