Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 18:56 Creepy Uncle-Type just gave me his number. #
• 00:03 The only way I know to get my brain to shut off is by hitting myself in the head with a frying pan. #
• 12:34 I love the word “ointment.” #
• 14:10 WORDPRESS I HATE YOU SUCK A DICK FUCKER #
• 15:07 You know that shrill tone 5yo’s adopt when something’s not going their way? Hello. Me. Right now. #
• 15:26 I keep getting some rogue trackback that contaminates my blog. You know its bad when Henry sits down and rolls up his sleeves.
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  #

• 15:50 Henry saved the day!!! #
• 16:08 I ran out of patience 5 minutes before I woke up today. I’ve been snapping like rubberband ever since. #
• 16:24 I want to re-record that gay “Had a Bad Day” pop song as a death metal cover. #
• 18:22 Dare I say, I think I might need a hug. #
• 20:49 The Terrible Day ended with one of the guys passing off a bottle of Merlot to me. COME TO MAMA. #

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Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 14:16 The Family Christian Store is very crowded today. #
• 15:22 It has been two hrs since Janna has viewed her evite and she has still not rsvp’d. Off with her head. #
• 16:04 I think I’m trying to do too much. #
• 20:27 Just went thru some old shit from my high school writing classes & holy fuck was it embarrassingly horrible. There’s been no improvement ha. #
• 22:49 Game Night has been scheduled. There will be pink balloons and Baileys. Possibly bloodletting. TBD. #

• 09:26 Its like the Omen theme should cue up every time Chooch enters the room. #
• 09:35 I’m learning lots by being a parent. Such as, my frustration threshold is the same as a toddler’s. #
• 09:40 Most times I don’t figure out Blue’s Clues until the very end. And even then, sometimes I’m like “wait—what?” #
• 10:44 I’m one Etsy sale away from the 100 sale milestone! That’s a big deal for obsessive ppl with no lives. (I.e. me) #
• 11:22 Shit. Chooch wants a burger for breakfast but I don’t cook meat. Also – I don’t know how to cook meat& there’s the potential 4 death. #
• 12:41 and also by breakfast, I meant lunch. I do not withhold food from my son until noon. I swear. #

• 09:37 I got an offer to have one of my designs bought by a letterpress studio. WHAT. #
• 11:14 I wish I was more knowledgeable on the topic of swamps. #
• 11:21 Today’s unavoidable parental qualm: arguing over Ms and Ws. “NO, THAT’S AN M, STUPID!” #
• 11:21 Disclaimer: that quote was from my son. #
• 12:30 Hello. I broke 100 sales on Etsy. I never thought I’d see the day. WHERE ARE THE BALLOONS. #
• 12:35 Too many decent things are happening. Where’s the eviction notice? Meteor on my car? Wino waiting to shank my sternum? #

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On the night of the senior prom, Fritz stood on MaryEllen’s stoop for eighty-seven minutes and nineteen seconds, holding a bouquet of exotic flowers that gradually wilted with each passing tick of his watch.

Finally, on that nineteenth second, MaryEllen’s father pulled the trigger of the shot gun. Nonchalantly, he went back inside the house and unlocked his daughter from the basement.

Another pregnancy scare avoided.

Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 18:39 Holy fuck, Taste of Chaos has a good lineup again. #
• 01:08 Attempt #2 at watching The Strangers. #
• 12:58 Henry and I are arguing about cops again. Haven’t done THAT in awhile! #
• 15:49 Now we’re arguing over who are manlier: hockey or fruitball players. Henry & his Devil’s Advocacy can suck one. #
• 16:23 2 ppl are about 2 make out. In the craft store. I mean, sure – yarn gets me hot but not enuf 4 my tongue 2 find its way in henrys mouth. #
• 17:03 twitpic.com/slo0 – As far as I go on the xmas decoration tip #
• 00:04 Henrys alarm was going off &he went upstairs to turn it off despite my warnings of “DONT DO IT THE STRANGERS MIGHT BE UP THERE ITS A TRAP” #

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Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 16:51 someone go see jeremy enigk with me next friday. i’m a cheap date. well, aside from the angel dust i require. #
• 18:44 I still can’t believe Emilio died. #
• 19:13 My pappap was really good at that removable thumb trick. U know who’s not good at it? Me. And probably ppl with only one or no hands. #
• 20:48 sometimes I miss Sunday School and I get all “wtf, why???” but then i realize what I really miss are the doughnuts afterward. #
• 21:22 I’m not a fan of Xmas, but now that Sheryl Crow has a Xmas album, how can I NOT embrace the season? Sign me up 4 the Xmas fan club. # ***
• 01:25 Henry said ‘erection’ and I’m gagging on giggles. It must be time for bed. As in, sleep. Haha, erection. #
• 01:42 I just ranted for fifteen minutes about my disgust of weak people before I realized Henry was trying not to laugh at me. #

