I had to take the dreaded TROLLEY to work today for the first time since March 2020 and I was little bitch-Princess about it too, whining internally, whining via texts to Henry and Chooch, whining to my co-workers in super Victorian Woman WOE IS ME fashion, wrist slung across my (sweaty – it was almost 90 degrees!!) forehead.

And not only did I have to take the trolley, but there was unexpected construction on the platform which Chooch failed to tell me (he takes the trolley to school) and I couldn’t see the signs because my eyes are bad and the signs were small so a construction worker had to instruct me to cross to the other side and then I got to the other side and forgot the rest of his instructions mostly because I wasn’t listening so I had to ask a commuter sitting on a bench for help and he was like “*points*” but then a guy going downtown was like “this way” and I was like “yeah I knew that” lol duh.

Then the trolley came and I am accustomed to the double-trolleys so I was standing at the end of the platform but I guess because lots of ppl still work from home, they are only using doing one-train ops so the back door didn’t open and the same guy had to be like “this way” and then OMG this is the worst part actually it wasn’t bad at all and I know that no one gave a shit but you know me and the DISASTER PLAYBACK LOOPS in my head: I got on the trolley and strode RIGHT PAST the fare thingie like I owned the joint and made it halfway thru the car when I stopped dead in my tracks, realizing I hadn’t paid. I turned around to walk back and noticed that the driver was leaning over looking at me and he was FOR SURE just about to yell at me but thankfully I caught my own faux pas in time so SORRY WHITE MAN for ruining your chance to YELL AT A WOMAN.

Turns out, my folly was usurped by a businessman trying to pay with cash and struggling profoundly to the point where the driver had to WRITE IT OFF and then the guy who apparently woke up this morning with an assignment from GOD to help me was like “after you” so I got to pay my fare like a good honest commuter, but he was probably just letting me go first in case I didn’t know how to do it and he had to help me again.

It was like he was my seeing eye dog, honestly.

He ended up sitting across from me and I think he was worried when he realized he was getting off before me. I wonder if he thought about me at any point today, wondering if I made it safely to my destination.

Anyway, I was happy to see that a lot of people were wearing masks even though the mandate lapsed because I was wearing my mask too.

The whole point in this post is that I felt like an asshole for being so whiny about having to take the dumb T. So I got over it real fast. I went to the office, made my morning coffee, chatted with Margie about the weekend, and then had a really great lunch break walk where I appreciated being back in the city.

And I got myself a pea blossom latte from Adda which I haven’t had in years!

Love that there are Adda locations downtown now! Maybe I need to bring back Lunch Break Tales: Cafe Edition because some new places have popped up in the last two years and I need to get back on my coffee game.

Then on my way back to the office, some guy approached me and asked me if I had $10. I was like “uh, no” and instead of moving on, he proceeded to explain to me why he needed it as if that would generate the cash in my pocket.

It wasn’t for food.

Wasn’t for bus fare.

It was, and I actually genuinely appreciate this guy’s audacious honesty, for a CHAIN. A MOTHERFUCKING NECKLACE, YOU GUYS.

It was DISCOUNTED down to $15 and he had $5 but needed $10 (phew thank God I understand math). I repeated again that I didn’t have cash and he said, omg this guy, “You got a card?”

WOWOWOW. I wish I had even an iota of that man’s confidence. I said no and he was like “ok thanks” and moved on to the women behind me who said NO before he even had a chance to tell them about the CHAIN.

Then I went back to the office. I wanted a snack in the afternoon but had no coins and the vending machine’s credit card reader wasn’t working!!! Inflation is real though because I definitely do not remember everything in that machine being $1.25 back in 2020??!!

It was ok though. I survived the last hour and came home to a smoothie bowl, prepared with love (??) by Chef Henry. Watched episode 4 of Stranger Things while Chooch stared at me to see if I would cry during “the part.”

(I did.)

(We watched the first episode on Friday and Chooch was like I CANNOT WAIT FOR YOU PPL and binged the whole season on the drive to Connecticut last Saturday so he had already seen Episode 4 and came downstairs specifically to troll me.)

(Also Chooch is obsessed with the soundtrack from this season so maybe he will have a better appreciation for our 1980s Dream Kitchen.)

(Goodbye.)

I was looking for something that we could do Sunday morning to kill time since Six Flags doesn’t open until 11 and OH BOY-O did I find just the thing!

Apparently, there is a place called Stanley Park a few miles away from Six Flags and the reason why this is relevant to my interests is because it’s known for having a large population of BLACK SQUIRRELS. Seems that some dude in the 40s was gifted with several black squirrels from Africa or something?!

This place is referred to as Black Squirrel Town on Roadside America and there even used to be a local store where you could by souvenirs but now it’s online only, I guess.

Obviously we needed to go here, and Chooch suggested that we grab breakfast sandwiches to eat there. (Actually, that’s already what I had wanted to do but you can’t even tell Chooch that you had the idea first, god forbid.)

So we went to some place called Baker and the Bean or something and it was a nice place! Someone working there mistook Chooch for someone in one of their classes so that was weird.

They had huge snickerdoodle cupcakes so we scooped one of those up to split between us.

It was ok! The icing was very thick and heavy cream cheese which was unexpected but not the worst.

Sat on a bench at Stanley Park and wolfed down our sandwiches (I only ate half because I was in such a hurry to see the squirrels!!) and then ran down a path into a wooded area where it was a SQUIRRELPALOOZA.

There were definitely black squirrels but way more Mr. Gray Guys. They were all running around and chirping at each other and for a second I was actually concerned that we might get attacked. It was like a wooded wonderland in this park though!!

Chooch has always been obsessed with geese and ducks so he was more into that portion of the wildlife free-for-all. These guys were so friendly! The geese in Pittsburgh are borderline aggressive. And that’s not even when there are babies around!

We spent about two hours here and it was worth every second – I could have easily spent more time in this wildlife paradise. The squirrels! The geese! The ducks! THE CHIPMUNKS!! I swear, we hadn’t seen chipmunks in Pgh for years and years it seemed but then started noticing them again within the last two years at the cemeteries – not in our neighborhood though. They are super scared of people though and zip past us with nary a shred of curiosity.

At this park though, we were basically stalked by the chipmunks! They kept running up to us waiting to be fed I guess. Henry went to the car to get change for the goose feed machines and found a lone peanut and some pieces of dehydrated strawberries and bananas.

(I kept telling Henry on the way there that we needed to stop and get peanuts or something but he was being a real STICK IN THE MUD* about it and kept mumbling excuses like, “We don’t even know if there are really going to be that many squirrels there.” OH OK so we only feed squirrels if there are…what, more than 5 of them? OK Cuz.)

I could never get my neighborhood Mr. Gray Guys to come this close to me! I wasn’t able to hand feed this babe, but he did get super close and kept hopping all around me until I finally just tossed a piece of banana to him.

But you guys, the chipmunks!! Chooch and I were both able to hand feed some and Chooch even got gently nibbled by one!

This picture sucks because Henry took it with his broken-ass phone, but here I am feeding a peanut to a chipmunk!! This might be “whatever” to a lot of people but I am animal-obsessed and have always been jealous of Snow White (lol), like I wish bluebirds flew around my head like a crown of flowers, etc.

Here please enjoy a boring video compilation I made:

On the way out, Chooch said, “Look there’s a lady reading a book in the rose garden. That could be you.”

TOTALLY! I would go there every god damn day if I lived in that area. It was IDYLLIC.

Oh! I forgot that one of the best parts was when Henry almost fell down the steps and then Chooch and I took copious liberties of reenacting it/mocking him.

It’s how we show our love.

Today, I went to the Black Squirrel website and bought a magnet!! I LOVE STANLEY PARK.

I have plenty of action-packed updates but NCT DREAM just had another comeback and that takes precedence!

Just watched this from our crappy hotel in Connecticut and I’m screaming internally. I love NCT DREAM so much!!

Hello from the car. We’re somewhere in PA still, around 10:15am, left the house at 8:00am. You missed nothing so far except for TWO SHEETZ STOPS obviously, one for breakfast items, one for peeing and snacks.

Here I am in the first Sheetz because I love their mirrors and wish I looked this stretched out IRL:

Spoiler: I do not look like this IRL. :( Also I look v. tired.

Music-wise, we’ve been on a Kang Daniel deep dive because he just dropped new music and I am OB-SESSED with the single Upside Down which I previously posted here the other day. I made the comparison to Phantogram’s “Fall In Love” and Henry was like “I DONT HEAR IT BUT OK” and then I was inspired to revisit my previous comparison of Kang Daniel’s “2U” to “X-French Tee Shirt” by Shudder To Think and this one really drove Henry off the deep end, and he said I’m crazy.

Just call me EK Crazy Ears I guess.

In the second Sheetz bathroom I accidentally used something called GOJO SOAP and it was terrible!!! It was some industrial paste shit to remove grease and paint from hands and it felt like I put gritty peanut butter on my skin, and it STANK.

