A really cool fact about Silver Dollar City is that is built on a giant cave, and that cave was the OG tourist attraction back in the day. In fact, it drew in such large crowds that the owners eventually began to add food stands and other amusements around it to give people things to do while they waited for their turn to enter the cave. Over time, this morphed into what we now know as Silver Dollar City! And the cave – Marvel Cave – is included in the price of admission so you’d be remiss to not take the 60-ish minute tour. Especially when it’s 100 degrees out – the cave is the PERFECT reprieve. As I write this, it’s 90 degrees in Pittsburgh, the first floor of my house has no A/C, and I am ready to dive back into this bitchin’ rock hut.

Now! When we were there in 2019, Chooch did the tour but Henry of the Land of the Broken Backs was not able to join us because in order to even get into the waiting room area, you have to be able to duck down and walk through this little cut out in the wall used to show you how low you’ll have to bend in one of the passages. Basically, the disclaimer above it says, “If you can’t walk  through this, don’t even bother lining up for the tour.” Henry looked at it and walked away without trying, LOL.

But this time, he was able to do it!

Chooch and I thought he was behind us the whole time as we strode through the gift shop to the entrance to the cave waiting room. We ducked through the fake hole and got in line with the handful of other rockheads who were waiting for the 12:00 tour. That’s when we realized that our Idiot Patriarch wasn’t with us! Because of course he had to go to the bathroom and supposedly told us but you know how well we listen. I mean, I hope you know by now.

Eventually, he found us and just casually strode over to the entrace (we had a good laugh watching him crunch his back as he bent down to step through the fake hole. I gotta see if I can find a picture of this so you know…

Yeah see – ducking through that is the only way you can enter. A prelude to what’s to come down in the abyss.

Now picture Henry dragging his ass through that LOL.

Anyway, Chooch and I were so annoyed because people had gotten behind us while we were waiting for Henry and we were aggressively trying to prevent him from line-jumping. But he just moseyed on past the people at the end of the line and joined us while we were yelling, “NO CUTTING! STAY BACK THERE!” Marvel Cave isn’t a “ride” so this wasn’t even technically a line just a gathering of people waiting for the guide.

The first thing I noticed after I took off my LINE POLICE cap was that Henry’s shirt was all wet, “allegedly” from the “sink” in the “bathroom.” MMmmm. It wasn’t just a couple of specks of waterdrops, no fam, this was a big block of wetness at the bottom of his shirt, perilously close to his pants.

“You’re so embarrassing!” Chooch and I screeched in tandem. Someone should go on vacation with us and clock how many times we say that to Henry. It’s gotta be in the triple digits.

(I originally spelled that “tripel” and now I want a Belgian beer.)

The cap on these tours is 40 or 45 people. Our group ended up being 30ish because a bunch of people peaced out during the DOOM AND GLOOM safety video (it was in a parody sense but also like, “No, seriously, please do not proceed if walking while hunched over through several moderately treacherous passages, LEAVE NOW. Go eat a famous Silver Dollar City skillet and watch a banjo show.”) but the family who had A BABY/TODDLER THAT NEEDED TO BE CARRIED STAYED. I was like, “OK, but sucks to be you.”

One of the big disclaimers was that the main way out of the cave is by a little mountain tram thing which apparently is very fickle and prone to “not starting.” If that happened on our tour, we’d have to turn around and walk all the way back the way we came and then back up the 500 steps we walked down to get to the bowels of the cave. The reason why I just shurgged this off is because this is exactly what happened in 2019 when Chooch and I toured Marvel Cave except that we knew this going in – the last part of the cave had flooded, I think is what the reasoning was at that time, so we were told up front that we’d have to loop back around and walk up the 500 steps to exit. So if it happened again this time, oh well.

BUT I REALLY WANTED TO RIDE THAT TRAIN FINALLY!!!

Nothing super incredible happened on this tour but I have to say that we stayed in the back of the group with a Korean family (the dad was in charge of shutting the door after we all made our way down the steps into the mouth of the cave) and a very old man who was so inspiring. He kept up with us all while taking pictures with a disposable camera. I was amazed by this man.

Just like in 2019, there was a professional photo op once we made it down the 500 steps. I went along with it but figured we wouldn’t purchase it at the end because I have been feeling Big Ug lately.

Again, not too much to report. I remembered some of the stories from last time. The history of this place is very cool. I felt like I was home again every time I’d hear the Korean family talk amongst themselves. I know, I know. It’s so cringey. But I have been talking about this in therapy, how I feel homesick for a place that isn’t even my home, and my therapist said, ‘That is actually so beautiful – maybe you were born there in a past life” and I said, “THAT IS WHAT I THINK TOO AND EVERYONE MAKES FUN OF ME!” and she said, “Well, you can tell everyone that your therapist thinks so too” SO THERE.

MY THERAPIST SAID.

(“Erin’s therapist is an enabler.” “Is ‘therapist’ Erin’s other personality?” “There goes Erin talking to herself again.”)

I guess what I’m trying to say is that here in the States, I will latch on to the tiniest sliver of it when it’s around me.

Don’t worry, I hate me too.

Guess what you guys?? This is a picture of us ON THE TRAIN THINGIE!!! We made it!

This is what the TRAIN THINGIE looks like from the gift shop window.

Anyway, all of the pictures were on display in souvenir envelopes. I figured, “Oh, I’ll just glance at ours and say no thanks” but then I was like, “Oh! I don’t look TOO bad, let’s buy it.” I thrust it into Henry’s chest and told him to go pay. He was acting like he didn’t want to buy the photo and I was like WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM.

“You can see the water on my shirt,” he mumbled. Chooch and I looked at the picture again and lost it. THIS MADE IT EVEN BETTER!

“How did you not notice it? It was the first thing I saw,” Henry sighed.

“Because I only look at myself, I don’t care what you two look like!” I wheezed, literally needing to pee so badly at this point. Why was this funny???

Oh god, I need to frame this and hang it near our GHOST BOAT photo from Wisconsin, lol.

I need to memorialize this because ISTG, every time we are on our way home from eastern PA/NY, we can never find anywhere to stop and eat that is open or has veg options. But I found this Parisian-themed creperie in a small town called Hollidaysburg and it had an acai bowl in addition to a wide array of other vegetarian fare, so…that’s where we went. Whether Henry liked it or not.

I loved the vibe of this joint! Modern goth soundtracked by quirky and traditional Parisian tunes.

I felt rushed taking this picture because Idiot Henry was behind me.

I mean, come on, you guys. This place was so cool and such an ERK-approved vibe.

There’s also an outdoor patio which is where everyone else was sitting but  can I just say that I am crying UNCLE on allowing the summer sun to beat down on me? Our coaster roadtrip really took a toll on me and as such, I was happy to sit in the desolate upstairs dining room, alone and in the A/C.

Henry said the restroom was “basic” but I thought it was whimsical and charming.

