Chooch’s Christmas Special

Jan 022015

It was Christmas, and I opened presents and spent time with my family. I will tell the most important things that I got . A camcorder, singing machine classic, and a Gunther CD (Gunther is this thing I found out on the internet and he made a song “Ding Dong Song”).

I looked in my stocking and I just a bunch of candy and a Simpsons LEGO mini figs blind bag. I got Ralph Wiggum. I really wish I got a Shopkin Blind Box. I really want a Shopkin. OK back to the story, I got sprees and reeses cups.

I got a Pet Talk Cat and Dog pillow it has a little recorder and you press the button and talk into it and save it and put in the pillow. Press the ear and it says what you said in the recorder.
I hadn’t used it yet. I hadn’t slept on it. It isn’t that fluffy its pretty cold.

I was having fun opening presents and spending time with my family. I got a lot of stuff. And a lot of candy. I love Christmas!

Daddy’s being a nerd while watching me open presents or looking at my camera. He’s so dumb. LOL. He is a creep. Just standing there watching me *shivers* open presents *screams*! I get nightmares sometimes. *shivers*.

I got a bunch of cool books. Right now I’m reading The Fourteenth Goldfish. I didn’t finish it though. I got a Kareoke Machine and sang a bunch of songs lime the Party rock Anthem. I love everything I got!

Christmas is so fun, I got games like Cat games, Tetris Namo, and Story Cubes. Blake came over and we played Kitten Caboodle. I won and I adopted the most cats.

I got a camcorder and I recorded everything I saw like Daddy’s face. I went crazy with it. It was from the Shaytards. I got so I can be a youtuber and play games and record stuff. I said I would call my 0 subscribers Demon Cakes. I would be a better youtuber than PewDiePie. I would have 1 billion subscribers. I would get 1000 dollars per video. I would be RICH. Youtube knowledge.

I got Kitten Caboodle where you have to adopt the most cats when there are only 7 cats. So get four and you win instantly. I played against Blake and I won because I got the cat that looks like Speck. Her / His name was Fergie. The way to get a cat is you ask for something when you only have 2 cards ask for something you need like if you have a yarn ball and a bed ask for a milk bowl so you can get Fergie.

I got Gunther I saw that it had Ding Dong Song on it so I started to say Ohh you touched my tra la la. I laughed too. I listened to it and sang it on my Kareoke Machine and all I knew was Ohh you touched my tra la la. No lyrics were on the screen like there should be but I just changed the song to Charli XCX. It had no lyrics either. So I just sticked with the ones it came with.

I had a fun time doing stuff and listening to music while opening presents. I got a bunch of awesome stuff.

If you hadn’t heard of the MommyAndGracieShow you would laugh. I got a
#CookiePizza picture with CBG (CreepyBasementGrandma) LOL. Me and mommy were watching Birthday Party videos and we came across Mommy And Gracie Show. They live in New Jersey or something because they have that New Jersey accent.

We were going to Corey’s house and we went to Pan Asia for dinner or Chinese food. I recorded mommy with the camera while it was just resting on the wall and it recorded mommy drinking tea. LOL! My Christmas was fun!

Unconventional Xmas Flicks: A Guest Post

Guest Post, holidays

Dec 192014

You guys, today entertainment blogger Spencer Blohm is going to share some of his favorite unconventional Christmas flicks, so hopefully you’re done with all your holiday preparations/money hemorrhaging so you can just curl up on the couch all weekend and binge on some seasonal moving pictures.

—————————————————–

Some Christmas Films for Those Sick of It’s A Wonderful Life

Rudolph, Elsa and St. Nicholas have a monopoly on Yuletide entertainment. The same Christmas movies show year after year, swamping the airwaves and hogging the hearth. Now that you’ve got the tree up and all of that, Since when did tradition degrade into conformity? Break away from Bing Cosby and walk through a different wonderland with these six eccentric Christmas movies.

5. Ernest Saves Christmas

He’s back, Vern! Ernest P. Worrell, played by Jim Varney, is on a mission to replace the elderly Santa Claus – a difficult thing to do in sunny Orlando, especially when Santa (alias: Mr. Santos) has lost his magical bag of toys. The Santa-to-be, played by Oliver Clark, is auditioning for a C-level horror film called “Christmas Slay.” This holiday classic comes fully equipped with inflatable lawn decorations, a sleigh spaceflight, and just enough ho-ho-ho’s for the whole family.

4. Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale

For those who enjoy some horror with their hot chocolate, “Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale,” will send viewers scurrying for pillows to plug their chimneys. Following in the grand Victorian tradition of telling ghost stories in the swampy shadows of a Christmas fire, “Rare Exports” follows three reindeer herders who uncover the original Santa Claus in the windswept glaciers of Lapland, only to ruefully discover that he has no interest in bringing toys to well-behaved children. A black satire, the film won a confetti of awards and 3.5/4 stars from critic Roger Ebert.