I was traumatized by this and came out of the restroom with a dazed look on my face. When I told Henry about my latest trials and tribs, he started cracking up because apparently weird-ass Chooch loves that soap and was complaining that this Sheetz didn’t have any in the mens room.

Ugh.

In between all of this, Henry and I ranted to each other about America’s gun obsession, and I feel so frustrated, exhausted, enraged, and helpless. Henry suggested that these GOP/NRA motherfuckers won’t care until it happens to one of their kids….but even then, would they care? I have a hard time imagining these fucks as humans so to me, it doesn’t seem like it would matter even then. This country is so fucked. Every day it’s like, please let my kid just make it through high school without an active shooter situation, so that I can then worry about him making it through college without getting shot, or going to the movies, or the grocery store, or a concert, or a club.

But…at least all those fetuses will be protected. So that they can be born and promptly NOT protected. What a logical country we live in.

11:36am: BIG NEWS. We just stopped at a rest stop in Clinton County whatever that means and for some reason I felt inspired to get a coffee out of the machine because back in the summer of ’98 my friend Heather The Ken and I used to go in drives in the middle of the night to rest stops where it would be just us and truckers (soooooo fucking safe) and we’d go on vending machine sprees. I used to drink vended coffee all the time back then and felt like going to my 19-year-old roots.

It was a big deal.

I got a PREMIUM COFFEE with sugar & “lightener.”

I made Chooch take my picture and then he lectured me for being awkward.

When I declared that it was ok (after repeating “there are no lids” a hundred thousand times only for Henry to ask later “why didn’t you get a lid?”) Chooch decided that he would also take the plunge into the hot vending beverage pool and ordered a hot chocolate.

By this point, a LINE HAD FORMED for hot bevs!!

Ok by line I mean in this case just one old dude pictured above. No, not Henry – you went too far up. The guy in the picture right above this.

Mmmm. Monte Carlo, hold the lid.

Meanwhile, the regular beverage vending machine ate Henry’s money and he is in the process of lodging a complaint.

12:09pm: Normalize thinking Michael Bolton is an ok singer. (Spotify just recommended Said I Loved You But I Lied for my 여보 playlist which is an accurate rec actually.)

1:15pm: here are some boring-ass highway pictures. We’re near the Poconos with nary a HINT of romance.

2:06pm: finally in NY. Meanwhile chooch is doing some annoying CashApp thing and creating turmoil in the backseat. He made me download the app and I screamed THIS IS BITCOIN SHIT I DONT WANT IT and then Henry wanted to drop me off at a Texting / Rest area pull off. “It’s the Erin Drop Off Area,” he said like he’s so fucking cool.

2:24pm: Rest stop in NY.

Does Henry count as household garbage?

2:53pm: Henry just announced that we passed the Fishkill Correctional Center and I blurted out, “your butt’s a fish kill” and he mumbled, “you’re hilarious.”

IKNOWRIGHT.

3:57pm: What you missed: Henry whipping us around some town in Connecticut looking for a bathroom. It was action-packed. He screamed FUCK CONNECTICUT the whole time. It was great.

6:09pm: oh brother let me tell you. We just ate at ION vegan restaurant in Middlebury CT – like we specifically went there after I saw a review of it on YouTube – and it was DELECTABLE but I am so full and think that maybe I might be averse to chick peas now??

First, I want to tell you that this place had a STRONG 1990s vibe. I’m not sure how to explain it but it felt like a place that would have been popular in NYC in the 90s with like slam poetry night, but our waitress had a WHOLE 90s aesthetic. Tank top, daisy(ish?) ankle skirt, Doc Martens.

We got an order of corn bread for an appetizer. Holy shit. This was Biblical. What does that mean. I don’t know. But I feel like prophets would have sang about this sweet ass loaf.

Honestly, I could have just eaten this and been sent on my merry way, totally satisfied.

Our waitress was also super helpful and very personable- she walked through Chooch his decision of drink (chai latte) and entree (chickpea parm – which was also what I got!).

I don’t drink much anymore but I splurged and ordered the blueberry sage sangria that was on special:

And chooch’s chai ^^^

Breaking news: it’s 7:32 and we’re at some canal trail thing.

I threw a fit because Henry checked into the shit hole hotel and then expected to stay in for the night but I needed walked!!!

We saw an eagle fly out of its nest!!

Now we’re at the cem across from our shitty hotel:

Ok back to dinner recap!

Oh man, this was soooo good. I split it with Henry, who got the “cheeseburger” which was made from beets and mushrooms. I love it when places make their own veggie burgers rather than relying on Impossible, etc.

The only problem was that the chickpeas in my sandwich made my stomach blow up like a balloon and I walked out practically doubled over. I’m ok now (mostly) but it took a good digestion walk to help get me straight man, ugh.

We also walked around the block after we left the restaurant- it was in a pretty nice area with lots of other cool restaurants like one with fancy al fresco seating and a high percentage of old woman diners based on the cloud of Elder Perfume we walked through on the way past, that Chooch said he wants to take our cat Drew there and she would probably wear a beautiful blouse but our other cat Penelope would wear a burlap sack. Ugh. He’s so mean to her.

A cross walk on that street!

Interior design inspo. I think this was a massage therapy place?

Then we drove a few minutes to check out the CIRCUS HORROR MEMORIAL.

I guess it was still tarped over from the winter? That was disappointing. I found this on Roadside America but no one had been there yet to provide any tips or photos. Guess I will!

Now I’m back in the hotel while Henry and Chooch are out getting coffee. It’s almost 9pm and it’s too early for bed but I am SO TIRED.

Oh well. BUHBYE.

Hey Sally, sick of amusement park recaps? WELL TOO BAD. J/K, you get a reprieve for today and instead we will look at pictures that have been piling up on my phone.

• I bought this velvet capelet thingie from Unlogical Poem and wore it TO WORK (still feels weird typing that!) on Tuesday. I felt super regal. It was a super shitty day, work-wise, but wearing this made me feel less stabby, so it turned out to be a good purchase, I guess. Aside from this, the best part about being in the office was that my friend Nate was there as a surprise – I haven’t seen him since March 2020 but he’s one of the  people I chat with the most at work so it was awesome to get to bullshit IRL, like the old days! Then, after lunch, we did a few laps with Sandy around the quadrants while Chariots of Fire played on Nate’s phone. We picked up Sharon along the way, but Lucas said, “No, I’m good.”

• Holy shit, we collected a major Sugar Spell bounty on Sunday! Two of these pints were actually from the week before – Amanda held them for us since we were out of town and I couldn’t possibly pass up  the chance to spoon some vegan Texas Sheetcake into my big fat yap. But then the next pint drop was irresistible as well, so I had to buy four of those two. Turns out, I was the FIRST ORDER when it went live on Friday, so they threw in two half pints for us as well! I HAD NO IDEA THAT THEY DID THIS. Also, in the last two years, how have I never been FIRST before?? I set a fucking timer for their pint pre-orders, for god’s sake!!

• Did I post this before? I bought a Stray Kids shirt on Etsy to wear to the concert next month and it is so effing adorable, I can’t stand it. I asked Henry if he wanted one too but he didn’t answer me with words, just smirks.

• CATS CATS CATS

• Here’s our latest home decor project. I have been stressed over the pantry almost since the beginning of the kitchen refresh. I just didn’t like the huge opening and how quickly cluttered it got, filled with cereal boxes and other junk (well, non-perishables, not actual junk). Especially when Henry knocks shit over and then creates a pile of whateverthefuck – it gives me hives. I don’t think I’m clinically OCD but I definitely get nervous when things are out of place or cluttered. So I came up with a plan to use a thrifted denim skirt as a curtain, if you will. Henry stonewashed it and then it proceeded to sit in the basement for MONTHS before I was finally like, “OK, time to move this project to the top of the list” so I paint-splattered it and then Henry FINALLY cut and sewed it (aka the boring She’s Crafty stuff). I had been collecting pins and patches from the 80s since last year, so I was super happy to finally get to display them. Before my readers in the firefighting industry get all bent out of shape, please note that Henry thought ahead and hung this using snaps so that it’s easily removable for when we’re (lol “we’re”) using the right side of the stove.

I LOVE CHUCK MANGIONE SO MUCH. His music reminds me of going to Blue Flame with my Pappap.

• I can walk around Pittsburgh on Tuesdays! I missed my downtown walks, although it’s gotten pretty sketch down there in pandemic times.

In honor of the new Stranger Things season dropping soon, I will leave you with the latest MV from the super talented Kang Daniel (I still miss WANNA ONE so much).

In addition to eating at Melt  (which took longer than any line we stood in all weekend, by the way, so excruciating!), we had great luck on rides! First I should note that as soon as we got to the park that Saturday, Chooch and his friend Zakk immediately went off on their own, as expected. I mean, I certainly didn’t want to hang out with two 16-year-olds anyway! So it was just Henry and me, like we were on a date or something. It was crazy!! The last time we went to an amusement park alone was before Chooch existed, and now the park we went to no longer exists! (Geauga Lake in Ohio – can’t remember if it was a Six Flags then or not…)

Technically, the last time we went to without CHOOCH specifically was King’s Island in 2005 but I was actually in the very beginning of my first trimester, unknowingly, but I’m not counting that because Christina and their sister were with us so it was less DATE-ISH.

