Mark Lee from my fave NCT just released another solo today with the AMAZING Lee YoungJi. It has killed me dead. Mark is so underrated and should be a universal household name.

But yeah honestly can you guys let him rest, SM? He just finished an international tour with NCT Dream, got literally mobbed in NYC, flew back to Korea in time to perform at the end of the year shows, is going to be recording another NCT Dream album, has an NCT127 tour in March…and this is just what I know off the top of my head, I’m not his freaking manager.

But maybe I should be.

Earlier today, I was trying to get Henry to show off his Seventeen member knowledge to Chooch and he refused.

“Then I’m not talking to you for the rest of the day!” I cried.

“Can you not talk to me too?” Chooch asked with faux enthusiasm.

Just in case you were wondering how “absence makes the heart grow fonder” is working out for our family.

Somehow, some way, I had good luck on this Friday the 13th and managed to get tickets to TAEMIN’S FIRST US SOLO TOUR.

The venues for this tour were only just announced the other day and when Henry showed me, I felt instantly sick. I already knew there were only going to be 5 cities, but out of those 5 cities, 4 of the shows are being held in theaters with capacities between 3,000 and 3,800.

For Taemin.

Of course, LA’s is the KIA Forum which holds 17,000 so it was less of a bloodbath for them I imagine.

Tickets for the NYC show were being sold fire through the theater’s website, so our strategy was that Henry would try for that at work while Chooch (who arrived home last night via Amtrak and has been bitching up a storm ever since) and I would try for Chicago.

CHOOCH WAS BASICALLY NO HELP. He just stressed me out even more because he woke up at the very last minute, came downstairs in a huff, spat, “WHAT DO U WANT ME TO DO AGAIN??” and then put on some loud, screamy YouTube channel.

THEN right when it was time to enter the waiting room, TICKETMASTER WAS ALL, “HAHAHA WAIT UP WE NEED YOU TO CHANGE YOUR PASSWORD JUST FOR FUNSIES EVEN THO WE JUST MADE U DO THIS 2 WEEKS AGO TOO ISNT THIS IS A FUN GAME?”

I was SEETHING.

The same thing happened to Chooch.

But then, miracles of miracles, when I was put in the queue, there were only 600 ppl ahead of me??!!

“Well, there are like 5000 ahead of me, so no use in me trying, bye” Chooch said as he DITCHED ME! Super big help.

AND THEN I GOT IN and was able to actually get decent seats before the dynamic pricing entered the chat?! What sorcery…??

The way I was shaking. The way my Fitbit was like “hello rapid heart beat detected are you having a heart attack?” The way I burst into tears when the “you got the tickets!” image popped up on the screen.

Taemin has been my #2 ult bias since 2017. He has brought so much joy into my life. I sit next to a cardboard cutout of him everyday when I’m working at my home desk. He is so brilliant, my dream idol, a source of so much of my happiness. And now I will get to see him in Chicago in two mths.

I can’t even believe it. I feel so grateful.

Meanwhile I had the NY theater’s website open and I was 8000 in the queue with a wait time of over an hour. For fun, I let that play out and of course it was sold out. I am sure there is a logistical reason why Taemin’s agency booked such small venues, or maybe they underestimated his popularity in the US, but I really feel like they did him and his fans dirty.

Almost 2 hours later, Chooch came downstairs and asked if I got the tickets.

“Yes! Didn’t you hear me screaming?”

“I tend to block you out,” he said with a half-shrug.

Wow.

Anyway.

This year was rife with many losses, but this was a win that I really needed and I fully know how lucky I am. I am so happy!

YOU GUYS IM GOING TO SEE LEE TAEMIN!!!! Am I dreaming???

It’s so funny how all these years we all thought I was just born to hate beer but here it was because people kept serving me swill. Now that I know I have a SOPHISTICATED PALATE it’s like a new level to my life has been unlocked. I’m having such a fun time with this! I like also that I’m not drinking to get drunk. I usually only have the equivalent of one or two beers which I split with Henry because I don’t like drinking full beers – I get bored and want to move on to something else.

Henry said this is probably just my latest phase and he’s probably right but let’s just enjoy it while it lasts because I’m still in the “ooh that’s a cool can let’s get it”‘ phase.

We procured some Korean craft beer from an H-Mart outside of Detroit yesterday and sampled two of them last night to make sure they’re good enough for our Chingumas guests. We liked both! Unforch, we are not rich people so we only got about 4 cans of everything we saw. (There wasn’t much to choose from. Maybe someday k-beer will be as easily accessible here as k-everything else.)

(The one I really wish I could find is from a Korean brewery called Magpie. Henry had one of their beers at our favorite vegan restaurant in Seoul – Plant – and I really liked it too which was a surprise because this was prior to my beer identity reveal.)

I recently dove headfirst into IPA-ville and some of my friends have been shocked snd awed over the speed of my advancement. I’m telling you – I just didn’t have the right people holding my hand down these hoppy paths all these years.

Chooch just came home from Philly tonight and as he walked by to immediately leave again, I cried, “chooch! Mommy likes IPAs now.”

