The other day in work group chat, one of my co-workers was telling my friend Wendi about something in her part of the world (she lives in a very small town a good hour or so outside of Pittsburgh) called KRAYNAK and said something about it being something that people in her area liked to do for Easter. For some reason, my brain went STRAIGHT to Krampus so I thought this must be the alternate Easter narrative of Volant, PA, the symbol being a rabid bunny or something? It just sounded ominous.

Now, the only reason she was directing to just Wendi is because Wendi has a baby and she was giving her suggestions of things to do, I guess. That chat topic died out quickly but I was over on Google frantically looking up KRAYNAK.

It’s….just a gardening center in Hermitage, PA.

BUT!! They do this thing called EASTER LANE where they have several Easter-themed displays set up and you can, you know, walk down the “lane” to gawk at it. The pictures of past Easter Lanes looked just tacky & accidentally creepy enough to pique my interest. So I texted Henry and said, “We’re going to Kraynak’s this weekend” and he was like “OK.”

Right away, I will say these two things:

• it was an hour and 18 minutes away by car, which was annoying;
• it was right on a busy road in the middle of Hermitage which kind of subtracted from the ambiance, you know? I was expecting it to be tucked away in some rural knoll, actually, I don’t know what I was expecting, but this just immediately felt too commercial.

I immediately turned around to take a picture of the sign and almost got hit by some eager KRAYNAK shopper trying to park in the spot I was standing next to. Sheesh.

People were looking at me, too, with the unspoken inquiry of “why is this lady taking pictures of the sign?” woven into their frowns. I wanted to cry out, “WE’RE FROM THE BIG CITY, OK?” God, stop looking at me.

This place was pretty packed. But, it’s huge. It’s like a weird, stinky amalgamation of some boring ass hobby shop, plant nursery, and….off brand toy store? OK that’s not fair, they did have some name brand stuff but it was just bizarre shit like toys you’d expect to find in the same shop that sells model train accessories.

And random aisles of not-great candy scattered all around. No rhyme or reason. It was just one section after the next of strange FUCK YEAH AMERIKKKA yard ornaments and mini-travel games for kids. And Cow Tails. And these things were at the ends of every aisle, it felt like:

We did grab some stuff for Chooch’s Easter basket because we’re going to visit him next weekend. Then we got in line to creep down the Easter Lane:

I mean…it wasn’t as Sid&Mary Kroft as I’d have liked, but it was cute.

I liked this one because there were squirrels. Those muppet kids tho….

And then the last several exhibits were patriotic and religious. Of-fucking-course. :/

At the very least, they could have had a ghost Jesus floating here?!

After this, we continued to browse for a bit but I gotta tell you, I started to feel more and more uncomfy here. We were 100% in Trump Territory and I started profiling dads as hunters and moms as homophobes and then someone waked past me and either farted or just generally stank of shit and I cried uncle. I lasted a good 30 minutes there though!

My takeaway:

• this was not worth the drive (luckily, I had planned for this and found some other things for us to afterward in that general area so all was not lost)
• maybe it would be better with a kid?
• waaaaaaay too many shrieking babies and I did at one point ‘accidentally’ say out loud that I wanted to punch one of them
• Easter Lane could be better
• the line for pictures with the Easter Bunny was extremely long and the queue serpentined a few times, but the Easter Bunny himself was mid if you ask me. I am very picky when it comes to photogenic Easter Bunnies

I MIGHT (MIGHT!!!) be convinced to go back in December to check out the CHRISTMAS LANE. Tbd.

Henry and I went to Freeport on Sunday afternoon just for something to do because it was kind of bleak and boring. There is a cafe there called 1883 or something, it’s a number and I don’t feel like looking it up because I’m so blasé about blogging these days. But we went there once last spring and I liked the vibe so I started following them on Instagram and their spring menu just came out. It looked pretty fire so I said let’s go and Henry said only of you’re driving lol j/k.

I got the almond rose torte latte I think and Henry got the chocolate chip cold brew and there was confusion amongst the young baristas because he ordered it with almond milk but it comes with cold foam and that is made with MILK. He was like I DON’T CARE and they seemed confused like he was being a fake ass vegan or something but he only orders almond milk because he likes the taste.

Now that you know Henry’s coffee milk preference…

I bought some local’s debut novel while waiting for our drinks, because there was a little stack on display and a Venmo QR code. His name is HAWK STEVENSON and he wrote and edited the book while chilling in the cafe and I thought that was kind of cool. I haven’t started reading it yet but I will be SURE to let you know, cyber crew.

After this, we strolled around Freeport and it was mid. There is not much to see or do there. Vivian’s Bakery or whatever the fuck had literally closed the second we walked out of the cafe, so that was off the table. I considering knocking on the door to see if they would sell us the remaining scraps of the day but Henry was like I DON’T THINK SO.

Sounds like the assurance of someone who has tried this before.

We walked to some gazebo and looked at the ugly river. That was boring. Then I wanted a sugar and pouted so Henry went back to the cafe to procure a sugar while I waited at the car because the vibe there was off today. He came out with two cookies and a banana nut muffin for us to share, and said that while he was waiting, a lady asked the young and personality-void baristas if espresso has caffeine in it and THEY SAID NO?

OK.

We drove to a nearby park called Harrison Hills or something and I can’t hear “Harrison” without thinking of Dexter’s son but that’s ok. So we go to this park and it’s still ugly and cold out but at least the park was kind of nice? There was some stupid overlook thing by a playground so we walked out onto it and I was like, “OK, so we can see across the ugly river, cool.”

Then we took the above picture to send to Chooch as a reminder that we exist, and he said “Wow.”

And you know what, that was pretty much it for Sunday.

The weather was so blah over the weekend, BUT! It was still such a nice one. Mostly because on Saturday, we had plans to meet up with some friends at Golden Age, a brewery in Homestead. Way back at Chingumas, our friend Sean was telling us about it and we did the whole, “Oh, we’ll have to make plans to meet up there!” song and dance. But you know what? No more excuses! I followed up on this and then when our friend Todd found out and mentioned he hadn’t seen Sean in years, I said YOU SHOULD COME TOO BUT YOU HAVE TO BRING YOUR GIRLFRIEND. Todd had mentioned that his gf Brittany loves going to concerts and watching K-dramas so I was like, “I need to be her friend!”

I’m not desperate. I swear.

Anyway, I felt like a secretary going back and forth between text and Teams, but we eventually locked in a date and I felt so accomplished.

Henry and I got there first. I had emphatically said that I was only drinking one (1) beer. I get way too overzealous when we’re with Amy, wanting to sample everything, and then I don’t realize how wasted I am until it’s too late and then the rest of the day/evening is shot! But this time, I said, “One beer, with food.” And I held myself accountable! Actually, drinking one full sized pour pretty much does me in, anyway. There was no way I could drink anything after this Belgian thing, especially because it didn’t WOW me. I am learning that just because I like “Belgian beer” does not mean I like “all Belgian beer.”

Henry got something that tasted like smoke. I didn’t like it. But I did sip his next beer and I liked that a lot. I don’t remember what it was. I’m so great at blogging. Hire me to be the historian of your next event.

Sean arrived next, and then Todd and Brittany! I practically shoved Todd out of the way in my effort to greet Brittany – you know how sometimes you just get A VIBE from someone and know it’s going to be good? It was that for me. Brittany has this confident and friendly air about her and we (after I assigned Todd a seat at the end of the table so that Brittany could sit next to me haha) settled into easy conversation right away. Do you how awkward I can make introductory meet-ups? Very. But because Brittany was so cool and casual, it set the precedent for the rest of our drinking lunch.

