When we last left off, I think I was telling you, Sir Blog, about our breakfast with my work pal, Vicki. God, that was a good time!! After breakfast, she was kind enough to drop us off at Douglass Park. It was around 11:30 at that point and the gates were supposed to open at 11. We said our sad goodbyes to Vicki and skipped across the street to the end of the line (well, I skipped; Henry stalked). As soon as we had claimed our spot in line (which wasn’t even that long), a couple walking past in the opposite direction began announcing to everyone in line that gate-opening was delayed until AT LEAST 2pm due to the downpour that had been happening all through the night and most of the morning. While it wasn’t raining anymore and the sun was blissfully shining, I can only imagine the park grounds were pretty saturated. And it’s already bad enough that the Douglass Park community really, vehemently does not want Riot Fest taking over the park every year, so I can imagine the powers-that-be behind the festival want to do everything within their power to ensure that the grounds don’t get absolutely obliterated like with what happened at the old location, Humboldt Park, in 2014. Phew, that was BAD. That was the last time Riot Fest was ever held there because they kicked out hard on their asses by THAT community.

So…

That left us with a lot of time, and very little to do. I didn’t want to text Vicki and be like, “Come back and hang out with some more, come pay attention to me, come babysit me” because what if she had shit to do!? I didn’t want her to feel obligated. So, we found a cafe that was “right around the block” according to Henry but was actually pretty far away and then by the time we got there, it was like a ton of Riot Festers had the same idea, so the line was practically out the door AND there was nowhere to sit.

We ended up getting on the train thing and going back to the section of town where we had breakfast. We found a sports bar that was crowded but slightly less crowded than all of the other ones on that block and sat down to have a BEER while people were screaming about football. Mm. My favorite environment.

I don’t even remember the name of the bar, it was very standard. And everything was FINE until HENRY told me what beer to order (something called Gumballhead or something) and it was fucking disgusting. Even Henry was not hitting it off with this beer. “I’M SORRY, BUT THIS TASTES LIKE AN IPA, NOT A WHEAT BEER.”

Whatever that means.

It was supposed to have a “lemony finish.” Oh, they got that right. Because that shit tasted like I just licked a table polished with Lemon Pledge, honey.

I am gagging in hindsight.

DUDE. LOL – so I took a break to walk to Dunkin’ with Henry because I wanted to spy (or, if you’re a Pittsburgher, “neb”) on the work that is going on next door — the still-vacant unit that I am lowkey panicking about because I want it to stay vacant forever. The front door was open so I wanted to, you know, casually gawk and see what’s going on but I all I saw the was DIARRHEA wall color, which is….well, somehow less ugly than the color that was over there when Blake lived there. Some disgusting sea moss or something – it made me so uncomfortable. I hated going over there.

Anyway, were was I! Yeah, so we were walking to Dunkin’ but then stopped at the BEER STORE first because I am still desperate for the Jelly Donut bullshit, and well well well, look what I found stinkin’ up the place:

P-U.

Back to Riot Fest day. I kept checking Instagram and it appeared that they were definitely going to open the gates at 2PM, so we left the bar around 1:00ish I think. My original plan was actually to just go there around 2:00 anyway, because I didn’t care about many of the earlier bands until 2pm. So, I wasn’t very broken up about this to be honest. I do feel bad for the people who were upset to see their favorite bands get cut from the schedule though :(

The line to get in wrapped around the block quite a bit and Henry had me panicking, thinking it was going to take over an hour to get in. It didn’t take an hour. I would say maybe 30 minutes because the Riot Fest staff was basically like FUCK IT and started waving people through without even searching most bags. Only one of our tickets was scanned. The guy was like, “It’s cool, I scanned one, just go ‘head in.”

Um. OK. If this wasn’t AMERICA, I wouldn’t have so felt so clenched about this, but spoiler aleart: It turned out to be fine.

The only downside is that we completely missed Thursday, who went on promptly at 2pm but we could hear them on the other side of the fence, at least. I’ve seen them a bunch of times over the years so I wasn’t too sad about it but I would have liked to have been inside to support them.

THAT’S JUST THE MOM IN ME.

So surreal being at Riot Fest again after…how many years ago 2016 was. Most of the ground was dry but there was DEFINITELY some swampy areas and we came out of their with mud-spatter all over our legs. I’m glad I brought my plain black Vans!

My one main takeaway is that even though we hadn’t been there in so long, and even though I haven’t been in this SCENE for just as long, it was like everything was frozen in time. You could really say that the Riot Fest scene is timeless, and that’s not really bad. It’s nostalgic and comforting.

Henry felt neither nostalgia nor comfort.

I had to laugh though because really THE ONE BAND that I wanted to see that day aside from The Cure was the recently-reunited Balance and Composure. You might remember how deep my love was for them before I turned the way of South Korea. Actually, 2016 might have been the last time I saw them, now that I think about it. Their set started at 2:55PM and Henry conveniently was in line to buy the Cure’s Riot Fest tour poster, so once again I found myself alone in front of the scene, crying to B&C. Some things really DON’T change!! But before they came on, I got to hear the end of Cult’s set on one of the main stages. They ended with “Do You Know What I Mean” and it brought back memories of the Early Years at the law firm when this song was an inside joke for Kaitlin and me. That seems like an entire lifetime ago! God, Riot Fest was really doing it to me.

FML.

Oh! I almost forgot. For some inexplicable reason,  I packed my old Hotel Books t-shirt which I haven’t worn in years. I didn’t really think much of until that morning when I put it on. I laughingly said, “God, I hope no one wants to talk to me about Hotel Books because I literally can’t remember a single thing about them aside from that I liked them a lot for a minute!”

I’m not kidding, as soon as I staked out my spot at the stage before B&C started, some guy leaned over and said to me, “I like your shirt!”

“Thanks!” I said, like I fucking made it in my t-shirt factory. And then I got real fidgety, my eyes practically screaming, “IMPOSTER! IMPOSTER! SHE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW THIS BAND!”

All I remember is going to see them at some defunct club on the Southside, getting kind of drunk, and hugging the singer/spoken-worder at the end of the night.

I really did like Hotel Books back then though!! I actually put them on in the car on the way home the next day and my chest got real warm like I just did a shot of Robitussin (Janna’s drug of choice) and I thought to myself, “Oh yeah. There it is.”

But FUCK MY LIFE, Balance and Composure still REALLY do it for me. Like, really really.

After this, I found Henry standing a safe distance away from the crowd. The next band I wanted to see was also on the same stage, but we had about 30-45 minutes to kill so we walked around, checked out The Bronx briefly (we’ve seen them numerous times over the years but it was like a homecoming hearing them live again, if only for a few minutes). Then we went and got some free samples of FUNNY WATER which was fine but I wasn’t ready to commit to a full can of it.

Henry kept asking me who were seeing next and I was like YOU WILL SEE and OH JUST WAIT so he was getting really paranoid, like it was going to be some fucked Jonny Craig side project revival bullshit set.

It was just LS Dunes, but it was funny to me because it’s the latest Anthony Green side project and literally every time we go to Riot Fest, Anthony is there in one form or another. Can you believe we (“we” lol) have been supporting him and all of his projects since 2004?? Staring with Saosin, but really getting in deep with Circa Survive in 2005. I had to actually google to see when it was that we saw Circa for the first time, and it was July 2005 at the Grog Shop, right before I got pregnant, and Anthony signed my Circa CD outside the venue. Say Anything was headlining and I didn’t like them (still don’t) so we must have ducked out before they came on and Anthony was just chilling on a wall outside, with a few fan boys jawing his ear off.

And now it’s 2023, he’s a dad of 3, been in and out of recovery, but continued to be obscenely prolific in the scene. Henry actually recognized his voice, but not his face. I mean, face it – we’re all ageing! It’s just so much more surreal when we see it happen to bands that we have been fans of for decades.

Anyway, LS Dunes – amazing. Frank Iero – amazing. Anthon Green – fucking ICONIC.

I really didn’t take many pictures. We were mostly there for The Cure and I felt pretty distracted all day because of that anticipation.

I got this crunchie vegan person bowl for dinner because my body was CRAVING vegetables. It was…ok. $18 worth of ok. :/

Meanwhile, Henry went off on his own, leaving me to eat alone under a tree a bowl of stuff that tasted like said tree, and came back with a vegan mac n’ cheesesteak. I was jel at first but after stealing a few bites, my final assessment was that eh, didn’t really like it that much.

I also was trying to keep myself from getting sick. I didn’t want to be standing for three hours at the main stage with a bloated stomach. You know?!

LOL JK I still felt like shit!!

Almost forgot to take a selfie. Yikes. Who am I.

Then Finch came on and can you believe it was the first time seeing them??!! I was obsessed with them in 2003? 2004? I just remember going on weekend drives with Henry and fucking blasting them and Thrice.

Henry stalking me. Lol I was sitting in the gross grass because MY STOMACH HURT from that stupid bowl.

The last band to play on this same stage, the only stage we were at all day which is insane because all of my past Riot Fests consisted of me SPRINTING from stage to stage, was the Used. Ugh. It was fine. I didn’t cry. But I also didn’t feel great in the heart.

“Now, which one dated Kelly Osbourne?” asked some guy behind us. “Oh the singer?”

Wow. That was a blast from the past lol.

I miss screaming-Bert. I get that he can’t scream anymore but man, I will never forget seeing them at X Fest on a tiny stage and seeing him puking all over the stage from intensity of his screams.

Those were the days, man.

I felt really fucking old at Riot Fest. Not because everyone was young, but because of all of these bands from my way-back years. I couldn’t handle it. It was a lot.

I’ll end this here. The Cure deserve their own post <3

This just in: Jean had taken this picture of us on the Bat crazy mouse and sent it to Chooch on Facebook. He only just now felt inclined to share it with me. :/ Some things to note that I may have forgotten:

• this was one of the most intense crazy mouses I’ve been on! We spun so hard and I thought I was going to die the whole time. It was great. I couldn’t stop screaming my dumb face off!
• this was Jean’s 1000th coaster!

Man. Now I’m really missing Jean and Larry. I hope we get to hang out with them sometime again! Larry messaged Chooch the other day and told him that he and Jean went to Cedar Point and saw Alex from Coaster Spot and it gave me the most physical tug of FOMO I think I have ever had! I want to see my Coaster Crew friends out in the wild in the US!!

Also, just for context, check out the wind:

So, I believe the first thing that happened after lunch was that I popped into the restroom and discovered that my period had started. No big deal, right? I’ll just reach into my LUGGAGE THAT IS STORED AWAY ON THE BUS AND GRAB ONE OF THE COPIUS AMOUNTS OF TAMPONS I BROUGHT.

Yeah, I had none on me and I had no access to my luggage. The bathrooms didn’t have tampon/pad dispensers and none of the gift shops could help a bleeding bitch out. The one cashier told me I would have to GO INTO TOWN AND GET SOME.

Let me remind you that this was the day we would be doing the OVERNIGHT BUS RIDE. Yeah, there was no hotel for the night. Once we left the park, we were ON THE BUS for all of perpetuity it seemed.

My one saving grace was that the hotel from the night before was on park property and we were able to go back to it without actually leaving the park. I was so worried though because we had obviously checked out, but when I tentatively approached the lady at the front desk (I walked past the young guy who came to help me first, LOL, omg men don’t know about periods, etc etc), she pulled out a big tupperware container of assorted pads and tampons and told me to take what I needed.

I took the most super-duper absorbency tampon they had plus a pad for extra protection because I wasn’t sure when we would be stopping and if procuring FEMININE PRODUCTS would be an option. First of all, definitely should have taken more but I wasn’t trying to be a greedy American. Oh, I am such a martyr. “No! Don’t worry about me! I’ll just bleed out all over the bus, please save those for someone who needs it more than me.”

I fucking hate myself.

There was a rumor that we were going to stop at a Lidl on our drive back to Copenhagen and I was so married to this idea, like I threw myself into it so hard, had a dowry to offer and everything. Lidl of GTFO! I kept casually mentioning to people too, like, “So, I heard we might stop at a Lidl…..DO YOU THINK THAT IS TRUE.” And everyone (OK by everyone I think it was just Pam and Cassie who had to yield my Lidl queries) was like, “I don’t know, maybe?”