“Great,” he said drily.

Belgians still have my have heart though. This my 2024 collectors Duvel glass! I think part of the reason why I like Belgian beer so much is the GLASS COLLECTING ELEMENT.

Ever since the bartender at Aston taught us about triple IPAs, I have been obsessed with trying more. We got this one last weekend at Duffy’s and I was actually really mad that I had to share it with Henry, it was THAT good.

Apparently, Smiling Moose has IPAs! The Smiling Moose is a local bar and at one time, in my pre-Kpop era, was one of my favorite music venues. I used to see so many shows there, solo, that I became on friendly terms with the bouncer. Wow, so cool, Erin.

Anyway, not surprising but this was great! I know the grapefruit bitterness is why people who don’t like IPAs, you know, don’t like IPAs but I’m obsessed with it. I mean, I also love grapefruit in general, just digging right in with a spoon, so…

And then a trio of more Belgian notches to the belt. I loved all of these! Janna is supposed to get me the St Bernadus gift shop for Xmas so I can have another glass for my collection – WE WILL SEE IF SHE COMES THRU.

the end.

Henry, first thing this morning in the hotel: Are you watching the videos you took from last night?

Me: ofc

——

Roadtrip food interlude! I would remiss to not give the vegetarian restaurant we ate at this morning a shout-out in its own post. Henry found this place when he was looking for nearby H-Marts in the Detroit area (we are still trying to build up a k-beer stock for Chingumas, so annoying like a treasure hunt).

Even the name – Spacecat V-stro – is fun!

Full transparency, I originally found myself hovering above the DANGER ZONE which is where I am hyper-focusing on stupid shit – did I gain weight, do I look ugly, should I start a fight, should I punish myself? Why am I like this. I came so close to being like, “just forget the original plan, let’s just go home.”

But I fought with myself quietly behind the scenes (i.e. in my head) and just kept my big mouth shut so that we could just for once have a good morning. I know I’m difficult. I can’t always control it but if I can, I will. OK?? Leave me alone.

Spacecat can be found on a really cool, Pride flag-prominent street in Ferndale, also in good company with cozy-looking bars that probably have beers I can actually enjoy unlike Harry’s, indie gift shops, and a plant store that I would have popped into if it was open.

We also had a pleasant encounter on the sidewalk with a doctor (HE WAS WEARING A DOCTOR COAT; maybe he was a doctor for Halloween and really grew attached to the jacket but I really feel like he was a legit doctor guys, so stop asking me questions about it) regarding the hours of street parking while Henry was trying to download the parking app. I tried to point out that it said right on the parking kiosk that parking was 11am-12am or something but no one listened to me and it was just like the time Henry and I went to this haunted adventure trail where we ended up losing because Henry and some other cis white male ignored me and my correct solutions to the quests but it’s not like that happened in 2003 and I still dwell on it 21 years later because that wouldn’t be like me at all.

Anyway, it was 8:45am when we eventually went inside while Henry was still fussing with the parking app. There was only one person there – presumably the owner – and she greeted us so casually yet warmly as though expecting us, and I immediately knew it was going to be a good experience.

She told us to have a seat anywhere and then asked with a friendly eye brow raise, “You ready for some coffee?”

BET.

Most of the artwork was CATS. Fully my style. And the soundtrack was a great retro punk mix.

When the Spacecat lady came over with coffee and menus, she noticed Henry struggling with the parking app and said, “oh you don’t need to worry about that until 11!”

Mmmmmmm. YA DONT SAY, HENRY.

Now, about that menu! It’s almost predominately vegan but they DO bill themselves as a vegetarian restaurant because some of the things do have eggs/dairy. Others are naturally vegan, and then the rest have the option to swap out dairy cheese with vegan cheese.

I like their transparency!

I also like that all of their protein is made in-house, so no Impossible or Beyond products being used there. I appreciated this because I feel like it’s a cop-out to just add some toppings to an Impossible patty and then charge $20. Granted, I think Impossible burgers are delicious but I almost never order them while out because they kill my stomach and make me feel overstuffed.

Even the chik’n here was housemade with tofu, similar to how Zenith makes their tofishy sandwiches. I came so close to getting one of the chicken sandwiches (yes, it was 9am but who cares) but ultimately Henry ordered the chk’n and waffles so I just stole some off his plate – it was DIVINE. Henry, an avid disliker of tofu, fully approved of how the tofu had transformed into fried chicken.

And as for me, I was torn between several items on the brunch menu and the weekly grilled cheese special, but ultimately asked our Spacecat tour guide what their favorite of the two veggie burgers was. She steered me toward the Red Dwarf because it has “more going on” as opposed to the other burger option which was a more traditional patty melt. I also opted for the vegan cheese.

It was HEAVENLY. SPACEY even. The party was made from beets (and quinoa I think) and carrot “bacon” and the most deliciously tangy homemade sauce. I got it with a side of warm garlic kale and I could not have been more satisfied. It left me feeling full but not gross and bloated.

This food is made with love (they’re actually closed on Mondays and Tuesdays to make all of the food for the week) and even though it was nutritious, it still had that “restaurant cheat meal” edge to it.

