BIG NOSE

One of my friends on Instagram just posted something about a friend told her she shouldn’t get photographed on her left side because her nose looks bigger from that side and just reading that triggered me and immediately queued up a VIVID memory of standing in the lunch line in 7th grade, minding my own business, when ADAM CUNTSKE (named changed since people always seem to Google themselves and find my idiot blog) said 갑자기, “You have a really big nose.”

To me!

And yeah I guess I do probably but it was literally something  that I never thought about back then probably because I was too fixated on being FAT, A BRACE FACE, HAVING A SHITTY PERM, ETC. But great, let’s add “BIG NOSE” to the arsenal.

Additionally, ADAM CUNTSKE and I had never once exchanged even a hello. I don’t even think we had any classes together (he was REMEDIAL. Take that, ADAM CUNTSKE).

Then several years ago, he had the audacity to send me a friend request on Facebook, back when I still used that societal scourge. Of course I screamed NOT TODAY, ADAM CUNTSKE. Come on, really? Aside from commenting apropos of nothing about my bulging beak, we had shared approximately zero words all  the way throughout high school. Maybe he has a boner for big noses now!?

LONG TIME NO GINGER

A few weeks ago, I was on my way back home from a lunch break walk. It was a really unseasonably beautiful day which meant I got roped into THREE conversations with strangers all on Brookline Boulevard, how fucking blessed. One old dude pulled up to the curb as I was lost in an audiobook and I caught him frantically waving in my periphery. I had to pull a GAYLE who used to listen to audiobooks at work and would hold up one finger while she searched for the pause button anytime someone would approach her desk. Shout out to you, Gayle!

Anyway, after I properly paused my book, dude was like IS THE HOTDOG PLACE OPEN. Like he really wanted me to walk over to HANK’S HOTDOGS which OK I was about to walk past it anyway but now I had to go all the way up to it because my eyes are bad and I couldn’t read the sign that was taped to the door from where I was standing, mole eyes and all.

I read the sign and reported back. “IT SAYS THEY’RE OPEN UNTIL 3 BUT I THINK IT’S A LIE BECAUSE IT’S ONLY 2:30 NOW AND IT APPEARS TO BE CLOSED” I shouted through his passenger side window from my firm stance on the sidewalk lest he try to grab and pull me through said open window. He just stared at me like he was not happy with this answer so I was like, “Oh OK, I guess I will go back and TRY THE DOOR in order to give you the most accurate answer.” So I did just that and looked over my shoulder to see if he was witnessing me being unable to pull open the LOCKED DOOR. This, paired with my exaggerated AW SHUCKS shrug, appeared to satisfy him so he shouted, “OK THANKS HONEY” and then pulled back onto the boulevard.

ANYTIME, GRAMPS.

Then I was cutting through the CVS parking lot, where some guy was giving himself a bath with handfuls of snow, I swear to fucking god. There was some redheaded broad in front of me who went inside CVS just as some old man with a cane exited. She was 100% still in earshot when the old man locked eyes with me and exclaimed, and I mean WHOOPED, “Wow, it’s been a long time since I seen a GINGER!” I was like, “*stunned*” but we had already made the aforementioned eye contact so now he wanted to talk to me about the skating rink at the bottom of his road that he was on his way to conquer.

“Oh wow, be careful with that,” I said with a nervous laugh, having no idea wtf he was going on about.

“*something about a water main thingie breaking*” he mansplained.

“Oh OK, well, good luck, haha,” I laughed uncomfortably, trying to edge away and OMG why did I leave the house.

BROOKLINE HERO

There’s some road work happening on one of the side streets so there are tons of DETOUR construction signs lining the road I live on. However, we have been experiencing some pretty high winds lately and almost all of them have been knocked over. On Saturday, Henry and I were walking to the library when he was like, “THIS IS RIDICULOUS” after we hurdled over the second felled sign. And then he proceeded to PICK IT UP and replace the SAND BAGS. You guys know I was losing it over this. Anytime Henry does anything like  this, I wish he had a COSTUME to wear. Like maybe a cape made of Faygo t-shirts, attached to an actual blue collar.

Luckily, he picked up another sign too so this time I was prepared.

“Oh hurry up, get the camera ready,” he mumbled.

Then he started bitching about unions and how it’s not like the pubic works people were going to come back and fix it, and that, “someone has to do it.” He really carries all of Brookline on his back, you guys.

JANNA’S CURTAINS

Janna bought a house during the height of the pandemic and I finally got off my ass and went over to see it this past weekend. Of course, I had to bring Henry because she had house issues for him to assess.

My favorite thing about Janna buying a house is that she has been having a feud with a curtain rod. It keeps falling down and pulling out parts of the wall with it. SHE EVEN HAD A PROFESSIONAL come and fix it at some point, but it still happened. She sent me pictures of the ruined wall and Henry was so angry about this. “SHE HAD A PROFESSIONAL DO THAT? I COULD HAVE HUNG THAT FROM HERE.” He was seriously angry about this and now I think Henry should start a grassroots fix-it operation where he makes sure women don’t get screwed by repairmen.

Anyway! Corey also knows about the curtain drama, so as soon as we walked into her house (she tried to wave us in from inside but I was like NO YOU HAVE TO OPEN THE DOOR AND FORMALLY INVITE US IN JANNA COME ON LET’S GO) I tossed my phone at her and squealed, “TAKE A PICTURE OF ME NEXT TO THE CURTAINS SO I CAN SEND IT TO COREY!!”

It would have been amazing if the curtains fell mid-picture snap.

Oh well.

Her house is so cute though, curtain issues aside! Don’t worry, we’re going back next weekend and Henry will have his HERO BOX with him.

Also, I brought some of my NCT albums to show her and she actually sighed exasperatedly and then tried to deny the exasperation!! I made her sit there while I named all 23 members and Henry was probably thinking, “Finally I get a break from the NCT fanaticism” until I dragged him into the narrative by saying things like, “RIGHT HENRY?” and “HENRY TELL HER WHO YOUR BIAS IS” and he was like, “Can I please just sit here in peace, petting Janna’s dog and watching The Office reruns? We might not have a union, but heroes are entitled to a break too.”

WORDLE

I have only ever posted my dumb Wordle results once ever on Twitter when I guessed AROMA on the second try, but I thought this one was hilarious because I have never in my life used the word TACIT yet somehow it came to my mind? Also, Chooch and I both used the same word for our first guess yesterday – GHOST. We are definitely related.

