I have been sitting with this one for a few days now. I listened to it when it first came out over the weekend but have REALLY listened to it more the last day or so and it has broken me. I knew that Jonghyun was somehow going to be featured on it but didn’t know the full details and hoped that it wasn’t going to be some weird, cold, tacky AI recreation of his voice.

But then I learned that this was something Jonghyun had been writing and composing for SHINee before his death. His family allowed SHINee to use it and Jonghyun’s guide vocals were incorporated into the chorus and also the bridge, which he hadn’t had a chance to write the lyrics for, so they kept his “scatting” in that part and, paired with the rest of SHINee dancing together in a circle, it just really sent me. I was crying (and still am lol) so hard that I was choking.

I think what I love the most about this song is that since it was written pre-2018, it has that nostalgic feel to it that makes me remember why I began to love Kpop so much to begin with. It’s light, airy, summery, totally SHINee-coded. I have been trying to spread the word about this because as usual, SM is doing a pisspoor job promoting it so it’s not getting the traction and attention that it deserves, especially not with the new gen Kpop fans who just haven’t learned about SHINee.

My love for SHINee is so stupid strong. I really hope that they come to the US some day!

Anyway, I have lots more fun Memorial Day weekend to recap once I stop crying over this haha.

Henry won me a new (to me) wheelchair at a local auction and brought him home yesterday morning – I named him Guilbert and I love him.

Chooch is annoyed that we put him in his attic (“Great now even more space is taken”) but hello Chooch, you technically don’t even live here anymore, sooooooooo.

That’s all I got for now. It’s been actually a very full and memorable weekend and I am exhausted but overall feeling pretty good and alive. This happens so rarely anymore that I have to cling onto it and take moments out of the day to be grateful. Life is so weird but weekends like this make me realize how glad I am that I keep pushing through the sad and dark times. If you’re feeling low, keep doggy-paddling. It is almost always worth it.

Weird ending for a post about a new addition to my antique/haunted wheelchair collection but you never know what you’re going to get on this blog lol.

Greetings from Saturday. So far, Memorial Day Weekend has been decent. I took the day off yesterday and it was mostly spent reading, walking, and finally revisiting the 4th season of You, which I had quit watching after 4 or 5 episodes last year because it was one of the most dreadful seasons in a series I’ve ever experienced. But I wanted to be able to watch the final season that just came out so I barreled through – fuck, that was some rough hate-watching TV.

I think the only thing of note that happened otherwise was that I decided to treat myself to a latte so I walked to Potomac Station (yeah, my boycott didn’t last long). However, I was one block away when I looked up and realized I was about to walk right into someone I’ve been avoiding. Sorry to be vague but you just never know. They were at a parking meter and I was like OMG SHOULD I TURN AROUND but I figured that would be more noticeable so I just kept walking and legit had to walk RIGHT BEHIND them, so close that I was sure they’d catch me in their periphery. Right as I slipped past, I was about to exhale when they turned and started to say something and I went rigid – but they were just asking a nearby cop a question about the meter.

Now I was panicking that they were also going to the same cafe as me so as soon as I got to the end of the block, I dove around the corner of a pizza joint and flattened myself against the wall. Then I called Henry and in lieu of “hello,” I hit him with a “FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!” and he was probably thinking, “This is it, this is the call from jail I’ve been expecting for 24 years.” But then when I told him what was happening, he started laughing and excuse me but the last time I checked, this was not a laughable situation.

I waited another minute and when I didn’t see that person pass the pizza place, I tempted fate and poked my head around the corner after trying to peer through the pizza place windows only succeeded in making me look even more suspicious, like some begging to lose a game of hide & seek.

They were still at the meter!!! So I hurriedly retreated to my hideout in the stoop of an apartment building next to the pizza place. One of the residents came out at one point and almost walked right into me, that’s how great I am at HIDING IN PLAIN SIGHT.

“Ok, I’m going to check again,” I whispered to Henry, who had stayed on the phone with me so at least it looked I was doing something and not just creeping up and down a quiet side street for no reason. Right as I stepped off the stoop of the apt building, two people emerged from the other side of the pizza place and it gave me such a DAYLIGHT FRIGHT but it was two men and not the person I was trying to evade. When I popped my head around the corner, the rest of the sidewalk was empty. I dunno where they were went, but it was somewhere the opposite direction of the cafe, thankfully.

Still, my nerves were all tweaked when I got to the cafe so I stood there waiting for my Bakewell tart latte, wringing my hands and casting furtive glances over my shoulder.

I texted Megan this story while I was in the cafe and she was like “This WOULD happen to you!!” and then Chooch actually said, “LOL that’s really funny.” Wow. Glad I could send you a chuckle, dear son.

Apropos song for this moment:

Nothing else that great happened except that when I was on a post-exercise evening walk, I was listening to an audio book that was boring me so my mind started to wander and the final result was that for the first time in years (maybe since 2020??) I have a concrete idea for family Christmas cards and had to run back into the house and write down the ideas because all I do these days is forget.

Henry was like, “It’s….May.”

I saw this sign & dog poop baggies on my walk this morning and it made me laugh.

Then my sister Amy sent me a post from Duffy’s (beer dist. that we go to sometimes) where they were advertising a six-pack of Kennywood-inspired beer from Penn Brewery so Henry and I stopped there on our way to Mingo Park (today’s afternoon stroll locale). I mostly wanted to get this because of the cans – I have a plan to cut them, flatten them out, and tack them down onto wood and somehow incorporate one of our family pics from Kennywood into the middle of it. TO BE CONTINUED.

We got one for Amy & Dick too :)

Mingo Park was a nice time but it brought back some memz about PSYCHO MIKE because I was there once with him in high school so I started venting about that and I guess I want to say that I’m thankful that Henry is a WE LISTEN AND WE DON’T JUDGE type (most of the time). Somehow the conversation went to how when I broke up with Jeff (not a psycho but also not for me) for Henry, the most biting dig he could think of was, “Have fun dating an old guy and listening to country music and drinking Coors!”

LOL we have never done either of those things, but OK.

“Isn’t it crazy how we had nothing in common when we first met and now we do?” I said to Henry.

“Yeah because you made me assimilate to you and now I have no individuality,” he answered without missing a beat.

This is SO TRUE but he loves my interests. My interests make him interesting.

As already detailed in my last post (IF YOU SUBSCRIBED, YOU’D KNOW), we went to Butler specifically so I could pay tribute to my old priest, but prior to that, we had lunch at a brewery in the nearby town of Renfrew. We almost didn’t do any of that though because first we went to some antique shop in Butler and I was in a foul mood right off the bat because it wasn’t true antiques but more like an offline Etsy with crap I would never buy. For example, license plate art that said LET’S GO BRANDON. I got so angry about this that I didn’t even bother with the rest of the shop, just started yapping about how I would never support a shop that sold objects of political harassment, thank u next.

Then we were going to go to this museum that was originally on the agenda when we first planned to go up to that area on a Saturday, but COME TO FIND OUT (hate that phrase but here I am feeling hateful) that it’s closed on Sundays. I was in a mood by then and said, “let’s just go home, I don’t care anymore.” Classic Erin.

Chapter 1 Erin, even.

After pouting for a bit and allowing Henry to drive past the place where we were going to eat lunch, I finally said FINE and let him turn around. Good thing, too, because we had a really nice time!

Missing Links Brewery, obviously. We split the “pizza of the day” which was some kind of fungi party on a pizza. It was really good and the perfect size.

I am in so deep on this Johnnie Guilbert (I ALMOST TYPED CRAIG) kick. Even Henry likes him, so there.

I haven’t missed my scene kid days much over these last several years but this has made me absolutely ache for it. 2007-2016 Warped Tours were so sick. The last two were mid but still glad that they happened. We did not get tickets for this year’s Warped revival because I didn’t like that it wasn’t a full summer tour across the country. It just feels like they’re trying to compete with the other “one weekend / one city” festivals out there and I’m not here for that. I want old Warped Tour, not to have to travel to either DC, Long Beach, or Orlando. (Although…Orlando is tempting.)

