I just realized that there is only one weekend of left for haunted housing and I am gutted. It never fails – October slips through my fingers faster than any other stupid month, I swear. I dunno why this shocks me every year?!

Here is a brief rundown of the last two weekends of haunts we did, plus a bonus shot of the new haunted house journals I stocked up on from Spirit! They had so many to choose from – I went in for just one because I only have a few pages left of my current inky tome (that was so stupid that autocorrect desperately wanted to change it to anything but that) but ended up leaving with these 4:

Is it weird that I am 43 and still carrying the torch I lit in 1996 with these godforsaken journals? Maybe. OK probably. But it’s a compulsion now. I literally have to jot down my thoughts on every haunt no matter what. Of course all the gory (LOL I AM SO HILAR TONIGHT) details are up inside those pages, but I always like to memorialize them a bit on here too mostly for ease of searching, like when Chooch and I are fighting over one that I say we’ve been to and he says no. My blog allows me to have victory much faster than dusting off old journals and leafing through the brittle pages.

(Suddenly they’re from the rare book section of the Smithsonian and not Henry’s old SERVICE trunk in my bedroom.)

Two Saturdays ago, Chooch and I went to Scare Manor. I went to this last year with Henry and LOVED it. But this year it was….the same but we went with three older broads that knew people there so everything happened to them and only like one part was fun for the rest of us. I try not to be whiny about that shit, but this was like $20 and not that long so I felt gypped – the chainsaw guy just let Chooch and me stroll right past and didn’t even bother with us! Also, I fell into a big divot in the parking lot when getting out of the car and back in to leave so that was annoying.

And then we went to what appeared to be one of the first Sheetz ever built because it was so small and everyone in there was weird and I was MAD.

The next night, Henry and I went to Demon House and I know, blog, you’re right – I literally told you a few weeks ago that I was writing that one off! But then I found out that they got new owners and it is better so we got some tickets on Groupon and went out to give it a whirl. Right off the bat, I was disoriented because they changed location of the shuttle bus!! It now picks you up at a different parking lot but we couldn’t find where, so we had to actually drive past Demon House and follow the shuttle bus back to the parking lot. That was weird.

As usual, they had a horror movie playing on the outdoor screen. This is the best part of Demon House, truly. You don’t have to stand in line! You get assigned to a group and you slink around the grounds, sipping apple cider by the bonfire, using the portapotty, grabbing a snack at the concession stand like the mom who was in our group and frantically shoveling it in her face when the bell rang and our number was called.

Then her husband asked the Demon House girl what movie that was playing over there. She didn’t know, so Henry and I said, “Evil Dead” in tandem and everyone just looked at us blankly. So, then she was like, “Let me ask these other clueless Demon House broads” because apparently, we weren’t a credible source.

One of the broads said, “Paranormal Activity” to which Henry and I were like, “HON THAT AIN’T IT” so then she quickly added, “Of if it’s not that, it’s Friday the 13th.”

“It’s Evil Dead,” Henry said to the guy in a tone that screamed, “Look bro, we look like we are of the same ilk, cut from the same blue collared cloth, constantly misplacing tools. You gotta take my word for this” AND I STILL DON’T THINK HE BELIEVED US.

I was screaming inside my face.

Assholes.

Anyway, Demon House was fine. There was one really big scare that I got because I was at the end and turning around to close a door so somehow that simple, everyday action found me with my guard down, and some scare actor was behind the door. Then he chased me down the hall and I legot threw my back out a little, so that happened.

Other than that, it was same-old. It’s a good one of the GP but I just really want more.

This past Friday, Henry and I went to TAVERN OF TERROR! It was my first time at Allen’s Haunted Hayride in 5 or so years and I definitely was fine passing up the hayride portion and just doing the walk-thru. Allen’s is like the OG hayride in the area and it’s OK! It just takes a lot for hayrides to really feel worth it to me. And the last time we were there, it was Allen’s inaugural season for the Tavern, so I was interested to see how it was holding up.

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I was adamant about getting my Haechan penchant in this shot, lol.

Anyway, it was SO CROWDED there, being a Friday night and all, but hardly anyone was in line for the tavern! Probably most people get the combo ticket to do both, and then do the hayride first. We stood in line to buy the ticket almost as long as we waited for the actual haunt!

There were SO MANY young kids in line with us, which was under a canopy, and they were making my head hurt badly with their loud-ass mouths. I kept exclaiming, ‘WHY IS IT NECCESSARY FOR THEM TO SCREAM INSTEAD OF TALKING??” At one point, it got really quiet and Henry pointed out that it was because their group had gone inside. That’s when I realized that my ears were actually ringing in their absence.

We got to go inside just the two of us, and I am here to tell you that this was AWESOME. The scare actors were relentless, hilarious, and super sneaky. I loved that there were like, secret doors and openings, and it was actually amazing to see how they turned such a small space into a bunch of winding hallways and atmospheric rooms.

I was so fucking stoked about this the whole way home. I loved it!

Then on Saturday, all three of us went to Portals of Fear in West Mifflin. It’s done by a local youth group and listen Linda, those usually prove to be the best ones.

And yeah, as expected, this one was FUN, STARTLING, CHAOTIC, OLD-SCHOOL. I think I screamed, “OMG LOL” in every single room. And somehow someone there knew Chooch because at one point, all the kids started yelling, “Riley! Riley’s here!” and as you know, we never call him that so they definitely didn’t hear it from us! He said he has no idea how this could possibly be because he doesn’t know anyone from West Mifflin?!

Meanwhile, as the ticket lady shredded our tickets while giving us the rules before we went inside, my soul died a little and I couldn’t even pay attention to what she was saying, hearing her distant voice being pulled like taffy while I silently watched my ticket perish. I asked if I could have back just a piece of the ticket because I always keep my haunted house ticket stubs and she was like, “Oh no I’m so sorry I ripped them all up” and then she looked all around for someone to fall out of the sky with a solution. The guy sitting next to her said, “Oh, I can just get you a whole one if you want?” and he didn’t even have to plummet from the sky first. I practically screamed OH THANK U ITS FOR MY HAUNTED HOUSE JOURNALS WHICH I HAVE BEEN KEEPING SINCE 1996 and I’m sure that is a moment Chooch is filing away in the MOTHER, EMBARRASSMENTS drawer.

This Thursday, Janna and I (and maybe Chooch if he doesn’t have to work because he finally got a new job – at Dunkin’) will be going on our annual pilgrimage to Rich’s Fright Farm, and I still haven’t ironed out exactly what I want to want to do on Friday and/or Saturday. We’re considering going to Cedar Point on Sunday, and then next Friday is LIGHTS OUT at Wells Township Haunted House! And then….I guess that’s it.  For as many haunts as I’ve gone to this season, I will be honest and say that this October has felt kind of off and I don’t know why?! Other than NCT127 was right smack in the middle of that and it really stressed me and had my emotions on overdrive, so that could have a lot to with it. Oh, and Halloween Ends really was a joykill too

So far, I think Castle Blood and Crawford School of Terror are tied for #1.

While I was having the best time over in Section 127 with my new NCTbestie from Boston, Henry was having a very different experience in his section 210. When we parted ways, I told him to send me pictures proving that he was actually in his seat and not actually just spending the concert hiding in the bathroom or wandering the empty hallways like a predator.

He sent me a selfie right away:

LOL why does he take selfies like this?!?!? You can see that he was almost at the very very back of the arena. I think there was only one row behind him.

I guess that was his view before his night took a turn.

I was busy talking to my new friend and switching between screaming my throat raw and weeping while waving my light stick. Meanwhile, he was blowing up my phone with these whiny texts that I pointedly ignored:

But then he TAGGED me in an Instagram post?! HE WAS THAT WHINY that he had to go to these extra lengths to bring my attention to his tragic seating situation by CALLING ME OUT on social media?!

Wow. He must have been mad. Let me also be clear that this is all because I bought the ticket for him on the drive there instead of letting him wait until we got to the hotel so he could do it himself. I didn’t want to take the chance!

The ticket was only $60 (you know, BEFORE Ticketmaster added their mysterious fees that their Board probably uses to purchase human blood to sip from antique chalices) so he can’t really complain that much!!

Apparently, he moved seats twice and it didn’t matter because people kept congregating in the aisles and ok, THAT would piss me off too. I mean you have to expect that people will stand at concerts. I stood for the whole thing! (Except during the Ments and interludes where a video would play to distract us while they disappeared for wardrobe changes.) you’re excited to see your faves and you want to stand for them! It’s normal.