3. Scrooged

Bill Murray plays Frank Cross in “Scrooged.” This underhanded black comedy reimagines Charles Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol” without ghosts proper. A taxi cab driver, a life-size pixie and a spectral television visit the ruthless Cross and reprogram his cold, calculating heart. Upon its release in 1988, it became the 13th highest grossing film of the year, thanks in no small part to the rousing soundtrack composed by Danny Elfman, the musical wizard behind Tim Burton’s “The Nightmare Before Christmas.” The film enjoys enduring popularity, thanks largely to frequent matinees and DirecTV marathons throughout the month of December.

2. The Family Stone

Rife with award-winning performances, “The Family Stone” is a 2005 comedy-drama film that follows the inevitable bamboozles and shenanigans of an uptight career business woman caught in the midst of her boyfriend’s rambunctious family at Christmas time. A melodramatic romantic comedy, the film revels in the rhythm of domestic life and the screwball love it thrives upon. And what better time than Christmas to celebrate the odd, lovable nature of family, in spite (or partially because) of all the friction? Did we mention it has SJP?

1. Trading Places

With apologies to the timeless “The Prince and the Pauper” tale by Mark Twain, this 1983 comedy stars Dan Aykroyd and Eddie Murphy as the desperate pawns of a social experiment. Murphy rises from the slum to become an investment broker, and Aykroyd falls from his Wall Street perch to steal meat as a Santa doppelganger. Little do they know that their fates are cast by two wealthy Duke brothers playing a bet. Even though the hijinks occur over the Christmas season, what cements the film as a holiday icon is the timeless message of equality, white or black, rich or poor.

So have yourself a merry little Christmas, and check twice if Santa comes knocking.

Spencer Blohm is a freelance entertainment and lifestyle blogger who lives and works in Chicago. So far this holiday season he’s managed to watch Elf three times but has yet to finish his Christmas shopping. You can follow him on Twitter at @bspencerblohm

Chooch Goes to the Mütter

chooch, Guest Post, travel

Dec 162014

This is about the time I went to The Mutter Museum. First, We went to Philly to visit our friends Terri and Christian. To get to the Mutter it took us 20 minutes from Terri and Christians house. We played Heads Up by Ellen DeGenerous in the car. I won!

Next, We got to the city I saw the hockey stadium where the Flyers play I wanted to meet them so bad. They were playing the Carolina Hurricanes. Boo the Hurricanes. Go Flyers! I was so excited! I wanted to meet them so bad! If they lost I would die!

Last, We got to the Mutter. Me and Christian were pretty much partners the whole time. I went inside this What It Feels Like To Get Shot In The Arm machine and it was weird. Me and Christian were partners. Well not partners but I didn’t want to be with Terri, Goth Erin and Napkin Dispenser Forgetter. Goth Erin told me there were people making out. But I didn’t see them so I didn’t know. She was so mad because we were in a museum with gross stuff in it. They were making it even Grosser. Me and Christian saw Einstein’s Brain so I tried to see if I could see Math Answers. Goth Erin saw drawers of everything Dumb People swallowed because I don’t even know why people would swallow these thing. Screws, Nails, Toys, Pins, Buttons, Dentures and Teeth, Bones and that’s all I can remember. Goth Erin got sick after she saw a bunch of Eye diseases. Pink eye, Eye Cancer, Tumors, Beaten Up Eyes, Big Eyes, and that’s is what I remember. Me and Goth Erin kept seeing Baby Weiners. Before we left we went to the gift shop. I got a Brown Liver Cell stuffed Microbe. He is so Cute his name is Sir_osis. I had a blast at the Mutter Museum!

Clearly, This about the time I went to the Mutter Museum in Philly.

PS. If you don’t know where the Mutter Museum is ask Siri. This is the response.

Sorry what is the Mutter Museum? If you want I can show every Eat n Park near you.

Chooch’s Horrible Day!