All three of us play and are very competitive (OK maybe only two of us are).

ENDING FAIRY 

OMG can I end this with an NCT video? Can I please??

I really think I like NCT Dream the best out of all the NCT sub-units?! I have been on a huge Renjun kick lately and I think he might be my current favorite NCT vocalist??

ALSO HE WAS WEARING A PITT SWEATSHIRT IN THIS VIDEO WTF YESSS!?

I bought this jacket from Valfre sometime toward the end of 2019, thinking it would be a good transition jacket to wear once spring 2020 rolled around.

LOL. But then we all know what happened early in 2020.

I was actually only able to wear this jacket once to work on a mild day that winter, and then it eventually found its way to the attic closet with my other winter coats that I would rarely use since leaving the house was not a thing anymore.

Our Pittsburgh office tentatively set a return to office date for April. My department will be operating on their own remote working policy though where we – last I heard, anyway – will only be required to come in twice a month, or more if we want.

Personally, I think I would like to come in once a week because I miss that old routine, I miss my downtown walks, I miss my desk (though we will probably be looking at a desk-share sitch which is not desirable but times they are a’changing etc etc). Obviously I miss my work friends but I really don’t think many people will be choosing to work from the office so I probably still won’t see many people on the days I do opt to go in and also the snack table will probably never be a thing again or food parties or meetings in a conference room (I am sooooo burnt out on virtual meetings – it is really the only thing that I truly HATE about working from home).

And true to form, the stupid trolley is having some type of bridge repair done on the line I take and it won’t be done until fucking summer so now a dumb shuttle has to be used and I have been on that boat before (er, bus) so now the COMMUTE ANXIETY is hitting me already and nothing has even been confirmed yet!!

I found my Valfre jacket when we were cleaning out the attic so one thing’s for sure: I know what I’ll be wearing on my first day back.

This concludes my Sunday night post-from-bed.

Well, here we are, another lousy Monday. I wonder what it’s like to be that person who genuinely does not hate Mondays. Because even when my Mondays aren’t that bad, they’re still Mondays and Mondays might as well just be renamed Yuckday, you know? If we were all in first grade? Entering a contest to rename Monday?

The ration of caffeine to “everything else” in my body might be a bit skewed currently, apologies in advance.

You already know how my super exciting Saturday was so let’s dish about Sunday, a day I hate nearly as much as Mondays because I spend all day thinking about how Monday is the next day.

When I say that nearly ALL WEEKEND was spent sorting through non compos card orders and fanning myself over NCT, I truly am not exaggerating. You can ask Henry. He was here for it all.

Here is one of the cards from our scintillating serial killer Valentine line. I am sure you quite inspired to stock up.

I think one of my favorite parts of Sunday was when Henry was sitting in the dining room diligently constructing cards when 갑자기, he called out, “Is that Ten?” and when I confirmed, he said, “I could tell by his voice.” Henry is a true Kpop Dad, you guys. All the racists out there are making OH HO HO HO SO FUNNY statements about how “they” “all look the same,” and Papa Kpop over here is like I will debunk THAT stereotype with a quickness and also go to the next level with it, you bigots. 

Meanwhile, there were two white guys with beards in Emarosa that I could NEVER tell apart but I can name all 23 members of NCT so do with that what you will.

This is totally apropos of nothing but I just remembered that the other night, Henry made Chooch , who hates lasagna, lasagna for dinner and told him it was “baked pasta.” He ate the whole thing and didn’t say shit about it lol. This is honestly one of the best part of parenting; it’s so wild even after 15 years.

Since henry was so busy making cards all day (weekend), I suggested we get dinner from Mandy’s Pizza so he could have a break lol. But selfishly it was just because Mandy’s has an extensive vegan section of their menu and I am sometimes really missing the taste of pepperoni and sausage on my pizza, you know? I know you know.

We also got some mooncakes and a pandan cake from Onion Maiden because it was a real TREAT OURSELF day.

Speaking of treating myself, I fed myself from an NCT YouTube buffet and when I played Earthquake for the 87th time, this exchange happened:

Henry from the other room, mumbling, “oh. This song again.” It’s the current house anthem.

Me: What if we made a doorbell that, when pushed, projected the Earthquake track video onto the porch?

Henry: *soul leaves body*

Meanwhile, henry was bitching and moaning all day about his ICE SLIP SHOULDER. I do this thing where I act like I’m going to hug him and then I squeeze his shoulder real hard and he falls for it every time. After doing that one last time before bed, henry snapped and said, “YOU JUST CANT HELP YOURSELF CAN YOU” Looooool.

Well, that pretty much sums up my Sunday. Add in a bunch of cat & squirrel convos and you got it dude.

My current brain state has really taken to free-form, anything goes thought purges so we’re gonna keep that up because writing on here has been very therapeutic.

Also part of my therapy package was spending all Friday night doing Kpop cardio and watching hours of NCT YouTube content and laughing out loud which I hardly ever do when I’m watching things. The feeling of joy and excitement that Kpop has brought me over the last six years has been so special to me! It’s just hits different than the hysteria I used to feel over my old repertoire of bands. Like, I feel more inspired? More like I’m part of a secret society even though BTS blew the secret to smithereens?

Whenever people ask me HEY HOW’S IT GOING I always just say something generic to appease them when I really I want to blurt out OMG ITS GOING HILARIOUSLY I JUST WATCHED A 15 MINUTE VIDEO OF JAEMIN’S BRAIN BEING BUILT DIFFERENT.

God bless all the kids who put together these compilation videos so old Kpop bitches like me can laugh away another blah work week. They da real MVPs.

Lol I was jogging in place and watching YouTube when Henry came up behind me and scared the fuck out of me, like I literally jumped and spun around. “You scared me!” I screamed.

“Ugh you’re in your NCT Dream state,” Henry sighed and then mumbled, “oh my god.”

In other non-Kpop news, I’m listening to The Guncle on audio and it’s not as cute/charming/good as I expected it to be.

