On our way back to Chicago for another concert! NCT127 this time and I am so excited – their last time in the US was 2022 and even though they’re down 2 members due to military enlistment and 1 due to being a garbage human, I gotta go and support the rest of them.

1. Corey Haim 2.0

G-Dragon’s return has made me feel alive again. The pure joy and excitement I have felt this past week after his new album dropped is reminding me of…well, what it used to feel like to be me before 2024 came and terrorized my soul. But with this has also come the ADMITTEDLY DELULU dream of GD being my soulmate (lol I can’t even type this without cracking up at how much of an asshole I am). Since Henry is my best friend, I told him that I have two fantasy scenarios in which I meet GD and he falls in love with me:

• 1. We meet TOTALLY BY RANDOM at the Warhol Museum where I pretend to not know him and we instantly imprint on each other probably in the cloud balloon room if that’s even still there after making eye contact in a balloon’s reflection and then we both smile at each other and for some reason he really likes my Sloth face. Then he comes to my house because he’s hiding from sasaeng fans and I have to run around hiding all of my kpop stuff when he’s not looking and then everything is going fine until he sees the pictures of Korea on the wall (I do tell him that I’ve been to Korea but not bc of Kpop) and he’s really impressed and happy that I admire his country’s culture but then he’s like “why do you have a picture with my dad.“

• 2. Pretend that I do know him but I’m very respectful and address him as Jiyong-ssi and speak to him in my jilted Korean and even though I’m a fan he can tell I’m NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS and we imprint on each other and then Dispatch announces on January 1 of the next year that G-Dragon has been secretly dating AN AMERICAN WHITE GIRL who is also kind of fat but love is blind to quote a classic GD track. Then we get married and Taeyang performs at our reception. I guess somewhere along the way I divorce Henry (I think we actually have to go back to Korea if we ever need to get divorced haha).

I mean to be fair this COULD happen because I have been sporadically commenting “Come to Pittsburgh – we have the Warhol Museum” on his IG posts since 2017.

(In case you didn’t know, GD is a big art enthusiast. Duh.)

I was just telling Henry that I haven’t felt this crazy maniacal desperate obsessed with a celeb since I was a kid and only had eyes and room in my head for thoughts about Corey Haim. I had it BAD and that is what this is. This is Corey Haim Syndrome, Adult Years.

And then:

“Wow, GD likes so many posts he’s tagged in on IG. Maybe that’s how I can bait him. What should I post a picture of though?

“You at the Warhol,” Henry mumbled.

2. Priestley Pillow

Piggybacking off the Corey Haim reference, when 90210 first came out I obviously was all about it. I mean, I was in middle school, come on. My dad INSISTED that I “had the hots” for Jason Priestley?! This boiled my blood because hello, Luke Perry?!

One day, of my idiot parents came home with a fucking heart-shaped pillow with Jason Priestley’s face on it and they would take turns whaling it at me.

It was so annoying to me BECAUSE I LOVED LUKE PERRY so I eventually gave the pillow to our German shepherd Rama who did his thang with that effer.

3. PARKING DRAMA REVISITED

There’s always some element of parking drama going on in my neighborhood but last year, the Catholic church across the street brought us all together by becoming our common enemy when they pounded a sign into the ground like a crucifix warning that NO OVERNIGHT PARKING WAS ALLOWED AND ALL VIOLATORS WILL BE TOWED.

I thought I had bitched about that on here when it happened last winter but I guess not – all you need to know is that it threw a lot of in a tailspin because we live in duplexes with garages that are old and narrow so no one actually parks in them, and street parking is not recommended on our block because our street is basically a speedway and accidents happen A LOT.

So we had to work with our neighbors to basically Tetris our cars into one shared driveway. It was fine in the end but annoying.

Eventually, everyone started ignoring the sign and parking over there again with no consequences lol. What are they doing to do, sic God on us.

Anyway!!!! Last Friday I went out for my morning walk and noticed all the cars (mind you, there are only a handful of people who park over there and also the employees from the behavioral health house on our block and the lot is HUGE) had bright orange notices on the windshields. I threw ours out but it said something about NEW MANAGEMENT and NO PARKING WITHOUT A PERMIT IS ALLOWED.

Ok so now no parking AT ALL?! I will tell you right now that I do not like pulling our car down the driveway and parking next to the house because I’m so afraid I’m going to scrape it. One of my many issues.

HNC’s wife was like I WILL GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS because we all decided that if there was an option to just pay for a permit, that would be preferable. I mean not that I want to be giving money to CHURCH but I’d rather that than have my car sideswiped if I park on the street. Plus, it alleviates the future feuds that are bound to materialize with the neighbors while trying to share space.

Guess what the church said?? THAT THEY HAD NO IDEA WHAT SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT.

Turns out, it was the SMALLER EPISCOPAL CHURCH NEXT DOOR!! And it’s not their lot, it’s the Catholics’!!! They lease part of it to them I guess?! So the Catholic Church was like we don’t care if you park there, we’ll get the bottom of it. So now we created a religious turf war! This is so exciting. I wonder if they will stand in the parking lot and shout holy spells at each other.

Fucking Episcopalians. Also you can see the ignored “no parking” sign in the bottom left lol.

Hopefully when G-Dragon takes me back to Korea with him, I’ll never have to worry about these dumb things again.