Henry kept trying to hold my hand, even. I would allow it for a moment but then I’d say, “OK it’s too hot for this, go away now.”

We were kind of nervous when we got to Cedar Park because there was a SHIT LOAD of school buses there. I guess a bunch of school bands were doing a thing that day. Somehow, it wasn’t as crowded as we anticipated though, and Henry and I immediately rode Gatekeeper after waiting for only about 30 minutes which IS NOT BAD. Somehow Henry had never ridden it before because he claims that he doesn’t “care for” wing coasters that much. Wow, what an elitist.

But then he admitted that it was “good.”

Steel Vengeance was “only” a 60 minute wait at one point so we got in line after the DICK at the entrance yelled at me about my fanny pack which is totally small enough to fit in the free lockers inside the ride line, but OK DICK. He was the only sour Cedar Point employee we encountered all weekend, and his demeanor was exactly the same both days.

“How many pictures of this do you need?” Henry asked while I snapped away in line.

One for every ugly, plain gray t-shirt you have. Get ready for some iron-on action, big guy.

Of course it ended up being a longer wait than an hour but whatever. The thing I say in my head now while standing in line for roller coasters is: what would I be doing if I wasn’t here right? Probably sitting on the couch at home.

So who cares.

I will say that one of the most annoying things about Steel Vengeance is that it’s in a corner of the park that’s cut off by train tracks and I EFFING SWEAR TO GOD every time we’re in a rush to get there, that motherfucking TRAIN is going by so the stupid gate is down and a crowd of antsy people is forming, ready to rush the damn thing.

But Jesus, when it was finally our time to get on this thing, I was so stoked. I do think that Iron Gwazi has edged SteVe out just a tiny bit, but if anyone ever tells you that Steel Vengeance is overrated or overhyped, they’re a fucking joyless idiot. This coaster is everything. I guarantee if you ride it, you will have no idea what hit you. It really takes you there, lol.

A stupid post-Melt selfie. We were going to “casually walk around” and “digest” but then Valravyn had a 15 minute wait because it must have been down and we walked by right after t reopened, so we jumped on that. I don’t really care much for this one, because, like Henry and his hipster opinion of wing coasters, dive coasters aren’t really my jam. They’re one-trick ponies and just don’t do much for me, and Valrayvn (I have no idea how to spell this) is actually my least favorite of all of them.

Henry has never ridden this one though so I felt that we had to do it. The line moved so fast because people weren’t really using Fast Lane thank god. The most exciting part was when a young kid (maybe 9th grade?) told me he liked my tattoo and then said, “Must be a special cat.” YES, YES, SHE WAS, THANK YOU FOR RECOGNIZING THAT, BOY-O.

Here is a picture of Raptor (a better coaster) while in line for Valrayvn. Seriously, how do you spell that? I don’t feel like looking it up.

Really excited.

I love this part of Cedar Point! Frontiertown or whatever the fuck! However, I usually only see it in a blur when I’m running from Millenium Force to Maverick or Steel Vengeance. It was nice to “take it easy” this time around. I mean, we kind of did. There was a moment on Sunday when we were eating lunch in the little food truck area across from Iron Dragon when I happened to see that SteVe had A FIFTEEN MINUTE WAIT. I was like, “BITCH, WE GOTTA HAUL” – Henry and I nearly knocked the table over in our frenzy. And if you know the layout of the park, you know there is NO SHORT CUT to the other side of the park, so we had to speedwalk through Frontiertown and then GET STUCK WAITING FOR THAT FUCKING TRAIN TO PASS, ugh. But that was Sunday and we’re only talking about Saturday, so.

More shots of SteVe.

OMG did I even know that Cedar Point has a Troika?! We never have time to do flat rides usually but we did this time and Henry was so thrilled.

Especially when the ride operator was like, “Who’s ready to ride?” and I was the only one who screamed, and then when she said, “Come on you can do better than that” I was the only one who screamed even more maniacally.

“OK that’ll do,” she said as she started the ride.

“I CARRIED THAT WHOLE THING ON MY BACK!!!” I screamed as we were spun into the air. “YOU’RE WELCOME!!”

Love making Henry ride flat rides, lol.

Raptor selfe.

Henry hates inverts but I made him ride this anyway because the line was only like, 30 minutes and I haven’t ridden this since 2019. I forgot how GOOD IT IS. Also, I think B&M inverts are my second favorite coaster type??? If you don’t know my #1, then do you even read this crappy word cemetery?

MAGNUM SELFIE! The park closed at 8pm that night and we JUST BARELY made it into this line. The girl at the line entrance just got the call to close the line off but we slipped right on through while she had her back turned, lol.

Henry hates Magnum so much but I pouted until he gave in. I always win!

Anyway, we ended up being the third to the last train of the night, but when we came back into the station, there were only a few other people waiting in line for the last train of the night. Henry and I had already gotten out but the kids behind us asked if they could stay on. The ride attendant who bore an uncanny resemblance to my brother Ryan said yes so I screamed, “OMG US TOO????” and he laughed and nodded. Henry was like, “Have fun with that,” and left lol.

Here I am on the last train of the night! You can tell Henry took this with his shitty phone because it’s a weird size. I hate when he takes pictures with his phone. But anyway, Magnum is so painful but it makes me laugh so hard and that last tunnel with the lights and space sound effects is just SO GOOD. Henry said it feels like it’s running on square wheels, and I do agree with that, lol. It’s a fucking spine smasher, that’s for sure.

Anyway, I was so excited to tell Chooch that I ended my night on Magnum, but in true Chooch fashion, he up-staged me….

…by not only getting to be one of the last trains of the night on Steel Vengeance….

….but being allowed to stay on making his train the ACTUAL last train of the night….

….AND HE WAS IN THE BACK ROW!!!!

THAT IS THE FUCKING DREAM!

We knew that he and Zakk were in line for this so we had already walked over to the area to wait for them. We watched the one train return to the station and everyone on it just erupted in a massive chorus of ONE MORE RIDE! ONE MORE RIDE! Henry was like, “I think they’re on that one….” and sure enough, we spotted Chooch’s striped shirt as the final train of the night roared past us. I was SO JEALOUS but also extremely stoked for him because that is fucking AWESOME and you know what else makes it even better? It was Zakk’s first (and second!) ride on Steel Vengeance, so what a fucking way to experience it!

When they got off and rejoined us, I yelled, “I HATE YOU SO MUCH!” Chooch was straight gloating, and Zakk said, “I can see why that’s your favorite!” It turns out they actually rode it THREE TIMES: when they got off the first time, the crew was like, “If you hurry, you might make it back into the line before they close it…” so they ran off and around, managed to be one of the last people to squeeze into the line, and then that’s when they got the back-to-back SteVe special. SICKENING!!

At this point, the park was CLOSED so our walk out was super quiet and peaceful. I love the feel of an amusement park after-hours. I also love that Cedar Point doesn’t shut down lines before the park closes. I have to give them so much credit for that. So pro-tip, loiter around the entrance of SteVe and wait until a minute before the park closes to get in line, I guess!

This is them on the last train of the night. UGH.

At least he granted me one selfie, lol.

What a great first day. <3

Guys, we went to Cedar Point last weekend as a belated birthday “party” for Chooch which I think I probably mentioned in some scattered blog post or another at some point. He brought his friend Zakk. It was one of the best times I’ve had at Cedar Point to date, which is a huge feat considering how finicky this place can be.

Back when our friend Jason still lived in Cleveland, we used to meet up with him at Melt for some pre-show grilled cheese action. This was when Melt was still new and novel and didn’t have a ton of locations spread across Ohio. So when Cedar Point got their own special Melt location, it wasn’t that exciting to us.

However! Jason no longer lives in Cleveland and we no longer road-trip there constantly for concerts, so it’s been A MINUTE since I burnt my mouth by scarfing a Melt original too zealously. Normally we don’t do sit-down meals at parks but I thought it would be nice to pencil it in this time since it was kind of a special occasion and Chooch had a friend with him.

I checked in with Chooch around 2 and he said that they were both ready to eat too, but they were in line for Magnum. Henry and I had just gotten off Steel Vengeance (<3) so I told him we’d just walk to Magnum and wait for them there. He texted me again right as we got to Magnum and said they were in the station about to get on.

Oh, good! We were just in time to see their train leave the station and then promptly get stuck on the lift hill, lol.

At first, we thought that someone got busted with their phone out because one of the Magnum crew people left the station and walked up the track to them. She was going back and forth, stopping at certain rows, so we weren’t sure what was going on at that point. Then she left and a few minutes later, another crew person went down under the lift hill and pushed a button as a recording came on that said ATTN THIS RIDE WILL NOW RESTART so that was fun to watch.

