Sunday was such a glorious day! In therapy this week, I was saying that I know it might not always be healthy to do this but I can never help but compare the present to the past and this was one of the few times recently that it worked to my benefit – last Memorial Day Weekend (2024) was so bad. Chooch was in DC visiting his Mexico study abroad roommate so I was sad about that because we would typically do a family coaster roadtrip and then I remember (vividly!) having massive body image freakouts that weekend. We had planned to get some flowers for the yard and went to a nearby cemetery first where I had a major mental breakdown over how I felt inside my skin. I flipped out and said, “We need to go home NOW.” And that really set the tone for the whole weekend. I spent the whole weekend frantically searching for miracle diets, and then there was a huge storm that Sunday and our power was out all night and I was so miserable. The only good memory I have is that Bambi was still alive then. But yeah, it was such a bad “inside my head” weekend that I actually tried to block it out for a while there.

But this past weekend was the total opposite and gave me hope that maybe “life goes on” isn’t such a corny saying after all.

Most of Sunday was chill, just hanging out, reading, going for walks. But then around 4:30 we left for the Pierce the Veil concert and I was so giddy. You guys, I haven’t seen them since 2017 – a combination of many things: PTV having a sizeable gap between albums so they weren’t touring, Covid, me diving headfirst into Kpop. I actually think I only missed one of their Pgh shows during that interim though, maybe two. I almost missed this one too! I knew they were coming, I still follow them on Insta. But I saw the venue and wasn’t too inspired. (Star Lake, an outdoor pavilion that’s about 45 minutes outside of Pgh.) It’s always a disaster trying to leave there because there is only one exit so Henry was ultra-grumbly about having to go here again after such a long reprieve. I’m a passenger princess so what do I care?

We stopped at Sheetz and got an IPA to share in the parking lot since we had some time to kill and I was IN FULL ERIN FORM by then. As soon as I saw all of my fellow PTV fans, I was so stoked and felt like it was mid-2000s again. Do you have any favorite bands where you can remember exactly the first time you heard them? My Pierce the Veil origin moment is a perma part of my memories. It was 2007 and I was driving home from visiting Christina in Cincinatti. Back then, I used to make mix CDs of all of the recommended bands in Alt Press magazine. On this particular mix, I had both PTV and Dance Gavin Dance, among others. When I say I almost record-scratched the car (I think this was the Nissan Sentra era, hated that fucking lemon so much) off the highway when “Currents Convulsive” came on….and I had NO IDEA what it was either because I was driving and couldn’t look at my track list until the next time I stopped!

I just remember thinking that the singer’s voice sounded so familiar to me and it turned out that I had listened to Vic Fuente’s original band, Before Today, on PureVolume. I was so into PureVolume back in the day and it’s even how I knew of Panic! At the Disco before they even released anything other demos. Not a humble brag, just a fact! I was constantly on the prowl for new music back then (OK, that never changed lol).

The demographic of PTV fans seemed to still be sort of young. Maybe more young adult now as opposed to teenagers back when I was still regularly going to their shows. Henry even commented, “Why does it seem like I have gotten older but the fan base has stayed the same age?” LOL I mean, Henry was always old in comparison though. Even I was!

I will say, I supremely miss the scene kid era. I only saw ONE person who could have passed for a scene kid. Bring back scene kids! I feel like the music genre back then was referred to as “scene music” and now everyone just calls it emo but to me, emo is like, I dunno, midwestern sad boy rock like Appleseed Cast and Braid and Sunny Day Real Estate. Things have changed a lot when I wasn’t paying attention to American shit, I guess.

There was a merch truck in the parking lot, so I decided to grab my shirt there before we went into the venue. There were two girls behind me, probably mid-20s, and one was a kpop stan. I was going to turn around and try to make friends but she was talking waaaay too much about J-Hope and sorry but I don’t really want to deal with Army so I kept to myself. I swear though, the whole Warped Tour scene is such a natural gateway into Kpop land, I can’t explain it but it makes so much sense. It was like a natural progression for me to go from this to kpop, and I’m trying to make more room for both in my life because after this night, and my Johnnie Guilbert deep-dive, I realize now that I still have a blackened section of my heart and I have been depriving it of attention for 10 years now!

Standing in this line, in the dusty parking lot, brought back so many memories of Warped Tour. I’m tearing up all over again – those were the best days of my life. Henry and I even chatted about it a bit on the drive to Star Lake, how it was the ONE DAY a year where we did NOT argue at all. I was so blissed out for the entire day, start to finish, that it was nearly impossible to burst by bubble. I honestly can’t think of a single bad Warped-related memory, except for the time I went to Warped in Cincinatti with Christina and her sister Cynthia and MISSED CHIODOS because Cynthia was the one driving and we were at her mercy, so when she decided to stop at Walgreens for NO GOOD REASON, there was nothing we could do to stop this and I felt so out of control and anxious. Then she decided she wanted TO LEAVE EARLY so I missed PARAMORE. To this day, I still have never seen Paramore, and that would have been the era I wanted to see them the most. I don’t care too much for their mainstream radio bullshit.

But literally every Warped Tour after that was heaven for me. I loved the exhaustion, the sun burn, the music hangover, the joy of following Warped’s progression around the country all summer via social media, watching all of the YouTube content, getting obsessed with new bands. It was my Christmas in July. And Pierce the Veil was always the angel on top of the Christmas tree, every time they were a part of the lineup.

Getting inside was smooth sailing because some nice Star Lake staff member zoomed over in his golf cart to tell us that once we got our merch to NOT get in the line closest to us because it was packed in comparison to one of the other entrances behind us. He wasn’t wrong! We walked right in.

Henry bought a $22 (ughughughugh) beer to share and we found our seats where we proceeded to people watch and reminisce about old scene stuff. This season of life is so weird. I’m still trying to acclimate!

Anyway, I will end this here and save all the band talk for the next post, OMG CAN YOU STAND THE WAIT. Another OHE concert recap, how blessed are you.

I have been sitting with this one for a few days now. I listened to it when it first came out over the weekend but have REALLY listened to it more the last day or so and it has broken me. I knew that Jonghyun was somehow going to be featured on it but didn’t know the full details and hoped that it wasn’t going to be some weird, cold, tacky AI recreation of his voice.

But then I learned that this was something Jonghyun had been writing and composing for SHINee before his death. His family allowed SHINee to use it and Jonghyun’s guide vocals were incorporated into the chorus and also the bridge, which he hadn’t had a chance to write the lyrics for, so they kept his “scatting” in that part and, paired with the rest of SHINee dancing together in a circle, it just really sent me. I was crying (and still am lol) so hard that I was choking.

I think what I love the most about this song is that since it was written pre-2018, it has that nostalgic feel to it that makes me remember why I began to love Kpop so much to begin with. It’s light, airy, summery, totally SHINee-coded. I have been trying to spread the word about this because as usual, SM is doing a pisspoor job promoting it so it’s not getting the traction and attention that it deserves, especially not with the new gen Kpop fans who just haven’t learned about SHINee.

My love for SHINee is so stupid strong. I really hope that they come to the US some day!

Anyway, I have lots more fun Memorial Day weekend to recap once I stop crying over this haha.

Two weekends ago, Henry and I were having a conversation about the new Pope and I got super in my feelings about my Catholic past. I was VERY into it (not like, in culty way) and I actually enjoyed going to CCD every Sunday because to me, learning the Bible stories felt like history. It was entertaining, and also there were donuts in the basement afterward. When we got to the level of Sunday School where tests became a thing, I fucking aced them all. I’m telling you, I ate that shit up like Eve with apple juice dripping down her chin.

