Wow what a fucked up week. I have so much anger inside of me that I feel like I could power…a small appliance at the very least. Maybe a toaster or a power drill.

Anyway, I am TRYNA relax tonight but Henry already pissed me off because I went to put away a mixing bowl from the strainer and he has the whole set COMPLETELY FUCKED UP and not in PROPER FORM like how I keep them (they are like the Russian nesting dolls of mixing bowls, you know?) which is LARGEST AND THEN ANOTHER ALMOST AS LARGE AND THEN A LARGE AND THEN SMALL ETC. And then the rubber lids go beneath the stack ALSO BIGGEST TO SMALLEST.

WHY IS THAT SO FUCKING HARD. I DON’T EVEN USE THE FUCKING THINGS BUT EVEN I KNOW HOW TO PUT THEM AWAY.

Then I sat down with a small glass of LANCASTER BREWING CO Milk Stout and it is OK but it’s also a STOUT and I am still not quite to having a stout palate yet –  I think I need to grow hairs on my tongue first.

Or does that come AFTER growing a test for that shit?

I don’t know.

This one tastes like coffee and then I remember that the last stout I tried also tasted like coffee and I think that is probably why I keep coming back even though I don’t LOVE these – it’s like sipping cold, syrupy coffee somehow. I asked Henry if all stouts taste like coffee and he said, “I don’t know.”

(Ew, I just took another sip and now it has a vegetable taste, I don’t know.)

Anyway, then I was perusing Untapped and I kept seeing “IMPERIAL” so I asked Henry if that was a type of a beer and he said, “I don’t know.”

TWO “I DON’T KNOWS” IN A ROW. I snapped.

“WHY DON’T YOU KNOW?? ISN’T THIS WHAT YOU FUCKING WHITE MEN ARE SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT??? BEER, AND HOW TO BE BIGOTS AND MISOGYNISTS???” and then I lunged at him with my teeth snapping and he had to hold me back with his hand pushed against my forehead.

I can’t help it, I have always been a biter ever since I got in trouble for biting some bitch on the face when I like 3 or 4 but she fucking deserved it because she left me stranded in her tree house!? BUT ALL TEH ADULTS TOOK HER SIDE AND I WAS THE BAD SEED?!?

I have other things to recap on here but SHOOOOOO, I just can’t stop to collect my thoughts at all yet. I am so disgusted and side-eyeing EVERYONE now.

LOL Henry just came back in the room after I kicked him out and quietly said, “The difference between stouts and porters is that stouts are stronger” – LOL I forgot that I asked him that and he told me, “You have your phone in your hand, Google it” and I SCREAMED, “MY PHONE IS IN MY HAND BECAUSE I AM BLOGGING YOU DIP SHIT – GO SOMEWHERE!!!”

I’m going to make Henry drink the rest of this and unwind with YouTube videos of Seventeen’s encores because they are literal joy and we need all of that we can get right now. I hope everyone is being kind to themselves. Do something nice for yourself this weekend!!

My intro is just “fuck it all to hell.” On to the books.

1. Malice House (Malice Compendium, #1) by Megan Shepherd

A “meh”-ish 3 stars. It was fine.

2. Don’t Eat the Pie by Monique Asher

This cover is chef’s kiss. This and the plot itself gave me some ideas for future Pie Parties lol (Dear Henry, make the top crust of the pie say “All Hail Queen Erin”). But truly, this book was kind of a snooze. I didn’t latch on to a single character. I also didn’t even care about the whys and hows. That’s….not great. Kind of Rosemary’s Baby-esque but not very well executed.

3. Sleep Tight by J.H. Markert

*HIT THE BUZZER!* Next.

4. Incidents Around the House by Josh Malerman

YO 5 STARS. This was included in Spotify Premium and as soon as I started listening, my immediate reaction was, “Ugh, this is narrated from a child’s POV” and thought FOR SURE that the voice would drive me insane. Yet somehow, I withstood it and thank god because this one was actually chilling. The horror book I have been searching for! Perfect for October, creepy AF, also kind of funny at times. My ONLY gripe is that the way  the parents (especially the mom) talked to the kid. I think she was supposed to be 8 and they were slinging some Big Thinks around. I mean, I always patted myself on the back for talking to Chooch like I would talk to anyone else, totally eschewing baby talk, but this was reminiscent of watching Dawson’s Creek back in the day and screaming, “WE DO NOT TALK TO EACH OTHER LIKE THAT!” I thought that was kind of bizarre.

Actually, I just saw this in someone’s Goodreads review and it is very spot-on: “the author wrote the 8 year old like she was 4. meanwhile adults are having full on conversations with her like she is their co worker.”

However, the plot was just THAT GOOD that I didn’t let this drag the score down.

5. Gray After Dark by Noelle W. Ihli

I truly do not know how this absolute garbage disguised as a book has such a high average on Goodreads because it felt like it was written by a middle schooler. Repetitive. Boring. One dimensional characters. I appreciate that it was based on a true story but I think I would rather read a non-fiction account of it. Cringey. Poorly-written. The captors name one of the girls RUTHIE SUE? Get this cornball trash out of my face. Ugh I actually got so angry thinking about this drivel.

6. All This & More by Peng Shepherd

Really cool concept, reimagined Choose Your Own Adventure, but it got kind of boring and also confusing. I didn’t want to choose either option most of the time lol.

7. Horror Movie by Paul Tremblay

This started off strong, but then I got bored. 3 stars but honestly his books are usually pretty mid to me.

8. Docile: Memoirs of a Not-So-Perfect Asian Girl by Hyeseung Song

Loved it! Apparently, a memoir was just what I needed.

9. So Thirsty by Rachel Harrison

OK I am a big fan of Harrison’s writing and have given all of her books 4-5 stars. I love her modern takes on classic horror tropes. AND I LOVE VAMPIRES so this should have been an easy 5 for me. Henry and I listened to the audiobook on the way to Chicago for the Seventeen concert, and finished it on the way home so in that regard this book will always feel cozy and warm to me when I think about it. And Harrison’s writing was, as per usual, snappy and quick-witted. I love how she writes her dialogue and I love how her main characters always have a sort of “ugh what now” attitude about them. This one was no exception. I loved Sloane, but her BFF Naomi was so fucking grating. I get it – she was supposed to be loud and obnoxious, a total party monster but I hated hated hated the voice that the narrator gave her. It went right through me every time, especially since we had to listen to it with the volume up fairly loud to combat highway noise.

I would give the first half of the book 4 stars, maybe even 4.5. It was fun and kept us interested, and the when the vamps finally enter the picture, shit got fucking hysterical. But the second half was a slog. The pacing was weird, it felt like it stalled out. There were times when I couldn’t even remember what the plot was anymore  – was there a thing that they working up to, etc.? So I gave that half a 2.75.

3 stars overall and I will definitely still be reading her books, but you know, you can’t please everyone every time.

10. Diavola by Jennifer Marie Thorne

LOL dude. 4 stars, one of the quirkiest and most fun haunted house books I’ve ever read! I love love love that it was set in a small Italian village, I loved the dysfunctional family dynamics, I loved hating the brother’s brother, I loved rooting for the main character every time her family treated her like a black sheep tag-along.

And then once the hauntings started happening, it was equal parts chilling and STILL FUNNY.

Eventually, the setting changes to NYC and the book lost a little bit of its charm for me then, but overall, 4 stars.