I sent this to my lil bro Corey and said I still can’t believe our mom ever let him in the car with me back then. He said his most vivid memory of being in my Eagle Talon is of his body pressed into the roof after leaving IKEA because I had so many boxes in the backseat, while I was flying down 376 with the windows down and cigarette smoke blowing back into his face. Big sister goals! The only difference is that my Talon had a CASSETTE PLAYER so I was definitely fumbling for a tape, not a CD lol.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CZLFGMbI4b9/?utm_medium=copy_link

Huge life update: I LEFT THE HOUSE. I mean it was just to go to Target but wow, that felt good. Fuck winter. Fuck COVID.

And now Henry is picking up delectable treats.

We are now into the late afternoon segment of Saturday. It’s been a pretty decent day! Except omg every time I pick my phone up there is another news alert about Tom Brady retiring. Like ok so GO AWAY already. Jesus.

Now we’re doing the rest of the ceiling which was supposed to be done last week but then HENRY FELL ON ICE UGH.

Oh!!! When I came back from walking to the library, I told my cat Drew that it was too cold outside and I said it in Korean without even thinking about it!!! I still suck at it though.

I like this style of blogging. Just sitting here thinking about how light and easy it feels to just open the draft and add to it as the day goes along, like an old school written journal which I used to keep but then stopped because it always got too dark LOL ugh ouch.

Have you guys seen that When We Were Young music festival that was announced last week? It makes me laugh because it’s bands that I liked in my 20s but whose median fan base were teenagers. Anyway!! There have been a plethora of Jonny Craig memes generated because of this and it’s been brightening my days because fuck that douchebag you know. Anyway, there are a good bit of bands on that roster that I loved so much back then and it almost makes me want to fly to Vegas in October to attend but I probably won’t because I’ve seen them all more times than I can count and will it really be the same?

HOWEVER. If Chiodos were to announce a full OG lineup reunion, I’d be more inspired.

But until that happens, I probably won’t be bringing back my old side part anytime soon.

Or my bleached blond and chocolate dual-toned hair lol. That was…a real LEWK as the KIDS say.

Guys here is a clip of the kdrama Our Beloved Summer where the character Ung says my favorite Korean word “kapchugi.”

You could honestly turn it into a drinking game. It’s a word that is said A LOT in dramas, almost as much as jinjja which means “really.” I taught you something.

Look who’s actually gracing us with his presence!!! ^^^^ But then he does this annoying things where he walks into the room and goes, “Is that BTS” about whatever I’m watching on TV. He’s the ultimate jerk.

Well guys. It’s been a decent day. I am capping it off with some 막걸리 & NCT content.

I lied. We’re capping off the night with more Valentine packaging.

#ThisIsMyLife

I didn’t get Henry anything for Christmas because I had been working on a photobook compiling every selfie / picture taken of us from 2021, aka our 20th year together. *insert RETCHING sound effects* But I knew that we would have pictures from Xmas and NYE that I’d want to include, therefore, I couldn’t actually get the book printed until this month.

Therefore #2: no Xmas gift for Henry. Big sad.

So then I thought I could just keep it hidden and give it to him for V-Day, except that it was delivered & sitting on the front porch when he came home from work yesterday, in a blatant SHUTTERFLY box.

And I’m a bad actor in situations like this so instead of playing it cool, I wrenched it out of his hands and screamed.

Well, now he just won’t get anything for Valentine’s Day, haha.

DO YOU THINK HE WILL TAKE IT TO WORK AND KEEP IT ON HIS DESK? Yeah probably not.

My favorite part of this was that after I gave it to him and walked away, he said that after the initial warm fuzzies wore off he thought to himself, “Shit, another thoughtful gift that will be lorded over me” and it’s hilarious because I was thinking the same thing as I was making it!

He’ll just have to keep doing projects for me as long as I make him thoughtful gifts, it’ll be a constant passive aggressive cycle until one of us dies, I guess.

WOW ON THAT UPLIFTING NOTE, I’m going back to doing Kpop cardio. Toodleloo my boo.

We’re supposed to be getting some big snowstorm today at some point so Henry is at THE STORE right now while it’s still clear out there and I’m just sitting here watching my fave YouTube channels, thinking about all the things in my head that I want to purge. I’m feeling vulnerable to the nth power lately so this is likely to be A Mess.

It’s our busy greeting card season so the house is imploding with card-making materials, and clutter really does a shitty thing to my mental well-being. Add to that the fact that Henrys grandkids are next door acting like hellions and getting screamed at by their parents and I already feel like I have cabin fever without a single snowflake having fallen.

We are still in the middle of the THROW AWAY FROM THE ATTIC project but it is way too cold this weekend to do work up there so we’re focusing on the Cure section of the house which is almost complete.

This is a passage from a book I read last week and while I’m not in academia, I fucking FELT THIS. I have recently been in a situation at work where I am made to feel this way quite regularly and I thought I could just brush it off but after feeling like shit in a recent meeting in the beginning of the year and trying to bottle it up, it all came pouring out of me yesterday like the most emotional geyser and Henry had to sit with me while I bawled my face off and did the shudder-breathing and my heart was racing so fast and I realized, “is this worth it?” It’s a job. Not a career.

It started in the beginning of this project I was dumped into, when one of my “colleagues” made some shitty comment about how formal education is better than institutional knowledge and ok, ouch. That cut deep. I have always felt inadequate in that department, having never finished college (“oh, I’ll go back once my kid is in school,” she said. “Oh I’ll finish it one day real soon,” she said.) but I feel that I work hard and learn fast and maybe I’m not down with all the cliched and eye-rolling business meeting lingo which basically just makes people sound like they’re expelling empty air and not saying anything real, and maybe I’m not as smart on paper as everyone else there, and maybe I don’t show everyone there my true outgoing personality because I feel so self-conscious about everything else that by the time it’s my turn to speak up, my voice wavers and everything I say is utter nonsense and if anyone who knows me outside of that capacity ever witnessed it, they would say, “This is not the Erin that I know.”

So I guess this year my only goal is to work on being ERIN RACHELLE in every area of my life and stop keeping my head down at work because I feel like a STOOP every single day. Or just find a new job. Lol. Whichever happens first.

(Aso I think I have just reached my WFH limit. I’d like to go into the office at least once a week and feel like a normal human again. I am dying for in person meetings again. Fuck these video calls, I am going to spontaneously combust one day. Hopefully ON VIDEO.)