• 16:02 Was chased away by the bark of a dog while I tried to photograph the bait shop. Chilling. #
• 16:46 I want to go to a show tonite w/ Blake & his friends but don’t want to seem like a chaperone. Maybe they can tell ppl I’m an escort. #
• 19:59 My buddy Seamus the sea monster has been adopted. The happy/sad combo is a painful pickle #
• 21:52 I have strong desires to ERECT a gingerbread crack house. #

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*** Dear Friends,

Before I lose cred down in the pits of Hell: That was a joke.

Love,

Erin Honestly

Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 14:04 I’m sitting alone in a pizzeria, hoping to not get stood up by a bunch of rappers. # ***
• 14:08 Now joining me is an obscene platter of french fries. Oh this makes me look lovely! #
• 14:17 Eating alone will forever be a terribly awkward event for me. #
• 16:09 I let Christina update my blog yesterday and she done went and BROKED it. IE only shows a stunted version of it now. #
• 17:01 At least I know if Henry ever dumps me, the young CVS lad would take me on a date. #
• 17:02 Also, ninety-nine cent fudge tastes about as decadent as you’d imagine. #
• 18:43 <–This girl didn’t get enough attention as a child, obv. #
• 22:33 تقكد!!!! #
• 22:38 My phone was making me type in arabic 4 the past hour. Cried about it, panicked, broke a cake dome, then henry saved the day in 2 seconds #
• 01:09 I wish Internet Explorer and my blog would kiss and make up already. This standoff is freaking me out. #

• 09:50 Reason 32569 why henry is my lifesupport: he unbroke my blog! ohhonestlyerin.com. IE doesn’t want to fight it anymore! #
• 10:10 Hearing my son beg for The Cure alone makes all the pregnancy agony worth it. Stretch marks? Who cares! My son likes the Cure! #
• 10:42 Holy shit, I glanced at the TV and mistook Eddie Vedder for Chad Kroeger. My apologies, Eddie! #
• 14:36 twitpic.com/qdxf – My death row penpal sent me a book abt the Pixies w/ this inscription. Hello guilt trip. #
• 10:50 I’ve never seen Cheezits being devoured more theatrically than right now. #

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(***After several failed attempts at meeting, I finally got together with one third of Pittsburgh hip hop group, Jailcell. Mose is awesome, fantastically talented, and swore I didn’t come off too neurotic. I look forward to working with him and the rest of the group. AND he even suggested I bring my animal masks, so you know that made me swoon.)

Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 12:16 Its like when I text, all my spelling skills go down the commode.
• 13:06 I suggested going on a nice family walk today. Henry said “then find a nice family and walk with them”. FUCKO.
• 15:26 Was called a sleazebag by my RUDE boyfriend.

• ---

• 11:56 Listening to Husker Du, giving Henry gray hairs, going to take pictures.
• 12:51 http://twitpic.com/ozqe – Apparently no one’s allowed to look at Chooch when he’s wearing shades.
• 14:07 For someone who doesn’t believe in that God hype, I sure take a lot of pictures of his houses.
• 14:18 http://twitpic.com/p0j3 – In the mountains. Doing mountainous thangs.
• 14:28 http://twitpic.com/p0qo – Cucumber Falls, holla atcha girl.
• 16:01 Just introduced Chooch to the wonders of candy flying saucers
• 16:10 http://twitpic.com/p1ne – Heaven for Chooch and me.
• 20:39 Chooch just threatened to kill Blake.
• 22:54 Public access, I love you.
• 23:01 I want to host a foreign exchange student. Unless there’s a psych eval involved.

• ---

• 13:11 Evidently, my brother and I can rot in Hell, direct orders from our mother.
• 18:41 Swore Henry called me “fictitious” but then realized that word’s too big for him.
• 19:09 twitpic.com/pc2s – Standing in the circle at Target is better than Xmas for Chooch.
• 23:05 JUST FOUND OUT HENRY USED TO HUNT?! Sickening.
• 23:07 I’m going to start hunting hunters. I may be a vegetarian, but I don’t think I’d have a problem gnashing on hunter flesh.
• 23:07 OOOH IM FIRED UP. I’m coming for you, fuckers.
• 00:04 I’ll never fly a fighter jet again, that’s for sure.