4. When Henry Found Out Our Car’s Name

We were just talking about how we have to come back out this way again next month because I bought us tickets to see Onew (from SHINee) in Detroit.

“Do you even like Onew?” I asked Henry because I don’t think I ever actually asked him this before??!!

“I guess I do now,” he mumbled and I didn’t like his lack of enthusiasm.

“Well, I like him a lot!” I huffed. “I mean, our car is even named after him.”

“….it is?” Henry asked in a mumble deep fried in confusion.

“Um hello? Yes? I named the car Jinki the day we bought it?!” (Jinki is Onew’s real Korean name.)

So then I had to look up the blog post where the nomenclature was so declared along with a picture of an Onew poca with the car in the background. God!!!

Anyway, a little while later I put on an Onew song and Henry knew it was him so there’s that at least.

________________________________________

INTERLUDE: we’re discussing the upcoming G-Dragon tour and how it’s going to be scary trying to get tickets etc and for some reason Henry used the word “minuscule.”

“WOW, that’s a big word for you. Did you just learn it from one of your lame podcasts?” I instigated.

“I learned the word ‘cunt’ a long time ago and I’m fixin’ to use it,” Henry muttered. LOL WOW SLOW DOWN BUD.

________________________________________

5. ROADTRIP OREO SUCCESS

Our group chat at work yesterday was named after National Oreos Day and someone shared a picture of some new limited edition Post Malone flavor which sparked debate over classic v. Seasonal flavs. Now, I’m no Posty fan by any stretch of the imagination but when I saw that these are salted caramel & shortbread, I decided I could forget the Post Malone part.

My review that I sent to Nate to pass on to group chat:

I’m glad we didn’t have to buy a full pack. They’re not TERRIBLE but the salted caramel creme is an overwhelmingly powerful flavor and the smell of it was almost off-putting when I opened the package. One cookie is OG chocolate, the other side is shortbread. Worth trying once, will never buy again.

So, that’s that!

Also while we were at the rest stop, we were in line at Dunkin and two moms and their daughters got in line behind us and were practically hanging off my back they were so close AND LOUD. I even sidestepped around Henry to get away from them while saying “Jesus Christ those people are so close” – turns out they were DANCE MOMS with their teenaged DANCERS. Figures. I was like “Can you please not??!!” as they jostled me around in an effort to touch and manhandle every bejeweled coffee tumbler on display next to us.

Ok that concludes this edition of Friday Five.

We had a regrouping today for last month’s process mapping session at work and this time the theme was Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. We all got bandannas and had to choose a ninja name – it was ridiculous but totally cute and right up my alley because I’m a child who is also super serious about her job. When these things marry, count me in!

Also, everyone was given a sheet from a TMNT coloring book to work on when our brains needed a rest and you know I was on board with that.

I want to send this to Chooch in a role reversal type deal, like now it’s his turn to hang MY elementary school art on HIS fridge, right?

Anyway, that is all I got. I woke up at 6am because there was a G-Dragon fan club exclusive beanie I wanted to buy but I DID THE TIME MATH INCORRECTLY and it was actually on sale at 4am so ofc it was sold out by the time I arose at 6. F M L.

All of this is to say between an early wake up call and a full day of a meeting where I also had to present at one point (it’s fine – therapy has really helped me with my confidence and I am conquering my inferiority complex!), I am so fucking drained. It’s only 8:30pm but I might be going to bed super early tonight. Sheesh.

Hey it’s Sunday. I feel OK. Henry just brought back a chocolate chip cookie and a chocolate cupcake to share from Potomac Station and that has perked me up. Sometimes, the body just really wants sugar, you know?

In other weekend news, I was supposed to have brunch at Lola’s with Mar, Debby, Megan, and Jill yesterday but when I got there the hostess said, to my utter non-shock, that it would be an hour wait. I get why some places don’t take reservations (I guess?) but it’s still annoying. When I walked back out, Marlene had just arrived so she honked and I jumped in her car to tell her the bad news. Then Debby arrived and got in the backseat while we decided on a backup plan – I suggested just going down the street to the Abbey but then we had to get a hold of Jill and Megan and I don’t know why but this was so stupidly hilarious to me. Jill ended up texting me at that exact moment to say she was running late and I was like Oh thank god because I only had her work email!?

Anyway, Mar left her car behind and rode with me down to the Abbey while Debby waited behind for Megan who was en route in an Uber. It’s a good thing that Mar rode with me though because once we walked inside the Abbey she was like, “Hmmm, maybe I haven’t been here before?!” and then the more she kept talking about the place she thought we were going, I said, “Mar, are you thinking of Church Brew Works?” and yes, yes she was. That’s exactly where she would have been headed if she hadn’t come with me, lol.

I was happy to sit inside. The last several times I have been to the Abbey, I’ve been with people who wanted to sit outside and look, the Abbey is an old funeral home – you want to be sitting INSIDE. All the vibes are INDOORS. But, I digress.

It was a nice time. I still feel like a shell of myself when I’m with a group of people and didn’t talk much, and then I felt like when I was talking, I was just being annoying, but that’s a me problem and we’re working on it. I just really didn’t want to talk about work and it always ends up going there.

I’m always so happy and excited to be meeting up with friends but then I focus on the tiniest things and flip them into something negative. And then I have myself convinced that some people don’t like me and I will spend days and nights dwelling on that. It is one of my toxic traits, of which I have many.