Even Henry was raving about how much he enjoyed it.

And again, while I would have given this place a solid thumbs up regardless, the way the owner (?) was so down to earth and genuinely interested in where we were from, what brought us to Detroit, what the veg scene is like in Pgh – it just made it so much more memorable. I’m sure we will be back at some point to visit Jessi and Bill and when that happens, I am making them go there with us!

This just really set the tone for the day, in the most positive way possible. Literally the rest of the day – hunting for Korean beer at HMart, stopping at Biggby for coffee, and just being in the car together as we made our way back home – was so enjoyable and pleasant. No complaints. I can’t say that every often!

9:08am good morning – we are currently in the Liberty tunnels attempting to leave Pgh for the third time this morning. First, we only made it down the street when I wanted to go back and say goodbye to Penelope (hate leaving her even for just overnight now that she’s an Only :/).

Then we made it about 10 minutes away when I realized I left my purse/wallet at home. Between me and Chooch, we are hopeless with our wallets!

Henry ran back into the house to get it and right as we were pulling out of the driveway, I shouted “WAIT! My poca holder!” So he had to go back in and get that too and now it is attached to my hip where it belongs.

Then just now it occurred to me that I should check to see if my light stick works and the batteries are DEAD. So now we have to do that before the concert at some point. Glad I checked! (I also emailed the venue to make sure lightsticks are allowed since this isn’t a kpop-specific concert and they said YES. I saved the email in case there are ISSUES.

10:49am: obligatory rest stop selfie

Looking haggard, my signature style for 2024.

Nothing much has been going on except for spending an hour trying to get today’s Spotle which was FOLK ugh. I did eventually get it but it was an annoying process of elim.

12:54pm: I thought we were there because we crossed a bridge and I saw a city but it’s just TOLEDO ugh fml.

2:32pm: Just left Brooklyn something where I had one of the most mediocre vegan meals of my life.

Vegan oyster mushroom po boy, no thank you. There was something weird about the sauce, I dunno. I did not enjoy it.

Henry got a house made veggie burger and it was also mid.

The servers were annoying. Our original server forgot about us. This was after she tried to offer Henry FAYGO who was like “yeah that’s just what I want to drink” (HE WORKS FOR FAYGO IN CASE U DIDNT KNOW.)

However, on the way inside, I made friends with a black squirrel and then the cook resembled Henry so all was not in vain.

However, I will never dine here again if ever in Detroit.

2:41pm: Now we’re checking into some Motor City casino hotel thing. It’s a vibe.

The lady checking in the people next to us asked if they were going to a concert and they said Justin something and she goes oh I thought maybe you were going to Jingle Ball and I legit leaned over the counter and , my arm shot up into the air, yelled, “We’re going to Jingle Ball!” And she was like “oh yay!” But our check in lady was like mmmmm. But then she explained the shuttle to us so there’s that.

3:10pm: view from the parking garage.

3:16pm: view from the elevator ceiling

We need batteries for my lightstick and Henry said he is going to ask at the front desk where is close by to get batteries and I was like NO THEY MIGHT THINK WE NEED THEM FOR A VIBRATOR because that is the first place my mind went obviously so why not the front desk people too.

UGH he still asked anyway and did it while LEANING into the counter toward the lady and paired it with the creepiest WINK WINK grin whyyyyy. She said the store in the hotel should have them but they’re sold out because everyone else needed them for their vibrators too.

3:46pm: Went to Walgreens where Henry had to push a CUSTOMER SERVICE button for someone to COME TO ELECTRONICS and unlock them for him and somehow I have actually convinced myself that we really are procuring batteries for some disgusting XXX action wtf is wrong with me lol.

4:52pm: the hotel and casino

We are currently walking to the venue because the casino bar is dumb.

5:16pm: Now we’re at Harry’s and Henry is being so annoying.

I’m an IPA girlie in case you didn’t know.

5:25pm: I made Henry check-in his beer with my lightstick in the background hahah.

He’s trying to be an IPA boy but it’s a struggle. He just has the palate of a plebe.

You guys. Why do I think coming to bars is ever a good idea I’m such a dumbo.

6:32pm: Got in line for Jingle Ball and immediately met other NCTzens and they gave me a Renjun pin <3

Effortless entry. Great venue so far.

6:58pm: Um hello

Signing off!!!!

Every time we have visited Korea, we stumbled upon protests nearly every day. There were elections happening during our visit in March so we encountered a lot then too and when I say that I never felt unsafe, I mean it.

Koreans are so resilient, strong and savvy. The ongoing protests to call for their president’s impeachment make me wish that our country could also come together in such peaceful, uplifting and safe ways, while also using humor and engaging in literal kpop sing-alongs. This is what community and unity looks like. I really hope Americans are paying attention.

The footage of citizens singing G-Dragon’s “Crooked” together at night gives me actual goosebumps. I love this country so much and I hope that everything turns out ok. I generally try to stay out of other countries’ politics but you know how much Korea means to me.

