Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 10:05 Just read this facebook status update: “our new president is cheering on the Steelere. Yikes not a good sign”. Get a life. #
• 10:06 I don’t even like football but if they win I’m changing my status to “and Obama made it so.” #
• 10:34 Chooch has congealed blood on his toe from a small cut I almost lost my breakfast. It makes my veins tickle. #
• 10:35 He keeps saying LOOK MOMMY LOOK! HAHA!!! And I’m cowering, fucking wilting over here. #
• 12:38 Chooch is having me play him various versions of “in the air tonight” on YouTube. He dreamily sighs, “oh, phil collins. Phil Collins!” #
• 14:42 I just had a fleeting memory of springtime, looked out the window and promptly cried. #
• 17:40 I’m a professional Biter Off of More Than Can Be Chewed #
• 18:42 Nothing I type makes sense anymore. You’d almost expect me to speak backward in real life. #
• 22:37 Sickness has struck. #

• 00:28 I picked the BEST things to eat on the day I was due to get sick. #
• 07:38 I have not gone to sleep yet on account of all the puking I’ve been doing since 9pm. Waiting for the angel of death. Any minute now. #
• 14:25 A shotgun, please. #

• 11:53 After spending the past 36 supine in bed/on the couch, I’m rearin’ for activity. Hiking, kayaking, spelunking – bring it. #
• 13:52 Henry dreamt of my funeral & in it, he was trying to find a Cure t-shirt to wear. Surprisingly, he said people actually turned up for it. #
• 13:52 Just no one he recognized, which would be about right. #
• 14:14 Now I know what a jew feels like on xmas. Shit. #
• 16:26 I wanted to put a sign on our house for the SUPERBOWL but henry quickly saw where that was going and diffused the situation. #
• 18:05 I feel a strong solidarity with the underdog. #
• 22:16 Et tu, QVC? #
• 22:21 Ben Fatassburger looks like a gigantic piece of shit sausaged into spandex. #

• 14:52 Chooch: “I want pancakes” Me: “I dunno how to make that.” Chooch: “WHY!?” Me: “cuz I suck.” Chooch: “Oh. Yeah, u do. DADDY will make it” #
• 18:10 Happy to announce that Chooch turned one living room wall into a scat exhibit. #
• 18:13 Me, about Chooch’s clutter: “if anyone came in the house right now I’d be humiliated” Henry: “me too, cuz I don’t have any pants on.” #
• 18:46 @lilweirdo the way he’s acting right now, I’d be willing to send him up for the weekend! #
• 19:30 Oh boy Home Depot! My day is fulfilled. #
• 19:36 Elton John playing over the Home Depot soundsystem does not seem like it would inspire men to purchase table saws. #
• 19:40 I was gagging on home improvement fumes. But thankfully Debbie Gibson’s melodious voice floated from the ceiling & helped revive me. #
• 20:00 twitpic.com/1b1ve – CRABASS AT THE HOME DEPOT #
• 20:09 Everywhere I turn I see a poorly disguised sex toy. #
• 00:45 Henry QOTD: “I love how you enjoy yourself more than anybody else” after I lost my shit upon reading him something I wrote. #
• 00:57 Jumproping is typically best done without a broken toe. #
• 01:11 John Tesh freaks my shit out with his germ PSAs. He’s convinced me that I’m going to get mersa one way or another. #

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• 10:20 Yes Chooch thats exactly what Nicotina was put on earth for, to model your blocks on her head. At least she got in a good 10yrs of peace.#
• 10:21 He held up his diaper wipes and announced very srsly, “These are for my poopy asshole.” FUUUUUCK.#
• 13:36 twitpic.com/17w6u – The Statue of Liberty is very sad today. #
• 22:12 East End Brewery linked to me in their newsletter. My blog stats haven’t spiked so hard since my last flame far.
  buy wellbutrin online wellbutrin online no prescription

  Thanks, Scott! #

• 10:57 Can never get enough Naked Eyes! Dance party! With a broken toe! #
• 12:16 twitpic.com/18afw – New artwork for the wall, a Choochie Pollack original. #
• 12:28 I love it when Chooch rips magazines out of my hands and starts pointing out the letters he knows. But then I’m like “ok, give it.” #
• 12:30 Life Lesson #236 From Mommy: Do not listen to what anyone says, Chooch; Phil Collins is awesome. Perhaps not so much the Disney stuff tho. #
• 17:33 Chooch had his first big kid puke session today. He’s highly disturbed by it, but I’m amazed it took this long to happen. #
• 18:30 Me: “Chooch, you’re sick. Lay down and rest.” Chooch: “No I play cars–BLARRRRFFFFF.” #