• ---

• 13:45 I weep openly for Britney.
• 16:20 Chooch & I often have contests to see who can be most annoying/loud. Those are the times Henry is really thankful he left work early.
• 23:21 When I ate meat, I preferred the Whopper over the Bic Mac. Just in case anyone needs filler for my eulogy.

• ---

• 10:43 MTV’s True Life gets me through the day. I might otherwise be a drug mule.
• 16:21 http://twitpic.com/ppp1 – Fucker’s snoring
• 22:27 Steelers fan have dropped to #3 in a national survey of most loyal fans. And this is news.

• ---

• 5:43 Woke up to some religious q&a show on tv. Someone wrote in: will God be mad if I choose cremation to save $? This is my new fave show.
• 5:53 I always forget that some people consider god before doing shit. I’m going to try that. No I’m not.
• 5:59 If I sign up for Shepherd’s Chapel fan club I can get the Mark of the Beast audio tape. I want that.
• 9:17 http://twitpic.com/pump – I pity that cat.
• 16:37 My son is making his Satan puppet bite me and IT HURTS
• 21:10 http://twitpic.com/pzk9 – Bathroom reading material at Henry’s job.
• 23:00 http://twitpic.com/q0qy – Painting these kind of dulls some of the hate I have brewing.

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Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 14:27 I got thick bangs and Henry hates them. SUCCESS.#
• 16:59 http://twitpic.com/o125 – Object of Henry’s hatred #

• 11:09 ♪♫ Listening to “Springtime Out The Van Window” by Anthony Green on @Favtape http://tinyurl.com/5af5z6
• 16:13 Henry to Chooch: Remember when your mother doesn’t do anything? #
• 01:00 I wish Bobby Flay would challenge ME to a throwdown. I’d take it to the bedroom. Holla! #
• 01:09 Listening to Chuck Mangione’s Feel So Good & Henry said “o the days of having sex to this song.” I yelled YOU DID? He exasperatedly said no. #
• 01:12 Henry has me Googling gruyere substitutes. Oh, the things we silly kids do. While listening to Chuck Mangione. #
• 01:13 ♪♫ now u can be listening to C-Mang, too @Favtape tinyurl.com/6dmjr4 #
• 01:20 Henry just orgasmed into a container of sage and murmured, “I love the smell of sage.” Now he’s sad because I said it smells like a disease. #

• 11:57 I’m so glad that Chooch thinks that all parades are asshole parades. I never should have made that damn shirt. #
• 11:58 Look Chooch, here comes Santa – the biggest asshole of them all. #
• 12:03 I am thankful that I haven’t had a donut with my coffee for so long because now that I am, it tastes that much better. #
• 17:51 What. Henry left me alone in the house while he went to pick up his mom and there is a timer going off IN THE KITCHEN. #
• 18:44 My ass just changed the channel to 666. My bro said “well if ur gonna do that, can u at least put on the BET Awards?” #
• 18:47 Apparently my bro was tutoring kids at a Baptist church but quit after some of them had sword fights with crowbars next to his car. #
• 19:34 The bane of my existence is the act of existing. #
• 19:42 Hello. We still haven’t eaten our obligatory Thanksgiving dinner yet. #
• 22:00 It has been decided that Henry quit the beverage biz to become a pro thanksgiving dinner cooker. #

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Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 13:49 At the Library, having shitty service and expensive omelets.* #
• 13:58 I used to like the Library but now I hope it perishes in a fire. #
• 19:33 Happy to report that someone found my blog by searching 4 “my used tampon.” Almost as good as “Erin whore ass raped” & “grandma’s vagina.” #
• 21:04 We’re having T-giving at my crazy abode. Janna doesn’t know it yet but she’s not invited unless she brings this: tinyurl.com/6f5he2 #
• 00:47 I haven’t been on a blind date in a long time. I should do that again soon. Maybe wear a wig too. And a wire. #
• 00:49 And talk about my souvenir spoon collection, and the dead granny I keep in the basement. Someone hurry – set it up! #
• 01:20 I wish I knew an Amanda. But I wonder how many times I could take her by surprise & make her realize, before she’d begin to expect it. #
• 11:22 Can’t wait for the day when-hopefully-Chooch can GENTLY love our cat, instead of turning an innocent embrace into a hostage situation. #
• 11:25 Used to know a guy who collected REO Speedwagon bootlegs & talked with his chin tucked into his chest. I need more ppl like him around. #
• 13:54 I mused aloud that its chilly and my 17-year-old I mean 2-year-old retorted with an annoyed “no shit.” #
• 15:59 I wish I really did get a penny for my thoughts. Or at least one of those delicious yogurt covered peanuts. #
• 21:20 One of the drivers and my manager both called me kiddo tonight and they can’t be much older than me. It was awkward. #
• 23:49 Was TRYING to entice Henry with my ultra sexy scarf dance with the sounds of Pgh Pridefest on the TV behind me. He told me to sit down. #
• 01:20 we were at the grocery store & every instrumental masterpiece spraying down from the speakers made me think of X-Rated Alice in Wonderland. #
• 11:29 I just asked henry what I can make for thanksgiving. “Yourself scarce” was his answer. #

