When I saw an NCT U “7th Sense” shirt on Etsy several weeks ago, I bought it with no hesitation – buyer’s remorse weighs heavily on me so I usually end up abandoning my shopping cart more often than going through with the transaction – manic shopping is actually one of the few characteristics of bi-polar disorder that doesn’t apply to me. As soon as it arrived, I tried it on and was all Heart Eyed Noona over here. I couldn’t wait until the weekend to wear it out! Because my life is so boring that I literally do not leave the house until Saturday AND MAYBE NOT EVEN THEN.

I wanted Henry to help me get a good picture of it so that I can get a discount from the Etsy seller (he promised!) because he other amazing Kpop designs that I need.  But then Henry was quick to remind me with no words needed that he sucks at taking pictures but excels at capturing my worst sides/angles/scowls/jowls.

We went to the Round Hill Cemetery on our way home from our dumb SaturDate and luckily there were witnesses there so we both stopped JUST SHORT of actual murder when bitching at each other over these dumb pictures.

We could have stopped with this one, only a few minutes into the “shoot,” if Henry had done a better job making sure my jacket wasn’t covering part of the shirt, Ihatehimsomuch.

Getting angry.

1. I like this Hipstamatic filter and rarely get to use it but apparently it comes in handy when you need to block out your miserable mug.
2. My purse is actually an NCT Cherry Bomb purse! The other side has a clear vinyl window so you can display your NCT enamel pin collection. I love that I’m like, “I RARELY BUY THINGS” but then I’m also like, “WILL PAY A LOT TO PREORDER A PURSE DESIGNED BY A PIN MAKER IN SINGAPORE THAT I MAY OR NOT EVER RECEIVE.” Spoiler alert: I obviously did receive it but it took like half a year. I paid for it in the fall of 2019 and then covid happened which delayed an already drawn out process.  #WorthIt

I was so over it.

All of this was going on while Henry’s phone was in the car so when we finally went to leave after nearly killing each other, Henry had like 87 missed calls from Chooch who “assumed” that we were picking him up from work and you know what they say about people who ASSUME.

(LOL, when I was a kid and heard that saying for the first time, I thought it was the greatest thing ever and was so excited to use it all the time, not knowing that the person I heard it from – probably a teacher – didn’t invent it.)

Oh well, that’s all for now. It’s only Tuesday and my brain is the perfect consistency for oyster crackers. I don’t know why I said that. What does that mean? My brain is chowder? OMG THAT MADE SENSE AFTER ALL.

OK. Bye. Stan NCT.

P.S.!! I forgot that Chooch and I saw this when we were at SM Town in Seoul!!

I used to be really into going to major FOODIE type of restaurants, but lately I’m looking for something a bit more down to earth than sitting in a candlelit room with yuppies, having the essence of hickory and truffles elegantly farted into my face by a haunted accordion. I mean, that shit is cool for a second but sometimes I just really want to eat comfort food in some small town dive with the local yokels, you know what I’m saying?

I guess this is our current version of “going out on dates” since Chooch has ditched us for That McDonald’s Life. Not gonna lie, it’s been nice to get out of the house and neither of us are opposed to driving out of Pittsburgh so it’s been nice to see non-Brookline sights. Even rural shit, I guess.

For this weekend’s diner date, I let Henry choose. As usual, he chose poorly. It was some place called G&G’s or something else equally auto body-sounding. It was in VANDERGRIFT, whatever that means, and at first I was like, “OK G&G’s, I see you. Let’s goooo” because it was situated squat in the middle of an adorable small-town street (actually, it was on the corner) and it looked cute! Not all like tires were getting rotated in the back!

Except that it was PACKED and not regular-PACKED, but TIGHTLY-PACKED. So as soon as we walked in and put our name and number on the list, I felt panicky. I mean, I’m getting less OMG about eating in restaurants during The Bad Times, but I’m not OK with crowds still. And I really didn’t want to sit in the middle of so many small-town mouth breathers just for the sake of a grilled cheese that, let’s be real, would be devoured within 4 bites.

Since the host had my number, we went back to sit in the car. There was nowhere to stand in the little foyer without jutting your buns into the face of diner.

We had only been waiting in the car for about 10 minutes before I started getting RULL antsy and “don’t they know who we are”‘ish, so Henry was like, “OMG fine let’s find somewhere else to go, fuck me for trying to choose a place without your consent.”

THAT’S RIGHT, BITCH.

I ended up finding a place through my nemesis Yelp that was allegedly “9 minutes” away. At first I was like, “I’m not sure about this place, it has taxidermy” which is obviously completely off-brand for me. But at the same time, it was the kind of DARK LOG CABIN vibe I was yearning for and just didn’t know it.

On the way there, that fucking G&G motherfucker had the audacity to call me to tell me our table was ready. Cool fucking story! I was mad that they called and not texted (you know, with their restaurant landline) so I refused to answer out of principal. They called right back! Jesus, why are you sweatin’ me, G&G?? Get a life!

Anyway, we rolled up to BONFIRE and I was like, “OK, this is nothing to look at from the outside” and then immediately upon entering, we were cock-slapped in the face by a wall of stale cigarette stench because the steps to the basement LOUNGE was right next to the entrance. I was tempted to go down there and check in on the sad sacks crying into their beers, but there’s always next time.

The front room was empty aside from a table of OLD MEN REGULARS who told us to just go ahead and sit down. I had lowkey Blue Flame-circa-1984 vibes,  to be honest, and even though I still was MEH about the DEER HEADS everywhere, I was really feeling like this was the place that I was meant to me, fuck you G&G. (And you too Henry for suggesting that dump.)

Henry immediately headed straight for the bathroom while I chose the one booth that was situated right next to a beam on one side – Henry’s side, lol.

The waitress came to get our drink orders and she was so adorable in a cowgirl flannel and Princess Leia buns. She said she loved my sweater and I sang, “I THINK I’M GONNA LIKE IT HERE” in my best Annie impersonation while Daddy Warbucks was pissing in the john.

“How was the bathroom?? Was it cool??” I cried after Henry returned and finally managed to get situated in the booth without having to slice off part of his gut first. (And yes, I was a good orphan and ordered a stupid unsweetened ice tea for him in his absence.)

“Not really, it was just a regular bathroom,” he said. “Nothing special.”

“OK well I’m taking my phone anyway just in case,” I cried as I rolled out of the booth toward the restrooms. Henry never thinks anything is special so I’d be the judge of that.

It was OK! Kept up the dead animal theme.

Back in the LODGE, Henry ordered cole slaw and something called Texas Toenails or something from the appetizer section of the menu – he was really flexing that Faygo salary. Meanwhile, someone sitting at the Old Man table had a ringtone that sounded like the horn of one of those mini-big rigs that the SHRINER’S drive down my road during the Memorial Day Parade.

Hold please, while I find an example.

LOL I just caught Henry looking all around for the sound.

Every time that notification went off, I pictured one of the old guys paying the check and then peeling out of the Bonfire lot in his bitchin’ Shriner mini-car, honk-honk motherfuckers. Why was this so stupidly funny to me??

I finished the word search in like 5 minutes or less because I am actually a prodigy at word searches in case you never read about me in the local Pennysaver or whatever. Also, Henry thought our server’s name was Audible and definitely not Autumn.

Dude, this grilled cheese was just what I needed. And I stole some of Henry’s fries which were JUST THE WAY I LIKE IT. Yeah, I could handle the whole HUNTER’S LODGE vibe a lot better if all the dead animals were fake. I felt like a hypocrite gushing over how JUST MY STYLE that place is! But it’s true! I love dark/dim restaurants. Sigh.

Meanwhile, there was a steady stream of old country classics playing, as expected. I don’t like country at all but if I’m going to be stuck somewhere enduring it, I would definitely prefer the stuff from the 70s and early 80s, like Kenny Rogers or Dolly Parton shit you know? So I wasn’t mouthing off about the Bonfire soundtrack at all. However, at one point, this one song came on that made me straight up drop my grilled cheese.

“OMG I HAVEN’T HEARD THIS SONG SINCE I WAS LITTLE AND IT’S BRINGING BACK HIDDEN MEMORIES, MAYBE OF MY BIO-DAD???” I hissed across the table because god forbid any of the deer heads heard me baring my soul. There was literally no one else around us but them. :(

It was that I WOULDN’T HAVE MISSED IT FOR THE WORLD jam and I was like on the verge of spurting out tears.

Henry couldn’t remember who sang it, and I’m certain I probably never knew, so a quick Shazaam learned him  that it was Ronnie Milsap.

“Oh, I never would have guessed that,” I scoffed. “I don’t even know who he is, just his name.”

“RONNIE MILSAP?!” Henry repeated, like OK I already said I know the name, just not really who he is but cook on with your irritating reiterations, Chef Dick. And then, “THE BLIND COUNTRY SINGER!!!??”

The way he said this, totally blurted it out across the table in this serious, frenzied way like he was the friend I phoned and he was telling me the winning answer.

