Today is the one-year-anniversary since I breathed the same air as G-Dragon at the Air Canada Center in Toronto, but it’s also my birthday! I turned 39 today and I know that the countdown to is very real to a lot of people, but I gotta tell you: I’m not scared ’bout it! My 20s were largely terrible (bad job, even…badder friends, less control over my mental health), but my 30s turned out to be pretty fucking great for the most part. I don’t fuck around with toxic people anymore; at age 30 I finally found a job that I actually value and do my best at; my relationship with Henry has improved over time (oh god please don’t say it’s aged like a fine wine, that’s so dumb!); being a mom to Chooch has been so much fun; and I just feel like I know myself better through this last almost-decade of my life. So I say, bring on the 40s! I’m ready for it.

This was a great birthday too. Henry pulled through and bought me the whole SHINee Story of Light collection because he’s the best Kpop boyfriend ever. It actually was delivered on Saturday and I was like CAN I JUST HAVE IT NOW?!?! because the box had a Choice Music sticker on it and hello that’s only the best Kpop shop in the US everyone knows that.

Then yesterday my friend Katrina sent me a picture of a roller skate purse she saw in the kids section at Target so I said to Henry, “Go buy me that” and he did.

Shit, I’m spoiled!

I took the day off work for my birthday and Chooch and I had grand plans to be a power riding team at Kennywood (more on that later this week!) but first Chooch was all COUGH COUGH AHEM COUGH until I realized that he had arranged the Hangul magnets on the fridge to spell out happy birthday AND HE GOT ME A CARD! That’s like a huge deal for kids, especially once they hit middle school because OMG other people have birthdays besides them?!

I started cracking up because while Chooch is legit gifted and brilliant in many ways, but is consistently stumped when it comes to addressing envelopes. “I googled it and everything but still didn’t know whose name to put!” he cried. How about THE PERSON YOU ARE GIVING THE CARD TO!? 🙄 Still, it was the best card—I love my at-times-remedial son!

So Chooch hangs out with this kid sometimes and is like enamored with his mom because she cooks and bakes and is basically the antithesis of me (she put one of her kids on blast for calling her a Crabby Patty, can you imagine if she was a fly on our wall?!) and I’m always like, “Wah, you like Wesley’s mom more than me!” because once she made him a grilled cheese and he was just excited to witness real housewife/stay at home mom antics I guess. So the inside of his card made me nearly burst into tears (um, and not teats like I originally typed, or twats which is what came out when I tried to type teats on purpose, writing is hard you guys). I guess the best part of my thirties was watching Chooch grow into such a cool, thoughtful, caring dude.

And going to Korea, duh.

I’m typing this now right before bed, exhausted and delirious from a day full of cracking up and riding my favorite rides at Kennywood. And Henry wasn’t a jerk all day! What more can I ask for?

(I mean, a lot of things obviously but I’m trying to pretend like I’m a mature 39-year-old broad here ok lol.)

Remember in school when people would sign yearbooks with “R/M/A” and it was supposed to mean “remember me always” but everyone knew it really meant “rip my ass”? I am so close to waking Henry up right now to see if that was a thing when he was in school, back when there were one-room school houses with a wood-stove in the back and he walked over the river and through the woods, past the farmer in the dell, cardboard flapping under his feet and then sent a smoke signal to let his mommy know he made it ok. But I don’t think acronyms were invented yet back then.

Just something that’s been on my mind, guys.

Here is a song I like because there is one part, a split-second part, that reminds me of a song by a western pop singer that I really like and like I swear to god I will PayPal you like $5 maybe if you can guess it. #likelikelike Henry couldn’t. Chooch did right away.

On that note, time for my gin bath. Also, I broke my calf muscle today.

One of my stupid resolutions is always to “MAKE MORE PLANS” and “DO MORE THINGS” but fuck it, man, sometimes I just want to walk into a planless weekend and see what happens, you know what I’m saying? No expectations. And nothing is really all that enticing to me lately either, if we’re being honest. I knew that Picklesburgh was underway (the above picture is from my lunch break walk on Friday — the closest I got to that fuckarow of Yinzers) and while I appreciate the concept because I do love me some pickles and bizarre foods, my hatred of bridges* and crowds of people made it easy for me to say “baby bye bye bye” to that idea because CROWDS OF PEOPLE ON BRIDGES.

*(I make myself walk across a bridge once a week or so just to try and combat my fears. It helps a little bit but when I’m walking across a bridge, there are only like 20 other people also on the bridge. Not a horde.)

And to be honest, when I woke up on Saturday, I felt extremely unmotivated and dead inside. Nothing new, really, but the “fun Erin” was in there somewhere, cheering me on and telling me not to give up. I told her to shove her pom-poms up her ass and went back to watching Roommate.

Chooch is like, Mr. Brookline this summer and is never home anymore, so it was just me and the cats Saturday morning. But then Henry came home from work and I was like I WANT TO GO SHOPPING so we did that and I bought some new clothes and felt better about life and the weather was nice and Henry was being attentive. THIS IS ALL I WANT FROM LIFE.

LOL just kidding I want so much more.

At some point, Chooch came home with a FUCKING KAZOO that he found at Blake’s and NO ONE STOPPED HIM FROM TAKING IT, THANKS GUYS. He’s been annoying us with it ever since.