And even as a TEENAGER, I looked forward to going to church on Saturday evenings with my Pappap. I mean, 1. I was with my favorite person in the whole world, and 2. we would always go out to dinner afterward haha. My BFF (& Chooch’s godmother) Christy’s family also went to the same church so sometimes Christy would join us for dinner afterward and then sleep over my house and we’d completely unravel all of the church’ing by watching R RATED MOVIES OMG. My favorite was when we would go this Italian restaurant that was called ‘something di Napoli” but we all affectionally called it Naples and my Pappap of course was friends with the owner and the best servers so we got special treatment but the reason I liked it was because I had a HUGE CRUSH on one of the bus boys lol.

ANYWAY! This trip down a dirt lane in my mind’s Jerusalem resulted in me fondly telling Henry about my favorite priest at that Church – Father Salberg. He was AMAZING. He made church interesting and fun, and his sense of humor was incredible. Like a toned-down Robin Williams, if Robin Williams looked like GOD because he is totally how I pictured God to look – barrel-chested, an avuncularly booming voice, huuuuuge beard. This guy was a life-sized hug standing on the altar every week and I looked forward to Communion and then standing in line to shake his hand after mass.

I was surprised to find myself tearing up while I was telling Henry my Father Salberg mems. I started to Google him and, sadly, found his Obituary from 2018. I started to cry (???) but also was kind of shocked to see that my church wasn’t even referenced in any of the bios I found online about him. I remember vividly that he was also a priest at a state pen, and the years he did that overlapped the years he would have been a priest at my church. I think that he must have been doing both at once, and now that I realllly think about it, he may have actually just been an interim priest at my church because I do remember having other priests there and none of them came even close to matching his charisma. This actually is even more telling now that I realize he wasn’t there for more than a year or two, but still had such an impact on me. I will tell you right now, had he still been the acting priest at Nativity when my Pappap died, maybe things would have been different for me. Maybe I’d have actually had someone to talk to. Maybe I wouldn’t have found myself going down a very dark path.

When I saw that Father Salberg is buried in a cemetery about an hour outside of Pittsburgh, I wanted to go. So that is what we did on Sunday, drove to Butler and had actually a nice afternoon at a brewery (more on that later!) and then a walk through Father Salberg’s cemetery.

“This is going to be like finding a needle in a haystack,” Henry said when we got out of the car. I was just about to say that I didn’t necessarily need to find his grave, just wanted to be there, when Henry said, “Wait—-is that it??” Literally 15 seconds into our walk, Henry spotted it! We actually kept walking through because a man was tending to a nearby grave, but then on the way back he was still there, planting flowers. So, I figured I’d just snap a quick photo for my memories and right as I did so, the man’s dog started barking so then it looked like I was taking a picture of him and his dog and I mean, I typically always feel like a creep, but even more so in this moment, haha.

This man was top notch. Remembering all of this almost made me feel inspired to go back to church but I don’t feel like trying them all on to find the one that fits. I have shit to do, etc.

We had a nice little stroll. I made Henry take pictures of me in my new Johnnie Guilbert shirt to send to Chooch who was like, “What.” And then “Ugh.”

I got new Vans! My therapist suggested buying myself something new, like cute shoes or something, to make myself feel better because my self-esteem and vanity have been taking blows lately. I was like immediately *buying shoes, doctor’s orders, it’s prescribed*

It was a beautiful cemetery (Calvary/Northside Cem in Butler) and an even more beautiful day.

We also listened to Johnnie Guilbert and Pierce the Veil exclusively on this day trip and it was crazy nostalgic. I will say that the day didn’t start off great, I was being me (read: difficult/pouty/volatile) but everything turned out ok in the end.  It did make me miss my Pappap an awful lot though.

Oh you guys, when Onew announced his US solo tour, I was gagged. And this was legit right after seeing Taemin too!! Onew is lowkey my favorite member of SHINee – yes I love Taemin so much but there is something so magical about Onew’s vocals. I was so anxious about getting decent tickets for this that I opened a CITI credit card so that I could do the CITI Ticketmaster presale like a freaking unhinged kpopper. If I was going alone, I would have had better luck but I still managed to snag Henry and myself two seats in the second row of the balcony so I was content with that. After being on the floor for Taemin’s theater show, I was set on getting balcony seats for this one!

Doors had opened by the time we found our way to back of the line, but there was only one entrance I guess so only small groups were being let in at a time. The people around us in line were so nice though so it was a pleasant wait. The girl in front of us was handing out banners and pouches that held a little flashing LED ball with instructions to remove the little plastic tag during Onew’s performance of “Winner.” She was farther up in line passing them out and her mom, who was standing two people ahead of us, could sense my manic “OH PLZ, ME ME ME” anxiety so she nodded toward me and her daughter came over and banner’d me up :)

Henry declined as usual. Ugh. Not much of a Jjinggu.

(Onew’s fan name! I actually wasn’t sure if he had one but when Megan decided she wanted to stan him, she asked me and I was like, “………you know, I’m not sure!” Then I saw it mentioned on Reddit and almost died because it’s such a cute name. Onew’s real name is Jinki, and the word for “friends” in Korean is CHINGU which you would KNOW of you pay attention to my free teachings here on OH HONESTLY, ERIN DOT COM. A double j is the equivalent of the “ch” sound so…Jjinggus is a mash-up of his name and chingu – Jinki’s friends!)

Henry was commenting on the fact that it was a “strange crowd” meaning notsomuch that it was a collection of strange people, but moreso that there were a LOT of people in line who wouldn’t necessarily be pegged as a Kpop stan. Lots of older (and I mean like even older than Henry) people but it makes sense because SHINee is second gen, so they do have lots of senior fans at this point.

I just had a really good feeling about this, is all I mean to say.

!!!!!!!

OK, Fillmore! I want to say right off the bat that the staff was exceptional and the theater itself was a dream. I was so excited for Onew – while he definitely performs in much larger venues throughout Asia, I really knew he would shine here at the Fillmore.

We were in our seats by 6:30ish, I’d say, which was great until I noticed that the show didn’t start until 7:30. People-watching time! There were mostly older women in the row in front of us – one of them looked to be in her early 70s and she was fucking SHAKING IT throughout nearly the whole show so props to her, living her best golden age! There is just something so inspiring about seeing people of an older generation lose their minds at a concert. I hate to admit this, but younger Erin would have FOR SURE mocked this display and then ran home to post all catty-like about it in her offensive and problematic LiveJournal, but adult Erin understands the true rarity of this type of joy and hopes that she too still experiences this kind of music-related happiness in her elder years.

I guess that is GROWING UP.

Henry tries so hard to be like me so he had to run and grab an IPA before the show started. I had had ENOUGH beer (like, the equivalent of two throughout the entire day!) but I was happy to steal some sips from his can. I am definitely not the type of person who needs to drink at a concert.

MANSPREADING. I took this and sent it to Chooch, who was sick in Philly that weekend but not sick enough to care to live vicariously through us.

And then at 7:30PM, it was Onew Time! He apologized for not having a band or dancers, but yo – if anyone can and SHOULD own a stage on his own, it’s Onew. His stage presence and vocals were beyond, next level, on point, divo coded. Pick one! The vibes were immaculate, as they say.