HOWEVER. I do have a bit of regertz because Johnnie Guilbert is performing at this year’s Warped Tour, but only the Long Beach & Orlando ones.

(You guys, I got it so bad. I told Henry the other day, “Ugh I think I’m obsessed” and he was like “No shit.”)

Um…anyway. We had pizza and flights!

I am definitely an American IPA bitch.

I liked all of the beers that I had in my flight! One was a pineapple jalapeno wheat that was delightful, made me wish I was sitting on a patio with the gals chirping about….Bridgerton? Real Housewives of an Undisclosed Location? Look, I don’t know what gals chirp about. I don’t have any friends, remember? lol.

(Babe, wake up – she’s self-deprecating again!)

I also want to add that we had a wonderful server who reminded me of my therapist sort of and I love my therapist, and Henry was like, “YOU KNOW WHAT, DADDY’S GON’ TREAT HIMSELF” and got the “beer”amisu which was JUST MADE and he got the first slice. It was delectable.

Then we walked off pizza and beer at the aforementioned cemetery.

Afterward, I wanted coffee so we stopped at a cafe next to this salon and Henry thought he was so funny by saying it was a salon for me so I had to remind him that we LITERALLY just visited the grave of my dead priest?!!!

(No j/k I am a total big-boned heathen over here.)

Hilltop Cafe was very cute, but my maple iced coffee was very watery. Henry’s pistachio cold brew was decent though so I stole it.

There were two (real) antique/junk stores right up the street. The first one was one small room and full of very strange old men and vintage porn. There was this large clown photograph that was REALLY speaking to me but Henry made me question life with one twerk of his moustache as usual.

We were about to leave when Henry pointed out the pinball backglass hanging on the wall. It was for a game called Blackout and I really wanted it. But we decided to go next door to the other antique store first.

That one was much larger and felt more like a legit antique shop. There was an old gumball machine (stand included!) that I wanted to get because that’s been on my list for a few years. But for some reason, I ENDED UP GETTING NOTHING. Not the pinball glass, nary a clown pic, neither a gumball machine. I don’t know what I was thinking.

I hated this wall so much. So much so that I had to send a picture of it to Chooch to ruin his day as well.

Literal junk resided in the back room and I felt like I was hiding from Leatherface back there.

The best part of this place was when some older man actually EXCLAIMED, “Oh! I have been looking for one of these for years!!!!” and when I turned to look, he was EMBRACING some kind of taxidermied….rabbit? I don’t know what it was but the juxtaposition of this preserved animal corpse being hugged by a man who looked like he drove a pick-up and loves root beer in frosted glass bottles was so cutely funny to me??

“….it’s your lucky day,” I said in my fake high-pitched, “Look at me functioning in society” lilt. We saw him a few other times throughout the store and he was still hugging the rabbit (OMG WAIT WAS IT A JACKALOPE MAYBE??) protectively against his broad farmer chest.

Ugh, honestly though I know how great it feels to find your personal treasure in an antique store though, I get it, brother!

Then we listened to Johnnie Guilbert the whole way home.

Two weekends ago, Henry and I were having a conversation about the new Pope and I got super in my feelings about my Catholic past. I was VERY into it (not like, in culty way) and I actually enjoyed going to CCD every Sunday because to me, learning the Bible stories felt like history. It was entertaining, and also there were donuts in the basement afterward. When we got to the level of Sunday School where tests became a thing, I fucking aced them all. I’m telling you, I ate that shit up like Eve with apple juice dripping down her chin.

And even as a TEENAGER, I looked forward to going to church on Saturday evenings with my Pappap. I mean, 1. I was with my favorite person in the whole world, and 2. we would always go out to dinner afterward haha. My BFF (& Chooch’s godmother) Christy’s family also went to the same church so sometimes Christy would join us for dinner afterward and then sleep over my house and we’d completely unravel all of the church’ing by watching R RATED MOVIES OMG. My favorite was when we would go this Italian restaurant that was called ‘something di Napoli” but we all affectionally called it Naples and my Pappap of course was friends with the owner and the best servers so we got special treatment but the reason I liked it was because I had a HUGE CRUSH on one of the bus boys lol.

ANYWAY! This trip down a dirt lane in my mind’s Jerusalem resulted in me fondly telling Henry about my favorite priest at that Church – Father Salberg. He was AMAZING. He made church interesting and fun, and his sense of humor was incredible. Like a toned-down Robin Williams, if Robin Williams looked like GOD because he is totally how I pictured God to look – barrel-chested, an avuncularly booming voice, huuuuuge beard. This guy was a life-sized hug standing on the altar every week and I looked forward to Communion and then standing in line to shake his hand after mass.

I was surprised to find myself tearing up while I was telling Henry my Father Salberg mems. I started to Google him and, sadly, found his Obituary from 2018. I started to cry (???) but also was kind of shocked to see that my church wasn’t even referenced in any of the bios I found online about him. I remember vividly that he was also a priest at a state pen, and the years he did that overlapped the years he would have been a priest at my church. I think that he must have been doing both at once, and now that I realllly think about it, he may have actually just been an interim priest at my church because I do remember having other priests there and none of them came even close to matching his charisma. This actually is even more telling now that I realize he wasn’t there for more than a year or two, but still had such an impact on me. I will tell you right now, had he still been the acting priest at Nativity when my Pappap died, maybe things would have been different for me. Maybe I’d have actually had someone to talk to. Maybe I wouldn’t have found myself going down a very dark path.

When I saw that Father Salberg is buried in a cemetery about an hour outside of Pittsburgh, I wanted to go. So that is what we did on Sunday, drove to Butler and had actually a nice afternoon at a brewery (more on that later!) and then a walk through Father Salberg’s cemetery.

“This is going to be like finding a needle in a haystack,” Henry said when we got out of the car. I was just about to say that I didn’t necessarily need to find his grave, just wanted to be there, when Henry said, “Wait—-is that it??” Literally 15 seconds into our walk, Henry spotted it! We actually kept walking through because a man was tending to a nearby grave, but then on the way back he was still there, planting flowers. So, I figured I’d just snap a quick photo for my memories and right as I did so, the man’s dog started barking so then it looked like I was taking a picture of him and his dog and I mean, I typically always feel like a creep, but even more so in this moment, haha.

This man was top notch. Remembering all of this almost made me feel inspired to go back to church but I don’t feel like trying them all on to find the one that fits. I have shit to do, etc.

We had a nice little stroll. I made Henry take pictures of me in my new Johnnie Guilbert shirt to send to Chooch who was like, “What.” And then “Ugh.”

I got new Vans! My therapist suggested buying myself something new, like cute shoes or something, to make myself feel better because my self-esteem and vanity have been taking blows lately. I was like immediately *buying shoes, doctor’s orders, it’s prescribed*

It was a beautiful cemetery (Calvary/Northside Cem in Butler) and an even more beautiful day.

We also listened to Johnnie Guilbert and Pierce the Veil exclusively on this day trip and it was crazy nostalgic. I will say that the day didn’t start off great, I was being me (read: difficult/pouty/volatile) but everything turned out ok in the end.  It did make me miss my Pappap an awful lot though.

I can’t come up with post titles anymore. God help me in the future if I ever need to find shit on here.

Anyway, Saturday was alright. I woke up in A BAD MOOD but I went for a walk, did a GrowwithJo cardio workout and then felt OK enough to be in an amenable state to leave the house with Henry. We are fully in the process of refurbing an Ikea wardrobe and dresser set and it requires trips to antique shops to find some accoutrements for it. Namely: rosaries and small crucifixes. Just…you’ll see. If we ever get it finished.

The antique shop I wanted to go to wasn’t open yet because dumbo Henry didn’t check the times so instead, we drove to Coraopolis and hit the motherlode of rosaries at some place there:

This is my collection as of Saturday. The two on the end are from eBay (the last one glows in the dark!).

The older women behind the counter didn’t ask what our deal was with all the rosaries (members the MYOB club, I like it) but I was prepared to answer honestly that the Devil appointed me to his Catholic Relic Eradication Committee.

