When I was walking around downtown on my lunch break today, some guy came up to me with his hand held up and enthusiastically said, “Good job today!” I instinctively went in with my open palm for a high five, all awkwardly and spontaneously choreographed. In less than a second, he totally turned my day around and with an avuncular smile, made me believe that I REALLY DID A GOOD JOB TODAY. 

I mean, after I determined that it hadn’t been a ruse to pick-pocket me. What a nice gesture, though! And I don’t even think he was challenged in any way — just a normal guy trying to be a light through the darkness. We need more of that in this world. 

So, to pass along that sentiment, to anyone who’s reading this: GOOD JOB TODAY. 

And, to counteract all the gloomy gray and….Cheetos orange we’ve been subjected to, here is a video full of ALL THE COLORS. RAINBOW THERAPY. 

These balloons are over a week old at this point and getting on my fucking nerves. I get all tangled in them while I’m KpopXing — they’re determined to fell me like a fat, stumpy flesh tree.

This morning, I opened the bathroom closet and a yellow one floated out! HOW.

Chooch’s face when he says he’s hungry and I say WELL CONSIDER THIS WORKING FOR YOUR FOOD THEN. I love being a parent!

#burntout.

BONUS: this last one was taken with my phone and edited with the Hongdae filter in Hipstamatic. Oh, Hongdae. <3 My heart bleeds.

These pictures are giving me life right now. These two are experts at dealing with my manic obsessions and emo crying fits.  <3

I woke up Monday morning, started crying, and have cried every day since. Call it winter blues, the state of the nation, bi-polar downswing, Bigbang enlisting in the military…but shit’s been no fucking fun this week. Wendy came over to my desk on Thursday to say hi because we hadn’t seen each other all week, and my eyes promptly started squirting tears. She was like “……………” and then took me to lunch yesterday to talk.

It’s been so bad that I skipped a Mogwai concert on Wednesday. It’s dire straits when I skip a show because I’m that sad. 

This happens. It’s life. After suffering through depression/mental fuckarows for most of my life, I eventually got to the point where I’m OK with telling people, “I AM HAVING AN EMOTIONAL CRISIS, PLEASE HELP ME.” I never used to ask for help before. But I do now, and I’m lucky that I have Henry and a slew of supportive friends who seamlessly swoop in and pick me up. Another thing I do is go for a walk and recite in my head all of the things worth living for.

Bipolar 101. It seems so basic, yet it’s so easy to skip over the fundamentals and go right for fetal position despondency! And for as inherently emo as I am, I DON’T WANT THAT. And no one who has to be AROUND me wants that, haha.

Wow, thanks for letting me get that shit off my dumb chest, Internet. Now here’s some things have been cheering me up lately.

1. Little things to laugh about at work, which has been otherwise intolerable. For instance, yesterday #ughLou couldn’t stop sneezing and we were all collectively like UGH LOU. Finally, Ethan said very calmly, “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but if you were dead, you wouldn’t sneeze anymore.” I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard at work. Nothing like a low-key death threat to lighten the mood!
2. Watching Running Man episodes om YouTube and realizing that every so often, I can understand what’s being said without looking at the subtitles!

3. Patbingsu! We were originally going to go to some Korean restaurant in Beaver Falls but then Chooch and I had a fight (lol) and I didn’t want to be in the car with him for that long so I suggested instead that we just go to Sumi’s Cakery in Squirrel Hill and get some patbingsu so that’s what we did and it totally salvaged the day. While we were there, a small Lunar New Year parade happened so we got to watch that and it was really exciting! I love watching a lion throw lettuce!

4. The aforementioned lunch with Wendy yesterday. Not only did I have a lovely mock tuna sandwich at Umbrella Cafe, but we got to vent on each other about life and, you know, that thing running our country into the ground. She also let me talk about Korea which is basically all I want to do anymore (see also: Escapism, Alternate Reality, Diversion Tactics).

5. Designing more marquees! There are three that we’re planning on making: a cat head for Chooch’s room, my KPOP-or-GTFO lightbox, and a third one that I’m not mentioning yet in case it doesn’t work the way I want it to and then I’ll (oh girl) cry cry cry. The kpop marquee will be for the third floor neon dreamscape that Henry isn’t working fast enough to complete. It’s just that he isn’t seeing my vision yet. I’ve explained the toy dinosaur wall to him like a thousand times and each time, he acts he’s hearing it for the first time.  I also don’t think he understands my plan to turn plastic jack-o-lanterns into hanging planters. Try to keep up, Henry-oppa.  (I’ve also been calling him H-Bird lately too, because his last name is Robbins which is like robin which is a bird….He’s rejecting it though.)

I will leave you with a picture of Peen-Lop and a Bigbang video, because they’re giving me life.

Need a little distraction? How about perusing my Etsy shop for some sick Valentines, man? Here’s a sampling, including a brand new Dahmer card for 2017! I know, I know, another Dahmer card!? He’s a hot commodity, what can I say.

One time when I was in high school, I had this huge crush on this kid GREG who sat near me in some dumb class, Civics or something. I brought little treat bags in for everyone that year for Valentines Day, but I put extra special candy in Greg’s bag. And then some kid who’s a cop now sold me out in front of the whole class when he noticed that OMG GREG GOT BETTER CANDY THAN THE REST OF US! ERIN LOVES GREG!

Greg and I never made it out of the friend zone (in fact, we never even made it INTO the friend zone) but the moral of my story is that IT TOOK GUTS to give him that special bag of love candy.

I just really felt like getting that off my chest. Thanks, Etsy Description Box.

Anyway, this here is a card that illustrates the statement of pulse-racing February bravery. Perfect for that person you met in the true crime Amino app who makes your sick black heart flutter…or whatever sick black hearts do.