Oh and in addition to this (stupid, avoidable) stress, I watched the whole season of Maid on Netflix and it triggered so much from the beginning of the very first episode. When I was a kid, I had flashbacks (didn’t know they were real at the time) of my mom running with me in her arms down the steps and out of our first house, with my birth dad chasing right behind her. I was LITTLE then, like still a baby. And I’m seeing it from a third-person POV, like a movie, which is bizarre. But yeah, my mom is a survivor of domestic violence and then I also briefly experienced it when I was a teenager and in a relationship with Psycho Mike. What if I hadn’t gotten out of it??

Every episode of that show made my pulse gallop and I cried so much and felt sick to my stomach. I hope that it helps people currently in an abusive relationship realize that abuse comes in many forms and gives them the courage to leave.

Thanks for letting me share.

On to better things:

Oh never mind. Someone wasn’t prepared and didn’t get enough LED lights so our project is on hold and now I’m frustrated, anxious, and angry so no, I don’t have “better things” to move onto right now.

Let me take a squirrel break. Brb.

Ok I saw my Chubbs on the porch and then Mr Gray Guy popped over for some hazelnuts and then Henry redid the LED lights so it might work now but we’re taking a kdrama break.

I needed a picture of myself wearing blue for some anti-human trafficking campaign thingie so that is what this is. OK??

Henry went to the store and came back with a cinnamon roll-edition Snickers for us to share and I feel moderately better now.

I’ll never forget at the dinner we had after my Pappap’s funeral in 1996, my cousin Ginny (whom I believe is some kind of math genius as a profession) leaned into me and whispered, “Chocolate is good for depression.” My friend Christy was right next to me and heard it too so it’s one of those things we always jokingly reference over the years but damn if it isn’t true.

Speaking of Christy, everyone featured in this picture has agreed to participate in a recreation of it at some point, probably when it’s not gross winter.

PRO TIP APROPOS OF NOTHING: if I have a candle in a pretty container, I like to repurpose it as plant pot once the wick has burned down.

In case you were wondering, the snow has officially started. I hope my squirrels are ok.

Chooch took the T to the mall earlier today with his friends. Whenever he makes a purchase, Henry gets a text because it’s some BABY CREDIT CARD that chooch is so embarrassed about having but none of his friends have credit cards so….? Anyway! He made an $11 purchase at Macy’s and we were making guesses for what we thought it was because dude never shops at Macy’s?? We both settled on either a hat or a face mask because he keeps misplacing his masks and then it becomes everyone’s problem because Ugh Teens. When he came home, he had a frog-face kickball in his arms. That is what he bought at Macy’s.

Last night, Henry and I stopped to get mediocre coffee at Dunkin Donuts on our way home from whatever errands we were running, and this happened:

Dunkin’ Donuts drive thru lady: Have a good night.

Henry, to her: You also.

Henry, to me: I say “you also” now.

If I sent out a family newsletter, I’d include that huge development.

Well, I am going to go and plan a potential roller coaster trip for the future because that usually helps me decompress. I might need more chocolate soon though.

Yo Brenda I’m really excited to tell you something today: sometime last month, I finagled Henry into doing low impact walking workouts. He is very picky about the ones he will do: No Gina B., but he does enjoy himself some Leslie Sansone. However!! The one he seems to like the most is MY BOY, Pittsburgh’s Own PAUL EUGENE.

It must be the matching beards.

In the beginning, he looked just like he does in that photo up there (also my arms are 100% not that thin, that is one hell of an iPhone optical illusion), but gradually he has begun to enjoy it and actually is motivated! He doesn’t act like I am forcing him to do it anymore and he even PUTS FORTH EFFORT!

And I’m excited to announce that starting January 1 (what? cliché you say?), Henry has been doing Jillian Michaels’ Body Revolution workout series with me! This is my 4th time doing it (I only officially made it the whole way through twice though) and can attest that it is a wonderful kick-start if you’re trying to make physical changes to your body. It has made me feel SO STRONG and by the end of the program, I was able to do rock star jumps and all kinds of other crazy shit that I never would have imagined possible. (Still suck at push-ups, but there is this one version called the wheel pushup where you get into a back-bend position and do push-ups that way and somehow I was able to do those and felt like a motherfucking Ninja Warrior, bitch.)

I am extremely stoked about this because you guys – Jillian is my queen and also because Henry admitted to me the other day that he likes it! Even though I’m very annoying and quote parts of it like it’s a movie I grew up watching every night on VHS, but he hasn’t yelled at me to stop yet! I have made gentle suggestions over the years that he joins me when I’m exercising and I always get the “I MOVE AROUND ALL DAY AT WORK, MY JOB IS NOT EASY” and I get that, I do, but I also think that there is something to be said for good old-fashioned strength  training and cardio workouts. You know? I’m not fucking bikini body, TRUST, but a regular exercise regimen has really improved the quality of my life. And I’ve seen it change Chooch’s life too, and I want Henry to be the healthiest version of himself as possible!

We are almost done with level 1 & 2 and will be starting 3 & 4 this weekend, and I’m so excited that he’s made it through the first two weeks! The beginning is the toughest part, but as Jillian says, “If you have a WHY, you can tolerate any HOW.”

I’m so stoked about this that I even quickly considered switching professional gears and becoming a life coach, lol, can you imagine? Me? Coaching people on their actual LIVES? No one can fully control what happens in life, any one us could get hit by a bus tomorrow or garroted by the modern day Ted Bundy, but at least we’ll die with the knowledge that we could do a burpee.

LOOK HOW MOTIVATIONAL I AM. I’m going to put that on business card.

We still do Paul Eugene on our Jillian “off” days. Henry enjoys Paul Eugene workouts so much that when I said, “I’m going to buy us Paul Eugene merch. Which color do you want?” he actually took some time to peruse his options. Chooch came downstairs and when he saw us wearing our fresh PE merch, he shook his head in embarrassment, said “No,” and then went right back up to his room. SOMEONE’S JELLY. Maybe I’ll get him a shirt for his birthday. AND THEN WE CAN WEAR THEM TO AN AMUSEMENT PARK TOGETHER! I always wanted to go to an amusement park in matching outfits.

Today’s post is brought to you by photos in my phone &, well, random stuff lately AS THE TITLE SUGGESTS.