“Can I have a paper receipt for reimbursement? Thanks.”

By this time, the antiques place on 65 was open. We’ve been here numerous times and have had success in the past (I know I’ve bought treasures here but for the life of me, cannot remember what) but I don’t think we’ve here since during the pandemic when we were renovating the kitchen and I got super pissed that people weren’t wearing masks.

I forgot how vibey this joint is. It is an eyeball feast for someone like me who appreciates antiques juxtaposed with kitsch.

I took this picture specifically to send to Chooch and instead of being disgusted in his dad, he was like, “SEND ME A CLOSER PICTURE OF THAT SHIP PAINTING.”

He really imprinted on it for some reason but ended up telling me not to get it because he won’t be able to hang it in his dorm room next year. I think I might go back and get it for him anyway though.  He’s not going to be living in a dorm forever, after all??

I wanted the light-up angel underneath the ship painting but Henry looked at the price tag and hit me with his I DON’T THINK frown.

GOOD THING MAMA BEAR* HAS CREDIT CARDS.

*(I’ve been watching way too much Jake Webber, sorry.)

Dude come on now, seriously. I could live in this room. It is so aesthetically pleasing and makes me wish we had more blank walls in the house to play with.

There was one room that had a bunch of original art from Jeff Bertrand and I was SALIVATING over them and Henry was like DO WHATEVER YOU WANT, YOU HAVE CREDIT CARDS but in the end, I couldn’t decide which one I wanted the most and spent so much time ruminating that all of them stopped speaking to me. So, I got nothing. I was in full-fledge pout mode at this point, so I told Henry to just put back the WHO’S THAT GIRL* soundtrack record I was “so excited” to buy 30 minutes prior to this. I get very overstimulated when shopping and experience shopper’s pre-remorse which results in me panicking and buying nothing.

*(I had this on cassette when I was in elementary school and used to blast it on my dad’s stereo while roller-skating in the basement. Very good memories associated with this soundtrack. Ugh. I hope it’s still there?!)

I left with nothing but an allergic reaction from all the dust.

The rest of the day was pretty chill. My bad mood went away after I ate lunch. Shocker.

Henry went out later to get craft supplies because He’s So Crafty, and also came home with two beers from Duffy’s. We haven’t been indulging in that anymore but since he only brought home two and not a whole six-pack, I allowed it. He was able to procure this one that Penn Brewery did with Sarris Candies, which I guess I was kind of excited about because it was a hot commodity when it was released and sold out, but it’s a stout so I also didn’t have high hopes.

OMG it was so bad. I took two sips and gave it all to Henry, who also didn’t like it but he’s one of those WASTE NOT WANT NOT types and drank all of it with his facial muscles frozen in sheer disgust.

I tasted nothing even remotely reminiscent of Sarris. Not even a whiff. Tastes more like a box in the next room over from a Sarris meltaway.

AND THAT’S ALL I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THAT.

I was on a work call Tuesday morning and OK so maybe I am partially to blame here for having the audacity to leave my front door open to let some fresh in, but some broad came stomping up to my porch and rather than knock on the screen door or RING THE DOORBELL, she shouted, “RUTH???” into my house.

Wendy, who I was on the call with, was like, “What is that…” and I had to whip around from my desk and gesticulate toward my computer in the universal, “HELLO RUDE ASS, I’M WORKING” sign. I angrily called back “WRONG HOUSE!” refusing to provide any further helpful information to this bitch who thought it was OK to SCREAM INTO MY FUCKING HOUSE. Hoo boy, this really had me BENT.

Then came Thursday morning. I had the door CLOSED on this day even though it pains me to do so because it makes my house so dark. Suddenly, THE DOORBELL.

Remember when I was so excited about the doorbell and thrilled every time it was rung? Well, those days are over. Back to WHO IS AT THE FUCKING DOOR anxiety.

I felt real indignant at the mo’, I’m not even going to pretend otherwise. I stood up, hands akimbo, and said to myself, “No. I’m working. I don’t have time for this shit and it’s probably just a canvasser trying to confuse me questions like, ‘Who’s your pick for something-something Judge?'”

That’s not to say I’m going to still neb-out and try to see who it is. YO. IT WAS THAT SAME LADY FROM TUESDAY! I saw her walking away, jabbing her rude fingers at her phone. I was PISSSSSED. What could she possibly need to come back for?

I went back to work and forgot about it. I mean, I do have a life, after all. And part of that life entails me feeding squirrels so I got up to take a “leg stretch” and walked over to the door to see if my furry kids needed a walnoot refill. That’s when I saw a COP CAR PARKED IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE AND A COP WALKING UP THE STREET WITH THAT LADY!!

WHAT THE HELLLLLL WAS GOING ON.

(Also, when you see me breaking out the CAPSLOCK I hope you know I’m over here yelling these parts out loud in an array of accents.)

I stayed at the front door like the concerned citizen that I am known for around these parts and noticed that the cop and broad had stopped near the driveway for the behavioral health in-patient house thing next to the house where Chooch’s friend Marky used to live. (His grandparents still lived there and for the record, I don’t like the grandfather, “PAP” if you will.) So, I knee-jerked hypothesized that A PATIENT ESCAPED FROM THE HOUSE and that lady is one of the staff members and she was going door to door to see if anyone was HARBORING THE ESCAPEE and my supporting evidence was that:

1. I have a naturally guilty complex and automatically think everyone suspects me of foul play;
2. the broad was making sweeping gestures toward my direction and the cop kept LOOKING OVER HIS SHOULDER at my house.

The cop eventually retreated to his car, where he sat for a good 45 minutes probably lamenting that he hadn’t yet been able to abuse his power while looking under his seat for a Dunkin’ coupon. I was giving Henry a play-by-play via the tellyphone and urged him to go listen to his dorky wanna-be copper scanner to see what intel he could glean.

In the meantime, I did some work because this was, after all, during work hours and as much as I would love to say I’m getting paid to be the Neighborhood Crime Sleuth, I had engagement letters to review. :/

I checked about 10 minutes later and this time, I saw that the mom and stepdad of the aforementioned Marky were talking to the cop through his driver’s side window! I would have demanded that he get out of the car, but I guess that’s just me. Marky’s mom was casually eating a popsicle.

This is something I needed you to know.

I was standing inside the door still, and as much as I hate interacting with people on this street, I couldn’t stop myself from bursting out onto the porch after they began to walk away from the cop.

“WHAT’S GOING ON???” I panted.

“My dad’s piece of shit landlady WHO DOESN’T DO SHIT FOR THAT HOUSE is looking for Ruth because she wants that van moved from behind the house,” Marky’s mom scoffed.

“Oh, THAT is who that is?” Well, at least I won’t be busted for stowing that patient behind all of my shoes and string cheese in my closet. “She came to my house TWICE this week, asking for Ruth!”

“Because she doesn’t know what the FUCK she’s doing!” Marky’s mom shouted around the popsicle, catching sticky drips with her tongue. “My dad’s at work so I came here to move his car out of the driveway because she’s going to get the van towed.”

“They’re….on vacation,” I gulped, because Marky’s mom said that they assumed Ruth & HNC were just at work. Now Marky’s step-dad was frantically looking through his phone to see if he had HNC’s phone number.

Which I have. But didn’t feel like saying anything LOL.

To give a quick explanation of the van’s lore, HNC has THREE OF THEM. Two of them are rotting in our shared driveway. Every once in a while, he tinkers with one of them, lets it run, sometimes drives it around the block. The other one legit is a rat hostel at this point. Its tires are fused to the earth.

The third one used to be parked in the church parking lot across the street but a few years ago, the church threatened to tow it or something, not my van, not my problem, so PAP told HNC that he could park it behind “his” house. And by “his” house, I mean that house that has three units in it, one of which he RENTS. But, semantics, I guess.