I knew immediately that this was going to be a night I’ll never forget. When I first REALLY started paying attention to Kpop, I remember looking to see if any of the groups ever toured here because please remember that prior to this, I was an emo girlie, a Sad Boy Music groupie, going to cheap shows at tiny venues so I had NO idea if this stuff was popular here in the States. It was apparently still pretty niche back then but JUST popular enough that some of the bigger groups in Korea were selling out arenas here in the States. I remember getting excited when I saw that SHINee was coming here soon (I feel like this was winter of 2017) so I looked it up and saw that none of the shows were near Pgh and they were all sold-out anyway, lol. That was the last time SHINee was in the States. At the end of that year, Jonghyun took his life, leaving them as a 4-member group and they never came back to the US again.

I am still so scarred by this, still cry over Jonghyun, still think of him heavily on the anniversary of his passing, still keep a framed picture of him on my bedroom wall in reverie.

Kpop may seem like “tone deaf bubblegum bullshit” to some, but it is so special to me and some of these singers have my whole heart. Onew is one of them. So, being a Shawol and missing the chance to see SHINee in their prime, I feel very grateful that I was able to see Taemin AND Onew in the same year!

Sorry, these pictures are basically screenshots from my videos so they are shitty quality, but I need to always remember how precious he looked on this night!

OK, I try not to record too much, but I recorded this full song because it’s one of my favorites and it’s also the exact song that got Megan to stan him so I wanted to send it to her. His vocals are so angelic!! He was so perfect all night. Even Henry said he wasn’t bored during the ballads and that’s usually where singers lose his attention. I kept sneaking peeks at him and he seemed to be focused the whole time!  I mean, he wasn’t moving or emoting, but his eyes were opened and directed at the stage. That’s a big deal.

And “Beat Drum”!!

And “Yay”!

For his encore, he came out with a basket of balls and was sad that he his aim wasn’t powerful enough to get them up to the balcony from the stage (I understood this without having to rely on the translator he had with him! My contextual Korean is semi-decent as long as no one asks me to repeat it back word for word) so he came down off the stage and walked closer to the balcony – I was so nervous that someone was going to fall over because people were clotheslining themselves along the edge, trying to get closer so they could catch one of his balls. I’m not sure what was inside but NCT127 does this too at their concerts – the last one I went to, someone at the end of my row, like 3 people down from me, caught one.

So, that was entertaining.

I think the ONLY annoying thing of the whole night was the girl in front of me who appeared to be anywhere from 15 to 20, I truly couldn’t tell, who was with some broad that looked much older but not her mother? I didn’t get mother-daughter vibes from these two, but the older one had opera glasses with her and the younger one kept leaning back into my sightline so that she could record the older one dancing or singing or fake-crying, I have no idea what was going on but I was like, “CAN YOU HAVE SOME SPATIAL AWARENESS PLEASE, STAY IN YOUR BOUNDARIES.” It only happened a view times but it was so annoying because every time, she blocked my whole view with her idiot head.

The two girls next to me were both singles. The one right next to me recorded the whole entire show, no stopping. Henry’s big oaf body ruined her video though because he got up once in between songs when Onew was talking because he wanted to grab a shirt for me rather than waiting in line after the show. I admit that I do break my “only short clips” rule depending on the concert and will sometimes record the entire song if it’s a BIG FAVE of mine, like something that goes on the perpetual playlist, but I can’t fathom having the endurance or lack of self-consciousness to blatantly hold up my phone through an entire concert. She didn’t seem to be blocking anyone’s view so…cool I guess.

SETLIST:

1. Focus
2. Shape of My Heart
3. O (Circle)
4. Boy
5. Dice
6. Beat Drum
7. Graduation
8. Love Phobia
9. All Day
10. Always
11. Illusion
12. MAD
13. Starry Night (acapella snippet where he said that in Korea, this is the song on the setlist where the fans sing with him but he took it off the US set list. He was like, “Do you want to try to sing some of it together?” and then it all fell apart because only some of the crowd could sing the Korean parts so Onew laughed and said, “Yeah, I think it was a good idea that I took  this off the list” and it was so genuinely funny I love him so fucking much)
14. In the Whale – !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVES AND I DID NOT THINK WE WOULD BE HEARING THIS THAT NIGHT!!!!!!
15. Maestro
16. Yay
17. Winner

ENCORE

1. Hola!
2. Conversation
3. Promise You

Oh, what a beautiful night. Even Henry taking this terrible picture of me couldn’t ruin the vibe.

Then we stopped at a gas station for snacks and bev – Henry the Beer Monster got ANOTHER beer to take back to the hotel and then later saw a WARNING NOTICE that Michigan Law prohibits alcohol from being brought into a hotel, for some reason? “Oh well,” he shrugged, and continued drinking it as the ubiquitous “Friends” reruns played on the TV in the background. Wow, what a fucking rebel.

Anyway, this is a mirror selfie from the lobby of the hotel.

The show was over pretty early (by 9:30!) I guess because since it was just Onew and he didn’t have wardrobe changes, there was no need for the typical VCRs that happen at other Kpop concerts, where the artists leave the stage and you watch some recorded content until they return in new outfits and the stage set is swapped out. This was just Onew churning out song after song on his own and it was EXCEPTIONAL.

On the drive home the next day, I blurted out, “I have to admit something to you and it’s something that I have been thinking about heavily.” Henry looked v. concerned.

“I think I liked Onew’s concert better than Taemin’s,” I said all in one quick mashed-up sentence.

Henry considered this and then said, “Yeah, I can see that.”

Look. Brenda, listen to me before you start running your mouth, OK? It’s just that Taemin is A PERFORMER. He’s a DANCER. He brings dancers with him and has costume changes and elaborate stages. But in America, he performed at small theaters where he was contained to tiny stages and it just really stifled him. Yes, of course he was still fabulous and of course I was ecstatic to have gotten tickets to see him. But it’s just that I know he does HUGE concerts in Asia and this just felt like it did him no justice.

But Onew is a SINGER. He is known for his distinct vocals and incredible singing ability. He performs in musicals, he acts, he singer opera. This man does not need bell and whistles – just a stage, a mic, and his voice. He was incredible and kept me captivated to the end. I felt absolutely OBSESSED by the time we walked out of the theater, and we listened to him the whole way home the next day in the car. I mean, I obviously already loved him so much that I named our car after him (“You did?” Henry recently said, and I was like THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN, I EVEN BLOGGED ABOUT IT THE DAY WE BROUGHT THE CAR HOME?!??“) but it’s on another level now.

Oh, I also want to add that a few years ago, Onew went on a suspicious “hiatus” right after SHINee had a comeback, so they did all of their music show performances and concerts as a three-piece. He looked REALLY gaunt and unhealthy, and then just kind of went off the grid for about a year to the point where I was like, “HENRY CALL SM ENTERTAINMENT AND TELL THEM THAT YOU’RE A CONCERNED KPOP DAD AND DEMAND TO KNOW IF HE’S OK?!” and Henry was like, “Yeah, I’ll get right on that.” But in all seriousness, it was so concerning and handled very poorly by SM (not shocking). Eventually, he made a vague post on IG and we were all so relieved that he was still alive. Shortly after, it was announced that he (and soon after, Taemin) had decided to not renew his contract with SM and signed with Griffin, who has been taking such great care of him. He has been releasing SO MUCH music and then got to come to the US for a tour! Same with Taemin. SM would never send them here. Onew looks so happy and healthy, and as a true fan, that is what you love to see.

Stan Onew!!

Last Tuesday evening, Henry and I went to Crafthouse to see one of my old favorite bands, Cold. I was wavering on buying tickets for this because I knew it was going to be an emotional rollercoaster – it had been FIFTEEN YEARS almost exactly since I last saw them. Two mths before I started working at The Law Firm, actually! Sometimes it’s hard to believe that there were pre-Law Firm times in my life.

I finally sucked it up though and bought us tickets and I am so glad that I did. Yeah, it’s a drag to do these things on work nights at this age, but really it was so worth it.