But Henry doesn’t want to stand at concerts. I dunno I guess I can see both sides.

The next day, he was slowly revealing more and more of his experience on the drive home. There was a married couple nearby that he immediately hated. He said they reminded him of these AWFUL people we used to know from Live Journal, Regan and Lance. They were world class assholes. They apparently became friends with other people that he hated (I think the ones who were standing) and now they have plans to go see Ateez together, and then one of them had a roommate who was on the other side of the arena but then she ended ip coming to their side and also stood in front of Henry.

The only exception to the people Henry hated was a young Korean guy and his girlfriend. The guy had classic noonchi, apparently, and asked Henry if he could see because, according to Henry, he shot ip as soon as NCT came out and never stopped singing and dancing through the whole thing while his girlfriend sat down and ate. Henry was OK with this guy.

Henry wasn’t able to see the stage at all EXCEPT for when Johnny took his shirt off and danced in a cage because his section was super Johnny-biased and this caused “a lot of movement” in the crowd so then he was able to see, lol why is this so hilarious to me?! Imagining Henry being like, “oh thank fuck – at least, of all the things happening tonight, I can see Johnny’s striptease.” Henry said his favorite part was watching Taeyong trying not to laugh.

Here is the best video I could find of this song lol:

Henry said his favorite song of the night was Highway to Heaven, which he said with no hesitation so it must be true:

Neither of those videos are mine!! I didn’t really record any full songs (except for Cherry Bomb and Back 2 U!!) and also I was sitting up in the balcony section so who wants to see those anyway.

On his bias Yuta’s solo: “I didn’t even get to see it but you can put that one in if you want.” Lol ok Kpop Dad calm down.

Henry doesn’t like that Yuta doesn’t get enough lines. “He has a nice voice!”

“I liked ‘listening’ to it, how about that? Visually, it was very unappealing. Not NCT127’s fault.” – Henry’s very informative review. And then: “I wish I knew that girl’s name.” (In reference to the MAIN SWAYING VIEW-OBSTRUCTOR  who reminded him of Regan.)

“I should have Nugent’d her.”

A short one because this has been the opposite of a short week.

1. The Corey Show

My bro Corey and I are avid Michael Myers simps and so obviously had to go to the theater to see the new Halloween which is also allegedly the last of the franchise (hmph we’ll see). We went to the Hollywood Theater to see it which is honestly my favorite place to see horror movies – it’s cheap, old, and has a balcony. And a creepy basement bathroom! Plus, we can walk there from my house.

Anyway, two highlights:

• The theme song from The Lost Boys (“Cry Little Sister”) was playing in the lobby when we got there and that song always gets me the mood for some good-ass horror.
• Corey being so giddy because of the fact that very first spoken word of Halloween Ends was his name, lol.

Um, other than that, I don’t have many positive things to say. I went in with low expectations and somehow failed to set the bar low enough because this was bad. I tried so hard during and immediately after to find some redeeming qualities, but I really couldn’t. And then the more I sat with it throughout the week, the angrier I got and finally I was able to say, “No, you know what? Fuck that trash movie. I hated it.”

Can’t believe JLC signed off on that shit.

2. Jo’s

It doesn’t truly feel like Halloween in Brookline until Jo’s Salon swaps out their window display for scarecrows and pumpkins. Maybe this weekend and I’ll do a walking tour of the Blvd and take pictures of the other storefronts because it’s moderately festive up in this ‘hood.

3. Meanwhile…

…in my crib, this is really the most I’ve done for Halloween, lol. I mean come on though guys. My house is like one big gaudy year-round decoration as it is – you wouldn’t even be able to notice if I actually decorated for holidays. I mean, we eat off melamine Halloween plates all year round as it is.

OK also I’m lazy, there I said it! I DON’T FEEL LIKE DECORATING because then I have to put it all away at some point and that’s annoying.

4. Mmm….cookies.

We let the kids decorate Halloween cookies during our weekly Babysitting Prison Sentence (j/k – we asked for this!) and it actually went surprisingly well. Calvin and Lily worked harmoniously and Milo was…well, a one-year-old fisting sprinkles.

And then there was Chooch who came down, put one squirt of icing on a cookie, and left.

“When I’m done, I’m going to look all around your house,” Calvin declared, as if this was his first time here?!

5. The Black Queen

In October, I always play the shit out of the Black Queen. The dark, moody synth is the perfect soundtrack for driving to haunted houses, especially when they’re out in the boonies.

This past week, I turned two people into new fans, on two separate occasions: Nate at work (we had been Jabbering extensively about Mick Smiley) and my brother Corey, who went on to listen to more and then replied, “I AM A FAN.”

I love when that happens!

Anyway, this isn’t my FAVORITE song by them, but it is the one I always send to people to introduce them to Greg Puciato’s sultry vocals without kneeing them in the balls with a Dillinger Escape Plan track, lol.

I can listen to this in the middle of a summer heat wave and suddenly it’s autumn vibes, fullstop. This is one of the few good takeaways from a failed friendship with a girl from Philly who I thought was so fucking cool and someone who spoke my language (we loved so many of the same bands and even went to an Armor For Sleep reunion show together in Philly back in 2015). She recommended the Black Queen to me back then and I was hooked. I guess she wasn’t hooked on me, though, lol.

There. Five things. On a Friday.

Love you lots like tater tots.

(Wow, old school sign off.)

It’s been almost a week since the NCT127 concert and I still haven’t really lost that glorious buzz.

The concert started at 8 so I decided we should leave our hotel by 6:30 because sometimes it can take FOREVER to get inside a Kpop concert. There were a bunch of other NCTzens staying at our hotel also and several of them were waiting for their rides at the same time. Ours came first and I giddily called out, “HAVE FUN TONIGHT GUYS!” and they all happily waved and yelled YOU TOO and this is the difference between Kpop and the other scene I came from because I would have been probably met with a scowl or eyeroll if I had done that to a bunch of scene kids lol ugh. With Kpop, there is no age limit. Young Kpop fans don’t look at broads like me and call us Grandma or assume that we’re just there with out kids. I have never had a bad experience with any Kpop fan (except for BTS fans lol they are the most toxic people, trust).

Our Uber driver dropped us off around 6:45 or so and I was surprised at how short the line was to get in! We opted for the opposite side of the arena this time because it took us SO LONG to get inside for Stray Kids. There were about 8 separate lines to get into 4 doors so it was still not the fastest moving line, but it was ok!

It was drizzling a little bit, but I didn’t care – I’m not delusional enough to think that anyone in NCT was going to NOTICE ME SEMPAI and I certainly wasn’t tryna impress Kpop Dad over there. Haha.

IN THE RAIN, HAIR FRIZZING.

I purposely didn’t bring a bag and Henry only had his wallet so we cleared security in record time.

I hate how shitty the world is. When we were recently there for Stray Kids, the various jewelry and accessories people were being told to remove was mind-blowing. I would have loved to have brought in my Cherry Bomb purse but it has chain straps and I also would have accessorized with my NCT enamel pins but I feel like if you can’t wear a spiked choker, why would they let you in with MINI DAGGERS OMG.

Once we got inside, we (lol, “we”) ran straight to the merch stand upstairs. The line was BLESSEDLY short and I was able to snag the shirt I wanted in about 5 minutes. Much better than standing in that long-ass “early merch” line we saw earlier that afternoon. The line snaked all through the courtyard of the Prudential Center!

You didn’t ask BUT HERE IS THE SHIRT I BOUGHT:

Luckily, I already have an NCT light stick because the guy that was 3 people ahead of me bought the very last one – they took it right off the display and put it in its box for the dude. Henry actually bought me the light stick last year for Christmas because I kept screaming about how I just KNEW NCT127 was going to come here in 2022. Good thinking, Henry, you smart, grizzly ol’ NCTzen, you.

I know it’s hard to see, but this was the crowd of people trying to get in on the other side of the arena! I’m so glad we got lucky with the doors we chose.

So, this is the part where my heart was acting like it was on a bunch of new designer street drugs at a 1996 rave. I was A BALL OF NERVES. You guys, NCT! I was about to see them! LET’S GOOOO! But also, HOLD ON, I’M NOT READDDDDDY!

We had a good while to kill before getting our (very separate) seats, so since I was in a bigly competition with some stranger named Marisol in the FitBit Workweek Hustle, I made Henry do laps around the Prudential Center with me. When I say I know this place better than the hockey arena in my own city, there’s really no hyperbole to be found. Not even a crumb of it behind my molars.

