I texted Henry this morning like, “We were in Romania. That’s so weird.”

Weird as in CRAZY FUCKING COOL, in this context. It feels like it didn’t really happen but also like we had just…always been there. I can’t explain it. It was new but felt familiar somehow.

Anyway! It’s been almost 2 weeks since we left at this point so I guess I better start from the beginning!

This was at some beer place in the PIT airport. Henry was reading my vacation journal, like, “How could you possibly have found so much to write about already???” Bro, you have known me for 25 years now. I always have something to say.

I had started writing in the shuttle to the airport ffs!!! He was already embarrassing me in front of people and I even drew a diagram in my journal to illustrate the situation. BASICALLY WHAT HAD HAPPENED WAS….we arrived at the airport parking place. The office is in a parking lot separated by a small road and a diner is on the other side. The shuttle driver was parked in front of the office and Henry said to her, “I just have to go into the office first.” She and I stood there and watched as he casually strode past the office, crossed the street, and headed toward the diner. He was just about to open the door when I called out, “Henry, where are you going??” and the shuttle driver was like, “Yeah, I was going to say….”

Henry played it off and made a joke about how he was going to get some eggs first and I was like, “OK grandpa, let’s go” and lead him into the parking office. This set the tone for the whole trip and he became “Grandpa” from here on out. Sigh.

UGH THIS FUCKING BAG OF TRAIL MIX LASTED FOREVER. It kept making appearances on every flight, ISTG.

Our flight from PIT to Chicago was quick and uneventful. Then all of the delays happened in Chicago, which I already mentioned, causing our connecting flight from Heathrow to Bucharest to get moved to 8PM that night, London time, putting us in Bucharest at 1AM.

We landed in London around noon. My therapist was so proud of me when I told her about this yesterday, because instead of being a tyrant and pouting or declaring that I just wanted to cancel the whole thing, I chose to be Brightside Erin and suggested that instead of rotting in Heathrow for a thousand hours, we should take the express train out and see what we could see around London. I hadn’t been there since the 90s, and Henry never has. Hilariously, I mentioned this in Chicago when we were waiting to board the first time, before the DELAYS happened. I said, “I haven’t been to London since I was a teenager. I know we’re not actually GOING to London, but you…”

Jinxed it. Hello, London!

Ugh my greasy face on the express train. I was glad to have my carry-on because I was able to at least change shirts in the airport before facing the non-travelling public out in the non-airport world.

We didn’t want to push it, time-wise, so we got off at Paddington Station and just did as much as we could around there without straying too far. Yeah, we had a long layover, but with the rate things were taking a turn for us, we didn’t want to get too immersed and miss the only other flight to Romania that day.

‘allo, British pidge.

I saw other people doing this so I had to do it too because that’s how I live my life. Creeping in the wake of those before me.

This guy was like, “I will not wait, I need to take this picture now.” THANK GOD THE  BACK OF MY HAIR LOOKED OK.

I didn’t even realize how close he was behind me until I got up to leave and almost slammed into him.

Just a girl taking pictures to take pictures.

It never failed, London tried so hard to assist me but I looked the opposite direction every time.

We decided to go to Hyde Park because it’s extremely close to Paddington Station and after being in airports and on planes for…20 hours (??) at that point, I just wanted to be outside where I could roam free like a…buffalo.

Literally the first animal that came to mind.

Gorgina.

We mostly got along except for anytime I asked Henry to take my picture and he made sure to get my most mongoloidish angle.

Idiot.

We got conflicting information re: luggage lockers. One guy at Heathrow said NO, another said, “Yes, once you get to the station” and then the guys at Paddington said NO. So Henry got to drag around my carry-on all afternoon lol.

(Literally everywhere we go gets compared to Korea immediately and it never looks good for the other place. Korea would never have us dragging our shit around.)

Me: Take a picture of me with Kensington Palace in the background.

Henry: *makes sure to get everything but Kensington Palace in the background*

I had to take my own fucking picture.

This resulted in a quiet and terse “don’t want to argue out loud in London” exchange about Henry is useless as my photog.

Then he begged for another change and took this one. He is exhausting. Or am I exhausting?

Or are we both just exhaustED?

I was really missing Chooch here because of all of the wildlife. (Also, I felt The Guilt for being in London without him when he has wanted to visit there since he was a kid. Not that we were able to do much, but still.)

Dude, I was obsessed with Kensington Palace as a kid. Every time we went to London, I would come home with books about palaces. I can still hear clear as day this one British flight attendant on the plane home to the US stopping to see what I was reading, and saying, “Oh, Haunted Royal Homes!” It’s weird the things you remember, you know? I also remember that first time in London, being so convinced that the hotel we stayed at was haunted that I would walk down the hallways with my hands out in front of me “in case one of the ghosts have a knife.” OK, Small Erin. Calm down.

I can’t remember the name of the hotel now but there was a restaurant in it called Monique’s and it was the first time I ever had a fried egg on a burger and I could not get over this. I went home and told everyone in my 5th grade class about it and they looked at me like I was insane, like why would you want that on a burger how gross, and now an egg on a burger is so pedantic unless it’s some exotic animal egg. Like an emu egg. I don’t know!

I toured this when I was a kid and was so enthralled. Who wasn’t obsessed with Princess Di back then, though.

What are the odds, but immediately upon leaving the palace grounds, we were face-to-face with the ROMANIAN EMBASSY. It almost felt like a taunt, to be honest! Like, we should have been IN Romania by that point, not in London looking at a limp Romanian flag.

Then we went to this place – The Bayswater Arms –  for a small non-airport lunch.

It wasn’t too memorable but I liked the dark, English vibe.

Henry got the British ale taster flight. I really liked the one in the middle. I was going to be like “WHO KNOWS WHAT IT IS” but in the interest of being a Better Blogger, I consulted my Untappd account and it is apparently a Greene King Abbott Ale and I gave it a 4.5. And now you know.

Fried Halloumi. Yes.

The bathroom was in the basement. I didn’t even have to go but needed to see if I felt Casper vibes. Not too much in the bathroom….

…but the hallway had it.

Ew! His pursed lips. Anyway, we popped into this bakery – Granier’s I think – to grab a treat or two to eat back at Heathrow. I got a cardamom roll but it did not scratch my Scandinavian itch.

Made it back to the airport with still too much time to kill, if you ask me, but you just don’t know these days with security, etc. We just moved through all of the processes very swiftly though, and then ended up having about 2 hours left, which was annoying. I just want to get there, you guys. So badly.

My last coffee before Romania.

I sent this to Chooch – Henry walked over to this vending machine like 3x and just stood there pressing buttons like a weirdo. Chooch was like, “Ugh, you know he’s going to get something. Good luck with that.” We are the biggest haters of Henry’s chewing.

And then they finally announced our gate! It was us and basically 95% native Romanians

After a miserable day of travel, we are home! And I have been wide awake since 2AM ofc. Just some quick thoughts off the cuff because I missed blogging so much but I didn’t bring my laptop with me and I absolutely hate trying to blog from my phone:

• I miss Romania but am so so so so so happy and content to be sitting here at 5:55AM with my precious Penelope purring on my lap <3
• Happy to have A CUP OF COFFEE – “long blacks” are not for me!
• My favorite Depeche Mode song – It’s No Good – came on in the rental car (I miss that car) at 3:30AM on the way to the Bucharest airport yesterday and now I will forever associate it with Romania. I have only ever heard that song out in the wild once before and that was a million years ago at lunch with Kara, Chris, and Christina at The Library.
• Henry dumped half of his chicken tikka masala all over him on the flight from London to DC and I was so embarrassed. He just sat there with a clump of it in his fist while he continued to shovel more in his mouth and then he stunk like a food truck for the rest of the day.
• “We” drove 1,111 miles through Romania!
• I can’t choose a favorite part but I truly fell in love with the Maramures region and Sighisoara.
• Rural Romania has a HUGE amount of stray dogs, alarming even. I wanted to take them all home. (Even the vicious ones that tried to attack our car from the road.)
• I came back weighing a few ounces less than I did when we left thanks to whatever food poisoning / stomach virus I contracted last Thursday – it’s always something with me! I am still not right.
• Turns out that Henry and I actually can travel without Chooch as a buffer and get along mostly OK! (I mean, there were moments, and let’s just say that when we were seated in different rows from each other on our last flight home last night, I counted that as a blessing, lol.
• The only thing I found actually super overrated on the MOST DO list from all the “travel vloggers” was this bookstore. I was so stoked to see it but it was just…I dunno. A bookstore. BUT!!! A non-radio song by The Cure came on while we were there and I was like, “OK, this the vibe.” But if not for that, I wouldn’t have stayed there for more than a few minutes.
• I would go back to Romania in a heartbeat – especially to explore some of the other regions we didn’t have time for. I’d like to see Timisoara and Constanta / the beaches. The Black Sea. And definitely do the Maramures drive again. It was absolutely breathtaking. BUT!!! Korea is still bae. Korea is still where I would live if I wasn’t a person lacking the ability to get rid of her  “things.” (You’re a pack rat, Erin. Call it by its name.) (OK thanks but I prefer MAXIMALIST.)
• I have never traveled somewhere before where both there and back flights were so incredibly botched. I know it could have been way worse and we could have been faced with full on cancellations, but it was a headache both ways and I am actually so glad Chooch wasn’t there because he and I would have easily feasted off each other’s frustrations and irritability, and it would have been so much worse.
• Romanian pop music is chef’s kiss. We went to bed every night with one of the music video channels on and there were times when a song would arouse me from a deep sleep because it was that good. My Shazam got a ton of use!
• 1,111 miles and probably 1,111 new photos on my camera roll now.
• We stayed in some of the most memorable guest houses ever and I’m so glad we went that route over hotels.
• I sent so many texts to Chooch that started with, “OMG you would be so embarrassed if you were right now – [insert one of the many embarrassing things Henry did here].”
• Gelato is huge in Romania. My favorite flavor that I tried was rice pudding with prunes from Vice Cream in Bucharest- DON’T HATE. It was delicious.
• Once again, every airport personnel / TSA agent we encountered both there and back were lovely EXCEPT  THE ONES IN PITTSBURGH. Literally some of the nastiest, looking-for-an-argument people I have ever encountered have been employed at the Pgh International Airport. They get our trips off on the wrong foot every single time. This time I got ridiculed by some asshole who, as I was waiting for my turn to go through the body scanner, opened a door and yelled at me to “slide over.” There was a person in a wheelchair to my right so I assumed she was asking me to move out of the way so that the person in the wheelchair could go through the door she opened, so I took a step back and she yelled, “NOW WHERE DID SHE GO????” because she evidently wanted me to move over and go through a different scanner instead of the full body one because the line was getting too long. MAYBE USE YOUR FUCKING WORDS THEN, BITCH because to me “slide over” meant “get out of the way of the oncoming wheelchair.” I feel sorry that these people are affected by the shut-down but the truth is, a lot of them are always this fucking rude. (In Pgh, anyway.) I still said HAVE A NICE DAY!! to every single one of them, though. And not even ironically.
• For as annoying as those “perpetually connected” bottle caps are in Europe, I was super annoyed this morning when I untwisted my bottle of American water and I had to chase down the cap after it frisbee’d out of my fingers and went rolling across the floor.
  • (My favorite water brand in Romania was BORSEC, by the way. I just let Henry know that he can buy me a 6-pack of the 50.7 oz bottles for $29.99 on Amazon.)
    • (But, fuck Amazon.)
• The agent we got at the MPC line in Dulles was so nice in a very laidback way. He asked questions about why we were in Romania (yes, I know, it’s his job but he made it feel like he was genuinely interested) and even asked, “Did you go to Castle Bran?” HELL YEAH WE DID. Henry let me answer the questions thank god and as we walked away, I said, “And that’s how you do it.” HE IS THE WORST AT ANSWERING THESE BANAL QUESTIONS!
• I don’t know what’s in the tap water in Romania and while it renders it unsuitable to drink, it was incredible for my hair. Every day was a good hair day, it was amazing. 11/10, would happily wash my hair in Romania again any day.

Get stoked for what will likely be several mths of dragged out vacation recaps, you know how I do.

We are having legitimately a great time in Romania, I am actually shocked (sorry Henry) because I thought for sure we’d be fighting and breaking up a thousand times a day AND DON’T GET ME WRONG there are moments but they pass quickly because I am not letting Henry’s appalling inability to take a decent picture of me ruin my day, and I am like NOT TODAY, HANGER every time I start to act like a brat because I missed a feeding.

We are currently in Sighișoara, a medieval town north of Bucharest and famous for being the hometown of Vlad the Impaler aka Dracula. It is fucking beautiful here for real but it’s the off season so I can only imagine how crowded it must get in the summer – that’s what the front desk guy at our hotel said, that we’re lucky to be here when it’s quiet.

All of our accommodations so far have been soooooo cute except for the one last night – because Henry booked that one on his own since it was just something we needed out of necessity in between stops. It was nice though don’t get me wrong! A pension in a small town called Beclean and we actually had the whole entire place to ourselves – the owner left after checking us in. I liked that but also for some reason it creeped me out and i was scared to go to sleep lol.

My camera roll is sagging under the weight of all the pictures and video I have taken since we left last Thursday but I just can’t stop. Every time I think, “OK nothing can top this view,” we turn a corner and Romania is like, “lol u thought.” I fear I’m going to be really annoying (more than usual) with recaps when we get home! To anyone who still reads this, apologies in advance.

I will leave you with my new favorite song, which is apparently the #1 song in Romania right now at least according to whatever pop station we had on in the car on Saturday. Apparently the singer is Moldovan though, not Romanian.

P.S. the first song we heard when we got in our rental car at 2:30AM last Friday/Saturday was Huntr/x “Golden.” Kpop Demon Hunters is truly a global sensation lol.

We’re in Cluj-Napoca (THE BIRTHPLACE OF BELA KAROLYI BTW REMEMBER WHEN I WAS OBSESSED WITH HIM) and apropos of nothing, we see this large silk screen of another man I’m obsessed with, Robert Smith, covering this window as we crossed the street. Had to stop for a picture.

When we were driving to our hotel in Bucharest (at 3am never forget I know I won’t), we spotted numerous posters of this same image hanging in various spots in Old Town so now I’m on a mission to find out why. They’re not concert posters…

It’s giving me the feels though because EXACTLY 25 YEARS AGO THIS WEEK, I saw the Cure for the first time in Canberra, Australia. (And met them!)

Anyway!! It’s 5:46am and we’re getting ready to embark on the Maramures portion of the trip. It already feels like our time in Romania is half over but it’s not. The “do t wanna leave” panic is strong with this one.

I knew I was going to love it here. I knew. Decades of dreaming about it, numerous failed attempts over the last 15 years, and here I am, with Henry who might not always understand the root of my obsessions, but he’s here for it and that’s all I can ask for!

In more ways than one it has taken forever to get here, but we made it! We left the house around noon on Thursday (EDT) and flew to Chicago where we were supposed to have a 5:00-something overnight flight to Heathrow, land 8:00am London time and then get on a connecting flight to Bucharest at 9:15am which would have put us here around 2pm Romania time on Friday. But right before boarding the London flight, they made an “oh btw” announcement that “a door” needed to be fixed and maintenance was on their way. First it was a “20 minute” delay. Then an hour. Then, “they asked for another hour.” It turned into over three hrs and our chances of making the connecting flight went out the window. The ONLY other flight that day was at 8pm, putting us in Bucharest after 1am. Not great but at least the flight wasn’t outright canceled but believe me that I had wished it was after we FINALLY boarded only to get EVERYONE situated and a flight attendant to come on and say yeah sorry but we have been informed that maintenance needs to check on one more thing and everyone has to deboard. Oh yeah and bring all your stuff with you. Everything.

The outcry! I was just freaking out like, is this plane safe? Are we ok? I overheard a flight attendant tell the ppl behind us that it was actually the door where the inflatable evacuation slide is. “Believe me, you don’t want that inflating in-air,” he said and that was an image that was seared in my mind from that point on.

You wanna talk about a rowdy group of passengers. Most of them were already drunk from the first round of delays and a group of the rowdiest ran right back to the bar across from our gate (K15, never forget). So by the time we reboarded (the whole crew was over it by then and allowed us to just bunch into crowds and get our passes scanned out of group order), some ppl were so trashed that I was worried we were going to be a dystopian in-air social experiment but almost everyone fell asleep / passed out immediately.

And then we got to take the Heathrow Express to London for some blessed open air / no-airport quality time. It wasn’t the worst layover that’s for sure.

However, by the time we touched down in Bucharest, picked up our rental, drove the 17 minutes to the city and checked in to our cutie hotel, it was after 3am. (Side note: that airport was BUSY for being after 1am and Bucharest was still bumping at 3am.)

We left the next morning to start our Transylvanian roadtrip, and I was so sad to check out because it was so pretty/creepy there! And both women we talked to at the desk were so nice. The one the next morning especially! She gave us the sage advice of “don’t feed the bears! They are not pets.” (It’s a real problem with tourists here – way worse than me and the squirrels!)

Well, we are currently in Sibiu and I woke up in the middle of the night and decided to just check in and share photos of the Scala Boutique Hotel!

It looks like he’s peeing on the door?!

From this morning!

Courtyard view.

Initial thoughts: Romania was worth the wait 100%! We have had some really nice interactions with a bunch of people here so far and also Sibiu has a small Korean store called Komart lol. Had to throw that in there.

