I had last Wednesday off of work, in effort to make extra SUMMER MEMORIES with My Son, Soon Off to College. I had suggested going to Laurel Caverns, and a quick glance at This Blog told me we hadn’t been there since 2017!! Chooch originally said sure, because he likes that there is a mini golf course there. But then I went to their website and saw that mini golf is NOW DEFUNCT. I told him and he was all harumphing about it or whatever, but I didn’t think that this changed our course. So, I proceeded to wake him up the next morning, saying that I wanted to go soon and he was like BUT THERE IS NO MINI GOLF so me being me, I threw a hissy fit and said, “FINE. WE’LL DO NOTHING TODAY THEN. I AM SO GLAD I TOOK THE DAY OFF.”

Who is the kid in this sitch, though, for real.

Anyway, he came downstairs after a bit, all showered and ready to go.

“WHERE ARE YOU GOING?” I spat, and he calmly said, “To Laurel Caverns.”

I tried to keep up my Mommy Scorned demeanor, but really I was like, “Yay!” and then he even drove too!

It takes about 45 minutes to get there, maybe an hour, who can be sure. We chatted the whole time BECAUSE WE ARE BEST FRIENDS.

(I hope he sees this the next time he comes here to fulfill another of my blog design wish list items.)

I had to pee immediately upon arriving and am happy to report that the bathrooms still appear to be the same as they were when I first started coming here in the 80s with the Girl Scouts.

A tour was leaving just as I was buying our tickets so we made it JUST IN TIME. Our guide was a young man named DANIEL and he was absolutely precious. ACTUALLY, THIS IS HIM:

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I LAUGHED HEARTILY AT ALL OF HIS DAD JOKES. Chooch did not.

Our group wasn’t very big, being a weekday afternoon. Just us and maybe 3 other families plus an older couple.

Somehow the tour always feels never-the-same to me. But this time it was even more different because the guided tour was drastically truncated and then an optional self-guided tour was available at the end. I asked the lady at the ticket counter if this was a new thing and she goes, “Oh! No, not really,” in a tone that made me feel like A FOOL for asking. But then she said, “We started doing it about two years ago after the pandemic.”

OK WELL THAT’S KIND OF RECENT THOUGH??

I can’t imagine back in the day, or in this day even, being like, “Oh cool a hole in the earth, let’s slip inside and see what’s up.”

The guided portion with DANIEL was over in a blink, and of course we opted for the self-guided portion afterward, which was billed as an additional 45-60 MINUTES and came with all kinds of caveats about STEEP GRADES and MYRIAD STEPS or whatever, but I feel like it only took us about 20 minutes to get through it?!

I was going to try and convince you that Chooch was in the middle of a cave-dweller conjuring here but I think he was actually just catching water drops on his hand.

I didn’t realize until later that night at home that what I assumed was a brochure we were handed with our tickets was actually a map for the self-guided tour which would have explained things we were looking at. Oh well.

We did see Calico Falls though! Because there was a sign with an arrow, so…

SPARKLY.

And then we had to climb up a shit ton of steps that even had me a little winded by the end and I am in pretty good step-climbing shape. JUST SO YOU KNOW.

We couldn’t leave without perusing the gift shop and then filling out the COMMENT CARD, but first we:

1. needed a pen;
2. needed confirmation of our guide’s name

Chooch handled both of these because I’m convinced that saying, “Excuse me?” in a fake polite voice is his most favorite past time. The lady who gave us our tickets handled these requests and probably thought we were so needy. I couldn’t really get a good feel for her but I thought perhaps she was annoyed by us.

Then we went outside to the deck because that is a must-do at Laurel Caverns!

Chooch was like, “Seriously!? You don’t have to pay for these in Korea!” Yeah, because Korea is King. Korea wants people to see beautiful nature for free.

Fun fact, I won a Cultural Arts medal in elementary school by submitting a photograph I took from this summit. WOW, I AM SO COOL I KNOW.

Fun fact #2, I have a Cultural Arts medal hanging in my kitchen BUT IT’S FROM A LATER YEAR, FOR A DIFFERENT VISUAL ARTS SUBMISSION. All I did was win back then, she said as she effortlessly cracks her knuckles.

Before leaving, we stopped to mourn the area where the mini golf course used to be. It’s now something called THE GROTTOES and all we knew was that it was something for kids. Chooch was like, “No, I can’t leave until I know exactly what this is” so he went back to the gift shop counter where several of the ladies were congregated and hit them with another, “Excuse me?”

One of the women explained that it’s a scavenger hunt “for children.” And we were like, ‘Oh, OK” and we must have come across as crestfallen because the lady who I wasn’t sure hated us or not cut in to say, “I’ll sell you one ticket and you both can go in, if you want.”

Chooch and I looked at each other and immediately said, “OK!” We both identify as children, after all.

And then she even discounted that one ticket on top of it!! Suddenly this lady loved us for some reason. I mean, we ARE pretty adorable. Then as she was getting the clipboard with the scavenger items (animals that we would find painted on the walls) and lanterns, she explained to us that the owner had built the largest man-made caverns in the country to house the mini golf course. It’s made from cement, but actual stalactites had begun to form but over the years, people kept damaging it and the owner got pissed and shut it down in 2019 – so, two years after we were last there. And now it’s reopened as this adorable activity for little kids!

(And me and Chooch!)

There were 10 or 12 animals on the list, and as the lady opened the door for us, she goes, “I think the bat is the hardest to find –  I can give you a hint if you want” but we yelled NO because we are so competitive and needed to do this with no help.

To say that we took this extremely seriously, the outcome of which we would carry with us for the rest of our lives, was an understatement. We took to that darkened, man-made ex-mini golf cave by storm, holding our lanterns to the ceiling like we were announcing the arrival of the Red Coats, diligently checking off animal after animal, even writing in some that weren’t on the list (“They must be trying to trick us,” Chooch scoffed. As if.)

But then, we had made it all the way to the exit and one animal remained. “How did we miss this!?” Chooch cried. “We have to go back and look again, I need 100% completion.”

So, we began to backtrack. By this point, one lone family had also entered the Grottoes – a couple with their young son (maybe 5?) and a younger baby carried on the dad’s back in some baby hiking apparatus. They were also on the tour with us and were very mild, so I was not mad about their arrival. Chooch ran up ahead and yelled across the Grottoes to them (there were some parts that were more open and less maze-like than others so you could see other areas where you had already been), “Have you seen a monkey yet?”

They checked their paper and then the mom called back, “No, no monkey yet!” and then the little kid started repeating, “Monkey? Monkey?”

“Wait — we’re looking for a monkey? Why did I think we were looking for a dog??” I asked Chooch, who probably said, “Because you’re stupid” or something equally as disparaging because this is how I taught him to show love.