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• 16:58 Henry is sick for the first time in 4 years & I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. He asked for an aspirin & i couldn’t handle it. So I threw it at him.  ****
• 17:04 I hope he’s well enough to make us dinner. Jesus Christ. Chooch and I just might die. #
• 19:13 Henry is making me go to the store to get stuff for his faux-fever. UNREAL. #
• 19:16 He doesn’t look very sick to me. #
• 21:55 And I just know that piece of shit-caked condom got me sick. And by that I mean Henry got me sick, not fecal play. #
• 22:54 There is no such thing as being “too sick” to watch a horror movie, Henry you pussy. #
• 23:00 So I will watch it alone, with every fucking light on. Still not as pussy as Henry, the Unwell. #

• 12:36 I just agreed to colloborate with an animator and I’m super stoked to see how that pans out. #
• 12:43 And after that I’m going back to high school so I can learn how to spell words like collaborate properly. #
• 18:07 I am so sick off of varnish. #
• 23:47 I’m getting sick, I’m falling asleep, but I’m still sitting here writing dumb ass stories. i need help. #
• 23:50 Taylor Dane is on the radio in Chooch’s room (soft rock, I can’t deny you) and I want so badly to wake him up and make him dance with me. #

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****In actuality, I think this was the last time Henry was sick, and I almost died then, too.

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• 15:21 Just found one of my cats cowering in a corner with chewed-up Skittles adhered to her head. #
• 17:40 My boss totally just came onto me. if I was one of them there feminists I’d probably have filed a suit by now. #
• 19:42 Stuck in traffic on a bridge. Will be puking now. #
• 23:52 I suggested that Chooch give the cat a break, so he got in her face and threatened to break her. #

• 10:36 Henry and I have a date tonight! Henry and I have a date tonight! Head may explode at the concept! #
• 14:59 Chooch’s lunch is a sandwich consisting of shredded cheddar & bacon bits, melted to perfection in the microwave. #
• 15:00 Look for my cookbook to hit shelves early 2010. #
• 18:09 So excited to be going out that I sprained my ankle running like an idiot to the car. #
• 18:28 I told him this show would sell out and he didn’t believe me. We have tickets, so I can enjoy the fact that I was right. #
• 18:56 Henry wont hold my hand, citing the fact that its our first date &we’re just getting to know each other. At least I wont have to put out. #
• 18:59 Talking about the things that need fixed around house before the show starts. We are so old. Well, Henry is so old. #
• 20:32 I just asked Henry for gum and he said “I haven’t had gum since high school.” That was back when there was just one flava, ya’ll. #
• 20:54 Shortest date ever. #
• 21:18 I guess I just don’t understand the point of coming to a show and talking loudly through its entirety. #
• 21:33 Matt Pryor just asked if anyone is on a date right now. NO BUT I WAS. #
• 23:27 Aside from Henry having to leave halfway thru Chris Conley’s set bc Chooch was at home pretending to die, it was a tubular night. #

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• 16:15 Shoulda done bought one of them swords I seen at the flea market, ya’ll. Reckon I’d use it on my throat right about now. #
• 20:55 Nerd alert: my kid’s under 3 and wants everyone to know he knows what akimbo means. #
• 21:55 One of the cats walks into the room & chooch is all “oh good, a road for my cars” #
• 22:11 I’m so glad last night’s episode of Brothers and Sisters was interrupted to air footage of drunk Steelers fans. I feel dumber now. #
• 01:55 I like it when I start fuming after an hour passes and my bff hasn’t replied to my text, only to realize I tweeted it instead. #

• ---

• 12:18 I’m glad Henrys not here, peeing on my inauguration parade. #
• 13:00 Me, to Chooch: “Daddy doesn’t like Obama.” Chooch, scoffing: “Dummy. Asshole.” #
• 13:26 I did one of my infrequent checks on Facebook & was immediately reminded that I hate ppl. #
• 17:15 Holy shiz, local news interrupted Steelers coverage long enuf to mention there may have been some sort of inauguration thingy today. #
• 21:12 Things like drinking out of a regular cup are embarrassingly exciting for parents. #
• 21:46 One of the guys working on my kitchen sink gave Chooch an extra pair of pliers & I think he likes it better than any of his xmas gifts. #
• 11:18 I don’t feel like a parent so much as a prisoner of the king’s court. 
  