Back to now – I was kind of like, “Oh” to find out that this was the cause of some fucking bitch coming to my house uninvited twice this week and then CALLING THE POLICE? Excuse me, ma’am but was this an EMERGENCY? That van has been for 3 or so years but NOW you want it towed? Maybe put that energy into protesting Trump or making Katy Perry space memes. Just seems like there must be something more constructive to do with your day than blowing a fuse over a van that is literally doing nothing and can be moved once HNC returns home from vacation? Unless she’s organizing a block party and has a small village of fancy bounce houses for adults being delivered for the backyard, I am officially not invested in this saga any further. Until it affects me and my livelihood and is relevant to my interests, stay the fuck off my porch.

(Although, now that I know how angry she is, I hope my doorbell pissed her off, lol.)

I came back in the house and called Henry to give him the lackluster update.

“Oh! I know that landlady,” Henry said after I described her as a bitchy troll with glasses, because he thinks he knows everyone like he’s Pittsburgh Santa or some shit. “Her dad actually used to live in that house too. Little guy with huge eyes.”

“I have literally no idea who you’re talking about,” I snapped, running out of patience. “The way you have this fucking random cast of characters seared into your memory…”

“It’s because I PAY ATTENTION TO PEOPLE, Erin,” Henry said, quite defensively too, if you ask me.

“Well anyway,” I quickly tacked on before hanging up, “I don’t feel like getting involved so you have to tell HNC. Byyyeeee.”

(The van hasn’t been towed yet, btw.)

(But for real though, why so many vans, HNC??? Never mind. Don’t answer that.)

I’ve been in such a pissy mood for a few days now. People coming back from the past? Leave me alone. Dumb work shit? Leave me alone. Strangers with umbrellas at  my door? Leave me alone.

So I need to be forcefully uplifting right now and make myself appreciate the good/little things so that I don’t turn into a fireball of hatred.

I got an Olive Young package delivered today and forgot that I ordered this cleanser which comes with a cutie Jerry headband thingie!

I added a second G-Dragon doll to the collection! The one on the left was a gift from my mom several years ago, maybe 2017 or 2018? It’s from the Fxxk It comeback cyle, which was one of my favorite concepts for GD. I LOVED his lime green hair and that jacket!

This new one is the outfit he’s been opening his Ubermensch concerts in and it is already so iconic, I can’t stand it.

Another good thing is that Chooch got all As on his midterms so when he texted me this morning and said, so manipulatively, “There are so many concerts I want to go to ugh” I immediately responded with “Tell me!” because I wanted to get him something! He was so whatever about his birthday, I was hounding him for things that I could get him and just felt like I didn’t do all that I wanted, especially with him being out of town now. He said “Lorde” and I was like, “OK, please hold” and then did the fucking Ticketmaster heart attack dance. But in the end, I was able to get him and a friend 2 tickets during the presale and when I say that those two tickets combined cost less than one ticket in the same section to a kpop concert, I am not being even the tiniest bit facetious.

I think it’s hilarious that he knows which parent to come to for these important matters. Henry is the laundry help line, the Dunkin’ orderer, the fielder of financial aid / tuition questions. I’m the one who buys the concert tickets with no hesitate and geeks out over the new roller coaster announcements he sends me,

OK lastly I just want to say that I am DEEP into this Johnnie Guilbert phase. I know I said, “Oh if I had heard this back when I was still in Warped Tour mode, I’d have eaten it up” but truthfully, I am eating it up in this blessed year of our lord 2025.

His music encapsulates everything I loved about that time I spent in the scene, it makes me miss Choonimals and TOMS before soccer moms started wearing them and shirts from Kellin Quinn’s clothing line and my blond and black hair (well, it was more mocha because my hair stylist really did not want to use black dye and said I’d regret it and she was right). This is the sound of my HEYDAY, you guys. Warped Tour 2008 – 2015 was the best, 2016-2018 was OK. And whatever it is now isn’t for me.

He was JUST in Chicago on Saturday and I was like “!!!!!” But Henry was like, “Don’t start” because he doesn’t want me to be happy.

Well, I just did the whole “Wake up babe Johnnie Guilbert dropped a new video” bit to Henry. Byeeeee.

After the highway museum (which I’m still so geeked about, to be quite honest – PIE AND POSTCARDS. ‘Nuff said), we drove a few minutes away for lunch at Unity Brewing in Latrobe.

Right off the bat, the Crosby art was giving good vibes.

I got a:

• LEMON CREME COOKIE something. I don’t know what kind of beer it was – a wheat maybe? Whatever it was, it was my favorite. Subtle lemony sweetness without tasting like Pine-sol!
• Another Dimension IPA – just a solid, refreshing IPA that I liked very much
• Peach Ring Sour – remember when we went to that brewery in Youngstown last month and I was like, “I guess I don’t like sours after all?” Nope, wrong, scratch that. This was my redemption sour. It was SO DELICIOUS and fun.
• Vanilla Bean Blonde – apparently this is touted as the “undisputed pub favorite” and I can see why! It was so nice.

I legit loved everything. If I wasn’t a lightweight, I’d have probably gone back to the bar and asked for a full pour of….the lemon creme, I think. Any of them really!

Henry got the Maibock (a German spring lager), the Here’s the Dill! Pickle sour (LOVED THIS, so refreshing! I could have probably had a full pour of this if we were sitting outside with friends or something), the River Goat! West Coast IPA (decent) and….the Willie’s Reserve which I ordered for him and since I have bad eyesight I couldn’t see the smaller words on the menu which said that it was cannabis inspired. Hoo boy, was it ever. Henry and I aren’t like, NARCs or anything but we are both pretty averse to pot – I can’t stand the smell of it and haven’t smoked it since probably my late teens/early 20s because I have so many mental problems that it has the complete opposite affect on me and it AIN’T A GOOD ONE. So this was not our fave. You could smell the skunkiness without even holding it up to your nose.

MY FAULT though – I would not have  told him to get that if my eyes worked better, lol.

We were seriously having such a great time here, I can’t explain it (don’t worry, it was the calm before the storm, lol).

I had whatever “sweet flats” is – OK, I’ll tell you what it is: roasted rounds of sweet potatoes topped with black bean, corn, and two dollops of goat cheese. It was exceptional!! Filling without making me feel like sick, we love to see it.

Chooch called Heny’s phone when Henry was at the bar ordering our food, so I answered and without even letting me say hello, Chooch immediately demanded, “Dunkin.” That’s the only time he ever calls Henry, when he wants him to order (a/k/a “pay for”) his Dunkin lol.

Anyway, I was like, “Wow, hello, we’re at lunch.”

“With who?” he asked.

“No one…just us.”

“WOW. I didn’t know you people did that,” Chooch said, mind blown that his parents do date-like activities together I guess.

The post-lunch plan was to go down the street a bit to Ligonier so we could walk around and not have to be in the car for 60+ minutes after eating lunch. First, we used the gross “outside, needs a key” restroom at the local GetGo gas station. I liked my outfit that day so I took this picture but I did not feel cute that day at all, to be fully transparent. I am in a very low, low, low self-esteem cycle currently.

We took these dumb pictures of each other. Chooch said we were “Wow so cool” when I sent them to him later haha.

Anyway, Ligonier just pissed me off. I hated everyone there, it wasn’t my vibe, I rejected every store we passed, I got outrageously babyish at a cafe over a chai latte that was made with whole milk because I forgot to ask for almond milk and declined their offer to remake it and said, “No this is fine” in a monotone because at that point I was trying to be difficult while pretending like LOOK HOW EASY I AM BEING. As soon as we walked out, I thrust the latte at Henry and said IT’S ALL YOURS and he was like, “?????” because now he was double-fisting iced lattes. I don’t know, I was feeling uncomfortable in my skin, it was kind of hot out but I refused to take off my sweater because I didn’t want to show my arms, Henry was NOT LISTENING TO ME AS USUAL. It was a perfect storm. The last time we were in Ligonier together was before Chooch was born it was also a really bad day. Henry has declared a travel ban on Ligonier and I can’t say I’m going to argue with him on that one.