It comes with an envelope. Stick some special candy in it when no one’s looking!

The sisters to the serial killer cards!

One sheet consists of 6 perforated porn-y designs which you can tear off and pass out with wanton abandon. Terrorize your most vanilla pals with them!

Please note: if you purchase one of the multi-sheet bundles, you may mix and match these with the serial killer varieties. Thanks for looking!

These do NOT come with envelopes. These are meant to be handed out grade school-Valentine style! Have fun with them! Stick ’em in a g-string!

Oh, sweet romance. And what better way to promote it than by using the mug of a disgusting serial killer clown who stuffed bodies beneath his floorboards? God, way to perpetuate stereotypes, John Wayne Gacy.

The inside includes a romantic little poem. Comes with an envelope so you can practice your stuffing techniques.

That time Jeffrey Dahmer rose from the dead in 2016, slipped up and Tinder-invited a young blood to “Netflix and kill?” So romantic!

The inside is blank – what you do with it is not my problem! Think of something to write and then change your mind 187 times just like when trying to choose something to watch on Netflix!

Comes with an envelope too so you don’t have to make one out of toilet paper and honey.

When I was looking for new pictures of G-Dragon to use as my desktop background at work (lol), I noticed that in some of the photos from when he had pink hair, and something about him looked sort of familiar. And then I realized it – Chooch when he had pink hair during the summer of 2015!

CHOOCH COULD BE A KPOP IDOL. I’m going to push him toward this goal. He definitely needs more sequins and fun-fur in his wardrobe, though. So I’m also going to buy Henry a sewing machine.

I gotta get Chooch more blazers too. He’s going to hate his life so bad. I mean, love! He’s going to LOVE it.

Blazers with ruffles. 

K bye. 

*I might need to make this an actual category.

Here’s your weekly garbage dump of sloppy sentences.

• The cats when Chooch makes a noise.
• The biggest news I think I have right now is that WE FINALLY QUIT CABLE. Well, we tried to, anyway. We’ve been talking about cutting the cord for years now, and we ALMOST did it last summer but then I had hockey remorse so we didn’t cancel. But finally, I realized, “Holy shit, we literally never watch real TV.” It’s always Netflix and YouTube! Plus we have Roku. And the few times I do put on real TV, I’m like, “Holy shit, there is literally nothing I want to watch” so then I put on CNN and feel depressed, then switch to Food Network and watch a show about cupcakes that I’ve already seen but maybe not, but aren’t they all the same?! So Henry called Comcast on Saturday and stayed firm throughout the whole conversation, all the way up until the part where he said, “We just want to keep the Internet” and then found out that we would actually be charged so much more for our Internet usage that we would basically still be paying the same amount we pay for all these channels we don’t watch!!! So in the end, he got it knocked down to the very basic package, no HD, no DVR, but we still have Internet and the bill is over $100 less than it was so ONE STEP CLOSER TO KOREA, basically.
  • I guess I will still be able to watch the Penguins games too, just not on an HD channel. That’s OK, I still like hockey even when it’s all stretched out.
• Last week, I emailed my Friday Kpop Video recipients a Bigbang video (this one, if you’re interested), and Todd was like, “This actually isn’t bad” but Glenn turned it off after about a minute and said, “That’s enough of that.” I posted about it on Facebook and FOUR of my work friends said they wanted to subscribe to Friday Kpop Video and I was so excited about this! I told Henry that I started a new craze at work and he said, “What, the ‘Get Away From Erin Quickly’ phase?” Ugh.

• The angst has been transferred.

• Hopefully, by the time Warped Tour rolls around, I’ll have a desire to go to an American music festival.
  • One thing I’ll tell you about being a fan of Warped Tour-ish bands and living in America: the amount of chances you have to see your favorite bands is off the charts. There are shows I skip because I just saw that band a few months ago and it’s no big deal to just shrug it off, you know? But now that I’ve brainwashed myself with kpop, I feel FUCKING TRAGIC. Not only do they rarely come to the States, they also seem to disband at alarming rates. And the boys all have to enlist in the Korean army, no matter what! Which isn’t that big of deal to me because, unlike with our music, I find myself gravitating more toward the girls groups. However, my ultimate idol group, Bigbang, are all enlisting within the next two years, starting next month for the first one, and I am wrecked over this because who knows if they will even still want to continue Bigbang when they’re all out?! I MIGHT NEVER GET TO SEE THEM. And believe me I am prepared to travel across the world for them because my sasaeng fandom is real.
    • Let me tell you a real life story that happened this morning: When I woke up, all of this military stuff hit me like REALLY HARD and I started frantically texting Henry, you know, like this is our own son enlisting and not five Korean men I have never met in my whole life. Henry was like, “It will be OK.” Or some other fatherly thing, because he knows that in times like these, it’s best to tiptoe around the Crazy. So then I was on the trolley, reading more stuff about it on my phone and trying not to cry because my Trolley Hero was sitting next to me (seriously, she will tell people to move over if they’re hoarding an empty seat next to them and I think she’s so badass for that), and so by the time I got to work, I was like GLENN GUESS WHAT and before I knew it, TEARS WERE FALLING OUT OF MY EYES as I was telling him about Bigbang and he had this “OMG” look on his face, like he was wondering if he should call 911 because I was finally having that public breakdown that all of the psychics have been calling for years. So then in a fit of confusion, I started laughing WHILE crying because I was so embarrassed that I was crying in front of Glenn so then I think he thought I was just being dumb, but little did he know, 15 minutes late I was secretly crying at my desk again. I AM WRECKED OVER THIS, LEAVE ME ALONE.