11. Every Last Secret by A.R. Torre

I hated this. One of the most boring domestic thrillers with two catty bitches fighting over one man who, aside from being a mega millionaire, was SUCH A BORING ASSHOLE. This was not good but I was in need of an audiobook to accompany me on my walks and this was the best I could do in a pinch.

12. We Should Have Left Well Enough Alone by Ronald Malfi

Short stories. The first one started the book off with a bang, I loved it so much and this is going to sound like I’m giving myself way more credit than I ever deserve, but it reminded me of those idiotic short stories I used to write on here back in the day before my job and life in general sapped every last ounce of creativity from my brain? Those days?

Yeah anyHOO. Some stories were poppin’, some were….droppin’. You know what I mean. There was one about a foster kid that tags along with a trio of kids from the neighborhood for trick-or-treating and that one was definitely the perfect nostalgic Halloween vibes that I needed, you know, on Halloween. But some were really drawn out with little pay off at the end.

I DON’T KNOW WHAT ELSE YOU WANT ME TO SAY.

That’s all of the books I read in October.

Literally can’t focus on much else today, ELECTION DAY, so I need to bulletpoint for therapy.

• I stayed up last night watching various livestreams of the Harris rallies. Some thoughts on the musical performances: Katy Perry – oh honey thanks for giving fodder to the MAGA set. I never liked her music but what in the actual fuck was that weird ass singing she was doing?? Of course this is the big star Pgh would get, sigh. Over in Philly, Ricky Martin was singing in a Dracula voice like he thought he was in Transylvania not Pennsylvania. Bon Jovi was somewhere and sounded like what happens when AI gets involved. I thought I was having a stroke while watching all of this! And the worst part is that I sat through all of this because I wanted to see Lady Gaga because I have a mild interest in her and all she did was sing some stupid America song from elementary school. But, at least she sounded good.
• I wish AOC would have been canvassing in my neighborhood because I bet she would love my interior design. I just get that feeling, you know? Like we’d girl-out over my sometimes questionable Party City decor.
• JAEHYUN ENLISTED IN THE MILITARY YESTERDAY AND I AM NOT OK. Let’s take a moment and enjoy his recent solo MV:

• Henry and I went to this JOKE OF A PLACE called House of 1000 Beers on Sunday to cruise the selection for more Belgians. OK first of all, honey, 1000 beers though? I don’t think so. There is absolutely NO WAY and I kept commenting on this while we were there and btw I felt immediately uncomfortable there too, it was an awkward set-up with people eating on one side and then a bar on the other side and the cook was LEERING AT ME from his little kitchen podium window thing and I kept muttering, “I hate it here, I want to leave” under my breath and then I was going to wait in the car but I didn’t want to leave the choices up to Henry because he is the worst at picking things that I will like, so I stuck it out but I bitched about it sporadically throughout the day. Like, we were watching TV later that night and I blurted out, totally kapchugi, “There is NO WAY that there were 1000 different beers there?!” and Henry just groaned because I was back on my “calling the BBB” kick again.
• Henry got an itch to clean out the closet-area at the top of the basement steps on Saturday because all he wanted to do was “hang up his one coat” but the hooks are completely usurped by my menagerie of coats and purses (I have a reallll fuckin’ problem). “Some of these coats probably don’t even need to be here, there is no way you wear all of these!” Henry huffed, but then after pawing through them, he mumbled, “OK maybe you do.” LOL.

This is only some of the pile! Here he is holding up the only two belongings of his that he wanted to hang up, lol. 

• Chooch texted me at 12:22PM with photo confirmation that he voted and I AM SO PROUD, I ACTUALLY STARTED CRYING. What a huge election to be a part of as a first-time voter. And he’s in that “young man” demo too, which makes it even better. (Yes, he voted straight Dem, let’s gooooo.)
• Henry came home from work and told me that his co-worker who is like a beer guru told him that he should have gone to a different place instead of HOUSE OF NOWHERE NEAR 1000 BEERS and he is actually the reason we went there in the first place?? But I guess Henry doesn’t talk to him often enough because this dude doesn’t go there anymore. Yeah, probably because of the false advertising! Anyway, Henry told him that I am a Belgian beer girlie now and the dude said, and I am so mad about this, that those are good STARTER BEERS. Did he mean to say, “Holy shit, your wife is HARDCORE, not liking beer and then bypassing all the sissy shit and going straight for the BELGIAN?? She is a KEEPER. She sounds like SHE IS NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS.”

• Hey speaking of, Henry, Scared of Irritating a Woman Voter, brought home a DELIRIUM NOEL GIFT SET for me last night so now I have a Delirium glass! Don’t worry I still complained because it’s not the OG glass with the curvy stem.

• Oh and nbd but this happened in the scene before the beer was poured:

And now, we wait 😬

What I wouldn’t give to be in Korea right now though fr fr. Watching Seventeen vlogs as a distraction but I know eventually the election shit is going to be put on. I can’t resist.

In my latest two therapy seshes we covered the Psycho Mike stuff, did I mention this? And I have to say, I didn’t realize that I needed to talk to a professional about this at this stage in my life but I feel EMPOWERED now. Like I didn’t realize what a big deal it was that I recognized at that young age that I was being treated abusively and took a stand and vowed to never let myself be treated like that again. “Sometimes aggressively so” I admitted when saying that I have worn the pants in every subsequent relationship and when I told Henry afterward he was like, “Wow can I talk to her for a few minutes?” LOL piss off and get back to the kitchen. You little bitch.

I don’t know why my bulletpoints disappeared and now that I have been drinking, IDGAF.

• I went for a walk around town to get the rest of my steps and because I can’t keep pacing around the house moaning. I was on the street behind my house when a man in a pickup truck blew through a stop sign as I was waiting to cross the street. In a calm and monotone voice, I called out, “Wow, don’t stop.” HE GOT THRU THE LITTLE INTERSECTION AND STOPPED HIS TRUCK LOL AND SAID, “WHAT DID YOU SAY?” so I repeated it with the same hearty dose of sarcasm and he just drove away. Henry was BIG FROWN ENERGY about this when I came back home and told him lololol.

Relatedly, in therapy today we also talked about how I have a huge problem with men and authority and she was like, “OK that makes sense” while adding to her notes that I would like to read some day.

Hey I’m going to peace out from this blog post for now. If anything exciting happens later during my live election coverage viewing, I shall update this bitch. I guess.

I’m so ready to vote. I was already fired up but after encountering an aggressive grassroots MAGA brigade when all I wanted to do was go for a nice afternoon walk and enjoy a sunny fall day but a fleet of small-dick energy pickup trucks decorated with massive and putrid TRUMP flags and driven by white power fisting redneck men had other plans for me.

It felt like harassment. I was telling a canvasser about this yesterday and he said very calmly, “That’s because it was. That is their whole agenda, their entire platform.”

Bullying. Hate. Misogyny. Guns guns guns.

I was angry that I started to spiral out and then I thought I was going to have a heart attack (#drama) so Henry and I had to switch to a side street but I could still hear the horns blasting and the ACTUAL hootin’ and hollarin’ so we ended up just going back home.

Stress.

OK I have put this off for nearly two weeks now, but on Tuesday, October 22, 2024, Henry and I drove to Chicago (Rosemont, specifically) to see night 1 of the Seventeen US Tour.

I was popping off internally. Not that the rest of the groups I stan don’t mean as much to me, but SVT….hits different. And of course, there is that connection that I fabricated between them and my cat, Bambi. So when she died, it catapulted them up in the love bracket inside my heart (Henry continuously gets knocked down, haha). I knew that the emotions were going to be strong with this one.

