Ideally, Chooch would have gotten his 400th coaster cred on our dumb road trip this summer but there is always the unpredictability of ride closures so there were some parks where not all the coasters were running, and he ended the trip with 399 credits, oof! He suggested going to King’s Island because they rebranded I305 and re-profiled part of it so it technically counts as a new credit but I really didn’t want to do an overnighter and leave Penelope home alone. So, my counter-suggestion was to do a day trip to Niagara Falls and do the Frank-n-C0aster because what a stupid milestone coaster!

We left the house around 7:30AM and trust me, I was really reevaluating my life at that moment because as much as I love going places, I absolutely hate the “morning of.” I wake up early regardless but there is something so diabolical about early morning drives for some reason. It’s only about 3.5 – 4 hours away but ugh. I was so drowsy and it was so boring. Pretty much the whole way, I “hopescrolled” on Threads, waiting for absolute confirmation that dear leader had finally bit it.

Eventually, we made it to the Canadian border and this happened:

Canadian border guy: What brings you to Canada?

Henry: the coaster on top of the Burger King. Canadian border guy: 🤔 How long will you be here?

Henry, sighs: As long as it takes to ride the coaster on top of the Burger King.

The border guy was NOT amused by this and was like, “whatever, have a nice day” as he shoved our passports out the window. A totally different vibe from when we were going to Toronto in June, that’s for fucking sure. Chooch and I were so embarrassed too because Henry was giving up way too much detail. A simple, “Visiting the Falls” would have sufficed.

LONG STORY SHORT – we made it to Clifton Hill around noon and Henry kicked us out of the car so that he could just drive around and not have to park. Trust me, this dumb coaster was not cheap and Henry 100% did not care about missing out.

Dude I used .5 on this picture and Chooch looks like a fucking giant. Anyway, the coaster is part of the Frankenstein House thingie and there are combo packages to do everything but luckily you can also pay just for the coaster which was like $25 USD for both of us I think??I was actually too afraid to look at the receipt. I also immediately forgot the instructions that the ticket booth lady gave us and Chooch was like JUST FOLLOW THE ARROWS FOR GOD’S SAKE. It was dark in there!

“I hope we don’t have to wait in line!” I cried and Chooch was like, “Yeah, I doubt there will be a line.”

There wasn’t a line, lol. But we did have to wait for the current cycle to run its course. It was basically just a bunch of kids and families.

Probably none of these people traveled to Niagara Falls just to ride this dumb coaster and leave.

That distinction went to me and Chooch. (This is some stupid-ass thoosie behavior.)

OK first of all, we were assigned to row 2 and they don’t let you make requests even if only three cars are being used, like it was on our ride. I didn’t hear the explanation they gave Chooch when he asked if we could sit in the back and then he was mad at me for making him ask because HE TRULY DIDN’T CARE WHERE WE SAT HE JUST WANTED TO GET IT OVER WITH. Wow. Someone revoke his thoosie card because his spirit is gone.

Anyway, this dumb coaster was pure chaos. First of all, you’re almost ejected out of your seat at the top of the lifthill when it makes a sudden stop, almost like the wheels are getting snagged on a Burger King wrapper. It jolted me so hard that I tweaked my neck a little bit. Then the rest of the ride is just clankety-clanking around the track and I swear to god some of the turns were squared.

And they send you twice.

I actually felt unsafe, careening around this Jank City track that feels precariously perched on the BK rooftop. Yet I could NOT stop laughing. Just straight-up cackled through both cycles to the point where the ride op laughed at me when I got off and asked, “Enjoy the ride?” Oh brother, not sure “enjoy” is the right word but that was QUITE memorable.

Then we had to go from the bright sunshine back into the blacklit stairwells of Frank’s House and I had to be led by my Seeing Eye Chooch. At the very bottom of the steps, he was in the process of telling me to watch out for the very last hidden step when a fucking STRONG and LOUD blast of air got me so good that my best “being chased by the chainsaw guy” scream came hurtling out of my lungs.

Not many coasters come with jump scares, I’ll tell you that much!

What a weird little coaster, lol. It’s not thrilling by any means but if you’re into gathering “coaster creds” – do it. It’s hilarious AND there’s a pretty cool view of the Falls from up there, too. I personally thought it was fun but Chooch was a big walking MEH after that one – he’s that “not easily impressed” “age, you know.

After this, it was back to New York for Niagara Amusement Park!

On one hand, I am so excited to recap my G-Dragon experience, but the other hand always holds the refusal to acknowledge that it’s over. This is the worst PCD I’ve experienced in quite some time – and I am pretty seasoned at this feeling! This one just really hits different. He’s just some Korean guy to my friends but to me, he is the guy who pulled me out of a crippling – and serious – depression in 2016 and added joy and excitement back into my life. I don’t ever want to be that person again and I found myself toeing that line again through 2024 and a lot of this year too. Last summer around this time, I am not afraid to admit that I was suicidal. There was a break down that happened in Chicago last August that actually gives me chills when I replay it in my head because I was so close to just letting go.   But I am going to say this right now – after last weekend, I feel alive again. So, make fun of me for liking this stuff all you want, at the end of the day it’s giving me joy when almost nothing else can. When you don’t have a good support system, turning to music is like a default.

I just don’t understand why people think it’s OK to make another person feel like shit for liking something they don’t understand. I didn’t intend for this to start out negatively but I am still stewing over the fact that one of my work friends texted me a picture of the group chat THAT I AM NOT EVEN PART OF ANYMORE BECAUSE IT WAS ADDING SO MUCH TOXICITY TO MY DAY THAT I REMOVED MYSELF and btw it wasn’t even my group anyway so I did not even belong there. Anyway, in the chat I guess they were bitching about an atty from Newark who was causing grief among the group and someone mentioned that I was actually en route to Newark to see G-Dragon so someone else was like “Maybe Henry can take care of this guy for us” or something and someone (wow, I wonder who) said, “He’d probably rather be doing that anyway” or something equally stupid and it’s just not funny anymore. Like I am “dragging” Henry to these things. Like Henry doesn’t have his own opinion. Like Henry doesn’t also genuinely like G-Dragon. WHY WOULD HENRY HAVE GONE TO KOREA WITH ME 3X. WHY WOULD HE HAVE AGREED TO GET MARRIED IN KOREA. WHY WOULD HE HAVE BEEN “IT’S OK” AFTER I SPENT $$$$ ON THESE TWO CONCERTS (you have no idea). It’s just actually rude and inconsiderate to insinuate that I am THAT controlling of Henry. Blog, do you remember when I used to go to concerts alone? IT WAS BECAUSE HENRY DIDN’T LIKE THE BANDS I WAS GOING TO SEE. Yes, occasionally he took one for the team and still went with me, but he was very open about not enjoying it.

And there have been several Kpop concerts where Henry sits in the nosebleeds because he wants to be there but we can’t really afford to both get good tickets so we sit separately. WHY WOULD HE BOTHER STILL GOING IF WE WEREN’T EVEN GOING TO SIT TOGETHER UNLESS HE GENUINELY LIKED THE GROUP?

Men can like Kpop. It doesn’t have to be a fucking joke and I’m so tired of the poor Henry comments. It’s rude to him too because it’s making it sound like he doesn’t have his own free will!? Like this can’t be something that we have bonded over?? He sends me Seventeen and G-Dragon Insta reels all day long!