Of course you’re probably wondering why I didn’t just ask one of the women if they had anything on hand to assist a fellow woman in her monthly time of need, and you know….great question, lol. I don’t think I considered this!?!? Also, and not to be presumptuous, but most of the women on the trip appeared to be much older than me so I’m not sure if,  you know….?? And two of the three that appeared to be younger than me were not approachable, as we’ve already discussed. So yeah, if you were wondering what was going on with me particularly in the late afternoon and evening of this date, it was just me obsessing over, you know, making a mess.

We thought this was just a random pirate ship but apparently, you could actually walk onto it! We’d discover that in a bit.

Yet another Danish fun house!

I have so many regrets. I should have got a Skum Fest!!

OK, we almost didn’t do this  maze because it didn’t seem that involved but holy shit, I’m glad we did because GUESS WHAT? On the other side of it was the entrance to a ROPES COURSE! American amusement parks need to have these!! Knoebels, get a fucking ropes course!

I must have taken this picture of a grassy rooftop while Chooch and I were still in the middle of the ropes course. (Henry conveniently left to go to the bathroom right when we started, what a lame-o.) I want to say that it took us almost an hour to complete. There were some things I couldn’t do, not even because of age or unathleticism, but because I have a fear of heights. I actually got stuck in one clubhouse-type thing because I was too afraid to climb down the ladder so I had to backtrack and literally almost cried about it.

This was how we ended up on the pirate ship though!

I really wish I could describe to you how amazing this entire course was. Luckily because of the weather, we had the whole thing to ourselves so I didn’t have to worry about children heckling me. My hands had rope burns on them, though! I really felt like I went through it, you know? But I came out the other side like, look at me now bitches.

The exit of the course brought us right into a gift shop / snack bar because of course it did. Chooch got ice cream and Henry and I shared these adorable waffles:

OMG it was so delicious and I wish I had gotten it just for myself, honestly.

Chooch also got a certificate for completing the course! I took it back over to the little podium where the pens were so that I could add my name to it and the one girl who hates me was just coming out of the course exit too. I tried to bond with her over it by exhaling dramatically and saying, “Wow, I thought that was course was going to kill me a few times!” She just looked through me like she always did and snippily said, “No, I thought it was so much fun.”

WHEN DID I SAY IT WASN’T FUN THOUGH.

*(Please note that somehow, even though Chooch stole my hair elastic to keep his diploma rolled up, it somehow failed to make it home with us. WHERE DID IT GO?? Probably in our room in Helsinki. And now, a garbage dump.)

Whatever. Then Jean, Larry, Robert, and Dawn came in and I was like, “Yay, people who actually like me.” LOL. I want to say I’m being paranoid but every time I would say, “That person who hates me,” Chooch would say, “Which person, there’s more than one.” UGH. Oof. I’m officially too old for that generation to give a shit about me, I guess!

Farup Appreciation.

LOGS!!

The really busy station for Saven.

More logs!

I dunno if Farup does a Halloween haunt but I think they could just do Camp Crystal Lake and call it day.

(I’m listening to horror movie themes – a normal thing for me no matter the season, it’s one of my preferred background soundtracks – and Friday the 13th came on right when I typed that!!)

Um. This is one of the coasters we didn’t get to ride and I was very bummed about it but some of those hardcore thoosies MIGHT have cried. I cannot confirm nor deny. Fonix was one of the most anticipated coasters for pretty much everyone, so getting to stand that close to it while not riding it was torture.

:(:(:(

I’d also like to add that we went to the main gift shop where I outed myself to the cashier as a menstruating woman oh noes three separate times. It was actually pretty comical because she kept looking at us like we were planning to stage a coup or something. No one could possibly find three separate reasons to keep coming back. Well, have you met us?? I think the last time we went was right before we were leaving and Chooch wanted to get a pair of socks because his were wet. I dunno. I just remember him buying socks and me trying to help one of the guys from our crew find the magnets but he was terrible at following my directions so I had to walk over and actually point them out to him. Then I don’t think he even bought one after that!! And they had a decent selection too, which was nice since a lot of these European parks are like “fuck merch! buy these generic toys and dish towels and instead! no, our logo is NOT on them, thank you!”

We had a tiny bit of time to kill before we could get back on the bus (and who was in a hurry, really? Our asses were about to have 13 hours or so getting acquainted with the bus seats) so we got some drinks and snacks at the cafe by the entrance. Pam and Kevin were there! So of course we sat with them. My favorite moment possibly of the whole day was when Henry came back to the table with a croissant and Chooch and I lunged across the table to rip pieces off for ourselves before Henry even had a chance to sit down.

Kevin, observing this, asked drily, “Did you know that you were buying a family croissant there, Henry?”

I died. The execution was flawless.

LOL it’s a good thing that Chooch straight up never reads my blog because he would hate this picture.

Anyway, Pam told me that the girl working at the cafe told her that all of the pictures on the wall are of people that came to Farup over the years, who sent their pictures to the owner of the cafe. She’s been collecting and displaying them for years, which I thought was so amazing! SHOULD I SEND HER A PICTURE OF US??? THIS ONE^^^, MAYBE??

Here’s the main entrance, which we didn’t get to see until we left, since we entered through the resort entrance.

Windmill.

Driving over a bridge in the windstorm (I’m so glad that I was taking shitty video from the bus window because I like that you can hear the people on the bus talking, sigh):

After we got on the bus, Tim came upstairs and asked if anyone needed a pillow, because he was going to try to stop at an Ikea. I think most of us raised our hands, so we actually stopped at an Ikea and Tim, bless his heart, bought all of us a black-and-white accent pillow that I of course kept as souvenirs – they’re on the couch in the attic game room as I write this!

Ikea was fine. I was really starting to stress out over my tampon situation so didn’t really have much of an appetite, but then felt like I needed to eat something anyway, and it was just chaos inside my head. It was funny though, 70 Americans (plus one Brit and Australian I think??) walking into Ikea moments before the cafeteria was closing. People were looking on in horror!

Chooch and I got vegan meatballs and they had to be TAKEN OUT OF A FREEZER and cooked from scratch basically, so we were the only people still standing there even after the cafeteria closed. I was so antsy because I didn’t know how long we were going to be here and what if we ended up holding up the bus???

We didn’t. It was fine. There were plenty of people who got to back to the bus well after we did!

I did run to the bathroom though before we left to check my sitch. I was still doing fine but I was hoping that there would have been a tampon dispenser in the Ikea bathroom at least. NO. NONE.

It didn’t occur to me to check the Ikea marketplace but I don’t think I would have found any there?!

I will end by saying that WE DID NOT STOP AT LIDL so I had to wait until we reached the bus driver switch-off point in Copenghagen, around 11:00PM, to fucking SPRINT across the parking lot of wherever the hell we were and snatch a FULL-SIZED BOX of tampons from the bottom shelf of a gas station – I almost didn’t even see them and thought, “This is it. This is where I become known as the broad who stained her bus seat red.” Then I flew down the steps with the box under my arm like I was a fucking quarterback for the Blood Stains and literally let out the BIGGEST exhale of my life as I shut the stall door behind me. Dude, I had *just* made it. Like, JUST MADE IT. All I can say is thank god for the absorbancy of that pad, if you KNOW WHAT I MEAN. Henry knows what I mean because I spare no detail about these things when it comes to him, and he loves me so much for that. #GIRLTALK

Anyway, I was able to sleep after this. The next post will be NORWAY!

View from the back patio of our hotel.

Somehow, this is only DAY FOUR?!

We woke up this morning (Tuesday, August 8th) after a crazy night with seriously gnarly wind whipping at our windows with little reprieve. I honestly was kind of wondering if the park was even going to open at all. It was honestly THAT WINDY.

We had another delicious breakfast buffet because Denmark be feeding us proper-like. I had to laugh because this one guy in our group was always asking people, “Do you want to know who I would cast as [x] in my movie about [z]??” and it was always something so totally random, like he actually spent time contemplating writing an imaginary dream movie about these coaster podcaster/YouTubers called In the Loop.

Anyway, on his way back to the table after getting a juice refill, Chooch said he overheard him saying about how was eating carbs and his mom would be happy or something. So, in full-on character, Chooch says to us excitedly, “Guess who I would cast as a Carbohydrate in my movie about Nutrition??”

This is something that I think about daily. It seriously made me laugh so hard, my stomach hurt!

Chooch purposely wouldn’t let me stand next to the squirrel. :(

And yes, Chooch was still wearing shorts and t-shirts. And no, he wouldn’t let us buy him a hoodie or sweatshirt in the gift shop (but he DID go for a blanket which he used on the bus and plane for the rest of the trip like the little bitch baby that he is).

PAM!

Oh! This was around the time Pam found out that Chooch and I were trying to start a rumor that she didn’t like Henry, LOL. She said, “Oh, you guys! Poor Henry!”

When I say I miss Pam…

The back of our hotel! I imagine the front must look similar but it was dark when we arrived the night before and everyone was trying to hustle inside before what felt like a tornado swept us away.

Somehow, someway, the park was open. 4 of the 7 coasters were running. Unfortunately for us, the three that WEREN’T running were really good ones that we were all stoked for, especially Fonix. But…you can’t control the weather and we all seemed to still be in good spirits! I mean, looking back on this day, I can’t even remember fighting with Henry and/or Chooch the whole time, so I guess Farup was pumping positive energy into us.

I can’t believe this was running! There were moments where the wind was so forceful that it felt like the train wasn’t going to make the full rotation. I’m sure this was a fun coaster (we’ve ridden the clone at Dollywood) but all I remember is THE WIND.

But this park though! Even on a dreary day, it still had summer camp charm. I think this is the second time at least that I have referenced summer camp in relation to this vacation when I have never been to summer camp. In fact, the most camp-y thing I have ever done was Girl Scouts day camp which lasted for a week five minutes from my house but I still hated every single minute of it. What did we even do?? Play fucking hand jives?!

Actually, that sounds accurate.

OMG this wild mouse was so insane! First of all, the maintenance guys had to keep coming out to push some of the cars up onto the lift hill because they weren’t catching or something?! The more knowledgeable men on trip knew what was going on and were giddily filming it but I was just like, “OK that’s cool but I hope we get to ride this before they decide this is too much work and shut ‘er down.”

FUCK MALTER!! WHAT AN HONEST TO GOD COCK KNOW, AMIRITE.

Part of Saven, the family boomerang – it was fun and family-ish!

Look – I was happy because as dreary as it looked, it didn’t rain more than the occasional drizzle all day, and it was somehow less cold than the day before. I mean, yeah I was still chilly, but I had THREE LAYERS on this time and thicker socks too I think. I was golden. Just happy to be in Denmark!

Hundebar! YOU GUYS, A DOG BAR!! Obviously, there were no dogs there that night because aside from our group….there wasn’t really anyone else there now that I think about it, lol. Maybe like 20 or 30 non-Coaster Crew people, tops?? And I imagine those were hotel guests and not people who went out of their way to be there in GALE FORCE WINDS. I think this was my first time experiencing this level of air viciousness and it was really something else.

I miss Denmark bathrooms so much! And I miss grassy rooftops!

I’ve seen videos of Farup when the weather is better and this is actually a free perk and not an upcharge! In America, you would be paying extra for sure. There isn’t even an attendant, you just handle your own canoeing shit like a grown-ass capable human, and everyone moves on with their day.

Denmark moss! I can’t wait for Alyson to see this. We have an inside joke about Henry and his FURY FOR MOSS that has lasted nearly 20 years! Actually, it’s not really that much of an inside joke because I had written in my livejournal one time that Henry was absolutely savage one day at the cemetery about how MOSS IS BAD, LEAVE IT AT THAT.

Wow, someone got some moss up his ass while serving the U.S.A. it sounds like.

DOES THIS LOOK LIKE AN AMUSEMENT PARK?! It was so beautiful even on this overcast day. Just imagine it with blue skies and sunshine. Jesus.

HENRY NEVER SMILES WHEN IT’S HIS TURN TO TAKE THE #CAROUSELFIE

Lol, he was sitting on this little motorcycle thing.

Again with the woodland theming and the adorable little forest critters! Did I tell you that I didn’t see one single squirrel in Denmark?? Henry said he actually saw one here in Farup but by the time he tried to show me, the squirrel had already disappeared into a mass of trees.