Like for instance, when we were ready to order, I asked the server if we could have separate checks and I felt immediately tacky for making the request especially based on the server’s and some others’ reactions and I tried to explain that we were recently out with Pam and her friend Greg and didn’t ask for separate checks until the end and the server literally yelled at us and I have been scarred ever since but no one was listening to me at that point because I never have anything valuable to say so I just shut up, lol. Story of my life.

But this is a thing that no one else probably thought about again after leaving yet here I am, a day later, crying about it on my bitch baby blog. I think one of the reasons that I have been feeling like I can’t be myself is that whenever I *am* myself, I am hyper-aware of how immature/weird/obnoxious I am coming across so I am trying to subconsciously not be like that by walling myself up? How am I middle-aged and still having these idiotic struggles? I really can’t stand myself. When is therapy going to fix me lol.

Then I came home and Henry, the One Man Kpop Street Team Operation, was hard at work on the NCT pins we’re making for the upcoming concert and that made me happy.

<3

Then we went for a walk at Jefferson Memorial where I once again started nagging him about getting our burial plots bought.

Then I had this B I G S A L A D for dinner and it was so good!

We spent the rest of the evening watching Seventeen vlogs and drinking BEER even though I am getting so fat due to my new beer hobby. (I usually only drink the equivalent of 1.5 beers on the weekend nights but I am such a lightweight that it feels like so much more!)

And then I saved one of my old Gmail addresses from being deleted, whew. I might need to use this one day!!

Well, that’s all for me. Nothing exciting has happened today aside from squirrel visits. But we are meeting up with Shawn and Jess tonight at the Crafthouse for a show so I’m really stoked for that because I haven’t seen them since last June!!

I am still collecting my thoughts on the Taemin concert so I can spew them all over this page like pea soup from Regan’s mouth but I wanted to post this picture that Henry took of me pre-concert in our hotel room with the Chicago Theater behind me because I never want to forget how I felt in that moment: the pre-concert jitters but also pure happiness and that has been such a rare feeling for me lately. I mean, look at all the whining I do here weekly – you know!

But sheesh – not only did it feel so good to be out and about after being sick, but I just FELT good too. I wasn’t worried about how I looked. I wasn’t depriving myself of food that day. I had some beer! I was..living. To put it bluntly. Living.

It was so cold that night in Chicago but I felt sincerely warm.

I still can’t believe we saw THEE 이 태민. Grateful for the opportunity and privilege to make the trek to Chicago for this beautiful, special, majestic night under the same roof as the most ethereal dancer and angelic singer I have ever known in my lifetime

7:03am: Wow hopefully my first non-whiny woe is me blog post in quite some time will be playing out today because we are officially on our way to Chicago to see Taemin!! I am sitting upright, in a car, outside of the house! I’m wearing makeup! My hair is done!

SHE’S ALIVE.

I did bring a mask to wear tonight though because I still have a slight cough and I really don’t want to chance spreading this amongst my fellow Taemates.

Anyway, on Friday at work Sue sent me that picture of Taemin and I thought it was so sweet of her, it made me giggle because 45 year old women can still giggle stop trying to suppress our joy. God.

7:44am: I just ate a tropical fruit cup from Sheetz, and a protein bar. This is the most nurishment I’ve had in a week. I feel so powerful. It was also super weird walking into a store after being a sick person shut-in for a week and a half.

Super M bag full of Taemin freebies! I’m so excited to pass these out! Been going to kpop concerts once 2017 but this is baby’s first freebie participation event.

9:42am: somewhere in Ohio, gross:

Not much is going on. Listening to Taemin and reading “The Trunk” a Korean novel. It was adapted into a kdrama on Netflix and I wanted to read the book first before watching it.

11:20am: we are STILL in Ohio because the snowstorm had us doing a steady 40MPH so we’ve made no progress. But it’s given me lots of time to reminisce about my years as a Taemin fan and one of my favorite/dumbest memories is from when we landed in Korea in 2019 and my literal first order of business was to find the Taemin birthday billboard in the Hongdae subway (hats off to my friend Jiyong for finding out its general vicinity for us beforehand!). We were all jet lagged and exhausted but I was like NO MUST KEEP LOOKING until we finally found it and then I made Chooch stand in front of it which pissed him off because “girls were walking by” lol.

12:34pm: Chooch waited until just now to ask me if I have any recent pictures of him he can use for LinkedIn “wearing business casual or something”. Um excuse me would he like me to photoshop him into a sweater or something because why would I have a picture of him like that when he refuses to wear anything nice?

I asked him if we could just take some shots when he comes home next month for spring break and he goes ITS DUE TODAY LOL.

Jesus Christ. I told him to just borrow a button down from a friend and get a girl to take his picture because I cannot help him when I’m in a car in Indiana. (Are we in Indiana yet???)

1:11pm: I always guess the same person first on Spotle everyday and today it was finally that person so I got it in one guess and Chooch, surly in Philly, said, “wow ur so cool.”

1:46pm: Ugh we just stopped at some disgusting 7-Eleven that had next to no veg options, got disgusting cornbread as a confession and immediately passed it off to Henry because NOT WORTH IT. The biscuit from whatever “Roost” is was disgusting too. The guy working there had to go in the. Ack to get me butter and when he came out the swinging door hit him in the stomach and he was soooo dramatic about it, leaning against the counter, hugging himself, repeating “the door hit my stomach ow” several times and I said, “oh no, aw” to him and then whispered to Henry, “does he want me to rub it for him or what??!”