Magnum’s manual literally says, “Turn it off and then turn it back on.”

This ride is soooo janky but iconic and incredibly photogenic.

LOL Chooch.

Finally, we were reunited as a QUAD and walked together (sort of) to Melt. I was happy that it wasn’t crowded AT ALL and a little surprised when the hostess said it would be a 20 minute wait. I looked around at all the empty tables and said, “OK. We’ll wait.” The place was literally at like, less than 25% capacity, but OK.

We had JUST sat down in the waiting area, and the hostess was calling my name, cradling a stack of menus in her arms. Literally less than a minute after she told us it would be 20 minutes?? Did she mean 20 seconds??

I loved that Melt’s decor was a marriage of the traditional Melt aesthetic (vintage plastic holiday yard statues, old school arcade vibes, etc) with historical Cedar Point memorabilia.

Anyway, it quickly became clear that when the hostess said “20 minutes,” she meant 20 minutes for the waiter to take our order which was whatever, but it became progressively longer between returns to our table. He was really personable at first but then gave us less attention every time he got a new table and I was super butt hurt over this.

Meanwhile, Chooch ordered some type of “wet” chicken sandwich but refused to say the “wet” part and just sort of pointed at it instead. He got the vegetarian version of his and I got the vegan version of the BIG PARMA (a whole one so Henry and I could share). Henry got an order of tofu wings, and Zakk just got chicken strips – lame!

It took so long for our food to come out. It’s frustrating when you see tables that were seated way after you get their food first. People were coming and going and we were all just sitting there, idly sipping our drinks and looking at our phones….

…well, the guys at my table were looking at their phones. I was looking at everyone else’s food around me and eye-stalking the young food runner who kept coming out of the kitchen with NOT OUR food.

And then when our food did come, they only brought me a half of my sandwich like they were TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING (“It’s called smaller portions, HONEY”). This was an issue because I knew we were going to get charged for a whole, and also because half of this was supposed to be Henry’s. But the way I said, “I ordered a whole,” came off sooo bitch-babyish. It was like I had floated over myself and just in time to witness the stampy-foot whine come out of my mouth, like I was complaining that Santa brought me a brown pony when I ASKED FOR A BLACK ONE WITH A WHITE DIAMOND ON HER NOSE.

Whatever. Some people find this side of me endearing, like Veruca Salt Lite.

Meanwhile, Henry was mumbling, “Don’t worry about it” but I was like BABE I GOT THIS. (LOL I would never call him that, FYI.) Anyway, I got the other half of my sandwich in less than 5 but then it seemed like our waiter liked us less after this so I was sad because I really liked him but it was clear that he was only interested in playing with all his SHINY NEW TABLES.

We cut Chooch and Zakk loose after they were finished eating because it became clear that we weren’t going to get our check anytime soon. So now with those two gone, we had an open window to the table in front of us: a mom and dad with a daughter who was about 4, a boy who was like 3, and then a super little baby. The girl spilled her chocolate milk ALL OVER HERSELF and started crying, which brought me so much joy. So the mom dumped the baby on the dad was took the crying girl into the bathroom to mop her off.

“Wow, she actually got all the stains out,” Henry marveled when they returned. Laundry-related things excite Henry greatly.

Still waiting for our check, and now these two older women were standing right next to our table, like so close that I actually thought maybe we had been there that long that Chooch and Zakk had grown up into middle-aged women? Turns out they were looking for the chocolate milk bitch. They finally spotted her (I mean, she was literally at the next table, put your fucking glasses on maybe) and handed her a bag from the gift shop with a NEW FUCKING T-SHIRT IN IT (well, obviously new – I assume it wasn’t off the back of some other child-bitch). I can’t remember what the damn thing said now but it was purple and had like a cupcake on it that said best day ever, or something, like why wouldn’t you get a Cedar Point-specific t-shirt, but OK.

So now the dumb girl was happy again and I really needed to pay the damn check and get away from this Church of the Latter Day Saints commercial.

First of all, how do those women even know that this kid deserves a non-milky, dry t-shirt? She could be a terrible kid!! She could have a record at pre-school!! What if she’s a kindercare bully?? There could be a row of mutilated, naked babydolls in her closet!

I felt very conflicted over this good Samaritan spectacle.

“I would never do something like that for a kid,” I murmured around my straw (paper even, go Melt!) as I took a sip of water, and Henry said, “Yeah I know.”

But then! Her little brother fell out of his chair – not even all the way. It was a super slow descent where he lazily ping-ponged between his chair and his dad’s chair, and didn’t even hit the ground, but still somehow hurt himself enough that he started wailing, so now the mom had to take the baby from the dad so that the dad could hold the screaming toddler in his lap.

IT WAS ALL TOO MUCH.

I wasn’t ruling out the possibility that he did this on purpose so that someone would buy him a shirt too. We made eye contact while he was crying and I hope that I was able to convey in my returned glare that it wasn’t going to be me, buddy.

Finally, we got to pay the damn bill and get the FUCK out of there. Great food but easily one of the most frustrating Melt experiences of my life, lol ugh.

When GOT7 left their agency in January 2021 after their contract was up, they swore that they weren’t disbanding and would come back as GOT7. As much as I wanted to believe them, it was hard to because if you are even kind of into kpop, you know the inevitable heartbreak of stanning a group only to have them disband after their contacts expire (usually after 7 years). So many of the groups I loved when I first got into this lifestyle have disbanded and it still makes my heart burn when I think about it!

(Sistar, Miss A, 2NE1, Infinite….

and can we not talk about the limbo state of BIGBANG?)

Anyway, somehow GOT7, even with the members all scattered in different agencies, managed to pull off what everyone said could never happen. THEY CAME BACK AS 7 MEMBERS. They fucking kept their promise!

This song is SO GOOD and the video is serving up visuals on 7 silver platters. I feel so content right now! GOT7 were one of my first kpop loves, especially from a kpop cardio standpoint (lol) and also one of the best concerts of my life. 

OK ONE MORE: Here’s a live performance because I CAN’T GET ENOUGH OF SEEING THEM TOGETHER.

Let’s barrel through this quickly. It was a very up and down month.

1. Finlay Donovan Knocks ‘Em Dead – Elle Cosimano

OK, usually my the second book in a series, I start to lose interest, but Finlay Donovan and her sidekick Vero are hysterical and I love how over-the-top these books are. It has a very modern day Lucille Ball / I Love Lucy feel to it. So good. Light, upbeat, and entertaining. This would be the PERFECT beach/airplane read, too.

2. 5 Centimeters Per Second – Yukiko Seike & Makoto Shinkai

This was OK but I think I just don’t really like manga. Reading in reverse just isn’t my jam.

3. Such a Quiet Place – Megan Miranda

This was fine. I gave it a three. I wouldn’t recommend it but I also wouldn’t…NOT…recommend it. You know what I mean. A basic thriller. Cannot remember a single character but there also wasn’t anything “wrong” with this either.

4. Heartstopper: Volume 4 – Alice Oseman

You already know: FIVE STARS, A MILLION AND FIVE HEARTS. This graphic novel series has really touched in me and made me feel more emotions than most any other book I’ve read recently, so don’t get caught up in the YA-ness of it all. This installment deals heavily with eating disorders and mental illness and it was done in such a thoughtful and sensitive way.

If you haven’t watched the Netflix series, I highly recommend it. Especially if you particularly are looking for a TV show that doubles as a psychic bear hug.

Also? I read this in the car during our spring break road trip and that vacation was sooooo good so I will always associate these two things with each other now and that makes it even better.

5. How to Kill Your Best Friend – Lexie Elliott

Very very very far-fetched but who reads thrillers for a dose of reality, you know? I thought this was a pretty entertaining book about a group of friends – who were all on their college swim team, this is somewhat relevant – reuniting at some South Asian island resort (Thailand, maybe? I can’t remember the exact location now) where threats and murder ensue. This was apparently the second book I read by this author, and I liked them both so now perhaps I should make a point of remembering their name.

6. Real Easy – Marie Rutkoski

This book was t-r-a-s-h. Entirely too many characters. Shitty dialogue. Predictable plot. Best thing is the cover but what does that even have to do with the book, you might ask? WHO KNOWS. I urge you to skip this.

Oh, apparently I actually wrote a review on Goodreads:

OK hear me out. The story itself was good, and the strip club setting was interesting. But the writing was unbelievably frustrating – it was jumbled and very “try-hard” at times. Like come on, I don’t give a shit that the Denny’s waitress had husky blue eyes flecked with gold. Get over yourself.

Also, so many damn characters, and most of them were strippers with two names (real and stripper name) so it was extremely difficult to keep them straight. Same with the cops. So many. Who even are you.

Yep. That sounds about right.