• At work today, we were talking about the flu and Glenn mumbled something about how he went to the doctor and doesn’t have the plague after all. “Oh, were you sick?” I asked, honestly surprised because hello, Little Miss Solipsistic over here. “Uh yeah, didn’t you hear me coughing all last week?” he asked all incredulously, I guess because he sits right behind me. “Oh, I thought you were just choking,” I shrugged.
  • And then I came home and told Henry this story, at which point I started coughing so hard I choked.
• Hey speaking of karma: Yesterday, I made fun of the gif that was on our department Wiki page because it said Happy Valetine’s Day. Valentine was spelled wrong, and I always get super self-righteous about that. So I was all, “kekekeke mispellings lol.” And then today Amber2 said something about how I always get so mad about typos and grammatical errors and I was all, “FUCK YEAH EDUCATION” and SERIOUSLY THREE MINUTES LATER I went on Facebook to reply to a comment and saw this:

• We has a baby shower, guys! Of course that post already had like 150 views but what do I care, everyone already knows I write like English is my second language. Then a few hours later, I texted Henry and it said, “I just want to ran away.” I JUST WANT TO RAN AWAY!?!? OMG am I having mini-strokes in my sleep? You would never know I excelled in every English class I ever had. I guess when I move to Korea, teaching English won’t be an option. There’s always KpopX instructor, though!
• Last week at work was January Birthday Celebration day, so Shannon sent out an email saying that there was cake and cookies over on some table in another area of the department. I was having a Bad Day, so I decided, “You know what, it might not be bingsoo or chapssaltteok, but I’m going to get myself a goddamn cookie.” So I went over to the table and there WERE NO COOKIES. There were CUPCAKES. I have been burnt too many times by bad cupcakes (I’m picky) so I actually stamped my feet a little bit and cried, “There aren’t any cookies!” but there was no around to hear my anguish, so I made sure that I did a replay when I went back to my area. Todd and Glenn were like, “oh well” but Shannon overheard my outburst and sent out a new email to the department explaining that she meant “cupcakes” and not “cookies” and that she was sorry if she got anyone’s hopes up (…..Erin). OH SNAP! That moment when you’re called out in a department-wide email for being a crybaby! I laughed so hard and it made my day better, cookies or not. Sandy told me that she and Missy were also duped by the cookie false alarm, so that made me feel better. And Todd admitted that he also was stoked for cookies, but that when he saw there weren’t any, he thought, “Oh, but there are cupcakes!” and just had a cupcake instead. MUST BE NICE HAVING LOW STANDARDS.

• Lol, Henry eats his tteokbokki with a fork like a dummy. In all seriousness though, my kpop diet is going amazingly well. When I did Weight Watchers, I lost weight to a point and then I plateau’d forever. I also was so hungry and tired all of the time, because it’s just not a great diet for a vegetarian to be on, so exercising was a drag and something I had to force myself to do. But my weight was just like, “Nah, I’m good right here at this number.” Since I started my completely made-up K-Diet which started as a joke, I’ve lost 7 pounds in 3 weeks (that’s a lot for me because I lose weight slowly) but I can see a big difference in how my clothes fit, plus I’m never hungry now that I’m eating mostly Korean food and I have so much energy to do KpopX and all my other kpop aerobics. It really is a new lifestyle. Before Henry’s mom came over on Sunday, I asked him if she knows I’m Korean now and he said, “No. Because you’re not.” Whatever Henry. You don’t know. “Well, yeah, actually I do,” he said.

• While Henry was on the aforementioned phone call with Comcast last Saturday, Chooch and I were stalking Boots from all of the windows. Some broad came over with shit for him I guess and he was standing in MY FRONTYARD, screaming, “Just pull down the fucking driveway!!!” because he is unable to talk without swearing. So the broad pulled down the driveway and he extracted a large suitcase. I’ve been putting two and two together and now I think that whoever this new broad is has moved in with him?! She was banging on our window earlier this window and almost gave Judy a heart attack. Then she screamed, “SORRY WRONG HOUSE” and started banging on Boots’ door while screaming, “YOU LOCKED ME OUT!!!” Then about an hour later, I was trying to eat my ramyeon dinner and heard them over there fighting, so hooray. There’s a new Phyllis in town. :(

• I had to cancel an ice cream date on Saturday with Chris & Monica because we had too much to do for the baby shower (that we was hazzing the next day, you guys, that we was hazzing) but luckily I had a B*B*Big as a replacement.
• Henry just told Chooch to “stop being like mommy and crying.” WOW.

• Henry: “How many times are you going to watch this fucking thing?” A MILLION TIMES A DAY, HENRY. I can’t believe I wasted so many years on Jonny Craig when G-Dragon was out there in Korea being a billion times more perfect. Henry is in hallyu hell.
  • OMG I just started sobbing again, someone please send help. This latest bipolar crash is going to be a long way down. :(

<3<3<3<3<3<3

And now you know what happens when I try to escape reality: I motherfucking imprint with an entire country. Signing off with this video that I watch EVERY DAY because That.Falsetto. Ughhhhhh. I’m in deep. This is on par with the height of my Cure mania and I’m really scared.

We had a lowkey supplemental baby shower here on Sunday for Nikki and Rob, mainly so that Henry’s side of the family could have a chance to, you know, shower them with baby gifts. As you do at a baby shower. My mom and Janna also came and it was a nice little party!

Except that Henry left me alone with the streamers beforehand. Why does it seem like streamers were pulled straight from Satan’s asshole? I have never had a good experience with them, ever! Those crepey pieces of frustration push me right to the edge every time. And on this particular go-around, I FELL OFF A CHAIR trying to hang them up along the window!