Henry and I were both off the Monday after Christmas so we spent a good chunk of the morning at the mall exchanging and returning stuff because somehow I bought a hoodie for Chooch at Zumiez that was actually a girl’s hoodie which is fine because fuck gender rules, except that the hoodie was cut short and how I didn’t notice this when I bought it is beyond me but Chooch liked the hoodie so I just needed to exchange it for a bigger size; hilariously, Henry was also returning something – he tried to be all cool a few weeks ago by TREATING HIMSELF to a denim jacket at Vans and was so confident about it that he didn’t even try it on. As soon as we got home, I looked at the  tag and laughed, “You know this is a women’s jacket right?” and it did not fit him AT ALL. What a stoop. So he returned it and I got shoes, lol.

Wow, I wasn’t planning on regaling you with all that consumerism, yet here we are. Gotta get that word count in.

Then later we had to go to Target. I really wanted a smoothie bowl for lunch so that determined which Target we would be going to, which meant we would have to go through the Liberty Tunnel. And as luck would have it, an accident or something happened right as were about 3/4 of the way through the tunnel so traffic came to a standstill. At first, I didn’t even notice because we had started listening to Seth Rogen’s “Yearbook” memoir-ish thing and it was entertaining enough to distract me until eventually I noticed that we hadn’t moved in some time and that this wasn’t just the ordinary red light I figured it to be.

About 10 minutes into this traffic standstill, someone near the front of the tunnel unfailingly began honking their horn, creating a beeping chorus ripple effect among other frustrated drivers throughout the tunnel. Because beeping always works in these situations. The honking collective forms a giant crane which then lifts the obstacles blocking traffic into the air so that we can all freely pass. Everyone knows this. Crazy that no one has been able to make that actually happen yet.

“These are all the stupid unvaccinated fuckers,” Henry mumbled, and for once I heartily agreed with Henry’s hypothesis.

Another 10 minutes passed and Henry noted that several people farther back behind us had gotten out of their cars and were milling about. Henry went on a lengthy rant about carbon monoxide, etc and how stupid these people were, and it was around this point where I had become super slap-happy so maybe those fumes were seeping into our car, I dunno. I would have asked Henry but the only thing worse than being mansplained is actually asking to be mansplained. I made a mental note to google it later but then I forgot and now I just don’t care,

Two guys separately walked past our car toward the front of the tunnel. This was amusing to me because what were they going to do if traffic started moving while they were so far from their cars??

Meanwhile, round three of Project Honk was playing out.

Eventually, the Tunnel Investigators began their return trip, stopping at every car to announce their findings.

“Accident!” they were saying in tandem, like wow really no shit. I’m pretty sure we all figured that out in between pondering the meaning of life for the last 30 minutes.

Duh.

Just as they were about to get to our car, traffic at the front of the tunnel started moving, so the guys began hollering, “WE’RE MOVING!” Henry luckily had his window down a little from when we were originally trying to determine what the Tunnel Investigators were reporting, so I leaned across Henry’s gut and screamed, and I do mean KPOP-concert level screamed, “YEAH!” out the window. Henry shot me that stern WOULD YOU KNOCK IT OFF! scowl that he’s perfected over the last two decades of not only being a dad but also my BOYFRIEND lol.

This whole scene was cracking me up so bad that I spit all over myself from all the laughing I was doing. Henry meanwhile was harboring big regERTZ for choosing a Target that required us to traverse through the tunnel in the first place, but honestly – it’s not like we were late for a hot date. Although now I was hungrier for my smoothie bowl which ended up being not great. I paid extra to have it made with coconut milk instead of coconut water, and had selected turmeric and something else that I forget now as add-ons and THEY DID NOT ADD THEM nor was it made it with coconut* milk – I could tell. What a rip off.

*(LOL I originally typed cococunt – this is my new word.)

LOOK AT THESE THREE LITTLE BRATS! Actually, they’re not so little. They’re pretty fucking fat and I slip sometimes and call them Chubs. Then I feel bad. Also, ignore my crappy porch/yard. It’s winter and we don’t care about it right now.

Henry got a new Roku speaker for the TV and the first thing he did to test it was put on the video for NCT127’s “Kick It.” KPOP DAD IS ALWAYS ON DUTY.

Meanwhile, in Penelope and Drew’s world:

• it’s always Halloween.

• opening a book is an invitation to plop down across me.

• exceling at the worst hiding spots.

And now for some random photos from my camera roll:

I didn’t decorate that much this year for Christmas, but I will definitely miss how cute  the buffet looks! These glass Christmas trees could almost pass for year-round decor though, DON’T YOU AGREE.

I got this plastic hand from Castle Blood last October and it’s always in the pocket of my jean jacket, which I have been able to wear fairly regularly during this mild-ish winter. Anyway, I noticed recently that I subconsciously hold onto it when my hand is in my pocket, and it is actually very comforting to me. It’s like an emotional support hand and I highly recommend that everyone get one!

I went to Michaels and bought a bunch of their holiday LED strands after Christmas when everything was 70% off and a lot of them could easily be used all year, like these pretty stars!

I sent this to Chooch the other day lol. Leslie Sansone really said that in one of her videos!

Hey speaking of Leslie, I’m gonna peace out here because it’s almost time to exercise.

Hello Internet. It is 7:24am and Henry and I are departing our house for Cleveland. We both have the day off work but Chooch went back to school today so I thought, “What could we do that’s fun but doesn’t take us too far away” and then through the power of YouTube I accidentally stumbled across a vlog where some vegan went to a cafe and got pink vegan cinnamon rolls AND A PINK LATTE. Come on, we all know I’m not above novelties foods and bevs, so I was all over this like a Jersey Shore girl and a Plan B pill.

Unfortunately, upon more research I learned that this joint – the 27 Club – is owned by Machine Gun Kelly which is v. cringe but I want the latte so am choosing to ignore this gross fact. Shh.

Besides, we’re listening to Taemin in the car to ward off the sleazy MGK vibes.

Gee wiz guys it’s 11:05 and I forgot I started a LiveBlog lol. But we’re done with 27 Club and I am here to say it was…worth it ugh. Lol. I will post more about it on the way home because now we’re going to West Side Market, supposedly. Henry went rogue and made the unilateral decision.

12:16pm: We just left a pointless stop downtown CLE and are en route to Otani Sushi and Henry is stressing me out because he has to USE A BATHROOM like ASAP and I’m over here like plz stop talking about this.

Anyway, here are some pictures from the cafe, which was actually a pleasant experience as I said above.