Anyway, now we had this family fixated on the monkey and we ALL ended up retracing our steps all the way back to the beginning (oh, we did find the bat btw and it was sort of tricky but we wouldn’t have needed a clue!!) until finally we conceded that the monkey just didn’t exist.

“Maybe they put that on here on purpose so if people came out with it checked, Laurel Caverns will know they’re lying,” Chooch said an approximation of this (now that he’s been working on fixing my blog, he has been criticizing my blog posts and accusing me of PUTTING WORDS IN PEOPLES MOUTHS, etc etc and I am like OK, CREATIVE LICENSE and also I’m sorry that I don’t walk around with a voice recorder to assure 100% accuracy BUT I CAN CERTAINING START DOING SO, CHOOCH).

We left the Grottoes and the ladies were like DID YOU HAVE FUN? DID YOU FIND EVERYTHING? and we were like YES BUT WHERE IS THE MONKEY?? and the lady who sold us the ticket was like “It should be there?” and the other lady was like, at the same time, “Oh, she* has been repainting all the animals and hasn’t gotten to the monkey yet – it’s painted over.” ARE YOU KIDDING ME.

*I dunno who SHE is but maybe SHE could have crossed MONKEY off the list for the time being?!

So, we spent literally an hour in these darkened recesses looking for something that didn’t exist. But did we have fun? Fuck yes.

But then, the lady who sold us the ticket and apparently loved us was like, “COME ON I’LL SHOW YOU WHERE THE MONKEY SHOULD BE AND YOU CAN SHOW ME THE EXTRA ANIMALS TOO BECAUSE I HAVEN’T SEEN THOSE YET!” so we had to walk through A THIRD TIME which is so fucking hilarious to me and kind of what Chooch deserved since he was being so whiny about the mini golf course not being there anymore. That was A LOT of quality time at the mini golf gravesite.

Anyway, she showed us the little nook where the monkey will eventually be resurrected and Chooch was so pissed. “I KNEW something should have been in this room!” he cried. Then we had to walk around trying to find all the little mice and snakes to show her and she was actually so giddy about discovering these new little paintings, so it was kind of cute.

After we said goodbye to our gift shop friends, we ran into the Grottoes family over by the restrooms and I told them that the monkey has been painted over. The dad was, “I KNEW IT!!” and then we accidentally walked out to the parking lot with them while they were talking about where they were going to get lunch and I never heard what they decided on, so I was nervous that we were going to end up at the same place because these are the neurotic social worries I have.

Chooch made me get out of the car and take this picture. He is obsessed with Kirby, as you will note by his Kirby hoodie that he brought after I yelled at him to bring a hoodie because it would be FREEZING IN THE CAVERN.

We ended up stopping at ROY’S PUB in Uniontown for lunch. Funny how when Henry the Antagonizer isn’t with us, we manage to find somewhere to eat almost instantly with no fights. Hmmm. Could Henry be what you might call THE CATALYST?

It’s was FRED’S birthday and I will tell you how we know this: one of the servers went out to the parking lot and the came hoofing it back in, wheezing, “FRED’S HERE!” And then when this old man entered, everyone was like “FRED!” and I was afraid they were also going to break out into “For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow” which I have never actually in real life but feel like I would melt from secondhand embarrassment if so, but that did not happen. Instead, they directed him to sit at the bar stool with the Birthday….Banner? Cape? slung over the back, and then later they brought a cupcake out of the kitchen and serenaded him.

That part was ok, though. I felt like we should have sung along too but instead we just there, full-mastication mode, being creepy City Folk Voyeurs to this quaint villager celebration.

We contemplated getting an appetizer called the WAGON WHEEL but after the server described it as a Mexican thing having a “pork rind texture,”  I was convinced it was meat-tainted even though Chooch kept saying, “She just said pork rind TEXTURE and that’s made with WHEAT” and then he tried googling it but only dessert-things were coming up.

The grilled cheese was good but made with miniature bread. The fries were also good. Our lunch came to $18 and it was the cheapest lunch we’ve had in a very long time, which is sad. #EconomyThings

Roy’s hot water isn’t just regular hot, it’s very hot. That’s Roy’s for you.

Anyway, what a nice and memorable day spent with my kid who almost treats me like a real person now! 18 is a cool age.

So, my cat Drew died on July 1 and you can imagine that my reading month was pretty fucked – books I might have liked in another lifetime were a chore to get through, books that were only slightly not great were like a blight on the entire history of literature.

1. We Used To Live Here by Daniel Hurst

I started this book the morning of July 1. Approximately 4 hours later, my cat would be dead. That is all I have to say about this book.

2. I Know You by Annabel Kantaria

I didn’t like this and don’t feel like discussing.

3. Listen for the Lie by Amy Tintera

I think I liked this but now I can’t remember. (Just checked Goodreads – yes, I liked it.)

4. Soul Comfort for Cat Lovers: Coping Wisdom for Heart and Soul After the Loss of a Beloved Feline by Liz Eastwood

My brother Corey sent me this book and while I don’t ever read self-help type books, this was so helpful and comforting. It inspired me to be proactive in the grief process – yes, I have definitely 100% been allowing myself to collapse into a puddle of tears, and this happens at least once a day still, but I’m not sure I would have found the motivation to actively seek out support through my friends, find and attend an actual pet grief support meeting, and most importantly – find myself a therapist. I can tell you that I still feel like absolute shit, but I have to imagine that I would feel even worse if none of these steps were taken.

This book also gave me hope that Drew is here somewhere, or there somewhere, and that I will meet her again (I am choking on grief as I type this – last night and this morning were tough and I thought I felt her getting onto the bed and want to believe that it was really her).

5. The Paradise Problem by Christina Lauren

Christina Lauren romps are usually just what my desiccated heart needs, but this one really fell flat for me. I wanted more paradise, less problems, I guess. I don’t know.

6. The Things We Do to Our Friends by Heather Darwent

I gave this 1 star because it was absolute trash. Shitty writing, shitty characters. BORING. What a waste of a beautiful cover.

7. While We Were Burning by Sara Koffi

Another case of the cover is better than the book.

8. The Southern Book Club’s Guide to Slaying Vampires by Grady Hendrix

I have hated every Grady Hendrix I’ve read, and this was no exception. Such a snooze. Sloppy plot development. TW for animal stuff. Shock value overload. His writing is actually so bad, you guys.

9. The Perfect Marriage by Jeneva Rose

OK finally a book I enjoyed. I picked this up after reading the author’s most recent release, as this is the one that put her name on the map I guess. Plus, Megan had already read it and loved it and it’s about to be turned into a movie I think? It was twisty and provided the escape that I was desperately seeking (Susan).

Also, I started following Jeneva on Instagram and she is effortlessly hilarious which makes me appreciate her books that much more.

10. Every Last Fear by Alex Finlay

I haven’t liked any of this guy’s books I’ve previously read, but this one surprised me. A compelling family mystery / thriller that actually didn’t make me cringe or roll my eyes. My book reviews are good.