We locked eyes for a moment just as the SHRINER NOTIFICATION went off 4 times in succession at the Elder Table and I just lost it, mid-chew, about to spit out a glob of grilled cheese cud onto Henry’s glasses. It was the most hilarious 3 seconds I’ve experienced in quite some time, Henry’s dire Milsap description followed by clown horns. I was choking at that point, tears streaming down my scrunched up fat face, and even Henry started laughing but I don’t think he knew why.

OMG I will never forget RONNIE MILSAP ever again except for when I started to write this portion of the blog post and had to google “Who sings….” because I totally forgot.

THE BLIND COUNTRY SINGER.

JOHN WAYNE SHIT.

SAW SHIT.

OK somehow I ended up feasting on coconut (WHY DO I ALWAYS TYPE COCOCUNT AT FIRST???) cream pie three weekends in a row, and I have no regertz. This one was so good and totally my style!! I knew as soon as AUDIBLE was walking over playing a sample of THE LAST BUCKAROO* with my slice of pie in her hand, that this was going to be a winner. For starters, it had WHIPPED TOPPING. And the actual coconut cream was fresh and homemade-tasting and not snot-textured and vanilla pudding-y which is my least favorite kind and sadly the kind that Janna and I had two weeks ago at that other place I was obsessed with but already forgot the name of.

*(I literally just googled “What are names of classic western books” lol)

This is where all the CIG STENCH was emanating from.

Oh shit, I should have checked the menu to see if they have SHIRLEY TEMPLES because this totally seemed like the type of establishment that would.

Anyway, I am smitten with this place. I want to go back soon-ish and check out the BACK ROOM which seems to overlook A GORGE. Or maybe just a slight hill.

I might have my birthday dinner here so stay tuned for an invitation. The Watering Hole area would probably be a great place for an AFTER PARTY. If I send you an invitation, you better show up and say I WOULDN’T HAVE MISSED IT FOR THE WORLD.

First round of Shirley Temples on Chooch!

That feeling when you wait all week for the weekend and then it’s just a freezing cold snowy day so why bother doing anything, you know? Ugh my spring anticipation is off the charts. I keep seeing these big fat ass robins around my porch and they are bringing me hope. We were also teased with two mild days earlier in the week which was like walking out into a dopamine wonderland.

We were going to get Korean food for lunch today but I am so unmotivated. Maybe?

In other It’s My Life So That’s What I Write About news, a Verizon salesman came to our house last week. Of course, henry was upstairs when dude knocked and I have a firm Anti-Door-Opening Policy, so I fled with the cats upstairs and panted, “Henry! Someone! Door! Knocking!” I then proceeded to eat my dinner (oatmeal, my winter smoothie bowl transition) on the steps with Penelope, both of us cowering in fear.

But yeah, just a Verizon guy, trying to get us to switch from Xfinity. I knew that Henry wanted to do this anyway at some point but I still figured he’d be like “go away.” Except that he talked to the dude for like a solid 15 minutes.

“That guy was really cool,” Henry said later. “He used to be a journalist in Afghanistan!” Henry was fixated on this. So much so that he told the guy to come back the next day and he’d sign up. Why he didn’t just do it then, I have no idea.

Of course, the dude didn’t come back the next day at the designated time. Henry paced back and forth by the window like a fisherman’s wife watching for the ship, until 7:00pm came and went. “I guess he’s not coming,” Henry sighed, and then left to go to Lowe’s.

OF COURSE thee came a knock upon the door (shout out to Janna who was helping me film a video in English class and couldn’t remember her line of “someone is knocking” and blurted out “there came a knock upon the door” instead like some Dickensian savant) thirty minutes after Henry left. It was his Verizon Buddy’s partner, making good on the promise to return. Now I was saddled with this responsibility of signing up for Verizon!!! FML. I shouldn’t have answered but the guy was knocking so jovially and I knew, presumably, that it wasn’t going to be a villain, so I put my Big Girl Pants on and dealt with it.

Long story short, I was entertained for nearly 20 minutes by the tweedle dee and tweedle dum of Verizon. It was like amateur mic night and my front porch was the little known comedy club The Brookline Bellylaugher. Super nice guys though! And they were like desperately trying to edge closer into my house to get a better look, it was hilarious. Every time one of them would finish giving me some VERIZON IS BETTER THAN XFINITY factoid, they’d interrupt themselves to say, “OMG that thing is so cool!!” and then I’d have to turn around and try to figure out what they were pointing at. They both really loved the Mouse Attack sign.

If I wasn’t home alone in the middle of a pandemic, I would have certainly invited them in. But also, it was 8pm in February in the middle of COVID uncertainty, so I stayed inside the house and they stood back on the porch, and this is how we conducted our business. I signed up and completely screwed up the deal Henry was going to get, but it’s fine! These are things you have to expect when you leave the most helpless member of the household in charge of decision-making.

Luckily, Henry came home while they were still sitting in their car so he stopped them, like, “ho ho ho! Here I am, you promised me a $200 gift thingie, let’s talk about this.”

Anyway, everything is all ironed out I guess. The Verizon tech dude came to my house on Tuesday to do the installation and he too was like *POPPING EYEBALLS* as he walked through the house to the computer. The thing he liked the best was the Seoul subway sign, in case you were wondering.

Poor Taemin got bumped around a lot, but we are now Verizon internet customers, after more than a decade of Henry desperately wanting to switch but being unable to because I was in BAD STANDING with Verizon from a bunch of years ago when I had a landline through them and racked up a HUGE phone bill when I was in Australia and never paid it because I switched some fly-by-night service and that’s a whole other story that I barely remember now because what’s a landline, wow.

The installation also conveniently happened right smack in the middle of a training call I was on, so I had to keep saying, “Dawn? Hey, Dawn? The Verizon guy is here again, can you give me a few minutes?” and I truthfully don’t think she gave a shit either way lol.

I forgot that I took this picture last Saturday when Henry and I were in Brownsville (which apparently was a big deal and numerous people on Instagram were like WHY WERE YOU IN BROWNSVILLE because I guess Pittsburghers aren’t allowed to be there who knows). There was an abandoned church that I wanted to have my picture taken in front of because I liked the door (you never know with me) and one of the windows was broken so we could see this creepy basement scene.

I also forgot to post this from last weekend! It’s my new necklace from The Idol Collective. I love her jewelry and pins sooo much. I found her years ago when I was looking for BIGBANG enamel pins because at the time, she specialized in Kpop pieces but has since branched out to other things and I just love it all.

Look at this boo babe!! He’s OOAK. I set a reminder on my phone so when her most recent shop update went live, I could swoop in and snag him. I love being A WINNER.

What else happened this week….

We were watching some kid do an unboxing of NCT albums while talking about her biases.

Henry: Wow. Who *isn’t* her bias?” Me: I mean it’s really hard to not have like 10 NCT biases. Henry: I don’t have any. So it’s really easy, actually.

Shut up Henry. Everyone knows his bias is Jungwoo.

Henry: He’s not my bias, though! You just assigned him to me because that’s your way of getting to have an extra bias! Through me!

This might be partially true. Here are my NCT biases even though you didn’t ask:

• NCT127: Jaehyun. It used to be Haechan and Jaehyun was my bias wrecker, but then I decided to make Jaehyun my official NCT127 bias, and you’ll see why in a second. (Because you care.)

• NCT Dream: Renjun. Bias wrecker: Jaemin

• WAYV: Xiaojun

• Overall NCT Universe bias: Haechan and Ten

Haechan was the first person in the NCT Universe who I really really really liked and latched on to. He has the most unique voice out of any of them. Honestly, he is so underrated as a vocalist in general.

Ten is a fucking dancing beast, and he is one of my most charismatic and fun to watch of all the members! Since he’s also a member of Super M, I got to see him in person back in 2019, where he also performed two solo songs and it was so fucking dreamy. He is one of the most mesmerizing dancers in the whole damn world. Also, he hates fruit to the point of being actually afraid of them which is hilarious to me.

There, now you know my NCT biases. I mean, there are 23 members overall! How can you have just one!?!?

In non-Kpop news, we finally got confirmation yesterday from the study abroad program that Chooch received *almost* a full academic scholarship for the summer program in Yucatan this July so what we actually to pay is minimal, thank god. We would have tried to make it work regardless because this will be a great experience for him and something that he can include on his college applications (do not want to think about this at all right now).

I asked Henry today if he thinks Chooch will be OK without us for 4 weeks.

“I mean, he’s never been away from us for that long! What if he can’t sleep at night because he misses us so much?” and the response I received from Henry was a silent “COME THE FUCK ON NOW” smirk. OK fine. Maybe it’s me who won’t be able to sleep hahaha ughhh.

Anyway, it’s amazing that he qualified for anything because this is the thing I mentioned a few mths ago where one of his essays sounded like it was written by a sociopath.