Henry enters the building.

Little known fact about me: I never was a fan of Biggie. Tupac or GTFO.

Barely anyone reads this so I’m confident that it shall remain a little known fact!

I got my pink latte with almond milk and salted maple syrup and it was actually VERY nice. I know it’s all about the beans but also the type of syrups a cafe uses can make or break the place you know? This maple flavoring was very mellow and not cloying at all. So even apart from the fact that it’s adorably pink, this shit tasted great too.

I guess henry liked his cold brew. Who cares. (I just asked him and he said yeah and also it made him remember the LIQUIDITY of it which exacerbated his need for A BATHROOM lol).

I’m really glad that we went there before they took down their Christmas decor because yes.

All of the stools had various dead singers on them. Ours had Amy Winehouse on one side and whoever was on the other side looked like Jonny Craig at first and I could tell Henry was trying not to make any OFF COLOR jokes about how too bad Jonny made it past 27 wow did I really just do that for him? Oh well. I forgot to look at the picture more closely before we left so I never did actually see who it was.

Was Henry enjoying where he was right then, Y or N.

You guys – these vegan cinnamon rolls were made fresh upon ordering, came out piping hot, with this banging pitaya icing. I LOVED THEM. Of course I shared with Henry, who only expressed mediocre feelings toward them. I think he was in pink shock though.

Um I also bought a hoodie because my eyesight might be fledgling but it’s still 20/20 when it comes to design. This hoodie is THE LIMIT. I’m also obsessed with the 27 Club’s logo. Ugh.

12:30pm: NEWS ALERT – Henry just RELIEVED himself at a REBEL gas station. He is so happy now.

Also our Waze is still set to Korean so Henry nearly missed a hidden cop up ahead lol.

Overall, I am very satisfied with my experience at 27 Club even though it had the equivalent cringe factor of, say, visiting a vape shop owned by Jonny Craig.

Ugh I bought a bottle of Voss water earlier at Sheetz and I will never buy it again. It tastes awful and I think it’s the AQUAMIN that’s in it whatever that is?? It reminds me of, and this will mean nothing to you, the water fountain in the office of Dr. Lewis, the “fat doctor” my mom used to go to in the 80s to get probably unsafe “diet pills” and my brother Ryan and I would always have to sit in the waiting room with all the other “it’s this or Jazzercize” desperate broads. Ugh the water fountain there had the grossest vitamin infused flavor.

1:22pm: just had an underwhelming visit to my fave vintage joint, Flower Child. I mean it was still fun to walk around but there was nothing that really caught my eye and felt worth arguing with Henry over until he acquiesces and agrees that, yes Erin, we really do need yet another swag lamp in the house even though there is literally nowhere else to put one.

I cried IS THIS FOR COCAINE and Henry was like, “um I don’t see how, but ok.” Then he just strolled off into the sunset next room, leaving me to wonder.

There weren’t even really any JESUS pictures that I needed. Oh well. Next time maybe.

Here are pictures from when we went to the Arcade which was completely empty and the restrooms were locked, causing Henry to cry because this was at the height of his bathroom urgency and even Starbucks down the street was closed lol.

As of 1:31 I hate Henry because he SNEEZED with no warning and now he’s sniffling ughhhhhh.

Meanwhile we’ve been to Cleveland approx. 50x and I still never know where anything is.

2:09: Hi. We’re at Otani Japanese because they have veg/vegan sushi options and henry is being a big cry baby because he wanted WONTON SOUP and i allegedly shamed him somehow? But then he had a big RISE-UP moment and called the waiter over to add it to his order, like ok cool Henry, snap those big boy pants suspenders.

LOLOLOL it’s WONTON SOUP time:

Oh shit hello vegan sushi:

Hey wanna know something hilarious? After we devoured this, our waiter came over and asked, “are you guys vegan?”

“I’m vegetarian,” I said, scared that he was going to say, “ok because actually that one roll has actual tuna in it” but apparently they have an entirely separate vegan menu with EVEN MORE OPTIONS than what’s on the regular menu and it would have been nice if the host had given us that with the other menus. I just really thought the menu looked odd because I had sworn when I looked at the website a few weeks ago, I had seen a shit ton of vegan sushi rolls that had me gurgling my saliva but then I just assumed that maybe I had gotten restaurants mixed up in my head because that’s definitely an Erin Thing to do.

LOOK AT THIS SHIT. I’ll be coming back to Cleveland sooner rather than later, I guess.

4:16lm: at a rest stop outside of PA, henry decided to treat himself to a Blizzard. Of course I chose for him (snickerdoodle) and then spent a solid minute having an internal convo with my alter egos about how ridiculous of a word “snickerdoodle” is. Then I started imagining Chooch working at DQ and instead of just handing Blizzards upside down to customers, throwing it in the air and then drop-kicking it over the counter because that would be a very Chooch Thing to do.

Anyway, this Blizzard was not snickerdoodle? It had chocolate slivers in it? What the hell?

I mean it was still good because Blizzards gon’ Blizz (…what?) but that was no snickerdoodle I’ve ever tasted.

Ok well we should be home in about a half hour so goodbye.

2021 is donezo but I haven’t even sat down to figure out what my favorite reads of the damn year are. I will probably get to that later this week (I’m sure you are just FRAUGHT with anticipation). However! I can for sure tell you my favorite songs and if you know me even a little, you for sure won’t be surprised by any of these.

1. SHINee – Area

I love Onew’s parts in this song so much and it also reminds me of when we bought our new car, which I named Jinki after him IN CASE YOU DIDNT KNOW. I also you have to know that if SHINee has a new release, it’s guaranteed that at least one of the songs will be my favorite of the year come on now.

2. Taemin – Advice

I mean….Jesus. Also I love this because the piano reminds me of Chiodos so it’s like a collision of my old life and new life.

3. Taemin – Just Me & You

The choreo in this though, my lord. As of this posting, I believe there’s 332 days left before his military discharge.

4. NCT Dream – Life Is Still Going On

Sharing a live version because these boys are no joke. Haechan is my ult NCT bias but this is the song that solidified Renjun (blond hair/blue vest) as my NCT Dream bias. (And you’re reading this and saying HUH? Lol.)

5. WayV – Actuon Figure

I mean, it’s so drippy.

6. NCT 127 – Favorite

If you live in this house, you probably hear that opening whistle in your sleep, that’s how much I’ve listened to this song since IG came out last fall.