“Big Daddy’s going,” Chooch said out of the blue.

“Who’s Big Daddy!?” Henry and I asked in unison.

“Me,” he answered in a tone that implied we should have known that, and then scooted off into the sunset on his stupid scooter, kazoo in his pocket. That kid! He started hanging out at the Teen Center last week, a place that he formerly referred to as THE CULT. He texted me the other day and was like, “GUESS WHERE I AM, THE TEEN CENTER. THEY GOT ME!” But his friend Liam hangs out there and it seems like a really good place for kids, plus they provide snacks and stuff and that’s what it really boils down to. The other day, the snacks were Korean! He was so excited that he took a picture and posted it on Instagram.

“THEY HAD MILKIS!” he told me later, all excited. So random!

If he’s not at the teen center, then he’s at the library. One day, I was like, “Don’t forget your library card” and he goes, “Oh, I have it memorized. Yeah, I’m THAT kid.”

Getting a little off topic here but I love when we take our nightly strolls and he tells me about all the shit he did during the day. He has…some childhood.

Speaking of walks, he didn’t want to go to the cem with Henry and me later on that Saturday, which was FINE, go be your own person, Chooch.

:(

So then Henry and I pretended like we were on a date LOLOLOL.

Me: We need to have more skinship.

Henry: *tries to hold my hand*

Me: Ew don’t touch me!

It was a super nice day and Henry even listened to me when I talked to him about my struggles learning Korean and he was like, “Hey, I can barely speak* English, so…” I don’t know if that made me feel better or worse because hey, my boyfriend’s dumbz0rz.

*(Look, I’m one to talk. I can barely write English anymore.)

Then I played my favorite game called “What If I Walked Liked This?” where I do all kinds of weird walks to see if Henry gets embarrassed but he never does. I was getting super athletic with that day’s walk repertoire but then I had visions of landing wrong and breaking my ankle so I stopped doing that and went back to walking gingerly.

I’ve been playing this game since childhood and I never tire of the fun except that my aging body doesn’t allow me to do the “squatting rabbit” hop-walk for as long as I once could, le sigh.

The rest of the night was spent hanging out together at home and it was good, you know? Those guys really are my best friends but don’t tell them I said that.

Sunday morning started out with an egg white omelete and an early birthday present from my pal Maya – hanguel magnets! I’m still 11 and write my name all over notepads during work meetings or on restaurant placement (usually with variations of “Erin rulz”) so when I opened this package, I had my name spelled out on the fridge within 30 seconds. What a perfect way to merge my megolamania and K-love into one!

And then Chooch straight up screamed into his kazoo which had me flipping through the Yellow Pages a/k/a Yelp for a good orphanage or fire station to leave him. When we dropped him off at his piano lesson, he greeted Cheryl with a hearty kazoo-blow but she said she liked it because Chooch’s charms still work on her after all these years.

I wanted to walk around and look for help wanted signs for that stupod Job Spotter app I have (I have $50 in Amazon rewards so far!) and Henry was like, “This sucks, I hate doing this” only because he knows that eventually I’m going to find a mural for him to stand in front of. Pittsburgh surprisingly has a lot of street art. He doesn’t give me much time so I basically have to keep walking while I’m taking the picture. Look how happy he is in all of his drab colors! Tans and grays for days.

Then I got him to go inside the East Liberty Presbyterian Church with me! I’ve always wanted to go inside but never have, even after driving past it every day for two years when I worked at that old job with Eleanore and Tina (lol). I’d sit at red lights and admire it every day.

Usually Henry is like “N-O! THAT SPELLS NO!” when I’m like, “Go inside this spiritual thing” because he’s scared of church stuff. If I had to label myself as something under the God spectrum, I’d say I identify most with atheism. However, I used to be extremely religious as a kid (I eventually realized it was because I was treating it more of a history lesson, if that makes sense) and I actually do believe in the devil even though OMG you can’t have one without the other.

But man, the day my pappap died, I was done with God.

Hoo-boy, I could do some talking about that, but this is not the blog post for that. All I’m trying to say here is that I LOVE ME A GOOD CHURCH.

I’m known to openly weep in churches, I know that’s hard to believe because I’m so rotten.

Turns out this particular church is super progressive so that made me even happier that we were killing time there.

YES! The amount of time and energy some people expend bitching and worrying about another person’s gender makes me want to lose my mind.

After Chooch’s piano lesson, we went to nearby Mellon Park for a Caribbean festival! I follow this one guy on Instagram who makes vegan Puerto Rican cuisine, but only sells his food at various street markets and festivals, so I haven’t been able to catch him because going to things like that always sound a great idea until we get there and hipsters are mowing me down to get in line for kombucha. But then he posted a picture of BREADFRUIT and you know me and my strange fruit/vegetable palate. I needed this, and I was prepared to fight the Yinzeriest of all hipsters for a spot in line.

We parked across the street at Bakery Square, and Chooch was immediately distracted by a foosball table set up on the sidewalk because apparently he plays this at the cult, I mean, THE TEEN CENTER, and is like SO GOOD AT IT, you guys.

“I’m really good at foosball too,” Henry bragged, and Chooch and I were like, “OK yeah sure.”