AND THIS NUTELLA ACAI BOWL! It was exactly what I was craving. It is so easy to eat like shit when you’re on the road but this felt equal parts nutritious and decadent. Henry had a veggie crepe and that was also delicious! It was honestly tough to choose between this bowl and something savory for sure, but I also wanted something cold.

We had a really nice lunch, dissecting the Enhypen concert and me basically reminding Henry every two seconds that he is annoying and him mistaking it for FLIRTING.

Having been in the car all day, I had almost no steps and suggested that we take a post-lunch constitutional walk. I had never been to Hollidaysburg before, that I know of anyway, and wanted to scope it out.

I approved of this quaint alley.

I made Henry walk all the way to an intersection because I saw what appeared to be a small bridge which indicated that there may be WATER beneath it. It took us entirely too long to cross the street because Hollidaysburg hates pedestrians, it seems, only to find that it was just a dinky creek. Lol.

Aside from the one section where I almost died from a stench that was either HOBO BODY ODOR or MEAT, we had a nice little stroll. Hopefully this place still exists the next time we’re in yhe vicinity looking for non-gas station food.

Back in 2019, we went to Silver Dollar City during Thanksgiving break for their holiday festival thing. We had a nice time BUT!!! Henry had hurt his back the morning we were supposed to start the drive there and was unable to ride anything except for the carousel and a dark ride. And also, the temps were below average almost NONE of the coasters were running that day. The mine train, Outlaw Run (their RMC), and Fire In the Hole (indoor ride that counts as a coaster cred) were the only ones Chooch and I were able to ride that day and it was so painful to be that close to Time Traveler without getting on it, let me tell you.

I made sure to blast JACKIE BLUE on the drive there. I think it was about a 15 minute drive from our hotel in the big tourist trap area of Branson. The park opens real early – I think around 8:30am. They have the sections with all the rides roped off, but there’s a big courtyard-y area with shops and bakeries where you can get some morning sweet treats or a sit-down breakfast buffet.

OR GO TO CHURCH:

Chooch and I got trapped inside here because as we were trying to leave, a family came in and the mom was standing outside of the doorway taking pictures of them so Chooch and I had to dive to the side to avoid living in some strangers’ family picture for eternity. I got stuck in a pew next to a young girl who said, “It smells weird in here.”

“Kind of like pee,” I said, and she scrunched up her nose and agreed.

Chooch thought she had said it smells GOOD in there and was appalled that I countered with my pee comparison. It was funny at the time BUT I GUESS YOU HAD TO BE THERE.

Henry did not join us for this churchy pit stop.

But here he is afterward being embarrassing.

We had about 15 minutes before rope drop so we chose the artery that leads to Time Traveler and proceeded to stand amongst the other early birds in the ALREADY SWELTERING SUNLIGHT. Not even 9:30am yet and it was just going to get hotter. This time at least I wore a black shirt so my sweat couldn’t be seen. Ugh.

I forgot that SDC is one of those stupid ass patriotic parks where men have to remove their hats while we all have to endure the NATIONAL ANTHEM. This is excruciating ESPECIALLY in the current times, being a country led by a pedophile and Nazis. I stood with my arms crossed, scowling, as a bunch of asshole behind me sang along in reverence and then one big asshole hollered, “AMERICA!!!!!” at the end. Fuck off.

I will say that this definitely set the tone for me, at least for the first 1/3 of the day.

But! We finally got to ride Time Traveler! It wasn’t that long of a wait – maybe about 15 minutes once the ride actually opened, 20 minutes total. They assign seats here and we all got the second car.

Not to be a bitch, but the whole time I was expecting to be blown away and I just…wasn’t? Am I spoiled now? Am I losing interest in coasters?? I don’t know. But this coaster is supposed to be elite and I was just like, “OK?”

Then we walked over to Wildfire, but it was down, lol.

Wish we actually were from Canada, honestly.

Powder Keg!! I REALY enjoyed this one. What I did not enjoy was that the Fast Lane (I can’t remember what they call it there) definitely had priority. Chooch and I were waiting for the front row and lost two chances to go because of Fast Lane and I was livid when I saw that some of the Fast Lane people got right back in the Fast Lane line and got to ride it again before us! The bitch who took the front row had a beet red sweaty face so Chooch and I kept saying, “There she is, red face!” every time we saw her throughout the day. I hated her.

Fast passes are the worst creation ever. Do it like they do in Europe or don’t do it at all.

The park wasn’t even THAT crowded but Fast Lane made it feel like it was. At least for this coaster.

We probably only ended up waiting for 30 minutes and I guess it was worth it? I did enjoy it but the line was REALLY long by the time we got off so that was a one and done for us. It had a nice launch though.

I was very excited to get on Outlaw Run again! Especially since this would be Henry’s first time (sad that I can’t brag about having one extra RMC credit now compared to him – ugh). Now look, I watch lots of coaster content on YouTube because I am big fat loser so I was aware that there have been big complaints about how Outlaw Run runs now. I heard it’s gotten very rough, there’s a pothole at the bottom of the first drop, etc.

Even still, I was not prepared for this trainwreck it’s become. HOW is this the same coaster that Chooch and I straight-up marathoned in 2019??? Back then, it was a walk-on every time and we were shocked about that – an RMC with no lines?! Unheard of. On this day, it was also a walk-on (except that we wanted the backrow and it was on one-train ops so we did have to wait) on a fairy crowded day in July. But after that first drop, I could understand why. There is no way the general public like this coaster. When it’s too rough even for a thoosie? It was actually heartbreaking how bad this coaster has become and I was sad that this was the version of it that Henry had to experience. We all hated it. It wasn’t even worth riding in another row for science.

PLEASE, Silver Dollar City, ask RMC to come back and fix it! They should have been working on that instead of refurbing Fire in the Hole!

Which, speaking of, we rode next. The line was long because I think it was actually broken down when we got there because the line just wasn’t moving at all. Meanwhile, there was a mom and her young daughter in front of us, and then an old man in front of them. He turned around and started talking to the mom and the girl (mostly the girl and it was fucking creepy – he had pervy Farmer Jed vibes). THEN he did the dread “OVER HERE YALL!” wave, summoning his wife and young girl who he introduced as HIS DAUGHTER MARY and I fucking swear to god she was like 10 and this man was in his 70s. Henry didn’t hear this part but when I told him later, he kept insisting that she was probably his granddaughter BUT I AM TELLING YOU, HE SAID DAUGHTER.

Then!!! He kept shouting, “BILL! BILL! WE’RE OVER HERE!” and I was like, “AW FUCK NO” when I saw that Bill had numerous other people with him. Bill was standing near the entrance to the ride and yelled back that they were still waiting on someone in the bathroom. Bill kept saying, “We’ll just ride it separately” but Farmer Jed was like, “NO YOU WILL CUT PAST EVERYONE IN LINE AND RIDE WITH US FOR GODS SAKE.”