7. Sunmi – You Can’t Sit With Us

I literally have never not loved a Sunmi song. This was a high point of 2021 for me.

8. CL – Lover Like Me

THE QUEEN. I loved watching CL shine throughout 2021 and this song was definitely my favorite. She even performed it on the Kelly Clarkson show and looked SO AT PEACE with herself that it made me cry. She deserves all the recognition.

9. Kai – Mmmh

I remember watching this video the day it came out – a Monday morning – and being like WOW IS THIS TOO MUCH FOR A MONDAY MORNING? as I proceeded to watch it again lol.

10. Wonho – Ain’t About You

We are huge Wonho supporters in this house. He is so great and you should support him too by watching this video.

11. Youngjae – Vibin’

I’m still broken up over Got7 but this solo release from my bias Youngjae was like swishing a toothache with hot bourbon-spiked tea: it hurt but felt so good all the same. Sigh. His voice, his face, his smile. Gimme.

12. DPR Ian – Scaredy Cat

Ok I lied, one non-Kpop song for good measure because this video is amazing. (DPR is korean but not technically Kpop.)

Well, made it through another year. Funny how you look at it that way the older you get, lol. Like every year, 2021 had its ups and downs but hopefully everyone had some salvageable and memorable moments! For me, I still felt mostly isolated from “normalcy” since we still weren’t able to return to the office, but on the family front, things were pretty awesome! We didn’t do any BIG TRAVELS because it still didn’t feel safe or right and none of us wanted to deal with airports/planes, but we managed to get in quite a few road trips and we made a lot of fun and happy memories even with a surly teen!

I think I will always associate 2021 with amusement parks. We went to 19! Three of them we visited twice so it was really like 23 trips to amusement parks this year. And the haunted house season was a banger too. It really reignited that old flame in my heart and I felt like a teenager again.

Also, I moved to a new position in my department at work and have really been enjoying it; I feel like I made the choice and feel like I’m being utilized to my full potential now. Plus, I cultivated some meaningful relationships with the neighborhood squirrels, bought a new car, and paid off my other car for the first time ever (usually we just trade in) so I would say 2021 was a year of good personal growth for me.

Somehow I feel like I’m hungover right now but I literally only had two small glasses of Christmas spiced wine last year for our SUPER WILD NYE PARTY. lol jk out night was like this:

• Big car crash in front of my house around 1pm so presumably not DUI-related but also a big reminder of why it’s best to stay in on NYE, pandemic or not! Also, the strip of road right in front of my house is like a veritable vortex for wrecks. I dunno what’s up with that because it’s not treacherous – it’s a straight road. But alas, the amount of wreckage we’ve witnessed is bonkers. Sadly, Henry was at work when this one occurred so he was unable to play civilian hero. Our neighbor George the Hero Understudy finally got his time to shine.
• I logged off work at 5:30, ate a bowl of cereal for dinner because Henry was napping ugh
• Finished my 157th book of the year
• Lit a candle and then wondered what would happen if I touched the lighter to Henry’s bare calf – branding happens, evidently lol. He was like I CANT BELIEVE YOU DID THAT like real bitch you’ve known me intimately since the year 2001, 2000 of we’re getting technical, and this is something that shocks you?
• Chooch came home from work, also eats cereal for dinner. We know how to nutrition.
• Forced Henry to take a walk around the neighborhood while loudly talking about how I don’t like talking about my sex life, while passing people on the sidewalk; feels like I’m on drugs but am not. This is natural.
• Came home and forced Henry to do a NYE photoshoot of which Chooch wanted no parts.
• Henry made ube brownies; were delectable.
• Drank two glasses of wine then made Henry do 5 Kpop dance cardio routines and a 25 minute Paul Eugene walking workout.
• Chooch came back in the house from an evening of Pokemon Go’ing and screamed IS THAT WHERE SHE BRANDED U when he saw Henry’s leg. Then I pressed on it real hard and asked Henry if it hurt and he cried YES IT HURTS YOU FUCKING BURNED MY SKIN.
• Watched an SMTOWN live video streaming event on YouTube that started at 11pm.
• Made it until 12:15am before desperately crawling up to bed.

And yeah, that was NYE 2021 and frankly I wouldn’t change a single thing about it. Team Stay At Home ftw!

Well, here are some pictures.

Hair change.

Wardrobe change!

And here’s a deluge of ME&HENRY pics because that’s just what you need lol.

I look like a maniac in every shot but THAT IS WHO I AM AND I AM TOO OLD TO CHANGE NOW.

Well, I have a headache and am about to slurp down a smoothie bowl and prepare to restart my Jillian Michaels Body Revolution which I am slightly addicted to and like to do about twice a year (it’s a 12-week program) and I’m going to try to get Henry on board with it this time around. NEW YEAR NEW YOU, HENRY.

Henry and I both miraculously had Christmas Eve off…but then Chooch had to work. Because of course he did. We mostly just ran around picking up last minute things and then relaxed the rest of the evening. I love Christmas Eve because the house is usually pumping out cozy vibes.

Not a last minute Xmas thing, but earlier that morning I started screaming about wanting a new toilet seat which is such an adult “want.” This in addition to receiving my first ever car title in the mail a few weeks ago has me feeling like I’ve matriculated into legit adulthood with no fan fare or at the very least A CAKE, and I feel GYPPED.

I also bought plants while there so yeah, lots of grown up things happening around here. I feel like a stranger in my skin these days.

Of course, Henry guessed at what kind of toilet seat to get and it was wrong so he had to go out again to get the right one but I had enough of boring home stores for one day so I stayed home and did Kpop cardio, thanks.

Later that night, I started “primping” the house for Christmas evening because my mom and brothers would be coming over for dinner and I wanted to look at least relatively Christmasey, not like you can really tell the Christmas lights apart from  the “year-round” lights in my house, lol.

I love decorating the buffet!

Chooch was wrapping some stuffed animal he won at an amusement park for one of Those Kids next door but Henry was like, “I am not giving one of my grandchildren a reused gift” like suddenly Henry is the author of etiquette handbooks.

“Did Santa come yet?” Except that the cats call Santa “Him Ho” in our house.

Holidays make Penelope tired.