Basically you guys, we got our 4 coaster creds within an hour. In addition to the ones I mentioned, there was also a kiddie coaster which sent us around three times and I majorly jammed up my shoulder on two of those laps and then tried to tell some girl about it when we exited, you know, just a “hey heads up, watch yourself when it goes around that bend over there” and she was like, “MMmm.” Don’t even get me started. Chooch loved how much she hated me though. And then were some mine train coaster that the ride op was like, “DO YOU WANT TO AGAIN” and Henry said NO at the same Chooch and I said, “Yeah sure, wooo!”

Then it was lunch time! We were like 2 minutes early but I could see people moving around inside, and for some reason we thought the doors to the pizza buffet were just “normal closed” but after we pried them open and walked in, we quickly realized that the doors were actually “we’re not ready for patrons closed” and the people I saw inside were actually employees, one of whom came jogging over and (politely) shooed us out, lol. OOPS.

As we walked back outside, the girl that I tried to befriend at the park the day before approached. I started to tell her that they actually weren’t ready for us yet and wanted to tell her about how we fucked around and found out, but she FUCKING SWERVED ON ME. You guys, I have NEVER had someone actually that blatantly desperate to not talk to me that they actually physically SWERVED and walked away in another direction. Wow. That was. Wow.

But it was fine, because then another group from Coaster Crew came over to wait with us and it was actually my first time talking to them and they were very very very nice. (Future Erin, because your memory is probably rotting by now: It was Aly and Brandon.)

Lunch with the group was a pizza buffet and holy shit, remember how when I was writing about Tivoli Friheden I mentioned that the pizza had some kind of thinly-sliced parsnip or turnip, some sort of NIP!? Well, this pizza had it too! So, I took a picture this time in order to never forget how much I loved that mystery nip.

We’re over 1500 words now so we’ll leave off here and continue on with post-lunch things in the next update. This is 50% me wanting to drag this out forever because the very last post means I have to accept that the vacation is over (I mean, I’ve been home for over a month now, so…) and 50% me being tired by the time I have some free time at night to write. I play tennis nearly every night after work, you guys. It’s my new lifestyle. *blows on nails*

Here’s Airtime Thrills’ vlog from that day! You can see Chooch and me on the kiddie coaster (he was filming for what felt like the entire cycle and it was excruciating since we were in the front seat!) and all three of us on the mine train).

Good morning. It’s 10:04am and we just left Super H-Mart. I wanted to get a head start on alcohol for the Xmas party that I decided to have because it’s not actually a Xmas party but possibly A HOLIDAY THAT I INVENTED??!!

It’s hard to get good soju flavors in Pgh and makgeolli is non-existent.

Anyway!! Riot Fest was…surreal. It definitely didn’t give me as many feels overall as it has in the past so I guess I am firmly rooted in K-Town at this point. Obviously the bands still did it for me but as far as Riot Fest itself goes, eh. I was content with just doing the one day as opposed to all three that’s for sure. My body hates me enough for just the one day.

Aside from the Cure though, the best part of yesterday was seeing VICKI from our Chicago office!!! She’s part of my old group in the department and I have only gotten to see her once when she and another lady from Chicago came to our Pgh office for a few days. I LOVED hanging out with her then so I was determined to see her this weekend. I’m so happy she made time for us!!

We took the train in from where we were staying outside of the city. Henry the PubTrans expert was like WE NEED TO TRANSFER TO THE PINK LINE and when I told Vicki of these alleged plans, she said NO. DO THIS INSTEAD and told us to transfer to the ORANGE line and then she picked us up at whatever stop she told us to get off on and it was so easy – thanks Vicki! This is why we come to her at work with the hard questions haha.

Anyway, she took us to this breakfast place called STAX and poor Henry just sat there shoveling food into his mouth while Vicki and I chatted like long lost army friends. Actually this was preferable to Henry haha.

I changed my mind four times but then I saw LEMON LAVENDER pancakes and was like “gimme those NOW.”

As soon as we sat though, I took off my jacket and said VERY SERIOUSLY, “Vicki I have to tell you something that no one knows at work.”

I could sense Henry rolling his eyes because he knew what it was going to be, but Vicki was on HIGH ALERT and said, “oh my god what is it, Erin?”

Like I’m about to announce to her my pending resignation, but instead it was, “I think I may have invented a new holiday.”

“Oh Erin!” she said, letting out a deep breath and I’m over here like, what? This is a big deal worthy of a suspenseful announcement.

Anyway, she seemed skeptical but I will still invite her to the party because it will probably be worth traveling for.

(Future Henry reading this: *frowning, head shake*)

The only downside is that now that Vicki met Henry, she said she feels like she is going to side with Glenn more in group chat!!!!

Then she was kind enough to drop us off at Riot Fest afterward! What a great start to the day. It was definitely go downhill from there for a bit but then the Great Start made a comeback.

We’ll discuss separately.

It’s 10:58am and we’re in Indiana now if you were wondering.

1:33pm (the time went ahead an hour at some point here in Indiana): just ate a lunch of Kimbap and gyeongdan from Hmart in the parking lot of 7-11. I need to go back to Korea ASAP.

Now let’s look at some pictures from our Saturday ‘date’ night in Chicago (I guess it was like a date??? We held hands for like a minute):

I was wearing my Parker’s Maple Barn tshirt and it made me miss Alyson so much!

Anyway, after we ate at Chicago Diner (see previous post!) we went to Millennium Park – apparently Mexican Independence was being celebrated and the excitement was contagious!! A continuous parade of cars waving giant Mexican flags were cruising around in controlled chaos. I loved it. As someone who doesn’t really have a heritage, I’m always so interested in seeing other people celebrate their culture and history.

2:21pm: we were just a rest stop in Indiana. When I came out of the bathroom, I found Henry in line at 7-11 waiting to pay for an energy bar. Then he gets out of line, right, and comes over to me like some fucking Kevin Costner hero type and asks, “did you want something?”

Ok first of all, don’t act like a GALLANT GENTLEMAN when you were already in line to check out in the first place without a second thought about me! It was only because he saw me walk in and remembered that I existed!!!

More Chicago pictures:

I truly enjoyed walking around by the water! I think the ONE BEER I had at dinner was tampering my mood swings and making me an agreeable cutie sweetie.

I just typed that without thinking so I guess my subconscious assessment of myself is pretty generous.

There was a pretty decent public restroom along the River walk. Pittsburgh would never.

We stopped at a bar along the River walk and got another drink. I got a cider. I need you to know that this was two hours after I had a beer at dinner, and I was maybe a few more sips away from coming home with a public intoxication souvenir on my record. I was really trying to join a flash mob or facilitate a coups of some sort by the time we got up to continue walking.

I wanted Henry to take a picture of my nails but he took this in such a way that I look like I’m sniffing my fingertips?! So I made him take another but I wanted to try and cross my eyes in it:

“Were my eyes crossed??!!” I cried after he took this.

“Um, no,” Henry said, turning his phone to me so I could see.

“Oh shit OK HEAR ME OUT that’s because I was looking to the side to see if I could see myself crossing my eyes,” I said and Henry was like, “omg.”

I was definitely cut off after that. I just don’t drink very often so when I do, I’m a disaster waiting to happen. We were walking way too close to the river, if you know what I mean.

Then we walked to Firecakes, a donut place we’ve been to before while visiting Chicago. What a concept: a donut shop that’s opened until 11pm. Another thing that Pgh would never. Here you’re lucky if any bakery is opened until 2 and even then god speed if you go there hoping for a full selection lol.

Anyway, it’s a very small storefront and I was trying to get a picture when some douchebag walked in along with his brigade of dick-friends and sucked all the air out of the space with their aggressive brand of toxic masculinity. As we were about to leave, the caboose of the cocktrain opened the door, which I stupidly thought was a gesture of chivalry, but instead he leaned out the door and called out to his BUDDY, “Hey Rob you want a donut??” Rob said no and then the asshole LET THE DOOR CLOSE ON ME.

“WOW! What a DOUCHEBAG!” I cried. “He totally let the door close on me! I should have stepped on his fucking Peter Pan shoes.”

He was already inside Firecakes but ROB WAS STILL STANDING THERE so I made sure he heard. Report back to your little buddy, brosef!

“Peter Pan shoes?” Henry repeated.

Yeah, you know. Those dicky leather dress shoes that are elongated and come to a point?! That’s what he was wearing. What a yuppie.

Henry got a chocolate covered banana cake donut which was basically just a donut with thin chocolate banana slices on top. I was like, “ugh you chose poorly” but then I tasted it and it was wettest-in-the-best-way donut I have ever had. So moist and delicious! I couldn’t believe it. Mine was just ok in comparison – a pistachio old fashioned which I had the last time but there was nothing else that stood out to me.

Anyway, I liked Henry’s idiot donut so much that I was just talking about it again this morning. You know what it tasted like??? Those hostess powered donuts without the powder and if they were made with better ingredients and you got to eat them that day.

But yeah, Firecakes. Try it sometime but don’t be a Peter Pan-Dick and shut the door on people, ok?

5:12pm: Holy shit this drive is boring. 1:49 left.

I’m still really giddy about this new holiday. Should I trademark it??!! I don’t want to say too much about it yet because ONE OF YOU PEOPLE MIGHT STEAL IT.

I wish I had counted how many times Henry has called me a dick this weekend. I’m starting to get a complex.

Lol @ “starting.”

I’m posting this now. Maybe I’ll be back later to say more. Who can be sure.

Hello from Chicago! Hey. Does anyone really call it Chi-town? I was going to but then felt fraudulent because I don’t live here, like why don’t I just get the area code tattooed on my neck next, you know?

Fun fact: the first time I was in Chicago was in 2014 and I was like, “Wow…why are there so many flags of the TOMS logo?” Henry was like, “that is the flag of Chicago, numb nuts.”

Except he probably didn’t actually call me numb nuts because our life isn’t a military themed sitcom from the 60s.

What is the point of this…oh yeah. We’re in Chicago! I came out of Riot Fest retirement in order to see my beloved Cure tomorrow night. Weird not going to all three days of Riot but…this isn’t my lifestyle anymore. I literally can’t fathom doing the full 3 days anymore :|

Henry and I left around 8am and got in around 3pm. Chooch opted out. He has a life outside of my madcap schemes these days.

The ride was pretty uneventful. I made Henry tell me the answers to things like, “when did you first know you liked me” and “was I just your only option at the time?”

We went to one rest area and there was an amish couple and their child outside of the bathroom but then when I came out, there were about 20 of them and I freaked out and whispered, “they multiplied” to Henry but he was too busy looking for off-brand Chex Mix.

After we checked in to our hotel and I got super sentimental because it’s across from the arena where we saw NCT Dream, we got on the metro thing and went to dinner at Chicago Diner, finally!!

Planes flying over the metro station.

Actually getting along a little bit.

I had a Founder’s Nitro Rubaeus (? That’s what it says on the sign) Raspberry Ale and it’s good!

Actually, it’s what Henry ordered and I traded my Buckledown Pillow Party pale ale for it when he wasn’t looking. 😀

LOL my face looks like a puffalump or whatever those creep dolls from the early 80s where called.

This country fried steak is a National Treasure. (No. That is not Henry’s nickname.)

(It’s Country Fried Hank.)

I’m not kidding though, this was so good, Seitan’s Realm tier good. I have wanted to go to this place for years and it did NOT disappoint!!

LOL:

Mine was an Asian chicken sandwich with orange glaze and it was fire ( sorry Diners, Dumpsters and Dildos was on before we left the hotel and I felt a Lilliputian Guy Fieri was riding bareback on mh shoulder for a while there).

Ok yeah, real great experience. Excellent service. Our server Jose was extremely personable and laid back but not inattentive. Just a really good vibe. Highly recommend!

Then we popped into a shop next door and I almost threw up my meal when I saw this bullshit:

Fuck you, Ryan Reynolds!!!

Ok, we did other DATE NIGHT IN THE CITY bullshit (I mean sort of, we are Erin and Henry, please remember). I’m ready to crash for the night so this will be a story for another day I guess.

Um, I took this picture yesterday of my Coffee Cup of the Day thinking that I was going to finish this post, but well, that didn’t happen so let’s pretend this is Friday’s Coffee Cup of the Day. OK great!