Anyways fuck American 7/11 honestly. It’s such a great example of how LESSER THAN America is to other countries just based on convenience stores alone. I could have dined heartily if this was a Korean or Japanese 7-Eleven but go off with your nasty ass taquitos, US 7-Eleven. Barfarama.

I even started to loudly complain about how IF U DONT EAT MEAT, YOURE LESSER THAN and Henry was like, “Well yeah, in Indiana at least.”

Ugh don’t defend 7-Eleven, CarnivorHank.

2:49pm: Just left HMart with food and beer praise be. Checking into our hotel in a few minutes and mukbangging our faces off.

3;31pm: WE CAN SEE IT FROM THE HOTEL WINDOW.

Adding candy!

You guys. This place is adorable.

Free cookie during “pineapple hours!”

Also here’s the beer lineup we procured at HMart. I’m obsessed with the Gumiho IPA ever since we got some for Chingumas and was so happy to see them at this HMart!

You guys I am sooo ready. Also excited to go downstairs in a bit and get our free beers because Henry is a VIP somehow.

4:39pm: I had this when we were in Chicago for Riot Fest in 2023 and FUCKING HATED IT. I guess my palate has been conditioned because now I find it to be quite delightful.

Also!

5:08pm: there are people behind us at a table not from America talking about how fucked America is and I want to go sit with them and ask them to take me home with them.

7:08pm: Hey I’m posting this now because we’re inside the theater and it starts in like 29 minutes so ciao ciao for now now.

The other day in group chat, I had a long-dormant memory unlocked when the subject of Girl Scout Cookie sales came up, and then Navanny shared with us that he funded his high school trip to NY by selling $1500 worth of full-sized candy bars.

It was at this moment that pea-brain sprung to life and began churning. Now, I don’t remember exact details and I think I actually gave false info to group chat when I was first regaling them with my triggered memory, but when I was in 1oth grade, I had lofty entrepreneurial aspirations and when a building down the street went up for sale, my immediate thought as a 15-year-old high school student was to buy it and turn it into a cafe.

I told group chat that it was a pizza place that had closed and went up for sale, but now that I’m thinking of this, it can’t be true because I’m pretty sure that pizza place didn’t close until much later, so it must have been something attached to it, or next to it. I think it’s a salon now, actually.

ANYWAY-V, all I remember next is finding a local candy shop that had agreed to give (???) me a bunch of chocolate roses for me to sell as a fundraiser. GOD ONLY KNOWS WHAT I TOLD THESE PEOPLE I WAS RAISING MONEY FOR.

So many questions.

Like, did I just cold call these people? Or were they advertising that their edible wares were available for fundraisers? How did I get them? Did Lisa drive me to pick it up?? I vaguely remember this being on the South Side and, being “edgy kids,” Lisa and I did hang out there quite often so maybe I saw a sign in their window?!

But still, did they just GIVE THIS TO ME?

Hilarious also that I thought, thanks to my slippery grasp* on the American dollar, that I would be able to sell like 100 pieces of chocolate and then suddenly have enough money to buy/rent a commercial building.

*(Henry wants to point out that my grasp is still just as lubricated in the present day.)

Some other spotty pieces to this story include me getting “in trouble” for soliciting my non-school sanctioned fundraising wares on school grounds. I feel like my friend Shawn Steele bought one for sure because he always did what I told him, and maybe my other friend V who did not grow up to become a member of BTS, sorry. But other than that, who knows who was buying these from me. Apparently, not enough people because the other spotty bits coming back to me involve the candy place being like HELLO KNOCK KNOCK OUR CUT IS WHERE? and my Pappap having to pay them the difference.

You would think that this would be the part of the story where I got grounded or had a “value of the dollar” lesson, but no. I never suffered the consequences back then and just went back to my old tried-and-true: inflating the cost of school lunch and then only buying a Zebra Cake and iced tea, and pocketing the rest of my Pappap’s change.

(When I told Henry this, he was like, “Do you really think your Pappap thought school lunch was that much money and wasn’t, you know, just GIVING YOU the extra money??” But I mean, when he puts it like that, it makes me look less lucrative and savvy.)

Obviously I never opened my own cafe at the tender age of 15 but I will tell you that that area is still, to this day, severely lacking in cafes!!! There is a Starbucks, a Coffee Tree Roasters, and several Dunkins. No Erin-branded cafes. I probably spent all that money on CDs, lol.

What would I even have called my cafe, back then, I wonder? In 10th grade, I was super into gangsta rap and Bone Thugs n Harmony. Mo’ Murda, Mo Mocha? Puttin’ the CAP in Cappucino? Cafe Crossroads?

Ugh, I don’t have the energy for this.

• I’m still alive. I know you were wondering (lol). But sincerely this is the sickest I’ve been in years. My fever finally broke on Monday (or maybe yesterday) and I still felt not right but had enough energy for the first time in days to at least do Pilates that night. And I started up until midnight! I had been asleep by 9 for the last several days.

