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• 13:48 On our way to Gray Gardens for Choochs birthday cake. Getting high first might have been a good idea. Oh, hindsight. #
• 14:03 My only task was picking up ice cream. When did vanilla branch off into so many sub-flavors? Jesus Christ. #
• 17:47 Ppl will probably think Henry is his kids’ chaperone at the show tonite, when really he’s mine. #
• 18:33 For some reason we were just escorted to the front of the line. W/o even making it to the end. Wtf. #
• 19:21 Hi we got in the VIP! #
• 19:50 Drop Dead Gorgeous just came on and Henry said OH GR8 right before his head burst. #
• 23:12 Motherfucking Chiodos FTW!!!! #
• 23:22 Christina drives like the ppl I get stuck behind that make me scream FUCKING DRIVE in a Satan voice. #
• 10:50 Considered arranging for christinas car to get jacked so she’d have to stay in pittsburgh. #

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• 16:06 The only thing worse than being called jelis is when ur really not. Oh, and decapitation might be worse too. #
• 18:50 Sometimes I wanna be all YOU SUCK, but I’ve always had a hard time being so succinct. #
• 19:14 Cuter: ET or MAC from Mac and Me? Pressing, plz answer. #
• 19:43 Eleanore needs to shave her pits. I didn’t see or anything; she announced it. #
• 22:07 It would be interesting to watch someone burn in a fiery pit. Smelly, but a charbroiled good time nonetheless. #
• 22:24 alexisonfire just came on my Zen, so its official– i need to find a bitch to burn. All signs point to a haystack and a match. #
• 23:23 This office air makes my face so oily. Come swipe your bread on my face. #
• 10:49 Just told chooch that he’s the only person that poops and henry yelled at me. #
• 11:32 Wishing my son would cease using his head as a weapon. #
  

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  Urgent. Will die without reading.

  • 15:41 Lost raises my blood pressure. #
  • 15:42 Almost as much as the incessant phone calls from my wacked-out aunt. #
  • 17:09 Just let a Jehovahs Witness in front of us in traffic & bitch didn’t wave thanks. Jesus frowned. #
  • 18:00 Henry used to eat stewed tomatoes all the time when he was young. Must have been cheap during Depression. #
  • 00:11 Fuck I never thought I would get so hyped over a j-lo movie. GIRL POWER! I’ve been drinking. #
  • 01:39 Trying to bring back fluorescent blazers. Worn with a black bra underneath and asymmetrical hair. I’m about to be hot ya’ll. #
  • 08:53 I remember the shoes and the mercedes. Don’t be cruel. #
  • 09:36 Today means birthday cake and the Chiodos show. I might not care if I die on the way home. #
  • 09:38 Chooch and I had Christina fetch us bagels, a sore reminder to her that there are TWO Erins now. #

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• 16:59 This photoshoot was sposed to be for fun but now is a Very Big Deal. Ugh leave me alone. #
• 17:04 Telling Big Bob about a coworker I don’t like. He told me, very srsly, to "blog it up" and I almost died. #
• 17:29 Just had the best peanut of my life. #
• 17:39 When I put on Greeley Estates, Chooch started going crazy & knocking chairs over. He’s going to be That Guy who chucks beer bottles at shows #
• 19:24 Bob was joking that one of my exes is probably doing heroin now. Didn’t have heart to tell him he died 7 yrs ago! #
• 21:45 Eleanore is talking on phone AND cutting coupons. Oh holy night, indeed. #
• 09:16 Holy shit Chooch is 2. Right now I’m sitting next to a 2yo. Crying almost! TWO!#

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• 13:03 Henry QOTD: I would never leave just because someone sat down beside me. Unless it was you. #
• 15:08 I think henry just tried to send me a picture of his weener. Would have been hot if he did it from zoo, not bedroom. #
• 15:33 Eyebrows are a really weird part of the face when u think about it. At least they’re not wooden though. Or Teflon. #
• 19:32 If I was "trained" to write for a career I’m pretty certain I’d kill myself. #
• 20:49 Apparently its ok to be full of shit as long as you’re funny. Whew. #
• 22:36 Srsly am about to slit throats with frying pans.#
• 09:59 Couldn’t remember kielbasi so I kept calling it curvy meat which is a much cooler name anyway. #

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• 13:02 It’s surprising how many times a day I wash dishes, considering there’s only three of us and Chooch mostly eats off the floor. #
• 13:36 I still feel sad when I think about Versace’s murder. Like I was his bastard child from a hetero fling & I got gypped out of inheritance.  #
• 14:56 At work and it suddenly smells like someone just peed. #
• 15:02 Pee smell was burning bag of popcorn that someone tossed, still aflame, in the trash. Big Bob saved day.  #
• 15:22 Dear Robert Smith: not sure what I’d have done if you weren’t born. Happy fucking birthday, yo. #
• 17:46 I usually have no idea what I’m talking about, but I like to think it sounds good. #
• 19:25 define irony: asking Eleanore to cut – WITH SCISSORS – a stray thread from the back of my shirt #
• 20:36 I often have urges to punch myself in the head. like now. what a coincidence. #
• 09:29 I could never just take a hearty bite out of a whole tomato and call it a snack. That’s what apples are for. And Sno-balls. #
• 11:07 Hoping the "poop, then stick fingers in it" phase ends soon. For Chooch, I mean. I outgrew that three yrs ago. #

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• 13:53 I can’t even get drunk without losing interest. #
• 20:25 You can’t bury people in your yard? #
• 20:47 No one ever stops me on the street and asks me to dance, which is a shame if you know me. #
• 09:53 Watching Blue’s Clues episode about frustration. Learning lots. #