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Turns out Drew is terrified of balloons, but luckily she didn’t have to see them all day because she was too busy hiding from the other things she’s terrified of: strangers in her house.

These are the streamers that almost killed me! ^^

I don’t even know how it happened. I literally tripped over myself as I tried to step off the chair I was standing on and as I began my descent toward the hardwood floor, my foot caught the lip of the seat and then it was two of us falling. I landed all along my left side and have some great bruises today. I think this is Karma for last week at work when Lauren asked James from the mailroom how his back is doing and then I sarcastically asked, “Oh yeah, how’s your back James?” in that shitty little tone I get that I swear happens because I become possessed by a grade school bully.

As the day progressed today, I kept discovering new parts of myself that hurt. Fucking streamers.

Ugh more streamers. LOOK AT HOW ADEPT I AM AT HANGING THEM FROM A THING! At least I didn’t have to stand on a chair for that one.

It was a very laidback affair. Nikki just had her main shower last weekend and I just wanted her to be able to relax, eat some random Korean food, and open presents. NO GAMES!

(In all honesty though, I did briefly consider devising some type of Change Chooch’s Diaper game.)

One of our gifts to them was a set of Dance Gavin Dance onesies. As soon as they told us they’re having The Twins, the first thing I thought of was, “OMG, Downtown Battle Mountain 1 and Downtown Battle Mountain 2 onesies!” IT’S A DGD THING YOU WOULDN’T UNDERSTAND.

No but seriously, those are the names of two of the DGD albums that Jonny Craig sang on, and since they’re both JC fans, I thought it would be cool. Henry literally waited so long to make them, that Robbie and Nikki were DOWNSTAIRS when he finished ironing the things on. Ugh. I hate how last minute his sorry ass is!

Henry made these really delicious cucumber tea sandwiches which also had avocado and alfalfa sprouts. We thought for sure no one would eat them, but the whole platter was devoured, THEY WERE SO GOOD. I think they’ll be a new party staple. I also conned him into making a tray of kimbap and we had a small tower of chapssaltteok because this is my life now and I’m not trying to PUSH MY NEW BELIEFS on anyone, but I still wanted to add a little Eastern flava to the snack spread, and surprisingly, even JUDY liked the kimbap and most of the chapssaltteok was eaten too. I love when my SUBTLE attempts to infiltrate my lifestyle choices onto others is a success.

Unlike the time I tried to get people to start tying scarves around their ankles.

ANKLECHIEFS.

Whatever, I thought it looked great. Maybe I’ll start doing it again.

chapssaltteok chapssaltteok

gunghabi uri uri gunghabi

Henry needs to learn to make his own.

And what’s a soiree without a cake from Zia Desserts? Kaitlin’s mad baking skills were met with rave reviews as usual. She is insane. (The swans are an inside thing between Rob and Nikki and Kaitlin knocked it out of the park with her sculpting skills!)

Chooch wanted to play Catchphrase and I was all, “NO THIS ISN’T GAME NIGHT” but then Nikki said, “Yeah, I’ll play Catchphrase!” because she is desperate for Chooch’s affections, so Chooch shot me a smug “ha ha” smirk that looked suspiciously familiar until I realized I was practically looking in a mirror. Ugh I love/hate how much alike we are!

I opted out, but sat on the floor and watched everyone crash and burn BECAUSE THEY NEEDED ME TO KEEP THAT GAME AFLOAT. I’m so good at Catchphrase, it’s almost gross. (Not as good as I am at Scattergories though. That game was pretty much invented for assholes like me.) It was during this time that Nikki learned what bukkake is (no one wanted to say it out loud with Old People nearby so she had to google it and the expression on her face as the knowledge cascaded down upon her in sticky drips was the highlight of the day for me, for sure.

This topic arose from trying to explain gwiyomi. Which is basically the most innocent thing in the world. 

Also, can we take a moment to admire how adorable Nikki is!? I did not look even remotely “ok” or “semi-presentable” when I was pregnant. I looked like I had another person growing from under my chin, not just my stomach. Nikki looks so great!

Underwear model.

Everyone left around 6 (some football game was on, I guess), but Henry’s kids and their ladies stayed for an impromptu after-party and it was so much fun! We talked about Korea and music and old times and Korea and the fact that they’re all going to be parents super soon and then we circled back to Korea.

Baby Shower After Party: Blake and Robbie enthralled with Bigbang videos while Haley checks her phone for the time and begins to question reality.

(I think Blake’s bias is Taeyang, btw.)

Henry said that Blake and Robbie were only watching all of my videos because they were hammered. WHATEVER HENRY. Honestly though, poor Nikki and Haley were like, “Now we’re the designated drivers, too?!” Nothing like being pregnant and watching people drink.

TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL.

Now I regret not coming up with a shower game that required smearing Butt Paste on Henry’s beard.

Oh well! We have another shower coming up soon so I can rectify that.

Can’t wait to meet these babies when they get here!!

I mentioned a while back that Chooch called Henry from his gifted program to see what his heritage is, because he needed to know for an assignment. Henry’s grandma was from Syria apparently, but Chooch misunderstood and thought he said Siberia.

Chooch is letting me put his essay on here, so meet Bogdan, Chooch’s fake ancestor who helped him get an A on his gifted project…?

***********

Hi I’m Bogdan, I am the leader of a Nomad tribe named the Enets. In the 13th century a small part of our area in Russia was conquered by our arch enemies the Mongols. One of our other tribes migrated north to hide from the Mongols. But our tribe stayed and fought.

Well, that’s our history. Let me tell you about our clothing. Well, we wear Red Turbans bedazzled with jewels, sparkles, and glitter. And sometimes it’s very cold so we wear fur coats made with fur from a wolf.