• But then yesterday afternoon, a new development arose where I felt suddenly like I was at sea. It was so bad that I logged off word an hour early and you know it’s dire when I wave the flag at work. I never actually threw up but I felt green and curled up like a shivering shrimp on the couch. Henry had run out to the store before this and was like “Jesus” when he came home and saw me down for the count.
• I can’t get rid of bullet points.
• All I wanted to eat for dinner was pizza from the freezer section of a grocery store. It was all I could stomach or even think about without hiccuping bile.
• Today all I wanted was a brownie.
• Anyway, here is a picture of my Pappap’s house in springtime which is my happy place and boy do I ever need a happy place right now.

• Finished “We Could Be Rats” on audio in nearly one day
• Pressed my forehead to the ice cold glass of the front door while sighing, “ahhhh.”
• Ate lots of sugar. My sick body wants sugar, my sick body gets sugar.
• Threw some of the cookies Henry brought home for me back at him while shouting DISGUSTING!!!! Because am I direct conduit for the DEVIL when I’m sick.
• Watched a bunch of AP Bio and then erupted into coughing fits while laughing.
• Created an account on a global penpal site so I can find Romanian penpals.
• Questioned why I still have a fever after three days and then told Henry to “STFU dork” when he tried to mansplain health class to me.
• Forced myself to still get 10000 everyday while shuffling in place with a blanket over my head with Henry in the other room yelling at me to SIT DOWN.
• Told Chooch I have a fever. “That sucks,” he replied which is actually a lot more caring than I what I expected from him.
• Got Henry sick.
• Had insane fever dreams featuring Robin Scherbatsky and a bleeding sky and of course both my mom’s house and pappap’s house.
• Not cared about the Super Bowl even once.
• Watched old episodes of Going Seventeen and let it lull me to sleep because I guess these are what I would consider my comfort rewatches.
• Argued with henry over who is sicker and accused him of copying me.

• Remembered that I never jotted down my thoughts of breakfast last weekend with Pam. We went to the old Tom’s Diner, recently reborn as SPARKIES and I have to tell you, it did not inspire the SPARKIES within me. First of all, they did a dastardly thing by shitting their faux-rustic decor all over what was once an authentic 50s diner aesthetic. It felt jarring from the get-go, drab and bleak. I fucking hate that putrid olive color on the walls. Our server was militant and lacked personality – she made me so uncomfy and I kept profusely thanking her because she made me feel like we were impeding upon her time. The menu was stupid and expensive. I had the GREASIEST omelet of my life served with a side of burnt and dry home fries. There was supposed to be feta in my omelet bug it was clumped together in one small section which I never made it to because the grease was making me queasy so Henry ate my leftovers later that day – also got sick – and said “oh wow all of the feta is right here”. The rye toast was very good though. I will likely never go back so don’t ask me to meet you there.
• Had another coughing fit because Henry is making more Taemin pins as I type this and now the house reeks of cooked shrinky dink.
• Watched lots of Romania content on YouTube. My tax refund is burning a hole in my savings account as we try to figure out travel dates. I hope I’m not jinxing anything because I have wanted to go to Romania for like 20 years and it would be so magical to have our “honeymoon” there. (Honeymoon lol.)

• watching Henry working very diligently.

You guys I need to sign off now. I want to stick my head in a vat of Vick’s Vaporub. My lungs are craving that sweet ass eucalyptus burn.

UPDATE: Henry thinks he’s so cool because he has a fever now too (mine broke at one point today but don’t worry – I’m back in feverish action) so are now competing to see who’s is higher and I beat him by .2 degrees!!! 101.8 to 101.6 boiiiiiii.

I managed to avoid contracting any of the flus or other bugs going around for quite some time but my luck has officially run out. I’ve been sick since Thursday and just dealing with it – I work from home so it’s whatever bug Henry took my temp last night and it was 103 lol. Oops.

I was hoping I would be all better today but it’s been bouncing between 102 and 103 all day and I can’t stop hacking.

I’m really nervous about this because the Taemin concert is next Sunday. Hopefully I will be back to 100% by then but sometimes these coughs can linger and I do not want to be dry-coughing while beautiful Taemin is on stage being beautiful.

We made a bunch of pins to pass out as freebies and I fucking swear to god if I’m not feeling up to it I will cry (as will Henry because you know I delegated this project to him. Crafting makes me tired! I’m the idea person. He’s the implementer. That’s why we make such a great team lol!).

Also, I haven’t painted my nails since November. That’s how you know I am deeply depressed.

Ok I’m going to go now and continue coughing my face off while simultaneously grasping my lower back and saying, “ow” in the voice of a dying horse.

never forget that I was already on to him and have felt that he was a shitty person for yearsI wanted to get out of the house on Saturday and into the actual sunshine if you can believe the sun was shining in January.

(Lol came here a day later to say it was actually February now that I think about it! Calendars are cool.)

It was pretty cold – for a while we didn’t see any other walkers and it was kind of creepy. Not to mention icy. Dangerously so. I kept hoping Henry would fall hahaha.

This place is actually quite boring if you ask me BUT it’s dear to my heart because this is where the infamous VAMPIRE THING happened which I kept referencing that day and Henry was getting so annoyed and then after I called him a cunt for the 87th time, threatened to push me into the frozen lake.