“I played it all the time when I was in THE SERVICE!” Henry barked, like it suddenly put him on another foosball level because he had a crew-cut while playing it? “I PLAYED IT FOR FOUR YEARS!”

“You liar, you weren’t even in the SERVICE for four years because you went AWOL after three!” I laughed.

“IT WAS THREE YEARS AND EIGHT MONTHS AND I DIDN’T GO AWOL!” he cried all defensively. Oh god, this just doesn’t get old.

No one played foosball that day though.

The festival had only been going for about 90 minutes when we rolled up and luckily it wasn’t overly crowded yet. There were only about 8 people in line for the coveted SaludPgh stall, and I was happy about this. I hate waiting in line for food. Almost no food is worth waiting for me in my opinion. I GUESS I’M NOT A FOODIE. DELETE MY AUXILIARY FOOD BLOG. CANCEL MY FOOD REVIEW PODCAST.

Anyway, the guy behind SaludPgh is really nice and more importantly, awesome at making food. I didn’t know what most of things were on his menu and I truly didn’t care because I was there to give my palate some Puerto Rican culture. I love ethnic food so much, and even more so when it’s vegan.

Here’s what we got:

• picadillo/”beef” & ackee/plantain pastelillos – both of these were delicious but I think I liked the picadillo better. j/k I want both of them in my maw again.
• potato stuffing which was sweet and smoky, extremely hearty and satisfying, and I could see this being a good addition to any holiday dinner table or summer cookout. WHAT I’M SAYING IS THAT WE SHOULD BE CELEBRATING WITH THIS STUFFING.
• quimbombo! This is what I came for and that breadfruit was insanely good, kind of like a yam-ish….? But less dense/carb-y. WOW, MY FOOD BLOG IS REALLY GOING TO BE MISSED. Also, I’ve had a crush on okra since middle school. Hopefully his co-worker doesn’t find this and send it to him.
• arroz con gandules – I barely got to eat any of this because turns out Chooch imprinted on pigeon peas
• vegan pepper steak – even Henry was like, “You can barely tell this isn’t real meat” and I was just like, “Yeah” because I can’t remember what meat tastes like. This was very good and moist! When do I get to have this again?!

The verdict? A+, vegan Puerto Rican food is bomb. Pastelillos aside, everything else on that tray only cost $10 and it took three of us to finish it (Henry got his own $15 meat tray at some other booth for carnivores and I’ll just tell you now that Chooch’s and my tray was way more satisfying and varied and CHEAPER than Henry’s. And you better believe Henry bitched about that too, haha. Come over to our side, Henry! Dance under a shower of soy with us! Wear “animals are ppl too!” bracelets with us! Sacrifice a privileged white male under the full moon with us!

Chooch discovering a love for pastelillos. Look, this kid is the pickiest little bitch at the Picky Eater ball, but he was chowing on everything in that tray. I think Chooch found his favorite ethnic cuisine.

Later that evening, we went to Las Palmas in Beechview so I could get candy for work and then we stopped at that paletas joint again to try more flavs. I got red currant this time, Henry got chili mango, and Chooch went with the ice cream version of the walnut paleta I had last week.

The rest of the night was spent watching Taemin videos because my friend Veronica and I were messaging each other on IG about our favorites and then I screamed REALLY LOUD when Taemin ripped open his blazer in a video that I’ve seen a million times and Blake & Haley are now thinking about moving out from next door and I think one of my cats is moving out with them.

It was a great weekend and I was sad to see it end, but also happy that I was able to allow myself to have a good weekend. I’m trying not to be so hard on myself but shit, these last several months have been rough. But things aren’t so bad when you live with your besties, you know?

Drew and Penelope asked me to please take a break from posting about singers that I’ll never meet and give them the stage for once so here’s some pictures of them from over the weekend I guess.

Yawn.

Drew, being the Creep of the House on a Friday Night.

I can’t remember the last time they sat so close to each other!

Henry is the only one that the cats will lay on (unless it’s bedtime, then Penelope is making things as uncomfortable as possible for us….

there’s always that one cat, and she is it for us!). I think it’s because they know that he didn’t want cats. [Let me clarify: Henry likes cats but he didn’t really want to get another one after Marcy died (I didn’t either but you knew that), let alone TWO new cats; yet here we are!] Also, his belly must be super cozy for them.

Penelope, super pissed that Drew is on her man.

Well, now you’re up to speed on what the cats look like: the same.

I’m the most scared of any horror movie relating to possessions and the Devil so this dance was really great for me to watch alone before I go to bed.

(Henry won’t watch those kinds of movies AT ALL, what a crybaby.)

The dancing is such a huge reason why I got into Kpop. I took jazz for a year in elementary school and literally the only thing I could master was “step-ball-change” and it’s amazing that I’m able to even do Kpop cardio without tripping and falling – I mean, I legit punched myself and ripped some skin off my thumb yesterday while kickboxing lol such coordination.

This has been a random Sunday night post. Sweet dreams.

P.S. I still think Taemin is the best dancer.

Let me give you a run-down on how my day is going: it’s 4:30PM and I only have 1,015 steps.

And no, it’s not because I’m on a plane to Seoul.