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• 12:59 Having the best waiter ever right now. #
• 13:52 Want to change photoshoot locale to the bathroom of where I ate lunch. #
• 16:43 Was supposed to hang with my bro at our g-ma’s but aunt is acting crizazy again. #
• 18:53 Henrys doing yardwork for the first time in ten yrs. #
• 20:21 I think if I found a box full of sharp objects, the day wouldn’t be so beautiful. Dangerous maybe; beautiful, not so much. #
• 11:28 Henry buys cookies to keep me fat. #
• 11:48 Suddenly started crying while listening to Circa Survive; Henry rolled eyes. #

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• 10:03 Trying to build something AWESOME with blocks but Chooch keeps taking them from me.#
• 10:22 Henry just came home to chooch & me shrieking & stampeding & said "ppl walking by must think idiots live here." Hope so. #
• 11:29 Working from home is for gaybos. #
• 16:48 Just bathed in the crumbs of a Russian tea cake. #
• 16:56 Getting complimented on my perfume by Tina makes me feel like she’s coming on to me. #
• 17:44 At exactly 405pm my heart fluttered. Wtf I’m a sucker. #
• 18:06 I hate that I can proofread the shit out of someone else’s writing but I look like a bumbling hick w/ my own. #
• 21:45 If I was a robot, I’d want to be made of copper. Maybe stuffed with the guts of a dead nun. #
• 22:13 Eleanore has graduated from coupon cutting to construction paper cutting. #
• 09:37 Convinced my kid is going to grow up to be a scary contortionist in a Tool video. #
• 11:11 Just told my 2yo son he needs to start pulling his weight around here. Was srs. #
• 11:31 Chooch doesn’t like pierogies. People in Pittsburgh get beat up for that. #

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• 11:27 I was never OK with having ice cream dripping down my wrists. Not then, not now. Maybe tomorrow. #
• 15:16 I hate the boys at work! They make fun of me. #
• 18:28 I laff when ppl refer to henry as my "man" #
• 22:11 Cheez-its make a crappy dinner. Maybe if I at least had a side of Swedish Fish, we’d be talkin’. #

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• 11:11 Peeing pants at dentist’s. #
• 15:55 In chooch’s hands: black babydoll & naked white babydoll w/ red lips, alienish cranium. #
• 17:17 wishing i had a mallet with which to clunk myself on head. #
• 19:30 Evidently I’m oblivious to a lot of things. #
• 20:17 I wish I was pretty like a cake. Unless its an armadillo cake. #
• 20:30 Now that Bob and Collin are gone, Eleanore and I talk about diapers and itchy skin. Oh, the laffs. #
• 20:51 I’m pretty like a urinal cake, anyway. #

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• 14:38 Movie being filmed down the street from my work. So badly want to disrupt. #
• 16:59 Kmfdm would be good background music for settling a score. #
• 17:49 I hate that antifreeze looks like such a refreshing beverage. #
• 19:01 Thanks for the hair in my food, Henry. Yummy delicious. #
• 19:18 I think my aunt is trying to kill my grandma? #
• 19:18 You know I like you when I’ll listen to a 3-disc live recording of your fave band.#
• 22:02 My boss accidentally burnt her popcorn. Mine now! #
• 10:11 Mandatory overtime does not suit my lifestyle. #
• 10:13 Anyone who sends me a letter in an envelope made from a Homies poster knows me very well. #

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• 17:48 Playing with two doll arms. Possibilities are endless. #
• 21:17 I hate when I finally figure out what I want in life and it winds up being something dumb. Like circus peanuts. #
• 21:50 Someday I will make the front page. Its my destiny. Probably it will be the Pennysaver but I’ll take it. #
• 00:46 I want to have a yard sale and sell my family. Maybe a spatula and lampshade, too. #

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• 13:31 I should NOT be crying over Duff Goldman’s Chefography. I need a shot of hate. #
• 18:03 Today a fifty-something year old crossdresser told me I’m weird. I laffed. #
• 19:33 I live for tattling on my son. Its all "HENRY! CHOOCH IS STICKING OUT HIS TONGUE AT ME!" over here. #
• 11:17 Talking to henry about solid cherry caskets while our son begs for trail mix. should be a song. #

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• 15:52 On our way to Toys r Us. I’m gonna pass out crack rocks to children. #
• 17:40 Stuffed cranraisin in henrys mouth while he’s on phone. Totally overreacted: DONT EVER DO THAT AGAIN #
• 19:17 Wasn’t invited to neighbors bday party TEN YR OLDS SUCK ANYWAY. Besides, party dress needs drycleaned. #
• 19:18 Everyone knows "don’t" means "do it" #
• 20:24 Wishing I could blow off reality, responsibilities, priorities and work at a record store. Fuck. Or the morgue. #
• 09:45 Confirmed: will never change my mind about Alaska. #

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• 15:01 Wondering: who was the first person to eat feces and report "Do not eat. Tastes like shit." #
• 17:47 Worst: bees in bonnet or ants in pants? I mean they could be FIRE ANTS and maybe you already have crabs and they start fighting for crot … #
• 18:05 FOR CROTCH SUPREMACY is what that would have said if I knew how to obey word limits. #
• 19:11 Cauterize caught her eyes cod or fries? #
• 20:05 Just defended my favorite golfer. Srsly, do NOT fuck with Phil Mickelson or I’ll scratch a fucker’s eyes out. #
• 22:54 Rediscovering an album I used to love is like, almost as good as not getting electrocuted when sticking foil in a socket. No, it’s as good. #

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