We stayed about 20 minutes away from Allstate Arena this time so we have to drive and park there which was annoying because we always stay in a hotel right across from the arena but this time there was an issue where Henry accidentally booked two nights and when he tried to call  them and get rid of one of the nights, they said NO so he had to cancel the entire reservation. Look, I don’t work in the hotel industry but that seemed really stupid to me. It was about 4:30 by this point, and I was getting so worked up seeing all the Carats roaming around the hotel parking lot and lobby so I said, “LET’S GOOOOOOOOO.” There was early merch going on so I thought it would be a good idea to get that out of the way, because when we went to see ATEEZ, THEY SOLD OLD OF MERCH by the end of the night and I had to buy my shirt from Amazon (it seemed legit though!).

This is how we came to stand in a line outside of the arena for over an hour, Carat-watching, collecting free stuff (I usually don’t go early to these concerts anymore so I miss out on all the freebies!), and just being generally giddy (well, one of us was). Carats are special people, you guys. Legit the only toxic fandom I have encountered to date has been BTS Army. But being around 10,000s of Carats in this weird stage of still-grieving-my-cat/bff was beyond soothing. I can’t explain it. But seeing all the people dressed up in outfits from various music videos, hearing the two Carats behind me go from strangers to friends by the time we made it to the merch truck (Miriam and Catherine – they talked for an entire hour before finally introducing themselves and I was dying), hearing Carats cheering on people doing dance challenges in the parking lot—it healed parts of me in ways that time and therapy can’t.

These girls were walking around with Joshua and (now I can’t remember who else they had) cardboard cutouts for photo ops. I wanted Henry to get his picture taken with them but he STAUNCHLY refused.

I did get him to hold the banner though.

Here’s Henry pairing my lightstick, lol. If you have never been to a kpop concert, every group has their lightstick and you can pair it to bluetooth once you get to the venue so that it will coordinate with the music. You have to put in your actual seat # too. I don’t always have the patience to do this but Henry handled it for me this time :)

(I heard Taylor Swift does something similar now after finding out that Kpop is like this, and that’s gross to me but if she can swing the vote in Kamala’s favor, I will never say another disparaging thing about her Napoleon Dynamite twinning or boring music.)

My favorite part of the day was when we got all the way to the front of the merch line only to find out that 90% of everything was SOLD OUT. Every single t-shirt, hoodie, etc. GONE. They only had little accessories left, things I would never buy. I just wanted a shirt. When I got up there, the lady apologized and said that everything was going to be restocked at the merch booths inside, which, OK cool, but honestly they couldn’t send anyone around to make this announcement to the people standing in line? That line went back even FARTHER at this point from where it ended when we got there but OK just let those people stand there for hours.

So fucked up!

At this point, it was after 6PM so we got in one of the many lines to get inside. The doors were just starting to open but you know how venues, after decades of holding concerts, still can’t figure out an easy and painless entry system. It never fails to be a clusterfuck. But we did get in by 6:45 I would say. It was really windy the whole time we were in that parking lot, and I hadn’t realized just how close it is to the airport until I saw REALLY LOW planes passing over the arena on their way to landing, and I started having all kinds of disaster thoughts.

OK OK OK, let’s speed this up: we got inside the venue, which is way too small for Kpop concerts IMO, it’s a crowd-crush sitch waiting to happen in those walkways.

Found our seats first:

They weren’t great – we were in the 200s section because literally it was all we could get the day the tickets went on sale before the prices doubled. I fucking hate you, Ticketmaster. I just felt grateful that we got seats at all though and didn’t have to try to deal with resellers. I just don’t trust anyone.

After finding our seats, we fought the crowds downstairs and eventually found the end of one of the merch lines. It was outrageous and I was so scared that for the first time ever, I was going to miss the beginning of a concert. But we made it to the table, I got my Rosemont-specific shirt, and we ran back upstairs to our seats. My heart was RACING.

Almost exactly at 7:30, it started and I was SHOOK. The emotions! The excitement! The awe! Seventeen has been a group that I have known since getting into Kpop. They were rookies back then and my fave Kpop dance aerobics channel, SarahKpop, had a few routines to their songs. It’s how I first heard their famously popular (and notorious!) “Aju Nice” and I was so excited to hear it in person!

Bambi’s bias, The 8 / Xu Minghao <3

Obviously, I wish that I could have seen OT13, but Jeonghan has just recently enlisted in mandatory miliary service which I feel like I don’t have to explain anymore now that BTS made the entire world aware of this, and Jun is in China filming a TV show.

I wanted to see them in 2022 when they were in Newark, but we had already registered for Coastin’ by the Ocean in Wildwood and couldn’t swing it. I would take Kpop over coasters any day of the week though, just let that be known.

My bias Seungkwan <3 Jeonghan also shares this status, but after this show, Hoshi is 100% my bias wrecker. Like, 10000%.

Hoshi <3

Minghao <3

The chaos that was their “Oh My!” performance. I love the duality of Kpop groups. I love that they can come out so sultry and edgy, so fierce, then suddenly they’re being their true dorky selves and having a dance off with people dressed as blow-up animals. How can you not love this!? How could anyone not find this entertaining??

(And I’m crying now lol.)

(Janna if you are reading this you better watch this video!!)

The costume people came out again unexpectedly during “God of Music”!

I also have to say that this was BY FAR the loudest Kpop (or any) concert I have ever attended. There were times when it felt like the ecstatic shrieking around me had pierced through my skull and continued to ricochet inside my head like rubber bouncy balls. It was PAINFUL. The most ear-and-head pain I think I have ever experienced and I was legit scared for my life several times, lol. Even Henry was like, “HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHAT IS HAPPENING.”

For reference, I have been to a BTS concert and this by far exceeded those levels of fanaticism. The girl behind me simultaneously sounded like a Beatles-mania-era teenage girl and also an adult man. I don’t know how she was doing it but her shrill shrieks were morphing into guttural roars and it was concerning. I kept tossing glances over my shoulder because I was curious as to what was going on behind me!

The whole show was one giant highlight reel for me but I have to mention that I walked away with “March” as my new favorite song – previously it had been one of those tracks that I never paid much attention to when it would come on but after seeing them perform it (it was a surprise, too!) something clicked in my brain and I have listened to it on repeat on my walks every day since then.

Henry was bitter that the hiphop group performed Water and not Lalali, cry about it, Henry!

I FUCKING DIED that the performance group (minus Jun) did Lilili Yabbay! (And Rain, which is my favorite song off their latest album, in case you cared to know.)

Henry just asked me how it’s going, recapping this night, and I let my wet eyeballs answer that.

The encore though! I have never seen anyone understand the encore assignment as well as Seventeen does. The crowd engagement! The energy! The unhinged hilarity! My whole fucking face hurt from smiling and laughing – it was everything that I needed to help fill that Bambi-shaped hole in my heart (crying again). And when I’m able to share this experience with someone who also enjoys it, understands it, stans the group (yes, I mean Henry if you can believe that) it makes it even better. We dissected the night on the entire drive back to Pittsburgh the next day and we are still rehashing it! He said his favorite part was the encore and I know you’re thinking, “Yeah, because that meant the concert was almost over and he was stoked on that” but it’s because it seriously is complete pandemonium! SO JOYOUS AND PURE!

Part of their encore is never-ending Aju Nice where every time you think it’s over, the chorus kicks back up and Seungkwan LOVES to go into the crowd and let fans sing the high note, so Carats at the barricade will hold signs that say “Can I Aju Nice??” It is epic and well-known in the Kpop world – they even did this at Glastonbury and Lollapalooza Berlin and the non-kpop fans in the crowd evidently ate it up.