I was like peeling my skin off at this point because LINEJUMPING IS CAUSE FOR REMOVAL FROM THE PARK YOU FUCKING MOUNTAIN DWELLER. GO HOME AND DRINK YOUR MOONSHINE WHILE SHINING YOUR HUBCAP COLLECTION WITH YOUR SNOTTY RAG! And take your weird ass daughter Mary in her church dress with you! I felt like she had a tag on her somewhere that said Product of Incest.

I kept saying, “This is bullshit, let’s just get out of line, I don’t want to deal with this” but Henry and Chooch were too busy being poisoned by the sun to care.

Then the line started moving at a pretty consistent pace which definitely led me to believe that the ride must have been down that whole time (good ol’ RMC). The switchback eventually brought us back around to the entrance before the line wound its way inside the building (Fire in the Hole is a dark ride) so now we were directly across from where Bill and his clan had been waiting for the pissing member of their gang. Perfect timing – they were all now accounted for and JUST started to get into line when Farmer Jed was like, “JUST COME UNDER THE BAR HERE!!!” meaning they would have skipped out on the whole outdoor section of the line, cutting at least 50 people. There was a lot of hem and hawing on Bill’s part, and I made STRONG EYE CONTACT with who I can ony imagine was Bill’s wife and slowly shook my head no in the most threatening way I could muster without also having a switchblade to flick open and close.

Bill said, “Naw, we ain’t gon’ do that” and then he and his family proceeded to GET INTO THE BACK OF THE LINE!!!!! So Farmer Jed’s old hag said, “LET’S JUST GO WITH THEM THEN” and ducked under the bar and left with Farmer Jed and Mary from the Hills Have Eyes in tow!

I WAS ELATED!!!! Chooch said, “See?? And you wanted to leave. But it all worked out.” He said it in the most inyerface way imaginable though so my smug joy was shortlived.

Anyway, we rode it. It was fine. We got stuck just outside of the station though because someone on the train before ours had puked AND IT TURNS OUT IT WAS THE LITTLE GIRL THAT FARMER JED WAS TRYING TO GROOM IN FRONT OF US!

And on that note, I will end PART ONE. But just know that I really fucking hate linejumpers so much. Especially in this new age we live in where no one wants to confront anyone for fear of becoming a viral video or getting stabbed.

We’re on our way home from Long Island after seeing Enhypen’s Walk the Line concert last night. It was FANTASTIC.

Now, I’m not really that much of an ENGENE (that’s their fan name in case you care) but I do know all of their members and 90% of the songs. In fact there was only one song they performed last night that I wasn’t sure if I had heard before. But I sat out last summer’s concert and had big regertz after that. Mostly because when they came back with their song “XO,” I was fully obsessed.

So when they announced this current tour, I bought 2 tickets in the 200s section.

The drive was long and uneventful. We were able to check into our hotel in Linden, NJ on the way so that was nice, but we didn’t hang around very long – long enough to put on the latest Jake Webber video which I sent of picture of to Chooch and he said he was glad he wasn’t there lol:

It was only around 4pm but we left immediately to start the drive to Long Island because GPS reported lots of accidents + rush hour. And we wanted to eat somewhere before the concert too.

The drive was chaotic. I absolutely could not do this myself, and I am secure enough in my GIRL POWER attitude to admit that this is a big reason why I am glad to have a man/driver at my beck and call.

We went to this vegan place called Rockin’ Roots. It was VERY small and two of the four tiny tables were taken.

The whole reason I wanted to go here was because they have vegan sushi but when we got there, the chalkboard menu had everything erased under the SUSHI heading and their printed menu doesn’t mention it at all so that was my sign that they didn’t have any for that I guess. I got the daily special – the Cuban – instead. It was really good but I only ordered a half and was still so hungry after. Not to mention that the lady at the table next to us HAD SUSHI. AND SHE DIDNT EVEN FINISH IT. I figured she must have gotten the last of it and I was pissed.

Also, Henry bumped the table SO HARD that my can of Olipop tumbled over and this was literally a second after I had decided to wait to pop the top. That could have been such a disaster because we were like 90 minutes away from our hotel at that point and I’d have had to go to the concert in Cherry Pop stained shorts. It didn’t happen but I was still so mad at him for being an oaf.

THEN SOME GUY IN AND THE DUDE WORKING BEHIND THE COUNTER TOLD HIM HE COULD MAKE HIM A LOBSTER ROLL!!!!!

I was soooo mad.

Henry was like, “I’ll go up and order one to go!” But at that point I was fully committed to pouting and ruining the day at least for the next hour or so, so I said, “NO JUST FORGET IT!!!”

Then I proceeded to whine incessantly about still being hungry because Leo problems. We ended up stopping at a crappy bakery and got a really crappy cookie. I couldn’t even finish it out of principle and the stubborn need to stay in my diva character.

I was still being a bitch when we arrived at UBS Arena but then I started getting freebies so this pulled me back down to earth. I love getting freebies at kpop concerts!!!

Then after we got in a really long line, some UBS employee came over and was yelling, “Are there any AmEx cardholders here??” And I yelled, “Ooooh!!! Me!!!!” So he gave a handful of us instructions on where to locate the ELITE AmEx entry lol. The line over there was much shorter after all the non-cardholders were weeded out but I’m not sure how much time it actually saved us once doors opened.

While standing there, I got a bracelet and a keychain after I heard the rustling of cellophane behind me – I turned around to see an older lady and her little kid handing them out and I said, “Oooh! Can I have one too?” Being an older fan, you have to speak up for freebies or else most of these people will assume you’re too old to care but yo, I will always be young at heart enough to want to wear friendship bracelets with idols’ names on them. I even got sunnies with “EN” beads glued to it and a rubber duck with the concert date and location written on the bottom! I love stuff like this. Especially SINCE THE CONCERT TSHIRTS WERE ALL SOLD OUT, dafuq???!!! I ended up having to buy a dupe on Etsy today.

My Enhypen glasses lol. I got them from one of the girls with the girl wrapped in the flag in line in front of us, in case you were dying to know. There was a young teen girl also in line in front of us and she kept scrutinizing me, I felt like. She was looking at all my kpop accoutrement dangling from my purse and I really like she was judging me and trying to determine if I was a legit fan.

Answer: I’m a certified and legitimate multi-stan. You’re safe.

Mister Softee sighting!!!

We were in section 208, the middle of row 1. Henry was happy because this meant he could stay seated through the whole thing while enjoying an unobstructed view. I was just happy to be comfortable and take it all in since it was my first experience with ENGENES. They might possibly be the loudest/screechiest fans I have encountered yet. If I close my eyes, I can still hear what sounds like horny seagulls ricocheting in my ears. It was cracking me up because the screaming was at full capacity JUST WHEN ENHYPEN MVs WERE PLAYING before the show started. I was like, “Dang if they’re expending this much energy just on music videos they’ve seen a million times, how will they have anything left for the actual concert?!”