We both said simultaneously that that kid in a hoodie and shorts reminded us of Chooch. :(

I was talking about how disgusting it is that people actually go out on frozen lakes to fish. “How do they know the ice won’t crack??” I cried and Henry was like, “Well, considering there’s a big crack right there, I wouldn’t go near it” and for some reason this was so funny to me, Henry being an ice crack inspector suddenly.

GOSH WHAT CAN’T THAT MAN DO.

#eyeroll

Sickening.

Anyway, that’s all that really happened. We just ranted about Trump and I probably also threw in some Blake Lively hate because I AM OBSESSED with following all of the It Ends With Us legal drama ever since it started, being a Forever Anti. I stand by the fact that she was THE WORST part of Gossip Girl – insufferable, untalented, had the most boring scenes. And I am LOVING the fact that her precious husband RYAN REYNOLDS is now showing his true colors to the rest of the world and never forget that I was already on to him and have felt that he was a shitty person for years, thank you very much. I hope they both just go away.

Um, what else. Then we went to Sheetz so I could get a hot bev because that area doesn’t believe in cafes I guess, and then we stopped at some place called AUGGIE’S BEER WAREHOUSE where I got a 4-pack of a Voodoo IPA that was on sale for $12.99 but the guy rang it up as $26 or something and Henry just…paid it? Without question?

I was like, in my best non-Karen voice, “Um, excuse me but I think that it was marked down to $12.99” and the guy immediately saw that I was correct (it wasn’t his fault anyway – he scanned the barcode and didn’t see the BLACK ON BLACK MARKER that had the sale price written on it. So, he refunded us and I made some lame joke about I WAS GONNA SAY, WOW THAT’S SOME OUTRAGEOUS TAX HAHAHA ugh to really try to diffuse any lingering scent of KAREN that might have been hanging in the air. When we got to the car though I was like WOW YOU WERE REALLY JUST GOING TO PAY DOUBLE AND TAKE IT!

And Henry was all, “I wasn’t paying attention…”

Oh, even better. Glad I was there to be his shopping advocate?!

But yo, this is one of my new faves and I would gladly go back and pay full price for another 4-pack!

Well, that’s all I have for now. I had to reschedule my therapy to today because I was asked to come into the office yesterday for this crazy long and intense meeting that I was very appreciative of being included in but between that, a work post-holiday get together at a bar on Mt Washington, and then an EMDR session today, I am so wiped out. My therapist knows me so well now and when I was telling her about yesterday, she was like, “Oh wow, that is A LOT for you, that’s really an atypical day” and I was like, “YOU KNOW THAT’S RIGHT.” More on all of that later, it was actually a good day just overwhelming, and I have to cuddle with Peenlop now.

Today I am going to talk about some of my latest obsessions because if there is one thing synonymous with Erin Rachelle Kelly it’s “obsessions.”

1. Marching band jackets

G-Dragon recently performed at Taeyang’s concert in Korea and he was wearing this DARLING and REGAL cropped  marching band-esque jacket which probably cost something akin to a down payment on a house.

So, I started searching eBay for marching band jackets which sent me on a spiral Saturday night.

I found one from some high school in California that is also apparently RON HOWARD’S alma mater, I guess. I said the size out loud which was very foreign to me (36L).

“Is that a big size?” Henry asked.

“I dunno! I wasn’t in band. Well, I was but I quit before I got that far because I chose tennis. Which I also quit. Because all I do is quit. I’m like the opposite of DJ Khalid.”

2. FUNERAL CAKES

I’m back on my Romania kick – we are tentatively planning our belated honeymoon Transylvania tour for hopefully sometime late summer. To prepare, I have been trying to read some books that take place in Romania. In the one I just read set during the 1970s Communist-era, there was a reference to something called COLIVA and the footnote said that it was food prepared for and associated with funerals in Romania.

In a nutshell, it’s described as a “sweet pudding made from boiled wheat” and it’s traditionally feasted upon during ST LUCY’S DAY celebrations. Now, this is appealing to me as well because as saints go, St. Lucy is one of the coolest. I was talking about this in group chat and Glenn was acting like I had made her up? He was like, “if you say so” when I said she’s the saint that holds eye balls on a platter, as if this hasn’t been something depicted in artwork for centuries?

IF YOU SAY SO?

I was really mad for like 1/3 of the day when he said that. YES, I DO SAY SO, GLENN.

Look, it’s a statue of St Lucy that was made BECAUSE I SAID SO:

Anyway, we’re now going to start celebrating St. Lucy’s Day in our household because I want to eat coliva but I want to EAT IT FOR THE RIGHT REASONS, if you know what I mean. I already added a reminder in my phone.

3. Being a beer snob

I don’t know who this new Erin is but I am very confused by her. I spent my whole teenage and adult life up until recently despising beer so much and now I am obsessed with trying all the different kinds. I look forward to the weekend because sometimes we go to the beer distributor and build our own 6 packs which is exciting and fun for me (see also: life is meaningless with Chooch in college, so on and so forth).

Sometimes I made Henry watch beer videos on YouTube.

“What if all of a sudden I became a brewer? And I was real serious and wore a lab coat? NO –  I WORE A MARCHING BAND JACKET.”

Full circle.

Anyway, I think for our ANNIVERSARY lololololololololol we are going to Cooperstown, NY to visit Ommegang Brewery which specializes in BELGIAN BEER and are also a sub from one of my fave Belgian brewers, Duval. I mean, this is assuming that I’m still into beer by the end of March. You know me and whims and how they blow freely with the breeze.