Today is my work-from-home late shift day which I always get giddy about the night before. I get to sleep in! (I never do though.) I can go out for breakfast! (Usually just stay home and have a bagel.) I can exercise my face off! (This is actually realistic.) Now that it’s summer and Chooch is around, I thought it would be fun to walk to the paleteria in Beechview and go hog-wild on some exotic popsicles while supporting our local Mexicans (#FuckICE #NotThePopsicleKindsThough).

But then I woke up with a stomach bug and spent all morning puking/sleeping/puking/whining/sleeping/shivering/crying/puking/shaking – you get the idea. And then I had to log on to work where I was met with several disasters from the night before and then I cried some more and had to run upstairs and puke up the piece of bread I stupidly ate in an effort to calm my stomach.

Chooch was like, “Hey mum, I feel really bad and all, but um, I’m going to go the library, don’t die.”

Can I pause here to say that I don’t understand why, if he calls me “mum,” he doesn’t call Henry “dud.”

Well, I typed all of this will feeble fingers just to say that all I have the mental endurance for right now is sharing some pictures of my cats who are the worst because they didn’t care about me AT ALL when I was vomiting and then I started crying because I miss my cat Marcy who, even though she hated me, would always sit outside of the bathroom while I puked and I’m sure it was mostly just because she wanted to be as close as possible to see me suffering/ensure that her wicked spell was working, but the point is, she was THERE and then I imagined holding her and for a split second I could FEEL her in my arms and then I just started bawling in bed and texted Henry, “I miss Marcy” and he said he knew exactly why.

Stop acting like you know things, Hank.

But yeah, here are pictures of Drew and Penelope from the other night when they were on Fly Watch and Drew was doing all these fancy circus-quality high jumps and flips in the air in an attempt to catch one, and then all Penelope did was clumsily bat a fly out of the air, smash it under her paw, and then eat it.

Drew was so mad.

Sometimes you just have to go the rudimentary route, you know.

This was after Penelope feasted on her game.

Pouting, lol.

Well that’s all for me. The one bright side is that this happened while I was at home and not sitting behind Carrie at work. YOU’RE WELCOME CARRIE. Aren’t I thoughtful co-worker?!

#vomit

P.S. Back when I was on LiveJournal i knew someone who always put “vomit” spelled backwards in asterisks and now I feel compelled to bring that back.

*timov*

WHAT EVEN IS THE POINT OF THAT THO?!

Henry sat here and watched all nineteen minutes of this with me without complaining or looking at his phone even once and the question is: is it because he loves me, or Taemin?!?

“Nineteen minutes out of my life,” he just murmured but he obviously felt obligated to say that lest anyone realize he’s way deep in this Kpop lifestyle.

Because I need something to do and talking to Henry doesn’t count.

8:21am: We just left that sleazeshack of a “hotel” that Henry put us in all weekend and I am so glad to never go back. It was definitely a pay-by-the-hour dump and I had to sleep with headphones on every night because the people above us sounded like what I would probably sound like to downstairs neighbors while doing Kpop cardio. Thankfully Chooch and I had already fallen asleep when this happened but Henry said those people were up there having sex for like an hour and a half and now he has fuel for his fantasies because, as he said this morning, “I don’t know WHAT they were doing!” Ugh Newark sucks so bad. We have to come back here in September for BTS and my plan is to leave after the concert and start driving home and get a hotel somewhere even farther out of the city.

When we left our room, I slammed the door super hard and Chooch was cracking up but Henry was like “THOSE PEOPLE WERE UPSTAIRS NOT ON THIS FLOOR!” And I was like “EVERYONE HERE IS A MOTHERFUCKER THO!” Literally starting at 6am it was just a fucking cacophony of room doors slamming, so fuck you, Red Carpet residents. Also, the “breakfast room” LOLOLOLOL was below us and we could hear every single chair scraping against the floor as it was pulled from the tables.

Henry made it through the lobby before us and tossed the room key through the slot of the BULLETPROOF GLASS surrounding the desk, YES IT WAS THAT KIND OF LODGING, so he missed the grand finale of me yelling THIS IS THE WORST “HOTEL” EVER to the lady at the desk, at which point Chooch lost it and started laughing so hard that he dropped his suitcase and then couldn’t get it upright in order to wheel it out the door, and then dropped it again, so I had to wait for him and my SMOOTH EXIT was totally ruined.

The new SHINee ep was released today though so I’m content in the car, listening to that thing of beauty.

10:17am: We stopped at H-Mart and Henry was in grocery-mode which I hate because he turns into MEAN DAD who says NO!!! every time Chooch and I come back to the cart with amazing finds. But I did get a pair of TAEMIN SOCKS and my favorite Korean pastry things from Tous les Jours which I always want to call Tour duJour because I can never remember it.

Prior to this we went to Dunkin’ Donuts and got stuck talking to an old townie with no teeth I MEAN HE WAS A NICE GUY but I don’t want to discuss how much the local teachers get paid, you know? (Apparently 100,000 after 5 years and the nurse gets $90,000 “for WHAT? To take temperatures? Put on band-aids? Send kids home? Pffft!”)

11:19am: Still mad about this hotel bullshit. You know what now I don’t care that Chooch pissed himself from laughing so hard in front of the vending machine on the first floor (and I mean HE PISSED HIMSELF) or that he spilled his Gatorade all over his bed. It’s probably the least-worst stains that place has seen.