Oh not to worry – they had A LOT left in the tank, lol. I appreciated their unwavering moxie, for sure! I could have done without the teenager behind me legit BELLOWING, “NI-KI!!!” at random intervals. Like girlfriend, he isn’t going to look at you up here. But I get it.

OK I gotta say – I was RULL into this concert. I went in as a casual stan and came out having an existential crisis over who my bias is (it was Jungwon and Sunoo going into this but HEESEUNG GOOD LORD, MY GUY) and then Henry and I spent the car ride home today dissecting everything, putting on our favorite songs for relistens, evaluating their stage presence, etc. I can confidently say that I have NO REGERTZ – NONE after this experience. They held my interest from start to finish.

Sunoo though! He was so adorable all night. Easy to see why fans call him the Happy Virus.

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I super-loved the people around us in our row. There was an older woman to my right, and then Henry had an older couple next to him. Loved that for him. There were two empty seats next to the lady next to me, and around 8:40, these two girls (I really think it was a mom and daughter but it was hard to tell) came running in, plopped down into the seats and immediately TOOK UP SO MUCH SPACE. I was like, “Yo, how do you people lack THAT much noonchi?? LOOK AROUND, GIRLFRIENDS – you’re encroaching upon the personal space of others!” Now, they weren’t directly affecting me that much, I could only see them in my periphery, but I felt so bad for the lady next to me. She was having a great night and these two numb-nuts came, started filming each other lipsynching, USING THE FLASHLIGHT ON THEIR PHONES, and turning the night into a legit photoshoot with their selfie sticks. I get wanting to capture memories, etc and it’s not like I don’t also film snips of songs, but they were being SO PERFORMATIVE. One of them clearly had to be a TikTokker, that’s all I can figure. She was also dressed like the daughter of a corrupt CEO in a K-drama in a weird fitted suit dress. Looked like this:

They were literally the ONLY negative parts of the whole night. Even after the show, they stood there and blocked our row from leaving because they were back to doing another photoshoot until Henry elbowed past them and muttered a gruff, “EXCUSE ME.” I mean, there were like 8 of us trying to get the fuck out of there.

Like I have said before, people enjoy concerts their own way but this was just so incredibly obnoxious. Like, turn your fucking flash off!!!

Anyway!! The highlight for me was when they performed Bite Me, No Doubt, Moonstruck, Pass the Mic (I LOVE this song after seeing them perform it live!) but MOSTLY I was there for XO. I love that fucking song SO MUCH. It really helped distract me when I was mourning last year.

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Overall, I would say that it was well worth the ticket price and excruciating pain of having to get back in the car again after just spending a week driving around Missouri and Iowa (that was poor planning on my part – I already had these tickets on lock before I started planning my birthday trip and didn’t even consider the fact that this was literally DAYS after we returned from that long-haul road trip, oops). It made me appreciate them even more after seeing them in person. I will say that Seventeen and NCT127/NCT Dream really have us spoiled when it comes to the in-between videos (VCRs if you’re a kpop stan), and DEFINITEY onstage banter & encores. It comes off so effortlessly with those groups, and especially with Seventeen – the encores are untouchable, unlike any other concert I’ve ever experienced. So it’s a high bar! But Enhypen, for being a relatively “new” group (only just debuting in 2020), already have such a strong collection of songs and their personalities come through HARD on stage. I’m so excited to see where they go and will happily stan them even harder now!

THIS JUST IN: Henry said out of nowhere that he likes their song “Loose.” I put it on for him and now he’s doing weird car-dancing to it with his arms and it’s making me uncomfy.

ETA: it’s been three days and I had to come back here and say that for just being a “casual” fan, I have not been able to stop thinking about this concert and have spent all weekend bingeing Enhypen content on YouTube. I’m officially an ENGENE and for confident in my bias choice of Jungwon.

Also! I failed to mention that before the show, we stopped at one of the arena bars and the middle-aged woman bartender asked Henry if he was the same guy who was there for the show the night before as well (Enhypen performed two nights at UBS and we were night 2).

“He looked just like you! He was carrying a bag of candy.”

“I wish he was carrying a bag of candy,” I mumbled, fixing my Firestarter eyes upon Henry’s dumb face.

“I just thought it was so cute that he was here with his daughters,” she gushed, and I was quick to inform this broad that Henry was here because he likes Kpop and not because he was a chaperone.

“We like this stuff so much that we got married in Korea,” I said, never letting an opportunity to brag about this pass me by. Hey, I waited 23 years to get married, let me fucking live.

She was like, “Oh wow,” and didn’t really have the same “That’s cool!” reaction that most people do? So, after we walked away, I was like, “I mean, she didn’t think I was your daughter, did she??”

So, that was fun.

My travel journal tells me that after leaving Six Flags that Sunday afternoon, we had our first experience at a coffee chain called SCOOTERS where our drinks were screwed up and Henry had to jump through verbal hoops trying to explain the mishap to the guy at window who kept saying, “Yes” when Henry read back our orders and Henry was like, “No what I’m saying is that these are not that” and it was very awkward but finally he had us pull over and then another guy brought us the correct drinks which were actually very good so no hate to SCOOTERS. Also I like how they tell you to “SCOOT ON AROUND” after you place the order. It’s the little things you guys.

My travel journal also tells me that sometime after this, Chooch yelled to Henry from the backseat, “I’m actually curious how you’re always chewing something. We haven’t even stopped anywhere in a while so what could you possibly be eating?!”

Answer: a hard licorice candy.

Then we stopped at Uranus Fudge which has expanded into much more of a tourist trap since we were last there. Now they have all kinds of photo ops set up, an ice cream shop, a sideshow museum…I certainly don’t remember any of this from 2019, just that the fudge store had TRUMP candy and I was repulsed. As one should be. The only way I would ever buy Trump-themed candy is if he one day chokes on a butterscotch and dies – I’d happily buy a commemorative bag of those sweet saviors.

The lady at the sideshow shop won us over with her charlatan act and we ended up paying $18 (total not each!) to enter the museum which was mostly just a bunch of jars of animals floating in formaldehyde. :(

Left the fudge store unimpressed. I did buy a postcard there for Alyson though because who better to send a postcard to from Uranus?? I have to note that I came prepared this time with a sheet of postcard stamps.

#dorkalert

Couldn’t leave without partaking in this photo op.

We made it to Branson sometime around 6:00 I would say, checked into our hotel (Grandview) which was the same one we stayed at in 2019. It was a decent enough hotel. Very quiet and that’s all I really care about to be honest. I mean, I want it to be clean too! But silence is key.

For being a Sunday in a tourist town, most of the restaurants closed around 7pm so our options were pretty much pizza or GTFO. We found a place called PAPPO’S in downtown Branson and it ended up being such a vibe. This was basically the start of a week of referencing our waiter – TRUMAN. I keep wanting to call him Landon for some reason. He was Blake-ish in that he talked like he was sleepy/high, and he was wearing some great jewelry. Every time he came to our table, I would just stare at his hands because of his accessories.