They also did a dance-off during the encore and the energy was so strong. I can’t believe we were there. I can’t believe I got see neverending Aju Nice!!!!

I gotta wrap this up before I start posting videos from the whole entire concert.

SET LIST:

Act 1

VCR

1. Fear
2. Fearless
3. Maestro

MENT

4. Ash
5. Crush (I fucking died)

VCR

Act 2

6. Water (Hip-Hop Unit)
7. Monster (Hip-Hop Unit)
8. Rain (Performance Unit)
9. Lilili Yabbay (Performance Unit)
10. Candy (Vocal Unit)
11. Cheers to Youth (Vocal Unit) – linking the actual MV here because it’s so fucking precious and uplifting

VCR

Act 3

12. Oh My!
13. Snap Shoot
14. GOD OF MUSIC!!

Ment

15. Home

VCR

16. Love, Money, Fame (debut of the English version)

MENT

17. March
18. Super (fucking iconic)

ENCORE

19. Adore U
20. ‘Bout You

MENT

21. Campfire (they made everyone sit for this – but let it be known that Henry was already sitting because he never stood once until it was time to leave #old)
22. NEVERENDING VERY NICE!
23. Hit (extended)
24. CALL CALL CALL!
25. Snap Shoot (extended)
26. Holiday (extended)

This entire nearly 30-minute encore will live – AS THE KIDS SAY – rent free in my head for the rest of my life. I hope that when I’m old and a near-vegetable in a nursing home, this is still playing vividly behind my eyes. I am so forever grateful that I found Kpop that one fateful Xmas Eve 2015.

Now I will live vicariously through the rest of the Carats on Instagram who are attending the rest of the dates on this tour!

I was getting ready for bed last night when my friend Patty messaged me on Instagram and said that she had gone to Facebook to wish her friend Jeff a happy birthday and saw that he had died earlier in the year. This is significant because Jeff was my boyfriend from 1998-2001 until I dumped him for Henry at Dave Navarro concert at Metropol.

We definitely didn’t part on the best terms, but we eventually made peace with each other (he even stopped over a few mths later to give me a CD of his DJing, shook Henry’s hand and everything) and stayed e-friends ever since. That didn’t amount to more than an occasional Instagram like, though.

There was one time at least 10 years ago, if not more, where he messaged me and said that he had been going to AA meetings at the church across from my house and that we should get coffee sometime.

We never met up for coffee, but this is how I found out he was an alcoholic and after Googling his obit last night, severe health complications related to his decades-long struggle is what ultimately took his life last January.

Right before Barb died, actually. This year just keeps doling it out, doesn’t it?

I don’t really know what this emotion is that I’m feeling. Shock? Sadness? Guilt? I was SUCH A CUNT to this man. He deserved so much better than me and I can say this now without any reservation – I treated him like an absolute dog. I cheated on him habitually. I lied to him. I fucked with him. But worst of all, I was just straight-up abusive to him.

We met in Darkchat (of course) in the fall of 1998. His name on there was Samhain, so I called him Sammy. He was in the process of moving to Pgh for art school and was looking to make some friends. We met in the parking lot of Pier 1 (RIP) in Pleasant Hills and went to the theater across the street to see John Carpenter’s Vampires. I remember my friend Cinn, also from Darkchat (Jesus Christ I was/am such a fucking dork) was worried about this and was also in the parking lot for observance purposes and deemed him, immediately, a non-threat.

Cinn loved him and called him Sammy even after I ultimately switched to “Jeff.”

The worst part is that now I can see what a truly sweet and kind guy he was, when back then I made fun of those traits and found him “weak.” I was so wrong and bad for him.

I wish that we had just started as friends and stayed that way, instead of designing the entire meet-up as a “date.” I feel like I knew from the beginning that the compatibility wasn’t there, but then he kind of leaned on me as a crutch since he was shy and new to the city and honestly he couldn’t have picked a worse person for this assignment because not only was I an absolute agent of chaos, but my friends were motherfuckers to him too. (With the exception of Janna and Cinn.) He used to go home to Uniontown every weekend and I was SUDDENLY SINGLE on those weekends, having house parties, going out, just being completely disrespectful of his feelings.

Janna and I went to lunch today and she pointed out that I was a kid and I agree with that, I was immature and literally only cared about myself and am truly a completely different person now but it doesn’t make me any less disgusted with myself. I have no idea what Jeff was going through all of these years. I wish I could have apologized to him.

Easter at my Grandma’s house, 2001 prob.

On Instagram, Jeff mostly posted pictures of the food he cooked (he liked to cook, even back then) and his dog, who was referenced numerous times in the obituary and for some reason, maybe because I am a sucker for animals, the fact that he left behind his cherished best friend is what has made me crumble. It also said that his parents are now caring for the dog (Kenny) so thank god.

His last IG post was from Xmas 2023, and Kenny was featured in that image carousel.

And then reading the messages on the memorial page broke me too because the echoing sentiment was that he was so kind, docile, pure-hearted, etc. And he was! He was all of these fucking things and I was the fucking Devil.

Barb’s birthday was 10/29. Carol’s birthday was 10/31. Jeff’s birthday was also 10/31. All three of these people, once prominent fixtures in my life, are dead instead of celebrating birthdays this week. I feel so fucking weird.

Pasting this from Instagram because I’m lazy.

It’s Halloween aka Feeding Children from the Plastic Pumpkin In Addition to Squirrels aka Erin Pretends to Know How to Interact with Children.

We’ve had two kids so far. One had a toddler sibling waiting in a wagon with the parents so I said to the kid, “Do you want extra candy for your….little….brother….or whatever” and stopped my myself before ending with “that is.”

I predict I’ll get one more customer before the night ends. :/

Speaking of squirrels (the treat beggars I can count on) I was trying to get Buddy to say Trick or Treat when he came to the porch for a walnut earlier and some passerby stopped to watch the interaction and then had a full blown conversation with me from the sidewalk and that is how I died a little today. #strangerdanger

ETA:

-I had tossed in some extra POLLITO ASADO lollipops from @lkfucetola’s farewell fiesta 2 years ago but after handing them out to the first 2 kids, I think they may have been expired plus they felt….wet. So I dug the rest out of the pumpkin don’t worry future trick or treaters.

-I’m tired from handing out to candy to 5 children (A RECORD NUMBER FOR US) and I just saw more kids approaching so I yelled at Henry to come in from the backporch and actually DO SOMETHING and he said, “Sorry, I was trying to eat my dinner out here since I’m not allowed to chew near you.” Just a little glimpse into MARRIED LIFE lol. (It’s the same.)

This holiday is so weird now that I am an empty nester. :/

ANOTHER UPDATE; a group of high school kids were walking on the other side of the street and I stood at the door and made a creepy “come here” hand gesture and they FUCKING SHRIEKED “CANDY!!!” and ran across the street to my house so fast I thought they were going to tackle me lol. Henry rolled his eyes and said, “you’re so needy” to me and he’s also annoyed bc trick or treating ended 30 minutes ago but bitch we broke a record–TWELVE KIDS!!!

I AM SWIMMING IN THE FEELS TODAY, SALLY. Just to hear his voice and see his patented crooked smirk and his STYLE, HIS STYLE!!

This is definitely at the top of the short list of good things in my life this year. KWON JIYONG!!! COMEBACK AFTER SEVEN YEARS!!!