Sorry-not-sorry to be ranting but that truly set me off that day and I was in a foul mood pretty much until it was time to leave the hotel and go to the Prudential Center. It didn’t help that I was also panicking aver what to eat because I didn’t want to be in pain during the concert and we struck out with the vegan place Henry found (they left us sitting at the table long enough for me to have ordering anxiety so we left) and then we went for a walk in a really crappy cemetery where I ranted more about how I’m sick of people acting like Korean (or Asian in general) things are “lesser than” because OMG no English, and then we ended up finding a nice little smoothie joint called Protein Corner where I got a delicious passion fruit smoothie bowl and Henry got a Fruity Pebbles protein shake – all made by a husband/wife team while their little kid popped in and out. It was a true family affair, and it was the perfect pre-concert  meal because it tided me over without giving me a stomach ache.

Anyway. Now that I have all of that out my system. Trust me – everything else is much more positive from here on out! Just, you know, if it’s not hurting anyone else, LET PEOPLE LIKE WHAT THEY LIKE. God, I crave these concerts so I can surround myself with people who aren’t judging me!

Here are some obligatory pre-concert hotel pictures. I was so excited to dust off my bang bong (a/k/a Bigbang lightstick)!

All of my accessories! Two mini-Daisy bongs (one is standard and the other is the mint-version that was sold through the fan club last spring – I had to set my alarm for 4AM to buy it lol), my GD photocards and keychains, and my PEACEMINUSONE red clip that was a gift for the VIPs at his 2017 concert. The only other time I ever splurged and bought VIP to get soundcheck! Anyway, by the end of the two days, I had accumulated so many freebies that my purse is an entanglement of dangling beads now lol.

I bought this scarf forever ago from someone on Etsy – it has Bigbang and G-Dragon lyrics on it and I knew immediately that I needed to use it to fancy up my daisy bong.

My big bag of freebies! I had over 100 to pass out both Friday and Saturday. This tote bag was also part of the VIP gift from the 2017 concert and it felt so apropos to use it as a freebie holder.

My Korean Vans!

You have no idea how fucking excited (and sick!!!) I was on the way to the Prudential Center! I just kept moaning, “OMG OMG OMG OMG” like I was on my way to have a baby.

July seems forever ago. And so do these books.

1. The Last Time I Lied by Riley Sager

Somehow, I skipped over this old Riley Sager book but now I have finally read every single of his novels, for better or worse. This one was not one of the best but not one of the worst. I have never read from a more inconsistent author, ISTFG.

2. Rainbow Black by Maggie Thrash

I saw “Satanic Panic” and “gay international-fugitive love story” and was all in. But this 100% did not deliver. It was extremely long and drawn out but SHOULD have been a higher rated book for me because while a dark and traumatic subject, it was written with humor and sharp sarcasm. But the story itself did not hold up to its end of the bargain. Good dialogue writing will only get you so far.

3. Saltwater by Katy Hays

I LOVED THIS BOOK. EVERYTHING ABOUT IT. I only rated it a 4 on Goodreads but looking back on it, the fact that it’s stuck with me, made me crave revisiting Italy, and was full of characters that seemed real and fleshed-out to me – maybe this should have been a five. Especially because I would recommend it to anyone. Props to Megan who actually left me her library copy of this while I was cat-sitting for her, because she still had time left on it and knows I’m a fast reader, because this wasn’t on my radar and honestly – the cover isn’t something that would ever convince me to pick it up.

4. Victorian Psycho by Virginia Feito

Another 4-star! This was twisted and I loved every fucking page. A book that can me laugh out loud *and* want to vomit? Yep. This author is right up my alley. My Goodreads review: “Jesus. Lol.”

5. Piglet by Lottie Hazell

And another 4-star! July treated me well. This was another book with a protagonist full of neuroses and it sucked me right in. Trigger warning for people with disordered eating and that people is me. Very tough for me at times but worth it. Great writing. Justice for Piglet.

6. The Guilt Pill: A Psychological Thriller of Motherhood and Ambition by Saumya Dave

2 stars. Total snooze and a waste of an eye-catching cover.

7. The Better Liar by Tanen Jones

3 stars – a middle of the road domestic thriller. It kept me interested but I’m not screaming about it from the rooftop.

8. If an Egyptian Cannot Speak English by Noor Naga

OH! This was INTRIGUING. I loved the style of this writing. Totally invested. I just wish it had provided a bit more descriptions of Cairo. 4.5 – it resonated with me big time. The ending truly caught me off guard too.

9. Bel Canto by Ann Patchett

OK hear me out. I love Ann Patchett. Especially Dutch House which was beyond 5 stars in my heart. But this….oof. I ultimately gave it a 3 but there were many, many, many times I considered DNFing. It took so long for anything to happen. So mundane. The opera singer was one of the most cardboard cutout characters I’ve ever been forced to read about in a novel. I did not give a single shit about her. It did pick up eventually only to have one of the worst and most disappointing endings of any book I’ve read. I can’t recommend this one.

10. Laura Dean Keeps Breaking Up with Me by Mariko Tamaki

Oh, go fuck yourself, Laura Dean. HONESTLY!

Friday, August 2 was our last day of what was hopefully not our last family vacation! I think we were all ready to wrap it up, to be honest. Not in a bad way! But we vacation hard and there was very little rest, plus that fucking heatwave in the first half of the week really drained us big time.  But Henry had proposed that we stop at Indiana Beach on the way home because they put in two “new” coasters since we were last there in 2022. So, hey why not right? Indiana Beach is always a good time.

Except when your period starts that morning and you’re suffering some really terrible cramps which has you doubled-over in pain at times and urgently needing to sit the eff down. Needless to say, I was content spending lots of time in the Fascination room watching Chooch waste our money.

EW.

There was one lady down there who had just learned to play Fascination and was such a sore winner that I legit couldn’t take much more of her big-ass mouth.

Chooch is pretty good at this and won a fair amount of times but not enough to win me one of those JAWS PLUSHIES!!! I WANTED ONE SO BAD.

This coaster is “new” to Indiana Beach but it actually came from another park in Mexico and that part of its history ended in tragedy so I was very not stoked about riding it here in Indiana.

Can you tell?

It actually wasn’t too bad though.

The last car is actually facing backward and I wanted to get that one but not enough that I was willing to stand in line again.

There was a little girl in front of us who cried her face off when she was too short to ride it and this was the second time that day that people in front of us had to leave a line after standing in it for 30+ minutes because they didn’t bother to measure their dumb kids at the entrance of the rides. On the other coaster (the other “new” to the park coaster which was just one of those rinky-dink Galaxi things) the one mom was like YOU SHOULD HAVE A SIGN THEN!!! and the ride op was like, “We do” and pointed way back to the entrance of the ride. Haha. In your face, mom.

Honestly, there wasn’t too much that happened during our short stint at Indiana Beach aside from me complaining about menstrual pain and bitching about the crowds – it wasn’t even THAT crowded but compared to the vacant parks we had experienced up until then, it was SHOCKING AND APPALLING. I had my Karen sun visor on. You just can’t see it.