Truman was very patient while Henry and I hemmed and hawed over our flight choices and had to keep going to the bar to get answers to our questions – they had a QR code that brought up their beer list but it was just the names of the beers and not the types???

My favorite was Monk’s Communion – as soon as Truman reported that it was a Belgian I yelled, “my favorite!” And he said in a very surfer manner, “Let’s do it!” But disclaimer, he said that after EVERYTHING. Chooch jokingly replayed one of the scenes the next day: “Can we have more napkins?”

“Let’s do it!” And then he never brought the napkins.

We were flipping out because after this we kept seeing so many references to Truman. Street names, shopping plaza names, a LAKE. Then I realized, “Oh it’s because Harry S Truman was from Missouri.” LOL. I wonder if Truman’s parents were presidential history buffs??!! Is he distantly related to Harry Truman??? I should have asked this when I left a Google review of PAPPO’S and specifically called out Truman for amplifying our experience to god tier lol. Someone from PAPPO’S replied and said “good job Truman!” MAYBE IT WAS TRUMAN.

Got a stain immediately.

Two downsides: the veggie sandwich I was eyeing couldn’t be done because they didn’t have eggplant anymore. UGH. So I got a regular veggie sandwich. It was ok but a lot smaller than I anticipated which sucked because I had already promised half of it to Chooch in exchange for some of his white pizza which came with chicken and Truman was like “Uhhhh….” but it was Chooch’s fault for not reading the menu!

Food mishaps aside, the pizza was actually good (once the chicken was picked off) – I loved the crust, my sandwich was good – I loved the bread, the beer was REALLY good – I liked all of my picks, and the vibe was on point – mostly because I was obsessed with Truman lol.

I forgot his name the next day though briefly and accidentally called him Sherman, which made me ask Chooch if he remembered our server Sherman from the first time we went to Dollywood and he got really annoyed.

“How could I forget? You bring him up literally every time we visit Bill.”

Lol. True. Sherman really impacted our lives.

After dinner, we walked along this – lake? It was right next to the shopping center where PAPPO’S resides. It was a nice little walk but chooch was pissed because there was a geocache he couldn’t access because some creepy guy was “fishing” where he needed to go.

Since Henry and I had each had a flight of beer, Chooch was our DD. This was one of my favorite moments of the whole trip – Chooch taking us on a frantic joy ride thought Branson at night. Henry was fuming from the backseat while I was flat out cackling in the passenger seat. Chooch is so scary.

I made him take us to Hurts Donut, a small Missouri chain that I had known about from my days of following A Beautiful Mess because I believe it started in their hometown of Springfield.

We took them back to the hotel and sampled some before leaving again. I believe we got:

– glazed old fashioned with chocolate drizzle?

– coconut with coconut cream in the middle

– Tang!!

– a cake donuts with sprinkles and a frosted animal cookie, this was my favorite. It tasted like childhood.

– churro, second fave

– chocolate covered cherry. This was chooch’s and I didn’t try it.

Then we walked up the street to one of the many amusement parks so Chooch could get a +1 on an SBF Visa Spinner (thoosie lingo, nbd). I think I already mentioned this but there was a really pretty hotel at the top of the street called Hotel Victorian and Chooch, who hated our hotel just because the gym sucked, said, “Just a reminder that if we stayed at the Victorian, we wouldn’t have had to walk up this hill.” This was probably the 5th time that Chooch had thrown Henry’s poor hotel picking skills in his face and we had only been in Branson for about 4 hours at that point. Henry was ready to slug him lol. Ok fine I was also contributing to the Victorian narrative lol. I was obsessed with the huge chandelier in the lobby that you could see from the road. The only thing our lobby had was a Dolly’s Stampede ticket counter and a bland front desk clerk who sat there with headphones on all night.

$13 for this stupid credit. They at least sent it around about 15 times though. That’s 14 times too many in opinion.

Then we went back to the not-Victorian, watched some Game Show Network (I liked it better when it showed all old shows, not all of these modern day remakes!!!) and went to bed. We had a LONG day ahead of us, lol ugh.

After being Lookie Lous at the St. Louis Arch last Sunday morning, we continued on to Six Flags in Eureka, Missouri. I think it was about 30 minutes outside of St. Louis, and my first impression was that it seemed kind of beautiful from the road, for being a Six Flags park. It’s nestled right at the base of a fluffy green hill/mountain:

(I snagged this shot from Photos at Six Flags St. Louis | Parkz – Theme Parks, no clue who to credit but it’s not my picture.)

We kept our expectations ultra-low with this park. Six Flags in general is meh – when thoosies say “We had a Six Flags day,” it’s not generally a good thing. Most of the locations lack soul, just tons of ugly asphalt, no heart, massive and unruly lines, employees putting in minimal effort. The DC Comics IP gets really old. Some have outstanding coasters though. This one….well, lol.

My second impression was that the entrance was beautiful! Minus the guy who saddled up as soon as I took this picture, lol.

Before I get into the rides, I want to say that yes, it was unbearably hot on this day too. Like, I was sweating through my shirt an embarrassing amount before we even rode the first ride. However, this did seem to keep the crowds at bay so literally everything we rode was either a complete walk-on or a station wait. We actually spent more time walking through through the empty queues to the station than actually waiting to get on any coaster in the park that day. That being said, this played a HUGE ROLE in my overall thoughts of the day. Because in the end, this day was so memorable to me in the best way and it could have been completely opposite if we were there on a mild-weathered day with huge crowds. Give me the humidity over long lines any day!!

We started off with American Thunder – a woodie that again, I had low expectations for. We got right into the back row while Henry took the front seat and thought he was so cool for that too.

YO this was surprisingly good! Not too rough at all. I saw someone call it “glass smooth” and I would certainly not take it that far but it was definitely enjoyable and I would also say re-rideable too. Jumping ahead here, but we should have just re-ridden it immediately because all of the other coasters in the park got progressively worse and by the end, no one was physically stoked to ride ANYTHING twice, lol!

On the exit path, some girl in bright pink shorts was apparently desperate to get past me but I didn’t notice her until Chooch physically moved me over. She ran past me so fast that I barely registered her. In every park, there is always that one person/group that pops up over and over again and this time, it was Pink Shorts. We saw her cutting the line for the next ride….

I was most excited for Mr Freeze!! It’s kind of iconic because it has a backward launch! There is a Six Flags in Texas that also has one, but they switched it so that the launch is now forward and there have been rumors of this happening to this one too. So, I felt a certain type of urgency to get on this before that happens.

Here’s a POV:

I LOVED this but shoooooo, this took it out of me, pals.

“Did you hear me screaming??” I asked Henry as we exited.

“That’s a stupid question,” he muttered.