Sean and Todd gossiped like little girls about ancient Law Firm things* while Brittany asked Henry and me about my favorite subject – Korea!

*(I failed to mention that Sean worked there when I first started and then left around three years later I think, so Todd and I both got to work with him long enough to actually care and be sad that he left.)

We also talked a lot about music – yes, I was also engaging in the work gossip but hello that was boring for Henry & Brittany so I kept trying to steer the conversation away from work. Brittany likes trip hop! And she was also talking about a concert that she and Todd went to at the Warhol, where they were in the FRONT ROW and Todd fell asleep – what a Henry move! Anyway, Brittany explained that it was extra embarrassing because the singer was talking about her time working with Diddy and the abuse she endured. “She was in one of his groups,” Brittany clarified and I cried out, “DANITY KANE???”

“Yes!” Brittany said, and Henry and I were like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! because Danity Kane has come up in conversation at least 3x for us in as many months, to the point where we I was going down the Wiki rabbit hole a few months ago to see who’s where doing what, and then on our drive home from Philly two weekends ago, it came up AGAIN because Henry said that one of Jennie’s new solo songs sounds like Showstopper, so we ended up listening to their whole discography (I probably included that in my liveblog!). I just thought it was so wild that here they were, coming up again.

Then we had a moment of silence for them, the girl group that could have been SO BIG.

Meanwhile, Todd was at the end of the table frantically trying to defend his concert snoozin’.

“She had a HARP!” he said. Henry and Sean were like, “Oh! Say no more.” But I was still on Brittany’s team for this one. It was DAWN RICHARD!! Up close and personal and Todd’s over there snoring in her face.

Things not related to our company that I want to remember:

• Golden Age has super friendly staff
• They have complimentary Chex Mix that one of them makes themself and it was so buttery and inexplicably delicious. I thought about it all weekend, which is no surprise considering my penchant for latching on and obsessing over the random side characters
  • (in this case, homemade Chex Mix)
• Bomb seitan wings
• At Chingumas, my friend Cara said that some guy we went to high school with owns or co-owns this place. The name sounded familiar but I don’t have any memories of him. That’s all.

I made Henry take a group picture before we left because you know how synonymous Henry is with “group selfie” lol:

Sean already has the next place picked out and said his wife Ines is going to come that time too! I kind of want to leave it up to the guys to schedule this one but then it could be like 9 years from now.

I’ll tell you, it certainly does not feel like spring as some crazy snow storm thing is blowing in but whatever. Here’s a Monday bullet train of things!

• A new cafe opened down the street in Dormont! I already forget the name but it’s owned by the neighboring Vietnamese restaurant and they have boba, so when Chooch was home we walked there on one of my lunch breaks. It was delightful! I got a triple taro boba and Chooch got an iced Vietnamese latte or something, I can’t remember but the young guy working there was so friendly and I felt like I knew him from a TV show or something. Anyway, look at how cutely aesthetic this place is!

• Can we just take a moment to think about how amazing Cory Booker and his 25 hour filibuster was? Just in case you didn’t know, I have been his fan girl for many years and he was my presidential pick for 2020. I was so bummed when he dropped out of the primaries, and I couldn’t vote for him.
• Speaking of politics and being bummed (this could go in so many directions actually) I had big FOMO that I couldn’t attend the #HandsOff protest on Saturday. We had prior plans and I didn’t want to bail last minute on those but shooooo, watching the footage from all over the country (and parts of the world!) had me screaming in solidarity! I heard there might be another round on the 19th – we’ll be in Philly visiting Chooch so I asked him if we could do it if it’s happening and he said, “I guess.” That’s mommy’s patriotic boy.
• Mark (or MORK as Haechan would say) just dropped his first full length album today and it is perfection! I am so proud of him. Let’s watch this together, shall we?

• New Girl Buddy has babies! I’m not sure how many yet but they are living in HNC’s porch roof as usual lol and every so often I will see one of them poking their little head out of the hole in the roof, like a little sardine and it’s so cute! I keep telling Girl Buddy to bring them over but she always turns her back on me when I talk to her. She’s kind of bitch, just gonna say it.

• I started eating blueberries again, for the first time since Bambi died. I’m not exactly sure where the correlation is there but I just know that I used to snack on them daily and then she died in front of me and I never wanted to eat blueberries again. But now I’m reintroducing them into my life. I also started painting my nails again after having bare nails since November because I lost the will to do these miniscule things that used to be habitual. I am still very hollow in some sense, and I definitely still cry every day, but I consider these to be pretty successful baby steps. Although, Janna recently sent me pictures of kittens and then sent me into a downward spiral lol. Baby steps, more like in utero doggypaddling.
  • The dichotomy is nutzo though because usually when I am this depressed, I shut myself off but lately I have been more social than ever and even though I am still in this weird limbo, I am at least enjoying life in the moment so that is a relief to me because for many mths there I felt like I could die at any moment and not care at all.
• Ugh Henry is two rooms away and I can still hear him eating. Then we just made eye contact and he froze mid-chew and I am so annoyed. He is so annoying when he chews. It’s like he’s claymation, there is no need for a human to make such exaggerated facial movements.
• I never thought that after decades of pointedly ignoring economics I would be suddenly understand tariffs, by no choice of my own, way better than the “president” of the United States.Well, I really think that’s all that I’ve got to say for now. Be nice to your neighborhood squirrels. 

My attention has been monopolized by G-Dragon and his recent comeback concerts in Seoul last weekend. Oh my Christ what I would have given be in attendance, especially day 2 where Daesung and Taeyang made guest appearances.

I’ve just been so thrilled that he is back in the public eye as an entertainer because it really seemed so hip in the air there for a while, but he’s back and has proven once again that he is more than just a “kpop idol” in Korea. He really is so much more than that, literally Korea’s treasure.

Anyway, I was inspired to do something with this picture of the first outfit he appeared in at his concerts, crown and all because he is THE KING AND KNOWS IT. I sent the picture to my friend Lyda at work – I was FIXIN’ to dish about it but have no one around me who cares so I have to force this upon people sometimes lol. I told her I was obsessing over his concert looks and she admitted to googling him and then was like, “Now I’m obsessed with G-Dragon.”

THAT’S RIGHT GIRL JOIN ME.

I needed to DO SOMETHING with this picture of him so I made a background of his signature daisies and then Henry’s Crafty made it into a pin for me, complete with black velvet backing.

The picture in the background was given to us by GD’s uncle the day we checked out of Dolce Bita in Pocheon and his uncle drove us back to the Ildong bus station while blasting GD’s music, literally one of the wildest and most memorable moments of my life, that actually had me saying, “Did that really happen??” to Henry and Chooch for approx. a year.

I love this so much and wore it out yesterday like a shiny badge of honor when we met friends for lunch (more on that separately!).

Jesus. Much like Robert Smith and Scooter Ward before him, I don’t think I can ever fully explain how much I admire and idolize this man. He is such a genius. There is no one to compare him to either – he is one of a kind. Ughhhhhh I love you, Jiyong.

Henry and I met Amy and Dick at Coven Brewing for our March Brewery Meet-Up. For as much as I had been enjoying trying new beers after discovering that I actually like beer now, I recently decided that I will only drink in social settings now because if there is one thing about me, it’s that I will go ALL IN when I like something and I was actually afraid that I was on the path to addiction. Yes, I know that it was mostly excitement but when I was finding myself eager to log off work so I could try a new beer in the fridge…well. To me, that’s a prob. So now, it’s weekends only AND it has to be if we’re going out with friends. Not just me and Henry sitting at home watching Kpop content and drinking.