11:55am: I’m just gonna put this out here even though it will get me in trouble with a lot of people (j/k only three people will read this) but Sheetz is better than Wawa.

12:40pm: Henry is trying to make conversation by asking me how many songs NCT127 sang last night and I was like WHY DO YOU CARE but I answered him anyway and then said, “Plus ‘Whiplash’ for the special stage….you don’t know what special stages are though” BECAUSE HE DOESNT GO TO THE CONCERT PORTION.

Ugh that fuckin’ Peachy Boi lol.

1:12pm: At the Midway Diner in….Midway, PA? I dunno. But they have a veggie burger so that’s cool and Chooch is pissed because he doesn’t have any PokeBalls and SO MANY THINGS ARE SPAWNING. Now I know how it feels to be everyone else when I’m talking about aegyo and unnies and All Kills.

2:03pm: Lunch was mediocre at Trainor’s Midway Diner but at least it wasn’t walk-out levels of awful like TOM’S KITCHEN (see last LiveBlog!). However, I do have some feelings:

Trump might judge a restaurant by how it looks on the outside (according to his latest crybaby tweet) but I judge based on the ketchup they use. #HeinzOrGTFO amirite?

They had a veggie burger so that was wonderful! But the cole slaw had no flavor. They had shoo fly pie! But it was terrible, and not even served warm with whipped cream!!

They had a…diverse reading library. My favorite is Fishwrapper Stories. So hard to find.

BUT THIS BANQUET HALL. I WANT TO HAVE A BANQUET THERE!!

Claw machine selfie.

2:29pm: Somewhere near Hershey and at this point it feels like we’re traveling backward. I’m making them listen to Hope FM which is rife with powerful contemporary worship jams and Henry just yelled WHY ISNT SPOTIFY ON and then I was mocking him saying that we won’t be able to see Hershey Park from the road, he doesn’t care WHAT the sign says, and now Chooch is laughing himself to pants-pissing status again.

2:53pm: Just drove past this sign followed by three strip clubs in succession.

3:26pm: In Rutter’s gas station and it took Henry FOREVER in the bathroom so Chooch had a fashion show:

When henry finally came out Chooch was like FINALLY, WE HEARD YOU FLUSH LIKE A MILLION TIMES and Henry said it kept doing it automatically and I was like “It knew it had to work hard” and then Chooch was laughing so hard that he felt inspired to try to jump on my back in the middle of the store. Henry was so mad and said WHY DO I BRING YOU WITH ME.

Then he sulked because we left him at the register and when the lady asked him if he wanted a bag he allegedly said, “I guess so, everyone left me.” LOLOLOL.

Now he’s mad because I got the gigantic jug of water that Chooch is holding in the picture above and I had to ask him to open it for me because I have no strength in my hands from laughing so much. DOES THAT HAPPEN TO YOU, TOO?

5:03pm: We’re having a family meeting about how henry isn’t a part of the Chooch & Erin Club because he fails to see how funny, fun, cute, hilarious and interesting we are and chooses instead to reject us and Chooch piped up from the backseat, “Yeah, we’re really funny” and Henry has disagreed profusely and I said “Well, this is why we don’t get along then” and he countered with “90% of what you do goes against me!!” LOL YEAH IT REALLY DOES THOUGH HAHAHA.

6:16pm: Water jug progress:

Also, we’re not home yet.

7:19pm: In Pittsburgh! We should be home in like 10 minutes. Man, I am not usually happy to be in Pittsburgh but Newark is one of the few cities that make me seriously appreciate this joint. Sorry Newark but you kind of suck, a lot.

Chooch and I decided to be the founding members of the Anti-Henry Club but then Henry made us feel bad (ie threatened to starve us) so we let him in, Ugh.

Anyway, KCON night 2 is about to start so ciao for now!!

I’ve been thinking about him a lot lately and I feel so sad.

Today was otherwise clouded by negative thoughts and feelings so I wanted to list three good things instead of complaining about life and the sleazy Yinzer couple making out in the Strip during my walk.

Ugh.

1. I got to see Patty today! She came to the Law Firm to visit and I believe it was her first time back since her surgery in 2016. (#fuckcancer) Wendy, Sue and I went upstairs to see her and she had quite the welcoming committee already gathered!
   buy finasteride online thefreezeclinic.com/wp-includes/SimplePie/Content/Type/php/finasteride.html no prescription

   It was nice to see that, and even better to see her. On the way back down to our floor, I commented that I barely know anyone from other departments since there’s no reason for us to actually travel to other floors, and all of my communication with lawyers and their assistants is done via email. “Oh I knew everyone up there,” Wendy bragged. Ugh, Wendy.