Our diet is mainly raw foods, anything that should be cooked, we eat raw.

WHY I CHOSE SIBERIAN:

So, I chose Siberian because my great-grandma is Siberian. I’ve never been to Siberia. I’ve never been out of the USA but I am soon.

Not to Siberia, but close. Siberia is interesting to me because they eat raw meat like it’s no big deal!

So this was my Siberian side of the family and how they survive and what their culture is all about! Toodles!

(I’m obsessed with this mask he made of Bogdan — it’s going on my wall with my other masks!)

Remember that time I promised Henry that if he went to see Circa Survive with me at Stage AE, we could go upstairs and sit through it because I know he’s old and feeble, and I’ve seen Circa Survive approximately 87 times since 2005? But then we got inside Stage AE and I realized that I left my ID in the car and there’s no reentry and the upstairs is 21+? And they don’t give a fuck if I have gray hair if I don’t also have a drivers license they can shine their dumb flashlight on? And then I suggested that I could just show them the green wristband from the show I went to a week earlier that said 21 AND OLDER all over it and Henry was like DON’T BE DUMB THAT WON’T WORK so then he had to stand and complain the whole time?

And also when we accidentally got there an hour before doors opened because I thought they opened at 6 since I’m used to earlier shows and then we had to stand outside for an hour in the rain but luckily we were one of the few people who got to stand under an overhang because we were literally the fifth people in line like Super Fans?

Yeah, that was last Tuesday night and Henry is still mad about it, haha.

When we were standing in line, I saw one of the guys from Primer and Grayscale! Henry was like, “Go say hi” in a tone that implied he realized it was a dumb suggestion because I don’t talk to musicians. I’m Erin R. Kelly, remember? My voice box tumbles out of my kooka before I can even say hello to someone in a band.

And then I made him buy me a Blue Moon, which he did, grudgingly, and then goaded me the whole time I was drinking it because there’s an old man in a red shirt whose only job is to walk around and spontaneously card people who are drinking and I was like, “HAHA yeah right” but then I saw him do it with my own two eyes and I started to get super nervous about it because I literally watched him nab an underage couple and escort them off into a secret room AND THEY LOOKED OLD ENOUGH TO BE DRINKING so what if he didn’t care that I’m literally a 37 year old mom?!

I kept making Henry hold my beer so then he was mad about that too.

Then we saw our photographer friend that we met at the Hotel Books show except that he’s not actually our friend, just someone I had a 10 minute awkward conversation while waiting for Diesel to open their doors and then I’ve seen him at probably 4 shows since then and we act like that never happened.

I AM GREAT AT MAKING CONNECTIONS.

I gotta be honest, I was really excited to see Circa Survive because this was their On Letting Go 10th anniversary tour, but I would have been just as happy being home, watching Bigbang videos which is how I know this obsession is real. Please send help. I actually started crying about it in the kitchen this morning. My life is confusing. Emotions are weird.

Anyway! I was also stoked to be seeing Turnover again!! And of course they were wonderful. I love my Run For Cover bands.

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You guys, they played Danny Elfman’s Pee Wee’s Big Adventure theme in between sets and it was bliss. The last show I saw at Stage AE was Thrice and the house music was SHIT. Have I told you lately how much I dislike Stage AE? I always feel so cold and unwelcome there.

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After Turnover was MewithoutYou and to be honest, I haven’t paid attention to their career in probably 10 years, but I still thought that perhaps Henry would enjoy them.

In a shocking turn of events, he did not.

Sometime during their set, two annoying broads beamed down behind me and you know how once you zero in on a sound, it’s ALL YOU CAN HEAR? Like someone crunching on a bag of chips nearby? Well, this happened to me and one of their voices. She had that god awful vocal fry, you guys. WHAT IS WITH THAT. And a nasally vocal fry at that.

“Like, On Letting Go like totally changed my life,” she fried away in a monotone to her friend, and my shoulders immediately crunched up to my ears. And then I could barely hear MewithoutYou over top of her frying pan of sizzling ear-sounds. And when she said, “Can we squeeze in here?” to the lady next to me along the railing, I looked at Henry and said, “Please, you have to switch places with me when Circa Survive comes on because she’s going to ruin the whole show for me. PLEASE.”

And when Henry wouldn’t do it, I physically moved him myself so that he was now my vocal fry barrier.

According to Henry, she didn’t talk through the whole show, but her friend who was actually the one standing next to him, had really long hair extensions that kept hitting his face and arm and making him itchy, so that’s another thing that he’s been angry about all week, lol.

Oh man, but then Circa Survive came out and as soon as that angel-faced Anthony Green started singing, the tears fell from my eyes like water balloons. I didn’t bother wiping them away because I knew there would be more, and there were: four entire songs worth of them. But then I was OK!

I love this album too, but unlike Vocal Stir Fry, it didn’t change my life.

That was their first album, Juturna. They did a 10-year anniversary tour for that too, but it didn’t come to Pittsburgh and we couldn’t feasibly travel to any of the other dates, so I’m still kind of bitter about that. That album is everything to me.

Still, it was a beautiful night and as usual, I felt blessed to be in the same room as Anthony Green. He’s a living legend to me. Such a powerful, veteran voice in my scene. I can’t believe I’ve been going to his shows for 12 years now!  This was the biggest one yet (aside from Riot Fest). Usually Circa plays at Mr. Smalls, which is much smaller than Stage AE.

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When oppa disappeared briefly, I assumed he had just slipped off into the bathroom to cry about his shitty life, but when he came back he had a tour poster in his hand. Oppa really does love me after all! (Or else he just really secretly loves Circa Survive and wanted the poster for himself—both of these options are a stretch.)