We drove home (in a big traffic jam) in silence, me listening to Johnnie Guilbert and scowling out the window while also silently crying and wanting to die. It gets easier until it doesn’t. I just don’t know. The day was so great and then….that. Can’t even blame it on hanger because it was after lunch. Luckily, once we got home everything was fine. I exercised. Ate dinner. It was a normal Saturday night.

Grow up, Erin.

(Henry tried to blame it on me revisiting my emo roots but I have been this bad if not worse for over a year now, not to mention since I was born. So.)

You know, it’s not great. It just isn’t. I miss Chooch. BUT!! Henry and I had a nice day out yesterday (well, mostly – I’ll get to that later this week) and I even treated myself to some stuff…like TWO Johnnie Guilbert shirts – I wanted to get a third but then Henry and I both said at the time “does anyone really need three Johnnie Guilbert shirts.” But yo, he has some really good designs! And I wanted to definitely have the one of him where his Robert Smith tattoo is showing.

And then because I’m emotionally regressing, I also bought tickets to Pierce the Veil whom I have not seen since 2017!!! Also, I said that I had only ever seen them in Pgh at Warped Tour but apparently I have also seen them at Stage AE THREE TIMES. You know you go to a lot of concerts when you lose count of how many times you’ve seen one of your favorite bands.

Today was decent. Chooch actually called me ON THE PHONE this morning to wish me a happy mother days and I got lots of other nice messages too which made me feel loved because I think everyone knows I haven’t been dealing with life very well & am in my KMS era.

Later, went to Home Depot to get paint samples for the bedroom dresser and then to an antique store on Library Rd because the vision of the dresser has finally fallen into place in my head and I wanted to look for crosses and rosaries lol. We struck out (did get two other items though but one is for Chooch and I don’t want him to know what it is until he comes home!) but I got two rosaries later on eBay and one of them is glow in the dark!

Came home and I started to make my lunch after getting super hangry while antiquing because that makes me frustrated and angry in general only to find out once I pulled everything out of the fridge that WE WERE OUT OF AVOCADOS. I was big upset but Henry was like “calm down I will go to the store chill plz put down the knife.”

I got to wish New Girl Buddy a happy Mother’s Day but she didn’t seem impressed and looked at me like “I come here for your walnoots not conversation.”

Jesus.

That was Mothers Day. It was mid but at least I didn’t cry.

Just for something to do today, we laid loose plans to go to Ligonier for the day. Technically not quite in Ligonier, but we stopped at the Lincoln Highway Museum first. I only just recently learned that this place existed which is nuts because we have driven part of the Lincoln Highway many times on trips to eastern PA. I wasn’t sure what this place would entail (I mean, obv. highway educational tropes) but I did know that coffee and a slice of pie is included in the admission and that was enticing for me!

I want to say first off that the woman working at the welcome desk was the EPITOME of welcoming. Like, give her a wagon already. She was a delight and seemed genuinely invested in the quality of our visit by giving us a pamphlet, A STAMPED POSTCARD (this comes into play later!), instructions on how to use the self-guided audio wand, detailed directions to the restroom (which was what Henry asked her IMMEDIATELY, so embarrassing), etc. She was great. I wish I caught her name but I am so bad at that.

Hoshi!

I loved the photos of some of the roadside attractions in their glory days. Anyone who knows me even a little knows I am Amish-enamored with a penchant for that sweet ass shoo fly pie so and have visited Dutch Haven many times over the years. I am so glad that it’s still thriving!

Historic Route 30: Dutch Pies, Elusive Pretzels & a Pachyderm Paradise

And the shoe house! Grateful that Chooch and I got to tour it before it closed to the public :( I think Henry said it’s an air bnb now ugh.

…then whipped them all soundly and put them to bed.

Then in this room, the museum lady came in and turned on a 13 minute video for us. Right before that, Henry was like, “We better choose our seats” and I thought he was joking because we….were the only people in the room and there were about 50 empty seats? But he wasn’t joking so now I’m scared that he’s seeing dead people. I mean, the museum is in an old….something. I wasn’t paying attention.

You guys my ADHD is unhinged. I zoned out almost immediately after the museum lady turned off the lights and shut the door on her way out. Henry was enthralled, but I was reading my Insta DMs. There was this one point where I thought it was over so I whisper-yelled, “Yay!” but it was just a very long blank transition into the next scene.

Any road enthusiasts out there can feel free to ask Henry for a synopsis because he watched the whole thing like a hawk and probably was saying, “Knew that. Knew that too. Yep, already knewed.” while mentally chopping away at Rt 30 facts as they came at him like some boring infrastructure version of Fruit Ninja.

(OK look. That is the one part I was listening to, when something was being discussed about INFRASTRUCTURE and in my head, I burnt myself on the lit up lightbulb and said, “OH THAT IS WHAT INFRASTRUCTURE IS” because literally the other day some political canvasser came to my house and was yapping on and on about why he supports the guy running against our current mayor and he was like, “and because of the infrastructure” and I said, “Yeah totally” but had no idea what was going on. This guy was like 20 too and had his finger way more firmly on the pulse of local politics. I will be frank here and say that I pay attention to world news and national news but NEVER watch the local news so I have no idea if I’m for or against our current mayor. I do know his name at least and he’s who I voted for in the last election, did I do bad?)

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day so I sent this to Chooch. His response?

“Wow.”

You already knew that. Just like Henry and his Lincoln Highway knewing.

Not pictured, but there was also an exhibit on license plates and they said that all but like….3 or 4 states? have inmates making license plates and I practically screamed OMG THAT’S ACTUALLY TRUE?? Henry just smirked and nodded because again, he knows everything. I wonder if he knows this one firsthand though…

OK OMG OMG OMG this whole time I was like “I HOPE WE CAN FIND A PEN SOMEWHERE, I HOPE THERE IS A PEN IN THE CAR, I HOPE THERE IS A MAILBOX NEARBY” but then there was a whole section of the museum DEVOTED TO POSTCARDS with TABLES AND PENS AND A MAILBOX!!!!!

I was GEEKED.

I made Henry write one to his mom. He tried to say he didn’t know her address off by heart and I said, “NO WORRIES I HAVE IT SAVED TO HER CONTACT INFO ON MY PHONE” and spun my phone so that the screen faced him. I am always prepared in case there are postcards in the near future.

I wrote mine to Chooch! I signed it MOMMY and wrote “stan Johnnie Guilbert” on it too so he will be so thrilled when he gets that. If he ever checks his mailbox.

They had enlarged postcards from the past on display. This place was totally my jam.

I loved this! It reminded me of when I was smoking in highschool (UGH) and used to purposely go to the same 2 0r 3 diners specifically to use their cigarette machines. WTF was wrong with me. Well, I mean, aside from being addicted to nicotine.

My dad would be so stoked on so many of these exhibits! He is a connoisseur of pop machines and coolers and ESPECIALLY loves his bevvies in glass bottles. Definitely mentioned this numerous times but Henry won my dad’s heart by gifting him with a case of glass-bottled Faygo root beer for Christmas years ago.

Before roadside motels, there were roadside CABINS and this is what the inside of one looked like, much nicer than a lot of the places Henry has had us holed up in, that’s for sure.

The pie and coffee portion of the tour came at the end. There is an actual vintage diner inside the museum!

That lady over there was so nice and got our pies for us. Two men came in right after us and also sat at the counter. It turned out that they were from Mt. Lebanon which is just two towns over from us, so that was kind of wild. The diner lady was laughing because she said she expected to meet people from all over when she started working there but most people are from within an hour away. She said the first guy she ever met there was from Latrobe, and she was like UGH THAT’S WHERE I’M FROM TOO. Lol.

Somehow, she mentioned that her daughter is in Portugal this week and the guys were like, “Oh wow one of our friends is also in Portugal this week!” The full sitch was that her daughter was going with friends and meeting a friend over there, and they were like, “OUR FRIEND IS ALSO GOING WITH FRIENDS AND MEETING A FRIEND THERE?!” and the lady was like, “What is your friend’s name? No, that doesn’t sound familiar.”