So weird how many times kpop has brought me to this place.

Anyway, we kept seeing the same people over and over, including some of the people who were waiting for a ride outside of our hotel! It’s so strange how once you home in on certain faces, your eyes find mystery ways to find them again and again. I also saw the guy who brought the last light stick about 4 times and every time I pointed him out, Henry acted like he had no idea who I was talking about. At one point, I kept trying to move over to let the person behind me pass because it sounded like they were in a big time hurry and the scuff-squeak of their boots kept getting closer and closer to the point where I was afraid they were going to walk up my back. Finally, I side-stepped in time for a tiny Asian girl in a school uniform and big white boots to pass me in the aforementioned big time hurry. I laughed and said, “I’ll probably see her 87 more times tonight now.”

I didn’t have my wallet so I made Henry buy an Angry Orchard for us to share and he bragged because on one of our cycles around the Prudential Center, she smiled at him and that apparently means they’re FRIENDS now. Mmm. Then we did this adorable photo shoot, lol.

Henry looks like he’s mad to be there (I sent this to my mom and she called me pathetic, I guess because everyone assumes I dragged him there against his will, as if he’s not a NCTzen whose bias is Yuta – HE CHANGED IT FROM JUNGWOO! This is brand new intel!) but he was actually just mad because Ticketmaster is a shady web of scammers so he had to get a really shitty seat one row from the last row possible because it was the only ticket we could afford after I spent …. I don’t want to say it again … on my ticket.

We took one last victory lap around the Prudential Center. I loved seeing all the crazy outfits people put together for the show. One of NCT’s main colors is lime/neon green and this was the dominant color of the night for sure.

Around 7:45 I decided it was time to part ways and take our respective seats. I could tell immediately that my view was going to be obstructed because my section was too close to the side of the stage BUT I was the first row of that upper section so at least I wouldn’t have the token Tallest Person in the Room in front of me.

My ass wasn’t even all the way in my seat yet when the girl to my right IMMEDIATELY said hello. I was like, “OK good a friendly person who is also here alone” so I engaged. I know weird right? But sometimes tiny fragments of my lost personality come back to the surface and inspire the small talk. She is from Boston, her bias is Jungwoo, and SHE IS 17, of fucking course.

“My dad is here, but he’s sitting over there,” she said, motioning to the other side of the arena.

“Mine too!” I cried happily. Then she said her dad’s bias is Yuta and I started to get paranoid that her dad and Henry are the same person.

She asked me who my bias is (“Across the board? Haechan and Ten. Specifically NCT127? Jaehyun.” to which she nodded approvingly) and how long I’ve been a NCTzen (“3 years, but have been following them since 2017.” – for those wondering at home.) and it was fucking wonderful, having someone who speaks my language! I admitted that I’m an old hag and that my main fave is BIGBANG to which she asked, “OT5 or OT4?” and I was honest and said OT5 because give me Seungri or give me death. We talked our faces off until NCT127 came on and you know who didn’t come up once because we’re real Kpop fans? BTS lol. It was a safe place for real.

About 3/4 of the way through the concert, the girl on her other side made contact with her and that girl was only in her 20s probably so my new friend who could be my daughter dropped me like a hot potato and that was fine because SHE KEPT MAKING COMMENTS AND ASIDES about every single thing happening and you know what? I just wanted to stand there and oscillate between weeping quietly and shrieking, “OMFG!!!!!!” every time and to be honest I couldn’t hear what she was saying that well anyway!! Honestly though, everyone around me in SECTION 127 (!!!) was wonderful and I have no complaints (Henry can’t say the same but we’ll let him tell his version another day – he even has pictures haha).

The girl sitting to my left was a SUPER great seat mate – she was so quiet, watching the whole concert through her binoculars and only ever screamed when Taeyong was talking. Oh yeah, and she was also The Big Hurry Girl in the school uniform and stompy white boots who almost mowed me down.

TO BE CONTINUED!

While I’m still over here processing my emotions/feels/thoughts, here is a video from Thursday’s concert where NCT127 opened with Henry’s all time favorite NCT127 song, Kick It.

(Not my video!)

I know, you think I’m being facetious. “LOL like Henry would have a favorite Kpop song.

” But I cannot stress enough the fact that he genuinely likes (almost all) Kpop and the whole NCT universe particularly is god tier for him. (He just said “maybe.” But I don’t think he understands what god tier means, so.)

Speaking of Henry though, I need to get him to sit down and collab with me on my next concert post because he had a very different experience than me, lol.

Meanwhile, he went to Target tonight with Chooch and brought home the Target exclusive of their new album!

What a sweetheart. Drew came over to see who I pulled:

Haechan! (And also Jungwoo, Henry’s former bias.) Haechan is my ult NCT bias so I was happy. :)

Chooch was mad that Drew that was interested in this.

Ok 잘 자요 여러분.

(I WILL NEVER GET OVER THIS NIGHT BTW OMG UGH.)

Here are some terrible photos of the mini cakes we scooped up from Vegan Treats last Friday. They got a little roughed up in the car on the drive home but they still tasted delightful.

Semi-related, I was ranting about how I was a fat kid in the 90s because my family stocked the kitchen with so many economy-sized boxes of snacks. You would never go hungry between a meal at the Kelly house: Cookies, Rice Krispie Treats, ice cream, Klondikes, a wide variety of chips, pretzels, what seemed to be a self-replenishing stock of Pizza Rolls, actual vintage pop machines in the garage. We were the Processed Palace.

“It was probably different for you people in the 60s and 70s,” I said to Henry.

“‘You people’…?” he murmured.

“Yeah, you people wanted a snack back then, you had, what? An apple. Ants on a log, maybe.”

Henry, in a sad whisper, “We weren’t PIONEERS…”

Ok fine, and JELLO.

Anyway my point is that I learned the hard way that I can’t eat stuff like cakes everyday, so it’s a good thing Vegan Treats is like, 3 hours away.

Henry, Chooch and I visited Castle Blood last weekend and had the most amazing time as always! It felt, to this dumbo blond anyway, to be even more challenging this season. If you don’t know, Castle Blood isn’t just your run-of-the-mill cheap jump-scare, blood&gore animatronics, chainsaw-finale haunted house. This place is full of the snarkiest collection of undead you will ever encounter at a haunted house. You don’t just get pushed through like sheep either – you stop in each and every room and have real interactions with the denizens, wherein you have to solve puzzles in order to earn one of three talismans.

I am blown away every year by the creative and ingenuity that goes into planning these challenges and the accompanying scripts. If ever you want to be knocked down a peg or five intellectually, this is the haunt for you! Some of these challenges have sincerely had me boarding the Struggle Bus straight to StüpVille, and this year was no exception. First of all, Chooch and I are too stubborn to work together so he kept taking over and wouldn’t listen to me, and then Dead Weight Henry just stood there contributing fuck all.

My eyeballs thought that this picture turned out OK at the time, but nope. Anyway, this is Chooch with one of our favorite denizens!

I still want to donate to have my name put on the crypt wall, but I haven’t decided what name I want to use. OHHONESTLY? APPLEDALE? It ain’t gon’ be ROBBINS, that’s for sure, lol.

Somehow, we managed to acquire all three talismans no thanks to Henry’s refusal to participate, Chooch’s bull-headedness, and my brain essentially shitting the bed. I am definitely starting to feel my age lately because I can’t retain simple instructions – someone tells me what to do in the simplest of terms, and I immediately have to turn to someone else and ask, “Wait, what am I supposed to do?” This happened a few weeks ago at another haunt where the ticket-ghoul told us to walk up the steps and do something and as soon as I got to teh second time, I hissed, “Wait, what?” and Chooch was like, “OMG are you kidding me.”

I was feeling extremely nostalgic after we left last Sunday so the next day, I pulled out my old haunted house journals and photo albums to collect some ancient artifacts. If my records are correct, the first time I went to Castle Blood was in 1996 with my mom and best friend Christy. It was one of the original locations, and I remember standing in line in a room full of horror movie memorabilia and autographed pictures of people in the biz like Tom Savini and George Romero (probably – my memory is not that grand anymore, remember? I JUST TOLD YOU).

This picture must have been from the second time we went, when my friend Lisa came and my mom’s friend Debbie. I really miss that shirt I’m wearing BUT NOT THAT HAIR CUT.