7. A Bad Day For Sunshine – Darynda Jones

If Lorelai Gilmore was Star Hollow’s sheriff, but Stars Hollow was in New Mexico. That makes it sound like it could be better than it is. I mean, it wasn’t the worst book and I liked how every chapter opened with either a witty phrase from one of the town’s shops’ signs, or a blurb from the police blotter, etc. It really helped back up the “KOOKY TOWN” premise. I liked that it went back and forth between the mom, Sunshine, and her high school daughter who was finding it hard to adjust to a new school having just moved back to Sunshine’s hometown. The characters were quirky and the writing was good but I just wasn’t really into it enough to continue on with the series.

8. Reckless Girls – Rachel Hawkins

I gave this a three on Goodreads apparently but my initial reaction when it was time to review this here was one of annoyance and mild anger because I think I actually hated this. It’s an adult thriller but it came off as a bit Young Adult-y at times, like maybe I would have enjoyed this is high school. I was hoping that the secluded island setting would offer a bit of escapism but it just felt suffocating.

9. Fool Me Once – Ashley Winstead

Bro. I was a little disappointed when I saw that Ashley Winstead’s follow-up to her debut novel was going to be a romance.  I LOVED last year’s “In My Dream I Hold a Knife” so much, and that was a dark academia / thriller. I picked this up anyway out of curiosity and I am so glad that I did because it was fantastic. Laugh out loud funny, realistic/believable character dynamics and dialogue, and a story that I actually cared about. It was a wild ride and I was rooting for our main character the whole time, in both her romantic endeavors and professional growth. The side characters  were practically punching their way off the pages, the hijinx were hilarious and believable, and the feel good factor was off the charts. My face hurt from all the smiling I did while reading this.

SO GOOD and I am now anxiously waiting to see what Winstead is whipping up next. This broad has written her way into my heart. This was my second 5-star of the month! See?? I’m not *that* picky.

10. The Unsinkable Greta James – Jennifer E. Smith

Wow.  To think that I almost returned what ended up being my THIRD FIVE STAR BOOK OF THE MONTH back to the library before reading it because I was afraid I was running out of time before Asian Read-a-thon started. That would have been a fatal error because this book, despite being set on a cruise to my least favorite place in the whole world – ALASKA, literally cruised its way into my heart. Almost immediately, I had a feeling that this one was going to become a forever favorite and I was right. The writing was fresh, the dialogue was SNAPPY (clearly dialogue is super important to me), and the story itself was a heartwarmer but also a heartBREAKER.

Greta is a somewhat-famous musician, a fact that her dad can’t stand. Greta gets guilted by her brother to take her recently-deceased mother’s spot on an anniversary cruise that her parents had planned with two of their married couple friends. Now they have this floating prison to attempt to salvage their relationship, and it is an amazing process to follow. This book had me straight up laughing out loud on one page and then sobbing like a bitch five pages later. In fact, I kept getting a lump in my throat every time I tried to give Henry a synopsis.

I cannot recommend this enough. It’s fantastic. I need to add more books from this author to my TBR because her writing is totally my style.

Cleveland is hosting an Asian Festival this weekend and the reason I know this is because a few weeks ago, I received a message on Etsy from a customer asking if it would be ok if she included the Minho card she bought from my shop in a raffle that she would be doing at the upcoming festival. She is part of a local Cleveland Kpop radio show called A Sprinkle of Seoul and they were going to have a booth at the festival.

This was exciting! Of course I said yes and then I sent her some additional SHINee cards too because her booth was hosting a cup sleeve event to celebrate SHINee’s 14th debut anniversary!! I got the info from her and then planned on coming out for it.

Their booth was so cute!! Lauren was so friendly and fun to talk to. She gave me a Kpop crossword to complete for a chance to win an album and it was CHALLENGING! You had to guess each Kpop group based on two songs and some of them weren’t super popular. I almost didn’t even get the BIGBANG one!! And then I couldn’t remember Astro even though I JUST watched their comeback stage this morning. I did eventually get it but Henry of all people had to give me hints. I only completed about 75% of it but she said I could still qualify lol.

I always wanted to go to a cup sleeve event!! They do these often in South Korea – fan sites will usually order cup sleeves to commemorate their bias’s birthday or an anniversary of a group’s debut, and then collaborate with a cafe to host the event. We saw a couple when we were there but it was never for a group I cared much about.

I brought out some of my fave SHINee pins to display on my dumb person for today too <3

I also excitedly outed Henry as a HUGE WONHO STAN to the A Sprinkle of Seoul peeps and they were very understanding because how can you not appreciate Wonho.

Anyway, here’s the cupsleeve!

We went inside a small Asian mall type of building where this eclectic vending machine resided. There was a bubble waffle joint and I felt inspired for one because it’s been a minute, so while we were waiting for our order, I used the restroom only to discover that MY PERIOD WAS HERE – luckily it had just started so there wasn’t an accident but of course I didn’t bring a purse that had my tampons in it. There was an Asian market connected to the tiny mall we were in so Henry was like WAIT FOR THE WAFFLE and ran over to get me tampons but couldn’t find any so got me PADS INSTEAD. UGH.

(I don’t know if this is universally an Asian thing but I know for sure tampons are rare in South Korea. I definitely had to buy emergency pads there on my first visit!)

Meanwhile the guy called my number at the waffle place and I was standing literally right there so I held out my hand to take it but he shoved the waffle in a bag and threw it on the counter at the front behind the lady taking orders and I was like HELLO WTF and because PERIOD I internally threw a fit and GAVE UP. Now Henry was back with the PADS and I was like THEY CALLED OUR NUMBER AND DIDNT GIVE IT TO ME, YOU DEAL WITH IT.

I don’t know why I’m telling you this, I feel like I had a point.

Anyway, after all of this menstrual/bubble waffle drama, we left because it had gotten super crowded AND HUMID at this point, and I had already accomplished what I wanted – meeting Lauren from A Sprinkle of Seoul and supporting the Asian community!

Plus, I wanted tampons, please and thanks. While Henry was in the nearest CVS fulfilling my tampon dreams, I started cracking up as I realized that I honestly can’t remember the last time I bought my own tampons?? Henry is a real one.

Then we went to Brewnuts for some donuts. My bro Corey went here on a recent visit to CLE and highly recommended it to me. The last time we were in town, it was closed because it keeps hipster hours. You know, Wednesday-Saturday or something ridic.

My first impression was: this place looks annoying. Every table was full of not-my-types looking they just rolled up post-run for some dones (THAT’S WHAT THIS PLACE CALLS DONUTS WHICH I’M NOT GOING TO LIE WAS VERY OFF-PUTTING PROBABLY JUST HOW MY PENCHANT FOR CAPSLOCK IS TO YOU) and brews.

But the decor was so my style!

But then the young broad who waited on us (not this lady pictured, she was fine) was borderline rude and stared at us blankly while we looked at the menu after – god forbid – not knowing what we wanted after she IMMEDIATELY tried to pressure us into ordering before we even fully approached the counter.

I’m not saying people need to slap me in the face with the rainbows shooting out of their asses, but a small smile or even a moderately upbeat tone to the voice has never hurt anyone before.

BUT I GUESS THIS IS JUST ME SNIVELLING.

Anyway, we were here for donuts. I got the hot honey cornbread – you know how in sitcoms, whenever a man sees a really hot woman, they bite their fist? I AM BITING MY FIST AT THE MERE MEMORY OF THIS BITCHIN’ BABE OF A NEVER-DONES.

Holy mother, hold my rosary. I’m gonna need two hands for this.

It was SO FUCKING GOOD. Yoooooo. The perfect amount of heat from the hot honey, the cornbread crumbles were NOT messing around, and the donut itself was a bangin’. Unfortunately, I had to split this with Henry (I didn’t know that was the plan and had already started beasting the cornbread side so then he got hardly any of it lolol) but I could have easily inhaled this whole thing on my own.

Meanwhile, Henry ordered the wrong thing for himself. What he wanted was the cherry almond fry cake, but what he asked Miss Personality for was the cherry blossom, which essentially was just a regular iced donut with a cherry blossom design piped on it. Hahaha.

I got iced chai. It was so-so.

Henry got some frou-frou stroopwaffel latte and when the donut dick asked if he wanted whipped cream on it, he enthusiastically said YES and is now, hours later, complaining that he had too much sugar today.

Meanwhile, I had to use bathroom so I could swap out the pad for a tampon. I know, you thought this chapter was closed, yet here we are for the shocking conclusion.

I thought the bathroom was so cute! After we left, I showed Henry this picture and he said, “Oh, yeah, you mean the men’s room.”

“What do you mean, the men’s room?” I asked.

“Oh, I thought you knew you went in the men’s room. That guy was cleaning the women’s room and I figured he told you to just use the men’s room,” Henry said in a shruggy tone.

“Um, no I didn’t even know there were two restrooms?! I thought it was unisex??”

“It’s not a big deal, no one cared that you went in there, I’m sure. Plus, the guy had JUST cleaned it so you’re good.” HOW DOES HENRY KNOW SO MUCH DETAIL ABOUT THE BREWNUTS FACILITIES?? Where was I when he was supervising all of this janitorial action??