So, what I’m trying to say is let’s just look at some random pictures from the park. I’m pretty sure Hoosier Hurricane was the last thing we rode (three whole rides!) before Chooch played more Fascination and then we left to begin the last stretch of our drive back to Pittsburgh.

Chooch made friends with this seasoned couple next to him. They invited me to play too but I was like, “No thanks, I’ll continue to sit in the corner and bleed out.”

Something must have inspired me to snap this picture. Who knows.

Indiana Beach is truly such a quirky park. Usually, we do the dark rides too but one of them is an upcharge and the other one, all adults have to ride alone in their car and the line was long. Since this wasn’t our first time there, it was a hard pass.

The layout here makes no sense. It honestly looks like something that I would have designed in Roller Coaster Tycoon – rides on top of each other, interwoven coaster track, etc.

And that’ll do it for my long-winded, super drawn-out vacation recap. Overall, it was a really fun way to turn 46, I loved spending time with Chooch (ugh and Henry), I loved going to new places (and one new state!) and I loved all of the idiotic inside jokes we picked up along the way. I really value these chaotic road trips and the memories that we make, and I hope that Chooch does too!

Thanks for limping along with me!

Cred: Head in the Clouds

A quick interruption to my annoying vacation recap to be even more annoying by saying that:

• I saw G-Dragon
• I can’t believe that I saw G-Dragon
• I can’t believe that I saw G-Dragon two nights in a row
• I miss G-Dragon
• I love G-Dragon even more than ever
• I am ready to admit that he is my ult #1, I’m sorry Robert Smith I still love you too but….
• G-Dragon

I have so much to say about this past weekend. It was magic. Otherworldly. Somehow even better than the first time we saw him in 2017. Everything else sucks but at least I have this. How can my heart feel so full yet empty.

I think I have Henry almost on board to get matching GD tattoos – Chooch said, “ugh” and walked away in disgust lol.

I was dumb-excited to go to downtown Waterloo for dinner because ever since Chooch made me do that stupid morning radio show trivia game with him ON AIR, and the answer to the last question was Waterloo, I always laugh anytime it comes up in general conversation.

Chooch was the one who found the restaurant we’d be eating at that night and it was so nice to not drive around looking for something while arguing.

Newton’s Paradise Cafe!

It was just us, and two other tables of diners there that evening. It was perfectly chill. If you ignore the fact that after we arrived, some bell was dinging for about 5 minutes until the server finally came out from the back, and that was still less annoying to me than our experience at MULLETS the night before. Just in case you were wondering.

The face of someone who has been forced to spend too much time with me.

I announced that I was getting the portabella sandwich as soon as I had a menu in my paws. Then several minutes later, Henry said, “They have a portabella sandwich.” I yelled, “I know!” and Chooch said, “I don’t even listen to her and I still knew that’s what she was getting.”

BUT JOKE’S ON ME because they were OUT OF IT. The amount of times this happens to me is unbelievable! THREE TIMES on this trip alone! I’m the Schleprock of Restaurant Ordering.

It’s OK. I went back to my original choice of veggie wrap and remained in a decent mood. Somehow.

I mean, I had to sit next to Henry while he masticated a country fried steak like there was a time limit.

BUT YO. YOOOoooooOOOOooo. Can we talk about the coleslaw? IT HAD PESTO IN IT. It was so delicious. It dried my portabella tears right up.

Meanwhile, some guy and his little boy came in and sat several booths away from us. I don’t know what the kid said to our server but she was GENUINELY cracking up loudly and my FOMO was crowning.

“It couldn’t have been THAT funny,” I mumbled into my ‘slaw.

Anyway, it was a decent dinner, no complaints.

After dinner, I made the idiots walk with me down the street because I wanted to see the RIVER. It was SCARY!! “I’d say it’s a little bit flooded,” Henry said, probably thinking he was so funny and wishing his mom was there to clap for him.

Genuinely terrifying.

Some bitches.

Henry had been talking about how we were going to be driving past THE BIGGEST TRUCK STOP IN THE WORLD like, ever since we set off on this journey. And….then he proceeded to drive right past it?? I screamed at him about it so he had to get off the next exit and drive all the way back. I wanted a fucking Iowa magnet!! I hadn’t found a good one the whole time we were in that corny state.

You guys, it turns out that this is really only incredible if you’re a TRUCKER. Hence – TRUCKSTOP. This is not a really good gas station – it has some stuff for civilians but it’s mostly a big deal for TRUCKERS looking TRUCK ACCOUTREMENTS.

There was a lot of fast food options in there though and also a restaurant full of truckers.

We lost Chooch in this section for some reason. It was the most boring section of the whole store and I hated it.

LOL. The one Iowa photo zone I found in the entire state basically.

See? It’s just dumb shit. But they did have some nice magnets at least. So I got some. Because it was still technically my birthday and THAT’S WHAT I WANTED.

We made it to Illinois a little after 10PM – we changed our plans and instead of going home through Wisconsin to get that one coaster cred, Henry was like, “OR! What if we just go to Indiana Beach” and I was amenable to that because they have two “new” coasters since we were last there and honestly, we were only going to Wisconsin so that Chooch could visit one of his Mexico crew but then she wasn’t going to be there anyway and to be quite honest you guys, we were all just trying to take the fastest route home by then. I was tired and wanted to see Penelope.

Indiana Beach post upcoming!

As usual, I am such a snail at vacation recaps. But we’re almost to the finish line! I just have to get my mind off the G-Dragon track so I can knock this one out – I have therapy tomorrow and the way I am so excited to have someone other than Henry to talk about the G-Dragon concerts this past weekend. I am so pathetic, truly.

Before we get into Lost Island, I would be remiss to not mention the BEST gas station I have ever been to (nope, not Buckees, sorry but fuck Buckees, it’s not for me fam). It’s a local Iowa joint called Marker 126.

(Henry was more partial to KUM & GO, ugh.)

(Also the way it took me a hot minute to think of the word “partial” makes me think I need to do more brain games or something, sheesh.)

It was absolutely beautiful – had amazing food choices, a cafe, A BOUTIQUE. In fact, I had spent the whole trip lamenting the fact that I left my sunglasses at home and refusing to pay $30 for those shitty MAGA shades at other gas stations / truck stops, like I’m cosplaying a hunter or something, so fucking disgusting.

“THOSE ARE ACTUALLY NICE SUNGLASSES THO” Henry tried to red-neck’splain at a Love’s gas station when I was practically vomiting over the display because they were so hideous, constructed specifically to cover ICE agents’ eyes. Or Marjorie Taylor Green for when she’s fly-fishing for conspiracy theories and orange bronzer to gift Dear Leader.

By “nice” I don’t think Henry meant “lookin’.”

But at Marker 126, I found a pair that was EXACTLY MY STYLE, and they were only $13!! Now I regret not buying several because there were a bunch I was (bare) eyeballin’.

First though I used the restroom which hello, was in a gas station mind you:

Yeah. Marker 126 had my heart. I loved its whole vibe.

Oh, and this was all after we went to that religious grotto thing!!

But then! Lost Island.

This is a new theme park in Waterloo, Iowa. They already had a waterpark that is very popular and decided to build a theme park to go along with it. Enthusiasts have really been trying to spread the word about this place because it is so beautifully-themed but severely under visited because most general public don’t know about it and even if they did, who is going to visit Iowa for a theme park other than crazy-ass coaster heads like us?