(I think a lot of this is also akin to a midlife crisis, if we’re being honest with each other, Peggy.)

All of this is to say, I was looking forward to not only seeing Amy & Dick, but also having my first beer in over a week.

There were only two other patrons there when we arrived, which was good because that joint is TINY.

I don’t have much to say about this place. The vibe itself was fine, but I am an IPA snob now and I was not wowed by any of their offerings. I did have a strawberry & peanut butter sour that was rather delightful though, and then I let Amy talk me into the stout (porter? I never know) that tasted like thick, syrupy alcoholic coffee. I actually liked it but there is no way I could ever imbibe a full serving of that sludge. I should have stopped after my one IPA and sour (they were all in those glasses above – Coven doesn’t do flights but you can get tiny glasses which seemed like they were the same size you’d get with a flight), but I ended up also having that stout and something else- a lager or something. I just get so excited to hang out with Amy that I don’t pay attention to what I’m doing and end up going overboard. :/

A large group of bronzered women came in, looking like they missed the exit to Nashville, and the vibe was immediately turned on its end. I don’t know if it was a bachelorette thing or what but they were rowdy and 100% not my type of peeps. They did simmer down after a bit, or maybe my ears had just acclimated to the noise pollution, but when Amy asked if we wanted to get another round there, I suggested that we abandon ship and go down the street to Lolev.

OK not to toot my own horn, but what a great suggestion by yours truly! This place is a gem! Much larger yet somehow more welcoming, it wasn’t too crowded but the people were there all had their dogs in tow and I just felt immediate happiness. The girl behind the bar was super friendly and I had no ordering anxiety except that I thought a half-pour was going to be way smaller than it actually was and we’ll just say your girl was already halfway to wasted and Lolev easily carried me over the finish line.

But can we just talk about the MATCHA LAGER I got??

It was called IROH and for someone who loves matcha like I do, this was a great beer. It was so refreshing and the matcha somehow blended perfectly with the beer taste. I don’t understand it but I loved it. Amy also got it and loved it!

I also got the PRISCUS which is a double IPA – much better than the ones I had at Coven!

Sorry, Coven. I didn’t HATE you, but I just never want to drink your beers again.

I think this was the EPOQ which is a Flanders Red and I reallllly liked this one but in full transparency, Papa H should have cut me off way before this because I was fucking trashed.

I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT BEER THIS WAS?! I think I took this for Untapped.

I mean just look at me, someone take me home and put me to bed…

…which is exactly what happened after we left – got home around 6pm and passed out in my bed until 10:30, waking up once to puke. \I came downstairs and posted on Instagram only to see that I had already posted the same pictures on Instagram hours before and DO NOT REMEMBER THAT HAPPENING. Presumably in the car on  the way home!? It was at that point that I started to question my life choices, lol. Ugh, this was all too much for a Sunday, you guys. At the time of this writing, I have actually just returned home from another social outing but I limited myself to ONE BEER and guess who is stil fully functional and able to enjoy the rest of her Saturday evening? Your girl Mrs. G-Dragon, that’s who.

Oh, I forgot that we also staggered into Butterwood across the street for some on-the-road baked goods which I don’t even remember eating in the car.

Also, I said on the way there that I wasn’t going to talk about G-Dragon and then I talked about G-Dragon, lol. I can’t be silenced.

l

Corey and I were stressing over finding a good place to eat post-Mattress Factory when we first made plans but then Chooch came home from college and was like, “I want to go to Cafe Moulin. One of my friends recommended it.”

Turns out the FRIEND is Sophia, who probably is legit just a friend but I had to be a total mom about it and start grilling him for info. She’s part of his friend group in Drexel (HER ROOMMATE IS FROM ROMANIA!) and is from Grand Rapids but her dad went to CMU so I guess they were visiting Pittsburgh at some point because of that, but I thought it was kind of funny that we were going somewhere based on a quasi-tourist’s suggestion.

Especially since it wasn’t really anywhere near the Mattress Factory and Chooch said he didn’t necessarily mean that he wanted to go there THAT DAY but once it was mentioned, Corey and I both had CREPES ON THE BRAIN.

Speaking of brain, we spent the whole drive to Shadyside rehashing the body outside of the Mattress Factory. We were all determined to continue having a good day but now there was this macabre fog hunkering down on us, you know? Add to that the fact that Corey had recently hit a deer with his car and when we got out of it in the parking garage, he pointed out some DEER FUR that was still stuck to it?!!? I wailed, “WHY WOULD YOU SHOW ME THAT??”

He re-emphasized the fact that the deer was actually fine BUT STILL?! Jesus!

Anyway, Cafe Moulin was packed but luckily we were able to get a table within about 10 minutes. It took us forever to order because Corey couldn’t decide between sweet and savory so finally Chooch had enough and tossed a coffee creamer onto the menu. It landed on the Dubai chocolate crepe so Chooch was like, “Congratulations, now let’s move on with our lives.”

I’m telling you, Chooch is the adult amongst us.

FALALALALALA-FUCK these crepes were things of beauty! Corey let us try his and I had ordering remorse BUT my crepe was also delicious and so was Chooch’s (Chooch and I split ours with each other because we couldn’t choose – we made the right decision).

Chooch had to cut mine for me LOLOLOL.

His was the spanakopita and mine was….I forget but it was basically a caprese and oh, did it sweetly butter my muffin.

(Tivoli! Mine was called the Tivoli!)

Other things to note from Cafe Moulin:

• Corey and I go to the same therapy place so we talked extensively about our mutual family issues which inspired me to ask Chooch if he was happy, was his childhood ok, does he think he will need therapy someday?? He said yes, yes, and no!
• There was a young single diner sitting at a table for two, reading TUESDAYS WITH MORRIE while slowly peckig away at a crepe and sipping coffee. No shade on her at all, in fact, I was admiring her because I’m not the type of person who is OK with solo dining, but it did make me chuckle because the book choice kind of sent it over the top for me and I started wondering if she has one of the decks of cards that give you a solo adventure to go on and the one she pulled that morning was “eat crepes alone in a Parisian cafe while reading a famous memoir.”
• Chooch super dramatically spilled his glass of water. Like, he spilled it and then somehow spilled it again when he tried to set the glass upright and water was everywhere, but mostly pooled in the crotch of his pants. Luckily, he was wearing black track pants that day, but it was still enough of a spill that one of the servers had to come over to assist with a thick boi stack of napkins.

Overall, solid 10/10. I don’t have crepes very often but these really seemed like god tier crepes, at least for Pgh anyway.

After this, we went  to Kawaii Gifts and I bought the BSS album!! Corey and Chooch were like, “Mmm. That’s cool.” Things have really changed because when I used to go here, they never had anything kpop-related! And now they have a fairly decent collection, I must say.

Then we went to Amazing Books and as soon as we walked in, Chooch stopped in his tracks.

“Is this….oh wow, it is!” he said, in a “HARK!” stance and looking up at the ceiling. Turns out they were playing the new MEN I TRUST. What the actual fuck, you guys. I will always relate this band to THE MAYBE-DEAD BODY.

Chooch said this was the song that was on in Corey’s car when we were waiting to pull out of the Mattress Factory parking lot and then…well, you know the rest. UNLESS YOU DON’T READ EVERY BLOG POST I WRITE AND IN THAT CASE…well, I probably wouldn’t either I were you.