11. Bad Men by Julie Mae Cohen

Witty, dark, and entertaining! The body count wasn’t as high as I would have liked, but I really enjoyed the murderess. A tad predictable but it was still a fun read, one that I would have probably enjoyed a whole lot more if life wasn’t so wrecked currently.

I still have another Storyland photo dump as if anyone was worried about that. But here are some stray photos from my camera roll from after we left and started our drive home. I didn’t live blog because if I remember correctly my blog was down that day, what else is new anymore, so these are just kind of chilling with nowhere to go.

Henry wanted to GET STRAIGHT HOME, NO STOPS, NO DETOURS because we had a realllly long drive ahead of us and weren’t slated to get home until midnight. Well, it ended up being almost 3AM in reality because we did stop a lot and also it stormed at one point when we were in NY, and it was just a really long and aggravating drive – and yes we all took turns driving.

Almost immediately after leaving Storyland, I saw this cute covered bridge gift shop and Henry was like JESUS CHRIST when I made him pull over and then I didn’t even buy anything haha.

Chooch and I were competing with each other to get the best pictures from the car. Honestly though this whole White Mountain area was so beautiful and I am so sad that we didn’t have more time to stop and be leisurely (well, we could have had more time if Henry had taken the next day off which was MY BIRTHDAY but his job is more important than my happiness – UNDERSTOOD).

We stopped here for coffee but I got WEIRD VIBES so we walked out, which Henry hates doing but why would I still buy something if I wasn’t feeling it? Then he’d have just bitched about me wasting money SO I CANT WIN. Do not give me that “poor Henry” bullshit!

We ended up stopping in WOODSTOCK NH which is apparently 10.5 hours away from Pgh lololol.

The coffee was fine but they didn’t have pie??!!

Aside from 87 gas stations, 45 rest stops, and 1 Dunkin’ for a green goddess wrap (chooch and I are obsessed), I really can’t think of anything else worth talking about because I was still depressed and rearin’ to fight at every juncture. I think Henry had finally just opted to not make eye contact with me after a while to preserve the un-bitten state of his head.

This was one incredibly dysfunctional road trip. I don’t necessarily regret it but I currently associate it with manic mood swings and uncontrollable sobbing. One day maybe I will be able to compartmentalize that part and look back “fondly” (lol) on the good moments!

We spent the day in southern (?) West Virginia yesterday. I think it was southern. I don’t feel like looking at a map but I think we were at the bottom-ish of the state in Huntington. The main….attraction? was Camden Park which I’ll recap later in its own post, but afterward we had a late lunch (linner, really) at a nearby fastfood joint called Frostop. I saw it on Roadside America last week when I was scoping out the area around Camden Park and this was on there all thanks to the large, rotating mug of root beer that sits atop the snack shack like a crowned jewel of fastfood royalty.

I also saw that they have grilled cheese on the menu so it was a must-do at that point. Plus, I like root beer just fine.

Because I’m a fucking doof, I always search YouTube for videos on places that we are going to visit so I thought outloud, “I wonder if anyone made any Frostop videos?” Oh Erin, babe. Honey bunny with the half brain. Of course people have made videos about visiting Frostop. This is 21st century America. We the people have nothing better to do and there is an audience for anything. So, I found a video filmed last year and in that video, the girl working there that was being “interviewed” (ACTUALLY MIGHT HAVE BEEN OUR SERVER FROM YESTERDAY) said that the mug was not currently spinning because of some mechanical issue that was being looked at. So, that was a concern we had! I ONLY WANTED TO GO TO THIS PLACE TO SEE THE SPINNING ROOT BEER MUG! I WAS PROMISED A SPINNING ROOT BEER MUG!

As we drove down the road closer to its location, Henry spotted the mug on the horizon and HOLLERED, “It’s spinning!!!” I mean, great, but let’s not shout about it!?

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I guess Frostop is actually a brand of root beer and other “grandpa’s favorite” adjacent bevvies. For instance, I am 100% certain if I texted my dad right now and asked if he knows what Frostop is, he will fire back with an entire history of the brand alongside a picture of one of his pop machines with a row of Frostop for the taking. My dad LOVES pop, especially old-fashioned types.

But Frostop also has several “Drive-ins” in certain states, and the one in Huntington happens to be the closest one to us here in Pittsburgh so I really felt like we needed to stop here (even though Hillbilly Hot Dogs several miles away looked waaaaay cooler and actually veg options?!).

First impression: the girl who was working there yesterday was very friendly and personable and determined immediately that we were city folk who needed extra guidance. She explained that we could either stay in our car for CAR SERVICE (I didn’t realize this was a legit “drive-in”!) or we could sit at one of the umbrella’d tables and she’d be with us in a minute.

Second first impression: I LOVED THE AMBIANCE. Brown and cream is so ugly together but somehow it just works in these types of situations.

So honestly, this place could have had shitty food and I would still have enjoyed my time there. It was just my style. Add it to the list with Pal’s Sudden Service and Mr. Happy’s. 

And Mama Steve’s and Mr. Pancake.

The expressions.

I would like to note that Mush Brain struck again when the server asked what I wanted to drink and I confidently said, “Mountain Dew.”

“Sorry, we only have Coke products,” she said, and I was like, in my Mush Brain, thinking that was weird considering this was literally named for its root beer and that’s when I realized that MOUNTAIN DEW inexplicably came out of my mouth instead of root beer?!

“Oh! I meant to say root beer,” I corrected myself. “I don’t know why I said Mountain Dew,” and then I glanced at Henry who was looking at me with “are you having a stroke?” eyes. You guys, Mountain Dew was my drink of choice for pretty much all of my teens and into my early 20s until I basically quit drinking pop / soda cold turkey so I can’t even remember the last time I actually ordered a Mountain Dew at a restaurant or pulled one out of a cooler in a gas station, yet for some reason it rolled so effortlessly and familiarly off my tongue like I blinked and it was 2001 again.

Bizarre.

But yes, I know I said I never drink sodas anymore but I had to make an exception and get the root beer that they are famously named for! You can’t go to Frostop and not get a Frostop, or so I hear!

Chooch got a lemonade and we both opted to get our drinks in mugs. Henry got his in a to-go cup for some reason.

OK, HERE’S THE REVIEW: The root beer tasted like ordinary root beer to me (also, I’m glad that in the video we watched, the guys got root beer floats because prior to watching that I had grand designs to float it up but then I saw them and they are MASSIVE. It would have knocked me out for the day, and I might have had to puke at some point on the way home, not trying to be vulgar for once, just honest!!!). The grilled cheese was a big time meh. The bread was meh, it was barely “grilled,” and the cheese was soooo bad, like something you’d expect to be served up in a nursing home. Like, if my brain was cheese – mushy, but less melted. It was very strange cheese.

So, don’t get the grilled cheese. If you eat meat, Henry ordered BOTH the burger AND weiner and said they both good.