I had to laugh though because as we were standing outside waiting for the doors to open, the people behind us were talking about health insurance. “The conversations happening in line now are wayyyyy different from when we used to go to see Cold back in the day,” I laughed and Henry did too but I don’t know why because he was old back then too??

Once we got inside and settled into a table, I started giggling which always makes Henry scared.

“I just realized that I didn’t change out of my NCT shoes,” I cracked up, raising my legs up and wiggling my feet. Henry groaned.

“AND I HAVE MY G-DRAGON LIGHTSTICK ON MY PURSE!” I pointed out. “And my Seventeen credit card!”

I had to get a picture of the full trifecta and Henry mumbled, “You’re so dumb.”

I am really leaning into the Empty Nester Lifestyle. I mean, not that this isn’t something we would have done with Chooch still in the house, because obviously we were still going to concerts back then too but it just feels…different somehow? Like, fresh? Like almost as though we ARE DATING? I dunno man, it’s weird.

Also, it felt kind of wild being around this certain demographic again. Cold is hard rock (actually they were even considered nu-metal adjacent there for a time) and I haven’t been in this scene in A LONG FUCKING TIME. I mean, this was my pre-Chooch life, really. This predated the Warped Tour and screamo and post-hardcore season of my life.

I have to say, on one hand I felt very comfortable and confident in this environment, it felt natural and familiar, I felt like my old out-going self. And it’s probably the only type of man that still CHECKS ME OUT, lol. I came back from the background and bragged to Henry about that. He just frowned.

But on the other hand, looking around at the majority of these people – especially the women – I am very thankful that I got out of this scene. I was always getting drunk back then off gross things like Smirnoff Ice and chain-smoking Camel Wides. I can only imagine how gross my voice would be today, how old I would look, how FUCKED my health would be in general. Hard Rock Erin was not it.

Literally, though, this one “rode hard & put away wet” woman came falling into the bathroom and Skeletor’d, “DO YINZ KNOW IF I CAN VAPE IN HERE??” Calm down, sis. Also, NO????

I took this to send to Chooch. He lowkey hates that his parents go out together I think, lol.

That guy’s face, though lol.

I just want to say that this was only our second time at Crafthouse and both times we had wonderful servers. I enjoyed my food a lot more this time – I went with the margherita flatbread and it was just right. Also, I Like Beer Now^TM and their selection is pretty good. Henry and I both had two different IPAs and both were good. Specifically, I had an Aslin Clear Nights and an Appalachian Brewing Co. Hop Offering. I don’t remember what Henry had because he refuses to update Untapped.

Good music aside, I just want to say that I really enjoyed this night so much. It was a tough decision to come out, but I’m glad I did and that Dumb Henry was with me. JUST LIKE OLD TIMES when it felt like we were seeing Cold several times a year for a while there. But be prepared for the show recap because it’s going to be so stupid-emo.

My attention has been monopolized by G-Dragon and his recent comeback concerts in Seoul last weekend. Oh my Christ what I would have given be in attendance, especially day 2 where Daesung and Taeyang made guest appearances.

I’ve just been so thrilled that he is back in the public eye as an entertainer because it really seemed so hip in the air there for a while, but he’s back and has proven once again that he is more than just a “kpop idol” in Korea. He really is so much more than that, literally Korea’s treasure.

Anyway, I was inspired to do something with this picture of the first outfit he appeared in at his concerts, crown and all because he is THE KING AND KNOWS IT. I sent the picture to my friend Lyda at work – I was FIXIN’ to dish about it but have no one around me who cares so I have to force this upon people sometimes lol. I told her I was obsessing over his concert looks and she admitted to googling him and then was like, “Now I’m obsessed with G-Dragon.”

THAT’S RIGHT GIRL JOIN ME.

I needed to DO SOMETHING with this picture of him so I made a background of his signature daisies and then Henry’s Crafty made it into a pin for me, complete with black velvet backing.

The picture in the background was given to us by GD’s uncle the day we checked out of Dolce Bita in Pocheon and his uncle drove us back to the Ildong bus station while blasting GD’s music, literally one of the wildest and most memorable moments of my life, that actually had me saying, “Did that really happen??” to Henry and Chooch for approx. a year.

I love this so much and wore it out yesterday like a shiny badge of honor when we met friends for lunch (more on that separately!).

Jesus. Much like Robert Smith and Scooter Ward before him, I don’t think I can ever fully explain how much I admire and idolize this man. He is such a genius. There is no one to compare him to either – he is one of a kind. Ughhhhhh I love you, Jiyong.

OH MY FUCKING GOD. My G-Dragon lightstick and mini-keychain lightstick just arrived about an hour ago from Korea and I am so stoked! The sales of these items were so chaotic because it’s G-Dragon and everyone wanted it. The first round sold out within minutes but I managed to snag all three items without issue. G-Dragon’s company put out a statement promising to release more, and then that sale sold out immediately as well. I know it’s dumb but I feel so grateful that I was able to get these and can only pray that I can also get tickets to one of his upcoming US concerts so that I can use these IRL!

Being a Kpop stan is stressful. I got into this because my life was so depressing and full of sadness and while on the outside it seems like the Kpop life is so fun and happy, THERE IS THIS STUPID STRESSFUL UNDERBELLY OF FIGHTING WITH OTHER FANS / RESELLERS FOR CONCERT TICKETS AND MERCH. Lol.

But dude would you look at this light stick cradle?? G-DRAGON IS A FUCKING CREATIVE GENIUS. A functional and cute way to display your lightstick? GD’s got you. I love that this is something I would just already have in my house too, regardless of Kpop-association.

What a nice way to end a stupid work week.

I promise I won’t do this every year, but this is our FIRST anniversary as a married couple and I am feeling nice about that today and was in my feels looking through pictures from our Korean Marriage Mission.  So, here are some (the only, actually) pictures of me and Henry from that trip! Most of the pictures were of Chooch, or of all three of us. Not too many of just me and Henry together probably because he IS SO ANNOYING to take pictures with.

(Henry. Yes, you are.)

In Gyeongju!

Our handmade wedding bands that we made in Hongdae!

LOL us with our marriage license; Chooch was SO PUT OUT that we asked him to CROSS THE STREET and come over to us to take this picture. He gave literally zero fucks about this whole thing because his life did not change at all.

I loved loved loved this place. 

Buddhist Food in Insadong!

Cheonggyecheon <3

We actually came here to take Chooch’s senior pictures, but he snapped some of us too, grudgingly.

I love this picture so much, thanks Chooch! I should probably get this framed.

Henry’s dumb face lol.

One of the BEST places to walk and a great place to watch the sun set. 

I hope that we get to go back to Korea again someday. I feel more alive there than I have anywhere else in my life and the fact that Henry was willing to marry me there means so much more than any traditional wedding we could have had here. It was no frills. Just us, in jeans. I actually couldn’t imagine doing this any other way and would not change a thing.

(OK, maybe I’d have eaten more salt bread. Lol.)

Ugh, I’m crying as usual.

I woke up today to a gift bag full of Totally Erin gifts:

I was cracking up because these could easily pass for a middle schooler’s birthday presents.

Speaking of…Henry said that he talked to his mom today. She said something along the lines of how it’s too bad he didn’t meet me before “that other one” and married me first. Henry was like, “Mom, I’d have gone to jail.” I mean, considering I was IN MIDDLE SCHOOL when he was marrying “that other one.”

So, then she said that he could have “waited for me” and I screamed, “EW, SHE WAS SUGGESTING THAT YOU GROOM ME?!”