Chooch went over to the counter and had a lengthy conversation with the two guys working there about the new album while I was pretending to peruse books and not constantly thinking of the lady and the blood and the way her body was slumped over the curb of a random street in the Northside, and Corey was looking at a rack of greeting cards made by local artists which, btw, is also what he was looking at in the Mattress Factory’s gift shop, SHOULD I SEND HIM THE LINK TO MY ETSY CARD SHOP AND REMIND HIM THAT I TOO MAKE GREETING CARDS.

One last stop before we left was the little independent toy store and the lady working there reminded us of Janna’s mom a little so then Corey and I started up again with our favorite memory of Janna being beaten by her mom behind a curtained window and that was fun but also my stomach was starting to hurt from the crepes and the general excitement of the day so now I will associate that toy store with pain. Chooch meanwhile touched every single item in that place and then ended up not wanting anything, not even the dumb things that Janna’s mom was demo’ing for him (“THIS BALL CAN BOUNCE UPWARD OF 10 STORIES!”) which is CRAZY because I was offering to buy him pretty much everything since I was so happy to have him home.

And then we came home, where I would go on to spend the next two weeks hyper-obsessing over THE LADY and driving Henry and Chooch crazy over it.

(The next day when we were at lunch, I asked Chooch if he told any of his friends and he said, “No, because maybe did it occur to you that I’m traumatized and don’t want to talk about it?” he said drily.

“OMG REALLY??” I cried, ready to consult my mental Mothering manual.

“No!” he said, going back to looking at his phone while eating his omelet. Wow.)

Corey, Chooch and I had such a wonderful time at the Mattress Factory while Chooch was home for spring break, but after spending around 2 hours there trying to understand what we were looking at, it was time to go to lunch!

This is something that seemed inconsequential at the time, but as we exited the building and made our way up the steps the parking lot, some people came running down the handicap ramp, screaming. It caught me off guard, but it did appear that were laughing and in good spirits, presumably having just made their way back from the annex building around the corner.

Right after, we got in Corey’s car. I was sitting in the backseat. Corey asked Chooch to recommend something to put on (thank god because it had been early 2000s Top 40 up until then, like Ja Rule-type shit lol). Chooch has really been into sad girl music lately and immediately suggested that Corey play Men I Trust.

As a somber song queued up, Chooch goes, “Not really the vibe, but…” because we were all so giddy. Well, Corey and I were. Chooch is the adult amongst the children. Meanwhile, Corey was unable to pull out of the parking lot because a box truck was blocking the one-way lane.

There were three men standing on the sidewalk to the left of the truck, trying to wave him along. The one who stands out the most vividly in my mind was a young mail man and I think because from a distance and with my bad eyes, he looked like Chooch’s friend Isai. Chooch said he remembers one of the guys was wearing a CCAC shirt, I dunno.

We didn’t think anything of this and, while we were hungry, we also didn’t have reservations or anything like that so we were pleasantly calm about having to wait to see what this truck driver was going to do. After several minutes (honestly, it was less than 4 minutes because the same Men I Trust song was still playing), the truck slowly began to roll forward so Corey swung his car out onto the road and we continued along at the same slow pace.

Slow enough for Chooch to look out of his passenger window and say, “Oh! I think that lady was hit.”

And then I made the fatal error of also looking and oh boy, if I could go back in time. Have you ever glanced at something quickly and felt a jolt, like you just took an ice plunge?  That happened to me here. Nothing about this made me think she was hit by a car. What I saw was an older woman with white/gray hair, crumpled over onto her side along the sidewalk, shoulders and up were hanging off the curb and laying on the road in between an empty space between two parked cars. She had a lot of blood on the side/top of her face.  It didn’t look possible that she could have been hit by a car on that street, definitely not the box truck. To me, there was something about the scene that screamed V I O L E N C E.

What was worse was that I looked directly into her eyes, which looked vacant and icy.

“I THINK SHE IS DEAD??!??!” I cried.

“WHAT???” Corey screamed hysterically. “SHOULD WE TURN AROUND????”

But we had just arrived at a stop sign in time to see a fleet of cops, sirens on, rushing toward us, so there was clearly no need for us to go back, call it in, etc.

This is the illustration I made while I was explaining the sitch to Megan at work. Look, I was rushed. It was almost 5:30 and neither of us need to be staying logged on a minute more than required.

But here is an updated version to illustrate that the placement of the body was likely blocked by the box truck, therefore the men directing the truck to move seemed calm because they likely didn’t know w maybe-dead body was splayed out across the street, and that would also explain why the people who were coming into the Mattress Factory from the Annex seemed in good spirits – if that truck hadn’t been idling there, they probably would have seen the lady and would actually have been screaming as they ran past us as I originally  thought. (Corey and Chooch quickly shot down my second-questioning if we misinterpreted the mood of their screams.)

We did have to circle back around, but on a parallel street, since everything is one-way there. As we passed the intersection from the upper street, I looked down and saw that the cops had blocked the entire area off by then and a sizeable group of onlookers had gathered. I had texted immediately to tell him to find out what was happening, if this lady was attacked, mugged, murdered and dumped, etc. We were all totally fixated and unable to let go.

We drove in silence for a few seconds, and, realizing that Men I Trust was still warbling on in the background, I said, “Well, now it’s the vibe for this music.” And we all laughed drily.

Then Chooch said that one of his friends from Drexel had been to Pgh once and went to Randyland which is on the same street and joked to Chooch to “be careful, that’s a bad area.” And then, surprise, maybe-dead body outside of the Mattress Factory. :/

Meanwhile, Henry was at home checking the police scanner. He was able to find out that the woman had been transported to AGH, a hospital that is luckily EXTREMELY close, as in right down the street, from where the woman was found so that was one silver lining. He said that probably if she was taken to the hospital, she was still alive when they found her.

“Could she have just fallen?” Corey asked, seconding what Henry was also suggesting via text. But you guys, you didn’t see her. This didn’t look like someone who had just stumbled on the sidewalk and hit her head. Especially because of where the blood was, facing up. Unless she fell and rolled over but still, the blood. There was so much.

“Head wounds bleed a lot,” Henry said later that day when I was back home and spiraling out, but I cut him off because JESUS CHRIST IS THERE ANY SUBJECT SAFE FROM HIS MANSPLAINING?!

When I say that this completely took over my life for over a week, yikes.  I haven’t even been able to bring myself to finally write about it until now. I spent ALL WEEKEND googling, looking on Pgh Reddit sub-threads, battling the shitty local news websites, seeing that lady’s glassy eyes every time I blinked. I had a very hard falling asleep that weekend.

The next day, I wanted to get coffee at Yinz Coffee on the way home from lunch and record shopping with Henry and Chooch. The Yinz Coffee location that was closest to us is actually right around the corner from the SCENE. First, I tried to get Henry to go into the hospital and inquire about her status, just said he was a concerned citizen and just wanted to know if she was alive. He very vehemently opposed this idea and said that he didn’t want to be put on a suspect list which made me say, “SO YOU AGREE THAT THIS WAS A VIOLENT CRIME AND NOT AN ACCIDENT!”

Then I made him drive past the SCENE once coffee was procured, because maybe there were clues there, a killer lurking behind a lamppost, memorial flowers left at the spot, I DO NOT KNOW WHAT I WAS EXPECTING TO SEE but it was just a regular slab of sidewalk. Nothing unusual.