BUT YO.

THE ONION RINGS.

Wooooooo baby. Those were some of the BEST onion rings I’ve ever had. Also, note that I am super picky re: onion rings and onions in general. I hate when the onion is still practically raw and crunchy, and I also hate when you bite into it and the entire strand of onion is pulled out.

This was the PERFECT medium – not raw, but just crisp enough that one bite would sever the onion AND it didn’t have that slimy worm feel to it. I was so happy with these onion rings, but my stomach was NOT. Even without indulging in a root beer float, I still ended up down for the count and actually thought I was going to have to throw up before we even left the place. My bitch baby stomach just cannot handle anything greater than peanut butter toast these days, it’s so pathetic.

I did not end up puking, you’ll be pleased to know, and was able to last long enough at the table to BUY A FROSTOP SHIRT. The last 5 or so years, I have been in my commemorative diner/restaurant t-shirt or mug era. It’s so random and Henry doesn’t even hesitate anymore when I say, “I have to get a shirt.”

So, I now happily own a Frostop shirt just like the ones the employees wear!

“Aren’t you excited to inherit all of my diner and fastfood t-shirts when I die?” I asked Chooch.

“Yeah, I am so excited. I can’t wait,” he said in a monotone slick with onion ring grease.

“And my haunted house journals!” I added gleefully.

“I’m excited to burn those,” he said.

WOW.

And that was our memorable time at Frostop. SHOULD I TRY TO VISIT ALL OF THEM NOW?!

I am still kind of in shock a little that Henry and I were able to snag tickets for Seventeen in October (I mean, not great seats but we at least got them before it sold out / became resell-only seats). It took over a month for me to slowly start listening to kpop again and this group especially was tough since I projected the fandom onto Drew.

But Chooch was right – she would have wanted me to go see them! And I decided that when it’s time to book the memorial tattoo session, I want the Carat bong incorporated into it.

Anyway, Henry and I are sitting here watching Seventeen and NCT videos (we’re so exciting) and I really missed this but it is also still hard. Penelope just did a walk-by and I tried to get her to stick around and care but she was like “bitch I got better things to do” and sashayed away.

Maybe it will be like…immersion therapy. All I know is that I have not made it one day since July 1 without crying at least 3x and it is so exhausting and alarming.

The last part of our New England Bi-Polar Road Trip was a half-day romp through the most precious, adorable, wholesome, charming amusement park I think I have ever seen – StoryLand in the White Mountains of New Hampshire! I knew a little bit about this park from my friend Alyson who lives in NH, but other than being familiar with its fairy tale aesthetic and the fact that it has a pretty intense wooden coaster for a children’s park, this place was a mystery to us. I kind of thought that we’d just run in, grab the 2 coaster creds, then head home.

But yooooooo, boiiiii. Hold up. This place exceeded expectations immediately upon entry. I really wasn’t expecting it to be such a whimsical oasis in the mountains of NH. I mean for god’s sake, the first thing we encountered was this little show!

WOW THE JOY ON CHOOCH’S FACE AS HE POSES FOR YET ANOTHER PHOTO WITH MOMMY.

OBSESSED ALREADY. THIS IS MY STYLE!!!

Are we back in Norway, though?? I’m kind of glad it has taken me so long to recap this day because seeing these pictures with fresh eyes is so much. I can’t get over how actually enchanted this place is. And it was kind of cool because in the early morning portion, it was overcast and drizzly, which added even more ambiance if that’s even possible. It did get sunny later on though so we got to experience the park both ways!

Did you know I’m obsessed with cuckoo clocks?! One of my  plans for either this shitty house or a future one if we ever fucking move (oh god, please let us be able to buy a house someday while Henry is still spry enough to carry out all of the projects I have packed in the dark recesses of my mind) is to have an entire wall of cuckoo clocks set at different times. Not annoying AT ALL.

OMG this really has to be the cutest themed teacups I have ever seen. I’m obsessed. Bavarian Norwegian crossover of my dreams.

Dude, it definitely felt like being in Norway again!

The ride operator said she loved Chooch’s Minion Crocs and that opened up membership to some kind of bizarre Croc Compliment Club because he started getting comments on those fuckers all the livelong day after this. He was so happy about it, to the point where he even started eavesdropping on people around us to see if they were talking about his Crocs.

Ugh. Now he knows what it’s like to be COOL LIKE ME.

Wow, thanks for the great video Papa H.

Then we went on the cutest little log flume that was PANDA THEMED. One of the ride attendants was named CHEESE and she was so cute! Also, we got in a “pre-line” for this baby because it didn’t start running until 10am and Chooch was like, “I can’t believe we’re lined up for a baby log flume” but it was part of the experience because we got to stare down the little girl in front of us who kept turning around and looking at us LIKE WHAT, WHY? BECAUSE TWO BIG PEOPLE WANT TO RIDE THIS DUMB LOG THING WITH NO CHILDREN??

LOG FLUMES ARE FOR EVERYONE.

When we were coming back into the loading area, there was a baby squirrel trying to cross over the trough!!! We had a moment with the ride attendant over it lol.

After we got off this, we ran to another section of the park because ROARASAURUS was now open! It’s a crazy intense woodie in a children’s park!! The thoosies LOVE this bitch.

It’s one-train ops but the line was just a station wait so it really wasn’t too bad. Chooch and I rode in both the front and back and TBH I wanted to ride it more times but Chooch and Henry were like, “let’s move on.”

The train is so cute!!

Henry said, “Look it’s Splash Battle Mountain” and I realized he was trying to make a Dance Gavin Dance joke and this KILLED Chooch and me. At first, I slipped and genuinely laughed but the I realized that I was giving him credit for landing a joke so I quickly started to criticize him and then gave him examples of how he could have made it make better sense.

Ugh. Obsessed.

I loved the Dutch-ass section too!!!

The second coaster cred was this polar bear coaster thing that was actually pretty fun for a small scale family coaster! Also, many comments on the Minion Crocs in this line.

This is what the station looks like from the brake run! The theming here was immaculate. I would have been in heaven if I had gone here as a child. Now I’m pissed. DID MY PAPPAP NOT LOVE ME ENOUGH??

OK, that’s all for now!

Mr. Gray Guy watching me read a book like a creep.

Ok wow hi hello I am half-buzzed after a gals dinner at Scoglio’s but I wanted to hop on here quickly to give my new webmaster Riley a shout out because he has taken Oh Honestly Erin maintenance from Henry! If you’re viewing this on mobile you might not see a difference but if you’re on a computer and viewing OHE from a browser, you might notice that it finally doesn’t look like trash anymore!!

Henry spent mths trying to rebuild a new theme or something who knows but then finally threw his hands up in the air and yelled YOU DO IT THEN to Chooch who obviously knows CSS and within an hour Chooch had most of the worst parts fixed and now he’s working on my smaller requests which made henry say “Yeah the easy part is over, now comes the hard part – working with HER.”