That was such a sobering moment on The First Anniversary of Ruby & Hoover’s Marriage Fit for an LJ Post.

Anyway, baby’s first Enhypen album!

We started to make our way over to the Allstate Arena around 6:30 so I could pass out my freebies to people in line. The arena has a plethora of hotels around it so usually when we go to a concert there it’s just a short walk across the street which is so convenient. Especially afterward when all you want to do is go lay down (maybe that’s just us elders) without the struggle of trying to fight your way out of the parking lot. We had to actually drive there from a hotel near the airport when we saw Seventeen because all the close hotels were sold out and I will tell you that it was very annoying.

I ended up having way more NCT freebies than I did for the Taemin concert and it took me so much longer to pass these out which quickly drained my social battery!

Here’s a small selection of what they looked like ^^^

It was fun though hearing people squeal when they saw which member they got! And the lady behind me in line traded me two Haechan pocas after I gave her a pin! She was there with her husband/boyfriend and I did notice that there were guys there than usual. It was funny because I would always tentatively hand a pin to the guys while asking, “Do you want one too?” and they ALWAYS said yes with a quickness except for one dad who was there with his daughter, lol.

I’m dying, imagining going to this kind of a concert with my dad back when I was a teenager.

It was one of the speediest concert entrances I’ve ever experienced since getting into Kpop. Doors opened on time and the lines moved efficiently. No hold ups whatsoever. We had a good hour to kill though once we got inside so we walked around, Henry got a beer, I tried to decide which shirt I wanted – all the merch lines were crazy long but Henry said he would get in line during one of the VCRs.

Anyway, this was the first time I noticed that Robert Smith is on this wall! He caught my eye when we were walking past and I had to circle back against foot traffic to get a picture.

Also, I needed a picture of Henry’s beer for Untappd. It was OK. I didn’t love it so much that I desired a full can for myself. A few sips of his was fine.

First, we went to find Henry’s seat and I was cracking up because he purposely bought a ticket for the very last row of the upper section and even lucked out with an aisle seat. I was all the way down below, three rows back from the floor to the left of the extended stage, similar to where I was for NCT Dream too – same section but I was first row for that one :(

Henry said he actually STOOD UP at some points! He NEVER stands at concerts but I guess there were some songs that he really wanted to see not just hear for NCT127. I’m shook.

This was my view, not too bad at all. I was surround by super unobtrusive and inoffensive NCTzens. I had no trouble seeing even when the rows in front of me filled up and everyone stood. No one was being an asshole. Levels of screaming were normal. Small talk was friendly. There was a single girl to my left and she loved my Haechan shirt and had me take picture of her before the show started. The girl to my right gave me this funny picture of Haechan:

Then the girl was RIGHT next to me was there with her mom and was also very chill. It was just a great experience overall, crowd-wise!

And then the concert started and let me just tell you, I guess enough time had passed between NCT127 concerts because I fucking forget how much they bring the noise for real. They MIGHT be the loudest groups I have ever seen, between the chaos of their music and choreo and the guttural roars of the crowd – there were legit times when I couldn’t tell what song was starting because the droning cacophony of the fans around me were drowning it out. It gets THAT loud for NCT127! I will never forget the first time Chooch and I saw them at KCON 2017 – it sounded like the roof of the Prudential Center was going to collapse from the intensity of the bass during Cherry Bomb. Chooch was just like, “GOOD LORD” and talked about it for days.

I almost didn’t get tickets for this show. Usually I’m waiting on Ticketmaster for the moment tickets go on sale but for NCT127, I tried to reason that I just saw them in 2022, it would mean going back to Chicago two weeks after seeing Taemin, and Taeyong and Jaehyun (my 127 bias!) are in the military.

But you know what, I realized that last bit was exactly WHY I needed to go, because between military enlistments and one member allegedly being a rapist (hasn’t been officially charged yet but it does seem pretty damning), the remaining members need our support. What kind of fair-weathered NCTzen would I be if I skipped this?

Plus, it is very hard for me to rationalize passing the opportunity to see my ult NCT bias, Haechan. I just REALLY adore him!! His voice is so unique and I love watching him dance.

You don’t care but: Johnny, Haechan, Mark, Yuta, Jungwoo, Doyoung.

Previously, Henry’s bias was Yuta but after this concert, he has officially added MARK to the list of not just NCT127 biases, but TOP 5 BIASES ACROSS ALL GROUPS! He really put a lot of thought into it too:

1. G-Dragon
2. Mark
3. Yuta
4. Hoshi
5. Taemin

COMING OUT CASKET FRESH.

My favorite moments of the night were finally seeing Walk, the inclusion of a recording and video of Jaehyun during Lemonade and Touch, WHIPLASH!!!!!!!!!!, and the fucking powerhouse vocals during No Longer. I was screaming, literally – my throat was HURT.

And Chain!!!!

I am so glad that we went to the Chicago stop because it’s Johnny’s hometown and that just made it feel more special, like when we saw NCT Dream in Long Island and Mark had actually spent a good portion of his childhood living there.

I felt that the ending ments were very emotional, particularly Mark, Haechan, and Johnny. Haechan seemed to be alluding to the fact that he or maybe others might be performing with injuries or their bodies just not in the best condition, Mark seemed to be hard on himself and worried that his voice didn’t sound good, and Johnny – who is now 30 years old and I can’t accept this – was very sentimental and focused on time passing so quickly and the panic about remembering the important moments. It was….so relatable. The fact that this group was less than a year into their debut when I first saw them in 2017 – Jungwoo wasn’t even a member yet – and now two of them are in the military…it makes me feel old too.

Time is so scary. Mortality is depressing.

But, as long as I have music in my life, and concerts to look forward to, and comebacks adding fanatical excitement to my days, I will stay young at heart. People say they don’t understand this and I feel sorry for those people. It doesn’t have to be Kpop, it could be classic rock, it could be metal, it could be Broadway shows or sports or beer. As long as we have that one thing that inspires joy, who needs the validation of people who don’t understand it.

SETLIST

1. Gas
2. Faster
3. Bring the Noize
4. 2 Baddiess
5. Skyscraperr
6. Chain
7. Designerr
8. Orange Seoull
9. TOUCHH
10. No Cluee
11. Pricey
12. Regular (English version)
13. Sticker
14. Whiplash
15. Lemonade
16. Rain Drop
17. Can’t Help Myself
18. Gold Dust
19. No Longer
20. Far
21. Kick It
22. Fact Check

Encore:

1. Intro: Wall to Wall
2. Walk
3. Meaning of Love
4. Dreams Come True
5. Promise You

As always, I’m so grateful that I was able to go to this, that Henry is also a fan so that we could dish about it the entire drive home the next day, and that moments of happiness like this still exist in a world that is in flames.

We had a few hours to kill before the NCT127 concert so like true homebodies we went to a nearby beer store and got some IPAs to drink in our hotel room while eating HMart snacks and I walked back and forth forever to get steps after sitting in the car all day.

What extravagant lives we lead.

In all honesty though, I still get pre-concert gut gurgles even at this old and wizened age. You’d think I was the one going on stage.

If Henry is sitting with me, there’s much less anxiety but we typically DON’T sit anywhere near each other at Kpop concerts because I like to get the best seat as possible within reason and it’s just too much $$$ for us to get two tickets together. So, Henry will usually wait until the day-of and get the cheapest seat he can find which always puts him way in the back row of the upper level. He’s fine with that but I always have to get myself pumped up knowing that I’m going to be sitting alone and may need to make small talk with those around me.

This is part of the exorbitant price I pay to see my Kpop faves though. Worth it.