I peaced-out somewhere through that discourse but tuned back in at the end and thought, “Oh what a bummer” but then I just asked Henry for the full story because after we left, he was like, “THEIR FRIEND AND HER DAUGHTER HAVE TO BE GOING TO MEET THE SAME FRIEND THAT IS TOO COINCIDENTAL” and I was like, “I’m saying.” But I had no idea what was going on until right now, hours later, as I’m writing this so you and I, blog, are learning together.

Look, don’t expect a fat ass slice, but it’s free so just be happy with that. Honestly, it was good, maybe not Double R Diner tier, but I would have definitely written home about it if I hadn’t already mailed the postcard.

(OMFG HENRY FOUND THE INSTAGRAM OF THE FRIEND OF THE GUYS’ NEXT TO US AND SAID, “YEP THIS IS HER BECAUSE SHE’S IN PORTUGAL” but we don’t know the museum diner lady’s daughter’s name so what good is that…? Creep.)

After this, we did other things which I will post about later. But this was a good start to the day and I had no complaints.

1. Accidentally Emo Again

OK guys I mentioned the other day that I fell down the rabbit hole thanks to WE WENT TO COACHELLA videos brainwashing me into subbing to Jake Webber. And I mentioned that I was also like Wait hold the phone is his friend Johnnie Guilbert from the Warped Tour / Bryan Stars YouTube days? Confirmed. So then I started watching videos from Johnnie’s channel too because he’s funny to me OK I have immature emo boy humor. I’ve seen his gf in some of the videos and one time he was wearing a CHRISSY from Stranger Things shirt and said, “I’m wearing my girlfriend.” I thought, “Yeah, she does look like Chrissy from Stranger Things.” Days went by and then I stumbled across her Instagram and said to Henry, “Oh his gf has a lot of followers too. She looks like she’s a model, I guess?” Then a few minutes later, “Oh, she’s an actor too.” Then another minute later, “OMG HIS GF LITERALLY IS CHRISSY FROM STRANGER THINGS.”

Anyway, I bit the bullet and listened to some of Johnnie’s songs on Spotify today and almost immediately sighed and said out loud, “Great. I’m a fan.”

I would have flipped out over this in like 2010 but it scratches that latent emo itch, I swear to god, I feel like I’m waiting in line to get into Warped Tour right now. No, it gives me that same giddy feeling from like, 2004 when Christina and I discovered From First To Last.

2. New Furniture to “ruin” or “beautify” depending on what camp you’re in

We bit the bullet and finallllllly bought a new dresser from Ikea (I don’t know why we keep buying shit there) and a wardrobe. There is a big reason why there are barely any pictures of our bedroom and it’s because there are clothes everywhere. I am a fucking clotheshorse, I can’t be stopped. But Henry and I both have our own broken dressers and they don’t match and are ugly (see also: they’re just wood, oh no). Anyway, Henry brought the new dresser/wardrobe combo home today and I’m giddily thinking up refurb ideas for it. I definitely want it painted a light pink to match the pink accent wall of our bedroom (the rest of the walls are hunter green) but I’m deciding on if I want to use wallpaper on the drawers or whatever. Need embellishment inspo.

Meanwhile, Henry is like, “Why can’t we leave it as-is?” I mean, that’s probably what he’s writing in his diary or the Mother’s Day Card he’s giving to his mom. “SOS mom, she’s making me inhale paint fumes again.” He doesn’t dare say this to my face.

I also have a plan for our OG beverage buffet which presently lives in the attic lounge. I think having projects will help me.

3. Pope Shit

In group chat yesterday, everyone was going on and on about the pope shit like this whole rigmarole was news to them? Like it hasn’t happened two other times in our lifetime?? I stayed quiet on the subject because I was about to drag out my cross and get super righteous up in Teams, so I instead turned my frustration on Henry.

“DON’T YOU REMEMBER ME FORCING CHRISTINA* TO WATCH THE WHOLE POPE BENEDICT DECISION WHEN THEY WERE VISITING SPRING OF 2005 AND I WAS OBSESSED WITH EWTN???” (That’s the ETERNAL WORD TELEVISION NETWORK, FOR YOU HEATHENS.)

“Yes,” Henry sighed. “How could I forget.

Oh, I just went poking around in LiveJournal to see if I actually wrote about that part of their visit and that was a time travel I didn’t need.

I do want to add that I was very concerned to learn that the new Pope is AMERICAN and started panicking that Trump pulled some strings, but now I’m ok after doing some non-fake news’ing and learning that the Pope is actually against everything Trump and Vance the Pope Killer stand for, so fingers crossed that it stays this way and that he does good things.

*(Two C-word mentions in one post; one more and they might pop out of a Mexican jumping bean.)

4. Catching Co-Workers in My Emo Web

I was telling Nate about #1 of this Friday Five (hopefully your memory isn’t so jacked that you don’t have to SCROLL UP for a refresher, but if so, now is the time to do that). I told him I need a YouTube detox and then went to lunch. In that period of time, Nate had done his own Johnnie Guilbert research so I came back to a Teams message from him alerting me to the fact that Johnnie’s girlfriend is not only Chrissy from Stranger Things, but the daughter of Casper van Dien. What a wild ride that was. Hope you were wearing your seatbelt for that.

5. Excuse me, but did you mean Dazee?

I have been pretty bitter in general lately about family stuff (OK that’s always) but my brother texted me and mentioned our old dog Dazee but called her Daisy because ofc he did. This seriously gets under my skin so much because Dazee was my dog. I was the one who went with our mom to pick her up and no one else knew about her yet. I named her Dazee. But he consistently refers to her as Daisy to this day and makes me feel so disrespected, like I was completely written out of family history after I moved out. I even corrected him by replying with “*Dazee” and he said “lol.”

She was my fucking dog.

I have so much anger in general haha. Ha.

__________________________________________

Let’s end this with some CHRISSY, WAKE UP:

Why does it feel like April was so long ago, yet it seems not right that we’re already in May. Time gets weirder the older you get, I swear to GD. Anyway, I keep telling myself that I am not going to get lost in the weeds in my feeble attempts to craft concise reviews because let’s face it: a book reviewer I am not. So, I’m aiming for 2 or less sentences, maybe even just one word if it was that mid.

1. Serial Killer Support Group by Saratoga Schaefer

This wasn’t on my radar at all but I needed something to listen to on my morning walks. Interesting premise of a woman infiltrating a support group for serial killers in an effort to find her sister’s killer. Slightly predictable but still a good time.

2. Listen to Your Sister by Neena Viel

I saw this compared to Jordan Peele and I could 100% see him adapting this into his next great Black horror film. It was YA but seriously filled with vivid, gory imagery and really shone a creepy, red light on the real life horror everyday can be for Black kids.

3. Evenings and Weekends by Oisín McKenna

This was fine but the “for fans of Sally Rooney” should have tipped me off that this was going to be a big book about nothing filled with a cast of annoying, wayward 20-somethings in London. It was practically DARING me to care about any of them and I definitely didn’t win.

4. Bury Your Gays by Chuck Tingle

DUDE, YESSIR. This is the horror I came for. 4 solid stars, witty writing, super fucking creepy vibes. I bet the audio book slaps, but I just read this the old-fashioned way. ALSO, THE COVER.

5. All the Missing Pieces by Catherine Cowles

SO.BAD. I didn’t know this was ROMANCE, I thought it was a mystery about a podcaster trying to solve her sister’s murder but then there’s some gruff and grumpy small town sheriff that IMMEDIATELY FALLS IN LOVE WITH HER and his chapters are so gross. I have never heard so many descriptions of eyes “flashing.” WTF DOES THAT EVEN MEAN. HE WAS OBSESSED WITH HER “FLASHING EYES.” Also, I hated the narrator for the sheriff’s chapters. Oh god I hated this book so much. SOMETIMES IT REALLY DOES PAY TO READ THE FULL SYNOPSIS, ERIN.

6. I See You’ve Called in Dead by John Kenney

Five solid stars. I cannot recommend this book enough. It has set up camp inside my heart and will probably stay there until the coyotes find it and tear it apart, I don’t know what I’m saying because now I’m thinking about this book, the characters, the writing, the plot, the beauty and perfection of it all. I need to read everything John Kenney writes now.