P.S. you know what’s funny/sad? I have wanted to come here for so long that I already had a “Romania” category on my blog, probably from 2007?? After several failed attempts, I finally made it! Grateful that Henry was on board with this :)

As usual, we had to split Chooch’s move-in across two weekends because it’s just us trying to move his shit in a Kona. You’re not allowed to bring a U-Haul and we don’t have anyone to ask to help so…two trips it is.

Henry had the bright idea of “taking the slow and leisurely way” and stopping in Lancaster on the way. First of all, he still took the turnpike, so I don’t know what the point was of “slow and leisurely.” Everything was fine until we got to Lancaster. We were having a fine morning in the car, listening to the Kpop playlist I made for Lyda, railing against MAGA, talking about G-Dragon. You know, the usual things that parents of a college student talk about it in the car on their way to bring their kid the rest of his underwear, his pillow that he apparently forgot, and other sundry that will probably never be unpacked. (Although, the iced coffee maker did make it out immediately and he was practically hugging it. Priorities.)

Usually, our go-to is Dutch Haven for shoo-fly pie, but I have been following this new-ish place called Lancaster Beignet Co (so much effort went into this naming convention that I am over here mopping my brow just thinking of the exertion) on Instagram since they opened in 2022. We have actually dipped into Lancaster numerous times since then but I always forget about it. This time though, I said it out loud and not just in my head, and that’s all it takes to solidify itineraries around these parts.

We arrived around 11:30, having made pretty good time on the road. With the exception of the times we went to Lancaster for concerts at the Chameleon Club, we have never actually been DOWNTOWN Lancaster. We always just go to the Amish-y outskirts, the weirdly-named towns like INTERCOURSE and BIRD-IN-HAND, you know, those areas.

“Didn’t we go to a quilt shop here once with Jessy?” Henry asked, and I said, “Maybe, but I probably was trying to smother myself with one of the quilts and blacked that memory out.” I loved Jessy but man – we could not be ANY DIFFERENT, lol.

Anyway. We made it and it was just crowded enough to make me annoyed. It was also really small inside with very little seating and the people working there were like cardboard. Not TO BE A KAREN but to me, personality matters. The way someone interacts with me at a cafe or a restaurant is sometimes more memorable than the product. And these people were just like, potatoes. Just stood there blankly until I nudged Henry to order because I think he was waiting for them to initiate the transaction and that was clearly not going to happen.

We got an order of three beignet (the smallest order) and then sat on some glorified balcony overlooking the sidewalk and main street. Henry was mad because the guy sitting at the table next to us refused to scoot his chair in. I don’t know if these were locals or LANCASTER LOLLYGAGGERS but I got an annoying vibe from everyone in general.

And then the beignet were just mid.

Also, pro tip: don’t eat beignet around Henry if you don’t want to be:

• embarrassed
• sprayed with powdered sugar

I had to ask him in a not-nice tone to please CALM DOWN and not eat like a medieval thug tearing into a turkey leg.

I don’t know why I get like this, but this mediocre experience set the tone for the next hour and my emotions went into a free-fall. The prominent feeling was one of pouty annoyance, I would say.

Also, it could be possible that I just really care for beignet? But I was super pissed that I chose  this over shoo-fly pie, that is FOR FUCKING SURE.

But then! While we were sitting on the fake balcony, I spotted a cafe across the street and was glad that we didn’t get drinks at this dumb beignet place because now we had a reason to go here instead and it was A DELIGHT. Like, as soon as we crossed the threshold, a bro behind the counter welcomed us happily and it was so genuine, like he could not WAIT to get a refreshing drink started for us. I was charmed by his enthusiasm and immediately ordered an iced blackberry matcha, which was the seasonal spesh.

But then I got annoyed again because Henry came lumbering over to the counter, all indecisive (he can’t just admit that he doesn’t like coffee). There was a wheel of Pokemon and other Japanese cartoon-inspired drinks so I egged him on to spin it. He fucking spun the wheel right off the pedestal and it went careening down the counter. Ugh, he has to manhandle everything, I swear! He eventually reassembled it and spun it with less toxic masculinity the second time around and ended up getting something that I can’t even remember now. Caramel and something latte BUT HE HATES ESPRESSO.

He was nursing that motherfucker for HOURS.

Also, this was a CBD-inspired cafe so they asked us if we wanted any CBD in our drinks. I said “no” like a normal human, but Henry practically had his fingers on his NARC NARC NARC speed dial button.

My matcha was fantastic.

I had to send this  to Chooch because we have this thing where we accuse Henry of “looking” every time we pass an adult store.

Also, we never knew that there was a market house thingie in Lancaster?? We went in but it was pretty crowded and I got overwhelmed very quickly, also these places are annoying because Henry “just likes to look” and never buys anything ALSO it was adding to my beignet regrets (beigrets?) because there were tons of more appealing treats on display here! U G H. Those fucking beignets. I’m unfollowing their Instagram account. I won’t be fooled again.

Then we left and got in a fight because I wanted to go to some shop but Henry was like THE SIDEWALK IS CLOSED, THEY ARE DOING CONSTRUCTION but you could still access the shop?? So I pointed that out all huffily and he was like “OK then let’s cross the street” but I was too busy storming off and pretending to not hear him calling out, “Hey! Don’t you want to go this store? Hello?”

UM YES I DID BEFORE YOU RUINED  MY LIFE BY MANSPLAINING HOW SIDEWALKS WORK.

So we walked back to the car and he was like THAT’S IT WE ARE LEAVING AND DRIVING STRAIGHT TO PHILLY and I was like FINE GO FUCK YOURSELF ON THE WAY and then he was like PLEASE JUST LET’S GO WALK BACK DOWN THERE SO YOU CAN GO TO THAT SHOP and he was basically crying about it so I said FINE but then we went to a different store instead and it was dumb and I got boxed into a corner by the three very tall men and a middle aged couple who were chatting up the clerk and refused to fucking move. I couldn’t handle it so I fled.

I was about to write off down Lancaster after that but after we got back to the car and barely drove a block on our way our, WE SAW A SWEDISH CANDY STORE. So Henry drove in a large loop back to where we had originally parked so we could walk back to the candy store and my mood was 100% improved.

I already liked salty licorice before our Coaster Crew Norden trip, but being there and eating FRESH, AUTHENTIC SALTY LICORICE changed me. I mean, it at least changed my palate I’ll tell you that much. Sadly, the salty licorice I liked the most was salmiakki from Finland so none of that was to be found at this shop.

They did have this gourmet candied licorice that we actually did buy in Denmark and Sweden but it didn’t taste as luxurious here. I guess it loses something in the import process, but also the kind we had bought over there was a big splurge – it was the “slow crafted” variety which cost more but was SO WORTH IT. I still have the glass jar because it has MEMORIES attached to it now.

Henry got his own bag because he didn’t want his candy rubbing up against my salty licorice hahaha. Also, those Geisha candies are delicious chocolates from this company called Fazer. They had cafes and shops in Finland and we stopped there several times. I had amazing salmiakki ice cream at one on our last night in Helsinki, and we waked to a nearby Fazer cafe every morning we were there and they gave me chocolate with my coffee. I was obsessed and miss that place so much. So, all this did was make me super nostalgic and SICK because I literally ate half the bag on the drive home that night and proceeded to moan and groan in agony like any other outcome was ever an option??

We got Chooch his own bucket of candies too. <3

Then it was Dutch Haven time! A very tall man practically chased me down to and me a plate of two tiny one-bite shoo-fly pie samples, much appreciated. It is the BEST place to get shoo-fly pie. Not that I have had it from very many other places, but I trust Dutch Haven.

Uncle Idiot and his product.

(Can you believe he didn’t buy a bag????) Don’t worry, he got a soft pretzel – just one for him, didn’t even ask me if I wanted one too, so this started another fight after we got back in the car hahaha. Hoo boy was I little bitchin’ Sybil on this day. (Everyday.)

Henry ruined this picture.

(I really thought this sign was coded, like all the red letters spell something on their own but then I lost interest trying to pull EXCEPT MAGA out of it.)

We also bought a full shoo-fly pie for Chooch and his roommates. More on the Philly portion of the day later!

Hey guys hey, I’m all out of order over here. We had a really fun (for me) day trip on Sunday to Niagara Falls (a super brief trip!) and then Niagara Amusement Park outside of Buffalo. That will be its own post but in the meantime, here’s a quick review of a new-to-us vegan spot in Buffalo that we ate dinner at before starting out drive home: Strong Hearts.

It was the first thing that came up when I Googled “vegan Buffalo NY” which doesn’t always mean it’s the best, but the menu looked good and I didn’t want to get too deep into it. Not even a backup plan.

Right off the bat, I thought it was pretty inside, nice and bright. A little cafeteria-ish if that makes sense.  But for some reason, I really dislike places where you order at a counter. I don’t know why. Sometimes I just want a dark and cozy hole in the wall where I can stuff my ass into a booth and have someone COME TO ME for my order.

I also didn’t get great vibes from the staff behind the counter. Did I interact with them myself? No. BUT I FELT WHAT I FELT.

