Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 10:52 Really bad idea #35965236: somersaults on hardwood floor. #
• 16:15 Tina just said she’ll be back on my shift starting Monday. I told her I’d bring the balloons. #
• 19:02 I love it when Eleanore reads me the local news headlines. She should be syndicated. #
• 20:29 i like good mexicans. #
• 21:08 Break between songs was just long enough to hear Eleanore talking with food in her mouth. Congrats to me. #
• 22:44 I hope this doesn’t end badly. #
• 10:40 Its been a long time since I laughed til I threw up. Please hurry, Memorial Day weekend. #
• 11:59 Clearly my heart needs to undergo heart-hardening procedures if I’m crying at Land Before Time 3. #

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Uploaded all the photos, and hopefully I’ll get my head in check to finally write about my Philly trip tonight.

I feel so tired every time I think about it though. Owellz0rz.

Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 09:22 Successfully outlasted Chooch in a mega amped psycho-circus dance party jamboree. He looks stoned right now; I’m still dancing. #
• 09:24 And I won’t stop til I break something. (Hopefully not my neck.) You can’t listen to Dance Gavin Dance and NOT dance. #
• 09:48 Found a mix cd I made a few yrs ago, aptly titled: Henry Double Fists Himself While Watching Mr. Rogers. #
• 10:42 Forgot to lock my desk at work. I hope no one steals my rufies and the cigar box of fingers. And my rosary. God, not my rosary! #
• 11:10 Was asked what besides exercise I’m doing to lose weight. Cocaine, laxatives & long nites at the brothel, obv. #
• 17:35 Chooch is dragging pretzels thru ketchup. Making mama proud, that boy. #
• 20:36 Just walked by anthony green. So precious. #
• 20:41 Just got a splinter in my boob. #
• 20:47 Pelican is on and Henry said he feels like he’s on downers. This is murder music. #
• 20:47 Like, I can picture myself running around with a blood-soaked ice pick, flesh hanging off the tip. #
• 20:49 Henry won’t applaud. #
• 20:53 Countdown to meltdown. #
• 20:55 Henry won’t stand with me. I smell a horse headed pillow in his future. #
• 21:04 Its like watching Jesus on stage every time, if Jesus were wont to get high and sing to a crowd of studded belts and hoodies. #
• 21:05 Now would be a good time for a cigarette and a good cold-cocking. #
• 21:07 Me: must be nice to get to have a Circa tshirt. Henry: Christina will buy you one. #
• 21:20 Choochs namesake just took the stage. #
• 21:41 Drowning in a digital sea. #
• 21:42 ….With Ken and Barbie. #
• 22:19 Henrys illustrating how annoying I am by doing to me the things I do to him. #

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Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 13:10 Im devoting all my spare* time to spearhead the "whatevelyn" movement. fuck world peace, this cause is where its at. (*which means: none) #
• 13:14 Don’t like it? Whatevelyn! #
• 14:44 Henry just asked me why I have that "I’m gonna do something" look on my face. "Or have you already?" he added. #
• 17:37 I hated jellies when I was a kid and was the only girl in my class who didn’t have a pair. Now I’m 28 and wearing pink ones. #
• 17:53 I’ve had a temp tattoo on my hand for almost a week now and it won’t come off, but now it just looks like DIRT. #
• 18:25 putting together a band where the only instrumentation is the sound of me dancing in wooden shoes. The Clodhoppers, I guess. #
• 19:53 "please come closer, because my heart doesn’t touch yours anymore." DIES. #
• 20:36 oh look, it’s scissor o’clock. #
• 20:45 i will never again be able to cut a piece of paper without shuddering, wincing, and punching myself in the crotch. FUCK YOU, ELEANORE. #
• 23:25 PLEASE ACT SURPRISED. She’s baking. She’s baking. (She’s not baking.) #
• 23:27 making sense is so 1995. i’m going to start making scents instead. #