This was the beer that got me on the ol’ Google Horn. I mean, the can alone is ADORBS and I actually still have it sitting in the kitchen because I can’t bear to pitch it and I want to do art with it.

Which will inevitably require metalcutting tools which means I will be delegating the art to Henry.

4. CLIVE PEARSE

This is a blast-from-the-past obsession from a younger Erin with greener infatuations, but remember a few years ago when I posted about finding this AUTOGRAPHED HEADSHOT OF SOME BRITISH TV/RADIO PERSONALITY when we were cleaning out a closet or something?

Well, that was in 2018 and this bitchin’ piece of history has been floating from one junk drawer to the next before eventually finding a home between the pages of a notebook. BUT DRIFT NO LONGER, SWEET CLIVE PEARSE – you finally have a home:

Why am I seriously such a loser.

There is a dumb story behind nearly everything in my house but no one ever asks when they come here and boy, are they missing out.

On that note, I just yelled, “WHAT ARE YOU GETTING ME FOR VALENTINE’S DAY, YOU CUNT?” to Henry and now I shall close my laptop and try to find something productive to do. Like, search for more marching band jackets. Janna if you’re reading this and you still have your band jacket, give me it.

I opened this up and then immediately had my daily hard cry and now I can’t remember what I wanted to say. These crying jags are really getting tiresome. Between desperately trying to ease into some sort of “new normal” and shaking with rage about EVERYTHING happening in this country and broken society, I just want to disappear for a while. Even if that just means sitting in a dark closet for a few hours.

Or a tent. A kids tent. The vinyl play tent kind. I had one of those in my first apartment but god only knows what became of it. I remember baking Jeff a pumpkin pie and making him eat inside the tent even though it was way undercooked and raw (this all so euphemism-y and it was so chaste actually).

Today I realized that I missed the anniversary of the day we adopted Drew and Penelope from Sandy’s friend’s parents’ basement (lol) by a week. So then I made the fatal error of going back in my blog and reading those posts from the first few days after we brought them home and I had to shut it down real quick. I knew I would be really sad about this for a long time but I didn’t think that my grief would be almost at the same level as it was over the summer after Drew died. I feel so stuck. We did talk about this in my session on Tuesday and I think we are going to revisit EMDR with this and try different positive reinforcements or whatever, I can’t remember now because my brain feels like it’s stuffed with faux fur.

When I woke up Monday morning, I was on the heels of some very real and vivid dreams about giant cardinals that were supposed to be her, and I just lay there in the dark crying, and my mind was spinning with all of these memories of her and suffice to say, the next two nights I slept on the couch because I was feeling super averse to the bedroom after that. I did sleep in bed last night though and it was OK.

It’s just weird because when my friends are like “how are you?” I just say I’m fine because it seems like saying, “I miss my fucking cat and I can’t stop crying” makes people feel uncomfortable, I don’t know. So instead, I’m like, “please watch this Kpop video I’m obsessed with” because I don’t know how else to really function right now, not to mention the high anxiety caused by Trump not just every single day but multiple times a day, basically hourly. If I could just punch him repeatedly in the face while kicking him in his shriveled carrot dick, it would solve a lot of issues in one fell swoop. Dare to dream.

OK I’M DONE.

MOVING ON.

When I was in elementary school, I was super into collecting stickers and had a ROBUST repertoire of sticker books. I remember specifically having a big, deep purple tote bag that was stuffed to seam-splitting proportions with some of the books and I loved sitting on the floor and taking out all of the books so I was surrounded by them, the fruits of my dedicated card shop and drug store scouring, gumball machine treasures, card pack freebies. Puffy stickers, scratch n sniff, holographic – I had no favorites, I loved them all. (I did have a special book just for Scratch-n-Sniffs though!)

Anyway, my therapist was like, “Is there anything you can do to get some of that old happiness back?” when I was telling her that I have taken to reading old blog posts from the past 8 or 9 years before bed so I can try to fall asleep with happy thoughts of when things were better and we were still all together as a family and we went on road trips and had both cats and I didn’t cry every day.

I didn’t really have a viable answer to that right away, short of going back to carrying around my security stuffed animal, Purple. But now then I started thinking about those stickers apropos of nothing and maybe I should collecting something simple like that again? Something that will give me joy when I find a thing I was looking for?

Like, maybe JUST STICKERS?! Let’s not overthink this, Erin.

My sticker book story has a really tragic ending though because as I got older and wasn’t collecting them anymore, I moved my treasured accumulation to the basement and at some point MY DAD THREW THEM ALL OUT without so much as a heads up. (It was probably during one of our many I WISH YOU WERE DEAD standoffs but still, it was MY property. And by the way, he also threw out my entire collection of Rainbow Brite dolls, Sprites, Starlite and all!

Dude, I can FEEL THAT YARN HAIR IN MY FINGERS like it was yesterday!

EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM – IN THE TRASH. Can you even imagine?? All of my Babysitters Club books – gone. Sweet Secrets, too.

This…is not making me feel any better, lol.

Maybe I don’t want to start collecting stickers again.

 Maybe I’ll just stick with collecting kpop biases lol.