I’m cracking up at the fact that I actually took my 35mm camera with me to haunted houses in the 90s and the actors were, I guess, just like, “Yeah sure” when I would giddily ask to take their pictures.

That’s a whole mood.

We learned that for this season, the Castle has actually incorporated some of the old costumes, like this one, as a throwback!

My friend Chris has served in the role of Professor Scrye for 25 years now, so this picture is definitely from more than 25 years ago! I can’t believe how long I’ve been going to Castle Blood – so long that I have the honor of calling many of the denizens (including the famous Gravely Macabre) my actual real life friends. If you would have told me that when I was a teenager in the 90s, I would like, “DUDE, NO WAY!” and then put my yellow Aiwa Walkman back on, blasting a mixtape that no doubt had at least 9 Bone Thugs songs on it mixed in with Gino Vannelli.

Please enjoy some ticket stubs now.

I’m sure I must have missed a season or two, and I know that 2020 was definitely a sit-out for us (I can’t remember if they were even open – I think they were but I was scared to chance it), but I have been around for nearly every season, multiple moves, cast changes, and eventually even started going to the no-scare matinees once Chooch came onto the scene:

Baby’s First Castle Blood Walk-Thru!

Getting to attend the Friends and Family Event one years was basically my crowning achievement! I remember going to work and bragging about it and everyone was like, “Wow, you have such a charmed life.”

I will never ever ever ever shut up about Castle Blood. It’s such a unique and spooky alternative to the corporate haunts out there. If you are someone who loves haunted houses but can’t get any friends to go with you because they’re scared, please suggest this one to them because while it is spooky (it’s located in a former funeral home, for God’s sake), it leans more toward the gothic Addam’s Family vibe. You *will* get heckled and belittled by the undead residents, and you *will* have your intelligence put to the test (literally), but you will have so much doing it. Get some co-workers together for a team-building experience! Take your kids/neighbor’s kids/grandkids/random kid from the corner for the matinee event!

Just trust me. Go get your tickets here. And tell them that Oh Honestly Erin sent you! (But if you tell BORIS*, he probably won’t care!)

*(MY FAVE. HE IS SO MEAN TO ME AND I LOVE IT.)

Not technically a live blog, but I’m still in the car traveling back to PGH and need something to do. So let’s look at the vegan fun that was had today!

As you may know I’m just a run-of-the-mill vegetarian but I always try to seek out vegan joints when we’re out on road trips for a number of reasons: the food is almost always delicious and a nice change from the soggy veggie burger I’d likely be eating at a roadside diner, it’s usually healthier (usually!), I like supporting vegan communities in other cities, it’s a lot easier to find a fully-vegan place than a meat-centric place with a generic Bocaburger on the menu used to placate the token veg that comes in with their carnivorous counterparts.

Good thing Henry isn’t one of those big shot manly men who refuse to put anything plant-based between their lips. He might look like he wakes up and immediately grabs a fistful of Slim Jims off the nightstand for a breakfast pre-game, but he genuinely is so used to faux meat options that he often will cook it for himself at home.

Originally we were going to go to NYC for a partial day trip but honestly, after I found out NCT was already going to be gone, I just didn’t care anymore (the trials and tribs of a forever 16yo) and also one of the places I wanted to eat doesn’t open until 5pm and we were definitely not planning on staying that long since we still had to eventually drive home today. Plus, when I woke up this morning, I was NCT-hungover and didn’t feel like fucking around with the logistics of getting there so I made the executive decision to just come home. Henry was like, “WOW ARE YOU SRS?” with a thank god quietly queefing past his lips.

However!! I had a plan B, and that was to go to Vegan Treats in Bethlehem PA because wait a minute it’s been a minute since we were last there. And then I wanted to swing by Harrisburg to have lunch at The Vegetable Hunter, a vegan spot I’ve been following for a bit on Instagram and also I’ve never actually been to Harrisburg for the dozens upon dozens of times we’ve driven past it to better locations (or…Newark).

The last time we went there, it was also in October and all the creepy Halloween treats were on display.

(Just an FYI as I’m writing this, we’re now home – blogging in the car wasn’t happening because I kept wanting to stop and rehash last night’s NCT concert lololol.)

OMG, we got the purple and black ice cream cone one up there, the Frankensteing, the green eyeball monster, the red&white red velvet one over there, all to take home to share with Chooch. Then Henry threw in a brownie, and pumpkin soft serve to eat for breakfast since it was like 10am and our hotel breakfast was…well, hotel breakfast.

I would like to state for the record that we almost didn’t get soft serve because when Henry asked for today’s flavors, he then turned and repeated them to me as if I wasn’t standing right there, as if the Vegan Treats employee was speaking in a special language that only people familiar with ovens could understand. I opened my mouth to say that I would like to try the pumpkin, but literally .00000003 seconds after Henry translated the utterly confusing big people language to me, he turned back around and said, “That’ll be it” and handed over the credit card.

Now, because I’m me, I quietly stewed about this until we got outside when I unleashed my vitriol. Henry somehow was very calm about this and said, “I’ll go back in and get it” and then told me to go for a walk, which was a good plan because I am currently in a workweek hustle competition on FitBit and some  broad named Marisol is REALLY testing my patience. So I walked around a random street of Bethlehem while Henry accidently entered the bakery through the wrong door and found himself in the kitchen with the bakers.

Then we stopped in Harrisburg for lunch at The Vegetable Hunter! I will say that while the food was great, the people at the counter were not very welcoming. No one else was in there but they didn’t even bother to greet us, show us the menu, ask if we’ve been there before, etc. We didn’t even know it was the type of place where you order at the counter  – I had to ask.

We were the only diners so that was nice. You never know what sort of clientele a vegan joint will bring! (Well, you do, actually, and that’s why you get happy when no one else is there, lol.)

I ordered pulled pork for Henry and immediately wished I had the whole sandwich for myself instead of just the half he shared with me.

I got a ranch chicken and bacon sandwich and it was DELICIOUS – the chicken was made with tofu and perfectly seasoned (what do I know about seasoning though) but it was pretty small. I would have been super hungry still if Henry hadn’t shared his pulled pork with me. My kale salad had peppercorn in it which I was not a fan of.

But overall, I thought the food was nice and would stop back again. They also have a location in Hershey so you never know!

Before we could enjoy our lunch, I made Henry walk near the river so I could catch up to MARISOL who apparently wasn’t stuck in a car all day and could just walk around whenever she fucking wanted. Henry was like, “When you get home, you will walk all night and win, calm down.”

I knew I shouldn’t have accepted this week’s challenge! I somehow managed to get my step goal yesterday before the concert started so that helped, but I had been consistently going over my goal all week and getting more 20,000+ each day since I was off and could take long, leisurely walks at my discretion.

We parked in front of this cutie building.

These are trash but I was wearing my NCT127 concert shirt today and I wanted it memorialized, haha.

I dunno what this building is, but I liked the roof

After we ate, I was like, “SAY, CAN WE TAKE A QUICK STROLL OVER TO THE STATE CAPITOL FOR DIGESTIVE PURPOSES” and Henry was like, “Sure” and then realized I was in a frenzy FitBit refresh sesh, trying to see how many more steps MARISOL had racked up while I was sitting on MY FAT ASS, EATING LUNCH.

This was a really great idea, actually. It was interesting to see all the … things.

I know this was pink for breast cancer awareness, but it was shocking at first glance! I loved it.

I had some thoughts on this.

Anyway, what a nice pitstop on our drive home! Of course, I realized too late that I should have asked Megan to ask her bf Eric if he had any recommendations, but we also didn’t want to spend too much additional time off the road. We were there for about two hours, but driving out, I was spotting some cute shops, etc that I would have liked to check out! And there was a cafe called Amps (which looked like “Pimps” to me from afar because the font was weird) that we were parked near but I was so full after that lunch that the thought of adding a latte to the mix kind of made me burp.

So that was our drive home, in a nutshell! We didn’t do any other stops aside from rest areas, where Henry would get gas, pee, stock up on energy drinks, while I walked in circles in the parking lots. And we talked about NCT127 pretty much ALL DAY.

9:25am: hola, we have been on the road for nearly an hour and have only just gotten on the turnpike somehow. Had to stop at Sheetz in Monroeville but nothing eventful happened. I was mad because the old bitch making my latte stopped to have a conversation with one of the guys back there with her and I was furiously tapping my foot but then it somehow ended up being one of the better lattes Sheetz has ever served me. (I mean, it’s Sheetz, so…)

Last night, NCT announced that there is going to be a preshow merch opportunity starting at noon which is way earlier than we will be arriving in shitty Newark and I dunno for how long this thing will be open so of course I’m in a bad mood about this because panic and anxiety make me project onto Henry.