7. Camp Damascus by Chuck Tingle

Not as good as the other Tingle book, but this was a pretty solid LGBTQ horror. It kind of read more as YA to me, ngl, but still great nonetheless. And can we also pause to appreciate the author’s book jacket pic?

8. No Place Left to Hide by Megan Lally

Speaking of YA – this one just hit, I can’t explain it. I loved her other book, That’s Not My Name, as well, and this one was just as fun, great twist, unlikable protagonist.

9. The Wolf and the Watchman by Niklas Natt och Dag

Dude, I dunno how this ended up on my TBR but I apparently requested it from the library, read the synopsis when I got home, thought, “Why did I request this book? I’m going to hate this!” and then by the middle of the first chapter I was hooked. It’s historical fiction (1793 Stockholm) and I know NOTHING about this time of history. But! It has an element of horror to it, it’s macabre, it’s gory, it’s dirty, and the characters pop off the pages. I gave it five stars. I have to gear myself up to read the rest of the books now because I believe this is a series. but I will tell you now that Winge and Cardell are two of my favorite fictional characters now.

10. The Next Mrs. Parrish (Mrs. Parrish, #2) by Liv Constantine

But did anyone ask for a sequel? Mid. I rooted for no one. Also, there’s a diamond story line that is so fucking cringey and if I wanted that kind of absurdly unbelievable plot, I’d watch Days of Our Lives, ok Liv?

That’s all, you’re dismissed.

Hey hi whatever. I’ve been feeling down again. Super neurotic and panicked, sad, depressed, antsy, bored, low self-esteem, uncomfortable, paranoid (mostly I just feel like I’m dying).

I had therapy today and I guess I will try to stay positive by listing some things that are making me stay above water. Like this song that G-Dragon produced, where he personally selected a number of singers, actors, TV personalities, comedians, even a chef, who were relevant over the last year and then had them collab on a mashup of two Dosi Brothers songs from the 80s. And it was all for charity. GD’s reasoning was that he wanted to bring back the big collabs that used to happen when he was a kid, a la We Are the World, but it sounds like Korea was doing their own versions of that back then too.

I just love this so much. For any Squid Game fans out there, Player 333 is the guy in the beret in the beginning. <3

I started painting my nails again recently after being too despondent to care for several mths. Little things, right?

Hoping to get in at least one good road trip with Chooch this summer. I have a few days off around my birthday and have proposed that we drive to Iowa for two parks there (Lost Island and Adventureland) and then head down to Missouri for Worlds of Fun and a redemption tour of Silver Dollar City. Henry was buying a one-way ticket to Frown Town when I excitedly called him over to show him the map I made. We’ll see how much of this actually comes to fruition haha.

(I added Bowling Green because there is also an amusement park there, too, haha.)

(If you are familiar with anything cool / weird / tourist trappy on this route, let a bitch know.)

I saw HNC outside on Sunday and he jokingly asked me if I want his cats and I return-jokingly said, “Haha sure” and then he texted me later to see if I was serious and gave me this big spiel about “having peeps” who are allergic and I was like “OMG no I am not seriously offering to take your cats, mine would have a conniption” and he was like “OK because we prob wouldn’t actually give them up anyway” (???) and then the next morning he texted me AGAIN and apologized for being wishy-washy. Henry thinks my texting adventures with HNC is amazing.

Recently, I had been watching Coachella content on Youtube for two reasons: Enhypen performed both weekends, and my favorite YouTube siblings – the Alexanders – all went to weekend 2 and I love their vlogs. But that screwed up my algorithm so then I just started getting oversaturated with Coachella content. HOWEVER, this is what brought YouTuber Jake Webber into my life!? At first I was like UGH THIS GUY IS SO ANNOYING UGH HIS FRIENDS ARE SO ANNOYING but then I was finding myself genuinely laughing and being entertained?! And then I was like HOLD UP IS HIS FRIEND JOHNNIE GUILBERT THE SAME SCENE KID FROM THE WARPED TOUR YOUTUBERS DAYS?

Um, that would be a yes. And he is still emo and almost looks exactly the same?! So now these highly obnoxious videos are playing constantly and even Henry is getting sucked in. Chooch is SCANDALIZED by this. He hates it so much. I keep texting him pictures and videos of Henry watching and laughing and Chooch is like, “No, I reject this from my life.”

Then this sent him:

Oh! Oh! Oh! Speaking of Chooch, he texted me this the other night and my ego was POPPIN’ off.

I love that Chooch has been deep-diving into my blog archives! Until he finds the weird shit. But still! Practically his entire life is on here, at least my version of events, and I imagine that’s gotta be interesting to him someday.

Well, I think I’ve hit the bottom of my positive reserves and also, I had taken a break writing this to exercise and I jacked my left knee kind of (???) bad and I think I need to go and ask Dr. Google if I need surgery now so that’s kind of all that’s on my mind right now hahaha ugh.

Oh you guys, when Onew announced his US solo tour, I was gagged. And this was legit right after seeing Taemin too!! Onew is lowkey my favorite member of SHINee – yes I love Taemin so much but there is something so magical about Onew’s vocals. I was so anxious about getting decent tickets for this that I opened a CITI credit card so that I could do the CITI Ticketmaster presale like a freaking unhinged kpopper. If I was going alone, I would have had better luck but I still managed to snag Henry and myself two seats in the second row of the balcony so I was content with that. After being on the floor for Taemin’s theater show, I was set on getting balcony seats for this one!

Doors had opened by the time we found our way to back of the line, but there was only one entrance I guess so only small groups were being let in at a time. The people around us in line were so nice though so it was a pleasant wait. The girl in front of us was handing out banners and pouches that held a little flashing LED ball with instructions to remove the little plastic tag during Onew’s performance of “Winner.” She was farther up in line passing them out and her mom, who was standing two people ahead of us, could sense my manic “OH PLZ, ME ME ME” anxiety so she nodded toward me and her daughter came over and banner’d me up :)

Henry declined as usual. Ugh. Not much of a Jjinggu.

(Onew’s fan name! I actually wasn’t sure if he had one but when Megan decided she wanted to stan him, she asked me and I was like, “………you know, I’m not sure!” Then I saw it mentioned on Reddit and almost died because it’s such a cute name. Onew’s real name is Jinki, and the word for “friends” in Korean is CHINGU which you would KNOW of you pay attention to my free teachings here on OH HONESTLY, ERIN DOT COM. A double j is the equivalent of the “ch” sound so…Jjinggus is a mash-up of his name and chingu – Jinki’s friends!)

Henry was commenting on the fact that it was a “strange crowd” meaning notsomuch that it was a collection of strange people, but moreso that there were a LOT of people in line who wouldn’t necessarily be pegged as a Kpop stan. Lots of older (and I mean like even older than Henry) people but it makes sense because SHINee is second gen, so they do have lots of senior fans at this point.

I just had a really good feeling about this, is all I mean to say.

!!!!!!!

OK, Fillmore! I want to say right off the bat that the staff was exceptional and the theater itself was a dream. I was so excited for Onew – while he definitely performs in much larger venues throughout Asia, I really knew he would shine here at the Fillmore.

We were in our seats by 6:30ish, I’d say, which was great until I noticed that the show didn’t start until 7:30. People-watching time! There were mostly older women in the row in front of us – one of them looked to be in her early 70s and she was fucking SHAKING IT throughout nearly the whole show so props to her, living her best golden age! There is just something so inspiring about seeing people of an older generation lose their minds at a concert. I hate to admit this, but younger Erin would have FOR SURE mocked this display and then ran home to post all catty-like about it in her offensive and problematic LiveJournal, but adult Erin understands the true rarity of this type of joy and hopes that she too still experiences this kind of music-related happiness in her elder years.

I guess that is GROWING UP.