I got this text from Chooch the other day and it cracked me up so bad. His dining hall has an app I guess where everyone can request songs and then apparently you can thumbs up or thumbs down the requests (here you can see Chooch thumbs downed the Earth Wind & Fire song “because my friend requested it,” he said in his defense. Isn’t he so much like me??!! I would be Janna’s biggest thumbs downer if we were part of this dining hall experience).

Anyway, I was stoked to see the SVT song in question because that one IS SO GOOD. I kept sending him different performances of it and he refused to watch (not even the one from Glastonbury! Or maybe it was Lolla Berlin I can’t remember).

Then!! He texted me a picture of the laptop of the girl sitting next to him in one of his classes – she has not one but TWO pictures of T.O.P.’s Squid Game character Thanos and I was like TELL HER YOUR MOM LOVES BIGBANG.

“She doesn’t know who that is,” he said. “She only knows him from squid game” but then he said he didn’t even ask her so WHO KNOWS – this could have been my future kid-in-law but sure. Cool.

Other incidents I think I already logged here:

• Someone was writing STREAM SEVENTEEN LOVE FAME MONEY on white boards and he accused me of breaking into the dorm lol
• He had to critique someone’s essay in his English class and it was ABOUT THE GLOBALIZATION OF KPOP and he said his feedback was “you forgot to mention that bts only sings in English now” lol snap. Apparently it was moot though because she only had one source to cite and it turned out to be some high school kids paper so she had to pick a new topic.

Also speaking of “Thanos,” my old T.O.P. Valentine has been selling thanks to his renewed popularity!

That’s all for me, reporting from the tail end of the longest Monday ever.

I splurged in December and bought myself this precious coat from Unlogical Poem (one of my favorite online clothing shops if you just know) but because I’m a loser, I have only worn it out of the house once but it was just to Corey’s house for Christmas Eve and I can promise you not a soul there commented on the rustic beauty of this coat’s design.

My hair looked ok today (my face, eh, that’s another story, thanks Saturday afternoon beer fest) so when Henry and I decided to go for a walk* I said, “OK don’t panic but I want to wear my chicken coat and you can take pictures of me.” Henry was not a fan of this plan but I recently made him watch a tutorial on how to get dad’s ok at taking pictures and he followed it to a T!

* (the temperature was deceptive!!! It was so much colder than 36 degrees, I was crying at one point but then feared my tears would freeze to my contacts so I reeled it in

We went to Calvary Cem which is usually lacking foot traffic but of-fucking-course everyone and their mail carrier was out and about. Even bicyclists. So annoying.

You guys though this coat is my everything.

And I think it looks cute with my pink Vans!

“Now take one of me pretending to be cold even though I’m not pretending.” Honestly my hands were pinker than my shoes by the time we got back to the car, it was so bad. And for some reason, for as many times as we come to this particular cemetery, we always end up on the path that takes us the farthest away from the car so the walk back was brutal.

At the time I bought this, it was the only one of the site and then it was immediately marked “sold out.” I know I have seen other pieces of clothing on their site using this fabric but I think this particular coat was OOAK which makes even special-er.

(I WONDER IF G-DRAGON WOULD LIKE THIS.)

But yeah, if there are two things to note about me it’s that I love having cool coats and immature purses (some purchased from the kids section of Target, no shame in my purse game).

Checking in to say that this day was initially headed south on the back of a torpedo straight into the bowels of hell – Henry and I had walked to the library and I was struggling to get one of my books to scan out. Henry made some snide observation about how I “always have problems with that” which is actually sooooo hyperbolic because literally maybe only twice? Three times, tops?

“MMMMmmmm….???” Henry grunted in response, with an implied tone of U SURE BOUT DAT.

You guys. It was the sass for me. I big nope. I always hate white men so much and then Henry had to go and throw his hat in the shit-eating misogynist cishet ring? Ah hell no.

I felt the rage surging, nerves trembling to the beat of some gross 2000s NICKELBACK jock jam that was now, in my mind, relaxing the words coming out of Henry’s mustachioed maw.

I slammed the books down, grabbed my receipt and said I AM DONE. YOU CAN DEAL WITH THIS and left Henry behind to bag up my books as I stormed out of the library.

I walked home a healthy distance in front of him. Then I had to wait on the porch because I didn’t have a key :(

When Man let me in the house, I proceeded to storm past him to the kitchen so I could make my lunch and while in the throes of CHEF HELL, every single thing was setting me off and I was slamming pans and then I couldn’t get my container of vegan cheese to fit in the drawer I always keep it in in the fridge so I THREW IT ON THE FLOOR AND LEFT IT THERE while screaming about how I hate men and how Henry should be happy because as usual HIS KIND are in charge so ITS HIS WORLD and then I saw if I had a knife I would have stabbed him in the library.

All the while he was folding laundry at the dining room table. I finished COOKING MY LUNCH (literally I just heat up a pita in a pan and put vegan cheese and Tofurky deli slices on it so when I say COOKING that is pretty much the extent of that. If you want to picture me braising things, flipping patties of indiscernible origins over a high flame, and having flour on my cheeks, that’s fine too though.

While I was eating my pita, Henry quietly walked into the kitchen and put away the container of vegan cheese I had left to die on the floor hahaha.

Anyway, I’m ok now. Henry apologized. I am still a woman on the edge though. Literally I cry everyday whether the origin of the tears are RAGE or SORROW or sometimes a COMBO MEAL of both with a side of accelerated heart rate.