Anyway, I love the random daisies he put in the background! Now I need to make a new header. He said I should make it a vector whatever that means like ok maybe you do that yourself then??!!

Oh wait one more thing I’m so glad everyone is canceling Blake Lively!! I have been saying all these things about her for years ok fine my only beef was that she was the worst part of Gossip Girl but then she married Ryan Reynolds (what a barf bag) and I knew she was truly bad news then.

Um ok that’s all I’m going to bed early I think. Maybe tomorrow I will regale the internet void with more wisdom.

I have been so pessimistic about life lately, you don’t have to tell me! I have full awareness! But today was like….sort of a good day?? So, I thought maybe it would be wise to document this.

First? I woke up and saw that I lost a pound. OK I’ll take that as a win! Moving on….

Second? So, Chooch was all set to take his driving test but then HENRY THE DOOF couldn’t get the car inspected in time and had to reschedule his appointment for 2 weeks from now (wow, why not just wait until he moves to Philly at that rate?). But then!! Corey said that he would take Chooch so that Chooch could use his car, so Chooch was able to reschedule AGAIN but this time ended up getting an appointment a day sooner than his original one!

At first, Chooch was like, “Well wait, this won’t work though because I need to be with a legal guardian” and Henry and I just stared at him like come on, we know you’re smart….

“Oh! I’m 18, never mind.”

There it is.

Anyway, his appointment was this morning in Belle Vernon. I was on my way home from my pre-work walk when they drove past me, Chooch laying on the horn and Corey hanging his whole torso out the passenger window and waving both arms at me like a fucking mattress factory balloon guy. I was just like, “OMG are they going to make it there??” and also, “UGH I wish I was in the car, too!” It looked like the best kind of chaos.

Then Chooch texted me that he forgot to put his turn signal on when he pulling out AFTER parallel parking and thought for sure he failed but he passed! On his first try! I failed mine the first time because I didn’t stop for a full 3 seconds at a fucking stop sign. Ugh.

I was telling Margie at work that I didn’t get mine until I was almost 19 and she was like, “why” and I said, “Uh, I just wasn’t interested but then I moved out when I was 18 and realized I needed a car to get to work…” and she was like, “Makes sense.”

“OK fine, I was a ‘bad kid’ in high school and my mom wouldn’t let me get my license because ‘I couldn’t be trusted’,” I said, scoffing out loud while I was typing that, as if I wasn’t talking about the same Vintage Erin who wanted to join a girl gang.

I LOVE that Proud Uncle Corey was zealously shooting shots for the DMV section of the Chooch 2024 Yearbook.

Um, apparently they used the height that was listed on Chooch’s permit from a year + ago (he had to get it renewed because it lapsed once) which was 5’6″. He asked to get it changed and the clerk said it was OK if it was only within a 3inch difference and he said, “OK but it’s 4inches” and HOW did he grow 4 inches in that time?! Ugh. Anyway, she told him he would have to get PennDot to change it so now he’s annoyed.

LOLOLOL. Henry was on our LIST today. OK, every day.

The third good thing? My team and I got our presentation over with today. We had two 20 minutes presentations to give to the department for a Core Knowledge series and I am horrific at public speaking even though 90% of these people are my bros, it still is a very shaky thing for me and we knew about this since the day after Memorial Day (oh, best believe it’s seared into my memory) so please know that in addition to Drew dying, this has obliterated my entire summer. I’m not even exaggerating, the amount of stress it has caused me, and the breakdowns I have had, and the “MAYBE I SHOULD QUIT” freakouts that Henry has had to pull me out of….it’s been a doozy of a summer. But guess what, they happened  today. I survived. It wasn’t even as bad as I anticipated. And I never want to do it again, lol.

But yeah, what a weight off my shoulders. One less thing  that was making me feel like a shadow of myself so I’m eager to go back to therapy next week and tell my therapist that I did it just like she said I could! I am a CHILD!

And bonus good thing: I took the day off tomorrow (I scheduled it IMMEDIATELY after we settled on a date for the presentation because I knew I would a mental health day, big fucking cry baby that I am) and I am so happy about it. I think Chooch and I are going to Laurel Caverns! I want to try and do as many fun/dumb things as possible before he leaves next month, especially since this summer in general has been a hot mess express.

Last May? June? I bought cheap(ish) tickets to the last night of the ATEEZ North American tour. I can tell you that my life wasn’t that unhinged then so I had the requisite amount of excitement involved in seeing a kpop group that is mid-tier for me. They are one of those groups where I like all of the songs by them that I have heard but I don’t make a point of watching all of their music show stages or other content, but I do follow a majority of the members on IG and I have a bias.

So, I really should have been more excited about this but as it was, I was just going through the motions and as previously mentioned in the grilled cheese post, I even said I wanted to go home before the show and we really did start to drive out of Chicago but then ended up going back. I hate this for me, you guys. I don’t like feeling this way and I am truly wading through mental quicksand trying to get to the other side of this extended grieving period. (If you had been in our house about an hour ago you’d have seen how I completely lost it over the opening notes of a retrowave song that I haven’t been able to listen to since Drew died and was like, “Let’s experiment and see if I can do it” and then I felt like my body was caving in on itself with how intensely I was shuddering in grief and  then I had to run away from Henry because I was a total snot faucet. Man, it hurts so much still.)

Luckily, I don’t relate ATEEZ to her at all so I didn’t cry AT ALL during their concert which is also concerning though because I usually emote in some way at all concerts no matter what but I just stood there like a zombified husk.

Don’t get me wrong, I genuinely enjoyed it and I’m glad we went because I know in my heart that I would have regERTed it bigly had we actually gone home without seeing them. But it felt weird. I felt uncomfortable, slightly anxious, I was super hot in the entire time, and everything just felt disorienting to me. I can’t explain it. But ATEEZ themselves were incredible performers, the whole show was very theatrical and high-energy, and good lord Jongho has some fucking pipes on him, no wonder why he was my natural bias selection.

Henry texted me from the beer line: “Why is everyone dressed like goth cowboys?” LOL. He knows enough ATEEZ songs to be able to hold his own but knew nothing about their fandom (“What are the fans called??” he asked the next day when I finally started speaking to him at that Ohio diner and he began peppering me with questions about the show that he had stuffed in his back pocket until I was ready to be a functioning human again.) and I’m not sure if he would consider himself an Atiny now but he did say he enjoyed it.

Also, while he was off getting his beer (AND PIZZA, wow, treat yo’self, Kpop Dad), the girl in the….slacks (lol) and silver shirt arrived with her friend and was commenting about how she loves how diverse the ATEEZ fandom is and in my head, I was like, “LOL wait’ll you see who’s sitting to you, hon. The oldest dad’liest fan in the building!”

Goth cowboys.

