Hi, here I am, ’bout to be obnoxious and annoying about my NCT Dream obsession, what else is new, Herman? This was one of my favorite songs on the last Dream album but they never did any live stages of it at the music shows. So when I saw that this a part of their MMA 2023 performance, I could have passed out. I mean, I was screaming hard enough to actually pass out so it’s a wonder I didn’t.

I have watched this so many times since then, and JESUS CHRIST.

Tonight is a “relax and catch up on award show performances” kind of night. This used to be my favorite time of the year back when BIGBANG was still around because their award show stages were L E G E N D A R Y and it just hasn’t really been the same since. Sometimes I still go back and watch the old performances and I just can’t get over how next level they were, you guys. Unparalleled. Timeless. Charismatic. Straight fucking fire.

OK I’m going to go and place my kpop dinosaur self in a corner and pout now.

Let’s free-form the shit of this thing.

Last Wednesday night, Henry and I went to see the NCT Nation concert movie in Robinson.

This time, there were way more people and even another “kpop husband” was in the crowd.  So, NCT Nation was the whole entire NCT conglomerate doing one huge concert together, all of the sub-groups, etc. They did several shows in Korea and Japan and fuck, do I wish I could have attended one of those.

Did I cry during this? Pfft, you know it, Miss Betty. The way NCT fills my heart after a long day of work and general life dread…it’s like when you take a shot of Robitussin (Janna’s #1 subject) and you can feel it heating up as it cruises through your body. That’s how NCT makes me feel. Like they are hugging me from the inside.

….that….OK that’s a weird visual.

Anyway, this wasn’t part of the movie, but I have watched this video from their concert so many times and it never stops giving me goosebumps.

All I want Janna to get me for Christmas is proof that she has learned all 20 of their names lol. (Only 19 were at these concerts because Taeil was/is recovering from surgery after a motorcycle accident.)

Bill and Jessi were in town for my party this weekend and thank god because I was so fucking stressed out. I don’t know why. Maybe it was all of the other stress that I kept trying to push out of the way, finally found a way back to the forefront and woo boy was I was mess. But having them here helped because they are two of my favorite people in the world and it’s been a MINUTE since they were last in Pgh!

Late Saturday afternoon, we left Henry at home cooking and went to Frank & Shirley’s for a late lunch after Chooch came home from his game design class at Pitt. It was SO FUCKING nice to sit still, eat a grilled cheese, bullshit, and watch Jessi follow my example of dunking the grilled cheese in a puddle of Ketchup and realize that, “OK yeah that’s good.”

It’s the only way I’ve eaten grilled cheese since I was a wee lass!

And I told them about how I used to LOVE going there in high school because there was A CIGARETTE MACHINE and wow, that’s something that I hadn’t thought about in forever, putting tons of quarters in those machines and then setting up a display on the table of all the different brands I scored. I remember getting a pack of Pall Malls and one of my guy friends being like JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, ERIN.

I have a picture of my cigarette collection somewhere. Maybe one day I will look for it and then post it here and you guys can be like, “Wow. You were so edgy. Brag some more about your dirty habit, Yellow Fingers.”

Here I am stalking Chooch at work last Thursday night. Turns out this was also the same night that the dumbass lost his wallet for approx. the 10th time in the last three years only this time, sadly it’s a goner for good. His luck hath run dry. Also, he had a tense conversation with a total BITCH of a middle aged broad with bleached hair looking like Real Housewives of Pgh reject because the sign on the Chipotle window said they’re open until 11 but that night they closed at 9. Like Chooch, a 17yo, has anything to do with that. He kept trying to walk around while her mouth was steady running.  Jesus Christ lady. Go look at the Ann Taylor website and calm down.

Drew, noticing that the Christmas decorations are back.

In other news, I have watched Queen Charlotte which I almost didn’t watch at all because she was one of my least faves from the Bridgerton series but then I got desperate for something to watch while walking in place (no, you have issues) and holy smutty fuck, no one told me that this was going to rip my stupid fucking heart out?? I don’t know if I’m just really at such a low point emotionally or if this really was that deeply sad, but I was full-body SOBBING. I can’t remember the last time I was so touched by an on-screen (and I guess moderately IRL depending on how historically accurate this was) romance/relationship. Jesus, I felt that, for Charlotte and George, and also Brimsley and Reynolds. I even started spontaneously sobbing in the shower about it.

At one point, Henry was sitting next to me and I was trying so hard to hold back my tears that I started choking and gagging, which made it worse and Henry was like, “OK as if I didn’t know you were crying.”

Damn, that hurt. A lot.

I also watched School Spirits which also felt like I was cutting, but on my psyche and not my skin?? I thought I had signed on for some light high school television but no, I got fully invested in every character and cried my contacts cloudy during THAT one too!!

Well, I’m going to go now. Coaster Kev from our trip (Chooch’s favorite of the 4 Kevins, in case you were wondering) just posted his Liseberg video and I would like to curl up under my blanket, maybe sip from kombucha, and relive the trip that I still haven’t finished writing about. #priorities

P.S. NCT DREAM CASUALLY MENTIONED IN AN INTERVIEW TO SOME AMERICAN MEDIA OUTLET LAST NIGHT THAT THEY PLAN ON TOURING AGAIN NEXT YEAR SO LORD HELP ME.

P.P.S. I have slowly been admitting to those around me that when I saw NCT Dream last April, it made me more emotional than when I saw the Cure those two times over the summer. I said what I said. That doesn’t mean The Cure has been dethroned!! But I think when I used to get emotional over the Cure, it was for different reasons. I was SO FULLY DEPRESSED (and suicidal, no use in hiding it) when I was REALLY getting into the Cure, so for a long time, when I would see them in concert, it felt like opening old wounds, most actually had never even started to close at all. So I would OF COURSE feel gutted and next-level emotional. But I am so far-removed from those years, from that dark part of my life, that I was eventually able to get to the point where I can listen to the Cure without laying in the fetal position on the floor with a bottle of Manischevitz.

But with NCT Dream, it’s different. It’s new. It feels more personal, like I know them, I care for them so much, I’m hugely protective and proud of them. So when I saw them last April, here for their first US tour, I was like out of my mind delulu. Like hysterical. And to this day, if I think about it, I start to cry because I feel so grateful to have been able to go and support them in person and see them on a stage so close up and watch them sing and dance to my favorite songs that have brightened my days for the last several years. It’s a different kind of emotional. I love being a Czennie <3

I have to skip ahead several hours to our evening in Tallinn where we finally, thanks to Henry changing our ferry time, got to go to the Depeche Mode bar! Apparently, Chooch was still one year shy of drinking age in Estonia (I think he could have drank in Denmark and Finland, but he had no desire to and I am not going to be mad about that) but if he wanted to, he could have marched his ass right into a store and bought a fifth of whateverthefuck if he so desired, or if he had lazy parents who didn’t feel like buying their own booze.

So, that’s a fun fact!

Anyway, we pretty much sat around the corner and counted down until 6PM so we could casually stroll in as soon as the doors opened since Chooch tacked on his little +1 coaster credit excursion which was outside of old town and somewhere in actual Tallinn so we wanted to make sure we were allotting enough time for that as well since it was going to require us to walk a bit and take at least one bus. Love that for us.

But look – this was so worth it! I have loved Depeche Mode since I was a kid so when I heard that there was a whole-ass bar randomly in Tallinn’s Old Town dedicated to them, I was NOT budging on this piece of the itinerary. Non-negotiable. We were going to have at least one adult bev in this bar AND THAT’S THAT.

First, I loved that we had to walk down steps to get here because basement bars are the best bars (looking at you McCoy’s, or whatever you’re called now). Second, I recognized the bartender from Instagram and he was so cool and nice!

It was worth it. Chooch was happy because there were some arcade games, I was blissed out because there was so much memorabilia to ogle while being enveloped in an aural Snuggie of Depeche Mode, and Henry got to have a beer or whatever and also sit down which I sometimes toss to him like scraps under a table for a dog. He doesn’t NEED it but sometimes I like to treat him, you know?