There were barely any cars in the lot which was sad. It was already mid-afternoon when we arrived so you’d imagine that it wasn’t going to get any busier than it already was at that point of the day.

I was expected it to be so flat and widespread for some reason??

The park is divided into four different lands and you really do feel like you’re not on Earth anymore. Or at least not in the States. I can’t explain it but there was a vibe, lol. I felt uncomfortable in a way but also intrigued? I think maybe because it seemed so exposed there.

The main reason I wanted to go here – and even planned this trip around Lost Island – is because they got a brand new RMC! It was making me nervous though because their website kept saying COMING SOON even after we officially made our vacation plans, but then it opened ONE WEEK before we got there!

It’s a single rail which isn’t my favorite type of RMC and it was definitely not operated as efficiently as the one in Six Flags Great America where they have numerous trains constantly cycling. This one also had the moving station but the second time we rode it, they brought the train in and stopped it for everyone to get on so I don’t. The ride ops were very friendly but didn’t seem like your typical WE ARE OPERATING AN RMC DO NOT FUCK AROUND ride ops that I’m used to. These ones were like, “HEY LET’S CHAT” to everyone standing in line which was nice and I liked that.

I liked Fire Runner but it hurt my thighs.

I forgot to bring a Yuta photocard with me on this trip in preparation for the Yuta land of Lost Island so we had to improvise. IN CASE YOU DIDNT KNOW, Yuta is Henry’s NCT127 bias.

(Chooch, observing this photo being taken while being perpetually embarrassed of us: “THIS is why you were crying in the car about not bringing a Yuta photocard? You actually PLANNED FOR THIS?” Um, yes I did, duh.)

LOL my new sunglasses.

Also, the ride attendant made us listen to his whole safety spiel before opening the gate. Then he asked us where we were from and said, “Wow, that’s a long way to come” and we just laughed like buddy you have no idea the lengths we go to for the stupidest shit.

I really fucking loved looking around this place. There isn’t much to do there (yet) but hopefully this new RMC will bring all the coaster boys to the yard so that the park is able to put more rides in. It was actually creepy how few people were there. Aside from the RMC, we were legit walking on to everything and sometimes we were even the only people on the rides.

So, this purple coaster is supposed to be on the worst coasters in America. I was literally reading someone’s shit post about it on Reddit on the way there, saying it was the worst coaster they’ve ever ridden, of any style, and I was like OH BOY LET’S GO SPINAL FUSION. Henry decided before even getting there that he would not be joining us on it.

First of all, for anyone not in the coaster know, it’s a Vekoma SLC (suspended looping coaster) and they are so notoriously shitty that it’s actually hilarious. They’re headbangers and backbreakers. Not fun at all. Painful. NO ONE CARES when they get removed from parks, and here’s Lost Island BRINGING ONE to their park.

First, we had to walk past the drop tower and look at the station for it!! Do you see what I mean – this place has their theming game on point and I can’t wait to see what else they do!

OK so we rode it. Every comment on Reddit was like AVOID THE FRONT so we sat in the back and actually that scared me too but you know what? NOT THAT BAD. I mean, not great either, it’s a fucking SLC and the only good one I’ve ever ridden is the Great Nor’Easter at Morey’s Piers (god love Wildwood), but this was not as bad as I was expecting. I wasn’t trying to get a re-ride like the little boys in front of us, but I didn’t mind it.

Henry seemed shocked when we didn’t come limping back to him and instead walked regularly and said “Not that bad” with a shrug. OK LOST ISLAND, I SEE YOU.

YOOOOOO, YOU KNOW I LOVE ME A WACKY WORM!!! We actually did have to wait in line for this one, lol. Henry got to stand with the other dads to take pictures of us.

LOL.

Sorry I was taking this picture into the sun but we walked past some cast members doing a performance. We didn’t watch the whole thing but what I gathered is that each land of Lost Island has their own characters and they were working together to do a thing. It seemed cute.

You guys seriously though, did I mention the theming?

We rode Matugani which was a fun and whippy launch coaster (the launch was expectedly forceful) and fun fact – this was actually removed from our beloved Liseberg to make room for the dive coaster that’s there now so that was fun to get to ride a coaster from there! Henry and Chooch didn’t seem to care about that fun fact though.

The area surrounding the park made me uncomfy. I think that’s what I couldn’t put my finger on – the way it’s so out in the open made it feel less immersive. They need to build like a forest or some faux mountain range around the perimeter so you’re more boxed in and free from the outside world. THAT is what felt off to me. And also the fact that no matter where you stood, you could see across to all the different sections. I’d like to see them continue to develop the landscape portion of the park too so when you enter a new area, you really like you’re in a new place and you can’t see the other lands.

Henry said he just felt like he was out in the desert. I guess I can see that and if we were still in the HEATWAVE PORTION of the trip, I definitely would have FELT that too.

Honestly – the darkride was the sleeper hit of the whole trip though. It was unexpectedly good and I wish we had ridden it more than once, in hindsight. But we were getting HUNGEE and trying to zip through the place so we could go eat.

UGH right before we left (the park was actually closing in about 30 minutes I think), Chooch talked me into riding this and we got SOAKED. Usually these ones aren’t that bad but this one cooked us. I would love to see them add more theming to this one!! Also, again I didn’t like that this was on the perimeter of the park so we could see partially developed land and a small river thing that Chooch was like “what if we’re on this ride but then we end up in the river” and I couldn’t stop thinking about that and it was not something that I was OK with.

LOL my ugg face.

Chooch and I were about to ride whatever the Musik Express ride there is called when an announcement came on throughout the park alerting us that UmmiUmmi was closing in 15 minutes and Henry was like PEACE OUT and came the closest to a light jog than I’ve ever seen him do in effort to get there before his hopes of acquiring a soft pretzel were dashed.

(Oh LOL I just went to the Lost Island website to find the name of the Musik Express and just realized they don’t call them LANDS, you guys, THEY ARE REALMS.)

(P.S. It’s called Zulawa Wave and I distinctly remember that there was no music playing, lol.)

Chooch also rode this thing but I don’t these rides because they frustrate me. I can’t ever get them to flip!

I sent this to my mom and she was like IS HE THE ONLY ONE ON THAT RIDE??? and I was like, “Yes, we were in the middle of Iowa and only 20 other people are here it seems.”

I mean, it WAS a Thursday so maybe the weekends are more crowded I hope?

GUYS PLEASE GO TO LOST ISLAND SO IT CONTINUES TO GROW, OK???

Looking for somewhere to eat dinner, and probably also a hotel.

We left about 30 minutes before the park closed and it made me feel sad. I liked it there and wished we had more time. Oh wait – one thing to note is that their merch is not as cute/cool/quirky as you’d think! They only had one magnet and it does not represent the vibe of the park but I had no choice but to buy it. I was hoping to get a shirt too but they were all kind of ugly :(

Next up: DINNER IN WATERLOO. SEE YOU THERE.

I’m an emotional dumpster fire post-GD concerts and trying to distract myself from that on the drive home today so let’s talk about what we did Saturday!

We planned on spending some time in Jersey City but first we went to the Prudential Center for early merch. Got there right before it opened at 10am and still spent a good 45 minutes waiting but it was worth it to avoid having to wait in the massive lines after doors opened later that night.