Anyway, we stayed at an Extended Stay near the Allstate Arena and it was OK. The room was outdated but clean. I hated the people in the room next to us who kept banging into the wall but Henry, in my interpretation of his non-action, was like YOU ARE OVERREACTING. OK, cool, whatever. I did feel guilty for a second because what if it was other NCTzens next door, but the thumping was still going strong when we came back that night too so I don’t think they were there for the concert.

Also, the fact that I am sitting here a week later, at 7:56am, typing furiously about a faint and sporadic thumping that bothered me really illustrates how neurotic and unreasonable I am.

Ugh. Moving on, here’s what I wore to NCT127: The Movement!

1. I am so happy that my Neobong has gotten so much use over the years! I know lightsticks can seem like a ridiculous splurge and my collection is growing to an embarrassing size, but it really is such a huge part of the concert culture! Shout out to my king, G-Dragon, for starting the trend.
2. I decided to go Haechan-biased this time. For NCT Dream, I lean toward Renjun, but Haechan is my overall bias across the whole NCT universe. I was so stoked to see him again that night! Twice in 2024 with Dream, and now this year with 127? Fuck yeah.
3. Also, this was the 4th NCT concert I got to wear my DIY NCT shoes to! And THE FIRST TIME someone complimented them, thank you for noticing, person in line to get into the arena!
4. Henry is getting better at taking pictures of me ever since I sent him a tutorial on Instagram where some young photographer was like, “Watch me teach my dad how to take photos of me.” I sent it to Henry and now he remembers to take the appropriate steps so that I don’t look like a mongoloid.
5. I wore my homemade Haechan pendant which is super outdated (look at baby Haechan!!) but I love it still. The other NCT necklace was made by my friend Danielle from The Idol Collective and it is the perfect neo-accessory.
6. The shirt features Haechan from the “Favorite” comeback special “The Vampire House” and this one of my favorite comeback cycles.

I’m sure I have posted so many versions of this in the past but this is one of my top NCT songs ever and it reminds me of fall 2021 which was a really nice time in my life as opposed to now which feels like life is flipped on its head but that’s ok, we’ll get through it one Kpop concert at a time, haha.

The moment the lights went out in the Chicago Theater, I knew I was cooked. Done for. Stick a fork in me, sir.

(Blog Post Interlude: Henry, being the respectful Kpop Dad that he is, was standing at first and then realized that the girl behind him was v. smol, so he apologized and remained seated for the whole concert. Sure, call him courteous, praise his nunchi, but I believe this was his excuse to sit and drink his beer while admiring Taemin’s abs in comfort.)

Taemin opened with Deja Vu and my heart was palpitating at dangerous levels. Taemin.

LEE TAEMIN.

!!!!

UNDER THE SAME ROOF AS ME!

This is from the Bangkok stop because I couldn’t find any good quality videos from Chicago, but this is a classic example of going from “liking a song” to “FUCKING OBSESSING OVER A SONG” after seeing it performed live. It expanded its real estate in my heart.

I have been struggling with how to effectively encapsulate the swirling feelings of this night into a blog post, but if you have ever seen one of your God Tier artists, you know how it is. It’s impossible. You just have to know that I was hyper-aware of the riotous thumping of my heart the whole entire night. The mask may have been stifling my maniacal screaming, but I was IN DEEP. I could not take my eyes off of him (except for when the broad in front of me would start to lean out of the aisle, forcing me to have to move into the aisle too – she was pissing me off so much because she HAD SO MUCH ROOM between her and the girl to her right and if she would have just fucking stood within the area of her actual seat, I would have had the perfect view that I paid for BUT WHATEVER. That was the only less than perfect part of the whole night.)

I just want to post ever live video from the concert that I can find but that would be ridiculous so I will just keep watching those on my own time and tell you that this one of the best nights of my life. Taemin is art in motion. I know he is not a machine but D A N G, I wish he would have performed for another 2 hours. It felt so short.

Set 1:

• • Intro video
• Deja Vu
• Guilty
• Advice
  • Ment 1
• Goodbye
• IDEA
• Heaven

Set 2: Ballads

• • VCR (Henry went and bought my shirt during this!)
• I’m Crying
• Clockwork (!!!!!!!!!! I never thought I would hear this live!!!!)
• Not Over You
  • Ment 2 (with snippets of a cappella fan-requested songs, including LOVE!!!!, Flame of Love, Pretty Boy – he gave Kai a shout out here, welcoming him back from the military!)
• The Unknown Sea
• Blue

Set 3:

• • VCR
  • Dance break with dancer intros (I thought this was so cool of him to give them props!)
• G.O.A.T.
• The Rizzness (!!!)
• Sexy In the Air
  • Ment 4
• Move (!!!!! LEGENDARY)
• Want
• Criminal (I died)
• Horizon

Fan-led Singalong organized by ChiWols – The Unknown Sea

ENCORE:

• Danger
• Crush
  • Ment 5
• Hypnosis
  • Ment 6
• Say Less

I started crying as I typed that last song, haha.

These pictures are trash because they’re basically just screenshots from my videos but I don’t care.

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I go to concerts fairly often but this was the first time in quite some time when I actually had friends texting me the next day, and messaging me when I got back to work, asking me how it was because they knew what a major deal this was for me, and that made it even more special.

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OH LORD HELP ME.

I was texting Chooch like a maniac during the VCRs and when we got back to the hotel.

“Yeah, but did he even glance* at you?” he asked because he is such a little bastard lol.

*(I tried so hard to get VIP for the opportunity to “make eye contact” with Taemin, literally that was how one of the perks was described, and Chooch thought it was the funniest thing ever that 1. I was willing to pay $250 for this perk and that 2. VIP packages sold out in seconds.)

Songs I would have given up my blood to hear live:

• Love (he did sing a verse!)
• Rise
• Nemo
• Press Your Number
• Artistic Groove

But honestly, he could have sung nursery rhymes to us all night and I would have been happy.

And then the lights came on. I did not want to leave. :(

All I remember after this was walking back to the hotel in a daze, then being body-slammed by adrenaline and unable to fall asleep. I just lay there in bed, watching the video snippets I took on my phone, “Friends” playing on the hotel TV as is hotel tradition for us, feeling this insane mix of euphoria and a deep aching, which of course would grow legs by the next day and turn into full-fledged post-show depression.

On the drive home (which was actually pleasant, no fighting!) I just kept whispering, “I can’t believe we saw Taemin. He is so perfect. DID YOU SEE HOW PERFECT HE IS??”

My favorite part about him is his divine duality – when he is performing, he is this dark, sultry angel telling a story with every move he makes. right down to the intentional flexing of his fingers. No move is wasted, even the slightest twitch of his elbow matters. But then the music stops and he is LEE TAEMIN-AH, exuding precious innocence, being a dork, mocking us and himself – I can’t stand him, lol!

Ugh, it was so good. Taemin is a living legend and if you don’t know him by now, why?!

Our hotel (StayPineapple!) was a block away from The Chicago Theater and I kept looking out the window to see if people were lining up yet. There was a scary moment around 5PM when a bunch of firetrucks rolled up with their sirens on and parked directly across from the theater. I was like, “I SWEAR TO GOD, IF TAEMIN IS IN A BURNING BUILDING…..” but then they went into the building across from the theater. I don’t know what was happening but there didn’t appear to be a fire anywhere and hopefully it was nothing serious.

Yo, I was sooo paranoid and superstitious about this concert. Like, Lord just let me see Taemin tonight, Amen.