Henry tries so hard to be like me so he had to run and grab an IPA before the show started. I had had ENOUGH beer (like, the equivalent of two throughout the entire day!) but I was happy to steal some sips from his can. I am definitely not the type of person who needs to drink at a concert.

MANSPREADING. I took this and sent it to Chooch, who was sick in Philly that weekend but not sick enough to care to live vicariously through us.

And then at 7:30PM, it was Onew Time! He apologized for not having a band or dancers, but yo – if anyone can and SHOULD own a stage on his own, it’s Onew. His stage presence and vocals were beyond, next level, on point, divo coded. Pick one! The vibes were immaculate, as they say.

I knew immediately that this was going to be a night I’ll never forget. When I first REALLY started paying attention to Kpop, I remember looking to see if any of the groups ever toured here because please remember that prior to this, I was an emo girlie, a Sad Boy Music groupie, going to cheap shows at tiny venues so I had NO idea if this stuff was popular here in the States. It was apparently still pretty niche back then but JUST popular enough that some of the bigger groups in Korea were selling out arenas here in the States. I remember getting excited when I saw that SHINee was coming here soon (I feel like this was winter of 2017) so I looked it up and saw that none of the shows were near Pgh and they were all sold-out anyway, lol. That was the last time SHINee was in the States. At the end of that year, Jonghyun took his life, leaving them as a 4-member group and they never came back to the US again.

I am still so scarred by this, still cry over Jonghyun, still think of him heavily on the anniversary of his passing, still keep a framed picture of him on my bedroom wall in reverie.

Kpop may seem like “tone deaf bubblegum bullshit” to some, but it is so special to me and some of these singers have my whole heart. Onew is one of them. So, being a Shawol and missing the chance to see SHINee in their prime, I feel very grateful that I was able to see Taemin AND Onew in the same year!

Sorry, these pictures are basically screenshots from my videos so they are shitty quality, but I need to always remember how precious he looked on this night!

OK, I try not to record too much, but I recorded this full song because it’s one of my favorites and it’s also the exact song that got Megan to stan him so I wanted to send it to her. His vocals are so angelic!! He was so perfect all night. Even Henry said he wasn’t bored during the ballads and that’s usually where singers lose his attention. I kept sneaking peeks at him and he seemed to be focused the whole time!  I mean, he wasn’t moving or emoting, but his eyes were opened and directed at the stage. That’s a big deal.

And “Beat Drum”!!

And “Yay”!

For his encore, he came out with a basket of balls and was sad that he his aim wasn’t powerful enough to get them up to the balcony from the stage (I understood this without having to rely on the translator he had with him! My contextual Korean is semi-decent as long as no one asks me to repeat it back word for word) so he came down off the stage and walked closer to the balcony – I was so nervous that someone was going to fall over because people were clotheslining themselves along the edge, trying to get closer so they could catch one of his balls. I’m not sure what was inside but NCT127 does this too at their concerts – the last one I went to, someone at the end of my row, like 3 people down from me, caught one.

So, that was entertaining.

I think the ONLY annoying thing of the whole night was the girl in front of me who appeared to be anywhere from 15 to 20, I truly couldn’t tell, who was with some broad that looked much older but not her mother? I didn’t get mother-daughter vibes from these two, but the older one had opera glasses with her and the younger one kept leaning back into my sightline so that she could record the older one dancing or singing or fake-crying, I have no idea what was going on but I was like, “CAN YOU HAVE SOME SPATIAL AWARENESS PLEASE, STAY IN YOUR BOUNDARIES.” It only happened a view times but it was so annoying because every time, she blocked my whole view with her idiot head.

The two girls next to me were both singles. The one right next to me recorded the whole entire show, no stopping. Henry’s big oaf body ruined her video though because he got up once in between songs when Onew was talking because he wanted to grab a shirt for me rather than waiting in line after the show. I admit that I do break my “only short clips” rule depending on the concert and will sometimes record the entire song if it’s a BIG FAVE of mine, like something that goes on the perpetual playlist, but I can’t fathom having the endurance or lack of self-consciousness to blatantly hold up my phone through an entire concert. She didn’t seem to be blocking anyone’s view so…cool I guess.

SETLIST:

1. Focus
2. Shape of My Heart
3. O (Circle)
4. Boy
5. Dice
6. Beat Drum
7. Graduation
8. Love Phobia
9. All Day
10. Always
11. Illusion
12. MAD
13. Starry Night (acapella snippet where he said that in Korea, this is the song on the setlist where the fans sing with him but he took it off the US set list. He was like, “Do you want to try to sing some of it together?” and then it all fell apart because only some of the crowd could sing the Korean parts so Onew laughed and said, “Yeah, I think it was a good idea that I took  this off the list” and it was so genuinely funny I love him so fucking much)
14. In the Whale – !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVES AND I DID NOT THINK WE WOULD BE HEARING THIS THAT NIGHT!!!!!!
15. Maestro
16. Yay
17. Winner

ENCORE

1. Hola!
2. Conversation
3. Promise You

Oh, what a beautiful night. Even Henry taking this terrible picture of me couldn’t ruin the vibe.

Then we stopped at a gas station for snacks and bev – Henry the Beer Monster got ANOTHER beer to take back to the hotel and then later saw a WARNING NOTICE that Michigan Law prohibits alcohol from being brought into a hotel, for some reason? “Oh well,” he shrugged, and continued drinking it as the ubiquitous “Friends” reruns played on the TV in the background. Wow, what a fucking rebel.

Anyway, this is a mirror selfie from the lobby of the hotel.

The show was over pretty early (by 9:30!) I guess because since it was just Onew and he didn’t have wardrobe changes, there was no need for the typical VCRs that happen at other Kpop concerts, where the artists leave the stage and you watch some recorded content until they return in new outfits and the stage set is swapped out. This was just Onew churning out song after song on his own and it was EXCEPTIONAL.

On the drive home the next day, I blurted out, “I have to admit something to you and it’s something that I have been thinking about heavily.” Henry looked v. concerned.

“I think I liked Onew’s concert better than Taemin’s,” I said all in one quick mashed-up sentence.

Henry considered this and then said, “Yeah, I can see that.”

Look. Brenda, listen to me before you start running your mouth, OK? It’s just that Taemin is A PERFORMER. He’s a DANCER. He brings dancers with him and has costume changes and elaborate stages. But in America, he performed at small theaters where he was contained to tiny stages and it just really stifled him. Yes, of course he was still fabulous and of course I was ecstatic to have gotten tickets to see him. But it’s just that I know he does HUGE concerts in Asia and this just felt like it did him no justice.

But Onew is a SINGER. He is known for his distinct vocals and incredible singing ability. He performs in musicals, he acts, he singer opera. This man does not need bell and whistles – just a stage, a mic, and his voice. He was incredible and kept me captivated to the end. I felt absolutely OBSESSED by the time we walked out of the theater, and we listened to him the whole way home the next day in the car. I mean, I obviously already loved him so much that I named our car after him (“You did?” Henry recently said, and I was like THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN, I EVEN BLOGGED ABOUT IT THE DAY WE BROUGHT THE CAR HOME?!??“) but it’s on another level now.

Oh, I also want to add that a few years ago, Onew went on a suspicious “hiatus” right after SHINee had a comeback, so they did all of their music show performances and concerts as a three-piece. He looked REALLY gaunt and unhealthy, and then just kind of went off the grid for about a year to the point where I was like, “HENRY CALL SM ENTERTAINMENT AND TELL THEM THAT YOU’RE A CONCERNED KPOP DAD AND DEMAND TO KNOW IF HE’S OK?!” and Henry was like, “Yeah, I’ll get right on that.” But in all seriousness, it was so concerning and handled very poorly by SM (not shocking). Eventually, he made a vague post on IG and we were all so relieved that he was still alive. Shortly after, it was announced that he (and soon after, Taemin) had decided to not renew his contract with SM and signed with Griffin, who has been taking such great care of him. He has been releasing SO MUCH music and then got to come to the US for a tour! Same with Taemin. SM would never send them here. Onew looks so happy and healthy, and as a true fan, that is what you love to see.

Stan Onew!!