“Henry, I threw my pad in  the garbage can in there!” I cried. “In the men’s room!”

Oh yeah, THAT was the point of my Hello, Period story.

Anyway, now I want to go back and see the ladies room sometime.

We brought some donuts home with us so Chooch could try: a lemon-filled one, stroopwaffel (popular flavor there I guess) and Henry got his dumb fry cake thing or whatever the fuck it is. I could not eat here very often if I lived in Cleveland. They are good, but gigantic and HEAVY. Plus, the donut box was literally soaked with grease by the time we got home, which does make me have some slight regrets knowing I put that shit in my body.

But, you know, when on your period, etc etc etc.

“I am not sitting in this car for two hours after that, we need to for a walk,” I demanded, arms crossed and sitting on my princess tuffet, a/k/a the passenger seat. So bitch ass Henry found the nearest cemetery (Riverview I think?) and we want on a very uncomfortable digestion stroll through sopping waves of humidity with roiling stomachs.

Somehow this was the first time we’ve ever gone to a cemetery in Cleveland even though we have been there so many times. It was a decent cemetery. I made Henry take pictures of me because I’m obsessed with my shirt.

DON’T BE SUSPICIOUS….DON’T BE SUSPICIOUS.

Then we finally started our drive back home. We stopped at some idiotic family restaurant called THANO’S in Boardman Ohio about two hours post-donut inhalation because I needed real food to sop up the sugar. My body does not like it when I eat like this. :(

Originally, Henry told me to look for places to eat in Youngstown but then CHANGED THE ROUTE and rendered my hard Yelp work USELESS.

Ok this place had pretty good fries and our waiter was ok except that he said “ladies first” to me which set me off because what if I don’t identify as a lady, but I HATED THE AMBIANCE. There was no music playing and felt more quiet than the cemetery we came from (which I guess wasn’t that much of a feat considering the cem was right next to a major highway). The only noise came from the booth behind us, occupied by a totally uncouth couple, the broad of which answered her cell phone at the table and then proceeded to have a loud convo in public, and the guy of which ate his French fries with a mouth opened so wide that I could every cockle of each fry cracking under the weight of his gnashing teeth. Ugh plus it was also so wet-sounding.

Meanwhile my $6.99 grilled cheese (a rip off) didn’t have the tomato I asked for so Henry gave me the tomato off his plate but it was too thick and cold and ruined my grilled cheese even more.

“Just a reminder that the grilled cheese at the places I found on Yelp were only $3.99,” I said, my face resting more bitchily than the donut dick’s.

And then we came home.

Oh shit, the last spring break vacation post! Is that true? Yes! Okey-dokey yo.

We spent the second half of Thursday at the Kissimmee Fun Spot location. It was threatening to rain as the day got later, but we managed to complete a streak of perfect weather theme park visits! Our luck is usually not that great. And there were no crowds here at all so we were straight walking on everything.

The first thing we did was go on Mine Blower because it was our most anticipated ride there.

….and also right at the entrance, lol.

Good lord, this coaster is INTENSE. It’s a Gravity Group hybrid and should honestly be illegal, I think?? It was rough and felt like it was running so out of control that I was actually terrified and that  doesn’t happen to me very often! (Twice at this park though, apparently lol.) It also has a zero gravity roll, which really makes you feel like this coaster should be called Your Last Ride. However! I did like it, it just wasn’t re-rideable for me. I rode it once when we got there, and then Chooch and I rode it again once it got dark, but…that was enough for us. Even Chooch said he couldn’t marathon this fucker.

Right away, I loved the vibe and ambiance of this Fun Spot way more than the Orlando location. It felt more colorful and lively (even though the crowd count was probably about the same) plus it had that little lake area which looked SO GOOD once all the lights came on at night.

This chubs was just casually napping in the grass next to a flat ride like he was an operator on break. Loved him!!

Chooch got a King Cake sundae and was all, “This isn’t all that” so I was like “LET ME TRY IT” and I thought it actually was pretty close to being “all that” so I made Henry go and get me my own. I ate it all with no regertz in that moment.

Fun Spot shares the space with another area called Old Town which is more of the shopping/entertainment section. It does have some rides though but I guess the big draw is the CAR SHOWS that happen on the weekends. Thank god it wasn’t a weekend. Although my dad would have loved this place because he is (or was, at least) super into car shows.

I bet this section in POPPIN’ on the weekends. There was some pretty entertaining/hideous karaoke going down on a stage outside of one of the bars though, so that was fun-ish. I suggested that Henry and I could sing Air Supply again like we did at a noraebang in Seoul but he was like, “no I’m good.” I think Chooch might have attempted to emancipate himself if that happened, anyway.

There were LOTS of Trump-Lovers shirts and shit in all of the Old Town shops which was not great but also expected because Florida.

Henry’s favorite part was when he was handed a fresh, piping hot soft pretzel in the arcade. OK and usually I hate arcades but this one had some stupid Wheel of Fortune game that I became obsessed with after watching Chooch play it once, then I kept asking him for tokens or whatever and he was super pissed.

Henry bought this pretzel while we were waiting an actual eternity for Chooch to cash in his tickets at the prize center. He takes this shit so seriously and tries to use up every last ticket. One of the guys behind the counter said, “Here, let’s end this” and actually gave him something that was just a bit over whatever his remaining ticket count was. So then he had a small armful of stupid little toys and candy. All of those toys are probably under my seat in  the car right now, I guarantee it.

OK honestly would you look at how beautiful this is?

I love that this place was like the perfect marriage of amusement park and carnival. (Except that the ride operators came off as way more trustworthy than carnies. Well, the Mine Blower crew was questionable though, lol.)

One very notable fact about this Fun Spot is that there is a year-round haunted walk-thru in Old Town which was designed by the same special FX company that does Hundred Acres Manor in Pittsburgh. Now, I’m not the greatest fan of that haunt, in fact I think it gets worse every year, but I wasn’t about to pass up the opportunity to go through a haunted house.

In April.

In Florida.

It’s an upcharge attraction so we ended up forking over $30 for both Chooch and me to go through. We were the first customers of the evening and the dead guy running the joint had a very enjoyable time talking to Chooch about Iron Gwazi and trying to intimidate me. I will admit that I was a bit nervous only because it was just Chooch and me and sometimes I get super paranoid.

But it turns out it was very much like Hundred Acres Manor in that it had a handful of live actors but mostly animatronics. It was OK. If I ever went back, I would 100% skip it though, sorry.

The best year-round haunt we ever did was FOR SURE the one in Gatlinburg. Holy shit, that one was legit bonkers and the whole time I was screaming WTF IS HAPPENING and we were also in there with an entire family who were off-the-wall terrified and the dad was screaming like a bitch and they kept making me and Chooch go first – it was an incredible experience. If you’re even in Gatlinburg, take a break from the moonshine sampling and check out that haunted house.

Seriously, this place was SO PRETTY.

We left around 9 or 10, having claimed all the coaster creds and ridden all the flat rides we were interested in. Right as we were leaving, it started thundering and lightning really bad, and then it was storming by the time we made it back to the hotel. What luck!!

I can’t express how much I loved this trip and how it was the first time where we seemed to really gel as a family. I guess Chooch and I are finally coming of age, you know, and Henry is lightening up some. Sure we still had small spats here and there, mostly driven by hunger or food indecisiveness or exhaustion. But we always got over it. I’m very relieved to finally be done with the recaps but also sad that this means it’s time to put this vacation to rest. It was such a good one. I love having fun with these two dumbos. And also, I can tell Henry had fun because he was suddenly super into buying hats and souvenir shirts. Who even if this guy. Is this his version of a midlife crisis? Coaster snapbacks instead of muscle cars?

Anyway, if you stuck around for this whole extended blog-saga, THANKS FOR LETTING ME SHARE! (That’s what those dumb broads always say on A Beautiful Mess and I always say out loud, “I didn’t.”)

I will leave you with a video of Mine Blower:

Hey Phil. Here are pictures of Chooch and me riding some rides at the second Fun Spot of the day: Fun Spot Kissimmee! (Which is evidently pronounced Kiss-IM-mee which I learned only about a month before our trip thanks to copious YouTube video-bingeing.

I liked this Fun Spot significantly more than the Orlando one – it was just more scenic, with a livelier atmosphere (although, may the Orlando locations gets more poppin’ at night), and just all around better rides. So of course I took way more pictures at this one and will now ask your forgiveness as I proceed to split this up into parts. Hopefully just two. Here is Part 1.

There were FIVE coaster creds for Chooch to collect at this Fun Spot and one of them was this super exciting kiddie coaster, which is also the coaster featured on his recent birthday cake, lol.

I was originally going to ride it too but we can no longer fit in one seat together on kiddie coasters now that Chooch is basically a grown-up, and as much as I dislike CHILDREN, I would have felt like a Big Asshole for taking some dumb kid’s spot. So I sat this one out.