It was dark & cozy & I really could have easily stayed here for hours, thanks for ruining my plans, Chooch!!

Depeche Modes videos were projected onto the wall, of course.

The only way this could be any better would be if it were themed to The Cure, but I am sure there are Cure bars somewhere out there and if not….hey, Henry? Now just hear me out….

Chooch was like, “This is cool I guess” and Henry was secretly glad that he was able to reschedule the ferry – I know this to be true in my heart. He will never admit to it though.

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But yeah, IN CONCLUSION: if you like Depeche Mode and happen to find yourself in Tallinn, pop into DM BAAR for a drink and dark vibes. It’s worth it. And Henry even bought me a coffee mug when I was in the bathroom blowing my nose because this was Day 2 of Travel Allergies, yay!

And now I will leave you with one of my favorite DM songs and if I had heard this while there, I think that’s the only thing that could have made the experience any better short of Dave Gahan actually walking in and sitting down next to me.

I don’t have an intro unless you count this as an intro, if so, say hello to my intro.

1. The Demon of Brownsville Road – Bob Cranmer

Ughhhh. Janna tried to warn me that this book is abysmal and she DNF’d it, but I am a stubborn ass and needed to see for myself. So yes, I knew going into this that the book had a bad rep but I was still interested since I have lived near this area all of my life. Just…wow. This book is TRASH. Terrible writing, boring, DID YOU KNOW HE WAS FRIENDS WITH MAYOR TOM MURPHY. He mentions it approx. 87 times lest we, the big stoop readers, forget.

I was totally rooting for the demon because this guy was so annoying not to mention a megalomaniac and Republican to boot. Literally the only characters I liked were the dog and cat. I can’t believe this book was ever published, it was so shittily written and had way too much information about Bob’s non-Brownsville house years that we were, for some reason, expected to give a shit about? I think this man just thinks way too highly of himself and somehow thinks the rest of us should too.

I should have listened to you, Janna. There, I said!

2. There’s No Way I’d Die First – Lisa Springer

2 stars. A bunch of shitty, rich high school kids are terrorized by a killer clown at a Halloween house party. Look, I get that this is YA but the assumption that a book can’t be good just because it’s YA is so incorrect. But this YA book definitely fulfills that stereotype. One-dimensional characters. Far-fetched but not in a fun way plot. I should have DNF’d this one but it was “morning walk audiobook.”

3. The Boyfriend Candidate – Ashley Winstead

3 stars. I loved how it started, the fake-dating trope worked for me here, but a lot of this was just plain boring. It was just like Winstead’s other romance, which centered around the main character’s older sister, so this is sort of like #2 in an unofficial series, I guess. Much like that book, this one was also super political, centered around a campaign, and it’s not even that I don’t like politics, but those parts were just very boring and drawn-out IMO.

What is up with Winstead writing great first novels–her first thriller was a 5-star for me, and the aforementioned first romance was a 4 I think – the older sister was a much more fun character to follow, honestly.

4. None of This Is True by Lisa Jewell

I really enjoy Lisa Jewell’s domestic thrillers. They’re twisty and entertaining, which is all you can ask for in a thriller, right? I thought that this one started out strong. I was into it – birthday twins who meet when they’re celebrating their birthday at the same restaurant. One is a put-together, successful podcaster and the other is a plain Jane married to a man double her age. Ugh, I hated her. She was insufferable. At some point though, I realized that I just didn’t care about any of these people and by the time the twist was revealed, I was just kind of like, “OK shrug.” I realize that a lot of thrillers require you to suspend disbelief, but for some reason, I just couldn’t do that with this one. The writing was fine, and from an audiobook POV, I enjoyed the podcast portions.

I gave it a three, which isn’t bad. It’s just that I’ve read better Lisa Jewell books.

5. Now You’re One of Us by Asa Nonami

This a pretty short Japanese thriller with Rosemary’s Baby vibes about a young woman who gets married and moves in with her husband and his parents and extended family. She can’t believe how lucky she is because his family so carefree and down-to-earth, but then a neighbor commits suicide by setting fire to his house and taking his whole family with him. The new wife starts to get suspicious when she COMES TO FIND OUT that there is a connection between him and her husband’s family. I thought it was ok! Not every groundbreaking, but it held my interest and these days, that’s all I can ask for.

6. Midnight Is the Darkest Hour by Ashley Winstead

OOF. I gave this a three now that I’m looking at Goodreads, but I think I needed to subtract a star in hindsight. I don’t even know where to start. I’m starting to think that Ashley Winstead isn’t one person, or she has multiple writing personas, because so far all three of her thrillers were seemingly written by different people. I can’t reconcile the fact that the same person who wrote In My Dreams I Hold a Knife also wrote this Twilight fanfic word-slop. And that ending. That ain’t it. I gave this a 3 because I somehow thought it was less-bad than The Last Housewife, but I’m going to knock off a half star after pondering it a bit more.

7. The Narrow by Kate Alice Marshall

OK now this is what I was talking about when I said “just because a book is YA…” earlier in this post. I really enjoyed this interesting, unique sapphic ghost story. I liked every character – they were well-written and came alive more and more in my mind as the story was told, and the boarding school setting was just the cherry on top.

8. The September House by Carissa Orlando

FIVE FUCKING STARS FIVE FUCKING STARS DING-DINGDING-DOO. A quirky, unique haunted house novel, hilariously written while somehow making me want to retch with some of the grisly descriptions. I…am smitten with this book, didn’t want it to end, am smiling right now in real time while thinking of some of the characters (Frederica!!). The quick rundown is that this book is told from the POV of a middle aged woman, Margaret who, along with her husband, finally move away from a lifetime of renting and purchase their first home, which upon first set seems like their dream house. Except that it’s a hotspot for hauntings, especially in September when shit really hits the fan every year. After three years, the husband is like, “I’M OUT” and leaves, so that’s where the story starts. Our main character is like, “No because look, this is my DREAM HOUSE and I am not going ANYWHERE” so she finds ways to sort of appease some of the ghosts (she can’t get the walls to stop bleeding though) and then when her adult daughter realizes that’s been a minute since she talked to the dad, she is all, “I AM COMING OUT THERE” and then hilarity ensues as Margaret practically barrel rolls through the house trying to keep the hauntings at bay, but then it inevitably turns into a bit of a Drop Dead Fred scenario once the daughter arrives. This was gold. About to see if Carissa Orlando is on IG so I can BE IN THE KNOW when she publishes her next book!

9. Gorgeous Gruesome Faces (Gorgeous Gruesome Faces, #1) by Linda Cheng

YA horror centered around several Asian American girls trying to become kpop stars. I wanted to like this way more than I did.

10. The Woman in Me by Britney Spears

Five stars for having the courage and strength to take back her life and put the truth out there. And she didn’t even go hard against her family and everyone else out there who screwed her over – that speaks volumes. My family better change their names if I ever decide to write a tell-all because I don’t think I could be that understanding and mature about it! I whipped through this entire book on Thanksgiving. I have loved Britney since her debut with Hit Me Baby and my love never wavered no matter how many of my friends made fun of me (I guess it’s supposed to be impossible to like goth music and also bubblegum pop, I dunno, that sounds like a rule to me and I don’t like rules) and will always have her back.

P.S. I know we all BEEN KNEW but man fuck her little prissy bitch ass sister.

11. Butcher & Blackbird (Ruinous Love, #1) by Brynne Weaver

Eh. I felt like a lot of this was ripped directly from the show Hannibal. Basically, two Dexters (one guy, one broad) are competing with each other to be the first to murder another serial killer. It’s supposed to be thrilling I guess (it was at times) and also a romance but I honestly was skipping over the XXX parts because it was so corny. It ended on a cliffhanger but watch me not pick up the next one.