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Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 13:05 I think some ppl only understand the meaning of NO when its followed by a knife in the gut. #
• 15:20 I just know when I’m stuck behind an I<3Bingo sticker, I’m going to be late for work. #
• 17:54 Seasonal lesbianism in the hizzouse. #
• 19:32 my stomach is still exacting revenge after yesterday’s cereal mishap. #
• 20:40 this makes me die inside: "were my arms too short to ransom you from broken skin and black and blue." #
• 21:39 I don’t get enough naked chicks sending me friend requests on MySpace. WHAT’S UP, HOES?? #
• 22:52 waiting for the death blow. #
• 23:01 i could have a sword lodged in my sternum and my fave security guard could still make me smile just by giving me a thumbs up. OKMAYBENOT. #

• 08:00 Apparently saying "whatevelyn" is even more annoying than its abbreviated sister "Whatev." Glad I inducted it into my lexicon. #

And then these ones didn’t post yesterday because LoudTwitter thinks I’m a whore:

Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 09:46 Ordering cereal with a chronic sniffler behind me. Gross. 
• 09:50 I’m eating cocoa puffs, lucky charms, malt balls and choco syrup. Best cereal ever.
• 09:58 All cereal should have malt balls in it. And I don’t even LIKE malt balls!!! 
• 09:59 And a goth girl named Simone works here AND the Cure is playing. Cereality pwns.
• 11:32 Sick
• 08:01 Just got my son stuck in a shirt. It was scary because I thought he was going to kill me.
• 08:02  I gave him cold pizza for breakfast in an attempt to make amends

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Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 15:56 Freaking out b/c Tina just announced she might be coming back to night shift, scabs and all. #
• 16:05 Tina’s shift switch hasn’t even been approved yet and I’m already clenching my jaw. BTW, my crown STILL hurts. #
• 20:18 currently experiencing the pap smear of all crushes. #
• 23:09 when traveling for a show i prefer to spend less on lodging, more on merch. evidently my bro isn’t down w/ a cheap motel room. owellz0rz #

Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 15:48 At our "hotel" which is really just a place where ppl come to have sex. #
• 15:49 Corey said it looks like a concentration camp. #
• 16:17 Domestic dispute in hotel parking lot. #
• 16:43 New jersey sucks. #
• 17:02 We’re eating at Pats Pizzeria: proudly boasting a satisfactory sanitary inspection. #
• 17:10 All that’s in this town are liquor stores, strip clubs and Pats Pizzeria. Usually would be happy but not in mood! #
• 18:12 Oh, aging goths. #
• 18:15 Coreys keeping a tally of how many dirty looks we’re getting standing in line at arena. #
• 18:44 In our seats laffing at ppl. Interpol is blaring over speakers, what a cliche choice for them. #
• 19:06 One minute into 65daysofstatic and I’m crying. #
• 19:20 Quite possibly oldest Cure fan in world just sat down in front of me. #
• 19:51 Spent so much $ already, might need to turn some tricks to finance the trip home. #
• 21:33 Some men should never dance #
• 23:47 Corey and I just realized that we probably look more suspicious than anyone else in the motel lot. #
• 00:53 Corey: thankfully this pillow has a clean side. #
• 08:32 There’s a massage parlour in this town called Back to Front. I don’t like it. #

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Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 15:33 Dear god, thank you for Gossip Girl. #
• 15:59 Sometimes I’m in the mood for slicing. Like now, I’m thinking of sharp blades and eyeing up my flesh. #
• 16:50 Christina and I just had one of those faggy ‘I appreciate you’ moments. I need a face-punch now. #
• 17:16 Bob just told me that when he first started working here, he thought I was 21. #
• 17:35 I’m not sure what this means but listening to Norma Jean makes me want to both have sex & go on a stabbing spree. Maybe stab whoever I’m fucking #
• 17:37 i swear i don’t have bones beneath my bed. #
• 20:04 i never hated the sound of scissors until i started working here. #
• 20:19 I should be a rapper based solely on my psychotic hatred for cops alone. #
• 20:20 i made myself so angry about cops the other night that i started laffing uncontrollably and henry was all "this is alarming, u know" #
• 22:16 Christina just said i’m acting like i showered in espresso and i am LAFFING at that. Laffing. Hahaha. OH BOY. #
• 08:39 I want christina to move in with us so I can play her and henry off each other. Win/win for me. #
• 10:06 The last time I felt like this I charged a $3000 business investment to my moms AmEx hahahahaha. #
• 10:46 Told Christina that Kennywood once had fastest roller coaster& she asked if it was named Erins Emotions. She’s funny sometimes #
• 12:00 Remember when I wanted to cut off my arm and keep it as a pet? Those were the days.#