My forever king, #1 ult bias, happy fucking Halloween to me. Goddamn.

It’s Wednesday night. ALL HALLOWS EVE if you will. Here are some things on my mind etc. because to be honest all I have been doing is obsessing over that Seventeen concert and Belgian beer. What a life I lead.

Henry and his designated beer drinking glass from Bon-Bon Land. It cracks me up every time!

In my therapy session this week, I somehow swerved into the Psycho Mike lane and my therapist was like OK YOU HAVEN’T MENTIONED THIS BEFORE ON YOUR TIMELINE, THIS FEELS SIGNIFICANT and I was like, “Well, I do have occasional nightmares that he finds me and kills me, is that important?” so we spent almost the whole time talking about him and wow, HAHAHA, that really was a shitty situation and even though Henry is soooo annoying and breathes so heavily and whistles through his nose and snores and chews loudly and calls Helsinki “Helinski” even after being there and is always looking at boring shit on his phone and never wants to have fun and isn’t rich enough to be my sugar daddy and has been lacking in the cooking area lately and is completely resistant of cultivating personal style and doesn’t let me pick up hitchhikers and can’t pronounce even basic Korean after 10 years and takes forever to start/finish my projects and starts watching TV shows halfway through a season and then asks me a million questions about it and won’t let me invite the squirrels into our house and then won’t build the squirrels their OWN house and has an annoying limp years after having his foot run over by a pallet jack (he blames all of his probs on this) and dropped a bowling ball on my foot once and doesn’t correct his mom every time she talks about how great he is for climbing a tree to get Chooch’s stuck drone which even Chooch said never happened amongst lots of other things I’m forgetting right now but don’t worry perhaps I will reprise this in the future, at least he is not a fucking abusive maniac like Psycho Mike.

Megan got me this cutie LED sign as a wedding gift last winter (it says I Love You in Korean, btw) and I knew I had to give it a proper backing before hanging it on the wall. It’s just too perfect to hang on the wall as-is.  We are finally in “project season” (i.e. Things Are Kinda Calming Down Around Here) so I started thinking about what I wanted to do and settled on a background of Korean snack wrappers. Henry had this frame that he got from his dumb auction site thing figuring that someday we would find a use for it – it originally had a mirror in it he took it out, painted the frame, and here we are!

Here it is with the neon turned off:

I have no idea where to hang it though, LOL. Henry is going to add plexiglass to it first to keep the wrappers flat and he also wants to add a strip of neon around the edges of the frame too – I THINK BLUE, WHAT DO YOU THINK.

In IMPORTANT NEWS: Renjun is back, baby! I think I might have mentioned this but it was announced the night of Stephanie so while I was super stoked at the mo’, it kind of got overshadowed for a bit. Anyway, we watched the NCT Dream airport arrival the other day from when they were flying out for the Europe leg of their tour, and he still looked very worrisome to us. Almost shell-shocked. I’m so fucking worried about him. We did watch some videos from their Rotterdam show and he looked good, and even happy at times to be on stage again. I’m in mom-mode over this though. Honestly, I feel like NCT Dream’s vibe in general feels off and I’m sure it’s because of SM’s bullshit and also the fallout from Taeil’s scandal (uh, more like CRIME, not scandal).

I have said this a million times in the last nearly 10 years, but being a kpop fan is so heart-breaking and just emotionally trying in general!!

FOR INSTANCE, IS G-DRAGON’S COMEBACK REALLY GOING TO HAPPEN TOMORROW?!

WE HAVE WAITED 7 FUCKING YEARS.

In Beer News, I got a special Chimay glass to drink Baby’s First Chimay from!

I thought it was OK! Maybe a different kind of Chimay would be more my style, I dunno, I am learning here people! BABY STEPS.

I liked this one but felt I was committing a crime by drinking a non-Chimay from this glass.

THIS WAS SO GOOD. Henry said it was just “OK” but I was a big fan and want to have it again.

I did not drink all of these on one night. I can barely drink one beer without collapsing. I usually make Henry split one with me although tonight I drank an entire can of Deliria because I’m off tomorrow and work has been so annoying this week / month / year / etc.

What else. I remembered that we had Hulu now for some reason so I have been trying to binge Only Murders in the Building before Henry decides to cancel it. We also watched the first episode of Hysteria on Peacock but apparently Henry canceled that too after the Olympics so we could only watch one episode for free – I thought it was OK but not sure if it’s worth re-subbing to Peacock!?

OK I know I just had an entire essay up there about all of Henry’s shortcomings, but I have to say that it is really cool that he likes kpop too and we send each other reels and news all day long like two little teenagers lol. Years ago he was like I WILL NEVER LEARN ALL 13 NAMES re: Seventeen and now he is showing me videos and saying things like, “LOL Mingyu was in the crowd and no one knew.” I think Henry is the CEO that the kpop industry desperately needs, honestly. Kpop Dad to the rescue!

Here is a random SVT performance to end this on a high note. I’m hoping tomorrow I can get myself to sit down and finally crank out my thoughts on last week’s concert before I start forgetting things! Ugh. I used to love recapping concerts and now I’m not like, “OK but let me watch some more videos real quick” and then it’s like 3 weeks later.

You guys this was Henry’s dinner yesterday. Why.

Ok now I have to go back to watching a livestream of NCT Dream arriving at Incheon Intl Airport with RENJUN finally with them, instead of cooking Henry dinner like a good little wife because I am clearly part of the problem.

LOL.

I am so behind as usual. But for once, I am all caught up in my paper haunted house journal! When will I ever grow out of this phase, sigh. I feel like I’m even more dumb about it these days because I am in my “washi tape and sticker” era.

Last weekend, we went to Castle Blood with Amy and Dick – it was their first time there! Fresh blood! I told them while waiting outside that I never feel more dumb than I do inside the walls of Castle Blood. I love being made fun of by the undead denizens! For anyone who has somehow missed me jawing off about this haunt for the last 25 years, it is NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS HAUNTS, OK? You want to see animatronics barfing into a toilet and get chased through a maze by a chainsaw, then go somewhere else and prepare to not get your money’s worth. But Castle Blood is all about making it a personal, intimate experience. You go through in small groups (usually just who you arrive with) and get to interact with the denizens in every room by engaging in challenges for talismans or tokens of protection.

Every year, the theme and story line changes so it’s a brand new experience, making it a mainstay on the annual lists of any haunt thoosie.

When we were waiting outside, Boris started to float by and I said to Amy and Dick, “He’s my favorite but he never remembers me!”

That got Boris’s attention so he stopped and, in his patented snide and bored Easten Euro-accented tone, said, “And why should I?”

YES. BEAT ME UP WITH YOUR WORDS! You will also get a healthy dose of verbal bullying at Castle Blood. I live for this. PUT ME IN MY PLACE!

KNOCK ME DOWN A PEG!

And so on and so forth, etc. etc. etc.

Amy and Dick loved it! It is not often that I get to bring newbies to the Castle–most of my friends are not into haunted houses at all, sadly, so I stopped asking!–and it was a lot of fun experiencing it through them, you know?

My favorite was in Gravely’s office, where we had to take turns giving the denizen a “magic word” to use to get the beads of protection to appear under a box. When it was my turn, I confidently shouted, “갑자기!” and then I stage-whispered to Dick and Amy, “That means suddenly in Korean.”

“Well, unfortunately, the spirits in the Castle don’t speak Korean, so that didn’t work,” the office denizen (why am I so bad at remembering names) said in a total “eye roll” tone and I loved it.