I was sopping with sweat at this point, and cold sweat to boot thanks to the fear that Mr Freeze instilled in me. Launches always get me!!

Chooch and I rode a wild mouse-type coaster after this but Henry was like “I’M GOOD” and sat on a bench. He didn’t even take a picture of us though!?

I had no opinion on that coaster – it was hot. It spun. It dropped us back off in the station. I peeled my moist thighs off the seat. The end.

I wanted to take our #carouselfie immediately after this before my hair got too wet (at one point it looked like I had come from the water park, you guys. It was really that bad) but Chooch got side-tracked by Bugs Bunny and then we missed the carousel line cut-off and had to wait for an entire rotation which is actually kind of annoying – who the fuck has time to wait in line for the carousel?? Had to get the shot though.

That sheer kimono thing came in clutch to hide all of my absolutely savage sweat stains.

Interestingly, the carousel was playing some bizarre fight sequence, assuming it was to make us feel like we were in some type of battle? It was jarring! The revolution before ours had regular calliope music playing!

In his dreams, he’s The Boss.

Well guys, this was A W F U L lol. Like, so bad that it was actually a HIGHLIGHT for me because of how fucking hilarious it was. I mean, ALL of us were OOFing and UGHing our way through this nightmarescape and it was a long ass ride too. Now we knew going into this that it was going to be bad – it’s infamous for being rough and shitty. The majority of thoosies have strong opinions on how much they hate it, but there are a small handful of The Boss Apologists out there. I honestly thought that while it was rough, chaotic, potentially hazardous even??, it was also memorable for being these things. It was an EXPERIENCE. Like getting a bad tattoo.

We have ridden less rough coasters that we hated and will never ride again but also have no lasting memory of. This actually felt bonding, like a simulated car crash that we experienced together as a family and survived and can now laugh about it. Does this make sense?? Did The Boss knock some of the remaining sense out of me?? All I can tell you is that while I had immediate bruises forming on my person, I was also laughing so hard that my ribs were hurting (OK, the jackhammering contributed to some of that pain). Honestly though, even Chooch was wheezing. This ride was SO BAD that it was good?? But would I ever ride it again? OK, definitely not that same day but I think I probably would if we ever went back.

Yeah, I said it. Does that make me a Boss Apologist too? Maybe. I’m OK with that.

FUCK why didn’t I buy a Boss shirt?!

(I just said this out loud while Chooch is in the kitchen and he said, “Wow, why are you so obsessed with the Boss?” I mean….)

Apparently, there used to be a helix near the end that was removed – I would have loved to have experienced that!

After that, Chooch and I rode some kids’ coaster which was the only time we had to wait in line. (There was a guy behind me wearing pants and a coat and that is the only thing I remember about this – being so repulsed at his outerwear choices on this sweltering day). That coaster was fine, bland and not memorable though. Then Chooch got to spin some wheel for children, landed on Osage and won a small plastic neon pink horse. We were like “Osage, whatever that means” and then it came up numerous times throughout our Missouri portion of the trip and now we know that Osage is a Native American tribe – knowledge! SEE?? ROAD TRIPS ARE EDUCATIONAL. It helps when you’re stupid and have lots to learn anyway.

I admitted that I didn’t think this Boomerang was the worst one I’ve ridden and Chooch was appalled by this. “REALLY? Because I was thinking it was definitely the worst one I’ve ridden.”

(Also I need to quit using this particular Hipstamatic filter on pictures that feature people because it makes us look like we have skin diseases.)

We still had THREE MORE shitty coasters left:

• another wooden one (Screamin’ Eagle) which was the last one Henry did for the day because that one was also terrible and from here on out, he sent Chooch and me to ride the wooden ones first so we could report back. He just told me last night that he pretty much had a headache for days after riding the Boss lol.
• a fucking Vekoma SLC called Ninja that had a pretty cool entrance – I was going to take a picture of it afterward but the headbanging knocked that thought of my head so I forgot all about it. Here’s someone else’s picture because I also just realized that the Boomerang was the last picture I took anyway lol:

(THIS IS NOT WORTH THE WAIT, NOT EVEN A LITTLE – luckily it was a walk-on for us)

• And last but not least, of course this location has a Batman clone. No notes on that.

All in all, it took us about three hours to get park completion (just the coasters). The longest we waited for anything was the kids coaster – about 10 minutes. I didn’t HATE this park. In fact, I thought it had some charm and in a really masochistic twist, I would actually kind of like to get a night ride on the Boss someday!? Am I crazy? Maybe in the fall so I can wear a padded coat.

Anyway, we opted to cut out of here early and start our drive to Branson so that we could be refreshed for a day at Silver Dollar City on Monday!

Our first amusement park of this summer’s chaotic coaster road trip was Beech Bend in Bowling Green, Kentucky. This is a very small park that probably isn’t on the radar of the general population unless they live in the area, but coaster enthusiasts (those cray-cray thoosies) will go out of their way for it because of the wooden coaster – Kentucky Rumbler.

There are two other small coasters here, and a dark ride, among a collection of your standard carnival-type rides like a Music Express and a Scat 2. We knew this wasn’t going to be a full day park by any means so we were content with rolling up around 3:30PM last Saturday, after driving since 8AM from Pittsburgh ugh, and paying the “evening rate.” PLUS HENRY GOT THE SENIOR DISCOUNT LOLOLOLOLOL. Chooch and I were calling him Our Senior after that. :)

My first impression was – yay, free parking! The parking lot was a large grassy expanse and so much better than your typical asphalt slab.

Second impression was that it reminded me of a much less run-down Camden Park in West Virginia. You got that same rural vibe and glorified carnival-type rides, but they were much better maintained and the park itself had lot of beautiful landscaping and flowers. Also had Waldameer vibes, a little.

Kentucky Rumbler was the entire reason this has been a bucket list park for quite some time. It’s always a crap shoot when it comes to woodies, but I had heard such glowing reviews for this one so I got in line with confidence. My first impression was that the ride had two ride ops who seemed to genuinely want to be there – they were friendly and chatty with the riders!

Also, it was a station wait!

Second impression was that this coaster WAS AWESOME. It surpassed my expectations! All I was hoping for was something that wouldn’t jackhammer me, and this was as smooth as a violent woodie can possibly be, IYKYK. Our first ride was backseat and we were SCREAMING! I kept calling the first drop “the swirl” though, and I am certain that this was bigly getting on Chooch’s last nerve. I was very giddy – imagine being in the car all day and then let loose to ride a wild, bucking bronco of a wooden coaster. Shoooo.

Totally re-rideable too, even for Henry! What a gem tucked away in rural Kentucky, honest to god. And honestly, this set the bar high for the rest of our trip. I was expecting the FIRST COASTER of a weeklong road trip to be this exceptional, but here we are, a week later and I’m still thinking about it longingly and running my fingertips over the Kentucky Rumbler magnet that now adorns my fridge.