chooch, Guest Post, Uncategorized

Oct 292014

I HATE EVERYTHING!!! First, We walked to The Hollywood Theater to watch Halloween. There was a Michael Myers statue that moves but doesn’t have the knife. Sadly! We got Popcorn and M&M’S. Also we got Raffle Tickets 2 raffle Tickets. Next, We were watching the movie. These kids said to Tommy a little boy that the Boogy Man was going to come after him. Tommy kept saying he saw the Boogy Man but it was Michael Myers. The Sheriff came in this house that the babysitter that baby sitted Tommy came in because Michael was in there and at the end of the movie The Sheriff shot Michael in the head about 16 time and Michael fell off of the balcony. He looked down and Michael was gone. Last, The movie ended and it was time for Raffle the last prize was a Michael Myers mask and we were 716770 and the winner was 2 Goth people with the number 716771 I freaked the eff out! I almost cried I said to mommy for the Goth people to BURN IN HELL!!! I knew they were Goth because they had black hair,the makeup Goth people wear, and they were black spiked shoes. Finally, We walked out and I forgot my jacket and a bunch of people came out and Brad and his Fiancee Casey I told them everything I was so mad about! I calmed down after passing the Fragile Stuffs store because there was a FLUFFY NICE KITTY CAT THAT WAS BLACK AND FREAKING WHITE!!! We were walking home and we ran half the way and on the other side of the street there was the scary guy that was like “Have you ever tried WEED? I HAS IT WAS SO GOOD ALSO HAVE YOU EVER HAD WHISKEY? That’s good to! I just got high and drunk yesterday!” (That’s not really what he said he was singing Ring Around The Rosy like a Drunk and high idiotic moron. We thought Henry was going to be in his underwear playing Xbox1 but he wasn’t. We got home and Henry was like HOLD ON! Because we were banging on the door! I told him everything and he was like You would of won if I was there. JK I never win anything! We would of won actually! Because we would of had 3 tickets and the one would be 716771 and we would of won! Laugh Out Loud!!! Wow that was a horrible and dreadful day.

Chooch Does More Haunted Houses

chooch, Guest Post, haunted houses

Oct 272014

CASTLE BLOOD:

I like the castle blood this year. First, We got back from Knoebles and I was fricking tired. We got FREE Tickets, Yay! So we went in and this guy was telling us stuff. He said we were on a quest to find a Broken Heart, Blue Sapphire, and a Brain. He asked who wanted to be the leader I said I wanted to. So we were walking and I held Erin’s hand. Next, We entered this Gravely’s Office and a Butler was cleaning Gravely’s desk and bookshelf. He gave us a ghost named Destiny she with us to protect us. Then we went into a Mausoleum where there we bones of animals, mermaids, and human skin. This guy said is we looking for anything and I said “Yes a Blue Sapphire. a Broken Heart, and a Brain. He said that we wouldn’t want the blue sapphire because it was stolen and said you wouldn’t want a stolen sapphire would you? We said no. So he gave me the thief’s hand. And we went on with our journey. Last, We went into the Gypsy Room but before that I got a ring from some girl to give to the gypsy. So we went in and I had to go sit on a chair and give her the ring but it wasn’t hers. So we went into the next room and there was a girl showing us the rings she got from her husband that she killed after. She said she was missing one so I gave the I had. That was the one she lost. She gave me a broken heart because the ring I gave her was from someone that left her. After that we entered the Cemetery and that was the last part and nothing really happened there then we went into the Gift Shop and I lost the Broken Heart there and so I got a FREE Pumpkin. I was bad after that and I had to go to bed when we went home. All in all, Castle Blood Is awesome the way it is now.

WEST DEER NIGHTMARE:

West Deer Nightmare was good and cool this year. We were in line and my shoe was untied and so I went into the light and I heard people laughing so I looked beside me and there was a clown standing right next to me. I said “Good day mate.” and then said “Hows your day mate?” Then I walked back in line. It took awhile to get to the front but then we did a lady opened a door and made us watch a video of dead people like Lizzie Borden’s mom and dad. I got a flashlight and kept shining it in GODFORBID HENRY’S eyes and he was pissed off. Then we went to an adult with a baby mask on and it was acting like a baby too. It was following us and mommy was so scared I laughed. We came into this room where there were REAL people under blankets, (Maybe they were supposed to come out) but they were sleeping. We were walking and Freddy Kruger came out of the wall and I said “Hi.” and then “Bye!” Mommy was scared. We went into this room where nothing happened but then I gave the flashlight back. (We were outside now) I warned mommy there was something behind us but she didn’t listen. Then about 5 seconds later VROOOOM VROOM (That’s my chainsaw noise) I ran so it could get mommy and GODFORBID HENRY. But it kept coming after me! Thats how good or may i say cool West Deer Nightmare was!

HAUNTED EXPEDITIONS:

It was so awesome! But daddy didn’t want to go because he was being a wussy but then he realized he was to jealous and didn’t want to be a wussy and be on NBC News! We went on a hayride but it wasn’t a hayride it a trail. We waited in line for about 20 mins. But this guy with a pumpkin mask tried to scare mommy but i ruined it because i kept saying Hi to him. He was talking to me about the Krampus and scared me about the Krampus. We went in and watched a video of the rules and then walked mommy got scared about 500,000,000 times. One time she got scared i peed my pants. No really i actually did. I’m not joking. Then we came to this thing that popped out from behind a tree and scared mommy so bad she ran and punched me in the face. Oh god I hate her! Then a WEREWOLF came out and scared mommy I tripped, fell down the hill and Henry was so mad he yelled at me and said GET UP kind of like SHUT THE DOOR if you’ve never seen Erin’s Youtube. Then the manager scared us! Then we waited for the other group. He went to go scare them and so I did too. I was the last scare. The manager said F*** and he said sorry i’m so sorry but mommy said i don’t care he has a mouth on him. So he said I mean FIDDLESTICKS. The hayride came back to pick us up and so we went on and drove and this guy came out of the woods and said Wheres Angie? WHERES ANGIE? Angie was scared and he saw her and pulled her into the woods. And daddy lost his hat on a tree like a LOSEERR*. That’s how cool and awesome I think Haunted Expeditions is.