The next night, Henry and I went to Sewickley Haunted Church. It had been a few years since we last came to this one but it’s always a good, chaotic time. Here are some pictures because I’m sure you care.

I just love that this is actually put on by the church’s youth group –  do not expect anything to be “toned down” because of it being done by church people, that’s for sure!

I really missed Chooch on this night. We have never gone to this one without him! :(

And then last night we went to a new one in Mercer, PA wherever that it – it took a little over an hour to get there. We actually had originally tried to go on Friday and got ALL THE WAY THERE just to see that it was closed. We don’t use Facebook but they had apparently posted there earlier that day saying that they weren’t going to be open that night.

MOTHERFUCKER.

That really pissed me off, but what can you do? If you’re me, you sulk and stare out the window with a pout the whole way home.

Anyway, they were open last night and it was “only” $10 because of “economical hardships” but I would have been pissed if we had to pay the usual $20 ticket price because it only took us 10 minutes to go through, and the first part only had two children scare actors in there. It was very rudimentary and old school which I am normally a fan of, but there was literally nothing happening in there.

The second part was in an outdoor livestock pen thingie and there were 3 guys in there being totally creepy and psychotic and honestly – that part alone made me not regret driving out here. They understood the assignment and it ended with me freaking out and fucking sprinting out of there like I was possessed by the ghost of a 1950s track star before the chainsaw guy even had a chance to fire up his saw.

I made it halfway back to the parking lot before turning around and watching Henry calmly strolling out with my three tormentors flanking him, laughing.

Then we listened to Seventeen the whole way home and talked about the concert which I still have to process my thoughts on before recapping it here, and that was just really nice.

The haunt season is almost over which means the fear of winter will hit me and my depression will probably come back before it even had a chance to leave, so I can’t wait for that. Ugh.

I think we have 1 or 2 or more haunted houses to squeeze in. If they weren’t so fucking $$ we would do more, but the days of legit haunted house hopping are long gone, yo. We are lucky if we can afford to do 2 in a weekend. God, I miss the $5-$10 little fire station or YMCA haunts that used to be everywhere in the 90s, piling into Lisa’s minivan and hitting 2 or 3 in one night. Granted, those outings were also funded by my mom back when the value of a dollar was lost on me (it still is in most cases, ngl).

OK, I have to go. Seventeen videos are calling me. And remember – if you’re going out to a pumpkin patch anytime soon, don’t fall on a pumpkin stem. That happened to me once at Trax Farms when I was a youngin! IT WAS NOT COMFY.

This week was actually so good, you guys. I can’t remember the last time I was able to say that. I’m still on a really weird emotional high after seeing Seventeen – in a good way, mostly, but I have also been sporadically crying so fat, hot tears because of Drew and it’s OK though. I know that now, that this is part of the process, I’m healing and sometimes scabs are pulled off too early and we have a little set back, right? SHOULD I BE A THERAPIST. SHOULD I WRITE AN ADVICE COLUMN. SHOULD I START NEEDLEPOINTING MY DUMB SAYINGS ON PILLOWS.

Anyway, here are five things that I want to remember from this week / life lately.

1. Henry’s Haunted Basement

When we were just getting into Chicago on Tuesday, we saw a big billboard for a haunted attraction called the Haunted Basement.

“I wonder where that is,” Henry murmured.

“UP YOUR BUTT,” I blurted, the violence of the words shooting out of my mouth somehow not knocking out any teeth.

Henry frowned deeply while I was fisting the air in victory. I love it when my answer-to-everything lands!

I posted this on Instagram AND ***SURPRISINGLY*** NO ONE SIGNED UP FOR MY MASTER CLASS IN COMEBACKS.

2. SEVENTEEN SWAG

I got so much stuff this time because we got there extra early to get in the early mech line (all for naught because everything was sold out before we even got to the front). The weird thing though is that everyone always passes me up and I have to follow them and ask pathetically, “Can I have one too?” IT IS NOT MY AGE OK because trust me – there are tons of broads at these shows that are grandmas. I don’t know what it is about me?? Is my RBF that bad?! Is it because Henry is standing next to me, glowering?!

Anyway, I was happy because I got some Seungkwan stuff :)

Also, I had to swap out my Dreamie pocas for SVT ones beforehand and I put Minghao in the window in honor of Bambi :/

And my SVT credit card was on the other side lol. I’m 16. It was especially peak when I paid for my Bambi SVT tattoo with it lol.

3. My Jerk Son

Just gonna leave this here.

I mean where’s the lie though honestly.

4. Late to the Game, or Early to the New Wave???

My Belgian beer obsession is going strong. Why am I like this? I can’t ever just moderately like things like normal people, I have to be so fanatical and obnoxious. OH WELL THAT’S WHY YOU LOVE ME.

I was lamenting the other night that this one restaurant we used to go to occasionally isn’t around anymore. It was called Sharp Edge and specialized in Belgian beers. There were a few locations but we always went to the CREEK HOUSE (Kristen if you’re reading this, it’s where we went when you and Matt were in town when Chooch was a baby!). I 100% wasn’t drinking beer when we went there, but I went for the ambiance, the vibes, the LAMBIC which I now know actually is beer and I never knew that.

Inspired to find out why they closed all locations, I googled and wound up on a Reddit page about it where 9 out of 10 comments said it was because no one cares about Belgian beer anymore LOLOLOL this is the story of my life! Always late to the game!

THAT’S FINE. Maybe there will be a revival and I can say that it was because of me.

Today at work Megan was telling me about a pumpkin beer she recently had and OK MEGAN BUT I DON’T DRINK PUMPKIN BEER ANYMORE THAT’S FOR BABIES! It’s Belgian or GTFO, OK?! #NOTLIKEOTHERGIRLS

Here is a picture of Baby’s Fourth Delirium! Still #1 in my heart. I like designer beer, don’t forget it. (A hostess gift to consider for future parties I may be hosting.)

We went to a bottle shop tonight and they did not HAVE ANYTHING BELGIAN and I walked out of there like a fucking snob, I’m not even kidding you, and then I shouted in the parking lot, “IT’S NOT MY FAULT THAT I DON’T LIKE ANYTHING AMERICAN THIS COUNTRY IS DUMB!”

Hello, welcome to the Beer Snob Erin era.

(I will tell you that I have also enjoyed every beer of Henry’s that I sipped while in Korea but it is harder to obtain that shit here in Pgh. Don’t worry, we acquired some in Chicago but I’m saving it for Chingumas the Sequel!)

5. Collegiate Chooch Being Involved

Chooch sent me this story from the Drexel Honors College Instagram and said, “YOU’RE WELCOME” because he knew I never would have seen it otherwise.

I just love seeing him thrive and participating in college things! I miss him lots but seeing stuff like this makes it all worth it.

He’s not even going to know who I am when he comes home for Thanksgiving and I’m walking around with a chalice of Trappist beer.

Because I’m a sucker, I signed up for my work’s Global Day of Service this year. I had been in retirement since 2021 when I did that terrible SURPRISE, LOG SPLITTER! hard labor disguised as “setting up the pumpkin patch for the annual Halloween event.” MMMmmm.

This is really pathetic that I am proud of myself over this at the fucking ripe old age of 45, but I signed up for this without giving a shit if anyone else from my dept was also going to participate. Todd tossed around the idea of joining me, and the old Erin would have waited to sign up until he did, but I think I am so numb lately that not even social anxiety can penetrate the Novocain-like forcefield around my listless body.