More Chooch news: he showed me a slideshow presentation he did for school wherein he eschewed capitalization and used comic sans. “It was an ironic stylization choice,” he shrugged. And the other day when everyone was ballistic because the Wordle word was so fucking aggravating? He got it on THE SECOND TRY. I know this because I was sitting right next to him before we left for school and I was so fucking pissed.

I started having sporadic electrocutions in one of my knees last week and I am totally fixated and wigging out, much to Henry’s chagrin because I always pull him into the WebMD abyss with me. Me: Feel my knees! Do I need more fat in them? Should I be doing cartilage stuff?

Henry: Yeah. Let me know how that goes, doing ‘cartilage stuff.’

Ugh, I hope it’s OK. It only happens sometimes, like I’m not in constant pain but I’m also super babying both knees now to the point where I am afraid to kneel, squat, etc.

Me: What if I have to get a cast?? I can’t use crutches!!! I’ve tried!!!

Henry: WTF, now your leg is suddenly broken? Why would a doctor put you in a cast??

Too late, I’m spinning out. It’s bone cancer. My knee cap is popping off. I have water on the knee. (Fun fact, when I was 10, I was convinced that I had this affliction after reading about it in the Merck medical journal that I kept on my night stand and then I went on vacation with my grandparents right after and proceeded to write about it ad nauseum in my vacation journal and it was not meant to be taken lightly but when my grandma read it, she was like, “OH HONESTLY ERIN” and then laughed herself to tears.

OK but 30(ish) years later, here I am! With a knee ailment! A veritable swimming pool atop my knee! Probably! Who’s laughing now, Grandma?!

I was going to end this with an NCT Dream video but you guy(s) are probably sick of that so I’ll give you a break. (For now!)

I had every intention of posting about this yesterday because this news has rocked my pathetic, lonely world but then I was actually TOO STRESSED/HYPER/EXCITED/NERVOUS about it that I did a bunch of YouTube workouts instead to blow off steam. Somehow, I was able to work and I even sent Carrie a message that said HOW WILL I BE ABLE TO WORK and she was like, “Well, their song doesn’t come out until spring so you might be okay today.” LOL.

Obviously I’m happy but it’s so bittersweet because of Seungri (actually I thought that Seungri had recently appealed and had his sentence reduced to a year and a half but what do I know  – nothing except that he WAS THE FALL GUY). Did you know that some of the Korean TV channels actually blur his face out whenever old BIGBANG footage is shown? It’s depressing.

And I just want TOP to be happy. He had said after he was discharged from the military that he had no desire to be a performer anymore. He has always been interested in art and I’m glad that he’s been given the freedom to pursue these other interests and ventures (it’s the least YG could do) and I hope that he only joins BIGBANG for future schedules if his heart is in it.

Also, I’m paranoid because YG has hinted around about this before. VIPs have been given nothing since 2018 when one single was released. They haven’t performed together as a five-piece since the beginning of 2017. I have never had the chance to see BIGBANG live, and will never, at this point, have a chance to see them as OT5.

Oh, the trials and tribs of a Kpop stan! I’m telling you, when I got into this, I had no idea how much heartache it would bring – but, more joy than anything else, so we’ll stay on this path.

I’m about to go jump on a napping Henry because I’m ready for my dinner-oatmeal, so I will leave you with the last song BIGBANG ever released with all five members, omg my dumb kpoppin’ heart.

Maybe you* can relate, but I have been caught in this frustrating cycle where I am home almost constantly and desperate for social interaction, but then when I think about scheduling any type of plans with anyone, I immediately feel exhausted and just resort to my shut-in tendencies. And then an hour I will complain about being bored and having no friends.

*(You know. You.)

I can’t tell if this the new COVID new, depression, winter, laziness, or all of the above, but last week I was determined to make plans and keep them. So I Kakao’d Janna and said, “let’s go to lunch this weekend” and she was like, “yes” and then I was like, “shit now we have to choose a place” and somehow, my random Yelp map travels lured me to the town of NEW EAGLE where a family restaurant by the name of HILLS RESTAURANT resides.

We’re not on this side all that often, but we do go out that way during haunted house season, and Chooch and I were just in that area last spring for GEOCACHING ugh. All I’m trying to say is that I have somehow never noticed this place in all the times I’ve driven on this road but of course HENRY knew what it was immediately and has even eaten there like 50 years ago which sounds like I’m exaggerating until you remember that Henry is, you know, many years my senior.

I don’t even know what made me click on it when I saw it on the Yelp map, but as soon as I saw pictures of the interior, I imprinted on this bitch immediately. So I sent it to Janna with prayer hands and she was like “yes let’s go here” and that is how normal people make plans, or so I hear.

The only downside was that it’s like 40 minutes away which is kind of weird to drive that far for just a basic lunch but sometimes you gotta just make a meal into an adventure, amirite?

We met there at 12:30 and I was lowkey acting like I was about to meet a blind date inside, that’s how anxious and giddy I was. “You go first,” I said to Janna who was probably just like *EYE ROLL* but I couldn’t see because I was behind her since I made her go first, remember.

Look at that cool tile!! I felt like I was in a subway station and I loved it. Also, we were the youngest diners, so that felt good, too.

LOOK AT HOW CHEERFUL THIS IS! I blurted out the same to the waitress as she was filling the cups. “I try to make sure they never match,” she said with a smile, and my heart was bursting.

Of course, I had to send photographical evidence of my coleslaw to Henry, who was back at home slagging away at projects lol. #PoorHenry says the studio audience in unison. 

Grilled Cheese check: look, I knew I wasn’t going to get a gourmet TOASTIE (that’s what they’re called in ENGLAND, isn’t it??) and am more often than not haunted by lousy diner grilled cheeses (um, the last time I went to Hyde’s in Cincinnati, it was literally two slices of baby-sized bread FOLDED OVER and the one half only had like a corner of a cheese slice on it –  you can kindly CLICK HERE to see a true life photo of that monstrosity. But I have been to Hyde’s enough at this point in my life to know that you don’t go to Hyde’s for a grilled cheese,  you go for the MOTHERFUCKING PIE, PEOPLE).

But the grilled cheese I received on my plate today straight from the HILLS KITCHEN was exactly the kind of grilled cheese I expect to get at an establishment like this. I know it’s going to be basic, but basic doesn’t mean skimpy, you know? And this grilled cheese was just right! The menu said it came on Texas toast and IT DID! I have ordered many falsely advertised grilled cheeses! And it had more than one slice of cheese, which was evenly melted under the bread. (The points  sticking out from the bread weren’t melted, but I didn’t mind.) And the tomato I requested as an add-on was a beefy boy! Yeah, I was please with this.

(Only downside was that the waitress didn’t bring us ketchup since neither of us ordered fries and I typically require a giant pool of the stuff on my plate so that I can dunk my grilled cheese into it before each bite, but I didn’t feel like calling the waitress over to ask for it. If my Pappap were still alive, he’d have dinged a knife against his water glass repeatedly to get her attention, just kidding, he only did that shit at Blue Flame because he was pals with all the waitresses and loved to eff with them lol.)

While we were still eating, the waitress came over and asked if we’d be having anything else, so I blurted out, “do you have coconut cream pie???” because the menu and website SAID THAT THEY DO and Janna and I both love CCP. (I have never called it that before but didn’t feel like spelling it out so instead I used an acronym and then spent all these letters forming words explaining the obvious. I am a Writer.)

“We have one slice left,” she said, not realizing that she was basically uttering the words that could end Janna’s and my friendship.

Janna and I looked at each across the table. “I’ll fight you for it,” I said, while Janna The Mature asked, “What else do you have?”

The waitress ran down the list and some of the other ones sounded good too so I brilliantly suggested that we order the coconut and another one, and then split each. 12 YEARS WORKING IN THE CONFLICTS DEPARTMENT, LADIES AND GENTS AND OTHERS.

“I’ll let you two decide and come back in a few,” the waitress said, realizing that she didn’t have time to stand there for this heavy discussion.

“OK, but save the coconut for us please!” I called after her, wondering if she could detect the coating of panic & desperation hanging on my voice.

A few minutes later, the waitress came back and asked if we decided. I asked Janna if she knew which other pie she wanted to get and Janna was like, “Should we just get the coconut and that’s it?” and I was like, “Oh. Ok. Sure,” but deep down I was like, “NO I AM A PIE PIG AND REQUIRE TWO SLICES IF WE ARE SHARING.” So we let the waitress walk away and then Janna IMMEDIATELY said, “Dammit, that raspberry cream one sounded good—-” and I was already crying out, “EXCUSE ME!” to the waitress so we could tack on the raspberry slice too. Crisis averted!!

Good thing too because the raspberry cream ended up being better than the coconut! Look, the coconut was fine, but it was not my favorite kind of coconut cream pie. I prefer the inside to be more of a whipped coconut filling and less pudding-y, and I definitely prefer my slice to be topped with a whipped wig, not a meringue mountain. To this day, I don’t think I have had a better coconut (literally have type cococunt every single time) cream pie than the ones served up at Grant’s in Millvale. That pie deserves its own TV show.