This was my memory of the day, Barb and me after dinner at Gianna Via’s in 2017. Barb insisted on wearing her sunglasses for the picture and I am positive that I am in the middle of mocking her here. I really really really miss her and her not being here still feels wrong, fake news, just a bad dream.

Henry performed some sort of emotional probe on me late last night which I guess I really needed because I started sobbing uncontrollably for a good hour, just so much death this year, the guilt of not being able to save Bambi weighing on me every minute of every day, the faking it until I make it because I feel like my window of time to talk about these things closed many months ago. And so on and so forth as my first grade teacher would say.

I really don’t know what else I need to be ok at this point. I’m in therapy. Time has passed. I cry every day. Every time I feel like maybe I’m getting better, I have a bad day that sets me back.

It’s not quite as bad as it was over the summer where I spent every day wishing I was dead and the only reason I didn’t act on it was because I was afraid Chooch wouldn’t go to college. I admitted that out loud last night for the first time and then wanted to throw up.

But I will say that I still feel like a shell, I feel like a visitor in my own skin, nothing is familiar. I wake up in the middle of the night feeling panicked. When does that stop.

Then today, one of my Buddys was killed on the street in front of our house. Henry picked him up off the street and buried him, and I really love him for that.

Fuck everything lol. I know–it could be so much worse and I should be grateful that it’s not but I can’t get a grip on these feelings, believe me, I’m trying.

1. Sister Hangs!

Henry and I had Monday off and it just so happened that my sister Amy did too! So we met up with her and Dick at Aslin in the Strip after our original choice in Lawrenceville was NOT open contrary to the hours posted on their website (UPDATE YOUR FUCKING WEBSITE/SOCIALS, JACKASSES). Aslin was a better choice, anyway, so eff off Lolev.

I like hanging out with Amy and Dick because Henry actually comes alive and participates in conversations, ESPECIALLY if the topic of THE SERVICE comes up. I tried to make him tell them about how he went AWOL but he shot that down super quick.

Apparently “early discharge” is something different.

“And it was only TWO MONTHS early!” he shouted. “BECAUSE THERE WAS NO CONFLICT.”

Wow, so “kicked out because you’re no longer needed” is better than “AWOL”??

OK, I am still in my beer discovery era and enjoyed everything I had that day, but this pizza stole the show. Squash, beets, creamy cheese, sweet sauce, and pillowy crust? Yeah. The pizza of my doughy dreams.

It’s my IPA season of life. Henry told me for YEARS that I wouldn’t like IPAs, you know why? Because HE didn’t like IPAs. But now that I like IPAs, he suddenly does too? Hmm.

Also, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention how wonderful and sweet the bartender was – super patient (Henry went up to the bar FOUR TIMES with questions on HOW TO ORDER FROM THE QR CODE, get with the times please) and friendly.

Don’t mind my dopey-ass smile. I swear I wasn’t even drunk yet still somehow resemble a wino that they called over from a trashcan fire.

I would definitely go back here – it had a much better vibe and selection than that Chimera place Janna and I went to. EVEN THOUGH IT IS LIKE A CHAIN APPARENTLY. I am learning about breweries, too.

Also, Amy and Dick recently came back from a 2 week Italy trip with Perillo and now I am dying to go back there.

2. THE SECRET LIFE OF TEENAGED JANNA

NO FURTHER EXPLANATION NEEDED.

(Except that this conversation started because CHOOCH THE BRAIN got a 100 on his Calc exam, no sweat, etc.)

3. SPEAKING OF CHOOCH THE BRAIN

In therapy this week, we talked about the three states of the mind and it became HYPER APPARENT that Chooch and I butt heads all the time, not because our personalities are similar and that we are highly competitive (ok maybe those things too) but because we are on opposite sides of THE MIND SPECTRUM:

SADLY, you all know who is in the center. UGH even I can’t deny that.

I really, really, really hate how accurate this. Also, now when I accuse Chooch of being a sociopath, maybe you will understand why?!

4. K-Drama’d My Face Off

I started watching Family By Choice yesterday before work and the first episode made me cry so uncontrollably that I spent the first hour working through swollen eyes and shuddering breaths. Korea goes HARD when it comes to driving home emotion and trauma. Jesus Christ. Otherwise, this is super light-hearted and cute lol.

The kids who play the younger versions are so goddamn adorable and you know I don’t like kids so this is saying something.

5. Bambi’s Bias <3

Bambi’s bias The 8 released a video for his new single the other day and I have been watching it over and over. First of all, the song is perfection and “Spell” vibes, and secondly, his dancing. Jesus Christ. The 8 is such a captivating performer (even though Janna doesn’t like his hair, or his name).

6. Viridis Redemption Meal

After our lackluster Viridis-catered Thanksgiving, I was still somehow willing to give them a second try when they spammed my feed with pictures of their “chicken” sandwich. I LOVE chicken sandwiches made with mushrooms, therefor, resist I could not.

My phone has been taking shitty shots lately but this sandwich was everything I wanted and more. Pickle-heavy, tangy sauce, mushroom perfection. The only thing I could have done without was the strips of limp lettuce – whatever kind of lettuce that is. I would have preferred just regular lettuce.