Speaking of this cup though, I was happy that a lot of these parks had these camping-type of coffee cups as an option so I wasn’t lugging home a bunch of freaking ceramic or whatever the standard coffee cup is made out of.

Jesus Christ. What a snoozer of an intro.

The one thing I forgot to mention in my last post was that while we were at lunch, we were taking about how shitty the weather was and Eric jokingly asked Tim if the ferry ride the next night was still going to happen.

Tim got real serious and said he didn’t know, it was up in the air and he would let us know as soon as he found out.

OH SHIT this was definitely not something that I considered – I knew the weather was shit but I didn’t realize that in other parts of Scandinavia, it was REALLY BAD. So…that was ominous!

Most of the crew remained under shelter but I was getting antsy to explore more of the park, plus I REALLY wanted coffee. And Chooch apparently really wanted a milkshake.

OMG there was this playground area that I explored for a bit with Chooch. It got precarious inside the climbing part so I gave up like the quitter I am and actually, it was a really good thing because the only way down after that point was a slide. THIS SLIDE pictured above. I happened to be standing a few feet away from the bottom of the slide when Chooch came SHOOTING out of it, skidded across the ground on his ass, and nearly knocked me over like a duck pin.

Dude. Danish playgrounds man.

Here’s an Insta reel of some of his most dumb-dumb moments in Denmark:

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I loved this log flume! I saw my first ever real life SLUG just chilling on the side of the ride right before we went up a lifthill and of course Chooch didn’t believe me, so when we came back to the station, I asked the guy if we could ride again and he was SO HAPPY to send us back around. You guys, there weren’t that many people there because of the weather, and the people that WERE there were not queueing up for a water ride, mm.

Anyway, of course on the second lap, the slug wasn’t there anymore!

This was the moment I discovered that Scandinavian sprinkles ARE THE BEST. They were crunchy and tasted like the sweet part of a Sweet Tart. So amazing. I miss these so much.

Chooch said this looked like Penelope :(

We did ride some of the kids’ ride, of course! There was one young guy operating three of the rides, and he seemed genuinely thrilled when we walked up to ask if we could ride. When the ride was over, he asked us if we wanted to ride again and we were like, “Mmm, no we’re good, thanks.”

Random self-operated water slide:

Oh this ride was great once Chooch realized that he had control of when the car lifted in the air and then timed it so every time we passed one of the statues squirting water, I’d get it.

It was somewhere in this area where I was so giddy and laughing to the point where I REALLY almost peed my pants and had to run to the nearest bathroom. Honestly, the weather was trash but shit, it was such a good day. For the rest of my life when I think of Djurs Sommerland, I’m going to think of, well, shivering, but also laughing so much over everything!

This was the first park of the trip where we got exclusive ride time! We all met up at Juvelen at 6pm, when the park officially closed, and then we got 30 minutes of chaotic ERT on Juvelen. It was so much fun because basically when your train come back to the station, instead of exiting you’d get out the way you came in and either fill an empty seat or just squeeze back into the queue and wait for the next train rather than running all the way back around to the entrance. Everyone was really courteous and cautious though so it wasn’t like you were being mowed down by a mob of thoosies every time you tried to get off the ride. I think this was one of the first times that we rode with ALL of our group, no interlopers, and let me tell you, being on a coaster filled front to back with enthusiasts is really a fucking hype experience. The only other time this happened for us was last year at the Coastin’ by the Ocean event at Morey’s Piers – riding Great White after midnight with a pack of loud-mouth thoosies was something I’ll next forget lol.

Next, we all ran over to Piraten, where another 30 minutes of ERT went down.

ERT on Piraten!!   I just realized that Henry got to ride this with Kevin #2! I don’t think I rode anything with Kevin #2. Anyway, what I will tell you about Piraten is that it’s an Intamin Mega Lite which probably means nothing to you but if you read my recent post about King’s Dominion, it’s been compared to a mini-Intimidator 305. Which still might not mean anything to you! I thought it was fun, and I was really thrilled that we got to ride it, but it was also A BIT underwhelming. I heard people saying that the weather was preventing it from running to its full potential.

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I could only last about 2 or 3 rounds on this because I was so fucking cold. Literally, the next day, my whole body ached from the amount of shivering I was doing all day long at Djurs! So the three of left the station after getting a handful of rides and hung out in the courtyard-like area next to Piraten and watched train after train being sent with the insane, unhinged Coaster Crew members. At one point, Tony came over and showed me his phone. “Look at this picture!” he cried. “It looks like the thumbnail for a clickbait post. ‘Brawl breaks out on a roller coaster!'”

Turns out, they started playing PASS THE SWORD, where the ride operator handed someone in the first row a toy sword, and then once the train crested the hill and started its descent, that person would have to pass it to the person behind me, and so on, until the last person on that side got it and would have to pass it to the person they were sitting with so that the sword could then make its way back up to the front. They had to see how many rounds the sword could be passed before the train came back to the station, and then the people in the next train would have to try to beat them.

It looked and sounded like absolute chaos. I told Tony that this was only possible because I was no longer riding – there is NO WAY I would have been able to pass that thing on a moving roller coaster without dropping it!

AND THAT’S THE THING – NO ONE DROPPED IT!!

Not my photos! I got these from the event page:

You guys, after this, we got to walk through the maintenance shed, complete with a NUDIE CALENDAR on the wall that I desperately wanted to take a picture of but the universe provided me with no good ops.

This was actually really cool. I wasn’t geeking as hard as some of those hardcore thoosies and YouTubers, but I still could appreciate it!

They were all like lovingly stroking  the wheels of the second train and naming out parts of it that meant nothing to me but I was really into it anyway. People’s excitement is contagious, you guys. I think I’m only immune to like, the excitement of Swifties.

THEN WE GOT TO WALK AROUND THE INFIELD AND EVEN CLIMB ONTO THE TRACK!!

JEAN TOOK THIS!

You can actually hear me sigh like a little bitch and say, “Ugh it’s so cold.” And hear that wind?!? SPOILER ALERT: It would be way worse the next day. :)

Overall, LOVED this park bigly. It was the first one of the trip this far that really felt like the type of park that we’re used to here in the states, with a wide range of rides and a really great and varied collection of coasters. I would love to come back to this park someday, especially if they ever add a new coaster to the lineup!

****

On the walk back to the bus, Eric and Marie were talking about the huge slugs they saw around the park that day and I practically threw myself at them while screaming, “OMG SAME” and then whirled around on Chooch to still scream but now with an angry tone “SEE I TOLD YOU THERE WERE SLUGS HERE!!!!” Chooch was like, “Mm.” I FUCKING SWEAR TO GOD THERE WAS ON THE LOG FLUME AND HE LOOKED LIKE ONE OF THE EXTRAS IN LABYRINTH.

Monday was our third full day with Coaster Crew and we had another delectable breakfast buffet to explore, this time at the Helnan Marselis Hotel in Aarhus. We knew it was going to be a rainy and very chilly day, but everyone was in good spirits at breakfast. Cassie sat with us, and then a bit later when I saw Pam come in, I told Henry to hurry up and finish eating so she could have his seat, lol. He was like, “Whatever, I have to finish packing anyway,” and lumbered away. I waved Pam over and said, “Pam! Pam! Sit here with us.”

“Where’s Henry?” she asked, and when I told her I sent him away so she could sit with me and Cassie, she gave me a faux-disappointed face and said, “Poor Henry!”

Chooch realized quickly that he was sitting with all women, so he excused himself. Byeeeee. Anyway, this was one of my favorite breakfasts because we talked about RELATIONSHIP things and then Pam said she saw all of Kevin’s tattoos the night before and I screamed, “OMG REALLY” because I was low-key stanning her and Kevin and she said matter-of-factly, “Yeah, he was at the pool last night.”

Oh.

Other things that happened before leaving the hotel:

• Judy and I bonded over Sugar in the Raw (she brought her own and told me I was welcome to use some whenever I needed because sweetener options were either straight up sugar cubes or these teeny-tiny aspartame tablets that were infuriatingly difficult to get out of the package.
• Sam broke his umbrella when he was trying to leave through the hotel’s front door and I don’t know why this scene is seared into my memory, but there it is.
• Cassie was asking people to give her the hotel body lotion if they didn’t want it, because she really liked the scent. Someone came up the steps of the bus with a lotion and said, “Someone was asking for this, but I can’t remember who.” A few of us said Cassie, so Tim took it and said, “Pass this to Cassie” which turned into “Passie to Cassie” and I don’t know why but this was one of those things that was SO FUNNY AND MEMORABLE TO ME??

When we left Aarhus that morning after breakfast, the rain was still coming down heavily. I think we all had pretty much accepted that this was going to be the theme of the day, take it or leave it. We have dealt with rainy park days many times back home so I wasn’t too bothered about this, just was nervous that maybe some rides wouldn’t be running.

Here is a video of moist scenery and bus chatter.

MAP FOR REFERENCE. Djurs Sommerland is located in Nimtofte – Battrupholt, whatever that means. The park’s address is actually listed as DJURSLAND which makes more sense. Apparently, Nimtofte is a nearby VILLAGE. Look at us, learning about the world together! Should we try to do a blank map test at the end of all of these recaps??

We arrived right before 10AM. Mark had already been there before and was like, “I’ll show you the secret way!” to his friends and ran into the woods. I wanted to go that way too because again, Desperate in Denmark, but Henry put it in my head that they might have been going that way to pee?! I DON’T THINK THAT THEY WERE, BUT OK.

Ugh, I wanted to be accepted by this group of cool guys so badly, but they were probably like OK MOM.

Going the non-secret way, the totally PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE way.

That smiling sun! Even on a rainy day, it felt so welcoming! Hello, Scandinavia’s biggest amusement park!

Chooch’s OOTD though.

My first impression of this park was that it was fairly big and SPACIOUS. Really wide paths, an ADORABLE kids area themed to farm animals, and a bunch of trampolines and death-trap play areas with some of the scariest slides I’ve ever seen. Slides that would never fly in America past like, 1998.

I know that the first thing we did was get the kiddie coaster out of the way with some other people from our group. In fact, now that I’m looking back on this day, there really weren’t many other people there but our group. And all of the rides were open! So, sometimes it pays to go to an amusement park on a rainy day, yo. I am basically a Professor of Fun so this is a fact and not just an OPINION.

Next was our first Thor-themed ride of the trip, Thor’s Hammer! Chooch took this photo of the ride operator and I’ve been obsessed with it ever since- she looks so sinister! ZOOM IN ON HER FACE, FAM. This was one of my favorite rides, too! Just a fun, quirky family coaster.

I didn’t take very many pictures of the rides this day because of THE RAIN, but after this, we rode Juvelen which Arnold taught us literally translates to the jewel, but it’s pronounced yoovelen I think he said.

Also, who is Arnold? This was the first time we chatted with him; he is this supremely friendly guy from Orlando (I think he even said he works at Disney!) who was always smiling and was just a joy to talk to, honestly.

Anyway, Juvelen is a multi-launch straddle coaster and also has the distinction of being Denmark’s longest coaster. I was really hyped for it because I had watched a video where it was MODERATELY compared to Hagrid’s without the theming and gimmicks. I mean, OK. I could see that, a little bit! I thought it was fun, and actually kind of aggressive after the second launch which was unexpected. But it didn’t make me scream, “JANNNNAAAAA!” if you know what I mean.

Chooch got his 300th coaster cred on Piraten, the park’s Intamin mega-lite, and also our very first Intamin mega-lite! We will talk more about this in my next post, because we had ERT on this coaster after the park closed and also got a tour of the infield, which was a big highlight.

DragenKongen is Europe’s longest and fastest launched family suspended coaster, apparently! I wasn’t aware of that at the time, but I REALLY loved this. The queue was so entertaining because the ride op screams something crazy in Danish before the launch and it just really gets you pumped, YOU KNOW? Maybe it wouldn’t be enough to get you pumped. Maybe you also call for a more bigly Viking send-off, like being set on fire first. And that’s OK too! That’s your preference. But for some of us, being hollered at furiously is enough to get it done.