10:09am: The Korean version of Highway to Heaven was just on and I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer and Henry was like “Omg” and I wailed, “I don’t know if I can do this, Haechan is going to make me cryyyyy.” I hope whoever is sitting next to me is cool because I am going to need someone to lean on lol.

10:49am: Henry finally got his concert ticket! Well, I got it for him while he was driving.

He’s really mad because he wants to go but doesn’t want to sit alone with a bunch of screaming girls but he’s in like the very last section, second to last row so maybe there will be other parents back there with him??!!

Bathroom selfie now that I’m starting to not be as sullen lol.

11:25am:

Love/hate these. Sometimes (like now) they taste like I’ve been heavily SOBBING on a fainting couch for 5 hours. You know, that awful taste of tears needing an alternate outlet so they start flowing down your sinuses and into the back of your throat? Yeah, that taste (which I clearly know well).

Chasing that bitch with a lemon drop. That’s how we do it up in the Lee Jinki (THAT’S MY CAR’S NAME IN CASE YOU DIDNT KNOW).

2:34pm: BREAKING: Henry changed his NCT bias from Jungwoo to Yuta.

We’re about 40 minutes from Newark. This ride has been beyond boring. It rained heavily for a lot of it and that slowed us down a lot. Ugh. We’re supposedly still going straight to the venue to see if the early merch pop-up is still happening.

Then we’re getting take out from Urban Vegan and taking it back to the hotel where I will proceed to be sick because NERVES.

3:40pm: Hate you so much, Newark.

Anyway that early merch thing was happening but the line was pretty long and Henry was like IF YOU GET IN THAT LINE YOU MIGHT AS WELL PLAN ON JUST STAYING DOWN HERE UNTIL IT STARTS AT 8 and look Linda, I’m already going to be standing in a line to get in, I’ll take my chances and wait to get merch tonight ugh.

Also Henry is being such AN ASSHOLE DRIVER ever since we entered the hell hole that is Newark. He keeps snapping at me and I’m like alright brother, I’ll remember this.

I HATE YOU.

(He just asked why I took his picture and I told him it was for my blog wherein I declared my hatred for him and he said “oh it wasn’t on Insta so it doesn’t matter” and I said, “wow thanks for the reminder that no one reads my blog, guy.

“)

3:56pm: Mark Lee in this outside of Urban Vegan!

I originally saw it from pretty far away and yelled IS THAT MARK so I guess my shitty eyes really do just wanna see what they wanna see.

4:19pm: at least our room is ok.

5:17pm: I just did laps around the hotel because I’ve been sitting in the car all day and need to hit my step goal! Now Henry is napping and I’m bored so here are pictures of me with my NCT light stick:

Also! Pictures of our delicious Urban Vegan füdz that we ate in the room while watching the tail end of What Lies Beneath*:

Literally Henry turned on the TV and I saw a .0006 second glimpse of Michelle Pfeiffer on a staircase and I said, “is this What Lies Beneath??” As if this was a flick I watched religiously back in the day and not one (1) time when I rented it from Hollywood Video (probably).

I pulled the curtain shut so I live over on this side now. Henry can go to hell over there.

6:29pm: In Uber on why to Prudential Center. Posting this now but might be back!

11:59pm: On our way back to the hotel where I will proceed to cry my ugly face off because that was SO MUCH on my heart. SO MUCH.

I can’t function right now. It’s like I’m 10 years old again and this is the night before the school picnic at Kennywood. This time tomorrow night (GOD WILLING??

) I’ll be waist deep in tears and screams at the NCT127 concert in Newark.

Heaven help me. You know I’m in an emotional pickle when I turn into a religioso.

So I spent some time editing several photos I took of Drew last month when I was blowing off the dust on my camera. I don’t have nearly enough nice portraits of Drew and Penelope and I need to change that.

(Penelope, you’re up!)

OK, I’m going to watch roller coaster videos or something but in the meantime, please enjoy this recent NCT performance on the J-Hud show! LOL to the people who wanna say that Kpop groups all lip sync, lol, hater hater talk talk.

You guys. Tomorrow. Hold me.

Chooch wanted to go out for a practice drive over the weekend but we were too busy. Then I remembered that I’m off this week so I told him I would take him after school on Monday BUT we would be driving to a photoshoot location. At first, he tried to resist. The older he gets, the more anti-photo he is, even when offered money! This especially backfired last year when he had a job and didn’t need MOMMY’S MONEY anymore, so I don’t have any “nice” portraits from sophomore year (don’t even get me started on his school pictures – THEY DO NOT COUNT, especially last year’s).

Turns out using my car as leverage actually does work, though!

We drove to my mom’s street (aka my old street too), parked at her house and walked around the lane. I was overcome with nostalgia and heartache and blurted out, “I REALLY MISS LIVING HERE” and Chooch was all, “OK but did I ask.”

Also, it sucks to see my Pappap’s house being ruined by whatever rich asshole bought it. Fuck that rich asshole.

What these pictures don’t tell you is that he is constantly groaning and saying, “Can we be done now? OMG you want me to walk ALL THE WAY TO THAT FENCE, IT’S SO FAR*! I’m hungry. This is boring. I hate this. I hate you.”

*(The fence was like two houses away from where we were standing when I said, “Go stand by that fence.”)

Then he made me ask my mom for snacks so little bitch baby got to go home with a box of Zebra Cakes.

“Stand here and squint into the sun.”

I miss Gillcrest Drive so much!

Also, Chooch better get a new job sooner rather than later because if he wants to get his license, he’s gonna have to fork over some money for INSURANCE WITH IS GOING TO GO THROUGH THE ROOF ONCE WE ADD HIM, WHAT A RACKET.

That’s all. I just missed using the “good” camera.

Cemeteries in October are my favorite places…

…even when I’m a walking obstacle while Henry is teaching Chooch how to drive :0

This past weekend wasn’t particularly extraordinary for any specific reason but it was just NICE. And sometimes NICE is more than we can ever hope for, right?

I’m off all week for my annual Hallocation – I took it earlier this year because we’re going to Newark on Thursday – Friday for the NCT127 concert (literally can’t type that without feeling weak in the knees) so I figured I’d just declare this my week of October lovin’.

I don’t really have much else planned aside from reading, going on long walks, watching some horror shows/movies.

I thought about hitting up some friends with flexible schedules to get lunch/brunch but my haunted house fund is over here like “don’t feed yourself, feed me.”

Sigh.

Today, I went on two long-ass walks, read, watched an episode of Midnight Society, talked to squirrels, and took Chooch driving :/

Speaking of reading though, I’m like 90% done with Her Majesty’s Royal Coven and I am screaming. It is SO GOOD!! I checked it out of the library and then was like “why did I do that, I’m predisposed to hate books like this” (fantasy) but it is EVERYTHING I didn’t know I needed right now. Love it.

So on that note, I’mma peace out, curl up next to Drew, and get this book finished.

Today is apparently National Haunted House Day so I guess it’s a good day to share some pictures of the haunts we’ve done so far this season!

Last week, we went to Haunted Hollow on Friday, and Infernum In Terra on Sunday, the latter of which has solidified itself in my short list of faves now that I’ve had two amazing experiences there in a row! Here are some pictures, first from Haunted Hollow:

I mean, he had the option to stay home but he CHOSE this.

I’m excited that it’s flannel and beanie weather – my favorite Henry OOTD!

This Beetlejuice did a great job projecting his namesake’s sleaziness, that’s for sure. I have never been called sweetheart and touched so much by one stranger in…well, it’s happened before but it’s been a while, lol. This place was OK. It’s a walk-thru, a non-scary hayride (it’s basically just a mode of transportation to get you to the outdoor section), a trail, and a very small corn maze. We had fun but I wouldn’t be pushing people out of the way to get back in line, if you know what I mean.

I didn’t realize until later that Chooch was using an ear of corn (given to him by a scare actor in the maze as a prop), lol. It’s actually still sitting on our kitchen counter.

The next one is 100% worth the drive to WV (not that far from us, actually):

Look, one day one of our descendants will be thankful for all these dumb selfies. MAYBE.

I wonder what selfies will be like in the future…

They had a really long debate about how to scale a barbed wire fence, how tall the ladder would need to be, the probability of breaking bones upon landing – it was all very boring for me. I need to make some friends.