The matcha pistachio donut was also delicious but not quite as good as Vegan Doughnuts in Cleveland.

Ugh, now I want to eat this again.

kbye.

Here is an intro to tell you that these are the books I read in November. Thank god for intros else you’d never have figured that out.

1. The Last One at the Wedding by Jason Rekulak

LEGIT OBSESSED WITH THIS BOOK. Maybe it was just because I was in a slump, but this was SO ENTERTAINING with a dad protagonist that was borderline surly and just exhausted and his narrative was hilarious even though this was a thriller. A little humor never hurt a thriller, if you ask me. I was rooting for him so hard and kept picturing him as a younger Bruce Willis trying to save his daughter from marrying into a VERY shady family. And then you throw in his sister and her emergency foster kid – golden dialogue. OMG my nose just started to burn because thinking about this book, especially the ending, has the tears threatening to spill.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book so much. I could barely put it down and stayed up way past my bedtime to finish it. MMMM. MMMM MMMM MMMM.

2. Everyone Who Can Forgive Me Is Dead by Jenny Hollander

Eh. I need to get it through my thick skull that dark academia is not for me, even when the academia portion is just via flashbacks. I also found this very hard to follow.

3. Hampton Heights: One Harrowing Night in the Most Haunted Neighborhood in Milwaukee, Wisconsin by Dan Kois

A cute, short read – kind of like Goosebumps for adults. I had higher hopes for this one especially because it was set in 1987 and I love me some radness. Anyway, this follows a bunch of paperboys as they find out that Hampton Heights is overrun by an array of monsters.

4. We Came to Welcome You by Vincent Tirado

What is it with book covers featuring pies?? They always lure me in and then disappoint me. This was such a bland domestic thriller. I could not force myself to care about the main character, her wife, no one. Your basic “new couple in a gated community” thriller, except there were very few thrills.

5. At Home with the Horrors by Sammy Scott

A short story anthology that I actually LOVED. Every story was between 4 to 5 stars, except for the last one which was actually a novella but – IMO – didn’t need to be. It was the only one that dragged on for me. But the rest? Shoooo—I actually really did get some chills out of these pages. It was like being a kid again and reading Christopher Pike, but for adults. “Scared Mary” was my favorite, an urban legend-ish tale for the current generation: being more and more extreme for the views.

Also, this cover! Coincidentally, I had checked this out of the library at the same time as “The Last One at the Wedding” and was so stoked at the similar covers. And then they both gave me great reading experiences, too! Thank you, lakeside book covers!

6. Sandwich by Catherine Newman

OK Ann Patchett, I’m disappointed in you for blurbing this and getting me to listen to the audiobook. I can’t believe how annoying it was. The MOST annoying family. The only character that wasn’t annoying was the cat. Who has these types of explicit yet casual sex conversations with their children? Granted, the kids were young adults but S T I L L – you know when something sexual makes ME uncomfy, then it’s gotta be weird.

Also, I must not have been paying attention because I just realized after the fact that the book is called Sandwich because it’s set in Sandwich, MA. The whole time, I was like, “They haven’t been eating that many sandwiches though, have they?”

Just so boring and whiny. And I too am boring and whiny –  but not like this, I hope.

7. The House That Horror Built by Christina Henry

I had really high hopes for this – a horror novel about a reclusive horror director? Yeah boi. But it was actually so boring, barely held my interest even after I tried switching to the audio. I think Christina Henry is just very hit or miss with me.

8. I’ll Stop the World by Lauren Thoman

OK I didn’t realize this was a time travel book until after I was already PRETTY INTO IT and that’s a good thing because I likely would have skipped it since we know how I roll (or stall) with time travel. But this was so good. Honestly, just very pure, the characters were so real, the 1980s vibes were vibin’ – I really enjoyed it.  4 stars.

9. Rest Stop – Nat Cassidy

Well this was a sick-fuck of a little book! I knew going into that it was going to be pretty violent and gross but it’s NAT CASSIDY and I am his FAN GWORL so I had to read it. 4 stars, a solid novella and made me feel like I had bugs crawling on me quite a few times.

10. Allow Me to Introduce Myself by Onyi Nwabineli

Five stars. The second book I’ve read from this author and she has me sold on her words, people. This book made me feel guilty about how much of Chooch’s life I have put online, but also grateful that I never actually got popular / become an influencer / etc. Because reading a book from the POV of a character who is fighting with her stepmom to take down posts and images of her as a child, and to see the continued trauma she is going through even as an adult was really upsetting and made me feel like an asshole.

My favorite part of this book though is the found family our main character has with her two best friends, and the sweet and pure relationship she has with her grandparents in Nigeria. I loved the parts of the book where she was there visiting and feeling her happiest and safest.

Nwabineli is an excellent writer. The emotion was there but also SO MUCH REALNESS in the dialogue and dynamics within the friend group.

11. Mr. Higgins Comes Home by Mike Mignola

A fun and spoopy little graphic novel that I read just to kill some time. I loved the illustrations!