I had my weekly therapy session on Tuesday and she was like HOW WAS YOUR WEEKEND because I had told her the week before that we had plans and we had chatted about the Mattress Factory so watching her face change as I said, “IT WAS GOOD BUT THEN….” Well, it was something to behold.

We ended up spending half the session talking about this, trying to rationalize it, best-case-scenario it, make it less sinister in my mind. “Maybe picture her surrounded by a white light?” she suggested but when I conjured that image up in my mind, all it did was serve to spotlight the BLOOD AND THOSE EYES.

Saturday night, when Henry and I were driving home from Philly, I blurted out entirely apropos of nothing, “But if she just FELL or something innocent, why did so many cops arrive on the scene?”

Henry looked at me blankly. To be fair, I had been quietly dwelling on this in my corner of the car and brought him into mid-stream of conscious so he had no idea what I was talking about, also because he hasn’t been thinking about it constantly like I have.

On Sunday, we went out with Amy & Dick and I was clamoring to talk about this with someone. That’s just my nature – something happens and I have to rehash it over and over with every new audience put in front of me. So, I’m telling them this story and Henry interrupts.

“Actually, I do know what happened,” he said calmly, in the same manner used for advising your table mates that you know what you want to order for lunch.

I turned on him instantly. “WTF??? Since when?” I cried.

“Since last night. I went back and listened to the calls that came in over the police scanner before the one I originally heard,” he said.

“YOU KNEW SINCE LAST NIGHT?” I screamed. “IT IS NOW—” (checks time on FitBit) “—2:30pm on Sunday! YOU WERE WITH ME ALL DAY AND DIDN’T THINK TO SAY ANYTHING?”

“I forgot,” he calmly shrugged.

Anyway, as I expected, it was not something innocent like she tripped and fell. Oh but she did fall, alright – WHEN SHE FUCKING JUMPED OUT A SECOND STORY WINDOW OR THE ROOF, THEY ARE NOT SURE.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck – this had to have JUST HAPPENED before we walked out of the Mattress Factory. If I had fucking seen that.

If I had watched a person fall out of a building onto a sidewalk.

IF I HEARD IT.

I would have to double-down on therapy.

No. Nope.

And apparently according to the scanner, when it was originally called in, it was picked up by the paramedics so Henry didn’t hear that call, just the one that was made to the cops because they got involved once someone said she had jumped, and I guess they originally thought she was DOA until the cops got there and realized she was still alive.  WHY  DID SHE JUMP? Was she in imminent danger? Is there a perp out there somewhere that got away?? I want to say that I hope she is alive but if she did this to herself intentionally I can’t imagine the pain she was already in, so I am on a loop of hypotheticals over here, freaking myself out.

And then I am still hyper-fixated on the box truck and the three men. Are they even relevant to the story? Was the box truck driver the one who saw it and called it in? Were the three men involved other than just trying to get the box truck to stop holding up traffic on this otherwise innocuous residential street? WERE THEY THE WITNESSES?

UGH. I’ll probably never get the answers and need to let it go.

February feels like a lifetime ago and I am looking at this list like, “I read these books?” To be fair, I had a lingering fever for like 2 weeks so who knows what was going on.

1. Society of Lies by Lauren Ling Brown

Dark academia and one that I actually liked. Dual timelines and POVs. As with all dark academia, it was very far-fetched but also, I didn’t go an Ivy with secret societies so who am I to say that disbelief must be suspended? Chooch has a frenemy from high school who goes to Princeton and I want him to ask her if she knows anything, lol.

Anyway, this follows two sisters – one is a Princeton alum, the other is a current student – and I admittedly kept getting the timelines crossed. The younger sister uncovers a scandal within the most secretest of all the secret societies and then ends up murdered.

  2. Darkly by Marisha Pessl

This was alright but there were a lot of times when it wasn’t holding my attention and just honestly made me want to go back and read The Westing Game instead. I am a firm believer that YA books can be enjoyed by all but this one missed the mark for me. I probably would have loved this as a kid though.

3. We Could Be Rats by Emily R. Austin

I’m going to be honest here, I gave this an alleged 4 star rating on Goodreads and cannot for the life remember a single word of this book. February was such a crazy month. But OMG this book cover tho.

4. How to End a Love Story by Yulin Kuang

OK this I do remember reading and I know that I disliked it immensely. Girl falls in love with the guy who accidentally vehicular manslaughtered her suicidal sister in high school. I felt no emotional connection to anyone in this book. Also, love story? Bitch where.

5. Same As It Ever Was by Claire Lombardo

OK, this one was weird. I very much high-key hated this book. The main character was insufferable (also I feel like I had no idea what she looked like either) and has some bizarre secret friendship with a woman who could be her mother and I guess on some level I get that aspect because I have constantly befriended surrogate mom-types through my whole adult life since I don’t really have a mom who acts like a mom.

But this book just went on and on for a million pages and I was so disgusted at every turn. And then the very last several pages hit me like a freight train and I felt like I was done so dirty. 

Because this was able to touch a nerve and evoke emotions at the end, I gave it a 3.

6. The Trunk – Kim Ryeo-ryeon

One of the few Korean novels that I haven’t liked very much. I wanted to read this because it was adapted into a K-Drama with one of my favorite actors but after reading this book, I am really confused about how they were able to drag this out into a 16 episode series?? I haven’t watched it yet and now I don’t know if I will because legit nothing happened in this book. The main character works at this matchmaking company that has a secret marriage division so she’s basically a wife-for-hire for the wealthiest of the clients. You could imagine all the different directions this story could take but it was just like one long flat-line with no pay-off.

7. The Rom-Commers by Katherine Center

Mid.

8. Keep It in the Family by John Marrs

Mid x2. This was actually just ridiculous. I think my standards for thrillers have just gotten to be too high so this sounds like a me problem. I can admit that.

9. A Killing Cold by Kate Alice Marshall

This one was OK but I have read much better from this author and expected more. Rich family with dirty secrets, secluded and private family cabins in the winter, protagonist who can’t remember where she came from…it was decent but forgettable. Also, the “connection” between the main character and her fiancé was not believable to me.

10. Big in Sweden by Sally Franson

Beautiful and quirky cover! Narrated by Meg Ryan! Set in Sweden! Too bad none of those things were enough. I admittedly only picked this up because I was feeling nostalgic for Sweden but this didn’t scratch the itch. A trip  to Ikea would have been better. The main character is just insufferable and sorry Meg, but not even your voice could make me like her. Basically this broad wins a spot on some family tree reality show but it turns out to be like MTV/Road Rules the Challenge, but make it Swedish with the main point being that the Swedes love to watch the Americans cry.

And then the winner gets to connect with their Swedish family.

It was a miss for me, fam. Maybe if I had read this on a plane or something, it would have had a better effect on me, but a cold February at home in Pittsburgh somehow managed to provide the exact opposite of escapism.

the end.

8:09am: we just left to drive Chooch back to Philly :( Running behind schedule because

1. He wasn’t fully packed
2. He “lost” his wallet (it was on his bed but he didn’t realize he didn’t have it until we were getting in the car

Anyway, I didn’t plan this but my nail polish perfectly matches my windbreaker so then I had to swap out my shoes and purse to complete the coordination. Not seen – pendant that also got the memo.

8:40am: Sheetz update! Henry is bitching because we spent over $40 like we just went to a restaurant for breakfast. Then Henry thought he was a hero because he held the door open for a man exiting with a case of Mountain Dew but I ALSO HELD A DOOR OPEN FOR HIM?! Then right as Henry was getting ready to start the car, the Mountain Dew guy pulled up alongside of us in his white stallion truck to signal that Henry’s DRINK WAS ON THE ROOF OF THE CAR. It was a real wholesome moment like a scene out of Donna Reed or some shit. Henry did the “another mans is talkin’ to me” hyuk hyuk, his standard response.