I’m embarrassed to say how much I spent on merch but we’ll just say that I could have bought another concert ticket for that price ugh G-Dragon makes me lose all common sense. But I got the US version of tour shirt & hoodie, a hat for Henry and a scarf for my lightstick lol.

In Jersey City, we stopped at Gregory’s Coffee (I think?) because I required caffeine after that merch throwdown. I got a prickly pear matcha which was super refreshing but the overall experience at the cafe was frustrating because the two baristas were fucking off behind the counter, chatting etc and the orders were piling up even though only one person was ahead of us (he had multiple drinks). So that was annoying plus the barista mixed my drink before handing it to me so it lost ALL AESTHETIC VALUE. J/k I was only marginally annoyed by that – it tasted great and that’s all I cared about.

Then we walked along the Hudson and it was such a beautiful day even though Henry took a series of pictures of me that accentuated my mongoloid affliction.

(I deleted those with a flourish, don’t worry.)

This statue was horrifying. Even Henry was like “yikes he should have went AWOL like me.”

I guess this is a thing that tourists are required to photograph so I did my duty.

There was a lot of really cool artwork on display around the walkway and I really enjoyed that.

If you can believe this, Henry and I did not fight once this whole weekend. I mean sure I got annoyed with him at times like when he wandered off with my bag of freebies as I was handing them out and I had to run after him like a stoop. But other than that it was such an all-around perfect weekend – that’s the Power of G-Dragon.

After an hour stroll around the river walk, we drove to Busy Bee’s Organics which started out kind of bad when some broad snatched a seat away from me as I was walking over to put our table number sign on it – the only available seats in the place were three stools at the window. She and her boyfriend hadn’t even ordered yet and GOT TAKE-OUT ON TOP OF THAT so they didn’t even need seats?! Luckily, two ladies were leaving right then so we were able to get their table. Not the biggest deal but sometimes the unawareness of others really baffles me. Like read the room.

Not worth fighting over but I did say in a regular volume voice, “Ok I guess I’m not sitting there, wow.” Like, while looking at her. I sincerely don’t even think she realized??? Total vacancy behind her eyes. So, I moved on with life.

I got a Buddha bowl which I had been craving and this one was perfection. I knew I probably wouldn’t be eating dinner because we had to be in VIP line at 4:30 and I was going to be passing out freebies before that, so I needed something sustainable that also wasn’t going to bother my stomach because EVERYTHING BOTHERS MY STOMACH NOW BEING AN ELDER IS SO FUN. Henry got a pulled mushroom burger and let me try it and it was an effing flavor explosion but had I order that for myself I would have been in a world of hurt during the concert. And my stomach was already gurgling nervously at the thought of seeing G-Dragon even closer that night!!

We got there around 1:30 and after we sat down, that place really started popping off. It’s very small inside and it seems like most ppl just order take out. I would definitely go there again!

After that, we made our way back to Newark and were back at the Prudential Center for night 2 of GD magic!

We’re on our way to Newark right now and I have spent the last however many minutes ranting Henry’s ear off and decided that I need to be fully transparent on here because YOU ALL KNOW HOW I MUCH I LOVED JILLIAN MICHAELS. I have gushed over her on here numerous times over the years.

However, the last few years she started putting out REAL WHACK takes on health and medicine, so I eventually unfollowed her on Instagram because not about that RFK Jr poison pond life.

I would admittedly still do her workouts though – I already own them and actually the one I do the most is pirated so she is making no royalties or anything off me – but after her recent DISGUSTING out of pocket remarks on slavery, I will NEVER do another workout of hers again. I never want to see her face on any screen. She can have the fucking small-minded and pathetic cuckoo MAGA life she voted for.

Biggest Loser FOR REAL.

That is all. You’re dismissed.

After we left Adventureland, it started raining and I was frantically checking the weather because I did not want my birthday evening at the lakeside park to be ROONED by RAIN.

I legit have no idea why I took this picture.

Chooch finally took one for the team and got behind the wheel! For someone who loves taking our cars for joy rides at home, he is shockingly resistant to helping us drive on road trips. Little bitch.

*chews nails feverishly*

Once we got to a certain point in Iowa, it was all back roads and small towns. Chooch and I thought the WEASER PLEASER sounded gross. Could have been the most decadent meat-free grilled cheese for all I know, I was too repulsed to even look it up. Why don’t you find out and tell me in the comments. #commentstarved

We made it! And it wasn’t raining!!

I legit was not expecting this. I don’t know what I thought it was going to be, but it was actually a cute little park nestled next to LAKE OKOBOJI and the area was apparently a big vacation spot?? I even saw some broad wearing a shirt that said it was…wait for it…the Cancun of Iowa.

I mean….

I haven’t even been to Cancun but I don’t know about all that.

Remember how I was saying that parks should offer discounts if you get there and rides are down for the day? Well, THIS PLACE ACTUALLY DID THAT! Sadly, one of the rides was the wild mouse, meaning there was only one credit to be had here, but I was happy for the discount. These places are such rackets, honestly.

We came here for Legend and I am happy to tell you that this old ass coaster did not disappoint! I mean, it wasn’t the most amazing woodie, but it was smooth as butter and 100% re-rideable. And we definitely got a bunch of rides in!

The carousel was super tiny. Everyone was thrilled for this portion of the day. TWO CAROUSELFIES IN ONE DAY, OH THE HORROR. I AM SO MEAN!

Thanks for looking, Henry.

I was unhappy with all of these and made them ride it again later, LOLOLOL.

Honestly, the Legend was fun but this place would not have been worth it if that goddamn lake hadn’t been there. But apparently, this is where the upper-middle class Iowans vacation?! Like, it really had a snobby air to it. I remember thinking that this was going to be vibe last summer at Old Orchard Beach in Maine but it was very blue collar, actually. This place though. Like, calm down guys. You’re in Iowa.

It was also a nightmarescape for vegetarians, and oh vegans my heart really goes out to you because at least Chooch and I were able to eat pizza after finding legit NOTHING ELSE within walking distance along this lake resort hot spot. There was one restaurant that was right next to the park and a glance at the outside menu showed that they had pasta which sounded divine at that moment but then a man in a suit walked out and that’s when I realized that EVERY DINER INSIDE WAS D R E S S E D. Like even the “casual” attire was a fucking Lilly Pulitizer sundress on the broads and boat shoes on the mans. Chooch said, “So?” and I was like, “I AM NOT GOING IN THERE WE LOOK LIKE RAGAMUFFINS COMPARED TO THESE LAKE BITCHES.” Like they probably BOATED THERE.

Henry had us walk about 10 minutes down the lakeshore to a more commercial area full of restaurants and shops and this section did remind me of Old Orchard Beach a little bit. Henry tried to get to this restaurant called MULLETS or something by like, walking down a hillside and scaling a fence while Chooch and I kept saying, “OK you do that but we’re going inside this galleria thing because surely that is where the entrance is???” And it was too – you had to go down like two levels and there it was.

We were seated outside which is what I wanted, but some broad was singing acoustic versions of already acoustic adult pop hits and it was so loud, and then no one came to get our drink order even after 15 minutes, plus I don’t know WHAT version of the menu Henry was looking at but the only options for me and Chooch were french fries or pizza. I eventually threw in the towel because it was 7PM, I was hungry, and the park closed at 9PM. So, I voted that we just go back to the park, get pizza there, and then lap Legend some more times.