BUT CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE BATHROOM AND ITS GOLD GLITTER SINK??

LOL.

Hills was decently busy when we arrived, but we stayed all the way up until they closed at 2 (two other old ladies did too!) like total rude asses. I blame Janna, who had to go to the bathroom. I had actually paid a few minutes prior to 2 but then had to STAND THERE AND WAIT FOR HER while the waitresses were like, “Cool thanks for finally leaving the table so we can clean up your mess now” but don’t worry I left a nice tip because what a great place with even better service.

We’re almost counter-sitting age! I bet a lot of old men have bitched to each other about their nagging wives while sitting on those stools and slurping down cups of black coffee.

Chooch would have been so stoked about the WIFI sign because that’s always the first thing he checks when we go to a restaurant.

Well, I think was a great lunch spot! I haven’t been to a restaurant since December (I’m still leery!) so I’m glad I broke my “eating out” strike for this place. Then, as I was about to get in my car to leave, Janna asked me some innocent question about NCT127 and it was like getting a POWER UP in Super Mario Bros. My brain, now flipping over to its Korean side, completely disregarded the original plan of “Lunch is over / get in car / drive home” and told my legs to walk back over to the sidewalk where Janna was standing.

“OK LET ME EXPLAIN HOW NCT WORKS” I said all breathily because talking about Kpop makes me get into HEAVY PANT MODE. So we were still having NCT class while all of the waitresses started to come out and leave. Then we were the only ones left in the parking lot and I’m sure Janna was like, “I WISH I HADN’T ASKED.” Lol.

OH FOR CHRIST’S SAKE, I just realized that I failed to check at the register for Hills merch!!!

P.S. You know what else is good on grilled cheese? HOT SAUCE.

As previously mentioned, Henry and I have been going through the tedious and boring chore of cleaning out the attic. Not surprisingly, some historic gems have been unearthed, like this shirt I bought in 1998, perhaps from Hot Topic back when Hot Topic was just regular old mall goth as opposed to whatever den of commercial crap it’s become over the years (don’t they literally seel Spongebob merch there?? 1990s Hot Topic would have never…). Or it might have been from Slacker, which was (is? I think it still exists) a shop on the Southside where you could get cloves and BDSM accouterment, lol. I definitely bought clothes from there on several occasions during my Fake Goth phase but I mostly bought novelty cigarettes to smoke with my purple cigarette holder.

I was really into smoking back then.

What a brag.

But yeah, as mentioned off and on in this garbage dump of words over the years, I went through a solid goth phase from probably 1998 to 2001, except that it was mostly just the music that I liked to enjoy in the privacy of my own home while chatting with Internet friends on Darkchat who probably were actual legit goths with an Ann Rice and Poppy Z. Brite library, and not a POSEUR like me lol.

I don’t think I ever wore this shirt more than twice. Once was definitely post-Dracula’s Ball. I had been wearing a corseted dress all night and this was my CASUAL GOTH LOUNGE WEAR that I changed into apparently. Probably made sense at the time? I have a vague recollection of changing into it in a parked car at like 1AM.

Anyway, Henry was like WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH THIS. For a split second, I nearly put it in the donate pile. But then I reconsidered. There might be opportunities to use it for costumes or photo shoots, see also: it’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

Of course, I couldn’t resist temptation and had to try it on. You know, just to see if I would feel inspired to dust off my Black Bible goth CD compilation (and then also search the house for something on which to play said CDs…)

I still have the choker that I was wearing in the OG picture and knew exactly where it was too, so recreating this photo was a breeze except that as usual, I was being the Queen of Not Fully Understanding the Assignment and therefore had my hands facing out instead of up.

Wow you guys, I’m happy to report that this shirt is FUCKING COZY. I had no idea! Probably because I was drunk any time I wore it in the past so why would I remember a shirt’s comfort level.

Please enjoy this picture of me with GOTH MICHAEL BOLTON, after me and this broad I was friends with at the time (actually, I had only just met her IRL after sort of knowing her from Darkchat and decided, “Yes, Stranger Lady, I shall get into your free candymobile and attend a goth dance party in Philly and then you will promptly meet some old man who you become convinced is a real life vampire and proceed to sloppily make out with him leaving me to wander around alone and stumble into a veritable DRUG DUNGEON.”

Anyway, Goth Michael Bolton was the sidekick of Real-Life Vampire (but probably actually IT Guy) so I got stuck with him while that broad (with whom I actually stayed friends for several years but she is actually one of the most toxic, habitually-lying people I have ever met) giggled and acted amazed while Real-Life Vampire added HTML to his WebTV email address.

(I actually wrote about this night for a writing assignment when I was taking a creative non-fiction class at Pitt and I got an A but the last time I re-read it, my whole body cringed. I can’t believe I was actually in college for writing lol. )

Speaking of that broad, here she is on another night when we went to this guy SHADOE‘s apartment for dinner and she was like “OMG please let me borrow that shirt, I like this guy so much” and then we got there and she was like, “OMG I DO NOT LIKE THIS GUY” after meeting him in person, yet proceeded to let him tie her up and cut with a huge knife??? IN FRONT OF ME???

Anyway, blood-letting aside, I thought this guy was lovely and we actually stayed friends for quite some time after he found out that she was married and a pathological liar.

It’s also super surprising I even still have this shirt in my possession considering I let her borrow it and she was the most untrustworthy person in the whole world. (Although she did help me get rid of this guy I thought I was in love with from the aforementioned goth chatroom Darkchat and thought that yes, it would be a great idea for him to use his mother’s miles and fly here from Vancouver only for me to immediately feel smothered and creeped out by his constant need to serenade me with Joy Division songs while crying.

My life was very different pre-Henry.

Clearly.

Also, I can tell you that in that picture up there, she was either pouring a glass of Tequila Rose or Manischewitz wine, because those were our go-to alcohols back then, I guess??

Also x2, I was really into cropped rug-like sweaters during those days. I had one that was yellow and my friends Jon and Justin loved calling it the Big Bird shirt. I saw that these were back in style again recently, maybe two or three winters ago, and I almost bought one from the junior’s section of JC Penney’s lol.

Also x3, Shadoe if you’re out there, I miss you. Hit me up. You were a real one. :(

And here’s a close-up of The Choker, which I actually bought from a vendor at the Dracula’s Ball. It’s hilarious to me how much of an impact that one night had on me, evidently. I mean, I have a scar because of it, and if you read the linked post up there, YOU WILL KNOW WHY. #ClickBait

Well, we barely made a dent in the attic cleaning project, so who knows what else I will find? CHECK BACK SOON – lol.

Edited to add this outtake, which cracks me up because you can see my VERY GOTH FitBit:

Korean YouTubers DKDK made this short-n-sweet doc on G-Dragon’s impact on not just the Korean music industry, but also international fashion. I watched it on my lunch break today and cried real tears because there is something magical and mystical about G-Dragon that just completely overwhelms me. I think a lot of have idols in our lives, be it an author, a film maker, one of the Beatles. I definitely have a handful of people who would render me absolutely star-struck and speechless if I ever had the good fortune to meet them, but there is something about G-Dragon that elevates him above even that for me. I promise you  that this isn’t just me being some basic fan-girl. I am genuinely fascinated of and inspired by him.

When I first got into Kpop, it became clear very quickly that the boy group BIGBANG was like, the kream of the krop, the k-top of the kpop. So naturally, the name that was the most prevalent in that scene was G-Dragon. And I remember thinking, “Who is this G-Dragon and why is he that great?” So I started watching BIGBANG music videos and of course I didn’t know who he was so now I’m googling “Who is G-Dragon” and “Why is G-Dragon so great” and now I’m watching guest appearances by G-Dragon on Korean variety shows and I’m watching an actual CNN interview with BIGBANG from like, 2012 or something, and oh, here are a bunch of solo G-Dragon performances and wow, people fucking love this guy and then bam – I got sucked in. I was under the Kwon Jiyong spell. I got it. It made sense. This man is the literal definition of charisma and swag.

And I don’t care how “worldwide famous” a certain other Kpop group is, because G-Dragon will always be the King and he single-handedly paved the way for the rest. And honestly, he is their idol, too.

There is one thing that this excellent video doesn’t mention and I think they were actually remiss to leave it out: G-Dragon’s utter respect for others, and his consistent 90 degree fold when bowing to others, regardless of their age or status in relation to his own. He just seems like he was really raised right. Good job, Umma & Appa Dragon.

But yeah, please watch this and maybe you can understand why I love him so much!

You guys know I’m like super tightly-wound, right? OK then this next part of the GENESIS night will sound super on brand: So, when I bought the tickets back in May, I opted for the mobile option because I paid $$$ for this shit and am constantly at war with the USPS to begin with. The last thing they need is to lose my GENESIS TICKETS, you know? Anyway, I added the tickets to my Apple wallet a few months ago and noticed that there was no barcode on them like in the past. But then a squirrel probably came to the window and distracted me, so I didn’t think about it again until a few days prior to the show.