*(Erin here: Normally I wouldn’t care if Henry lost his hat because they’re just dumb Faygo hats but this time it was an EMAROSA VERSUS HAT! Luckily, the nice Haunted Expeditions kid leapt off the wagon like a goddamn hero, found the hat and rode his trusty golf cart back to the parking lot, where Henry’s dumb head was reunited with the best goddamn beanie in the world. PEACE OUT, BITCHES.)

Chooch’s Haunted House Recap: Rich’s Fright Farm

chooch, Guest Post, haunted houses, Uncategorized

Oct 242014

Fright Farm was scary 10/10. First, It took 1 HR to get there but I survived. When we got there the line was like 25 minutes long. There was a dj on a stage and then Taylor Swifts Shake it Off came on and i started twerking. And then 5 minutes for the Hayride to start. We have to sit at the edge of the Hayride it was like we would fall off.

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Next, after 45 or something minutes after the Hayride we went in the haunted house.

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It was scary 10/10. But Janna almost had a seizure. But she actually didn’t. Mommy was scared when I warned her about there was someone going to pop out. Then we went on the slide. I loved it. Janna almost fell on the steps so I warned her. She tripped on the steps one time. Last year, Erin and GOD FORBID JANNA said it took them forever to get through the maze. But when I was with them I said follow me but I purposely ran into a clown and he trapped me and Mommy in a corner and I ran.

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But the clown said to mommy Do you want to play death? She said No but the clown chased her in the maze. GODDFORBID JANNA tried to save her but the clown pushed her out of the way. She had a seizure. I said follow me again and they did and I lead to victory. Finally, We went to the last part. We got blindfolded and had to follow a rope. But sometimes it got higher and I couldn’t reach it so mommy said she had it and then It got lower and I could touch it again. I was scared like so bad I could cry and my eyes were closed and I almost fell asleep. We kept touching people and they said we were in line. But Erin’s blindfold fell off and they pulled it back up. We finally got out of terrifying death creepy maze like idiotic mean place. Then I had Hot Coco because it was freezing like a Winter Wonderland. Walking In A Winter Wonderland. When we were leaving Chandelier came on and that was my favorite part. In conclusion, That’s how I felt at Riches Fright Farm.

Chooch’s Zombie Fest reaction

Amusement Parks, Fairs, & Carnivals, chooch, Guest Post

Oct 122014

Hey fellow viewers today i’m going to tell you about The Zombie Fest 2014. First,We had to take forever because daddy couldn’t find a parking spot dumb him lol. So yeah that’s really bad.

Next, We found a parking spot YAY!So we got in and talked to Kristy and her 5yr old Daughter Sarah. We had to wait forever for Kristy’s Friend Bethany. I was a Zombie Clown Mommy was Rose from The Golden Girls, Kristy was Dorthy from The Golden Girls, Bethany was Blanche from The Golden Girls, Sarah was Sophia from The Golden Girls.

Last, Bethany finally got here and we went into the convention and when we were walking in i saw Foxxy from 5 Nights At Freddy’s a horror game its very scary. I told mommy i wanted to say ” I like your 5 Nights At Freddy’s Foxxy Costume but I was Scared of him. So we got in there were Rita stands, Games, other stands like Zombears, necklaces, Um that’s really it for that. Kristy bought or won an inflatable brain and me and Sarah and Bethany played soccer with it I won obviously. So then Mr.Claus and Mrs.Claus, 6 elves, and 3 daughters were giving out presents a lot of people were taking pictures with them. One of the elves wanted to take a picture with me so bad. So i guess I had to. All in all, Now you know all about The Zombie Fest 2014 Convention in Pittsburgh,Pennsylvania USA.

Here’s a funny video of me pretending to be a zombie when i was 4 years old. I hope you enjoy it!!! I’m acting like a drunk stripper LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

Chooch’s Haunted House Reviews: Round 1

chooch, Guest Post, haunted houses

Oct 072014

HUNDRED ACRES MANOR 9/21/14: I thought Hundred Acres Manor was cool scary and kinda funny because of MOMMY, First, We got there and had to wait because the sun was still up But GOD FORBID JANNA TOOK FOREVER SO WE HAD TO WAIT AND WAIT AND WAIT FOR HER! Then one of the actors came up to me and thought I was a chicken and hit me in the head with a Toy Chicken and the people behind us were two girls and a mom the two girls were going in by themselves and one was scared as hell and the other was not amused but they saw Ethan (the guy who runs the haunted house) they tried to talk to him but then he went back in. Next, Janna finally got here and our day was saved! Then we finally got to go in and I got a glow stick necklace. Then we got to go in the elevator that was very steamy and rocky so we got out and then someone screamed in my face and those are the only times I am scared, LOL! And then we got to the maze and Erin and Janna were scared. We caught up to a couple and they showed us the way I guess But the Lady was scared (She was like mommy’s age.) and the Chainsaw Guy was looking for us but the other actors found us!