2. One more week until KCON!! I’m not too thrilled that it’s in Newark but I’ve been reading old liveblogs from our various road trips (like this one,* which I had Chooch read and he was losing his shit over it because he’s my #1 fan!) because I’m a nostalgia whore, and I’m pretty exciting about the road trip aspect of it. We haven’t road-tripped since last October!
   buy bactroban online thefreezeclinic.com/wp-includes/SimplePie/Content/Type/php/bactroban.html no prescription

3. I watched this as soon as I came home from work and it was like my psyche was a cat and this video was a nice person lovingly stroking it with bristled-gloves.
   buy xenical online thefreezeclinic.com/wp-includes/SimplePie/Content/Type/php/xenical.html no prescription

   Never underestimate the power of music. This video lifted my spirits so fast because these guys are the epitome of getting up, dusting yourself off, and forging through another day. SHINee forever. And ever and ever.

https://youtu.be/GVR5Jx3aNRM

*(Speaking of that referenced live blog, ever since I re-read it last week I have been re-obsessed with Mr Happy Burger and found some poor quality YouTube videos about it which I forced Henry to watch and he was just like, “I still don’t get why you thought that place was so great though.”)

I used to write on here a lot about mental health and my own experience with being bi-polar, and being open about it was something I prided myself on because, after all, it’s not something to be ashamed of.

Have I been suicidal? Yes.

Have I been hospitalized? Yes.

Have I been over-medicated? Yes.

Have I self-harmed? Yes.

I don’t get into it very often on here anymore, but with two recent high-profile suicides shining a light on the issue again, all I see are tweets and Instagram posts reminding people that it’s OK to ask for help.

And this is great!! I love that there is so much love being spread on social media because it helps counter all the inevitable comments and obtuse beliefs that people who kill themselves are selfish or “deserve” it. I don’t care how rich you are, how wonderful your spouse is, how many exotic vacations you take – that doesn’t make a person exempt from mental illness. That shit doesn’t recognize social status.

Today I snapped and ranted about something to Henry:

When you reach a certain point of depression, numbness and ambivalence take over and frankly, maybe you don’t give a shit about asking for help because talking is so goddamn exhausting or you’re afraid you won’t be heard, or you don’t want to burden someone else. Asking for help is not an easy thing to do either. I’ll admit that I mostly just ride it out and those around me are none the wiser. #actingskillz

But second of all, can I tell you how many times in my life I have cried for help, and was met with eye rolls, smirks, flat out derision? Called a drama queen. Accused of “just wanting attention.” Told to “get over myself.”

The amateur explanations and justifications are cool too: “Is your period due?” and “You’re probably just hungry” are among my favorites.

You hear these things enough, and you tend to build walls. I’ve lost so many “friends” (good riddance!) for trying to be honest about what’s going on in my head, how I don’t want to go to their party because the thought of being in a room with strangers makes my throat feel like it has hands around it.

This is why the suicide hotline is available. I know, but sometimes you might just want a familiar shoulder to cry on.

So if someone is trying to open up to you about why they’re sad or feeling flat-out hopeless, try not to judge and rank the severity of their problems because what might sound like something that’s easy for you to shrug off might feel like a ton of bricks on that person’s back. And maybe they’re really struggling to explain it to you. It’s not easy pulling these vague thoughts and abstract emotions out of our hearts and brains and transforming them into some perfect, understandable, familiar package, like spun sugar on a stick.

Sometimes are all I can muster is an “I don’t know!!!” followed by a geyser of tears when someone asks me what’s wrong.

Yes, I talk to Henry about this a lot and he always holds my hand while I wade through through the muck and mire. And I take daily walks while running through the mental list of why my life is worth living, things to look forward to, memories that make me laugh. It’s a struggle, it requires effort, and the sooner we can get everyone on the same page where this is a real problem, not a “phase,” and it’s not going to go away if it’s ignored, then a ton of lives will be saved.

While there is definitely much less stigma than when I was diagnosed in the 90s, it still sometimes feels taboo to talk about, in my own experience, and I know I have definitely made some people uncomfortable with my honesty and bluntness on the subject. So too often, I keep my mouth shut.

What makes it easier to succumb to the sadness is all of the rampant hate in the world. Just walking around the streets of Pittsburgh on my lunch break, the prevalent vibe seems to be ANGER. People screaming at each in traffic, on the sidewalks, into their cellphones. So much anger and hate in the news, too.

I mean, we do live in an age where the go-to Internet roast is telling someone to kill themselves and the current US President is one of the biggest bullies of them all, so clearly there is a lot of work to be done.

Until then: Be patient. Be kind. Be open-minded. Be outspoken. Let’s all turn our phones off more often and paint a picture, write a letter, read a BOOK.

After all, we’re all going through this together.

Guys. I think Henry would be a great Kpop video reactor and I know he won’t go the YouTube route so I decided to just play him SHINee’s comeback stage and secretly transcribe his candid exclamations. He eventually caught on so I just started to flat out ask him questions which he answered less than enthusiastically.

**************

“Key did that to his hair?”

“What the fuck is Key wearing? It looks like someone found a bag on the street and cut it up and said ‘here wear this’.”

I don’t know but it probably cost like $6000.

“Is Taemin wearing a jumpsuit and it’s not pulled all the way up? It looks like a jumpsuit from the 70s.”

And then he caught on to what I was doing and stopped saying stuff. :(

“There’s lots of color. But I don’t get it. What am I trying to get?” – This was when I asked him if he liked their comeback concept.