We left the hotel around 6 – doors were supposed to open at 6:30 and I wanted to have some time to pass out my freebies to my fellow Taemates. Dude, that took all of 10 minutes. My pins were gobbled up so quickly! It was fun getting to have some interactions with people in line and trading freebies with other people who also brought stuff – I got some fun bracelets :) And Henry, my placeholder in line, was also accumulating some swag for me too, what a dork lol.

I just want to say that this theater’s staff and security were so efficient with getting us inside quickly and safely. They had a side entrance opened as well so we were herded into that line, which then split into more lines for the security check points. Isn’t it sad that this is the world we live in, where we have to be searched before entering a theater? I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately, especially after seeing Ollie Wride at the Crafthouse where we walked right in and I can’t remember the last time I went to a concert where we could just “walk right in.”

Anyway though, it’s usually pretty quick with kpop concerts because these people know what not to have on their person but of course we managed to pick the ONE LINE that had the slug-slow security agent sifting through every item in every bag. Meanwhile, I WAS SO SICK TO MY STOMACH WITH PRE-TAEMIN JITTERS. I was so ready to see him / no, I’m not ready / OMG I can’t wait to see him / no, this isn’t real, I’m going to puke.

And so on and so forth, the internal angst went.

Once we were inside, it was mayhem. First order of business was merch procuring. This theater was not made for Kpop, lol. The merch line wrapped all the way down the first floor and up the steps to the balcony level, so Henry said he’d take one of the team and go back out to snag me a shirt during one of the VCRs — that’s the part of the concert where the artist/group leaves the stage to do a wardrobe change and pre-recorded videos play. To this day, the ones at the Winner concert in 2019 were the best because they were hilarious skits.

Our seats were OK. I can’t complain because I was able to get in as soon as they went on sale, managed to buy two before it sold out / went to premium prices. I want to say it was around $150 a seat, and almost immediately after that, all of the seats around our that were still available were triple that price. Fucking Ticketmaster. This whole tour was such a ticketing cluster. So many people missed out because they couldn’t afford the resale prices which of course dropped significantly days before the show (for the LA one at least, so I hear) but when so many people have to travel for Kpop concerts, it was gut-wrenching to see the disappointment in fans who just couldn’t viably drop everything and make that trip with less than a week’s notice.

I really fucking hate you, Ticketmaster.

Henry immediately left his seat to go to the bathroom and told me later that when he went to get my shirt, he wanted to use the bathroom again but the staff apparently realized that there were way more women there than men so they closed the mens rooms on the first floor and Henry had to go all the way upstairs to find an open one, lol. Anyway, he came back with this beer and it was pretty good! I was excited to post it on Untappd, haha.

He also got POPCORN for some idiotic reason (YOU DON’T EAT POPCORN AT A TAEMIN CONCERT HENRY) and this is him masticating his moustache into a twist while I attempted to take our picture. Ugh. Also, I wore a mask through the whole concert because I was on the tail end of a nearly two week illness and didn’t want to infect any fellow Taemin fans. I was also concerned for Taemin’s health too because I kept hearing about how many different flus and viruses were going around at the time, how it was the worst flu season we’ve had in decades, and all I kept thinking about was how now Taemin was here in the land of anti-vaxxers and mask-haters, and he was doing some VIP group pictures with fans. I really hope he was able to stay healthy and uninfected while he was here in fucking Dumberica.

This theater was so beautiful! And matched Taemin’s majestic aura.

The fans were a wide range of ages and ethnicities, and I will say that there were more men there than I have seen at most Kpop concerts. (Most of them were there with female counterparts but most of them seemed to also be fans, like Henry!)

Since doors opened earlier than 6:30, we ended up having to sit there for an hour waiting, and I will tell you that it was fucking FREEZING in that theater. Plus, I was wearing a thin blouse that billowed and fanned me every time someone walked by. And my legs wouldn’t stop shaking because of N E R V E S so Henry kept putting his hand on my knee to make me stop but I was sincerely about to catapult myself right out of my seat and through the ceiling, into the midwestern sky. It was really like that, I’m not exaggerating. The anticipation, the constant checking my phone for the time, trying to distract myself by texting Chooch who of course was just like “mm cool,” being annoyed by Captain Popcorn. It was all too much.

But then, finally, 7:30PM came and the lights went out…

I can’t do anything now that G-Dragon is back. Every time I sit down to update this thing, I am just like, “No….must watch G-Dragon’s new videos again. Must watch other people watching his videos. Must hound Chooch to watch his videos. Must throw my head back dramatically while hyperventilating thinking about the upcoming tour.”

I would throw myself down on the line for this man. I have no problems saying it.

Crying again. I missed his voice so much. I feel this song in every cell of my body.

I will sit in the very last row if I have to, Lord just help me get a ticket to see him.

Sorry, I am all-consumed. Cannot focus on anything else.

I have been driving my friends at work nuts with this too. They even changed the name of our group chat to this the other day and I love it:

All I want to do is talk about this album!!! Thank god Henry is into it because I have no one else, lol.

NEVER FORGET, ONE OF THE BEST BIRTHDAYS OF MY LIFE (only thing that topped this was when I got to spend my birthday in Korea!):

Act III:Motte, Part 2: Where I Left My Body On Earth & Wafted Up to the Heavens

Remember when he was mere feet away from me, Jesus Christ, how did I ever get that lucky.

Back at the start of the pandemic, I had somehow come across retrowave playlists on YouTube. Actually, I’m pretty sure the algorithm did its thang and my obsessive listening to the Black Queen organically planted me in the lap of this beautiful synth movement. I tend to not listen to Kpop while I’m working because it distracts me (I will start to try and translate what I’m hearing and then I need to stop what I’m doing to check if I’m correct, or I want to get up and jump around, or I will start daydreaming about Korea, etc etc etc) but there is something magical about retrowave because it’s soothing, nostalgic and it puts me in the right zone for working.

HOWEVER.

I accidentally began to associate this with Drew. I guess it’s natural since she was always with me while I was working, and I’d say things to her like, “OMG IT’S OUR JAM!” and try to make her dance lol.

Some of this stuff hits on a very emotional level to begin with – it itches the nostalgic side of my brain, you know? But, after she died, all of it became like that to me and I have not been able to listen to any of it since then. Which is sad because this was my happy place during the work week. Now, I’ve been struggling to find something else. Norwegian pop. Russian pop. Afrobeats. Romanian Club Hits.

But nothing hits like retrowave.

Then a few months ago, I saw that Ollie Wride was coming to PITTSBURGH on his US tour. Ollie Wride is one of the PRESTIGE singers in this genre. His voice sounds like he’s soundtracked the 80s high school coming-of-age movie from your dreams. He did a song with FM 84 several years ago and that song is basically at the top of the retrowave leaderboard of my heart. Probably the one I have listened to the most, and the first time that I really stopped and started looking more into these singers and bands. I found a version that was recording for a livestream during COVID and at that moment, I swore that I had to see Ollie Wride live if ever presented with the opportunity:

Please watch this and tell me it doesn’t plant you firmly into a pair of Jellies during the spring of 1987.

When I hear this song now though, I imagine Drew here with me, sitting on my work laptop because she liked the warmth. I am so broken over this, just the most pathetic sad sack.

Anyway, my likeminded retrowave friends Shawn and Jess were down to join us at this show so I felt good about it, like this could be a healthy step in the healing process. It’s either face it head-on or keep sitting here crying alone like a fucking maniac.

Shawn and I were dying because the show was held at the Crafthouse, which is a small venue across the street from a bar we used to be regulars at back in the early 00s, plus we were best concert buds back then too so this was such a fun “reliving our youth” moment.