It didn’t really feel like a legit Christmas Eve because the weather was in the 50s and Chooch was so tired from working that he didn’t even feel like playing any games NOR did he even beg to open just one present like he normally does. I guess he is also becoming an adult, just like me. Sigh.

Henry and I unwound that night with an episode of Hometown Cha Cha Cha (no, we still haven’t finished this series! We’re not good binge-watchers!) and then crashed around midnight. It was a long day but we were so happy to not have to work!

Anyway, I will leave you with this brief walk-thru of the living room and dining room as seen on Xmas Eve.

My brothers and I don’t get together very often as a trio (which is something I think we’d all like to change going forward) so when they both accepted my invitation to have Xmas dinner here, Corey saw this as a great opportunity to recreate one of our old childhood photos.

Actually what really happened was that he texted me: OMG ERIN

Which automatically put me on High Alert, like omg who died. But then it was just about doing a picture, so—whew.

This is the one he inexplicably chose:

So first of all, I could have argued that we use another picture because of how unflattering this is for me but the REALITY is that I look like this in basically every photo back then because ages 9-13 (ok I’m being kind to myself here, but the honest truth would be more like 7-16) we’re not a good look on me as a whole. So, whatever. Let’s do this lol.

Unfortunately, Corey couldn’t find a red hat but Henry casually said, “We have that Ernie Ball one from Warped Tour,” while continuing to eat his well-earned Christmas dinner.

“Where is it?” I asked, and when he said it was in the attic, I demanded, “Well?

Go get it!” And he did too. God love him. (Seriously though that man knows where every single thing is the attic and the basement and I don’t fuck with either of those rooms, so)

Hilariously, Corey (in the middle) has surpassed both Ryan and me in height over the years. I am by far the shortest now.

Corey and Ryan really killed this recreation, and Chooch was an excellent photographer and artistic director. I could have done better for my part but refused to cut bangs with my eyes closed (seriously wtf is going on with my hair; also it was never that dark but either was Ryan’s so we determined it must be a combination of bad lighting and film from the 90s). But it was still fun and cracked us up because it was really so stupid!

Chooch, who is usually incredibly rude and brutally honest to me, looked at the first picture the other day and said, “That looks NOTHING like you.” OMG thank you, son!

The one I’m really pushing to recreate is this one which requires us to go to Cedar Point which is selfishly why I want to do it:

Omg for this edition of Friday Fives, Henry is visiting to tell us about his fave reads of the year! Which* means he will tell me a botched title and then I will try to coax some descriptive words from him while he’s cooking shit for tomorrow’s Christmas dinner and then I’ll do all the typing too.

But sure let’s call it a guest post.

*(wtf I tried to spell this as ‘whitch’ THREE TIMES even though spellcheck was frantically trying to tell me I’m a big stoop.

)

Oh, just a heads up that Henry’s opinions are based off the audiobooks alone. He doesn’t have time to read physical books but he powers through the audio versions while working and I’m so happy that he has been doing this because it’s been so much fun having a built-in book club at home.

Fun fact: Henry’s favorite genre of book is THRILLER. (“Probably,” he added as an afterthought.)

1. Bunny – Mona Awad

“It bas a unique premise.”

2. Bear Town – Frederik Backman

“The story and characters were well-written.

”

See also: Henry has a voice crush on the narrator.

3. Nothing To See Here – Kevin Wilson

“It was a very interesting story….

and it had the same narrator as Bear Town.”

4. House In the Cerulean Sea – TJ Klune

“My favorite character was the antichrist kid.”

5. The Diviners Series – Libba Bray

“I just liked the story and the characters through all the books, I dunno.”

****

Well guys that was literally the most I could pull from his brain. He didn’t even want to do that much and I was screaming JUST GIVE ME ONE FUCKING SENTENCE FOR EACH BOOK THEN OMFG.

So there you have it. If you ever wanted to read like Henry, now you can. Merry Christmas.

I guess I’m just an ultra fan girl forever but I get so emotional for a variety of reasons when I think of BIGBANG that I often have to avoid listening to them. They are my ult bias group, the group that really shoved me hard down the rabbit hole of not just Kpop, but Korean variety shows, dramas, food, and South Korean culture in general. Maybe it sounds hyperbolic and we all know I can be super extra with the exaggerations, but I really feel like my life changed for the best at the end of 2016. I was really feeling my lowest, and I thank BIGBANG every day for breathing new life and excitement into me.

(Just the other day, I told Henry that I feel like Kpop has turned me into the best version of myself and I could tell he wanted to say something stupid at first but then he sighed and said that he actually agrees, lol.)

Anyway, I’m just sitting here totally marinating in my feels, watching live BIGBANG performances on YouTube, wishing good vibes to Taeyang and his newborn baby, hoping G Dragon and TOP are happy, thankful that Daesung has found a new outlet through vlogging, and PRAYING that Seungri gets justice and stays safe. Because even though I don’t know these people in real life and will definitely never meet them, they are living legends that saved me and made me have fun again, inspired me to learn a new language and travel to a country that was barely even on my radar before but now feels more like home to me than Pittsburgh.

I think about meeting 승리의 아빠 하고 지디의 아빠 and I feel like I was blessed, I’m not even kidding lol. Those were amazing encounters for me and I think about them so often. I have to actually stop myself from talking about my BIGBANG feels constantly when I’m having conversations with people but it is REALLY hard. I just want to share my love for them all the time but I can tell that I sound like a fucking crazy lady (so then I talk about the squirrels instead, OMG I need help – I have so much stuff going on that I could talk about yet I’m just like HI GUYS SQUIRREL UPDATE or I THINK HENRY BOUGHT ME AN NCT LIGHT STICK FOR XMAS! Like who gives a shit, Erin?!).

Well, before I reach the point of no return, this is the performance I was watching tonight and remembering how it was my first experience with Korean end of the year awards shows and how I have yet to see another group blow it out of the water like BIGBANG did. Those live vocals. That stage presence. Their visuals. THIS TALENT. Sorry blog, for being all wistful and emo but my cats are getting tired of me crying into their fur and saying things like, “I liked G Dragon best with green hair.”

Stop crying, Erin. Stop that.

Oh also apparently people are learning about light sticks because of the *** concert and I just need to point out that, ahem, BIGBANG was the first Kpop group to have their own lightsticks, so who paved the way?

Literally came here just to post the video yet here we are, 2000 words later. Go to bed, Erin.