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Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 13:08 There’s little worse than a chatty gas man. #
• 17:06 Bob might get hot wings tonight. This is the most exciting thing I have to report right now. #
• 17:18 I might be the vainest person I know. #
• 18:41 at the rate my buttons have been getting pushed, i’m probably gong to start launching missles soon. step the fuck off. #
• 19:19 I hate it when Henry sends me pictures of him and Chooch enjoying life when I’m stuck in this vortex of insanity triggers. #
• 20:34 every time im due to get some $$$, something happens to the car. stimulus check —> repair broken-off side view mirror. #
• 23:14 Might try and provoke new cleaning guy to shank me. #
• 10:44 Following Henry in the car. I guess Professional Drivers don’t need to use turn signals. #

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Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 10:03 When I vacuum, chooch gathers his valuables and sits in a corner, looking forlorn. I laugh. #
• 16:29 for some reason, i texted "i love you" to henry today. i feel weird now. #
• 18:22 My music doesn’t go as loud as I need it to right now, and it needs more rage. #
• 18:28 @spacecoaster somewhere, the Antichrist was born. #
• 22:35 Im pretty sure the new cleaning guy here was just let out of the state pen. #
• 23:09 i could really go for a rousing round of drunken and disorderly duck duck goose right about now. next game night, anyone? #
• 09:36 I need a good scandal in my life. #

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FUN FACT: In my twenty-eight years, I’ve been covered with ants on two separate occasions and on two separate limbs. I was not pleased either time.

Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 10:55 Tried to make son delicious snack of baked pita with sugar/cinnamon. Epic fail. #
• 10:56 Unless of course delicious means burnt in some countries. #
• 13:34 Henrys eating my botched pita snack and is making pained expressions. #
• 16:53 This weekend I’m going to Philly to see the Cure & to have my mind explode trying to order 1 bowl of cereal at Cereality. #
• 16:54 Cereal makes me REALLY excited. THEYLL PUT POP ROCKS IN IT IF I WANT. #
• 19:50 Country should never ever be spelled kuntry. In case you were unsure. #
• 20:44 A cupcake just might be the only thing that could make me smile right now. (God, ok! My kid, too.) #
• 22:23 Just returned Cute Security Guard’s salutation with a demand for 35 cents. What? I had a dire need for peanuts. #
• 22:24 Then I apologized for being rude and he said he comes to expect as much from me. #
• 22:58 If my arms were made of rubber, I’d use them as a jumprope. Jumparms, as it were. #
• 09:08 Had another dream about getting shot but the gun was diamond-encrusted so I didn’t mind as much. #

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Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 16:28 Phil Mickelson #2!!! #
• 16:36 NO ONE fucks with Janna’s chicken parm. I’ll cut them. #
• 18:17 When Chooch says SIT, we sit. He scares us. #

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Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 17:45 Wish I was part of that class that wears sequined evening gowns even when eating a hotdog. Make mine veggie. #
• 17:55 Would rip out some of my teeth to be at Bamboozle right now. #
• 21:38 Banana pudding ice cream just fortified my will to live. #