9:52am: CHOOCH IS/WAS READING A BOOK. Apparently I disrupted him by telling Henry I need to pee so that drew attention to him at which point I started bombarding him with questions and then Henry was like HE IS READING A BOOK! and I almost broke neck trying to turn around to see. It’s a Brandon Sanderson book and I said “I want to read his books but they’re like 800 pages.”

“I know,” Chooch grunted.

“That doesn’t look like it’s 800 pages,” Henry said.

“That’s because it broke and the other part is in my dorm,” Chooch said. Sounds about right. It’s also not his book but his friend Ben’s in case anyone needs to note that in the log.

10:13am: First rest stop of the drive in Bedford and Chooch realized that he forgot something.

“My Rubik’s Cube!” he cried. Oh to the well.

Then it took him forever to decide what snack he wanted from 7-seven and Henry was so annoyed and ughhhh I’m going to miss this. :(

12:57pm: In traffic outside of Philly. Chooch and I slept most of the ride haha. But now he and Henry are arguing because chooch put the window down. “THE AC IS ON!” Henry bellowed. And chooch mouthed off back and then Henry angrily twisted the AC knob to OFF and is pouting now. Welcome us, Philly! We’re here!

Also this was happening during the Jennie / Dua Lipa “Handlebars” song and I yelled at them for ruining it for me.

“I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS IS!” chooch yelled. Wowowowow.

I can’t remember if it was our flight to Korea but on some recent long-haul flight I listened to a Dua Lipa playlist on the inflight entertainment thing for nearly the whole flight while playing some number game and Chooch was disgusted.

1:27pm:

1:51pm: We’re here! First Henry to go back to get his phone in the garage because he’s an idiot so Chooch and I ditched him because we had to pee.

In that building back there! There are also bunnies roaming the grounds everywhere over there which is cute but weird.

College bathroom selfie!

Now we’re waiting for gross SEPTA to take us downtown.

2:25pm: well no one was paying attention and we passed the stop (to be fair no one told me where we were going) so we ended up having to walk a bit which was a big Lost in Korea mood with Henry and Chooch bickering. It warmed my heart.

But anyway we had to put our name in at Bae Bombon so we came next door to Black Turtle Coffee where the most agitated girl waited on us but whatever. We have iced drinks and are sitting peacefully in wait.

5:56pm: Henry and I are on our way home now. :( Another lackluster goodbye from our son lol.

We did finally eating at Bar Bombon and it was good but S H E E S H getting a table was an ordeal and I said no less than 17 times that I wanted to just go elsewhere. We did attempt to go to a place across the street called The Love or something but they had just closed for the between brunch / dinner time.

I got really mad because it appeared that the hostess gave our table to some old bitches who came straight from yoga, rolled mats and all, but Henry the White Knight of Hostesses because it reminds him of the packaged baked goods mmm Ho Hos, insisted that they were ahead of us on Open Table. Ok Henry. You know everything.

Then they tried to give us the lone table in the front right smack in the busy sidewalk after saying that they would seat us inside and I was like NO THANK YOU.

They promised Henry if we could wait a few more minutes they’d have a table for us inside. Overall our 30 minute wait in the beginning turned into over an hour and I was very displeased about that because it was after 3pm and none of us had eaten since around 9 and I especially was getting hangry. Ok I had bypassed hangry and was firmly planted in much mad starving zone.

Henry was all THANK YOU THANK YOU when the hostess finally summoned us and it was so annoying.

But we had the best seat in the place at all – corner table just the way I like it.

I will say this: ambiance was great. Our server was wonderful. The hearts of palm “fish” tacos I ordered were incredible.

However! We also ordered two starters but our tacos came first (and actually surprisingly fast) and we were told like 3x that our starters would be out soon, then our server was like “let me go check on those starters.” Approx 15 minutes after we finished our tacos, the starters came and Henry joked that they were finishers now but Chooch and I didn’t laugh because that was dumb so you better not have laughed either.

We got some kind of yuca sticks on a pool of nacho (?) sauce which was really good but now what I was expecting. I thought the yuca would be like fries and crispy but they were soft.

And a plate of sweet plantains. I love plantains so much.

Overall it ended up being a good meal but kind of not worth the wait and probably won’t be going back.

We opted to walk back to Drexel after that because I always like to walk after eating a big (to me) meal. MAYBE THAT IS JUST ME. And it’s a really nice walk too. Flat, scenic, and only about 20 minutes.

7:01pm: Checking in to say I’m on my biannual Danity Kane nostalgia tour. This time it’s because Henry said that one of Jennie’s new songs reminds him of a Danity Kane song and I said WILD BC JISOO’S EARTHQUAKE REMINDS ME OF DANITY KANE. (Jennie and Jisoo are both from Blackpink for any anti-kpop person who might themselves reading this).

So now we’re listening to Danity Kane. Fuck you, Diddy. Truly.

Anyway back to Philly – here are some pics from the walk:

I sent this to Corey and he asked me if I wrote that? I mean I’m a Stay but I don’t like them THAT much lol.

The sidewalk was closed at one point and Henry and Chooch were arguing about this. I thought I heard Henry say something about having to go underground so I screamed “we get to go understand?”

Chooch said to him, “Great, now you have her saying that.”

LOL wow.

But seriously I kept asking “when are we going underground though?” And they’d yell in tandem, “We’re not!!”

Then we split up so Henry could go back to the garage to get the car while Chooch and I continued on to his dorm. We were sitting outside when he causally said that I might be able to meet his ROMANIAN friend Bianca!!! She had just made it back to Philly. “Actually there she is right there” and then I fucking spazzed out. “WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO HER??!”

“Oh my god please don’t make this weird. I shouldn’t have said anything,” he groaned as she was quickly approaching.

Turns out it didn’t matter because she came over and they briefly chatted about who else was back and then she went inside.

“Wow she didn’t even look at you,” Chooch laughed.

“Yeah thanks for introducing me!” I cried.

“Maybe she thought you were just another student,” he shrugged.

“OMG REALLY!” I squealed, mood instantly brightened. I mean, we really weren’t sitting that close and I was swinging my legs like a kid on a playground with my telephone purse on my lap. Just ignore my gray hairs and crows feet lol.

Then Henry came back and we had to take Chooch’s shit up to his room and he yelled at Henry repeatedly for stepping on his purple shag carpet which is remarkably clean I must say.

Before we left, I wanted to see the place he’ll be living next year. We couldn’t do much other than go on in the lobby but it’s this tall bitchin’ building behind him:

the final stop was the 7-Eleven near his dorm because he spent all week talking about how they have the best croissants – this location specifically. I mean I’m sure the entire country of France would like to weigh in on that but OK. I wanted to try for myself.

I mean, it was better than the one I had that morning but that was from Sheetz, so. For $1-ish (and for a convenience store) it was decent?

Anyway, it is. Ow 9:46pm and we have another hour left in this drive. Ugh. Signing off.

OH MY FUCKING GOD. My G-Dragon lightstick and mini-keychain lightstick just arrived about an hour ago from Korea and I am so stoked! The sales of these items were so chaotic because it’s G-Dragon and everyone wanted it. The first round sold out within minutes but I managed to snag all three items without issue. G-Dragon’s company put out a statement promising to release more, and then that sale sold out immediately as well. I know it’s dumb but I feel so grateful that I was able to get these and can only pray that I can also get tickets to one of his upcoming US concerts so that I can use these IRL!