“DOES THIS LOOK RIGHT?” I screamed to Henry, who just shrugged and said he was sure it was fine. It didn’t “look fine” to me so I frantically googled “TICKETMASTER MOBILE TICKETS WEIRD HELP” and only found information on how they USED TO LOOK.

You know, with a BARCODE.

To be safe, I made sure I was logged into the Ticketmaster app because the barcode appeared on my tickets there. Then I kept getting all these  intense emails from the venue about the entry process, and learned this was actually a paperless ticket event so I guess I didn’t even have the option to get regular tickets? And then there was the BAG POLICY which had me stressed out too so I tried to make Henry measure my wallet, but he was like, “Um, this is fine. They’re not going to confiscate your tiny wallet” and I was like, “BUT THEY POSTED DIMENSIONS! DOES MY WALLET FALL WITHIN THOSE DIMENSIONS!” and because Henry is a Man who voluntarily took Industrial Arts in high school, he was able to just look at it and say yes.

I hate him.

Even at dinner that night, I was low-key on edge about the ticket thing. When Corey was in the bathroom, I checked my TicketMaster app AND IT WOULDN’T OPEN BECAUSE IT SAID I HAD NO INTERNET CONNECTION. So I was frantically Kakao’ing with Henry who suggested that I restart my phone so I did AND THEN IT LOGGED ME OUT OF THE APP TOTALLY. I literally could not get in to access the tickets so now it was Apple wallet or GTFO.

My only consolation was remembering that it was going to me and about 8465 elderly people in the same boat, and Henry reassured me that there would probably be plenty of people there to help. Who even am I?? One pandemic and suddenly I’m a concert n00b.

I finally admitted my concerns to Corey when we started our walk from Bae Bae’s to PPG Paints Arena but if was also worried about this, he did a great job hiding it. The walk itself was nice and brisk – I knew I was going to cold in that denim jacket but getting a picture of MATCHING SIBLING JEAN JACKETS would be worth it so I only complained a little.

Eventually, we began encountering other GENESIS fans along the way. You could just tell. I mean, one middle aged guy was playing Invisible Touch on his phone and gave us a head nod. Another middle aged guy yelled to us, “I NEED A JOINT HAHAHAHA” as we were waiting to the cross the street and it was so obvious he was only saying it to us in hopes one of us would be like, “OMG HERE YOU GO FELLOW GENESIS FAN” lol.

Anyway!! We finally got to the arena and forget what I said about being so cold because now I was SWEATING in anticipation of someone banging the gong when I attempted to scan my DEFECTIVE tickets. I was on my tiptoes, craning my neck to see if anyone ahead of us had the same-looking tickets and while most people had the barcoded ones from the Ticketmaster app, I did see someone with one that looked like ours. Then we got closer, I saw that the scanner had two options: a spot to hold your phone under to scan the barcode, and a spot up above where you just tapped your phone if you had one of the SCARY NON-TICKET LOOKING TICKETS like we had.

It took all of .0002 seconds to get in and Corey was like, “Honestly, I wasn’t worried at all.” OK COOL THANKS, BRO, GLAD I COULD TAKE ON THE WHOLE BURDEN FOR THE BOTH OF US, LOL.  I was still buzzing after that but then we got in line for merch and my anxiety finally transformed into actual excitement. It’s not easy being me sometimes, you guys. It really isn’t.

Corey and I both snagged a t-shirt (duh) and I also bought an art poster which is my favorite thing to buy at shows and I get so excited when they’re available! I didn’t even care how much it cost. This is pretty likely the last chance we will get to see Genesis (Phil said as much himself) so I was sparing no expense!

This was taken right in front of our seats so you can see that we had plenty of people-free room! If it was a hockey game, we would have been right behind the glass and over a bit to the right of the goal. It was really comfortable! Corey, being a Tall Person, was grateful that he had adequate leg room.

I was so pleased with this picture because the lady who took it for us was really determined to get the right shot. “I got some of the stage in the background,” she said knowingly, and we were both so happy with it!

“Remember when we went to see The Cure and that person took that really awkward picture of us turning around in our seats?” I asked Corey when we sat back down. Of course he remembered, how could he forget? IT WAS SUCH A TERRIBLE PICTURE AND SO AWKWARD TO POSE FOR:

I sent this to Corey after I got home later that night and his response was: Glow Up of the Decade, lol.

We had about 30 minutes to people watch* before the show started and Corey continued to gush over his ample leg room. I looked around and said, “Yep, this is exactly how I pictured it when I bought the tickets, right down to the garbage can positioned right in front of us.”

“Really??” Corey exclaimed.

“No!” I laughed. But that fucking garbage can would prove to be a NUISANCE as the night went on.

*(In case you were wondering, the median demographic for Genesis was definitely 55-70. I knew even I’d be one of the younger people there but I was actually kind of surprised at how few “younger” people I even saw!)

The lights went out a little after 8:00PM and Corey and I were practically foaming at the mouths. I was flabbergasted at how many people were still casually milling about, THROWING AWAY THEIR BEERS IN THE TRASH DIRECTLY IN MY LINE OF VISION, and just taking their good ol’ time getting back to their seats. And you know this was annoying to me because I used the word FLABBERGASTED. I don’t just drop that word down lightly, mmkay Brenda.

Anyway, I truly do not have the words to write a proper review of this show because my emotions are still overwhelming me. First of all, Phil Collins is ill and the fact that he even found the strength and drive within himself to carry out these shows is beyond imagination to me. I mean, what a boss. However, it was extremely sad to see him looking frail, and remaining seated through the duration of the concert. He seemed to be struggling at times with his vocals as well, but just being under the same roof as him was an incredible honor.

I definitely let the tears roll on occasion, but it didn’t fully hit me until the next morning, when I just broke down and sobbed while making breakfast to my usual soundtrack of Tonight Tonight Tonight (seriously, I’m always “Alexa, play Tonight Tonight Tonight” and it’s miraculously one of the few times she will deliver without incident).

I didn’t really hate anyone at this show except for the people who kept walking off and onto the floor during the whole entire show. Like, you can’t wait until later to get another fucking beer? Because the last time I checked, fucking G E N E S I S is up there performing for YOU and you’re just gonna walk out to get another IC Light. Wow. Just, wow. My favorite part was when these dumb fucks would come back and proceed to stand in the open space between our section and the last row of seats on the floor and the ushers were too fucking old and ambivalent to tell them to go back to their seats, so then we’d be staring at the backs of drunk Yinzers for a minute before they regained their bearings and staggered to their seat.

But then there was a middle-aged man and his father in the last row of the floor section and they were so fucking adorable with their father-son air-drumming that it canceled out how angry all the in-and-out beer and bathroom break people had made me. (Honestly though, I know how much those floor seats cost and you better believe I’d be holding my pee until Genesis said “No for real this is it, look, we’re taking a bow” and the lights came on.

For me, the highlights were definitely Tonight Tonight Tonight (I have VIVID childhood memories soundtracked by that song) and Mama.

LOL my attempt at getting a picture of Phil’s son on drums. What a prodigy!

This one time, I was standing in line for a haunted house and decided to assign very specific laughs to my friends for us to perform as we ran through the haunt. My laugh was Tom Hulce’s shrill chortle from “Amadeus” (I WAS SO GOOD AT IT), I taught Janna how to emulate the toe-curling throat scrape of the Sleazy Furnace Guy who had recently made like three appearances at my house around that time and it was just A Whole Thing really, and because Christina is so creepy in general I appointed to them the coveted Phil Collins mirthless laugh/groan from “Mama.” So basically, the best one.

This song just hits every time.

SETLIST

1. Behind the Lines / Duke’s End
2. Turn It On Again
3. Mama (!!!)
4. Land of Confusion (Phil’s intro to this song referenced the current state of the world making this song relevant and there was a video of toilet paper falling from the sky and people marching with face masks on; also I was obsessed with / terrified of this music video when I was a kid, lol)
5. Home By the Sea (I was imagining Phil was shouting SIT DOWN to all of the PEOPLE LEAVING THE FLOOR OMFG SIT DOWN)
6. Second Home By the Sea
7. Fading Lights
8. The Cinema Show
9. Afterglow
10. That’s All
11. The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway
12. Follow You Follow Me
13. Duchess
14. No Son of Mine
15. Firth of Fifth
16. I Know What I Like (In Your Wardrobe)
17. Domino
18. Throwing It All Away (Watching people throw their endless cans of beer away all night gave new meaning to this one)
19. Tonight Tonight Tonight (!!!)
20. Invisible Touch (PEOPLE WERE LEAVING DURING THIS SONG!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?)

ENCORE

1. I Can’t Dance
2. Dancing With the Moonlit Knight
3. The Carpet Crawlers

It was a wonderful show, you guys, and felt very symbolic that Corey and I got to see them together because it felt kind of therapeutic, five years after the 116 Gillcrest Trauma. Music really does heal, and Phil Collins / Genesis really helped scab over many of our emotional wounds, that is for fucking sure.