That’s all for November.

God, I love this picture of her so much! She has such a teddy bear face. (Chooch says no.)

Penelope has really been out and about a lot more often lately so I feel less lonely but you know, still kind of weird because I have that guilt. Like, is Drew watching? Is she angry wherever she is, knowing that Penelope is sitting on my lap while I’m working or laying on me while I’m trying to sleep on the couch (BECAUSE IT WAS TOO HOT IN THE BEDROOM NOT BECAUSE THERE IS MARITAL DURESS OK? GOD, WAY TO START RUMORS, PEOPLE)?

What a shitty time I have been having these days, but at least I have Penelope to cuddle.

(Yesterday was an especially short-fused and dark mental day for me for some reason – do we even need a reason though – so I panic-bought a ticket to see NCT127 in March but to Henry’s chagrin. BUT! I did only buy myself a ticket so he is free to either sleep his face off in the hotel or buy a nosebleed seat the day-of. Aren’t I so nice? So, I guess we are going back to Chicago again.)

I spent a large portion of my last therapy session jawing off about how whack my childhood holidays were from middle school through high school and then even into my early adult years, and how because of that, I have been extra cautious about making sure holidays were normal for Chooch.

Then at the end of the session, she asked if I had any fun plans that weekend and I said, “Yeah, we’re decorating our Christmas tree, which is a mannequin!”

She was like, “omg.”

It just…feels so normal, though!

Janna and Corey came over to “help” by which I mean they sat with me and watched as Henry did 90% of the Trudying while I forced my favorite Belgian beer on them [GULDEN DRAAK, in case you ever need to get me a gift and don’t know (or care to know) how to navigate the world of Kpop merch].

Also, I made them download the link to my PARTY CAMERA so all of the pictures you see here are the cumulation of all three of our POVs.  I’m hoping to use this for Chingumas too but I know it will probably just be us three using it then too because I can never even get my friends to take pictures at my parties in general, let alone downloading a new camera app to use.

I don’t think these pictures are in order for some reason but who cares. All I know is that this was the nicest, funniest, most “normal” night that I have had possibly all year. No exaggeration. It almost felt like the way things used to be before everything started to fall apart this year. I can honestly say that I felt happy.

I mean look – that is the ugly face of laughter! Chooch had probably said something disparaging about Henry at this moment.

A different angle – probably laughing at the same thing!

I also made Corey and Janna watch the GD/BIGBANG performance at the MAMA Awards. I think it’s safe to say that they were not impressed but I was just happy to be watching it for the 87th time! Even Henry stopped what he was doing and loomed in the entry to the living room, watching from a distance like the plain-clothed Michael Myers that he is.

Ugh I hate this game so much but Chooch in was Game Master mode so we had to oblige him.

We all said “absolutely not” when he pulled out Trivial Pursuit.

My fancy Chouffe glass!

Chooch won, and that’s all that matters, I guess. If it can’t be me, it has to be him.

LOL Henry couldn’t use the party camera because he has an ANDROID.

I am clearly very into this glass – I didn’t even realize I took that many pictures of it.

We had Henry take non-party camera pics of us with Trudy.

What even is this lol.

Corey left around 10, Chooch bailed around 10:30 for a better party, and Janna stayed until 1AM learning 9 of the 13 members of Seventeen lol. It was a really solid night. I’m grasping at the fleeting memories of it, trying to hold on as long as possible before “real life” fully creeps back in. Sigh.

Hi! It’s 8:36am and we’re on our way to take Chooch back to Philly :( But wouldja look at his COAT??!! He went to the mall with his friends last night and actually found one he liked and I was like USE MY CREDIT CARD I DONT CARE HOW MUCH because I was so happy. Then I found out it’s an Eddie Bauer so say hello to your early Christmas present, son.

10:45am I have spent most of the ride so far arguing with Henry because he put me in charge of looking for somewhere to stop for lunch and you know how much I hate that chore. We just drove past some restaurant in a place called LICKING CREEK and they had a sign hanging that said WELCOME HUNTERS so I flipped out about that because FUCK A HUNTER. “Why do people treat them like heroes when they’re just hick barbarians running wild in the woods with guns??”

And would you believe Henry attempted to “NOT ALL” hunters to me??? Yes, yes you can believe that. Ugh I am so irate.

11:56am: Ugh Henry woke me up from a deep I-might-be-getting-sick sleep because he HAD to stop at Mr. Ed’s candy emporium and then proceeded to only buy stuff for himself. Truly is the worst

Stupid Pez room where I got blocked in by a bunch of feral kids. I really don’t like kids.

Miserable.

Me yelling at him for being miserable and then I yelled at Henry for taking bad pictures as usual.

Henry bought a bag of “9 Variety Pretzels” and first of all 1/4 are disgusting and second, I’m hard pressed to understand how they get 9 varieties when most of them are just different shapes but the same pretzel flavor?! “They should sell these at House of 1000 Beers,” I capped off my seething review.