I don’t really have much else to say about it. Everyone around us was fine. Since I don’t hard-stan ATEEZ, their ‘ments were kind of boring to me but overall, I enjoyed it. Hongjoong has such G-Dragon vibes but in a natural way and not in the sense that I feel like he is consciously trying to be the next gen GD or anything. I would go see them, I think, hopefully when I’m in a better mindset!

SETLIST:

ACT 1:

VCR

• Crazy Form (legit started with my fave!)
• Say My Name
• WIN

Hongjoong + Yunho + San acts

ACT II

• This World
• Wake Up
• Guerilla (Jongho’s parts in this song give me BIG Artifex Pereo vibes, funnily enough) – this started with Hongjoong’s guitar solo which I was not expecting!

MENT 1

• Cyberpunk
• Halazia (this was nuts)

Seonghwa + Yunho + Hongjoong act

ACT III

• It’s You (Yeosang, San, Wooyoung) – I really was all about this

VCR

• Youth (Yunho, Mingi)

VCR

• Everything (Jongho – “Kpop idols can’t sing”)

Wooyoung dance solo

ACT IV

• Silver Light

Crescent Part 2

VCR

• Wave

MENT 3

• Dancing Like Butterfly Wings

VCR

ACT V

• MATZ (Seonghwa, Hongjoong)
• Work (!!!)

MENT 3

• Arriba
• Django
• Bouncy (!!!)
• Wonderland

ENCORE

• Eternal Sunshine / Fireworks / The Real

MENT 4

• Turbulence
• Dreamy Day
• UTOPIA

Now that I have typed out the setlist, I can see how few songs were played without being broken up by VCRs, acts, ments, etc. That’s fine I guess but again, I don’t hardstan them so it didn’t always hold my interest.

But here are some videos from other people of my fave parts of the night!

OK, I’m done. I just bought tickets to Seventeen (that was hunger games, frfr) and I have to go back to my immersion therapy because I am still so sad since I turned Drew into a Carat and this was our group to hard stan together and now she is gone so I can’t go see them and come home to tell her all about it unless I say it to her urn. FML.

The hotel we had booked for the last night of our New England Disaster / aka A Prelude to Divorce was in Intervale, NH. This was about a 90 minute drive from Portland, Maine, and it was dusk by the time we set off (after stopping at some chain coffee place outside of Portland because I was firmly settled into my CAFFEINE WITHDRAWL OR DEMON POSSESSION insufferable mood.

I can’t remember the name of this cafe but BLESS UP to them for being open past 7pm.

(Found it! Aroma Joe’s. I can’t even remember what I got now, but it must have been fine because I don’t have any knee-jerk reaction to this name, etc.)

Anyway, the whole entire reason I’m even devoting a blog post to this otherwise boring drive is because once we got to New Hampshire, GPS told Henry to turn left onto what appeared to be a trail – it was fully night by this point, and we weren’t on a highway but just a regular 2-lane road with no street lights and house here and there. Henry flipped out because there was a sign that said the road was closed so he reversed back onto the other road and kept going straight. Now, I did not see where this other road was allegedly roped off or whatever, but as we all know, Henry knows everything and is the best driver in the world so no one questioned this. However, we were now in an area where the reception was sparse so the map froze.

Henry was like, winging it and just putzing along in a direction that could have been leading us off a cliff, who knows. Suddenly, we saw what appeared to be flashing police lights up ahead, and it turned out to be some man standing on the side of the road next to his truck, shining a flashlight at us. I was like, “Wow you didn’t even slow down, he may have been in distress” but Henry was convinced that it was A TRAP.

THEN!! After about another minute, we came upon ANOTHER SIGN that said the road was closed or gave some type of warning. I asked Henry if he remembered what it said and he goes, “No, just that it gave the impression that it was a road we didn’t want to be on.”

So now we had a frozen GPS and two routes that were supposedly blocked off. It gave me a flashback to that horror movie Dead End with Ray Wise?! Were we going to get stuck in a loop on some dark rural road only to find out we’re already dead?!

Anyway, Henry was like, “Fuck this” and turned around and then some truck went flying past us. “I think that was that guy!!!” Henry cried, and we were certain at that point that it really was a trap. Maybe we were supposed to pull over next to that sign to figure out what to do next and then the deranged man would catch up to us in his truck and shoot darts at our tires, impairing our ability to turn around and then we’d all get separated in our frantic dash through the woods to escape him and I’d probably die first and Chooch would survive only to be the next DERANGED TRUCK GUY in the sequel.

DASHCAM FOOTAGE:

OK so now we were headed back the opposite direction and Chooch goes, “Why don’t you try to turn where the GPS wanted you to turn, let’s test it” and Henry was big-mouthing off about this suggestion but then ended up doing it and OH MY FUCKING GOD, it was the entrance to THE MOUNTAINS, essentially and the main road was fine but it was a small side trail that branched off to the left that was gated off. Henry is such a moron!

This drive ended up being such a fun part of the trip though based entirely on the scary factor – it gave big “when the drive to the haunted hayride is scarier than the haunted hayride” vibes and it was exciting. The whole time, Chooch and I were like, “WHAT IF THE GUY IN THE TRUCK IS WAITING FOR US AT THE END??” I mean, nary a car passed us the entire time we were on this road and it wasn’t until near the end when we started seeing signs/entrances for lodges and resorts. So, if anyone wanted to hide in the woods and shoot at Pennsylvanians doing their best to make it to their hotel, this would have been the perfect spot for it.

Don’t worry, this is the last Maine post. After eating dinner at that one brewery in that one town, we finally made our way to Portland. In one of my initial iterations of the itinerary, I had so much more time allotted for Portland. I wanted to actually, you know, do stuff there. Eat a meal. Drink a beer. Do a thing on the water, maybe. Almost buy things then put them back. Go to an aesthetic cafe for the ‘gram.

But then Henry shook down my carefully considered checklist so that all that was left was the Portland Head Light at sunset. Also, this was now happening on a completely different day too.

Why.

Do.

I.

Bother.

More of these things that I liked. Teeny tomatoes, I don’t even know.

We got there with about an hour to spare and there was only a very light crowd there so we love that

This is like the quintessential lighthouse, right? Like, when you think of lighthouses, this is the one that pops into your mind like it was preloaded into your brain’s ViewFinder from birth.

Some facts:

• it’s the oldest lighthouse in Maine;
• it was first lit in 1791!!!
  • it is home to 5676845674 ghosts (probably)
• it is built of rubblestone, whatever that is;
• it is a NATIONAL HISTORIC CIVIL ENGINEERING LANDMARKS, in case any of engineering g33k5 are reading this

As previously stated when I posed the photos from “the good camera” a few weeks ago, I almost died climbing down the cliff thing to  take these pictures. There were all kinds of old people down there though so I figured, if they found a way, so could I.

(We joked that if this was in South Korea, they’d have a funnicular with a cute character face on it to safely cart people up and down.)