****

Henry and Chooch were sleeping by the time Corey dropped me off but I woke them and made them watch several video clips from the night (I took very few pictures and videos) and the very next day, Henry framed and hung my Genesis print because sometimes, he just knows the things that are important.

Action shot of The Hanging. (I actually took this to send to Chooch who was incessantly blowing up Henry’s phone about something stupid and I was like STOP BOTHERING HIM, HE IS DOING HIS CHORES. Kids, amirite.)

OMG *tearing up*

I love this wall! Every framed picture is a print from various concerts. I love collecting these! I have a ton of other ones too but I kept all of these ones together because they are the same size. So now every day, I get to walk past this and smile at the memory of seeing Genesis.

I saw Genesis! <3

If I had better blogging habits, I could have written this after I got home from the show and called the blog post TONIGHT TONIGHT TONIGHT, but alas, I am an ambivalent fake-writer and here we are, an entire week later.

Quick back story: I have loved Phil Collins and Genesis since I was in the single digits of age, although I’m certain I probably could differentiate between Genesis and the works of a solo Phil until I was a teen in the 90s. My grandparents always had the radio on in their kitchen and being the early 80s, you were bound to hear “Sussudio,” “In the Air Tonight,” “Invisible Touch,” etc etc. I particularly loved “Easy Lover,” the Philip Bailey and Phil Collins collab. I saw Phil Collins in the mid-90s when I was a teenager (with my friend-at-the-time Keri, who ALWAYS HAD A HEADACHE), and much later in life, I had the pleasure of attending a Mike and the Mechanics show, but I never had the opportunity to see Genesis.

I didn’t even know my brother Corey was a fan until we were mired down with the task of cleaning out my Pappap’s house in 2016 and I got the kitchen stereo to work again. Naturally, I tuned it right to a lite FM station and we were giddy, scrubbing floors and chucking piles of magazines and newspapers into plastic bins to a soundtrack of the BEST soft rock from the 80s. Of course, we heard tons of Phil and Genesis during our laborious days and nights in that house. Giddily making Instavids backed by Phil, Prince, and Mr. Mister was one of the few bright spots during a very, very dark year for us. I even made out with a bunch of Phil and Genesis albums from my aunts’ record collections, and Corey had a custom Phil Collins birthday cake made for me that year:

An Impromptu Birthday Dinner

Then last spring, Corey texted me a HUGE ALERT that Genesis was coming to town. and for the first time since 2019, I found myself having a nervous stomach and The Sweats while waiting in Ticketmaster’s bullshit virtual queue. I got us two tickets in the first row of one of the sections near the floor, which I tried to plan strategically not knowing how the state of Covid would be come December (turns out, worse than last spring) and these seats would put us in a position where we wouldn’t be fully surrounded by people. Then came the months and months of waiting, wondering if the concert would get canceled, praying that Phil, who is already in poor health, would be OK. Believe me, if he had decided to cancel the tour, I would have been bummed, sure, but also I would have been relieved because is this even safe for him!?!? Protect Phil Collins!!

Finally, Genesis Day arrived and I did a pee-jig by the front window, waiting for Corey to pick me up. When he rolled up into the driveway, I barely even said goodbye to Henry before flying out the door like a spaz. As soon as I flung the passenger door open and popped my head inside, I noted that Corey was wearing his jean jacket.

“OMG SHOULD I WEAR MY JEAN JACKET TOO??” I screeched, and he yelled, “YES!” in the tone of LE DUH.

So I crashed back into the house and wheezed to Henry, “COREY IS WEARING HIS JEAN JACKET SO I HAVE TO WEAR MINE TOO.”

“You’re an idiot,” Henry mumbled, as I maniacally traded my fluffy blue coat for denim.

I knew I would probably be cold since the plan was to eat Bae Bae’s and walk to PPG Paints Arena from there, but it would be worth it for the MEM’RIES, I just knew it.

Corey has never been to Bae Bae’s before, and it’s been a hot minute since I was last there, to be honest, so I was happy to be back. And even happier at their mask policy and the fact that the dining area was nearly empty. Thank you. I’m back to being SUPER SKEEVED OUT by eating in restaurants, and if we’re being honest, I guess I never really stopped being skeeved out, vaxxed or not.

During our dinner, Corey was raging because nearly every song that came on was a Top 40 “hit” that he absolutely hated, and I lamented the fact that a Korean restaurant was playing basic white people tunes, to begin with. Now granted, Bae Bae’s is very much Korean American fusion, but I do approve of it because I feel like it’s a good gateway to ease vanilla palates into the wild & crazy world of, I dunno, pickled and ferememted banchan. I mean, they don’t have the proper name for their “glass noodles” on the menu, and the first time I went there and called it by its God-given name of JAPCHAE, the guy behind the counter did a double-take, like, “You know?”

In most traditional Korean restaurants I’ve been to, they play actual Korean music! Granted, that’s predominantly Kpop though lol so I’m sure that’s not appealing to everyone.

ANYWAY! The whole reason I’m bringing this up is to tell you that I cosigned all of the verbal hate mail Corey was spitting to these dumb western artists, ALL BUT ONE:

CHARLIE PUTH. I was unaware that Corey hates him so much, but I have a complete guilt-free obsession with C.Puth. Sorry, little bro! We did agree though that Phil Collins is one of the few musicians that you can say you like to pretty anyone and no one is going to try and make you feel shit for it. Like, even in high school, when everyone is trying SO EFFING HARD to be the most, I never got dogged for my unwavering and blatant love for Phil. (I got DRAGGED when I went through a disco phase in middle school years before that shit made a comeback and became “cool” again, lol.) I think that most humans are in rare solidarity when it comes to the legendary status of Mr. Collins. I’m sure there’s the rare breed out there that “OMG can’t stand” In the Air Tonight, but I thankfully do not know them.

In fact, after Chooch was The Smashing Pumpkins’ “Bullet With Butterfly Wings” for Halloween when he was in 3rd or 4th grade, he suggested “being ‘In the Air Tonight'” for the next Halloween and I was like, “HOW THE HELL—-OK. LET’S DO IT” but then he moved on to something else by then, sadly.

But I digress….

Meanwhile, going to a concert together definitely had Corey and I feeling nostalgic for the time we road-tripped to Philly in 2008 to see the Cure, so we reminisced about that a lot during the evening and then the next day, I realized that we also ate out of take-out containers at a restaurant during that trip, just like we did at Bae Bae’s!

(This was an all-cereal joint called Cereality and I honestly can’t believe it’s not still around, even though my choice of “every chocolate cereal and then top it with Whoppers” made me so sick on the drive home.)

OK I’m ending this here. I had a long evening of being annoyed by the MALES in my house and I would like very much to just spend the rest of the night reading a book. I’ll be back tomorrow for Part 2, sound good? Good.

Hi hello how goes it. We are in some Tennessee town outside of Chattanooga and we have on some incredible radio station that played JACKIE BLUE and then this INSTRUMENTAL song came on and I was in so much pain because I wanted to snap my fingers along to it so bad but I cannot snap my fingers, in case you didn’t know. I was born without the ability.

Anyway, I became instantly obsessed because it made me picture all my squirrel Buddys on the porch having a peanut party and I couldn’t stop laughing. But then I went to this band’s wiki page and it’s actually SAD because the song was actually an instrumental b-side to the a-side song which featured the lead singer Cliff Nobles’ vocals, but it was the INSTRUMENTAL that took off and became a huge hit, peaking at #2 on Billboard in like 1968 or some other old-ass year.

Cliff Nobles ended up working in construction after his music career ended which makes me sad because now he is dead and will never know that I have become obsessed with him and a song that he had no part in.

Also we ate breakfast at Donut King Tastee King Donuts (came here 6 mths later to proofread this and correct the damn donut shop name, #professional) which I picked only because it has a cute logo BUT NO MERCH.

It was just ok but I wanted an egg & cheese on a biscuit on they were like NO BISCUIT, CROISSANT so I had it on a croissant instead and the whole time I ate it, I wondered why no one wants me to have a biscuit on this trip because at dinner in WV last night I also ordered an egg sandwich which was supposed to come on a biscuit but it came on TOAST instead.

Also they put like a THICK SHEATH of pepper in the middle of the eggs this morning and I was almost having an allergic reaction.

Now we’re on our way to Atlanta!

Remember how last year when I picked the paint palette for the dining room, it accidentally ended up being the same colors as a classic box of Popsicles? Well, I thought it would be cute to have one section of one wall decorated with popsicle art.

I bought a popsicle neon sign. I stole from Chooch’s room a popsicle illustration I bought him when he was a baby. I put on display the stick from the “Designer” popsicle Chooch ate at the Gentle Monster / Fendi pop-up we went to in Gangnam. And then I couldn’t find anything else that appealed to me!

So I thought, “HMM I WONDER IF THERE ARE PICTURES OF G-DRAGON EATING A POPSICLE.” I know  that there are pictures of him enjoying a Baskin Robbins ice cream cone because that one has previously come in handy.