We would come back to this side of the park later to get some more rides on it, but first we had to acquire the other two coaster creds in the park…

…and terrorize Chooch with selfie requests.

Not pictured, but this was in line for the SBF Visa Spinning coaster which are a dime a dozen these days, especially at the really small parks like this one, indoor family fun centers, boardwalks, etc. Nothing to write home about.

Oh shit, now that I’m looking at this picture, Chooch and I rode the Starship 4000 later that day and it was my first time riding one of these in A MINUTE. I sincerely think the last time was probably the Butler County Fair?? In fact, I can’t remember ever riding one of these with Chooch, so that was exciting! Until it started whirring and I quickly remembered just how uncomfortable these are, especially considering it was about 10 degrees hotter inside that space prison as it was outside, and I can’t remember it physically hurting my sternum?? Like, I honestly thought something was going to crack inside of me and I was psychically pleading for the fucking cycle to end.

The carousel was right across from the spinning coaster though and I was like, “PUHLEASE can we take the carousel now because I get any sweatier???” I quit using deodorant with aluminum in it because I’m so afraid of cancer here there and everywhere, so I was fucking sweating like a lumberjack through my shirt. It was pathetic. But good god, it was like standing on a frying pan set on the sun that day and would not get any better until halfway into the week.

Anyway, they’re smiling because this was only the first carouselfie of the trip and neither of them had to take the picture. This doesn’t last long LOL.

OK I was already stoked that this place has a dark ride, but this one blew me away!! It was old-school, which I love, BUT it had a lot of extra auditory effects which heightened the experience by a lot and seriously creeped me out in the best way. And not only was the ride experience totally memorable but the ride op – LYNDA LOVE – was so adorable and personable! There was a family that got in line straight from the water park, and the women were unfortunately only wearing coverups over their bathing suits so Lynda had to turn them away because pants are required on all the rides there. There was a bit of a language barrier and Lynda turned to us and said forlornly, “I wish I would speak their language.” We asked Chooch if they were speaking Spanish and, not once looking up from his phone, shrugged and said, “I don’t know, probably.” And Henry said, “Well, couldn’t you tell them what she said?”

“I mean, yeah probably. But I think they got the gyst,” he said in his patented “can’t be bothered” tone. Thanks, Chooch! Always so willing to go the extra mile.

Anyway, I screamed a lot in the haunted house, in case you were wondering. Also, it was air-conditioned in there and felt amazing. Lynda’s parting words to every car was, “Enjoy the a/c!” This was after giving everyone instructions on what to do if the ride breaks down so I guess that happens frequently.

Normally I would have been ALL ABOARD for Scat2 but it was so hot and humid that even now as I think back to this, I want to vomit. Hard pass, Scat2.

The Wild Mouse was the last credit we needed. In line, I instructed Henry and Chooch that we had to sit all three together, no spaces in between any of us, to ensure maximum spinning. I legit said this so many times that I was getting on my own nerves.

There was a single ride ahead of us and I was NO GODDAMIT because I thought for sure the ride op was going to send us all in the same car, but he sent the single ride by himself! Then he came over to me, squinted at my shirt, and yelled, “PIERCE THE VEIL?! WHAT’S THAT, SOME KIND OF ROCK BAND??” I said yes and Chooch was irritated. “I wouldn’t call them ROCK,” he music snobbed as we slid into the car.

Yeah, I know, but the dude was like 70, letting him believe they’re a rock band isn’t hurting anyone!

MEANWHILE!!! Henry the Dissenter didn’t slide all the way in and was about to leave an empty seat between him and Chooch!! Right as the ride op was about to lower the bar, I screamed, “NO!” and made Henry slide over a seat, which made him grumble. The WHOLE WAY up the lift hill, I berated him for not listening to me re: seat assignments.

“I was listening! I just forgot!”

“FROM 2 MINUTES AGO???” I screamed around Chooch, who was willing himself to astral project back to Philly.

Yo, thank god Henry had enough time to swap seats because that was an INSANE Wild Mouse lap. I mean, we were spinning extra on the course but when we got to the brake run, we sat there for a good minute spinning like the Spaceship 4000 – I was laughing so hard that I couldn’t catch my breath and was near tears.

When the ride op finally brought us back to the station, he was laughing too. “THAT’S why she wanted you to move seats!” he said to Henry, who just frowned in response. ;)

“Do you want to ride that?” I joked to Chooch.

“The AMBULANCE?” Chooch cried. I mean, I was gesturing to the little kids truck ride under that pavilion, but wow, get dark with it, Chooch.

There was big, dreary warehouse-type structure with “games” and a snack bar, and also “party rooms.” It was pretty bleak in there so I think Beech Bend should work on make that area more festive and less “this is where Farmer Beechbend used to store the feed and hoes.” I used the bathroom in there – it was two stalls, super tiny and HOT – and a mom was in the stall next to me struggling to get her kid to take a shit. This was the second time that day that I had an unnerving public restroom experience with a mom and her unruly child.

Meanwhile, Henry bought himself a soft pretzel and Chooch and I ate most of it. :)

I really thought that said “Cabananas 1 -19” and “Cannabis 1 – 5”.

Did you know that I can’t ride pirate ships anymore as an adult? I can ride the most extreme coasters and spinny shit, but pirate ships will knock me out. It’s the rocking motion – side to side or front to back, it makes me nauseous. :(

We did not ride this janky backyard log flume and I lowkey regret it even though we saw one of the logs get stuck at the top of the tallest drop, lol.

We spent the last part of our day lapping Kentucky Rumbler. Station wait every single time – could have been a walk-on even if we weren’t such bitches for the backseat.

Ew, on the way out, we stopped to watch some game that was being played on this stage and I DID NOT APPRECIATE THE WAY THIS BABY WAS LOOKING AT ME.

Chooch said that it looked like his friend’s brother Roman, but I thought he said, “That baby looks like it’s broken” and I screamed OMG IT DOES.

Delightful swings!

Anyway, the park closed at 7 (ON A SATURDAY? IN JULY?!) but we managed to do all we needed to do in about 2 hours – plus, we were overheated and STARVED. I would definitely stop back here if we’re ever out that way though because Kentucky Rumbler is just THAT good.

Needed a break from the chaotic coaster road trip recapping – it really hit me today just how tired I am. And old. Lol. It’s going to take a bit to get all of this documented!

But here is a collection of the magnets I accumulated over the past week! Kind of regret not getting a new one from Silver Dollar City though now that I see which one I already have on the fridge (it’s mid).

I’ve been trying to get Chooch and Henry to tell me their favorite moments and of course it’s like prying a femur out of Jeffrey Dahmer’s mouth. Mine is how our waiter at a pizza place in Branson because a household name for the rest of the trip, and actually the WORST coaster of the whole trip -The Boss-because it was so bad that it was actually hilarious. I also loved stopping at The Arch in St Louis and walking around Des Moines during a late night lightning storm.