  ---

• 13:59 twitpic.com/15jyd – I wish he was always this calm. #
• 00:23 I think I’m going to become a betting kind of person. #

• ---

• 13:41 Chooch and I will do the “yes/no” game until he gets so frustrated he cries. I’m a winner every time!! #
• 13:42 Today’s round: I told him I changed his name to Smooshy LaBoosh. He said no. I said yes. Five minutes later, he’s red in the face. #
• 16:29 Henry was fraternizing with the gas man. Sickening. #

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• 14:06 I love how lastfm slips in Metro Station on synthpop radio. #
• 19:31 Once my friend Cinn and I bought an order of Hush puppies and paid with a baggie of Susan B Anthony coins. Thems were the dayz. #
• 10:07 When I laugh so hard I get hiccups from reading a poem I wrote about a tampon, it might be a good time to get medicated. #

• 20:10 My boss is trying to get me to do the Hangin Tough dance. #
• 20:15 They haven’t learned that I dance for snacks. #

• 12:59 Apparently, I can find ways to botch a simple request of “do not answer the door.” #
• 16:37 I don’t know why I act appalled every time I’m dicked over considering how often it happens. #
• 16:50 twitpic.com/13zu3 – But then I got tickets to this, so my dicky friends can suck one. #
• 20:41 Tonight could restore my faith in friendships. #
• 23:04 I thought I knew how to play Gin but I guess I really am just a card retard. #
• 23:05 Or else henry is changing the rules so I can’t win. #
• 23:08 I’m an accidental winner. #
• 23:28 I LOVE GIN. #

• 00:42 Evidently henry doesn’t think its sexxxy when I drunkenly thrash to Europe and then slam my hand down accidentally in a jar of salsa. #
• 00:43 But I’m like, are u kidding? I’d totes have sex with myself right nowz0rz. #
• 00:48 I WISH I COULD EAT AN ICE CREAM CONE WITH GIADA DILAURENTISSSSSSSS ROAARRRRRRR!!!!!!! #
• 00:50 HAY I HAVE HOLE IN MY SHIRT HOW DID THAT HAPPEN WHUT #
• 11:55 Give Henry the remote and it magically becomes Stupid Movie Day every time. #
• 13:05 I would rather listen to songs from Barney than one more fucking round of that hideously god awful Go Steelers aural horror. #
• 14:52 SHUTOUT #

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• 13:10 Chooch held up Good Housekeeping and said, “Daddy’s.” He knows the roles ’round here, apparently. #
• 21:29 Rather than wait another year for Henry, I made my own blog header. What a dickshitter. #
• 21:41 Henry QOTD: I like how I work 12 hour days, come home & make dinner. U work 4 hrs, come home & drink wine. #
• 12:18 twitpic.com/12hfv – It only took more than a year for the landlord to have our ceiling hole patched. Best landlord ever. #
• 22:33 Remote is awol & I don’t want to leave my wine to look for it, so I guess I’m watching Farm Show Live on cable access. #

• 10:28 My friend Lisa called me yesterday just to tell me she was thinking of me & I nearly cried. A good indication of my present mental state. #
• 11:01 2 3 4 5 6 seis 7 8 k = Chooch counting birds on canvas. #
• 11:08 If all the world’s a stage, then I’m performing at the feet of Satan. #
• 13:49 My friend Merry’s winter purse collection is now available. She amazes me. merrylake.com/index.html #

• 09:08 My favorite mornings are when Chooch wakes up and doesn’t want to be looked at or talked to, like he’s goddamn greta garbo. #
• 09:58 twitpic.com/132e3 – A rare pause between barking commands. #
• 11:29 I need to start stalking people again. My life has turned hollow. #

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• 17:50 If you take my son’s word for it, I’m a “cookie cake asshole.” #
• 17:53 I want to have a party where everyone sits with an afghan and quietly reads a book. Janna’d come early to that one. #
• 19:13 Um. I was talking about last season’s SYTYCD and actually choked up. The worst part? It was in front of Henry. #
• 13:00 I think I suffered slight brain damage or I really am losing it. I find myself unable to remember the spelling of simple words. #
• 13:01 The sad part is that I don’t even care anymore. Its high time I start acting like the high school dropout I am. Spelling, who needs it? #
• 19:05 my strategy of purposely oversizing photos on my blog backfired. I’m left w/ no new layout & a blog that looks designed by a 5yo. #