LO AND BEHOLD. I found one! So then naturally I knew that I needed to stock up on Korean popsicles in order to use the wrappers as a textured, collaged background. This project kept getting moved to the back burner but last night, with Henry’s help, it was completed!

You can’t really tell from the pictures, but we printed G-Dragon out on cardstock, sprayed and coated him a ton of times to make him all glossy and sparkly because it’s what he deserves. Then Henry glued him to chipboard and cut him out so he has a very 3-dimensional feel.

Yeah boi, I’m really happy with this!

Chooch is doing some mentorship thing at the Carnegie Science Center where he’s learning how to use various computer programs and 3D printers and I desperately want him to make a popsicle-shaped light switch cover for this wall too because that green one ain’t it, Timothy.

I bought my very first ever monstera plant last January, with very little confidence or faith that I wouldn’t let it wither away into a brown crisp. I’m so hit or miss with houseplants and have killed an embarrassing about of cacti even. (Succulents and cacti are actually NOT THAT EASY TO MAINTAIN for most of us people, honestly!)

Also, quick back story: Henry kept calling it a Monsta X plant because there is an awesome Kpop group by that name. So then I officially dubbed him Wonho after our joint-bias in that group (even though he is no longer in Monsta X and is currently living his best damn life as a solo artist!

Observe: Wonho last January on the day we saved him from dumb Lowe’s.

And here he is last week, November 2021.

What a beast!!

You can see that he is soaring over the buffet now.

He is so lush and has strong big boi energy.

I do talk to him every day (along with the cats, squirrels, my other personalities, the computer screen and basically any inanimate object I encounter throughout my sad and lonely work-from-home days) and I guess what they say is true re:talking to plants etc.

Wonho actually lives in a corner with several other large houseplants and that space looks like a mini rain forest, and that makes me feel calm.

I never would have thought I’d be a plant bitch yet here we are: first came succulents and now this.

Hey, let’s check in juman Wonho!

How it started (as a rookie in 2015).

And um…how it’s going. *fans self*

Whenever I exclaim, “holy SHIT Wonho is getting so BIG,” Henry always asks, “Which one?” Because truly it could be either.

Ok um on that note 잘 자요!

We’re having a pretty A-OK Saturday. I lost my temper momentarily because NONE OF THE MALES in my house had taken out the garbage and that is the only reason why I KEEP MALES IN THE HOUSE in the first place. But other than that, today has been merry. A real pocketful of posies. Etc.

• Picked up three books at the library!
• Started to read In My Dreams I Hold a Knife and was worried because my track record with dark academia is bleak but this seems good so far!
• WENT TO GET CUPCAKES FROM MY FAVORITE CUPCAKE JOINT, VANILLA PASTRY STUDIO!

You may remember that many years ago, I wrote some dumb blog review about that place and one of the bakers saw it and printed it out for the owner, THE SUGAR FAIRY, to read and I found out because SAID BAKER left a comment telling me that owner loved it and I was like OMG IM DEAD but then the next time Henry went there to get cupcakes, that baker came out from the back and said OMG ARE YOU HENRY because she recognized him from my blog so then it became this funny Ha Ha thing where Henry was the face of Oh Honestly Erin etc etc. but honestly, these cupcakes are just…they’re the limit.

Here’s my old post about them from 2009. I haven’t even glanced at it since then so god only knows how atrocious and vulgar it is:

When Cupcakes Surpass Expectations: A Positive Review

OK well we reference a circle jerk in the second line, so that really sets the stage.

Anyway, VPS moved to a new location several years ago and then eventually closed when the Sugar Fairy took a job as a pastry chef at a restaurant downtown. Yeah I know I could have just gone there but it’s not the same. It’s just not. Talk to the hand, etc.

Then last week one of my pals posted in their Instagram stories that VPS was reopening in their OG location?? I went and looked and sure enough, it was a real thing and not something I misread with hopeful cupcake eyes. The soft opening was today at noon. Did henry and I get there 30 minutes early in anticipation of a line? You bet your sweet buttercreamed ass we did.

No one was there yet! So we territorially sprayed our spot at the door while we had a chance. Then some guy came out and said that he was actually first. “I even brought a chair,” he said, pointing through the window at his portable concert chair thingie. Turns out he’s like BFFs with the Sugar Fairy!

Anyway, he was a real treat to talk to, and then another guy strode up and got in line with us and he was really cool too! It was the best line I’ve stood in in quite some time. Cupcakes will do that.

They let us come in about 15 minutes early! There was a decent line that had started to snake out from the door (I WAS SECOND BEHIND BFF) so I was glad that we did get there early.

We got one of each and then told the guy to just continue plopping the ‘cakes in until the dozen box was filled. I was about to spend too much time thinking about what I wanted because it’s been over 5 years since one of the delicate frosted orbs from above melted on my tongue and I wanted them all.

Oh would you look at this smoll boi with the big sugared hair? Look how the cupcake portion is GLISTENING. Look at the specks of legit vanilla bean in that frosting beehive. I am heavy-breathing so hard right now. Thank god no one is currently home. (Chooch is at work as usual ugh and Henry is at one of his favorite stores: JOANN.)

Wow what a happy moment, tonguing a Vanilla Pastry Studio buttercream mound again. Shit son. These cake-muffins are just the best around. Go there. You won’t regret it. (Well. Maybe until you step on the scale. What? I’m a big numbers person, I can’t help it! MY WORLD REVOLVES AROUND MY MORNING WEIGH-IN I CANT BEEAK THE CHAINS, I AM BOUND TO THE SCALE, ITS MH ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP.)

We didn’t eat them all! Henry and I split the four in the above picture, so we each had two cupcakes and then felt the SUGAR DOWNS quickly after. But never fear! We took a drive out to Keystone State Park to walk it off. Whew.

“Take a picture of me with the lake behind me.”

“Give me your hat. Now take a picture of me with those things.  No, those things. No, THOSE THINGS. Whatever those things are.”

(Cattails? No. I don’t know what to call these things.)

Also!!! See that box thingie in the tree? That was the thing that started my infamous giggle fit the last time we were here! When I was trying to remember the name of the place I wanted to go today, I kept saying, “You know, that one place where I laughed a lot. No, the one where I laughed like A LOT and you and Chooch were annoyed and didn’t think it was funny. Where I almost peed my pants. I don’t know, it was because of vampires or something and I was laughing.”

And then Henry was like, “Oh. I know where you mean.” Lol.

Keystone Kackling.

“Take a picture of me looking like a stüp*.”

*(What I called stupid people.)

“Take a picture of me holding my jacket open like this.”

I do love this jacket. I got it at Target! It’s Wild Fable or whatever their strange 90s fashion reboot line is called. I’m going to be very sad when it gets too cold to wear this but hopefully I’ll be able to get away with wearing it in Georgia next weekend.

“No wait, I wasn’t doing my PEEING DOG pose yet.”

“Ok, now I’m in prime canine PISSition. I’m ready. Take the picture. Henry are you taking the picture?”

“Wait let me do my SIGNATURE windmill pose now. Do I look cool? As cool as the Dutch ones?”

Henry just diligently snaps away while mumbling, “Sure but you will find something wrong with all of these as usual.”

Fake engagement photo. Ugh.

MY NEW MOUSTACHE.

“Take a picture of me looking scared behind a tree.”

“Take a picture of me pretending like it’s my school picture. EW WHY DO I LOOK SLEAZY??”

“Because you WERE sleazy in high school,” Henry said.

Touché.

Here are canoes.

Henry and I both had to pee after that and I offered suggestions on how we could both pee in the same toilet in the park restroom at the same time and he wouldn’t entertain my ideas because: “I feel like that would burn.”

OK well now I am going to finish my cup of coffee and read some more of my book before it’s time for FAMILY KPOP KARDIO NIGHT. (Chooch doesn’t know this is happening and will likely start a fight in order to get out of it so we’ll see. Check back later for the shocking conclusion, I guess.)

You guys. It’s on the wall. The Seoul subway sign. It’s actually on the fucking wall!! Aaaaand Henry has decided he doesn’t like it and is going to tweak some things but whatever – it’s like 90% done I guess?? I’m happy with it!

View this post on Instagram

The lights can also be solid but I really liked how festive it looks with the multi-colored blinking lol. Our house is an actual LED nightmare. Anyway, someone commented on that and asked if it was from a kit – yeah Henry wishes! This beast took nearly 2 years to make and Henry and I argued over it a million times to the point where it’s actually a miracle that it didn’t completely ruin – or kill – us. I gave him lots of grief for it but let’s be real here – dude literally had to design this and build it from fucking ground zero with NO REFERENCES because who the fuck has ever built one of these bitches before!? No YouTube videos, no…what the fuck is that thing that sponsors all of the influencers…SKILLSHARE. Yeah, there was none of that shit. It was trial and error. And a million times already he’s said things like, “if I had to build another one, I would do it totally differently.” Lol. I mean, it was a learning experience?!