But yeah, all the details are in my HAUNTED HOUSE JOURNAL as usual but this one is incredible. When it comes to my style of haunted houses, I’m all about the cozy October feels, the 90s nostalgia, the perfect blend of giddiness and fear and this one checks all the boxes. It reminds me of the ones that used to be a dime a dozen around Pittsburgh in the 90s – at the YMCA, firehalls, abandoned schools.

I’m not trying to say this is hokey or cheesy – just that they put more emphasis on the scare actors (they all seem like high school students) than some fancy Hollywood set design with no one in the room to scare you.

I loved it! The highlight was when I couldn’t bend down to walk through a corridor/tunnel that had one of those damn black inflatable things lining the top, so I dramatically fell to my knees while screaming, “MY BACK HURTS I CAN’T DO THIS” only to be face-to-face with a “dead girl” on the other side who broke character and laughed at me.

Then last night, we went to Crawford School of Terror!

We’ve been going to this one since it first debuted onto the scene several years ago (I think we missed one season) and I can honestly say that this one gets better and better without selling out (well, it’s definitely seen a bit of a price inflation since the early years, though, I’ll tell you that much!).

It used to be $15, according to my haunted house journal! And last year it was $20! It’s hard for me to say if *any* haunted attraction is worth this much but I will tell you that I walked out of there not fussing about the admission price at all because it was SO FUCKING GOOD.

Henry waited outside since it was more expensive this year and we have our Newark (ughughugh) trip in a few days. Thank god one of us is economically conscious. But really, when you’re a family who is really into haunted houses and tries to go to as many as possible every season, it gets extremely expensive. We’re not poor BUT WE AIN’T RICH either.

You guys. This was the first one is A WHILE that had me so scared at one point that my heart was galloping, and I actually walked through the last portion of the three-level school with my hand clamped firmly over my chest, chanting, “OMG OMG OMG.” Lol. I’ll just tell you that there was a hide and seek portion. And there was a song playing. And there were no lights. And, that song. OMG that song. :/

You know they did it right when we came out and Chooch strode right over to Henry and started telling him stuff about it. You know, Mr. “IDK I Guess Mmm”? He actually had a lengthy verbal review!

This is another great example of a place that stacks their haunt with kids (mostly kids, some adults) who put their whole-ass heart into it. And the rooms are decorated SO WONDERFULLY! I don’t think there was a single room that didn’t have a scare actor in it, nor was there a single room where I didn’t scream my face off. I love this place SO MUCH and was so amped on the way home that I actually declared that I would consider going back there again – IN THE SAME HAUNT SEASON. That almost *never* happens unless it’s Castle Blood!

Fuck all those commercial cash-grab haunts that pay for the “Scariest in America!” title. I’m done with Hundred Acres Manor, been done with Scare House (save for last year when I had a temporary lapse in judgment), and I’m even over Demon House because while at least there is a Groupon for this every year so it’s not that expensive, it just doesn’t live up to the hype or its potential. They have such a great space and what they *do* have set up inside the house is cool, but then it just gets really boring/lame/anti-climactic. Like, there’s an entire clown portion that never gets updated and it is sooooo dumb. But I do like their ticketing system where they give you a group number so you can roam around, get food, watch a horror movie in the outdoors theater, sit by a fire, and wait for your group number to be called.

So much better than waiting in a fucking line. I HATE LINES. I mean, who loves them? Find a line-lover, and there’s the real monster right there.

Well, this is getting rambly and Henry has some chores that I need to supervise. I will be back with more haunted check-ins later on in the month!

Hi. Let’s get it.

1. Chooch: Driving my car and driving me crazy.

After Chooch turned 16, I thought he would be hounding us to drive but, aside from casually pissng around with the online permit practice test while standing in line for roller coasters, he kind of just dropped it. Something happened at the pie party though, maybe SOMEONE ASKED HIM IF HE HAD HIS LICENSE YET, because he started pressuring us bigly to teach him to drive. I couldn’t take it anymore, so last Saturday I screamed, “CLEAN YOUR ROOM AND THEN WE’LL SEE.” Then I forgot to actually check to see if any cleaning was done, lol, but I took him to Jefferson Memorial for some “bad weather” driving practice. He said he needs 5 hours experience of driving in bad weather, so I guess tooling around the cemetery, dodging squirrels in the rain, counts.

He actually did OK, although my right foot was cramping from all the times I practically standing up in the passenger seat to stomp on the imaginary brake. I’m sure Henry was a nervous wreck  – we left him at home because he had chores to do – because he is A PROFESSIONAL DRIVER and probably felt like I stole something from him by taking Chooch without him.

It’s kind of cool though because this is where I learned how to drive too – my friend Lisa taught me in her family’s Jeep.  My parents refused to take any part in this process because I was a “bad seed” and could not “be trusted” so I actually didn’t even get my license until about a month before I turned 19 and again, it was my friend Lisa who took me to the DMV in Uniontown to take my test – twice, lol. I liked that this is where Chooch is learning how to drive now too, ALMOST 30 YEARS LATER, ugh.

So he was all ready to go and take his permit test but Idiot Henry can’t find where he put Chooch’s social security card, so he had to go and request a new one on Monday. I had to laugh (HA HA) because when the guy at the social security office looked up Chooch’s info, HENRY WASN’T LISTED AS HIS DAD LOLOLOL. The guy was like, “Oh, that’s usually what happens when the parents are married” and instead of giving Henry a hard time about, somehow let the request go through.

But yeah GOOD JOB NOT MARRYING YOUR SON’S MOTHER, ASSHOLE.

Anyway, every day this week, Chooch has stormed into the house after school, barking, “DID MY SS CARD COME YET” in lieu of the HELLO that I deserve. It actually came today, which surprised me because that was less than a week! So now Chooch thinks he’s going to the DMV after school but his fate rests in Henry’s hands, as usual. We’ll see if Henry gets home from work in time, or if he will remain on Chooch’s shit list.

2. HATER HATER TALK TALK

I got a surprise shirt in the mail yesterday! Henry and Chooch immediately confirmed that they don’t care enough about me for it to have been from them, so I asked Instagram and I should have known it was my NCT bestie, Veronica!! We have been going ham lately over this NCT127 tour. She just went to the LA date last night and I watched some of her Instavids (trying to avoid it though because I want the setlist to be a surprise!) and immediately started sobbing. I haven’t been this stoked for a concert since probably the last time I saw the Cure!!

I don’t have a lot of friends with common interests so when I do get one, I cling tightly!

3. 28 Reasons Why I Love this Song

OK I’m not actually listing 28 reasons because I’m too distracted as usual but Seulgi’s solo debut is more than I ever could have wanted. The way this song and her beastly choreo give off stong Taemin vibes to me….This has been in my head ever since it came out the other day. (She’s, IMO, the best part of Red Velvet and I’m so glad she finally got her own solo!)

4. Red Jeans

I dunno what made me think about it, other than the fact that I was going through old pictures from when I was in high school, but I started thinking of my signature scent back in the day – Versace Red Jeans. I thought that it had been retired, but when I googled it, I found it on Amazon! I added it to the cart just for funsies and then it arrived a few days later because Henry saw it and actually experienced of moment of goodwill, and contrary to what was previously stated in #2 of today’s Friday Five, actually bought it for me.

OMG that first spritz TOOK ME BAAAAACK TO…..

5. This one October night in 1997

I’m always inspired to look back through old haunted house journals this time of the year and this one night in particular remains one of the best haunted house hopping nights of my life. It was me, Lisa, Angie, Angie’s bf-at-the-time Mike, Lisa’s little Youth Group friend Darren, and a family friend of Lisa’s – Bill. I just remember going all over the place in Lisa’s minivan (not the van that I learned how to drive in!) and then my Psycho Mike ( :/ ) meeting us later at Home Cookin’.

Fun fact about Darren (middle): He grew up to be the screamer in a successful Christian metal band!

Ugh Psycho Mike. I have a vivid recollection of him extremely dick-ish this night because he hated Lisa (for no other reason than she was my friend and he wanted nothing more than to isolate me from everything and everyone, you know, classic abuser behavior). Somehow, we ended up hanging out in my grandparent’s yard (their yard was huge so no one even knew we were there) until like 3am, completely sober but using our natural reserves to act like complete giddy morons.

This was when I was at the height of my Jacki Sorenson aerobic obsession and would use every opportunity to break out into one of the many routines I had memorized.

And then I apparently hurt myself in doing so, lol.