It was a good night though. Henry rarely goes to shows with me anymore, and it was nice to not be at one alone for once. IT WAS ALMOST LIKE A DATE. Except that I was mad he didn’t wear a beanie. I like when Henry-oppa wears beanies. 

Let’s just get right into it, the ten albums that defined my teen years in no particular order.

This album! I was obsessed, so obsessed. Literally none of my friends could understand why I loved it so much, but let me just say that I’ve own three copies of it in my lifetime because I kept playing it out so hard. “Can’t Get Enough” and “I’ll Be There” were my favorite jams on it. If I hear either of them right now, I’ll start to cry. I know — there’s a thing that rarely happens!

(Really fun side note for no one but me, Bigbang’s “Café” reminds me SO MUCH of El DeBarge that I started feeling like I was legit 15 again the other day when listening to it and Henry was like “Well you act 15 so you might as feel 15 too.” He didn’t say that, really. But HE WAS PROBABLY THINKING IT. Anyway, El DeBarge has been on my mind this week so that’s why I decided to do this dumb list thing that everyone else was doing.)

Like…le duh. Creepin’ on ah Come-Up was also my jam, but this album start to finish was something that I really connected with. Which is weird I guess, because I was a suburban white girl, but you have no idea how much soul I had back then, you guys. When my friend Christy got her drivers license, I begged her to drive me to Cleveland so I could try to see them; she refused, but SPOILER ALERT: I got Henry to take me in 2003 and it’s surprising we’re still together after that fuckarow. I did get to see them in concert in 1995 though, at the Palace in Monroeville with my then-boyfriend Russ who embarrassed me by wearing a NIN shirt. Also, there was a shooting in the parking lot afterward. Also, my aunt Sharon drove us (and also my friends Erika and Jameelah). So fucking cool, yo, rolling up in your middle-aged aunt’s car. But yeah, Bone was a huge chunk of my teenage years, for sure.

This came out during the tail-end of my teen years, but it sent me down a path of alt-obsession. I had it so bad for OLP for years and years, until Mike left the band and then they shifted from being that weird, quirky alternative band to safe, radio-friendly generic band. But holy shit, the amount of times I scream-sang along to “Superman’s Dead” in my 1995 Eagle Talon, you guys. Those were the motherfucking days.

Probably not a surprise to anyone who knows me, because I have never one to hide my affinity for soft rock. Phil Collins not only was a huge part of my teen years, but also my early childhood…and present. Hearing any of his music from the 80s conjures up the happiest memories of my Pappap. I finally got to see him live when I was in high school, at the old Civic Arena, and it was mind-blowing.

Even though my relationship with Psycho Mike was tumultuous at best (did the “Psycho” in his name ruin that surprise?), he definitely broadened my musical horizons. When we first started dating junior year, I primarily listened to rap (gangsta) and r&b. He had me listening to Neutral Milk Hotel, Radiohead, and Hayden in no time. But the one that really affected me was Billy Bragg. I will always owe Mike that much.

(I also listened to a shit of soft rock then too, and he was the first person my age I ever met who would actually sing those songs along with me. We loved us some soft rock. Whaddup, England Dan & John Ford Coley?)

I “bought” this through Columbia House or BMG without knocking much about her, other than I had 12 free CDs to choose and needed one more. THIS ALBUM IS EVERYTHING. I had all this insane mood lighting in my childhood bedroom (obviously where my love of lights and marquees come from) and I would throw this CD on my 6-disc changer and just cry and cry.

MY LIFE IS SO DIFFERENT NOW. I just use Spotify or an actual record player.

Or YouTube. Whatever gets ‘er done.

“Come Undone.” That fucking song. I remember it so vividly because my bed placement. It was against a different wall when this album came out, and so anytime I hear any song from it, I’m looking at my old childhood bedroom from that specific perspective of sitting on my bed, and it’s so weird because my bed wasn’t against that wall for very long.

Just joshing! This January has been pretty legit, and this past weekend was no pocketful of Zzzzz’s.

I like to recap even the seemingly uneventful weekends because someday maybe I’ll be in a pit of despair and could use some nice memories to scroll through. Or maybe I’m just bored on the trolley and feeling nostalgic for some random January recaps. YOU DON’T KNOW MY LIFE.

Here are the highlights.

Henry made me kimbap for lunch on Saturday! I love that he acts all disgruntled whenever I go through lifestyle changes, yet he does nothing to discourage me from riding my latest obsession like a unicorn.

A Korean unicorn.

Anyway, Henry didn’t have all of the things he needed to put inside the kimbap so the things:rice ratio was pretty poor, but it still tasted like Awesome Life Choices.

Seriously, I can’t remember the last time I was this happy to be alive! Earlier tonight, I started giggling uncontrollably and Henry, totally alarmed, called out from the kitchen to see what was wrong.

But I was literally just watching Bingbang videos, you guys.

(Henry probably thought I was photoshopping weeners onto his face again.)

Family photo minus Chooch and Penelope, who we just call Penis now I guess.

Later on Saturday, I had a mini-reunion at Someone Else’s Bar with Lisa and Lawson….and it was also amazing! Granted, I had to cheat on my Korean diet in order to enjoy their company, but it was worth it. It’s hard to believe how much time has passed since we used to hang out nearly every weekend together. I suggested having a viewing party of all of the old home movies I used to make back in high school, but that suggestion was met with a resounding NO from Lawson, which only made me crack up even harder.

When I think of this get-together in the future, it will be all giggles, candy on the table, and ELEVEN DIFFERENT HANDSOAPS TO CHOOSE FROM IN THE WOMENS ROOM, WHAT.