Other things to note:

• Henry doesn’t have a SHINee bias (it’s probably Taemin but he’s too afraid to admit it because I’m super territorial over my biases.)
• “Yeah that would probably go over real well,” when I suggested that he dress like Minho the next time he has to make a Faygo delivery at work.
• “Not Key!” – when I asked him who he thinks is the best dressed.
• “No,” – when I asked him if he was worried that one of them would fall off a chair.
• “Yeah,” – when I asked him if he likes the song and this is ALL THAT MATTERS. HENRY IS SHAWOL (non-Kpop-fan translation: SHINee fan).

“Do you think I should LiveBlog the parade? Hello? Why is no one answering me?”

“Ugh, why would you want to, nothing ever happens?! I mean I guess you can—” Chooch groaned.

“Ok I’ll do it since you want me to!

buy lexapro online buy lexapro generic

”

And that’s how this Memorial Day parade LiveBlog was born.

But first, before the parade starts, SHINee’s back!!! And here is their new video!! I’m trying not to be all doom and gloom because there’s obviously no Jonghyun, which is really weird and leaves a gaping hole in the heart, but this song is really great, I mean truly superb, and I mean, Taemin. Oh for the love of Taemin.

9:46am: Chooch has summoned the neighbor kid to sit on our porch and Henry just looked out the door and said, “I hope they’re going to sit somewhere else” because neighbor kid has a very high-pitched cartoon voice and it drives Henry nuts. The parade starts at 10 but people have been set up since like 8, it’s so bizarre to me because this parade is the lamest and if I had to go any farther than my front porch to spectate…

well, best believe that would never happen, so.

10:02am: Blake, Haley, and Calvin are here now (they walked really far across the front yard to get here) and we’re outside having a lovely conversation about Keds.

Calvin loves Chooch!

10:16am: Chooch kept saying this lady was walking around yelling at people. “Ha! She just yelled at Pita*!” Chooch scoffed. But then she got to our sidewalk and said, “Hey guys! Come down to the church down there after the parade! free hotdogs and a bouncy house! It’ll be a good time!”

Yeah, she really told us, Chooch!

*(Pita – Chooch’s frenemy down the street. Not his real name.)

10:18: Some lady somehow made it through the barricades and drove right into the parade. What a Janna thing to do.

10:20: Parade’s starting with a sound we know well here in Brookline – police sirens. See also: Henry’s favorite part of the parade. HE IS A COP SLUT.

“THEYRE NOT ALL BAD!” Henry yelled at me. And then under his breath, “Though, the motorcycle ones all seem to be dicks.

”

10:22am: Candy’s being tossed at us but it’s getting mixed up with the glass and smashed car parts from that huge accident a few weeks ago, because NED came back yesterday to get his car which was a casualty of the accident so now all the debris beneath it is exposed. Oh Pioneer Ave.

10:24am: All these cars are parading past with In Memory of Donald James signs but we don’t know who that is. And Chooch just threw a melted Nestle Crunch at us.

10:26am: Sparky the Fire Dog came running over and Chooch got all excited until Sparky passed him up for Calvin lol.

10:34am All the little cars are my favorite part of the parade and now it’s over so what’s the point:

View this post on Instagram

Now one of the high school bands are oozing past and I’m reminded of a Memorial Day about 6 years ago when I was working and Henry texted me to say that one of the band people threw an empty water bottle in our yard and I was like OH NO THEY DIDNT and i sent the SUPERINTENDENT an email voicing my displeasure and you best believe I received an apology from him and the band director thank you. (Also I emailed them from my work email which is a Law Firm lol.)

10:39am: Chooch has little kids bringing him candy like they’re his bread shuttles. (THATS KOREAN SLANG FOR THE KIDS BULLIES USE AS THEIR LACKEYS. My blog is so educational.)

1048am: I guess I would be zealously clapping like my neighbor is if I gave a shit about this country. Sigh.

Henry has no comment regarding the parade at this time.

10:53am: Just saw my friend Elaina walk by with the local dance studio! I like knowing people in the parade. It makes me feel like I have worth.

10:54am: The Teen Outreach Center just walked by and they all screamed RILEY!!!! and pelted Chooch with candy lol. Chooch calls the teen outreach center “the cult” and says they’re all hooligans lol.

11:03am: Ok the parade is over. I didn’t get to see any children fall this time but Chooch collected the most candy he’s ever collected probably just because Blake was there to coach him this time. He always leaves half of the candy in the street!!

Well guys, happy Memorial Day if you’re an American and happy Monday to the rest of you. We’re going to go and melt in the ninety degree sun now.

Also, P.S. I want to start my own dance studio so next year we can be in the parade sashaying down the Boulevard to Kpop and by we I mean probably just me and Janna because who else will I ever be able to wrangle?

Might as well do this because I’m going to be bored waiting for BTS.