2:18pm: just ate a place called Root – a vegan place in downtown Lancaster – and Chooch who is suddenly into football was crying because his phone died and he couldn’t watch it and then he was muttering and being a general nuisance so I flipped out and said I was no longer sad to be taking him back to college and he was like WOW and then Henry came back from the bathroom like “what did I miss” while I was in the middle of breaking up with the whole family. Then some brat kid arrived with his dad who was wearing an ironic Xmas sweater and had a hand tattoo of a clock and was probably into, I dunno, sad boy music, came in and sat next to us and the kid was sooooo screechy in his booster seat and the dad must have been on a date because Henry didn’t think she seemed like the mom and Emo Dad totally focused all his attention on her.

Hated them.

What I didn’t hate was the food and the service. We had two servers tag teaming us and they were awesome and friendly.

I got a “Reuben” with avocado, Chooch got an impossible burger, and Henry got a “shrimp” bowl which was very delicious. #beasted

Cool art too!! Featuring the top of my head – my part is really weird today.

2:33pm: “I already know what’s going to happen,” I said. “Chooch is going to move on and never talk to us just like Blake.”

“Do you want to be right?” Chooch asked dryly.

3:12pm: Just left Dutch Haven! Their shoofly pie never disappoints. Unforch, there were two carfuls of a super invasive and rude family who descended upon the shop, causing a commotion and letting their brood run amok. I really just can’t deal with that shit. The screeching. The small feet running through the store and knocking things over. The one kid whacked a row of wind chimes and her dad was like “kids do be, right?”

Also this family had “Rather be at Disney” stickers on their cars and I can’t even imagine the levels of assholeness and entitlement they reserve for Disney.

But it was still ok because we got our pies and pretzels and Chooch got two pencil sharpeners – a slot machine and the Liberty Bell lol ok. They’re made out of pewter or something, I dunno.

oh also I uninvited Chooch to Chingumas when we were at lunch, he had me spiraling out in anger. “And I’m not texting you anymore either!!!”

“Oh no,” he sang with emergency jazz hands.

5:05pm: Chooch is back in his dorm:(

Actually no, strike the frown! I’m still mad at him lol. I tried to make him apologize but he wouldn’t.

I helped him carry stuff into his dorm and wanted desperately to write SEVENTEEN RULZ on someone’s white board but he wouldn’t let me.

Now it’s just me, Henry, and Henry’s nose whistle in the car. :( For the next 5.5 hours.

7:46pm: Henry and I are back on speaking terms after he finally apologized for not being able to read my mind three rest stops ago. This ride is so boring. Especially when we’re not talking lol.

9:32pm: I couldn’t wait until I got home – I had to watch Seventeen’s Disney performance on YouTube and it was so pure, as were the comments on ABC’s Instagram post, which is always scary when an American TV channel is promoting Kpop because that tends to bring the racists out in droves. But it was all good and supportive <3

Well I guess on that note, I’ll just publish this. We have 40 minutes left and most of that will probably just be us talking about Seventeen because, #CaratCouple

You guys, I think I was so excited about having Chooch home from college that I focused too hard on having the “perfect” Thanksgiving and then I ended up being sick-adjacent most of the day (I felt mildly feverish and like I was on the verge of a stomach thing but it never developed into anything). Really, it was supposed to be a laid back Thanksgiving – we got a vegan meal kit from Viridis so that Henry wouldn’t be in the kitchen all day, but then he was STILL in the kitchen all day because he picked that day to make kimchi for Chingumas.

I barely had it in me to even set the table let alone take pictures of it.

The food was underwhelming. I mean, it wasn’t BAD by any means but I guess it was just kind of boring (that mac n cheese was fire though) and the annoying part is that for as expensive as it was, there was no dessert!? Bro, you couldn’t have added a slice of vegan sweet potato pie up in that piece?

We knew this at least so we prepared by buying a boxed mix of bibingka which is a Filipino coconut cake that I made the year we had an international Thanksgiving. About 25 minutes before it was time for dinner, Henry dropped the bibingka cake-down onto the floor as he was pulling it out of the oven, and he burnt his hand on it but instead of me asking if he was OK, I was just like, “Cool now we have no dessert.”

Don’t worry – the box had two packages of mix inside so Henry made the second one. It came out dry and with burnt edges and he was like DON’T START when I opened my mouth to criticize him.

Also, looking at that picture I realized that I didn’t eat a single bite of that salad. Oh well. Ugh.

And since he had burnt his hand, he was in a BAD MOOD and being a total dick so then I got mad and then we were bickering and Chooch was like, “Cool – home sweet home.”

Ugh holidays. I wish we had had enough time (and money) to just go to Dollywood like we have done in the past because that is our happy place – Gatlinburg and Pigeon Forge in general – we rarely fight when there! But no, we stayed in Pittsburgh and ate in near-silence (it can never be fully silent with the way Henry eats).

We were begging Chooch to tell us stuff about college but he is SO MYSTERIOUS. All we know is that he loves Drexel, his grades are great, and he already had three good friends that want to room altogether next year. That knowledge was really all we needed to make this salvageable Thanksgiving. Ugh, this year though. This motherfucking year. Having Chooch home is so awesome but it’s also picking the scab off my Bambi wound. She would have been so happy these past couple of days, having him home.