12. Monstrilio by Gerardo Sámano Córdova

I really have nothing else to say about this other than it’s beautifully written and one of the more interesting takes on horror that I’ve read. Basically, a grieving mother “grows back” another version of her recently-deceased son by taking part of his lung and “feeding it.” I gave this a 4 only because it’s technically supposed to be horror but there was nothing about it that actually scared me.

13. The Night House by Jo Nesbø

Another interesting horror! The translation of this was great, the writing was great, the characters were great. Starts off strong with a kid getting sucked into and eaten by a telephone in a phone booth and the other kid who’s with him struggling to get the authorities to believe him about what happened.  This is my second Jo Nesbo and I’m down for more.

_______________

*outro*

Thursday morning, our second to the last full day of vacation, we had to wake up stupid-early in order to start our trek to the ferry. The timestamp on the above photo is 5:56am so there you go. Rise and shine.

I think our ferry departed at 7:30am so we had to leave around 6am to take the various modes of transportation from our airbnb in TAKA-TOOLO (love that so much but I’m too careless and dead inside to fuck with finding the accents to put over the o’s) to Central Station and then to the ferry dock thing.

I am a great travel blogger! I have ALL OF THE FACTS AND INFO. Planning a trip to Tallinn from Helsinki? Hit me up and I will….ask Henry how we did it.

Took this while walking to the bus/trolley stop, near Linnankosken Puisto, a park. It made me think of NCT DReam and their song Puzzle Piece <3

The quiet Toolon halli stop.

Central Station – we were here quite frequently!

Final leg of our trek to the ferry harbor (West Harbor)!

We had some time to kill before boarding or whatever they call it when it’s a boat, so of course we had to smash some cinnamon rolls in our faces. I’m telling you, not a bad cin-roll was had on this trip.

Hi, it’s me! In shorts for the first time of the whole trip! Actually, I’m having deja vu…did I already write about this??

(Confirmed, I apparently blogged while on the ferry, LOL.)

Henry didn’t sit with us the whole time because we were gang-complaining about his breathing lol.

The ferry ride took about 2 hours and I have to tell you, for being a short commute situation, that ferry was pretty banging. Bar/lounges, game rooms, Burger King. It was pretty comfortable!

Immediately upon arriving, Henry let it slip that we were catching the 6pm ferry back to Helsinki and I was like, “Excuse me, sir?” because one of the most anticipated things on my list was to visit the Depeche Mode bar in old city, which didn’t even open until 6?? And Chooch conveniently found some run-down city park with a credit that he wanted to get and normally I’d be like, “This isn’t about you, go sit down!” but even I had to admit that the possibility of Chooch obtaining some obscure Estonian coaster cred was something that I, as a loving mother, needed to help make happen. So, we both started harping on Henry BIG TIME, who was RULL agitated now that he didn’t have the COASTER CREW shield to hide behind. All travel hiccups were now his cross to carry.

Anyway, he did end up getting our return trip changed until later, so we were moderately nicer to him after that. It occurs to me that if any one came to this blog for the first time, not knowing me, they’d be like, “WOW THIS LADY IS A REAL FUCKER SHE DOESN’T EVEN DESERVE THAT GUY” – lol, who am I kidding, there are people who actually do know me that say the same thing! One time, my AWOL friend Barb (BARB COME BACK) said that Henry must have Stockholm Syndrome and that has been something I laugh about fondly from time to time. LOL oh Henry. But if not for me and Chooch, would he have ever even gone to Estonia?? WOULD HE HAVE EVER EVEN HEARD OF ESTONIA? We have really broadened his horizons. He should be thanking us.

OK, I am busybusybusy today so I will report back later this weekend with probably non-vaca stuff.

Hello. I have been obsessed with the above Heinz pickle ad for at least 10 years, if not longer. Back when I was on Facebook, the clown in the lower righthand corner was my banner photo for a long time and it pissed off all of my coulrophobic pals.

Every so often, it would come up as a memory in my phone and I knew someday I wanted to do something cool with it.

Then about a year ago, I wanted to redo the beverage buffet we have in our living room. I really loved it for a long time, and it helped me serve many great punches and sangrias at an array of parties over the years. But the gold glitter lost its sparkle, Jan. I wanted Henry to revamp that one but then he was like, “I have its twin in the garage, we can just start from scratch.”

Why the hell did we ever have two of these?! I don’t even know where they came from?? Henry the Hoarder’s Magic Garage, I guess. Like Mary Poppins’ bag, but with tools and random furniture that he must trawl the streets for on garbage night?? Now I know what he’s doing when he leaves at 3am “for work.”

Anyway. The original iteration of this that I had in mind was not what ended up coming to fruition. That’s what happens when projects come to a halt for literally an entire year because other more important things came up. Henry only got as far as priming it, so when I asked him last month if we could start it up again, I already had a different vision. Still the clowns! Still the same color palette! But different.

Enough words. Here is Henry hot-gluing faux fur to the sides the other night!

When I was in 8th grade, there was an issue of Sassy magazine that had a piece of wild clothing – there was a pair of faux fur overalls that I wanted DESPERATELY from a shop in NYC called Antique Boutique. My mom even called  to see if we could buy them over the phone (lol 90s) but they were sold out! Basically every since then I have had a soft spot in my heart for faux fur.

Which has encroached onto Henry’s life and he hates it so much. “This is the worst stuff to work with!” he always huffs and puffs.

I found the perfect fabric from Spoonflower, which has a few coats of resin, then the cutouts of each clown was placed down and coated with more resin. You can’t tell in the photos but it gives it a 3-dimensional feel.

I knew that I wanted the cabinet pulls to be pickles, and then thought it would be cute to use dill pickles for the drawer handles. I found perfect versions of both on Etsy but then at the last minute (ie two days ago) I said, “Henry! Can you make a drawer handle out of a rubber chicken?”

And he was like, “Sure, Erin” in a low, guttural FML tone.

The chicken arrived today!

And now the buffet is complete! The old one is getting moved to the attic so Chooch can keep his games in it. So don’t cry for the old buffet-tina.

I’m really into it!

Squirrel snacks already in place!

Hard to take a good photo without glare from  the resin, but these are so good IRL. It’s literally exactly as I had envisioned. Henry is really amazing (I mean, OK, let’s not get carried away, he fucked up several times and I screamed my head off, but here we are!).

I have to send a photo of this to the seller on Etsy because she makes crazy realistic pickle chips and these worked perfectly!

I’m so happy with this garish, ridiculous chunk of furniture. Another item that Chooch is going to inherit one day and be like, “the fuck am I gonna do with this, now?” Family heirloom! Imagine if Henry could quit his idiot job and make OOAK pieces as a business. Oh, Honestly Stupid Furniture. What if he went rogue though and started making like, Ted Nugent Cat Scratch Fever-towers or THE SERVICE servers.

Uh, somehow, I forgot to my October book recap, I can’t imagine why. #stress #changes #newneighbors #help

1. Delicate Condition – Danielle Valentine

I gave this a 4 at the time based on peer pressure, but in hindsight this was barely a 3. Just go read Rosemary’s Baby instead.

2. Just Another Missing Person – Gillian McAllistor

I really enjoyed this multiple POV thriller. My second McAllister book – I think she’s going on the short list of authors whose new releases  I look forward to! This was a very twisty missing person (wow you don’t say) story and the only issue I had was that one of the POVs was kind of pointless and didn’t add very much to the plot, and she wasn’t even an interesting character.

3. Mary – Nat Cassidy

Yoooo, remember what I was just saying up there about Gillian McAllistor? Punt Nat Cassidy to the top of that short list because his horror-writing skillz made my heart swell. Interesting characters; biting, snappy, witty dialogue; actual well-written horror scenes that made me feel sickly and gave me chills even while listening to this audio book (superb narration BTW) in broad daylight on neighborhood strolls. I LOVED THIS BOOK. If I was backed into a wall to give a gripe, I guess I would just say that it felt a tad longer than it needed to be. But the characters! The ghosts! The story! M A R Y!! There were parts to this book that I felt under my skin. Loved it. His new book is currently waiting for me at the library so I will RUN NOT WALK there tomorrow after work to snatch it up!