(And then I joked that this could be his post-senior picture session and he was like PLEASE CAN WE MOVE ON FROM SENIOR PICTURES ALREADY.)

Those fucking Crocs.

He spotted Henry (he stayed above) and probably was laughing at something disparaging that we said about him in tandem. We are always on a shared wavelength when it comes to Henry Bullying.

I have a series of shots of him doing weird things with his hand and I thought that he was suddenly inspired to wave to the camera but it turns out he was pretending to “balance the lighthouse on his hand.”

Have you ever seen a series of photos where he smiled so much??

Remembering that he “hates” being photographed.

You can see here that there actually were other people down there with us, which sort of made it feel less treacherous…? A couple was also getting what appeared to be engagement photos taken.

I loved spending time here! It was also notably about an hour out of the day where we didn’t argue. But don’t worry, that would come as soon as we left this park and I started crying about not getting to see Portland and Henry was like THEN TELL ME WHERE TO GO. Um, to hell, obviously?!

I got so fed up and yelled IF YOU WOULD JUST FUCKING PAY ATTENTION WHEN I PUT ON TRAVEL VIDEOS, THEN YOU WOULD GODDAMN KNOW WHERE TO GO WHY DO YOU PUT THIS ON ME and then we ended up just heading out to our hotel in the mountains of New Hampshire which ended up being one of the highlights of the whole trip because it felt like we were in a found footage horror movie where a bickering family TAKES THE WRONG TURN IN THE MOUNTAINS and meets a GORY FATE.

It’s been an exhausting week. Here is a diner where Henry and I ate a late lunch outside of Toledo Ohio on our way home from a very dysfunctional, straight outta the Sybil playbook overnight trip to Chicago to see ATEEZ where I had a complete nervous breakdown (??? It was some kind of breakdown that’s for sure) in a parking garage in Evanston, IL because we went to a Swedish cafe called Newport House or something and they didn’t have any cinnamon rolls left and I wanted to run out of there in a huff but I am really trying to not revert to those public tantrums so I ordered an iced date & cardamom latte and the barista was so sweet and said she loved my nail polish and that was great but it didn’t stop the world from crashing down on me as soon as we left and I started panicking and crying and I threw my latte into a garbage can and kept saying “I just want to go home I just want go home” and Henry was like “I physically cannot drive another 7 hours back home right now please” and then I started screaming in the car that he is the reason Drew is dead and then I wanted to text Wendy and quit my job and I was just spiraling out so fast that I couldn’t get a hold on myself and it just got worse from there once we got to the hotel and then we really were going to leave for real and when Henry stopped at gas station to get me a protein bar, I started sobbing so hard, doubled over onto my backpack, that I thought I was going to need to go to the hospital.

Anyway this is all to say that the next day was also trash and we drove in silence for the first 4 hours until Henry finally convinced me eat and I was just starting to come back around, the grilled cheese literally breathing life into me, when Nate texted me that one of my favorite people ever – Aaron – is leaving our Firm and that just made me depressed all over again.

Nothing feels familiar anymore.

[ERIN HERE FROM 2 YEARS LATER: Things still don’t feel familiar and probably never will again but time heals and therapy helps. I still cry about Drew a lot. Maybe I always will. But I am still here, trying to make the most out of life.]

Dude OK just stop, slow down – I took these top two snaps from the car window as Chooch was taxiing us to our second lighthouse of the day. Just so serene! Was I in a surly, snurfly, sniffly mood still? Hundred percent! But even that screen of psychological disdain I was lurking behind like the silhouette of an 80s star slasher wasn’t so opaque that I couldn’t appreciate nature’s beauty!

Sometimes I think that I could be a boat person, just sitting on a pouf on whatever the deck is called, a starboard or whatever, sipping a bellini and reading some trash novel. But then I remember who I am and how I am unable to unwind and relax like a normal person and I would likely go stir crazy and freak out in the middle of a body of water which will culminate in me belly-flopping off the side of the boat and then having a nervous breakdown because I am terrified of THE THINGS in the SEA. And lakes. And rivers. And ponds. I’m not even too thrilled about public swimming pools, if we’re going all in here.

But I dunno, maybe an hour or two would be nice.

(And then I watch YouTube videos of whales flipping over boats and revert to my original anti-boat stance.)

Yes, I’ve seen beaches and oceans before but Maine just hits different, OK? (I think this was technically Penobscot Bay?)

(Penobscot is amazing to say. Love the mouthfeel.)

We had to park in a little lot and walk through a trail in order to access the lighthouse and it was a very enjoyable walk. Look at these views!

Why can’t I look as loose and cool as Chooch?

I’M ALWAYS TIGHT AND COILED INSTEAD.

Also this Hipstamatic filter makes me look like I have a skin condition.

I want to go back to Maine and just do slow tourism, which is really against everything I believe in, but being here honestly made me wish we had more time so we could just slow down and be outside at our leisure. I just don’t know how to plan trips around … “nothing.” The main purpose is always amusement parks or concerts, sometimes both.

He was super annoyed with me because there were all these little, treacherous paths that went down to the water and he wanted to go down them but I was having jelly-legs and wouldn’t let him. Jelly-legs is how I know I’m truly a mom. (YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN ME WATCHING THE OLYMPICS, THEY WERE ALL MY CHILDREN.)

I don’t know man. I just kept envisioning him tumbling down there in Instagram reel-format with Culture Club playing on 2x speed.

I realize now that we probably should have been finding people to take a picture of us with Henry too  (LOLOLOL) but I really have been so desperate to get as many photos with Chooch as possible at the risk of making him totally averse to any type of photographical situation for the rest of his life, eschewing family photos with his future family much like my own mother has for her entire adult life.

Taken from lighthousefriends.com: Owls Head Lighthouse is number one on Coastal Living magazine’s most haunted lighthouse list, and there are said to be at least two ghosts at the lighthouse. One is known as the “Little Lady” and is most frequently found in the kitchen or looking out a window. Doors slam, silverware rattles, but people say her presence brings a feeling of peace. The other is thought to be a keeper from beyond the grave.

Of course, we were there on a sunny, blue-sky day in July and nary a spirit was felt. I think in general, lighthouses at night are such a haunting, forlorn presence – ghosts or not!

I saw some old guy standing up here with his good-good camera so then, monkey see monkey do, obviously.

This flag made me mad.

Bitching about me being annoying, I’m sure.

UGH I love nature! I know everyone is like knocking each other out of the way to go to New England in the fall, but the summer!! THE GREENERY!! I loved it. Even though I was/am in such a bad place, I think it was at least a little bit healing for me. The fresh ocean air and sunshine was a lot better than being at home in shitty Brookline, I guess (Although, I missed Penelope terribly and was so concerned about her even though my mom was there because it was the first time leaving her since Drew died.)