These pictures are also making me remember that I had to wear my hair in a ponytail every day around this time because I was in the process of growing out a REALLY BAD HAIR CUT. OK here’s what happened: I was with Lisa and our friend Kim. Kim had (probably still does) extremely long and straight hair. Like, LONG. We were in Century Square (probably to go to PHAR-MOR which I hated but Lisa and Kim always wanted to go there ugh) when Kim decided to stop into Fantastic Sam’s to get her hair trimmed. Now, a place like that isn’t going to fuck up a trim when the hair is long and straight so good for Kim. But something made me, the queen of layers (back then: THE RACHEL GREEN), decide to also get a hair cut.

Oh, chingu, the way they slaughtered my layers. It was a hot mess, before people were saying “hot mess.”

You can bet I had the delicious notes of Red Jean wafting in my wake on both of these occasions: fun night and bad haircut day. (I had to pause and sniff my wrist just now. Yessss. 90s Erin is BACK!)

OK, signing off. Henry just texted me and said that Chooch passed his permit test so I guess this weekend will be full of “CAN YOU LET ME DRIVE NOW??” begging. Pray for us.

Yo, let’s spend this entire post talking about the decorations and people who came to eat pie and whatever else I decide is worth being chronicled. I’m admittedly still recovering from this day. It was a lot of socializing but it also kind of invigorated me in a way, too, and made me remember how much I love(d) having get togethers. Now I want to have a Christmas gathering at my house! Possibly! I think so!

First of all, I want to say that when we decided to bring back this “event” back in June, my plans were bigly. Oh, I was going to buy all new decorations! I was going to have games for the CHILDREN! I was going to have disposable cameras on all of the tables because that is something people sometimes do at wedding receptions and this is the closes to THAT I’ll ever get!

But then — roadtrips and rollercoasters, man. All summer long. A bitch had no room in her heart or mind to be caring about pie decor. I mean, we still had some stuff left from previous years, but things like the giant sequined PIE PARTY sign and the rustic burlap tablecloths have seen better days, son. Most of our DIY pie pedestals were still intact (though one broke AT THE PIE PARTY before I even had a chance to put it on the table) but man…I just really shit the bed with the aesthetics this time around.

I didn’t even have centerpieces!!!! Usually I have dumb fake flowers in autumnal colors sticking out of rando’ glass bottles from my idiot beverage collection.

One thing I did do that was new was create a stupid photo backdrop. It occurred to me on the way home from Party City that the backdrop I bought was DEFINITELY created with “gender” reveals in mind. But you know what? Fuck that antiquated bullshit! Pies can be pink and blue too. I mean, those are the first colors I think of when I think of…crust.

Corey, bless his heart, arrived early to help me decorate. I feel like every time I have a pie party, someone always asks if they can help and I’m like “Yeah come early and help me set up please” and then they come like 90 minutes into the damn thing. But Corey was reliable! And also, tall. Which is what I needed when it came to hanging shit.

I was SO PISSED when I opened the package for this damn baby shower fringe because it was in NINE PIECES. Corey and I spent approx. 2 minutes trying to figure out how to hang it before giving up and phoning a friend (aka Henry).

I dunno, I think it turned out OK in the end after Henry MacGyver’d it with twine and a SWITCHBLADE.

OK it wasn’t a switchblade, actually. Just a boxcutter I think. But then he left it open on one of the tables and people were starting to arrive so Corey and I were like WE HAVE TO CLOSE THIS BEFORE SOMEONE GETS HURT (that’s what you get for bringing a pie to a box-knife fight, etc etc etc). Then we were too scared (OK I was too scared and Corey just couldn’t figure out how to close it) so we had to call Henry over again to bail us out.

Did I mention that Margie and her daughter Jordan were the first guest to arrive and got to witness Corey and me, the Super Sibs, practically wrapping ourselves in twine while trying to hang decorations? Hope you enjoyed the show, Margie and Jordan!

I took the above picture with The Good Camera as a test shot and it came out fine but I didn’t feel like fucking around with lighting and settings once people arrived so I ended up just using my phone for the pie party people shots. :/

Test photo with the iPhone. It was fine!

I totally forgot that I made these “Eat Pie” buntings two pie parties ago and they haven’t gotten any easier to read. I made 3 of them for some reason?? OK Erin, calm down.

OK, I failed to get pictures of every single pie partyer in front of the dumb baby shower-y backdrop, but here are the ones I did take, starting with the Sibs: me, Amy, and Corey:

Amy’s husband Dick was also in attendance but he is the one taking this lovely photo!

Random fact of the day: I was adamant on having environmentally-friendly plates and forks, but Henry bought the smallest plates ever and people were legit outraged over this.

“They are literally dessert plates!” Henry cried defensively.

“YEAH BUT THIS IS A FUCKING PIE PARTY, WE NEED LARGE PLATES LIKE FOR A BUFFET!” I screamed back. Luckily, he had also thrown a pack of larger Dixie paper plates in the car in case we ran out of the others, so everyone just went straight for those ones. Whatever.

My work frenemy Glenn (not pictured: his wife and daughter, Amanda and Eve) and Chris, one of my oldest pals! We’ve known each other since kindergarten. Chris is the purveyor of a wonderful local honey company called Sonny Rose Ranch so if you’re in Pgh and need some honey, look for his products around town! He also makes an excellent hot honey, FYI! Anyway, Glenn and Chris know each other because they worked together at Macy’s a long time ago! Glenn tried to tell Chris that I’m the office bully but Chris did not believe him for a SECOND because he knows me to be the SWEETEST GIRL EVER.

Fun Fact of the Day #2: Henry had changed out of his “nice” shirt while he was loading everything into the car and then forgot to change back into it so instead of wearing a non-descript gray shirt to the pie party, he wore a gray shirt with the EVERFRESH JUICE LOGO on it and I was really angry about this even though no one comes to any of my events expecting Henry to be wearing a nice polo shirt and boat shoes.

Nate and Lori!!

More pie decor that I forgot about. Corey was super smitten with this one for some reason.

Fun Fact of the Day #3: The day after the pie party, Margie Jabbered me at work and thanked me, Henry and COREY for hosting such a lovely event. I texted Corey and to tell him he had somehow been promoted in people’s minds to cohost and he admitted that at one point during the day, after he had greeted the umpteenth person and taken their pie for them, he thought to himself, “Wait, what am I doing?” LOL!

Corey is a natural people-person. Hit him up if you want to buy a house and also walk away with like 87 inside jokes in the process!

Eric and Megan! They were on the tail end of action-packed wedding festivities for Megan’s brother, so the fact that they even showed up let alone were able to engage in conversations was amazing. Megan did look like she was falling asleep while holding a pie plate at one point though, don’t blame her!

Gayle and Jeffrey! Gayle brought one of Jeffrey’s photos of Pittsburgh to raffle off. I was the lucky bitch who got to pull the ticket from the can (actually we used the empty box that the Panda snacks came in lol) and it was Lauren! Congrats, Lauren!

Fun Fact #4 of the day: Gayle is actually the reason why the pie party was resurrected. She had texted me last spring and was like PLEASE CONSIDER and I was like OK I AM CONSIDERING and well, THE REST IS HISTORY.

So they say.

God, I hadn’t seen Gayle in quite some time so it was nice to see her familiar, friendly face, now framed by multi-colored fringe!

Henry and Wonka, talking about electrical / computer / welding stuff probably. It looks like there is no one there but before you get all hater hater talk talk, please note that this was in the final hour of the pie party after most of the pie eaters left and the last wave rolled in.

Lucas came with his daughter! Aside from several late shift happy hours back in the day when I actually went out after work, I don’t think I have ever actually seen Lucas at a non-work social event!? He casually mentioned at, well, CASUAL LUNCH the week before that he was coming with his daughter and I almost died. It took a decade, but I think a lot of work friends finally started to understand that the pie party was a real event and not some weird seance in the woods that I was luring people to.

Fun fact #5 (?) of the day: I think I only cut one slice of pie on my own all day and relied heavily on others for the rest. Here is Henry cutting a piece of the beastly big boy pie that came courtesy of Kara’s husband Chris.

Chooch being a test subject for the PIE BACKDROP before the party started. I needed to make sure my dumb phone was going to take ok pictures, etc. I barely saw him all day, as usual. This time, he called his friend Zakk right before the party started, but after we were already at the pavilion, and made him take the T to South Park and then was going to make him walk the 45 minutes to the pavilion. “Or I can send a random person to get you,” I overheard him saying, so I was like OMG just tell your dad to go get him!