And so, on Sunday evening, Henry and I arrived at the Crafthouse a bit before doors opened because we wanted to secure a good table. However, due to technical issues, the doors were delayed by about 45 minutes. We stood outside with a handful of other early birds and chatted about retrowave, darkwave and then bands I didn’t care about and then A LOT of stuff about the college where three of the people work and that stuff bored me so I lulled off into a happy place in my head – j/k the place in my head was where I retreat so that I can scream into a psychic pillow and start thinking about all the ways my life is being inconvenienced by things not starting on time. This is…who I am, you guys. I am working on it, and will probably talk about it tomorrow in therapy lol.

I do want to put out these things for remembering though:

• one of the guys mentioned Kraftwerk so I RAISED MY HAND and said, “My doorbell plays a Kraftwerk song.” Henry said later, “Yeah, I knew that was coming.”
• someone mentioned king gizzard and the lizard wizard and Henry and I chuckled to ourselves because Chooch likes that band too.
• I got to give The Black Queen a much-deserved promotion and was actually surprised that these guys hadn’t heard of them and simultaneously shocked that I wasn’t mansplained or talked over. The one guy even showed me his phone later and said, “Is this them? Cool, I’m adding them now – thanks!”

Anyway, we finally got to go inside around 6:20. We were in the third group that went in but there were VIPs who were already inside so all the good tables were taken. Then I was like, “NOPE” when we chose a table and a group with A BABY sat down at the next one. I just didn’t want to sit next to a baby, maybe I’M A MONSTER. So, we switched tables and it was much better.

I was excited to drink IPAs, who am I.

We were the coolest table in the house, except for maybe the one table that had a guy wearing a fitted leather jacket with SYNTH RIDER spelled out in studs on the back. I told Henry to get out the Bedazzler and do that to my pleather jacket.

I dunno what to say about my dumb pose other than I had two beers at this point and that is so many beers for me.

Henry went to the bathroom at one point and when he came back, I said I had to go too and asked him where it was. He told me and then said, “And say hello to your friend Bethany on the way there. She’s leaning against the wall.”

“Bethany??” I asked.

“Yeah, she said to me ‘your Erin’s husband Henry, aren’t you?’ and said she recognized me from Instagram.” That’s Henry’s most favorite thing to hear, btw. “Erin’s Instagram.” “Erin’s blog.” LOL.

Anyway, it was my friend Bethany from Balloon Ride Fantasy! I haven’t seen her since pre-pandemic when we met up for Korean food at Nakwon Garden (she used to live in Korea years ago as an English teacher!). She was there for the second opener, Vacances and came over to sit with us for a bit before Ollie Wride and it was so nice to catch up with her!

Speaking of openers, I’m not used to this because kpop concerts don’t have openers and it’s actually…nice lol. But that night, there were two and the other was Caleb Kopta. It was OK. I made eye contact with him a few times and tried to brag that we imprinted.  Henry was like, “That’s nice.” I did really like Vacances though and would be up to see them again since they’re local!

And then it was time for OLLIE WRIDE. “Sorry, Henry,” I said as I bolted for the floor by the stage. Jess quickly joined me and it was so nice to have a friend at a show with me! (Sorry again, Henry lol.)

I just want to say that Ollie Wride’s live vocals are immaculate. The high notes were done HIT, y’all. Sheesh. And the energy he brought onto that stage with him.

This jacket didn’t stay on long!

These pictures are so awkward because I was snapping them while recording but what can you do?! It was also amazing to be AT THE FRONT OF THE STAGE like in my other lifetime of going to shows. I’m always like, “no it’s fine, I don’t mind being back far” but then the show starts and I’m like SEE YA and I run to the front. It’s the FOMO in me, I’m a true Leo. And also not cool enough to just casually slink against a wall in the back and watch while texting. I can’t pull off that amount of effortlessly cool.

I don’t have the set list but I can tell you that he performed Back To Life and that was the first time during the night when I thought to myself, “Am I going to be OK? I’m OK…right?” I mean, I was screaming along and doing when Henry called my “happy sort of dance thing” because apparently, he was spying on me from the table like a creeper. And I can tell you for certain that I was very happy that night. Henry wasn’t being dumb, we had good beer, I was with two of my amazing friends, saw another friend….talked to strangers, even! If I can only make this a habit, maybe I’d feel less lonely on every other day.

Earlier in the night, I had made an offhanded remark about how I’m not outgoing and Jess stopped me.

“Yes, you are,” she said firmly.

“No, I’m not really,” I said, face scrunched.

“You are definitely outgoing, come on!” she argued. And you know what? I am fucking outgoing. I just let situations and people stifle me and I think it’s because I’m just too tired to fight it. But Jess is right, at my core, I am an extrovert and I am going to work on making that dominant trait again. (I’m also very obnoxious too which goes hand-in-hand with me being an extrovert so toning that down is a bridge I’ll cross when I get to it I guess.)

OK, the last song was, of course, Running In the Night which is when I did fully break. This fucking song.

I would have paid so much more just to hear this one song. But the entire night was so sublime. He performed Victoria too! And his band was incredible to watch, too. This night. Man.

We rejoined Henry at our table afterward. Most of the crowd had cleared out but we stayed and chatted some more, no one in any hurry to leave.

“Hey, there’s Ollie!” Shawn pointed over my shoulder, where Ollie was one table away with a tiny group of people. “He’s signing stuff! Go ask him to sign your record!” he urged. I didn’t even hesitate. I grabbed my record, purchased as soon as we arrived because I do not wait for merch, and waited my turn.

“What’s your name?” Ollie asked me when it was my turn.

“Erin,” I said, and then, “Can I tell you something weird?”

“Sure!” he said as he was signing my record.

“I associate your music with my cat,” I started, to which he said, “Oh, I have animals, too.”

“She died.”

He stopped signing.

“And tonight was really healing for me. Thank you,” I said as I was on the verge of tears all over again.

And he fucking hugged me.

“You got an Ollie Wride hug!” Shawn squealed (lol) when I came back to the table! And apparently, I hadn’t stopped recording after the last song, so there is a 20 minute long video of the ceiling of the Crafthouse with us chatting post-show. Sadly, I was a bit out of range for my phone to pick up my convo with Ollie but you can hear a hushed, “Aw!” from my table when he hugged me.

Unfortunately, you can also hear how fucking annoying I am talking about kpop scandals for 10 minutes straight but whatever – I’ll be keeping that ceiling rafter video for posterity!

I know everyone is so sick of hearing my cry and lament about my dead cat but I am really trying here. Tonight was a big step for me. I feel so emotional but in a good way because not only did I get to spend time with good friends, but I got to catch up with Bethany and also experience the fantastic Ollie Wride as the cherry on top. I’m really glad I didn’t pass this up. When I saw ten tour announcement last summer, I was scared because of what retro wave has become to me, but – safety in numbers. And I needed to rip the Band-Aid off so I can eventually go back to enjoying this amazing genre of music that used to be such a comfort to me.

And then maybe this can happen:

OK BYE I’M CRYING LOL.

I stayed up until midnight for G-Dragon’s new album drop – there are two MVs and I am fucking dead. “Drama” – are you fucking kidding, Jiyong? Chills, goosebumps, feels, etc etc. I am feeling this in MY BLOODSTREAM. “Untitled 2025” for real.

AND THEN THIS BANGER?! Anderson . Paak AND Karina?? Karina who once got to dance with Taemin and now GD? But also Karina who is a brilliant idol in her own right?! I can’t believe this. We have waited so long for Korea’s King to return and it was worth it, he delivered, he has STILL GOT IT. No one does it like G-Dragon.

HOW AM I GOING TO SLEEP NOW!!!????