The menu was a banger though. To the point where Chooch and I were the Hem and Haw siblings, going back and forth between 5 or 6 different options. Do you know how hard it is to be us and go from places where we’re lucky if we can get a grilled cheese, to a place that has 8 different veggie burger and faux chix varieties alone??

AND DILL POTATO SALAD.

OMG I got this Chiavetta’s Fried Chicken which had buttery Chiavetta’s sauce, house slaw, dill pickle chips, mayo. I have no fucking clue what a Chiavetta’s is but I was close to writing a glowing review of it on the bathroom wall. It was unlike any sauce I have had before – definitely buttery but not in a “for lobster dunking” way.

OK I took one of the team and googled it – it’s some beloved local Buffalo BBQ flavor?? I guess it’s a whole-ass BBQ called Chiavetta’s and that’s like their…house sauce?

Just another reminder of how great I am at travel blogging. I teach you guys so much that it is actually exhausting. Like, where’s my sabbatical, you know?

Oh yeah, Henry got a sweet potato burger (the fries were impeccable) and Chooch got….a ciabatta BLT I think. He said it was good.

For the road, we also got cookies (confetti and snickerdoodle) and Chooch got a salted caramel cupcake. The cookies were fine and I didn’t see Chooch actually eat the cupcake so I don’t have much to report on that.

Overall – the food was great but everything else was forgettable. If we’re back in Buffalo, I think I’d prefer to get it to go and eat it somewhere else because the staff made me uncomfortable – oh yeah, I actually did kind of interact with one of them when we stopped at the counter to get the cookies and she was absolutely vacant and poker faced. Not even a hint of a smile. Not even a whiff of personality. She actually made me feel like I didn’t want to order anything else, honestly, like we were taking up so much of her time.

But, this is often our experience at vegan spots.

Good food, mid staff.

I didn’t want to start the drive home right after eating so I convinced Henry and Chooch into “just walking down the block” with me, which turned into, “What is that big building down there let’s walk to it.” Lol.

It wasn’t that far of a walk – MAYBE 10 minutes from Strong Hearts – but Chooch was being such a bitch about it. Then Henry finally was like, “FOR CHRIST’S SAKE” and googled what the building was because I kept wondering out loud.

I already forget what it is.

Oh. City Hall. Lol. Henry just told me.

I also liked these bitches on the roof of that other building.

More City Hall views.

It’s crazy but I think this might have the first time I have actually (sort of) walked around downtown Buffalo after being in and around the city numerous times for concerts.

Well, that’s all I wanted to say about that. What a fun (for me) day!

Friday, August 2 was our last day of what was hopefully not our last family vacation! I think we were all ready to wrap it up, to be honest. Not in a bad way! But we vacation hard and there was very little rest, plus that fucking heatwave in the first half of the week really drained us big time.  But Henry had proposed that we stop at Indiana Beach on the way home because they put in two “new” coasters since we were last there in 2022. So, hey why not right? Indiana Beach is always a good time.

Except when your period starts that morning and you’re suffering some really terrible cramps which has you doubled-over in pain at times and urgently needing to sit the eff down. Needless to say, I was content spending lots of time in the Fascination room watching Chooch waste our money.

EW.

There was one lady down there who had just learned to play Fascination and was such a sore winner that I legit couldn’t take much more of her big-ass mouth.

Chooch is pretty good at this and won a fair amount of times but not enough to win me one of those JAWS PLUSHIES!!! I WANTED ONE SO BAD.

This coaster is “new” to Indiana Beach but it actually came from another park in Mexico and that part of its history ended in tragedy so I was very not stoked about riding it here in Indiana.

Can you tell?

It actually wasn’t too bad though.

The last car is actually facing backward and I wanted to get that one but not enough that I was willing to stand in line again.

There was a little girl in front of us who cried her face off when she was too short to ride it and this was the second time that day that people in front of us had to leave a line after standing in it for 30+ minutes because they didn’t bother to measure their dumb kids at the entrance of the rides. On the other coaster (the other “new” to the park coaster which was just one of those rinky-dink Galaxi things) the one mom was like YOU SHOULD HAVE A SIGN THEN!!! and the ride op was like, “We do” and pointed way back to the entrance of the ride. Haha. In your face, mom.

Honestly, there wasn’t too much that happened during our short stint at Indiana Beach aside from me complaining about menstrual pain and bitching about the crowds – it wasn’t even THAT crowded but compared to the vacant parks we had experienced up until then, it was SHOCKING AND APPALLING. I had my Karen sun visor on. You just can’t see it.

So, what I’m trying to say is let’s just look at some random pictures from the park. I’m pretty sure Hoosier Hurricane was the last thing we rode (three whole rides!) before Chooch played more Fascination and then we left to begin the last stretch of our drive back to Pittsburgh.

Chooch made friends with this seasoned couple next to him. They invited me to play too but I was like, “No thanks, I’ll continue to sit in the corner and bleed out.”

Something must have inspired me to snap this picture. Who knows.

Indiana Beach is truly such a quirky park. Usually, we do the dark rides too but one of them is an upcharge and the other one, all adults have to ride alone in their car and the line was long. Since this wasn’t our first time there, it was a hard pass.

The layout here makes no sense. It honestly looks like something that I would have designed in Roller Coaster Tycoon – rides on top of each other, interwoven coaster track, etc.

And that’ll do it for my long-winded, super drawn-out vacation recap. Overall, it was a really fun way to turn 46, I loved spending time with Chooch (ugh and Henry), I loved going to new places (and one new state!) and I loved all of the idiotic inside jokes we picked up along the way. I really value these chaotic road trips and the memories that we make, and I hope that Chooch does too!

Thanks for limping along with me!

I was dumb-excited to go to downtown Waterloo for dinner because ever since Chooch made me do that stupid morning radio show trivia game with him ON AIR, and the answer to the last question was Waterloo, I always laugh anytime it comes up in general conversation.

Chooch was the one who found the restaurant we’d be eating at that night and it was so nice to not drive around looking for something while arguing.

Newton’s Paradise Cafe!

It was just us, and two other tables of diners there that evening. It was perfectly chill. If you ignore the fact that after we arrived, some bell was dinging for about 5 minutes until the server finally came out from the back, and that was still less annoying to me than our experience at MULLETS the night before. Just in case you were wondering.

The face of someone who has been forced to spend too much time with me.

I announced that I was getting the portabella sandwich as soon as I had a menu in my paws. Then several minutes later, Henry said, “They have a portabella sandwich.” I yelled, “I know!” and Chooch said, “I don’t even listen to her and I still knew that’s what she was getting.”

BUT JOKE’S ON ME because they were OUT OF IT. The amount of times this happens to me is unbelievable! THREE TIMES on this trip alone! I’m the Schleprock of Restaurant Ordering.

It’s OK. I went back to my original choice of veggie wrap and remained in a decent mood. Somehow.

I mean, I had to sit next to Henry while he masticated a country fried steak like there was a time limit.

BUT YO. YOOOoooooOOOOooo. Can we talk about the coleslaw? IT HAD PESTO IN IT. It was so delicious. It dried my portabella tears right up.

Meanwhile, some guy and his little boy came in and sat several booths away from us. I don’t know what the kid said to our server but she was GENUINELY cracking up loudly and my FOMO was crowning.

“It couldn’t have been THAT funny,” I mumbled into my ‘slaw.

Anyway, it was a decent dinner, no complaints.

After dinner, I made the idiots walk with me down the street because I wanted to see the RIVER. It was SCARY!! “I’d say it’s a little bit flooded,” Henry said, probably thinking he was so funny and wishing his mom was there to clap for him.

Genuinely terrifying.

Some bitches.

Henry had been talking about how we were going to be driving past THE BIGGEST TRUCK STOP IN THE WORLD like, ever since we set off on this journey. And….then he proceeded to drive right past it?? I screamed at him about it so he had to get off the next exit and drive all the way back. I wanted a fucking Iowa magnet!! I hadn’t found a good one the whole time we were in that corny state.

You guys, it turns out that this is really only incredible if you’re a TRUCKER. Hence – TRUCKSTOP. This is not a really good gas station – it has some stuff for civilians but it’s mostly a big deal for TRUCKERS looking TRUCK ACCOUTREMENTS.

There was a lot of fast food options in there though and also a restaurant full of truckers.

We lost Chooch in this section for some reason. It was the most boring section of the whole store and I hated it.

LOL. The one Iowa photo zone I found in the entire state basically.

See? It’s just dumb shit. But they did have some nice magnets at least. So I got some. Because it was still technically my birthday and THAT’S WHAT I WANTED.

We made it to Illinois a little after 10PM – we changed our plans and instead of going home through Wisconsin to get that one coaster cred, Henry was like, “OR! What if we just go to Indiana Beach” and I was amenable to that because they have two “new” coasters since we were last there and honestly, we were only going to Wisconsin so that Chooch could visit one of his Mexico crew but then she wasn’t going to be there anyway and to be quite honest you guys, we were all just trying to take the fastest route home by then. I was tired and wanted to see Penelope.