It ended up just being me and a guy from another department who signed up for this particular assignment (I kept calling it the NUN HOUSE but Henry crushed my fantasies when he said it was really just an old folks house) and even that was fine with me. I vaguely knew the guy from sporadic emails over the years regarding patent stuff that is PROBABLY TOO CONFUSING FOR YOU (j/k more like boring) so I’ll leave it at that. He emailed me the day before to ask me how I was getting there. Now, mind you, we do not interact often at all, have never met in person, etc. So I didn’t think anything of it when I said I would be driving and then his follow-up email was him asking me if I could pick him at the office!

I panicked and said YES because I wanted to be a nice colleague, etc etc etc and isn’t this what CARPOOLING is?! My issue wasn’t even the fact that I didn’t know the guy (of course I wouldn’t care about that, I’m me and you are you) but because NOW I WOULD HAVE TO DRIVE DOWNTOWN.

I DID NOT WANT TO DO THIS. So I called Henry and was all, “WHAT TO DO” and he was like, “I am busy working right now, I don’t care what you do, this is your problem” but then I ever so suavely, as I’m wont to do, made it his problem as well:

“WHAT IF, now just hear me out, YOU COME HOME AND PICK ME UP, AND THEN DRIVE DOWNTOWN AND WE GET THIS GUY, AND THEN YOU TAKE US BOTH THE THE NUN HOUSE—”

“—nursing home,” Henry mumbled.

“—AND THEN PICK US UP WHEN WE’RE DONE, TAKE HIM BACK DOWNTOWN, AND THEN BRING ME HOME.”

And of course he said yes hahaha.

Anyway, it was fine. I didn’t get a Stranger Danger sense at all, in fact, the only sense I got is that he was there to landscape and not make chitty-chatty with this dumb girl from the Conflicts department.

I’m just never happy – part of me is like LEAVE ME ALONE and then when I am in a scenario where I’m truly being left alone, suddenly my tune changes to TALK TO ME, PLAY ATTENTION TO ME, LAUGH AT MY JOKES.

(I can report that he laughed at approx. zero of my jokes. The next day, I was whining about this at work and Margie was like, “Maybe you’re just not that funny??” HEY! But no seriously, that’s more than a maybe.)

Once we arrived at the Nun House, everything was….well, fine! I have NO COMPLAINTS at all. From the old man at the front desk to the driver relaxxed to the maxx in an arm chair loudly detailing his heritage back to the medieval times (Scottish and German, in case you have a niche genealogy of strangers kink) to the arrival of our landscaping supervisor for the day (Dar, I believe was her name!), literally everyone we encountered was so friendly and casual that I felt like I had stepped into a 1970s sitcom, or you know, just a time in general where people knew how to talk to each other comfortably.

Dar told us we could either wait there, or go to the MEET AND TREAT room for coffee and donuts. I said, “I COULD EAT A DONUT” at the same time Mike (my gardening partner) said, “I’m good.”

But in the end, we followed Dar to the MEET AND TREAT room (it actually was called that and had an official sign!!), I snagged a Halloween donut from a Dunkin’ box, and then we proceeded to follow Dar to the CERAMICS ROOM but I can’t remember why we went there now. She had to get something, I don’t know – it was a full week ago at this point!

I wasn’t really hungry but I felt giddy and when I feel giddy, I want sugar so that my giddiness can be sustained for longer.

Now I will try to quickly detail the key points of the day:

• Our first task was to cut down these flowers that Dar kept referencing by…brand? name and I just stood there nodding dumbly when I had NO CLUE what she was talking about. I had to wait for Mike to grab hedgeclippers and then I followed his lead. Thank god, because I was about to do something completely different. So yeah, we had to cut down these tall flowers that were against the front of the building and then after that, Dar wanted us to start digging them up in groups of 3, and then leaving groups of 3, because they were trying an “experiment” to see if they would grow back, I can’t remember now. I was bored at this point. Anyway, Mike grabbed a shovel off her little gold cart thing and then Dar said, “OK I’m going to go to the side of the building for a minute, BRB” and I was about to say, “Oh wait, I need a shovel!” but instead just shrugged and said, ‘Eh” to myself. And then to Mike, I said, “Oh no, she left before I could get a shovel.” So then I stood there while he shoveled and made him talk to me.
• Dar came back and there was still shoveling to be done :( So I had to shovel and it was hard. I asked Henry later that day if I had ever shoveled before and he did that NO-MIRTH LAUGH-BARK and said, “I doubt it.”
• Then a NUN came out, she was the garden boss I think, and inspected our work. I really liked her and wanted her to make her proud! I also found myself trying to hide my hand tattoos lol.
• After this, we stole two bales of hay from the AUTUMNAL DECOR near the entrance and sprinkled it around where we the remainder of those flower things were. Someone tapped on a window above my head and I looked up to see another nun waving and smiling at me! IT WAS SO EXCITING! Not so exciting that I felt obliged to blog about it right away, though. Still took a week, lol.
• I uncovered peanut shells in my flower-cutting  travels and laughed, “Looks like someone here feeds the squirrels!” and Dar sighed exhaustedly and said, “Yeah, and I’ll tell you who it is!” I guess it’s one of the volunteers in the cafeteria. She gives the peanuts to the residents because they like to feed the squirrels (my kind of Elders!) and Dar said she goes to this broad, “Well, you know how you like *INSERT SOME BRAND NAME FLOWER* that are in the front?” and the broad said, “Yeah” so Dar shouted, “WELL THEY’RE NOT GOING TO BE THERE IF THE SQUIRRELS KEEP DIGGING – STOP FEEDING THEM!” I was like, “OH HAHAHAHAH you would hate to live by me then” and I told her about my Buddys and Mr. Gray Guys and she goes, “OK, I’ll tell you what I told her — STOP!!!” and she SHOUTED it in my face, but then she started laughing and said, “I’m just kidding!” and I was like, “Oh, hahaha” while clutching my peanut shell pearls.

I HELPED DO THIS.

• Then we went to the courtyard which I thought was going to be my favorite area until I found out that we were doing the worst of all of the jobs, which was WRAPPING SAPLING TREE THINGS so that the deers won’t eat them. I had NO IDEA what this entailed even after she explained it to us. I mean, I honestly could not picture this in my head AT ALL but Mike started grabbing stakes and immediately went to work while Dar was unwrapping a giant roll of netting stuff. I won’t get into it, but we had to do this to like 8 trees or something and I sincerely did the bare minimum with this. I just pretended like my role of cutting the net was super important and took way longer than it had to. Mostly because every time I tried to do the stake part, Mike would come over and say, “No no, you need this to be away from the tree more” and then he would pull it out of the ground and reposition it, so I was like THEN YOU DO ALL OF THEM.
• I admitted to Dar that I had no idea what she wanted us to do until after I saw them start the first tree and she laughed. “Wow, you really meant it when you said you don’t do yard stuff.” Yeah man. I wouldn’t lie about that, lol.

• The last part we did was back in the front, where we pulled out the ceramic decorations from among the flowers. I was good at that part.

I looked like a shrub here but I don’t care, it was a day to remember, lol. I got kind of dirty a little bit!

I took a picture of Dar when she wasn’t looking – I wanted a picture of all three of us but then she was like, “OK, I’ll take your picture together” and like, OK thanks but that is not what I wanted :( Anyway, I feel weird about posting Dar’s picture here since I took it from my hip like a creep so you will just have to use your imagination. I also blocked out Mike’s face because maybe I’m getting overly cautious in my old age but I am so nervous about posting about work in general, let alone the face of someone who works there but not actually with me, you know?