And now I just realized that I forgot to beg Lawson to do his Chewbacca impression, which I used to do a lot in high school and he would always be like, “Ugh why” but then he would do it! Every time!

Lisa and Lawson went to the same elementary school, but I went to a different one, so while they were talking about elementary school things, I was like HELLO REMEMBER ME and maybe the next time we hang out, I’ll be able to say that in Korean. Anyway, they were talking about some dumb teacher they had and Lawson was all, “Did you know he was also the mayor of Finleyville at the same time he was our teacher?” and for some reason, this stuck in my mind as something of value to mention to Henry when I was recapping the reunion (?).

“Mr. K?” Henry asked, and I was all, “OMG DID YOU GO TO THAT ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TOO?!” because Henry also grew up in the same town as Lisa and Lawson (I lived one town over, so I went to a different elementary school but then we all merged for middle school).

“No,” he said. “But my mom dated his brother.”

Oh my god, of course there would be a Judy connection!

Later that night, we walked to Eat n Park for dessert and Chooch squirmed the whole time because his first love Courtney was working. (She was a mentor in his class when he was in 1st grade and she was in like 7th or 8th and they like the same bands; we see her at Warped Tour every year and she was at one of the Emarosa shows we went to, which made Chooch die.) I took this picture of us right around the time he realized she was working, and then later she came over to say hi to him and then liked my picture on Instagram, lol all the way to Busan. On a train.

I would also like to point out that Chooch’s face looks like this often because he thinks everything I do is so ridiculous, and my latest craze is making him angry, I think. For Henry though, anything is better than my former, years-long Jonny Craig obsession.

G-Dragon is way better than Jonny Craig, anyway!!

(G-Dragon is my bias. It used to be Daesung, but then G-Dragon crept right in and stole my stupid American heart. Ugh, why do I have to be a dumb American.)

(Everyone at work was really excited for this update, btw. Hearing Glenn mumble to Todd, “Did you hear the news? Erin has a new bias” was pretty much the funniest thing that has happened all week, which makes it sound like I live a boring life.)

(I haven’t been this swoony over something since I was at the height of my Cure mania, you guys. This is real. Send help. Send it to Korea, which is where I’ll probably be living soon.)

Leisurely Sunday hangs.

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Sunday was all well and good until we dropped Chooch off at piano lessons and I realized that Henry had basically shut down and I got super angry, like why are you being an asshole, Henry?! So I went for a walk around Lawrenceville by myself, which is what I do when I’m pouting — I storm off and pretend like I just want to be alone, when really I’m expecting Henry to chase after me because hello, I’m a girl. I kept looking over my shoulder and didn’t see him, so then I started texting him all kinds of break-up threats, until I realized that he was trailing me, but ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STREET. So I hurried up and crossed over and started walking back, but he saw me seeing him so he DUCKED SOMEWHERE and then I couldn’t find him and I got mad all over again and somehow ended up in an alley and then I saw him and it was all 1970s sitcom laughter and then we continued walking together, and that’s when he told me that he was prematurely in a bad mood because I had planned on taking pictures of Chooch after his lessons and Henry knows better than anyone how stressful those photoshoots are and how they bring out the worst, vein-pulsing monster in me. So he was being mad and brooding ahead of time. What a fucking weirdo.

LOL, then it was time to take pictures of Chooch and guess who turned into the worst, vein-pulsing monster? THIS DUMB BITCH. Um, sorry guys. I’m sorry for all the times I screamed at you both for ruining my life and being worthless dicks. But um, we got some great photos, didn’t we?!

Ugh, whatever. Henry is my real life bias.

The rest of the day was wonderful and I don’t think we fought again. Because I got what I wanted, and that’s all that matters!

After an entirely too long concert hiatus—seriously, the last one was in December!–I went to see Pianos Become the Teeth at the Smiling Moose after work last Thursday, and it was a particularly shitty day at work too so I love when it works out like that. Makes it feel even more therapeutic, DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

Yeah, you do.

Since this show was at the Smiling Moose, I didn’t even bother asking Henry (or anyone else) to go with me. I love the Smiling Moose and have no problems blending into the wall there. However, the dumb doors didn’t open until 6:30, which meant I had to hang out downstairs at the bar, being sad and lonely with my hastily-ordered beer (Pumpking because I needed to quell my nerves fast). Look, I’m sure no one even gave a shit about The Girl Sitting Alone at the Bar, but I fucking hate it. I’m a social drinker and like bullshitting with people over drinks, but everyone around me was either engrossed in their own private conversations with their actual friends, or sitting next to their actual friends and scrolling through Facebook because this is where we are as A People.

Such social creatures.

I vacillate between SOMEONE TALK TO ME and NO DONT SEE ME, because I just never know what I want. To be left alone or to be harassed? That is the question. 

Anyway, while being acutely aware that some of the guys from Pianos were sitting right next to me (and looking at their phones), I ordered a second beer (a Hoegaarten, which Henry gets a lot and it tastes like floor cleaner to me so I don’t know why I ordered it so let’s just call it panic) and chugged it just as the clock hit 6:30.

SEE YA, AWKWARD BAR!!

I felt much more at home upstairs with the other loners who were standing around looking lost and praying for the first band to hurry up and get on stage. It was at this point where I realized that I honestly haven’t listened to much American music in over a month. K-pop has legitimately taken over my life. It’s like when the elective becomes the major. And I’m not even sorry. THERE’S ROOM FOR ALL GENRES IN MY LIFE.

But yeah, it was all BigBang in my head in between bands playing.

My people. This crowd was really great. I liked them a lot. I mean, from a distance. Because, don’t touch me.