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Next, We got out of the maze it was just a butcher part left so nothing more! (The meat was human body parts!) All in all, Now you know what Hundred Acres Manor is and how much I liked it!

HUSTON’S HAUNTED HOLLOW 10/4/14

I have to say I had to PEE very bad and almost peed my pants because of how funny mommy was! First, We waited in line for about 1hour so it took forever (Janna was actually here with us this time!)And the people behind us were so annoying because they were all like stop hitting my face!!! STOP IT!!! IT WAS SO ANNOYINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!! One of the actors were outside and it was The Beetle Juicer Man (Beetle Juice Guy) and mommy told him to take me! That Idiot!!! And he was making the people in front of us laugh so hard! Next, After the past 1hour we were finally in! And there was a girl and another girl and a witch said to us “Im sharpening this shovel for your grave” I wasn’t scared! Then we went inside of a house it was kinda scary!

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There was a kitchen, a Bathroom with guts in the tub, a Basement that was a carnival there were clowns and we got 3d glasses and the first thing was a Spinning Tunnel that I hate so much!

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A room with clowns one clown said “There’s a Duck over there , HONK! Last, Now its time for the hayride good thing the people behind us in line aren’t with us! Every time we stop we have to walk in the corn and threw the woods there was a trail DONT WORRY, JANNA IS OK SHE DIDNT HAVE A SEIZURE! We got to a structure in the middle of the trail and we had to go in it and JANNA COULDNT SEE AND SHE WAS PISSING ME OFF BECAUSE SHE WOULDNT EFFING TURN THERE WAS A DUMB IDIOTIC ACTOR IN HER EFFING WAY I WAS SCREAMING THE HELL OUT OF ME I HAD A HEADACHE! Then we got back on the HayRide and we got split up into to smaller groups and then we got to a Chainsaw Guy and mommy ran like a wussy and made me laugh so hard because she pushed me into the corn and we got to ANOTHER Chainsaw Guy and made us go the opposite direction and made our group split up and mommy ran like a wussy again and pushed me in the corn. Then finally we were done and I finally got to PEE! The main topic)

P.S. Henry didnt go to neither and he was too wussed out.

Henry’s Tips on How to Survive Riot Fest

Guest Post, Henrying, music, Uncategorized

Sep 282014

If you have never been to Chicago, make sure you research the area your staying in. So when you come back the first night someones not jacked up against a police car outside your hotel room window.

Make sure you take the proper clothing, ie: Boots, jacket so you don’t have to run out and buy them in a hurry.
Find a way to and from the festival that doesn’t put your life in danger by seedy so called “Uber” drivers, only to find out on the last day you could have drove and parked 100 yards from where you needed to go.
Learn to dodge and weave between people with minimal damage to you and others.
Bring lots of cash, for the girlfriend that wants everything.
Bring an appetite, the food is awesome.
Do not be so quick to say “yes we can go” before you actually look in to what riot fest is.

BANDS I DISLIKED (hate is a pretty strong word)

Pianos Become the Teeth – not my style. Like I have a style.
La Dispute – they go along with the other one.

I didn’t dislike as much as Erin thought I did. Maybe it’s just more that I didn’t want to be there.

FAVORITE PARTS:
Seeing the Cure.

IF MY MOM ASKED WHAT IT WAS LIKE, I WOULD TELL HER:
Nothing. She wouldn’t understand.

WOULD I GO AGAIN NEXT YEAR:
I don’t know yet.

THOUGHTS ON ANTHONY GREEN:
I don’t have any.

WARPED TOUR VS RIOT FEST:
Neither.

BANDS I WANTED TO SEE BUT DIDN’T GET TO:
Cheap Trick.

To summarize, all and all it wasn’t a bad three days, the rain, mud and cold didn’t help me like Riot fest. Though knowing that Erin was the happiest shes been in awhile was well worth it. Will i do it again, too soon to say. I’m sure by January or whenever presale starts ill start getting hounded.

I’m not good at naming (aka Henry’s Guest Post)

Guest Post, Henrying, music, travel

Jun 052014

So once again I’m being forced to “guest post” (I’m not correcting any spelling errors either). It all began months ago, I think, I tend to block out Erin anytime the word concert or johny Craig come up in a conversation. This time it was 5 hours away, which means an overnight trip, which makes it even more agonizing, having to drive 5 hours then stand in a venue I don’t want to be at seeing a band that I have no interest in. It took until almost a week before the concert for me to agree to go, even after I was promised anything if I would go, actually hoping it would sell out and I would win. No chance.