Indiana Beach post upcoming!

As usual, I am such a snail at vacation recaps. But we’re almost to the finish line! I just have to get my mind off the G-Dragon track so I can knock this one out – I have therapy tomorrow and the way I am so excited to have someone other than Henry to talk about the G-Dragon concerts this past weekend. I am so pathetic, truly.

Before we get into Lost Island, I would be remiss to not mention the BEST gas station I have ever been to (nope, not Buckees, sorry but fuck Buckees, it’s not for me fam). It’s a local Iowa joint called Marker 126.

(Henry was more partial to KUM & GO, ugh.)

(Also the way it took me a hot minute to think of the word “partial” makes me think I need to do more brain games or something, sheesh.)

It was absolutely beautiful – had amazing food choices, a cafe, A BOUTIQUE. In fact, I had spent the whole trip lamenting the fact that I left my sunglasses at home and refusing to pay $30 for those shitty MAGA shades at other gas stations / truck stops, like I’m cosplaying a hunter or something, so fucking disgusting.

“THOSE ARE ACTUALLY NICE SUNGLASSES THO” Henry tried to red-neck’splain at a Love’s gas station when I was practically vomiting over the display because they were so hideous, constructed specifically to cover ICE agents’ eyes. Or Marjorie Taylor Green for when she’s fly-fishing for conspiracy theories and orange bronzer to gift Dear Leader.

By “nice” I don’t think Henry meant “lookin’.”

But at Marker 126, I found a pair that was EXACTLY MY STYLE, and they were only $13!! Now I regret not buying several because there were a bunch I was (bare) eyeballin’.

First though I used the restroom which hello, was in a gas station mind you:

Yeah. Marker 126 had my heart. I loved its whole vibe.

Oh, and this was all after we went to that religious grotto thing!!

But then! Lost Island.

This is a new theme park in Waterloo, Iowa. They already had a waterpark that is very popular and decided to build a theme park to go along with it. Enthusiasts have really been trying to spread the word about this place because it is so beautifully-themed but severely under visited because most general public don’t know about it and even if they did, who is going to visit Iowa for a theme park other than crazy-ass coaster heads like us?

There were barely any cars in the lot which was sad. It was already mid-afternoon when we arrived so you’d imagine that it wasn’t going to get any busier than it already was at that point of the day.

I was expected it to be so flat and widespread for some reason??

The park is divided into four different lands and you really do feel like you’re not on Earth anymore. Or at least not in the States. I can’t explain it but there was a vibe, lol. I felt uncomfortable in a way but also intrigued? I think maybe because it seemed so exposed there.

The main reason I wanted to go here – and even planned this trip around Lost Island – is because they got a brand new RMC! It was making me nervous though because their website kept saying COMING SOON even after we officially made our vacation plans, but then it opened ONE WEEK before we got there!

It’s a single rail which isn’t my favorite type of RMC and it was definitely not operated as efficiently as the one in Six Flags Great America where they have numerous trains constantly cycling. This one also had the moving station but the second time we rode it, they brought the train in and stopped it for everyone to get on so I don’t. The ride ops were very friendly but didn’t seem like your typical WE ARE OPERATING AN RMC DO NOT FUCK AROUND ride ops that I’m used to. These ones were like, “HEY LET’S CHAT” to everyone standing in line which was nice and I liked that.

I liked Fire Runner but it hurt my thighs.

I forgot to bring a Yuta photocard with me on this trip in preparation for the Yuta land of Lost Island so we had to improvise. IN CASE YOU DIDNT KNOW, Yuta is Henry’s NCT127 bias.

(Chooch, observing this photo being taken while being perpetually embarrassed of us: “THIS is why you were crying in the car about not bringing a Yuta photocard? You actually PLANNED FOR THIS?” Um, yes I did, duh.)

LOL my new sunglasses.

Also, the ride attendant made us listen to his whole safety spiel before opening the gate. Then he asked us where we were from and said, “Wow, that’s a long way to come” and we just laughed like buddy you have no idea the lengths we go to for the stupidest shit.

I really fucking loved looking around this place. There isn’t much to do there (yet) but hopefully this new RMC will bring all the coaster boys to the yard so that the park is able to put more rides in. It was actually creepy how few people were there. Aside from the RMC, we were legit walking on to everything and sometimes we were even the only people on the rides.

So, this purple coaster is supposed to be on the worst coasters in America. I was literally reading someone’s shit post about it on Reddit on the way there, saying it was the worst coaster they’ve ever ridden, of any style, and I was like OH BOY LET’S GO SPINAL FUSION. Henry decided before even getting there that he would not be joining us on it.

First of all, for anyone not in the coaster know, it’s a Vekoma SLC (suspended looping coaster) and they are so notoriously shitty that it’s actually hilarious. They’re headbangers and backbreakers. Not fun at all. Painful. NO ONE CARES when they get removed from parks, and here’s Lost Island BRINGING ONE to their park.

First, we had to walk past the drop tower and look at the station for it!! Do you see what I mean – this place has their theming game on point and I can’t wait to see what else they do!

OK so we rode it. Every comment on Reddit was like AVOID THE FRONT so we sat in the back and actually that scared me too but you know what? NOT THAT BAD. I mean, not great either, it’s a fucking SLC and the only good one I’ve ever ridden is the Great Nor’Easter at Morey’s Piers (god love Wildwood), but this was not as bad as I was expecting. I wasn’t trying to get a re-ride like the little boys in front of us, but I didn’t mind it.

Henry seemed shocked when we didn’t come limping back to him and instead walked regularly and said “Not that bad” with a shrug. OK LOST ISLAND, I SEE YOU.

YOOOOOO, YOU KNOW I LOVE ME A WACKY WORM!!! We actually did have to wait in line for this one, lol. Henry got to stand with the other dads to take pictures of us.

LOL.

Sorry I was taking this picture into the sun but we walked past some cast members doing a performance. We didn’t watch the whole thing but what I gathered is that each land of Lost Island has their own characters and they were working together to do a thing. It seemed cute.

You guys seriously though, did I mention the theming?

We rode Matugani which was a fun and whippy launch coaster (the launch was expectedly forceful) and fun fact – this was actually removed from our beloved Liseberg to make room for the dive coaster that’s there now so that was fun to get to ride a coaster from there! Henry and Chooch didn’t seem to care about that fun fact though.

The area surrounding the park made me uncomfy. I think that’s what I couldn’t put my finger on – the way it’s so out in the open made it feel less immersive. They need to build like a forest or some faux mountain range around the perimeter so you’re more boxed in and free from the outside world. THAT is what felt off to me. And also the fact that no matter where you stood, you could see across to all the different sections. I’d like to see them continue to develop the landscape portion of the park too so when you enter a new area, you really like you’re in a new place and you can’t see the other lands.

Henry said he just felt like he was out in the desert. I guess I can see that and if we were still in the HEATWAVE PORTION of the trip, I definitely would have FELT that too.

Honestly – the darkride was the sleeper hit of the whole trip though. It was unexpectedly good and I wish we had ridden it more than once, in hindsight. But we were getting HUNGEE and trying to zip through the place so we could go eat.

UGH right before we left (the park was actually closing in about 30 minutes I think), Chooch talked me into riding this and we got SOAKED. Usually these ones aren’t that bad but this one cooked us. I would love to see them add more theming to this one!! Also, again I didn’t like that this was on the perimeter of the park so we could see partially developed land and a small river thing that Chooch was like “what if we’re on this ride but then we end up in the river” and I couldn’t stop thinking about that and it was not something that I was OK with.

LOL my ugg face.

Chooch and I were about to ride whatever the Musik Express ride there is called when an announcement came on throughout the park alerting us that UmmiUmmi was closing in 15 minutes and Henry was like PEACE OUT and came the closest to a light jog than I’ve ever seen him do in effort to get there before his hopes of acquiring a soft pretzel were dashed.

(Oh LOL I just went to the Lost Island website to find the name of the Musik Express and just realized they don’t call them LANDS, you guys, THEY ARE REALMS.)

(P.S. It’s called Zulawa Wave and I distinctly remember that there was no music playing, lol.)

Chooch also rode this thing but I don’t these rides because they frustrate me. I can’t ever get them to flip!

I sent this to my mom and she was like IS HE THE ONLY ONE ON THAT RIDE??? and I was like, “Yes, we were in the middle of Iowa and only 20 other people are here it seems.”

I mean, it WAS a Thursday so maybe the weekends are more crowded I hope?

GUYS PLEASE GO TO LOST ISLAND SO IT CONTINUES TO GROW, OK???

Looking for somewhere to eat dinner, and probably also a hotel.