I still maintain that the best road trip we’ve done is the Florida Spring Break 2022 ambitious coaster credit collecting.

LOL Henry just tried to say his highlight was “being close” to me the whole time which is a joke. Now he’s thinking of a real answer. There’s smoke in the house.

“It wasn’t Six Flags,” he scoffed. (I actually thoroughly enjoyed our time there lol.)

“Driving sucked so that’s not a highlight,” he murmured. Wow, he’s really thinking.

Final answer: “I don’t know.”

Cool! Cool cool cool.

When researching this trip (and to be frank, not as much effort was put into this as I usually would have), there was one BIG NON-NEGOTIABLE, NON-COASTER tourist attraction that I found and refused to forget: The Shrine of the Grotto of the Redemption in West Bend, Iowa.

Henry was big annoyed about this, but we managed to fit it in on Thursday, on the way to Lost Island Theme Park in Waterloo. Chooch, having paid attention to absolutely nothing aside from “Erin’s birthday trip” had no clue what was going on so when we parked, he looked out the window and incredulously cried, “What the hell is THIS???” And to be clear, his tone was incredulous in a disgruntled and put-out tone, and not even remotely awestruck.

What is this place, one might ask? To summarize with the help of Wiki because I have had half of a beer and can barely type:

The Shrine of the Grotto of the Redemption is a religious shrine in West Bend, Iowa, in the Roman Catholic Diocese of Sioux City. A conglomeration of nine grottos depicting scenes in the life of Jesus, it contains a large collection of minerals and petrifications and is believed to be the largest grotto in the world.

It is also “considered to be the world’s most complete man-made collection of minerals, fossils, shells, and petrifications in one place.” The estimated value of the rocks and minerals which make up the Grotto is over $4,308,000. Over 100,000 people visit each year.

It includes a museum with precious and semiprecious stones from throughout the world, and photos and artifacts about the construction of the shrine.

I did learn on my own that this was originally constructed in Wisconsin and eventually moved to West Bend, Iowa.

I am not religious but I will honestly go out of my way to gawk at religious tourist attractions and cathedrals. I love me some cathedrals, especially in Europe.

I tried sharing with Chooch that I enjoyed a small window of “rock collector” status when I was in elementary school but he gave no fucks. It’s true though – there was some science-y nerd hut in Century III Mall near the pet store and I was obsessed with it. My grandma actually let me pick out a rock collection starter set once and I thought I was a geologist at that point, like show me the way to the next quarry, I’ll be there as soon as I ask my mom to drive me.

My collection didn’t go very far, and I kept fucking with some of the more fragile ones so much that they started to flake apart. And aside from purchasing some pyrite and other basic backyard rocks from the Laurel Caverns gift shop, I eventually moved on to other collections. Like collector spoons and brochures from rest stops and hotel lobbies, crippling insecurities, and hitchhikers, and eventually antique wheelchairs. My life has been so full.

Of crap.

Chooch got a call related to campus housing for the fall (he’s staying in some swanky suite with three friends and that’s going to be fun paying for that now too) so he disappeared for a while. How is he an adult now, I hate it.

(And adult in Minions Crocs, mind you.)

I kept demanding pictures of myself because I was so stoked to be here, lol.

This is smack in the center of a small neighborhood. Imagine having this majestic rock palace outside of your house. You could take your lunch break inside one of the caves, chilling next to a shark skull and Baby Jesus while noshing on a PB&J.

I did catch Chooch taking some pictures so guess he thought it was interesting there after all!

This particularly reminded me of Fruity Pebbles and melted Crayon art. Obsessed.

That pop of green!

There were even shells and creepy skeletons and bones from the sea.

Can you believe that Henry CLEANED THE LENS and  took another picture of this one because of the “glare”??? I  was like, “Um excuse me, what glare? That’s the fucking SEARCH LIGHT FROM HEAVEN singling me out, motherfucker.”

Originally, it was going to be nighttime when we stopped here (it’s always open to the public) and I think it would have been so majestic and ethereal at night so I’m kind of bummed that Henry switched things up. (He’s so good at that, why do I bother with an itinerary.)

LOL Chooch, always on Troll Patrol.

It was so nice that it wasn’t 100 degrees this day so I was able to have my picture taken without looking like a glazed ham beneath a frizzy coif. This was the first day of the whole trip that I actually blew dry and straightened my hair knowing it wouldn’t immediately soak up the humidity and revolt.

The gift shop was pretty mid. It was mostly actual religious gifts and rosaries, etc. and less souvenir-leaning. I got a really blah magnet BUT also a matchbook which looks like it was made in the 70s. I was really looking for a commemorative plate because the museum had a whole collection of those in a case and I was hoping that maybe they had a current design, but I GUESS NOT.

LOOK AT THIS CEILING!!!

Obsessed, you guys. Obsessed. In my opinion, definitely worth a stop if you’re even remotely in the area. It’s free but they accept donations, so we did donate + we made a gift shop purchase. They offer free guided tours as well and one was just starting while we were there, but we just didn’t have enough time since we needed to drive an additional 2.5 hours to the next stop after this.

Plans shifted and instead of going to Green Bay today, we decided instead to change the route and go to Indiana Beach in Indiana. This put us closer to home and there are two “new” coasters there since we last visited (2022 I think?). These pictures are from somewhere in Indiana after we left the park.

Full recap another day, but I will say that I made it all week until today before my period started and I had awful cramps the whole time we were at Indiana Beach. I’m so glad it happened today though and not on one of the super hot days, especially not the Silver Dollar City day because that day was already slightly miserable and ugh, if I had crippling cramps on top of that??!! We probably would have started our return trip home that day, tbh.

We left Indiana Beach around 5:00 and Henry found maybe the WORST restaurant in the area for us to have dinner before starting the drive home. It was called HARVEST TIME and if the FISHY FRIED GREASE stench in the parking lot wasn’t enough to deter us, the non-HEINZ ketchup bottle on the table should have been the last straw.

Chooch and I both got a grilled cheese with tomato and fries. I got mine on rye bread and I suppose that’s what was served to me because it looked slightly different than Chooch’s but tasted like no rye I have ever known. And you know it’s bad when Chooch agrees with me on anything but we both hated our food. I have never had such dry grilled cheese!! It was like they toasted the bread in a toaster and laid the cheese on it afterward – sooo dry and not even partially melted. Not even a CORNER of the cheese was soft.

And the fries were dry with no taste. Bad coffee too.

I was really mad about this and declared that Henry is banned from choosing restaurants from now on.

(I should note that this travesty occurred because MR HAPPY BURGER IS PERMANENTLY CLOSED AS OF LAST YEAR – I could fucking cry  I’m so glad I have that French fry wrapper framed!!!!)

Anyway, it’s 10:17pm and we’re just now passing Columbus. I can’t wait to go home and see Penelope. <3