Let me make the rest of this short and sweet, Venue sucked, no beer ,no water, no anything.

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What venue does that, the one in Allentown does. So that made the night off to a great start, the one chance I have to go to a concert and drink , foiled by the venue this time and not Erin. So on to the bands

Cedar Green: Not bad for a local band, set was short.

Alive Like Me: Don’t care to see them again, add them to the list.

Miss Fortune: Liked them , would see them again which means they will never be anywhere I have to go and see other bands I don’t want to see.

Slaves: Did they even play? The band was ok they just need a new singer.

Hands Like Houses: Apparently I have seen them many times before and don’t remember any of them. That doesn’t mean I didn’t like them, just don’t remember them. I can say I do like their music, there Erin now that’s 2 bands I like.

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After the show we had blue cheese and pear pizza and it was weird but good.

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That’s it for this episode of henry gets forced to do something he hates again for promises of things that will never be.

( I hope she has fun correcting all the grammar mistakes and spelling errors, I know how she hates that.)

Pittsburgh Guest Blogger Event 2014 #PghGBE

Guest Post

Mar 312014

Remember last year when my friend Alex was like, “I am going to make a handful of Pittsburgh bloggers jump through fiery hoops and because I’m so endearing and slightly resemble Pittsburgh Penguin Chris Kunitz*, they will do it?” and then we all did it? Well, it’s that time of year again. The April Fool’s Guest Blogging Thing! Today’s post comes from Susan of West of Mars and is part of a special day of shenanigans from other Pittsburgh Bloggers. You can see my post over on Crank Crank Revolution, where I expound for pages on the ups and downs of vegetarianism, including why I became one, how Henry saved me from birthing a cheese baby, and WTF tofu?

*(Is it just me?)

So without further ado, please enjoy Susan’s guest post about rock fiction.

*****

I’m one for jumping in, feet first, when something seems like a great idea. So when I got invited to join this April Fool’s blog exchange, ever naïve me figured there was no way I’d be the fool.

And then I met Erin and spent some time perusing her blog.

Let me tell you, Erin is the sort of forthright woman I wish I had the balls to be. Of course, there’s always that essential dilemma of women and balls in the first place… I mean, can we actually have them? And why would we want little external holders of testosterone, that hormone that makes us sprout chest hair?

Anyone who knows me well knows that right about now, I’m channeling the spirit of Trevor Wolff, the star of the Trevolution, my series of Rock Fiction novels. Trevor and Erin would get along grand. Me, Susan at West of Mars? Intimidation city!

So let’s move onto safer ground, that spot where Trevor and I can coexist as much as a real-life writer and a fictional bad-boy bass player ever can. I’m talking about the wonderful world of Rock Fiction.

Now, this isn’t a genre you’ll find in a bookstore (yet). It’s more of a broad overview, really, if such a thing can exist. Rock Fiction can be a mystery, it can be a romance, it can be general fiction, it can be science fiction. When it’s successful, Rock Fiction follows the rules of its main genre – a romance will have a Happily Ever After, for example – and still have the beat of music throbbing through each page. The details of the music world are real, be they about a touring rock star’s day or what it feels like when the world is against you so you slap on headphones to help you cope. A good work of Rock Fiction lets you relate. A great work lets you feel like you’re part of it.

For those of us who can’t function without a tune blaring in the not-so-background, Rock Fiction is transformative. It’s our life, or the life we wish we had, on a page. It’s written by people who get it, who are living the same things we are, be it a crappy real life or the dream itself.

Here’s a few to try on for size: My own Trevor’s Song (of course!). Jessica Topper’s Louder Than Love. KL Going’s Fat Kid Rules the World. Peggy Ehrhart’s Sweet Man is Gone. Don Bruns’s St. Barts Breakdown.

If you’d like more, or want me to link to a review you’ve posted online, know that Rock Fiction has moved away from West of Mars and has found its new home at The Rock of Pages (http://therockofpages.com). Like any good rocker or any fantastic song, it couldn’t be contained, piggybacking on the other literary works at West of Mars. It needed a stage of its own.

Those of us who get Rock Fiction will know exactly how and why.

****

A Librarian’s Lists and Letters

Beezus Kiddo

Crank Crank Revolution

Tall Tales from a Small Town

The Firecracker Blog

The Pittsburgh Mommy Blog

Another Damn Concert Post, By Chooch

chooch, Guest Post, music, Uncategorized

Dec 232013

I was surprised when I met Never Shout Never. they mean so much to me like this much ——————————————————————————————————– that’s how much they mean to me.

When we met them, I did NOT know what we were going to do. So Jason was there, I told him that I wanted to meet Christofer Drew and then he said “yeah and I want to meet Christina Hendricks.

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” When we walked into the room to meet them I was like OMG really you’re making me meet them? OMG. Christofer said nice shirt and I said thanks, actually I was shy. He took my hat off of me and put his hat on me and my hat on him and I felt like OMG now I have his ghost inside my hat and my ghost inside of his hat.