• 01:27 Half drunk on wine with Henry braiding my hair. #
• 16:06 I apparently made the wrong choice back in 2004. #
• 16:15 sometimes friendships need put out of their misery. wish i had a shotgun. #
• 17:25 20 19 & 4: numbers that make me sad. #
• 18:39 Chooch calls me Lady Gaga. I’m oddly pleased. #
• 18:50 If only Henry could use his talent with turnips to generate more income. #
• 19:10 Just played Candyland with Chooch for the first time. What word is one degree up from “frustrating”? Because that’s what it was like. #
• 19:11 Like if “frustrating” had sex with “impatient’ while “aggravating” watched. #
• 19:13 At one point, I admitted that I no longer cared what Chooch did with his gamepiece, as long as I won. Henry was disappointed in me. #
• 21:48 I don’t predict I’ll be making a career of Spades. #
• 00:21 I guess I should edit the Etsy descriptions I wrote while drunk. #
• 01:16 Just watched the Firefighter Physical Ability Exam. I love cable access. #
• 01:20 Henry lingered on MTV long enough to watch previews for the next episode of The City. & then tried to say he thought he had it on Spike. #

• 11:58 I think I got Henry addicted to mumblecore. #
• 16:19 Stuck in a conversation prison with a McDonald’s employee as she sweeps Playland. Bitch can’t u see I’m trying to eat a salad? #
• 16:29 Chooch is playing it up with an autistic kid and its kind of warming my heart, ok? #
• 17:43 Target has FunSlides! Now I just need carpet. #
• 18:12 Oh, the Steelers are playing today? I hadn’t heard. #
• 18:13 Go Chargers! (Henry just said, “and then u wonder why u have no friends.”) #
• 00:31 Trying to have a convo with Henry but he’s too engrossed in “Bromance.” #
• 10:43 Henry saves the day so often that Chris Conley should write a song about him. #

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• 13:58 In a moment of desperation, had Henry cut my bangs. At first I looked like Lady Gaga but its growing on me. My stylist is gonna be mad. #
• 14:51 If u ask Henry what his fave thing is about me, he might not say: when she sings the Weeble song at deafening volumes. #
• 16:53 Depending on how u look at it, my bangs either make me look like a brooklyn hipster, or Girl Interrupted. Thanks, Henri! #
• 11:54 Dreamt some kid I hate had a web show where he wore a bonnet and slapped stickers on a wall. Now I want to recreate that. #
• 11:56 Have the bonnet and stickers. Just need a fatsuit, acne, and an alarmingly obnoxious lack of tact. Oh, and a John Waters shirt. #

• 20:17 My male boss and the male manager have been talking about diets and caloric intake for the past thirty minutes. #
• 09:52 I must give off a vibe that screams “no really, don’t return my phone calls! I get off when friends reject me!” #
• 13:06 Chooch should feel honored that he’s the only one who can make Satan’s daughter Marcy, who made 2 ppl bleed at game nite, hide in fear. #
• 15:55 I wish there was a 24hr Real World channel. Toss some Road Rules in there and I might even pay extra for it. #
• 23:09 I’m going to have more parties this year. Next up: quilting bee. #
• 23:38 Henry’s thoughts on Bromance: Why don’t they all just touch dicks and get it over with? #

• 10:21 We’re having melted pot handle and burnt milk for breakfast. Maybe I’ll sprinkle in some salmonella for some added zest. #
• 10:23 I wonder if Wonder Hangers could even help organize the bodies hanging in my closet. #

Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 13:00 If you ask Chooch what my name is, he confidentally and triumphantly answers, “Princess!” #
• 14:15 Sitting on the floor, playing trains and eating chick peas = The Life. #
• 18:13 Hello I’m trying to paint and Henry decided he needs to COOK in my studio. #
• 18:38 Chooch said he wants to eat his arm for dinner so I had Henry put some salt on it. #
• 19:48 Henry got a pair of lounge pants that make him look wrapped in a sofa from 1972. #
• 00:23 20 minutes into The Sweetest Thing, and Henry asks hey, why are we still watching this. Yeah, really. #

• 15:32 I think I just got the sagest advice inadvertently from Sharon Osborne. #
• 17:11 If we ever had a reality show, it’d have to be on HBO or something, otherwise you’d never hear Chooch talking over all the beeps. #
• 20:11 I have visions of homeschooling in my future. #
• 21:39 My loud-mouthed antics just caught the attention of a security guard. #