Being a Kpop stan is stressful. I got into this because my life was so depressing and full of sadness and while on the outside it seems like the Kpop life is so fun and happy, THERE IS THIS STUPID STRESSFUL UNDERBELLY OF FIGHTING WITH OTHER FANS / RESELLERS FOR CONCERT TICKETS AND MERCH. Lol.

But dude would you look at this light stick cradle?? G-DRAGON IS A FUCKING CREATIVE GENIUS. A functional and cute way to display your lightstick? GD’s got you. I love that this is something I would just already have in my house too, regardless of Kpop-association.

What a nice way to end a stupid work week.

Quickly, let’s run down the rest of the Mattress Factory without turning this into a 62196492374 word odyssey.

The second building had the coolest Raggedy Ann-themed display going on called Deep, Deep Woods. It was 100% my jam. Things were really continuing to look up.

Some of the sketches on the wall were Greer Lankton pieces – I didn’t know it for sure at first but thought to myself that it looked like her style and then felt SO SMUG when we were about to leave this floor and I read the description on the wall. There is a permanent Greer Lankton installation in the main building and it remains one of my favorite parts of the Mattress Factory to this day. Chooch and I were there several years when there was a much larger collection of her work on display – lots of pencil sketches of anatomy so Chooch was probably thinking, “This is awesome that my mother actually paid for me to see this.” Hey art is important!

THIS ROOM! INTERIOR DESIGN INSPO.

That tall red is where I work lol.

The top floor was whatever, TBH. We were kind of like, “What is this?” and I feel bad because, much like most art, it has a very strong message that went over my head until later when I read about it. And the other two rooms up there are permanent installations that we have all seen numerous times so we decided to leave and head to the main building while THE COUPLES were pretending like they understood the top floor.

I was determined to go to the floor with the Kusama infinity room first so we could take idiotic pictures of ourselves before THE COUPLES caught up. We had some elevator issues which lost of us some time but we finally made it to the correct floor and there were only two other people there but they were messing around with another installation.

Chooch and Corey got distracted by these skeletal arcade games first and I had to drag them away. WE WERE RUNNING OUT OF TIME. I’ll tell you something I just realized about myself. When I was VERY YOUNG and lived on SYLVANIA DR in South Park, I used to play with these older kids across the street – Ben and Adele. They were kind of “bad” I guess but that’s neither here nor there. One of the made up games we would play was called THE VILLAGERS and we would run around their backyard usually at dusk pretending to be chased by these invisible people called, you know, THE VILLAGERS, obviously. It was so fucking scary to me back then, hiding behind their above-ground pool, literally thinking that someone was after me with a pitchfork, I don’t even know. Anyway, I truly believe that this is why to this day I am always in a hurry, it’s always a race, I’m forever trying to outrun the Villagers.

And that’s what was happening on this day at the Mattress Factory.

But Corey and Chooch grew up playing regular games I guess and don’t speedwalk through life throwing furtive glances over their shoulders. Heart racing. Underarms sweating. Etc.

We made it though! FIRST.

We did “Blair Witch” poses here too. No one has ever done this before We are trailblazers. Tremendous work.

Visiting Trudy’s family.

On the way out of this area, THE COUPLES were putting the booties over their shoes (you have to either do that or take your shoes off before going in).

“Be glad you didn’t walk in on us being creepy in THAT room,” I stage-whispered to the girl couples and they were like, “OMG” and laughed.

I could NOT get that thing to play

The basement is always hit or miss. It was a miss for me this time.

I think that was pretty much all of the highlights from this visit. Not all of the installations grabbed me this time and sadly one of the rooms was closed while a new installation was being constructed so that was sad. Of course I read somewhere afterward that the MF will often give free tickets to come back when the new installation opens but this was not offered to us and truthfully I was NOT a fan of the girl working at the front desk that day.

Spent some time in the gift shop. No one bought anything but Chooch was happy to collect a free sticker for taking an online survey. Also, Chooch said that his favorite part was the darkroom / attic in the first building. I agree with that. It was also the area we spent the most time in.

I promise I won’t do this every year, but this is our FIRST anniversary as a married couple and I am feeling nice about that today and was in my feels looking through pictures from our Korean Marriage Mission.  So, here are some (the only, actually) pictures of me and Henry from that trip! Most of the pictures were of Chooch, or of all three of us. Not too many of just me and Henry together probably because he IS SO ANNOYING to take pictures with.

(Henry. Yes, you are.)

In Gyeongju!

Our handmade wedding bands that we made in Hongdae!

LOL us with our marriage license; Chooch was SO PUT OUT that we asked him to CROSS THE STREET and come over to us to take this picture. He gave literally zero fucks about this whole thing because his life did not change at all.

I loved loved loved this place. 

Buddhist Food in Insadong!

Cheonggyecheon <3

We actually came here to take Chooch’s senior pictures, but he snapped some of us too, grudgingly.

I love this picture so much, thanks Chooch! I should probably get this framed.

Henry’s dumb face lol.

One of the BEST places to walk and a great place to watch the sun set. 

I hope that we get to go back to Korea again someday. I feel more alive there than I have anywhere else in my life and the fact that Henry was willing to marry me there means so much more than any traditional wedding we could have had here. It was no frills. Just us, in jeans. I actually couldn’t imagine doing this any other way and would not change a thing.

(OK, maybe I’d have eaten more salt bread. Lol.)

Ugh, I’m crying as usual.

I woke up today to a gift bag full of Totally Erin gifts:

I was cracking up because these could easily pass for a middle schooler’s birthday presents.

Speaking of…Henry said that he talked to his mom today. She said something along the lines of how it’s too bad he didn’t meet me before “that other one” and married me first. Henry was like, “Mom, I’d have gone to jail.” I mean, considering I was IN MIDDLE SCHOOL when he was marrying “that other one.”

So, then she said that he could have “waited for me” and I screamed, “EW, SHE WAS SUGGESTING THAT YOU GROOM ME?!”

That was such a sobering moment on The First Anniversary of Ruby & Hoover’s Marriage Fit for an LJ Post.

Anyway, baby’s first Enhypen album!

Since leaving the nest, Chooch has apparently developed an interest in art, which is annoying because HELLO remember when his mother used to make fake art?! Where was his interest then?? (OK to be fair when he was little, he liked a Jeffrey Dahmer portrait I painted on wood and asked to keep it – it’s actually still in his bedroom so maybe I should ask him why he hasn’t taken it back to Philly?? IS HE EMBARRASSED OF IT?)

Anyway, a few weeks ago, he was sending me pictures of art that he thought I would like at some gallery in Philly (aw, I bet he doesn’t send Henry pictures of…what? Beverage he thinks he would like?) so I suggested that we go to the Mattress Factory when he’s home for spring break because it’s been a while since he was last there with me. He actually AGREED and then I said we should invite Corey too because Corey wanted to hang out with him when he’s home and Corey also likes the Mattress Factory. So…boom. Look at me, so good at organizing. Wish I could apply those skills to my head.

Corey picked us up around 11 even though I wanted to BE THERE BY 11 because I am so rigid when it comes to these. They open at  11 and I wanted to “beat the crowds” and also “get a spot in the parking lot.” I have ALWAYS been like this.

Then Chooch was pissed because I was nagging him for days about not forgetting to bring his student ID so that he could get the STUDENT DISCOUNT and he was like “I HAVE MY FUCKING ID, IT’S IN MY WALLET. YES, I HAVE MY WALLET! OMG!”