We left about 30 minutes before the park closed and it made me feel sad. I liked it there and wished we had more time. Oh wait – one thing to note is that their merch is not as cute/cool/quirky as you’d think! They only had one magnet and it does not represent the vibe of the park but I had no choice but to buy it. I was hoping to get a shirt too but they were all kind of ugly :(

Next up: DINNER IN WATERLOO. SEE YOU THERE.

I’m an emotional dumpster fire post-GD concerts and trying to distract myself from that on the drive home today so let’s talk about what we did Saturday!

We planned on spending some time in Jersey City but first we went to the Prudential Center for early merch. Got there right before it opened at 10am and still spent a good 45 minutes waiting but it was worth it to avoid having to wait in the massive lines after doors opened later that night.

I’m embarrassed to say how much I spent on merch but we’ll just say that I could have bought another concert ticket for that price ugh G-Dragon makes me lose all common sense. But I got the US version of tour shirt & hoodie, a hat for Henry and a scarf for my lightstick lol.

In Jersey City, we stopped at Gregory’s Coffee (I think?) because I required caffeine after that merch throwdown. I got a prickly pear matcha which was super refreshing but the overall experience at the cafe was frustrating because the two baristas were fucking off behind the counter, chatting etc and the orders were piling up even though only one person was ahead of us (he had multiple drinks). So that was annoying plus the barista mixed my drink before handing it to me so it lost ALL AESTHETIC VALUE. J/k I was only marginally annoyed by that – it tasted great and that’s all I cared about.

Then we walked along the Hudson and it was such a beautiful day even though Henry took a series of pictures of me that accentuated my mongoloid affliction.

(I deleted those with a flourish, don’t worry.)

This statue was horrifying. Even Henry was like “yikes he should have went AWOL like me.”

I guess this is a thing that tourists are required to photograph so I did my duty.

There was a lot of really cool artwork on display around the walkway and I really enjoyed that.

If you can believe this, Henry and I did not fight once this whole weekend. I mean sure I got annoyed with him at times like when he wandered off with my bag of freebies as I was handing them out and I had to run after him like a stoop. But other than that it was such an all-around perfect weekend – that’s the Power of G-Dragon.

After an hour stroll around the river walk, we drove to Busy Bee’s Organics which started out kind of bad when some broad snatched a seat away from me as I was walking over to put our table number sign on it – the only available seats in the place were three stools at the window. She and her boyfriend hadn’t even ordered yet and GOT TAKE-OUT ON TOP OF THAT so they didn’t even need seats?! Luckily, two ladies were leaving right then so we were able to get their table. Not the biggest deal but sometimes the unawareness of others really baffles me. Like read the room.

Not worth fighting over but I did say in a regular volume voice, “Ok I guess I’m not sitting there, wow.” Like, while looking at her. I sincerely don’t even think she realized??? Total vacancy behind her eyes. So, I moved on with life.

I got a Buddha bowl which I had been craving and this one was perfection. I knew I probably wouldn’t be eating dinner because we had to be in VIP line at 4:30 and I was going to be passing out freebies before that, so I needed something sustainable that also wasn’t going to bother my stomach because EVERYTHING BOTHERS MY STOMACH NOW BEING AN ELDER IS SO FUN. Henry got a pulled mushroom burger and let me try it and it was an effing flavor explosion but had I order that for myself I would have been in a world of hurt during the concert. And my stomach was already gurgling nervously at the thought of seeing G-Dragon even closer that night!!

We got there around 1:30 and after we sat down, that place really started popping off. It’s very small inside and it seems like most ppl just order take out. I would definitely go there again!

After that, we made our way back to Newark and were back at the Prudential Center for night 2 of GD magic!

After we left Adventureland, it started raining and I was frantically checking the weather because I did not want my birthday evening at the lakeside park to be ROONED by RAIN.

I legit have no idea why I took this picture.

Chooch finally took one for the team and got behind the wheel! For someone who loves taking our cars for joy rides at home, he is shockingly resistant to helping us drive on road trips. Little bitch.

*chews nails feverishly*

Once we got to a certain point in Iowa, it was all back roads and small towns. Chooch and I thought the WEASER PLEASER sounded gross. Could have been the most decadent meat-free grilled cheese for all I know, I was too repulsed to even look it up. Why don’t you find out and tell me in the comments. #commentstarved

We made it! And it wasn’t raining!!

I legit was not expecting this. I don’t know what I thought it was going to be, but it was actually a cute little park nestled next to LAKE OKOBOJI and the area was apparently a big vacation spot?? I even saw some broad wearing a shirt that said it was…wait for it…the Cancun of Iowa.

I mean….

I haven’t even been to Cancun but I don’t know about all that.

Remember how I was saying that parks should offer discounts if you get there and rides are down for the day? Well, THIS PLACE ACTUALLY DID THAT! Sadly, one of the rides was the wild mouse, meaning there was only one credit to be had here, but I was happy for the discount. These places are such rackets, honestly.

We came here for Legend and I am happy to tell you that this old ass coaster did not disappoint! I mean, it wasn’t the most amazing woodie, but it was smooth as butter and 100% re-rideable. And we definitely got a bunch of rides in!

The carousel was super tiny. Everyone was thrilled for this portion of the day. TWO CAROUSELFIES IN ONE DAY, OH THE HORROR. I AM SO MEAN!

Thanks for looking, Henry.

I was unhappy with all of these and made them ride it again later, LOLOLOL.

Honestly, the Legend was fun but this place would not have been worth it if that goddamn lake hadn’t been there. But apparently, this is where the upper-middle class Iowans vacation?! Like, it really had a snobby air to it. I remember thinking that this was going to be vibe last summer at Old Orchard Beach in Maine but it was very blue collar, actually. This place though. Like, calm down guys. You’re in Iowa.

It was also a nightmarescape for vegetarians, and oh vegans my heart really goes out to you because at least Chooch and I were able to eat pizza after finding legit NOTHING ELSE within walking distance along this lake resort hot spot. There was one restaurant that was right next to the park and a glance at the outside menu showed that they had pasta which sounded divine at that moment but then a man in a suit walked out and that’s when I realized that EVERY DINER INSIDE WAS D R E S S E D. Like even the “casual” attire was a fucking Lilly Pulitizer sundress on the broads and boat shoes on the mans. Chooch said, “So?” and I was like, “I AM NOT GOING IN THERE WE LOOK LIKE RAGAMUFFINS COMPARED TO THESE LAKE BITCHES.” Like they probably BOATED THERE.

Henry had us walk about 10 minutes down the lakeshore to a more commercial area full of restaurants and shops and this section did remind me of Old Orchard Beach a little bit. Henry tried to get to this restaurant called MULLETS or something by like, walking down a hillside and scaling a fence while Chooch and I kept saying, “OK you do that but we’re going inside this galleria thing because surely that is where the entrance is???” And it was too – you had to go down like two levels and there it was.

We were seated outside which is what I wanted, but some broad was singing acoustic versions of already acoustic adult pop hits and it was so loud, and then no one came to get our drink order even after 15 minutes, plus I don’t know WHAT version of the menu Henry was looking at but the only options for me and Chooch were french fries or pizza. I eventually threw in the towel because it was 7PM, I was hungry, and the park closed at 9PM. So, I voted that we just go back to the park, get pizza there, and then lap Legend some more times.

LOL – this was after THE SPILL #1 happened.

There’s a little crazy house thingie that was moderately fun to walk through but Scandinavia ruined us for fun houses. There were few opportunities to die in this one.

I saw other people taking pictures here so I had to do it too.

LOL the full cycle.

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We did mostly get along but there was one moment when we were still looking for somewhere to eat when he decided to be contentious and was growling about how he didn’t want pizza and I said, “WELL IOWA HATES PEOPLE WHO DON’T EAT MEAT, MY FRIEND, SO IT’S EITHER PIZZA OR A FUCKING PRETZEL” and he was still being a little brat so I started screaming about how he was ruining my birthday and then we made eye contact and started laughing. That’s just how our mother/son relationship is OK.

I truly adored this coaster.

This Nutty Bar joint seemed like the traditional OKOBOJI experience so we all got one. Mine was the OG, Henry got a peanut butter one, and who  knows about Chooch.

Real time discussion: I just zoomed in on this picture and cried, “WAIT I COULD HAVE GOTTEN A NUTTY BAR SHIRT? A COFFEE CUP? AN APRON????” I didn’t see any of this stuff at the time because OLD EYES.

“What would you do with an apron?” Henry scoffed as he’s standing at the dining room, doing his chores (folding laundry LOL). “You don’t even know what an apron is.”

OK WOW.

Anyway, a Nutty Bar is basically a Golden Nugget ice cream from Kennywood but on a stick instead of a cone. Just as frustratingly drippy and while it’s got Kennywood beat when it comes to atmosphere, Golden Nugget all day long!

I mean, it was charming there but I can 100% promise you I will never be back.

Look at the blue skies! The sun chased the rain away on my birthday! I was really feeling good. New favorite coaster, cute little park, Chooch was being semi-decent to me. The first half of my birthday was really nice.