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*OK the omelet brunch was actually a fair deal but the waitress’s sour puss made it seem like soggy jail food.

Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 13:55 Chooch has had me wearing a party hat all day. I keep waiting for him to pull out the dead body he’s been hiding under his crib. CAKE TIME!! #
• 14:02 kiefer sutherland was just on tv and i told chooch that was david all grown up. he looked at me like “lost boys dont grow old, asshole.” #
• 18:53 My phone has been deleting my call log immediately. How am I supposed to know if robert smith calls!? #
• 19:25 At eat n park, listening to some high school girl recount the fight she got in. SHE BROKE OFF AN ACRYLIC, YA’LL. And there’s a video??!!! #
• 19:52 Just burst into giggles at eat n park, causing Henry to whip his head around and say “what’s going on, who’s flirting with you?” Paranoid! #
• 19:57 Some lady just complimented Chooch on his “nice set of fangs.” I was waiting for him to reply with “Maggots, Michael.” #
• 20:03 Eat n Park: continuing to dish out their classic brand of shitty service. #
• 20:45 Oh plz someone take me bowling. #
• 21:32 @ownthehour I’m jumproping! #
• 22:43 Today was useless. My bananas foster french toast was the highlight. Ten yrs ago it might have been getting high w/ a hitchhiker. Alas. #
• 01:20 I don’t think I should feel this angry when I watch Food Network, but these Road Tested assholes inject me with Satan’s piss, I swear. #
• 01:22 The broad of the Road Tested pair is like if Sherri Shepperd got a breast and humor reduction. HENRY WONT TURN IT. #
• 01:27 THE NEELYS. I vote that they, un-funny Emeril & that alcoholic Sandra whore get their own channel that’s only broadcast in Phuket. . #
• 01:28 Because PHUKTHEM. #

• 11:33 Even as an adult, Secret of Nimh makes me want to rip out my heart. Cartoons shouldn’t be so sad. Shit. #
• 12:05 Trudy Stufflebean wants someone to sit on her lap. She has a fat wad of Washingtons in her jock. tinyurl.com/5jmpos #
• 17:37 Its almost time for xmas decoration critiquing. I think this year, I’m going to start writing people up. #
• 17:44 twitpic.com/nepo – Because I’m looking to gain back the last 5 pounds I lost. #
• 17:56 Have I ever driven past a house while someone inside is being murdered? Just something I like to wonder about on occasion. #
• 19:01 I could watch my son try to dress himself all night. Would be even funnier if I was drunk. And him, too. #
• 21:28 I have old jeans that want to be skirts. You do it. #
• 00:13 The cinematography in Alice in Wonderland: an X-Rated Musical is really outta sight. #
• 12:31 I asked Chooch if he knew what my name was. He said “erin robbins” and I almost shat. “Not in your dad’s lifetime” I said. #

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Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 16:48 How do you know how deep to go before its real. #
• 17:46 I got a papercut and two guys rushed to get me a bandaid. Having boobs rules. #
• 23:41 I just gushed, “I would probably die without the CW” and Henry mumbled, “I’ll see if I can cancel it.” Someone’s getting a Draino enema. #

• 15:37 It’s amazing how much more savory work is when you have like, five work crushes. #
• 16:14 about to plan my next game night and EVERYONE is invited. Well, maybe not rapists, murderers, Elizabeth Hassleback.
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  But other than that…. #

• 01:20 I have never died in anyone’s arms, tonight or any night ever. #

• 15:37 It’s amazing how much more savory work is when you have like, five work crushes. #
• 16:14 about to plan my next game night and EVERYONE is invited. Well, maybe not rapists, murderers, Elizabeth Hassleback. But other than that…. #
• 01:20 I have never died in anyone’s arms, tonight or any night ever. #