4. The Family Game – Catherine Steadman

Eh. Writing was fine. Really unlikeable characters – some intentionally unlikeable, but I didn’t care for even the good ones. Unoriginal plot. Just eh. Mindless thriller.

5. A House With Good Bones – T.Kingfisher

This is my third or fourth Kingfisher book and I just adore their writing. Dialogue can break a book for me so easily, I don’t give a shit how well-built a world is or how brilliant the plot is. If someone can’t write natural discourse for their characters, then I am immediately taken out of the story.  But this was chef’s kiss, an original take on the haunted house trope, and honestly it was also a depressing and very real exploration into family dynamics and loss. I highly recommend this. ESPECIALLY the audio.

6. Burn the Negative – Josh Winning

See above re: dialogue writing because I’m sorry Josh but you ain’t Winning at that. This wasn’t even remotely scary, but actually so fucking stupid which sucks because the synopsis made it sound like something I would love.

7. Looking Glass Sound – Catriona Ward

I loved “Last House on Needless Street” by this author so I was stoked when this arrived at the library for me. Guys. I’m sad. It was FINE but it didn’t punch me in the face like her last book. Also it was kind of hard to follow and I’m still not sure I completely understood it so maybe this book is actually utterly brilliant and I’m just too much of a stoop.

However, I can’t deny that Ward is an incredibly gifted and smart writer. Maybe I just wasn’t in the right place for this one. October was pretty fucked up for me emotionally and mentally, so…let’s blame it on that. I might revisit this one day.

8. Lay Your Body Down – Amy Suiter Clarke

It was OK. If you enjoy religious coverups / church scandals / grooming / then you might like this one. I like all of those and in theory this book should have been super enthralling to me, but it ended up being just OK, fine. I think I’m just too hard to shock because when “the thing” was revealed, I was just like *shrugging unicorn emoji* Why am I so hard to please.

9. Death Valley – Melissa Broder

Oh how it pains me to say that I only gave this a 3. I loved Broder’s Milk Fed so goddamn much, it was a 5-star for me, so this one was highly anticipated. Oh, it still was packed with her irreverent asides and hilarious comedic writing, but it was the story itself that fell flat for me personally. I loved the first half. I loved her conversations with the desk people at the Best Western she was staying at, and her subsequent unhinged sexual fantasies involving them. But then she gets lost in the desert and the rest of the book is just a fever dream fuller of inner monologues and observations. I quickly grew bored, I’m so sorry Melissa!!

10. Black Sheep – Rachel Harrison

LOVE this writer so much. She is top tier with witty dialogue, and her ability to write…well, not really “horror comedy,” but maybe…”light-hearted horror”? Is that corny. That’s corny. That’s too Lifetime. Quirky horror. We’ll go with that. She writes the disgusting scenes, isn’t afraid to get bloody, but her books still have me cracking up bigly. I’m glad that I didn’t read much about this one going in because I had no idea what the actual plot was, aside from the fact that it’s about a woman who goes back home to the town she couldn’t wait to escape. And her mother is a great American scream queen, but I just kept picturing her as Elvira, lol.  This was a great read, perfect for October.

11. Cover Story – Susan Rigetti

I needed this book more than I realized after a month of horror and lots of misses. It was quick, engaging, set in NYC and partially revolving around an ELLE internship, turns into a caper. This was a lot of fun. And I liked that there were emails and text messages breaking up some of the chapters.

***

And that was October. I guess 5 “I really liked this” books isn’t too bad…?

Hello from the other side of Trudy’s blinding lights! She is fully dressed and ready to face another December holiday head on. I do have to admit that I am way less into decorating her lately and prefer to let a few strings of lights and her rockin’ bod do the talking, you know what I’m saying? Less is more in the case of Trudy.

I still asked Janna to come over and we admittedly just sat on the couch, wine in hand, watching Henry fuck with the lights. Then I strangled her with some garland, topped her off with her Santa hat, and found a pair of daisy sunglasses which were calling her name.

I mean, it’s hard to fuck it up, really. She’s already such a dish that it’s essentially just gilding the lily, AS THEY SAY (I learned that from TERESA STRASSER on While You Were Out!).

Then I made Janna watch a bunch of NCT Dream stuff and roller coaster vlogs while we ate Chooch’s homemade version of Chipotle guac. It was a nice night, overall! And I’m so happy to have the room awash in Trudy’s majestic glow once again.

You guys. I admit, I had my doubts when Chooch suggested going to this place called SEURASAARI in Helsinki but then he sold it by pointing out that it’s also affectionally called “squirrel island” by the locals, since it’s inhabited by adorable squirrels and other allegedly friendly wildlife. Anytime we plan a trip, I’m always begging Henry and Chooch to throw some of their ideas into the hat because while I do enjoy being in control, sometimes I want other people to step up and say, “This is what we’re doing today, and that’s just how it’s going to be.”

Henry suggested nothing, as I’m sure you could have guessed, but Chooch did provide some suggestions. I can’t ask for this and then reject it all, you know? So Squirrel Island it is!

It was just kind of a hassle to get to because we had to transfer one or two times, I think and then walk a bit because we couldn’t figure out if there was a bus that would take us straight to the island, so we basically were just dropped off at the entrance of the long road leading up to the island, but that ended up being a nice walk, actually.

I wanted to talk briefly about the bus ride though because we were facing a trio of girls, maybe 19-21? I have a hard time detecting ages nowadays. But it was clear that one of the girls was the leader, as she was sitting in the middle showing the other two things on her phone. It sounded like they were looking at apartment listings maybe? They were speaking in Finnish but every once in a while, parts would be in English, like when the leader said, “Oooh, super cozy!” And then at one point she was like “*Finnish Finnish Finnish* That FUCKING BITCH!” in unaccented English, and I was trying so hard not to crack up because she said it in such a cheerful tone. I was obsessed with her and wanted to go wherever she was going, but our stop came up first.

On the walk to the island’s entrance, we passed several old houses that had been converted into restaurants and cafes. They all looked, well, super cozy that FUCKING BITCH. It was pretty much like walking through a wooded park – not too much traffic and very tranquil. I’m kind of glad that the bus dropped us off on the main drag because it was a very pleasant walk!

Immediately upon arriving at squirrel island, there was a refreshment stand so we had to get some ice cream.

SALMIAK for me, of course! God I miss that salty licorice goodness. That FUCKING BITCH.

OK, I know – it’s getting old. I’ll stop.

The actual “island” is accessible by a pedestrian bridge, no need for a ferry. The cool thing about this island as well is that it’s an open-air museum, where you can see old buildings from rural Finland in the 18th-20th century. It’s free to walk around, since it’s a public park, but paid admission is required to access the insides of the buildings. We were there STRICTLY for squirrels, so we opted out of that.

I’m gonna go ahead and give props to Chooch, because this place was an absolute delight. We really needed to get out into nature after days upon days of amusement parks and big cities.

JUST LOOK AT THIS.

Gorgina.

(One of my favorite YouTubers says that and now I have this impulse to say it constantly like a nervous tick even when shit’s ugly.)

So over me, lol.

Ugh, these trees. Gorgina.

Ugh, this windmill! Gorgina.

My fucked up eyes couldn’t even tell at the time that I was taking unfocused pictures in portrait mode, lol I hate myself.

Dude, a telephone booth from 1913!!

Apparently, this place has a NUDE BEACH but it was CLOSED on the day we were there lolol.

Here’s a video that Chooch took of me trying to give a squirrel a leaf (SORRY, I DIDN’T KNOW WE WERE ALLOWED TO BRING ACTUAL FOOD TO FEED THE SQUIRRELS! I’m so used to people here yelling at me for feeding the squirrels so I assumed it would be verboten!):

View this post on Instagram

For some reason, this was viewed over 10,000 times in Instagram/Facebook?! Why?