LOL – this was after THE SPILL #1 happened.

There’s a little crazy house thingie that was moderately fun to walk through but Scandinavia ruined us for fun houses. There were few opportunities to die in this one.

I saw other people taking pictures here so I had to do it too.

LOL the full cycle.

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We did mostly get along but there was one moment when we were still looking for somewhere to eat when he decided to be contentious and was growling about how he didn’t want pizza and I said, “WELL IOWA HATES PEOPLE WHO DON’T EAT MEAT, MY FRIEND, SO IT’S EITHER PIZZA OR A FUCKING PRETZEL” and he was still being a little brat so I started screaming about how he was ruining my birthday and then we made eye contact and started laughing. That’s just how our mother/son relationship is OK.

I truly adored this coaster.

This Nutty Bar joint seemed like the traditional OKOBOJI experience so we all got one. Mine was the OG, Henry got a peanut butter one, and who  knows about Chooch.

Real time discussion: I just zoomed in on this picture and cried, “WAIT I COULD HAVE GOTTEN A NUTTY BAR SHIRT? A COFFEE CUP? AN APRON????” I didn’t see any of this stuff at the time because OLD EYES.

“What would you do with an apron?” Henry scoffed as he’s standing at the dining room, doing his chores (folding laundry LOL). “You don’t even know what an apron is.”

OK WOW.

Anyway, a Nutty Bar is basically a Golden Nugget ice cream from Kennywood but on a stick instead of a cone. Just as frustratingly drippy and while it’s got Kennywood beat when it comes to atmosphere, Golden Nugget all day long!

I mean, it was charming there but I can 100% promise you I will never be back.

Look at the blue skies! The sun chased the rain away on my birthday! I was really feeling good. New favorite coaster, cute little park, Chooch was being semi-decent to me. The first half of my birthday was really nice.

Even Chooch was kind of being nice to me. OK maybe not NICE per se, but…not mean? Don’t worry, that would change later that night lol.

Monster! Isn’t it gorgina?

I wanted to get ice cream from here from Henry and Chooch kept walking while I was crying out, “Under CONEstruction, get it??”

It’s a very very very small park, smaller even than Kennywood. Yet somehow they still crammed in 7 coasters! (Well, that Underground one barely counts as a coaster, in my opinion, but whatever it was still fun!) The insane part though is that even little amusement parks are so expensive!! It for sure cost over $100 for all three of us. This trip was actually very costly lol oops.

C: I can’t wait for her fucking birthday to be over. This is so annoying. I miss my computer.

H: I can’t wait for this whole trip to be over. My back hurts and I ran out of my supply of individually-wrapped prunes.

This little family coaster was cute. It intertwines with a newish water ride which we did not ride.

THIS WAS CLOSED BECAUSE APPARENTLY CORN WASN’T IN SEASON??? Iowa, you have failed me. I still bought an Iowa Sweet Corn t-shirt though because it was on sale and this birthday bitch decided to treat herself.

Nothing too memorable about the ferris wheel but I did think this whole area was very nice and clean.

See also: the ferris wheel wasn’t memorable but she took 10 pictures of it.

Cutesy.

This park had vibrancy on POINT. The flowers, the paint. Just such a dopamine rush.

Then we rode the train! It was so-so. Very smol.

Gotta go all in at this point and take a picture from the vantage point of the train.

Not CONEstruction ice cream but we did stop by the ice cream on Main Street and got some Blue Bunny scoops. Mine was salted caramel and it was divine. Who cares what the non-birthday people got.

And then our day at Adventureland came to an end. We had more driving to do because I had my heart set on closing out the night at Arnolds Park in OKOBOJI, Iowa – I had never heard of this town before but turns out it was a whole thing. More later byeeee.

Nobody asked. Nobody cares. But I even more happy with the progression of the dresser project! Way back in 2016 when THE GILLCREST TRAUMA was happening, I adopted one of my absolute favorite paintings from my grandma’s clown room. Sadly, it has lived in our attic closet since then because I just didn’t have a good spot for it. But when the dresser shit began, I knew that it had to go on the wall above which has always been bare because our old dressers that we had against that wall ALWAYS HAD CRAP PILED ON TOP OF THEM and it wasn’t very conducive to thoughts of, “Hey, what should I hang above these boxes of lightbulbs, wadded up t-shirts, and random tools that Henry refuses to put away?”

Yesterday, I started hounding Henry as soon as he came home from work and finally he hung it for me! As well as the neon cross that I also bought specifically as a dresser vibe-enhancer lol.

Oh imaginary friendos, I am so enchanted by this development. The best part is that our bedroom glows red now and from the street it looks like either a bordello or the scene of an exorcism.

The view from the other painting I inherited from Gillcrest <3.

Ciao for now!

If you’ve been following along, you know that on the eve of my 46th birthday, Henry has the audacity to book us a room in a subpar “hotel,” and I KIND OF THREW A FIT after a truck driver sleazed past me by the elevators and grumbled, “Welcome to the shit hole” and then I caught a weird Child of Deliverance sighting while hearing ominous thumping from the floor above our room. Big nope. We ended up going down the street some (after I pulled the customary I JUST WANT TO GO HOME bit) and getting a really nice and quiet room in a reputable Home 2 by Hilton. (Henry is a goddamn Hilton Rewards member and never does anything with it!!)

All of this is to say that I woke up refreshed and actually not miserable that it was my birthday – it helped that some of my friends (Alyson and Jeannie!) texted me bright and early so that was a really nice thing to wake up to. And our complimentary breakfast was actually delicious. There were these flaky spinach and egg pastries that I wish I had eaten more of, honestly. It was a good start to the day, even though it was supposed to rain and we were scrambling to come up with backup plans.

In the end, we still went to Adventureland and just hoped for the best.

Fun fact: this is a sister park to our very own Kennywood. (Technically, Silver Dollar City and Dollywood are too but it feels weird to relate those two big’uns to Kennywood!) I kind of got K-Wood vibes, I guess. A medium-sized park. Some good rides, some forgettable ones. I really liked the ambiance here! I think that in general, Kennywood is the prettier, more unique park but Adventureland had its own charm! And it even has the world’s only underground wooden coaster (allegedly)! It’s called the Underground and I loved it because it was a dark ride but I will agree with Chooch that it was very anti-climactic. The whole time you’re anticipating a drop and then it just….never happens.

Since immediately started his bitching when I insisted on getting on the carousel right away. “SINCE WHEN DO WE DO THIS FIRST THING??” he cried like the bitch that he is. Since I wasn’t sure if we were going to get fucking rained out, OK Lil’ Bitchy?? Also: NO QUESTIONS ON MY BIRTHDAY!!!!

OMG, dreary sky aside, can I just say how wonderful it was to be ensconced in 70 degree weather??? I had forgotten what it felt like to not have a sheen of sweat on every inch of my skin, hair like cling-wrap against the back of my neck, tongue out like a panting dog.

I was even wearing a windbreaker!!!

LOL yikes, Cassie.

The first coaster we rode was just your typical family spinning wild mouse called Phoenix.