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Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 13:17 The first time Henry saw my boobs, he drunkenly slurred, “Oh boyyy!” #
• 21:36 Chooch goes to bed and one by one, all the cats emerge from hiding. #
• 09:18 “How nice it is to not have to walk anywhere, now that the kid carries me by my neck. Like a lethal taxi.” – our cat Nicotina. #
• 11:10 Prairie Dawn can suck one. #
• 12:11 Just gargled with unicorn piss, and am now about to mount a centaur in order to conceive the next Messiah. #
• 12:12 damn, centaur’s got WANG #
• 12:57 I wouldn’t mind snow if it fell from bright blue skies, tasted like almond roca, & produced lsd-like highs w/o residual side effects. #

• 19:07 I just braved a roomful of men to get coffee and was immediately barraged and raped by testosterone. #
• 01:07 This afternoon’s foray down Soundsgoodbutnot Lane: marshmallow fluff, chocolate syrup, pumpernickle bread. #
• 10:45 My son has taken a liking to Jon&Kate+8. He calls them his friends. Unforch, this show makes me want to have 8 more kids at once. INSANE. #
• 12:48 I could really go for some gaily wrapped candy. #

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Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 16:31 There’s a postal worker who needs fired. I’m making it my crusade. Henry said good luck; once I have my pins made I won’t NEED luck. #
• 16:34 Walking down the street, I flashed on a vision of getting shot in a driveby. Yes, that’s my bright future talkung again! #
• 17:16 I know, Random Dildo in Brookline, its appalling that I would pick up a piece of trash & toss it in the garbage can. Who DOES that, right??? #
• 17:16 But fear not: tonight I will take a dump in your driveway to balance it all out. #
• 19:37 I am on the verge of regurgitating the oddly curious dinner henry made me. #
• 20:32 Its amazing I’ve gotten this far in life, and no Darwin Award. #
• 21:13 Chooch has befriended a scene kid at Dennys. #
• 10:12 Typical morning convo: Hey Chooch, remember last night when we went to ______ and u were being a clumpy skidmark? #
• 11:05 I dusted off Lastfm after FOUR YRS of non-use (srsly, the last time I used it, it was still called Audio Scrobbler). Add me: vagynafondue! #
• 11:51 please put me out of my misery. #
• 12:14 in addition to learning social skills, it appears i need to also learn how to walk. #
• 12:53 I’m a member of that dying breed of ppl who refuse to talk on cell phones in stores. But I will text a fucker anywhere. #
• 14:40 Hello, Gary Gilmore Christmas card. Where have YOU been? tinyurl.com/5ddelh #
• 22:15 I love the look on a man’s face when he realizes I know some shit about music. #
• 10:43 all i want to do today is sit in my pjs and make mix cds. maybe send out my butler for some champagne and truffles. #

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————————————————————-

Newest addition to serial killer card line: Gary Gilmore

Inside says: “…to have my fucking eyes back.”

Cards are $5 and are also available in 5 and 10 card sets at discounted prices, mainly because I’m a pricing fool.

Fuck a snowman, send some slasher greetings.

Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 09:30 I’ve concluded that chooch mainlines sugar and speed in his crib at night. #
• 11:25 Since my weekend getaway ended up leaving me more upset than relaxed, I guess Ill have to go away again. Alone, this time. #
• 16:40 Henry: “o, that smell in ur gas mask? Ur not going to get rid of it.” Me: “y?” Henry: “uh- its the rubber” #
• 16:41 Thank u, gas mask. You’ve provided new ways for Henry to segue into his beloved “when I was in the SERVICE” topic. #
• 16:48 I’d say its a good day when the most difficult impasse was choosing between domino dancing and shadow dancing. #
• 17:16 u can cook more than 1 thing in an oven at once??? This is nearly as exciting as when I found out I have a, how u say? Broiler. #
• 09:17 I don’t even want to listen to Daughtry sing “Home,” so why would I want to listen to Alvin and the Chipmunks warble it? #
• 10:09 I got my first request for a custom serial killer card. OH PRESSURE. #

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I’m excited to be getting out of the house, having some of that alcoholic substance I hear so much about, getting out of the house, being away from the hypnotic soundtrack of Noggin cartoons, and getting out of the house.