Then we lost Chooch at some point and at first I was like, “Whatever, he’s 17. He’ll be fine” but we were also near water and I started panic that he fell in and drowned?? I don’t know why my mind immediately went there, oh wait because underneath it all I’m still a mom, but I got REAL SWEATY about this. Henry was like, “Can you calm down, I’m trying to identify this bird over here” but then Chooch eventually rejoined us – stupid ass was looking for a goddamn geocache. He is so annoying!!

Here are Chooch’s photos from that day as well! He actually created a shared folder, I can’t believe it. Also, his camera lens appeared to be super smudgy so that’s cool.

This was the bridge leading to the island, btw.

Ugh, his idiot geocache.

Other notable things:

• there are tiny birds there that will land on your hand if you’re patient enough. Chooch spent many minutes trying to make this happen. It never panned out for him, though;
• we saw some people playing some game in a field with sticks and a ball – maybe it was this molkky thing? (see video!)
• there were several groups of college-aged foreigners that we encountered and it looked like they were for some team-building camping thing? I’m no camper but if I had to camp somewhere, I wouldn’t mind doing it there I guess.
• clean bathrooms

Then we walked all the way back to the main road again and caught the bus back to our place and got vegan pizza for dinner. We tried to make it an early night because we had to get up fucking early as shit the next day to catch our ferry to our fifth and final country – Estonia!

Hello from 2023 where I am currently stressing out over Chooch / college / etc. When I say it’s eating away at me…well, that’s a lie because then I would be actually losing weight instead of gaining weight, which is what all of this absurd stress is doing to me. IT’S FEEDING ME. Anyway, I was searching for something on my blog yesterday and this old post from 2014 came up which made me feel all nostalgic and sad. Also, it’s apropos because Pitt is in his Top 2 currently which is pretty cool. So I’m resharing this. Enjoy the pictures of 2014 Chooch *cries in Aging Mom*

****************************************************************

Sometimes, Chooch and I give Henry a break and venture off on our own, except that by “on our own,” I mean “definitely with a chaperone.” Originally, Chooch and I (+ our chaperone Janna) were going to go to see The Secret of NIMH at the Hollywood Theater, because that was one of my favorite childhood movies of all time but no way does it still make me cry, OK? But then I saw that the sun was going to be out all day and I didn’t want to be in a dark theater during that, and it’s all about me anyway so I didn’t really ask Chooch and Janna if that was OK.

Instead, we went to Oakland because I thought it would be fun to show Chooch the Nationality Rooms at the Cathedral of Learning, which is part of the University of Pittsburgh. (Maybe some people reading this aren’t from here, I don’t know! God.) I’d call it my alma mater, but I didn’t actually graduate and I’m not a liar.

On the drive there, I jokingly said I had to quit college because I became a mom*.

“To who?” Chooch asked, and then within a minute of me posting that exchange on Facebook, someone corrected Chooch’s grammar. Thank God for the Internet. But you know, I guess that’s my fault for typing my conversations verbatim, instead of editing to make my 7-year-old sound like a pretentious grammar douche and not, you know, a 7-year-old. He’s got the rest of his life to learn how to talk like Mr. Belvedere.

*(Anyway, this isn’t true. I quit because I was bored, frustrated and realized that college definitely wasn’t for me. I mean, it didn’t do much to help me, because luk att how turrible i still write-z0rz.)

As soon as I parked the car, I realized that I didn’t have my wallet which was devastating because the plan was to eat lunch there afterward and I’m not going to lie, I was already starving.

When you walk into the Cathedral, it’s like being swallowed by a gothic cavern. There’s this amazing Great Hall that would make Hogwarts’s figurative weener shrink; you set foot in it and it’s like being transported back in time. The Cathedral of Learning was my favorite thing about Pitt. It had been about 6 years since I had gone back, so the novelty of it was definitely there.

You know what else was there? Chooch’s Grand Canyon-esque echo. Just what everyone there wanted: my kid’s ever-running mouth in primitive surround sound.

The audio tour for the Nationality Rooms isn’t free, but the rooms are open to the public regardless, so we just took our own tour, renegade-style. Whatever that means. I’m on my fifth cup of coffee. This was just as well, because Chooch’s attention span did not allow us to stay in any one room for more than 3 minutes. (Except once, and it wasn’t even a nationality room; just a regular classroom as non-descript as Henry’s wardrobe.)

Chooch’s attempt at college math. In his head, this made sense.

A ceiling in one of the rooms, the nationality of which I do not recall because I quit caring after the fourth room when I noticed that Chooch was no longer carrying his phone and Bunny (I didn’t even notice that he brought that damn thing!) so we had to backtrack and if there’s one thing I hate, it’s backtracking.

(I just imagined myself having to backtrack in Alaska and I think I’m done with this day now.)

Chooch made a beeline for the blackboard in every room and immediately left his mark. In a lot of the rooms, there was the same writing in Chinese characters, so Janna and I started saying, “Looks like Chinese Chooch was here” and of course Chooch didn’t get it which made it even more fun to say.

We kept trying to get him to look at the shit in each room, but he was under the chalk’s spell. So basically, it was for the best that I left my wallet at home and couldn’t pay for the audio tour.

 “Guys, come on.” Sometimes I really have no idea where he gets his independence, but that kid walked around like he owned the place.

Don’t worry, Chalkboard NARCS & Religious Zealots, I erased it. (2023 Erin: Wouldn’t it be funny if this was FORESHADOWING.)

Sadly, being a non-traditional student (and part-time to boot) didn’t leave me with too many fond memories, though a painting of Copernicus in the Polish room recalled a time when I made Janna enroll in the same Magic, Medicine and Science class, because see above where: I really have no idea where my kid gets his independence. This was back in 2004, Jesus Christ—TEN YEARS AGO. (See? I don’t need no college degree.) Anyway, that class was a piece of shit and our instructor was some young broad named Holly who hated us because we sat in the back of the class with some lady we befriended and we would literally sit there and write shit to each other in our notebooks while Holly and her class pets would go off on tangents about Plato’s Cave.

Anyway, one of the things Holly would make us do was read a million pages of super-dry Galileo bullshit from our overpriced text book and then write an outline, except that she called it some fancy word steeped in academia because “outline” was too pedestrian. Turns out I was a natural at these bullshit papers, and you know who wasn’t? Janna. On the first one we got back, Holly had scribbled angrily in red marker about how Janna had PLAGIARIZED and to this day, this is the best thing that ever happened to me in college. Not making the Dean’s List. Not having my Creative Non-Writing instructor tell me I was her favorite student (hahaha). Not watching my College Algebra teacher repeatedly Windex herself in the face instead of the overhead projector.

No, it was Janna being accused of plagiarizing her HOMEWORK. That was the best fucking day.

Having to PeeSoBad in the Italian room.

 Seriously, this kid. I tell him, “Go stand there so I can take your picture” and he does something Chooch-y every time.

Ladies Room Selfie. Yeah, that’s right. When Henry’s not around, Chooch loafs in the ladies room.

Haha. “Loafs.”

We walked past the room where I had an English Comp class and that made me think about the time Christina was visiting from Cincinnati during the spring of ’05 and she decided to come with me and hang out on campus while I had class. I specifically told her what time class was over and I made sure she had the room number memorized so I EXPECTED her to be waiting outside the door like a good fucking puppy at exactly 3:30.

Of course, she was nowhere to be found, and this was before either of us had a cell phone (I was notoriously anti-cell phone; she was just notoriously poor) so I marched all over the fucking Cathedral, breaking out into a sweat and eventually having to stop into the bathroom to pee because hide and seek has historically always revved up my bladder. Finally, I ran into her as she meandered out of a stairwell, no big deal.

“Oh, was class over early?” she asked casually, BECAUSE THAT BITCH THOUGHT SHE WAS EARLY. Do you know why she thought she was early? Because she never set her watch ahead for daylight savings time and she was actually an hour late because she was too busy lounging outside in the grass, watching people JOUST.

I was only That Mad because everything Christina did made me That Mad.