If this had been a Wacky Worm though, I’d have elbowed a kid out of my way.

Then we headed to the very back of the Old Town section of the park (technically this was a completely separate area but the rides there were included in our wristband, which by the way, was discounted since we had already purchased one at the other Fun Spot. THAT IS CALLED “SCORING A DEAL”). There’s a super janky coaster called Hurricane that dwells back there and I was 100% not looking forward to riding it.

At first I thought it wasn’t running, but then a ride operator at a nearby flat ride called over that she would be right there, so….woo.

Look how much….fun…I’m having! Oh man I really did not trust this contraption.

Then this ride, where first my wrist band suddenly quit scanning but the super nice ride attendant let me on anyway, I guess because I have SUCH AN HONEST FACE and do not look like a SCAMMER, and told me to just go to customer service and have it taken care of afterward. Then once we got situated in a car, the restraints wouldn’t go down and he was like, “Man, first you’re trying to sneak on my ride, now you’re breaking it!” and I FEEL LIKE WE IMPRINTED THEN. My response was a full-blown giggle fit in his face and Chooch mumbled, “You’re so embarrassing” which, now that I think about it, is usually the most amount of words he says to me at a time these days.

Shoooooot, this ride was FUN, fam. You might say it was a real FUN SPOT. I love me a spinning crazy mouse coaster and this one made me laugh hysterically while also white knuckling the safety rail because of those perilous turns.

EVEN CHOOCH IS PRESENTING A FACE FULL OF FUN AND JOY!

…unlike when we rode the screamin’ swing thingie together.  I love these damn things. We rode it again about 20 minutes later and the ride operator was like, “Don’t sit on that side,” and pointed to the one side that was now roped off – WHY. All four sides were opened when we last rode it, what happened?? Hopefully it was just that someone puked and the operator didn’t have time to clean it??

And here were are about to get the last row on Mine Blower for a night ride. Um, that coaster was WILD – possibly too wild.  It was out-of-control, breakneck speed fast, to the point where I was sincerely worried that we could get hurt. And the Mine Blower crew were absolute psychos, in the most complimentary way. I think you have to be to operate this crazy-ass woodie.

We’ll discuss that more later.

This concludes “pictures of us riding on rides.”

Guys. You guys. Guys guys guys. Brenda, listen up. You too, Vic. We’re going back to Wildwood this summer! Not for like, a “vacation” per se but for a COASTER ENTHUSIAST EVENT!! We did some dark ride events in the past, but never a coaster one and I am so ready for ERT on Great White, boy-o!

We’re registered with the help of our new coaster group membership, motel is booked, and I am STOKED FOR IT.

Mostly I hope that I make friends with at least one person in the “club” or whatever because ya girl is lonely and needs someone to squeal with about amusement parks.

And now Henry can buy a new Wildwood hat!!

We had such a glorious time there together last summer and I am so excited that we get to return. Young Erin is proud that Old Ass Erin is still having the most fun!

Day 5 of my roller coaster road trip bday thingie: WILDWOOD

On Thursday of that one week in April that now seems so far away because IT IS since I am so fucking slow at blogging, we were able to squeeze in two smaller parks called FUN SPOT. These are Henry’s favorite types of parks because you can pay per ride in lieu of getting an all-day wristband and that is definitely his jam. I know what you’re thinking: why would you choose to go to a dinky park like this when you’re in Orlando, the theme park capital of the whole motherfucking planet? Well, both Fun Spots have a small coaster collection and Chooch has gotta get those creds, yo.

Fun Spot Orlando, which we will recap here first, has a woodie called White Lightning which was manufactured by GCI and is the only wooden coaster in Orlando!

But first, we chose to ride Freedom Flyer which is a Vekoma SLC  (Suspended Looping Coaster) first. Typically, these types of coasters are TRASH (except for the one at Morey’s Piers!). But this one was a family model and surprisingly smooth and unjanky.

Before we even got to ride it though, we had to have an ALTERCATION with two bitches who cut us in line, and by “we” I mean “I, myself, me.” There was a garbage can blocking a gap in the queue so that people could only enter from one side. So Chooch and I entered correctly, while two DUMB MIDDLE SCHOOL BITCHES (actually the one looked like she could have been 13 or 31, one of THOSE) squeezed past the garbage can, eliminating the need to go through the entire queue (which was not that long and OH YEAH, EMPTY)  so they cut us off at the station and got to take the front row.

“I guess a garbage can blocking the entrance actually means just squeeze through,” I said loudly to Chooch as we stood behind them waiting for the train to return. I knew they heard, and they refused to look at me even though I was facing them and GLARING. Henry, who was standing off to the side, said he could tell something was going down. I’ve just like HAD IT WITH LINE JUMPERS. I don’t even care that there literally WAS NO LINE. Follow the fucking rules, you dumb assholes. Because you know that people who act this way in amusement parks are just as bad everywhere else!!

Maybe if we didn’t go to so many parks, this wouldn’t bother me as much but shit gets OLD, people.

“You’re not behind the yellow line,” Chooch said to me after the ride attendant made the “stand behind the yellow line” announcement. Like, a centimeter of the toe of my shoe was stepping on it.

“Either are they but they also cut so I guess they just don’t know how to follow rules,” I said haughtily, still on my high horse and WOO BOO was the view up there dandy.

One of the little bitches, SNORTED and said to her friend under her breath,  “aaaand we’ll do it again!” in a cheerleadery tone and I about exited my body and crushed them between the thighs of my inner demoness. Little bitches!!

Luckily, that was the only negative thing that happened all day. I had to actually laugh because when we first arrived around 2pm that afternoon, one of the park staff members apologized in advance for the “crowds” we may encounter. Apparently, there was a school trip happening that day. So we were prepared for the worst, only to see that there were essentially no crowds whatsoever!

Oh and a bonus is that entry to the small Gatorland exhibit was included with our wristbands! Henry had to stand outside though like a sad man lol.

I was obsessed with Big Nasty. Imagine keeping this toothy chunker in your effin’ backyard!! What an asshole that person is. I hope they  get a lot more than just a slap on the wrist and that Big Nasty has a better life even though he is still in captivity. :(

We had fun watching the gator handlers feeding the smaller kids. But my favorite part was the SUPER ADORABLE GUY who was in charge of the “hold a gator” station.

Chooch and I even went through a second time so he could hold one and I was very agreeable to his request because I WANTED TO SEE THE SUPER ADORABLE GUY again.

We also had a fun time in the gift shop (Henry joined us for this portion since it was open to all). Chooch wanted a stuffed animal because when doesn’t he, so he asked the lady at the register how much it was and she was like, “I don’t know, how much does the price tag say” and I loved her for that, lol. We were all lowkey bullying Chooch and it was quite fun.

Henry manned up and put enough money on a Fun Spot card in order to get a ride on White Lightning, which was the only coaster he was interested in riding here. I guess he’s too good for the kiddie coaster. But Chooch and I are not:

White Lightning was A LOT better than I expected it to be! Really smooth.

Why do I look like I’m a calm and casual paddleboat ride lol.

Chooch and I got right back on, this time in the front seat. Henry even bought us both White Lightning t-shirts which we didn’t ask for but he was being oddly pushy about it, SUSPICIOUSLY PUSHY if we’re being honest.

Chooch was obsessed with buying a refillable slushie thing and finally got his way. It was very hot on this day and I stole several sips which were very refreshing even though I do not consider myself a slushie person by any means.

Henry realized that the White Lightning crew didn’t make him scan his Fun Spot card which meant he still money on it, so he actually became A DAD long enough to go on the go-carts with Chooch. Oh by the way, the go carts (there are THREE tracks) are included in the wristband! That shit is usually an upcharge everywhere else!

I’m not a big go cart person. We used to this place called Trackers (I think??) in Pleasant Hills when I was younger and I had a bad experience one time when I didn’t notice that the dumb ref guy was flagging us to pull into the thingie and I kept going, so then I was the only one out on the track and when I got back, the dude yelled at me and it was v. embarrassing. So now I hate go carts. There. I told my traumatic go cart story.

Sadly, this is where I was sitting when I found out that Tim Feerick from Dance Gavin Dance had died. I ran over to tell Henry while he was still in line and he looked like he really had to dig deep to scoop up a crumble of empathy from the depths of callous manly-man-man heart.

Waiting for the go cart idiots. During my wait, I saw the LINE JUMPERS for only the second time, lucky me. They were in line for another go cart  track but then left, presumably because they were unable to cut and unaccustomed to having to stand in line with the rest of the basic riff raff.

Chooch ended up winning because Henry, who was in the lead for most of the race, ended up breaking down twice, LOLOL.

It’s what he deserves.

Chooch looks exactly the same in both pictures, which is cracking me up. Was he sleeping?! I mean, ops *were* extremely slow on this coaster.

Oh shit, I forgot to mention that we also went through the fun house which was SKETCH but also longer than I expected.