And then Henry came to pick us up when Mike was talking about his radio hobby thing and how he has a club that just became a 501-something and was interested in seeing if he could do something with that at the nun house and I was like, in my head, “I am also interested in doing more stuff here” LIKE CERAMICS because that is what Dar’s sister does there and Dar helps her and told us (me, specifically!) that we should come back sometime and help out with that and I would love that. I told her about how my mom and I used to take ceramics classes back in the late 80s at a place called KIRSTINGS CERAMICS and I loved it even though I hated the KIRSTINGS (the husband, Lynn, was an asshole) but then suddenly one of my mom’s friends was like, “I want to go too” and instead of all of us going, this turned into A GIRLS NIGHT I guess and I was left behind, where I would fight with my dad and brother Ryan and I started to dread CERAMICS NIGHTS because of that. I mean, I didn’t tell Dar ALL OF THAT, like how the time my dad and I got in a fight on St Patricks Day and he threw a fork at me and the tines went into my knuckle happened on CERAMICS NIGHT, but I gave her the gist of it and she was like, “OH! Well, then you should definitely come and do ceramics with us then!” And I felt seen.

I FELT SEEN.

Then Henry drove us back downtown in silence, and after dropping Mike off we hit accident-traffic and Henry was SO PISSED because he needed to get back to work and once again I was ruining his life, lol.

I didn’t feel like liveblogging and also Henry and I were listening to an audiobook like the lamest empty nesters who ever emptied their nest BUT we just stopped for lunch at a cute vegan spot called ROOTED VEGAN in a small Indiana town called ANGOLA. Props to me for finding it – Henry continues to do fuck all on the food finding front.

Ok first of all, the woman behind the counter was friendly and patient while Henry squinted at the menu behind her and bristled his moustache like it’s a facial Magic 8 Ball ready to choose his food for him.

I got the bakn chikn wrap and Henry got the Nashville chikn wrap – I fucking BEASTED mine. It was just what I wanted and now I’m full but not painfully so, and will probably be able to skip dinner so yay for that because I always panic about eating before a concert!!

We also got a lemon crinkle cookie and a chocolate cookie sandwich straight PUMPED with pumpkin frosting. Hoooooboy it was rich and decadent and that nearly pushed me over the edge but then we went for a stroll around the cutie courtyard/square area before getting back in the car so that helped.

Dude, that car/truck thing.

This place was so cutie!

After I took this picture of Sojouner Truth, some young guy in a BURNT UMBER hoodie and disheveled ginger hair stopped by and said, “That guy was a pedo.” He was pointing to another statue, and I felt like I needed to take a picture of it so as I walked over, he followed me and said, “Yeah he was gay but it was the 1800s so he couldn’t really do anything about it you know.”

I said something along the lines of “ya don’t say” but like, less 1950s and more modern times.

The Angola Pedo.

Then he continued along his way, stopping at each business and handing out a paper of unknown subject matter.

“Wow, I basically got a tour,” I said and Henry laughed REALLY HARD which disgusted me because it wasn’t funny at all.

IT’S BEEN REAL, ANGOLA.

P.S. I just went back and looked at that statue and that dude died in 1790-something so that guy gave me FAKE NEWS.

I was really thinking about my beer journey over the weekend and I truly think that the reason it took me so long to develop a taste for it is because I didn’t go to college (well, in the conventional sense) so when my friends were at frat parties, pinching their noses and choking back Solo cups of Bud Lite until one day they didn’t have to hold their noses anymore, I was living a cozy lady-of-leisure life in my apartment at age 18, making my mom buy my cases of wine coolers and other fruity sparkly fancy things for my classy house parties.

(LOL classy. Mm.)

I didn’t need to learn to like the taste of cheap beer because I had a mom who was buying me cases of those cute little Spumanti thingies.

And then when I was 21 and going to bars, I was naturally gravitating toward mixed drinks and—Lord help me, my waistline, and my teeth—Smirnoff Ice.

Then as I got even older, it was wine and cider. I didn’t care about beer until dicks worldwide were being Q-tipped over PUMPKIN BEERS. I tried so har but every single one just had that jolting BEER taste that I couldn’t stand.

I don’t know what exactly the pivotal point was for me, maybe it was taking baby steps through the dessert / milky beers, but I am suddenly OK WITH THE BEER TASTE ON MY TONGUE. Yes, there are still some where I’m like, “This was fine but I never want to drink it again.” But after I had that Delirium and the Duchesse Red last weekend, I was like, “IS IT BELGIAN BEER, THEN???” Disclaimer, both of those beers I had were very sweet and fruity, lambic-esque varieties. So Henry was skeptical.

Then I watched a YouTube video of this couple drinking a variety of Belgian beer and they were like DISGUSTED and spitting out a lot of them, including the OG Delirium which I had been excited to try prior to watching this video. Now I was SHOOK. This couple seemed like they were beer people and they were like legit gagging and saying horrible things about the beers from my second homeland (speaking of my first homeland, Korea – I liked every local beer I tried in Korea, just putting that out there).

Anyway, we stopped at Duffy’s on Saturday and I was like a fucking kid in a candy store. (OMG am I an alcoholic now….no. No, this is still hobby-levels. Don’t worry.) I snatched up the OG Delirium, and also a fun pink-canned one called Deliria. I also had Trappist beers on the brain, so I grabbed one of those too.

Yo, I was was scared to try this after watching that video BUT OK! OK HELLO! I SEE YOU, TREMENS! This was AMAZING. Like, I actually clapped my hand over my mouth after it hit the back of my tongue and Henry looked VERY CONCERNED, time stood still, like he was waiting for me to spit it back out like a fountain fish.

But shoooooo — this was so good. Like, I can’t even explain it. It had a crazy bite to it but it was also SO REFRESHING!?

“THIS IS MY STYLE!” I cried, and Henry unclenched and exhaled.

YES. YES YES YES YES. I am at “PUT THEIR NEON SIGN ON MY WALLS” levels of Delirum obsession. I can’t wait to try the other ones and the CHRISTMAS ONE TOO!!!

I NEED THE SPECIAL DELIRIUM GLASS!!!!

And obviously I can’t consider myself a Belgian girlie if I don’t like TRAPPIST BEER so I tried a bit of this one after work and OH HO HO HO HO HO, I”m just your regular monk groupie, over here. This was so good! Not Delirum-good, but I genuinely liked it!! I don’t even know who I am anymore?!

I was watching a video about this beer while I was drinking it and they said it smells like bananas AND IT DOES. I never can taste/smell the “notes” that people claim to be in wine. But it’s easier with beer.

I guess.

I don’t think Henry believes me.

Honorable non-Belgian mentions:

This was OK!

This was OK! (Henry hated it though. I think my palate is clearly just more masculine than his.)

Oh holy shit, what even was this? It did NOT taste like beer, it was liquid dessert. I loved it. 10/10 would recommend but too bad it’s not Belgian.

(I loved the foam! I actually love all beer foam and it makes Henry mad because I “don’t pour the beer right” on purpose because I want the foam to happen. Anyway, this beer had REALLY dense and sweet foam and I was scooping it up with my fingers. Now I want to try their Rainbow Sherbet one!!!)

OK, off to learn Flemish and add Trappist beers to my Untapped wishlist. I’m not like other girls.

L-O-L.

(But no srsly if you ever need a hostess gift for me – Belgian beer, babe. Bring it.)