The first band that played was a local band, total emo revival, the type of band with vocals that almost seem secondary to the music at times, like another layer of instrumentation in and of itself. They were raw and, well, you know, emotional. I loved them from opening to closing note, but I couldn’t understand for the life of me what their name was each time the singer said it.

I even, gasp, SPOKE to the two girls behind me to see if they knew and even they were like “Shrug.”

Turns out, they were Curse Words and I’ve seen them before….

Oops.

But in my defense, I go to a lot of shows….so.

Second band was Primer & Grayscale from Beaver Falls and I was again pleasantly surprised at how lovely they sounded. There’s no good way to say this without sounding like a hater so please know that I don’t mean this in a terrible way, but you know how sometimes the local opener sounds just like…The Local Opener? Maybe a little bit amateurish and rough? A little garage-y? These two openers did not have that at all and I couldn’t have been more pleased at the line-up. Plus, only two openers?! Thank you, Drusky Entertainment. This old bitch wanted to be home by 10.

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Nothing significant happened in between bands. When I saw some of the guys from Piano get on stage to soundcheck, I squeezed my way up a little bit further and then sent Henry a flurry of texts reminding him of my existence and filling him in on the all the things he was purposely missing.

I’m pretty sure he probably slept the whole time I was at the show. Henry’s dream life, realized.

Anyway, it wasn’t even 9pm yet and Pianos was about to start playing. I was scanning the room wildly, looking for their singer Kyle, but then I became aware of the guy gripping the mic stand, not moving, totally taking Kyle’s spot….until I realized that holy shit, that was Kyle! Gone were his long locks that curtained his face the other 3 times I’ve seen them live. He looked like…just some tall, thin guy. I guess I never really paid attention to his face before!

But who cares. Long hair or not, his voice was still trembling with the feels and I felt my heart begin to inflate from that sad, flattened state the last month had left in it. And I was once again glad that I came out to this show even though I didn’t have anyone to go with me, because really, it’s so much better this way. I don’t have to worry about if whoever is with me is going to enjoy the band, or if they want to leave early, or if they want to start talking over top of the band, or if they judge me for weeping like Henry when he forgets his gochugaru* coupons at home.

*(We’re a Korean-only kitchen now, you wouldn’t understand.)

:

I was sitting next to him at the bar and decided that we definitely imprinted. I giddily told Henry when he picked me up and he said he’ll be my flower girl for sure.

SHORT HAIR DON’T CARE. I mean, maybe he cares. It didn’t come up during in between song banter, though.

It blows my mind that a band with this caliber of talent and musicianship is only playing Smiling Moose. They deserve more attention, more love, more recognition. So do me a favor and watch this video (I’m pretty sure I’ve posted it on here at least 3 other times in the last 3 years because it’s my favorite), soak up the words, float on the beautiful music. And then if you still think I listen to shitty music, then by all means, continue to make fun of me for it. I don’t care anymore! Kpop has buffeted my sensitive feelings with a cotton candy cocoon, you guys. Ridicule just gets caught in my candy-coated web like a surly, mean-spirited old fly sent by those dickheads at Pitchfork and then I eat it with my new Korean-speaking mouth.

(Ugh, I only know like 5 words so far, but that’s three more since the last time I checked in with you!)

I also really like Ripple Water Shine but that video is about a dog dying and aren’t we all depressed enough?

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I love nights like this. Even when I don’t have mean ol’ Henry next to me, grimacing at the sounds he doesn’t understand.

We fought a lot today, but everyone’s friends again. Don’t worry.

I have my own similar “brooding through a chain link fence” emo band shot of myself. Not ashamed. 

Brought to you by hateful yelling, BIGBANG style inspo, early-00’s Contempo outerwear. 

The end.

I’ve been waiting patiently(ish) for the go-ahead to put this on my blog (yes, sometimes I seek permission, can you imagine!?) but Henry is going to become a grandfather this year!

If anyone actually read my Holiday Hangs blog post last month, I quickly slipped it in there that Henry’s oldest son Robbie and his girlfriend Nikki are expecting twins this March!

^^^TWINS! My family has zero twins in it so this is super exciting for me even though I’m not actually going to be a real grandma or even step-grandma because Robbie’s dumb dad still hasn’t married me, so just consider me an imaginary grandma. A faux-ma. A dress-up grandma. A cosplay grandma.

An Erinma.

Robbie told me the news when I was at work one day and sorry co-workers, but I basically signed off for the rest of the day because I was too busy looking for baby-sized Chiodos and Dance Gavin Dance shirts. 

But guys, just like the best of the best infomercials….BUT THAT’S NOT ALL!

Back in October, at Demon House to be exact, Blake and Haley told us that THEY TOO ARE EXPECTING!

They just gave me the OK last night to put this out here on blog because you know how I am with this idiotic blog. I really wanted to write about it though because so many of my friends have watched Blake and Robbie grow up and it’s something that I’m extremely excited about — CHRISTMASES ARE GOING TO BE SO MUCH FUN!!! AND OMG, KENNYWOOD! I’M GOING TO BUY THEM CURE ALBUMS!

Oh yeah, and in case you were wondering, girls are clearly not invited to this family because all three babies are BOYS!

I’ve known Robbie and Blake since they were 10 & 8, respectively, and it’s been so awesome to see the great adults they’ve grown into (OMG I still can’t believe they’re adults….I can’t believe I’M an adult!). I know they’re going to make fantastic dads, and Nikki and Haley are going to rock as moms.  I can’t wait to babysit! And by that, I mean that Henry will do all the hard work / clean-up while I teach them about kpop and Italian horror. I’ll even let them sit on my good wheelchair!

This is just the best. Everything is awesome!

(Henry needs a better name than Grandpa Henry though…open to suggestions!)