I would also like  to insert here that it wasn’t raining when we were waiting in line for this (only about a 15 minute wait, probably the longest wait of the day!) but as soon as we got on it and it launched us out of the station, we were like OH OK, HI RAIN, WE SEE YOU. I mean, it was coming down pretty hard. Henry and I both cracked and went to a gift shop to buy ponchos (they are REALLY nice souvenirs too!) but Chooch said, “No, I’m good. I like water and I don’t get cold.”

You guys, it was fucking so chilly that day. I had on long sleeves, a jacket, and jeans but it was not enough for that August day in Denmark, somehow. I packed in preparation for chilly weather, but purposely didn’t bring hoodies or sweaters because those take up so much space in luggage! I had The Regertz on this day though.

Djurs has a family power coaster in their brand new Dinosaurland, and we rode it in the pouring rain with Kevin, Pam, and Marie. I was like, “KEVIN CAN I RIDE WITH YOU” because he had the front seat, and stupid Henry and Chooch were like, “We’ll show her for branching out” and went all the way to the very back in order to get the furthest away from me, is my guess. Anyway, I was so giddy about this that I bought the on-ride photo even though it’s not even that remarkable, it’s a memento of the first time I rode something with Kevin and Pam, even though you can’t see Pam because she was sitting behind me!

Everyone was ready for the lunch buffet though, hungry or not, because it provided shelter! This buffet actually had a lot of options for us veg-heads (I still think it was just Chooch and me out of like approx. 70 people; I really thought there would have been at least one other!). There were these unknown fried pockets up there and while I was pretty sure they were samosas, Johnny took one for the team and ate one while we were in line.

“Just potatoes!” he confirmed. “And some spices.”

“Is it a samosa?” I asked.

“Hmm. I’m not sure.”

It was a samosa.

Anyway, I sat with Pam, Kevin, Marie, and Eric (Marie and Eric also sat right in front of us for the entire trip on the bus UNTIL we got a new bus after Gothenburg, Sweden. I was sad, but they just moved over to the seats across the aisle. It was enough to screw with me though. I hate change.)

Anyway, I got this picture off of the event’s Facebook page that I was illegally perusing with my FAKE FB ACCOUNT that I had to create in order to make Instagram ads for my stupid card shop which I don’t even do anymore (the ads, I still make the cards) and my account has no picture and no friends and no information other than my basic-ass name so it looks like a goddamn sock puppet account and also I never even logged in to it until this damn trip happened and everything was being posted on Facebook and not emailed.

OK now that that explanation is out of the way, this picture is hilarious to me because Henry and Chooch were sitting alone and of course Henry is cavemanning food into his gaping maw at the exact moment someone took a picture because he just can’t help himself but to be THE MOST EMBARRASSING. But I also love it because…it’s so many of my people. I miss them. And even the best bus driver, the one who left us after Denmark, is in this picture! If you look for the guy in the reddish/maroon shirt, the bus driver is across from him in the white dress shirt and tie – he was so friendly and immersive!

OK, let’s end here for today and story time can resume at some point probably tomorrow BUT I AM NOT PROMISING ANYTHING. Chooch and I are demo’ing three tennis rackets and we had the BEST TIME on the courts with them tonight (I mean, we were using them to play tennis, we weren’t, like, wining and dining them) so I might be too busy tennis’ing my ass off tomorrow after work. TO BE DETERMINED.

AND CONTINUED.

After leaving BonBon Land on Sunday (and after Henry found his phone LOLOLOLOL), our bus of coaster freaks continued our Danish trek and arrived late that the afternoon at a small park in Aarhus called Tivoli Friheden.

Exhausted after all of the BonBon’ing. I mean, it’s not every day you get to ride a dog fart coaster and slide out of a dog’s asshole. That shit would take a lot out of even, I don’t know, a Garbage Pail Kid maybe.

Random shots from the bus window, reminiscent of all the film I wasted in Europe as a kid, taking pictures with the flash on through smudgy tour bus window. I have boxes of blurry scenery photos and unknown castles in god knows what countries.

But I just really needed to capture this amazing house!! Also, look at Creepy Henry’s silhouette in the window :/

I am going to be diligent about including maps from now on because if we are being honest with each other under the blanket inside a pillow fort reading my vacation journal together with a flashlight after I just yelled at you for spilling a bowl of SALTY LICORICE, I truthfully didn’t know where the fuck we were a lot of the times, just me over there spending a large portion of the trip totally geographically blind.

We arrived at Friheden around 4:30pm. Looking back in my vacation journal, I can tell you that the bus ride was full of chatter which was not appreciated by many, lol. There were some quirky personalities on the bus, that’s for sure. It was thoroughly entertaining for me, though! At one point, an hour into the drive, the owner of the unappreciated chatter asked our group leader Tim, “How much longer?” which garnered some groans from those in earshot. At one point, Tim told him it was nap time, and when he tried to keep talking, Tim said, “It’s still nap time.” I was furiously texting my brother the play-by-play because he was very invested in these characters.

This park was very small, but beautiful – full of gardens and really quirky decorations. Even on an overcast day, it was stunning! Unfortunately, as far as rides, its line up was pretty sparse. Only three coaster credits. There were four coasters there up until a year ago, when one was removed after an accident :/ To be honest, when I heard about the accident last summer, I wondered if this park was going to be removed from the itinerary, but it clearly wasn’t.

A bunch of people wanted to do the SCAD tower thing, which was being offered to our group to do for free when normally it’s an up-charge. I’m guessing this is the reason the park was kept in the itinerary, because SCAD towers aren’t very prevalent. I mean, that’s just what I hear. I don’t like, run the SCAD tower Wiki page or anything. Jesus.

I 100% didn’t want to do this. Just looking at it made my legs turn to jello.

Meanwhile, Chooch got RIGHT in line.

I had to walk around and take pictures of the scenery while he was waiting in line because it was making me so nervous.

I already wrote about the FALLING one day while we were on the bus, so you can feel free to click here and read all about how I allowed my 17-year-old son to be taken up a 100+ foot tower thing in a scary elevator, dangled over the edge, and then released by some Friheden man at which point he fell a bunch of fucking feet like 100 or something with no harness or safety thingies, but at least they gave him a helmet and that back brace thing to ensure he landed properly in the net. 

Ugh. Don’t smile at me.

Once that was over with, we went around to collect our creds. There was just a really old looking spinning wild mouse, an SBF Visa spinning coaster, and a kids coaster that was similar to the Wacky Worm but it was a dragon. Wow, I’m such a thoosie. I don’t even know the manufacturers or names of these coaster off hand lol.

I LOVED THIS!!

There was a funhouse too! It wasn’t as good as Bakken’s but it had a fun slide at the end.

So, something happened at this park that was actually kind of horrifying but also funny and definitely memorable. OK, look. I was riding on a high from the way a lot of these people were being so inviting and inclusive toward us. Especially Larry and Jean, Cassie, and Pam and Kevin. There would be more added to that list later, but man, even just standing outside of the bus waiting for Tim to get our admission settled, everyone was just kind of milling around and talking and it was so nice not having it be totally awkward, you know? Just a lot of friendly banter and chatter – it made me feel overwhelmingly accepted.

I had noticed earlier that day that there seemed to be a young girl, like in her 20s, who was there by herself. She ended up being in line in front of us for a dark ride at Friheden and I had mentioned earlier to Henry that I was going to try and take her in just like others did to us, pay it forward, etc. Right? Well, I felt like this was my chance! So I asked her if she was with Coaster Crew, and she said yes so I introduced the three of us. She smiled and said her name, then IMMEDIATELY dropped the smile and looked away.

Chooch gave me a look, like, “Stop while you’re ahead” but I KEPT GOING, YOU GUYS. I started asking her things like WHERE ARE YOU FROM and she said Cinci and all the while she was doing the SMILE/FROWN thing but I couldn’t stop myself! I yelled, “Oh, Jungle Jim’s! I love Jungle Jim’s!” and she was like “*smile* Yeah, it’s great. *frown*”

Then, why am I like this, I asked her if SHE WANTED TO RIDE WITH US. NO, she didn’t want to fucking ride with us. She wanted my crazy annoying friendly ass to leave her the fuck alone so she could have a fucking zen ride in the haunted house. But since I asked her to her face, I’m sure she felt backed into a corner and said OK and then we all rode on this stupid shooter ride together and it was so uncomfortable. When the ride ended, she got out and walked through the exit without a word, never looking back. Like, that ride hadn’t even come to a full stop yet and she was performing a stop/drop/roll right the fuck out the exit.

“SHE DID NOT WANT TO RIDE WITH US,” Chooch said, in a chastising-toward-me tone. “You are so annoying! She hates all of us now.”

“No, she was just shy,” I said, but I knew he was right when we were walking toward her later and I said, “Hi, <her name>!” and she LOOKED RIGHT PAST ME AND KEPT WALKING. I thought Chooch’s brain was going to come shooting out of his nose, the way he tried and failed to hold back his laugh. It may have been one of his Top 5 favorite moments on the trip.

DO YOU WANT TO RIDE WITH US???

I’d rather not eat the American Way :/

Remember when I got made fun of so bad for loving the Wacky Worm?? Well, I found my people, you guys. Grown ass adults who allow themselves to enjoy a kiddie coaster!

Our dinner was a pizza buffet and it was actually amazing. I’m saying “actually” not because I think Denmark can’t have good pizza, but because I’m of the American mentality that amusement park pizza is going to be mid. But this pizza was SO GOOD. The one I liked the most had almost like…a ricotta type cheese as the base? And then these very thinly sliced translucent white circles that I am SURE were parsnips, but no one would back me up on that (and by no one, I mean, Henry, Chooch, and Dawn and Robert who were sitting at our table too).

I can’t believe I didn’t take a picture of it, but it was so fucking good.

This might have been the most boring carousel I’ve ever been on.

It had no music, and it went around SO SLOWLY.

There were two little kids that actually rode it twice in a row, what sad lives they have.

Look at these awesome terrarium things!!

This game had guns that you put actual ball-thingies in to shoot!!!! I DID NOT WANT CHOOCH TO DO IT. But I already let him fall perilously from a tower, so why not give him a gun too, all in the same day.

We ended the day by using our free snack coupon for some ICE CREAM which we ate at a picnic table with PAM and some others. I didn’t take a picture of my ice cream for some reason, probably because I got it in a cup. I do know that I thoroughly enjoyed it though.

Then everyone bitched because the gift shop had NO SHIRTS, MAGNETS, ETC with the park’s name on it. We quickly learned that park merch in this region is almost unheard of and their “gift shops” are actually filled with, well, gifts you would buy someone. Like toys and pretty much anything else you could think of that has nothing to do with amusement parks.

After leaving Friheden, we had a short drive to the hotel for the night, which you can read about HERE IF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY.

Pretty much all of the parks from the next day on were full-day parks with bigger coasters, so look forward to that, I guess!

On Sunday, August 6th, we checked out of the Tivoli Gardens Hotel after another immaculate breakfast spread (I miss the breads and the yogurts!) and set off for BonBon Land located about an hour away from Copenhagen in Holme-Olstrup in the South of Zealand. It’s a small family park opened in the 90s by the owner of a candy company called BonBon (I mean, obviously). BonBon candies were themed to gross things, like dog poop, ants pissing, wet diapers, you know – all these things synonymous with sweet delicious candy. Mmm mmm mmm. Mr. BonBon wanted to give kids (his biggest fans) a fun experience, and since he couldn’t offer tours of the candy factory because of sanitary reasons (allegedly – I think it was more that he didn’t want to give away any trade secrets related to how he was carmelizing seagull droppings and candying the essence of dog farts), he went the Hershey route and opened a theme park.

With only 4 coaster credits to scoop up, you might ask, why was this part of our itinerary?

Well, having a juvenile sense of humor that this place appeals to was a big reason.

It’s also the home of the first ever Gerstlauer Euro Fighter with a beyond vertical drop (beyond vertical drops are everywhere now but BONBON HAD IT FIRST, BITCHES).

But most importantly? It has a kiddie coaster themed to a dog farting.

You guys.

Are you even an enthusiast of you don’t have that dog fart cred??

Needless to say, we were all GIDDAY. I mean, look at all of us up there waiting for the park to open! A bunch of grown ass people clamoring to stuff their butts into a farting dog.