OK, I can see where I could be a little overbearing and annoying.

Then we got there and the bored broad at the desk didn’t even ask for his ID and he was extra-pissed, lol.

(I should note that I had never heard of the Mattress Factory until I was a Pitt student and looking for free things and discounts that my Pitt ID could get me and the Mattress Factory was listed. The first time I ever went, I was pregnant with Chooch!)

Bored Broad “recommended” that we start our day at the Sampsonia annex which was whatever – fine, we’ll do it, but we won’t necessarily LIKE it. I was annoyed because there were only two other cars in the lot when we got there and OFC as soon as we entered the annex, four people were immediately in the first room. Look, I don’t even pretend to not be a curmudgeon, OK? I know I am. And I am one of Those PPL who hate being in museums etc with other people because it makes me feel rushed and/or self-conscious.

I couldn’t tell if the two couples were together, but there was a girl couple and a man/woman couple. They were all kind of whatever but one of the women from the girl couple STOPPED AND READ EVERY SINGLE ARTIFACT on the wall. I’m not even going to front –  I did not like the first two floors of this exhibit, which was largely about pollution and the Clean Air Act. Lots of pictures of trains, smokestacks, old local newspaper articles, etc. Chooch texted me, “I hate these people. They’re making me feel like I should be studying everything.” I was like 100% agreed, sonny.

Anyway, this whole building was Luke Stettner’s State of the Sky. The description on the Mattress Factory’s website really explains it well so you should give that a read if you care.

Then the one couple was looking at something and giggling and the other couple joined them and also giggled. We waited for them to head on up to the second floor and then tried to figure out what was so funny about what they were looking at but I have no fucking idea.

Studying.

Yo, I liked this part. It was on the second floor and these windchimes / pipes dropped down through the ceiling. I assume you were supposed to fuck around with it to make it sing, so that is just what I did after everyone else just glanced at it with “hmmm” expressions.

There was also a little nook in a corner where several old-ass televisions were stacked and playing creepy b&w images. “It reminds me of the Ring,” I said and everyone agreed with me because my observations rule. 

But then it was time for the upstairs, the ominous red lighting on the steps gave us a preview of what was to come.

It was a dark room motif! WE SPENT SO MUCH TIME UP HERE BEING DUMBOS.

This floor had another TV set up but it was showing nightvision footage of a field / weeds and I said, “This reminds me of Blair Witch,” and Corey took this and ran with it.

“Take a picture of me doing Blair Witch!” he squealed and plastered himself into a corner.

I had to make Chooch it too and then OFC I WANTED ONE OF ME.

I don’t know why this was but Corey tried twice and both times it came out blurry maybe because I AM the Blair Witch. But when he was on attempt #2,  THOSE COUPLES came back into the room, presumably exhausting every single text on display for their eyeballs to absorb in the other rooms, and while I was facing the wall, I heard one of the women gasp and say, “OK, give me a heart attack!” and the Corey’s bombastic laugh filled the floor.

“We’re doing Blair Witch!” I muffled into the asbestos (probably) filled wall.

“I applaud your commitment to the performance,” one of the women said as I continued to stand stalk still into the corner, and I gave myself a silent FUCK YEAH head pat. I will take praise and attention anywhere I can get it. After that, I decided I didn’t hate them so much anymore. The guy part of the guy/girl couple was still mid though. I was glad that those two missed my show.

Chooch took my Blair Witch picture at the top of the steps after everyone else left out of the fire escape exit and we had free reign.

I love these so much, lol. I posted them on Instagram and someone said that they looked like horror movie posters (specifically Corey’s) and that made me so happy.

Third floor of the Sampsonia annex slapped. Totally made up for the other two floors of what came off like someone’s high school research project plastered onto a wall. I mean, don’t get me wrong, environmental activism FTW. But it was just a lot, and we were definitely ready to head out to the Monterey annex.

NCTshoes on the fire escape.

Skipping Saturday’s action for now and going right to Sunday because there’s less to say and I am lazy. (A lot happened on Saturday!)

I really wanted to have a NICE FAMILY AFTERNOON. Chooch got really into collecting records several years ago so I thought it would be best to offset the misery of “hanging with the parents” by including the incentive of record shopping. He seemed to perk up at that.

I found this random Turkish cafe in Harmar which was on the way to the record shop we were going to in New Kensington. It was called Gino’s Petit something so super confusing because it sounded both Italian and French but then…Turkish. I loved the vibes of the place! It seemed to maybe be a family affair? There was some yelling going on in the kitchen. Our server was wearing a bright orange crop top and leather shorts. I don’t know that this has much to do with anything, but I wanted to remember that lol.

To start, I got Turkish coffee and it was d-i-v-i-n-e.

Crepes seemed to be the main draw there but Chooch and I had just had some of the best crepes in town the day before with Corey, so we both went for something different. Henry and Chooch both got omelettes and I got the TURKISH PLATTER which was like a fancy Lunchables that someone plated for me. The scrambled eggs were mid but I really enjoyed making one-bites out of the tomatoes, cucumbers, feta and mozzarella. And you know I love some olives, boy. They gave me more than what was advertised lol.

Plus, the inexplicable inclusion of french fries – this wasn’t featured in the description so I feel like they were an after thought, maybe some stragglers left in the fry basket or something.

But yo, listen. The best part, and I am closing my eyes in remembrance of the ecstasy my mouth experienced yesterday, was the SUBSTANTIAL SLICES OF MARBLED RYE TOAST which I straight up SOAKED in the provided honey and Turkish jam (it was pureed strawberries in a fruit syrup and I was ready to drink that shit, it was INTOXICATING). Henry and Chooch had to sit there for a full 10 minutes after finishing their meals while I ate each part of my plate. They were so annoyed at my exaggerated savoring of each component, haha.

I would like to go back sometime to try one of the sweet breakfast offerings after seeing plate after plate being shuttled past us to other tables.

Then we went to Preserving Vinyl in New Ken, where I was disgusted at how many Taylor Swift records there were, and the fact that there is vinyl pressed for Halsey of all the crap singers out there, what a waste of resources, if you ask me.

Anyway, I have been out of the record collecting loop for a big and was surprised to see so much Top 40 vinyl.

Then I just felt nostalgic when I saw all of the Joyce Manor, Citizen, etc AND THEN PVRIS STARTED PLAYING and Warped Tour Erin was like, “Knock knock, I’m still in here, you know.”

Chooch got a Daft Punk record (did not know he liked Daft Punk) and an Otis Redding collection.

Then we walked to the other location that’s in an old church which is also a music venue where Armor for Sleep was just playing and I wanted to go but it was the night after we came home from Chicago and Henry was being an Old. And I only know two other people who like(d) Armor For Sleep but:

1. Both live 4+ hours from me in each direction
2. I don’t talk to either of them anymore
3. lol

Anyway, at this place, Chooch got a super old Peter & the Wolf record which was cool just for the cover alone, and an Emerson Lake and Palmer record just because he liked the cover which was also coincidentally wolf-themed and I screamed, “I USED TO LOVE ELP YOU WILL PROBABLY LIKE THIS” and that was probably a mistake, I just swayed him in the opposite direction and am not preparing for him to be like, “So, I listened to that Emerson whatever record and actually it’s garbage.”

I really should have fucking bought this. I reference this movie once every two or three years and no one ever knows.

Then we left and I put on PVRIS for the drive home. What a wholesome afternoon with Chooch, Home from College.