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Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 14:07 Henry better put on his Molly Maid cap and whip this house into shape before I lose my mind in all the clutter. #
• 14:25 Gonna try to get myself kidnapped this weekend. Alley at midnight or smeared with the scent of trust fund at a truck stop? #
• 14:44 Wrapped a polka dotted scarf around my ankle. Henry said it looks real dumb. Hope it catches on. #
• 15:19 I hope ppl will think I tried to slit my ankle. #
• 15:44 whatever my current plague is, it’s making my hands shake, which is not conducive to things I need to do. Like, you know, exist. #
• 18:05 I just really can’t deal with Eleanores voice when I’m sick. Unforch, she’s on the phone forever. #
• 18:36 Kim just pointed at my anklace (HAHA) and said, "What r u trying to be, Sha-Na-Na?" and I died. Except that I still live. #
• 18:36 Or ankerchief??? #
• 18:49 Henry, who was 1/2 asleep when i left, just emailed me and asked "Were u dressed weird when u left?" IT’S NOT WEIRD ITS AWESOME. #
• 19:43 I want to have a guild of some sort. What do u do in guilds? #
• 22:20 Now every time I listen to Olivia N. John I hear her daughter Chloe. I mean, not that she’s on regular rotation. Just "Magic" #
• 22:39 Whatever happened to baby Jane Child? #
• 00:12 I have nowhere to go. #
• 11:23 Henry said I smell like anger. #

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Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 13:19 Didn’t even realize I have a bloody knuckle. What’s up, adrenaline. #
• 14:22 I think I’ve outgrown the Cure. #
• 17:09 I think by the time I complete my tenure at MSA, I’ll be handing them one of my lungs. #
• 17:27 Versus the Mirror dares Eleanore’s scissors to pierce their sonic wall. #
• 18:27 Per Eleanore: If you can’t speak English you should just go back where you came from. #
• 20:15 Just spent 10 minutes praising the merits of Blackberry Curve w/ one of the security guards. Hers is silver mine is red. #
• 20:56 Trying to unlearn the need to sling "retarded" around so freely and derogatively. Hard mountain to climb. Help me. #
• 23:07 Just remembered why I stopped watching hockey all those yrs ago. #
• 01:56 Stereotypes make the world go ’round. #
• 10:40 I forgot how much fun it is to play with cars. I want to buy some dolls to turn into crash victims. Henry will object I bet. #
• 12:06 Need a constant loop of Chooch saying ‘girl’ so I’ll never be in a bad mood again. #
• 12:17 I’m trading it all in to be a milk maid. Please call me Gertie. #

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Now you too can poop in your hands.

Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 14:13 I know that "so long" means goodbye (&some weeners), but WHY does it mean that? I can’t stop stressing about this. #
• 17:03 Eleanore’s brandishing the scissors early tonight. Perfect way to start the shift. #
• 17:48 Never enough cheese. #
• 18:22 I’m about to come to blows with a 60 year old crossdresser #
• 09:44 I’m so happy to be sick for the 4th time this year. #
• 10:07 Chooch is standing naked at the front door. Won’t be so funny when he’s 40 and still doing it. #

• 08:14 Best part of being sick: that lovely ball of phlegm stuck to my uvula. Like swallowing past a tumor. #
• 09:47 Clearly my sickness is a manifestation of Chiodos withdrawal. #

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Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 13:36 The fact that I like the skull/heart combo so much makes me think I’ll never stop being 16. At least, I hope not. #
• 18:16 I look like a turtle. #
• 18:19 Henry mixed it up and added tiny cheese cubes to my salad. I’m so blessed. #
• 21:05 I hate that life is so quick to dish out Lame soup after giving me an Awesome souffle. #
• 22:15 My boss just busted me jacking candy from a cubicle, then laughed and said I always look so guilty. #
• 09:14 Someone is about to experience death by tutu strangulation. #
• 12:07 Teaching chooch to slap henrys leg and call him a dork when he comes home. Not allowed to teach him anything worse. Ugh.#
• 12:20 Chooch just performed an elegant stripper maneuver around the leg of the dining room table. wish I had some Abes to stuff in diaper. #

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