Thoroughly interested in reading about this giant tome of sheet music. Thank god.

I’d love to see how he sits in his actual 2nd grade class.

I found the aforementioned College Algebra classroom from 2006. “This is where I used to sit while you were in my belly, I mean, sitting next to me in your unhatched pod,” I sighed with maternal warmth to Chooch, who was 100% not interested.

Like so many dummies, I was forced to take remedial college math courses because my cumulative high school math average was not cutting it. (Somehow in high school, they kept putting me in advanced math classes even though I kept telling my guidance counselor that I was bad, just plain no good at math.) But I didn’t hate college math because I had the best instructor ever. Joanne was the fucking shit and quite literally gave me so many “a-ha!” moments from which I definitely would have benefited in high school. Her classes were the only ones I enjoyed going to and actually spoke to the other students. (I’m still friends with one of them IRL, actually. You know, as opposed to just in Toon Town.)

On the first day of that class, we had to go around the room and introduce ourselves. When it was my turn, I blurted out, “AND I JUST FOUND OUT I’M PREGNANT!” Totally taboo to make such a public declaration so soon into the pregnancy but I was so excited. This class was full of older, non-traditional students, so no one really shirked away from me like the younger students did in my geology class, but that might have been because my pregnant, bloated belly got stuck behind a desk one day, and that was when the professor had to go and get me a desk that had a detachable chair. That was a really awesome memory.

Anyway, this particular math class was split in two, but most of us ended up together during the spring semester too, and those sneaky brats, along with Joanne, had a fucking baby shower for me during class one day! (Much to the chagrin of the men in that class.)

I still get all teared up when I think about it. OK, sorry Janna the Plagiarist, but maybe that’s my favorite college memory.

(2023 Erin again: I hadn’t fallen down the K-hole yet – LOL OK that doesn’t work here, now it just sounds like I’m a drug addict and not a Koreaboo – so I didn’t realize in 2014 that the first thing written there in this picture is HELLO IN KOREAN. I actually assumed that I had written it until I saw that this was 2 years pre-lifestyle change.)

Report if you see bullying to the chancellor’s office, is what that is supposed to say, but Chooch kept saying “chandelier.” This was after he tried to force his way into said “chandelier’s” office. Thank god it was Sunday.

And locked.

Like real life college students, we were starving and thirsty, so Janna suggested that we go to the basement and see if the vending machines took credit cards but they only took Panther Cards, which are the dumb college card things and Chooch was like, “YOU WENT HERE SO WHERE IS YOUR PANTHER CARD? USE YOUR DAMN PANTHER CARD!” But Mean Henry would never let me put money on my Panther Card because what…I’d use it to buy Adderall? Who knows. And even if I did have one back then, hello, I haven’t been a student since 2008; go get your own Panther Card, Doogie.

Look at me, giving my kid a taste of true college life! Spread your wings, Chooch!

Even though we were ready to collapse with hunger and thirst, we’d have been remiss to leave without taking Chooch to the 36th floor to take in the nauseating view.

Man. What a great afternoon.

****

When we went home to retrieve my wallet, Henry was lounging about like the goddamn Sultan of Brookline.

“I can’t believe you didn’t check in on us, not even once!” I cried.

“I knew where you were,” he said casually, so now I’m convinced he’s having me tailed.

Actually, the only surprising thing is that WayV’s On My Youth didn’t make it in the Top 5 Songs because I feel like I listened to it an absurd amount of time over the last month, however, now that I think about it – a lot of those listens were on YouTube, same with Taemin and NCT DJJ. And retrowave and The Black Queen playlists lest you think I’m only kpopping.

Plus, I use Henry’s Spotify account a lot too because that’s what is connected to our Echo, so I guess this UNWRAPPED isn’t really all that scientifically accurate IS IT.

Wow what a boring fucking post. But here’s a live video for THE BAT so maybe you can see why it’s my #1 song lol.

Chooch was texting me from the library earlier and it made me remember that on Saturday, Janna’s sister asked him if he’s read “Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow” since it’s about coding and gaming and computer brainiacs. OFCChooch said no because every time I think that he’s finally been bitten by the book bug, he reads half of one, maybe a full book if we’re lucky, and then goes back to his old ways. Anyway, I was like, “I HAVE!” and then almost instantaneously, tears sprung to my eyeballs, like, ‘wow, am I really about to cry at this table in the middle of Eat n Park with Janna to my right bugging me for another Splenda??

Also from that Saturday time capsule, our server was like, “I HOPE I DON’T SPILL THIS HOT COFFEE ON HER” as I was holding my coffee cup DIRECTLY above Janna’s arm while the server was topping me off, and I muttered, “I hope you do,” for just Janna to hear because I was trying to be on my best behavior in front of her sister and brother-in-law, lol, Erin the Matured.

Speaking of maturing, I think I can sincerely say that I have done a lot of growing up lately. For instance, Henry had just finished folding a pile of shirts over the weekend. The old, immature, bratty Erin would have walked past and knocked the whole thing over.

But the new, aging-gracefully Erin walked by and only knocked off THE TOP SHIRT. That is major character development.

Henry, on the other hand, still reacted like a big Justin Timberbitch about it. #crymeariver

I posted that on Instagram and when he read it, he scoffed, “That’s only because you didn’t lean over far enough to get the whole stack.”

I mean…

Moving along.

We were supposed to go to Maryland on Sunday to stock up on some Korean alcohol at HMart but when I woke up, I was full out of motivation. None to be found. I made the unilateral decision to just go to Cleveland instead because some of the Asian markets there sell alcohol unlike dumb Pennsylvania but fml, even that was too much for me. I was so irritable and bitchy all morning and afternoon until we got home and then I was still irritable and bitchy. No PMS to blame it on either. That was all me, au naturale!

I bought this for Chooch aka Baby Is Hungry thinking he’d either eat one and forget about it or just fully hate it, but instead he’s addicted so hopefully I can find these in Pgh!

I was off on Monday and Chooch didn’t have school so I thought it would be nice to go to lunch but he made it sound like I was asking him to eat food I made myself while blindfolded in a hoader’s kitchen. Literally was so rude when I suggested it. So then I was like FORGET IT and he came downstairs and gaslit me as usual (“I never said I wasn’t going but fine you clearly don’t want to go…”) so then we compromised and decided to just walk to the local cafe instead which necessitated a secondary compromise when Chooch attempted to walk out into the 30 degree (F not C!) day in shorts and a T-shirt and refused to wear a coat but finally agreed on a hoodie.

Here’s a bunch of books that Chooch the Bibliohater didn’t care about.

Anyway, of course the cafe didn’t have the latte I wanted (FIG AND VANILLA, OFC THEY WERE OUT OF FIG) but I was like, “No, I will not be a brat. I will get this apple amaretto latte that will probably be too sweet but I will drink every last slurp of it” and then Chooch got the CHANDLER which was a maple pumpkin cheesecake iced latte and it was so much better than mine. He got RULL WEIRD when I opted “FOR HERE” instead of “TO GO” and I thought it was just because he didn’t want to spend extra time with me but it was really cold out there and I wasn’t looking forward to head back out immediately.

While we were sitting there having a non-convo (well, more like one-sided as I was trying to ask him questions about the recent iPhone update because there were things I didn’t understand as usual), I noticed a girl walk in out of the corner of my eye, and I interrupted myself to say, “Hey is that—” and Chooch very tersely said, “YES, AND PLZ DON’T.”

It was a girl from his school that I always tease him about because they are straight up frenemies from what I can tell or maybe it’s just on his side, I don’t know. Anyway, he somehow knew she was going to be there and that’s why he was in such a hurry to get his coffee and split, lol. She ended up sitting right behind him but no acknowledgement was made until we were leaving and she acted like she just noticed him, causing him to have a full blown public crisis, like it appeared that his internal organs were combusting and he was trying to smile through it? So then the two of us introduced ourselves and had brief small talk and as soon as we walked out, Chooch blurted out, “THAT WAS SO UNCOMFORTABLE AND I LOVE HOW THE TWO OF YOU ACTED LIKE YOU DON’T STALK EACH OTHER’S INSTAGRAM.”