CASSIE TOOK THIS PICTURE OF US. In case you didn’t know, I made friends on this trip!! I’m so pathetic that I was even mailing postcards home to my non-coaster friends screaming about OMG I MADE FRIENDS, YOU GUYS, THROW ME A PARTY WHEN I COME HOME.

I probably could have earned a Girl Scout badge for this.

“Now let’s take one with your eyes closed,” said no one but somehow that’s what Chooch and I heard.

I have to laugh because this is ALL Coaster Crew back there. No one else came early. But we were like, “LET US IN. MUST GET THE CREDITS.”

BONBON LAND THEME SONG!

It took so long to get this photo because Chooch kept letting actual children cut in front of him and I was so annoyed and trying to pantomime an elbowing motion but he ignored me and just let it happen.

Really wish this was in my front yard,

The famous FARTING DOG!

We immediately ran to the dog fart coaster, and that’s when I realized the dog’s name is….HENRY!!! Oh, how apropos!

At home, it’s only Chooch and me riding the kiddy coasters – and to be fair, sometimes I sit those ones out but ONLY if it’s a crowded day and Chooch and I can’t sit together. I might hate kids, but I hate looking like an asshole even more and I don’t want to be That Adult who takes a seat away from a dumb kid, you know? But hilariously, on this trip, Henry suddenly was all, “Me too” but only because it didn’t relate to supporting women, and was getting in line for every baby coaster because all of his idols on this trip were doing it. Wow, you’re so cool, Henry. “Oh, Marshall, Nick, Gooch, Jimmy and Dewey are riding it? MAKE ROOM FOR ME, GUYS. Can I get a shout out on YouTube now??”

And of course Henry didn’t take any pictures of Chooch and me when it was our turn!

I guess I didn’t take many pictures here for some reason? So, I don’t have any of the Gerstlauer which was SURPRISINGLY not terrible. But I really enjoyed the spinning wild mouse up there, Han-Katten! There was a group of 5 middle school-aged boys in front of us who were being moderately annoying – some of them cut in front of us which was annoying since there 5 of them and that meant it AFFECTED us directly since we would have to wait for an additional cycle to get on. Anyway, when we were getting off the ride, Robert was coming up the exit steps and said, “Hey be careful when you go down there, because some kid just threw up everywhere when he came down the steps” and I was like “YES, IT WAS ONE OF THOSE JERKS!” and I was gloating, but then the joke was on me because I accidently looked and then almost threw up myself.

This video is not great –  I had to screen-record it from the Coaster Crew event Facebook page. Anyway, this coaster was just some strange family coaster. It wasn’t too bad!

SNACK TIME. We ran into Larry and Jean outside of this cafe and they spilled the tea on some things for us and it was at the moment that I felt like we were truly part of Coaster Crew. The amount of stress I felt leading up to this trip, worrying that we weren’t going to fit in, were going to be the black sheep on the outside, were going to have a miserable time sitting alone, etc. All for nothing. I still can’t believe how amazing the people portion of this trip was. Sorry that I’m basically acting like an aging GIRL SCOUT again but these things are really important to me and honestly, for as amazing as this coaster trip was, it wouldn’t have been even a quarter this amazing if not for the quality of the people.

I’m getting so emotional!

I am also drinking moscato which is way too sweet and dangerous for me to be drinking alone while tip-tapping away at this keyboard, but you guys. The fucking people, man. I never went away to summer camp but I imagine it must have had similar vibes.

Coffee and donut time!

Our first of many rapids rides of the trip! We were in line behind two young boys who were horrifically slapping each other in the face for fun.  When we got off the ride, it emptied us into a gift shop where I bought bushels of BonBon candy (most of which was licorice so no one but me will eat it!) and then realized that one of those kids completely stood up and mooned the camera, the evidence of which was on full display on the On Ride Photo screen.

At some point, I accidentally used the men’s room. I don’t think anyone would have cared though but it was something I thought about numerous times throughout the trip because Henry and Chooch saw that I was about to walk right in with all the confidence of a dick-swinging construction worker, and they just sat back and let it happen.

It’s fine.

I COULD HAVE BEEN ATTACKED IN THERE.

Isn’t that the big Karen Argument?

Well, I wasn’t.

The theming was so cute/weird/strange/perfect.

In line for the boat ride which took us around the world and was….interesting. Of course, in America Town, all the characters were cowboys and had guns.

Aside from the Dog Fart coaster, I LOVED the log flume. It was so fucking quirky. We went inside a big hunk of cheese and I swear to god, there were people whispering all around us and it was so goddamn creepy. I loved it so much.

And Chooch made me go on this dragon ride which looked like just a little kids’ ride that went in a circle but it went SO FUCKING FAST that it was actually painful and I thought we were going to be flung the hell out. We were SCREAMING for it to stop, but then it went BACKWARD too and I was like, “We are going to die. I can’t believe I’m going to lose my life at BonBon Land I hope someone knows to put that on my epitaph.”

The way I love this group so much, you guys….I have attachment issues.

Anyway, we were only here for a few hours before departing for the second park of the day, fourth park over: Tivoli Freheiden. What I loved was that Tim decided that the original amount of time he allotted was too much since the park was so dead and we were able to easily get the creds, so he changed the departure time and updated the even page on Facebook with the info. But everyone was passing it on, so whenever we would run into someone, they would give us the heads up and that was just one more thing that made me love Coaster Crew so much.

We bought a HENRY glass for Henry and a bunch of candy which I’m almost out of so if anyone wants to buy me candy for Valentine’s Day like suddenly that’s a thing to buy strange bloggers candy on Valentine’s Day, let’s make it a thing, please do ship some BonBon candy to me, or really any kind of licorice in general. I will eat it and thank you bigly.

Oh and in case you missed it, something TERRIBLE OH NO BOO HOO happened to Henry that day, which I already wrote about it while we were still on vacation!

P.S. Oh wow looks like Henry the Oaf actually did take some photos of us on the Dog Fart coaster.

Look,  Henry doth returned from his quest for a portable phone charger. He was in a MOOD too because he hadn’t eaten yet since Chooch and I sent him on his journey back to the hotel (ON FOOT NO LESS, NOT EVEN A STALLION TO CARRY THE WIDE LOAD) before he had a chance to eat dinner, lololol.

It wasn’t NOT crowded at Tivoli that evening, being a summer Saturday after all, but it didn’t really feel crowded until we were in the more narrow areas like this one. It was a bit claustrophobic but I was also so caught up in how magical everything felt that I didn’t even have time to panic.

Here’s a Chooch POV of him living dangerously in a Danish funhouse.

Literally it sounds like he is calling me a vessel for corpse dust when he says my name!!

I only took this so we could try to fuck with the QR code later but it still didn’t work so OH WELL Tivoli, I tried to give you my $$ but your dumb thing won’t work for idiot Americans.

The Hans Christian Anderson ride! A spin through this dark ride will have you REALLY seeing the Disney parallels.

Me again: It wasn’t THAT crowded?! The longest line we waited in was an hour for the Milky Way coaster. Everything else was 30 minutes or less?! Yes, there were a lot of people there but it didn’t feel excessive?! I don’t know why I asked Henry for his opinion because it was wrong.

What else – we got all the coaster creds. We definitely bickered a lot, lol. (Still jet-lagged.) Chooch conned me into going on some flat ride that I couldn’t see from the line because the ride itself was on top of a building – it was like crazy spinny airplane things that went upside down and I wasn’t too fond of it but even less fond of the children in line behind us who were rough-housing (hello, I’m my dad now) and being so OBNOXIOUS and oh wouldya look – they were AMERICAN.

My only regret is not riding Rutschebanen more than once!! I was so caught up in needing to see everything that was going on, that I couldn’t contemplate rerides at that time. Yes, I fucked up, fam. But…now I just need to go back someday! With a DATE. Someone who will be like, “Babe, let’s get some licorice ice cream and lick it together under the most picturesque tree which I have spotted with my monocle that I just happen to keep tucked into the BREAST POCKET of the pin-striped suit I am wearing just for this special occasion of being WITH YOU and then the next big Decemberists rip off indie band will walk by and feel inspired to pen a song about OUR LOVE that features an accordion and a beat made up of the sound of the wooden shoes of puppets hitting a pirate ship’s plank.”

I will probably break up with that guy after the first date but at least we will have the memories. And a song that will probably quickly play in the background of a scene with a couple (the girl has DIY Pippi bangs and the boy has a handlebar ‘stache) riding vintage bikes with poodles in the wicker baskets in an upcoming mumblecore flick that never even makes it to Tubi.

Mostly, we just took everything in. I couldn’t believe we were there, you guys. The famous, storied Tivoli Gardens. “I can’t believe we’re here” was pretty much the tagline of this whole entire trip. I am bankrupt now but I do not regret a single moment of this. I can’t wait to spend the next three fucking months recapping the rest because this was the only the FIRST FULL DAY and it’s taken me approx. 2 weeks to get it on this dying corner of Internet Diary Land.

This was going to be a LiveBlog yesterday while we were at King’s Dominion and I did start it, I swear, but it was like 95 degrees out and I was swaying in and out of consciousness all day lol.

Here’s how it started:

****

We’re at King’s Dominion today! Got here around 1pm. Grizzly was our first coaster because it was recently retracked and soooo jackhammery before. I was interested to see if it was better. And it was!! Until we got to the part that wasn’t retracked. A jarring transition.

But the Bae, Twisted Timbers, made up for it!!

I305 – still the only coaster that sincerely terrifies me but goddamn I love it so much. This is the most I have ever grayed out, Jesus.

Apparently Henry took this of us standing in line for Tumbili, which was an annoying wait as usual for 4d free spins. Suddenly Henry has a new phone that takes decent photos. I’m shook.

4:04pm: been standing in line for this stupid rapids ride for like 45 minutes when everything else is practically a walk-on. Yay 93 degree day. Some lady in front of us started to pass out and her group had to take her out of line :( I saw her sitting down afterward and asked if she was ok and she said YES and thanked me for asking while rude-asses Henry and Chooch breezed past her with nary a well-wish.

This was the WORST ops I have ever seen a rapids ride. Usually the thru-put is so high because the rafts never stop moving on a conveyor belt but this one would have three rafts come to a complete stop while people would exit and then new people would board. It was frustrating, especially when you were done with the stupid ride but had to sit on an uncomfortable incline, waiting to be in the next group of three that got to exit.

We sat with a younger couple and Henry was like OH HO HO HO!!! when she and I both got pelted with water but he was ONLY looking at her because she was the younger, better model and acted like she was the only one who got soaked when I was sitting there scrunched up as my entire backside and part of my left side were drenched?!?! And he kept talking about it after the ride too and I was like “bitch can you not see that I am literally sopping wet?!” That whole experience was so frustrating. Just another day of being invisible to Henry. Can’t wait to get married 🙄

You guys I love Racer so much even though the dumb thing doesn’t race anytime we’re here!

****

Ok that’s as far as I got yesterday so I guess I will continue this while we’re making our way back home but first we are going to get breakfast at some place I’ve been Instagram stalking for years but it’s 20 minutes out of the way and the location that had the French toast special I wanted is closed and the other one has different specials but this fits with the theme of this overnight trip of Erin not getting what she wanted. Hoo boy you should have been there last night during the ICE CREAM FIASCO which always seems to happen when we’re in Virginia. Virginians, quick question be honest – why do you guys hate ice cream?! Every time we come here it’s like HELLO where do you people go for ice cream that’s not a fucking Rita’s or DQ?!

Anyway!! Here you can see some photos from SB’s LOVESHACK something or other! The location that had the FRENCH TOAST SPECIAL that I wanted was closed today and the other location just had plain French toast so I was sad BUT it at least came with blue whipped cream and glitter so that made me happy.

Chooch got a Lakeside Latte which was a caramel and maple delight so then Henry had to copy.

Anyway, we had a great waiter who was wearing a green furry cowboy hat and liked my Pee Wee shirt. From my KEEN OBSERVATION I would say we got the best waiter there.

Anyway, everything was B52’s themed. Imagine liking the B52’s so much that you open two restaurants dedicated to them.

OMG what if I suddenly was an expert at restaurant stuff and opened one themed to @nct ?????!!! And every time someone ordered a lemonade, an alarm would go off and NCT127’s Lemonade would come blaring out?! And I would have an entire section of NCT lemonade favors (they would all be dyed lime green obviduh) to greaten the odds of one being ordered?! DID I JUST REALIZE MY LIFE GOAL?!