Even Chooch was kind of being nice to me. OK maybe not NICE per se, but…not mean? Don’t worry, that would change later that night lol.

Monster! Isn’t it gorgina?

I wanted to get ice cream from here from Henry and Chooch kept walking while I was crying out, “Under CONEstruction, get it??”

It’s a very very very small park, smaller even than Kennywood. Yet somehow they still crammed in 7 coasters! (Well, that Underground one barely counts as a coaster, in my opinion, but whatever it was still fun!) The insane part though is that even little amusement parks are so expensive!! It for sure cost over $100 for all three of us. This trip was actually very costly lol oops.

C: I can’t wait for her fucking birthday to be over. This is so annoying. I miss my computer.

H: I can’t wait for this whole trip to be over. My back hurts and I ran out of my supply of individually-wrapped prunes.

This little family coaster was cute. It intertwines with a newish water ride which we did not ride.

THIS WAS CLOSED BECAUSE APPARENTLY CORN WASN’T IN SEASON??? Iowa, you have failed me. I still bought an Iowa Sweet Corn t-shirt though because it was on sale and this birthday bitch decided to treat herself.

Nothing too memorable about the ferris wheel but I did think this whole area was very nice and clean.

See also: the ferris wheel wasn’t memorable but she took 10 pictures of it.

Cutesy.

This park had vibrancy on POINT. The flowers, the paint. Just such a dopamine rush.

Then we rode the train! It was so-so. Very smol.

Gotta go all in at this point and take a picture from the vantage point of the train.

Not CONEstruction ice cream but we did stop by the ice cream on Main Street and got some Blue Bunny scoops. Mine was salted caramel and it was divine. Who cares what the non-birthday people got.

And then our day at Adventureland came to an end. We had more driving to do because I had my heart set on closing out the night at Arnolds Park in OKOBOJI, Iowa – I had never heard of this town before but turns out it was a whole thing. More later byeeee.

If you’ve been following along, you know that on the eve of my 46th birthday, Henry has the audacity to book us a room in a subpar “hotel,” and I KIND OF THREW A FIT after a truck driver sleazed past me by the elevators and grumbled, “Welcome to the shit hole” and then I caught a weird Child of Deliverance sighting while hearing ominous thumping from the floor above our room. Big nope. We ended up going down the street some (after I pulled the customary I JUST WANT TO GO HOME bit) and getting a really nice and quiet room in a reputable Home 2 by Hilton. (Henry is a goddamn Hilton Rewards member and never does anything with it!!)

All of this is to say that I woke up refreshed and actually not miserable that it was my birthday – it helped that some of my friends (Alyson and Jeannie!) texted me bright and early so that was a really nice thing to wake up to. And our complimentary breakfast was actually delicious. There were these flaky spinach and egg pastries that I wish I had eaten more of, honestly. It was a good start to the day, even though it was supposed to rain and we were scrambling to come up with backup plans.

In the end, we still went to Adventureland and just hoped for the best.

Fun fact: this is a sister park to our very own Kennywood. (Technically, Silver Dollar City and Dollywood are too but it feels weird to relate those two big’uns to Kennywood!) I kind of got K-Wood vibes, I guess. A medium-sized park. Some good rides, some forgettable ones. I really liked the ambiance here! I think that in general, Kennywood is the prettier, more unique park but Adventureland had its own charm! And it even has the world’s only underground wooden coaster (allegedly)! It’s called the Underground and I loved it because it was a dark ride but I will agree with Chooch that it was very anti-climactic. The whole time you’re anticipating a drop and then it just….never happens.

Since immediately started his bitching when I insisted on getting on the carousel right away. “SINCE WHEN DO WE DO THIS FIRST THING??” he cried like the bitch that he is. Since I wasn’t sure if we were going to get fucking rained out, OK Lil’ Bitchy?? Also: NO QUESTIONS ON MY BIRTHDAY!!!!

OMG, dreary sky aside, can I just say how wonderful it was to be ensconced in 70 degree weather??? I had forgotten what it felt like to not have a sheen of sweat on every inch of my skin, hair like cling-wrap against the back of my neck, tongue out like a panting dog.

I was even wearing a windbreaker!!!

LOL yikes, Cassie.

The first coaster we rode was just your typical family spinning wild mouse called Phoenix.

I got this from their website because I really wasn’t taking many pictures of the rides like I usually do – depression or am I growing out of this phase?? Who can be sure. But I will say that everything was practically a walk-on all day and the ride ops were all super nice, starting with the older lady with the undercut at Phoenix!

Their main attraction though is Monster which was similar to Untamed at Canobie, I feel like just bright green and you know, monster-themed! We were in the station and Chooch got mildly admonished by an older lady ride attendant who was giving oncoming riders instructions but he had his back to her and was talking to me. It made me laugh because all throughout school every single teacher had one complaint about him: he talks too much and is disruptive.

Apparently, this applies to roller coaster stations too, lol.

But then she was FAWNING over Henry because when she told him he’d need to take his glasses off, he wordlessly leaned forward and showed her that he had his DORK ALERT eyeglasses strap on and she literally cooed, “OH, THIS MAN IS A COASTER EXPERT! HE’S NOT NEW TO THIS!” or something and it made me want to vomit. God, sit on his lap, take a selfie, and move on with your life.

But yeah! Monster was great! Thoroughly enjoyed that. My only regret is that we weren’t going to be there at night to see the cool light package:

Their wooden coasters were…mid though. There were just two, and one was Tornado. Henry, still smarting from the Boss three days ago, was like, “Nope, I’m good.” So, I made him take our picture.

It’s here that I want to remember a really sweet interaction we had with some kids! We had just walked into the station because there was no line and a train had just returned, so we immediately started walking to the back row. However, there were 4 kids who had just gotten off that train and were going to re-ride since there was no one else in line but me and Chooch. They started to climb into the two rows and then saw us.

One of the older kids asked, “Oh, I’m sorry! Where did you guys want to sit?”

“I mean, we did kind of want the back row,” I admitted sadly because I’m a big baby and it was my birthday.

“OMG take it!” she said in the most friendly and mature manner I have ever witnessed from a kid?! Like, a pre-teen even?? “We literally JUST rode it so we don’t care where we sit!” And just like that, they moved further up and Chooch and I were like, “WHOA.” That never would have happened at, I dunno, Cedar Point example!

Our good samaritans, coaster edition, can be seen in that picture!

Turns out we probably should have just let them keep the back car because OOF. That was a rough ride and I did not enjoy even a second of it.

In order to get to this section, we had to walk by a very monotone employee barely trying to get people to play his games. I loved that guy.

This one was so bad too, lol. Another walk-on. More bruises for the collection. FOR SOME REASON WE STAYED ON FOR A SECOND RIDE?? We moved out of the backseat though – it didn’t help.

OK that coaster was trash too – sorry, Outlaw!!

But I gotta end Part 1 on a high note. Because for some reason, this next coaster I’m about to show was INEXPLICABLY my favorite coaster of the day and maybe even of the whole trip WTF is wrong with me? It’s not even the first time I have ridden one of these and I generally don’t care too much for them. (The ones in Sweden and Finland can fuck right off!!!)

But shoooo – this ride had great and friendly ride ops who continuously let Chooch and I just stay on if no one was waiting (there was never a line – there were times we’d have to get off to let other people on but we’d just get right back in the queue and by that time the next car would be ready). There are two sides – one is wild and one is mild – but the “mild” one seemed way more chaotic and unhinged to us. I probably sustained a bit of brain damage after riding both sides so many times.

Hold on, let me ask Chooch how many times we rode this.

He immediately said 8 with 100% assurance and then I remembered it’s because not only does he count his coaster credits, he has an app where he keeps track of how many times he rides everything.

Henry rode it once and said it gave him a headache, LOL. OK, gramps.

And then I made Henry share some Sam Adams summery beer with so we could get this collectors cup because I was majorly smitten with Adventureland by this point. Dragonslayer 4 LYFE!!!!!!!

More to come in part 2 (mostly pictures, I think).

T’was the day before my birthday (Tuesday the 29th) and we left Branson bright and early for Kansas City – the one in Missouri. Trust me, it was tempting to find an excuse to cross over into Kansas and knock another state off the list but we didn’t have time.

According to my vacation journal, it wasn’t all that bright and early – more like 8am, and I noted that I would not be missing the hideous TRUMP MERCHANDISE STORE that sprayed us with fascism every time we drove past. I wanted to scream TRUMP HATES YOU to some fat old white couple that were exiting at one point but I didn’t think fast enough to get the window down. Now I want to go back and just drive back and forth screaming EPSTEIN FILES until my throat bleeds.

Sorry not sorry, I know this isn’t vacation-related but please set yourself aflame and fuck off if you’re MAGA and reading this. You’re all cunts.