• 13:01 Throwing parties is the only way to get Henry to clean up around here. #
• 17:39 A news van is down by the bait shop and I’m convinced they found a body in the river. #
• 11:35 Game Night must have been pretty alright if I was too distracted to tweet. #
• 12:21 I’ve begun chewing on my hair again. Could be my body’s way of saying it’s mousse deficient. OK body, I hear u. Chocolate mousse for dinner. #
• 13:24 I don’t understand why Dora has football head and everyone else on the show is normal. #
• 17:44 I am trying not to flirt with Henry via assault and battery. I think I’m progressing, as I only punched him once last night. #
• 23:55 Purposely over-sizing photos on my blog until Henry cracks and gives me a new layout. #
• 09:40 I need an axe with blood on it. #

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• 12:45 Got to spend a few hours with Lisa before sending her back to Colorado. Colorado is so lucky.#
• 12:49 Going to tell my Etsy customers that I have my paintings packaged at a handicapped house so my poor wrap jobs will seem more endearing. #
• 14:11 iCould watch iCarly all day long. #
• 18:01 I can’t imagine what life would be like if I had to cook dinner every night. Likely a lot of ER visits. Thank god for Henry. #
• 18:31 I’m mostly certain my son just said “you’re at the jackass awards.” And earlier he was chanting “psychopath” quietly to himself. #
• 23:13 McGoogle Schlepper ejaculated in my Schweppes. #

• 00:59 I feel like someone is in the house but my bitch boyfriend won’t go look!!! I’m calling 911. Or not, according to Henry. #
• 13:50 Janna and I have a movie date tonight and that ho better bring me flowers! #
• 19:02 Its been so long since I’ve been to a theater that Janna just asked, “did you KNOW that they play commercials now?” #
• 23:07 Judging by tonight’s experience, I think it might take another three years for me to see a movie at a theater. #

• 11:20 The very thought of the Where’s the Band? Tour makes me salivate. #
• 11:27 With the exception of Tickle Me Elmo, I’ve never hated a toy as badly as I do this airport playset. It disgusts me. #
• 11:30 Its so poorly made that a simple glance in its general direction will cause pieces to fall off. Like it has leprosy or some shit. HATE. #
• 15:23 Friendship is a crock of shit. #
• 16:44 Of course no one here has tylenol. I work with all men. #
• 18:15 I might start puking now, which would be a new New Years Eve record for me. #
• 23:41 OMFGJONASBROSWOO! #
• 10:05 You better bring me a pony, 2009, or I’ll dynamite you. #
• 10:32 Henry shaved off his beard so now I’m looking for a new boyfriend. Preferrably one who doesn’t look like he has molestation priors. #
• 11:47 I guess I just don’t understand how a 28 year old “adult” still needs to get permission from mommy to go to parties. #

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• 15:44 تقوفتسنقبقثقثثقننتاالعهخحخععةمكجحمنا و #
• 15:45 Henry elbowed me in the face. Please bruise. #
• 19:31 Apparently I don’t know the difference between dragons and dinosaurs. #

• 12:37 My g-ma is back home & Crazy Aunt is back to her old agenda of keeping everyone away from the house. Apparently everyone is just me, tho. #
• 12:52 I’m the featured item today! tinyurl.com/7ywznf #
• 13:04 I want Kanye West and Dillinger Escape Plan to collaborate. The hotness would abound. #
• 13:33 can someone please trust in me the secret to drinking beer and liking it? #
• 17:13 Henry just asked “why haven’t you started drinking yet, Alkie?” I’m a little insulted. #
• 22:48 twitpic.com/x7yn – Marcy and her crew. #
• 00:36 I hope one day Henry will exhume my grave and rebuild my putrefied flesh, and then marry me at last. #
• 00:38 Another hope for the future is that Henry will stop sounding like he’s chomping on a mouthful of gravel when all he’s eating is popcorn. #
• 01:11 I think that Wonder Hangers could change my life. #
• 01:21 I consider myself a professor of whoreology. #
• 01:24 I want everything I see on tv after midnight. Twin Draft Guard? I’ve got my eyes on you. #
• 01:29 Henry talking abt my paintings: u should give the option of offering stories w/o mature content. wait, can u even write stuff like that? #

• 11:27 Henry is watching something about Walt Disney and crying. #
• 12:42 I’d love to coldcock my crazy aunt right about now. #
• 14:17 I may be a Forrest Gump in the kitchen, but I make damn good mac n cheese. If Food Network has a mac n cheese challenge, then you’ll see. #
• 14:18 Mac n cheese might be my gateway to throwing down with Bobby Flay. Great, now I’m in porn mode. #
• 14:52 twitpic.com/xdq5 – I hope MY game night is that fun! I will wear pigtails to make it so. #

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I hope everyone had a lovely holiday/day off. Ours was mellow (meaning I only threw one tantrum) and overall ended up being a nice day. More later; I have a Thomas playset to project my OCD on for now.