Then we went to a new Halal market down the street and Chooch bought a can of beans apropos of nothing (fava, Egyptian-style, apparently) and the cashier was very nice and offered us a plate of chocolates after we paid.

In other news, I watched A Nearly Normal Family on Netflix (I swear to god I wasn’t even intentionally looking for Swedish things!) and it was bra. (THAT MEANS GOOD IN SWEDISH.) I think I really liked it because the music reminded me a lot of the music from The Killing and if you know anything about me, you’ll know that The Killing is one of my all-time most favorite TV series ever. I wish it had lasted more than 4 seasons but we are lucky we got that many IYKYK.

OK I have to go and supervise Henry while he does his chores.

Honestly, I should have just included this stuff in my last Helsinki post but I was being lazy. But after we chilled in Senate Square, we continued walking toward the water and spent a good amount of time checking out all of the wares being shilled. We bought some gifts and souvenirs, and met a really lovely couple who makes jewelry from spectrolite, “an uncommon variety of labradorite feldspar.” I bought a pretty little pendant and the wife part of the couple burned all three of our names and the date into a nice little wooden box, which is her husband’s contribution to the business. There were one or two other booths we saw with people hawking spectrolite jewelry, but I got the best vibes from this lady and I felt very good about the purchase. She was just a joy to talk to!

Finland is amazing.

Chooch rode the sky wheel on his own because it counts as a credit on some stupid app he downloaded at the suggestion of someone from our trip, causing him to branch out from just collecting coaster credits. Now he needs ALL CREDS.

It was lunch time by then, so we decided to get that out of the way before attempting for the second time to make it to this elusive “squirrel island.” On the way to Hesburger – a local fast food chain with vegan options – we ran into the South Korean embassy! I love you, Korea. Don’t you ever worry – as much as I loved Sweden and Finland, you are still bae.

<3 <3 <3

I don’t know what this building is but I thought it was beautiful.

OK yo – Hesburger was amazing. I don’t LOVE going away and eating at fast food places, but I made an exception here because I had heard so much about how great Hesburger is and I wanted to support a place with vegan options. Plus, this trip was expensive, you guys. We needed to take the frugal route every now and then, and that’s what’s up.

The whole vibe of this place was so cool, like a vintage garage. Did not feel like a fast food joint at all, honestly, but more like…a gritty cafe? I got the VEKE soy tortilla and it was divine. Anytime fast food doesn’t kill my stomach, I take the win.

I loved the stools!!

Kasarmitori Square, where Hesburger was located.

Definitely didn’t choke myself nearly to death on immature giggles here.

And then it was time to – fingers crossed – embark on our journey to Squirrel Island, which I was told that “the bus will only take us so far and then we have to walk but I don’t know how far.” 0.O

Moimoi for nown0w.

I am having a pretty good day and I hope you are too. (Look at me being positive and nice!) The past week was pretty good too aside from some weird work anxieties – nothing major but I think I am just very on edge lately since OMG CHANGES IN MY LIFE. I just really don’t adjust to change all that well. The best way I can describe the last month-and-a-half is by comparing it to the time middle school was on vacation with my grandparents. I think we were gone for nearly 3 weeks, just long enough for me to really experience homesickness. I was happy to come home to my dogs (mm probably not the rest of my family though LOL savage) and the familiarity of my bedroom. EXCEPT THAT MY MOTHER CHOSE TO REARRANGE MY ROOM WHILE I WAS GONE.

Kevin, excuse me but do you know how disorienting that is??

I think that’s similar to how I have been feeling lately. To be honest, I don’t think I really got back into the groove since we came back from vacation. That was a long time ago at this point. I just feel so uncomfortable every day? Nothing feels right? And then the new neighbor situation has really fucked me up and I can’t explain why. Yes, it’s been sort of stressful, but I think it’s more of the fact that my routine was bulldozed for weeks and I just can’t get back into it. I’m trying to start up my exercise routine again because that was totally ruined and my diet was fucked, all of this PLUS the stress causing me to gain weight and you know the underlying theme of my life is WEIGHT OBSESSION / FOOD PHOBIA etc. so god bless my neighbors for sending over plates of delicious food and homemade bread, but I know associate them as a whole unit with WEIGHT GAIN and I am to the point where I am almost hiding from them and that’s so fucked up. I am fucked up. Do I need therapy, you think? Here are these people just trying to be nice neighbors by feeding us and I’m over here developing an aversity to them because I’m fucking neurotic. I hate myself.

Anyway, all of that aside, some nice things happened over the past week to get me out of the house and talking to people aside from online chatting with my work friends (not knocking that AT ALL but sometimes I need some IRL conversing).

I had brunch plans last Saturday with my friend Lindsey and I was reallllly looking forward to it. It’s only our second time hanging out but, at least on my end, it feels like she is an old friend (I mean, she *is* Internet-wise!) and the nerves are not there at all, which I really appreciate. Henry drove me though because Chooch had his gaming class at Pitt right before that and it was convenient for us to drop him off together so that we could then go to Home Depot and pick up paint for our current project. There is this one person I used to follow in IG who would drop little bread crumbs about her latest project and then say I CAN’T WAIT TO SHOW YOU WHAT IT IS and half the time she never would. I will not be like and just tell you that we (LOL *WE*) are redoing the twin to the current beverage buffet we have and we are doing it in a garish clown theme. No big secret to reveal later, unless you want me to assign it a gender and have a dramatic announcement when it’s done.

OK so the whole point in me telling you this is because we had the best cashier ever, this super personable older black woman who first initiated conversation by saying that she liked my hamburger purse and then she started asking me questions about it like is it wagyu I don’t fucking know and I was like, “Oh, I just bought it because I thought it was funny since I’m a vegetarian” and she was like, “Oh ok. Are you ready for Thanksgiving? What are you cooking?”

I laughed, like a really hard staccato HA! and said, “Nothing!” She looked at me like I was FUCKING CRAZY. “Trust me, no one wants me cooking!”

Henry was off to the side making grunts of agreeance. Then he said he does all the cooking and she was like, “WHY YOU DON’T YOU TEACH HER??”

“Oh trust me, we’ve been together over 20 years. There is no teaching her.” And I added, “It’s true. He has tried and I get so distracted and start looking up at the ceiling.”

She was dying. Then I told her about the time I tried to make Chooch pierogies and didn’t realize that I had melted the spatula on it until I saw him about to shove a forkful of pierogi and spatula tendril into his mouth.

We had actually already finished checking out and were still standing there talking about this and it was one of the rare times lately where the small talk felt so real and natural?? It reminded me of how I used to be before the world and texting and the Internet ruined my knack for verbal communication. I forgot that I used to be really good at it and would have good chats with people everywhere I went! I kind of feel inspired to do that again??

Then it was time for brunch with Lindsey at Scratch!! First of all, it was so awesome to see her again and eat what were quite possibly the best donuts I’ve had in Pittsburgh? My friend Wendi was raving about them to me, and I can confirm that they were worth the hype!

The avocado toast was also totally filling and also beautiful – look at it up there! I can be kind of bratty about avocado toast because trends also annoy me but sometimes a good avocado toast can be so satisfying.

Then one of the waiters interrupted us to tell Lindsey that she has the best laugh and I totally second that! But then it was kind of awkward because I wasn’t sure if he was going to ask to join us….? He just sort of lingered there and then eventually offered to take our order because our original server was busy with a large party, but honestly, I kind of felt like he was he interested in Lindsey and then lost his nerve and tried to play it off by taking our order?! LINDSEY IF YOU’RE READING THIS, DID YOU GET THAT VIBE FROM HIM?

We overstayed our 90 minute welcome window and were asked (politely!) to leave, lol. I mean, the host did offer to move us to the bar area, to be fair! I can’t believe how fast that 90 minutes flew by though! It was so fun to catch up, complain about Pgh’s food scene (eff you, Oak Hill Post!!), and tell her the Coaster Crew trip deep cuts.