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I got my picture with them I still was shy.

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Christofer gave me a guitar pick I broke real quick on an accident. They told me to play the tuba and that I would get all the girls haha and then they told me to go to Chicago with them.

My favorite part of the night was when they played my favorite song Lost at Sea. It’s on the album Time Travel. When they played it I sang the whole song.

OMG I finally met them and I probably will never again.

You should listen to Harmony. It’s an album. My favorite song on that album is First Dance! And Trampoline. Actually, Trampoline is mommy’s most favorite.

Haunted House Review: a Chooch Guest Post

chooch, Guest Post, haunted houses, Uncategorized

Nov 162013

GHOUL MANSION:

when we were in line a bloody nurse tried to lick us not daddy though. When we were inside we had to go down in the basement we got separated from henrys beard we had to stand in the dark which we didn’t have to it was all erin’s idea. erin was too scared to move and leave daddy alone I thought she hated daddy!

this dude came and scared us and we said “where is henry?!” and the dude said “I ate him” and we were like “no seriously” he was like “HENNNRRRY!!!!!” Then when we went around the corner after henry finally came back a clown had one of those little horn things and it was like BEEEEEP.

then we had to go up steps and a kid was down there and was like “Can I eat you” and then we finally got up the steps. and then like four rooms later we were walking down this hall then the same kid that was under the steps saying can I eat you and I was like “aw crap” in my mind. and he was like “remember me? I was under the steps! I wanted to eat you! can I eat you alive? can I eat you alive” and then finally we got through that hall and had to go through another hall and that kid was still following us. henry was in front of us and I was like “i’m gonna push you” I said that to the kid, so I pushed him and still I couldn’t get past him.

“I gave a high five to a clown it was awesome I really liked the haunted house”.(:

DEMON HOUSE

Erin got off work at nine picked up JANNA “GOD FORBID” Erin got lost because Henry gave us bad directions mommy scared me bad. Mommy lied to me and said that demon house wasn’t scary. when we finally got there, well we didn’t get to the haunted house yet, we had to drive on a bus because mommy crashed into a tree, just kidding. there was no one there so we didn’t have to stand in line. I brought Murder Victim with me, a stuffed dog.

when we got to the demon house for real we sat by a fire and a dude called our number so we had to go up and he talked to us about something and made janna knock on the door. it wasn’t scary though. it was just a cave. like a fake cave made out of fake stone. it was like a mine. Murder Victim was scared.

Once we got out of the cave we had to walk through a forest and then this clown said “follow me!” Then we heard vrrrrooooooooom three chainsaw guys came out of the forest we pushed Janna into one. Me and mommy went the wrong way one chainsaw guy said “that way.” Then we got to the real haunted house.

I hate writing.

My favorite part inside the house was going upstairs and playing hide and seek when these two people wanted to play hide and seek and they said “if you find ME, you’ll be dead!! If you find HER you’ll be safe!” So we found her. In the second room this guy said IS THIS YOUR MOMMY I was like “yeah who the eff would she be??” He was like “well she’s a terrible mom for bringing you here!!!”

Oh yeah at the end of the haunted house Dr Who was there! He was like ready for time travel? Scream YAY TIME TRAVEL! Louder! YAY TIME TRAVEL! I can’t hear you, louder! So we had to go through this maze thing that wasn’t really a maze he was like GO THAT WAY!

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I like Dr Who.

At the end, Janna god forbid wanted APPLE CIDER but I wanted hot chocolate.

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What a good day for hot chocolate.

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I got to have a glow stick and we sat and watched Ghostbusters first then when that was over we say by the fire. It was really warm. I put Murder Victim on Janna’s lap and Erin was like “where’s Murder Victim?” I was like on Janna’s lap you dumbass! But before that I lost him for real but I got him back.

I liked Demon house I was not scared. Erin and Janna were.

Ghost Lake 10/26: A Chooch Guest Post

chooch, Guest Post, haunted houses

Nov 052013

We drove for like, how long? Two hours I guess. idiot Janna was with us and god for bid Henry put like 40 jackets on me.

when we got in line this BUNNY-DEAD KILL ME it was chasing everyone else BUT then a gas mask dude I wanted the BUNNY-KILL ME and the gas mask dude to chase me but then some dead jester thing came out of nowhere with a stick with a skeleton thing on top and got in my face, slammed his stick with the skeleton into the ground but henry told us to go in line with him because it was shorter and there was this glass window thing in the register and I looked right through it and saw the bunny dude’s face.

so now we’re inside and first came Clown Town. the best of all is The Fog, number 10. Each one was in a different part of the park and we had to walk to each one. and henry and janna were talking about having to pee all the time, that’s all they did.