Not too much of a backstory here – just that I REALLY FUCKING FELL IN LOVE with the Seoul subway system. Like, major love. Is it weird that Chooch and I have dreams of going back and choosing random lines we haven’t been on before and just….riding it out? Like, that would be a fun itinerary for us! Just exploring all the different stations?! Yes. I want to do this.

You would never how much I love Korea if you came to my house.

OMG my favorite subway station is Jongno Sam-ga. I know you were dying to ask me this question. I mean it’s practically right up there next to “what’s your sign?”

THE SEOUL SUBWAY SIGN. Duh.

I bought myself this keychain thinking that it would inspire me to actually take my house key with me when I leave the house. Um, so far I have been taking it with me but my paranoia of the key not working in the door even though I have tested it a thousand times keeps me from locking it lol ugh.

The first time we visited South Korea, we stayed in Jongno and that particular subway station was super close to our hotel. Shit Tom, we had some grand times in that area.  Please to enjoy a post from the last time we visited:

Giddy in Jongno

The cats are honestly just like “kill us” at this point.

I’m just glad to not have a gigantic blank space on the wall anymore. You know me, gotta fill all the walls and make the house as claustrophobic as possible!

I’m also very happy that you can see this from the sidewalk as you’re walking past our house so we have definitely had several lookie-lou’ers since Monday night.  Also, Henry is the best, in case I haven’t said that yet. <3

My beloved haunted house tattoo was TINGLING this year. I will be honest here and admit that the last couple of years leading up to 2020, I felt myself falling a bit out of love with haunted houses. It’s a combination of my friends outgrowing it, and then the ones who really do love it moved away (Laura, I miss you so much, but especially in October), so it would usually end up just being me and Chooch, sometimes Henry if the haunt wasn’t too $$$ (Henry is a tight wad, you guys). And then it was just kind of like the same old, same old. You know?

But then 2020 happened and even though some haunts still opened during the pandemic with precautions in place, none of us felt like risking it since vaccinations weren’t happening yet.

So I don’t know if taking that season off was what needed to happen for my heart to grow fond again (lol) or what, but this year reignited that flame and my heart was once again a motherfucking farm bonfire next to a queue for a haunted hayride.

That being said: shit son, this past weekend was rough because I knew deep in my heart that it was time to accept the fact that Halloween/haunted house season is officially over. I mean, it’s always Halloween in my heart and of course it doesn’t have to be with the TikTok kids and influencers call “spooky season” to be able to enjoy horror movies but we all know that majority of haunted houses call it quits on the last weekend of October.

However! There are a handful that extend the creepy fun to the first weekend of November so we took advantage of that!

One of those was Scarehouse. I have a HUGE CHIP ON MY SHOULDER with this one and have actually removed it from my “must visit” list about 10 years ago or so. Long enough ago that Chooch has never been there, let’s put it that way. I started going to this haunt in its inaugural season and followed them through two? three? location changes. And in the beginning years, it was decent! But like Hundred Acres Manor, it grew too big and then they started paying for the “best in Pittsburgh” title and it turned into a shit show. For a while there, they were even  the most expensive haunt in the land and it pissed me off because we would wait in line for upwards of 2 hours just to be herded through like cattle in way too large groups so it just wasn’t scary or fun.

But they moved to ANOTHER new location this season and I figured, “OK FINE I WILL GIVE IT A CHANCE BECAUSE I AM A FUCKING SUCKER.” Plus, you can buy tickets in blocks of time so you’re guaranteed to go in within that 30 minute block – allegedly, anyway. I was correct in assuming that it wouldn’t be crowded on a Friday night post-season so there were only about 5 groups ahead of us and it moved speedily.

I *almost* ate crow that night because they sent everyone in with just their own group, no cattle-herding, and the first part of the haunt was actually pretty cool. I was like, “OK SCAREHOUSE, I SEE YOU.” But then after the first 5 or 10 minutes, about 10 groups had caught up with each other and it was a major traffic jam. Everyone was just slowly shuffling through and next to nothing was happening. Also, I get that their new location is inside a half-desolate mall and I think that part of the theming was like 1990s post-apocalyptic shopping mall rave? I literally have no idea and that actually sounds really cool written down but in reality it was a fucking snooze.

If they could expand upon the beginning section, fucking figure out the pacing issue AFTER 20 YEARS OF THIS BULLSHIT, and I dunno, make it actually scary, then I will go back. But this ain’t it, Scarehouse.

“And that’s exactly why I waited out here,” Henry said when we rejoined him in the empty food court, bloated with complaints that needed to be filed. Oh and also I fell inside one of those stupid inflatable things and have a huge bruise on my knee, so double-fuck you, Scarehouse. The best part of that night was going to a nearby Target afterward and buying a Christmas train cat scratch pad thingie for Drew and Penelope, to add their gigantic collection of cardboard Target cat houses.

However!! The next night while Chooch was at work, Henry and I went to Wells Township Haunted House in Brilliant, Ohio. I always see this one in the listings but I guess the fact that it says “Ohio” always deterred me because in my mind everything in Ohio is at least 2 hours away. This is less than an hour from Pittsburgh though!! It’s actually kind of near Dark View, which we LOVE but sadly didn’t make it to this year.

So, we almost didn’t come to this one because it was a lights out tour and, having never been there before, I worried that it would be a bad “first time” experience. However, our other WE’RE STILL OPEN THIS WEEKEND! option was Haunted Hills Estate in Uniontown and they too were doing a lights out tour. And the big draw for that one is their challenge trail so I thought it would be kind of dumb to go there and miss out on that portion because it seemed like that wasn’t happening. Finally, I was like, “OK, I’m calling it. We’re going to the one in Ohio. At least it’s something to do.”

Because honestly, I have been having so much this season with Henry! It gives me hope that even once Chooch is out of the house, we still have a chance of having fun together! Maybe! Lol!

We got there a bit before 7 and it was really nice because you get assigned a group # once you pay, so just like Rich’s Fright Farm and Demon House, you can mingle about and not have to stand in line for an hour+. They had some hobo fires going and I was practically climbing inside one, I was so cold. (If this was an “out loud” story in real time, Henry would interrupt this part to mumble, “It wasn’t that cold.”) They had super loud hard rock playing on giant speakers with the corresponding music videos projected onto the side of the building, which kept us entertained. Plus there were some monsters milling around too, and at one point the chainsaw brigade was unleashed so waiting for our #16 to display on the LED sign was not a boring activity.

Um, you guys? I get it now. I know why they’re #1. This was the best one I went to all fucking season, and even  the last several seasons if we’re being honest. Possibly the best one since my BELOVED VICTORY HAUNTED SCHOOL SHUTTERED ITS DOORS. I’m not sure if this was just because of the “lights out” liabilities or if it’s always like this, but we had to sign a waiver before entering, and then Henry was given a glow stick to help illuminate the way.

And from the moment that door shut behind us, it was a TOUCHING FREE-FOR-ALL. I don’t think I have ever been touched so intimately in public by so many strangers before, honestly, and I know it should seem like this would be something that me, of all people, would be highly opposed to, but there is something about being groped in the dark in a haunted house by “monsters” that is EROTICALLY  THRILLING TO ME AND CLEARLY I HAVE SOME NICHE FETISHES, most of which revolve around Halloween / haunted houses, I guess.

Henry said they barely touched him at all, but sometimes his beard would get stroked, and I was like, “Oh shit, Mary, they were all over me!” He just laughed and said he noticed. I fucking loved it though. Like, I am giving you my money to scare me (safely though, I won’t do any of that hardcore shit where they give you a safe word and make you do disgusting things – I know my limits) so fucking scare me, bitches. And they did, from start to finish! I screamed my face off and laughed hysterically through the entire building and I couldn’t stop talking about it the next day.

The pacing was *CHEF’S KISS* too. Those actors knew how to run that shit and made sure we either chased through or stalled at various points so we never caught up to any groups until the very end, which (no spoilers in case you feel like going next year!!) was understandable because of the way it ended.

According to their website, being touched there is not just a “lights out” thing but something that they do on regular nights, but the guy who gave us the run-down of the ruled that night did say that with the lights-out tour, the groups are smaller to make it more intimate and it sounds like the regular haunted house tours are guided? So I will definitely be returning next year on a regular night (Henry said we can probably do that one and Dark View on the same night – double-haunt nights are a 1990s throwback dream!) to see if I still think it’s the best one but in any case, I think I will be adding their lights out event to my regular rotation!

OMG I was so pumped after we left this one. What a fucking way to end the 2021 season! And hilariously, I almost made an Instagram post last week giving a shout out to my top haunts of the season, thinking that the ones I went to this past weekend likely wouldn’t change my rankings. Wow. WOWOWOWOWOWOW. I was wrong on both ends, because I added a new top #1 AND and a new “worst” to the list, even though let’s be real, I expected that shit from Scarehouse, lol.

What a season of exceptional scares, high-throttle giggle fits, and acting like a brand new high school couple with Henry!