• I just turned this on for BTS but now here I am with face-rain because of Kelly Clarkson saying fuck moments of silence. That was some real fucking shit right there. Thanks Kelly Clarkson for not giving us that thoughts and prayers bullshit.
• Ariana Grande always looks the same. She can SANG tho.
• LOL at Kelly Clarkson mentioning BTS and then trying to talk over all the animalistic screams.
• sorry but I want to punch Taylor Swift in the face I don’t like her at all and she seems like such a backstabbing bitch.
• I’m glad Cardi B didn’t win that best new artist award because Cardi B. Am I old? Or just tasteful?
• 18 minutes in and I was inspired by nothing to bring up police brutality so now henry and I are arguing about that.
• OH NICE TRY WITH THAT COMMERCIAL FACEBOOK.
• So far what I’m learning is that I haven’t missed much since the last time I listened to American pop radio.
• But now I want a giant flamingo in my house. Thanks, Dua Lipa. By the way I recently learned that that’s her actual name and not some other language for “Two Lips” or something.
• I appreciate that a song that’s mostly Spanish won an award in a country full of “SPEAK ENGLISH OR GTFO” motherfuckers. #hope
• Me: “don’t you feel so proud of BTS?” Henry: “….I guess.”
• Shawn Mendes (whom I really do like!) is performing in the middle of a bunch of lit-up white roses and I wonder if it reminds Bts of the LED roses at the DDP because it does for me. (Also, Shawn Mendes, you should stay away from Taylor Swift! She’s toxic.)

• You fake, Tay Tay. Take your award and go home.
• I didn’t know Ciara was still relevant. I used to LOVE her.
• Khalid reminds me of a black Blake and now I’m arguing with Henry because he doesn’t see it BECAUSE HE DOESNT HAVE EYES. I’m currently worried that his pants are going to split. (Khalid’s not Blake’s.)
• I don’t like that John Legend is wearing a white T-shirt under that cream-colored leather jacket. Look I watch a lot of kdramas and Kpop videos so I KNOW SOME THINGS ABOUT FASHION.
• I love that the Chainsmokers hugged BTS on their way to the stage (THEY COLLAB’d ON BTS’S LAST ALBUM IF U DID NOT KNOW NOW U KNOW. I’M HERE FOR U.)
• “This is really boring,” – Chooch during Christina Aguilera, who I’m not even going to trash-talk because my Taylor-disdain has used up all my negative energy. Demi Lovato is a queen though. “they have a backing track,” Henry just said because he’s a pro at that.
• I never finished watching the second season of This Is Us. No spoilers please.
• 
• FUCK YES GET IT BTS. OUR BABIES. I couldn’t hear what Jimin said, JFC.
• Ed Sheeran always looks a mess.

“How much more do I have to watch?”

• I love NEYO! I remember one time back in the day I asked Christina “who do you think is better NEYO or Chris Brown the answer is NEYO but go ‘head.”
• Can’t take DJ Khalid seriously not for one second.
• Henry just came downstairs bitching because he could smell my burnt popcorn in the shower lol sorry I like my popcorn smoky.
• now all the NRA rejects are gonna start with their JUST PLAY MUSIC AND LEAVE THE POLITICS OUT OF IT” bullshit. Thanks for being diligent with including gun control in tonight’s narrative, BBMAs. This performance is fucking touching. Henry wasn’t even watching. You know what that means. HENRY LIKES GUNS
• guys I love Zedd so much, always have, please please please collab with BTS. (I still think it will be hard for to top “Clarity” with Foxes and “Stay the Night” with Hayley Williams. Those songs are tops for me.
• hurry up Tay Tay act so surprised that you won Best Album. Fake ass.
• Henry and Chooch both just thought that Bruno Mars called Janet Jackson autistic. Also Bruno Mars’ outfit is dumb.
• Now Chooch and Henry are arguing over how old Janet Jackson is. Henry thought she was in her 40s but she’s HENRYS AGE (52). Chooch won.
• they should let BTS dance with Janet.
• Chooch waits until now to thrust his gifted school yearbook at me and I’m like really because there were like 11 hours today where I wasn’t watching the BBMAs where you could have had me look at this. Ugh kids amirite.
• I was with Janet until she name-dropped God.
• top country song and we all look at our phones.
• OH FUCK THAT BODY LIKE A BACKROAD SONG. I almost broke my wrist one time being in such a hurry to turn this shit off the radio. I’ve ranted about this song on here before SO I WILL SPARE YOU THE REPRISE.
• There should be classes that backup singers can take to teach them to look less cheesy. Maybe Phoenix or Devry can whip something up online?
• Me: “This has to be almost over right?” Henry: “45 more mi—” Me: “Shut your face.”
• Please don’t let BTS be last I just want to see their precious faces and swoon over their choreo.
• that one blond backup singer of Kelly Clarkson’s can be the instructor of the backup singer anti-cheese course.
• I wonder if BTS is out there thinking “aw these westerners look so cute when they try to dance.”
• YOU GUYS IM CRYING. It’s unreal that BTS’s comeback stage was IN AMERICA at the BILLBOARD MUSIC AWARDS. This is so fucking huge. Kpop forever. But I guess I’ll just wait for their Korea comeback stages to actually see the choreo since NBC focused on the crowd 75% of the time because it’s important for America to see reactions.
• Also at one point I mistook a cop siren outside for a girl screaming in the audience lol.
• also part 2: when Jungkook pulled up his shirt and half the crowd had babies.
• Also part 3 Kelly Clarkson putting on ear muffs before she announced them lol.
• ok I don’t care about the rest of this. You’re dismissed.

ETA: the police siren I heard was apparently because something is going down at the halfway house* thing up the street. ALWAYS SOMETHING GOING ON HERE ON PIONEER.

*Chooch calls it the Problem House Lol.