Basically, Zakk is to Chooch as Janna is to me.

MARGIE refused to have an OFFISH PIE PARTY PIC taken so the only photographical evidence I have of her and her daughter’s attendance is this one, and also the back of Wendy who was there with her daughter Summer but left before I started forcing people to pose for me.

Fun fact #6 of the day: Wendy actually was supposed to only stay for like 30 minutes because she had to go all  the way back home for Summer’s soccer game later that afternoon and she lives pretty far away and also her husband Shawn is the coach, but she ended up staying for well over an hour and I heard her tell at least 6 people, “I have to leave now” only to find her talking to someone else 15 minutes later.

This is so VERY VERY WENDY, and if you don’t know her, now it’s basically like you do!

Me & Debby I.!

Fun Fact #7 of the day: I babysit those children sometimes. They kept trying to get me to play with them and I was like, “I can’t right now, I’m playing with *my* friends!” HAHAHAHA. I truly don’t think that they realize I’m an adult. I said this to Henry tonight after another babysitting shift and he said, “No one really does.”

Kara and Theo! It’s been so long since I’ve seen either of them that Theo didn’t even remember me :( Kara wasn’t able to make it to the last Pie Party in 2017 and I think it was the first time she ever missed one and it was really sad, so I was stoked that she could make it to this one, but unstoked that I barely had a chance to talk to her. I literally cannot function at social things. Every time I try to flashback and hover on the ceiling of the pavilion to spy on myself, I feel like I was a blubbering mess the whole day. WHAT DID I EVEN SAY TO PEOPLE?? I can’t remember! I just made grunts and whinnies, I think.

The Robbins Gang, plus Haley’s mom, and Blake’s friend Artie and his son Asher.

Fun Fact #8 of the day: Artie was at the very first pie party in 2010! I had no idea who he was, but he arrived early with Blake and proceeded to climb into the rafters of the pavilion roof and throw pennies at me while I was trying to set up. That was legit my first memory of him. Now he’s an adult with a kid and he works with Henry! He’s Henry’s work son!

Also, Haley’s mom is motherfucking goals. LOOK AT HER! Sometimes, I actually mistake her for Haley, she is so ageless.

I love this photo of Corey cutting me a piece of the Earl Grey pie! I wish I had used my “good camera” more that day, ugh. Anyway, this picture is hilarious to me because when Corey was younger (like 13 or 14?), we went to a murder mystery dinner and Henry had to cut his pork chops. Now we’ve come full circle-ish!

YOU GUYS Todd actually showed up! After trolling me year and year after when I invited him to the pie party, this time he finally showed up! I think he genuinely misses his old team! Here I am with my frenemy GLENN, Nate, Lauren, and Todd!

I’m posting two versions because I love that Nate is laughing so hard in this one! Man, we were a great team. SIGH. ALSO I JUST REALIZED THAT NATE IS WEARING CROCS. This was a really huge and important discussion we had a few mths ago in our group chat at work where Nate was like, “I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO BUY CROCS BECAUSE OF THE SUMMER ACTIVITIES I WILL BE DOING WITH MY NIECE AND NEPHEW BUT I’M SCARED” and some of us were like DO NOT but as you can see, he crossed over to the Croc side. It’s fine. Nate is the type of person who can wear Crocs without letting them define him.

I think.

No, he is. It’s cool.

They’re not as cool as my Vans though.

Here’s Nate talking to Margie probably about his Crocs.

We collected more people! In this one, we added Gayle who used to be part of our work group, and Rachel, who used to be the supervisor of our group. Henry was getting tired of taking these pictures, I think. LOL oh well.

OMG OMG OMG along with Todd, the other surprise guest of the day was Aaron and his twins!! Aaron has also trolled me for years: “Oh yeah, SURE I’ll come to the ‘pie party’ tro lolololol.” This time, he said nothing when I sent out the invite on Insta and at work. So I was really surprised when I turned around at one point that day and he was there!

And he admitted the next day that it was actually fun!

Ethan and his girlfriend! I was so happy they came out for this! Ethan is like me in some ways and is very much like “Aw that’s cute that you thought to invite me to this thing that I was most definitely not be attending” but he ended up coming! I think maybe it was also because I was giving Sandy her GOODBYE gift (she left The Law Firm last June, still very sad about this) that day and it involved him.

(I made another one of the annoying Paint Gem pictures, with Ethan’s face as the focal point. I would post it here but it is several layers of inside jokes and I’m actually only on the sidelines of said jokes so you would really probably not give a shit at all, blog reader.)

Nate, Lauren, and Lori!

Jack, Jill, and Regina came later in the day!

Fun fact #9 of the day: Chooch’s interest in driving had a revival on this day for some reason and he started taking the practice permit test on his phone again. Regina and Rachel were SUPER INTO this and shouting out their guesses.

Jess and Wonka! They GOT MARRIED since the last time I saw them! I made some snide comment while Henry was in ear shot about how we are still just UNMARRIED and Jess tried to make me feel better by saying that nothing really changes by getting married, and then asked, “Do you even really want to get married?” and before I had a chance to answer, Wonka said, “Oh yeah. She does.”

EVERYONE KNOWS THIS BUT HENRY, SOMEHOW.

Fun fact of the day #10: I met Wonka in a local Pgh chatroom in 1999 and we are still friends somehow even though he is a Major Smart and I am le dumz0rz.

Sandy and Zoe! Not pictured: Ben and Elena because I think they had already started walking to the car when I screamed SANDY WAIT, lol.

Fun fact of the day #11: The first pie party is actually how Sandy and I went from co-workers to actual friends. She had heard some people talking about going to the pie party and she came to my desk and said, “I want to come to the pie party too” so we became Facebook friends and I sent her the Facebook event and the rest is history! I remember super vividly that she came straight from a flag football game and was still wearing a bandanna in her hair! She hated coming to South Park then, and she still hates it now, as the first thing she said to me that day was, “I hate driving to South Park SO MUCH.”

Fun Fact of the day #12: In Pittsburgh, depending on what side of The River you live on, you hate crossing the river to go anywhere on the other side. Sandy lives in the North Hills and has to come to the DREADED SOUTH HILLS for the pie party every time, so this is a testament of how great the pie party is, that she religiously chooses the anguish of crossing The River to come out for it!

Michele and her baby Mina! Not pictured: Michele’s husband and two other kids, and her visiting sister and her kids. Michele had actually emailed me a few days before the party and said that her sister was visiting from NY and asked if she could bring the whole crew, and I was like YES PLZ because at this time I was sincerely worried that barely anyone was going to show up!

Everyone is always welcome at the pie party!

Amber and Ellie! OMG this was my first time meeting Ellie and her laugh was CONTAGIOUS! I kept hearing it in the background and it was making me so happy!

Sadly, Amber left before Todd got there :(

Me, Janna, and Ivy!

Fun fact of the day #13: While Janna was peeing in the PORTAPOTTY, she had Kara holding Ivy’s leash. I guess Lily, Henry’s granddaughter, was riling Ivy up, because Ivy jumped and she and Lily bumped heads. Lili start crying hysterically, and everyone stopped and stared, and I happened to be standing right in the epicenter of it so I had to pretend like I was also concerned but honestly I had no idea what was going on. Kara kept saying really loud, “WHERE IS YOUR MOM, DOG?” and it was hilarious because the “between the lines” of that was, “THIS IS NOT MY DOG, I WAS JUST ASKED TO HOLD HER, I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE.”

It ended up being fine though. Blake and Haley were totally unbothered by it because it was obvious that Ivy didn’t actually bite her – there were no marks on Lily’s face – and that’s when it was determined that they probably just bumped faces. Honestly, the scariest part to me was Kara screaming when it happened, lol!

Also not pictured: two of Janna’s friends who came toward the end of the day! Kelly and Jen, I believe.

Fun Fact of the Day #14: This was the first time ever that Chooch drove, and I thought Margie was kidding when she said, “Why is your kid getting into the driver’s side of your car, Erin?” and I was like, “Oh ho ho he must just be effing around” and then HENRY GOT IN THE PASSENGER SIDE? He just let him drive around the parking lot a little bit, but it was scary, watching my car lurch forward, poor Jinki. :(

Yeah, more on that later, lol.

Overall, it was a really successful pie party! Hopefully we’ll do this again next year so those who couldn’t be there this time can hopefully make it next time – PIE OR DIE, YO!!