I got this from their website because I really wasn’t taking many pictures of the rides like I usually do – depression or am I growing out of this phase?? Who can be sure. But I will say that everything was practically a walk-on all day and the ride ops were all super nice, starting with the older lady with the undercut at Phoenix!

Their main attraction though is Monster which was similar to Untamed at Canobie, I feel like just bright green and you know, monster-themed! We were in the station and Chooch got mildly admonished by an older lady ride attendant who was giving oncoming riders instructions but he had his back to her and was talking to me. It made me laugh because all throughout school every single teacher had one complaint about him: he talks too much and is disruptive.

Apparently, this applies to roller coaster stations too, lol.

But then she was FAWNING over Henry because when she told him he’d need to take his glasses off, he wordlessly leaned forward and showed her that he had his DORK ALERT eyeglasses strap on and she literally cooed, “OH, THIS MAN IS A COASTER EXPERT! HE’S NOT NEW TO THIS!” or something and it made me want to vomit. God, sit on his lap, take a selfie, and move on with your life.

But yeah! Monster was great! Thoroughly enjoyed that. My only regret is that we weren’t going to be there at night to see the cool light package:

Their wooden coasters were…mid though. There were just two, and one was Tornado. Henry, still smarting from the Boss three days ago, was like, “Nope, I’m good.” So, I made him take our picture.

It’s here that I want to remember a really sweet interaction we had with some kids! We had just walked into the station because there was no line and a train had just returned, so we immediately started walking to the back row. However, there were 4 kids who had just gotten off that train and were going to re-ride since there was no one else in line but me and Chooch. They started to climb into the two rows and then saw us.

One of the older kids asked, “Oh, I’m sorry! Where did you guys want to sit?”

“I mean, we did kind of want the back row,” I admitted sadly because I’m a big baby and it was my birthday.

“OMG take it!” she said in the most friendly and mature manner I have ever witnessed from a kid?! Like, a pre-teen even?? “We literally JUST rode it so we don’t care where we sit!” And just like that, they moved further up and Chooch and I were like, “WHOA.” That never would have happened at, I dunno, Cedar Point example!

Our good samaritans, coaster edition, can be seen in that picture!

Turns out we probably should have just let them keep the back car because OOF. That was a rough ride and I did not enjoy even a second of it.

In order to get to this section, we had to walk by a very monotone employee barely trying to get people to play his games. I loved that guy.

This one was so bad too, lol. Another walk-on. More bruises for the collection. FOR SOME REASON WE STAYED ON FOR A SECOND RIDE?? We moved out of the backseat though – it didn’t help.

OK that coaster was trash too – sorry, Outlaw!!

But I gotta end Part 1 on a high note. Because for some reason, this next coaster I’m about to show was INEXPLICABLY my favorite coaster of the day and maybe even of the whole trip WTF is wrong with me? It’s not even the first time I have ridden one of these and I generally don’t care too much for them. (The ones in Sweden and Finland can fuck right off!!!)

But shoooo – this ride had great and friendly ride ops who continuously let Chooch and I just stay on if no one was waiting (there was never a line – there were times we’d have to get off to let other people on but we’d just get right back in the queue and by that time the next car would be ready). There are two sides – one is wild and one is mild – but the “mild” one seemed way more chaotic and unhinged to us. I probably sustained a bit of brain damage after riding both sides so many times.

Hold on, let me ask Chooch how many times we rode this.

He immediately said 8 with 100% assurance and then I remembered it’s because not only does he count his coaster credits, he has an app where he keeps track of how many times he rides everything.

Henry rode it once and said it gave him a headache, LOL. OK, gramps.

And then I made Henry share some Sam Adams summery beer with so we could get this collectors cup because I was majorly smitten with Adventureland by this point. Dragonslayer 4 LYFE!!!!!!!

More to come in part 2 (mostly pictures, I think).

We bought this dresser / wardrobe set from Ikea last May and then proceeded to barely be home for Henry to make my very specific vision come to fruition.

Let’s just say what I thought was a simple “slap some fabric on it” idea morphed into Henry dusting off the sewing machine and relearning how to sew fabric.

I really have to hand it to Henry – he went above and beyond on this one and probably has an entire leopard faux fur hair ball in his stomach now.

I know it appears that the dresser juts out past the wall and block the doorway but that is an illusion. It actually lines up perfectly to the edge of the wall.

The wardrobe is still in process. I have an idea of what I want to do but have to do some searching!

I made chooch come in and look. He actually said it was nice!

“It’s not done yet – I still have a bunch of rosaries I need to incorporate into it—” I started to say, but he was like “omg bye” and walked away. I’m sure he’s so excited about yet another gaudy piece of furniture he’ll someday inherit.

I do think that I will repaint the angel knobs with a lighter/brighter pink so they show up more.

Tomorrow we will hang up a clown painting from the Gillcrest clown room and a red neon cross. Get stoked for those updates I guess.

T’was the day before my birthday (Tuesday the 29th) and we left Branson bright and early for Kansas City – the one in Missouri. Trust me, it was tempting to find an excuse to cross over into Kansas and knock another state off the list but we didn’t have time.

According to my vacation journal, it wasn’t all that bright and early – more like 8am, and I noted that I would not be missing the hideous TRUMP MERCHANDISE STORE that sprayed us with fascism every time we drove past. I wanted to scream TRUMP HATES YOU to some fat old white couple that were exiting at one point but I didn’t think fast enough to get the window down. Now I want to go back and just drive back and forth screaming EPSTEIN FILES until my throat bleeds.

Sorry not sorry, I know this isn’t vacation-related but please set yourself aflame and fuck off if you’re MAGA and reading this. You’re all cunts.

OK back to the road. To Chooch’s chagrin, Henry had that whole bag of peanut brittle to nosh on during the drive, and this set him off in a big way at one point when he witnessed Henry sticking his whole peanut brittled-hand into his mouth. Henry tried to play it off like Chooch was overreacting but I saw it too and it was giving Neanderthal so I told him he brings down the value of our family when he does shit like this. Bitch.

We crossed over this lake and I was like, “OMG SO MANY REFERENCES TO TRUMAN!” which I wouldn’t have noticed if our beloved Pappos server hadn’t been named Truman. We thought this was so coincidental until I was perusing Roadside America for tourist traps and noted that there were some Harry Truman historical sites on there so I cried, “Ohhhhh! It’s because HARRY S TRUMAN was FROM Missouri!”

Mystery solved. :(

DO YOU GUYS THINK THAT TRUMAN IS A DISTANT RELATIVE??

Worlds of Fun! I will tell you right now that this might have been the hottest day yet. It was high 90s and the “feels like” was around 112 or 114 I think Henry said?? Just the walk from the car to the entrance had me feeling drained.

Luckily the carousel was right at the entrance so I was like, “THIS. NOW. BEFORE WE GET TOO GROSS.”

Chooch was pouting immediately because it was his turn to take the #carouselfie, lol.

It was a carousel. Nothing memorable.

Immediately I was impressed with the theming. I love parks that get internationalicious.