OK back to the road. To Chooch’s chagrin, Henry had that whole bag of peanut brittle to nosh on during the drive, and this set him off in a big way at one point when he witnessed Henry sticking his whole peanut brittled-hand into his mouth. Henry tried to play it off like Chooch was overreacting but I saw it too and it was giving Neanderthal so I told him he brings down the value of our family when he does shit like this. Bitch.

We crossed over this lake and I was like, “OMG SO MANY REFERENCES TO TRUMAN!” which I wouldn’t have noticed if our beloved Pappos server hadn’t been named Truman. We thought this was so coincidental until I was perusing Roadside America for tourist traps and noted that there were some Harry Truman historical sites on there so I cried, “Ohhhhh! It’s because HARRY S TRUMAN was FROM Missouri!”

Mystery solved. :(

DO YOU GUYS THINK THAT TRUMAN IS A DISTANT RELATIVE??

Worlds of Fun! I will tell you right now that this might have been the hottest day yet. It was high 90s and the “feels like” was around 112 or 114 I think Henry said?? Just the walk from the car to the entrance had me feeling drained.

Luckily the carousel was right at the entrance so I was like, “THIS. NOW. BEFORE WE GET TOO GROSS.”

Chooch was pouting immediately because it was his turn to take the #carouselfie, lol.

It was a carousel. Nothing memorable.

Immediately I was impressed with the theming. I love parks that get internationalicious.

I remember from here, we got in Patriot which is a B&M suspended coaster and it was very nice + a walk-on. The park had already been open for a good hour by the time we got there and it was not crowded at all. HOWEVER, what kind of threw a wrench in that was that, immediately after getting off Patriot, we found out that the wild mouse-y coaster was closed for the day AND MAMBA WAS DOWN. Literally, an empty train was chilling on the lift hill and it was honestly the greatest disappointment I experienced during the whole trip. IT WAS ON THE LIST I POSTED THE NIGHT BEFORE WE LEFT OF MY MOST ANTICIPATED RIDES, IF YOU REMEMBER! I still don’t even know what the issue was but it pissed me off so much.

From there, we walked to Zambezi Zinger, the newest coaster – I think it just opened last season? I stopped caring about coaster YouTube for a while there. It didn’t seem like the line was THAT long until you factored in that the ops were kind of slow (they WERE running 2 trains from what I remember, though). Plus, the boomerang next to it was ALSO DOWN so that was THREE CLOSED COASTERS – of course people were going to be flocking to this one!

We ended up standing in line for about 45 minutes I guess, with no shade, and I could feel the sweat dripping from my neck all the way down to my butt. I was wearing linen shorts AND NOT TO BE GROSS YOU GUYS BUY THEY LOOKED LIKE I PEED MYSELF. I was just sopping wet with sweat without even moving. It was so miserable.

The good thing is that there were no assholes in line. No line jumpers. In fact, we had no bad experiences with anyone in the park all day.

So, Zambezi Zinger! It has a pretty cool story. The OG Zambezi looked like this:

Steel with toboggan-style trains where you sit in line – similar to log flumes, but these are so awkward with coasters! Anyway, this coaster lives in a park in Colombia now (I tried to get Henry to want to go there last Christmas but he was being annoying about it), and the park decided to pay homage to it by recreating it in a sense as a wooden coaster, even giving it the same spiral lift hill.

It’s now encaged in this corrugated metal tunnel and I heard that the reasoning was so it can still operate in the rain. I guess when the new Zinger was unveiled, the lift hill was exposed and if the track got wet, the train couldn’t ascend. I didn’t experience it without the tunnel but thoosies HATE IT because it’s too loud now. I mean, it was whatever. I was just happy that it was running.

And we all really enjoyed it! Would I stand in a long line for it again while probably getting skin cancer on my scalp? Smrobably not but that was nice of you to ask.

On the train after eating at whatever the Mexican place is in the park. I had a veggie burrito bowl and it was actually quite satisfying; Chooch had a burrito and didn’t like it because the beans were refried and he was hoping they were black beans. Henry ended up eating our sloppy seconds haha.

To be honest, I was just happy to be sitting in A/C. When I think back to this day, my most vivid memory is just – drinking out of every water fountain we passed like a fucking stray dog.

But the train was nice! It took us all around and gave us some cool views of Prowler and Zambezi Zinger.

Oh, I do need to note that we made it there just as the train returned and all of the passengers had exited, but we couldn’t board yet because some fucking little kid was having his picture taken with the “conductor” who looked like Blake circa Warped Tour, and the other “train engineers” who again – just teenagers. It was so annoying because the pageant mom was like, “LET’S GET ANOTHER” and they were just snapping away like it was One Direction – I didn’t understand. Then when the family finally left, the little kid was screaming his head off, like, whatta brat! That fucking kid didn’t deserve those pictures WITH THE FAKE TRAIN PEOPLE.

Spoiler – the Boomerang did end up opening. It was actually testing while we were in line for Zambezi Zinger so we ended up riding it later. It was….a Boomerang. You always get the GP on these rides, and they act like they’ve never been on any amusement park ride before so you end up sitting there while the ride ops are repeatedly telling them things like, I don’t know, “You have to put on a shirt on.”

“Put the Epstein Files in that bin over there so they don’t blow away.”

You know, obvious disclaimers.

Yeah I just really thought the theming was a beaute.

We didn’t ride this – you guys, it was so hot, just the sight of most of the flat rides there made me feel like puking. I would have loved to though because Kennywood recently replaced their Enterprise with some new-fangled version and it just doesn’t hit like these old school ones.

This one is way prettier than Kennywood’s Enterprise was, though.

I think this was on the way to Prowler, which we couldn’t find at first.

Henry was like I WILL SIT THIS ONE OUT because there were so many bad woodies on this trip that he was ruined, lol. So he was making me and Chooch be the woodie guinea pigs.

Yo. Prowler SLAPPED. We got the back row. The father/son duo in front of us rode the whole time with their elbows on the side of the car and their fist under their chin, I guess it was their THANG you know, like their little coaster challenge. We ended up staying on because it was a station wait and no one was waiting for the back row, so Chooch decided he was going to ride the whole way doing the chin/fist thing too because, well, that’s Chooch for you.

(BTW the dad looked like Jack Griffith from AP Bio / whatever his character’s name is on Always Sunny, so we kept referring to him as AP Bio. You just would have had to have been there OK, don’t think too much into it.)

We did get Henry to ride it too and ended up going back later for more rides. The crew was SO FUN. Literally everyone working in this park had such a mid personality but this crew was like unhinged. The one time we went back, one of the girls said to Chooch, “Hey, he has a question for you—” and the boy crew member next to her was like, “No! Don’t listed to her” and they were going back and forth over this – Chooch was barely paying attention but I was ALL EARS!!! The mystery of the whole road trip.

WHAT WAS THE QUESTION????

Chooch *was* wearing a Drexel shirt so maybe it was about that??

(Literally all of his shirts that he packed, with the exception two Clairo shirts, were free participation shirts he got from school. He was a walking midwest advertisement for Drexel.)

Ew.

We made Chooch cart us around. I have nothing to say about these antique cars – they were fine.

Immediately afterward, Chooch and I made the ride operator have to get up, sigh heavily, pick up her measuring stick, and open the gate for us for these little swinging boats. SO SORRY.

Honestly, this park was NOT crowded. And the second time we went back to ride Zambezi, the line was only about 10 minutes long. The crowds had definitely dispersed.

We watched this weird parade and it made me uncomfortable.

Before heading out, we rode Patriot one more time. There was a real little girl in the row behind us who had never been on anything that extreme before and she was not having it. Her sisters kept saying, “Wooo!” and she was screaming, “Not woo!!”

I liked Patriot – I like most coasters like this – but what I didn’t like was that when it comes back to the brake run, the last two cars are suspended over air while the rest of the train is over top of a grated floor. Both times we were in the back and second to back so we just sat there with nothing but the ground beneath us, waiting for the train in the station to be sent so that we could pull in. I didn’t like that.

It was around 5PM when we decided to call it. It was SO HOT. And Mamba clearly was down for the day.

My thoughts: it was a pretty park but two coasters (+ another one that was on the website as being down all summer for planned maintenance so that wasn’t a surprise) being down was not a good look. That really disappointed me. I think that if you go to a park and not everything is operating, you should get a partial refund or comped somehow! As sad as I am about Mamba, we likely will not ever be back out to that park so that was my only chance of riding it.

But – perils of being a thoosie. Unpredictable weather and ride closures can really ruin a day! I wouldn’t say our day was RUINED though – Prowler was so fucking good. Like, shockingly good. I got a magnet and Chooch got a shirt – his only shirt of the whole trip because “nothing else stood out” to him. He’s very hard to impress.

And then we drove to Iowa!!

You can read about the rest of that night here. 

More to come! (Everyone at work hates it when management says that in meetings haha. I AM MANAGEMENT. Of Oh Honestly Erin.)