I totally forgot to ask someone to take our picture!

My Coaster Crew friend Pam is in town this weekend for an event at Kennywood (it’s being held by a different coaster club) but she made time to see me after she got into town yesterday! We met at Yinz Coffee (owned by the former owner of Crazy Mocha which was the ONLY cafe in Pgh that had a good chai latte and I’m happy to report that Yinz Coffee uses the same recipe thank god) and had a wonderful catch-up sesh! Kind of surreal seeing her here in Pgh and not out in the wild of some Scandinavian amusement park. #tears

Henry came in toward the end and Pam was like, “IT’S HENRY!” Ugh, Henry! Henry! Henry! Henry barely even talked to anyone on that trip and I guarantee he’s still the one people would remember the most!

That was really fun, and it made me want to have a reunion with everyone from that trip so I posted on Instagram that we should have a Phantom’s Revenge marathon party next year and then everyone can stay at my house and Jean (!!!) commented and said, “Let’s do it!” and Henry was like, “DO THEY KNOW HOW SMALL OUR HOUSE IS?!?!” But if we wait until Chooch goes to college, we’ll technically have two spare rooms to fill with beds and sleeping bags?!

Or we could be grown-ups and buy a house.

I was really thinking a lot last night about our Coaster Crew friends and it made me wonder if any of them were at the Coastin’ By the Ocean event we did in 2022 – it was technically an event held by Morey’s Piers but you had to be a card-carrying member of a coaster group to be able to register, so we were able to do it as Coaster Crew members. Of course, we had never done a Coaster Crew event before that so we had no idea if anyone from that group was there.

I looked up the group picture and literally SCREAMED:

FREAKING DAWN AND ROBERT, TWO OF OUR FAVORITE PEOPLE WHO WE ALSO RAN INTO IN FINLAND?? (Spoiler – I haven’t written about that yet, oh well!) And they were RIGHT IN FRONT OF US? I am shook. Honestly, the world is so small sometimes. It’s humbling.

Today, Chooch and I met Janna, her sister Julie and bro-in-law Marcus and their son August at Eat n Park so that they could talk to Chooch about his college plans, tell him about their experience at CMU, answer questions for him, etc. It was really informative and interesting even for me, the big stoop at the table. It also occurred to me on the drive there* that I don’t think I have seen Julie since high school??

*(You’ll be shocked to know that I actually drove Chooch and myself there and here’s why I did: I knew I would be able to park there; if I am going somewhere with street parking, Henry better drop what he’s doing because I will have an anxiety attack before I even grab my purse, requiring him to drive me and drop me off like I’m fucking Miss Daisy or a 4-year-old going to preschool.)

Anyway, I really really really appreciate that Julie and Marcus took time out from their holiday visit to meet with Chooch and I don’t know how he’s feeling about it because he never tells me this shit, but I know that I for one felt a bit better and less stressed about it by the time we left.

The college process in general I think (OK I  know) is another reason why this fall has felt so alien to me. Most nights, I lie in bed with such anxiety, that I can feel my blood rushing even in my gums. Like a sizzle/tingle along my teeth. I know, I know, “this too shall pass,” but I am having such a hard time calming down. I need one of those sweaters that dog’s wear to keep them calm during thunderstorms. Maybe the human version of that is a hug? I don’t know.

Hi from the other side of Thanksgiving. I hope everyone had a GRAND day spent with the people of their choosing and eating whatever the hell you wanted, or doing nothing at all. I kind of think that this is an overrated holiday, probably the one I’m least excited about mostly because of my past struggles with family and forever food phobia.

I try to “get into the spirit” some years, but this year we chose to have a lowkey, quiet dinner catered by The Zenith (bless them) with some pumpkin burek from Jak’s Bakery as an extra treat.

Chooch actually came out of his lair!

Action shot of Henry serving us. He was mad because I chose small plates to use but I thought that they were cute!

Zenith Thanksgiving dinner! All vegan.

Pumpkin soup included! It’s my favorite part. I always love Zenith’s soups.

Bulgarian pastry filled with pumpkin courtesy of Jak’s Bakery. We first discovered this place at a farmer’s market in East Liberty numerous years ago, I want to say pre-pandemic so perhaps 2019? Jak was just getting started then and now he has a brick and mortar bakery which is opening this Sunday! That same farmer’s market was also the first time we had vegan Trinidad food from ShadoBeni and he also has his own space now! Love that for both of them.

Henry found this Henley in his dresser of unworn clothes so now watch him wear it constantly all winter, as he is wont to do with one article of clothing. Usually, it’s the same goddamn flannel.

Chooch was annoyed that I took this picture. “REALLY. DO YOU REALLY NEED A PICTURE OF YOUR GLASS??” Yes, actually. I collect glass memories. Thanks for asking.

THE BEST PART. Zenith pumpkin bundt cake. Oh sweet Jesus.

Chooch didn’t get the color-coordinating memo. It’s fine.

While Henry was cleaning up (LOL), Chooch and I retreated into the living room where we continued our tradition of watching & heckling random birthday party videos on YouTube. There were some real…winners this time. This one family was so annoying – it was like a biker gang married into a family of WASPS, first of all, and it was A JOINT PARTY for a 2 year old (boring safari themed and no one cared about her) and an 8 year old ginger (NERF-themed complete with garish blue and orange cupcakes?? ugh ew). It was a pool party to boot, so when it was time for NERF tag, we saw soooo many biker butt cracks. It was actually scarring. But our main takeaway is that in addition to singing the birthday song, they also sing some JESUS LOVES YOU verse, AND THEN it ends with some bizarre ditty about making your favorite dish and then everyone pauses for a dramatic beat before screaming FISH??

The fuck?

“Is this is a real thing?” I cried, because I grew up JUST SINGING HAPPY BIRTHDAY and didn’t even know anyone personally who did the stupid “cha cha cha” bit until much later in life and even learning about that was extreme for me. I guess because I’m just generally not into singing Happy Birthday to begin with? I usually just mouth the words at parties (unless it’s for Chooch, then I will sing, ugh) and I HATE HATE HATE having it sung to me. So when I come upon families that turn this into a whole fucking concert, I feel alarmed.

“I can’t find anything on Google,” Chooch reported back. “It must be something these idiots made up. Also, the grandma makes me uncomfortable.”

“Oh yeah, I fucking hate that bitch,” I agreed. “We should start singing the fish song at our birthday parties and then somehow make it go viral so then that family will find out about it and we can have a public feud over who created it.”

Chooch is not on board with this.

Then Henry stormed in and said to Chooch, “MOVE OVER, I AM GOING TO SIT WITH YOU GUYS, MY LOVING FAMILY.” And that was fine for about 5 minutes until Chooch and I both started to fixate on Henry’s heavy, whistle-y breathing so he eventually threw tantrum and went upstairs while tossing insults over his shoulder the whole way.

Henry did eventually come back down and we watched travel vlogs on YouTube (I finally got him to seriously answer my “Top 3 Places You Want To Visit” question which he has NEVER done in the past – Italy, Switzerland, Thailand), and then I stayed up late working on my gem painting while listening to Britney Spears’ memoir on audio and crying because Team BritBrit 4L. I’d like to punch her parents and sister in their fucking faces.

So, yeah! A typical Thanksgiving here at the Oh Honestly Household. I do wish we were going to Dollywood or somewhere fun this weekend as TRADISHUN calls for, but it’s fine. Saving money is good. Sigh.

But there are still things to look forward to this weekend! Such as:

• hopefully seeing PAM from COASTER CREW this afternoon!?
• the Annual Lighting of Trudy later tonight
• Saturday is wide open, endless possibilities (watch me do nothing)
• daytrip to Maryland on Sunday specifically to go shopping at HMart
• I’m off on Monday from back when we were supposed to go away this weekend, so…TBD for now, I guess.