Hopefully after these dudes meet me, they will still want to work with me and will walk away thinking that I am sort of alright in the cool department and possibly not just some hack (although that will be the hardest myth to dispell!). If anything, I hope they at least walk away thinking, “That girl was lame, but had nice mams.

”

EDIT: Meeting postponed. Going to get pie instead.

Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 21:11 Chooch just called Satan an asshole. I feel very scared for him. (Satan, I mean.) #
• 10:10 Gas mask, I’d have swam through a sea of trucker cum for you. #
• 15:13 I might be the only person in the world who gets uglier when she smiles. Except maybe Linda Blair in The Exorcist #
• 16:18 My super human power is gaining 35 lbs at the exact moment my photo is taken. I would never be able to hook a dude online. OK, maybe SOME. #
• 16:23 Uh, this gas mask STINKS. What happened to the fresh pine cone scent the seller on ebay promised?
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  Wait, that was for the anal beads, nm. #

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Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 13:52 If there was any doubt Chooch was my son, he’s dipping his grilled cheese in jelly. #
• 10:56 Today my mom told me I’m uneducated and ignorant. I told her I’d rather just spend Thanksgiving at Dennys than eat at a racist’s house. #
• 11:00 Its impossible to fake a relationship with someone you’ve pretty much hated your whole life. #
• 14:28 Its awesome that the only word my kid can spell is tit. #
• 17:30 Walked in on my boss asking someone if they’d fuck a female Bigfoot. I would…as long as she wasn’t too mangey. #
• 17:33 Now he’s asking a dock worker “if Bigfoot raped u, would u shoot it” & the dock worker is getting upset, refusing to answer. #
• 00:07 One way to un-suck a day: watch the RW/RR Reunion on MTV and take comfort in OTHER PPL’S drama. Then get drunk and break glass. #
• 00:11 I live with an absolute fucking pig. #

• 10:13 A day for the history books: someone just ate something I made and said “MMGOOD”. Granted, that person is 2 and also eats cat fur. #
• 10:14 And then he sneezed a mouthful of oatmeal in my face. I think in some parts, that’s considered a good rating. #
• 16:50 There is no way I’d ever try to trainjump. #
• 20:44 Important fact I learned at work: college students shouldn’t be allowed to vote bc they are brainwashed by the liberal profs. #
• 01:00 You know when the convo starts w/ “either sean or rush said it…”its gonna be good. . #

• 09:46 During my frenzy to get ready to leave for buffalo, some asshole crashed his H3 outside my house, knocking out the electricity. NOZZLE. #
• 10:13 And I just called a cop a retard and now I have to drive past him again. #
• 13:36 I owe a toll booth worker $1.25. I hope he doesn’t send someone to crowbar my knees. #
• 13:39 Henry always treats me like his teenage daughter, then this morning he said “You’re not a kid”. Henry I’m confused. #
• 14:39 twitpic.com/kp2q – Sitting in Max’s Grill, writing truths about Christina in my vacation journal. #
• 15:40 Christina’s showing me a condom she brought in case I get lucky after tonite’s show. I laughed then asked “srsly–why do u have that?” #
• 15:52 I just pushed open someones hotel room and they came after me. Its a good thing my legs are used to helping me flee the scene. #
• 17:14 Most definitely certain I am the only fully developed woman at this show. Oh. And christina. (Debatable.) #
• 17:30 There’s nothing worse than the crackled shouting of a boy who hasn’t fully reached puberty. Ok, anal rape — MAYBE. #
• 18:06 twitpic.com/kqok – My crew, obv. #
• 18:21 Some bmx guy thinks I’m his fan and I can’t stop laughing at him. #
• 18:27 There’s another girl in her twenties, standing near me, usurping my demographic. Dumb bitch. #
• 19:14 twitpic.com/kr6d – At the Lithe Leg Convention, Buffalo, NY #
• 19:50 I want to be Made! Into a paraplegic. #
• 22:20 Remember when Christina broke up a catfight at the Pierce the Veil show? #
• 22:22 Checked in with Henry. He asked me to not kill myself because Buffalo’s too far to drive for my body. # 
  

  ---

• 09:40 Ppl don’t give FoxNews enough credit. This morning alone they reminded me of Toonces the Cat & had a hiLARious thought bubble segment. #
• 09:41 Later they’re going to be reading people’s “twitters”. #
• 10:08 Christina: sometimes I want to kick you. Not sometimes, a lot of times actually. #
• 11:34 Could have sworn christina just wished she was Hoffa, but it seems she was actually wishing she was on FoxNews. #

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