Then we went into the gift shop and this is when Chooch gasped at the realization that a LIGHTHOUSE PASSPORT exists and that would have been good to know and a fun family activity (mmm, maybe strike “family”) if we had more time but also I think there are like 50+ lighthouses in Maine so I feel like that would have to be the actual theme of a vacation. Lighthouse Lunacy, or whatever.

I did buy some magnets and a really pretty sea glass pendant that has the Owls Head lighthouse hand painted on it by a local artist (allegedly).

Before heading to Portland, we stopped at a general store so I was able to take a picture of the adjacent, adorable Owls Head post office. Shit, this town was so presh!

One of the coolest things about taking a trip with 70+ coaster enthusiasts is that there were bound to be a handful of YouTubers in the group. At first, I was not stoked about this because I am, in fact, a SHRINKING VIOLET which is something I was called once about 15 years ago and you know how sometimes when you’re called something that you know you’re not, it sticks with you? This was one of those things, in addition to Christina once saying that I was stand-offish. These are some factors into why I think that in addition to all of my other issues, I think that I am also having an identity crisis and we have added it to the list of goals in therapy: TO BE ME AGAIN.

Whoever that is.

J/K I know she is. She is THAT BITCH and I want her back.

ANYWAY. Where was I?

Oh yeah, bumping (bruised from coasters) elbows with these YouTubers ended up being a blessing because we now have several different POVs of our trip and even a year later, the vlogs are still coming out! GP Coasters just posted their Tusenfryd and Gronalund vlogs and I am here for it.

I was so happy to see our ascent up the iconic Tusenfryd escalator! Especially because I didn’t make it in Tim’s final shot that he posted on the Coaster Crew Instagram so I snagged a screenshot from GP Coasters’ vlog. What makes me even happier is that Kevin and Pam are in the shot! (Also in the shot is that guy in front of me who acted like he hated me for some reason oh yeah because I’m a woman who likes coasters. So threatening.)

Chooch walking without us, as usual.

Henry and me riding Storm for the first time! Looks like Jean and Larry are behind us and Arnold is in front of us with some blurry man I cannot identify. Possibly Eamon?

I can’t believe this was a year ago. Little did I know then that we’d come home, have one decent month, and then the first domino would fall. Goddammit, will I ever have fun again?

My blog has been intermittently down since Sunday, sparing you the bipolar liveblogs that for sure would have read like the end result of Norman Bates shower-stabbing a keyboard instead of Jamie Lee Curtis’s mom. It was….not a great trip.

But now it’s Tuesday. Back to work, and the day wasn’t too bad. Had my second therapy session (we made a goal to help me feel less dead inside and more importantly WE TALKED ABOUT CHIODOS AT THE END*). Only cried once so far today. Having major Olympics withdrawals as expected.

*(Sorry, I just need to interrupt this post to add how hilarious it is to me that I cried and whined all through my 20s and 30s about not having any friends who were into Warped Tour things and then flashforward to my 40s and my therapist is showing me a picture of her with Craig Owens at Warped Tour.)

All of that doom and gloom aside, Saturday was actually a really nice day so I thought maybe it would be a nice mental massage to recap that day instead of anything right now.

First, Kara dropped by after running the Brookline Breeze to give me a squirrel sticker she saw at a candy store and it was such a nice gesture and always good to see her!

Then it was just a bunch of Olympics-watching until Chooch whined about wanting to drive somewhere so I suggested going to Monongahela, randomly, and getting coffee. My criteria was:

• small town
• river
• cafe

Henry and Chooch were like, “Whatever you say, Boss” and so that is just what we did.

I pointed out this apartment building to them after we parked, and I am 150% positive that I tell them this every time we drive through this area (probably about once a year, actually!), but when I was living in my first apartment in Jefferson Hills called PAYNE HILL, I used to take my ’95 Eagle Talon on joy rides out in this area because the main road (affectionately referred to as River Road) was one of my faves to drive on because you could fucking FLY with nary a chance of running into a cop. And every time I would drive through this town, I would wish I lived in these … octagon digs?

But then I recently learned that it’s essentially a retirement home, so we were joking about that.

“Look, that could be living in an apartment with an American eagle flag grossly flashing its red neck patriotism on my balcony!” I cried. “Look, that could be me who those old people in the gazebo are calling out to happily!”

“You want to be an old man in a motorized scooter?” Chooch asked in a “really?” tone.

Anyway! This Little City Cafe was nice. I was initially going to get a golden latte but at the last minute, I saw that one of the seasonal flava-flavs was orange cream and I love orange-flavored things.

The baristas were both very nice and chill, except the girl one at a certain point started DRAMATICALLY singing along to that god-awful Benson Boone song that I always say that I hate and then it comes on the radio and Henry rudely leaves it on because he doesn’t care that I hate it, and the was she was theatrically riffing along behind the counter was making me uber uncomfy. We were also jokingly reading questions from a Bible Trivia game simultaneously, so it was just a weird combo, thinking about Biblical lepers while this chick was back there in an apron doing a soulful vibrato and steaming oat milk.

We also played one round of Scattergories which I generally love but my brain just doesn’t allow for more than 15 minutes spent on any one activity these days.

Then we walked around the block for a bit because it was a nice day and I wanted to set my sights on Mon’ landmarks and such.

We sat on bleachers at this riverside park thing for a little bit and watched a BEATLES COVER BAND set up. I pointed out how pretty it was, the green trees and the blue sky and the not-so-grossly colored river, how we drive so far sometimes to see beautiful nature when Western PA has it too and Chooch killed the vibe with a succinct “Not really.”

There was no real reason for this, just thought it was aesthetic. I think this was on the side of a MASONS BUILDING, DUN DUN DUNNNN.

Then later that night, it was church festival time. The last day for Henry and Chooch to buy 50/50 tickets and not win. I was excited because THE WURMS were going to be performing and it’s not like I want their autograph or anything but they played there on the last night two years ago (maybe last year too but we were riding Scandinavian coasters then, not realizing how much life was going to suck a year later) and I enjoyed them because they actually sounded decent and they played some fun covers LIKE SECRET AGENT MAN. 

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Here’s my Instagram update from the night ^^

I sent Chooch back over to request SECRET AGENT MAN and he had to stand there forever until they announced they were taking a break, then he went in for the kill (this was after he gave up and then I accused him of not loving me so he skulked back over to their stage). First, he blanked on the song name and then when he remembered it, whoever he asked said, “Oh man, I don’t know if Johnny knows that one” and Chooch was like, “Well you played it two years ago and my mom loved it” BUT I GUESS THAT DIDN’T DO IT FOR THEM BECAUSE THEY NEVER FUCKING PLAYED IT AND I SAT THERE ALL NIGHT LISTENING TO THEIR ENTIRE SET AND GETTING BIT BY MOSQUITOES FOR NOTHING.

Penelope joined us for off and on though. It was weird to not also have Drew poking around with her. This sucks.