Maybe I’ll enroll in college with Chooch so I can learn restaurant stuff.

Or maybe I should just grab a cardboard box and set up a lemonade stand.

Should we talk about more King’s Dominion stuff now that I am full of edible glitter and we’re headed back to Pittsburgh? Ok. Thanks for the permission.

We have never ridden the Ferris wheel here but in case you were wondering if one exists, it does.

The new section is really nice! Tumbili is not great (slow AF ops but these rides are notorious for being slow to load in general) but it’s really nice to look at – it’s themed on a monkey I guess? So the cars are supposed to be monkeys playing on vines in a jungle. The supports were even painted to look like bamboo which was a nice touch.

The second time we rode Intimidator 305 wasn’t *as* good as earlier that day but damn this ride. I can’t imagine riding this for the first time knowing nothing about it and then graying out and thinking you were going to die.

Chooch took this photo and the spots on the lens gave me a angry flashback to when my old DSLR had spots inside somewhere but I was too ambivalent to investigate and correct the issue. But yeah I made him take this picture when we were sitting on the brake run (HIS PHONE WAS SECURELY STOWED AWAY IN HIS ZIPPERED POCKET DURING THE RIDE, NICE TRY NARCS!!!) because of the crow flying by.

FLIGHT OF FEAR!!! Henry did not want to ride this but it’s air conditioned inside the queue (well, it’s supposed to be but this time the A/C seemed to be limited to station). I actually love this ride a lot. It might have been the first launched coaster I’ve ever ridden back when I first went to King’s Island in 2004? Could that be true though?? Maybe. I don’t know. Who can be sure.

I liked the ride op for this one because he was fucking with the riders so hard before the sending the train. For us, an alarm went off and I actually fell for it, I thought there was, I dunno, a security breach or something. But right when I started to say “What is th—-” to Chooch, the launch happened and I was the only person screaming like GP.

***

BACK TO REAL TIME: it is 1:23pm and we are at the Fairfax Coffee Co or something in Berkeley Springs, WV waiting for our lunch to go.

Cute vibes and good veg/vegan options!

And good bathroom selfie mirror!

Food quality TBD. I’ll get back to you on that, blog.

Some asshole child abandoned their sunglasses on the couch at the cafe because children do not value their possessions. I know this because I’m the owner of a 17-year-old child who does not value his possessions. Actually, here he is modeling the sunglasses in question.

Went next door to an antique mall while Henry was waiting for the food. I found nothing that spoke to me. Henry said “thank god.”

Ate our sandwiches (or “sandos” if you’re one of those pretentious Oak Hill Post pricks). Henry got the “Reubenesque” which was a Reuben (duh) with faux-whatever meat is on a Reuben. Chooch and I both got a PB&J. Henry and I shared ours and while his was good, I was the loser in that scenario because the PB&J was way more satisfying (or, as my phone’s autocorrecting wants you to believe: SATs dying.)

Jesus, Henry calm down. (This is out of focus because I was about to take a picture of my own half and saw him going in for the kill out of the corner of my eye and had to snap it up.)

This town is quaint. And only around 2.5 hours from home. Will I go out of my way to return? Maybe put a bingsu cafe in there somewhere and a Kpop shop. Watch me fly back.

****

Anyway, back to yesterday. King’s dominion was an alright time. I was fine until the very end (we left around 8:30) when I wanted soft serve and the only option at KD is Rita’s. Excuse me sir but there is a Rita’s 2 minutes from my house. I think Rita’s is overrated.

So yeah, Chooch and I rode Dominator as our last ride and then the Great Ice Cream Blowout of the Third Quarter happened which is nothing new. I was also PMSing heavily at this point so my actions should be excused as I am generally a precious Angel baby cotton candy loaf.

(The way I can picture Henry frowning at that entire statement…)

You know what we never fought about in European amusement parks? Ice cream. Because there were ice cream options on every corner I swear to Christ.

Also, the bathrooms were excelsior. Clean. Pretty. Private. Plus you could tell which stalls were vacant without having to pace like a panther in the wild, trying to peek under to spot feet.

Oh and our lunch at KD cost $77. 🤢 Granted, it was satisfying (for Chooch and me anyway, Henry was underwhelmed) but when you consider that Chooch and I had to choose three sides since all of the entrees were meat, plus Henry got a chocolate chip cookie in addition to his entree meal, and Chooch got a tiny strawberry shortcake, this still doesn’t seem like $77’s worth of food but what do I know, I took zero economics classes in school.

Take me back.

***

Hi, back to today. We are 1:23 hours from home so I will end this here.

Still on the first day of the Coaster Crew Norden Adventure. We left Bakken around 3pm, ooh’d and ahh’d as the bus driver nearly wiped out several cars on the extremely narrow road (I felt like it was our group’s first collective moment of excitement! Something to remember!), and then made it back to Copenhagen around 4pm for our next park of the day, the famous Tivoli Gardens.

Now, this park has been on my bucket list for years because it’s world-renowned for being not only truly aesthetic and charming, but also the inspiration behind Disney World (Disneyland? I forget which one! Let me Google, please hold).

(Disneyland! I am not a Disneyhead, so pardon me.)

It’s also home to the world’s oldest rollercoaster, Rutschebanen. Yes, Bakken also had a coaster of the same name because it literally translates to “roller coaster.” So, you know, not the most original, but historical nonetheless!

180 years old!

We all had to wait here at the entrance while Tim procured our wristbands and also food vouchers, how wonderful! Aside from ice cream and licorice, we hadn’t actually eaten anything substantial at Bakken so we were pretty hungry by this point.

First, though, I needed a bathroom so let’s look at some of the views that were eyeballed along the way as I followed signs for the bathroom like Alice chasing the white rabbit. This place was really giving Wonderland, now that I think about it. It truly felt like we were back in Victorian times, running through a hedge maze looking for the WC.

Turned a corner into a tree of birdhouses, at one point, before finally finding the bathroom!

“Why would you go to Europe just for amusement parks?” said so many people.

Tivoli Gardens is a big reason why. So STEP OFF, HATER.

Tivoli Gardens is literally like one giant garden, just with some roller coasters and other thrills rides springing up here and there. This is the kind of the park that you want to come to even if you don’t like riding anything, because the atmosphere is ethereal, and the food is not your typical soggy burgers and wet pizza that we attribute to American theme parks.

I made Chooch stop for this photo op while we were on the hunt for this alleged veggie burger being served somewhere near the B&M invery, Daemonen.

Found it! Apparently, Henry didn’t want to eat anything at this particular place and he was being a big wah-wah crybaby about it, especially when I told him to take his bitchy ass elsewhere and save us a table.

Meanwhile, Chooch and I had an enjoyable ordering process. This smiling blond girl over there was so friendly! Honestly, we never encountered an unfriendly person anywhere we went except for the TRAIN GUY WHO YELLED AT US AT THE COPENHAGEN AIRPORT. Not a fan of that prick.

This veggie burger was delicious and I loved the souvenir cups our drinks were served in! This was also notable as being Chooch’s introduction to Faxe Kondi, a Sprite-like soft drink that he became obsessed with. He got a bottle of it somewhere else along the way and requested that we keep the bottle. That bottle made it all the way to Helsinki and then somehow didn’t make it back to Pittsburgh, explain yourself, Henry.

Anyway, now he wants a Faxe Kondi t-shirt.

Also, if you live somewhere in the US where Faxe Kondi can be found, please do alert your friendly blog hostess, thanks in advance.

While we were eating, we sent Henry back to the hotel (within walking distance) to get the portable charger because god forbid our phones should die!! Henry actually did it too because thar’s why we bring him. Meanwhile, Chooch and I rode Daemonen with Cassie and Sherry from our group! I was so stoked to ride with new friends. My life is very small and it doesn’t take much for me to feel fulfilled.

LOL who am I kidding?! We all know I’m never satisfied. The doves have been crying about that for years.

Anyway, our first non-US B&M! (I don’t think we rode any in Korea?! Canada?? Definitely not Tokyo Disney Sea.) The restraint stopped so high up – I actually couldn’t believe it and was actually marginally terrified of the amount of wiggle room this allowed. I’m so used to being stapled, I guess.

But overall, a nice invert. It definitely didn’t dethrone any of my faves in the US, but I gotta admit that the theming of Daemonen was beautiful. Look at the ceiling of the station!!

Henry still hadn’t made his big heroic return to the park yet, so Chooch and I continued our quest for credits and got in line for Maelkevejen – a power coaster that translates to Milky Way. This was somehow the longest line we stood in all day (Daemonen was only about 30 minutes) – I really want to say we waited at least an hour. Standing in line and watching each cycle had me questioning my choices because this basically seemed like a tame little family coaster.

View from one of the many parts in line where we set up camp. Henry eventually returned to Tivoli and we saw him being creepy down there, look like Michael Myers in the Daylight, in search of a bush into which to retreat backward. We also saw a bunch of Coaster Crew in line too. Believe me, this would not ever get old to me. I was always so happy to see familiar faces, even if they belonged to the small handful of people I never talked to.

I loved the ceiling of the station!! It was so retro and gave me Gemini feels.

OK you guys – this ride. THIS RIDE. It ended up being one of my favorites of the whole trip and I desperately wish we had been able to reride it, but anytime a ride is THIS fun and makes me scream my go-to giddy coaster curse of JANNAAAAAA!!!! then you know it’s special. It really made me so fucking happy and gave me a big case of the giggles. Even Chooch was laughing too although he made sure to tell me that I was annoying and to stop, but come on, this coaster had him loving life too. I’m sorry, but sometimes I don’t need super intense launches or crazy inversions – just give me some surprise tunnels and a gut-tickling helix.

For reference, Adventure Express, the fucking MINE TRAIN, is one of my favorite coasters at King’s Island. And this is a park with a stacked coaster line-up. But I will marathon that bitch and act so chaotic that I get yelled at by the ride crew. Airtime’s great but sometimes all I need is FUNTIME.

That made no sense and is probably also my queue to end this recap here because it’s getting late and we’re leaving early in the AM for King’s Dominion. More about this amazing amusement park coming soon!

I’m excited to bring to you photos of the very first park of our Coaster Crew Norden Adventure! Bakken is located just outside of Copenhagen in a town called Klampenborg and it has the distinction of being the world’s oldest operating amusement park. Linda, I have watched so many videos about this place and it was one of the most anticipated stops on the itinerary – it did NOT disappoint!

After our inaugural breakfast with the group (we sat with Pam!!), we boarded the double-decker coach bus for the first of many drives. The excitement was palpable. Well, maybe not Henry’s excitement. He pretty much kept up the general demeanor of a prison warden the whole time, like he was being assigned to sit on a bus with coaster delinquents, making sure no one set off fire crackers in the bus bathroom or ate a tuna fish sandwich on the sly.

We sat adjacent from Justin, who was giddily telling me and the couple in front of me (Marie and Eric) his made-up, inappropriate limericks and jokes. He…was a real source of entertainment for some, but not for all.

I also met Josh and Nick that day, but I don’t think they liked me because I’m a woman who deigned to butt into a conversation about a coaster in South Korea that I have ridden and was just trying to make a connection, but it’s fine. I’m used to being a broad at the sausage party. And the coaster community is just basically a whole ass sausage factory. The older people were a lot more welcoming anyway, so I got over it pretty quickly (LOL as I stayed up until 1AM wine-drunk and ranting to Janna about it).

I believe the weather was in the high 60s that day, maybe pushing 70, and sunny AF.

Right off the bat, I was ENCHANTED by Bakken. It was small, festive, quirky. It definitely didn’t feel like an amusement park by American standards at all, but if I were pressed to compare it to something here….Knoebels? Because while Bakken had a small ride collection, including several coasters, it also had an abundance of restaurants. And I’m not talking like the shitty Six Flags fare we have all come to accept in the States, but legit, nice, sit-down restaurants. If I lived nearby, I could see myself wanting to frequent it for not just the rides (Bakken has a pay-per-ride option!), but even just for a date night (LOL when I imagined this, it was not Henry on these dream dates with me, but the silhouette iPhone emoji). Ugh, I loved the ambiance here SO MUCH.

I mean, would ya LOOK?!