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• 15:38 all i want for xmas is for armsbendback to reunite. get on that, fat man. #
• 18:37 a big heart is filling the April 5 block of my calendar.. #
• 21:53 It is weird seeing Henry in his natural habitat. #
• 23:51 Elmer Klump took a dump in his grandmother’s wig. #

• 11:23 Had a spaz attack trying to follow “sticker placement” instructions for a toy airport playset only to have Chooch peel them all off. #
• 11:52 The Thomas Carnival Adventure set comes with stickers adhered. I’m sending a thank you card. Maybe even a fruit cake. #
• 12:52 twitpic.com/wefe – FUCK YOU. Get terrorized, you piece of shit. #
• 14:35 Got Chooch an Edgar Allen Poe doll. His response was “Um. Oookay,” after which he dropped it in favor of, u know, age appropriate toys. #
• 17:08 Chooch is on this odd church-going kick. Whose kid is this? #
• 19:59 Well, if Henry really did marinate my tofu in urine, I’m only alarmed because I liked it. #
• 20:03 The trick to not overeating on holidays is to not have family who invite you over for dinner. #

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• 11:32 When I don’t have contacts in, Henry looks like Russell Brand. If you have skewed taste in men like me, then you know that’s a good thing. #
• 13:02 Me: “I’m not retarded!” Henry: “Well…you are, sort of.” #
• 16:36 Where does a bitch have to go for a fucking Jungle In My Pocket. #
• 17:04 I need to stop buying things that I want to play with & start shopping from Chooch’s perspective. #
• 17:44 I asked henry if he thinks anyone wished we would break up when we first started dating, and he asked, “u mean, besides me?” #
• 21:13 you know who gets drunk off wine really fast? this girl. me. erin r kelly. #
• 22:13 Merlot won the position of Erin’s BFF before I even had a chance to hold auditions for the show. GIVE MAMA A KISS, MERLOT. #
• 23:50 Satanic porn. #
• 00:09 Dallas must have low standards. In the 70s anyway. #

• 01:07 BOBBY FLAY me with ur ween. #
• 11:47 DAN FOGELBERG IN THE HOUSE. #
• 13:21 I want to learn how to solder. apparently this is a laughable to henry. #
• 23:04 It would behoove me to learn the ropes of a corkscrew. #
• 07:21 A truth: Vertical Horizon makes me cry. #
• 15:41 Henry yelled at Chooch for swiping my crackers. IN YOUR FACE, CHOOCH. #
• 17:50 It took two men to help me heat up a cup of coffee. #

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Denny hurt his friend Brenda pretty bad. He told her that her prom dress made her look like she was jaundiced.

“Orange always does that to me!” she sobbed.

“Then perhaps you shouldn’t wear orange anymore?” Denny suggested, in spite of the frantic waves and throat-cutting motions of their friends.

The next day, Denny told his mom about it.

“And I just can’t afford for Brenda to be sore with me,” Denny finished.

“Her friendship must mean so much to you,” Denny’s mom cooed, rubbing the back of his scruffy neck.

“It’s not that, Mom,” Denny continued, an annoyed tinge to his tone. “She promised to get me a fake ID so I can go to the new strip joint in town.”

And so that afternoon, armed with a pot of apologetic flowers, Denny rang Brenda’s doorbell.

As Brenda danced around the peace offering, sniffing each bud, Denny hoped she wouldn’t notice that two of them were orange.

————————————————————–

Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 18:14 I wish we all drove bumpercars. #
• 18:33 I’d like Drake and Josh, if Josh wasn’t in it. OVERACTING does not equal FUNNY. #
• 23:16 I just told someone to have a grilled cheesey day. Oh, if ever there was a moment that should be stuffed in a paper shredder…
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  #

• 23:19 the fucking serial killer xmas card factory has been officially SHUT DOWN for the season. Manson was the big seller this time around, fyi. #
• 11:48 I’m just going to start letting spellcheck change all my “fuck”s to “duck”s. What do I care. #
• 11:48 In a world without Gilmore Girls and Felicity, its hard to care about much at all. #
• 11:55 I love metal detector commercials. #
• 12:30 I feel like 8 years of blogging and now its like 7th Heaven – should have been canceled after the first season. #

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