Me and my 40 jackets.

mommy was scared but nothing was even in there!!! All I saw was when we went into the merry go round I looked to the right and saw these two clowns looking on their phones. iphones, I guess.

haunted hotel Conneaut scared me the most. Mommy told me “ghosts are real” because they are. to prove that ghosts are real, I slammed my right leg on the step! wonder who pushed me mommy or a ghost?? then this ju-on lady just came out of nowhere in this dark room. I saw it first, no one else saw it. it was like gonna slam her hand on my leg but then I did this—hop!

when we were in line after the hotel Conneaut for apocalypse zombie we had to walk on this boardwalk when it ended these two dudes came running at us. I wasn’t even scared. mommy is the one who came running behind janna and henry. then the chainsaw guy came. back to the mommy was running scared part, those guys were like touching mommy and janna and henry but not me at all.

last house on the left. I did not think it was scary, when we went in, we had to go upstairs. this dude had a metal stick and slammed it on the wall and then we went THE WRONG WAY BECAUSE OF MOMMY so then we had to go through a black curtain or something. when we went through the curtains we had to walk through a living room and this girl came popping out of nowhere and said “do you know what the fox says?!” and I was like “a ring ding ding ding ding” and she was like “good job!” and then we came to another guy who said “do you want to know what the fox says?

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it says nothing!” This guy in a pig mask was like on the right of mommy and mommy didn’t even notice it. he was a bloody pig guy, just with a pig mask on.

this was after we walked through Demon House with all the bubbles at the end. After we came out of the Devils Den we passed this kitten named Boots.

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It was cute. The end. Hope you enjoyed! write a comment!

Haunted Houses 10/18 – 10/20: A Chooch Guest Post

chooch, Guest Post, haunted houses, Uncategorized

Oct 272013

Scaremare

It was at an old bank full of Gangsters. We had to crawl twice. One time we had to crawl like for 2 minutes. I saw a real snake and Mother didn’t see it. At the end the tour guide said ”this is the time you go in one by one” Daddy had to go first he said “F*** IT I’ll go in alone :(“. at the beginning this Old man in the 1920’s like daddy’s age screaming about the Children behind bars. And we had to sing HAHA EAGOR YOU CANT GET US NANANANA then he broke through the bars like THIS: IIII:)IIII. This lady in front of us THAT DADDY LIKED THAT TOLD US TO hide her from the ring around the rosey grandma that told me I stole her cat so she told me to check mommy’s weird purse so I pushed it. I loved the haunted house

THE END

Sewickley Methodist Haunted Church:

Janna wouldn’t go with us. because she got a new kitten named Ted Nugent it was to dumb to leave it alone. At the beginning there was this fake spider from the HALLOWEEN STORE. This guy in a red mask said what’s your name I said Riley mommy said Erin and Henry said Henry The guy in the red mask said Erin more like Smelvin witch doesn’t even make sense BUT IT WAS FUNNNNNNNNNNYYYYYY BECAUSE I WOULDN’T STOP CALLING HER THAT!!! I got to spin the wheel and it landed on door one of death I’d rather go in door two of terror. The guy that was dressed like a girl was from a TV show called Wheel of Fortune named Vanna White. I never even watched Wheel of Fortune. The janitor which wasn’t really the janitor hung himself on a rope and had really big teeth. I loved the haunted church this year!! last year um I forgot what happened last year. i’ll just say it was good. maybe next time Janna wont be an idiot and will leave her kitten TED NUGENT that’ll teach you a lesson JANNA! LEAVE YOUR CAT IT CANT OPEN WINDOWS OR GRAB THE NOB OF THE DOOR!!!

Cheeseman Fright Farm:

In line I had to go to the bathroom. I went in the boys bathroom but there was this like 10 year old and he was POOPING in the stall and the urinal was too high so I couldn’t use it so I had to use the girls bathroom no one was in there. it was awkward.

Michael Myers was chasing everybody in line. the people in front of us were like ‘oh well crap Michael Myers is in line’

the hayride part well I kept saying hi to all the monsters they said hi back. The chainsaw guys kept putting their chainsaws in the hay right by laura she was so scared ha-ha. Anyway look at her face in the picture. Jason was in a tractor and it came out of nowhere from the hay shooting fire out from the pipes. It made me feel hot. well it did! The fire went right in my face. The haunted house part we got out of the hay tractor I guess that is what you would call it, and we were going in through a hay tunnel I realized I was in front and I was like “no no no” so I turned around and squeezed past laura to be in the middle. Mommy was scared because I popped out of nowhere and she screamed AAAHHHH.

There was this guy holding a fake snake but there was a real snake behind him in a tank. He was like “like my cat? wanna pet it?” I was like “oh it’s a cute cat I wanna pet it!” He was like “OK go head!” This girl from a graveyard screamed in my face, popped out of nowhere like a butterfly and I was like “well I can scream louder!” and I screamed, so.

I liked it. I had fun. And that’s when I liked chainsaw guys. Please don’t make me write about the picture with Michael Myers.

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