I remember from here, we got in Patriot which is a B&M suspended coaster and it was very nice + a walk-on. The park had already been open for a good hour by the time we got there and it was not crowded at all. HOWEVER, what kind of threw a wrench in that was that, immediately after getting off Patriot, we found out that the wild mouse-y coaster was closed for the day AND MAMBA WAS DOWN. Literally, an empty train was chilling on the lift hill and it was honestly the greatest disappointment I experienced during the whole trip. IT WAS ON THE LIST I POSTED THE NIGHT BEFORE WE LEFT OF MY MOST ANTICIPATED RIDES, IF YOU REMEMBER! I still don’t even know what the issue was but it pissed me off so much.

From there, we walked to Zambezi Zinger, the newest coaster – I think it just opened last season? I stopped caring about coaster YouTube for a while there. It didn’t seem like the line was THAT long until you factored in that the ops were kind of slow (they WERE running 2 trains from what I remember, though). Plus, the boomerang next to it was ALSO DOWN so that was THREE CLOSED COASTERS – of course people were going to be flocking to this one!

We ended up standing in line for about 45 minutes I guess, with no shade, and I could feel the sweat dripping from my neck all the way down to my butt. I was wearing linen shorts AND NOT TO BE GROSS YOU GUYS BUY THEY LOOKED LIKE I PEED MYSELF. I was just sopping wet with sweat without even moving. It was so miserable.

The good thing is that there were no assholes in line. No line jumpers. In fact, we had no bad experiences with anyone in the park all day.

So, Zambezi Zinger! It has a pretty cool story. The OG Zambezi looked like this:

Steel with toboggan-style trains where you sit in line – similar to log flumes, but these are so awkward with coasters! Anyway, this coaster lives in a park in Colombia now (I tried to get Henry to want to go there last Christmas but he was being annoying about it), and the park decided to pay homage to it by recreating it in a sense as a wooden coaster, even giving it the same spiral lift hill.

It’s now encaged in this corrugated metal tunnel and I heard that the reasoning was so it can still operate in the rain. I guess when the new Zinger was unveiled, the lift hill was exposed and if the track got wet, the train couldn’t ascend. I didn’t experience it without the tunnel but thoosies HATE IT because it’s too loud now. I mean, it was whatever. I was just happy that it was running.

And we all really enjoyed it! Would I stand in a long line for it again while probably getting skin cancer on my scalp? Smrobably not but that was nice of you to ask.

On the train after eating at whatever the Mexican place is in the park. I had a veggie burrito bowl and it was actually quite satisfying; Chooch had a burrito and didn’t like it because the beans were refried and he was hoping they were black beans. Henry ended up eating our sloppy seconds haha.

To be honest, I was just happy to be sitting in A/C. When I think back to this day, my most vivid memory is just – drinking out of every water fountain we passed like a fucking stray dog.

But the train was nice! It took us all around and gave us some cool views of Prowler and Zambezi Zinger.

Oh, I do need to note that we made it there just as the train returned and all of the passengers had exited, but we couldn’t board yet because some fucking little kid was having his picture taken with the “conductor” who looked like Blake circa Warped Tour, and the other “train engineers” who again – just teenagers. It was so annoying because the pageant mom was like, “LET’S GET ANOTHER” and they were just snapping away like it was One Direction – I didn’t understand. Then when the family finally left, the little kid was screaming his head off, like, whatta brat! That fucking kid didn’t deserve those pictures WITH THE FAKE TRAIN PEOPLE.

Spoiler – the Boomerang did end up opening. It was actually testing while we were in line for Zambezi Zinger so we ended up riding it later. It was….a Boomerang. You always get the GP on these rides, and they act like they’ve never been on any amusement park ride before so you end up sitting there while the ride ops are repeatedly telling them things like, I don’t know, “You have to put on a shirt on.”

“Put the Epstein Files in that bin over there so they don’t blow away.”

You know, obvious disclaimers.

Yeah I just really thought the theming was a beaute.

We didn’t ride this – you guys, it was so hot, just the sight of most of the flat rides there made me feel like puking. I would have loved to though because Kennywood recently replaced their Enterprise with some new-fangled version and it just doesn’t hit like these old school ones.

This one is way prettier than Kennywood’s Enterprise was, though.

I think this was on the way to Prowler, which we couldn’t find at first.

Henry was like I WILL SIT THIS ONE OUT because there were so many bad woodies on this trip that he was ruined, lol. So he was making me and Chooch be the woodie guinea pigs.

Yo. Prowler SLAPPED. We got the back row. The father/son duo in front of us rode the whole time with their elbows on the side of the car and their fist under their chin, I guess it was their THANG you know, like their little coaster challenge. We ended up staying on because it was a station wait and no one was waiting for the back row, so Chooch decided he was going to ride the whole way doing the chin/fist thing too because, well, that’s Chooch for you.

(BTW the dad looked like Jack Griffith from AP Bio / whatever his character’s name is on Always Sunny, so we kept referring to him as AP Bio. You just would have had to have been there OK, don’t think too much into it.)

We did get Henry to ride it too and ended up going back later for more rides. The crew was SO FUN. Literally everyone working in this park had such a mid personality but this crew was like unhinged. The one time we went back, one of the girls said to Chooch, “Hey, he has a question for you—” and the boy crew member next to her was like, “No! Don’t listed to her” and they were going back and forth over this – Chooch was barely paying attention but I was ALL EARS!!! The mystery of the whole road trip.

WHAT WAS THE QUESTION????

Chooch *was* wearing a Drexel shirt so maybe it was about that??

(Literally all of his shirts that he packed, with the exception two Clairo shirts, were free participation shirts he got from school. He was a walking midwest advertisement for Drexel.)

Ew.

We made Chooch cart us around. I have nothing to say about these antique cars – they were fine.

Immediately afterward, Chooch and I made the ride operator have to get up, sigh heavily, pick up her measuring stick, and open the gate for us for these little swinging boats. SO SORRY.

Honestly, this park was NOT crowded. And the second time we went back to ride Zambezi, the line was only about 10 minutes long. The crowds had definitely dispersed.

We watched this weird parade and it made me uncomfortable.

Before heading out, we rode Patriot one more time. There was a real little girl in the row behind us who had never been on anything that extreme before and she was not having it. Her sisters kept saying, “Wooo!” and she was screaming, “Not woo!!”

I liked Patriot – I like most coasters like this – but what I didn’t like was that when it comes back to the brake run, the last two cars are suspended over air while the rest of the train is over top of a grated floor. Both times we were in the back and second to back so we just sat there with nothing but the ground beneath us, waiting for the train in the station to be sent so that we could pull in. I didn’t like that.

It was around 5PM when we decided to call it. It was SO HOT. And Mamba clearly was down for the day.

My thoughts: it was a pretty park but two coasters (+ another one that was on the website as being down all summer for planned maintenance so that wasn’t a surprise) being down was not a good look. That really disappointed me. I think that if you go to a park and not everything is operating, you should get a partial refund or comped somehow! As sad as I am about Mamba, we likely will not ever be back out to that park so that was my only chance of riding it.

But – perils of being a thoosie. Unpredictable weather and ride closures can really ruin a day! I wouldn’t say our day was RUINED though – Prowler was so fucking good. Like, shockingly good. I got a magnet and Chooch got a shirt – his only shirt of the whole trip because “nothing else stood out” to him. He’s very hard to impress.

And then we drove to Iowa!!

You can read about the rest of that night here. 

More to come! (Everyone at work hates it when management says that in meetings haha. I AM MANAGEMENT. Of Oh Honestly Erin.)