OMG this was one of the best mine trains I have ever ridden. I guess I was expecting some janky death trap, being in the oldest park in the world, but it was fantastic.

Rutschebanen (literally “roller coaster”) was on the anticipated list for me even though it was recently refurbed so that the need for a brakeman was no longer a thing. But it’s still notorious for having a tunnel that is straddled by a giant wooden cutout of a naked lady, so you’re, you know, passing between her legs. It’s amazing and I was so giddy when we got to the part!

I heard a lot of the enthusiasts in our group saying that they were disappointed with this coaster, but I was fully entertained! Look, sometimes a coaster just needs to be a basic fun time, OK? And this was that for me. (Even though I stapled myself BADLY both times we rode it!)

Dude you guys, one of the people in our group, Johnny, films POVs for YouTube. Chooch and I took the back seat, but Henry was like, “ME BIG SHOT MAN, ME WAIT FOR FRONT SEAT” and Johnny asked if he could sit with him. Chooch of course was like, “LOOK, HE MADE A FRIEND” and we were braying over this like the fucking assholes we are. I was talking to Johnny on the way back to the bus (after we ditched Henry and left without him because he was trying to be COOL GUY again by telling some of the younger guys where the gift shop was) and he had me scan his QR code so I could subscribe. Of course I was screaming last night when he posted his POV of Rutschebannen!! HENRY IS SO EMBARRASSING!

I love this video though because I get to see Coaster Crew people! And at the end, after the awkward silence as the train sat on the brake run, that’ Justin asking Johnny questions from the line!

Guys, hoo boy. Tornado was…something else. I have watched plenty of videos about this so I knew going in  that it was going to be crazy, but that it would be even CRAZIER if you can get the ride op to send you in something called BOOST MODE. From the reactions I have seen on YouTube, this is not for the faint of heart. I’m not enough of a coaster nerd to really understand this, but the coaster itself is a spinning model, right? And there is something that the ride op can do where he reaches under the car and — disables, maybe? — a magnet, resulting in an uncontrolled, chaotic spin session. I mean first of, even without boost mode, you’re launched over a lift hill and that alone made me feel like I was being decapitated by the over-the-shoulder restraints.

PAM AND KEVIN ON TORNADO. Who is Kevin, you might be asking? He was another single traveler in our group and he and Pam just kind of organically paired up that day as riding partners, and it just stuck! The number of times I yelled, “THERE’S PAM AND KEVIN!” throughout the trip, you guys, it was a lot. I was always so happy to see them!

Anyway! This was our first time riding it that day and Henry was being a big sissy and said he didn’t want us to ask for boost mode. So, Chooch and I got back in line later that day, but the line was a lot longer than it was when we rode it earlier, so we were concerned about that because we still wanted to explore other parts of the park.

Right after we got in line, this one guy that I recognized from my FAVORITE coaster Youtuber’s, El Toro Ryan,  videos got in line behind us with two other guys. I figured if anyone would know about boost mode it would be Mark and this IS SO DISTURBING and makes me look like a fucking creepy freak, but I knew that he had been to this park before (BLAME YOUTUBE). So I turned around and asked, “Is boost mode worth standing in this line for?”

“Oh, they won’t do boost mode anymore,” he said sadly. “We tried.” And I do remember seeing comments on someone’s YouTube channel from locals who were saying the same thing. I was both disappointed and relieved! Anyway, Mark ended up talking to us the entire time we were in line, and he was beyond nice! I was so happy to be talking to another Coaster Crew person, you guys have no idea! Anyway, he even gave us tips on how to hold the restraint so that the decapitation sensation didn’t happen again.

THANKS MARK IT WORKED!

Anyway, Chooch and I rode with two young girls and while I didn’t notice the ride op doing anything untoward beneath our car, it really felt like we had boost mode?! I mean, it felt like we were riding a completely different coaster from earlier, and I was SCREAMING. I mean, it was horrific, the spinning was unhinged, but I was also laughing hysterically. Even the girls were like OH MY GOD as the coaster came to a stop on the brake run and we all just sat there stunned and bonded over the shared trauma.

I did hear later on that SOME PEOPLE in our group ALLEGEDLY did get boost mode so maybe we did?? I’ll tell you one thing, if that WASN’T boost mode, then I don’t think I want to ever get it. Because whatever we had on that ride was pushing the limit for me, lol.

This is where their clown lives!! Sadly, his first performance of the day was scheduled for the exact time we had to be back on the bus and I was more crushed about this than Boost Mode: Did We or Didn’t We.

And now please enjoy a series of photos of Chooch and me getting that kiddie coaster cred:

Trolls are big over there.

American Troll.

YEAH. BOI. Pistachio for me. I can’t remember if I even looked to see if there was a licorice option, now that I think about it!

Ahhh, this was my indoctrination into Living That Licorice Life. I had been telling Henry for months that aside from the amusement parks, I was most excited to eat all of the fucking licorice on this trip. My love for licorice happened by accident several years ago when I went to Jungle Jims in Cinci and brought back the motherlode of foreign candy for my pumpkin of international candy horrors at work. One of the things I bought, unbeknownst to myself, was SALTY LICORICE (actually from a Danish brand, if I remember correctly). Everyone fucking hated it except for Glenn and me. Actually, I’m not even sure I liked it but I became addicted to the palette trauma and ate them until I got sick, and then bought more bags on Amazon.

I didn’t know at the time about the salmiak phenomenon in Scandinavia and Finland, but once I started researching for this trip, I was like, “OH SNAP IT’S ON.”

So, this was my first Danish licorice purchase! Henry and Chooch chose some non-black licorice flavs, but I was like, “Salmiak me, please.” I started noshing immediately, and of course while we were in line for this one indoor shooter ride, a couple from our group got in line with us and started talking to us; I was CONVINCED that my teeth were coated in licorice tar, so I was trying to talk without moving my lips too much. They ended up still talking to us throughout the entire trip (Dawn and Robert! Two of my faves, honestly) so I guess I didn’t scare them off by recreating the “Francis Chews Trick Gum” scene of Pee Wee’s Big Adventure:

An OK wild mouse. I’ll remember it as the first time we talked to Alex from South Coasters! He sat in our car with Chooch and we briefly chatted afterward – just a really nice guy and he always said hello to us after that.

I wonder what they had at the American Diner…

Um…this was the SLEEPER HIT of Bakken for me! Actually, it was one of my favorites of the whole trip! Looked like it would be something similar to the Spider rides we have in America, but holy shit, this thing was psychotic. It had a wicked spin, and then what I referred to as “the bonus round” once the ride came back to the ground and you’d think the cycle was over, but then it started doing another round of chaotic Scrambler-like spinning on the ground! I was laughing like a hyena and even Chooch was screaming, “How is this so good?!”

LOVE ME A DARK RIDE.

First #carouselfie of the trip! Also,  this carousel doesn’t really stop moving so people just wait to jump on?? I was like, “Where is the line?” and Henry was like, “Um, I think you’re just supposed to run onto it?” It was actually kind of terrifying.

Super small, but it got the job done!

Chooch got his own ice cream later because he was waiting in a long bathroom line apparently when we ordered our ice cream earlier. He got this cute character cup, but then realized almost every park we went to have their own versions so now we have like, 4 of them.

Hidden troll!

One of the things we quickly learned was that a lot of buildings in Denmark had grass on the roofs. Very enchanting!

We left around 3pm to make our way back to Copenhagen so that we could be let loose in Tivoli Garden, but not before our bus driver nearly took out a bunch of cars in his attempt to drive our doubledecker coach bus down a very narrow, definitely not made for a tour bus, road. More like, lane

Bonus: The houses near Bakken were $$$$$$$.

Henry and I went to Kennywood after work yesterday because their hours are being downsized to ‘weekends only’ after this week, plus they extended their weekday hours to 10PM and I NEEDED a Phantom night ride. I hate this new-ish, post-pandemic trend of amusement parks closing at like 7 or 8, rendering night rides impossible.

As soon as we arrived in the parking lot, I was like, “Oh shit, this place is DEAD.” And then we got inside and everything was a walk-on, station wait at most. I can’t remember the last time I saw Kennywood this empty?? It was almost eerie. The Racer sent one train 1/4 full, and the other train had two people.  Usually that line is out of the queue.

(Don’t worry, ops were still AWFUL so it’s not like we walked on and rode straight away.)

This was the queue for Exterminator!!! WE WALKED RIGHT ON. The only time I can remember this ever happening was when Chooch and I got in line right after the park opened, but before the rides were running, and we were the first riders of the day – but there were a ton of people behind us.

Anyway, nothing super exciting happened during our four hours of Kennyfun, but I wanted to dump the photos here for posterity. I also want to just say that I feel so fucking spoiled after spending two weeks running around amusement parks with other grown-ass adults who also just want to have fun! I’m grateful that Henry and Chooch like doing this but fuck, it gets lonely. We get free friend passes with our season memberships and they go to waste every year.

(Cry about it, Erin.)

(OH, I WILL, THANKS.)

Mainly, we came for this BAY-BAY:

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This fucking coaster. How is it legal?? I could marathon the fuck out of this.

If I wasn’t with HENRY AND HIS OLD-ASS BONES. I think we only rode it 5x. So lame.

I love Kennywood at night.

It really is always a good time. Unless you’re being harassed on Facebook while you’re there, which no longer happens to me since I’m not on Facebook anymore :)

My only gripe about Kennywood, aside from Steel Curtain STILL being a huge ass SBNO pile of steel, is that this is another season with NO Phantom merch. If Kennywood had their fingers on the pulse of the coaster community, they would know that Phantom is an elite coaster that people travel from OTHER COUNTRIES to ride. It routinely makes enthusiasts’ top 20 lists. People come to Kennywood on coaster road trips and want to BUY A FUCKING T-SHIRT. So I have decided that I’m just going to make my own goddamn Phantom’s Revenge t-shirt because fuck you, Kennywood.

I mean, I love you Kennywood, but read the fucking room.

Hello from a Tuesday evening on the bus! A lot has happened but in an effort to keep up with my micro-blogging of this trip, today’s small word bundle will be about Idiot Chooch’s 130 feet free fall on Sunday evening. Tivoli Friheden has a SCAD tower which I did know about going into this but didn’t really think much about it until that day when Tim said that it was included in the park admission for our group if anyone wanted to do it. Chooch was like, “what is it, I’ll do it” and I was like “oh great. I am so excited for my son to fall off a 50m tower into a fucking net, every mom’s dream.”

Love that the only thing he really has to say about it is that he hurt his knee again.

In “Now” news, we are in the midst of an itinerary shakeup. Starting yesterday, the weather has been real rainy and windy. Yesterday was mostly just a rain issue and luckily all the rides were open, but unforch, the forecast for the next several days were bad enough Re: wind that the ferries canceled their service so our ferry for Norway scheduled for tonight was canceled. When we got on the bus after Djurs last night, Tim broke the news to us and told us that we have two options: scrap Tusenfyrd, or drive 13 hours overnight by bus.

It was so dramatic and started to get semi-verbally hostile between some guys up on the top floor of the bus (where we are) and then some guys started shouting the pros of keeping Tusenfyrd and honestly I was in favor of the overnighter too because I want to go to Norway. Anyway, Tim had to walk around while everyone covertly showed him their vote on their phone and it felt like Survivor, like someone was getting voted off the bus. There was an overwhelming majority for OVERNIGHT so that is what’s happening and there are APPARENTLY at least two people who are very unhappy about this and are planning on leaving us in Copenhagen. [Yes, we were all the way super north in Denmark but have to drive all the way back to Copenhagen, get a new driver, cross the bridge to Sweden (which could be an issue depending on how windy it still is when we get there) drive up through Sweden to Tusenfyrd in Norway. Not the greatest but at least we’ll still get there.)]

Anyway, after we left todays park, Henry made some dumb joke to the bus driver about “can’t you maybe just fly us there? Maybe if we got some wings?” And it was SO UNCOMFY. I asked him to never do that again, his weird “flirting with another professional driver” voice, ugh. Then we stopped at IKEA so Tim could buy us pillows and everyone ate in the cafeteria.

Oh just 70 people unexpectedly storming IKEA 30 minutes before they closed. That was interesting. But it was so nice of Tim to get us pillows!!