Overall, there wasn’t much to do here once we knocked the coasters out, but the Gatorland section was cool and the park itself was very clean. If you’re a coaster cred collector, I would definitely suggest coming here because White Lightning was cool, dude. Cool.

We wanted to hurry up and get to the nearby Fun Spot Kissimmee before it started storming so we left after about three hours.

Had to get a refill before leaving for the next Fun Spot, COMING SOON.

I don’t even know where I am in this damn spring break wrap-up anymore. I covered the most important topic: IRON GWAZI. So now let’s just take a relaxing stroll down memory lane, look at pictures, dip out now if you want, stay if you please. EITHER OR.

Dude, I’ll tell you right off the bat that BGT has A LOT of coasters and luckily they were all running so Chooch got a full sweep of coaster creds. Coaster in the first picture up there is Kumba. It was OK but old. I liked the secluded area it was in though – that was cool. And this was a walk-on.

Through that opening resides what is quite possibly my favorite B&M invert, Montu. I never really cared much for inverts until I rode Great Bear at Hershey, and then I had a REALLY GOOD night ride on Banshee at King’s Island. THEN I rode After Burn, which is one of the few saving graces (in my book, you guys, not trying to start a park war here) at Carowinds. That was actually my new #1 until Montu.

Then I rode Raptor for the first time this past weekend since 2019 and decided that inverts are actually one of my fave coaster types now I think.

I even love Alpengeist at Busch Gardens Williamsburg but mostly for the theming. That one is SO ROUGH and hurts my back but the theming is killer.

But back to Montu – it was one train ops so we had to wait for about 30 minutes which was actually kind of long on this particular day when you consider that we had walked on Kumba, Sheikra, and Tigris. (OMG speaking of Tigris – the family next to us in the station was in front of us two days prior in Sea World when we were in line for that fucking Atlantis water ride that broke down; Chooch is the one who pointed them out because he allegedly the teenager daughter’s shoes. Mm.)

(I mean OK maybe that was the case!)

Shit son, Montu was fucking incredible. When we were rolling back into the station, Chooch and I just looked at each other with our eyes in the universal widened O’s of WOW. “Did that just become my favorite B&M invert??” I screamed in Henry’s face when we reunited with him and he tried to play along but Henry isn’t as WITH IT when it comes to coaster types and manufacturers as me and Chooch are. Just so you know.

Also, Henry hates inverts because he has poor taste.

Oh shoooot, this was a fun family coaster! Cobra’s Curse, I think? And also the cause of the one sole fight that Chooch and I had that day. The wait time was posted as 45 minutes, because it’s a family coaster. Chooch wanted to ride it anyway which is astounding considering he’ll be the first one to go OH HELL NO when the wait is anything longer than 20 minutes. Boy hates waiting. I mean, I’m not so sweet on it either. But he is way worse and will complain like an old man in desperate need of a prune.

All I said, “I want to ride this too but MIGHT WE go and get lunch first before we all start to get hangry?” and that was all it took. He got all bent out of shape, and then I got pissed at him for being pissed at me, and Henry was like, “WHAT IS HAPPENING” so I said, “OK fine you spoiled brat, let’s go get in line” and now suddenly Chooch “didn’t care anymore” and kept walking in the opposite direction so I said, “Well, I’m going to ride it” and stormed off so then they both had to turn around and follow me. I got in the queue first, but Chooch caught up and then we proceeded to not talk to each other the whole time, which ended up only being 20 minutes anyway, and the line was inside so it was nice to be in the shade, and then somewhere along the way we forget that we were giving each other the silent treatment and started talking to each other again and had a wonderful ride on Cobra’s Curse, thank you very much.

It was spinning coaster AND it had a creepy elevator lift!!

THEN we went to eat. We had another meal voucher thing and this one place had the Impossible Burger so that is where we went except that, even though it wasn’t even the height of lunch time anymore, the line was almost out the door. Where had all these people come from?? The park was barely crowded! The problem was that there were multiple different food places but nowhere for the individual lines to go, so everything converged into one long line until you got to a point where you could break off and go where you needed to be, but those lines were actually way slower-moving. Like, slow-motion slow. There was one lady behind the burger counter and she was taking her good old time. And you know what? Couldn’t even really be mad. I’m certain the park was understaffed causing everyone there to be overworked and she even said several times, “I’m exhausted.”

I mean, we waited longer just to get to the counter than we did on ANY ride there that day.

And the worst part was that when Chooch and I got there, there was only one Impossible Burger left and she was like, “Can you wait a few minutes?” so I was prepared to forfeit my lunch and eat later if I needed to, so that Chooch could have the last Impossible Patty standing, but she was like, “You really want to eat this?” she said, picking it up with two pinched gloved fingers. “It’s been sitting here for a long time. I wouldn’t feed this to me DOG.” So then I was like, “OMG fine, we will wait for fresh Impossible patties then” so we had to stand off to the side. Now we had front row seats to watching this lunch lady assemble burgers for her customers and it was E X C R U C I A T I N G. Like, my skin was twitching because I wanted to hop the counter and help her.

Anyway. It took about 5 minutes for our patties to come out but then we had to watch her attempt to build them into totally unappetizing burgers-with-fixins and she messed up like two times. Sweet baby Jesus, it was an exercise in patience, but there was a group of college kids in front of us who had also suffered, so when we went from that line to the long ass beverage and check out line, we all bonded over our traumatizing experience. I like being a part of something like that with strangers! Henry wasn’t a part of this portion of the lunch line so he wouldn’t know. But we all shared a bonding moment when one of their friends, still in line to pay, needed a water refill at that point and was having a crisis over having to stand in the drink line again so we were all like “JUST SQUEEZE IN AND FILL IT UP!” I was like, “You gotta rehydrate after being in this line for so long!” and Chooch turned himself inside out with the forceful eye roll he gave me.

It took us so long just to get to our table – somehow Henry beat us, even though he struggled with the cashier he got stuck with who kept trying to charge him for things even though he had a voucher. I wasn’t hungry when we first got there, but now I was literally chewing on the inside of my mouth so I practically inhaled my SUPER TERRIBLE BLAND Impossible Burger. Literally just tasted like a really cheap original Boca Burger. I  mean, I wasn’t expecting much from what was basically a glorified cafeteria, but the fact that it was JUST COOKED – like, I WATCHED the cook as he was cooking it and then cook-walked it on over to the tray behind the glass – made me think that it would at least be semi-edible. I guess it did have a lot of time to cool off and get mushy while we were standing in the beverage line from hell.

Even worse than this was the SUPER CRINGE acapella group that came out while we were eating. They made my stomach hurt, honestly.

Aside from the 10-minute spat with Chooch, this was the only negative part of the whole day. And it was a LONG ASS DAY because we had to drive about 90 minutes each way so  that’s saying a lot!

Cheetah Hunt is one of the most popular coasters in the park and I was really looking forward to it! It’s an Intamin multi-launch coaster and as you well know by now if you’ve had the endurance to get through these word-salad disaster posts, this trip was very Intamin-heavy. That being said, if we had started with BGT, I think I would have loved this way more than I actually did. It was fun, don’t get me wrong! I loved how unique and long of a ride it was – a really great family coaster and honestly something that I think would be really cool at a park like Kennywood. I don’t see Kennywood every getting an RMC or B&M, but an Intamin multi-launch family coaster would be awesome!

Henry was on the train after us (he was too busy fucking around with a locker and we didn’t wait for him so he had to get in line alone. This was the theme of this trip lol). Chooch and I were also in the front row too so don’t go patting Henry too hard on the back!

It’s actually built next to the actual Cheetah area which is cool but I still don’t understand how those animals could actually be unbothered by thrill rides going off all around them. :/

Sheikra was a really great dive coaster, and that’s saying a lot because I don’t really care too much for this type of ride. I loved the layout and the whole area of the park it’s in.

A HIPPO! We watched this big guy cool off in the water for a really long time. Hippos are cool.

BUT DEADLY.

Overall, we had a wonderful time at Busch Gardens Tampa. Iron Gwazi is KING, Montu is PRINCE, and honestly pretty much everything else was solid except for maybe Scorpion which was a bit too old school for me. But, it’s a Schwartzkopf and only one of three remaining in the world so even though I don’t count coaster creds like Chooch does, I had to ride it. It wasn’t as terrible as I expected, but I wasn’t trying to ride it again.

In case you were wondering.

We left right around the time the park was closing (8pm), took the TRAM* back to the parking lot and then journeyed back to Orlando. It was relatively uneventful. We stopped at a gas station for snacks to eat in lieu of dinner because we are super great at vacationing.

*(NOW I WANT TO GO BACK TO WILDWOOD, HENRY ARE YOU READING THIS, WATCH THE TRAM CAR PLZ IT’S UP YOUR BUTT**.)

**(My standard response to everything Henry asks is, “I dunno, up your butt?” because I’m a 13-year-old in 1985.)

Stay tuned for the last two parks of Florida, which we did on the same day so maybe I’ll try to squeeze everything into one post but probably not because my blogging endurance is dwindling in my older age.