First Thanksgiving without her. In that cat grief book that Corey sent me over the summer, one of the big takeaways for me was the fact that you kind of have to go through every season of mourning, you have to get past all of the “first <whatevers> without the loved one.” This was the first Thanksgiving. The first Xmas will be really gross and unbearable, I’m sure. This really sucks so bad. So bad. It’s almost December and I’m still crying every day. When does it stop hurting.

Obligatory family Thanksgiving photo.

After dinner, Penelope came downstairs and cuddled with me. She knows. I don’t think she really misses her sister, but she knows.

Sorry – this was so negative. It really wasn’t a bad day, just the dinner portion which I don’t really care that much about anyway, and I know that what really matters was that we were all together. The next day / night was so much better so I’m not too mad about things.

Hello from Thanksgiving! It is so weird having Chooch home! I know he has only been away at college since September but it feels so much longer. And just like old times, he didn’t wake up until nearly 1PM and then came downstairs to take up space and complain (OK but mostly because I was trying to make him watch Seventeen videos).

Penelope was rolling around on the floor, playing with her toys, and I effing swear to god she would stop every once in a while and look back at Chooch as if to see if he was watching. It was so cute but I still think she hates him muchly.

Then he went to the Teen Center to interview the lady who runs the place, since she apparently is more interesting than his own mom and makes a better profile subject. Mmmm. He came home long enough to bitch about things and then went to the mall with his friends (and my credit card ughhhh I miss the days of Working Chooch) so Henry and I chilled out with some kpop content and beer. First I tried this Orval Trappist beer because I was convinced that I love monk stuff but this one was NOT GOOD.

“It smells like the pee of a sick person,” I reported as I pushed my glass toward Henry because he is like the sink drain for my beer rejects. Sorry, but I’m not wasting calories on a gross beer??!!

Henry found a Blue Moon in the back of the fridge and thought it would be a good idea to drink that next. Hello, it was probably left over from a party and who knows how old it was. Blue Moon was one of the first and only beers I was able to tolerate back in the day and if we were at a concert or festival and they had it, Henry would always share his with me because I could never drink a full one on my own and we all know how much concert beer costs. Anyway, I went to have a sip and Henry abruptly warned me it tasted bad and tried to stop me. But I was like I WILL BE THE JUDGE OF THAT.

“Ugh!” I grimaced. “It tastes like—”

“Stop! Don’t ruin it,” Henry pleaded.

“–the interior of an old car. Like if you ate an ace bandage.”

“OK great. That’s enough. Thanks.”

LOL, like I was actually done. “It tastes like Camden Park, like if you licked the duct tape holding together one of the rollercoaster seats,” I continued.

I’m pretty sure he dumped it out after that.

I did have one of my Chouffes though and even though it was an IPA, I found it to be quite refreshing and delightful. Even Henry liked it and was waiting for me to split it with him but I said, “Nah, I’ll just drink the whole thing, but thanks.”

😊

(LOL the TV in the background is showing the livestream from Incheon airport where Dispatch was waiting for Seventeen’s arrival and you better believe we sat here and waited with everyone else because we are legit Carats.)

Wait, real time update: I came downstairs and Henry is ROCKING OUT in the kitchen to Seventeen’s “Hot” while making vegan kimchi. Welcome to Thanksgiving at the Kelly-Robbins shanty.

Today has been pretty chill so far (literally) – I went for a walk in the rain this morning which I majorly regerted afterward and will probably be getting sick soon. But other than that, I have just been relaxing (well, after I got my workout in – I’m trying to get back into a fitness routine and of course I chose Thanksgiving week to kickstart that, like a fucking freak), watching some shows on Hulu, adding some Kpop Christmas cards to my Hello Hanguk shop because I am finally feeling a tiny bit creative again after like, years of not.

We got premade vegan Thanksgiving meal kits from Viridis so I’m looking forward to having that tonight. We have never had anything from Viridis before so this was really a shot in the dark but hopefully it’s good? Wish we lived closer to Seitan’s Realm because their T-giving meals looked fire. I love Seitan’s Realm so much.

Um, I guess that’s all! Just trying to use this bitchin’ space for more free-style type of posts because my therapist said that would be good. (Also, I googled “is it unethical to invite therapist to Christmas party” and I’m sure you already know the answer because even I knew the answer even though TV CHARACTERS ARE ALWAYS INVITING THEIR THERAPISTS TO EVENTS but gentle reminder to myself that I am not a TV CHARACTER, just a BROOKLINE ERIN, but anyway – this is how I learned about “transference” and how therapists are required to immediately refer their patients to someone else when that happens. HOW EMBARRASSING.)

Wait one more thing! Henry is back in the kitchen doing cooking things and Stray Kids’ Lose My Breath just came on and I got SO STOKED all over again about seeing them again next year! I told Henry to turn it up and he tried to get Echo to do it but Echo was like, “OK I WILL STOP THE SONG” and then it took him forever to get it to restart so consider the mood killed.